1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.CO 1 00:00:11,445 --> 00:00:12,655 So, at the end of the day, 2 00:00:12,738 --> 00:00:15,324 I'm just a regular guy trying to live a regular life. 3 00:00:15,407 --> 00:00:18,577 Remember that time you peed in Drew Barrymore's car? 4 00:00:18,661 --> 00:00:21,622 Uh, yes, I remember that. Why do you remember that? 5 00:00:21,706 --> 00:00:23,123 It was in your book. 6 00:00:23,207 --> 00:00:26,126 -You should do that to someone here. -What? No. 7 00:00:26,210 --> 00:00:30,006 Well, anyway, I can't believe I'm on a date with BoJack Horseman. 8 00:00:30,089 --> 00:00:33,133 I feel like that anonymous girl from Chapter 8 of your book 9 00:00:33,258 --> 00:00:36,095 mixed with the pluck and determination of that anonymous girl 10 00:00:36,178 --> 00:00:39,223 -from Chapter 12. -We don't need to dwell on the past. 11 00:00:39,306 --> 00:00:41,517 Wait, shut up. Is this the restaurant you bought 12 00:00:41,600 --> 00:00:44,603 when you were trying to show up Mr. Peanutbutter? 13 00:00:44,687 --> 00:00:47,314 -Uh... No. -Hey, this table's a little wobbly. 14 00:00:47,398 --> 00:00:49,400 Want to yell at the waiter and make a scene? 15 00:00:49,483 --> 00:00:52,070 -No, I don't need-- -Come on, do that BoJack thing 16 00:00:52,152 --> 00:00:54,363 where you make a big deal and everyone laughs, 17 00:00:54,446 --> 00:00:55,948 but at the same time we relate, 18 00:00:56,032 --> 00:00:58,659 because you're saying the things polite society won't. 19 00:00:58,743 --> 00:00:59,744 That's not-- Ugh... 20 00:00:59,827 --> 00:01:03,330 -Is everything all right over here? -No, everything is not all right. 21 00:01:03,414 --> 00:01:05,416 This table's been wobbling all evening. 22 00:01:05,499 --> 00:01:09,045 If I wanted to flop around and get seasick for an hour, I'd call your mother. 23 00:01:09,128 --> 00:01:12,006 -Something in that area or...? -Take me home now 24 00:01:12,090 --> 00:01:15,467 and don't let me get out of bed until I turn horse-colored. 25 00:01:17,095 --> 00:01:19,179 -What are you doing? -Did you want me to stay? 26 00:01:19,263 --> 00:01:21,099 No, I wanted you to leave more quietly. 27 00:01:21,181 --> 00:01:23,517 Some of us here are trying to forget you exist. 28 00:01:23,601 --> 00:01:25,937 "Forget you exist." Classic BoJack. Love it. 29 00:01:27,646 --> 00:01:30,733 - Oh, my God, are you Todd? - Uh, yes. 30 00:01:30,816 --> 00:01:32,151 "Shut up, Todd!" 31 00:01:33,861 --> 00:01:35,487 Aw, okay. 32 00:02:33,712 --> 00:02:35,881 Hey, Todd, can you drive me to get my car? 33 00:02:35,965 --> 00:02:38,717 I wanted to be responsible last night, so I Ubered home 34 00:02:38,801 --> 00:02:41,053 -and left my car in the fountain. -Sorry, BoJack. 35 00:02:41,179 --> 00:02:46,475 I gotta get ready for my grand opening. It's finally happening. My Disneyland. 36 00:02:46,558 --> 00:02:49,812 I realize that by saying "what" I might set off a chain of events 37 00:02:49,895 --> 00:02:52,356 whereby we continue this conversation, but what? 38 00:02:52,439 --> 00:02:55,193 Well, remember when I first moved in and I kept asking 39 00:02:55,275 --> 00:02:57,277 -if we could go to Disneyland? -I do not. 40 00:02:57,361 --> 00:02:59,989 And then you said that there was no Disneyland. 41 00:03:00,072 --> 00:03:02,825 -No. -That Disneyland was a made-up lie, 42 00:03:02,908 --> 00:03:06,245 like the tooth fairy, that parents use to get their kids to behave. 43 00:03:06,328 --> 00:03:08,914 -Oh, yeah, that shut you up. -Sure did. 44 00:03:08,998 --> 00:03:12,501 But then I thought, why isn't there a Disneyland? 45 00:03:12,584 --> 00:03:13,752 People would love it! 46 00:03:13,836 --> 00:03:16,047 So, I took matters into my own hands, 47 00:03:16,130 --> 00:03:19,800 and over the last five years, I built my own Disneyland. 48 00:03:19,884 --> 00:03:23,428 You've been doing this for five years? How have you never mentioned it? 49 00:03:23,554 --> 00:03:27,558 I bought that cheap plot of non-arable dirt by the toxic waste dump 50 00:03:27,641 --> 00:03:30,519 -up the hill from the old fire station. -Okay, Todd. 51 00:03:30,602 --> 00:03:33,647 -I'm gonna build a Disneyland. -Sounds great, champ. 52 00:03:33,731 --> 00:03:36,234 If it wasn't for that, she never would've gotten sober. 53 00:03:36,316 --> 00:03:39,904 Just finished drawing up blueprints for that Disneyland I'm building. 