1 00:00:01,391 --> 00:00:03,786 Kids, everyone has anpinion on how long it takes 2 00:00:03,884 --> 00:00:05,448 to recover from a breakup. 3 00:00:05,548 --> 00:00:07,389 Half the length of the relationship. 4 00:00:07,559 --> 00:00:09,424 One week for every month you were together. 5 00:00:09,579 --> 00:00:12,704 Exactly 10,000 drinks. However long that takes. 6 00:00:12,804 --> 00:00:15,351 You can't measure something like this in time. 7 00:00:15,451 --> 00:00:17,236 There's a series of steps. 8 00:00:17,336 --> 00:00:21,037 From her bed to the front door. Bam! Out of there. Next! 9 00:00:21,785 --> 00:00:24,042 But I think you start to recover the moment you meet 10 00:00:24,142 --> 00:00:26,846 that person who gets you back in the game. 11 00:00:27,484 --> 00:00:30,442 This is the story of how I met that person. 12 00:00:38,194 --> 00:00:42,263 Now, kids, if you want to go swimming, you don't just dive in. 13 00:00:42,363 --> 00:00:44,606 First, you dip your toe in the water. 14 00:00:55,087 --> 00:00:57,745 You check the temperature. See how it feels. 15 00:00:58,884 --> 00:01:00,000 I'm Ted. 16 00:01:01,438 --> 00:01:02,265 Vicky. 17 00:01:30,868 --> 00:01:32,936 And then you slowly wade in. 18 00:01:33,036 --> 00:01:34,743 I got left at the altar a month ago. 19 00:01:34,843 --> 00:01:36,210 Or, you know, cannonball. 20 00:01:36,310 --> 00:01:39,072 It was a complete disaster and ever since then, 21 00:01:39,172 --> 00:01:42,058 I haven't been able to even look at another woman. 22 00:01:42,646 --> 00:01:46,031 Except for the old lady on the subway who break-dances for nickels. 23 00:01:46,214 --> 00:01:48,670 I don't look at her that way. I just look at her. 24 00:01:48,840 --> 00:01:50,877 I mean, it's an old lady break-dancing. 25 00:01:51,338 --> 00:01:52,548 And she is good. 26 00:01:53,245 --> 00:01:55,265 I'm going to give her a dollar next time. 27 00:01:56,629 --> 00:01:58,769 Hey, let's pretend I just said this: 28 00:01:59,297 --> 00:02:01,983 These elevator rides have been the highlight of my week, 29 00:02:02,083 --> 00:02:04,606 and I'd love to see you again friday night. 30 00:02:05,014 --> 00:02:06,492 Not in the elevator. 31 00:02:06,906 --> 00:02:08,894 At a restaurant, a nice one. 32 00:02:09,344 --> 00:02:11,297 What do you say? 33 00:02:12,745 --> 00:02:13,499 Yes. 34 00:02:14,058 --> 00:02:15,835 Traduction : MiniBen314, Kabaka, Eomyn et Lino72 35 00:02:15,935 --> 00:02:17,619 Synchro : Mickeyte et MiniBen314 36 00:02:17,719 --> 00:02:20,123 Relecture : MiniBen314 Transcript : www.yyets.net 37 00:02:20,223 --> 00:02:23,634 How I Met Your Mother 4x09 - The Naked Man! 38 00:02:24,686 --> 00:02:26,845 par la "Have You Met Team" pour www.forom.com 39 00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:30,187 Kids, I walked in on a lot of crazy stuff 40 00:02:30,287 --> 00:02:32,260 at the old apartment over the years. 41 00:02:35,077 --> 00:02:38,363 Sorry, guys. I'm just going to go with a bowl of fruit. 42 00:02:39,822 --> 00:02:42,145 It's been 12 minutes! 43 00:02:46,613 --> 00:02:48,488 - Drop it! - You first! 44 00:02:48,588 --> 00:02:50,040 Ike, why are you pointing your gun at me? 45 00:02:50,149 --> 00:02:53,064 - Don't use my name! - Put the guns down, now! 46 00:02:58,727 --> 00:03:01,120 But one of the craziest things I ever walked in on 47 00:03:01,220 --> 00:03:04,209 happened when I was roommates with your Aunt Robin. 48 00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:14,396 Who are you?! 49 00:03:14,884 --> 00:03:15,752 Mitch. 50 00:03:18,294 --> 00:03:19,843 What you doing, Mitch? 51 00:03:20,650 --> 00:03:22,142 You must be the roommate. 