1 00:00:03,330 --> 00:00:04,600 - Can't believe that dude is only 50. 2 00:00:04,600 --> 00:00:05,930 He looked like he was 100. 3 00:00:05,940 --> 00:00:07,200 - Hard living, that's what that is. 4 00:00:07,200 --> 00:00:09,040 - We all need to drink more water. 5 00:00:09,040 --> 00:00:10,440 - Maybe he's one of those people who's always looked old, 6 00:00:10,440 --> 00:00:11,710 like Wilford Brimley. 7 00:00:11,710 --> 00:00:13,110 - And John Madden. - Morgan Freeman. 8 00:00:13,110 --> 00:00:14,380 - They say black don't crack? 9 00:00:14,380 --> 00:00:16,280 That brother came out of the womb cracked. 10 00:00:16,280 --> 00:00:18,210 - What about Angela Lansbury? She's been 80 for like 40 years. 11 00:00:18,210 --> 00:00:19,710 - Oh, then there's Michelle Pfeiffer. 12 00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:20,950 She's been 40 for 50 years. 13 00:00:20,950 --> 00:00:23,150 - Michelle Pfeiffer, oh boy. 14 00:00:23,150 --> 00:00:26,320 If she could just stay 40 for another 15 years? 15 00:00:26,320 --> 00:00:28,060 - Then what would you do, Brian? 16 00:00:28,060 --> 00:00:31,690 - Mmm, I'd treat her so good. - Oh... 17 00:00:31,690 --> 00:00:34,090 - [Laughs] 18 00:00:36,460 --> 00:00:38,670 - Top five people who died during sex, go. 19 00:00:38,670 --> 00:00:39,800 - Nelson rockefeller. 20 00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:40,870 - Oh, Richard Pryor's dad. 21 00:00:40,870 --> 00:00:41,900 - Matthew McConaughey's dad. 22 00:00:41,900 --> 00:00:43,540 - Oh-ho. - Both their dads? 23 00:00:43,540 --> 00:00:45,740 How did you guys know that? - We work in the death business. 24 00:00:45,740 --> 00:00:48,340 - God, think of all the street cred those chicks have. 25 00:00:48,340 --> 00:00:52,050 Sex with them is so good, it'll kill you. 26 00:00:52,050 --> 00:00:53,410 - You know dudes be lining up like junkies 27 00:00:53,420 --> 00:00:54,520 for Mrs. McConaughey. 28 00:00:54,520 --> 00:00:56,580 - Why, so they can die during sex? 29 00:00:56,590 --> 00:01:00,020 I mean, sure I'd get in that line, but just to meet the woman 30 00:01:00,020 --> 00:01:03,320 who gave us the star of such films as fool's gold, 31 00:01:03,330 --> 00:01:06,030 wedding planner, how to lose a guy in 10 days, 32 00:01:06,030 --> 00:01:07,560 and failure to launch. 33 00:01:07,560 --> 00:01:09,060 - Those were literally his worst movies. 34 00:01:09,070 --> 00:01:10,360 - I actually saw that last one. - Really? 35 00:01:10,370 --> 00:01:12,330 - Yeah, it's got Terry Bradshaw in it. 36 00:01:12,330 --> 00:01:14,400 I'll see anything with Bradshaw, he's like my favorite actor. 37 00:01:14,400 --> 00:01:16,070 - I love that dude--if I had to pick a bald guy over 60, 38 00:01:16,070 --> 00:01:18,410 I would definitely pick Patrick Stewart. 39 00:01:18,410 --> 00:01:21,240 But I would let bradshaw do a play-by-play. 40 00:01:21,240 --> 00:01:23,410 - Just, like, sit and watch and talk about it? 41 00:01:23,410 --> 00:01:26,080 - What? 42 00:01:26,080 --> 00:01:27,750 - Ambulance needed. North Avenue beach. 43 00:01:27,750 --> 00:01:30,620 Women's volleyball tournament. Player has lacerated foot. 44 00:01:30,620 --> 00:01:32,020 - I love volleyball. 45 00:01:32,020 --> 00:01:33,420 - You love volleyball? 46 00:01:33,420 --> 00:01:35,260 - Women's professional beach volleyball. 47 00:01:35,260 --> 00:01:37,720 This is the avp tournament. Oh, I want this call, Cassius. 48 00:01:37,730 --> 00:01:39,930 - Ambulance 14 responding. 49 00:01:39,930 --> 00:01:42,030 - Ambulance one also responding. 50 00:01:42,030 --> 00:01:43,260 - Oh, it's on. 51 00:01:43,270 --> 00:01:45,270 - Make it a bet. - Loser buys beers! 52 00:01:45,270 --> 00:01:47,400 - We're gonna win! Up the stakes! 53 00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:49,570 - We'll race for beers, whiskey, anything you got. 54 00:01:49,570 --> 00:01:51,070 We'll race for pink slips. 55 00:01:51,070 --> 00:01:52,770 - Son, this ain't fast and furious. 56 00:01:52,780 --> 00:01:54,270 You don't have a pink slip to bet. 57 00:01:54,280 --> 00:01:56,410 - Oh, we need gas. - We'll be fine. 58 00:01:56,410 --> 00:01:58,310 - It's just that you told me to tell you when we were 59 00:01:58,310 --> 00:02:00,250 pretty much out of gas, now we are completely out of gas. 60 00:02:00,250 --> 00:02:02,420 - We're gonna make it. - Nope, no, we're not. 61 00:02:02,420 --> 00:02:03,920 It's my bad, I dropped the ball. 62 00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:05,650 - You didn't drop anything! - Nope. 63 00:02:05,650 --> 00:02:07,250 - Cut across the park! 64 00:02:07,260 --> 00:02:09,760 - Ugh! - Oh, get a load of this guy! 65 00:02:09,760 --> 00:02:14,230 ['70s music in earphones] 66 00:02:14,230 --> 00:02:18,270 [All yelling for the man to move] 67 00:02:18,270 --> 00:02:20,370 [Over loudspeaker] - Out of the way, dipsh--! 