1 00:00:06,215 --> 00:00:07,925 - [man] I thought he got evicted. - [coughing] 2 00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:09,009 - [woman] Did you want two more? - [man 2] I want something else. 3 00:00:09,093 --> 00:00:10,511 [man 3] Ooh, I'll have one of those. 4 00:00:10,594 --> 00:00:12,513 [band playing] 5 00:00:12,596 --> 00:00:14,014 [applause] 6 00:00:14,140 --> 00:00:15,516 [wolf whistle] 7 00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:19,854 [wolf whistle] 8 00:00:21,188 --> 00:00:23,441 - [whoop] - [whistling] 9 00:00:24,442 --> 00:00:26,444 - [chattering] - [barking] 10 00:00:28,612 --> 00:00:30,948 [cheering] 11 00:00:31,949 --> 00:00:33,033 [barking continues in distance] 12 00:00:33,117 --> 00:00:35,035 Russell, is this the finale already? 13 00:00:35,119 --> 00:00:37,705 - Yep. - But there was supposed to be another act. 14 00:00:37,788 --> 00:00:40,124 - What happened to Lidia? - Lidia moved back to Ohio. 15 00:00:40,207 --> 00:00:41,500 In the last hour? 16 00:00:41,584 --> 00:00:43,002 Life's full of surprises. 17 00:00:43,085 --> 00:00:44,378 She left her snake. 18 00:00:44,462 --> 00:00:46,213 - And her dog. - [barking] 19 00:00:46,297 --> 00:00:48,174 [scoffs] Never mind. 20 00:00:48,257 --> 00:00:50,843 ♪ ♪ 21 00:00:50,926 --> 00:00:52,595 [man] Ow! 22 00:00:52,678 --> 00:00:54,930 - [whooping] - [wolf whistle] 23 00:00:55,014 --> 00:00:57,600 [whistling] 24 00:01:00,269 --> 00:01:02,104 [whooping] 25 00:01:06,734 --> 00:01:08,736 [cheering] 26 00:01:13,491 --> 00:01:14,492 [applause, cheering in distance] 27 00:01:14,617 --> 00:01:15,701 The curtain's stuck. 28 00:01:15,785 --> 00:01:17,828 - It happens. - Yes, but what should we do? 29 00:01:17,912 --> 00:01:20,164 Hey. I separate nuts and bolts. 30 00:01:20,247 --> 00:01:22,666 See? I put nuts with the nuts and bolts with the bolts. 31 00:01:22,750 --> 00:01:24,585 You are a stripper who doesn't take anything off 32 00:01:24,668 --> 00:01:26,003 and just stands there yelling at people. 33 00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:27,087 This is neither of our problems. 34 00:01:27,171 --> 00:01:29,089 Okay, that's not what... 35 00:01:29,173 --> 00:01:30,800 Never mind. 36 00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:34,220 ♪ ♪ 37 00:01:34,303 --> 00:01:35,930 [clapping] 38 00:01:40,726 --> 00:01:42,895 [orchestra continues playing] 39 00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:52,112 Well, that's the end of the... show. 40 00:01:52,196 --> 00:01:55,491 I hope it's been an evening you will never... 41 00:01:55,574 --> 00:01:57,701 - ever forget. - [orchestra continues playing] 42 00:01:57,785 --> 00:01:59,620 You've been a great audience. 43 00:01:59,703 --> 00:02:01,205 Please get home safe... 44 00:02:01,288 --> 00:02:03,165 - [microphone cuts out] - ...and tip the... 45 00:02:03,249 --> 00:02:04,667 tip the waitresses! 46 00:02:04,750 --> 00:02:06,001 They're armed! 47 00:02:06,085 --> 00:02:07,795 Thank you and... 48 00:02:07,878 --> 00:02:09,338 good... Really? 49 00:02:09,421 --> 00:02:11,006 - [song ends] - [women scream] 50 00:02:11,090 --> 00:02:12,383 - [man laughs] - [coughing] 51 00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:14,635 - [indistinct chatter] - [dog barking in distance] 52 00:02:14,718 --> 00:02:16,387 Charlie, you guys are supposed to play softer 53 00:02:16,470 --> 00:02:17,721 when I talk, remember? 54 00:02:17,805 --> 00:02:18,973 I never know when you're gonna talk. 55 00:02:19,056 --> 00:02:20,850 Basically, any time I come out here, 56 00:02:20,933 --> 00:02:21,851 I'm gonna talk. 57 00:02:21,934 --> 00:02:23,227 It's your funeral. 58 00:02:23,310 --> 00:02:25,020 Lipstick. 59 00:02:29,567 --> 00:02:31,944 [groans, exhales] 60 00:02:32,027 --> 00:02:35,030 Boise, we still got a couple of kinks to work out here. 61 00:02:35,114 --> 00:02:37,408 - Oh, yeah? Like what? - Well, the curtain stayed up, 62 00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:39,285 the spot never hit me, the band played too loud 63 00:02:39,368 --> 00:02:40,870 while I was talking, my mic cut out. 64 00:02:40,953 --> 00:02:42,621 - You want to write this down? - No, I do not. 65 00:02:42,705 --> 00:02:44,665 This is looking like a half-assed burlesque show. 66 00:02:44,748 --> 00:02:46,166 It is a half-assed burlesque show. 67 00:02:46,250 --> 00:02:47,877 - Boise... - Let's see how tomorrow goes. 68 00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:50,087 - You keep saying that. - Well, I'm a hopeful guy. 69 00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:51,589 Come on. These are not hard fixes. 70 00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:53,674 If we had a sound check, we'd know if the mic is working. 71 00:02:53,757 --> 00:02:56,343 Mic works. The sound guy just wasn't behind the board yet. 72 00:02:56,427 --> 00:02:59,179 - And the curtain and... - Same guy who runs the board runs the curtain. 73 00:02:59,263 --> 00:03:00,806 Maybe we could get a different guy to run the curtain. 74 00:03:00,890 --> 00:03:02,975 What am I, the WPA? A fucking chicken in every pot? 75 00:03:03,058 --> 00:03:04,894 You think I got the kind of money to hire a guy 76 00:03:04,977 --> 00:03:06,604 just to run the curtain? 77 00:03:06,687 --> 00:03:08,022 What's he do? 78 00:03:08,105 --> 00:03:09,356 Huh. 79 00:03:09,440 --> 00:03:11,483 Congratulations! You're the new curtain guy! 80 00:03:11,567 --> 00:03:12,985 Now, about the finale. 81 00:03:13,068 --> 00:03:15,613 Do you gals have any idea what you're doing out there? 82 00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,281 - What do you mean? - When you came out onstage, 83 00:03:17,364 --> 00:03:18,741 some of you looked confused. 84 00:03:18,824 --> 00:03:20,367 - Tilly? - I just follow her. 85 00:03:20,451 --> 00:03:22,369 We should do the finale earlier in the show. 86 00:03:22,453 --> 00:03:23,662 We're tired by then. 87 00:03:23,746 --> 00:03:25,456 Or some rehearsal might help. 88 00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:27,666 Unless the crashing into each other is a creative choice. 89 00:03:27,750 --> 00:03:29,084 No, that just happens. 90 00:03:29,168 --> 00:03:30,336 And you-- 91 00:03:30,419 --> 00:03:31,879 - are you in your bra? - Yeah. 92 00:03:31,962 --> 00:03:33,505 - Why? - Well, I can't go out there naked. 93 00:03:33,589 --> 00:03:35,174 - There's laws. - Where's your costume? 94 00:03:35,257 --> 00:03:36,675 Oh, the strap broke. I can't fix it, 95 00:03:36,759 --> 00:03:38,177 and Dribbles ate my pasty. 96 00:03:38,260 --> 00:03:40,012 Get me your costume. I'll have Zelda fix it. 97 00:03:40,095 --> 00:03:42,264 - Who's Zelda? - I think she's the one who wears balloons 98 00:03:42,348 --> 00:03:43,682 and pops 'em with her nails. 99 00:03:43,766 --> 00:03:45,392 Shit. More competition. 100 00:03:45,476 --> 00:03:47,561 [gasps] Hey, it's movie night tonight! 101 00:03:47,645 --> 00:03:50,397 Oh, I love movie night. 102 00:03:50,481 --> 00:03:51,941 You gonna stay for movie night, Midge? 103 00:03:52,024 --> 00:03:53,692 Can't tonight. I'm late for something. 104 00:03:53,776 --> 00:03:55,319 Next time. I promise. 105 00:03:55,402 --> 00:03:57,571 All of this has to get better! 106 00:03:57,655 --> 00:03:59,990 - [phone ringing] - [man] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! 107 00:04:00,074 --> 00:04:01,200 - Boise. - I hear you. 108 00:04:01,283 --> 00:04:03,869 They hear you. Everyone hears you! 109 00:04:03,953 --> 00:04:05,287 [door opens] 110 00:04:05,371 --> 00:04:06,872 - [whooping] - [laughter] 111 00:04:06,956 --> 00:04:08,874 ♪ ♪ 112 00:04:08,958 --> 00:04:09,875 [door closes] 113 00:04:09,959 --> 00:04:11,293 To new friends. 114 00:04:11,377 --> 00:04:12,670 And the booze they bring. 115 00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:14,004 - [clink] - [chuckles] 116 00:04:14,088 --> 00:04:15,631 ♪ And I'll move a mountain ♪ 117 00:04:15,714 --> 00:04:17,257 Mmm. Perfect. 118 00:04:17,341 --> 00:04:19,551 - I'm really glad we finally did this. - Me too. 119 00:04:19,635 --> 00:04:20,594 I've been pulling all the late shifts 120 00:04:20,678 --> 00:04:21,595 at the hospital this month. 121 00:04:21,679 --> 00:04:23,681 The other doctors have families, so... 122 00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:25,015 Don't worry. I like eating late. 123 00:04:25,099 --> 00:04:26,141 Comes with the microphone. 124 00:04:26,225 --> 00:04:27,142 It's very Spanish. 125 00:04:27,226 --> 00:04:28,519 - The microphone? - Eating late. 126 00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:29,853 I lived there for a year. 127 00:04:29,937 --> 00:04:31,939 They don't sit down till 10:00. Even the kids. 128 00:04:32,022 --> 00:04:33,857 - It's very different. - Oh, you got to live in Spain? 129 00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:34,858 Was it amazing? 130 00:04:34,942 --> 00:04:36,527 And delicious. The steak... 131 00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:37,945 I was supposed to go this year. For work. 132 00:04:38,028 --> 00:04:39,947 But it fell through. Some other time. 133 00:04:40,030 --> 00:04:42,157 - [chuckles softly] - Spain. 134 00:04:42,241 --> 00:04:46,078 So, how long have you lived on el Lado Superior Oeste? 135 00:04:46,161 --> 00:04:46,996 Hmm? 136 00:04:47,079 --> 00:04:48,664 The Upper West Side. Spanish. 137 00:04:48,747 --> 00:04:50,958 Got it. Well, I was born on the Upper West Side. 138 00:04:51,041 --> 00:04:53,293 I actually live in the same building I grew up in. 139 00:04:53,377 --> 00:04:54,712 Eso es increíble. 140 00:04:54,795 --> 00:04:56,338 That's... good? 141 00:04:56,422 --> 00:04:58,090 - Sí. - I could tell by the smile 142 00:04:58,173 --> 00:04:59,675 and the fact that you didn't use the word "cancer." 143 00:04:59,758 --> 00:05:00,926 Though you're a doctor, so "cancer" could be 144 00:05:01,010 --> 00:05:02,094 your pickup line. 145 00:05:02,177 --> 00:05:04,430 [laughs] Eres una dama divertida. 146 00:05:04,513 --> 00:05:06,348 You're very good. 147 00:05:06,432 --> 00:05:08,350 - Gracias. - Ah, timing. 148 00:05:08,434 --> 00:05:09,768 Fill 'er up, please. 149 00:05:09,852 --> 00:05:11,562 - And I think we're ready to order. - Okay. 150 00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:13,480 Uh, We'll both have a filete meio rara, 151 00:05:13,564 --> 00:05:16,650 y una guarnicion de espinacas. 152 00:05:16,734 --> 00:05:19,278 That's a medium-rare steak with a side of spinach. 153 00:05:19,361 --> 00:05:20,904 He lived in Spain. 154 00:05:20,988 --> 00:05:22,614 I'll be right back with your drink. 155 00:05:23,699 --> 00:05:25,367 [Liam] So, you're a comedian. 156 00:05:26,493 --> 00:05:30,080 Oh, that's English. Sorry. Yes. I am a comedian. 157 00:05:30,164 --> 00:05:34,501 And where do you get the ideas for your jokes? 158 00:05:36,628 --> 00:05:38,505 Will you excuse me a moment? 159 00:05:43,594 --> 00:05:45,429 I wore the wrong hat. 160 00:05:45,512 --> 00:05:49,933 Jamon iberico de bellota el mejor del mundo. 161 00:05:50,017 --> 00:05:51,268 Do you like ham? 162 00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:52,519 No. 163 00:05:52,603 --> 00:05:56,565 [with accent] No. Spanish. 164 00:05:56,648 --> 00:05:58,400 You are funny. 165 00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:00,986 Have you ever seen a bullfight? 166 00:06:01,070 --> 00:06:02,821 - Miriam! - Susie. 167 00:06:02,905 --> 00:06:04,907 - What are you doing here? - Sorry to interrupt, 168 00:06:04,990 --> 00:06:06,784 - but your kid is very sick. - Oh, no. 169 00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:08,535 Yeah, he's throwing up all over the place. 