52 00:03:22,323 --> 00:03:23,636 I'm on a date with Robin. 53 00:03:23,736 --> 00:03:25,937 She had to step outside to take a call. 54 00:03:26,037 --> 00:03:28,191 I guess her cell phone doesn't work in here. 55 00:03:31,209 --> 00:03:34,312 Robin... didn't use the super secret signal. 56 00:03:34,412 --> 00:03:37,035 We put this old takeout menu on the doorknob. 57 00:03:37,205 --> 00:03:38,588 Place went out of business. 58 00:03:38,758 --> 00:03:39,947 Mr. Wang's... 59 00:03:40,531 --> 00:03:42,815 Guess I don't have to explain why that's funny. 60 00:03:43,698 --> 00:03:44,835 I'm going to go. 61 00:03:47,883 --> 00:03:49,145 When you leave, 62 00:03:49,245 --> 00:03:51,709 take the seat cushion with you. That's trash now. 63 00:03:53,183 --> 00:03:55,665 I think that I am more than qualified for the job. 64 00:03:56,084 --> 00:03:57,592 My weaknesses? 65 00:03:57,978 --> 00:03:59,617 I would say caring too much, 66 00:03:59,717 --> 00:04:02,735 working too hard, and putting my career in front of my love life. 67 00:04:02,835 --> 00:04:05,521 Whoops, that last one was real. What?! 68 00:04:08,154 --> 00:04:12,922 Well, it appears our sweet, innocent, little Robin has taken a lover. 69 00:04:13,022 --> 00:04:15,238 A young blade by the name of Mitch. 70 00:04:15,610 --> 00:04:16,818 Her blind date? 71 00:04:16,918 --> 00:04:19,897 Total bust. She's been sending me text messages all night. 72 00:04:19,997 --> 00:04:23,233 She just let him go upstairs to use the bathroom a second ago. 73 00:04:23,750 --> 00:04:25,190 Excuse me a minute. 74 00:04:28,701 --> 00:04:31,901 Buddy, you are killing me. I'm kind of in the middle of something here. 75 00:04:32,001 --> 00:04:33,251 Middle of what?! 76 00:04:34,710 --> 00:04:36,071 This is my move. 77 00:04:36,438 --> 00:04:38,066 It's called, "The Naked Man." 78 00:04:38,369 --> 00:04:39,560 "The Naked Man"? 79 00:04:39,890 --> 00:04:40,912 Goes like this: 80 00:04:41,012 --> 00:04:42,651 You're on a first date, 81 00:04:42,941 --> 00:04:44,258 you've had a few drinks, 82 00:04:44,358 --> 00:04:46,434 you make an excuse to go up to the girl's apartment. 83 00:04:46,770 --> 00:04:48,836 So, the bathroom's right there. 84 00:04:49,965 --> 00:04:51,661 You know what, I'm going to grab this. 85 00:04:53,309 --> 00:04:55,522 Then, once she leaves the room, 86 00:04:55,622 --> 00:04:58,281 you strip down naked and wait. 87 00:04:58,575 --> 00:05:02,118 When she comes back, she laughs. 88 00:05:02,218 --> 00:05:04,591 She's so charmed by your confidence and bravado, 89 00:05:04,691 --> 00:05:06,178 she sleeps with you. 90 00:05:08,707 --> 00:05:10,899 There is no way that works! 91 00:05:10,999 --> 00:05:12,428 Two out of three times. 92 00:05:12,731 --> 00:05:15,904 - Two out of three times? - Two out of three times. 93 00:05:16,004 --> 00:05:17,809 You just have to pick your spot. 94 00:05:17,909 --> 00:05:20,593 The Naked Man is best used as a last resort, 95 00:05:20,693 --> 00:05:22,213 kind of a Hail Mary on a 96 00:05:22,313 --> 00:05:24,777 first date when you know there's not going to be a second one. 97 00:05:24,877 --> 00:05:26,501 How do you know there's not going to be a second date? 98 00:05:26,601 --> 00:05:28,819 - Ted, look at me. - I'd rather not, Mitch. 99 00:05:29,597 --> 00:05:31,464 Robin is way out of my league. 100 00:05:31,564 --> 00:05:34,525 I'm not smart, funny or handsome. 101 00:05:34,689 --> 00:05:36,926 And as you can plainly see, there's nothing impressive 102 00:05:37,026 --> 00:05:39,401 going on anywhere around here. 103 00:05:39,981 --> 00:05:42,794 My only shot with a girl like Robin is the element of surprise. 