68 00:02:23,440 --> 00:02:25,470 - What'd I tell you, huh? - Okay, okay. 69 00:02:25,470 --> 00:02:27,140 - don't worry about it. - You were right. 70 00:02:27,140 --> 00:02:28,940 - You work yourself up in a big lather over nothing. 71 00:02:28,940 --> 00:02:30,580 [Engine sputtering] - Oh, no. 72 00:02:30,580 --> 00:02:32,080 No, no, no, no, no, no! 73 00:02:32,080 --> 00:02:34,650 - Please! - Oh, boy. 74 00:02:34,650 --> 00:02:35,920 - We beat 'em by a mile! 75 00:02:35,920 --> 00:02:38,390 - Nowhere to be found! Whoo hoo! 76 00:02:39,750 --> 00:02:41,420 - What if she needs to be transported to the hospital? 77 00:02:41,420 --> 00:02:43,320 - Got you covered. There's a sonoco 78 00:02:43,330 --> 00:02:45,090 about four blocks up. You book it, bri. 79 00:02:45,090 --> 00:02:48,100 - Oh, I'll be so fast! - I know you will. 80 00:02:48,100 --> 00:02:49,430 - Isn't there an exxon right around the corner? 81 00:02:49,430 --> 00:02:50,960 - Yeah, but he's too hyper today. 82 00:02:50,970 --> 00:02:53,130 Needs to burn off some energy. No candy! 83 00:02:53,140 --> 00:02:55,800 - Aww, copy that! - All right. 84 00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:57,340 - Okay, what's the problem. 85 00:02:57,340 --> 00:02:59,370 ['70s music over headphones] - We really need you to 86 00:02:59,380 --> 00:03:02,780 move right now! Right now! 87 00:03:02,780 --> 00:03:05,380 This is an ambulance behind you. 88 00:03:05,380 --> 00:03:08,120 [All groan] - Look at that little face! 89 00:03:08,120 --> 00:03:10,120 Out of the way, Aladdin. 90 00:03:10,120 --> 00:03:11,890 [Overlapping yelling] 91 00:03:11,890 --> 00:03:12,850 - No, oh no-- 92 00:03:12,860 --> 00:03:15,460 all: Oh, sh--! 93 00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:20,960 [Hip-hop music] 94 00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:29,200 ♪ ♪ 95 00:03:43,250 --> 00:03:44,320 - Yeah, I'm in the ambulance right now 96 00:03:44,320 --> 00:03:45,850 on the way to the hospital. 97 00:03:45,850 --> 00:03:48,490 Totally, yeah, I'll be there later with Devon. 98 00:03:48,490 --> 00:03:52,560 Already got 'em. Yeah, they were on sale. 99 00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:54,230 40%! [Laughs] 100 00:03:54,230 --> 00:03:57,200 - For the love of god, will you please shut up! 101 00:03:57,200 --> 00:03:59,070 - Why am I getting so much hostility here? 102 00:03:59,070 --> 00:04:01,370 [Siren wailing] 103 00:04:01,370 --> 00:04:04,040 You know--you know who you sound like right now? 104 00:04:04,040 --> 00:04:05,870 Your father. No, you know you do. 105 00:04:05,870 --> 00:04:08,910 You know you do--you sound just like him, dead on. 106 00:04:08,910 --> 00:04:10,910 - We would have won if Aladdin didn't get in the way. 107 00:04:10,910 --> 00:04:12,410 - But he did, and you didn't! 108 00:04:12,410 --> 00:04:16,680 - And now we get free beer. - Yeah, take that! 109 00:04:16,690 --> 00:04:19,090 - Sorry, voo. You know I love free stuff. 110 00:04:19,090 --> 00:04:21,560 - At first I was really pissed, but if you think about it, 111 00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:23,860 that dipsh-- actually saved our lives. 112 00:04:23,860 --> 00:04:26,090 If he didn't get in the way, that other dipsh-- driving 113 00:04:26,100 --> 00:04:28,260 the crappy sedan would've t-boned us. 114 00:04:28,260 --> 00:04:29,600 It's kind of like serendipity. 115 00:04:29,600 --> 00:04:33,470 - Oh, best movie ever, right? 116 00:04:33,470 --> 00:04:37,040 You guys have seen serendipity, right? 117 00:04:37,040 --> 00:04:40,070 None of you? - Well, you know I have. 118 00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:42,480 I had to watch serendipity and throw in a never been kissed 119 00:04:42,480 --> 00:04:44,210 to get him to watch faces of death. 120 00:04:44,210 --> 00:04:47,580 - Everyone listen to me. Listen to me right now. 121 00:04:47,580 --> 00:04:50,080 Are you listening to me? - Listening, Brian. 122 00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:51,620 - It opens with one little snowflake, 123 00:04:51,620 --> 00:04:54,920 falling in New York City, during Christmas shopping season. 124 00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:57,420 Jonathan, played by the always-excellent John Cusack-- 125 00:04:57,430 --> 00:04:59,660 - I don't have time for this sh--. 126 00:04:59,660 --> 00:05:02,800 - Meets Sara, completely inhabited by an up-and-coming 127 00:05:02,800 --> 00:05:04,900 Kate Beckinsale. Now-- 128 00:05:04,900 --> 00:05:08,500 after a magical day in New York city, Jonathan suggests 129 00:05:08,500 --> 00:05:11,240 that they exchange numbers, which--Sara agrees. 130 00:05:11,240 --> 00:05:15,610 And writes hers inside of a copy of love in the time of cholera. 