170 00:06:08,619 --> 00:06:10,412 Your rug's a total goner. I think he needs a doctor. 171 00:06:10,496 --> 00:06:11,914 I am so sorry, Liam. I have to go. 172 00:06:11,997 --> 00:06:14,458 - Well, should I come? - No. He needs a doctor. 173 00:06:14,541 --> 00:06:17,044 - I am a doctor. - Oh. Well, yeah, but probably not the kind he needs. 174 00:06:17,127 --> 00:06:19,254 - I'm a pediatrician. - He's an adult. - She said he's five. 175 00:06:19,338 --> 00:06:21,090 Will you just come and check on your goddamn kid?! 176 00:06:21,173 --> 00:06:22,674 Yes. I am so sorry about this. 177 00:06:22,758 --> 00:06:25,469 Uh, we'll try it again. Really. Call me. 178 00:06:31,141 --> 00:06:33,393 ♪ We're a couple of swells ♪ 179 00:06:33,477 --> 00:06:36,230 ♪ We stop at the best hotels ♪ 180 00:06:36,313 --> 00:06:38,816 ♪ But we prefer the country ♪ 181 00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:42,194 ♪ Far away from the city smells ♪ 182 00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:49,076 ♪ We're a couple of sports ♪ 183 00:06:49,159 --> 00:06:51,703 ♪ The pride of the tennis courts ♪ 184 00:06:51,787 --> 00:06:54,206 ♪ In June, July and August ♪ 185 00:06:54,289 --> 00:06:57,543 ♪ We look cute when we're dressed in shorts... 186 00:06:57,626 --> 00:06:59,211 [Susie] You coulda told me he was a fucking doctor. 187 00:06:59,294 --> 00:07:01,296 [Midge] I know. I'm sorry. 188 00:07:01,380 --> 00:07:03,132 If I'd have known, I would've said that the kid 189 00:07:03,215 --> 00:07:04,424 had been abducted or something. 190 00:07:04,508 --> 00:07:06,051 I promise to tell you next time. 191 00:07:06,135 --> 00:07:07,636 And what do we need a code for? 192 00:07:07,719 --> 00:07:09,847 All you have to do is call and say, "I picked another loser, 193 00:07:09,930 --> 00:07:11,306 come the fuck down and save me." 194 00:07:11,390 --> 00:07:13,350 We need the code in case he walks by and hears me. 195 00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:14,893 I don't want to hurt his feelings. 196 00:07:14,977 --> 00:07:16,937 Well, all I know is this is the third crappy date 197 00:07:17,020 --> 00:07:18,147 you've been on this month. 198 00:07:18,230 --> 00:07:20,232 You gotta kiss some frogs. 199 00:07:20,315 --> 00:07:21,775 You can't date civilians. 200 00:07:21,859 --> 00:07:23,819 - Well, who am I going to date? - Someone in the business. 201 00:07:23,902 --> 00:07:25,571 I am not gonna date a comic. 202 00:07:25,654 --> 00:07:28,407 A comic? God, no. You fuck that frog before you date a comic. 203 00:07:28,490 --> 00:07:31,535 - Then who? - I don't know. 204 00:07:31,618 --> 00:07:32,828 How about a ventriloquist? 205 00:07:32,911 --> 00:07:34,538 Why the hell would I date a ventriloquist? 206 00:07:34,621 --> 00:07:35,914 He goes around with a toy. 207 00:07:35,998 --> 00:07:37,374 You've got kids. Seems like a slam dunk to me. 208 00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:38,417 You've gotta be kidding. 209 00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:39,668 At least he's bound to have a personality. 210 00:07:39,751 --> 00:07:40,836 Two, actually. 211 00:07:40,919 --> 00:07:42,671 - A ventriloquist? - Yes. 212 00:07:42,754 --> 00:07:44,047 A man who sits with a wooden version of a tiny man 213 00:07:44,131 --> 00:07:45,048 on his lap and tries to make it talk. 214 00:07:45,132 --> 00:07:46,216 That's who you want me to date? 215 00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:48,010 When I look at you, I see ventriloquist. 216 00:07:51,013 --> 00:07:52,222 Hey, Susie... 217 00:07:52,306 --> 00:07:53,724 What, Miriam? 218 00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:57,436 - When was the last relationship that you had? - What? 219 00:07:57,519 --> 00:08:00,564 We always talk about me and my relationships. What about you? 220 00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:01,732 I haven't seen you with anybody 221 00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:03,734 - since we've been together. - So? 222 00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:06,612 - Just curious about your life. - My life is you. That's it. 223 00:08:06,695 --> 00:08:08,947 Thinking about you. Talking about you. 224 00:08:09,031 --> 00:08:11,742 Waiting for you, rescuing you from bullshit dates. 225 00:08:11,825 --> 00:08:13,410 - I don't have time for anything else. - Yeah, but... 226 00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:15,204 As soon as I get you off my fucking hands 227 00:08:15,287 --> 00:08:17,539 and make you a star, I can shove you out on an iceberg 228 00:08:17,623 --> 00:08:19,208 and focus on something else. 229 00:08:19,291 --> 00:08:21,418 Fine. 230 00:08:23,587 --> 00:08:24,796 What? 231 00:08:26,798 --> 00:08:28,342 Maybe I've been hanging out with you for too long, 232 00:08:28,425 --> 00:08:30,469 but I actually do think you wore the wrong hat. 233 00:08:32,971 --> 00:08:35,599 [TV host] Two years ago, you directed Vertigo, 234 00:08:35,682 --> 00:08:38,518 Terrific film. Last year, it was North By Northwest, 235 00:08:38,602 --> 00:08:40,479 which completely ruined my love 236 00:08:40,562 --> 00:08:42,064 of long walks through cornfields. 237 00:08:42,147 --> 00:08:44,107 - Mission accomplished. - [laughter] 238 00:08:44,191 --> 00:08:47,569 And now we have Psycho, which I understand is very scary. 239 00:08:47,653 --> 00:08:49,571 So, let me ask you, Mr. Hitchcock, 240 00:08:49,655 --> 00:08:51,490 because I'm curious: what scares you? 241 00:08:51,573 --> 00:08:53,450 Hard-boiled eggs. 242 00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:56,203 Hard-boiled eggs. I-I was not expecting that. 243 00:08:56,286 --> 00:08:59,373 I was thinking more spiders, or ex-wives. 244 00:08:59,456 --> 00:09:01,458 I find them disgusting. 245 00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:04,878 Do you not find hard-boiled eggs disgusting? 246 00:09:04,962 --> 00:09:07,631 I confess, I have not put much thought into it. 247 00:09:07,714 --> 00:09:09,383 Well, you should... 248 00:09:09,466 --> 00:09:11,426 [TV continues indistinctly] 249 00:09:14,346 --> 00:09:16,348 [Midge] Ethan, if you have to make pee-pee, 250 00:09:16,431 --> 00:09:18,850 just pee-pee and go back to bed. 251 00:09:18,934 --> 00:09:20,310 It's not Ethan. 252 00:09:20,394 --> 00:09:22,562 Papa, if you have to make pee-pee, 253 00:09:22,646 --> 00:09:24,773 just pee-pee and go back to bed. 254 00:09:24,856 --> 00:09:26,817 I don't have to make pee-pee! 255 00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:29,736 Could I have a quick word with you, please? 256 00:09:29,820 --> 00:09:31,446 Hold on. 257 00:09:33,615 --> 00:09:35,617 - [thump] - Ow. 258 00:09:36,827 --> 00:09:38,870 - What time is it? - It's midnight. 259 00:09:38,954 --> 00:09:42,207 And Susie is blasting that damn TV again. 260 00:09:42,291 --> 00:09:43,667 She's been having trouble sleeping. 261 00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:45,502 The TV helps her relax. 262 00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:47,170 Has she tried sleeping pills? 263 00:09:47,254 --> 00:09:50,340 Your mother has a gallon jug of them in the closet. 264 00:09:50,424 --> 00:09:52,301 She says they make her loopy the next day. 265 00:09:52,384 --> 00:09:54,594 Same with your mother, but who can tell? 266 00:09:54,678 --> 00:09:56,930 Who says my pills make me loopy? 267 00:09:57,014 --> 00:09:58,807 I was just saying to Miriam 268 00:09:58,890 --> 00:10:01,768 that Susie has stayed here longer than expected. 269 00:10:01,852 --> 00:10:04,896 Her friend dying in her apartment really threw her. 270 00:10:04,980 --> 00:10:08,567 I'm sorry, but when my close friend Mordecai Glickman 271 00:10:08,650 --> 00:10:10,444 died playing squash, 272 00:10:10,527 --> 00:10:13,697 I was back on the squash court at 6:00 the next morning. 273 00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:15,490 I forgot that it was to play Mordecai, 274 00:10:15,574 --> 00:10:17,534 so it was all for naught, but you get my point. 275 00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:19,870 Her time here does seem endless. 276 00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:22,122 And I told Asher he could bunk here. 277 00:10:22,205 --> 00:10:25,167 Should I steer him to some godforsaken motel? 278 00:10:25,250 --> 00:10:28,170 There's room for Asher. It'll be tight, but we'll get by. 279 00:10:28,253 --> 00:10:30,005 Can I get anyone anything? 280 00:10:30,088 --> 00:10:32,799 Zelda, it's so late. Why are you here? 281 00:10:32,883 --> 00:10:35,093 Miss Susie is using a plate and a glass, 282 00:10:35,177 --> 00:10:37,387 so I stayed late so I can wash them. 283 00:10:37,471 --> 00:10:38,930 Zelda, I'll wash Susie's plates when she's done. 284 00:10:39,014 --> 00:10:41,099 - But that's my job, Miss Miriam. - It doesn't matter. 285 00:10:41,183 --> 00:10:43,560 So I should go to the comedy buildings 286 00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:46,563 and make with the jokes... because it doesn't matter? 287 00:10:46,688 --> 00:10:48,690 Is the TV too loud? 288 00:10:48,774 --> 00:10:51,318 What TV? I didn't hear the TV. Was it on? 289 00:10:51,401 --> 00:10:53,695 - I can turn it down. - You don't need to turn it down. 290 00:10:53,779 --> 00:10:56,114 I'm gonna find my own place any day, I promise. 291 00:10:56,198 --> 00:10:58,575 Stay as long as you like, Susie. Really. 292 00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:02,371 Yes, yes, the invitation is open-ended. 293 00:11:02,454 --> 00:11:04,081 Good night, Susie. 294 00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:07,542 - See you in the morning. - Yeah. 295 00:11:07,626 --> 00:11:09,878 What are you still doing here? 296 00:11:16,593 --> 00:11:18,220 - Excuse me, Abe? - Yeah. 297 00:11:18,303 --> 00:11:19,554 There's a guy here. 298 00:11:19,638 --> 00:11:21,056 He's been sitting in the hallway for half an hour. 299 00:11:21,139 --> 00:11:23,433 We finally asked, and he said he was a friend of yours. 300 00:11:23,517 --> 00:11:25,435 - Of mine? - Then he said, "Check that. 301 00:11:25,519 --> 00:11:27,437 Abe and I used to be friends, because a friend doesn't 302 00:11:27,521 --> 00:11:29,272 stab a friend in the back with a rusty knife 303 00:11:29,356 --> 00:11:31,108 dipped in arsenic, then wrap a guitar string..." 304 00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:33,902 I got it. Thank you, Isobel. 305 00:11:38,365 --> 00:11:41,368 - Asher. - Abe. Hello. 306 00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:43,120 Why didn't you come get me? 307 00:11:43,203 --> 00:11:45,372 I could see you were busy typing-- it looked important. 308 00:11:45,455 --> 00:11:48,208 Maybe you were tattling on a sick relative 309 00:11:48,291 --> 00:11:51,336 or ratting out your son for stealing a Necco Wafer 310 00:11:51,420 --> 00:11:52,754 when he was 12. 311 00:11:52,838 --> 00:11:54,214 Moving on. 312 00:11:54,297 --> 00:11:56,425 I have us all set up with Michael Kessler 313 00:11:56,508 --> 00:11:58,927 to deal with the FBI, so feel at ease. 314 00:11:59,010 --> 00:12:01,346 He's a great attorney. Best in the business. 315 00:12:01,430 --> 00:12:03,640 Sacco and Vanzetti had the best in the business, too. 316 00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:05,225 Must have been a great comfort 317 00:12:05,308 --> 00:12:06,768 as they sat in their electric chairs 318 00:12:06,852 --> 00:12:08,812 listening to their brains melt. 319 00:12:08,895 --> 00:12:11,189 I'm almost done here. Come sit with me. 320 00:12:11,273 --> 00:12:13,108 - I don't want to bother you. - You want to 321 00:12:13,191 --> 00:12:15,819 walk around the Village a bit? Get some souvenirs? 