54 00:03:39,987 --> 00:03:41,239 Kind of busy here, Todd. 55 00:03:41,321 --> 00:03:43,991 So, it turned out to be a good thing I peed in her car. 56 00:03:44,075 --> 00:03:45,993 Sorry for all the noise. 57 00:03:46,077 --> 00:03:49,914 Got this crew of worker bees to help me build my Disneyland. 58 00:03:49,997 --> 00:03:53,500 Okay, I get it. You are building your own Disneyland. 59 00:03:53,584 --> 00:03:57,671 -Literally the first I'm hearing of this. -Anyway, tomorrow we open the gates. 60 00:03:57,755 --> 00:04:02,218 Finally, people will have a place to go after they win the Super Bowl. 61 00:04:02,301 --> 00:04:04,678 But you do know that there already is a Disneyland? 62 00:04:04,803 --> 00:04:07,806 -Yeah, I built it. -No, I mean the real Disneyland. 63 00:04:07,890 --> 00:04:10,893 You mean, the one in the hearts and minds of children everywhere? 64 00:04:10,976 --> 00:04:13,771 -The one in Anaheim! -I think we're saying the same thing. 65 00:04:13,854 --> 00:04:15,189 Are we? 66 00:04:17,733 --> 00:04:20,861 Well, I think it's safe to take the cone off. 67 00:04:20,945 --> 00:04:23,281 I can do it for a small co-pay. 68 00:04:23,363 --> 00:04:24,740 Can't say I'll miss it, 69 00:04:24,823 --> 00:04:29,203 but we did have some crazy adventures together these last few weeks. 70 00:04:30,871 --> 00:04:34,292 Honey, would you rub my chin for me so I can remember things? 71 00:04:34,374 --> 00:04:36,294 Oh, um, okay. Uh... 72 00:04:36,877 --> 00:04:38,921 Yeah, memories. 73 00:04:39,004 --> 00:04:42,174 Hey, where should we go for my first meal after the operation? 74 00:04:42,258 --> 00:04:44,885 It's not an operation, but we could go to Storky's again. 75 00:04:44,969 --> 00:04:48,180 Oh, yeah! We're finally due for our free sub. 76 00:04:48,306 --> 00:04:51,642 "Storky's, where your 81st sandwich is free." 77 00:04:51,725 --> 00:04:55,020 We've been there 80 times? It just opened last month. 78 00:04:55,104 --> 00:04:58,816 Yeah, but you love it, so whenever you suggest it, I always say yes. 79 00:04:58,899 --> 00:05:01,485 Yeah, but 80 times? 80 00:05:02,153 --> 00:05:05,447 Well, that'll be $6000. 81 00:05:05,530 --> 00:05:08,367 Good thing you're getting a free sandwich, huh? 82 00:05:11,162 --> 00:05:12,371 What the...? 83 00:05:14,915 --> 00:05:16,000 Huh? 84 00:05:16,292 --> 00:05:20,420 Okay, you guys. You vultures are killing me! 85 00:05:20,504 --> 00:05:23,048 I'm sure he's talking about other vultures. 86 00:05:25,843 --> 00:05:27,636 Ah, the Valley. 87 00:05:27,761 --> 00:05:30,514 Because sometimes you wanna go where no one knows your name. 88 00:05:30,597 --> 00:05:34,518 - BoJack Horseman! - Pinky? Hey, how are you? 89 00:05:36,228 --> 00:05:37,396 Oh, great! 90 00:05:37,479 --> 00:05:39,273 -How's the book biz? -Who knows? 91 00:05:39,357 --> 00:05:43,319 I jumped off that burning ship. Print media? What a joke. 92 00:05:43,402 --> 00:05:46,571 Now I got a job in broadcast network television, 93 00:05:46,655 --> 00:05:50,993 a booming industry with nowhere to go but up. 94 00:05:51,076 --> 00:05:52,328 Oh, God. 95 00:05:52,411 --> 00:05:55,080 -What are you doing here? -Oh, my boss loves this place. 96 00:05:55,164 --> 00:05:57,249 Do you know Wanda Pierce? 97 00:05:57,333 --> 00:06:00,336 Wanda just got named head of programming at MBN. 98 00:06:00,419 --> 00:06:01,753 We're here to celebrate. 99 00:06:01,837 --> 00:06:04,882 Well, that and she just woke up from a 30-year coma. 100 00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:07,301 Wait, she just got out of a 30-year coma 101 00:06:07,385 --> 00:06:10,554 and she's the head of programming at a major broadcast network? 102 00:06:10,679 --> 00:06:14,766 She's been with the company 30 years. Everyone above her kept getting fired. 103 00:06:14,850 --> 00:06:17,186 Besides, she's got some really fresh ideas. 104 00:06:17,269 --> 00:06:20,147 I am really feeling The Kirk Cameron Show. 105 00:06:20,231 --> 00:06:23,192 I don't even need a pilot. Let's just order 22 episodes. 106 00:06:24,235 --> 00:06:27,696 How about a new show where celebrities try to guess 107 00:06:27,779 --> 00:06:29,448 whether or not people have talent? 108 00:06:29,531 --> 00:06:31,158 We'll air it three nights a week. 109 00:06:32,492 --> 00:06:36,372 Okay, what if we got relevant superstar David Copperfield 110 00:06:36,455 --> 00:06:39,791 to make the World Trade Center disappear? 