1 00:04:43,982 --> 00:04:46,676 - Oh, sir? - Professor Spats. 2 00:04:46,985 --> 00:04:50,689 Is this the section of Manhattan that is spoke of as the East Side? 3 00:04:50,789 --> 00:04:52,618 The Lower East Side. 4 00:04:53,392 --> 00:04:56,361 Is this then the National Wintergarden? 5 00:04:58,163 --> 00:05:02,201 Oh! I pray God will not be spited I'm so full of joy. 6 00:05:02,301 --> 00:05:06,371 - God doesn't uphold with joy? - Oh, no. With deprivation only. 7 00:05:06,471 --> 00:05:07,595 Papa says... 8 00:05:10,409 --> 00:05:13,137 Could I move inside? I'd feel safer ever. 9 00:07:51,503 --> 00:07:55,733 - Hey, Chick, did you take a bath today? - Why, is there one missing? 10 00:07:57,075 --> 00:08:00,078 When you were sitting there in the dark, and you felt that man's hand on your knee, 11 00:08:00,178 --> 00:08:04,116 then again on the top of your stocking, why, why didn't you scream for help? 12 00:08:04,216 --> 00:08:06,580 How did I know he was after my money? 13 00:08:08,387 --> 00:08:12,423 - That was one of my father's jokes. - What are you, one of your mother's? 14 00:08:13,959 --> 00:08:15,994 Say, weren't you up before me two weeks ago? 15 00:08:16,094 --> 00:08:19,027 I don't know, Your Honor. What time do you get up? 16 00:08:23,368 --> 00:08:25,904 Hey, what's the matter with you? You got no feeling? 17 00:08:26,004 --> 00:08:28,197 I've been to Niagara Falls before. 18 00:08:33,845 --> 00:08:35,714 And that is all to tell. 19 00:08:35,814 --> 00:08:39,850 My name is Rachel Schpitendavel. I come from Smoketown, Pennsylvania. 20 00:08:40,452 --> 00:08:43,419 Our family's Amish, my father's an elder in the church, 21 00:08:43,922 --> 00:08:45,757 and I want to be dancer on the stage. 22 00:08:45,857 --> 00:08:47,726 And so you ran away from home. 23 00:08:47,826 --> 00:08:50,520 This morning. All the way to New York on a train. 24 00:08:51,296 --> 00:08:56,299 It was so early. I sat by all the windows, 26 of them. 25 00:08:57,169 --> 00:09:00,568 I'm alone in New York, but I'm not frightened at all. 26 00:09:00,839 --> 00:09:02,841 I'm not one bit frightened. 27 00:09:02,941 --> 00:09:05,711 Nurse! Nurse! Two guys come in here and the big guy had a gun! 28 00:09:05,811 --> 00:09:07,913 Don't be silly, boy, it's all in your imagination. 29 00:09:08,013 --> 00:09:09,815 Now, you just lie right down. 30 00:09:09,915 --> 00:09:13,785 And remember, if you should want the doctor, just call for me! 31 00:09:13,885 --> 00:09:15,850 What a charming personality. 32 00:09:57,629 --> 00:10:00,892 Wouldn't you like to powder my back? 33 00:10:32,597 --> 00:10:34,631 I pictured always how it would be, 34 00:10:35,233 --> 00:10:37,769 but never did I dream it could be so beautiful. 35 00:10:37,869 --> 00:10:41,166 Later, I'll take you backstage to meet Mr. Minsky. 36 00:10:41,806 --> 00:10:46,144 But, Papa. Papa, you don't understand. Burlesque is supposed to be a little frank. 37 00:10:46,244 --> 00:10:49,047 It has to be, because it makes fun of life. 38 00:10:49,147 --> 00:10:52,808 But dirty? Papa, nobody in his right mind can say that. 39 00:10:54,286 --> 00:10:55,687 They say it. 40 00:10:55,787 --> 00:10:57,956 Forty years in this country and the entire relationship 41 00:10:58,056 --> 00:11:00,425 between the police department and the Minsky family 42 00:11:00,525 --> 00:11:02,928 you could express in two sentences, 43 00:11:03,028 --> 00:11:06,164 "Good morning, Mr. Policeman." "How are you, Mr. Minsky?" 44 00:11:06,264 --> 00:11:08,867 I like this relationship. It didn't need improvements. 45 00:11:08,967 --> 00:11:10,602 But, Papa, this isn't exactly the police. 46 00:11:10,702 --> 00:11:14,372 This is the New York Society for the Suppression of Vice. 47 00:11:14,472 --> 00:11:17,843 If it smells like an elephant, if it looks like an elephant, 48 00:11:17,943 --> 00:11:19,377 it's an elephant. 49 00:11:19,477 --> 00:11:21,746 Papa, you don't understand! 50 00:11:21,846 --> 00:11:24,416 - You want to order something? - No, no, I'm not hungry. 51 00:11:24,516 --> 00:11:27,414 Papa, the Society has this man, Vance Fowler. 52 00:11:28,086 --> 00:11:30,956 Night and day this lunatic, this moron, hangs around the theater, 53 00:11:31,056 --> 00:11:33,058 writing in a little notebook. 54 00:11:33,158 --> 00:11:36,127 If he writes, he sees. Where there's smoke, there's salmon. 55 00:11:36,227 --> 00:11:39,264 Papa, Papa, that's not true, Papa. I'll prove it to you. 56 00:11:39,364 --> 00:11:42,367 Papa, for me, for me, for your son, see the show today, Papa. 57 00:11:42,467 --> 00:11:44,836 At least see the second act. It's a wonderful show, Papa. 58 00:11:44,936 --> 00:11:48,740 Your lease is up Monday. I'm not renewing. That's final. 59 00:11:48,840 --> 00:11:53,775 Papa, have a heart. You're turning your own son out into the street. 60 00:11:55,714 --> 00:11:57,015 Just because I wouldn't renew the lease 61 00:11:57,115 --> 00:11:59,518 doesn't mean I wouldn't sell you the building. 62 00:11:59,618 --> 00:12:02,414 But, Papa, two-hundred thousand dollars! 63 00:12:03,788 --> 00:12:05,524 A hundred and ninety. 64 00:12:05,624 --> 00:12:09,091 For my son, I'll take back a small second. Eat. 65 00:12:12,230 --> 00:12:15,567 - Raymond, this is stupid. - Come on. 66 00:12:15,667 --> 00:12:18,133 - May I have your attention, please? - Louder. 67 00:12:20,005 --> 00:12:22,507 May I have your attention, please? 68 00:12:22,607 --> 00:12:27,279 Announcing the presence in your midst of America's number-one straight man, 69 00:12:27,379 --> 00:12:32,348 top personality in burlesque, the inimitable Raymond Paine! 70 00:12:33,952 --> 00:12:35,520 Applause! Applause! 71 00:12:35,620 --> 00:12:37,656 Thank you, friends, thank you! 72 00:12:37,756 --> 00:12:41,724 And may I say your sincerity is exceeded only by your vulgarity. 73 00:12:42,961 --> 00:12:45,697 Hiya, Billy. Hello, Mr. Minsky. 74 00:12:45,797 --> 00:12:49,301 Look, I pay you to be funny, not nauseating. That was nauseating. 75 00:12:49,401 --> 00:12:51,069 I'm sorry, Billy, but I just lost a bet. 76 00:12:51,169 --> 00:12:53,038 Yeah. I beg him not to bet me. He always loses. 77 00:12:53,138 --> 00:12:54,706 - I do not! - Of course you do. 78 00:12:54,806 --> 00:12:56,541 - Look... - All right, all right, never mind. 79 00:12:56,641 --> 00:12:58,310 - Hand me that chair, will you? - What chair? 80 00:12:58,410 --> 00:12:59,544 That one. Hurry. 81 00:12:59,644 --> 00:13:03,805 - There's no chair there. - Of course there is. Don't be ridiculous. 82 00:13:04,916 --> 00:13:06,751 Look, you say there's no chair there, and I say there is. 83 00:13:06,851 --> 00:13:09,579 Will you give me a buck if I'm wrong? 84 00:13:13,725 --> 00:13:17,727 - You've got a bet! - Okay, I'm wrong. See what I mean? 85 00:13:19,197 --> 00:13:20,332 How many times did I tell you? 86 00:13:20,432 --> 00:13:23,068 I don't like you coming across the street in the middle of a performance. 87 00:13:23,168 --> 00:13:24,302 Mr. Minsky, look, we just finished "Crazy House" 88 00:13:24,402 --> 00:13:26,371 and there's six and a half minutes to go before "Two Gentlemen." 89 00:13:26,471 --> 00:13:29,207 I don't care. Goodbye, goodbye! I'm talking business with my father. 90 00:13:29,307 --> 00:13:33,104 Yes, the renewal of the lease. And I have come here to help you. 91 00:13:33,645 --> 00:13:34,837 Some help. 92 00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:37,571 Like a broken arm to a butcher! 93 00:14:41,713 --> 00:14:42,802 Oh! 94 00:14:43,481 --> 00:14:46,812 Very nicely put, "Oh!" I wish I'd thought of that. 95 00:15:07,038 --> 00:15:09,541 Trim Houlihan! My favorite patron! 96 00:15:09,641 --> 00:15:13,871 Now, what would Minsky's Burlesque be without you? 97 00:15:14,379 --> 00:15:16,581 I ain't putting no money into burlesque, Minsky. 98 00:15:16,681 --> 00:15:18,116 Well, who said anything about putting money... 99 00:15:18,216 --> 00:15:19,284 I didn't say anything. Did you hear me say... 100 00:15:19,384 --> 00:15:21,019 Hey, the girls in the show, they all good girls? 101 00:15:21,119 --> 00:15:23,488 I mean, come on now, they can't all be good girls. 102 00:15:23,588 --> 00:15:24,823 Well, some yes and some no. 103 00:15:24,923 --> 00:15:25,924 What do you say about 50 percent? 104 00:15:26,024 --> 00:15:28,727 I mean, not more than half of them can be good girls. 105 00:15:28,827 --> 00:15:33,193 Look, Trim, I'm considering taking in a full partner. 106 00:15:33,665 --> 00:15:36,301 Now, you could buy in for a measly two-hundred grand. 107 00:15:36,401 --> 00:15:37,435 A hundred and ninety. 108 00:15:37,535 --> 00:15:40,468 For you, your old man'll take back a small second. 109 00:15:41,873 --> 00:15:44,743 Besides, I ain't so sure that burlesque is a good investment. 110 00:15:44,843 --> 00:15:47,946 But Minsky's Burlesque is. Look, Trim, would you invest in a swamp? 111 00:15:48,046 --> 00:15:50,137 Would you? You wouldn't. What if I called it Florida? 112 00:16:19,477 --> 00:16:21,746 Hide your belly buttons, it's the navel inspector! 113 00:16:21,846 --> 00:16:24,540 Oh, is he here again? 114 00:16:25,350 --> 00:16:26,785 Hey, I'm supposed to meet some friends here, 115 00:16:26,885 --> 00:16:28,782 I can't imagine what's keeping them. 116 00:16:29,220 --> 00:16:31,022 - Scratch, how are you? - Duffy, you old rascal. 117 00:16:31,122 --> 00:16:32,924 Raymond Paine, how are you? 118 00:16:33,024 --> 00:16:35,760 - Twenty years! - Hooray! Good to see you. 119 00:16:35,860 --> 00:16:38,296 Say, this is wonderful. Together again, hey? 120 00:16:38,396 --> 00:16:41,192 The old Deluxe Quartet. 121 00:16:49,908 --> 00:16:51,342 - Hi, Spats. - Hiya. 122 00:16:51,442 --> 00:16:54,445 Rachel, this is Chick Williams. Chick, this is Rachel... 123 00:16:54,545 --> 00:16:56,237 - Schpitendavel. - Yeah. 124 00:16:58,483 --> 00:17:01,286 The most important thing in the world is we're all together again. 125 00:17:01,386 --> 00:17:02,387 I'm... 126 00:17:02,487 --> 00:17:04,088 Hold it. There's somebody missing. 