1 00:00:04,046 --> 00:00:06,173 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 2 00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:10,051 ♪ I got a feeling that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪ 3 00:00:10,052 --> 00:00:13,346 ♪ The sun in the sky has a smile on his face ♪ 4 00:00:13,347 --> 00:00:16,725 ♪ And he's shinin' a salute to the American race ♪ 5 00:00:19,937 --> 00:00:23,022 ♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪ 6 00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:25,359 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 7 00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:30,322 {\an8}♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 8 00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:35,701 {\an8}Is dinner ready yet? 9 00:00:35,702 --> 00:00:38,621 {\an8}It has to be. I've been grating this Parmesan for an hour. 10 00:00:38,622 --> 00:00:40,832 {\an8}You've started grating your fingers, Stan. 11 00:00:41,333 --> 00:00:42,416 {\an8}Oh, yeah. 12 00:00:42,417 --> 00:00:44,877 {\an8}I don't care. I'll eat finger meat. 13 00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:46,337 {\an8}I'm just so hungry. 14 00:00:46,338 --> 00:00:47,588 {\an8}Shut your yap, Jeffrey. 15 00:00:47,589 --> 00:00:49,258 {\an8}I'm hangry enough to stab you. 16 00:00:50,676 --> 00:00:51,884 {\an8}Ugh. 17 00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:54,136 {\an8}These expired three years ago. 18 00:00:54,137 --> 00:00:55,388 {\an8}Salad's ruined. 19 00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:57,723 {\an8}It's all riding on the lasagna. 20 00:00:57,724 --> 00:01:00,017 {\an8}And lasagna's biggest question, 21 00:01:00,018 --> 00:01:02,103 {\an8}has it cooked all the way through? 22 00:01:03,689 --> 00:01:06,900 {\an8}Just needs a little elbow grease. 23 00:01:14,575 --> 00:01:16,909 There's got to be a better way. 24 00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:19,078 Why are weeknight dinners so hard? 25 00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:20,830 We could've ate the top part. 26 00:01:20,831 --> 00:01:23,249 {\an8}I just want my life back. 27 00:01:23,250 --> 00:01:24,750 {\an8}You all aren't gonna believe this, 28 00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:27,086 {\an8}but there's a class at The Learning Annex tonight 29 00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:30,172 {\an8}called "Easy 15-Minute Weeknight Meals Colon 30 00:01:30,173 --> 00:01:31,257 "Get Your Life Back." 31 00:01:31,258 --> 00:01:33,926 My raggedy colon could use its life back. 32 00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:35,762 No, I mean the colon that's two dots. 33 00:01:36,471 --> 00:01:37,723 Two dots? 34 00:01:40,726 --> 00:01:42,393 {\an8}- What's up, dogs? - What's up, dogs? 35 00:01:42,394 --> 00:01:44,145 {\an8}Is we're taking our lives back 36 00:01:44,146 --> 00:01:46,605 {\an8}from the tyranny of weeknight dinners. 37 00:01:46,606 --> 00:01:48,607 {\an8}Sick. I won't be doing that. 38 00:01:48,608 --> 00:01:52,028 {\an8}I have a friend coming over. 39 00:01:52,029 --> 00:01:54,822 {\an8}Can y'all drop me off at my curiosities shop? 40 00:01:54,823 --> 00:01:55,906 {\an8}Thanks for asking. 41 00:01:55,907 --> 00:01:57,199 {\an8}My curiosities shop 42 00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:59,410 {\an8}from when Steve and his friends were witches. 43 00:01:59,411 --> 00:02:01,037 {\an8}Steve, you and your friends ever talk 44 00:02:01,038 --> 00:02:02,413 {\an8}about being witches again? 45 00:02:02,414 --> 00:02:04,958 {\an8}- No - Did he just roll his eyes at me? 46 00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:08,127 {\an8}Out of his witch phase and into his bitch phase. 47 00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:10,504 {\an8}I can't believe you're going to miss out on this class 48 00:02:10,505 --> 00:02:12,757 {\an8}just to hang out with some "friend." 49 00:02:12,758 --> 00:02:14,217 {\an8}- Hey, Klaus. - Danuta. 50 00:02:15,385 --> 00:02:17,511 {\an8}Danuta. 51 00:02:17,512 --> 00:02:20,848 Klaus, no. That's why I said "friend," and not her name. 52 00:02:20,849 --> 00:02:21,932 Her name. 53 00:02:21,933 --> 00:02:26,062 Danuta, of course. That is the name. She owns it. 54 00:02:26,063 --> 00:02:29,273 What mischief are we getting into tonight? 