322 00:12:15,902 --> 00:12:17,863 I stepped on a spent condom coming in here, 323 00:12:17,946 --> 00:12:19,781 so I'm all set for souvenirs. 324 00:12:19,865 --> 00:12:22,742 Yes, good. Okay. I'll be right out. 325 00:12:22,826 --> 00:12:24,327 Don't rush. 326 00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:28,999 Swear I had coffee cups when I left the factory. 327 00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:31,001 - Just use a bowl. - I don't have bowls. 328 00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:33,044 You don't have bowls? Don't you eat soup? 329 00:12:33,128 --> 00:12:35,338 I don't trust soup. It tells you it's food, 330 00:12:35,422 --> 00:12:36,840 but you eat it, and you're never full. 331 00:12:36,923 --> 00:12:39,342 - [phone rings] - Feels like a scam. 332 00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:40,927 Hello? 333 00:12:41,011 --> 00:12:42,762 - [Shirley] Hello, Joely. - Hi, Ma. 334 00:12:42,846 --> 00:12:45,265 - It's your mother, Shirley. - I know, Ma. 335 00:12:45,348 --> 00:12:46,808 - What can I do for you? - Oh, nothing. 336 00:12:46,892 --> 00:12:48,560 I was just checking in. How's your new apartment? 337 00:12:48,643 --> 00:12:51,188 - It's great. - So you don't miss us at all? 338 00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:52,606 What do you need, Ma? 339 00:12:52,689 --> 00:12:54,733 I was just wondering where you're gonna be on Friday night. 340 00:12:54,816 --> 00:12:56,359 - [Joel] I'll be at the club. - You're sure? 341 00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:57,360 - I'm sure. - Around 8:00? 342 00:12:57,444 --> 00:12:59,446 - Why, Ma? - No reason. 343 00:12:59,529 --> 00:13:01,198 - Is your blue suit pressed? - Why, Ma? 344 00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:03,241 Because you look very nice in your blue suit. 345 00:13:03,325 --> 00:13:05,410 - Thank you, but... - Well, it was nice catching up. 346 00:13:05,494 --> 00:13:08,163 Remember, wear your blue suit Friday night. I love you. 347 00:13:08,246 --> 00:13:11,166 - And your room is here when you want it. - Ma? 348 00:13:11,249 --> 00:13:12,417 - Wait, Ma. - [line disconnects] 349 00:13:12,501 --> 00:13:14,252 So, when this soup tells you it's food, 350 00:13:14,336 --> 00:13:17,088 does it speak or spell it out in little alphabet letters or... 351 00:13:17,172 --> 00:13:19,591 I think it's time for you to meet my parents. 352 00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:22,260 - Did you hear me? - Nope. 353 00:13:22,344 --> 00:13:23,762 I put them off for as long as I could, 354 00:13:23,845 --> 00:13:25,597 - but we are out of time. - Nope. 355 00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:27,641 - We have no choice. - Nope. 356 00:13:27,724 --> 00:13:29,351 - Mei. - Are you insane? 357 00:13:29,434 --> 00:13:32,020 - I know it'll be awkward. - It'll be a disaster! 358 00:13:32,103 --> 00:13:34,147 Joel. I mean... 359 00:13:34,231 --> 00:13:35,690 They won't care that you're short. 360 00:13:35,774 --> 00:13:38,276 But they will care that I look like their dry cleaner. 361 00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:40,612 You're in luck. My mother does not use a dry cleaner. 362 00:13:40,695 --> 00:13:43,114 Are you aware of all the colorfully descriptive words 363 00:13:43,198 --> 00:13:44,991 - that'll come to their minds when they see me? - No. 364 00:13:45,075 --> 00:13:46,618 - You want me to rattle them off? - No, thanks. 365 00:13:46,701 --> 00:13:48,203 I'll just write them down. 366 00:13:48,286 --> 00:13:50,038 I've heard these terms my entire life, 367 00:13:50,121 --> 00:13:51,831 so the list will be comprehensive. 368 00:13:51,915 --> 00:13:52,874 This is not helping. 369 00:13:52,958 --> 00:13:54,292 Mei. 370 00:13:54,376 --> 00:13:55,919 - Mei. - Hold on. 371 00:13:57,420 --> 00:13:59,464 Okay. You made your point. 372 00:13:59,548 --> 00:14:01,049 You think I'm an idiot? 373 00:14:01,132 --> 00:14:02,968 I know that there's a lot of ugly shit out there 374 00:14:03,051 --> 00:14:05,136 that people... Oh, now, that one, you made up. 375 00:14:05,220 --> 00:14:06,638 That was my nickname in kindergarten. 376 00:14:06,721 --> 00:14:08,640 Look, I know my parents. 377 00:14:08,723 --> 00:14:11,101 You being Chinese-- yes, it will be a surprise. 378 00:14:11,184 --> 00:14:13,562 But trust me, it will not be their biggest problem. 379 00:14:13,645 --> 00:14:15,021 - No? - You not being Jewish, 380 00:14:15,105 --> 00:14:16,231 that's gonna wake the neighbors. 381 00:14:16,314 --> 00:14:18,191 Right. They don't want you with a gentile. 382 00:14:18,275 --> 00:14:20,402 And a Chinese girl is like a double gentile. 383 00:14:20,485 --> 00:14:22,237 Triple gentile. More. 384 00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:24,489 Basically, you're walking in with the Lawrence Welk singers. 385 00:14:24,573 --> 00:14:27,200 Well, what's the alternative, huh? We're together. 386 00:14:27,284 --> 00:14:29,578 They have to find out. Your parents know. 387 00:14:29,661 --> 00:14:31,288 Yes, they do. 388 00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:33,707 Would you like to know all the colorfully descriptive words 389 00:14:33,790 --> 00:14:35,250 that came to their minds when they found out? 390 00:14:35,333 --> 00:14:36,960 I'll just write 'em down. 391 00:14:37,043 --> 00:14:38,712 I'm gonna need a lot more paper. 392 00:14:38,795 --> 00:14:40,714 Do you understand what's happening here? 393 00:14:40,797 --> 00:14:43,091 My mother's sending girls to my workplace. 394 00:14:43,174 --> 00:14:44,509 One's coming Friday, 395 00:14:44,593 --> 00:14:46,428 and I have no proof she's not sending the rabbi. 396 00:14:46,511 --> 00:14:48,638 Well, he's not much of a rabbi if he's working on Friday. 397 00:14:48,722 --> 00:14:50,223 She won't stop till I'm married. 398 00:14:50,307 --> 00:14:51,433 I'm okay with being a mistress. 399 00:14:51,516 --> 00:14:52,976 - Well, I'm not. - You were with Midge. 400 00:14:53,059 --> 00:14:54,603 Hey. 401 00:14:54,686 --> 00:14:56,021 - Sorry. - What the fuck? 402 00:14:56,104 --> 00:14:58,523 I know. I'm sorry. I am. But... 403 00:15:00,108 --> 00:15:02,027 I can't. 404 00:15:02,110 --> 00:15:04,904 - I just can't. - Mei. 405 00:15:06,114 --> 00:15:07,866 Mei. 406 00:15:07,949 --> 00:15:10,368 We have to discuss this. 407 00:15:10,452 --> 00:15:11,578 Mei? 408 00:15:12,662 --> 00:15:14,581 You can't just run. 409 00:15:14,664 --> 00:15:16,458 - I know where you live. - No, you don't. 410 00:15:16,541 --> 00:15:19,127 No, I don't. Fuck me. 411 00:15:20,754 --> 00:15:22,464 [Nicky] [laughing] But what's funny is... 412 00:15:22,547 --> 00:15:24,966 - Get this, get this. - Yeah, this is fucking great. 413 00:15:25,050 --> 00:15:27,594 Come on, all you told me is you cut some guy's balls off. 414 00:15:27,677 --> 00:15:29,554 Right, right. We cut them off. 415 00:15:29,638 --> 00:15:31,556 But we stuffed them into the other guy's mouth. 416 00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:33,141 And the other guy's balls 417 00:15:33,224 --> 00:15:35,393 - got stuffed into the first guy's mouth. - Yeah. 418 00:15:35,477 --> 00:15:37,228 Yeah, when you cut off a guy's balls, 419 00:15:37,312 --> 00:15:39,022 you're supposed to stuff them in the mouth 420 00:15:39,105 --> 00:15:40,815 of the guy the fucking balls belong to. 421 00:15:40,899 --> 00:15:43,526 So we were like, "What do we do? Switch them back?" 422 00:15:43,610 --> 00:15:46,112 How do you do that? I mean, rigor mortis was setting in. 423 00:15:46,196 --> 00:15:47,614 Their jaws were clenching tight. 424 00:15:47,697 --> 00:15:49,366 Yeah, yeah. So, we were weighing our options. 425 00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:52,160 Then we heard sirens, so we decided to split. 426 00:15:52,243 --> 00:15:53,244 I know you make half this shit up, 427 00:15:53,328 --> 00:15:54,329 but it's still fucking great. 428 00:15:54,412 --> 00:15:56,748 Yeah, we really don't make things up. 429 00:15:56,831 --> 00:15:58,500 - Hey, can I get another Coke? - Hey, get two. 430 00:15:58,583 --> 00:15:59,876 This is on us. 431 00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:02,128 Whatever you want. We haven't seen you in forever. 432 00:16:02,212 --> 00:16:04,214 Mm, been too busy licking my wounds. 433 00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:06,508 Ah, Shy Baldwin. He sings like an angel 434 00:16:06,591 --> 00:16:09,010 - but sounds like a douche. - I don't want to talk about it. 435 00:16:09,094 --> 00:16:11,638 Well, he's Giancana's anyway, so we can't touch him. 436 00:16:11,721 --> 00:16:13,390 Right now, I'm just focused on finding a place to live. 437 00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:14,599 I'm crashing with Midge, 438 00:16:14,683 --> 00:16:16,559 but her family's driving me nuts. 439 00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:18,603 - What's your price point? - For an apartment? 440 00:16:18,687 --> 00:16:19,604 Well, be a stretch, 441 00:16:19,688 --> 00:16:20,939 but I could afford a nickel a month. 442 00:16:21,022 --> 00:16:22,941 Know any apartments going for a nickel a month? 443 00:16:24,025 --> 00:16:26,736 I, uh... I think we could help you here. 444 00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:28,905 - Really? How? - We know a place. 445 00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:31,032 - We'll take you later today. - Great. 446 00:16:31,116 --> 00:16:32,492 - Thanks. - [Nicky] And if it works out, 447 00:16:32,575 --> 00:16:34,953 we can write this lunch off on our taxes. 448 00:16:35,036 --> 00:16:36,705 Taxes. 449 00:16:36,788 --> 00:16:38,540 [both laughing] 450 00:16:38,623 --> 00:16:39,999 [laughing] 451 00:16:40,083 --> 00:16:42,293 [♪ "Christopher Street"] 452 00:17:08,778 --> 00:17:11,865 ♪ Here we live, here we love ♪ 453 00:17:11,948 --> 00:17:14,951 ♪ This is the place for self-expression ♪ 454 00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:17,662 ♪ Life is mad, life is sweet ♪ 455 00:17:17,746 --> 00:17:19,748 ♪ Interesting people ♪ 456 00:17:19,831 --> 00:17:24,419 ♪ Living on Christopher Street ♪♪ 457 00:17:30,842 --> 00:17:32,844 Excuse me. 458 00:17:36,431 --> 00:17:38,349 Excuse me, sir? 459 00:17:38,433 --> 00:17:40,852 Hi. I was wondering... 460 00:17:44,439 --> 00:17:46,274 Excuse me. Excuse me. 461 00:17:46,357 --> 00:17:48,777 Hi. Sorry. I was just wondering 462 00:17:48,860 --> 00:17:51,196 - if perhaps you could help me with something. - Help you with what? 463 00:17:51,279 --> 00:17:54,365 Well, I am looking for a place, a bar, 464 00:17:54,449 --> 00:17:57,786 where someone like me but not me-- a friend-- 465 00:17:57,869 --> 00:18:00,997 could maybe drink with someone else like me. 466 00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:02,499 - What? - You know, 467 00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:04,751 a place where a lady could drink with another lady? 468 00:18:04,834 --> 00:18:06,419 I can't help you. 469 00:18:07,837 --> 00:18:10,215 Excuse me. I am looking for a bar 470 00:18:10,298 --> 00:18:12,801 where women like me can drink with other women like me. 471 00:18:12,884 --> 00:18:14,385 Or just women in general. 472 00:18:14,469 --> 00:18:15,845 They don't have to be like me. They just have to be... 473 00:18:15,929 --> 00:18:17,055 - You're a cop. - What? 474 00:18:17,138 --> 00:18:18,723 No, I'm not a cop. 475 00:18:18,807 --> 00:18:20,517 This is Dior! 476 00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:22,852 Excuse me. I am not a cop. 477 00:18:22,936 --> 00:18:24,938 I have a record. 