1
00:00:02,452 --> 00:00:03,785
Barney, check it.
2
00:00:03,905 --> 00:00:07,789
Three blond babies drinking
bad decision juice at 8 o'clock.
3
00:00:08,828 --> 00:00:10,291
Nice rack radar.
4
00:00:10,664 --> 00:00:11,959
That's my wife.
5
00:00:12,212 --> 00:00:13,460
I got to get going.
6
00:00:13,580 --> 00:00:15,962
Seriously?
But they're blond and drunk.
7
00:00:16,236 --> 00:00:17,728
Isn't that your type?
8
00:00:17,848 --> 00:00:20,466
Maybe I don't have a type, Lily.
9
00:00:20,851 --> 00:00:24,970
God, do you think the male mind
is really that simplistic?
10
00:00:25,215 --> 00:00:27,472
That we all have one favourite type?
11
00:00:27,876 --> 00:00:28,694
Geez!
12
00:00:29,011 --> 00:00:30,474
Asian with some boob.
13
00:00:30,827 --> 00:00:33,143
I'm gonna hit bathroom then bail.
14
00:00:33,816 --> 00:00:36,880
Okay, have you guys noticed
Barney's been acting weird lately?
15
00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:38,147
Actually, yes.
16
00:00:38,247 --> 00:00:40,391
You know Barney always says
never bought a girl flower
17
00:00:40,491 --> 00:00:43,040
because giving her a living thing
reminds her babies?
18
00:00:43,160 --> 00:00:44,838
Well, the other day...
19
00:00:44,958 --> 00:00:46,898
I saw him at
that flower shop on 82nd.
20
00:00:47,018 --> 00:00:48,841
- Buying roses.
- What?
21
00:00:48,961 --> 00:00:51,601
Wait, now that you mention it.
Barney did do something kinda of odd
22
00:00:51,721 --> 00:00:53,171
at the office yesterday.
23
00:00:53,291 --> 00:00:54,677
Okay, see you saturday.
24
00:00:54,935 --> 00:00:57,813
I'm thinking brunch farmer's market,
maybe a hike.
25
00:00:58,122 --> 00:00:59,392
I love you too.
26
00:00:59,512 --> 00:01:00,330
Bye.
27
00:01:02,083 --> 00:01:05,284
I figured he was just talking to
some girl he was trying to nail
28
00:01:05,404 --> 00:01:07,630
or Ted.
But now I don't know.
29
00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:11,133
Wait. Do you think it's possible
that Barney Stinson
30
00:01:11,638 --> 00:01:13,135
has a girlfriend?
31
00:01:13,893 --> 00:01:14,770
Later.
32
00:01:14,890 --> 00:01:17,140
Wait. Barney, hold on.
Where are you going?
33
00:01:17,260 --> 00:01:18,111
Nowhere.
34
00:01:18,804 --> 00:01:21,016
The beach.
It's winter, Laser Tag.
35
00:01:21,136 --> 00:01:23,602
Home. Shut up.
You're going somewhere.
36
00:01:24,982 --> 00:01:26,103
Oh, my God.
37
00:01:26,458 --> 00:01:28,314
He's meeting her right now.
38
00:01:31,720 --> 00:01:33,693
Where is Barney going?
39
00:01:33,813 --> 00:01:35,651
We're not even in Manhattan anymore.
40
00:01:35,771 --> 00:01:37,123
Where does this girl live?
41
00:01:37,243 --> 00:01:40,512
We're talking about a woman who's
gotten Barney Stinson to commit.
42
00:01:40,632 --> 00:01:42,179
I'm guessing Narnia.
43
00:01:43,490 --> 00:01:44,703
He's stopping.
44
00:01:57,303 --> 00:01:59,475
- What the Hell are you guys doing here?
- Where is she?
45
00:01:59,595 --> 00:02:01,208
- Who?
- You're girlfriend!
46
00:02:03,974 --> 00:02:06,679
Well, you really
don't have a type, do you?
47
00:02:08,181 --> 00:02:10,499
These are my friends.
Ted, Marshall,
48
00:02:10,619 --> 00:02:11,683
Lily, Robin.
49
00:02:12,216 --> 00:02:13,016
Guys,
50
00:02:13,448 --> 00:02:14,925
this is Loretta.
51
00:02:15,045 --> 00:02:15,856
My mom.
52
00:02:15,976 --> 00:02:17,668
It's so nice to meet you.
53
00:02:17,788 --> 00:02:19,690
I feel like I already know you all.
54
00:02:19,986 --> 00:02:23,026
Barney goes on and on about you
every day when we talk.
