1 00:00:12,742 --> 00:00:15,113 (screeching softly) 2 00:00:15,387 --> 00:00:16,590 Look at this line. 3 00:00:16,690 --> 00:00:18,694 This is the big opening of our nightclub 4 00:00:18,794 --> 00:00:20,097 and everyone is here. 5 00:00:20,197 --> 00:00:22,368 Grundwulf, you old fornicator, 6 00:00:22,468 --> 00:00:23,838 don't you look snazzy? 7 00:00:23,938 --> 00:00:25,575 Frau Blixen, you bitch. 8 00:00:25,675 --> 00:00:30,350 To launch our grand opening, we are going to be presenting 9 00:00:30,450 --> 00:00:33,123 the one and the only-- 10 00:00:33,223 --> 00:00:34,726 drumroll-- 11 00:00:34,826 --> 00:00:36,029 Richie Suck! 12 00:00:36,129 --> 00:00:37,832 - (cheering) - (shouts) Wow! 13 00:00:37,933 --> 00:00:40,204 NADJA: If you are a vampire, then you will know 14 00:00:40,304 --> 00:00:41,607 who Richie Suck is. 15 00:00:41,707 --> 00:00:43,310 He is probably the greatest vampire rap artist 16 00:00:43,410 --> 00:00:44,546 of all time. 17 00:00:44,646 --> 00:00:45,882 He's actually sucked Richie Suck, 18 00:00:45,982 --> 00:00:47,953 haven't you, Phillip? (laughing) 19 00:00:48,053 --> 00:00:50,625 Bitin' My Style or Sundown Funtown. 20 00:00:50,725 --> 00:00:53,463 And everyone knows Throat Juice. 21 00:00:53,564 --> 00:00:55,100 "Gonna bust loose 22 00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:56,336 "on the club roof 23 00:00:56,436 --> 00:00:57,806 "sucking throat juice 24 00:00:57,906 --> 00:00:59,743 like it's Grey Goose." 25 00:00:59,843 --> 00:01:01,212 Richie Suck has not performed 26 00:01:01,312 --> 00:01:04,051 or put out any new music for ten years. 27 00:01:04,151 --> 00:01:06,022 It is said that he has gone into seclusion 28 00:01:06,122 --> 00:01:07,993 to work on his ultimate masterpiece. 29 00:01:08,093 --> 00:01:10,030 Doing his first live performance in over a decade 30 00:01:10,130 --> 00:01:11,967 is a very huge deal for him. 31 00:01:12,067 --> 00:01:13,671 And it's also a huge deal for us. 32 00:01:13,771 --> 00:01:16,209 This is my club, everyone, just so you know. 33 00:01:16,309 --> 00:01:17,211 I'm Nadja, 34 00:01:17,311 --> 00:01:18,413 and it's called Nadja's. 35 00:01:18,514 --> 00:01:19,950 It's my club! (chuckles) 36 00:01:20,752 --> 00:01:21,921 (laughing) 37 00:01:22,021 --> 00:01:23,925 ("You're Dead" by Norma Tanega playing) 38 00:01:24,025 --> 00:01:26,329 ♪ Don't sing if you want to live long ♪ 39 00:01:26,429 --> 00:01:29,603 ♪ They have no use for your song ♪ 40 00:01:29,703 --> 00:01:32,542 ♪ You're dead, you're dead, you're dead ♪ 41 00:01:32,642 --> 00:01:35,447 ♪ You're dead and out of this world ♪ 42 00:01:36,115 --> 00:01:39,088 ♪ Now your hope and compassion is gone ♪ 43 00:01:39,188 --> 00:01:41,694 ♪ You sold out your dream to the world ♪ 44 00:01:41,794 --> 00:01:45,067 ♪ Stay dead, stay dead, stay dead ♪ 45 00:01:45,167 --> 00:01:47,739 ♪ You're dead and out of this world. ♪ 46 00:01:47,839 --> 00:01:49,977 ♪ ♪ 47 00:01:56,523 --> 00:01:58,026 Coming through, that's right. 48 00:01:58,126 --> 00:02:00,364 Um, we're going to try and keep these dogs at bay 49 00:02:00,464 --> 00:02:02,301 for another hour or two, okay, guys? 50 00:02:02,401 --> 00:02:04,806 'Cause we want to try and build anticipation and desire. 51 00:02:04,906 --> 00:02:06,442 I can't tell if she heard me. 52 00:02:06,543 --> 00:02:09,248 Does anyone down here want to see Richie Suck? 53 00:02:09,348 --> 00:02:10,752 (cheering) 54 00:02:10,852 --> 00:02:15,561 I said, are there any vampires in this motherfucking dungeon 55 00:02:15,662 --> 00:02:17,832 who want to see Richie Suck? 56 00:02:17,932 --> 00:02:20,437 (cheering, whooping) 57 00:02:20,538 --> 00:02:22,776 And you'll just have to wait a little bit longer 58 00:02:22,876 --> 00:02:24,445 and then you will pay her, 59 00:02:24,546 --> 00:02:26,316 and then you'll probably have to wait a little bit longer. 60 00:02:26,416 --> 00:02:28,521 - (muttering, hissing) - Yay, we love to wait. 61 00:02:28,621 --> 00:02:29,957 - (crowd hissing) - Yeah! 62 00:02:30,057 --> 00:02:31,694 Um, if any of them try to start to kill you, 63 00:02:31,794 --> 00:02:34,800 just let me know and I will send someone down to take your place. 64 00:02:34,900 --> 00:02:36,269 GUIDE: Love the pillows. 65 00:02:36,369 --> 00:02:38,106 I know you haven't had a pillow before, 66 00:02:38,206 --> 00:02:39,475 but they have to be soft. 67 00:02:39,576 --> 00:02:41,547 Everything is in order, Mistress Nadja. 68 00:02:41,647 --> 00:02:43,718 The wraiths have topped off the blood sprinklers. 69 00:02:43,818 --> 00:02:44,987 NADJA: Wonderful. 70 00:02:45,087 --> 00:02:47,091 People think that a vampire nightclub 71 00:02:47,191 --> 00:02:49,061 is just a 24-hour live suck-and-fuck fest 72 00:02:49,161 --> 00:02:50,765 that prints money. 73 00:02:50,865 --> 00:02:53,136 - But it is not. - GUIDE: No, it's a lot of hard work. 74 00:02:53,236 --> 00:02:54,740 NADJA: Nandor. 75 00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:56,075 What are you doing just stood there 76 00:02:56,175 --> 00:02:57,579 like a big fat mopey load? 77 00:02:57,679 --> 00:02:59,983 - Where is your undead fiancée? - Marwa is at home. 78 00:03:00,083 --> 00:03:02,388 I'm kind of giving her some space. 79 00:03:02,488 --> 00:03:03,423 Oh. 80 00:03:03,524 --> 00:03:04,593 (groans) 81 00:03:05,427 --> 00:03:08,333 Can you go and stand over there and just pretend not to listen? 82 00:03:08,433 --> 00:03:09,435 I can do that. 83 00:03:09,536 --> 00:03:11,172 Trouble in paradise already, is it? 84 00:03:11,272 --> 00:03:14,445 It's just... Marwa is the perfect woman. 