104 00:05:42,894 --> 00:05:45,805 And, let's be honest, a little pity. 105 00:05:46,367 --> 00:05:48,519 It's shock and "aw." 106 00:05:49,740 --> 00:05:51,068 This doesn't really work. 107 00:05:51,168 --> 00:05:52,810 Two out of three times. 108 00:05:53,232 --> 00:05:54,454 Guaranteed. 109 00:05:55,106 --> 00:05:56,170 No way. 110 00:05:56,270 --> 00:05:59,655 Two out of three times. He guaranteed it. 111 00:05:59,918 --> 00:06:01,001 Come on. 112 00:06:01,261 --> 00:06:03,268 There is no way that's going to work on Robin. 113 00:06:03,359 --> 00:06:05,680 She's going to walk in there, take one look at that idiot 114 00:06:05,767 --> 00:06:06,941 and send him packing. 115 00:06:07,041 --> 00:06:08,776 She might kick his ass first. 116 00:06:08,876 --> 00:06:11,468 She might get her gun and shoot him. 117 00:06:15,896 --> 00:06:16,991 Go, go! 118 00:06:19,133 --> 00:06:20,388 My God! 119 00:06:20,642 --> 00:06:21,688 It worked. 120 00:06:21,994 --> 00:06:24,672 Mr. Wang's is back in business?! 121 00:06:29,572 --> 00:06:31,798 The Naked Man works! 122 00:06:32,146 --> 00:06:35,196 This is going to revolutionize the one-night stand! 123 00:06:35,296 --> 00:06:38,053 This is like the forward pass in football. 124 00:06:38,153 --> 00:06:39,995 The slam dunk in basketball. 125 00:06:40,095 --> 00:06:41,892 The haircutting technique where they hold it 126 00:06:41,992 --> 00:06:43,833 between their fingers and cut right above it. 127 00:06:43,933 --> 00:06:45,367 It's a total game changer! 128 00:06:45,467 --> 00:06:47,342 Barney, this guy slept with Robin, 129 00:06:47,442 --> 00:06:51,406 who you claim to be in love with. How can you be excited about this? 130 00:06:52,959 --> 00:06:56,008 The Naked Man is bigger than me and Robin. 131 00:06:56,555 --> 00:06:57,872 All these years, 132 00:06:58,087 --> 00:06:59,875 I have been busting my hump, 133 00:06:59,975 --> 00:07:03,991 with my secret identities and my tricks and my gadgets. 134 00:07:04,475 --> 00:07:05,292 I mean, 135 00:07:05,462 --> 00:07:06,717 I'm like Batman. 136 00:07:06,887 --> 00:07:08,840 But this Mitch fellow, he's Superman. 137 00:07:09,010 --> 00:07:11,211 He just rips off his clothes and he's good to go. 138 00:07:11,381 --> 00:07:13,668 What kind of gadgets are we talking about? 139 00:07:15,205 --> 00:07:17,849 So, this is what it's going to be like, us living together? I come home, 140 00:07:18,019 --> 00:07:20,805 and guys you're dating are just going to be sitting on the couch, naked. 141 00:07:20,975 --> 00:07:22,712 Well, I wish I could say no. 142 00:07:23,444 --> 00:07:26,426 I still cannot believe the Naked Man worked on you. 143 00:07:26,504 --> 00:07:30,470 What can I say? Okay, I went in there, and he was naked. 144 00:07:30,640 --> 00:07:33,932 It was funny. I laughed, he laughed. 145 00:07:34,610 --> 00:07:38,150 And then it just kind of happened. I don't know. 146 00:07:40,267 --> 00:07:41,395 I call "slut!" 147 00:07:43,062 --> 00:07:44,197 Excuse me? 148 00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:46,275 I'm sorry, Robin, but you hooking up with this guy 149 00:07:46,375 --> 00:07:48,357 makes it seem like the only thing standing 150 00:07:48,457 --> 00:07:51,100 between you and sex is clothes. 151 00:07:51,200 --> 00:07:54,058 I didn't just sleep with Mitch because he was naked. 152 00:07:54,158 --> 00:07:55,681 Then why did you sleep with him? 153 00:07:55,781 --> 00:07:56,809 Because... 154 00:07:56,909 --> 00:07:57,737 he... 155 00:07:58,696 --> 00:07:59,547 He... 156 00:07:59,840 --> 00:08:02,258 Because I care about Mitch. 157 00:08:02,804 --> 00:08:03,652 A lot. 158 00:08:04,213 --> 00:08:06,615 There was a... connection 159 00:08:07,297 --> 00:08:08,741 of specialness. 