55
00:02:23,358 --> 00:02:25,610
You call your mom every day?
56
00:02:28,987 --> 00:02:31,497
So that's why you've been
all secretive about?
57
00:02:31,617 --> 00:02:35,203
You didn't want us to know
you're a big old mother's boy.
58
00:02:35,871 --> 00:02:37,205
You got me. Well,
59
00:02:37,373 --> 00:02:39,206
I guess you guys can leave.
60
00:02:43,105 --> 00:02:44,711
Who are these people?
61
00:02:48,318 --> 00:02:49,980
I'd like you to meet Betty.
62
00:02:50,100 --> 00:02:51,001
My wife.
63
00:02:53,887 --> 00:02:55,220
And my son, Tyler.
64
00:02:56,927 --> 00:02:58,772
Traduction : MiniBen314 et Lino72
65
00:02:58,892 --> 00:03:00,502
Synchro : Mickeyte et MiniBen314
66
00:03:00,622 --> 00:03:02,925
Relecture : MiniBen314
Transcript : www.yyets.net
67
00:03:03,045 --> 00:03:06,977
How I Met Your Mother
4x15 - The Stinsons
68
00:03:07,244 --> 00:03:09,647
par la "Have You Met Team"
pour www.forom.com
69
00:03:12,364 --> 00:03:15,622
Betty and I getting get diner ready.
There'll be plenty for everyone.
70
00:03:15,742 --> 00:03:18,317
And remember you,
only one helping of meatloaf
71
00:03:18,437 --> 00:03:20,766
after what Dr. Grossbard
said about your cholesterol.
72
00:03:20,886 --> 00:03:23,492
- This one wants me to live forever.
- Guilty.
73
00:03:24,565 --> 00:03:26,080
- I love you.
- I love you too.
74
00:03:26,200 --> 00:03:27,189
I love you three!
75
00:03:27,309 --> 00:03:29,454
Get out of here, you little scamp!
76
00:03:31,517 --> 00:03:33,126
So I see you guys back at the bar?
77
00:03:33,246 --> 00:03:34,799
What the Hell, Barney?
78
00:03:35,549 --> 00:03:36,986
It's a long story.
79
00:03:37,653 --> 00:03:41,392
As you know, my father had to leave
my mom when I was a baby,
80
00:03:41,512 --> 00:03:43,977
because he got hired
as the host of The Price Is Right.
81
00:03:44,097 --> 00:03:46,518
- Yeah, it was a very good show.
- He is your father!
82
00:03:46,638 --> 00:03:49,396
She had to raise my brother and me
83
00:03:49,516 --> 00:03:50,573
by herself.
84
00:03:50,693 --> 00:03:52,115
And her only wish
85
00:03:52,235 --> 00:03:53,687
was for her sons
86
00:03:53,807 --> 00:03:56,609
not to wind up alone like she was.
87
00:03:56,987 --> 00:03:59,654
Than about seven years ago
she got really sick.
88
00:04:00,259 --> 00:04:02,814
It looked like
she wasn't going to make it.
89
00:04:02,934 --> 00:04:04,490
So, I decided to
90
00:04:04,610 --> 00:04:06,318
make her wish come true.
91
00:04:07,692 --> 00:04:08,890
This is Betty.
92
00:04:09,340 --> 00:04:10,523
We're engaged.
93
00:04:11,045 --> 00:04:14,754
I hired an actress
to play my fianc�e, Betty.
94
00:04:15,343 --> 00:04:16,778
Her real name is Margaret.
95
00:04:16,898 --> 00:04:19,260
She mostly does off-brodway theater.
Wonderful actress.
96
00:04:19,380 --> 00:04:22,956
This close to a Tony. It's ugly, it's
very political, I shouldn't get into it.
97
00:04:23,392 --> 00:04:25,214
But, there's one problem.
98
00:04:25,704 --> 00:04:28,642
Betty, has a slight tendency
to go off book.
99
00:04:29,019 --> 00:04:31,666
You see mom?
I found someone who makes me happy.
100
00:04:32,041 --> 00:04:33,304
Just like you wanted.
101
00:04:33,424 --> 00:04:34,976
That's wonderful.
102
00:04:35,782 --> 00:04:39,672
I just wish I could have stuck around
long enough for grandchildren.
103
00:04:40,384 --> 00:04:41,674
I'm pregnant!
104
00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:48,329
And then my mom got better.
105
00:04:48,974 --> 00:04:52,841
Which was miraculous, but it meant
that I had to keep Betty around,
106
00:04:52,961 --> 00:04:55,644
and cast a kid
to play my son, Tyler.