55 00:02:29,274 --> 00:02:32,652 We're gonna do hot girl stuff and burn letters from our exes. 56 00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:35,988 It's a full moon, so the perfect time to cleanse our souls. 57 00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:39,200 I'd love to watch you cleanse your soul, Danuta. 58 00:02:39,201 --> 00:02:40,284 - Join us. - No. 59 00:02:40,285 --> 00:02:41,453 Too late. I accept. 60 00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:47,209 Shouldn't we have stoves or ovens to cook on? 61 00:02:48,418 --> 00:02:51,545 Friends, are you tired of spending hours of your day 62 00:02:51,546 --> 00:02:53,130 cooking one meal? 63 00:02:53,131 --> 00:02:55,174 Do you want your time back? 64 00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:58,511 - Do you want your life back? - Yes. 65 00:02:58,512 --> 00:03:00,763 Well, put your hands together 66 00:03:00,764 --> 00:03:05,101 for the one and only, Kricket Limone! 67 00:03:07,229 --> 00:03:09,271 There's a reason I start this class 68 00:03:09,272 --> 00:03:11,816 at precisely 9:47 p.m. 69 00:03:11,817 --> 00:03:14,985 Because that's the time when we've all given up 70 00:03:14,986 --> 00:03:19,782 on whatever crackpot Chef Boingardee slop 71 00:03:19,783 --> 00:03:22,785 they've brainwashed you to make! 72 00:03:22,786 --> 00:03:25,246 Weeknight meals shouldn't take away your life. 73 00:03:25,247 --> 00:03:27,957 Oh, but it does, Kricket. It does. 74 00:03:27,958 --> 00:03:29,583 I know, my son. 75 00:03:31,461 --> 00:03:32,462 Don't sniff my hand. 76 00:03:33,088 --> 00:03:38,008 I'm gonna show you how to make delicious, nutritious, 77 00:03:38,009 --> 00:03:42,847 easy meals in only 15 minutes! 78 00:03:42,848 --> 00:03:44,765 We're going to get 79 00:03:44,766 --> 00:03:46,392 our lives back, Billy. 80 00:03:46,393 --> 00:03:48,686 Picture it. You're at home. 81 00:03:48,687 --> 00:03:50,938 It's 6:45 p.m. 82 00:03:50,939 --> 00:03:53,315 And by 7:00, you have... 83 00:03:53,316 --> 00:03:57,361 An ossobuco with red bean cassoulet! 84 00:03:58,613 --> 00:04:00,823 - Fifteen minutes! - Go, Kricket! 85 00:04:00,824 --> 00:04:02,575 But how did you make it? 86 00:04:02,576 --> 00:04:06,871 Easily. And in only 15 minutes. 87 00:04:13,628 --> 00:04:15,629 He'll take forever to scoot over here. 88 00:04:15,630 --> 00:04:17,757 - Let's just start. - Double driving canes. 89 00:04:19,926 --> 00:04:22,304 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 90 00:04:23,889 --> 00:04:25,974 Whoa! I can't stop! Catch me! Argh! 91 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:28,267 What's crackin', babies? 92 00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:31,312 I'll start. This is from Bruce at the car wash. 93 00:04:31,313 --> 00:04:33,689 He broke my heart and my side view mirror. 94 00:04:33,690 --> 00:04:35,984 And now I'm letting it go. 95 00:04:36,485 --> 00:04:39,821 This is from Nolan, my boyfriend of one day in eighth grade. 96 00:04:40,322 --> 00:04:42,823 He wrote, "The only chemistry we have together 97 00:04:42,824 --> 00:04:43,825 "is fifth period." 98 00:04:44,409 --> 00:04:47,661 My turn. These are letters from various catalog models... 99 00:04:47,662 --> 00:04:49,538 No. Runway models... 100 00:04:49,539 --> 00:04:52,583 No. Runway poker babes 101 00:04:52,584 --> 00:04:54,961 whose hearts I completely wrecked. 102 00:04:57,297 --> 00:04:59,715 Uh, this is a cease and desist letter 103 00:04:59,716 --> 00:05:01,300 from Rue McClanahan. 104 00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:03,093 Didn't she play Blanche on Golden Girl? 105 00:05:03,094 --> 00:05:05,304 Golden Girls, you idiot. 106 00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:07,181 And her character gave mixed signals. 107 00:05:07,182 --> 00:05:08,183 Give that back! 108 00:05:13,104 --> 00:05:14,647 Can you leave us alone? 109 00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:16,398 Danuta and I are vibing. 110 00:05:16,399 --> 00:05:19,360 No. We're having a girl's night and you're ruining it! 111 00:05:19,361 --> 00:05:20,653 Classic Klaus. 112 00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:22,446 You don't like me, do you, Hayley? 113 00:05:22,447 --> 00:05:25,032 I love you. You're family. 