111 00:06:40,584 --> 00:06:43,212 I hate to be the one to tell you this, 112 00:06:43,295 --> 00:06:46,631 but David Copperfield really isn't a big draw anymore. 113 00:06:46,715 --> 00:06:49,134 Actually, everything feels fresh 114 00:06:49,218 --> 00:06:51,762 if you just forget the last 30 years ever happened. 115 00:06:51,887 --> 00:06:52,971 Huh. 116 00:06:53,055 --> 00:06:54,765 And here's a special request. 117 00:06:54,848 --> 00:06:56,225 I've never even heard of this song, 118 00:06:56,308 --> 00:06:59,186 "Special Feeling." 119 00:06:59,270 --> 00:07:02,856 Wanda, meet the one and only BoJack Horseman. 120 00:07:02,940 --> 00:07:04,400 -Who? -BoJack. 121 00:07:04,483 --> 00:07:05,984 -Who? -BoJack Horseman. 122 00:07:06,068 --> 00:07:08,195 Is that name supposed to mean something to me? 123 00:07:14,243 --> 00:07:16,912 -Do you want to go skate? -Nah. You know what they say, 124 00:07:16,995 --> 00:07:19,790 you can lead a horse to roller, but you can't make him rink. 125 00:07:21,375 --> 00:07:24,002 -What? -That's really funny. 126 00:07:24,086 --> 00:07:25,379 -You're funny. -Really? 127 00:07:25,463 --> 00:07:27,547 Oh, my God. You should be on TV, 128 00:07:27,631 --> 00:07:29,883 which, holy shit, they're flat now. 129 00:07:29,967 --> 00:07:33,512 Actually, I was on. You know what, I'm sick of talking about me. 130 00:07:33,637 --> 00:07:35,764 Let's talk about you. 131 00:07:41,103 --> 00:07:44,022 Next thing I know, I'm waking up from a 30-year coma. 132 00:07:44,106 --> 00:07:47,443 So, now I'm sleeping on my sister's couch, but it's not ideal. 133 00:07:47,526 --> 00:07:50,237 She's molting. You know how sisters are. 134 00:07:50,321 --> 00:07:53,782 Oh, jeez, got a couple curly guys in here with the regulars. 135 00:07:53,865 --> 00:07:56,576 How hard is it to look before they bring it out? 136 00:07:56,660 --> 00:07:58,996 -Excuse me, miss? -I know, isn't it cool? 137 00:07:59,079 --> 00:08:01,373 -Like we're getting away with something. -What? 138 00:08:01,457 --> 00:08:04,626 Don't you love it when appetizers have a little crossover episode? 139 00:08:04,709 --> 00:08:07,546 It's like when you're watching Happy Days and Mork shows up. 140 00:08:07,629 --> 00:08:09,089 Oh, yeah, I guess. 141 00:08:09,173 --> 00:08:11,258 Or like when Kramer was on Murphy Brown. 142 00:08:11,342 --> 00:08:14,678 -Who? -Hey, you want to get out of here? 143 00:08:18,098 --> 00:08:22,520 I don't want MBN to just be another boring old network, you know what I mean? 144 00:08:22,602 --> 00:08:24,604 -Yes, totally. -I want to take risks. 145 00:08:24,688 --> 00:08:28,650 I want to swing for the fences, you know? Otherwise, what are we doing? 146 00:08:28,733 --> 00:08:31,653 Oh, my God, is it morning? We stayed up all night talking, 147 00:08:31,736 --> 00:08:34,865 -and we didn't even have sex. -Well, it's not too late. 148 00:08:34,948 --> 00:08:35,949 Oh! 149 00:08:40,454 --> 00:08:43,123 -That was fantastic. -Oh, yes. 150 00:08:43,207 --> 00:08:46,293 Of course, I haven't had sex in 30 years. I hope. 151 00:08:46,377 --> 00:08:47,836 -Something's wrong. -What is it? 152 00:08:47,919 --> 00:08:51,298 I don't know, I feel weird, like I want to spend more time with you 153 00:08:51,382 --> 00:08:54,176 -even though I know we just had sex. -Oh, okay. 154 00:08:54,259 --> 00:08:55,553 No, you don't understand. 155 00:08:55,635 --> 00:08:59,139 We already had sex, but I still want to spend time with you. 156 00:08:59,264 --> 00:09:03,394 Is that normal? Am I normal? What is happening to me? 157 00:09:03,477 --> 00:09:05,187 We can spend more time together. 158 00:09:05,270 --> 00:09:10,609 I want to do things with you. Fully clothed, sober, in daylight hours. 159 00:09:10,692 --> 00:09:12,777 -Okay. -I don't understand these feelings. 160 00:09:12,903 --> 00:09:16,990 Let's get food? Or walk in park? Or-- 161 00:09:17,074 --> 00:09:19,743 Oh, God, it's coming. I can't stop it. 162 00:09:19,826 --> 00:09:23,747 -Do you want to go to Disneyland? -Okay. 163 00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:37,469 Disneyland has a lot more sparking wires and loose nails than I remember. 164 00:09:37,553 --> 00:09:40,347 Please hold your questions until the end of the tour. 165 00:09:40,472 --> 00:09:44,309 Here we have Mr. Todd's Wild Death-Coaster. 