478 00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:28,066 Hi. I'm not a cop. I was just wondering... 479 00:18:28,149 --> 00:18:30,068 Hello. I am not a cop. I was won... 480 00:18:30,151 --> 00:18:32,111 Hello. Not a cop. I was just wondering... 481 00:18:32,195 --> 00:18:33,905 Hi. I'm not a cop. I'm not... 482 00:18:33,988 --> 00:18:35,657 Not a cop. I... 483 00:18:35,740 --> 00:18:37,909 I am not a cop. 484 00:18:44,165 --> 00:18:47,460 - So, you have a friend? - I'm sorry? 485 00:18:47,544 --> 00:18:50,880 I believe you were making an inquiry for a friend? 486 00:18:50,964 --> 00:18:53,049 Oh. Yes. I was. 487 00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:55,343 My friend. Yes. I was just wondering 488 00:18:55,426 --> 00:18:56,636 - if maybe... - I know two or three places 489 00:18:56,719 --> 00:18:58,012 you might be looking for. 490 00:18:58,096 --> 00:19:01,015 You do? Oh, that would be wonderful. 491 00:19:01,099 --> 00:19:03,351 And I assume there is no friend. 492 00:19:03,434 --> 00:19:05,228 No, there is a friend. Really. 493 00:19:05,311 --> 00:19:06,229 If you insist. 494 00:19:06,312 --> 00:19:07,647 I do. She is. 495 00:19:07,730 --> 00:19:10,775 Okay. And this friend, i-is she like you? 496 00:19:10,859 --> 00:19:11,860 - Me? - Yeah. 497 00:19:11,943 --> 00:19:14,028 Well, anatomically. [chuckles] 498 00:19:14,112 --> 00:19:15,029 Does she dress like you? 499 00:19:15,113 --> 00:19:16,865 Like me? Oh, no. 500 00:19:16,948 --> 00:19:18,491 No, no, no, no, no, no. 501 00:19:18,575 --> 00:19:20,702 She definitely does not. [laughing] 502 00:19:21,786 --> 00:19:23,621 Sorry. I was just picturing her 503 00:19:23,705 --> 00:19:27,375 in my kumquat daisy dress with reverse pattern hat. 504 00:19:27,458 --> 00:19:29,460 It's good. 505 00:19:30,628 --> 00:19:32,964 Oh, God, the corset. 506 00:19:33,047 --> 00:19:34,591 So it's not a very good friend. 507 00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:35,967 No, it is. 508 00:19:36,050 --> 00:19:38,136 Sorry. [exhales] Mm. 509 00:19:38,219 --> 00:19:39,762 Sorry. I'm back. 510 00:19:39,846 --> 00:19:41,347 - I missed you. - You were saying? 511 00:19:41,431 --> 00:19:43,433 There's this new place. It just opened. 512 00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:45,435 I hear it's very welcoming 513 00:19:45,518 --> 00:19:47,312 to a mixture of different attires. 514 00:19:47,395 --> 00:19:49,397 - It's right on... - Wait. 515 00:19:51,399 --> 00:19:54,319 Go ahead. Oh, is it okay if I write this down? 516 00:19:54,402 --> 00:19:57,363 You're gonna have to eat that paper later. 517 00:19:57,447 --> 00:19:58,656 A joke. 518 00:19:58,740 --> 00:20:00,116 - It's right up... - Wait. 519 00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:02,368 You're not a cop, are you? 520 00:20:02,452 --> 00:20:05,538 - This is Dior, too. - Ooh. 521 00:20:05,622 --> 00:20:07,498 - [line ringing] - He's not there. 522 00:20:07,582 --> 00:20:09,375 He's there. Give him time. 523 00:20:09,459 --> 00:20:11,711 So far I've heard six rings and zero answers. 524 00:20:11,794 --> 00:20:13,046 [woman] Michael Kessler's office. 525 00:20:13,129 --> 00:20:14,672 Oh, great, they decided to pick up. 526 00:20:14,756 --> 00:20:16,966 - Pardon? - Y-Yes, hello. 527 00:20:17,050 --> 00:20:18,551 Uh, can you hear me okay? 528 00:20:18,635 --> 00:20:19,969 I can hear you fine. 529 00:20:20,053 --> 00:20:23,348 It's Abe Weissman and Asher Friedman for Michael. 530 00:20:23,431 --> 00:20:26,184 [staticky] Yes, well, Michael is just on his way back from... 531 00:20:26,267 --> 00:20:28,478 - What? - This thing of yours 532 00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:30,104 - is not working. - Could you repeat that? 533 00:20:30,188 --> 00:20:32,065 This thing of yours is not working! 534 00:20:32,148 --> 00:20:33,608 Not you. Her. 535 00:20:33,691 --> 00:20:35,318 Michael is just coming up the stairs. Hold, please. 536 00:20:35,401 --> 00:20:36,819 Oh, great, now they've got us on hold. 537 00:20:36,903 --> 00:20:38,404 He's coming up the stairs. 538 00:20:38,488 --> 00:20:39,822 - Michael! - [Kessler] What? 539 00:20:39,906 --> 00:20:42,116 [woman] Abe Friedman is on the phone for you! 540 00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:44,035 She can't even get the names right. 541 00:20:44,118 --> 00:20:46,579 - [Kessler] Shit. Hold on, hold on. I'm coming. - Oh, good. 542 00:20:46,663 --> 00:20:47,747 - he sounds very professional. - [cat meows] 543 00:20:47,830 --> 00:20:49,791 Is that a cat? Does he have a cat? 544 00:20:49,874 --> 00:20:52,210 - [Abe] Is he coming? - [woman] Michael's coming. Michael! 545 00:20:52,293 --> 00:20:54,712 [Kessler] I'm coming, geez! Keep your pants on. 546 00:20:54,796 --> 00:20:56,589 How long is this fucking staircase? 547 00:20:56,673 --> 00:20:57,840 Hello. 548 00:20:57,924 --> 00:20:59,550 Michael, it's Abe Weissman 549 00:20:59,634 --> 00:21:01,010 - and Asher Friedman. - Right. 550 00:21:01,094 --> 00:21:02,679 - How are you? - Peachy. How's your cat? 551 00:21:02,762 --> 00:21:05,223 - Good? - Michael, last we spoke, 552 00:21:05,306 --> 00:21:06,557 you said you were going to talk 553 00:21:06,641 --> 00:21:08,685 to someone at the FBI field office. 554 00:21:08,768 --> 00:21:10,353 Were you able to do that? 555 00:21:10,436 --> 00:21:11,896 [staticky] Yeah, yeah, I did, and I had 556 00:21:11,980 --> 00:21:14,440 an incredibly productive conversation with him. 557 00:21:14,524 --> 00:21:16,651 Abe, are you purposefully trying to torture me? 558 00:21:16,734 --> 00:21:18,861 - We didn't get that, Michael! - [cat meows] 559 00:21:18,945 --> 00:21:20,863 - Oh, Jesus Christ. - I was saying 560 00:21:20,947 --> 00:21:22,407 I spoke to the guy, and I got good news. 561 00:21:22,490 --> 00:21:24,909 They have nothing on you. Nothing. 562 00:21:24,993 --> 00:21:26,619 Some stuffed shirt read your column 563 00:21:26,703 --> 00:21:28,579 and got his feathers ruffled and kicked it down the chain, 564 00:21:28,663 --> 00:21:29,664 but it's going nowhere. 565 00:21:29,747 --> 00:21:30,790 - Really? - Think about it. 566 00:21:30,873 --> 00:21:32,166 You broke into a federal building 567 00:21:32,250 --> 00:21:33,251 one night. Minor. 568 00:21:33,334 --> 00:21:34,919 You lit a small fire. Bigger, 569 00:21:35,003 --> 00:21:36,879 but the damage was tiny, and no one got hurt. 570 00:21:36,963 --> 00:21:38,548 The next year, they tore the building down 571 00:21:38,631 --> 00:21:39,841 to build something new, and everyone 572 00:21:39,924 --> 00:21:40,925 who would give a shit is dead. 573 00:21:41,009 --> 00:21:42,176 So this is a big, fat nothing. 574 00:21:42,260 --> 00:21:43,511 It's a big, fat nothing. 575 00:21:43,594 --> 00:21:45,513 They still want to meet to get something on the record, 576 00:21:45,596 --> 00:21:47,890 but you don't even have to do it at an FBI office. 577 00:21:47,974 --> 00:21:50,351 They'll come to you, and it'll be over in a flash. 578 00:21:50,435 --> 00:21:51,728 - [cat meows] - Oh, my God. 579 00:21:51,811 --> 00:21:53,646 Over? As in "over," over? 580 00:21:53,730 --> 00:21:55,565 Over as in "forever." 581 00:21:55,648 --> 00:21:57,316 - It's gonna be over. - Forever! 582 00:21:57,400 --> 00:21:59,068 Over forever! I don't believe it! 583 00:21:59,152 --> 00:22:01,029 - This is fantastic! - [Asher laughs] - [cat meows] 584 00:22:01,112 --> 00:22:02,989 I love this cat! 585 00:22:03,072 --> 00:22:05,074 [both laughing] 586 00:22:06,993 --> 00:22:08,578 - [Rose laughs] - Dorothy Parker never forgave you. 587 00:22:08,661 --> 00:22:10,413 - Oh, Dorothy Parker never knew who I was. - [Abe laughs] 588 00:22:10,496 --> 00:22:12,373 Dorothy Parker had a crush on you, Asher. 589 00:22:12,457 --> 00:22:15,043 - You boasted about it. - Well, she did follow me 590 00:22:15,126 --> 00:22:16,794 into the men's room at the Algonquin once, 591 00:22:16,878 --> 00:22:18,755 but that was before the incident with the hat. 592 00:22:18,838 --> 00:22:20,798 Asher was a very good-looking young man. 593 00:22:20,882 --> 00:22:23,801 Sort of a barrel-chested strongman type. 594 00:22:23,885 --> 00:22:25,803 I used to lift weights with Johnny Weissmuller. 595 00:22:25,887 --> 00:22:27,638 Tarzan himself. Is that meshuggeneh? 596 00:22:27,722 --> 00:22:28,681 Hey, don't hold out. 597 00:22:28,765 --> 00:22:30,308 What happened to Dorothy Parker's hat? 598 00:22:30,391 --> 00:22:33,102 - [sighs] I sat on it. - Oh, dear. 599 00:22:33,186 --> 00:22:35,938 Second time at the round table, I sat, I listened, 600 00:22:36,022 --> 00:22:37,273 they said clever things. 601 00:22:37,356 --> 00:22:38,733 An hour later, I stood, 602 00:22:38,816 --> 00:22:40,735 and the damn hat is stuck to my ass. 603 00:22:40,818 --> 00:22:42,904 - [all laugh] - So, Dorothy sizes me up 604 00:22:42,987 --> 00:22:44,322 and says, "A poem. 605 00:22:44,405 --> 00:22:46,449 Today I entered with a hat 606 00:22:46,532 --> 00:22:49,243 And now it sits where someone shat." 607 00:22:49,327 --> 00:22:51,913 - [all laugh] - Crazy, the things that happen, 608 00:22:51,996 --> 00:22:54,540 - that I've been through. - How about our short, unsuccessful stint 609 00:22:54,624 --> 00:22:56,000 as furniture movers, Asher? 610 00:22:56,084 --> 00:22:57,460 Oh. That piano. 611 00:22:57,543 --> 00:22:59,337 How we thought we could move a piano. 612 00:22:59,420 --> 00:23:01,297 Up a flight of stairs. A baby grand. 613 00:23:01,380 --> 00:23:02,840 - Oh, my God. - I remember this. 614 00:23:02,924 --> 00:23:04,217 Two hours to get it up, 615 00:23:04,300 --> 00:23:06,385 ten seconds to watch it tumble down the stairs 616 00:23:06,469 --> 00:23:07,887 and land on a squirrel 617 00:23:07,970 --> 00:23:09,555 - on Bank Street. - Ooh. - [Abe] Oh, God. 618 00:23:09,639 --> 00:23:13,142 - What was that? Spring of '27? - Uh, fall, I think. 619 00:23:13,226 --> 00:23:15,937 I was in the thick of my work at Columbia. 620 00:23:16,020 --> 00:23:17,855 It may even have been late '26. 621 00:23:17,939 --> 00:23:19,357 No. No, it had to be '27, 622 00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:21,150 because that's when Rosie and I were seeing each other. 623 00:23:21,234 --> 00:23:22,902 I'm sorry. One more time? 624 00:23:22,985 --> 00:23:24,070 [Rose] More ancient history. 625 00:23:24,153 --> 00:23:25,446 [Asher] She showed up for our first date 626 00:23:25,530 --> 00:23:27,156 with that Louise Brooks haircut. 627 00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:28,616 Remember? With the bangs? 628 00:23:28,699 --> 00:23:29,784 - Unfortunately. - [Abe] Ah, 629 00:23:29,867 --> 00:23:31,452 I remember that haircut, too. 630 00:23:31,536 --> 00:23:33,037 [Midge] I'm sorry, hold on. 631 00:23:33,121 --> 00:23:35,748 You two went out together? And you had bangs? 632 00:23:35,832 --> 00:23:37,458 Oh, it was all so long ago. 633 00:23:37,542 --> 00:23:38,751 Where were you, Papa? 634 00:23:38,835 --> 00:23:40,795 I was dating Tarzan at the time. 635 00:23:40,878 --> 00:23:42,880 - [Rose, Asher and Abe laugh] - Wait. Wait, wait. 636 00:23:42,964 --> 00:23:44,590 Was this before you two were together? 637 00:23:44,674 --> 00:23:46,509 - It was in between. - In between? 638 00:23:46,592 --> 00:23:48,928 - You-you had an intermission? - We broke up for a while. 639 00:23:49,011 --> 00:23:50,221 You did? 640 00:23:50,304 --> 00:23:52,140 I made a young man's mistake 641 00:23:52,223 --> 00:23:53,683 and told your mother I couldn't see her 642 00:23:53,766 --> 00:23:56,269 because I needed to focus on my PhD. 643 00:23:56,352 --> 00:23:58,396 Who could focus when you're with the beautiful Rosie? 