114 00:05:25,033 --> 00:05:26,617 But you don't "like" me. 115 00:05:26,618 --> 00:05:27,868 You don't like me. 116 00:05:27,869 --> 00:05:30,579 You're only hanging out with me because Danuta is here. 117 00:05:30,580 --> 00:05:32,289 You're kind of a weasel. 118 00:05:32,290 --> 00:05:34,458 You always have an ulterior motive. 119 00:05:34,459 --> 00:05:35,584 That's not true. 120 00:05:35,585 --> 00:05:38,212 I wouldn't have joined if you'd asked me not to. 121 00:05:38,213 --> 00:05:39,463 I did ask you not to. 122 00:05:39,464 --> 00:05:41,550 Yeah, but I want Danuta to be my girlfriend, 123 00:05:41,675 --> 00:05:44,468 so I didn't consider how you felt. You understand. 124 00:05:44,469 --> 00:05:45,886 Y'all want to hear a scary story? 125 00:05:45,887 --> 00:05:47,429 I don't have an active imagination. 126 00:05:47,430 --> 00:05:49,265 Is there a video game version of it? 127 00:05:49,266 --> 00:05:50,391 Come on. 128 00:05:50,392 --> 00:05:51,809 It'll stop you both from fighting 129 00:05:51,810 --> 00:05:53,769 and I'll get to practice talking. 130 00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:55,688 I want to be a talker to people someday. 131 00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:57,523 Oh, you'd be great at that. 132 00:05:57,524 --> 00:05:59,109 You do think so? 133 00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:03,320 It was a night just like this when the shapeshifter demon 134 00:06:03,321 --> 00:06:04,947 who lives in the well 135 00:06:04,948 --> 00:06:06,240 made his first kill. 136 00:06:08,952 --> 00:06:11,745 Two lovers, Tommy and Miranda, 137 00:06:11,746 --> 00:06:14,748 - were parked at Make Out Point. - Hot. 138 00:06:14,749 --> 00:06:18,294 After making out for an hour, hard, for like an hour... 139 00:06:18,295 --> 00:06:19,753 Just an hour? 140 00:06:19,754 --> 00:06:22,631 Probably in a rush to get to Pound Town, USA. 141 00:06:22,632 --> 00:06:23,799 Yah, yah. 142 00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:24,884 Quiet, please. 143 00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:27,970 They took a lover's stroll to the well nearby. 144 00:06:30,056 --> 00:06:31,682 Overcome with love, 145 00:06:31,683 --> 00:06:36,061 Tommy calls into the well, "I love you, Miranda!" 146 00:06:36,062 --> 00:06:37,187 It echoes back. 147 00:06:37,188 --> 00:06:39,982 "I love you, Miranda, Miranda, Miranda." 148 00:06:39,983 --> 00:06:42,776 But when Miranda tries to profess her love for Tommy 149 00:06:42,777 --> 00:06:44,653 into the well, she can't. 150 00:06:44,654 --> 00:06:48,490 As if a dark spirit was squeezing her throat. 151 00:06:48,491 --> 00:06:50,660 When Miranda turns around, 152 00:06:51,453 --> 00:06:53,830 Tommy is gone. 153 00:06:56,916 --> 00:06:59,918 They searched for him, but he was never found. 154 00:06:59,919 --> 00:07:02,671 Until one night, 155 00:07:02,672 --> 00:07:04,841 Miranda wakes up to a tap, 156 00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:08,802 tap, tap on her window. 157 00:07:08,803 --> 00:07:10,512 When she looks outside, 158 00:07:10,513 --> 00:07:13,475 she sees Tommy. He's back. 159 00:07:14,017 --> 00:07:15,768 He beckons her to the well 160 00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:17,811 where he asks her to try and profess 161 00:07:17,812 --> 00:07:19,355 her love for him again. 162 00:07:19,356 --> 00:07:22,399 Miranda leans over the edge and cries, 163 00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:24,693 "I love you, Tommy" 164 00:07:24,694 --> 00:07:26,111 as the well out goes back, 165 00:07:26,112 --> 00:07:27,614 "Tommy, Tommy!" 166 00:07:28,239 --> 00:07:31,326 Miranda sees the real Tommy at the bottom. 167 00:07:31,868 --> 00:07:33,453 Dead. 168 00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:40,042 Terrified, she slowly turns to the thing 169 00:07:40,043 --> 00:07:41,378 who brought her there. 