166 00:09:45,185 --> 00:09:46,686 The name is a work in progress, 167 00:09:46,770 --> 00:09:50,107 but we wanted to work "death" into the title for liability reasons. 168 00:09:50,190 --> 00:09:55,320 And this is Gabe Jr., the Grease Fire of the Caribbean. 169 00:09:55,404 --> 00:10:00,367 -This is boring. I want to go home. -Vincent, be nice! 170 00:10:00,451 --> 00:10:03,078 He's a little cranky because he just got adult braces. 171 00:10:03,161 --> 00:10:07,332 -You mean, braces. -Princess Carolyn, stop embarrassing me! 172 00:10:07,416 --> 00:10:08,250 Ugh. 173 00:10:08,333 --> 00:10:14,047 And here we have Cinderella's magical pile of used mattresses. 174 00:10:14,131 --> 00:10:15,132 Help! 175 00:10:15,215 --> 00:10:17,301 Is it a good idea to keep all those mattresses 176 00:10:17,384 --> 00:10:21,555 -so close to an active grease fire? -Where's your sense of wonder, Diane? 177 00:10:21,680 --> 00:10:25,434 -Your friend is really negative. -Yeah, don't be so negative, Diane. 178 00:10:25,517 --> 00:10:27,311 -What? -You know I hate negativity. 179 00:10:27,394 --> 00:10:31,022 I mean, I don't hate it because that's also negative, but you know. 180 00:10:35,026 --> 00:10:39,406 -Hey, Mr. Peanutbutter. -Hey, buddy. This place is amazing. 181 00:10:39,490 --> 00:10:42,618 It's like some sort of Disney version of Knott's Berry Farm. 182 00:10:42,701 --> 00:10:45,078 Oh, that's exactly what I was going for! 183 00:10:45,162 --> 00:10:46,705 I can't wait to get involved 184 00:10:46,788 --> 00:10:49,958 and really spray the old Mr. Peanutbutter scent on everything. 185 00:10:50,041 --> 00:10:55,255 Uh, I was sort of thinking of this as kind of just my thing. 186 00:10:55,339 --> 00:10:59,677 Well, technically, you did build this while working for P.B. Livin, 187 00:10:59,759 --> 00:11:03,138 so I have the blah-blah-blah of first refusal or whatever. 188 00:11:03,221 --> 00:11:04,848 Oh, uh, okay. 189 00:11:04,973 --> 00:11:06,766 I mean, that's just good business. 190 00:11:06,850 --> 00:11:10,312 We're in this together now, Todd, and nothing will distract me from-- 191 00:11:10,395 --> 00:11:14,107 Erica! You can't be here. This place is filled with children. 192 00:11:16,652 --> 00:11:19,237 Coach said he saw you headed to the visitor's locker room 193 00:11:19,321 --> 00:11:20,572 with a steel pipe. 194 00:11:20,656 --> 00:11:23,450 You really think I'm the guy who busted that pinto's leg? 195 00:11:23,534 --> 00:11:27,245 'Cause if I am, you should be a lot more goddamn scared of me. 196 00:11:27,329 --> 00:11:31,750 Hey! My girlfriend's here. Look, everyone! I have a girlfriend! 197 00:11:31,833 --> 00:11:33,210 Sure. We'll cut there. 198 00:11:33,293 --> 00:11:35,795 The middle of your line is as good a place as any. 199 00:11:35,879 --> 00:11:38,173 -What are you doing here? -Just wanted to stop by. 200 00:11:38,256 --> 00:11:41,176 We're filming Hey, I Think You Can Dance! next door. 201 00:11:41,259 --> 00:11:43,387 Look at you, all professional. 202 00:11:43,470 --> 00:11:46,515 Like Natalie Portman in that movie where she was a professional. 203 00:11:46,640 --> 00:11:48,850 Who? People are watching. 204 00:11:48,933 --> 00:11:49,768 Ugh. 205 00:11:49,851 --> 00:11:52,187 The first time BoJack dates a woman his own age, 206 00:11:52,270 --> 00:11:54,398 she's basically just a stunted 20-year-old. 207 00:11:54,481 --> 00:11:57,192 Well, BoJack's stunted, too. He got famous in his twenties, 208 00:11:57,275 --> 00:11:58,902 so he'll be in his twenties forever. 209 00:11:58,985 --> 00:12:01,530 After you get famous, you stop growing, you don't have to. 210 00:12:01,613 --> 00:12:04,074 Every celebrity has an age of stagnation. 211 00:12:04,157 --> 00:12:05,701 I'm glad I never got famous. 212 00:12:05,784 --> 00:12:08,870 I mean, I did write a best-selling book, but I'm not famous-famous. 213 00:12:08,953 --> 00:12:10,914 It doesn't just happen when you get famous. 214 00:12:10,997 --> 00:12:13,208 Your age of stagnation is when you stop growing. 215 00:12:13,291 --> 00:12:16,044 For most, it's when they get married, settle into a routine. 216 00:12:16,127 --> 00:12:18,338 You meet someone who loves you unconditionally 217 00:12:18,422 --> 00:12:21,132 and never challenges you or wants you to change, 218 00:12:21,216 --> 00:12:23,134 and then you never change. 219 00:12:23,218 --> 00:12:26,471 But mostly it's just the famous people, right? 