85 00:03:14,546 --> 00:03:16,182 - Right. - And I've got the djinn 86 00:03:16,282 --> 00:03:18,153 to make her even more perfect. 87 00:03:18,253 --> 00:03:19,790 I mean, you should see the modifications 88 00:03:19,890 --> 00:03:21,159 we've done to her ass. 89 00:03:21,259 --> 00:03:22,662 - But... - Ass, butt, 90 00:03:22,762 --> 00:03:25,267 whatever you want to call it. It is now perfect. 91 00:03:25,367 --> 00:03:27,471 NADJA: But... the problem is... 92 00:03:27,572 --> 00:03:28,974 Again, the butt is not the problem. 93 00:03:29,075 --> 00:03:31,647 The problem is that she is so perfect. 94 00:03:31,747 --> 00:03:34,085 I am just worried that... (sighs) 95 00:03:34,185 --> 00:03:36,122 I am not perfect enough for her. 96 00:03:36,222 --> 00:03:37,491 It's never too late to do some improvements 97 00:03:37,592 --> 00:03:38,861 on yourself, so as... 98 00:03:38,961 --> 00:03:41,366 you would be deserving of her love, huh? 99 00:03:41,466 --> 00:03:42,167 Yes. 100 00:03:42,267 --> 00:03:43,871 I had not thought of that. 101 00:03:43,971 --> 00:03:46,409 Thank you. I will try this. 102 00:03:46,510 --> 00:03:48,914 - And nice hats. - Thank you. 103 00:03:49,014 --> 00:03:51,018 It's okay, thank you. Don't mind if I do? 104 00:03:51,119 --> 00:03:54,258 - (whispering) - NANJA: Ooh, so exciting, ha! 105 00:03:54,358 --> 00:03:56,563 - Mistress Nadja? - Yes? 106 00:03:56,663 --> 00:03:59,770 I am afraid Richie Suck has cancelled. 107 00:03:59,870 --> 00:04:01,239 What? 108 00:04:02,241 --> 00:04:05,213 - Motherfucker! - (glass shattering) 109 00:04:05,313 --> 00:04:07,051 - (alarm blaring) - Oh, shit. 110 00:04:07,151 --> 00:04:10,357 (screeching softly) 111 00:04:10,457 --> 00:04:12,796 GUIDE: Richie Suck lives in a smokestack? 112 00:04:12,896 --> 00:04:14,298 NADJA: Okay, when we get inside, 113 00:04:14,398 --> 00:04:17,071 I'm going to go in and scare him and be the bad cop, 114 00:04:17,171 --> 00:04:19,241 and you're going to go to him and be very friendly. 115 00:04:19,341 --> 00:04:21,312 - The good cop, you know? - I ain't a cop. 116 00:04:21,412 --> 00:04:22,515 It's a tactic. 117 00:04:22,615 --> 00:04:25,521 Look, I ain't a cop or a narc or a snitch. 118 00:04:25,621 --> 00:04:28,426 It is pretend. Keep your perm on. 119 00:04:28,527 --> 00:04:29,563 Open up! 120 00:04:29,663 --> 00:04:31,567 Can I help you? 121 00:04:31,667 --> 00:04:34,806 Where the hell is Richie Suck? Take us to him at once. 122 00:04:34,906 --> 00:04:36,810 My master is not to be disturbed. 123 00:04:36,910 --> 00:04:37,946 He's resting right now. 124 00:04:38,046 --> 00:04:40,016 Like hell he is. 125 00:04:40,117 --> 00:04:41,720 He's supposed to be performing tonight. 126 00:04:41,820 --> 00:04:43,022 I'm not inviting you in. 127 00:04:43,123 --> 00:04:44,593 RICHIE: Hey, Tom. Just let them in, Tom. 128 00:04:44,693 --> 00:04:46,162 Oh, come on. (exhales) 129 00:04:46,262 --> 00:04:48,099 Sounded like an invite to me. 130 00:04:48,199 --> 00:04:49,603 - Thank you. - GUIDE: Move. 131 00:04:49,703 --> 00:04:51,072 NADJA: Okay, you pussy bitch, I'm telling you, 132 00:04:51,172 --> 00:04:52,207 you cannot cancel the show. 133 00:04:52,307 --> 00:04:53,577 What the fuck are you doing? 134 00:04:53,677 --> 00:04:54,980 - Chillin'? - Chilling? 135 00:04:55,080 --> 00:04:57,017 TOM: You need to leave. 136 00:04:57,117 --> 00:04:59,155 My master is way too tired for this. 137 00:04:59,255 --> 00:05:00,457 - Good night. - (Nadja gasps) 138 00:05:00,558 --> 00:05:01,994 Richie Suck, who the hell is this jackzass? 139 00:05:02,094 --> 00:05:05,066 - This is my familiar, Tom. - Doctor Tom. 140 00:05:05,167 --> 00:05:06,937 And you let him speak to you like this? 141 00:05:07,037 --> 00:05:08,541 I take care of my master. 142 00:05:08,641 --> 00:05:10,878 He's been traumatized by the music business. 143 00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:12,882 Okay, okay. Begone, familiar. 144 00:05:12,982 --> 00:05:14,185 I'm not speaking to you. 145 00:05:14,285 --> 00:05:16,122 This is a vampires-only discussion. 146 00:05:16,222 --> 00:05:17,157 Right, Richie? 147 00:05:17,257 --> 00:05:18,828 Tom protects me from myself, 148 00:05:18,928 --> 00:05:20,430 so you need to be respectful. 149 00:05:20,531 --> 00:05:22,936 - Of a familiar? - I have a name. 150 00:05:23,036 --> 00:05:24,338 Shut up, familiar Tom. 151 00:05:24,438 --> 00:05:26,810 - It's "Doctor Tom." - NADJA: Oh. A doctor? 152 00:05:26,910 --> 00:05:28,213 Diagnose this. 153 00:05:28,313 --> 00:05:30,718 It's a middle finger in my face. 154 00:05:32,321 --> 00:05:34,659 He's a good doctor. 155 00:05:34,759 --> 00:05:35,995 Hey, guys, what's up? 156 00:05:36,095 --> 00:05:37,397 Before we dive in, be sure to smash 157 00:05:37,498 --> 00:05:39,034 the like button and subscribe. 158 00:05:39,134 --> 00:05:40,437 It really helps up my channel a lot. 159 00:05:40,538 --> 00:05:42,007 GUILLERMO: So... 160 00:05:42,107 --> 00:05:44,245 Baby Colin is growing at an alarming rate. 161 00:05:44,345 --> 00:05:46,750 Check out this village from Infinity Wars. 162 00:05:46,850 --> 00:05:48,052 It's cool, right? 163 00:05:48,153 --> 00:05:49,121 GUILLERMO: I mean, last week 164 00:05:49,221 --> 00:05:50,525 he was in diapers, and this week 165 00:05:50,625 --> 00:05:52,494 he looks like a six, seven-year-old, maybe? 166 00:05:52,595 --> 00:05:54,265 I mean, every time I buy him a new pair of shoes, 167 00:05:54,365 --> 00:05:56,002 he outgrows them between breakfast and lunch. 168 00:05:56,102 --> 00:05:57,605 But guess what? You can mod it 169 00:05:57,705 --> 00:06:00,343 so it looks just like the set of South Pacific. 170 00:06:00,443 --> 00:06:02,247 - I turn the set... - Oh, no. Gizmo. 