644 00:23:58,479 --> 00:23:59,772 - Oh, stop. - [Asher chuckles] 645 00:23:59,856 --> 00:24:00,982 We went together, what, one month? 646 00:24:01,065 --> 00:24:02,358 - Two months? - [Rose] Somewhere in there. 647 00:24:02,441 --> 00:24:03,442 And you knew? 648 00:24:03,526 --> 00:24:04,819 [Rose] I had to tell him 20 times, 649 00:24:04,902 --> 00:24:06,279 but he finally seemed to hear me. 650 00:24:06,362 --> 00:24:07,405 [Asher] And by then, I had gotten back together 651 00:24:07,488 --> 00:24:09,490 with Delores. Wife number one. 652 00:24:09,574 --> 00:24:11,576 I was not as lucky as Abe and Rosie, 653 00:24:11,659 --> 00:24:13,870 - that's for sure. - [Abe] I'll grab us another bottle of wine. 654 00:24:13,953 --> 00:24:15,246 - [Asher] Mm. - Then I want to hear more 655 00:24:15,329 --> 00:24:16,914 about that fling you had with Tarzan. 656 00:24:16,998 --> 00:24:19,792 [chuckles] It was a crazy time, the '20s. 657 00:24:19,876 --> 00:24:21,294 Everyone went out with everyone. 658 00:24:21,377 --> 00:24:23,629 Carol went out with John, who went out with Martha, 659 00:24:23,713 --> 00:24:26,215 - who went out with Abigail. No one could keep track. - [Asher chuckles] 660 00:24:26,299 --> 00:24:27,967 - That's for sure. - [Abe laughs] 661 00:24:28,050 --> 00:24:30,386 [Rose] Who did Delores marry after you, Asher? 662 00:24:30,469 --> 00:24:32,597 - [Asher] John Barrymore. - [Rose] I knew it was someone famous. 663 00:24:32,680 --> 00:24:34,640 - [Midge] Really? - [Asher] I went to their wedding. 664 00:24:34,724 --> 00:24:37,059 - I outdrank John. - [Rose] What was that wedding like? 665 00:24:37,143 --> 00:24:38,769 [Asher] Big. Expensive. 666 00:24:38,853 --> 00:24:40,897 And then they got divorced. She married her obstetrician. 667 00:24:40,980 --> 00:24:42,481 Her obstetrician? 668 00:24:42,565 --> 00:24:45,026 - [Midge] Guess the man liked what he saw. - [laughs] 669 00:24:45,109 --> 00:24:47,111 - Our last bottle. - [Midge] Mmm. 670 00:24:47,195 --> 00:24:49,947 Then we break into Rose's sherry stash. 671 00:24:50,031 --> 00:24:52,909 [Asher] You know, I-I just might change my train ticket 672 00:24:52,992 --> 00:24:55,036 and stay another day or two if that's okay. 673 00:24:55,119 --> 00:24:56,913 - Fine by me. - Oh, please do, Asher. 674 00:24:56,996 --> 00:24:59,373 I'd love to visit some of my places in the Village, 675 00:24:59,457 --> 00:25:00,833 hit my old haunts. 676 00:25:00,917 --> 00:25:03,211 - It's been a long time. - [Rose] It's changed some. 677 00:25:05,296 --> 00:25:06,756 This is the place? 678 00:25:06,839 --> 00:25:08,716 - This is the place. - Big. 679 00:25:08,799 --> 00:25:10,676 - Big and airy. - It needs a spruce. 680 00:25:10,760 --> 00:25:12,595 But try to look beyond the dirt. 681 00:25:12,678 --> 00:25:16,224 It's got nice northern exposure, a classic view. 682 00:25:16,307 --> 00:25:18,684 Nine subway lines right below us, 683 00:25:18,768 --> 00:25:20,561 so the commute's easy from anywhere. 684 00:25:20,645 --> 00:25:22,104 Good people on this floor, too. 685 00:25:22,188 --> 00:25:24,065 When they see something, they don't talk. 686 00:25:24,148 --> 00:25:26,275 But what is this place? What was it before? 687 00:25:26,359 --> 00:25:28,527 Well, we used it as a kind of house 688 00:25:28,611 --> 00:25:31,072 that one could feel, uh, safe in. 689 00:25:31,155 --> 00:25:33,991 - So it was a safe house? - Something like that. 690 00:25:34,075 --> 00:25:36,369 There's a giant blood stain on the floor. 691 00:25:36,452 --> 00:25:39,205 - Wasn't so safe for that guy. - A nice rug will cover that up. 692 00:25:39,288 --> 00:25:41,415 We think this place would be perfect for you. 693 00:25:41,499 --> 00:25:43,501 Guys, I can't afford this. 694 00:25:43,584 --> 00:25:45,920 Hey, we're aware of your financial predicament. 695 00:25:46,003 --> 00:25:48,631 It's sitting here empty, collecting dust. Use it. 696 00:25:48,714 --> 00:25:51,259 I wouldn't know what to do with this much space. 697 00:25:51,342 --> 00:25:53,052 I mean, there's only one of me, and I'm never home. 698 00:25:53,135 --> 00:25:55,888 What? You get another desk, add a settee, 699 00:25:55,972 --> 00:25:58,933 throw a Murphy bed in the back room, maybe a plant. 700 00:25:59,016 --> 00:26:00,559 You get a nice table out here, 701 00:26:00,643 --> 00:26:02,144 you put out some coffee, some Danish. 702 00:26:02,228 --> 00:26:04,981 You get your name etched on the door. 703 00:26:05,064 --> 00:26:06,190 My name? 704 00:26:06,274 --> 00:26:08,526 Susie Myerson and Associates. 705 00:26:08,609 --> 00:26:11,779 Susie Myerson and Associates. 706 00:26:11,862 --> 00:26:13,281 [Frank] It's the perfect live-work combination. 707 00:26:13,364 --> 00:26:15,866 It's your chance to expand. Start your business. 708 00:26:15,950 --> 00:26:17,785 Live here, work here. 709 00:26:17,868 --> 00:26:19,870 [Frank] And start to make some real money. 710 00:26:19,954 --> 00:26:22,540 And we can even delay charging you rent or anything like that 711 00:26:22,623 --> 00:26:24,500 till you get settled and got a cash flow. 712 00:26:24,583 --> 00:26:26,502 Just give us a little piece of the action in return. 713 00:26:26,585 --> 00:26:28,087 Of Susie Myerson and Associates. 714 00:26:28,170 --> 00:26:29,714 Yeah, yeah. 715 00:26:29,797 --> 00:26:32,550 Does that sound okay? You give us a taste? 716 00:26:32,633 --> 00:26:34,677 - Yeah, sure, whatever. - Great. 717 00:26:34,760 --> 00:26:36,053 Everybody wins. 718 00:26:36,137 --> 00:26:38,973 Susie Myerson and Associates. 719 00:26:40,308 --> 00:26:42,226 I got a shit ton of work to do on it, 720 00:26:42,310 --> 00:26:43,311 and I stopped counting the rats 721 00:26:43,394 --> 00:26:44,729 after it got into the triple digits, 722 00:26:44,812 --> 00:26:47,273 but the elevator fucking works, there is a bathroom, 723 00:26:47,356 --> 00:26:50,526 oh, and the view. Did I tell you about the motherfucking view? 724 00:26:50,609 --> 00:26:52,486 - Are these odds or evens? - [grunts] 725 00:26:52,570 --> 00:26:54,488 Oh, the view alone says "big cheese." 726 00:26:54,572 --> 00:26:56,490 I'm only gonna take meetings at night 727 00:26:56,574 --> 00:26:59,201 so that all potential clients will walk in and see that view. 728 00:26:59,285 --> 00:27:01,162 - Did we pass it? - And as they stand there 729 00:27:01,245 --> 00:27:03,414 and look at that view, I'll walk up behind them and say... 730 00:27:03,497 --> 00:27:04,457 [gravelly voice] "You see that? 731 00:27:04,540 --> 00:27:06,375 Sign with me, and it's all yours." 732 00:27:06,459 --> 00:27:07,835 [normal voice] I mean, I won't say it like that 733 00:27:07,918 --> 00:27:09,086 with an emphysemic pimp voice, 734 00:27:09,170 --> 00:27:11,505 - but just wait till you see it. - Ah! Here it is. 735 00:27:11,589 --> 00:27:13,174 - [♪ Connie Francis: "Stupid Cupid"] - Fucking great view. 736 00:27:13,257 --> 00:27:14,759 - [music grows louder] - Now, I have to install a phone 737 00:27:14,842 --> 00:27:16,594 and buy some office equipment. 738 00:27:16,677 --> 00:27:18,137 Gonna need a lot of pencils. 739 00:27:18,220 --> 00:27:19,430 Don't even know what I'll use them for, 740 00:27:19,513 --> 00:27:21,265 but I'll have them, and I'll keep them sharp. 741 00:27:21,349 --> 00:27:23,809 - Oh, table. - Hey, maybe I should get some of those paper clips. 742 00:27:23,893 --> 00:27:26,812 File covers for files. There's gonna be a lot of files. 743 00:27:26,896 --> 00:27:28,522 Hey, I should get my own typewriter. 744 00:27:28,606 --> 00:27:30,441 Maybe two typewriters. That crazy? 745 00:27:30,524 --> 00:27:33,235 You know what? I'll start with one, see how it goes. 746 00:27:33,319 --> 00:27:35,696 I am gonna type the shit out of that typewriter. 747 00:27:35,780 --> 00:27:37,948 Whiskey neat. Two. 748 00:27:38,032 --> 00:27:39,200 Hey, should I get a secretary? 749 00:27:39,283 --> 00:27:41,243 Harry has three secretaries. 750 00:27:41,327 --> 00:27:42,495 That's when you know you made it, 751 00:27:42,578 --> 00:27:44,413 when there're three dumpy broads sitting outside 752 00:27:44,497 --> 00:27:45,790 your office that know all your shit. 753 00:27:45,873 --> 00:27:48,000 - Let's get a drink. - Done. 754 00:27:48,084 --> 00:27:49,627 ♪ Stupid cupid, stop picking on me ♪♪ 755 00:27:49,710 --> 00:27:51,712 I have to say, I'm... 756 00:27:51,796 --> 00:27:53,881 Okay, fuck it. I'm excited. 757 00:27:53,964 --> 00:27:56,384 There, I said it. Eat me, I'm excited! 758 00:27:56,467 --> 00:27:58,386 - [chuckles] - [indistinct chatter] 759 00:27:58,469 --> 00:28:00,137 - [jazz music playing] - [woman] Oh, it's our song. 760 00:28:05,226 --> 00:28:07,019 ♪ I'm nobody... 761 00:28:07,103 --> 00:28:08,479 What is this? 762 00:28:08,562 --> 00:28:10,523 It's new. 763 00:28:10,606 --> 00:28:12,066 - Did you... - What? 764 00:28:12,149 --> 00:28:13,859 Did you bring me to a lesbian bar? 765 00:28:13,943 --> 00:28:15,528 Fun, huh? 766 00:28:15,611 --> 00:28:17,530 - What the fuck? - What the fuck, what? 767 00:28:17,613 --> 00:28:20,032 I just said "eat me" really loud. 768 00:28:20,116 --> 00:28:22,660 - Are you upset? - Why would you do this? 769 00:28:22,743 --> 00:28:24,495 Well, I just thought I'd try. 770 00:28:24,578 --> 00:28:26,163 I mean, I-I... It-it... I never know... 771 00:28:26,247 --> 00:28:27,957 You never talk about yourself. 772 00:28:28,040 --> 00:28:29,291 That's 'cause it's none of your business. 773 00:28:29,375 --> 00:28:31,001 Yeah, but we're together all the time, 774 00:28:31,085 --> 00:28:32,628 and I just thought I'd try... 775 00:28:32,711 --> 00:28:35,214 - I don't care. - What? 776 00:28:35,297 --> 00:28:37,341 I just want you to know I don't care. 777 00:28:37,425 --> 00:28:40,511 - You don't? - No. I am totally comfortable 778 00:28:40,594 --> 00:28:43,556 with you being whatever it is you want to be. 779 00:28:43,639 --> 00:28:45,933 Well, thank you very much for your permission. 780 00:28:46,016 --> 00:28:48,018 - I didn't mean... - May I go to the bathroom? 781 00:28:48,102 --> 00:28:50,396 Do I need a note from my mother to get out of gym class? 782 00:28:50,479 --> 00:28:52,231 I just meant you can tell me anything. 783 00:28:52,314 --> 00:28:53,774 Jesus Christ. Miriam. 784 00:28:53,858 --> 00:28:55,734 How did you even know about this place? 785 00:28:55,818 --> 00:28:57,319 What, you hang out on Christopher Street 786 00:28:57,403 --> 00:28:59,238 asking guys with carnations in their lapels 787 00:28:59,321 --> 00:29:00,614 where to find a butch bar? 788 00:29:00,698 --> 00:29:03,033 No. I was... 789 00:29:03,117 --> 00:29:04,952 not that specific. 790 00:29:05,035 --> 00:29:06,203 What'd you think, you'd bring me here, 791 00:29:06,287 --> 00:29:08,372 I'd look around and just... [purrs] dive in? 792 00:29:08,456 --> 00:29:09,748 I wanted to give you the option. 793 00:29:09,832 --> 00:29:11,208 I didn't have a plan. 794 00:29:11,292 --> 00:29:13,544 I just thought we'd hang out, check out the scene. 795 00:29:13,627 --> 00:29:14,628 "The scene"? 796 00:29:14,712 --> 00:29:16,338 This is the Village. I live here. 797 00:29:16,422 --> 00:29:18,090 You think I don't know how to find a lesbian bar? 798 00:29:18,174 --> 00:29:20,176 There are three within rock-throwing distance. 799 00:29:20,259 --> 00:29:21,760 Two doors down, there's guys 800 00:29:21,844 --> 00:29:23,804 sticking their fists up each other's asses. 801 00:29:23,888 --> 00:29:25,931 This is my town. I know everything. 802 00:29:26,015 --> 00:29:28,601 You are always alone. Always. 803 00:29:28,684 --> 00:29:30,060 So the fuck what? 804 00:29:30,144 --> 00:29:31,645 I don't want you to be alone. 