220 00:12:29,474 --> 00:12:32,894 Stella! Stella! 221 00:12:32,977 --> 00:12:34,396 Corona Light. 222 00:12:34,479 --> 00:12:36,523 This place is incredible. 223 00:12:36,607 --> 00:12:38,734 I wanted to make you feel at home, 224 00:12:38,817 --> 00:12:42,153 and nothing was bigger in the '80s than '50s nostalgia. 225 00:12:42,237 --> 00:12:46,324 It really feels like I'm back in the '80s, feeling like I'm back in the '50s. 226 00:12:46,408 --> 00:12:49,661 It's like if Back to the Future and Peggy Sue Got Married got married. 227 00:12:49,745 --> 00:12:51,538 Okay, teenyboppers, 228 00:12:51,622 --> 00:12:54,708 let's take things back to the '50s, '50s style, 229 00:12:54,792 --> 00:12:58,837 with this classic '50s hit that everybody remembers: 230 00:12:58,920 --> 00:13:02,006 "I Just Met My Perfect Match." 231 00:13:09,055 --> 00:13:12,476 Wanda, these last few days have been so amazing. 232 00:13:12,601 --> 00:13:14,561 You've given me a fresh start. 233 00:13:14,645 --> 00:13:17,981 In fact, it almost feels like I just woke up from a 30-year coma. 234 00:13:18,064 --> 00:13:21,025 I'm sorry, did you say you just woke up from a 30-year coma? 235 00:13:21,109 --> 00:13:23,528 -Oh, no, not me. Her. -That's insane. 236 00:13:23,612 --> 00:13:25,363 I just woke up from a 30-year coma. 237 00:13:26,615 --> 00:13:28,950 Whoa! Sorry about that needle skip, folks. 238 00:13:29,033 --> 00:13:32,537 Let's start that song again from the beginning. 239 00:13:39,503 --> 00:13:40,796 I'm Alex. 240 00:13:40,879 --> 00:13:42,673 -Wanda. -And I'm BoJack. 241 00:13:42,756 --> 00:13:45,133 It's been really tough for me these last few weeks. 242 00:13:45,216 --> 00:13:48,970 I've never seen Home Alone and everyone makes me feel like a freak because of it. 243 00:13:49,053 --> 00:13:51,598 -You've never seen Home Alone? -I've never seen it! 244 00:13:51,682 --> 00:13:54,893 -Also, I don't really know what a DVR is. -Neither do I! 245 00:13:55,018 --> 00:13:59,189 -No one does. It's just a magic box. -Wanda, we have so much in common. 246 00:13:59,272 --> 00:14:00,691 Really it's just one thing. 247 00:14:00,774 --> 00:14:03,902 You can't count each individual thing as a different thing. 248 00:14:03,985 --> 00:14:06,571 That's like saying I have a lot in common with Kanye West 249 00:14:06,655 --> 00:14:08,031 because we both breathe air. 250 00:14:08,114 --> 00:14:10,575 Who? Jinx. Buy me a Coke Zero. 251 00:14:10,659 --> 00:14:12,786 What's a Coke Zero? I have no idea. 252 00:14:13,995 --> 00:14:17,290 We gotta hang out more. I didn't know there was anyone else like me. 253 00:14:17,374 --> 00:14:20,460 Give me your fax and pager number so I can add them to my Rolodex. 254 00:14:20,544 --> 00:14:21,753 Tubular. 255 00:14:23,797 --> 00:14:27,300 I don't trust that guy. I bet he's seen Home Alone. 256 00:14:27,384 --> 00:14:30,261 BoJack, I'm starting to lose the thread of your character. 257 00:14:30,345 --> 00:14:34,057 You think you can drop the jealous boyfriend routine? It feels a little done. 258 00:14:34,182 --> 00:14:36,560 You're right, I'm sorry. Call me Snoop Dogg 259 00:14:36,643 --> 00:14:39,771 -because I will drop it like it's hot. -BoJack, I don't-- 260 00:14:39,855 --> 00:14:43,775 I got that one! Snoopy the dog. From "Peanuts." Okay. 261 00:14:49,989 --> 00:14:51,533 I got here as fast as I could. 262 00:14:51,616 --> 00:14:54,160 Where's this next Haley Joel Osment? 263 00:14:54,244 --> 00:14:56,496 -That was a lie to get you here. -Aw, fish. 264 00:14:56,580 --> 00:14:59,791 -There's never a next Haley Joel Osment. -And there never will be. 265 00:14:59,875 --> 00:15:02,711 Sorry I tricked you, but with Todd running his own Disneyland 266 00:15:02,794 --> 00:15:04,713 and actress Margo Martindale in prison 267 00:15:04,796 --> 00:15:07,883 for some reason I don't remember, you're the best friend I've got. 268 00:15:07,966 --> 00:15:11,219 Now grab the binoculars. I need dirt on Wanda's new gentleman friend. 269 00:15:11,302 --> 00:15:13,304 No, BoJack. What's the play here? 270 00:15:13,388 --> 00:15:15,682 You'll find one little imperfection and harp on it 271 00:15:15,766 --> 00:15:17,141 like you do with my boyfriend? 272 00:15:17,267 --> 00:15:20,061 You do understand what my "thing" is with your boyfriend? 273 00:15:20,144 --> 00:15:22,606 You'll just push her into this other guy's arms. 274 00:15:22,689 --> 00:15:25,525 Wanda likes you. Why ruin that? 275 00:15:27,402 --> 00:15:30,655 This is Comrade Alexander calling KGB High Command. 