1 00:00:40,909 --> 00:00:43,379 - To Judge Bruce. - And Dr. Bobby. 2 00:00:43,380 --> 00:00:44,382 Congratulations! 3 00:00:44,382 --> 00:00:47,352 10 years of fidelity. 4 00:00:47,352 --> 00:00:49,306 Happy anniversary. 5 00:00:49,306 --> 00:00:50,257 Happy anniversary. Happy anniversary. 6 00:00:50,758 --> 00:00:51,760 Where's Jamie? 7 00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:53,211 He said he's stuck in surgery. 8 00:00:53,211 --> 00:00:55,699 I'm sure he's operating... 9 00:00:55,699 --> 00:00:56,701 with some boy. 10 00:00:56,701 --> 00:00:58,669 Or at Club Sodom. 11 00:00:58,669 --> 00:01:00,155 That awful place? 12 00:01:00,155 --> 00:01:01,658 Where they dance 13 00:01:01,658 --> 00:01:03,143 and take drugs. 14 00:01:03,143 --> 00:01:06,514 And have sex. 15 00:01:06,515 --> 00:01:07,517 So I've heard. 16 00:01:07,517 --> 00:01:09,469 It's a shame Jamie's allowed himself 17 00:01:09,470 --> 00:01:10,972 to become a stereotype, 18 00:01:10,972 --> 00:01:12,892 instead of a role model for the community. 19 00:01:12,892 --> 00:01:15,345 Right. Hopefully one day he'll come to his senses and... 20 00:01:15,349 --> 00:01:17,348 And realize that his... his time could spent 21 00:01:17,348 --> 00:01:19,268 in so many more productive ways. 22 00:01:19,268 --> 00:01:21,771 Like joining our gay men's reading group. 23 00:01:21,771 --> 00:01:22,723 Yes. 24 00:01:22,723 --> 00:01:25,727 Last week, we read Sylvia Plath. 25 00:01:25,727 --> 00:01:26,729 Oh. 26 00:01:26,729 --> 00:01:28,231 And this week... 27 00:01:28,231 --> 00:01:29,165 Jane Austen. 28 00:01:31,619 --> 00:01:34,124 That's the best anniversary gift we've ever received. 29 00:01:37,061 --> 00:01:39,532 "Gay as Blazes" will be right back. 30 00:01:40,032 --> 00:01:41,535 Blaze this. 31 00:01:41,535 --> 00:01:43,037 Brian! 32 00:01:43,037 --> 00:01:44,506 What did you do that for? Come on. 33 00:01:44,506 --> 00:01:45,507 You want me to chuck my beer? 34 00:01:46,007 --> 00:01:46,943 That's my favourite new show. 35 00:01:46,943 --> 00:01:48,445 The actors are dreamy. 36 00:01:48,445 --> 00:01:50,331 And "The Times" says it's the most honest look 37 00:01:50,331 --> 00:01:51,833 at gay life ever portrayed on television. 38 00:01:51,833 --> 00:01:53,335 Well then, where's the sucking? 39 00:01:53,335 --> 00:01:54,838 - And where's the fucking? - Jesus, 40 00:01:54,838 --> 00:01:57,759 - don't you get enough of that at home? - The whole point of G.A.B. 41 00:01:57,759 --> 00:02:00,263 is that it's not all about sex. 42 00:02:00,263 --> 00:02:01,765 There's more to gay life than that. 43 00:02:02,266 --> 00:02:05,638 Like, reading Sylvia Plath. 44 00:02:05,638 --> 00:02:07,140 I'd sooner kill myself. 45 00:02:07,140 --> 00:02:08,592 These characters have principles. 46 00:02:08,592 --> 00:02:10,094 When you have principles, 47 00:02:10,094 --> 00:02:11,597 you don't need orgasms. 48 00:02:11,597 --> 00:02:15,101 You have principles when you don't have orgasms. 49 00:02:15,101 --> 00:02:17,088 I, for one, commend the writers and the producers 50 00:02:17,088 --> 00:02:19,492 for portraying us as mature and responsible. 51 00:02:19,591 --> 00:02:22,029 Instead of being promiscuous and narcissistic. 52 00:02:22,029 --> 00:02:24,533 Welcome to Fantasy Island. 53 00:02:24,533 --> 00:02:25,952 Oh, I wish they'd bring that back. 54 00:02:25,952 --> 00:02:27,937 Even you have to admit, 55 00:02:27,938 --> 00:02:29,424 it's important that the straight world 56 00:02:29,424 --> 00:02:30,925 sees realistic portrayals of us. 57 00:02:30,925 --> 00:02:32,928 You call that realistic? 58 00:02:32,928 --> 00:02:34,432 And who gives a flying fuck 59 00:02:34,432 --> 00:02:35,833 what straight people think? 