805 00:29:31,729 --> 00:29:33,147 Let me worry about that. 806 00:29:33,230 --> 00:29:36,525 - I want you to be happy. - Mm. 807 00:29:36,609 --> 00:29:38,569 Great. Pay for my drink. 808 00:29:38,652 --> 00:29:40,112 Susie. 809 00:29:40,196 --> 00:29:42,323 I am focused on one thing right now. 810 00:29:42,406 --> 00:29:44,992 Susie Myerson and Associates. That's it. 811 00:29:45,075 --> 00:29:46,702 Being your manager. Not just your manager. 812 00:29:46,785 --> 00:29:50,414 Being a manager. The manager. Do you understand? 813 00:29:50,498 --> 00:29:53,250 - Yeah, but... - I got a fucking view! 814 00:29:53,334 --> 00:29:56,962 ♪ I'm nobody's sweet baby no more ♪♪ 815 00:29:57,046 --> 00:29:58,464 Fuck. 816 00:29:59,465 --> 00:30:01,091 [Alfie] I can't give your money back. 817 00:30:01,175 --> 00:30:03,302 - I spent it. And that's not magic. - What can I get you? 818 00:30:03,385 --> 00:30:04,512 - [Alfie] It's commerce. - No, I'm just here to... 819 00:30:04,595 --> 00:30:06,555 - [grunts] - Hey! 820 00:30:06,639 --> 00:30:08,390 You're shooting fish in a barrel! 821 00:30:08,474 --> 00:30:09,975 - [man] Take it outside. - Two out of three. 822 00:30:10,059 --> 00:30:12,686 Shut up. Welcome to Susie Myerson and Associates. 823 00:30:12,770 --> 00:30:15,356 You'll love the view. Now move! 824 00:30:16,440 --> 00:30:18,067 [bartender] Here you go, doll. 825 00:30:18,150 --> 00:30:20,152 - [laughter] - [indistinct chatter] 826 00:30:22,738 --> 00:30:24,490 Mitzi! You're up. 827 00:30:24,573 --> 00:30:26,575 - Move your ass! - [indistinct chatter] 828 00:30:28,577 --> 00:30:29,828 - Hey! - Yeah? 829 00:30:29,912 --> 00:30:30,996 You have to knock. 830 00:30:31,080 --> 00:30:32,248 - What? - From now on. 831 00:30:32,331 --> 00:30:33,457 You can't just come in here, 832 00:30:33,541 --> 00:30:34,875 stick your face in, stick anything in, 833 00:30:34,959 --> 00:30:36,210 - before you knock. - [women shushing] 834 00:30:36,293 --> 00:30:37,795 This dressing room is for ladies only. 835 00:30:37,878 --> 00:30:40,089 You are a man. Right? 836 00:30:40,172 --> 00:30:43,217 - Yes. I'm a man. - Men... knock. 837 00:30:43,300 --> 00:30:45,344 - But I run this place. - You run the theater. 838 00:30:45,427 --> 00:30:47,680 We run the dressing room. Oh, and people's asses are attached 839 00:30:47,763 --> 00:30:49,098 to the rest of their bodies. so a simple, 840 00:30:49,181 --> 00:30:50,432 "Mitzi, you're up," will do. 841 00:30:50,516 --> 00:30:51,892 If she goes, her ass goes, too. 842 00:30:51,976 --> 00:30:53,811 - Got it? Great. - Uh... 843 00:30:53,894 --> 00:30:55,604 Great, let's review. You, boy. 844 00:30:55,688 --> 00:30:57,189 Boys... 845 00:30:57,273 --> 00:30:59,358 - Knock. - Trial run. Give it a shot. 846 00:30:59,441 --> 00:31:01,485 [knocks quietly] 847 00:31:01,569 --> 00:31:02,903 A little louder if you want them to hear. 848 00:31:02,987 --> 00:31:04,154 But A for effort. 849 00:31:04,238 --> 00:31:05,823 - Okay? - Okay. 850 00:31:05,906 --> 00:31:07,449 - Okay? - [women] Okay! 851 00:31:07,533 --> 00:31:08,867 Did she just call us fucking ladies? 852 00:31:08,951 --> 00:31:09,994 Great. Bye. 853 00:31:17,126 --> 00:31:18,877 [Boise scoffs] 854 00:31:18,961 --> 00:31:20,921 [all laughing] 855 00:31:21,005 --> 00:31:23,007 [indistinct chatter] 856 00:31:28,762 --> 00:31:30,556 Susie, you missed it. 857 00:31:30,639 --> 00:31:32,516 I banned Boise from the dressing room. 858 00:31:32,600 --> 00:31:34,184 There's a knock policy now. 859 00:31:34,268 --> 00:31:36,395 Boys knock because girls have knockers. 860 00:31:36,478 --> 00:31:38,439 I know. Save it for the stage, but you know. 861 00:31:38,522 --> 00:31:40,399 - Payday. Payday. - What? 862 00:31:40,482 --> 00:31:42,359 Ah, geez, the both of you. 863 00:31:42,443 --> 00:31:44,445 - The day you reach into your little cash box. - Okay, okay. 864 00:31:44,528 --> 00:31:45,821 - And you hand me the money. - I got it. 865 00:31:45,904 --> 00:31:47,239 - That you owe me. - I'm doing it. 866 00:31:47,323 --> 00:31:48,866 - Top drawer. Right side. - Mm-hmm. 867 00:31:48,949 --> 00:31:50,784 - I know where the box is. - Under the keys. 868 00:31:50,868 --> 00:31:52,870 It's my drawer. I know what's in my drawer. 869 00:31:54,872 --> 00:31:56,999 I bet you know what every one of those is for, huh? 870 00:31:57,082 --> 00:31:59,335 You know, technically I don't have to give you this 871 00:31:59,418 --> 00:32:01,211 until she's finished her last set of the night, 872 00:32:01,295 --> 00:32:02,921 but I'm a prince, so... 873 00:32:03,005 --> 00:32:05,007 Well, pleasure doing business with you, Your Highness. 874 00:32:05,090 --> 00:32:06,467 [Boise chuckles] 875 00:32:06,550 --> 00:32:08,052 Will you just talk to me for a minute? 876 00:32:08,135 --> 00:32:09,845 - I wanted to talk to you about... - Here. 877 00:32:09,928 --> 00:32:12,181 Thank you. Susie, please. 878 00:32:12,264 --> 00:32:13,682 Susie, stop. 879 00:32:13,766 --> 00:32:15,392 Susie, just... 880 00:32:15,476 --> 00:32:17,186 [exhales] 881 00:32:17,269 --> 00:32:19,688 Shit. 882 00:32:19,772 --> 00:32:21,774 You're up, Maisel. Get your... 883 00:32:21,857 --> 00:32:24,234 Get it... that thing behind you... 884 00:32:24,318 --> 00:32:26,320 Get... 885 00:32:27,988 --> 00:32:30,532 [indistinct chatter] 886 00:32:30,616 --> 00:32:32,618 - [cheering] - [applause] 887 00:32:41,835 --> 00:32:43,629 - [stomps twice] - Oy! 888 00:32:43,712 --> 00:32:45,130 Oh. You gonna talk? 889 00:32:45,214 --> 00:32:47,341 Yeah. I figured, what the fuck? 890 00:32:50,219 --> 00:32:53,055 Let's have another hand for Mitzi. 891 00:32:53,138 --> 00:32:55,140 - [cheering] - [applause] 892 00:33:00,062 --> 00:33:01,939 Hey guys, I'm curious. 893 00:33:02,022 --> 00:33:04,566 How many of your wives know you're here tonight? 894 00:33:04,650 --> 00:33:06,193 - [woman] Whoa! - [laughter] 895 00:33:06,276 --> 00:33:08,028 Hmm? 896 00:33:08,112 --> 00:33:09,947 Little news for you. 897 00:33:10,030 --> 00:33:11,865 All of them. 898 00:33:11,949 --> 00:33:14,410 And how? Laundry. 899 00:33:14,493 --> 00:33:17,287 - Shh, shh, shh. - Because laundry is the diary of your day. 900 00:33:17,371 --> 00:33:19,748 One sniff of your shirt, they can smell Lucy, 901 00:33:19,832 --> 00:33:22,042 your "loose-y" secretary. 902 00:33:22,126 --> 00:33:23,752 They can smell the horse track. 903 00:33:23,836 --> 00:33:26,630 The cigars with the boys. The cigars with Lucy. 904 00:33:26,714 --> 00:33:30,134 And they can definitely smell this place. 905 00:33:30,217 --> 00:33:32,594 Plus they go through your pants and wallets at night 906 00:33:32,678 --> 00:33:33,971 while you're asleep. 907 00:33:34,054 --> 00:33:35,973 They know everything. 908 00:33:36,056 --> 00:33:38,600 They just pretend they don't. And why? 909 00:33:38,684 --> 00:33:42,062 Because they've got their own secret lives. 910 00:33:42,146 --> 00:33:45,065 Oh, you don't think your wife has a life 911 00:33:45,149 --> 00:33:46,775 you don't know about? 912 00:33:46,859 --> 00:33:49,903 Your wife is home alone all day long. 913 00:33:49,987 --> 00:33:52,698 You know who else is around your house all day long? 914 00:33:52,781 --> 00:33:55,117 Milkmen, mailmen... 915 00:33:55,200 --> 00:33:57,077 handymen... 916 00:33:57,161 --> 00:33:59,163 salesmen. 917 00:33:59,246 --> 00:34:01,623 Do you know how many products there are to sell out there? 918 00:34:01,707 --> 00:34:03,250 Any of you come home one day, 919 00:34:03,333 --> 00:34:05,294 and there's a brand new vacuum cleaner? 920 00:34:05,377 --> 00:34:06,754 I mean, you had a perfectly good one when you left 921 00:34:06,837 --> 00:34:09,840 in the morning but then, ding dong, "Hi, I'm handsome." 922 00:34:11,049 --> 00:34:13,010 "Want to reach those hard-to-reach spots? 923 00:34:13,093 --> 00:34:14,720 "I've got an expandable attachment 924 00:34:14,803 --> 00:34:16,430 that you're gonna love." 925 00:34:16,513 --> 00:34:18,682 Hey, you think I pay you to stand there? 926 00:34:18,766 --> 00:34:20,309 Customers, drinks, go. 927 00:34:20,392 --> 00:34:22,394 [Midge] And you want her to have that secret life. 928 00:34:22,478 --> 00:34:24,271 Trust me. 'Cause if she didn't, 929 00:34:24,354 --> 00:34:26,231 with all that she knows about yours, 930 00:34:26,315 --> 00:34:28,567 she'd spend those lonely nights sitting there thinking, 931 00:34:28,650 --> 00:34:30,194 "How long would I have to hold this pillow 932 00:34:30,277 --> 00:34:32,154 over his face before his breathing stops?" 933 00:34:32,237 --> 00:34:34,156 I can answer that, ladies. 934 00:34:34,239 --> 00:34:36,408 Three minutes. Two and a half if he smokes. 935 00:34:36,492 --> 00:34:37,993 - [laughter] - [applause] 936 00:34:38,076 --> 00:34:40,871 Now hold on to your Great Gatsbys, guys, 937 00:34:40,954 --> 00:34:42,498 'cause here comes our salute 938 00:34:42,581 --> 00:34:44,625 to the Roaring '20s! 939 00:34:44,708 --> 00:34:46,418 - [cheering] - [applause] 940 00:34:49,379 --> 00:34:52,007 - Heads up. - Huh? 941 00:34:52,090 --> 00:34:54,676 [Trixie] Motherfucker! 942 00:34:57,095 --> 00:35:00,057 Boy, you're almost as funny as the men comics. 943 00:35:00,140 --> 00:35:02,434 We're gonna work on that. 944 00:35:02,518 --> 00:35:04,520 - [dog barking] - Oh, shit! 945 00:35:06,021 --> 00:35:08,190 We really appreciate you doing this on our home turf, 946 00:35:08,273 --> 00:35:10,025 - Agent Webber. - Yes, thank you. 947 00:35:10,108 --> 00:35:12,861 I live six blocks away, so I get to walk home tonight. 948 00:35:12,945 --> 00:35:15,697 - Good deal. - Excuse me, can I get anything else for anybody? 949 00:35:15,781 --> 00:35:17,366 Coffee? Tea? 950 00:35:17,449 --> 00:35:19,326 By the time you brew it, I'll be gone, but thank you, ma'am. 951 00:35:19,409 --> 00:35:21,954 Yes, thanks, Rosie. [chuckles] 952 00:35:22,037 --> 00:35:23,914 [Webber] Now, gentlemen, let me remind you both 953 00:35:23,997 --> 00:35:25,249 that you're under oath. 954 00:35:25,332 --> 00:35:27,334 Yes, sir. 955 00:35:28,502 --> 00:35:31,046 That's Abe's way of saying, "Got it." 956 00:35:31,129 --> 00:35:32,798 [Webber] Then let's proceed. 957 00:35:32,881 --> 00:35:34,508 So, some years ago, there was an incident. 958 00:35:34,591 --> 00:35:36,176 And it hit our files. 959 00:35:36,260 --> 00:35:38,095 Careful with that, it's a relic. 960 00:35:38,178 --> 00:35:40,764 And Mr. Weissman recently wrote 961 00:35:40,848 --> 00:35:42,724 about this incident in The Village Voice. 962 00:35:42,808 --> 00:35:45,519 And it implicated the two of you, but I am here today 963 00:35:45,602 --> 00:35:48,355 to see what we can do to close this matter. Mr. Kessler? 964 00:35:48,438 --> 00:35:51,233 Thank you. For the record, we've got two young men 965 00:35:51,316 --> 00:35:53,777 of a bygone era-- activists, patriots-- 966 00:35:53,861 --> 00:35:57,197 who walk into a federal building, admittedly uninvited, 967 00:35:57,281 --> 00:35:59,741 they cause a little mischief, then leave 968 00:35:59,825 --> 00:36:01,743 without harming a fly. Those are the facts. 969 00:36:01,827 --> 00:36:03,662 Now, hold on, since we're under oath, 970 00:36:03,745 --> 00:36:06,039 no fly was harmed, but a water bug... 971 00:36:06,123 --> 00:36:07,916 [sputters] ...got it pretty good. 972 00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:09,877 [laughter] 973 00:36:11,211 --> 00:36:14,172 Ah, this all seems very open and shut. 974 00:36:14,256 --> 00:36:15,841 No harm, no foul. 975 00:36:15,924 --> 00:36:17,801 I believe I already have more than enough here 976 00:36:17,885 --> 00:36:20,846 - to report back to D.C. that... - Asher walked into the building. 977 00:36:20,929 --> 00:36:22,931 I'm sorry, uh, what? 978 00:36:23,015 --> 00:36:24,975 Asher walked into the building. 