171 00:06:02,347 --> 00:06:05,655 There you are. What the fuck have you got that boy doing? 172 00:06:05,755 --> 00:06:07,659 What? I didn't do anything. He does that all on his own. 173 00:06:07,759 --> 00:06:09,563 - LASZLO: I told you I wanted him to grow up... - See? 174 00:06:09,663 --> 00:06:11,265 ...to be an interesting son of a bitch, 175 00:06:11,365 --> 00:06:12,735 practicing fine art and culture. 176 00:06:12,836 --> 00:06:14,873 So how come he's still doing this boring shit? 177 00:06:14,973 --> 00:06:16,743 To him, this isn't boring. He's just like any other kid 178 00:06:16,844 --> 00:06:20,818 who likes Legos and Roblox and Nerf guns and musi... 179 00:06:20,918 --> 00:06:23,189 - All that stuff. - Whoa, whoa, whoa. And musi...? 180 00:06:23,289 --> 00:06:25,595 - What? - And musi...? 181 00:06:26,763 --> 00:06:28,366 What were you going to say? 182 00:06:28,466 --> 00:06:29,736 (sighs) 183 00:06:29,836 --> 00:06:31,138 (whispering): Okay. 184 00:06:31,239 --> 00:06:34,044 He really loves musical theater. 185 00:06:34,846 --> 00:06:36,349 Oh, no. 186 00:06:36,449 --> 00:06:38,486 What hath the dark lord wrought? 187 00:06:38,587 --> 00:06:39,923 Stop, okay? 188 00:06:40,023 --> 00:06:41,593 Maybe it's good for him. It's a good art, 189 00:06:41,693 --> 00:06:44,064 no different than literature or the cinema... 190 00:06:44,164 --> 00:06:45,902 It is not like any other art. 191 00:06:46,002 --> 00:06:49,008 Musical theater is the lowest of all entertainments. 192 00:06:49,108 --> 00:06:50,511 It's a gutter pantomime, 193 00:06:50,611 --> 00:06:52,949 performed by half-wits with painted faces, 194 00:06:53,049 --> 00:06:54,619 enjoyed by lower wits. 195 00:06:54,719 --> 00:06:56,489 Maybe some. But have you ever seen Rent? 196 00:06:56,590 --> 00:06:58,794 From you? Not a penny. Anyway. Shut up. 197 00:06:58,894 --> 00:07:00,030 I forbid it. 198 00:07:00,130 --> 00:07:01,667 No, he's a child. This is who he is. 199 00:07:01,767 --> 00:07:03,202 - And you have to learn to acce-- - Don't you fuckin' tell me-- 200 00:07:03,303 --> 00:07:04,839 - Hey, guys. - Hey, buddy. - Hey. 201 00:07:04,940 --> 00:07:06,743 - Great to see you. - Guess what? Come look at this. 202 00:07:06,843 --> 00:07:08,313 Wow, big time studio here. 203 00:07:08,413 --> 00:07:10,183 Yeah, I got two subscribers. 204 00:07:10,283 --> 00:07:12,054 You got two subscribers? Someone's a star. 205 00:07:17,197 --> 00:07:18,132 - ♪ ♪ - LASZLO: I'm exposing 206 00:07:18,232 --> 00:07:19,769 my boy to danger. 207 00:07:19,869 --> 00:07:21,439 Namely, art theft. 208 00:07:21,540 --> 00:07:24,746 No boy of mine's gonna be a pasty-faced musical theater nut 209 00:07:24,846 --> 00:07:27,552 with a Sondheim lyric for every occasion. 210 00:07:27,652 --> 00:07:29,021 - Lazzo, guess what? - What? 211 00:07:29,121 --> 00:07:30,725 Do you know what knolling is? 212 00:07:30,825 --> 00:07:32,160 It's... Hey! 213 00:07:32,261 --> 00:07:36,202 So knolling is this thing in Legos where you, like, 214 00:07:36,302 --> 00:07:38,641 organize all the pieces before you build it. Oh! 215 00:07:38,741 --> 00:07:41,312 LASZLO: No more musicals and Legos. It's time to grow up. 216 00:07:41,412 --> 00:07:43,483 Bat. (screeching softly) 217 00:07:44,285 --> 00:07:45,453 ♪ ♪ 218 00:07:45,554 --> 00:07:46,923 COLIN: Once I learned how to knoll, 219 00:07:47,024 --> 00:07:48,727 I threw away all my Lego instruction booklets. 220 00:07:48,827 --> 00:07:50,063 Fantastic. 221 00:07:50,163 --> 00:07:52,367 - Use this magic powder... - Uh-huh. 222 00:07:52,467 --> 00:07:54,171 ...to find the laser alarm triggers. 223 00:07:54,271 --> 00:07:57,044 Okay. Whoa. (laughs) 224 00:07:57,144 --> 00:07:59,616 Then, you have to avoid the lasers. 225 00:07:59,716 --> 00:08:01,753 Much like this. 226 00:08:01,853 --> 00:08:02,789 (grunts) 227 00:08:02,889 --> 00:08:04,191 (laughs mischievously) 228 00:08:04,291 --> 00:08:05,427 Oh, ho! 229 00:08:05,528 --> 00:08:06,429 Hello. 230 00:08:06,530 --> 00:08:07,665 Oh, yes. 231 00:08:07,765 --> 00:08:09,134 Fuck it. 232 00:08:09,234 --> 00:08:10,838 (laughs) See? 233 00:08:10,938 --> 00:08:12,675 - You're like a big Slinky. - All right. 234 00:08:12,775 --> 00:08:16,182 Then you take this glass cutter and cut a hole in here. 235 00:08:16,282 --> 00:08:18,019 - But, Lazzo, guess what? - What? 236 00:08:18,119 --> 00:08:21,058 I used knolling when I got that Stranger Things Lego set. 237 00:08:21,158 --> 00:08:24,198 I used it to make the library in The Music Man, which is... 238 00:08:24,298 --> 00:08:25,935 Boy, we don't have time for this right now. 239 00:08:26,035 --> 00:08:28,172 - Let's get on. - Okay, but, Lazzo, guess what? 240 00:08:28,272 --> 00:08:29,609 You don't have to keep saying "Guess what?" 241 00:08:29,709 --> 00:08:31,580 to preface every remark that you make. 242 00:08:31,680 --> 00:08:34,218 Just say whatever the fuck it is that you want to say. 243 00:08:34,318 --> 00:08:37,257 Uh, I'm sorry. 244 00:08:38,059 --> 00:08:39,428 No, look, I'm... 245 00:08:39,529 --> 00:08:41,098 I'm sorry. What is it that you wanted to say? 246 00:08:41,198 --> 00:08:44,739 That set broke, so I shoved all the pieces under the bed. 247 00:08:44,839 --> 00:08:48,479 Okay. Fair enough. Now, can we continue with the crime? 248 00:08:48,580 --> 00:08:50,250 Yeah, sure. Do you think that Marian... 249 00:08:50,350 --> 00:08:52,789 - (alarm blaring) - What the fuck are you doing? I just said... 250 00:08:52,889 --> 00:08:54,859 - Shut up. - ...because it kind of rhymes with "librarian," 251 00:08:54,959 --> 00:08:56,062 or do you think it was so... 252 00:08:56,162 --> 00:08:58,299 NANDOR: I decided 253 00:08:58,399 --> 00:09:01,005 that to improve my relationship with my fiancée 254 00:09:01,105 --> 00:09:03,911 I need to do some work on myself. 