276 00:15:30,739 --> 00:15:32,950 It's been two weeks since I woke up, 277 00:15:33,032 --> 00:15:35,452 and I still have not been contacted by my handlers. 278 00:15:35,535 --> 00:15:38,830 I am awaiting orders to take down the American dogs and pigs 279 00:15:38,914 --> 00:15:42,166 and other various animals and humans. Come in, KGB High Command. 280 00:15:42,250 --> 00:15:46,296 Slap my salami, the guy's a commie. 281 00:15:51,092 --> 00:15:52,970 Hey, what's going on here? 282 00:15:53,052 --> 00:15:56,306 You've been served with a cease-and-desist from my clients, 283 00:15:56,389 --> 00:15:57,933 the Walt Disney Company. 284 00:15:58,057 --> 00:16:01,185 I wanted to make sure what we were doing here was 100 percent legal, 285 00:16:01,269 --> 00:16:03,146 -so I called a lawyer. -Wait, what? 286 00:16:03,229 --> 00:16:06,691 As it turns out, it's not legal at all. Who knew? 287 00:16:06,775 --> 00:16:10,361 -Mr. Peanutbutter. -We'll see you in court. 288 00:16:10,445 --> 00:16:13,949 -The food court? -No. Regular court. 289 00:16:14,032 --> 00:16:19,078 Okay. But also I'm hungry, so I might just stop by the food court first. 290 00:16:20,664 --> 00:16:26,003 Let the record show, this is the single dumbest case I've ever adjudicated. 291 00:16:26,085 --> 00:16:28,129 -Mr. Chavez? -Okay. 292 00:16:28,212 --> 00:16:29,923 I'm just gonna throw this out there. 293 00:16:30,007 --> 00:16:34,385 Is it possible maybe when the other guys tried to copyright the name Disneyland, 294 00:16:34,469 --> 00:16:36,763 they wrote down something else by mistake, 295 00:16:36,847 --> 00:16:39,098 so "Disneyland" is still up for grabs? 296 00:16:39,182 --> 00:16:44,813 Okay, well, let's have a look at the Articles of Incorporation to see 297 00:16:44,938 --> 00:16:49,651 if Walt Disney accidentally trademarked the wrong name. I'm sure these-- 298 00:16:50,861 --> 00:16:54,739 -What? -There's a typo. Di-isneyland. 299 00:16:54,823 --> 00:16:59,243 With two "i"s. That son of a gun trademarked the wrong name. 300 00:16:59,327 --> 00:17:01,412 May I, counselor? 301 00:17:01,496 --> 00:17:05,000 D-I-I-S. This is unambiguous. 302 00:17:05,083 --> 00:17:08,712 -I find in favor of the defendant. -Aw, shit. 303 00:17:08,795 --> 00:17:11,297 -You're the defendant. -Aw, sweet! 304 00:17:11,381 --> 00:17:15,093 Your Otter, this is a gross miscarriage of justice. 305 00:17:15,176 --> 00:17:18,013 Hooray! Gross miscarriage! 306 00:17:21,432 --> 00:17:27,230 And that's how I turned my dream into what I call "The Happiest Place On Urf." 307 00:17:27,355 --> 00:17:30,734 Urf is a made-up magical kingdom I added to the Disney canon. 308 00:17:30,817 --> 00:17:34,362 -Americans, they like this theme park? -Oh, they love it. 309 00:17:34,445 --> 00:17:36,573 It represents everything America stands for. 310 00:17:36,656 --> 00:17:37,949 Da. 311 00:17:38,033 --> 00:17:40,535 -I mean, yeah. -We did it, buddy! 312 00:17:40,618 --> 00:17:42,704 Actually, I did it. 313 00:17:42,787 --> 00:17:49,127 I had the idea to build a park, I did all the work and I beat the lawsuit. 314 00:17:49,210 --> 00:17:54,507 -Well, there's no "i" in "team," right? -But there is an "i" in "Disneyland." 315 00:17:54,591 --> 00:18:00,430 And unlike that other Disneyland, this Disneyland only has one "i". 316 00:18:00,513 --> 00:18:01,765 What are you saying? 317 00:18:01,848 --> 00:18:04,601 You're not welcome at my theme park anymore. 318 00:18:04,726 --> 00:18:09,647 There's only room for one goofy dog there and his name is Pluto. 319 00:18:09,731 --> 00:18:11,024 Todd, no. 320 00:18:11,108 --> 00:18:14,945 I've told the bees if they see you to sting you on sight. 321 00:18:15,028 --> 00:18:19,699 You understand. It's nothing personal. It's just good business. 322 00:18:19,783 --> 00:18:22,160 And that's how we do business on Urf. 323 00:18:22,243 --> 00:18:26,497 -I don't like you like this. -I learned it from you. 324 00:18:26,581 --> 00:18:28,708 If I could get everyone's attention. 325 00:18:28,792 --> 00:18:31,878 You're probably wondering why I invited you all here tonight. 326 00:18:31,962 --> 00:18:34,464 You said it was to celebrate Todd's legal victory. 327 00:18:34,547 --> 00:18:36,591 Right, but obviously, I don't care about that, 328 00:18:36,674 --> 00:18:38,718 so you're probably wondering the real reason. 