170 00:07:41,961 --> 00:07:43,962 "Tommy is mine. 171 00:07:43,963 --> 00:07:45,339 "And now you're mine, too!" 172 00:07:48,259 --> 00:07:50,177 ♪ Welcome to eufearia ♪ 173 00:07:50,178 --> 00:07:52,054 ♪ It's like euphoria but with fear ♪ 174 00:07:52,055 --> 00:07:54,264 ♪ You ain't dead but you're scared to death ♪ 175 00:07:54,265 --> 00:07:56,518 ♪ And it feels real good Like beer ♪ 176 00:07:58,103 --> 00:08:00,354 Oh, God. Oh, God! 177 00:08:00,355 --> 00:08:01,606 Come on! Wake up! 178 00:08:03,608 --> 00:08:06,360 ♪ Don't get it twisted This place ain't real ♪ 179 00:08:06,361 --> 00:08:09,363 ♪ It's a representation of how fear can feel ♪ 180 00:08:09,364 --> 00:08:12,574 ♪ Sometimes it feels scary But sometimes it feels good ♪ 181 00:08:12,575 --> 00:08:13,867 ♪ Do you get the gist? ♪ 182 00:08:13,868 --> 00:08:15,620 ♪ I knew you would ♪ 183 00:08:24,129 --> 00:08:27,756 Holy crap. That was better than any high I've ever had. 184 00:08:27,757 --> 00:08:30,926 I was scared, but it felt amazing. 185 00:08:30,927 --> 00:08:32,219 I know this is crazy, 186 00:08:32,220 --> 00:08:34,888 but would you want to get scared with me again? 187 00:08:34,889 --> 00:08:37,641 Okay. But only if my boy Jurgen can come. 188 00:08:37,642 --> 00:08:38,893 - No. - Okay. 189 00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:46,608 They were dead when I found them! Oh, you're alive. 190 00:08:46,609 --> 00:08:49,361 Big time. But we need your scary story again 191 00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:50,613 and the way it made us feel. 192 00:08:55,744 --> 00:08:57,579 One way ticket to Montenegro? 193 00:08:58,288 --> 00:09:00,956 Oh. No extradition from there. 194 00:09:00,957 --> 00:09:03,584 Because you thought you'd killed us. 195 00:09:03,585 --> 00:09:04,668 Smart girl. 196 00:09:04,669 --> 00:09:07,129 Give it to us, D. Give us the story again. 197 00:09:07,130 --> 00:09:09,923 I don't think I should. I thought you were dead before. 198 00:09:09,924 --> 00:09:12,384 Plus, Nerfer is sleeping, and she gets prickly 199 00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:13,886 if she wakes up to a whole scene. 200 00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:15,220 Give us the story, 201 00:09:15,221 --> 00:09:19,099 or I'll slap those pointy bangs off your gorgeous face. 202 00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:21,477 {\an8}No, they accentuate her eyes. 203 00:09:21,478 --> 00:09:22,811 {\an8}Slap the... Slap the... 204 00:09:22,812 --> 00:09:24,646 {\an8}This is hard. Every part's perfect. 205 00:09:24,647 --> 00:09:26,148 {\an8}Slap racism! 206 00:09:26,149 --> 00:09:28,776 {\an8}Now tell the story before I lose my freaking cool! 207 00:09:28,777 --> 00:09:29,902 Okay. 208 00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:32,405 It was a night just like this. 209 00:09:34,157 --> 00:09:35,158 Here it comes. 210 00:09:35,742 --> 00:09:37,744 "And now you're mine, too!" 211 00:09:38,703 --> 00:09:41,121 - Where is it? - Danuta told it wrong. 212 00:09:41,122 --> 00:09:42,706 Why did you tell it wrong? 213 00:09:42,707 --> 00:09:43,999 Maybe you didn't faint 214 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,794 because you already know how the story goes. 215 00:09:46,377 --> 00:09:48,837 She's right. We need to find new things to scare us. 216 00:09:48,838 --> 00:09:51,006 - Let's boogie, Klaus. - My assistant, Steve, 217 00:09:51,007 --> 00:09:53,008 will be by later for my driving canes. 218 00:09:56,721 --> 00:09:59,264 Jonathan, is that you? 219 00:09:59,265 --> 00:10:01,600 Time to die! 220 00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:02,684 That was it? 221 00:10:02,685 --> 00:10:04,061 It wasn't scary at all. 222 00:10:04,062 --> 00:10:05,813 - Boo! - Boo! 223 00:10:05,814 --> 00:10:06,897 You're being disruptive. 224 00:10:06,898 --> 00:10:08,398 I'm gonna have to ask you to leave. 225 00:10:08,399 --> 00:10:10,484 We're already leaving, nerd. 226 00:10:10,485 --> 00:10:11,486 This stinks. 227 00:10:12,153 --> 00:10:13,696 That snap thing you've been doing, 228 00:10:14,531 --> 00:10:15,532 that's cool, Klaus. 229 00:10:18,159 --> 00:10:21,161 Okay, this feels pretty spooky. 230 00:10:21,162 --> 00:10:22,871 I brought a spirit box. 231 00:10:22,872 --> 00:10:25,457 It allows ghosts to communicate with us. 232 00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:28,377 I don't know how it works. It came with a free Hello Kitty keychain, 233 00:10:28,378 --> 00:10:29,796 so I was like, "Uh, sold." 234 00:10:32,048 --> 00:10:33,590 Kill. 235 00:10:33,591 --> 00:10:35,467 That's a good sign. 236 00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:38,387 Killer deals this weekend 237 00:10:38,388 --> 00:10:40,514 only at Nana Pam's Flower Shop. 238 00:10:41,599 --> 00:10:42,976 It's just picking up the radio. 