131 00:05:15,610 --> 00:05:18,410 But! Instead of giving it to him, 132 00:05:18,410 --> 00:05:20,650 she puts it back on the shelf at the bookstore. 133 00:05:20,650 --> 00:05:22,350 - I can't believe I'm gonna do this, but I'm gonna 134 00:05:22,350 --> 00:05:23,820 ask a question. - Please don't do that. 135 00:05:23,820 --> 00:05:26,790 - Why would she do that? Just give him the number! 136 00:05:26,790 --> 00:05:29,620 - Why, indeed. - You're gonna make it longer. 137 00:05:29,630 --> 00:05:32,430 - To see if they were destined to be together. 138 00:05:32,430 --> 00:05:33,660 - Now then-- - oh, so she didn't really 139 00:05:33,660 --> 00:05:35,500 like this guy. - Well, hold on, because 140 00:05:35,500 --> 00:05:39,430 Sara has Jonathan write his number down on a $5 bill, 141 00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:42,040 which she gives away, right? - Why--why--why wouldn't he 142 00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:45,640 just write it on a $1 bill? $5 is a lot of money. 143 00:05:45,640 --> 00:05:48,040 - I agree. It's a slight flaw in the film. 144 00:05:48,040 --> 00:05:52,150 Cut to several years later. In fact, the day before 145 00:05:52,150 --> 00:05:54,310 Jonathan is to be married to someone else. 146 00:05:54,320 --> 00:05:55,680 - Why are you doing this to us? 147 00:05:55,680 --> 00:05:58,650 He takes a long walk around New York City. 148 00:05:58,650 --> 00:06:01,390 He's not sure he's marrying the right woman. 149 00:06:01,390 --> 00:06:04,490 That very night, he receives a gift, 150 00:06:04,490 --> 00:06:07,460 at his own wedding rehearsal, and guess what it is? 151 00:06:07,460 --> 00:06:11,800 That's right, a copy of love in the time of cholera. 152 00:06:11,800 --> 00:06:13,570 - [Whimpers] 153 00:06:13,570 --> 00:06:16,370 Sorry. Please, continue. 154 00:06:16,370 --> 00:06:20,070 - He takes a deep breath. He opens it, and yes! 155 00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:23,240 It's her number! At the same exact time 156 00:06:23,250 --> 00:06:25,650 Sara reaches in to her purse to pay for a drink 157 00:06:25,650 --> 00:06:30,580 and pulls out the $5 bill with Jonathan's number on it. 158 00:06:30,590 --> 00:06:32,420 Destiny. They meet up again 159 00:06:32,420 --> 00:06:35,890 in central park and they kiss, just as 160 00:06:35,890 --> 00:06:40,730 that same little snowflake drifts gently down from heaven. 161 00:06:40,730 --> 00:06:42,730 - Naw, bullsh--. That is bullsh--. 162 00:06:42,730 --> 00:06:45,330 - No goddamn way that's the same snowflake! 163 00:06:45,330 --> 00:06:46,700 - Respectfully, yes it was. 164 00:06:46,700 --> 00:06:49,070 - So wait, you think like five winters ago, 165 00:06:49,070 --> 00:06:52,910 a snowflake fell to the ground, and, like, melted, 166 00:06:52,910 --> 00:06:55,940 then evaporated and sh--, went back up to the sky, 167 00:06:55,940 --> 00:06:59,550 then turned back into the same exact snowflake, 168 00:06:59,550 --> 00:07:02,680 flew back down to earth at, like, the exact moment that 169 00:07:02,680 --> 00:07:05,690 that dude kissed that chick? 170 00:07:05,690 --> 00:07:07,420 - Yes, I do. 171 00:07:07,420 --> 00:07:09,220 - And I believe you, bro. 172 00:07:09,220 --> 00:07:10,920 - [Giggles] 173 00:07:10,930 --> 00:07:13,590 [Laughter] 174 00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:15,530 - What? 175 00:07:15,530 --> 00:07:18,800 - Sorry, Brian. It's sweet, it really is, 176 00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:23,400 but there's no such thing as serendipity or destiny. 177 00:07:23,410 --> 00:07:25,070 - What, you don't believe that is was serendipity 178 00:07:25,070 --> 00:07:26,110 that you met Johnny? 179 00:07:26,110 --> 00:07:28,380 - [Laughs] No. 180 00:07:28,380 --> 00:07:30,810 Not really, I mean... 181 00:07:30,810 --> 00:07:34,920 Obviously I love him, but it's not destiny that we met. 182 00:07:34,920 --> 00:07:36,550 - I think it was. 183 00:07:36,550 --> 00:07:38,290 - Bullsh--. - I do. 184 00:07:38,290 --> 00:07:40,490 I think we were destined. - Oh, that's so sweet. 185 00:07:40,490 --> 00:07:42,890 - It is sweet, 'cause I'm sweet. You know, I remember 186 00:07:42,890 --> 00:07:45,960 the first moment I saw her. I said to myself 187 00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:48,330 "oh, sh--, I'm gonna fall in love with this girl." 188 00:07:48,330 --> 00:07:49,760 - What'd you think when you saw Johnny? 189 00:07:49,770 --> 00:07:53,800 "Holy sh--, this guy's gonna hit on me." 190 00:07:53,800 --> 00:07:55,770 - I went home with this Jewish guy a few weeks ago, 191 00:07:55,770 --> 00:07:57,640 and right before we are about to get busy 192 00:07:57,640 --> 00:07:59,910 he tells me I'm his "bashert." 