127 00:17:04,188 --> 00:17:06,024 - You know who's missing? Chick Williams. - Who? 128 00:17:06,124 --> 00:17:07,213 Hey, Chick! 129 00:17:07,692 --> 00:17:11,896 - I'm top banana here. - That's what I used to be, top banana! 130 00:17:11,996 --> 00:17:13,932 It's your cue. They're waiting for you, Chick. 131 00:17:14,032 --> 00:17:15,934 Look, I gotta go. 132 00:17:16,034 --> 00:17:19,204 Can't take that long. Hey, Chick! Chick Williams! 133 00:17:19,304 --> 00:17:20,905 Where are you, you old limey? 134 00:17:21,005 --> 00:17:24,165 Well, I'll tell you what, fellas. I'll tell you what... 135 00:17:29,047 --> 00:17:32,514 - Look, boys, he never looked better. - Anything for a laugh, Chick? 136 00:17:33,851 --> 00:17:35,920 - What were you doing back there? - Oh, yes, sir, boys, 137 00:17:36,020 --> 00:17:37,989 there's nothing more important than friendship. 138 00:17:38,089 --> 00:17:39,057 - Right! - Right! 139 00:17:39,157 --> 00:17:40,158 Camaraderie. 140 00:17:40,258 --> 00:17:41,259 - You said it! - You said it! 141 00:17:41,359 --> 00:17:44,863 The most important thing in the world, we're all together again. 142 00:17:44,963 --> 00:17:47,031 The old Deluxe... 143 00:17:47,131 --> 00:17:48,220 - Quartet! - Quartet! 144 00:17:48,733 --> 00:17:53,238 You can see it's a very efficient operation. We make the scenery, sew the costumes... 145 00:17:53,338 --> 00:17:56,498 Mr. Minsky. Mr. Minsky. 146 00:17:56,874 --> 00:18:00,111 I am Vance Fowler, Secretary to the New York Society for the... 147 00:18:00,211 --> 00:18:02,981 Fowler, you're here more than I am. Why do you always introduce yourself? 148 00:18:03,081 --> 00:18:04,682 Believe me, you're unforgettable. 149 00:18:04,782 --> 00:18:06,517 I find your sketches to be lewd 150 00:18:06,617 --> 00:18:08,720 and several of the dance numbers to contain suggestive movements. 151 00:18:08,820 --> 00:18:09,978 Well, be specific. 152 00:18:19,230 --> 00:18:21,299 I beg your pardon, miss. You dropped your purse. 153 00:18:21,399 --> 00:18:24,798 Oh, thank you. And all my money's in here, too. 154 00:18:25,103 --> 00:18:27,338 Well, to show you my appreciation, 155 00:18:27,438 --> 00:18:30,975 you can meet me round the corner in a half an hour. 156 00:18:31,075 --> 00:18:34,345 Meet me round the corner in a half an hour. 157 00:18:34,445 --> 00:18:39,312 Meet me round the corner in a half an hour. 158 00:18:40,585 --> 00:18:43,087 Hey, fellas, did you hear what she said? 159 00:18:43,187 --> 00:18:46,424 She said I could meet her round the corner in a half an hour. 160 00:18:46,524 --> 00:18:49,560 Well, for one thing, the ladies all jiggle. 161 00:18:49,660 --> 00:18:51,996 Well, they're girls. They're supposed to jiggle. 162 00:18:52,096 --> 00:18:54,299 - Where do they jiggle, Fowler? - On the stage. 163 00:18:54,399 --> 00:18:56,865 What parts of them jiggle on the stage? 164 00:18:57,702 --> 00:18:59,702 Well, they... They jiggle their... 165 00:19:00,371 --> 00:19:04,242 - You know perfectly well what parts! - Yeah, but I like to hear the words. 166 00:19:04,342 --> 00:19:06,544 Don't think I don't recognize you, Trim Houlihan. 167 00:19:06,644 --> 00:19:08,579 I see you on these premises all the time, 168 00:19:08,679 --> 00:19:11,373 ogling the dancers, being titillated by their... 169 00:19:12,517 --> 00:19:15,984 I wouldn't want you to miss seeing the parts that titillate me most. 170 00:19:16,087 --> 00:19:17,789 You were sixteen 171 00:19:17,889 --> 00:19:20,822 - You were sixteen - You were sixteen 172 00:19:21,159 --> 00:19:22,860 My village queen 173 00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:27,258 - My village queen - My village queen 174 00:19:34,072 --> 00:19:36,741 Excuse me, miss, but you dropped your purse. 175 00:19:36,841 --> 00:19:39,911 Oh, thank you. And my money's all here, too. 176 00:19:40,011 --> 00:19:41,846 To show you my appreciation, 177 00:19:41,946 --> 00:19:44,349 you can meet me round the corner... 178 00:19:44,449 --> 00:19:46,985 Jump on some thin ice, will you? 179 00:19:47,085 --> 00:19:49,253 You, well, you're ruining me, you know that? 180 00:19:49,353 --> 00:19:52,724 A few more items, Mr. Minsky. One more uncouth scene, 181 00:19:52,824 --> 00:19:56,826 another vulgar gesture and I'll have enough for a raid. A raid! 182 00:19:56,994 --> 00:20:00,029 ...in a half an hour! 183 00:20:02,633 --> 00:20:04,963 Hey, fellas, did you hear what she said? 184 00:20:05,369 --> 00:20:07,638 She said I could 185 00:20:07,738 --> 00:20:11,476 meet her round the corner in a half an hour. 186 00:20:11,576 --> 00:20:15,279 Meet her round the corner in a half an hour. 187 00:20:15,379 --> 00:20:20,416 Meet her round the corner in a half an hour. 188 00:20:25,356 --> 00:20:28,152 - Better keep an eye on him. - You were wonderful funny. 189 00:20:28,392 --> 00:20:30,585 - Was I? - Oh, Raymond. 190 00:20:30,928 --> 00:20:33,664 - This is Miss Rachel... - Schpitendavel. 191 00:20:33,764 --> 00:20:35,593 - Schpit? - ...endavel. 192 00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:40,293 - From Smoketown, Pennsylvania. - Come here for to be a dancer. 193 00:20:41,172 --> 00:20:44,901 - "For to be a dancer"? - I studied with Miss Hornsmeier. 194 00:20:48,112 --> 00:20:52,750 - Harriet Hornsmeier? - Oh, Harriet Hornsmeier, of course. 195 00:20:52,850 --> 00:20:55,612 - I'm some handy for dancing. - I'll bet. 196 00:20:56,621 --> 00:20:59,656 Hey, what kind of dancing you handy for? 197 00:21:00,525 --> 00:21:02,923 I dance stories from the Bible. 198 00:21:03,261 --> 00:21:04,629 From the Bible? 199 00:21:04,729 --> 00:21:07,457 It's a book civilians read on Sundays. 200 00:21:45,102 --> 00:21:48,569 Raymond, am I funny-looking? 201 00:21:49,974 --> 00:21:52,065 You know, I mean, well... 202 00:21:53,678 --> 00:21:55,643 When I leave the room, 203 00:21:57,381 --> 00:22:00,177 did a short, funny guy just walk out? 204 00:22:01,552 --> 00:22:03,176 You met a girl. 205 00:22:03,387 --> 00:22:05,156 Chick, my boy, when it comes to girls, 206 00:22:05,256 --> 00:22:08,993 you have three qualities that are far worse than being short and funny-looking. 207 00:22:09,093 --> 00:22:12,530 You have the curse of the three "D"s. You are decent, devoted and dependable. 208 00:22:12,630 --> 00:22:15,665 Good qualities in a dog, disastrous in a man. 209 00:22:15,866 --> 00:22:17,729 Women like bastards. 210 00:22:18,903 --> 00:22:23,099 - No wonder they love you! - Yes. I'm a BFC. Bastard First Class. 211 00:22:29,981 --> 00:22:31,742 Hey, Chick, come on down! 212 00:22:41,225 --> 00:22:42,994 That's a hell of a place to have a dressing room, isn't it? 213 00:22:43,094 --> 00:22:46,220 It's disgraceful! A man like you should have a suite! 214 00:22:48,099 --> 00:22:51,396 From head to toe you're a gentleman 215 00:22:52,436 --> 00:22:55,369 I don't care what they say 216 00:22:56,407 --> 00:22:59,806 Mornings and evenings impeccably dressed 217 00:23:00,411 --> 00:23:03,674 Stains on your tie match the soup on your vest 218 00:23:03,948 --> 00:23:07,449 From stem to stern you're a gentleman 219 00:23:08,452 --> 00:23:12,290 That's what drives the girls mad 220 00:23:12,390 --> 00:23:16,327 Breeding and quality, touch of frivolity 221 00:23:16,427 --> 00:23:19,394 You're a superior lad 222 00:23:28,072 --> 00:23:29,298 Hold it! 223 00:23:36,213 --> 00:23:39,617 - Hey, you can take this girl out tonight. - Tonight? 224 00:23:39,717 --> 00:23:43,154 Yeah. You can hug her and kiss her and buy her a few drinks 225 00:23:43,254 --> 00:23:47,848 and take her up to your apartment and she'd show you a wonderful time. 226 00:23:48,492 --> 00:23:51,295 But you're not going to! And do you know why not? 227 00:23:51,395 --> 00:23:54,658 - Why not? - Because she's not good enough for you. 228 00:23:56,167 --> 00:23:59,370 From head to toe you're a gentleman 229 00:23:59,470 --> 00:24:00,471 See you later. 230 00:24:00,571 --> 00:24:02,873 Men like you need the best 231 00:24:02,973 --> 00:24:04,342 She seemed pretty good to me! 232 00:24:04,442 --> 00:24:06,978 Clothing like yours is a feast for the eyes 233 00:24:07,078 --> 00:24:08,212 I could've had a bit of luck there! 234 00:24:08,312 --> 00:24:11,649 Tailors grow pale when they see you walk by 235 00:24:11,749 --> 00:24:15,717 From nose to toes, hey, you're beautiful 236 00:24:16,253 --> 00:24:19,345 Hollywood, here you come 237 00:24:20,157 --> 00:24:24,061 Up on that movie screen kissing that movie queen 238 00:24:24,161 --> 00:24:26,991 Who's gonna know you're a bum? 239 00:24:32,636 --> 00:24:33,725 Hey! 240 00:24:43,681 --> 00:24:44,975 False. 241 00:24:48,719 --> 00:24:50,013 False? 242 00:24:58,295 --> 00:24:59,419 False. 243 00:25:03,467 --> 00:25:04,625 False? 244 00:25:41,439 --> 00:25:45,305 From head to toe I'm a gentleman 245 00:25:45,576 --> 00:25:48,474 Where's my top hat and cane? 246 00:25:49,480 --> 00:25:52,981 Women go crazy 'cause I'm hard to get 247 00:25:53,484 --> 00:25:56,687 If they don't love me they ain't met me yet 248 00:25:56,787 --> 00:26:00,618 When I walk by like a gentleman 249 00:26:01,158 --> 00:26:04,523 Everyone says, "Who's he? 250 00:26:05,329 --> 00:26:09,033 "Look at that cane and hat What an aristocrat 251 00:26:09,133 --> 00:26:12,837 "Breeding and quality, touch of frivolity" 252 00:26:12,937 --> 00:26:15,473 I look around and it's me 253 00:26:15,573 --> 00:26:16,907 Yes, sir, a real gentleman. 254 00:26:17,007 --> 00:26:19,710 I can see you now, getting up in the morning in your magnificent mansion. 255 00:26:19,810 --> 00:26:22,213 - Magnificent mansion? - Yes, and then you open your closet door 256 00:26:22,313 --> 00:26:24,248 and get out your beautiful white silk shirt. 257 00:26:24,348 --> 00:26:26,717 - Beautiful white silk shirt? - And then you open your closet door 258 00:26:26,817 --> 00:26:28,786 and get out your beautiful pearl-gray morning coat. 259 00:26:28,886 --> 00:26:30,254 Pearl-gray morning coat! 260 00:26:30,354 --> 00:26:33,082 And then you open your closet door and get your ascot. 