329 00:18:38,802 --> 00:18:41,345 No, we just took you at face value. 330 00:18:41,429 --> 00:18:43,431 We have a special guest here tonight. 331 00:18:43,514 --> 00:18:46,768 Alex. Or should I say "comrade"? 332 00:18:48,895 --> 00:18:52,398 -Why would you say "comrade"? -Oh, I forgot to explain that part. 333 00:18:52,482 --> 00:18:56,069 Alex is a KGB agent bent on destroying America. 334 00:18:57,236 --> 00:19:00,907 -It truly is a small world after all! -Alex, is that true? 335 00:19:00,991 --> 00:19:03,701 Okay, yes. It's true. 336 00:19:03,785 --> 00:19:07,122 I was a deep-cover KGB operative before I went into my coma. 337 00:19:07,205 --> 00:19:09,707 I've been trying to contact my handler in Russia, 338 00:19:09,791 --> 00:19:12,627 but I can't reach him and I don't know if I ever will. 339 00:19:12,710 --> 00:19:13,753 Aww! 340 00:19:13,837 --> 00:19:16,297 No! He's-- It's not adorable! 341 00:19:16,380 --> 00:19:20,301 He's a soviet sleeper-agent who doesn't realize the Cold War is over. 342 00:19:20,384 --> 00:19:23,054 I felt totally alone in this world before I met Wanda. 343 00:19:23,138 --> 00:19:25,849 And then I met all of you, my friends. 344 00:19:25,932 --> 00:19:27,600 But if you're gonna kick me to the curb 345 00:19:27,684 --> 00:19:30,103 just because I think you're all capitalist swine 346 00:19:30,228 --> 00:19:33,481 and want to see your way of life destroyed, well, so be it. 347 00:19:33,564 --> 00:19:38,277 -Or should I say, So-vi-et. -Oh! Cute. Wordplay. 348 00:19:38,361 --> 00:19:41,781 -That's not even good wordplay. -Wait, how did you know all this? 349 00:19:41,865 --> 00:19:45,869 -BoJack, were you spying on him? -He is literally a spy 350 00:19:45,952 --> 00:19:48,705 trying to destroy America, the country we all live in. 351 00:19:48,788 --> 00:19:49,998 How am I the bad guy here? 352 00:19:50,081 --> 00:19:54,169 BoJack, I am really bumping on the whole you-not-liking-Alex of it all. 353 00:19:54,252 --> 00:19:56,754 -You told me you were going to drop it. -Yeah, but-- 354 00:19:56,838 --> 00:19:58,422 I don't care about Alex. 355 00:19:58,506 --> 00:20:00,675 I want to know what happened to the amazing guy 356 00:20:00,758 --> 00:20:04,054 I spent the last few days with, because if this is who you are, 357 00:20:04,137 --> 00:20:05,596 I don't think I like it. 358 00:20:05,680 --> 00:20:07,974 Alex, would you take me back to my sister's place? 359 00:20:08,058 --> 00:20:10,852 Sure thing, Wanda. And I can get you there fast 360 00:20:10,977 --> 00:20:12,478 because I'm always Russian. 361 00:20:12,562 --> 00:20:13,646 Aww! 362 00:20:13,730 --> 00:20:14,856 Seriously? 363 00:20:20,278 --> 00:20:23,364 I got here as fast as I could. Where's the next Dakota Fa--? 364 00:20:23,447 --> 00:20:25,075 Oh, I get what happened. 365 00:20:25,158 --> 00:20:28,245 Could you get me a beer from the fridge? I didn't want to stand up. 366 00:20:28,327 --> 00:20:30,538 Wait, no. I don't deserve beer. 367 00:20:30,621 --> 00:20:33,416 You called me all the way over here to not get you a beer? 368 00:20:33,499 --> 00:20:36,836 Why do I always do this? I push away everyone I care about. 369 00:20:36,920 --> 00:20:39,005 Oh, do you? I never noticed that. 370 00:20:39,089 --> 00:20:41,883 Look, you obviously really care about this girl 371 00:20:41,966 --> 00:20:44,552 and that scares you, so you sabotage yourself. 372 00:20:44,635 --> 00:20:47,513 That's my problem. I'm too good at sabotage. 373 00:20:47,597 --> 00:20:51,475 -Why am I so good at everything I do? -Hey, I got a crazy idea. 374 00:20:51,559 --> 00:20:54,771 How about you just stop sulking and go win her back, dummy? 375 00:20:54,896 --> 00:20:58,775 You're right. I gotta win her back, put it all on the line. You know what? 376 00:20:58,858 --> 00:21:01,402 I think I will have that beer, can you get it for me? 377 00:21:02,528 --> 00:21:05,198 -Why do I bother? -Hey, grab a beer for yourself, too! 378 00:21:05,282 --> 00:21:06,908 Actually, I want both beers! 379 00:21:13,998 --> 00:21:16,126 -Wanda. -What do you want, BoJack? 380 00:21:16,209 --> 00:21:18,169 There's something I gotta say. When I was-- 381 00:21:18,253 --> 00:21:21,881 -Todd! There's something I gotta say! -Hey, I'm kind of already doing-- 382 00:21:21,965 --> 00:21:24,634 I never should have tried to make your thing my thing! 