193 00:07:59,910 --> 00:08:01,840 That's the Hebrew word for "destiny." 194 00:08:01,840 --> 00:08:05,080 - Whoa, that's kind of intense. What do you even say to that? 195 00:08:05,080 --> 00:08:07,510 - I looked him deep in the eyes and I told him 196 00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:09,750 to buh-shut the hell up and buh-hit it from buh-hind. 197 00:08:09,750 --> 00:08:12,590 [Laughter] - I do not need to picture that. 198 00:08:12,590 --> 00:08:15,190 - I think it was serendipity that Maeve and I met. 199 00:08:15,190 --> 00:08:16,590 I mean, think about it, t. 200 00:08:16,590 --> 00:08:18,190 I was supposed to have a different partner, 201 00:08:18,190 --> 00:08:20,630 but then he got west nile disease, which is sad because 202 00:08:20,630 --> 00:08:22,960 the dude hadn't even been to Egypt. 203 00:08:22,970 --> 00:08:25,700 And then they gave me you, and I met your sister. 204 00:08:25,700 --> 00:08:27,970 I actually dated my last partner's sister too, 205 00:08:27,970 --> 00:08:30,600 but I definitely do not think that was serendipity. 206 00:08:30,610 --> 00:08:33,640 That girl was crazy, like bad crazy. 207 00:08:33,640 --> 00:08:36,880 Not good crazy, like your sister, t. 208 00:08:36,880 --> 00:08:40,180 Oh, man, Maeve lets me do some stuff to her, t. 209 00:08:40,180 --> 00:08:41,450 - That's too much. 210 00:08:41,450 --> 00:08:42,850 - Yeah, sometimes it is too much. 211 00:08:42,850 --> 00:08:44,650 I think we're gonna need a safe word. 212 00:08:44,650 --> 00:08:46,320 - Billy. - No, I think "Billy" 213 00:08:46,320 --> 00:08:49,390 would be a very confusing safe word, t. 214 00:08:49,390 --> 00:08:51,730 - All I know is, you'll drive yourself crazy 215 00:08:51,730 --> 00:08:54,530 trying to find meaning in every little event. 216 00:08:54,530 --> 00:08:57,330 - Cash is right. You'll find serendipity 217 00:08:57,330 --> 00:08:59,070 everywhere if you look hard enough. 218 00:08:59,070 --> 00:09:01,700 And by "serendipity," I mean this drag queen I know. 219 00:09:01,700 --> 00:09:04,740 Seriously, drive anywhere down Roscoe on a Saturday night, 220 00:09:04,740 --> 00:09:06,240 you can't miss her. She's like 6'7". 221 00:09:06,240 --> 00:09:07,570 - I know that girl! 222 00:09:07,580 --> 00:09:09,240 She's always got such great shoes. 223 00:09:09,240 --> 00:09:12,080 - You should tell her that. She's actually weirdly insecure. 224 00:09:12,080 --> 00:09:13,680 - No, she's gorgeous. 225 00:09:13,680 --> 00:09:16,720 - Look, man, destiny, fate, all that stuff is just a way 226 00:09:16,720 --> 00:09:19,090 to make people feel like life makes sense. 227 00:09:19,090 --> 00:09:22,190 - So you really believe that life is just a random series 228 00:09:22,190 --> 00:09:25,430 of unconnected events that are ultimately meaningless? 229 00:09:25,430 --> 00:09:27,760 [Over loudspeaker] - Yes. 230 00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:32,730 You guys hear me? Hello? 231 00:09:40,740 --> 00:09:43,380 - Do you think it's weird that Theresa doesn't think 232 00:09:43,380 --> 00:09:44,410 meeting me was destiny? 233 00:09:44,410 --> 00:09:46,510 - [Laughs] 234 00:09:46,520 --> 00:09:47,950 Oh, sh--, I knew this was happening. 235 00:09:47,950 --> 00:09:49,080 - What? 236 00:09:49,080 --> 00:09:51,220 Not that I believe any of that crap, but... 237 00:09:51,220 --> 00:09:52,690 I mean, shouldn't she? 238 00:09:52,690 --> 00:09:54,390 - Do you know what they call chicks who tell men that 239 00:09:54,390 --> 00:09:56,360 they're destined to be together the first time they meet? 240 00:09:56,360 --> 00:09:57,920 - Yeah, they call 'em psychopaths. 241 00:09:57,930 --> 00:10:00,260 - That's right, John. They call them psychopaths. 242 00:10:00,260 --> 00:10:01,930 And "they" are not wrong. 243 00:10:01,930 --> 00:10:04,360 - It's just that I've never lived with anybody before, 244 00:10:04,370 --> 00:10:09,240 and it'd be nice if Theresa was just a little more... 245 00:10:09,240 --> 00:10:10,370 Romantic about it. 246 00:10:10,370 --> 00:10:11,910 - Oh! - Oh, ho ho. 247 00:10:11,910 --> 00:10:15,080 So just because you two moved in together, 248 00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:17,980 you want her to believe a bunch of prince charming, fairy dust, 249 00:10:17,980 --> 00:10:20,410 glass slipper bullsh-- you don't even believe? 250 00:10:20,420 --> 00:10:23,950 Unless you actually, secretly do believe you're destined to be 251 00:10:23,950 --> 00:10:26,420 together and you were hurt, because she doesn't. 252 00:10:26,420 --> 00:10:28,920 - No. - don't--don't fight it, John. 253 00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:30,820 You could be so happy. Embrace it. 254 00:10:30,830 --> 00:10:32,390 - Mm-hmm. - It wants to be held. 255 00:10:32,390 --> 00:10:34,130 - Hilarious, you want everybody to think that you're 256 00:10:34,130 --> 00:10:37,330 a tough guy, but all you really want are your fairy tales. 