107
00:04:56,171 --> 00:04:57,266
This is crazy.
108
00:04:57,386 --> 00:04:59,381
You actually cast your own son?
109
00:04:59,767 --> 00:05:03,651
Well, for a while I got by borrowing
slash babysitting my neighbour's baby.
110
00:05:03,932 --> 00:05:05,445
And, this one Christmas,
111
00:05:05,565 --> 00:05:07,691
when my mom was plowed on eggnog,
I got away with
112
00:05:07,811 --> 00:05:09,656
a bag of flower and a Chucky mask.
113
00:05:10,320 --> 00:05:11,705
But, eventually,
114
00:05:11,825 --> 00:05:13,659
I had to hold auditions.
115
00:05:14,329 --> 00:05:15,160
Four,
116
00:05:15,679 --> 00:05:16,483
eight,
117
00:05:17,694 --> 00:05:20,861
thirteen, you can stay.
The rest of you, may go.
118
00:05:23,281 --> 00:05:26,033
You said that if I slept with you
my son would get the part.
119
00:05:26,386 --> 00:05:29,106
Well apparently
I'm a better actor than your kid.
120
00:05:29,226 --> 00:05:31,121
Bring in me at eleven o'clocks.
121
00:05:31,720 --> 00:05:35,386
And that's how the role of Tyler
eventually went to...
122
00:05:36,010 --> 00:05:36,887
Grant.
123
00:05:38,562 --> 00:05:40,154
Come on, Grant seems pretty good.
124
00:05:40,274 --> 00:05:41,215
You think so?
125
00:05:42,051 --> 00:05:43,059
Watch this.
126
00:05:54,040 --> 00:05:55,903
See? It's like amateur
hour over here.
127
00:05:56,623 --> 00:05:57,904
Call me crazy,
128
00:05:58,072 --> 00:06:00,907
but child actors were way better,
back in the 80's.
129
00:06:04,221 --> 00:06:07,309
Well Barney, it looks like your mom
kept your childhood bedroom
130
00:06:07,429 --> 00:06:08,951
just the way you left it.
131
00:06:09,119 --> 00:06:12,005
That sure is a big poster of
The Karate Kid above your bed.
132
00:06:12,125 --> 00:06:13,834
Karate Kid's a great movie.
133
00:06:13,954 --> 00:06:16,384
It's the story of a hopeful young
karate enthusiast
134
00:06:16,504 --> 00:06:18,006
whose dreams and moxie
135
00:06:18,225 --> 00:06:21,232
take them all the way to
the All Valley karate championship.
136
00:06:21,352 --> 00:06:24,843
Of course, sadly, he loses
in the final round to that nerd kid.
137
00:06:25,252 --> 00:06:28,847
But, he learns an important lesson
about gracefully accepting defeat.
138
00:06:29,266 --> 00:06:30,075
Wait.
139
00:06:30,348 --> 00:06:32,316
When you watch the Karate Kid
140
00:06:32,436 --> 00:06:34,935
you actually root for that
mean blond boy?
141
00:06:35,986 --> 00:06:38,611
I root for the scrawny loser
from New Jersey
142
00:06:38,731 --> 00:06:40,633
who barely even knows karate.
143
00:06:40,906 --> 00:06:43,409
When I watch The Karate Kid,
I root for the
144
00:06:43,529 --> 00:06:44,778
Karate Kid
145
00:06:44,946 --> 00:06:47,460
Johnny Lawrence,
from the Cobra Kai dojo.
146
00:06:47,695 --> 00:06:49,700
Get your head out of your ass, Lily.
147
00:06:52,958 --> 00:06:55,281
I just figured out
where I know you from.
148
00:06:55,929 --> 00:06:59,340
I saw you perform at the Disorientation
Theater in Bertolt Brecht's
149
00:06:59,440 --> 00:07:03,060
Die Heilige Johanna der
Schlachth last fall.
150
00:07:03,916 --> 00:07:05,716
You were a revelation!
151
00:07:06,833 --> 00:07:07,735
Really?
152
00:07:08,368 --> 00:07:10,321
Thanks. I wasn't sure.
153
00:07:10,421 --> 00:07:12,535
I mean the point of Brecht's work,
of course, is to...
154
00:07:12,635 --> 00:07:14,188
alienate the audience.
155
00:07:14,308 --> 00:07:15,636
Sure. Sorry
156
00:07:16,114 --> 00:07:17,954
Brecht-o-phile right here!
157
00:07:19,731 --> 00:07:21,525
You really know your theater.
158
00:07:22,154 --> 00:07:25,459
Lady theater grabbed my heart early on
and she never let go.