160 00:08:09,079 --> 00:08:09,841 Of... 161 00:08:10,308 --> 00:08:12,065 specialness and feelings. 162 00:08:12,268 --> 00:08:13,851 It was because he was naked. 163 00:08:13,937 --> 00:08:15,620 And I'm sorry, but I don't approve. 164 00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:17,429 There is only one reason 165 00:08:17,529 --> 00:08:20,233 to sleep with somebody, and that is love. 166 00:08:22,827 --> 00:08:25,244 Marshall's a big girl because he believes in true love 167 00:08:25,344 --> 00:08:27,003 and just finished reading The Notebook 168 00:08:27,103 --> 00:08:29,586 because the secretaries bullied him into joing Oprah's Book Club. 169 00:08:29,686 --> 00:08:31,309 Fine! But you know I'm right. 170 00:08:31,409 --> 00:08:35,093 Marshall, I love you, but there's lots of reasons to have sex. 171 00:08:35,263 --> 00:08:37,163 - Name one. - I can name 50. 172 00:08:37,333 --> 00:08:39,185 - You can't. - Number one: 173 00:08:39,355 --> 00:08:40,909 last Thursday. 174 00:08:47,119 --> 00:08:49,513 - Hey, Marshall, want to do it? - I'm up. 175 00:08:51,247 --> 00:08:55,326 You befouled our marital bed because you couldn't get to sleep?! 176 00:08:55,554 --> 00:08:56,778 You're the one who said, 177 00:08:56,878 --> 00:08:59,748 "That shadow on the ceiling looks like a scary toothless clown. 178 00:08:59,848 --> 00:09:01,094 Good night, Lily." 179 00:09:01,526 --> 00:09:02,785 Fine! That's one. 180 00:09:02,893 --> 00:09:05,875 - But I defy you to name... - I'm going to name 50. 181 00:09:06,265 --> 00:09:08,084 There's "makeup" sex... 182 00:09:08,628 --> 00:09:09,845 "breakup" sex... 183 00:09:09,942 --> 00:09:12,974 and "your friend just told you about a new-position" sex. 184 00:09:13,144 --> 00:09:14,162 You're welcome. 185 00:09:15,260 --> 00:09:16,790 There's also "revenge", 186 00:09:17,144 --> 00:09:18,172 "rebound", 187 00:09:18,646 --> 00:09:19,844 "paratrooping." 188 00:09:20,315 --> 00:09:21,783 You know, when you go out of town 189 00:09:21,883 --> 00:09:24,157 but instead of getting a hotel room, you go straight to a bar 190 00:09:24,257 --> 00:09:25,846 with the sole intention of hooking up 191 00:09:25,946 --> 00:09:27,621 with a girl so you have a place to stay. 192 00:09:27,721 --> 00:09:29,170 Oh, you mean "banging for roof." 193 00:09:29,270 --> 00:09:30,362 Slut! 194 00:09:30,462 --> 00:09:32,772 I don't do it. My college roommate did it. 195 00:09:32,867 --> 00:09:34,928 No, Robin, I just have a bad cough. 196 00:09:35,028 --> 00:09:36,998 I don't really have a bad cough. 197 00:09:37,117 --> 00:09:41,531 We all know "college roommate" means you, slut! 198 00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:43,785 Does anyone have a lozenge? 199 00:09:45,374 --> 00:09:48,511 I've got one. "Nothing good on television" sex. 200 00:09:49,063 --> 00:09:50,764 "Hotel room" sex. 201 00:09:50,864 --> 00:09:52,080 "Curiosity," 202 00:09:52,453 --> 00:09:53,331 as in... 203 00:09:53,431 --> 00:09:56,857 "I've always wondered what it's like to have sex with a really tall girl." 204 00:09:56,957 --> 00:09:58,121 Not a big girl, 205 00:09:58,599 --> 00:10:00,377 just a tall girl. 206 00:10:01,394 --> 00:10:02,335 Like... 207 00:10:02,764 --> 00:10:04,314 if a normal girl 208 00:10:04,779 --> 00:10:06,180 were seven, 209 00:10:06,284 --> 00:10:09,374 seven-and-a-half-feet tall and 210 00:10:09,626 --> 00:10:12,487 wore a denim miniskirt. 211 00:10:13,291 --> 00:10:15,253 I would have to know what that is like. 212 00:10:17,672 --> 00:10:18,718 32 reasons later... 213 00:10:18,818 --> 00:10:20,119 "He said he loved you, 214 00:10:20,219 --> 00:10:22,484 but you're not ready to say it back yet" sex. 215 00:10:22,584 --> 00:10:23,516 Forty-three. 