257 00:10:37,330 --> 00:10:40,670 - Ambulance needed, 739 east Adams. 258 00:10:40,670 --> 00:10:44,170 - Ambulance 14 responding. Ooh! 259 00:10:44,170 --> 00:10:48,680 What if it's rapunzel? You can wake her up with a kiss. 260 00:10:48,680 --> 00:10:50,240 - It's sleeping beauty you wake up with a kiss. 261 00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:51,950 Rapunzel's the one in the tower with the hair. 262 00:10:51,950 --> 00:10:53,180 - Well, you'd know the difference. 263 00:10:56,450 --> 00:10:59,850 - T, t baby, I can't take all this traffic. 264 00:10:59,860 --> 00:11:02,120 - What traffic? 18th is wide open. 265 00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:04,920 - This traffic in my head, t. It's mental gridlock. 266 00:11:04,930 --> 00:11:06,760 This serendipity stuff has got me thinking. 267 00:11:06,760 --> 00:11:09,200 - Oh, don't do that, sweetie. - It's like-- 268 00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:11,430 it's like everything that happens in life 269 00:11:11,430 --> 00:11:14,830 affects every other thing in life. 270 00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:17,600 I mean, if we didn't make the light back there, 271 00:11:17,610 --> 00:11:21,270 where would we be right now? 272 00:11:21,280 --> 00:11:22,840 - At the light. - Maybe! 273 00:11:22,840 --> 00:11:24,610 But you don't know that! 274 00:11:24,610 --> 00:11:28,620 - Well, yeah, actually I do. - Or--or you don't. 275 00:11:28,620 --> 00:11:33,290 See? See? 276 00:11:33,290 --> 00:11:35,020 - Yeah, no, I don't see. 277 00:11:35,020 --> 00:11:38,890 - That's the thing, t. Nobody sees. 278 00:11:38,890 --> 00:11:41,660 Oh, no. Oh no, I'm freaking out. 279 00:11:41,660 --> 00:11:43,630 - Oh, okay, deep breaths. Hey-- 280 00:11:43,630 --> 00:11:46,300 - I'm freaking out, I gotta clear my head. 281 00:11:46,300 --> 00:11:51,300 [Silently working his jaw] 282 00:11:51,310 --> 00:11:54,740 don't worry about it, it just opens up my head tunnels. 283 00:12:01,420 --> 00:12:03,480 All: Oh! 284 00:12:03,490 --> 00:12:05,390 Carl fainted. He hit the ground hard. 285 00:12:05,390 --> 00:12:06,590 I'm really worried about him. 286 00:12:06,590 --> 00:12:08,020 - I think you might be in shock, sir. 287 00:12:08,020 --> 00:12:10,090 - Nah, I think it looks worse than it is. 288 00:12:10,090 --> 00:12:12,030 Had some bad shellfish down in Florida once. 289 00:12:12,030 --> 00:12:15,060 That hurt way worse. Carl! 290 00:12:15,060 --> 00:12:16,830 These men are here to help you. 291 00:12:16,830 --> 00:12:19,030 - Sir, sir, I'm gonna need you to just stay still. 292 00:12:19,030 --> 00:12:20,730 - Sir, can you tell me what happened? 293 00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:23,200 - It was amazing. I'm down here laying sheetrock. 294 00:12:23,210 --> 00:12:26,740 I hear Tim from five stories up yell "hey Mike, watch out!" 295 00:12:26,740 --> 00:12:28,680 So I look up and then, [Swish] 296 00:12:28,680 --> 00:12:31,080 Six feet of rebar goes right through me. 297 00:12:31,080 --> 00:12:34,350 And then, I'm like "holy sh--! Tim, you see this?" 298 00:12:34,350 --> 00:12:37,080 And then Carl runs over and he's all "see what?" 299 00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:39,920 And then boom, Carl's out cold. 300 00:12:39,920 --> 00:12:42,620 - Sir, we're gonna have to take you to the hospital. 301 00:12:42,620 --> 00:12:45,290 - Mike, it's bad, it's really bad. 302 00:12:45,290 --> 00:12:47,960 - Are you kidding me? This is my lucky day! 303 00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:51,730 The city owns this building. I'm getting paid! 304 00:12:51,730 --> 00:12:53,570 Carl, we're all going down to the islands, 305 00:12:53,570 --> 00:12:54,930 we're opening up a bar. 306 00:12:54,940 --> 00:12:56,870 Hey, you hear that, Timmy? 307 00:12:56,870 --> 00:12:59,810 - Call it the rebar. 308 00:12:59,810 --> 00:13:02,310 - Bingo! This guy drinks for free. 309 00:13:02,310 --> 00:13:04,580 - Okay, we're gonna--Mike, we're gonna get you on the rig. 310 00:13:04,580 --> 00:13:06,750 - Be still. - Real slow. 311 00:13:06,750 --> 00:13:07,810 [All talking at once] 312 00:13:07,820 --> 00:13:09,720 - No, no, no. No, no, no. 313 00:13:09,720 --> 00:13:11,750 [Muttering] Nuh-nuh-oh-- 314 00:13:11,750 --> 00:13:14,450 he fainted again. He fainted--he fainted again. 315 00:13:15,990 --> 00:13:19,460 - A lot of money, you know? Serious payday, hey! 316 00:13:19,460 --> 00:13:22,060 Stroke! Stroke! 