383 00:21:24,717 --> 00:21:28,721 I just got excited and wanted to smear Mr. Peanutbutter all over everything. 384 00:21:28,805 --> 00:21:32,267 I should have been supporting you, like this support beam. 385 00:21:34,311 --> 00:21:38,064 -Or a different support beam. -It's my fault. 386 00:21:38,148 --> 00:21:41,776 The point of Disneyland isn't to make money and win lawsuits. 387 00:21:41,859 --> 00:21:43,069 But I forgot that. 388 00:21:43,194 --> 00:21:47,198 So, these two were so consumed by greed that it destroyed them. 389 00:21:47,282 --> 00:21:49,700 You know, I came here today to blow up Disneyland. 390 00:21:49,784 --> 00:21:51,452 -You what? -But now I realize, 391 00:21:51,535 --> 00:21:53,454 I don't need to take down capitalism. 392 00:21:53,537 --> 00:21:56,374 Capitalism sows the seeds for its own destruction. 393 00:21:56,457 --> 00:21:59,627 It's a snake that eats itself. It's only a matter of time. 394 00:22:01,296 --> 00:22:03,340 Hey, buddy, let's just say we-- Oh! 395 00:22:04,048 --> 00:22:07,218 Oh, no, no, no. No! 396 00:22:07,302 --> 00:22:08,928 Gabe Jr.! 397 00:22:09,012 --> 00:22:10,888 Quick, Todd! The mattress pile! 398 00:22:10,972 --> 00:22:14,058 Jump to safety! No! 399 00:22:14,142 --> 00:22:17,020 Bees, help! Your queen commands you! 400 00:22:20,982 --> 00:22:25,362 No! Bees! Come on! 401 00:22:26,863 --> 00:22:30,033 -You gotta-- Over the-- -What is it, boy? What's wrong? 402 00:22:30,116 --> 00:22:34,078 -Hey, there's trouble. -Did some kid fall down a well? 403 00:22:34,162 --> 00:22:35,496 No, no, no! Listen. 404 00:22:35,579 --> 00:22:37,748 He's trying to tell us a kid fell down a well. 405 00:22:37,832 --> 00:22:40,877 -Let's go, go, go! Come on! -Bad, bad, bad. You gotta-- 406 00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:43,380 No, no, no, listen! 407 00:22:44,839 --> 00:22:46,465 Wait, Wanda, we need to talk. 408 00:22:46,549 --> 00:22:48,676 -But the fire. -I don't care about that. 409 00:22:48,759 --> 00:22:51,804 Look, the great guy you've been getting to know, that's me. 410 00:22:51,888 --> 00:22:53,723 That other guy, the guy from the party, 411 00:22:53,806 --> 00:22:57,852 that's me too and you need to know that. I'm not perfect. 412 00:22:57,935 --> 00:23:01,605 I'm cynical and I'm possessive and I can sometimes fly off the handle. 413 00:23:01,731 --> 00:23:05,026 I'm not always the best at being not terrible. 414 00:23:05,109 --> 00:23:07,404 I gotta say, I'm not loving this pitch so far. 415 00:23:07,486 --> 00:23:10,073 But I want to be better, I'm trying to be better. 416 00:23:10,156 --> 00:23:12,742 And when I'm around you, for the first time in 30 years, 417 00:23:12,825 --> 00:23:14,327 I feel like I can be. 418 00:23:14,411 --> 00:23:16,704 Wanda, you make me want to be a better man. 419 00:23:16,787 --> 00:23:18,873 Wow. That's a great line. 420 00:23:18,956 --> 00:23:21,625 -Did you just come up with that? -Yes. 421 00:23:21,709 --> 00:23:25,213 Hey, boys and girls, this is your park DJ speaking. 422 00:23:25,296 --> 00:23:28,216 And as the Titanic's band played on as the ship sank, 423 00:23:28,299 --> 00:23:33,430 so too will I spin one last record as my DJ booth is engulfed in flames. 424 00:23:56,786 --> 00:23:58,371 Hooray! 425 00:24:04,127 --> 00:24:05,628 Mr. Peanutbutter. 426 00:24:05,711 --> 00:24:07,338 -You saved me! -No. 427 00:24:07,422 --> 00:24:10,341 I saved us. 428 00:24:12,510 --> 00:24:13,344 Woo-hoo! 429 00:24:13,428 --> 00:24:16,306 -I want to give this a real shot. -I don't know, BoJack. 430 00:24:16,389 --> 00:24:19,267 I just got out of my coma, and I don't have time to waste 431 00:24:19,350 --> 00:24:21,352 if you're still figuring your shit out. 432 00:24:21,436 --> 00:24:24,314 Plus, it's hard to think straight with this fire everywhere. 433 00:24:24,439 --> 00:24:26,232 -Move in with me. -What? 434 00:24:26,316 --> 00:24:28,526 I know it feels fast. We barely know each other. 435 00:24:28,609 --> 00:24:31,195 It's crazy, but I like you. 436 00:24:31,279 --> 00:24:34,407 And sometimes you gotta swing for the fences, right? 437 00:24:34,491 --> 00:24:36,451 -Okay. -Yeah? 438 00:24:36,534 --> 00:24:39,537 Yeah. Let's move in together. Let's do it. 439 00:24:39,620 --> 00:24:42,332 It's crazy, but let's do it! 440 00:25:30,087 --> 00:25:33,966 Boxer versus raptor. Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na!