261 00:26:37,394 --> 00:26:39,296 - I get my ascot? - Yes, and then you tie it in a knot. 262 00:26:39,396 --> 00:26:40,398 In a knot? 263 00:26:40,498 --> 00:26:42,133 And then you stick it with a diamond stick-pin. 264 00:26:42,233 --> 00:26:43,200 I stick it? 265 00:26:43,300 --> 00:26:44,835 Absolutely, and do you know why? 266 00:26:44,935 --> 00:26:48,339 Because you are a gentleman. 267 00:26:48,439 --> 00:26:50,234 Oh, it ain't worth it! 268 00:26:51,609 --> 00:26:55,167 From head to toe I'm a masterpiece 269 00:26:55,946 --> 00:26:58,571 You should hang in the Louvre 270 00:26:59,683 --> 00:27:03,387 When I drink tea, now I don't lick the spoon 271 00:27:03,487 --> 00:27:07,124 And I always stick my pinky up when I dunk my Lorna Doone 272 00:27:07,224 --> 00:27:10,725 Well, it's plain to see you're a gentleman 273 00:27:11,695 --> 00:27:14,764 If I say it, it's true 274 00:27:15,432 --> 00:27:18,969 Look in that looking glass All you will see is class 275 00:27:19,069 --> 00:27:23,007 I've got that certain style Boy, it sticks out a mile 276 00:27:23,107 --> 00:27:24,942 Man of propriety 277 00:27:25,042 --> 00:27:26,710 Toast of society 278 00:27:26,810 --> 00:27:31,040 - Regular gent through and through - Regular gent through and through 279 00:27:40,491 --> 00:27:42,491 Hey, tell me about the girl. 280 00:27:43,827 --> 00:27:46,327 Oh, forget it. There was no girl. 281 00:27:50,901 --> 00:27:53,401 What were you saying about Billy? 282 00:27:53,871 --> 00:27:57,771 Billy's gonna lose the theater. Vance Fowler's got him stopped. 283 00:27:58,175 --> 00:27:59,343 We've gotta do something about it, haven't we? 284 00:27:59,443 --> 00:28:00,644 We'll all be out of work. 285 00:28:00,744 --> 00:28:02,680 Places, everybody. First Act finale! 286 00:28:02,780 --> 00:28:05,610 - Oh, he'll think of something. - Oh, sure. 287 00:28:15,926 --> 00:28:17,755 Hey, wait a minute. 288 00:28:18,329 --> 00:28:20,698 - I think I got it. - Got what? 289 00:28:20,798 --> 00:28:22,388 The Fowler solution. 290 00:28:23,500 --> 00:28:27,004 Fowler says he's gonna call a raid if the show gets more suggestive. 291 00:28:27,104 --> 00:28:32,109 So what if he thinks we got the hottest little cooch artist in the world, 292 00:28:32,209 --> 00:28:34,436 and he calls out the cops? 293 00:28:34,745 --> 00:28:35,713 Well, think of it! 294 00:28:35,813 --> 00:28:40,543 Vance Fowler all set to protect the public from flagrant indecency 295 00:28:40,751 --> 00:28:44,582 and out comes a kid who dances stories from the Bible! 296 00:28:46,857 --> 00:28:51,758 - They'd strangle the poor creep! - Yeah! 297 00:28:54,465 --> 00:28:57,261 - Another comic, maybe? - Spats! Not that again! 298 00:29:00,604 --> 00:29:04,800 Hey, Billy, don't go away. I got a great idea! Hey, you, wait. 299 00:29:06,510 --> 00:29:09,647 - That Bible dance you do, how does it go? - Oh, very well, thank you. 300 00:29:09,747 --> 00:29:12,082 No, I mean, what do you do? 301 00:29:12,182 --> 00:29:16,013 - I do Eve in the Garden of Eden. - No belly work in it, is there? 302 00:29:16,954 --> 00:29:19,420 - Belly work? - I didn't think so. 303 00:29:19,957 --> 00:29:22,355 - Props? - An apple and a snake. 304 00:29:23,460 --> 00:29:26,597 Ask a simple question... Music? 305 00:29:26,697 --> 00:29:29,466 Oh, The Barcarolle from Tales of Hoffmann by Offenbach. 306 00:29:29,566 --> 00:29:32,362 - Made in heaven. Don't go away. - Oh, wait once. 307 00:29:32,569 --> 00:29:33,704 Why should I not go away? 308 00:29:33,804 --> 00:29:38,242 Because tonight at the midnight show, you're dancing. 309 00:29:38,342 --> 00:29:40,637 I'm dancing! Oh, my God! 310 00:30:27,891 --> 00:30:30,858 And now, we take you back to the good old USA! 311 00:31:17,708 --> 00:31:19,343 Now, I'm authorized by the management 312 00:31:19,443 --> 00:31:21,045 of the National Wintergarden Theater 313 00:31:21,145 --> 00:31:23,047 to offer to each and every one of our patrons, 314 00:31:23,147 --> 00:31:27,115 a clientele that we know to be exact, discerning, and not easily deceived, 315 00:31:27,217 --> 00:31:31,622 an exotic assortment of genuine imported chocolate bonbons 316 00:31:31,722 --> 00:31:33,257 with the nuts inside, 317 00:31:33,357 --> 00:31:35,125 the price of which, were you to purchase it 318 00:31:35,225 --> 00:31:39,523 outside the confines of this theater would be 99 cents. 319 00:31:39,696 --> 00:31:43,434 But we are offering it to you for only 25 cents, 320 00:31:43,534 --> 00:31:45,069 one quarter of a dollar. 321 00:31:45,169 --> 00:31:48,105 But is that all? No, sir, no, ma'am, it is not. 322 00:31:48,205 --> 00:31:50,967 Because this is a three-part offer. 323 00:31:51,408 --> 00:31:55,679 That's right, your ears did not deceive you. I said, a three-part offer. 324 00:31:55,779 --> 00:31:58,348 Now, I hear the man over here say, "Impossible!" 325 00:31:58,448 --> 00:32:00,551 No, sir, it is not impossible. 326 00:32:00,651 --> 00:32:03,379 Although, I can understand your world-weary cynicism. 327 00:32:03,854 --> 00:32:05,615 Now, part one is 328 00:32:05,823 --> 00:32:09,460 the exotic assortment of genuine imported chocolate bonbons 329 00:32:09,560 --> 00:32:11,028 with the nuts inside. 330 00:32:11,128 --> 00:32:13,263 Also included in each and every package 331 00:32:13,363 --> 00:32:18,135 are three 12-jewel Elgine men's wristwatches with silver band attached, 332 00:32:18,235 --> 00:32:19,770 valued at 16 dollars, 333 00:32:19,870 --> 00:32:24,708 and three gold-filled ladies' wristwatches, shaped in the form of a heart... 334 00:32:24,808 --> 00:32:27,845 Minsky's gone too far this time, Fowler. 335 00:32:27,945 --> 00:32:32,448 We've seen this girl rehearse. She is a tinder-box, a red-hot tomato! 336 00:32:32,683 --> 00:32:34,084 He's introducing her in the midnight show. 337 00:32:34,184 --> 00:32:35,308 Midnight? 338 00:32:35,752 --> 00:32:36,754 Now, Mr. Minsky, 339 00:32:36,854 --> 00:32:39,690 and the makers of the genuine imported chocolate bonbons 340 00:32:39,790 --> 00:32:44,725 with the nuts inside, have included in each and every package 341 00:32:45,062 --> 00:32:49,155 the book that made Paris blush, Mademoiselle Fifi. 342 00:32:50,167 --> 00:32:53,464 Yes, you've heard about this book, and here it is. 343 00:32:53,670 --> 00:32:57,297 Now, I will not dwell at length on the contents of this book. 344 00:32:57,875 --> 00:32:59,209 Suffice to say, 345 00:32:59,309 --> 00:33:02,279 this book contains 12 detailed illustrations. 346 00:33:02,379 --> 00:33:04,538 - Who is this girl? - She's... 347 00:33:07,784 --> 00:33:09,787 - Mademoiselle Fifi. - Fifi? 348 00:33:09,887 --> 00:33:12,182 - She's French? - From gay Paris! 349 00:33:12,356 --> 00:33:15,323 She drove a million Frenchmen wild! 350 00:33:16,426 --> 00:33:18,695 And if you are of a curious nature, 351 00:33:18,795 --> 00:33:22,126 and I assume you are, or else you would not be here this afternoon, 352 00:33:22,366 --> 00:33:25,369 may I suggest that you tear out these illustrations 353 00:33:25,469 --> 00:33:28,629 and hold them up before an electric light bulb? 354 00:33:29,039 --> 00:33:31,408 - Hold it up to the light. - Yeah, come on. 355 00:33:31,508 --> 00:33:34,668 - Look. That's it. - Oh, my! 356 00:33:34,778 --> 00:33:37,608 Move them slowly to and fro 357 00:33:38,115 --> 00:33:42,447 and you will see what little Willie saw at the picnic. 358 00:33:45,756 --> 00:33:47,491 Need I say any more? 359 00:33:47,591 --> 00:33:51,528 Take it away! No, give it back. I mean, I may need it as evidence. 360 00:33:51,628 --> 00:33:53,964 - If this woman puts one foot... - You're not holding it up to the light. 361 00:33:54,064 --> 00:33:55,065 Oh, no. 362 00:33:55,165 --> 00:33:57,167 But please, I implore you, 363 00:33:57,267 --> 00:33:59,870 and I must repeat that word, I implore you, 364 00:33:59,970 --> 00:34:02,940 do not remove the wrapper from this book 365 00:34:03,040 --> 00:34:05,776 until you are at least 10 blocks from the theater. 366 00:34:05,876 --> 00:34:07,778 This is for your own safety. Now... 367 00:34:07,878 --> 00:34:11,515 - How did she get here? - Trim Houlihan. Trim smuggles aliens. 368 00:34:11,615 --> 00:34:12,716 - No! - Yes, you know that. 369 00:34:12,816 --> 00:34:15,384 Yeah, everyone knows that. And Fifi's Trim's girl. 370 00:34:15,819 --> 00:34:19,623 All right, our sales representatives are now passing among you. 371 00:34:19,723 --> 00:34:21,658 Who will be the first person who will win 372 00:34:21,758 --> 00:34:23,760 the men's wristwatch, the ladies' wristwatch, 373 00:34:23,860 --> 00:34:25,295 the all-purpose pocket knife, 374 00:34:25,395 --> 00:34:28,692 and the book they want to burn, Mademoiselle Fifi? 375 00:34:28,832 --> 00:34:30,667 All right, I see I have a gentleman over here. 376 00:34:30,767 --> 00:34:34,037 You, sir, would you stand up and tell us what valuable prize you have won? 377 00:34:34,137 --> 00:34:37,729 A genuine 12-jewel Elgine men's wristwatch. 378 00:34:37,975 --> 00:34:41,101 There it is. With silver band attached. 379 00:35:03,266 --> 00:35:04,731 Mademoiselle Fifi. 380 00:35:05,068 --> 00:35:08,739 If Mademoiselle Fifi puts one foot on the stage tonight, we raid tonight! 381 00:35:08,839 --> 00:35:09,963 Tonight! 382 00:35:27,124 --> 00:35:28,657 Faster, please. 383 00:35:49,112 --> 00:35:52,249 This is the best we got. If you don't like it, go someplace else. 384 00:35:52,349 --> 00:35:54,084 Selwyn, let me have a double on an onion roll, 385 00:35:54,184 --> 00:35:55,719 half brisket, half pastrami. 386 00:35:55,819 --> 00:35:59,184 Pickles, sour tomatoes. No sauerkraut. My stomach's acting up today. 387 00:36:01,591 --> 00:36:03,056 Boy, am I nervous! 388 00:36:03,527 --> 00:36:05,362 Selwyn, make the meat fatty, the lean's too dry, 389 00:36:05,462 --> 00:36:07,297 and coleslaw, if it's made today. 390 00:36:07,397 --> 00:36:08,932 I got a call from the police. 391 00:36:09,032 --> 00:36:11,301 Fowler's gonna have three squads to the midnight show. 392 00:36:11,401 --> 00:36:13,670 A little French fries with that, too. Not too greasy. 