159
00:07:26,209 --> 00:07:27,560
Every year at Christmas,
160
00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:30,811
I'd put on a little play for the parents
with all the other kids.
161
00:07:30,931 --> 00:07:34,369
Gee whiz, Santa, do you think
we can take off in this kind of snow?
162
00:07:34,537 --> 00:07:36,362
Cut, cut, cut.
163
00:07:38,083 --> 00:07:40,364
Grandma and grandpa are gonna be here
in a half an hour
164
00:07:40,464 --> 00:07:42,428
and you're still
butchering my words.
165
00:07:42,548 --> 00:07:45,179
Looks like I'm gona have to write,
direct and star in this thing.
166
00:07:45,299 --> 00:07:47,114
Give me your elf hat.
Go sit.
167
00:07:47,996 --> 00:07:50,129
I always secretly wanted
to be an actor.
168
00:07:50,503 --> 00:07:52,992
One of those life dreams
that just slipped away, I guess.
169
00:07:53,112 --> 00:07:55,947
Listen, if you want I could
give you some tips on acting.
170
00:07:56,067 --> 00:07:57,678
- Really?
- I'd love to.
171
00:07:59,549 --> 00:08:01,480
Acting rule number one.
172
00:08:02,494 --> 00:08:04,984
At least someone's still excited
about acting.
173
00:08:05,635 --> 00:08:06,662
I miss that.
174
00:08:07,424 --> 00:08:09,187
So you don't like
playing Barney's son?
175
00:08:09,307 --> 00:08:10,274
I hate it.
176
00:08:10,685 --> 00:08:11,980
But what can I do?
177
00:08:12,100 --> 00:08:14,783
- The phone just ain't ringing.
- I know what you mean.
178
00:08:14,903 --> 00:08:16,313
I'm a newcaster.
179
00:08:16,433 --> 00:08:18,968
But I just had to take a job,
hosting a local morning show
180
00:08:19,088 --> 00:08:21,381
that airs at 4:30 in the morning.
181
00:08:22,518 --> 00:08:25,823
I just thought I'd be so much
further along by this point, you know?
182
00:08:25,943 --> 00:08:27,080
I'm almost 30.
183
00:08:27,200 --> 00:08:29,505
Come on, you still look great.
184
00:08:30,326 --> 00:08:31,718
I love your nose job.
185
00:08:32,494 --> 00:08:34,205
I never had a nose job.
186
00:08:34,325 --> 00:08:35,202
Right.
187
00:08:35,880 --> 00:08:36,934
Me neither.
188
00:08:39,535 --> 00:08:42,022
I can believe
we haven't met you before.
189
00:08:42,142 --> 00:08:44,273
Who knew Barney had
such a great mom?
190
00:08:44,768 --> 00:08:47,002
Thanks, dear.
Truth is...
191
00:08:47,122 --> 00:08:49,487
I wasn't always the best mother
when I was younger.
192
00:08:49,929 --> 00:08:52,600
Don't say that.
I'm sure you were great.
193
00:08:53,109 --> 00:08:54,658
I was a bit of a whore.
194
00:08:55,418 --> 00:08:56,535
Excuse me?
195
00:08:56,812 --> 00:08:59,163
A whore, dear. A dirty whore.
196
00:09:00,668 --> 00:09:02,109
I'm not proud of it.
197
00:09:02,751 --> 00:09:03,557
But...
198
00:09:04,095 --> 00:09:05,947
still, I had some fun.
199
00:09:06,978 --> 00:09:11,263
There is no thrill equal to
looking into some guy's eyes
200
00:09:11,383 --> 00:09:15,857
and thinking, "I don't know your name,
you're don't know mine, but...
201
00:09:16,231 --> 00:09:18,719
the next eight minutes,
we are gonna rock
202
00:09:18,819 --> 00:09:21,657
this gas station bathroom
right off his foundation."
203
00:09:23,229 --> 00:09:26,693
And then just drive off
in opposite directions.
204
00:09:28,952 --> 00:09:30,545
Just keep driving.
205
00:09:33,405 --> 00:09:35,616
- Barney's mom? Loretta?
- Loretta.
206
00:09:37,352 --> 00:09:38,814
Anyway, that's...
207
00:09:38,934 --> 00:09:40,599
that's all in the past now.
208
00:09:40,719 --> 00:09:43,074
I did the best I could, but...
209
00:09:43,731 --> 00:09:47,968
sometimes I wonder how Barney
turned out to be so perfect.
210
00:09:48,859 --> 00:09:50,758
You have to tell your mom
the truth, okay?