216 00:10:23,616 --> 00:10:25,650 "Wingman diving on the friend grenade." 217 00:10:25,750 --> 00:10:26,963 Forty-four. 218 00:10:27,678 --> 00:10:29,443 "The condoms are about to expire." 219 00:10:29,734 --> 00:10:31,113 Forty-five. 220 00:10:35,311 --> 00:10:37,209 This is getting a little hard. 221 00:10:37,309 --> 00:10:38,297 Forty-six! 222 00:10:41,407 --> 00:10:43,742 Okay, four more to go. Ooh! 223 00:10:43,842 --> 00:10:45,896 "You dropped a Cheeto on his lap 224 00:10:45,996 --> 00:10:49,189 "and when you reached for it, he thought you were making a move, 225 00:10:49,289 --> 00:10:51,217 "so you just went with it." 226 00:10:51,573 --> 00:10:54,736 Thank you for ruing the memory of our six-month anniversary. 227 00:10:54,836 --> 00:10:56,305 You got me Cheetos. 228 00:10:57,227 --> 00:10:59,545 Can we just stop with this stupid list? 229 00:10:59,645 --> 00:11:01,057 You guys are making me sad. 230 00:11:01,157 --> 00:11:02,995 No, I'm having fun. 231 00:11:03,095 --> 00:11:06,404 Man, this whole "one-partner" thing sucks sometimes. 232 00:11:06,504 --> 00:11:08,485 I'm always talking about you. 233 00:11:08,585 --> 00:11:10,169 I can't play "I never" because 234 00:11:10,269 --> 00:11:13,524 then everyone would know all the weird stuff I let you do to me. 235 00:11:13,624 --> 00:11:17,150 The only weird thing I ever did to you was open up my heart and soul 236 00:11:17,250 --> 00:11:20,109 when all I had to do was strip naked while you were out of the room. 237 00:11:20,209 --> 00:11:22,919 I didn't sleep with Mitch because he was naked! 238 00:11:23,356 --> 00:11:25,238 Mitch and I have something special. 239 00:11:25,338 --> 00:11:27,720 I mean, fingers crossed, guys. He may be the one. 240 00:11:27,820 --> 00:11:30,423 The one?! Mitch?! The Naked Man?! 241 00:11:30,543 --> 00:11:32,332 You mean the naked genius. 242 00:11:32,432 --> 00:11:35,956 All these years I've been suiting up when I should have been suiting down. 243 00:11:36,056 --> 00:11:40,908 That's it. I am doing The Naked Man tonight. Ted, so are you. 244 00:11:41,008 --> 00:11:42,509 - What? - With the elevator girl. 245 00:11:42,609 --> 00:11:44,731 You're going out with her tonight, right? Naked Man! 246 00:11:44,831 --> 00:11:46,631 No. Barney, come on, this is the first girl 247 00:11:46,731 --> 00:11:48,582 I've had the courage to ask out since Stella. 248 00:11:48,682 --> 00:11:49,727 Naked Man! 249 00:11:49,827 --> 00:11:52,089 No, Barney, this is the eighth outfit I tried on tonight! 250 00:11:52,189 --> 00:11:54,979 I got my hair cut three times! I'm a nervous wreck! 251 00:11:55,079 --> 00:11:56,826 Are you wearing makeup? 252 00:11:58,059 --> 00:11:59,212 It's not makeup! 253 00:11:59,312 --> 00:12:01,996 Iit's a sunscreen with a subtle tint of... 254 00:12:03,413 --> 00:12:04,564 It's made for men. 255 00:12:06,020 --> 00:12:07,748 Sue me, I want my eyes to pop. 256 00:12:10,190 --> 00:12:11,255 Naked Man! 257 00:12:11,455 --> 00:12:12,987 No, Barney, I like Vicky. 258 00:12:13,087 --> 00:12:14,644 This could actually go somewhere. 259 00:12:14,744 --> 00:12:16,890 I don't want to do anything stupid to jeopardize it. 260 00:12:17,061 --> 00:12:19,630 Well, I really like... 261 00:12:19,764 --> 00:12:20,991 that girl, 262 00:12:21,213 --> 00:12:23,466 but... Oh, I didn't see her from the back. 263 00:12:24,199 --> 00:12:25,756 I really like... 264 00:12:26,211 --> 00:12:27,091 that girl. 265 00:12:27,558 --> 00:12:30,458 And I'm willing to jeopardize our future together 266 00:12:30,558 --> 00:12:32,462 for one night of glory. 