255 00:09:04,011 --> 00:09:05,146 Hmm. It couldn't hurt. 256 00:09:05,246 --> 00:09:07,685 Little things like being present 257 00:09:07,785 --> 00:09:10,891 - or being a good listener. - Don't be so stupid, Guillermo. 258 00:09:11,593 --> 00:09:14,899 I wish to have the world's biggest penis. 259 00:09:14,999 --> 00:09:16,703 I see. 260 00:09:16,803 --> 00:09:17,939 Hmm. 261 00:09:18,039 --> 00:09:19,174 Of course. Your wish is... 262 00:09:19,274 --> 00:09:20,611 Oh, actually, can I just call 263 00:09:20,711 --> 00:09:22,715 a quick time-out? Can I have a minute with Nandor? 264 00:09:22,815 --> 00:09:25,253 If you'd be so kind as to give us a moment, Djinn. 265 00:09:25,353 --> 00:09:26,590 Is there a reason why you have delayed 266 00:09:26,690 --> 00:09:28,393 the bestowal upon me a giant dick? 267 00:09:28,493 --> 00:09:29,896 You need to be really careful here, okay? 268 00:09:29,996 --> 00:09:32,200 'Cause these djinns, they like to be tricky. 269 00:09:32,300 --> 00:09:34,071 Yes, I have heard this. 270 00:09:34,171 --> 00:09:36,475 Yeah, and if you're not precise and perfect with your wish, 271 00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:38,279 it can come back to bite you in the ass. 272 00:09:38,379 --> 00:09:40,150 Are you saying he's gonna give me a penis 273 00:09:40,250 --> 00:09:41,920 that's gonna bite me in my own ass? 274 00:09:42,020 --> 00:09:45,260 What? No. But may-maybe. Yes. To teach you a lesson. 275 00:09:45,360 --> 00:09:46,763 Make sure that it's where it's supposed to be, 276 00:09:46,863 --> 00:09:48,366 and not like a random spot like your forehead. 277 00:09:48,466 --> 00:09:49,702 NANDOR: I get what you're saying. 278 00:09:49,803 --> 00:09:51,973 This reminds me of the tale of the man 279 00:09:52,074 --> 00:09:54,044 who wished to be the richest man in the world, 280 00:09:54,144 --> 00:09:57,685 but was then crushed under a mountain of gold coins. 281 00:09:57,785 --> 00:09:59,622 Exactly. Irony. 282 00:09:59,722 --> 00:10:02,862 Not iron. Gold. Gold coins. Try to keep up. 283 00:10:02,962 --> 00:10:05,066 - All right. - Okay. I'm going to ask 284 00:10:05,166 --> 00:10:06,335 for the world's biggest penis, 285 00:10:06,435 --> 00:10:08,941 but not so big that it crushes me. 286 00:10:09,041 --> 00:10:10,210 Good. 287 00:10:10,310 --> 00:10:12,882 And that it replaces my current penis, 288 00:10:12,982 --> 00:10:15,220 not an additional one. 289 00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:16,857 Or... extra penis 290 00:10:16,957 --> 00:10:19,461 attached to the end of the one I have already. 291 00:10:19,562 --> 00:10:20,998 We should really be writing this down. 292 00:10:21,098 --> 00:10:22,769 NADJA: Don't worry so much about the show. 293 00:10:22,869 --> 00:10:25,841 You can just do the hits and let us do the rest. 294 00:10:25,941 --> 00:10:28,514 - And... - Oh. ♪ Do-do-do-do-do. ♪ 295 00:10:28,614 --> 00:10:31,352 You can have as much blood as you like. 296 00:10:31,452 --> 00:10:33,222 - Virgin. Huh? (laughs) - No. 297 00:10:33,322 --> 00:10:34,692 Just a little sippy sip? 298 00:10:34,793 --> 00:10:37,297 You're not hungry, Master. That's in your mind. 299 00:10:37,397 --> 00:10:38,801 - Please. - No. 300 00:10:38,901 --> 00:10:41,038 - Just a little sip. - It's not feeding time. 301 00:10:41,138 --> 00:10:43,376 - Look... - (Nadja sighs) 302 00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:44,746 I'm sorry. (kisses) 303 00:10:44,846 --> 00:10:47,117 - Ew. - I'm sorry. I love you, Master. 304 00:10:47,217 --> 00:10:48,620 I'm just here to protect you. 305 00:10:48,720 --> 00:10:50,891 Obviously, Richie is being very much manipulated 306 00:10:50,991 --> 00:10:51,893 by his familiar, Tom. 307 00:10:51,993 --> 00:10:53,329 You don't want this. 308 00:10:53,429 --> 00:10:54,498 NADJA: It is something that happens. 309 00:10:54,599 --> 00:10:55,768 Yeah, not so much with vampires, 310 00:10:55,868 --> 00:10:58,105 but all the time in the music business. 311 00:10:58,206 --> 00:10:59,742 So we both thank you very much. 312 00:10:59,843 --> 00:11:01,445 - I kind of want it, though. - And we're gonna give it... 313 00:11:01,546 --> 00:11:02,982 - We're gonna give it back. - Sippy, sippy. 314 00:11:03,082 --> 00:11:04,418 - If you can help me... - Just a little corner, man. 315 00:11:04,519 --> 00:11:06,121 TOM: You don't want it. No blood. 316 00:11:06,222 --> 00:11:08,660 But we'd like twice the money. 317 00:11:08,760 --> 00:11:11,265 And we're only doing new material. 318 00:11:11,365 --> 00:11:12,267 - (hisses) - TOM: Come on. 319 00:11:12,367 --> 00:11:13,971 It's Richie Suck. 320 00:11:14,071 --> 00:11:16,075 Featuring DJ Tom Schmidt. 321 00:11:16,175 --> 00:11:17,879 I thought you were Doctor Tom. 322 00:11:17,979 --> 00:11:20,250 I'm Doctor Tom, the DJ. 323 00:11:20,350 --> 00:11:22,287 Okay. Fine. It is settled. 324 00:11:22,387 --> 00:11:24,358 You will be there, okay? In 30 minutes. 325 00:11:24,458 --> 00:11:27,264 I also happen to manage a small jazz trio. 326 00:11:27,364 --> 00:11:30,270 It'd be great as an opening act. They're called the Jazzmen 3. 327 00:11:30,370 --> 00:11:31,706 They wail. 328 00:11:31,806 --> 00:11:33,142 GUIDE: Obviously, 329 00:11:33,242 --> 00:11:34,478 we've got to kill this Tom guy. 330 00:11:34,579 --> 00:11:36,315 Yes, also very standard 331 00:11:36,415 --> 00:11:37,985 music business protocol, but... (laughs) 332 00:11:38,085 --> 00:11:40,524 Please, can we put a pin in that until after the show? 333 00:11:40,624 --> 00:11:41,860 - (both laughing) - Of course. 