393 00:36:13,770 --> 00:36:16,373 Word's out all over town, all over town. The press is starting to call. 394 00:36:16,473 --> 00:36:19,276 This Fifi business better work, that's all I gotta say, it better work. 395 00:36:19,376 --> 00:36:22,502 Now, don't worry about it, Billy. Chick's getting her set now. 396 00:37:26,143 --> 00:37:28,578 Have you ever seen burlesque before today? 397 00:37:28,678 --> 00:37:31,474 - No. - Well, it's... 398 00:37:35,118 --> 00:37:39,523 Burlesque is... How can I explain it? 399 00:37:39,623 --> 00:37:42,351 The reason it's called burlesque is... 400 00:37:44,561 --> 00:37:49,496 Look, there's a bucket. For putting water in? Not in burlesque. 401 00:38:04,047 --> 00:38:07,116 Stairs, for climbing? No. 402 00:38:18,929 --> 00:38:20,018 Oh! 403 00:38:53,930 --> 00:38:55,930 Well, that's burlesque. 404 00:40:11,675 --> 00:40:14,711 You know Paul Straw, don't you? Got one line, right? 405 00:40:14,811 --> 00:40:16,546 - Yeah. - "No, no, I'm too young to die!" 406 00:40:16,646 --> 00:40:18,248 - You know the sketch, right? - Yes. 407 00:40:18,348 --> 00:40:21,718 He's walking around all night long, "No, no, I'm too young to die!" 408 00:40:21,818 --> 00:40:23,853 "No, no, I'm too young to die!" Right? 409 00:40:23,953 --> 00:40:27,457 Up and back! "No, no, I'm too young..." During the sketch 410 00:40:27,557 --> 00:40:30,217 he says, "No, no, I'm too old to live!" 411 00:40:33,096 --> 00:40:34,598 How about some poker between shows? 412 00:40:34,698 --> 00:40:35,832 That's a good idea. 413 00:40:35,932 --> 00:40:38,635 Now? That's ridiculous. This is the cinq-�-sept. 414 00:40:38,735 --> 00:40:40,937 - The what? - Cinq-�-sept. It's French. 415 00:40:41,037 --> 00:40:42,572 It means 5:00 p.m. to 7:00 p. m. 416 00:40:42,672 --> 00:40:45,809 The time every respectable Frenchman calls on his mistress. 417 00:40:45,909 --> 00:40:48,937 - Since when do you have a mistress? - I don't. 418 00:40:53,883 --> 00:40:55,252 - Who ordered the herring? - Me. 419 00:40:55,352 --> 00:40:56,783 We're out. 420 00:40:56,986 --> 00:40:59,452 For you, I'll stretch a sardine. 421 00:41:00,957 --> 00:41:03,026 Hello, my name is Raymond Paine. 422 00:41:03,126 --> 00:41:05,428 I've been sitting there with my friends thinking about you, 423 00:41:05,528 --> 00:41:08,098 and how very appealing you are. 424 00:41:08,198 --> 00:41:12,168 Now, I know this is unconventional, and perhaps you will chastise me for it, 425 00:41:12,268 --> 00:41:15,997 but if I didn't stop to tell you how exciting I found you, 426 00:41:17,073 --> 00:41:18,800 you'd never know. 427 00:41:19,242 --> 00:41:20,969 Isn't that true? 428 00:41:21,177 --> 00:41:23,438 Isn't it? Yes, of course. 429 00:41:23,980 --> 00:41:26,310 Now, we have two alternatives. 430 00:41:27,517 --> 00:41:31,383 We can either obey convention, in which case I would leave this minute 431 00:41:31,654 --> 00:41:35,918 and you would never know what qualities of beauty 432 00:41:36,826 --> 00:41:39,952 and womanliness attracted me to you. 433 00:41:40,764 --> 00:41:45,028 Or we can spend a little time together. I have until 8:00. 434 00:41:46,302 --> 00:41:50,634 And you will discover what it is about you that inspired me to this. 435 00:41:51,941 --> 00:41:53,633 What do you say? 436 00:41:56,780 --> 00:42:00,577 Sir, you must be this young lady's boyfriend. 437 00:42:01,718 --> 00:42:04,116 Husband, then. I see. 438 00:42:04,721 --> 00:42:08,625 Well, it's quite obvious I've been making a pass at your wife, 439 00:42:08,725 --> 00:42:12,921 and under the circumstances, I'd be a fool to deny it, wouldn't I? 440 00:42:13,563 --> 00:42:14,798 Of course I would. 441 00:42:14,898 --> 00:42:18,832 On the other hand, I'm a fairly acceptable male, as males go, 442 00:42:19,202 --> 00:42:21,204 and the attention that I've been paying your wife 443 00:42:21,304 --> 00:42:23,873 is not altogether unflattering, is it? 444 00:42:23,973 --> 00:42:25,008 Of course it isn't. 445 00:42:25,108 --> 00:42:28,011 How proud and pleased you must be to possess a woman 446 00:42:28,111 --> 00:42:31,669 that a man of my caliber could find so attractive. 447 00:42:31,881 --> 00:42:37,146 I congratulate you, sir. And I envy you both this experience. 448 00:43:51,261 --> 00:43:53,496 - Lose something? - Can I help you, my man? 449 00:43:53,596 --> 00:43:57,100 By your leave, I am looking for a young girl. 450 00:43:57,200 --> 00:43:59,598 They all are, Mac. Take a walk. 451 00:44:18,621 --> 00:44:19,779 Hey! 452 00:44:20,456 --> 00:44:23,320 The comics dress in there. 453 00:44:25,528 --> 00:44:27,562 The comics dress over there! 454 00:44:48,484 --> 00:44:51,354 Will you stop feeding your face for one second, Raymond? 455 00:44:51,454 --> 00:44:53,181 This is serious. 456 00:44:54,557 --> 00:44:57,182 She's from a farm, an Amish farm. 457 00:45:00,229 --> 00:45:03,700 Those people live today just the same as they did 100 years ago. 458 00:45:03,800 --> 00:45:05,595 She told me that herself. 459 00:45:06,836 --> 00:45:10,240 Fellas, listen, she trusts us. 460 00:45:10,340 --> 00:45:14,511 This thing tonight will break her heart. You tell them, Mae. 461 00:45:14,611 --> 00:45:17,213 - You can see she ain't like us. - Why? 462 00:45:17,313 --> 00:45:20,183 When you cut us, do we not bleed? When you shoot us... 463 00:45:20,283 --> 00:45:22,519 Lay off it, Chick. She'll get over it. 464 00:45:22,619 --> 00:45:25,779 What is it? Nothing more than a practical joke. 465 00:45:26,356 --> 00:45:29,482 Selwyn, bring me an order of bagel and a cup of black! 466 00:45:34,330 --> 00:45:38,101 Hey, the word's going around that I got me a new little French babe. 467 00:45:38,201 --> 00:45:42,203 This Mademoiselle Fifi. You know anything about that? 468 00:45:43,172 --> 00:45:46,109 Oh, now don't tell me you don't know anything about that! 469 00:45:46,209 --> 00:45:48,077 It was just a joke, Trim. 470 00:45:48,177 --> 00:45:49,412 - I mean, there's nothing to it. - Oh, sure. 471 00:45:49,512 --> 00:45:52,282 Well, I just thought, as long as I'm supposed to have a little Frenchy, 472 00:45:52,382 --> 00:45:54,651 that I might as well enjoy a little Frenchy. 473 00:45:54,751 --> 00:45:56,682 You know what I mean? 474 00:45:58,087 --> 00:45:59,222 He knows what I mean. 475 00:45:59,322 --> 00:46:01,024 In the little room there is a machine, 476 00:46:01,124 --> 00:46:04,427 and for a penny I found the really true number how much I weigh. 477 00:46:04,527 --> 00:46:06,462 Talk about your French accents! 478 00:46:06,562 --> 00:46:09,961 Well, well, Trim Houlihan's the name. I seen you backstage before. 479 00:46:11,668 --> 00:46:14,504 There we are. Could I order you anything? 480 00:46:14,604 --> 00:46:16,501 We gotta get this kid outta here. 481 00:46:16,839 --> 00:46:19,108 Hey, wait a minute. What's that? 482 00:46:19,208 --> 00:46:22,078 - You said an order of bagel. - That's an order of bagel? 483 00:46:22,178 --> 00:46:25,179 - One bagel is an order of bagel? - New policy. 484 00:46:25,448 --> 00:46:27,684 Two bagels is an order of bagel anywhere in town. 485 00:46:27,784 --> 00:46:29,686 I don't care about anywhere in town. 486 00:46:29,786 --> 00:46:31,955 Here you order another bagel, you pay another nickel. 487 00:46:32,055 --> 00:46:34,691 Send it back. It's not a new policy, he's cheap. 488 00:46:34,791 --> 00:46:38,294 If you're so cheap another bagel will break your heart, take it back! 489 00:46:38,394 --> 00:46:41,531 Well, that's a nice thing to say to a person, "Cheap!" 490 00:46:41,631 --> 00:46:45,101 - So you think I'm cheap? - Yeah, cheap. You're cheap. 491 00:46:45,201 --> 00:46:49,672 You call me cheap? I say you're stingy. You think I care about a lousy bagel? 492 00:46:49,772 --> 00:46:53,638 I'm a man from principle. This is what I think of a bagel, here! 493 00:46:54,110 --> 00:46:56,546 Principle? You think you got principle? 494 00:46:56,646 --> 00:47:00,580 I'll show you something about principle! You and your lousy bagel... 495 00:47:00,950 --> 00:47:04,754 There you see that? That's what a nickel means to me. 496 00:47:04,854 --> 00:47:08,224 As a matter of fact, that's what another nickel means to me! 497 00:47:08,324 --> 00:47:10,860 Big shot! Man from principle! 498 00:47:10,960 --> 00:47:13,630 Here, for your other nickel, here's another bagel! 499 00:47:13,730 --> 00:47:15,632 You got more principle than that. 500 00:47:15,732 --> 00:47:18,635 - Wait a minute. I will have a dozen. - A dozen? 501 00:47:18,735 --> 00:47:20,302 That's right! 502 00:47:23,005 --> 00:47:25,835 - And some onion rolls! - Onion rolls! 503 00:48:24,700 --> 00:48:27,603 - Hey, Fliegelmann, where are you? - Yes. 504 00:48:27,703 --> 00:48:31,603 I'm sorry, I didn't hear you. Wait. Now, that's funny. 505 00:48:32,942 --> 00:48:35,476 A perfect fit! Here, I'll wrap it up. 506 00:48:35,645 --> 00:48:37,804 No, Fliegelmann, this is my own jacket! 507 00:48:38,915 --> 00:48:40,583 So? Well, what will it be? 508 00:48:40,683 --> 00:48:42,251 Well, we're looking for something in a prop snake. 509 00:48:42,351 --> 00:48:44,387 Fifty-four inches is a nice length. 510 00:48:44,487 --> 00:48:46,680 Just last week I had such a run on them. 511 00:48:47,056 --> 00:48:49,283 Now, where are those snakes? 512 00:48:57,066 --> 00:49:00,101 Here we are. It's a beauty. 513 00:49:01,604 --> 00:49:04,841 - A real beauty. - That's not 54 inches. 514 00:49:04,941 --> 00:49:09,341 It's a short 54. Just one left, $6. 515 00:49:10,580 --> 00:49:12,443 He's got one snake left, six bucks. 516 00:49:12,615 --> 00:49:14,851 Great. Let's take it. He can send it to the theater. 517 00:49:14,951 --> 00:49:16,419 I think six is too much. 518 00:49:16,519 --> 00:49:18,454 You're too high, Fliegelmann. I will not pay it. 519 00:49:18,554 --> 00:49:20,022 You tell him, Chick. 520 00:49:20,122 --> 00:49:22,452 I get six for them all the time. 521 00:49:22,758 --> 00:49:26,329 It's not worth more than four. Down the street, I saw them for three. 