211
00:09:50,878 --> 00:09:52,586
Listen. She's a sweet
212
00:09:52,706 --> 00:09:56,638
caring, slighty too graphic woman
who deserves better.
213
00:09:57,708 --> 00:09:59,817
No way. The truth would kill her.
214
00:10:00,052 --> 00:10:04,992
I don't feel right about lying
to such a kindhearted woman, okay?
215
00:10:05,112 --> 00:10:07,156
She reminds me of my own mother.
216
00:10:08,500 --> 00:10:09,302
What?
217
00:10:09,422 --> 00:10:10,830
Kind hearted?
218
00:10:10,950 --> 00:10:14,497
Remember in our weeding vows
when I said we'd be together forever?
219
00:10:14,617 --> 00:10:16,447
Well, on our way back up the aisle,
220
00:10:16,567 --> 00:10:18,810
your mother leaned in and she said,
221
00:10:18,930 --> 00:10:22,386
"Not forever sweetie,
Marshall's going to heaven."
222
00:10:22,905 --> 00:10:25,689
- She was making a joke.
- She hates me, Marshall.
223
00:10:25,809 --> 00:10:27,195
But that's okay because
224
00:10:27,793 --> 00:10:28,930
never mind.
225
00:10:30,816 --> 00:10:32,693
- What were you gonna say?
- Nothing.
226
00:10:32,813 --> 00:10:35,385
Do you want to go do it
in Barney's childhood bedroom again?
227
00:10:35,717 --> 00:10:37,193
On the race car bed?
228
00:10:37,313 --> 00:10:38,512
Handles great, buddy.
229
00:10:39,172 --> 00:10:42,724
Look, Lily. If today has taught us
nothing else, it's that
230
00:10:42,946 --> 00:10:45,784
honesty is important
when it comes to family.
231
00:10:45,904 --> 00:10:49,350
You know, whatever you're feeling
towards my mother, we...
232
00:10:49,639 --> 00:10:52,831
we've been together for 12 years,
baby, I...
233
00:10:53,347 --> 00:10:54,965
I think that I can handle it.
234
00:10:55,327 --> 00:10:56,204
Really?
235
00:10:58,957 --> 00:11:00,487
I hate your mom.
236
00:11:01,801 --> 00:11:03,083
Well guess what?
237
00:11:03,307 --> 00:11:04,519
I hate you!
238
00:11:08,151 --> 00:11:09,952
Two minutes warning for meatloaf!
239
00:11:10,072 --> 00:11:11,044
Meatloaf?
240
00:11:11,835 --> 00:11:13,323
Tyler no likey!
241
00:11:15,981 --> 00:11:18,208
We have been over
this a million times.
242
00:11:18,328 --> 00:11:20,618
You are not getting a catchphrase!
243
00:11:20,738 --> 00:11:22,015
But it's funny.
244
00:11:23,501 --> 00:11:25,058
I'm not afraid to recast.
245
00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:28,384
Go memorize your lines
for the big dinner scene.
246
00:11:30,214 --> 00:11:32,853
Wait. So you wrote the dinner
we're about to have.
247
00:11:33,270 --> 00:11:34,484
Just a short script.
248
00:11:34,604 --> 00:11:36,612
Just things that will make my mom
happy to hear.
249
00:11:36,732 --> 00:11:37,904
What kind of things?
250
00:11:38,072 --> 00:11:42,242
And I really thought
Barney had forgotten our anniversary.
251
00:11:42,399 --> 00:11:46,663
So I storm out to the backyard, and
there's smoke coming out of my ears.
252
00:11:46,783 --> 00:11:49,836
Nostrils flaring. Her nostrils flare
when she gets mad. I love it.
253
00:11:50,420 --> 00:11:52,712
Doing it right now,
Doing it right now!
254
00:11:53,671 --> 00:11:55,394
You better stop, mister.
255
00:11:56,076 --> 00:11:58,241
Sorry, sorry, boo bear. Continue.
256
00:11:58,361 --> 00:12:00,927
This is what you're actually like
in a relationship?
257
00:12:01,047 --> 00:12:04,138
So I storm out to the backyard and
258
00:12:04,631 --> 00:12:05,806
candles...
259
00:12:05,926 --> 00:12:06,951
everywhere.
260
00:12:07,071 --> 00:12:09,106
And a string quartet.
261
00:12:09,540 --> 00:12:12,481
- Can you believe that?
- Not even slightly.
262
00:12:13,278 --> 00:12:16,255
What about my little Ty-Ty?
What have you been up to?
263
00:12:16,375 --> 00:12:17,500
Funny story.