60 00:02:35,933 --> 00:02:36,868 Hey, you better watch your mouth 61 00:02:37,369 --> 00:02:39,856 now that you're getting the Hero Award from the Centre. 62 00:02:39,856 --> 00:02:40,841 I didn't do anything. 63 00:02:41,342 --> 00:02:44,230 You saved Justin's life. 64 00:02:44,230 --> 00:02:45,731 They can keep their golden dildo. 65 00:02:45,731 --> 00:02:47,117 Hey, hey, hey, I expect you 66 00:02:47,117 --> 00:02:50,105 to be at the Awards Dinner Sunday night. 67 00:02:50,605 --> 00:02:52,108 - Actually... - Thanks. 68 00:02:52,108 --> 00:02:54,045 - Sunday? Darn! - One for you. 69 00:02:54,495 --> 00:02:58,000 It's Suck-O-Rama at the tool shed. 70 00:02:58,451 --> 00:03:02,407 Oh... very mature, Brian. 71 00:03:02,407 --> 00:03:03,408 Yes, there he goes, 72 00:03:03,408 --> 00:03:07,832 our hero. 73 00:03:07,832 --> 00:03:09,301 We now return to "Gay as Blazes". 74 00:03:09,785 --> 00:03:11,659 Oh... shh! 75 00:03:15,160 --> 00:03:18,097 Ow, ow. Hurting, hurting. 76 00:03:18,097 --> 00:03:19,099 Did the munchers send you 77 00:03:19,099 --> 00:03:21,102 to make sure I didn't misbehave? 78 00:03:21,102 --> 00:03:23,606 No. I thought we could misbehave together. 79 00:03:23,606 --> 00:03:26,109 I can't. I gotta get back. 80 00:03:26,109 --> 00:03:28,112 Christ, don't tell me you're actually becoming 81 00:03:28,112 --> 00:03:30,015 a good example for gay men everywhere. 82 00:03:30,015 --> 00:03:33,471 No, I'll leave that to "Gay as Blazes". 83 00:03:33,971 --> 00:03:34,972 Justin still gets kind of freaky 84 00:03:34,972 --> 00:03:37,477 - when he's on his own too long. - Oh, right. 85 00:03:37,477 --> 00:03:39,930 Well, what about tomorrow? 86 00:03:39,930 --> 00:03:41,933 Oh, slave tags? 87 00:03:41,933 --> 00:03:42,934 Kinky. 88 00:03:42,934 --> 00:03:44,938 They're two uberpasses to Comicon. 89 00:03:44,938 --> 00:03:46,441 Priority access to all events, 90 00:03:46,441 --> 00:03:48,944 a complete comic book overload! 91 00:03:48,944 --> 00:03:50,446 One for me and one for you. 92 00:03:50,446 --> 00:03:51,881 Whoa, dude! 93 00:03:52,382 --> 00:03:53,884 The kids at school will, like, puke. 94 00:03:53,884 --> 00:03:55,387 They'll be, like, so jealous. 95 00:03:55,387 --> 00:03:56,856 I'll take that as a no. 96 00:03:56,856 --> 00:04:00,360 I'd run away screaming, but it's been a long day. 97 00:04:01,364 --> 00:04:02,365 All right. Well, sure. Okay. 98 00:04:02,865 --> 00:04:03,867 I'll see you around sometime. 99 00:04:04,350 --> 00:04:06,304 The sulking gives you jowls, it's not attractive. 100 00:04:06,304 --> 00:04:09,809 It's just, we haven't hooked up since I got back. 101 00:04:09,809 --> 00:04:13,314 I thought this would be a chance, that's all. 102 00:04:13,314 --> 00:04:16,268 What time tomorrow? 103 00:04:16,769 --> 00:04:19,774 6:00. Marriott downtown. 104 00:04:19,774 --> 00:04:22,293 I'll meet you out front. 105 00:04:32,293 --> 00:04:34,296 You're going and that's final. 106 00:04:34,296 --> 00:04:35,798 The fuck I am. 107 00:04:36,299 --> 00:04:37,801 Where the hell are my goddamn car keys? 108 00:04:38,302 --> 00:04:40,305 And don't think that you can make me change my mind 109 00:04:40,305 --> 00:04:41,741 by inducing a sugar high 110 00:04:41,741 --> 00:04:43,242 with a cheap bag of doughnuts. 111 00:04:43,242 --> 00:04:45,680 God, the ones with the sprinkles are good. 112 00:04:45,680 --> 00:04:47,616 Come to daddy. 113 00:04:47,616 --> 00:04:48,618 Come on, sonny-boy. 114 00:04:49,118 --> 00:04:50,120 We went to a lot of trouble to get them 115 00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:51,589 to give you that award. 116 00:04:51,589 --> 00:04:54,058 Well tell them to give it to someone that needs their approval. 