317 00:13:22,060 --> 00:13:24,230 [Laughing] I'm just having fun. 318 00:13:24,230 --> 00:13:25,900 Hey guys, I don't have insurance, 319 00:13:25,900 --> 00:13:27,430 but the city's picking up the bill, 320 00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:30,740 along with all the other bills for the rest of my life! 321 00:13:30,740 --> 00:13:33,440 [Laughs] Hey, what's the food sitch here? 322 00:13:33,440 --> 00:13:37,240 - Oh, you're gonna get food. - Wow, this is a big hospital! 323 00:13:37,250 --> 00:13:38,910 Could I get a map for when I wake up? 324 00:13:38,910 --> 00:13:41,350 - Clear the halls! Clear the halls 325 00:13:41,350 --> 00:13:42,850 - see ya. 326 00:13:43,950 --> 00:13:45,990 - Feeling better, bud? - Mm-hmm, oh yeah, 327 00:13:45,990 --> 00:13:47,420 just needed my medicine. Mira, muchacho. 328 00:13:47,420 --> 00:13:50,420 [Speaking spanish] 329 00:13:57,330 --> 00:13:59,470 Es una-- holy sh--. 330 00:13:59,470 --> 00:14:01,870 T! T, check it out, rinoceronte. 331 00:14:01,870 --> 00:14:03,000 - [Gasps] Oh. 332 00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:04,940 He missed his court date last week. 333 00:14:04,940 --> 00:14:07,170 I am gonna enjoy cuffing that son of a bitch! 334 00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:09,440 - Oh, my god, if we hadn't stopped to get my icy gulp, 335 00:14:09,440 --> 00:14:11,510 we never would have seen him. - Yeah, or we would have seen 336 00:14:11,510 --> 00:14:14,850 him and his big nose eating that burrito through the car window. 337 00:14:14,850 --> 00:14:16,380 - Nah, I don't think so, t. Weather conditions, 338 00:14:16,380 --> 00:14:18,380 low visibility, we ain't got no sunglasses-- 339 00:14:18,390 --> 00:14:20,050 - sh--, sh--, sh--, sh--! - This is seren--yo. 340 00:14:20,060 --> 00:14:22,190 Come on, man-- Mira. 341 00:14:22,190 --> 00:14:23,790 [Speaking spanish] 342 00:14:23,790 --> 00:14:25,960 You can have one sip. Un sip--no, not-- 343 00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:27,860 not with me standing right here, bro! 344 00:14:29,060 --> 00:14:30,730 - You're never gonna finish that burrito! 345 00:14:30,730 --> 00:14:32,070 [Mouth full] - Yes, I am! 346 00:14:32,070 --> 00:14:33,230 - They got really good burritos there, t! 347 00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:35,900 We gotta go back sometime. - Okay! 348 00:14:41,180 --> 00:14:43,410 - Cheer up, al, at least you still got your balls! 349 00:14:43,410 --> 00:14:44,980 - Frank. - Hey, pal! 350 00:14:44,980 --> 00:14:46,650 What are you doing here? - Oh, well, I'm basically here 351 00:14:46,650 --> 00:14:49,250 all the time, dad. What are you doing here? 352 00:14:49,250 --> 00:14:51,580 - Visiting a buddy of mine. Got the ass cancer. 353 00:14:51,590 --> 00:14:53,750 Hey, how old are you, kid? 354 00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:55,690 - 33. - No sh--? 355 00:14:55,690 --> 00:14:57,320 - Yep. - Well, okay. 356 00:14:57,330 --> 00:14:59,990 Seven years, you start having your ass checked. 357 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:01,730 - Check this sh-- out, guys. 358 00:15:01,730 --> 00:15:03,400 - Hey, Auggie, what's up? 359 00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:05,030 This son of a bitch is so lucky, I'm surprised we didn't find 360 00:15:05,030 --> 00:15:07,770 a horseshoe up his ass. - It hit nothing! 361 00:15:07,770 --> 00:15:09,170 - Nothing. - Jesus. 362 00:15:09,170 --> 00:15:11,400 - That's so cool. - Here, keep it. 363 00:15:11,410 --> 00:15:14,270 Show it to your friends. Pull it out at parties. 364 00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:15,910 - Did you guys see that dude with the rebar? 365 00:15:15,910 --> 00:15:17,410 - Yeah, we brought him in. - No way! 366 00:15:17,410 --> 00:15:20,080 - We got the X-ray right here. - Holy sh--! 367 00:15:20,080 --> 00:15:21,920 Do you think you could get him to sign it for me? 368 00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:24,180 - Hey guys, you're not gonna believe what's happened. 369 00:15:24,190 --> 00:15:25,950 [All saying they know about the rebar guy] 370 00:15:25,950 --> 00:15:27,920 - Okay, I'm not talking about the X-ray. 371 00:15:27,920 --> 00:15:29,220 That driver y'all brought in? 372 00:15:29,220 --> 00:15:31,060 The one who clipped the roller skater? 373 00:15:31,060 --> 00:15:33,360 They found a massive tumor on his spine during the mri. 374 00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:34,760 - Whoa. - Get out. 375 00:15:34,760 --> 00:15:36,230 - It would have spread if they didn't catch it. 376 00:15:36,230 --> 00:15:37,900 So that crash saved his life. 377 00:15:37,900 --> 00:15:39,630 Reckless dickhead. 378 00:15:39,630 --> 00:15:42,100 - Wait, so you guys were saved by the roller skater, 379 00:15:42,100 --> 00:15:43,800 the driver was saved by the crash. 380 00:15:43,810 --> 00:15:46,070 That's two serendipities in one event. 