334 00:11:47,103 --> 00:11:48,406 (siren wailing) 335 00:11:48,507 --> 00:11:50,410 It would appear the boy has no interest 336 00:11:50,511 --> 00:11:51,813 in larceny or vandalism. 337 00:11:51,913 --> 00:11:53,684 And obviously, he's too young for whoring. 338 00:11:53,784 --> 00:11:56,422 So to keep this excursion from being a total waste of time, 339 00:11:56,523 --> 00:11:58,392 I threw him in this dumpster, 340 00:11:58,492 --> 00:12:00,163 and told him he wasn't allowed out 341 00:12:00,263 --> 00:12:01,933 until he'd killed six rats. 342 00:12:02,033 --> 00:12:03,436 Hey, Lazzo, guess what? 343 00:12:03,537 --> 00:12:04,739 - What? - Some dumb idiot 344 00:12:04,839 --> 00:12:06,475 threw out all these Playbills. 345 00:12:06,576 --> 00:12:08,045 This one's from Miss Saigon. 346 00:12:08,145 --> 00:12:11,118 Did you know they used a real helicopter on stage? 347 00:12:11,218 --> 00:12:12,755 But I don't think it could fly. 348 00:12:12,855 --> 00:12:14,926 I think they made it look that way with ropes... 349 00:12:15,026 --> 00:12:16,830 - LASZLO: Shut up. - ...or what have you. 350 00:12:16,930 --> 00:12:17,765 Unbelievable. 351 00:12:17,865 --> 00:12:19,936 So we are clear on placement? 352 00:12:20,036 --> 00:12:23,510 Yes, yes. It should be in the usual place between the legs. 353 00:12:23,610 --> 00:12:25,714 Yes, and not in a separate container 354 00:12:25,814 --> 00:12:28,219 such as a jar or a briefcase. 355 00:12:28,319 --> 00:12:29,889 And not on my chin. 356 00:12:31,091 --> 00:12:33,964 "Not on chin." 357 00:12:34,064 --> 00:12:35,534 Fine. So stipulated. 358 00:12:35,634 --> 00:12:37,470 DJINN: Well, you know, I'm used to the questions 359 00:12:37,572 --> 00:12:39,341 about the penis enlargement 360 00:12:39,441 --> 00:12:40,911 because people want to get it right. 361 00:12:41,011 --> 00:12:44,519 But, uh, I have to say, I've never dealt with two people 362 00:12:44,619 --> 00:12:46,322 that are this detail-oriented. 363 00:12:46,422 --> 00:12:48,492 NANDOR: As far as size goes, 364 00:12:48,594 --> 00:12:50,998 it should not be so big that it crushes me. 365 00:12:51,098 --> 00:12:52,602 What about a mouse? 366 00:12:52,702 --> 00:12:54,606 For a penis? I don't think so, 367 00:12:54,706 --> 00:12:55,975 Djinn, you little trickster. 368 00:12:56,075 --> 00:12:57,645 No, no, I think he means should the new member be 369 00:12:57,745 --> 00:12:59,649 big enough that it could crush a mouse? 370 00:12:59,749 --> 00:13:01,385 That is actually what I meant. 371 00:13:01,485 --> 00:13:02,688 Hmm. 372 00:13:02,788 --> 00:13:05,326 A penis so big it could crush a mouse... 373 00:13:05,426 --> 00:13:08,132 - Yes, don't mind if I do. - DJINN: Okay. 374 00:13:08,232 --> 00:13:10,103 Well, I think we're all squared. 375 00:13:10,203 --> 00:13:11,472 Wait up. One minute. 376 00:13:11,573 --> 00:13:13,276 One second. My client... (continues indistinctly) 377 00:13:13,376 --> 00:13:16,081 DJINN: What they are doing, it's correct, but, um... 378 00:13:16,181 --> 00:13:18,452 it's annoying. 379 00:13:18,553 --> 00:13:21,593 (indistinct shouting) 380 00:13:21,693 --> 00:13:23,997 (piano rehearsing) 381 00:13:24,097 --> 00:13:25,534 Jazz. Ugh. 382 00:13:25,634 --> 00:13:28,941 (claps once) Richie Suck, looking good. 383 00:13:29,041 --> 00:13:32,447 - Welcome. - Doctor Tom likes them better. 384 00:13:32,548 --> 00:13:33,850 Will you please go distract 385 00:13:33,951 --> 00:13:35,788 that stupid doctor familiar for a minute? 386 00:13:35,888 --> 00:13:39,227 Excuse me? Jazz. What is jazz? 387 00:13:39,328 --> 00:13:40,664 Richie, baby. 388 00:13:40,764 --> 00:13:42,735 Who is the vampire, and who is the familiar? 389 00:13:42,835 --> 00:13:44,338 - Doctor Tom says... - (spits) 390 00:13:44,438 --> 00:13:46,676 Doctor Tom is a familiar. It doesn't matter what he says. 391 00:13:46,776 --> 00:13:50,249 You have let a human man transform you from a wild, 392 00:13:50,350 --> 00:13:52,621 horny, rampaging artist 393 00:13:52,722 --> 00:13:55,561 into a little pussy-bitch who "collaborates"? 394 00:13:55,661 --> 00:13:58,332 What happened to the visionary who wrote 395 00:13:58,432 --> 00:14:00,838 For My Corpsefuckers? 396 00:14:00,938 --> 00:14:02,374 ♪ My bloodsuckers ♪ 397 00:14:02,474 --> 00:14:05,981 ♪ Drain a fourtop at the Fuddruckers ♪ 398 00:14:06,081 --> 00:14:07,752 ♪ Bite necks and write checks ♪ 399 00:14:07,852 --> 00:14:09,555 ♪ Turn into a bat and have flying sex ♪ 400 00:14:09,656 --> 00:14:12,127 ♪ Don't call me Count Dracula, I'll smack you, uh ♪ 401 00:14:12,227 --> 00:14:14,799 ♪ I'm like a Crip disease, I'll attack your blood. ♪ 402 00:14:14,899 --> 00:14:17,270 Man. I really had bars back in the day. 403 00:14:17,370 --> 00:14:18,472 TOM: Hey, uh... 404 00:14:18,573 --> 00:14:19,742 Everything okay over there? 405 00:14:19,842 --> 00:14:21,311 NADJA: Yes, everything is fine, 406 00:14:21,412 --> 00:14:22,515 doctor familiar boy. 407 00:14:22,615 --> 00:14:24,619 Richie, this is your only chance. 408 00:14:24,719 --> 00:14:26,355 Speak your truth. (purrs) 409 00:14:26,455 --> 00:14:28,225 Take back your life. 410 00:14:28,325 --> 00:14:30,864 Now, show me those fangs. 411 00:14:30,964 --> 00:14:31,933 (chuckles) 412 00:14:32,033 --> 00:14:33,503 You got to wear them with pride, baby. 413 00:14:33,603 --> 00:14:35,206 ♪ ♪ 414 00:14:35,306 --> 00:14:36,408 Eesh. 415 00:14:36,509 --> 00:14:37,878 Okay, read that back, please. 416 00:14:37,978 --> 00:14:39,181 DJINN: "No substitution 417 00:14:39,281 --> 00:14:42,020 of whale or other species penis..." 