239 00:10:46,062 --> 00:10:47,771 Ooh. 240 00:10:47,772 --> 00:10:50,607 It's not the radio. It's me. 241 00:10:50,608 --> 00:10:53,443 The deals are my unfinished business. 242 00:10:53,444 --> 00:10:55,738 Woo. 243 00:10:57,282 --> 00:11:00,618 Rogu, you said you had something scary for us. 244 00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:03,328 Haunted tub. 245 00:11:03,329 --> 00:11:06,248 - Cursed wrench. - Really? 246 00:11:06,249 --> 00:11:07,332 This is cursed? 247 00:11:07,333 --> 00:11:12,171 Exorcise demon by fix Rogu tub. 248 00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:15,674 Okay. I think Rogu is just trying to get us to fix his bathtub. 249 00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:17,759 Wow. We trusted you, Rogu. 250 00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:20,180 Never trust a bad boy. 251 00:11:26,436 --> 00:11:28,061 It's 6:45. 252 00:11:28,062 --> 00:11:29,730 You haven't started dinner yet? 253 00:11:29,731 --> 00:11:31,023 We're starting now 254 00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:32,941 because dinner is at 7:00 p.m. 255 00:11:32,942 --> 00:11:35,027 and this recipe only takes 15 minutes. 256 00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:37,029 I think that lady was a scammer. 257 00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:38,739 We never saw her cook anything. 258 00:11:38,740 --> 00:11:40,574 But we saw her do the splits. 259 00:11:40,575 --> 00:11:41,950 What more do you need? 260 00:11:41,951 --> 00:11:44,870 All right, the recipe says to start with the cassoulet. 261 00:11:44,871 --> 00:11:47,664 - First ingredient, red beans. - Boom. 262 00:11:47,665 --> 00:11:49,875 "Soak beans overnight." 263 00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:50,959 Overnight? 264 00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:52,544 A little misstep on our part. 265 00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:54,254 Let's pivot to the ossobuco. 266 00:11:54,255 --> 00:11:57,049 Stevie, my boy, toss me the pearl onions and veal shanks. 267 00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:58,676 Yeah, there's no way we have that stuff. 268 00:11:59,302 --> 00:12:00,761 Should we use substitutes? 269 00:12:00,762 --> 00:12:03,180 Let's call Kricket Limone. She'll know what to do. 270 00:12:03,181 --> 00:12:04,640 Are you crazy? 271 00:12:04,641 --> 00:12:07,601 She's probably halfway to Montenegro by now. 272 00:12:07,602 --> 00:12:09,771 They don't have any extradibiton! 273 00:12:12,273 --> 00:12:14,983 You want to get loud, you go to a J Lo concert. 274 00:12:14,984 --> 00:12:16,151 You want to get scared, 275 00:12:16,152 --> 00:12:19,529 you come to T. Lumpkin's Curiosity Shop. Bam! 276 00:12:19,530 --> 00:12:21,490 Gargoyle shoes. Never worn. 277 00:12:21,491 --> 00:12:22,699 That just makes me sad. 278 00:12:22,700 --> 00:12:24,993 Carnivorous pitcher plant covered in blood. 279 00:12:24,994 --> 00:12:26,662 How did it get covered in blood? 280 00:12:26,663 --> 00:12:28,747 Ah. I used it to clean a paper cut. 281 00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:30,582 That's not a scary story, Roger. 282 00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:33,085 It was for me. It stung, Hayley. 283 00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:37,547 That's Paige. She's the new part-timer. 284 00:12:37,548 --> 00:12:40,175 She's been drinking that iced coffee all day. 285 00:12:40,176 --> 00:12:41,510 It's been done for hours. 286 00:12:41,511 --> 00:12:43,345 Just keeps sucking the melting ice. 287 00:12:43,346 --> 00:12:45,764 You done with that coffee yet? 288 00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:47,641 And she laughs at everything. 289 00:12:47,642 --> 00:12:48,767 What's funny? 290 00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:50,311 Nothing. 291 00:12:51,354 --> 00:12:54,022 Is it a nervous tic? Am I part of some sick joke? 292 00:12:54,023 --> 00:12:56,149 I don't know. But I love her. Let's move on. 293 00:12:56,150 --> 00:12:58,110 Ooh, now this is scary. 294 00:12:58,111 --> 00:12:59,319 A skull. 295 00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:00,821 That's not scary. 