381 00:15:46,070 --> 00:15:47,770 Something is going on here. 382 00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:50,740 - Plus, we had the rebar man, and then I happened to show up. 383 00:15:50,750 --> 00:15:53,080 - Oh, we are in a serendipity vortex. 384 00:15:53,080 --> 00:15:55,920 - I don't know what that is, but we are in a major hot streak! 385 00:15:55,920 --> 00:15:57,750 - That's exactly what a serendipity vortex is. 386 00:15:57,750 --> 00:15:59,550 - We gotta find a way to parlay this! 387 00:15:59,550 --> 00:16:01,820 - I would just like to go on record as saying that I think 388 00:16:01,820 --> 00:16:03,760 this is all bullsh--. But I also think 389 00:16:03,760 --> 00:16:06,090 we should go buy lottery tickets immediately. 390 00:16:06,090 --> 00:16:07,930 - That's it, kid! You're a genius! 391 00:16:07,930 --> 00:16:09,930 - We got seven minutes to make it to powerball. 392 00:16:09,930 --> 00:16:11,760 - There's a liquor store on ogden and Roosevelt. 393 00:16:11,770 --> 00:16:13,730 - Let's go! 394 00:16:13,740 --> 00:16:15,400 Holy sh--, we're gonna win this thing. 395 00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:16,400 - Stat! 396 00:16:21,340 --> 00:16:23,280 - How good is that burrito, Billy? 397 00:16:23,280 --> 00:16:24,780 - Oh, it's so good. - Mm-hmm. 398 00:16:24,780 --> 00:16:27,080 - Come on, dawg. - Come on, dawg! 399 00:16:27,080 --> 00:16:28,680 You know how good they are. 400 00:16:28,680 --> 00:16:29,650 You sure you don't want to taste it? 401 00:16:29,650 --> 00:16:31,250 - No, I trust you. 402 00:16:31,250 --> 00:16:33,090 - Yo, I'm only gonna eat up to 403 00:16:33,090 --> 00:16:34,920 about an inch away from your bite mark. 404 00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:36,320 - Then you're gonna give me the rest? 405 00:16:36,320 --> 00:16:38,590 - Hell no, then I'm gonna throw it out, bitch. 406 00:16:38,590 --> 00:16:40,260 [Both chuckling] 407 00:16:40,260 --> 00:16:42,600 Yo...I really don't know why I was freaking out so much 408 00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:43,800 about serendipity. 409 00:16:43,800 --> 00:16:46,370 Serendipity's absolutely fantastic. 410 00:16:46,370 --> 00:16:49,440 Led us to this dude we've been after, and I got free food. 411 00:16:49,440 --> 00:16:53,310 - Hey, Hector, why'd you skip out on your court date? 412 00:16:53,310 --> 00:16:55,940 - Met a girl, yo. - Yeah, but you got yourself 413 00:16:55,940 --> 00:16:58,040 another three months mandatory, dude. 414 00:16:58,050 --> 00:17:00,310 - That's nothing, mama. 415 00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:02,380 She's my destiny. Three months? 416 00:17:02,380 --> 00:17:05,180 [Scoffs] I'm talking about eternity. 417 00:17:05,190 --> 00:17:08,390 - Mira, here. Here she is, Mira, check it. 418 00:17:08,390 --> 00:17:10,560 - Oh, man, she's really pretty, bro. 419 00:17:10,560 --> 00:17:13,630 - Uch. Why are men such saps? 420 00:17:13,630 --> 00:17:15,730 - Well, I can't speak for every man, though I have given this 421 00:17:15,730 --> 00:17:18,400 a lot of thought, as society's afforded me the opportunity 422 00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:22,000 on several occasions, and this is what I decided. 423 00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:24,570 There's so many beautiful women in this world 424 00:17:24,570 --> 00:17:27,040 that when a man commits to one, it is necessary for him 425 00:17:27,040 --> 00:17:31,010 to believe that he found his destiny. 426 00:17:31,010 --> 00:17:32,410 Otherwise, he would be powerless 427 00:17:32,410 --> 00:17:36,450 in the face of so many, many vaginas. 428 00:17:38,320 --> 00:17:40,090 - Damn. You heard that, t? 429 00:17:40,090 --> 00:17:43,260 - Yeah. Actually kinda makes sense. 430 00:17:43,260 --> 00:17:47,590 - Mm-hmm. - All right, Billy. 431 00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:50,030 Go on. - What? 432 00:17:50,030 --> 00:17:52,070 - Give him a bite of the burrito. 433 00:17:52,070 --> 00:17:53,530 [Both silently mouthing words] 434 00:17:53,540 --> 00:17:56,600 - Come on. - No. 435 00:17:58,010 --> 00:18:03,310 - One...Two... - Here, man. 436 00:18:06,010 --> 00:18:07,280 - That's weird. - Vortex! 437 00:18:07,280 --> 00:18:08,610 I'm telling you, if we win this thing, 438 00:18:08,620 --> 00:18:10,680 I'm banning the word "vortex." 439 00:18:13,290 --> 00:18:14,920 - Let me pick the numbers. - There's no time. 440 00:18:14,920 --> 00:18:16,290 - Quick pick that sh--. 441 00:18:16,290 --> 00:18:18,420 - May we have seven powerball tickets, please? 442 00:18:18,430 --> 00:18:19,430 - No. - What? 443 00:18:19,430 --> 00:18:21,060 - What? 444 00:18:21,060 --> 00:18:23,260 - It's after 6:00. Can't sell tickets after 6:00. 