522 00:49:26,429 --> 00:49:30,666 - Well, so, go buy down the street. - I would, but they're all out. 523 00:49:30,766 --> 00:49:33,699 If I was all out, you could have it for two. 524 00:49:34,904 --> 00:49:37,666 - Here, I'll tell you what I'll do. - What? 525 00:49:37,974 --> 00:49:39,509 - Five. - Four. 526 00:49:39,609 --> 00:49:43,577 But look at the workmanship. Ten days it takes to make such a snake. 527 00:49:44,280 --> 00:49:48,043 Ten days! It only took six days to make the world! 528 00:49:48,651 --> 00:49:50,514 But look at the way this is made. 529 00:49:50,953 --> 00:49:53,749 - Is that seam perfect? - Seam's perfect. 530 00:49:54,724 --> 00:49:56,689 And look at the world. 531 00:49:56,959 --> 00:50:00,187 Fliegelmann, $4.50 and not a penny more. 532 00:50:00,830 --> 00:50:03,922 You're cutting my heart out. Sold! 533 00:50:04,233 --> 00:50:07,131 Done! Hey, did you hear... 534 00:50:13,242 --> 00:50:16,106 Queen, deuce, ten, 535 00:50:16,545 --> 00:50:19,307 king, nine, seven. 536 00:50:19,949 --> 00:50:23,085 - Ace, queen, you're high, Scratch. - Ace, queen, says a dime. 537 00:50:23,185 --> 00:50:25,021 I'll see your dime and raise you a dime. 538 00:50:25,121 --> 00:50:26,622 - Pass me. - Fold. 539 00:50:26,722 --> 00:50:29,325 - So, I'm lucky in love. - Call. 540 00:50:29,425 --> 00:50:32,892 Call and raise. And let's keep the ribbon clerks out. 541 00:50:33,696 --> 00:50:39,757 Queen, two, ten, king, nine, seven. 542 00:51:11,634 --> 00:51:14,635 My, how warm and how small it is. 543 00:51:16,906 --> 00:51:20,567 So small I have to go out in the hall to change my mind. 544 00:51:20,876 --> 00:51:22,170 Oh, no. 545 00:51:22,411 --> 00:51:25,081 No room could match you in grandness. 546 00:51:25,181 --> 00:51:27,078 So, small like this is perfect. 547 00:52:06,288 --> 00:52:08,253 It's peculiar, my feelings. 548 00:52:09,191 --> 00:52:12,954 I don't believe it's sinful, using these worldly things. 549 00:52:14,130 --> 00:52:15,698 This electric light. 550 00:52:15,798 --> 00:52:19,698 And in the restaurant, alone, there was water from the faucet. 551 00:52:20,703 --> 00:52:23,372 And yet, I'm not so sure down inside. 552 00:52:23,472 --> 00:52:25,767 Well, how could it be sinful? 553 00:52:25,875 --> 00:52:27,465 Well, at home, 554 00:52:28,711 --> 00:52:34,511 if something is not spoke of in the Bible, like buttons on clothing even, 555 00:52:35,351 --> 00:52:37,486 we don't uphold to have the use of it. 556 00:52:37,586 --> 00:52:38,914 Well... 557 00:52:40,089 --> 00:52:42,885 How could anyone with feelings like that 558 00:52:43,526 --> 00:52:45,218 ever leave home? 559 00:52:45,761 --> 00:52:48,193 Because there were other feelings also. 560 00:52:50,766 --> 00:52:53,426 I would lie in bed at night 561 00:52:54,303 --> 00:52:56,894 and think of the all the people in the world. 562 00:52:57,206 --> 00:53:02,938 Right then, that very minute, doing joyful things in rooms with lights. 563 00:53:06,382 --> 00:53:08,177 And the gramophone. 564 00:53:09,552 --> 00:53:12,280 A thing turns round and there's music. 565 00:53:20,763 --> 00:53:24,166 How are ya, how are ya? 566 00:53:24,266 --> 00:53:27,767 Underneath Hawaiian skies 567 00:53:28,170 --> 00:53:31,637 Land of many sad goodbyes 568 00:53:32,041 --> 00:53:35,838 Where the rippling waters play 569 00:53:35,978 --> 00:53:39,570 Whispering, "Why don't you stay?" 570 00:53:39,882 --> 00:53:43,383 There beneath a coral moon 571 00:53:43,786 --> 00:53:49,153 I heard someone croon this tune 572 00:53:50,359 --> 00:53:53,195 This is the moment behind which I forget 573 00:53:53,295 --> 00:53:55,886 every other moment that has passed. 574 00:53:56,699 --> 00:53:59,666 Don't go away. There's one more. 575 00:54:03,772 --> 00:54:07,603 Kickipoo, Kickipoo 576 00:54:07,776 --> 00:54:11,505 You want me, me want you 577 00:54:11,847 --> 00:54:15,280 Kickipoo, who will do 578 00:54:19,755 --> 00:54:23,325 - Yes, who is it? - This is the Acme Travel Agency. 579 00:54:23,425 --> 00:54:25,728 I have your steamship tickets here, sir. 580 00:54:25,828 --> 00:54:27,828 Steamship tickets? 581 00:54:28,797 --> 00:54:31,923 - Hey, I'm not going anywhere. - That's what you think. 582 00:55:03,499 --> 00:55:07,002 Billy! Billy! Peskin says the midnight show is sold out. 583 00:55:07,102 --> 00:55:09,505 - And it's not even 9:00 yet. - Did he save 50 seats for the press? 584 00:55:09,605 --> 00:55:11,407 - I told him to save 50 seats. - He saved. He saved. 585 00:55:11,507 --> 00:55:13,275 Well, tell him to sell standing. What are you doing here? 586 00:55:13,375 --> 00:55:15,277 Chick's ready to go on and Raymond didn't show yet. 587 00:55:15,377 --> 00:55:18,214 Raymond didn't... Raymond didn't show! Raymond didn't show! 588 00:55:18,314 --> 00:55:19,847 Raymond didn't show up! 589 00:55:24,453 --> 00:55:26,020 Today is my birthday. 590 00:55:26,322 --> 00:55:30,859 It isn't legal, but I bought myself a little birthday present. 591 00:55:32,161 --> 00:55:36,163 Bootleg hooch. Well, sir, happy birthday. 592 00:55:36,599 --> 00:55:39,691 Hey, you! You with the baggy pants! 593 00:55:39,935 --> 00:55:42,469 You with the bottle in your hand. 594 00:55:42,771 --> 00:55:45,274 Are you aware that could be pure poison? 595 00:55:45,374 --> 00:55:47,567 Give me my stuff, will you? 596 00:55:48,844 --> 00:55:50,346 Raymond, what happened? Where you been? 597 00:55:50,446 --> 00:55:52,581 Chick dropped a ton of water on me. Got me soaking wet. 598 00:55:52,681 --> 00:55:54,650 - Yeah, well, that's between you and him. - You bet it is. 599 00:55:54,750 --> 00:55:56,819 Look, we got a show to do here. Let's go! 600 00:55:56,919 --> 00:55:58,154 Never mind the make-up already. 601 00:55:58,254 --> 00:55:59,588 Will you get out there? Come on! Come on! 602 00:55:59,688 --> 00:56:02,291 Leave me alone, will you, Billy? I'll kill that little runt. 603 00:56:02,391 --> 00:56:03,685 Just let me at him. 604 00:56:09,498 --> 00:56:13,802 Good heavens, man! That's the devil's brew you got there! 605 00:56:13,902 --> 00:56:16,338 Play the Acme Travel Agency with me, will you? 606 00:56:16,438 --> 00:56:18,040 What are you doing? 607 00:56:18,140 --> 00:56:20,538 Just celebrating my birthday! 608 00:56:20,943 --> 00:56:22,977 - I'd do it again. - We'll see about that. 609 00:56:47,503 --> 00:56:48,604 That'll learn you. 610 00:56:48,704 --> 00:56:52,240 Oh, Madeline! Madeline! 611 00:56:52,641 --> 00:56:56,643 How'd you like that nut? He is a nut, too. 612 00:56:57,146 --> 00:56:58,770 You damn nut! 613 00:57:07,823 --> 00:57:12,053 Well, well, well, if it ain't the peacock of Second Avenue. 614 00:57:20,536 --> 00:57:24,936 - Well, how are you, Mr. Peacock? - You don't have to be so formal, Trim. 615 00:57:25,641 --> 00:57:27,231 Just call me Peacock. 616 00:57:28,010 --> 00:57:31,807 Hey, smart guy, you ran out on me with that little Frenchy. 617 00:57:32,247 --> 00:57:34,577 Well, wasn't nothing personal, Trim. 618 00:57:35,884 --> 00:57:38,020 You wouldn't be here to lean on me, would you? 619 00:57:38,120 --> 00:57:41,357 Oh, now, I wouldn't want you to leap to no concussions. 620 00:57:41,457 --> 00:57:44,793 But you told this Fowler fella that I had a little French babe. 621 00:57:44,893 --> 00:57:47,596 I don't know why. Maybe I don't care. But the thing is 622 00:57:47,696 --> 00:57:50,856 that I don't like being used without I should benefit. 623 00:57:51,800 --> 00:57:54,425 So you lay off the little girl? 624 00:57:56,105 --> 00:57:58,002 You know what I mean? 625 00:57:58,640 --> 00:58:02,267 Yeah, sure he knows what I mean. 626 00:58:11,253 --> 00:58:14,089 And now, ladies and gentlemen, the Minsky Company 627 00:58:14,189 --> 00:58:17,383 is proud to take you on a trip around the world. 628 00:58:59,868 --> 00:59:00,957 Hey! 629 00:59:01,804 --> 00:59:03,565 I found something. 630 00:59:03,705 --> 00:59:05,329 It's a new bit. 631 00:59:05,607 --> 00:59:08,077 We'll make a whole routine out of it. 632 00:59:08,177 --> 00:59:09,437 I say, 633 00:59:10,345 --> 00:59:11,914 "You there, sir. 634 00:59:12,014 --> 00:59:15,417 "You look like a gambling man. I tell you what I'm gonna do." 635 00:59:15,517 --> 00:59:17,050 Take a card. 636 00:59:18,320 --> 00:59:20,911 - Come on. Take one, you'll love it. - No. 637 00:59:23,525 --> 00:59:25,616 And what gives with you anyway? 638 00:59:25,861 --> 00:59:27,730 Look, you hosed me down, I roughed you up. 639 00:59:27,830 --> 00:59:29,591 We're even, okay? 640 00:59:30,265 --> 00:59:32,492 Aw, come on, Chick. 641 00:59:33,001 --> 00:59:37,162 Ten years we've been partners. What do you wanna be like this for? 642 00:59:44,613 --> 00:59:46,681 It's the girl, isn't it? 643 00:59:48,717 --> 00:59:50,148 All right. 644 00:59:50,385 --> 00:59:52,680 You want her, you can have her. 645 00:59:53,088 --> 00:59:55,884 No, I mean it. I'm giving you a clear field. 646 00:59:57,993 --> 00:59:59,856 You don't believe me. 647 01:00:01,063 --> 01:00:04,566 All right, I was gonna take her up to the hotel room for another try 648 01:00:04,666 --> 01:00:07,336 before the midnight show, but I'll cancel it. 649 01:00:07,436 --> 01:00:11,233 Tell her right now. Come on. You can hear for yourself. 650 01:00:12,407 --> 01:00:14,031 Come on, Chick. 651 01:00:30,659 --> 01:00:32,661 - Your name's Trim Houlihan? - Yeah. 652 01:00:32,761 --> 01:00:35,597 Immigration Services. Immigration? I ain't no immigrant. 653 01:00:35,697 --> 01:00:37,800 No, but we have information you're smuggling them. 654 01:00:37,900 --> 01:00:38,867 What? 655 01:00:38,967 --> 01:00:43,138 Here's a warrant signed by Vance Fowler. You'd better come with us. 656 01:00:43,238 --> 01:00:44,239 Hey, you can't... 657 01:00:44,339 --> 01:00:46,442 Don't go away, Frenchy. They can't hold me. 658 01:00:46,542 --> 01:00:49,445 - All right then. Come on, let's go. - Later. 659 01:00:49,545 --> 01:00:53,315 - What do you mean, later? You told me... - I know. I know. But later. 660 01:00:53,415 --> 01:00:56,218 - After the show, when there's time. - You dirty... 