264
00:12:17,620 --> 00:12:20,980
Just the other night, this little
rascal had a nightmare.
265
00:12:21,100 --> 00:12:23,064
And when he came in
to tell us what it was about,
266
00:12:23,184 --> 00:12:25,150
do you remember what you said,
champ?
267
00:12:29,157 --> 00:12:30,079
Page 4.
268
00:12:34,290 --> 00:12:38,007
The dinosaure bones in the museum
came to life and started to chasing me?
269
00:12:38,127 --> 00:12:40,675
Thanks a lot, buddy.
I don't need to sleep tonight.
270
00:12:42,676 --> 00:12:43,603
Tyler said
271
00:12:43,723 --> 00:12:47,656
"My nightmare was that you and mommy
didn't know how much I loved you.
272
00:12:47,776 --> 00:12:51,160
So I wanted to come in
and tell you it was this...
273
00:12:51,418 --> 00:12:52,243
much."
274
00:12:53,247 --> 00:12:54,314
That's so sweet.
275
00:12:54,482 --> 00:12:56,234
We're a sweet happy family.
276
00:12:56,917 --> 00:12:59,296
I'm gonna grab some ice cream
from the freezer donwstairs
277
00:12:59,416 --> 00:13:01,742
and then we'll all hit
the sundae bar in the kitchen.
278
00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:07,953
Not a weak link in that scene.
279
00:13:08,073 --> 00:13:10,379
- Bravo.
- Back off Barney,
280
00:13:10,499 --> 00:13:14,671
you have no idea how hard it is
to do a job that's beneath you.
281
00:13:15,690 --> 00:13:18,338
I really enjoyed you thing
about the dinausaur bones.
282
00:13:18,506 --> 00:13:21,022
Can we please stop talking
about the dinausaur bones?
283
00:13:22,885 --> 00:13:24,345
Just go eat your sundae.
284
00:13:24,465 --> 00:13:25,389
I can't.
285
00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:27,347
I'm lactose-intolerant.
286
00:13:28,451 --> 00:13:31,314
Well guess who's not
lactose-intolerant, Tyler.
287
00:13:31,853 --> 00:13:36,506
Tyler is gonna go in there
and enjoy every last bite.
288
00:13:36,626 --> 00:13:39,526
- Ice cream time, gang.
- Yummers!
289
00:13:41,880 --> 00:13:43,028
Oh, my God!
290
00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:46,977
Tyler no likey.
291
00:13:47,224 --> 00:13:49,608
You're not getting a catchphrase.
292
00:13:54,022 --> 00:13:56,764
- I don't understand.
- I do.
293
00:14:00,359 --> 00:14:02,515
Follow my lead.
I've...
294
00:14:03,342 --> 00:14:06,554
been betrayed by my best friend.
295
00:14:06,674 --> 00:14:08,662
How could you do this, Ted?
296
00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:11,171
Think about poor Tyler.
297
00:14:11,570 --> 00:14:13,890
Bravely trying to hold back tears.
298
00:14:14,722 --> 00:14:17,277
It's okay, son. You can cry.
299
00:14:19,341 --> 00:14:20,143
Cry!
300
00:14:21,987 --> 00:14:25,351
I don't want my mommy
and daddy to get divorced!
301
00:14:29,347 --> 00:14:33,647
What... could you possibly have to say
for yourself.
302
00:14:34,807 --> 00:14:36,553
Acting rule number one.
303
00:14:36,869 --> 00:14:38,710
Don't be affraid to improvise.
304
00:14:40,197 --> 00:14:42,422
Was it me who betrayed you,
305
00:14:43,210 --> 00:14:45,342
or you who betrayed me?
306
00:14:46,140 --> 00:14:47,552
I'm sorry, what?
307
00:14:48,355 --> 00:14:50,089
Acting rule number five.
308
00:14:50,209 --> 00:14:53,350
Invent a rich back story
for your character.
309
00:14:53,909 --> 00:14:56,077
November 14th, 1998.
310
00:14:57,273 --> 00:14:59,856
The overnight train to Monte Carlo.
311
00:15:00,857 --> 00:15:03,053
I was in the billiards car
312
00:15:03,381 --> 00:15:06,197
hustling some Algerians
out of few thousand dinar,
313
00:15:06,944 --> 00:15:07,904
when you,
314
00:15:08,526 --> 00:15:10,424
seduced my fianc�e!
315
00:15:11,331 --> 00:15:14,496
Who is blind
and thought you were me.
316
00:15:16,301 --> 00:15:18,829
What in God's name
are you talking about?
317
00:15:19,475 --> 00:15:20,912
Acting rule number 8.