296 00:13:00,822 --> 00:13:02,656 That's just something to put vodka in. 297 00:13:02,657 --> 00:13:06,410 Damn, I thought an empty skull would be a no-brainer. 298 00:13:06,411 --> 00:13:08,787 Groucho glasses worn by Stalin. 299 00:13:10,248 --> 00:13:12,124 Paige, do you want a new coffee? 300 00:13:13,376 --> 00:13:14,751 You're funny. 301 00:13:14,752 --> 00:13:17,130 This chick's insane. I'm obsessed with her. 302 00:13:23,553 --> 00:13:25,679 Roger. What's this? 303 00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:27,764 A map to the demon shapeshifter well 304 00:13:27,765 --> 00:13:28,932 at old Make Out Point. 305 00:13:30,601 --> 00:13:32,936 The shapeshifter story is real? 306 00:13:32,937 --> 00:13:35,188 Yeah. It happened here in Langley Falls. 307 00:13:35,189 --> 00:13:37,316 They say if you call into the well, 308 00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:38,650 and it echoes back, 309 00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:41,028 your soul is taken by the demon. 310 00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:46,283 ♪ Oh, baby That's your ticket ♪ 311 00:13:46,284 --> 00:13:48,453 ♪ The well is what you need ♪ 312 00:13:49,370 --> 00:13:51,955 ♪ Ooh, sugar it's time to risk it ♪ 313 00:13:51,956 --> 00:13:54,792 ♪ If you want to keep seeing me ♪ 314 00:13:56,586 --> 00:13:58,670 We have to go to the well? 315 00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:00,964 You broke the Groucho glasses, you have to buy them. 316 00:14:00,965 --> 00:14:03,342 - Paige, ring them up. - Okay. 317 00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:05,928 She's an icon. 318 00:14:09,974 --> 00:14:11,059 Hayley. 319 00:14:16,314 --> 00:14:19,649 I can feel it. We're going to have eufearia again. 320 00:14:19,650 --> 00:14:21,985 One of us calls into the well, it echoes, 321 00:14:21,986 --> 00:14:24,697 and we get the greatest high of our lives. 322 00:14:25,406 --> 00:14:26,990 I'm freaking out. I can't do it. 323 00:14:26,991 --> 00:14:28,283 Yes, you can. 324 00:14:28,284 --> 00:14:30,077 Before we discovered eufearia, 325 00:14:30,078 --> 00:14:32,412 we were basically two strangers, 326 00:14:32,413 --> 00:14:34,289 both trying to bang Danuta. 327 00:14:34,290 --> 00:14:35,373 What? I'm not trying... 328 00:14:35,374 --> 00:14:37,959 But eufearia brought us together, 329 00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:39,753 and I'm not going to let you give up. 330 00:14:39,754 --> 00:14:43,673 We'll call into the well as a team. 331 00:14:43,674 --> 00:14:44,675 Okay, let's do it. 332 00:14:45,802 --> 00:14:49,221 One, two, three. 333 00:14:49,222 --> 00:14:51,056 - I love you, Tommy! - I can't do it. 334 00:14:51,057 --> 00:14:53,016 - Klaus, you weasel. - I love you, Tommy! 335 00:14:56,646 --> 00:14:59,397 ♪ Congratulations You're back for more ♪ 336 00:14:59,398 --> 00:15:01,733 ♪ You found the key to your getting scared door ♪ 337 00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:04,194 ♪ Addicted to fear Ain't nothing wrong with that ♪ 338 00:15:04,195 --> 00:15:07,031 ♪ But the moment will end when I put on this hat ♪ 339 00:15:09,575 --> 00:15:12,078 Coolest hat in the world. Hayley? 340 00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:15,580 The shapeshifter got her. 341 00:15:15,581 --> 00:15:16,582 Oh, no. 342 00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:19,043 Even cooler hat. 343 00:15:24,382 --> 00:15:27,384 You said dinner would be ready in 15 minutes 344 00:15:27,385 --> 00:15:29,803 like 115 minutes ago! 345 00:15:29,804 --> 00:15:32,180 We had to drive an hour and a half out of town 346 00:15:32,181 --> 00:15:35,767 - to find fresh veal. - It was very fresh. 347 00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:38,728 Yeah, it was really a bummer. 348 00:15:38,729 --> 00:15:41,648 Francine, will you do me the honor of having the first taste. 349 00:15:41,649 --> 00:15:42,733 I'm too close to it. 350 00:15:43,985 --> 00:15:46,278 Ugh. The beans are still hard. 351 00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:48,738 Impossible. Maybe you're too tired to taste. 352 00:15:48,739 --> 00:15:49,823 Steve? 353 00:15:52,577 --> 00:15:55,287 It said to soak them! It said it! 354 00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:56,955 That crunch doesn't mean anything. 