418 00:14:42,120 --> 00:14:44,024 - Yes. - DJINN: "Party in possession of new penis... 419 00:14:44,124 --> 00:14:45,193 That's me. 420 00:14:45,293 --> 00:14:47,798 "...should be able to comfortably perform 421 00:14:47,898 --> 00:14:49,267 "physical activities 422 00:14:49,368 --> 00:14:52,808 "such as walking, running, skipping, crossing legs, 423 00:14:52,908 --> 00:14:53,944 - etcetera." - Hmm. 424 00:14:54,044 --> 00:14:55,079 DJINN: "Should not require 425 00:14:55,179 --> 00:14:56,583 purchase of new clothes." 426 00:14:56,683 --> 00:14:58,185 Now, are you sure about that one? 427 00:14:58,285 --> 00:14:59,756 Why do you ask? 428 00:14:59,856 --> 00:15:02,026 Ninety percent of my business is penis enlargements. 429 00:15:02,127 --> 00:15:03,697 - GUILLERMO: That much? Really? - Oh, yeah. 430 00:15:03,797 --> 00:15:07,037 And most clients don't mind buying new clothes 431 00:15:07,137 --> 00:15:08,439 to feature the updated package. 432 00:15:08,540 --> 00:15:09,942 Hmm. 433 00:15:10,043 --> 00:15:12,581 - NANDOR: Fine. Strike it out. - DJINN: Very well. 434 00:15:12,681 --> 00:15:14,017 It has been struck. 435 00:15:14,117 --> 00:15:15,453 - MARWA: Darling? - (shushing) 436 00:15:15,554 --> 00:15:17,424 I'm not doing anything! 437 00:15:17,525 --> 00:15:19,027 Just business stuff. 438 00:15:19,127 --> 00:15:22,668 Okay, I hate to interrupt your business, 439 00:15:22,768 --> 00:15:25,574 but I know you wish to see Richie Suck at the club. 440 00:15:25,674 --> 00:15:27,010 - Yes. - MARWA: Yes. 441 00:15:27,110 --> 00:15:28,847 - Almost done, my morning star. - MARWA: Okay. 442 00:15:28,947 --> 00:15:30,551 - (whispering): I see you soon. - DJINN: Richie Suck, 443 00:15:30,651 --> 00:15:32,454 - the rap artist? - Mm-hmm. 444 00:15:32,555 --> 00:15:35,259 Oh, my cousin granted his wish to get five mics in The Source. 445 00:15:35,359 --> 00:15:36,896 - Can we wrap this up, please? - DJINN: Okay. 446 00:15:36,996 --> 00:15:38,967 You guys said you wanted to circle back 447 00:15:39,067 --> 00:15:40,971 to some concerns about the balls? 448 00:15:41,071 --> 00:15:43,643 - Yes. - Yes, let's talk balls. 449 00:15:44,444 --> 00:15:46,248 Why are you sad, Lazzo? 450 00:15:46,348 --> 00:15:49,121 I'm not sad, my boy. I'm just reflective. 451 00:15:49,221 --> 00:15:51,526 When I was your age, I loved only two things: 452 00:15:51,626 --> 00:15:53,295 my nanny and my piano. 453 00:15:53,395 --> 00:15:55,066 And my father took them both. 454 00:15:55,166 --> 00:15:56,803 Then he sent me off to boarding school 455 00:15:56,903 --> 00:15:58,507 - to give me polish. - Okay. 456 00:15:58,607 --> 00:15:59,842 It wasn't such a waste of time. 457 00:15:59,942 --> 00:16:01,211 I learned how to cheat at cards, 458 00:16:01,311 --> 00:16:02,915 hit the other fellow before he hit me. 459 00:16:03,015 --> 00:16:05,654 I also learned not to trust my father 460 00:16:05,754 --> 00:16:07,625 or anyone else, for that matter. 461 00:16:07,725 --> 00:16:09,461 And that took centuries with my Nadja 462 00:16:09,562 --> 00:16:10,964 - to unravel. - Okay. 463 00:16:11,064 --> 00:16:15,774 What I'm trying to say is... I think Gizmo was right. 464 00:16:15,874 --> 00:16:18,980 I think you're going to be incredibly boring. 465 00:16:19,080 --> 00:16:22,588 The type of chap who goes to see revival of Auntie Mame 466 00:16:22,688 --> 00:16:23,924 and writes about it in his diary. 467 00:16:24,024 --> 00:16:25,527 But I don't hold that against you. 468 00:16:25,627 --> 00:16:27,163 You're a better man than I am. 469 00:16:28,332 --> 00:16:30,938 You were raised to be charming, not sincere. 470 00:16:31,038 --> 00:16:32,608 Really? Well, that's nicely put. 471 00:16:32,708 --> 00:16:34,144 You're full of surprises. 472 00:16:34,244 --> 00:16:36,415 That's from Into the Woods by Stephen Sondheim. 473 00:16:36,516 --> 00:16:37,818 - Right. - I was thinking about it 474 00:16:37,918 --> 00:16:40,557 because I want to turn my Ewok Village Lego set 475 00:16:40,657 --> 00:16:42,126 into the Giant's tree... 476 00:16:42,227 --> 00:16:44,231 Do you? Really? Now, why don't we fuck that off 477 00:16:44,331 --> 00:16:46,569 - and go and see Richie Suck. - Okay. 478 00:16:46,669 --> 00:16:47,805 ♪ ♪ 479 00:16:47,905 --> 00:16:50,309 Okay, balls in proportion... 480 00:16:50,409 --> 00:16:52,247 Note the changes... 481 00:16:53,215 --> 00:16:55,821 Very well, Master, your wish... 482 00:16:55,921 --> 00:16:58,125 Wait. You can't give him the world's largest penis 483 00:16:58,225 --> 00:16:59,862 by making everyone else's smaller. 484 00:16:59,962 --> 00:17:03,068 Oh, very good catch, Guillermo. 485 00:17:03,169 --> 00:17:04,939 (sputters) Shit. 486 00:17:05,039 --> 00:17:06,108 I mean, well done, familiar. 487 00:17:06,208 --> 00:17:08,179 I was moments away from giving 488 00:17:08,279 --> 00:17:11,786 every man in the world but Nandor a micro wang. 489 00:17:11,886 --> 00:17:13,690 NANDOR: Why would you do such a thing? 490 00:17:13,790 --> 00:17:15,126 It's just part of the job, I guess. 491 00:17:15,226 --> 00:17:18,900 I teach lessons about greed, desires, etcetera, 492 00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:21,806 by fucking with the wishes of my so-called masters. 493 00:17:21,906 --> 00:17:23,944 But you two have bested me. 494 00:17:24,044 --> 00:17:27,383 Your familiar has a very shrewd and incisive mind 495 00:17:27,483 --> 00:17:30,022 - when it comes to the penis stuff. - Thank you. 496 00:17:30,122 --> 00:17:32,561 Or you could've just said "thank you" to me. 497 00:17:32,661 --> 00:17:34,264 (sighs) Always so needy. 