318
00:15:21,170 --> 00:15:23,185
Don't be afraid to get physical.
319
00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:27,212
You know damn well
what I'm talking about?
320
00:15:27,332 --> 00:15:28,513
No, I don't.
321
00:15:29,333 --> 00:15:30,376
Yes, you do!
322
00:15:30,496 --> 00:15:34,224
And by God,
I'll hear you say it, scoundrel!
323
00:15:35,357 --> 00:15:38,088
Mom can...
can you give us a sec?
324
00:15:39,388 --> 00:15:42,224
There's chocolate and butterscotch.
325
00:15:42,505 --> 00:15:46,736
There's various kinds
of sprinkles and marshmallows.
326
00:15:47,693 --> 00:15:49,879
Have you lost your mind?!
327
00:15:50,365 --> 00:15:52,450
You were amazing!
328
00:15:52,826 --> 00:15:55,428
You completely just became
that character.
329
00:15:55,548 --> 00:15:57,458
Honestly,
I wasn't so much playing Ted
330
00:15:57,578 --> 00:16:00,106
as I was just trying
to get out of Ted's way.
331
00:16:00,418 --> 00:16:02,123
What is wrong with you people?
332
00:16:02,243 --> 00:16:04,754
How am I ever gonna
explain this to my mother?
333
00:16:04,874 --> 00:16:07,560
Maybe it's time
to tell her the truth, Barney.
334
00:16:07,680 --> 00:16:10,175
I don't know Lily.
Sometimes, honesty
335
00:16:10,295 --> 00:16:12,858
leads people to say mean things
about a woman
336
00:16:12,978 --> 00:16:14,698
who always took special care of me
337
00:16:14,818 --> 00:16:16,972
because I was the
runt of the family.
338
00:16:17,312 --> 00:16:20,857
For crying out loud,
I'm only six-four!
339
00:16:23,166 --> 00:16:26,119
- How good was my crying?
- You nailed it.
340
00:16:26,239 --> 00:16:30,799
See? Even at a gig you hate,
you still managed to love what you do.
341
00:16:31,186 --> 00:16:33,659
Maybe that's how it will be for you
at your new job.
342
00:16:33,975 --> 00:16:35,206
You think so?
343
00:16:35,452 --> 00:16:38,059
- I Know so.
- Thanks Grant.
344
00:16:38,443 --> 00:16:40,791
You're pretty smart, You know that?
345
00:16:47,342 --> 00:16:49,576
Thought I was picking up
on something.
346
00:16:50,957 --> 00:16:52,633
Honey, are you okay?
347
00:16:52,950 --> 00:16:54,028
Look, mom...
348
00:16:54,461 --> 00:16:56,489
there's something
I have to tell you.
349
00:16:56,609 --> 00:16:59,313
Something I should have told you
a long time ago.
350
00:17:04,337 --> 00:17:05,637
Tyler is diying.
351
00:17:06,776 --> 00:17:10,503
And Betty said that when he goes,
she's gonna off herself.
352
00:17:11,018 --> 00:17:13,533
So that's probably
all gonna go down pretty soon.
353
00:17:13,784 --> 00:17:14,897
Oh, my god!
354
00:17:15,518 --> 00:17:18,049
Okay. No! None of that is true!
355
00:17:19,303 --> 00:17:20,909
The truth is, I...
356
00:17:23,991 --> 00:17:26,093
The truth is Betty and Tyler...
357
00:17:26,351 --> 00:17:27,370
are actors.
358
00:17:27,490 --> 00:17:30,464
That I hired to pretend
to be my family.
359
00:17:30,731 --> 00:17:31,549
What?
360
00:17:32,094 --> 00:17:33,336
I just wanted you
361
00:17:33,456 --> 00:17:35,824
to think I had the life
you wanted for me.
362
00:17:35,944 --> 00:17:37,687
I wanted you be proud of me.
363
00:17:38,906 --> 00:17:41,730
I know it sounds crazy
and I'm so sorry, mom.
364
00:17:42,129 --> 00:17:44,344
So Betty is not your wife?
365
00:17:46,137 --> 00:17:50,110
Thank god! I do not like that women.
366
00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:51,922
Really?
367
00:17:53,305 --> 00:17:54,700
And Tyler...
368
00:17:55,696 --> 00:17:58,965
I know I'm his Grandma,
and I'm suppose to love him.
369
00:17:59,085 --> 00:18:02,082
But I hate that kid.
"Tyler no likey!"
370
00:18:02,202 --> 00:18:03,866
- What the hell is that?
- Right?