979 00:36:25,058 --> 00:36:27,352 I didn't go inside the building. 980 00:36:27,436 --> 00:36:29,187 I stayed outside. 981 00:36:29,271 --> 00:36:31,023 We don't need to Martha Graham this whole thing, right? 982 00:36:31,106 --> 00:36:33,150 With the precise choreography? 983 00:36:33,233 --> 00:36:35,027 I'm under oath, so I'm being accurate. 984 00:36:35,110 --> 00:36:36,695 Asher walked into the building. 985 00:36:36,778 --> 00:36:39,239 Asher lit the fire, Asher committed arson. 986 00:36:39,323 --> 00:36:41,325 - Look, gentlemen... - Abe, what are you doing? 987 00:36:41,408 --> 00:36:43,410 I'm telling the FBI what happened. 988 00:36:43,493 --> 00:36:45,412 You walked into the building... 989 00:36:45,495 --> 00:36:47,915 And you stood lookout, which makes you just as culpable. 990 00:36:47,998 --> 00:36:49,833 I didn't know he was going in 991 00:36:49,917 --> 00:36:52,127 to commit an act of arson. You should write that down. 992 00:36:52,210 --> 00:36:54,254 Well, why did you think I was going in? 993 00:36:54,338 --> 00:36:56,214 To admire the portrait of Warren G. Harding? 994 00:36:56,298 --> 00:36:58,592 Whoa, whoa! Guys, guys, slow down! 995 00:36:58,675 --> 00:37:01,678 Old friends. Old, cranky, loquacious friends. 996 00:37:01,762 --> 00:37:03,931 He also vandalized the stock exchange in 1923. 997 00:37:04,014 --> 00:37:05,390 Is that in your files? 998 00:37:05,474 --> 00:37:06,975 [Asher] Abe, what the fuck?! 999 00:37:07,059 --> 00:37:09,311 Just him, not me. You really should write this down. 1000 00:37:09,394 --> 00:37:11,355 - I'm gonna need a pen. - You do not need a pen. 1001 00:37:11,438 --> 00:37:13,482 In fact, Agent Webber, can we speak in private? 1002 00:37:13,565 --> 00:37:15,859 I have some background information that may help here. 1003 00:37:15,943 --> 00:37:17,402 Sure. Should I bring a pen? 1004 00:37:17,486 --> 00:37:19,112 Do not bring a pen. 1005 00:37:20,781 --> 00:37:22,783 [door closes] 1006 00:37:25,994 --> 00:37:28,455 - Why? - Why? 1007 00:37:28,538 --> 00:37:30,457 I heard yelling. What happened? 1008 00:37:30,540 --> 00:37:32,542 How long did you two go out? 1009 00:37:32,626 --> 00:37:33,835 What are you talking about? 1010 00:37:33,919 --> 00:37:35,379 You and Rosie. How long? 1011 00:37:35,462 --> 00:37:36,797 [Asher] Oh, no. 1012 00:37:36,880 --> 00:37:39,132 Do not tell me that this is what it's about. 1013 00:37:39,216 --> 00:37:40,884 I want to know how long my alleged wife 1014 00:37:40,968 --> 00:37:42,594 went out with my alleged best friend. 1015 00:37:42,678 --> 00:37:44,513 Abe, I told you I went out with Asher. 1016 00:37:44,596 --> 00:37:46,056 - You did not. - I did! 1017 00:37:46,139 --> 00:37:47,891 20 times, at least! 1018 00:37:47,975 --> 00:37:50,686 Rose, I admit that sometimes I don't listen to you, 1019 00:37:50,769 --> 00:37:53,897 but this time, I was listening to you 1020 00:37:53,981 --> 00:37:56,900 when you did not tell me that you schtupped my best friend. 1021 00:37:56,984 --> 00:37:58,485 - Abe! - I'm sorry. 1022 00:37:58,568 --> 00:38:00,696 So you're selling me out to the FBI 1023 00:38:00,779 --> 00:38:03,198 because Rosie and I went out a few times? 1024 00:38:03,281 --> 00:38:05,701 A few times? The other day, it was two months. How long was it? 1025 00:38:05,784 --> 00:38:08,870 It was 35 years ago-- who cares?! 1026 00:38:08,954 --> 00:38:11,206 And you, you with your, "He was so good-looking 1027 00:38:11,289 --> 00:38:12,499 when he was young." Is there anything else 1028 00:38:12,582 --> 00:38:13,875 you want to tell me about? 1029 00:38:13,959 --> 00:38:15,961 Abe Weissman, you're being irrational. 1030 00:38:16,044 --> 00:38:17,879 What parts of this woman's body did you touch? 1031 00:38:17,963 --> 00:38:19,047 - Abe! - What? 1032 00:38:19,131 --> 00:38:21,133 What parts? Because I want to mark them off, 1033 00:38:21,216 --> 00:38:22,759 and I am never going to touch those parts again. 1034 00:38:22,843 --> 00:38:25,137 Are you hearing yourself? 1035 00:38:25,220 --> 00:38:26,972 I have just the right chalk. 1036 00:38:27,055 --> 00:38:28,724 Long lasting, doesn't erase. 1037 00:38:28,807 --> 00:38:29,975 Abe... 1038 00:38:30,058 --> 00:38:31,518 I've had enough of you two! 1039 00:38:31,601 --> 00:38:33,770 [Rose] Abe... 1040 00:38:33,854 --> 00:38:36,189 You are out of your fucking mind! 1041 00:38:36,273 --> 00:38:38,734 - Abe! - Did he just lock himself in his room? 1042 00:38:38,817 --> 00:38:42,696 Abe, may I remind you that you broke up with me. 1043 00:38:42,779 --> 00:38:46,408 [Abe] Rose, may I remind you that I was working on my PhD, 1044 00:38:46,491 --> 00:38:50,120 and I told you that when it was complete, I might come back! 1045 00:38:50,203 --> 00:38:53,623 I was very upfront and sincere about that. 1046 00:38:53,707 --> 00:38:55,459 Asher, I'm very sorry about this. 1047 00:38:55,542 --> 00:38:57,169 Abe is completely out of line. 1048 00:38:57,252 --> 00:38:59,379 [Asher] Oh, good, he's back. 1049 00:38:59,463 --> 00:39:01,798 I could have schtupped Delores. 1050 00:39:01,882 --> 00:39:04,259 - What? - Yeah, while you and Rose 1051 00:39:04,342 --> 00:39:06,762 and her Louise Brooks harlot hair were catting about, 1052 00:39:06,845 --> 00:39:09,848 Delores made it very clear that she wanted me badly. 1053 00:39:09,931 --> 00:39:13,101 Delores wanted everybody, Abe! 1054 00:39:13,185 --> 00:39:16,271 Eugene O'Neill, Aaron Copland, 1055 00:39:16,354 --> 00:39:18,774 Tarzan, Josephine Baker. 1056 00:39:18,857 --> 00:39:21,443 Sh-sh... My God... 1057 00:39:21,526 --> 00:39:23,487 What? 1058 00:39:23,570 --> 00:39:25,489 I just had an idea for a play. 1059 00:39:25,572 --> 00:39:27,616 - What? - It's the best idea 1060 00:39:27,699 --> 00:39:28,950 for a play I've had in 20 years. 1061 00:39:29,034 --> 00:39:30,911 I-I see it. 1062 00:39:30,994 --> 00:39:33,121 I see the arc of the whole thing. 1063 00:39:33,205 --> 00:39:35,040 - I got to write this down. - Asher, 1064 00:39:35,123 --> 00:39:37,250 do not write a play about this! 1065 00:39:37,334 --> 00:39:39,544 - I need a pen! - Do not get a pen! 1066 00:39:39,628 --> 00:39:42,047 [laughs] Up yours, Abe! 1067 00:39:42,130 --> 00:39:44,007 If you get a pen and write a play, 1068 00:39:44,091 --> 00:39:45,509 I'll destroy it in The Voice. 1069 00:39:45,592 --> 00:39:47,052 I will! I'll do that! 1070 00:39:47,135 --> 00:39:48,845 I have no doubt. 1071 00:39:48,929 --> 00:39:50,639 Goodbye, Abe. 1072 00:39:50,722 --> 00:39:52,766 Last word of advice, writer to writer. 1073 00:39:52,849 --> 00:39:55,811 You over-use "quite," and "thusly" is a stupid word. 1074 00:39:55,894 --> 00:39:57,646 Fuck you, don't call me again. 1075 00:39:57,729 --> 00:40:00,023 And please throw out that weird chalk of yours. 1076 00:40:00,107 --> 00:40:02,651 Rosie. 1077 00:40:02,734 --> 00:40:04,986 Goodbye. 1078 00:40:05,070 --> 00:40:07,197 Your Louise Brooks was a knockout. 1079 00:40:07,280 --> 00:40:09,783 Don't you tell Rosie that her fad hairdo was a knockout! 1080 00:40:09,866 --> 00:40:11,868 Asher. Asher! 1081 00:40:11,952 --> 00:40:13,954 [door slams] 1082 00:40:19,793 --> 00:40:22,295 This is why I need a study. 1083 00:40:23,338 --> 00:40:25,966 'Cause... I have no place to go. 1084 00:40:27,467 --> 00:40:31,138 ♪ Well, if I don't love you ♪ 1085 00:40:31,221 --> 00:40:33,181 ♪ Baby ♪ 1086 00:40:33,265 --> 00:40:35,392 ♪ Grits ain't groceries ♪ 1087 00:40:35,475 --> 00:40:37,102 ♪ Eggs ain't poultries ♪ 1088 00:40:37,185 --> 00:40:40,397 ♪ And Mona Lisa was a man... ♪ 1089 00:40:40,480 --> 00:40:42,399 - [laughter] - Out, out! 1090 00:40:42,482 --> 00:40:44,401 Don’t come back soon! 1091 00:40:44,484 --> 00:40:47,070 Hey, guy at table six wants a ring in a glass. 1092 00:40:47,154 --> 00:40:49,489 - Great. - But he gave me two, and he wants us to pick. 1093 00:40:49,573 --> 00:40:51,283 That's ridiculous. I mean, how are we supposed 1094 00:40:51,366 --> 00:40:53,160 to pick another man's... Ooh! 1095 00:40:53,243 --> 00:40:55,495 - I like that one. - Yeah, that was my first choice, too. 1096 00:40:55,579 --> 00:40:57,372 But will it make her finger look too fat? 1097 00:40:57,455 --> 00:40:59,583 Yeah, the pear-shape tends to elongate. 1098 00:40:59,666 --> 00:41:01,793 But boy does this one sparkle. 1099 00:41:01,877 --> 00:41:03,545 Your new guy doesn't know me! 1100 00:41:03,628 --> 00:41:05,839 Let her in, Hal. Either one's fine. 1101 00:41:05,922 --> 00:41:08,091 This is too much pressure. Hey, Midge! 1102 00:41:08,175 --> 00:41:09,759 - Hey, Arch. - You want a drink? 1103 00:41:09,843 --> 00:41:12,137 - I do. - Martini up with olives? 1104 00:41:12,220 --> 00:41:14,139 - I'm so predictable. - If only. 1105 00:41:14,222 --> 00:41:15,849 Hey, how long are those guys on? 1106 00:41:15,932 --> 00:41:17,976 I need ten minutes to try out some stuff. 1107 00:41:18,059 --> 00:41:20,020 - Really? - Yeah, I'm working on a new bit for the strip club 1108 00:41:20,103 --> 00:41:21,688 that I'm not quite sure about, and I'd rather bomb here 1109 00:41:21,771 --> 00:41:23,398 - than at the real place. - Thank you. 1110 00:41:23,481 --> 00:41:25,817 - You're welcome. - Wait. 1111 00:41:25,901 --> 00:41:27,819 - Did you say strip club? - Yes. 1112 00:41:27,903 --> 00:41:29,529 You're working at a strip club? 1113 00:41:29,613 --> 00:41:31,948 - Yes. You didn't know? - No. 1114 00:41:32,032 --> 00:41:34,075 - Didn't Ethan tell you? - Why would he tell me? 1115 00:41:34,159 --> 00:41:35,994 - I told him to tell you. - You told our five-year-old son 1116 00:41:36,077 --> 00:41:37,579 to tell me you're working at a strip club? 1117 00:41:37,662 --> 00:41:39,581 - Did he forget? - Yes, he forgot. 1118 00:41:39,664 --> 00:41:42,083 Thank God, he forgot. I don't want our son thinking 1119 00:41:42,167 --> 00:41:43,460 about his mother at a strip club. 1120 00:41:43,543 --> 00:41:44,920 It's not like I did a number for him. 1121 00:41:45,003 --> 00:41:46,755 - Strip club. - I'm the emcee. 1122 00:41:46,838 --> 00:41:48,006 But what about your career? 1123 00:41:48,089 --> 00:41:49,174 What do you mean, what about my career? 1124 00:41:49,257 --> 00:41:51,968 - This is part of my career. - Okay. 1125 00:41:52,052 --> 00:41:53,678 - What? - I'm not gonna say anything. 1126 00:41:53,762 --> 00:41:55,305 Then don't say you're not gonna say anything, 1127 00:41:55,388 --> 00:41:56,848 'cause that's saying a thing. 1128 00:41:56,932 --> 00:41:59,601 Working in a strip club just seems like a step back. 1129 00:41:59,684 --> 00:42:01,686 Many famous people got their start in strip clubs. 1130 00:42:01,770 --> 00:42:03,355 Lenny worked at strip clubs. 1131 00:42:03,438 --> 00:42:05,190 You took me to see him at a strip club. 1132 00:42:05,273 --> 00:42:07,150 You were opening for Shy Baldwin a few months ago. 1133 00:42:07,234 --> 00:42:09,319 - So? - So how is anyone gonna 1134 00:42:09,402 --> 00:42:11,029 take you seriously in a jiggle joint? 1135 00:42:11,112 --> 00:42:12,447 Have you been talking to Susie? 1136 00:42:12,530 --> 00:42:14,032 No, I have not been talking to Susie, why? 1137 00:42:14,115 --> 00:42:16,534 Because you're saying exactly the same things Susie says. 1138 00:42:16,618 --> 00:42:18,161 Well, maybe Susie's right about this. 1139 00:42:18,245 --> 00:42:19,829 Maybe you should hire her as your manager. 1140 00:42:19,913 --> 00:42:21,623 Oh, wait a minute. 1141 00:42:22,916 --> 00:42:24,542 Mei. 1142 00:42:24,626 --> 00:42:25,794 Hi. 1143 00:42:25,877 --> 00:42:27,671 What's up, Doc? 1144 00:42:27,754 --> 00:42:29,381 I'm sorry, am I, uh... 1145 00:42:29,464 --> 00:42:31,508 I'm just trying to wrangle some stage time. 1146 00:42:31,591 --> 00:42:33,385 - Oh. - I swear. 