661 01:00:56,318 --> 01:01:00,548 I wanna tell her some things about you, give you the big buildup. 662 01:01:01,089 --> 01:01:04,090 It's not like you don't need help, you know. 663 01:01:55,978 --> 01:01:58,478 That couldn't have been your first kiss. 664 01:02:00,349 --> 01:02:03,577 The very first with a clean-shaven man. 665 01:02:05,921 --> 01:02:10,481 - How was it? - I thought of a melon with a slice out. 666 01:02:16,865 --> 01:02:20,492 - You want to make love to me? - How do you feel about it? 667 01:02:22,871 --> 01:02:26,475 I feel to love is to wish to give pleasure. 668 01:02:26,575 --> 01:02:29,075 And you wish to give me pleasure? 669 01:02:30,045 --> 01:02:31,203 Yes. 670 01:02:32,748 --> 01:02:35,408 Yeah, well, we got about 36 minutes. 671 01:02:38,387 --> 01:02:40,580 One thing I wish only. 672 01:02:42,157 --> 01:02:44,626 - But then it is asking too much. - What? 673 01:02:44,726 --> 01:02:49,695 I dreamed that the first time, there would be a sign to tell me it is right. 674 01:02:50,866 --> 01:02:52,194 A sign? 675 01:02:53,468 --> 01:02:56,002 From Him. A sign. 676 01:02:56,471 --> 01:03:00,564 - The Lord moves in wondrous ways. - Yeah, well... 677 01:03:01,176 --> 01:03:03,412 Why do you wanna talk about things like that? 678 01:03:03,512 --> 01:03:05,546 We're not here to pray. 679 01:03:08,116 --> 01:03:10,752 Look, I've heard of everything, but a man and a woman 680 01:03:10,852 --> 01:03:14,513 with normal desires hanging around waiting for a sign. 681 01:03:16,258 --> 01:03:19,428 - Did I say to wait? Did I? - No. 682 01:03:19,528 --> 01:03:22,722 But you got that stained glass look in your eye. 683 01:03:31,440 --> 01:03:35,477 Hallelujah! Hallelujah! 684 01:03:35,577 --> 01:03:37,646 Hallelujah! Hallelujah! 685 01:03:37,746 --> 01:03:40,048 Hallelujah! 686 01:03:40,148 --> 01:03:42,250 Hallelujah! 687 01:03:42,350 --> 01:03:45,087 Hallelujah! Hallelujah! 688 01:03:45,187 --> 01:03:48,484 Hallelujah! Hallelujah! 689 01:03:54,029 --> 01:03:55,391 Raymond. 690 01:03:56,398 --> 01:03:57,795 The sign. 691 01:03:59,434 --> 01:04:01,670 Rachel Elizabeth Schpitendavel. 692 01:04:01,770 --> 01:04:04,673 - This is your father. - Can it, Chick. We've had that bit. 693 01:04:04,773 --> 01:04:07,205 - But that is my father. - It is? 694 01:04:11,480 --> 01:04:13,912 Hallelujah! Hallelujah! 695 01:04:14,883 --> 01:04:17,611 Hallelujah! Hallelujah! 696 01:04:28,964 --> 01:04:30,725 Rachel Elizabeth. 697 01:04:32,734 --> 01:04:34,028 Shame. 698 01:04:34,536 --> 01:04:36,001 For shame! 699 01:04:37,038 --> 01:04:38,400 A hotel? 700 01:04:40,642 --> 01:04:42,477 I read the Bible, Papa. 701 01:04:42,577 --> 01:04:45,544 It does not say "yea" nor "nay" to hotels. 702 01:04:50,418 --> 01:04:52,782 How did you come to this room? 703 01:04:53,321 --> 01:04:55,957 By the elevator, Papa, like you. 704 01:04:56,057 --> 01:04:58,990 And this dress, how did you come by it? 705 01:04:59,761 --> 01:05:03,627 I made it at home in the summer house, just for pretty. 706 01:05:04,132 --> 01:05:08,066 What has come at you ever? Why did you come here? 707 01:05:08,937 --> 01:05:11,369 For to be a dancing girl, Papa. 708 01:05:12,073 --> 01:05:14,843 We do not uphold to dancing. 709 01:05:14,943 --> 01:05:16,978 But it is in the Bible, dancing. 710 01:05:17,078 --> 01:05:20,375 "Honor thy father" first is in the Bible. 711 01:05:21,483 --> 01:05:25,781 You shame me, daughter. Before God, you shame me. 712 01:05:26,254 --> 01:05:29,491 Is it but you who have the ear to God only, Papa? 713 01:05:29,591 --> 01:05:32,394 Or do you hide behind his name to kill the joy of life? 714 01:05:32,494 --> 01:05:35,654 I do what he gives it in my hand to do. 715 01:05:36,031 --> 01:05:39,534 - We are going home now, Rachel. - Oh, no. No, Papa. Raymond! 716 01:05:39,634 --> 01:05:40,996 Oh. 717 01:05:46,341 --> 01:05:49,611 Well, hello. I'm with the hotel. This young lady complained of mice. 718 01:05:49,711 --> 01:05:50,979 And I was setting a trap in here 719 01:05:51,079 --> 01:05:53,949 when a sudden draft came along and shut the door. 720 01:05:54,049 --> 01:05:56,952 Now, I've been afraid of the dark since I was a little tyke, 721 01:05:57,052 --> 01:06:00,713 so I must have fainted, that's why I... 722 01:06:01,022 --> 01:06:03,425 No, actually... 723 01:06:03,525 --> 01:06:07,629 Actually, I just dropped by to help this young lady fix the plumbing, 724 01:06:07,729 --> 01:06:09,698 and I must have fallen asleep under the sink 725 01:06:09,798 --> 01:06:14,603 and she mistook me for a carpet sweeper and put me away in the closet. 726 01:06:14,703 --> 01:06:16,638 Would you believe it? 727 01:06:16,738 --> 01:06:19,568 No, no, no. The absolute truth. 728 01:06:20,442 --> 01:06:23,745 I was up here visiting your daughter, having a harmless little chat, 729 01:06:23,845 --> 01:06:26,573 and I design closets in my spare time. 730 01:06:26,848 --> 01:06:29,007 No, no, look, Mister... 731 01:06:30,151 --> 01:06:31,878 Spit... 732 01:06:33,021 --> 01:06:36,525 At 1:05, two hours and 15 minutes yet, 733 01:06:36,625 --> 01:06:40,328 from Pennsylvania station, it gives a train to Smoketown. 734 01:06:40,428 --> 01:06:43,395 It is the only train, and I will be on it. 735 01:06:43,665 --> 01:06:45,901 As God is my witness, 736 01:06:46,001 --> 01:06:49,537 I will have with me a daughter on that train tonight, 737 01:06:49,704 --> 01:06:52,170 or I will have no daughter ever. 738 01:07:04,686 --> 01:07:06,447 He didn't mean it. 739 01:07:07,522 --> 01:07:09,146 You don't know Papa. 740 01:07:10,625 --> 01:07:12,317 But he couldn't. 741 01:07:12,961 --> 01:07:15,630 I mean, you could take a train in the morning 742 01:07:15,730 --> 01:07:17,991 and you'll be home tomorrow. 743 01:07:19,034 --> 01:07:21,193 No. You don't know Papa. 744 01:07:32,213 --> 01:07:35,339 But then, tonight, after the midnight show, 745 01:07:36,151 --> 01:07:38,481 I'm going to have a new life. 746 01:07:39,020 --> 01:07:41,452 A dancer I'll be, for one thing. 747 01:07:43,325 --> 01:07:45,450 For another, there is you. 748 01:07:47,395 --> 01:07:50,123 Well, we've got about 17 minutes now. 749 01:07:51,766 --> 01:07:55,927 Hallelujah! Hallelujah! 750 01:08:02,177 --> 01:08:06,047 Let's get going. We're doing a midnight show. Move it! Move it! 751 01:08:06,147 --> 01:08:08,617 Come on. The midnight show's started. Where is Raymond? 752 01:08:08,717 --> 01:08:11,285 Hurry! Anybody seen Raymond Paine? 753 01:08:45,987 --> 01:08:49,391 I have a secret recipe 754 01:08:49,491 --> 01:08:53,061 Concocted with much skill 755 01:08:53,161 --> 01:08:56,492 And once you've tried my special dish 756 01:08:56,664 --> 01:08:59,824 You'll never get your fill 757 01:09:03,438 --> 01:09:07,099 Take ten terrific girls 758 01:09:07,675 --> 01:09:10,512 But only nine costumes 759 01:09:10,612 --> 01:09:15,809 And you're cooking up something grand 760 01:09:16,151 --> 01:09:19,118 Mix in some amber lights 761 01:09:19,220 --> 01:09:22,257 And elegant scenery 762 01:09:22,357 --> 01:09:26,325 Then stir in a fine jazz band 763 01:09:28,029 --> 01:09:30,932 Then add some funny men 764 01:09:31,032 --> 01:09:33,835 And pepper with laughter 765 01:09:33,935 --> 01:09:37,698 It's tart and tasty, I know 766 01:09:39,507 --> 01:09:42,542 Then serve it piping hot 767 01:09:42,677 --> 01:09:45,473 And what have you got? 768 01:09:45,580 --> 01:09:50,481 A burlesque show 769 01:09:51,453 --> 01:09:54,249 Take ten terrific girls 770 01:09:54,389 --> 01:09:57,359 But only nine costumes 771 01:09:57,459 --> 01:10:00,895 And you're cooking up something grand 772 01:10:00,995 --> 01:10:03,465 Yes, sirree, friends, Minsky presents 773 01:10:03,565 --> 01:10:06,634 ten delightful dishes on the illuminated runway of joy. 774 01:10:06,734 --> 01:10:10,472 Meet Billie Rose Carson, the girl with the million dollar smile. 775 01:10:10,572 --> 01:10:14,665 A fine jazz band 776 01:10:15,376 --> 01:10:20,209 Chubby Drysdale, our petite little ing�nue with those two twinkly eyes. 777 01:10:20,782 --> 01:10:25,220 It's tart and tasty, I know 778 01:10:25,320 --> 01:10:28,623 The lovely Eva La Monte, the little girl who wants to know, 779 01:10:28,723 --> 01:10:31,986 is it a sin to be so friendly? 780 01:10:32,527 --> 01:10:37,792 A burlesque show 781 01:10:42,170 --> 01:10:44,839 Serve it piping hot 782 01:10:44,939 --> 01:10:47,809 And what have you got? 783 01:10:47,909 --> 01:10:50,745 A burlesque 784 01:10:50,845 --> 01:10:56,713 A Minsky burlesque show 785 01:11:01,990 --> 01:11:03,992 Where's Raymond Paine? I don't see Raymond Paine. 786 01:11:04,092 --> 01:11:06,820 Raymond Paine. Where's Raymond Paine? 787 01:11:08,029 --> 01:11:09,597 Look, she's at the hotel sleeping. 788 01:11:09,697 --> 01:11:12,500 I told her even Isadora Duncan naps before a performance. 789 01:11:12,600 --> 01:11:14,869 Just see she's at Penn Station by 1:05. 790 01:11:14,969 --> 01:11:19,207 But that's the time she expects to be on the stage, in the second act. 791 01:11:19,307 --> 01:11:22,110 I know. You gotta think fast. I mean, keep her amused. 792 01:11:22,210 --> 01:11:24,345 Try the subway, the Staten Island Ferry. 793 01:11:24,445 --> 01:11:27,782 I don't understand it. You're actually trying to save her. 794 01:11:27,882 --> 01:11:30,885 - You, Raymond Paine? - Look. You're gonna need a fin. 795 01:11:30,985 --> 01:11:33,883 You couldn't lay it out for me, could you, Spats? 796 01:11:34,856 --> 01:11:36,753 You know me, Raymond. 797 01:11:37,058 --> 01:11:40,127 I'd have to negotiate a loan to weigh myself. 798 01:12:58,773 --> 01:13:02,206 I was a rich man. I was on Wall Street. 799 01:13:02,510 --> 01:13:04,646 I had a castle on the Hudson. 800 01:13:04,746 --> 01:13:08,304 I had one in Spain. I had a chauffeured limousine. 801 01:13:08,950 --> 01:13:12,921 And then one day, I took a tiny nip of whiskey 802 01:13:13,021 --> 01:13:15,248 before going to the office... 803 01:13:17,825 --> 01:13:20,461 A tiny nip of whiskey 804 01:13:20,561 --> 01:13:22,856 before going to the office, 805 01:13:25,033 --> 01:13:28,159 and it befuddled my thinking powers. 