371
00:18:03,986 --> 00:18:06,095
Those fake friends
of yours out there,
372
00:18:06,215 --> 00:18:08,334
I just wanted to shoot myself.
373
00:18:09,341 --> 00:18:11,685
I know! Aren't they horrible?
374
00:18:12,482 --> 00:18:14,683
So really, really, you're not mad?
375
00:18:14,908 --> 00:18:18,705
I'm just confused. I don't know
why you thought you had to do this.
376
00:18:19,021 --> 00:18:21,880
Barney, I love you.
Perfect family or not perfect family,
377
00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:24,018
I love you, no matter what.
378
00:18:24,521 --> 00:18:26,420
- Really?
- Really.
379
00:18:32,455 --> 00:18:36,296
I'm so relieved,
because the truth is
380
00:18:36,578 --> 00:18:39,999
I'm as far from married
as a human being can possibly be.
381
00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:43,122
My history with women
would shock and appall you.
382
00:18:43,550 --> 00:18:45,298
Doesn't matter I still love you.
383
00:18:45,418 --> 00:18:48,251
Seriously, you can't imagine
the things I have done.
384
00:18:48,371 --> 00:18:51,239
Barney when you were three,
I left you with a babysitter and spent
385
00:18:51,359 --> 00:18:55,718
three weeks with Grand Funk Railroad
being passed around like a bong.
386
00:18:58,519 --> 00:18:59,937
Just do me a favor.
387
00:19:00,057 --> 00:19:02,187
If you ever do meet someone special,
388
00:19:02,307 --> 00:19:04,683
don't run away from it.
Don't be me.
389
00:19:05,199 --> 00:19:06,921
Take a shot at it, will you?
390
00:19:08,887 --> 00:19:09,860
Cab's here.
391
00:19:13,657 --> 00:19:14,489
I'll try.
392
00:19:15,942 --> 00:19:19,649
And so ended one of the strangest
afternoons of our lives.
393
00:19:20,817 --> 00:19:22,926
And I just wanted to say to you,
394
00:19:23,196 --> 00:19:25,305
if I ever seemed cold
395
00:19:25,425 --> 00:19:26,997
or unwelcoming,
396
00:19:27,117 --> 00:19:28,251
I'm sorry.
397
00:19:28,626 --> 00:19:30,970
- Who she talking to?
- My mom.
398
00:19:31,462 --> 00:19:35,465
It would mean a lot to me
if you and I could be closer.
399
00:19:36,446 --> 00:19:39,575
Now take a deep breath like this next
thing is gonna be hard to say.
400
00:19:42,985 --> 00:19:44,015
I love you.
401
00:19:44,135 --> 00:19:45,282
I love you...
402
00:19:50,912 --> 00:19:54,686
- Now pretend I said something nice.
- Now pretend I said something nice.
403
00:19:55,131 --> 00:19:56,209
I mean...
404
00:19:56,678 --> 00:19:59,948
that's very nice of
you to say, Judy.
405
00:20:01,807 --> 00:20:02,791
You, too.
406
00:20:02,990 --> 00:20:04,143
Speak soon.
407
00:20:11,365 --> 00:20:12,680
Let me get this straight.
408
00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:15,728
You're really telling me
that when you watch The Karate Kid,
409
00:20:15,848 --> 00:20:17,598
you don't root for Daniel-san?
410
00:20:19,460 --> 00:20:21,080
Who do you root for in Die Hard?
411
00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:22,286
Hans Gruber.
412
00:20:22,406 --> 00:20:24,410
Charming international bandit.
413
00:20:24,530 --> 00:20:26,335
At the end, he died hard.
414
00:20:26,455 --> 00:20:27,762
He's the title character.
415
00:20:29,479 --> 00:20:31,312
The Breakfast Club?
416
00:20:31,899 --> 00:20:33,867
The teacher running detention.
417
00:20:34,281 --> 00:20:36,493
He's the only guy
in the whole movie wearing a suit.
418
00:20:36,927 --> 00:20:37,935
I got one.
419
00:20:38,175 --> 00:20:39,261
Terminator.
420
00:20:39,857 --> 00:20:42,041
What's the name of the movie, Robin?
421
00:20:42,778 --> 00:20:45,430
Who among us didn't shed a tear
422
00:20:45,622 --> 00:20:47,908
when his little red eye
went out at the end
423
00:20:48,028 --> 00:20:50,394
and he didn't get to
kill those people?
424
00:20:52,246 --> 00:20:54,191
I'm sorry, that movie...
425
00:20:55,401 --> 00:20:57,881
I am never watching a movie
with you ever again.
426
00:20:58,049 --> 00:21:00,499
They didn't even try to help him.