267 00:12:33,342 --> 00:12:34,278 Naked Man! 268 00:12:36,107 --> 00:12:38,491 So, that night, we all set out to prove something. 269 00:12:38,867 --> 00:12:40,834 Robin wanted to defend her honor. 270 00:12:40,934 --> 00:12:43,830 Mitch, hey baby, it's me. 271 00:12:44,750 --> 00:12:45,546 Robin. 272 00:12:46,377 --> 00:12:48,755 Do you want to grab some dinner tonight? 273 00:12:49,470 --> 00:12:51,837 Because you're basically my boyfriend! 274 00:12:52,873 --> 00:12:55,124 Lily needed to prove that she could finish her list. 275 00:12:55,782 --> 00:12:59,176 I'm stuck. I can't think of the last two. 276 00:13:00,963 --> 00:13:02,390 Reason number 48: 277 00:13:02,490 --> 00:13:06,243 To reinforce good behaviors such as shaving and dental hygiene. 278 00:13:06,343 --> 00:13:08,151 Oh, now you're conditioning me? Great! 279 00:13:08,251 --> 00:13:10,738 That explains why I always get an erection when I floss. 280 00:13:12,555 --> 00:13:15,409 I had to prove that as scary as it was to be dating again, 281 00:13:15,509 --> 00:13:18,170 I was over Stella and ready to get back out there. 282 00:13:18,270 --> 00:13:21,612 And Barney needed to prove that he, too, could pull off The Naked Man. 283 00:13:21,821 --> 00:13:23,961 Hey, thank you for letting me look at your aquarium. 284 00:13:24,061 --> 00:13:26,257 - You're a real life saver. - Sure, no problem. 285 00:13:26,357 --> 00:13:28,996 I just need to use the bathroom and I'll be on my way. 286 00:13:36,065 --> 00:13:37,723 Ted, I'm doing it. 287 00:13:38,071 --> 00:13:39,677 I'm doing the Naked Man! 288 00:13:40,090 --> 00:13:41,220 Me, too! 289 00:13:42,634 --> 00:13:43,583 You... 290 00:13:46,607 --> 00:13:48,811 I'm doing it! I'm doing The Naked Man! 291 00:13:48,911 --> 00:13:50,075 That's great! 292 00:13:50,454 --> 00:13:51,987 What made you change your mind? 293 00:13:52,087 --> 00:13:54,155 The date with Vicky started off okay, but, 294 00:13:54,255 --> 00:13:55,750 it didn't go as well as I hoped. 295 00:13:55,998 --> 00:13:58,617 Oh, my God! Ted, you are so funny! 296 00:13:59,028 --> 00:14:02,293 And can I just say, you have amazing eyes. 297 00:14:02,393 --> 00:14:04,577 What, these old things? 298 00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:07,012 Oh! Nice job, hot shot. 299 00:14:07,112 --> 00:14:08,684 - I'm sorry... - Save it! 300 00:14:08,784 --> 00:14:10,541 Go tell the manager he owes us an appetizer. 301 00:14:11,690 --> 00:14:13,544 One of the ones with shrimp! 302 00:14:13,867 --> 00:14:15,499 You're welcome. You were saying? 303 00:14:16,506 --> 00:14:19,549 And then his cane missed the top step, 304 00:14:19,649 --> 00:14:22,852 and he was falling, for, I swear, like two minutes. 305 00:14:25,048 --> 00:14:27,558 God, I love old people. 306 00:14:29,445 --> 00:14:32,343 Once I realized there was no possible future in this relationship, 307 00:14:32,443 --> 00:14:33,813 I just decided to go for it. 308 00:14:33,913 --> 00:14:35,931 Awesome! Okay, big question: 309 00:14:36,031 --> 00:14:39,570 What pose will you display your Naked Man in? 310 00:14:41,027 --> 00:14:43,157 That is a big question. I hadn't really thought about it. 311 00:14:43,357 --> 00:14:45,367 I was thinking the Superman. 312 00:14:47,721 --> 00:14:49,929 What about the Captain Morgan? 313 00:14:52,116 --> 00:14:54,915 How about the "Oops, I didn't see you there"? 314 00:14:56,954 --> 00:14:58,022 The Thinker? 315 00:14:59,623 --> 00:15:01,426 What about the Heisman? 316 00:15:02,543 --> 00:15:03,660 Mr. Clean? 317 00:15:06,445 --> 00:15:08,387 The Burt Reynolds. 318 00:15:15,652 --> 00:15:17,284 It's so great to see you again. 319 00:15:21,015 --> 00:15:23,207 I really had a great time last night. 