498 00:17:34,364 --> 00:17:37,303 Thank you, Guillermo, I appreciate all your help. 499 00:17:37,403 --> 00:17:40,309 And every time I use my new big dick, 500 00:17:40,409 --> 00:17:42,848 I will think of you and all you've done for me. 501 00:17:42,948 --> 00:17:44,184 Ah, this is your wish? 502 00:17:44,284 --> 00:17:46,556 - This is my wish. - This is his wish. 503 00:17:46,656 --> 00:17:48,727 Wish granted! 504 00:17:51,532 --> 00:17:52,735 Excuse me for a moment. 505 00:17:52,835 --> 00:17:53,837 - GUILLERMO: Yes. - DJINN: Yeah, go ahead. 506 00:17:53,937 --> 00:17:56,676 Would you care for some Yoo-hoo? 507 00:17:56,776 --> 00:17:57,811 No, thank you. 508 00:17:57,912 --> 00:17:59,782 (creaking) 509 00:17:59,882 --> 00:18:01,151 NANDOR: Oh, wow. 510 00:18:01,251 --> 00:18:02,922 That'll do, pig. 511 00:18:03,022 --> 00:18:05,326 Guillermo, come check out the size of this unit. 512 00:18:05,426 --> 00:18:06,863 (chuckling): I'm good. 513 00:18:06,963 --> 00:18:09,401 It's only about 20 percent bigger than what you had. 514 00:18:09,502 --> 00:18:11,071 I'll be damned. 515 00:18:11,171 --> 00:18:13,108 DJINN: I was surprised you wanted more, but, uh... 516 00:18:13,208 --> 00:18:15,379 Yeah, it turned out beautifully if I do say so myself. 517 00:18:15,479 --> 00:18:17,383 Guillermo, are you sure you don't want a little peek? 518 00:18:17,483 --> 00:18:19,822 No, I have to get down to the club. 519 00:18:19,922 --> 00:18:21,893 Oh, okay. Please tell Marwa 520 00:18:21,993 --> 00:18:24,397 that I wish to see her in the bedroom. 521 00:18:24,497 --> 00:18:25,433 Okay. 522 00:18:25,534 --> 00:18:27,538 - Great work. - Thanks. 523 00:18:27,638 --> 00:18:29,040 - Yes. - Yeah. 524 00:18:34,317 --> 00:18:35,954 - (jazz music playing) - (indistinct chattering) 525 00:18:36,054 --> 00:18:38,392 - (hissing) - Hey! Where's Richie? 526 00:18:38,492 --> 00:18:39,929 (snapping fingers) 527 00:18:40,029 --> 00:18:42,267 - (booing) - (glass shattering) 528 00:18:42,367 --> 00:18:46,308 (chanting): Richie Suck. Richie Suck. 529 00:18:46,408 --> 00:18:47,511 Richie Suck. 530 00:18:47,611 --> 00:18:50,082 - Richie Suck. Richie Suck. - All right. Hi. 531 00:18:50,182 --> 00:18:51,719 - Sorry, guys. - Richie Suck. 532 00:18:51,819 --> 00:18:53,222 - All right, hold it down. - Richie Suck. 533 00:18:53,322 --> 00:18:55,426 Be patient. You look beau... You don't know jazz 534 00:18:55,527 --> 00:18:57,230 - if you haven't heard it yet, right? - Richie Suck. 535 00:18:57,330 --> 00:19:01,138 Hey, how's the, uh... how's the home? 536 00:19:01,238 --> 00:19:02,340 Fine. 537 00:19:02,440 --> 00:19:03,843 It's perfectly normal. 538 00:19:03,944 --> 00:19:05,647 Happens to every guys. 539 00:19:05,747 --> 00:19:07,417 - Can you sh...? - We are still getting reacquainted. 540 00:19:07,518 --> 00:19:08,787 Don't say it here. 541 00:19:08,887 --> 00:19:10,289 - Is everything okay? - No. 542 00:19:10,389 --> 00:19:12,026 The djinn tricked me into saying that every time 543 00:19:12,126 --> 00:19:14,397 I used my new big dick, I will think of you. 544 00:19:14,497 --> 00:19:16,435 - Richie Suck. Richie Suck. - He got us. 545 00:19:16,536 --> 00:19:17,671 He did. 546 00:19:17,771 --> 00:19:20,644 - Eesh. - All right. It's not eesh. 547 00:19:20,744 --> 00:19:22,313 How is everybody doing tonight? 548 00:19:22,413 --> 00:19:24,351 - (mixer scratching) - (crowd whooping) 549 00:19:24,451 --> 00:19:26,054 Is everybody ready to have a good time, 550 00:19:26,154 --> 00:19:27,323 maybe slightly unpredictable 551 00:19:27,423 --> 00:19:29,160 because it's live, but still good? 552 00:19:29,260 --> 00:19:30,897 - (cheering) - (mixer scratching) 553 00:19:30,998 --> 00:19:32,200 (whooping) 554 00:19:32,300 --> 00:19:34,872 Well, then, let's welcome a true artist 555 00:19:34,972 --> 00:19:37,110 who doesn't give two wet shits what you think. 556 00:19:37,210 --> 00:19:39,515 Let's get loud for Richie Suck! 557 00:19:39,615 --> 00:19:42,286 (cheering, whooping) 558 00:19:42,387 --> 00:19:44,558 Remember, be yourself. Free yourself. 559 00:19:44,659 --> 00:19:46,529 - ♪ Wild in here right now ♪ - (cheering) 560 00:19:46,629 --> 00:19:49,735 ♪ Yeah, we go wild in here right now ♪ 561 00:19:49,835 --> 00:19:52,306 ♪ Yeah, we go wild in here right now ♪ 562 00:19:52,407 --> 00:19:55,514 ♪ Yeah, we've gone wild in here right now ♪ 563 00:19:56,816 --> 00:19:58,218 (stops music) 564 00:19:58,318 --> 00:19:59,722 RICHIE: Thank you all for coming out. 565 00:19:59,822 --> 00:20:03,429 I've been away for a while, and it's been a journey. 566 00:20:03,530 --> 00:20:06,669 Uh, so before I start the show, I want to bring out a man 567 00:20:06,769 --> 00:20:08,673 who's been a really important part of that. 568 00:20:08,773 --> 00:20:11,713 My familiar, Dr. Tom Schmidt. 569 00:20:11,813 --> 00:20:14,217 GUILLERMO: (whoops) Familiars! 570 00:20:14,317 --> 00:20:15,821 Thank you, Richie. First of all... 571 00:20:15,921 --> 00:20:17,958 So me and Tom decided that I need to be more authentic, 572 00:20:18,058 --> 00:20:20,162 so we collaborated on a bunch of new songs 573 00:20:20,262 --> 00:20:23,803 for me to do with the Jazzmen 3 over here. 574 00:20:23,903 --> 00:20:25,239 (booing) 575 00:20:25,339 --> 00:20:26,876 RICHIE: But guess what? 576 00:20:26,976 --> 00:20:28,580 I'm not going to do them! 577 00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:31,552 - (cheering) - NADJA: The right decision. 578 00:20:31,652 --> 00:20:33,389 - Master, listen. - No, man. 579 00:20:33,489 --> 00:20:35,827 I'm done listening to you. Forever! 580 00:20:35,927 --> 00:20:37,296 No, Master, no! Ahh! 581 00:20:37,397 --> 00:20:38,900 - (hissing) - RICHIE: Eat that bitch. 