806 01:13:29,904 --> 01:13:32,529 And I made a bad business decision. 807 01:13:36,044 --> 01:13:37,133 Hey! 808 01:13:37,412 --> 01:13:38,479 Hey, fella! 809 01:13:38,579 --> 01:13:39,948 What do you mean, she wasn't there? 810 01:13:40,048 --> 01:13:42,350 The clerk said she left with Trim Houlihan. 811 01:13:42,450 --> 01:13:44,752 The immigration people were looking for her, too. 812 01:13:44,852 --> 01:13:46,821 Raymond, for heaven's sake, the man's dying out there! 813 01:13:46,921 --> 01:13:50,684 I can do Raymond's part. I can do Raymond's part. 814 01:13:51,292 --> 01:13:56,056 Would you care to have a drink with me? 815 01:14:02,337 --> 01:14:04,837 I was only trying to be friendly. 816 01:14:05,006 --> 01:14:09,338 In any case, you are not allowed on this stage! 817 01:14:10,812 --> 01:14:11,813 Raymond, I beg of you. 818 01:14:11,913 --> 01:14:13,715 With that audience out there, don't do this. 819 01:14:13,815 --> 01:14:16,918 Look, I gotta get Rachel to Penn Station. Find yourself another Fifi! 820 01:14:17,018 --> 01:14:18,353 I gotta find another Fifi anyway. 821 01:14:18,453 --> 01:14:20,255 With that uptown crowd out there, I need a dancer. 822 01:14:20,355 --> 01:14:22,889 But, Raymond, don't you leave me! 823 01:14:23,257 --> 01:14:24,619 Raymond! 824 01:14:27,962 --> 01:14:30,792 Come on, girls. Powder My Back's cut. We don't have... 825 01:14:43,010 --> 01:14:45,546 Yes? What is it, Greta? 826 01:14:45,646 --> 01:14:47,915 A Mr. Schpitendavel to see you. 827 01:14:48,015 --> 01:14:49,810 From Pennsylvania. 828 01:14:58,025 --> 01:15:02,061 Louis Minsky, thou art father to the Minsky what has the theater? 829 01:15:02,263 --> 01:15:04,763 - Yes. - If I were thee, 830 01:15:05,233 --> 01:15:08,700 I would thrash thy son to within an inch of his life. 831 01:15:09,504 --> 01:15:13,474 You are not me, and you may still do it, with my permission. 832 01:15:13,574 --> 01:15:16,040 I want my daughter, Louis Minsky. 833 01:15:18,045 --> 01:15:21,444 You see your daughter here? Under the table, maybe? 834 01:15:22,917 --> 01:15:25,853 At the theater, she works in burlesque. 835 01:15:25,953 --> 01:15:27,850 Burlesque! 836 01:15:27,955 --> 01:15:31,081 - It is profane, a sin. - Yes. 837 01:15:31,492 --> 01:15:33,856 - You agree? - Yes. 838 01:15:34,128 --> 01:15:37,165 But it is your son what has this burlesque. 839 01:15:37,265 --> 01:15:38,354 Yes. 840 01:15:38,666 --> 01:15:40,893 So calm thou art. 841 01:15:41,436 --> 01:15:45,139 What kind of a father art thou, Louis Minsky? 842 01:15:45,239 --> 01:15:49,901 I will tell you this, Mr. Schpitendavel from Pennsylvania. 843 01:15:50,044 --> 01:15:54,604 I am not a father who would let his daughter work for Minsky's Burlesque. 844 01:15:54,816 --> 01:15:57,952 - You may use the same door out. - No, no. 845 01:15:58,052 --> 01:16:00,586 I need your help, Louis Minsky. 846 01:16:02,056 --> 01:16:05,326 My daughter will not be welcome in my home if she stays the night 847 01:16:05,426 --> 01:16:08,017 to dance upon your son's stage. 848 01:16:08,262 --> 01:16:11,559 There is a train in 51 minutes. 849 01:16:12,066 --> 01:16:14,802 You must tell your son to see she is on it. 850 01:16:14,902 --> 01:16:18,563 You see this chair? Tell it to dance. See if it listens. 851 01:16:19,807 --> 01:16:22,307 That's how much my Billy listens to me. 852 01:16:24,946 --> 01:16:26,981 You a religious man? 853 01:16:27,081 --> 01:16:31,379 So let's do the best we know and pray for your daughter and my son. 854 01:16:32,386 --> 01:16:36,791 I do not know, Louis Minsky, if we pray to the same God. 855 01:16:36,891 --> 01:16:37,925 We must. 856 01:16:38,025 --> 01:16:42,186 Only a God who could tolerate me could possibly tolerate you. 857 01:17:04,819 --> 01:17:07,088 - Yeah? - Open up, I gotta see Trim Houlihan. 858 01:17:07,188 --> 01:17:10,291 Nobody by that name here. This is a boarding school. 859 01:17:10,391 --> 01:17:14,791 Come on! Come on! Open up! I know Houlihan runs a speak back there. 860 01:17:18,900 --> 01:17:22,561 Come on! Come on! Open up! I know he's in there. Come on! 861 01:17:24,839 --> 01:17:27,041 Paine's golden rule? 862 01:17:27,141 --> 01:17:29,377 If you can't do unto others between the shows, 863 01:17:29,477 --> 01:17:32,213 do unto them during the show, right, pal? 864 01:17:32,313 --> 01:17:34,916 Wrong, pal, I came to take her to her father. 865 01:17:35,016 --> 01:17:37,552 You're a liar. You know what you're gonna do? 866 01:17:37,652 --> 01:17:39,086 You're gonna beat the hell out of me. 867 01:17:39,186 --> 01:17:42,323 But on the way, I'm gonna knock some of your teeth so far down your throat... 868 01:17:42,423 --> 01:17:45,321 Damn you, you know that I do 869 01:17:46,227 --> 01:17:50,531 No headaches, no heartaches since you went away 870 01:17:50,631 --> 01:17:54,633 Nobody was better at turning me gray 871 01:17:55,236 --> 01:17:58,533 You left me singing the blues 872 01:17:59,807 --> 01:18:03,811 But now I'm dancing the Charleston nightly 873 01:18:03,911 --> 01:18:07,815 So thanks a lot I hope you got measles, you rat, you 874 01:18:07,915 --> 01:18:10,051 Don't come crawling back 875 01:18:10,151 --> 01:18:14,381 'Cause now it's a whole new ball game 876 01:18:14,722 --> 01:18:18,588 And if you're hoping I'll let you return 877 01:18:18,960 --> 01:18:22,860 If you imagine for you I still yearn 878 01:18:22,997 --> 01:18:27,295 If you think I miss your stupid old kiss 879 01:18:27,735 --> 01:18:29,770 Damn you, you know that I 880 01:18:29,870 --> 01:18:31,906 Damn you, you know that I 881 01:18:32,006 --> 01:18:34,199 Damn you, you know that I 882 01:18:34,742 --> 01:18:37,106 Hey, now, Chick, you got it all wrong. 883 01:18:39,180 --> 01:18:41,771 Come on, Chick! 884 01:18:42,483 --> 01:18:45,686 - When did I ever lie to you, buddy? - Gentlemen. 885 01:18:45,786 --> 01:18:47,755 Hey, where's Rachel? She's gotta make a train. 886 01:18:47,855 --> 01:18:50,691 Oh, no. Little Frenchy stays with me. 887 01:18:50,791 --> 01:18:52,827 I'm taking her down to the theater to make her debut, 888 01:18:52,927 --> 01:18:54,428 and then it's back to my place. You got it? 889 01:18:54,528 --> 01:18:56,186 No, you got it! 890 01:19:03,004 --> 01:19:06,574 - You really do care for her, don't you? - Of course I do, you jerk! 891 01:19:06,674 --> 01:19:08,901 Hey, let's get that big guy. 892 01:19:10,277 --> 01:19:12,368 Here we go, pal. You first. 893 01:19:56,223 --> 01:19:57,517 Mr. Minsky? 894 01:19:58,793 --> 01:20:01,657 - Put on your hat. - Are you Mr. Minsky? 895 01:20:01,896 --> 01:20:03,831 We are praying. 896 01:20:03,931 --> 01:20:05,833 I have to speak to Mr. Minsky. 897 01:20:05,933 --> 01:20:07,168 Cover your head. 898 01:20:07,268 --> 01:20:09,836 - Well, the girl took my hat. - Quiet! 899 01:20:10,204 --> 01:20:11,566 Yes, sir. 900 01:20:37,031 --> 01:20:40,568 All right. What is so important you must interrupt prayers? 901 01:20:40,668 --> 01:20:45,206 I am Vance Fowler, Secretary for the Society for the Suppression of Vice. 902 01:20:45,306 --> 01:20:49,934 Here is your official notification of our intention to raid Minsky's Burlesque. 903 01:20:50,478 --> 01:20:54,081 - Raid? You said raid? - Yes. In approximately 22 minutes. 904 01:20:54,181 --> 01:20:57,685 We are required to notify the owner of the theater as well as the manager. 905 01:20:57,785 --> 01:21:01,489 You are entitled to be warned that if certain violations are allowed to occur, 906 01:21:01,589 --> 01:21:04,458 in this case, if a certain new dancer steps onto that stage... 907 01:21:04,558 --> 01:21:06,127 - New dancer? - Mademoiselle Fifi. 908 01:21:06,227 --> 01:21:09,387 - Mademoiselle Fifi? - You are repeating me, sir. 909 01:21:10,331 --> 01:21:14,268 If Mademoiselle Fifi dares to do the dance that drove a thousand Frenchmen wild... 910 01:21:14,368 --> 01:21:17,238 The dance that drove a thousand Frenchmen wild? 911 01:21:17,338 --> 01:21:18,439 You're doing it again, sir. 912 01:21:18,539 --> 01:21:20,841 Louis Minsky, if you do not now go at once 913 01:21:20,941 --> 01:21:24,512 to prevent thy son from bringing my daughter to such ignominy, 914 01:21:24,612 --> 01:21:28,616 I shall, as Agnon did, raise the finger of righteousness 915 01:21:28,716 --> 01:21:31,218 to call down the wrath of the heavens. 916 01:21:31,318 --> 01:21:36,257 My father, an Episcopal vestryman, used this as the finger of righteousness. 917 01:21:36,357 --> 01:21:38,357 Bah! And again bah! 918 01:21:38,826 --> 01:21:41,295 There is no finger of righteousness. 919 01:21:41,395 --> 01:21:44,398 This is the finger of cleanliness. 920 01:21:44,498 --> 01:21:46,634 This is the finger of marital bliss. 921 01:21:46,734 --> 01:21:48,869 This is the finger of vengeance. 922 01:21:48,969 --> 01:21:52,106 This is the finger of meddling in other people's lives. 923 01:21:52,206 --> 01:21:56,709 And this is the finger of transportation. It will get us a taxi to the theater. 924 01:21:56,844 --> 01:21:59,880 You speak with the fist of authority, gentlemen, 925 01:21:59,980 --> 01:22:02,207 but you don't know your fingers. 926 01:22:41,088 --> 01:22:44,125 - Billy, this is degrading. - What a night. 927 01:22:44,225 --> 01:22:47,394 That uptown crowd in there and my comic and straight man are missing. Wonderful. 928 01:22:47,494 --> 01:22:50,898 Billy, I can fill in for them. That audience in there remembers me. 929 01:22:50,998 --> 01:22:52,833 Spats, do me a favor. Tonight, just tonight, 930 01:22:52,933 --> 01:22:54,268 will you leave me alone? 931 01:22:54,368 --> 01:22:56,026 There they are! 932 01:22:59,506 --> 01:23:01,709 You got any idea what's been... What happened? 933 01:23:01,809 --> 01:23:04,678 - We got a midnight show to do. - What the hell do you think we're here for? 934 01:23:04,778 --> 01:23:05,746 - Where's Rachel? - Forget Rachel. 