320 00:15:28,440 --> 00:15:31,496 So, what is it like managing a C.P.K.? 321 00:15:31,596 --> 00:15:34,154 I mean, who's idea was it to put a pineapple in the... 322 00:15:34,254 --> 00:15:36,085 Okay, stop right there. I know what this is. 323 00:15:36,908 --> 00:15:39,964 I've been on this date before. This is the "I'm not a slut" date. 324 00:15:40,064 --> 00:15:42,694 What? That's crazy. 325 00:15:42,794 --> 00:15:45,691 Usually you read me so well, but this time you're wrong. 326 00:15:45,791 --> 00:15:48,648 Come on, Robin. One of us had a good time last night, 327 00:15:48,748 --> 00:15:50,150 and we both know it was me. 328 00:15:50,668 --> 00:15:52,781 Oh, Mitchell... Something, 329 00:15:52,881 --> 00:15:55,062 that is, that is just not true! 330 00:15:55,262 --> 00:15:56,855 Really? How was the sex? 331 00:15:56,955 --> 00:15:58,232 I didn't hate it. 332 00:15:58,332 --> 00:16:00,565 Robin, you've seen my move. 333 00:16:00,945 --> 00:16:01,897 That's it. 334 00:16:02,796 --> 00:16:04,321 I have nothing else to offer you. 335 00:16:04,989 --> 00:16:07,059 I'm broke, I sweat when I eat, 336 00:16:07,159 --> 00:16:09,500 and I'm in, like, five different fantasy football leagues. 337 00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:11,113 It's all I talk about. 338 00:16:11,213 --> 00:16:13,124 Trust me, you don't want to be around that. 339 00:16:13,224 --> 00:16:15,452 What? Yes, I do! 340 00:16:15,552 --> 00:16:18,168 Look, I didn't just sleep with you because you were naked. 341 00:16:18,268 --> 00:16:19,547 Yeah, you did. 342 00:16:19,647 --> 00:16:21,981 And now you're trying to pretend it was something more 343 00:16:22,081 --> 00:16:23,591 to make yourself feel better. 344 00:16:24,049 --> 00:16:25,462 Say what you will, 345 00:16:25,562 --> 00:16:27,761 at least The Naked Man is honest. 346 00:16:29,018 --> 00:16:32,050 What about the old "Coppertone Baby"? 347 00:16:34,930 --> 00:16:37,730 The Olympic gymnast who stuck the landing. 348 00:16:38,242 --> 00:16:38,966 Hup! 349 00:16:40,801 --> 00:16:41,750 I got to go. 350 00:16:41,850 --> 00:16:42,944 Naked Man! 351 00:16:46,540 --> 00:16:48,293 You have a really nice place! 352 00:16:48,393 --> 00:16:51,195 Oh, thanks! Coming from you, that's a real compliment. 353 00:16:51,295 --> 00:16:53,804 I just love that you're an architect, it's so fascinating. 354 00:16:53,904 --> 00:16:57,480 I could listen to you talk about structural design all night. 355 00:16:58,350 --> 00:17:00,336 And then I noticed, lying on her end table, 356 00:17:00,436 --> 00:17:02,604 a book of love poems by Pablo Neruda. 357 00:17:03,038 --> 00:17:05,338 The same edition I'd had since college. 358 00:17:05,438 --> 00:17:07,438 And it was bookmarked to my favorite poem. 359 00:17:09,907 --> 00:17:12,435 Maybe I was all wrong about this girl. 360 00:17:12,535 --> 00:17:14,568 Maybe there was a future for us. 361 00:17:15,794 --> 00:17:16,519 Crap! 362 00:17:22,644 --> 00:17:25,085 Here we go. 363 00:17:25,935 --> 00:17:27,583 Pablo Neruda. 364 00:17:27,966 --> 00:17:29,374 Oh, yeah, 365 00:17:29,638 --> 00:17:31,241 that book's a turd. 366 00:17:31,341 --> 00:17:34,828 Some douchey guy I hooked up with left it here. It's all in Mexican. 367 00:17:36,029 --> 00:17:38,057 You know who writes good poems? 368 00:17:38,157 --> 00:17:38,919 Jewel. 369 00:17:39,169 --> 00:17:41,922 Her teeth are crooked and she lived in a car. 370 00:17:43,020 --> 00:17:45,689 - So, she has stuff to write about. - Ta-dah! 371 00:17:58,402 --> 00:17:59,202 Okay. 372 00:18:01,180 --> 00:18:02,716 The Naked Man works! 373 00:18:02,816 --> 00:18:05,219 I just had decent sex with an awful human being. 