582 00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:40,302 Eat that bitch. 583 00:20:40,403 --> 00:20:43,743 Eat bitch. Eat that bitch. Eat that bitch. 584 00:20:43,843 --> 00:20:44,845 Eat the bitch! 585 00:20:44,945 --> 00:20:46,281 RICHIE: Now, now, now, 586 00:20:46,381 --> 00:20:48,252 how many of you want to hear me do my thing? 587 00:20:48,352 --> 00:20:50,924 Who want to hear me do my truth? 588 00:20:51,024 --> 00:20:52,360 - (cheering) - NADJA: Yes, please, Richie. 589 00:20:52,460 --> 00:20:54,464 Who wants to hear some new shit from Richie Suck 590 00:20:54,565 --> 00:20:56,234 that they ain't never heard before? 591 00:20:56,334 --> 00:20:59,107 - (whooping) - Go, Richie! 592 00:20:59,207 --> 00:21:01,646 Who wants to hear me do some observational comedy? 593 00:21:01,746 --> 00:21:03,983 NADJA: What the fuck? 594 00:21:05,554 --> 00:21:08,258 Like, have you ever been flying around as a bat... 595 00:21:08,358 --> 00:21:10,129 (chuckles) ...and you get hit by a drone 596 00:21:10,229 --> 00:21:13,570 and you be like, "Damn, the robots coming for us?" 597 00:21:13,670 --> 00:21:15,306 (laughing) 598 00:21:15,406 --> 00:21:17,578 VAMPIRE: Hey, do Throat Juice. 599 00:21:17,678 --> 00:21:19,080 RICHIE: You know what... what is really cool 600 00:21:19,180 --> 00:21:20,382 about being a vampire, though? 601 00:21:20,483 --> 00:21:22,086 You ain't never got to do no dishes. 602 00:21:22,186 --> 00:21:23,422 - VAMPIRE: Bring back the jazz. - (hissing) 603 00:21:23,523 --> 00:21:25,226 Never, no dishes. It's all skin and bone. 604 00:21:25,326 --> 00:21:26,863 - You know? - (hissing, complaining) 605 00:21:26,963 --> 00:21:28,065 But seriously, though, grandmamas 606 00:21:28,165 --> 00:21:29,635 be saying some stupid shit. 607 00:21:29,735 --> 00:21:32,473 Oh, Richie Suck, courageously working without a net. 608 00:21:32,574 --> 00:21:34,344 Don't throw shit at my wife, you fuck. 609 00:21:34,444 --> 00:21:37,450 It makes the live experience more irreplaceable and fun... 610 00:21:37,551 --> 00:21:39,487 Hey! Show's over. 611 00:21:39,588 --> 00:21:41,024 (Nadja gasps, yelps) 612 00:21:41,124 --> 00:21:43,061 RICHIE: Hey, what the... Get the fuck off me. 613 00:21:43,162 --> 00:21:44,364 - NANDOR: Out of my way. - NADJA: Laszlo! 614 00:21:44,464 --> 00:21:45,867 Hang on! I've-I've lost the boy. 615 00:21:45,967 --> 00:21:47,203 Laszlo, get your... 616 00:21:47,303 --> 00:21:48,506 get out your hands and help your wife. 617 00:21:48,606 --> 00:21:50,476 I'm trying. This men are too horny. 618 00:21:50,577 --> 00:21:52,681 ♪ If you want to ring the bell not once but twice ♪ 619 00:21:52,781 --> 00:21:54,350 - What the f... What? - Huh? 620 00:21:54,451 --> 00:21:57,858 ♪ If you want to roll and roll those lucky dice ♪ 621 00:21:57,958 --> 00:22:00,429 ♪ If you want to spend your journey's end ♪ 622 00:22:00,530 --> 00:22:02,901 ♪ With sweet music and love ♪ 623 00:22:03,001 --> 00:22:06,809 ♪ If you want to rid this world of men and Mickey Mice ♪ 624 00:22:06,909 --> 00:22:09,147 - (band playing along) - ♪ Take my advice... ♪ 625 00:22:09,247 --> 00:22:11,686 From the 1936 movie musical, Born to Dance. 626 00:22:12,521 --> 00:22:14,859 - ♪ When you sit down, one day ♪ - Don't fuck it up, boy. 627 00:22:14,959 --> 00:22:16,729 ♪ Look over yourself and say ♪ 628 00:22:16,829 --> 00:22:18,031 ♪ "You're very good" ♪ 629 00:22:18,131 --> 00:22:19,434 He can really move. 630 00:22:19,535 --> 00:22:21,772 ♪ Rap tap on wood ♪ 631 00:22:21,873 --> 00:22:23,075 Score by Cole Porter, 632 00:22:23,175 --> 00:22:24,979 sung by the late, great Eleanor Powell. 633 00:22:25,079 --> 00:22:27,918 It's so disgusting, I love it. 634 00:22:28,018 --> 00:22:28,953 NADJA: Vampires have 635 00:22:29,053 --> 00:22:30,957 always loved child novelty acts. 636 00:22:31,057 --> 00:22:32,426 I mean, who knows why. 637 00:22:32,528 --> 00:22:34,732 Some say they are transfixed by the youth 638 00:22:34,832 --> 00:22:37,905 and innocence they themselves lost long ago. 639 00:22:38,005 --> 00:22:40,242 Others just love how creepy 640 00:22:40,342 --> 00:22:42,013 and exploitative it is. 641 00:22:42,113 --> 00:22:43,650 But I don't care, anyway, 642 00:22:43,750 --> 00:22:46,321 because the most important thing is that Baby Colin Robinson 643 00:22:46,421 --> 00:22:48,358 is going to keep my club in business. 644 00:22:48,458 --> 00:22:50,897 LASZLO: I was worried the kid was a dud. 645 00:22:50,997 --> 00:22:53,402 Turns out he's got the groove. 646 00:22:53,503 --> 00:22:54,839 ♪ Rap tap on wood. ♪ 647 00:22:54,939 --> 00:22:57,143 - (cheering) - LASZLO: Fantastic. 648 00:22:57,243 --> 00:22:59,615 NANDOR: Bravo, Baby Colin Robinson. 649 00:22:59,715 --> 00:23:02,521 Any more kids, welcome to Nadja's. 650 00:23:02,621 --> 00:23:06,361 ♪ Mystical magical musical madness ♪ 651 00:23:06,461 --> 00:23:10,604 ♪ Take it and make it a part of your day ♪ 652 00:23:10,704 --> 00:23:15,246 ♪ Musical themes of wishes and dreams ♪ 653 00:23:15,346 --> 00:23:20,657 ♪ Love songs anew just written for you ♪ 654 00:23:20,757 --> 00:23:24,698 ♪ Mystical magical musical madness ♪ 655 00:23:24,798 --> 00:23:28,907 ♪ Filled with the sounds that wipe sadness away ♪ 656 00:23:29,007 --> 00:23:33,516 ♪ We bring a happy message of love ♪ 657 00:23:33,616 --> 00:23:37,490 ♪ Keep it and take it home with ♪ 658 00:23:37,591 --> 00:23:42,300 ♪ We bring a happy message of love ♪ 659 00:23:42,400 --> 00:23:45,974 ♪ Keep it and take it home ♪ 660 00:23:46,074 --> 00:23:49,582 ♪ With you. ♪ 661 00:23:49,682 --> 00:23:52,153 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org