935 01:23:05,846 --> 01:23:07,214 I got another Mademoiselle Fifi. 936 01:23:07,314 --> 01:23:08,749 - Who? - Mae Harris is doing it. 937 01:23:08,849 --> 01:23:10,951 Morty! Morty, get me Mae Harris. Let me see how she looks. 938 01:23:11,051 --> 01:23:12,186 Trim's got Rachel. 939 01:23:12,286 --> 01:23:15,456 Will you get dressed for "Crazy House"? One sketch maybe you can do tonight. 940 01:23:15,556 --> 01:23:16,991 And now the Minsky Company is 941 01:23:17,091 --> 01:23:20,024 proud to take you on a trip around the world. 942 01:23:40,247 --> 01:23:41,215 Feebus, Garrity... 943 01:23:41,315 --> 01:23:43,645 - Hold it! - Don't tell me to hold it. 944 01:23:44,118 --> 01:23:48,289 Now listen. When I blow this whistle two times, tweet, tweet, like that, 945 01:23:48,389 --> 01:23:49,356 you will proceed with the raid 946 01:23:49,456 --> 01:23:51,759 and you arrest Mademoiselle Fifi and Minsky. Is that clear? 947 01:23:51,859 --> 01:23:53,790 - Oh, yes, sir! - Oh, yes, sir! 948 01:24:00,534 --> 01:24:03,037 - Beggars can't be choosers! - I feel like a bad painting. 949 01:24:03,137 --> 01:24:05,573 - What do you want me to do in this outfit? - Dance. 950 01:24:05,673 --> 01:24:08,609 Dance like you drove a million Frenchmen wild. 951 01:24:08,709 --> 01:24:10,208 Is that all? 952 01:24:14,882 --> 01:24:17,542 Mr. Minsky, am I late? 953 01:24:17,718 --> 01:24:18,719 Oh! 954 01:24:18,819 --> 01:24:22,523 Mr. Houlihan said his sister wouldn't mind me wearing it, and the dress, too. 955 01:24:22,623 --> 01:24:23,591 Sister? 956 01:24:23,691 --> 01:24:25,559 Well, it was just a lot of stuff she had laying around. 957 01:24:25,659 --> 01:24:28,429 - You'd better jump into your costume. - That won't be necessary. 958 01:24:28,529 --> 01:24:32,622 Mae Harris, you're on after "Crazy House. " Let's go, Mademoiselle Fifi! 959 01:24:33,233 --> 01:24:34,735 Here we are. 960 01:24:34,835 --> 01:24:36,370 Mademoiselle Fifi? 961 01:24:36,470 --> 01:24:39,206 - What kind of a joint is this? - Why, this is an asylum. 962 01:24:39,306 --> 01:24:41,375 - Oh, no! - Don't be silly, sir. 963 01:24:41,475 --> 01:24:43,544 Crazy people can't hurt you. 964 01:24:43,644 --> 01:24:46,474 No, but they can make you hurt yourself. 965 01:24:47,281 --> 01:24:48,816 But why, Mr. Minsky? 966 01:24:48,916 --> 01:24:51,185 I was to be Mademoiselle Fifi. 967 01:24:51,285 --> 01:24:53,554 Yeah, I know, I know. But, look, Mae's in your costume already. 968 01:24:53,654 --> 01:24:56,290 Look, I need this like a wart, anyway. 969 01:24:56,390 --> 01:24:59,059 Billy's right, Mae. You're wearing the costume. You go on. 970 01:24:59,159 --> 01:25:01,395 What're you doing? You're in that sketch. Will you get dressed? 971 01:25:01,495 --> 01:25:04,462 - Wait a minute... - There's a show going on. 972 01:25:04,565 --> 01:25:05,689 Rachel! 973 01:25:07,735 --> 01:25:10,004 - Raymond, what happened? - Never mind. 974 01:25:10,104 --> 01:25:11,605 Look, it's all been a big mistake. 975 01:25:11,705 --> 01:25:14,275 The most important thing is you can still make that train. 976 01:25:14,375 --> 01:25:17,211 But my dance! My new life. 977 01:25:17,311 --> 01:25:20,381 - Yeah, well. That's the way it goes... - No, wait. 978 01:25:20,481 --> 01:25:24,642 So sudden, everything is all strange. 979 01:25:26,086 --> 01:25:27,676 Why, Raymond? 980 01:25:29,023 --> 01:25:30,024 - Hey, you! - Yeah? 981 01:25:30,124 --> 01:25:32,021 - What did you say? - I said... 982 01:25:32,760 --> 01:25:34,691 Nurse! Nurse! 983 01:25:36,096 --> 01:25:37,720 All right. All right. 984 01:25:39,400 --> 01:25:41,695 It's all in your imagination. 985 01:25:43,604 --> 01:25:46,172 All right. All right. 986 01:25:46,707 --> 01:25:49,833 - Which one is Mademoiselle Fifi? - She is. 987 01:25:49,943 --> 01:25:50,911 - You will. - I won't. 988 01:25:51,011 --> 01:25:52,012 - You will. - I won't. 989 01:25:52,112 --> 01:25:53,736 Take that. 990 01:25:54,581 --> 01:25:57,115 Nurse! Nurse! 991 01:25:59,620 --> 01:26:01,021 Just let me explain! 992 01:26:01,121 --> 01:26:02,210 Trim, listen to me. 993 01:26:02,523 --> 01:26:06,360 - Would you like to have your palm read? - I would love to have my palm read. 994 01:26:06,460 --> 01:26:08,551 Nurse! Nurse! 995 01:26:11,198 --> 01:26:12,731 Shut up! 996 01:26:12,966 --> 01:26:16,467 Lie down and remember, if you should need the doctor... 997 01:26:16,904 --> 01:26:19,905 Trim, it was all a plan to trick Fowler. 998 01:26:20,941 --> 01:26:24,010 He thought he was gonna raid this Fifi, the real one. 999 01:26:24,578 --> 01:26:26,647 And we were gonna send this one out on stage. 1000 01:26:26,747 --> 01:26:28,542 Well, she's a kid. 1001 01:26:28,816 --> 01:26:31,350 She dances stories from the Bible. 1002 01:26:31,985 --> 01:26:35,956 Like that we were gonna embarrass Fowler and have him run out of town. 1003 01:26:36,056 --> 01:26:39,493 I didn't wanna send her out on stage. She can't dance. She's not talented. 1004 01:26:39,593 --> 01:26:41,161 Raymond tricked her. 1005 01:26:41,261 --> 01:26:44,365 Told her that if she came in here, she'd be able to go out on stage. 1006 01:26:44,465 --> 01:26:45,866 I mean, she's nothing. 1007 01:26:45,966 --> 01:26:48,035 It was all just a big joke. 1008 01:26:48,135 --> 01:26:49,293 Ha-ha. 1009 01:26:57,010 --> 01:26:58,771 Jezebel! 1010 01:27:03,650 --> 01:27:06,153 It has come now to this! 1011 01:27:06,253 --> 01:27:09,656 Papa, please. I will burst to hear more just now. 1012 01:27:09,756 --> 01:27:11,323 Look at thee. 1013 01:27:11,825 --> 01:27:15,918 Born and grown where none uphold to dressing worldly. 1014 01:27:16,663 --> 01:27:18,230 And look at thee. 1015 01:27:18,765 --> 01:27:20,389 Look at thee. 1016 01:27:21,502 --> 01:27:23,804 You have been sentenced to be shot at 6 a. m. 1017 01:27:23,904 --> 01:27:25,105 Whore! 1018 01:27:25,205 --> 01:27:30,504 To stand there so prideful with thy protuberances. 1019 01:27:32,045 --> 01:27:34,545 How thou dost shame me. 1020 01:27:34,882 --> 01:27:37,317 Company, ready, aim... 1021 01:27:37,417 --> 01:27:39,041 Fire! 1022 01:27:40,387 --> 01:27:42,556 Mae, the sketch is over. Get out there! 1023 01:27:42,656 --> 01:27:43,814 No! 1024 01:27:45,058 --> 01:27:47,683 You heard my father. I'm a whore. 1025 01:27:54,735 --> 01:27:58,202 Mr. Minsky, I am Mademoiselle Fifi. 1026 01:28:02,109 --> 01:28:05,646 And now, ladies and gentlemen, the pi�ce de r�sistance, 1027 01:28:05,746 --> 01:28:07,981 direct from Paris, France... 1028 01:28:08,081 --> 01:28:10,117 And about the protuberances, Papa, 1029 01:28:10,217 --> 01:28:13,020 I think the Lord might feel different from you, 1030 01:28:13,120 --> 01:28:14,822 since he's the one gave me them. 1031 01:28:14,922 --> 01:28:16,216 ...the only, the incomparable 1032 01:28:16,490 --> 01:28:18,922 Mademoiselle Fifi! 1033 01:28:48,255 --> 01:28:50,585 Come on, Fifi, do something. 1034 01:28:51,458 --> 01:28:54,118 She don't have to do nothing but stand there. 1035 01:28:59,433 --> 01:29:04,493 As one gentleman to another, I regret having to take this action. 1036 01:29:04,972 --> 01:29:07,674 Spare me the regrets, Mr. Righteousness. 1037 01:29:07,774 --> 01:29:11,111 I wasn't renewing the lease, so burlesque was finished here next week anyway. 1038 01:29:11,211 --> 01:29:14,405 But then this raid will have no purpose. 1039 01:29:14,948 --> 01:29:16,276 I know. 1040 01:29:17,918 --> 01:29:19,645 Have a good time. 1041 01:30:04,665 --> 01:30:07,668 Hey, Fifi, give us one on this side. 1042 01:30:07,768 --> 01:30:10,530 Yeah, Fifi, give them one over there. 1043 01:30:33,760 --> 01:30:36,763 Over here. Give us some over here. 1044 01:30:36,863 --> 01:30:38,760 We can't see a thing! 1045 01:31:03,824 --> 01:31:06,324 Over here, Fifi! Over here! 1046 01:31:24,578 --> 01:31:28,546 Hey, Fifi, don't tell us that's what you did in Paris! 1047 01:31:48,902 --> 01:31:52,062 Don't stop there, Fifi. Show us some more. 1048 01:32:01,481 --> 01:32:04,751 Come on! Let's see some more! Let's see some more! 1049 01:32:04,851 --> 01:32:07,283 Yeah, take something off! 1050 01:32:25,272 --> 01:32:26,896 More! 1051 01:32:28,508 --> 01:32:30,337 More! 1052 01:32:33,346 --> 01:32:35,073 - More? - More! 1053 01:32:35,816 --> 01:32:38,749 - More? - More! 1054 01:32:53,300 --> 01:32:54,924 Come on, Fifi. 1055 01:33:30,604 --> 01:33:34,003 Come on! Let's see some more! Let's see some more! 1056 01:33:44,317 --> 01:33:45,782 - More! - More! 1057 01:33:58,431 --> 01:33:59,896 Where's Ray? 1058 01:34:00,534 --> 01:34:02,261 More! 1059 01:34:09,242 --> 01:34:11,207 Where's Raymond? 1060 01:34:34,868 --> 01:34:37,402 Atta girl, Fifi! Let her rip! 1061 01:34:52,786 --> 01:34:55,650 Let's see some more! Let's see some more! 1062 01:35:15,342 --> 01:35:16,739 Raymond! 1063 01:35:52,112 --> 01:35:55,181 Mr. Minsky, by the authority vested in me by the City of New York, 1064 01:35:55,281 --> 01:35:57,817 I am placing you and Miss Fifi under arrest. 1065 01:35:57,917 --> 01:35:59,951 Gentlemen, take them away. 1066 01:36:00,754 --> 01:36:04,691 Hey, Mr. Fowler, if you're taking them in, why don't you take us in, too? 1067 01:36:04,791 --> 01:36:06,993 - Yeah! - That's right! Take us all! 1068 01:36:07,093 --> 01:36:09,753 But you haven't broken any law. 1069 01:36:10,063 --> 01:36:11,152 Oh. 1070 01:36:13,667 --> 01:36:15,669 Take them all in. The whole troupe, everybody. 1071 01:36:15,769 --> 01:36:18,667 I want every one of them, you hear me? Everybody! 1072 01:38:24,364 --> 01:38:27,233 Many other ladies I have lied to 1073 01:38:27,333 --> 01:38:30,804 Many were my happy nights and yet 1074 01:38:30,904 --> 01:38:33,640 The night they raided Minsky's 1075 01:38:33,740 --> 01:38:36,109 Is the night I can't forget 1076 01:38:36,209 --> 01:38:39,279 Now I'm very old with just my memories 1077 01:38:39,379 --> 01:38:42,415 Now my biggest thrills is cigarette 1078 01:38:42,515 --> 01:38:45,552 But the night they raided Minsky's 1079 01:38:45,652 --> 01:38:48,588 But the night they raided Minsky's 1080 01:38:48,688 --> 01:38:51,723 But the night they raided Minsky's 1081 01:38:51,724 --> 01:38:57,490 Is the night I can't forget