374 00:18:05,319 --> 00:18:07,793 - I am back! - Congratulations, buddy. 375 00:18:08,121 --> 00:18:10,959 You're not the only one who rocked The Naked Man tonight. 376 00:18:12,228 --> 00:18:14,785 You just want to do it to change the subject. 377 00:18:15,216 --> 00:18:16,015 Yeah. 378 00:18:16,557 --> 00:18:18,118 Hey, that's number 49! 379 00:18:19,114 --> 00:18:20,124 Did it work? 380 00:18:21,271 --> 00:18:23,053 It's like I just flossed. 381 00:18:23,481 --> 00:18:24,586 I love you. 382 00:18:25,813 --> 00:18:26,840 That's 50. 383 00:18:27,335 --> 00:18:28,467 Oh, yeah... 384 00:18:29,625 --> 00:18:31,193 Nice! What pose did you go with? 385 00:18:31,293 --> 00:18:32,986 I went with "I've got boobs." 386 00:18:33,086 --> 00:18:35,222 And she nailed it. 387 00:18:36,380 --> 00:18:37,909 Oh, my God! Guys, guys, guys! 388 00:18:38,009 --> 00:18:38,990 This is him! 389 00:18:39,090 --> 00:18:40,562 This is The Naked Man! 390 00:18:41,006 --> 00:18:42,592 Ted, his name is Mitch. 391 00:18:42,692 --> 00:18:43,499 And, 392 00:18:43,599 --> 00:18:45,022 he's my boyfriend. So... 393 00:18:45,122 --> 00:18:47,125 It's okay, Robin. I no longer call "slut." 394 00:18:48,602 --> 00:18:50,738 - Okay. You can go. We're done. - Thanks. 395 00:18:50,838 --> 00:18:53,454 Hold on, Mitch, Mitch, I have to thank you. 396 00:18:53,700 --> 00:18:55,466 We all tried The Naked Man tonight. 397 00:18:56,677 --> 00:18:58,637 We should see how Barney did. 398 00:19:02,209 --> 00:19:04,752 - Hello? - Hi, is Barney there? 399 00:19:04,952 --> 00:19:05,711 No. 400 00:19:06,210 --> 00:19:08,714 Oh, my God! What's the matter with you?! 401 00:19:08,814 --> 00:19:09,773 Get out! 402 00:19:09,873 --> 00:19:12,600 I just have to grab my suit. It's very expensive. The tie alone... 403 00:19:12,700 --> 00:19:14,696 Get out of here right now! Get out! 404 00:19:14,796 --> 00:19:17,211 - You sick son of a bitch! - Call me. 405 00:19:18,173 --> 00:19:20,934 And if I see him again, I'm calling the cops. 406 00:19:24,837 --> 00:19:26,498 Two out of three times. 407 00:19:28,025 --> 00:19:30,262 Mitch, I want you to know, this night, 408 00:19:30,362 --> 00:19:31,819 crazy as it was, 409 00:19:32,179 --> 00:19:33,752 it got me out of my shell. 410 00:19:33,852 --> 00:19:35,750 That's the beauty of The Naked Man. 411 00:19:35,850 --> 00:19:38,648 It gives you exactly what you need. No more, 412 00:19:39,091 --> 00:19:39,953 no less. 413 00:19:41,321 --> 00:19:42,843 Now, if you'll excuse me, 414 00:19:42,943 --> 00:19:45,601 I need to replace one of my fantasy football quarterbacks. 415 00:19:46,030 --> 00:19:48,108 He separated his shoulder! 416 00:19:52,858 --> 00:19:53,937 A toast... 417 00:19:54,600 --> 00:19:55,708 to Mitch. 418 00:19:57,979 --> 00:20:00,766 By the sum of his parts, he is just a man. 419 00:20:01,482 --> 00:20:04,865 But by what he does with those parts, he becomes so much more. 420 00:20:04,965 --> 00:20:07,720 He may not fit society's definition of a hero, 421 00:20:07,820 --> 00:20:09,904 but he is the hero I needed. 422 00:20:10,004 --> 00:20:12,223 The hero who helped me recover from the disaster 423 00:20:12,323 --> 00:20:15,103 of my failed almost-marriage and get back into the game. 424 00:20:15,361 --> 00:20:16,667 He lives in the shadows. 425 00:20:16,767 --> 00:20:17,816 Is he a dream? 426 00:20:17,916 --> 00:20:19,186 Truth? Fiction? 427 00:20:19,286 --> 00:20:21,002 Damnation? Salvation? 428 00:20:21,102 --> 00:20:24,273 He is all these things and none of them. For he is... 429 00:20:24,564 --> 00:20:26,209 "The Naked Man." 430 00:20:29,221 --> 00:20:30,366 Oh, my God! 431 00:20:41,965 --> 00:20:43,262 Oh, thank God.