445 00:18:23,260 --> 00:18:24,930 - It's 6:02, we're only two minutes late. 446 00:18:24,930 --> 00:18:26,430 - And we are in a vortex, sir! 447 00:18:26,430 --> 00:18:28,370 - Two minutes, oh, is two minutes. 448 00:18:28,370 --> 00:18:29,900 - How can you even trust that time? 449 00:18:29,900 --> 00:18:31,370 Is it set to the atomic clock? 450 00:18:31,370 --> 00:18:33,270 - Yes, the vice president calls me every morning, 451 00:18:33,270 --> 00:18:35,070 and we coordinate our clocks. 452 00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:36,410 - Come on, sir, cut us some slack! 453 00:18:36,410 --> 00:18:38,280 - No can do. 454 00:18:38,280 --> 00:18:39,580 - You're gonna do it, cupcake. 455 00:18:39,580 --> 00:18:41,250 You're gonna get on your little machine, 456 00:18:41,250 --> 00:18:42,650 you're gonna do your little typey typey, 457 00:18:42,650 --> 00:18:44,380 and you're gonna spit out our winning tickets, 458 00:18:44,390 --> 00:18:46,790 or you're not gonna see 6:03! 459 00:18:46,790 --> 00:18:49,420 - Fine. Fine. 460 00:18:49,420 --> 00:18:51,760 - Yeah, good. - That's right. 461 00:18:51,760 --> 00:18:55,260 - Here are seven tickets for next week's powerball. 462 00:18:55,260 --> 00:18:56,900 - You son of a bitch! I'll kill you. 463 00:18:56,900 --> 00:18:58,430 - Hey! It's Morgan Davies. 464 00:18:58,430 --> 00:19:00,430 - Oh, that's that chick we helped, turn this up. 465 00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:02,570 - No, can't. Store policy. 466 00:19:02,570 --> 00:19:05,000 - Give me that! 467 00:19:05,010 --> 00:19:06,670 - God, she's beautiful. - I know. 468 00:19:06,670 --> 00:19:08,570 - But we really never would have won if it wasn't for those emts 469 00:19:08,580 --> 00:19:11,310 who stitched me up this morning. My foot's feeling great, guys, 470 00:19:11,310 --> 00:19:14,650 so thanks for that, and I'll take you out to dinner. 471 00:19:14,650 --> 00:19:16,080 - Oh! - That's right, see? 472 00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:17,150 - Hey guys, you know what this means? 473 00:19:17,150 --> 00:19:18,780 Means that we're still hot! 474 00:19:18,790 --> 00:19:22,260 Give us all your scratchers, you smug little cock-knocker! 475 00:19:22,260 --> 00:19:23,320 Now! 476 00:19:33,630 --> 00:19:35,700 - Hey. - Hey. 477 00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:42,610 - So. - Hmm. 478 00:19:42,610 --> 00:19:44,440 - I've been giving this a lot of thought-- 479 00:19:44,450 --> 00:19:45,810 - hey, before you say anything, would you take some of these? 480 00:19:45,810 --> 00:19:48,350 My dad went nuts today. - Yeah. 481 00:19:50,550 --> 00:19:54,320 I know how hard the idea of a lifelong commitment can be, 482 00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:57,390 and if you need to believe there is something bigger out there 483 00:19:57,390 --> 00:20:00,230 that somehow predetermines that we are meant to be together, 484 00:20:00,230 --> 00:20:02,030 then I'm not gonna make fun of you, okay? 485 00:20:02,030 --> 00:20:03,400 I actually think it's kind of sweet. 486 00:20:03,400 --> 00:20:05,570 - Listen, okay, you don't have to for my sake-- 487 00:20:05,570 --> 00:20:08,170 - no, I do, and just because I don't believe in fate, 488 00:20:08,170 --> 00:20:10,570 doesn't mean I don't trust my instincts. 489 00:20:10,570 --> 00:20:13,070 I know that you are the right guy for me. 490 00:20:13,070 --> 00:20:14,970 - Holy sh--! 491 00:20:14,980 --> 00:20:17,580 250 bucks! [Laughs] 492 00:20:17,580 --> 00:20:18,880 - We won? 493 00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:19,980 - Tell me that's not serendipity! 494 00:20:19,980 --> 00:20:22,850 - No, but-- 495 00:20:22,850 --> 00:20:24,350 I mean, who cares, right? 496 00:20:24,350 --> 00:20:27,220 Let's just go to a fancy restaurant and eat all the food! 497 00:20:27,220 --> 00:20:29,590 - Yeah, oh, no. 498 00:20:29,590 --> 00:20:32,060 You're not a believer. 499 00:20:32,060 --> 00:20:33,060 I'm gonna take Hank. 500 00:20:33,060 --> 00:20:34,330 - Hey! Hey, hey, hey. 501 00:20:34,330 --> 00:20:35,900 You give me back that scratcher, mister. 502 00:20:35,900 --> 00:20:37,600 - No, no, no, no, Hank and I are gonna go to Gibson's. 503 00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:39,000 - No! - Yes! 504 00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:40,900 I'll bring back leftovers! - Seriously? 505 00:20:40,900 --> 00:20:42,600 - Yes, of course! 506 00:20:42,600 --> 00:20:45,200 The portions there are huge, I can't possibly finish all that. 507 00:20:45,210 --> 00:20:46,710 Listen, I'm gonna be late. - Really? 508 00:20:46,710 --> 00:20:48,170 - I'll text you when I'm-- I'm kidding! 509 00:20:48,180 --> 00:20:50,740 Come on, we're going! 510 00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:53,250 [Laughing]