355 00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:58,498 Steve's always had weak teeth. 356 00:15:58,499 --> 00:16:01,126 I have delicate enamel. 357 00:16:01,127 --> 00:16:03,503 Yes. Rest, my little sous chefs. 358 00:16:03,504 --> 00:16:05,088 I'll wake you up when it's ready. 359 00:16:05,089 --> 00:16:07,257 I'd like to place an order for delivery. 360 00:16:07,258 --> 00:16:09,844 My babe's dad is trying to make a quick, easy meal... 361 00:16:10,678 --> 00:16:12,762 Pizzas famously take 30 minutes, 362 00:16:12,763 --> 00:16:14,681 and dinner will be ready in 15. 363 00:16:14,682 --> 00:16:16,725 I can't do it! I'm sorry! 364 00:16:16,726 --> 00:16:19,020 Stop! You'll ruin your appetite! 365 00:16:19,604 --> 00:16:20,687 I need food! 366 00:16:20,688 --> 00:16:23,356 Hayley is a demon, and she wanted to yell in the well alone. 367 00:16:23,357 --> 00:16:24,441 Okay. Bye. 368 00:16:24,442 --> 00:16:26,360 Klaus, you're just in time for dinner. Taste. 369 00:16:28,070 --> 00:16:29,196 The beans are hard. 370 00:16:29,197 --> 00:16:30,655 Also, Hayley isn't Hayley. 371 00:16:30,656 --> 00:16:32,407 She's a shapeshifter out in the woods. 372 00:16:32,408 --> 00:16:34,618 So if you see her, don't open the door, okay? 373 00:16:34,619 --> 00:16:36,829 I'm going to sleep in your bed because it feels safer. 374 00:16:37,955 --> 00:16:39,999 Hayley. Yes. 375 00:16:40,541 --> 00:16:41,876 Hayley should taste this. 376 00:16:44,879 --> 00:16:47,506 Everything gets better with a good night's sleep. 377 00:16:57,516 --> 00:16:59,100 Klaus. 378 00:16:59,101 --> 00:17:01,020 Come to the well. 379 00:17:03,689 --> 00:17:06,775 ♪ Hearing a scary story is cool and all ♪ 380 00:17:06,776 --> 00:17:08,860 ♪ But living it is way more fun ♪ 381 00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:11,863 ♪ You feel big and bad and 8-feet tall ♪ 382 00:17:11,864 --> 00:17:14,116 ♪ Look, a sexy skeleton ♪ 383 00:17:17,578 --> 00:17:20,164 That was scary and erotic. 384 00:17:22,708 --> 00:17:24,168 I'm in the shapeshifter's hand! 385 00:17:26,170 --> 00:17:28,047 Bikini season. 386 00:17:28,589 --> 00:17:30,424 Real Hayley's missing out. 387 00:17:31,092 --> 00:17:32,343 Demon Hayley! 388 00:17:35,513 --> 00:17:36,973 We're back at the well! 389 00:17:39,850 --> 00:17:43,186 Oh, shapeshifter. I'm not even scared of you anymore. 390 00:17:43,187 --> 00:17:45,522 The thrill of eufearia is gone. 391 00:17:45,523 --> 00:17:47,399 It's just not the same without Hayley. 392 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:50,735 The high has been replaced with the shame-filled low. 393 00:17:50,736 --> 00:17:52,780 That never happens with other drugs. 394 00:17:56,242 --> 00:17:59,911 Call into the well. 395 00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:03,416 Oh, yes. Time for you to take my soul, I suppose. 396 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:06,501 Hayley was right. I am a weasel. 397 00:18:06,502 --> 00:18:09,004 Not only did I back out of calling into the well 398 00:18:09,005 --> 00:18:12,007 at the last minute, after promising her I'd be by her side, 399 00:18:12,008 --> 00:18:15,844 I literally left her side and ran home. 400 00:18:15,845 --> 00:18:18,680 Bravely sleeping in my own bed. 401 00:18:18,681 --> 00:18:22,101 Say the words into the well. 402 00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:24,645 Or are you too chicken? 403 00:18:25,187 --> 00:18:26,606 Bawk, bawk. 404 00:18:27,189 --> 00:18:28,565 I'm not chicken. 405 00:18:28,566 --> 00:18:30,025 If I'm going to do this, 406 00:18:30,026 --> 00:18:31,651 there's one thing I want to say 407 00:18:31,652 --> 00:18:34,864 that I should have said to the real Hayley when she was here. 408 00:18:36,365 --> 00:18:39,159 I do like you, Hayley! As a friend. 409 00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:41,620 I do like you, Hayley! As a friend. 