1147 00:42:33,468 --> 00:42:35,303 Okay. I didn't know if this was 1148 00:42:35,387 --> 00:42:37,055 Joel's mother trying to get you two back together again. 1149 00:42:37,138 --> 00:42:38,515 No! Absolutely not! 1150 00:42:38,598 --> 00:42:40,642 - Wow. Lightning fast. - I just meant... 1151 00:42:40,725 --> 00:42:42,644 Well, I'm gonna be in your office, so, uh... 1152 00:42:42,727 --> 00:42:44,521 [stammers] 1153 00:42:44,604 --> 00:42:46,815 That's all, folks. 1154 00:42:51,945 --> 00:42:53,780 What was that about? 1155 00:42:53,863 --> 00:42:55,907 What? You started the Looney Tunes thing. 1156 00:42:55,991 --> 00:42:57,951 I'm talking about the Shirley comment. 1157 00:42:58,034 --> 00:43:00,620 - You want your ten minutes? - Yep. 1158 00:43:00,704 --> 00:43:03,206 Just don't stink so much that you clear the place out. 1159 00:43:03,290 --> 00:43:05,292 I make no guarantees. 1160 00:43:07,627 --> 00:43:09,212 She said yes! 1161 00:43:09,296 --> 00:43:11,548 Congratulations, Arch. 1162 00:43:15,051 --> 00:43:17,929 How long have I been here? 1163 00:43:18,013 --> 00:43:19,931 - Three days. - I should go. 1164 00:43:20,015 --> 00:43:21,975 - Okay. - I can't move. 1165 00:43:22,058 --> 00:43:23,685 Throw up, dry out, and sleep. 1166 00:43:23,768 --> 00:43:25,603 We start tomorrow. 1167 00:43:25,687 --> 00:43:27,689 [Alfie muttering] 1168 00:43:35,572 --> 00:43:38,116 Replace glass. 1169 00:43:38,199 --> 00:43:40,035 Replace board. 1170 00:43:40,118 --> 00:43:42,120 Replace pipe. 1171 00:43:44,039 --> 00:43:46,041 Replace faucet. 1172 00:43:48,585 --> 00:43:50,587 Replace toilet seat. 1173 00:43:54,257 --> 00:43:56,551 - [toilet flushes] - [water sloshing] 1174 00:43:56,634 --> 00:43:58,636 Aw, Jesus. 1175 00:43:58,720 --> 00:44:01,306 Replace toilet. 1176 00:44:07,187 --> 00:44:09,189 [door shuts] 1177 00:44:11,733 --> 00:44:13,735 She knows me. 1178 00:44:22,619 --> 00:44:24,579 Shit! 1179 00:44:24,662 --> 00:44:26,706 [mutters] 1180 00:44:26,790 --> 00:44:28,833 Shit. 1181 00:44:28,917 --> 00:44:30,502 Hello to you, too. 1182 00:44:30,585 --> 00:44:31,795 I'm busy, Sophie. 1183 00:44:33,213 --> 00:44:34,547 You found an office. 1184 00:44:34,631 --> 00:44:37,092 I tried to close the door. 1185 00:44:37,175 --> 00:44:38,301 Yeah, it's being fixed. 1186 00:44:38,385 --> 00:44:39,928 I'm just commenting on the fact 1187 00:44:40,011 --> 00:44:42,722 that I tried and failed. 1188 00:44:42,806 --> 00:44:44,808 Because it's very broken. 1189 00:44:44,891 --> 00:44:46,726 And unattractive. 1190 00:44:46,810 --> 00:44:48,770 You should also get a new desk. 1191 00:44:48,853 --> 00:44:50,313 What do you want? 1192 00:44:50,397 --> 00:44:51,731 You don't have a chair. 1193 00:44:51,815 --> 00:44:54,776 I can't sit if you don't have a chair. 1194 00:44:54,859 --> 00:44:56,861 You don't seem to care. 1195 00:45:02,367 --> 00:45:05,161 I'll hold it so it won't fall on you on the way out. 1196 00:45:06,329 --> 00:45:08,248 For the first time in 30 years, 1197 00:45:08,331 --> 00:45:10,583 I can't get any work. 1198 00:45:10,667 --> 00:45:13,002 No venue in this country will book me anymore. 1199 00:45:13,086 --> 00:45:14,504 Not even Phoenix. 1200 00:45:14,587 --> 00:45:18,633 Not that I can stomach going back on the road again. 1201 00:45:18,716 --> 00:45:21,970 I'm financially overextended, meaning 1202 00:45:22,053 --> 00:45:24,597 I have more expenses than money to cover them. 1203 00:45:24,681 --> 00:45:26,474 - Yeah, I know what overextended means. - Well, you're 1204 00:45:26,558 --> 00:45:28,476 so quiet over there, so I wasn't sure. 1205 00:45:28,560 --> 00:45:30,770 My business manager said 1206 00:45:30,854 --> 00:45:32,814 my lifestyle needs to change. 1207 00:45:32,897 --> 00:45:34,983 And then he quit. 1208 00:45:35,066 --> 00:45:36,985 So that's a change. 1209 00:45:37,068 --> 00:45:39,988 [sighs] My dogs won't eat canned food. 1210 00:45:40,071 --> 00:45:41,823 Even though it's not that bad. 1211 00:45:41,906 --> 00:45:43,241 What do you want, Lucille? 1212 00:45:44,325 --> 00:45:45,827 Don't you want to know how I know 1213 00:45:45,910 --> 00:45:48,621 - the dog food's not that bad? - Nope. 1214 00:45:48,705 --> 00:45:51,541 There's a brand-new NBC game show. 1215 00:45:51,624 --> 00:45:54,752 They're looking for a host, and I want it. 1216 00:45:54,836 --> 00:45:57,297 It's perfect for me. I'd be great at it. 1217 00:45:57,380 --> 00:45:59,799 But the network won't even meet with me. 1218 00:45:59,883 --> 00:46:01,551 I'd audition, I'd test. 1219 00:46:01,634 --> 00:46:04,220 Whatever they want. But they won't even consider it. 1220 00:46:04,304 --> 00:46:06,264 I called Harry a hundred times. 1221 00:46:06,347 --> 00:46:08,266 He won't take my calls. 1222 00:46:08,349 --> 00:46:10,018 I even went to his office once. 1223 00:46:10,101 --> 00:46:12,479 They said he was golfing. It was raining out. 1224 00:46:12,562 --> 00:46:15,523 Plus he walked right by me, so I know they were lying. 1225 00:46:15,607 --> 00:46:18,234 That's terrible. Kind of like you've been blackballed. 1226 00:46:18,318 --> 00:46:19,861 Yes. 1227 00:46:19,944 --> 00:46:21,070 It doesn't feel good, does it? 1228 00:46:21,154 --> 00:46:22,530 No. 1229 00:46:22,614 --> 00:46:24,157 Doesn't feel good at all. 1230 00:46:24,240 --> 00:46:27,327 Well, I'm sorry, Soph, our paths have diverged. 1231 00:46:27,410 --> 00:46:28,828 That means your path went one way and my path went another. 1232 00:46:28,912 --> 00:46:31,414 I know what diverged means. 1233 00:46:31,498 --> 00:46:34,250 Okay, well, seeing as how our paths have diverged, 1234 00:46:34,334 --> 00:46:37,504 I think it's best that we-- you and me-- 1235 00:46:37,587 --> 00:46:39,923 we stay, you know... diverged. 1236 00:46:40,006 --> 00:46:41,508 You didn't finish very strong there. 1237 00:46:41,591 --> 00:46:43,801 Fuck you. Let me fix my desk. 1238 00:46:43,885 --> 00:46:45,845 What if I were to apologize? 1239 00:46:45,929 --> 00:46:48,014 I got enough to clean up here without your head exploding. 1240 00:46:48,097 --> 00:46:50,183 You put my show on Broadway. 1241 00:46:50,266 --> 00:46:53,102 You did that. No one else even tried. 1242 00:46:53,186 --> 00:46:55,271 Look, Sophie, I am sorry about the game show. 1243 00:46:55,355 --> 00:46:57,357 I just don't know what I could do. 1244 00:46:58,983 --> 00:47:01,653 Well, if you happen to think of anything... 1245 00:47:03,112 --> 00:47:05,240 ...I'd be very grateful. 1246 00:47:05,323 --> 00:47:07,325 [groans] 1247 00:47:08,868 --> 00:47:11,204 You got Dawes driving you home? 1248 00:47:11,287 --> 00:47:13,289 Dawes left. 1249 00:47:14,791 --> 00:47:16,793 Shit. 1250 00:47:25,969 --> 00:47:27,095 Hey. 1251 00:47:28,972 --> 00:47:30,598 If I do this-- help you-- 1252 00:47:30,682 --> 00:47:32,392 you got to fucking agree to lose my number. 1253 00:47:32,475 --> 00:47:35,061 - I promise. [exhales] - [elevator bell dings] 1254 00:47:35,144 --> 00:47:37,397 Oh, will you look at that. 1255 00:47:43,069 --> 00:47:45,029 You got... 1256 00:47:48,741 --> 00:47:51,578 [gasps] Wonderful. 1257 00:47:51,661 --> 00:47:53,538 Wonderful! 1258 00:47:53,621 --> 00:47:55,623 What the fuck is wrong with me? 1259 00:47:59,919 --> 00:48:01,921 - ♪ ♪ - [audience cheering] 1260 00:48:04,841 --> 00:48:06,843 [men catcalling] 1261 00:48:35,330 --> 00:48:37,332 ♪ ♪ 1262 00:48:53,765 --> 00:48:55,767 - [cheering] - [applause] 1263 00:48:59,979 --> 00:49:02,774 That's the end of the show, ladies and gentlemen. 1264 00:49:02,857 --> 00:49:05,318 I hope it's been a night you will never forget. 1265 00:49:05,401 --> 00:49:08,196 You've been a great audience, please get home safe. 1266 00:49:08,279 --> 00:49:10,114 Don't forget to tip the waitresses. 1267 00:49:10,198 --> 00:49:12,450 They're armed. I'm Mrs. Maisel. 1268 00:49:12,533 --> 00:49:14,786 Thank you and good night. 1269 00:49:14,869 --> 00:49:16,871 [audience cheering] 1270 00:49:19,082 --> 00:49:21,417 Perfect! [gasps] 1271 00:49:21,501 --> 00:49:23,503 [indistinct chatter] 1272 00:49:24,545 --> 00:49:26,547 Ow. 1273 00:49:27,548 --> 00:49:29,425 Hey, Midge fell in the pit. 1274 00:49:29,509 --> 00:49:31,886 - On purpose? - Did you push her? 1275 00:49:31,969 --> 00:49:33,971 [indistinct chatter] 1276 00:49:39,894 --> 00:49:41,312 [♪ Jonathan Richman: "I Was Dancing in the Lesbian Bar"] 1277 00:49:41,396 --> 00:49:43,356 ♪ Well, I was dancing at a night club ♪ 1278 00:49:43,439 --> 00:49:46,359 ♪ One Friday night ♪ 1279 00:49:46,442 --> 00:49:50,530 ♪ And that night club bar was a little uptight ♪ 1280 00:49:51,572 --> 00:49:54,325 ♪ Yeah, I was dancing all alone a little ♪ 1281 00:49:54,409 --> 00:49:56,494 ♪ Self-conscious ♪ 1282 00:49:56,577 --> 00:49:58,871 ♪ When some kids came up and said ♪ 1283 00:49:58,955 --> 00:50:02,083 ♪ For dancing come with us and soon ♪ 1284 00:50:02,166 --> 00:50:05,670 ♪ I was dancing in the lesbian bar, oh, oh ♪ 1285 00:50:05,753 --> 00:50:09,757 ♪ I was dancing in the lesbian bar, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ 1286 00:50:16,264 --> 00:50:19,392 ♪ Well, I was dancing in the lesbian bar ♪ 1287 00:50:19,475 --> 00:50:21,602 ♪ In the industrial zone ♪ 1288 00:50:21,686 --> 00:50:23,396 ♪ I was dancing with my friends ♪ 1289 00:50:23,479 --> 00:50:25,356 ♪ And dancing alone, well ♪ 1290 00:50:25,440 --> 00:50:29,360 ♪ The first bar, things were all right ♪ 1291 00:50:29,444 --> 00:50:33,489 ♪ But in this bar, things were Friday night ♪ 1292 00:50:33,573 --> 00:50:36,117 ♪ In the first bar, things were just all right ♪ 1293 00:50:36,200 --> 00:50:37,952 ♪ In this bar, things were Friday night ♪ 1294 00:50:38,035 --> 00:50:41,706 ♪ And I was dancing in a lesbian bar, oh, oh ♪ 1295 00:50:41,789 --> 00:50:45,877 ♪ I was dancing in a lesbian bar, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ 1296 00:50:48,671 --> 00:50:51,424 ♪ Well, I was dancing in a lesbian bar ♪ 1297 00:50:51,507 --> 00:50:53,551 ♪ Way downtown ♪ 1298 00:50:53,634 --> 00:50:55,678 ♪ I was there to check the scene ♪ 1299 00:50:55,762 --> 00:50:57,513 ♪ And hang around, well ♪ 1300 00:50:57,597 --> 00:51:01,392 ♪ Well, the first bar, things were stop and stare ♪ 1301 00:51:01,476 --> 00:51:05,521 ♪ But in this bar, things were laissez-faire ♪ 1302 00:51:05,605 --> 00:51:07,857 ♪ In the first bar, things were stop and stare ♪ 1303 00:51:07,940 --> 00:51:10,067 ♪ In this bar, things were laissez-faire ♪ 1304 00:51:10,151 --> 00:51:13,654 ♪ And I was dancing in a lesbian bar, oh, oh ♪ 1305 00:51:13,738 --> 00:51:17,867 ♪ I was dancing in a lesbian bar, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ 1306 00:51:19,994 --> 00:51:22,580 ♪ In the first bar ♪ 1307 00:51:22,663 --> 00:51:25,041 ♪ Folks were drinking sips ♪ 1308 00:51:25,124 --> 00:51:29,253 ♪ But in this bar, they could shake their hips ♪ 1309 00:51:29,337 --> 00:51:31,339 ♪ In the first bar, they were drinking sips ♪ 1310 00:51:31,422 --> 00:51:33,591 ♪ In this bar, they could shake their hips ♪ 1311 00:51:33,674 --> 00:51:37,303 ♪ And I was dancing in a lesbian bar, oh, oh ♪ 1312 00:51:37,386 --> 00:51:41,516 ♪ I was dancing in a lesbian bar, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ 1313 00:51:49,941 --> 00:51:54,237 ♪ Well, in the first bar, things were controlled ♪ 1314 00:51:54,320 --> 00:51:58,616 ♪ But in this bar, things were rock and roll ♪ 1315 00:51:58,699 --> 00:52:01,077 ♪ In the first bar, things were so controlled ♪ 1316 00:52:01,160 --> 00:52:03,579 ♪ In this bar, things were way, way bold ♪ 1317 00:52:03,663 --> 00:52:07,792 ♪ And I was dancing in a lesbian bar, oh, oh ♪ 1318 00:52:07,875 --> 00:52:11,879 ♪ I was dancing in a lesbian bar, ooh, ooh, ooh. ♪