410 00:18:41,621 --> 00:18:42,954 Hayley's mine, 411 00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:44,539 and now you're mine, too! 412 00:18:44,540 --> 00:18:46,625 Hayley's mine, and now you're mine, too! 413 00:18:46,626 --> 00:18:48,585 ♪ You're terrified ♪ 414 00:18:48,586 --> 00:18:50,629 ♪ You're flying high ♪ 415 00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:53,131 ♪ Like making love to a pretty lady ♪ 416 00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:56,010 ♪ And she doesn't get pregnant with a baby ♪ 417 00:18:56,636 --> 00:18:57,637 ♪ Uh ♪ 418 00:18:58,304 --> 00:18:59,804 ♪ Uh-huh ♪ 419 00:18:59,805 --> 00:19:04,643 ♪ You made it to the peak of eufearia ♪ 420 00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:09,606 ♪ You never thought you could feel this fear ♪ 421 00:19:12,860 --> 00:19:13,944 ♪ Oh, yeah! ♪ 422 00:19:14,862 --> 00:19:17,864 ♪ Now slurp up that fear like a rat that's thirsty ♪ 423 00:19:17,865 --> 00:19:20,784 ♪ Slurp it up like Paige with iced coffee ♪ 424 00:19:23,412 --> 00:19:25,206 Ah! Whoo! Yes! 425 00:19:25,831 --> 00:19:27,375 Wait, am I dead? 426 00:19:27,875 --> 00:19:29,376 Am I a shapeshifter? 427 00:19:29,377 --> 00:19:31,461 Hayley? 428 00:19:31,462 --> 00:19:34,422 You really thought I was a shapeshifter? 429 00:19:34,423 --> 00:19:36,132 - You're not? - No! 430 00:19:36,133 --> 00:19:37,801 Why did you act like you were? 431 00:19:37,802 --> 00:19:39,762 At first, I was doing it because I was pissed. 432 00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,472 - I love you, Tommy! - I can't do it. 433 00:19:42,473 --> 00:19:43,723 Klaus, you weasel. 434 00:19:43,724 --> 00:19:46,142 We were supposed to yell into the well together, 435 00:19:46,143 --> 00:19:47,686 but you let me do it alone. 436 00:19:49,146 --> 00:19:51,189 I passed out, had sick eufearia, 437 00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:52,441 but then I fell in. 438 00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:56,820 - When I woke up, I called for you. - Klaus! 439 00:19:56,821 --> 00:19:57,987 Help! 440 00:19:57,988 --> 00:20:00,490 But you weren't there for me. Again. 441 00:20:00,491 --> 00:20:01,658 And as you know, 442 00:20:01,659 --> 00:20:04,411 I have the upper-body strength of a gorilla when I'm pissed, 443 00:20:04,412 --> 00:20:05,663 so I climbed out to find you. 444 00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:10,208 I was gonna toss you in the well out of spite, 445 00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:11,626 but then you said all those nice, 446 00:20:11,627 --> 00:20:13,420 sentimental things on the way over. 447 00:20:13,421 --> 00:20:16,172 So I decided to give you the best eufearia ever 448 00:20:16,173 --> 00:20:18,007 by acting out the ending of the story. 449 00:20:18,008 --> 00:20:20,760 The Grim Reaper had a quad guitar. 450 00:20:20,761 --> 00:20:22,512 That's four, Hayley. 451 00:20:22,513 --> 00:20:24,890 He grew extra hands to play it. 452 00:20:25,391 --> 00:20:29,561 You can just tell he is the boss of that whole hellscape. 453 00:20:29,562 --> 00:20:31,187 I wish you could have seen it. 454 00:20:31,188 --> 00:20:33,606 Honestly, I think I'm done with eufearia. 455 00:20:33,607 --> 00:20:36,318 We had fun, but we got a little too into it. 456 00:20:36,986 --> 00:20:38,403 Hayley, something's behind you! 457 00:20:38,404 --> 00:20:39,989 Yeah, that's not gonna work on me. 458 00:20:40,823 --> 00:20:42,324 Taste the beans. 459 00:20:46,120 --> 00:20:47,579 ♪ I'm the king of this hellscape ♪ 460 00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:49,038 ♪ I make skeletons moan ♪ 461 00:20:49,039 --> 00:20:52,752 ♪ In one final twist my queen is Kricket Limone ♪ 462 00:20:57,423 --> 00:20:58,548 Please taste this. 463 00:20:58,549 --> 00:21:00,216 Leave me alone, my guy. 464 00:21:00,217 --> 00:21:01,927 Come on. Just taste it. 465 00:21:04,305 --> 00:21:06,891 {\an8}Mmm. 466 00:21:09,059 --> 00:21:11,603 {\an8}Mmm. That's really good, actually. 467 00:21:11,604 --> 00:21:13,646 {\an8}The beans are nice and soft. 468 00:21:13,647 --> 00:21:15,398 {\an8}Thank you, Mr. Reaper. 469 00:21:15,399 --> 00:21:17,567 {\an8}Not! I don't give out compliments. 470 00:21:17,568 --> 00:21:20,320 {\an8}I'm the Grim Reaper, not the Praise Heaper. 471 00:21:20,321 --> 00:21:22,530 {\an8}That's so good. 472 00:21:22,531 --> 00:21:24,991 {\an8}♪ I'm the Grim Reaper ♪ 473 00:21:24,992 --> 00:21:26,868 {\an8}♪ Not the Praise Heaper ♪ 474 00:21:26,869 --> 00:21:28,287 {\an8}Yeah, that works immediately. 475 00:21:30,164 --> 00:21:32,332 {\an8}Why is cooking so hard? 476 00:21:32,333 --> 00:21:34,251 {\an8}Bye. Have a great night.