117 00:04:54,059 --> 00:04:56,013 But it's not about approval. 118 00:04:56,013 --> 00:04:58,016 It's about honouring your bravery, your courage. 119 00:04:58,016 --> 00:04:59,501 Hey, hon? 120 00:04:59,501 --> 00:05:00,486 Do you want to try one of the crullers? 121 00:05:00,486 --> 00:05:03,457 No. I know I left them... right here. 122 00:05:03,457 --> 00:05:05,393 It's about the $300 123 00:05:05,393 --> 00:05:06,829 a plate they're charging. 124 00:05:06,829 --> 00:05:09,282 It's to raise money for a new daycare programme 125 00:05:09,282 --> 00:05:11,769 which, please God, Gus will benefit from. 126 00:05:11,769 --> 00:05:13,773 Did you hear that? 127 00:05:13,773 --> 00:05:14,774 Daycare. 128 00:05:14,774 --> 00:05:15,776 Hey, this may be a joke to you, 129 00:05:15,776 --> 00:05:16,777 but this is important. 130 00:05:17,277 --> 00:05:19,280 Not just to the community, but to Mel and me. 131 00:05:19,280 --> 00:05:20,699 It's our first year on the committee. 132 00:05:20,699 --> 00:05:24,105 I'm sorry to fuck with your social climbing. 133 00:05:24,105 --> 00:05:26,091 You little shit! 134 00:05:26,091 --> 00:05:27,594 - Look. Honey... - I can't believe that! 135 00:05:27,594 --> 00:05:28,595 That's enough sugar. 136 00:05:28,595 --> 00:05:30,047 Come on, Brian. 137 00:05:30,047 --> 00:05:31,049 You can't blow off an evening in your honour. 138 00:05:32,551 --> 00:05:34,008 Stand up. 139 00:05:37,508 --> 00:05:39,011 Listen to me, Mister. 140 00:05:39,495 --> 00:05:41,447 You will show up at the ceremony. 141 00:05:41,447 --> 00:05:43,451 You will check your pissy attitude at the door, 142 00:05:43,451 --> 00:05:45,954 and you will behave in a manner befitting a hero. 143 00:05:45,954 --> 00:05:47,457 Or at least, like you appreciate 144 00:05:47,957 --> 00:05:49,960 all the love, and support, and hard work 145 00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:53,466 your fucking friends have gone to on your fucking behalf. 146 00:05:53,466 --> 00:05:57,438 - Got it? - I got it. 147 00:05:57,438 --> 00:05:58,439 Oh, my God. 148 00:05:58,439 --> 00:06:00,427 What, you found your keys? 149 00:06:03,347 --> 00:06:06,318 Oh, my God! 150 00:06:08,322 --> 00:06:09,823 Sonny-boy. 151 00:06:12,744 --> 00:06:16,233 Come to daddy. 152 00:06:16,233 --> 00:06:18,236 Fuck! Did you see this? 153 00:06:18,236 --> 00:06:21,241 "The Wolf in Hero's Clothing" by Howard Bellweather? 154 00:06:21,241 --> 00:06:22,743 "Is there anyone less deserving 155 00:06:22,743 --> 00:06:25,747 of this year's Gay and Lesbian Centre's Outstanding Award 156 00:06:25,747 --> 00:06:28,686 for heroism, than Brian Kinney?" 157 00:06:28,686 --> 00:06:30,689 "Mr. Kinney is a miserable example 158 00:06:30,689 --> 00:06:32,625 of a modern gay stereotype..." 159 00:06:32,625 --> 00:06:35,563 "Totally promiscuous, completely vain..." 160 00:06:36,064 --> 00:06:37,566 Well, he's not wrong on that count. 161 00:06:37,566 --> 00:06:41,038 "He can be found nightly in back rooms and sex clubs." 162 00:06:41,038 --> 00:06:43,542 "As for the young man he rescued from a violent assault, 163 00:06:43,542 --> 00:06:47,014 he is, in fact, his 18-year-old teenage lover." 164 00:06:47,014 --> 00:06:48,915 - "So while we're led to believe... - Is that you? 165 00:06:48,917 --> 00:06:50,352 he is a hero, the truth is..." 166 00:06:50,352 --> 00:06:51,821 "He's a pedophile..." 167 00:06:51,821 --> 00:06:53,272 "Deserving not our honour..." 168 00:06:53,272 --> 00:06:54,741 "But our contempt"? 169 00:06:54,741 --> 00:06:56,177 Who in the fuck 170 00:06:56,177 --> 00:06:57,663 is this Howard Bedwetter? 171 00:06:57,663 --> 00:07:00,116 Howard Bellweather happens to be 172 00:07:00,116 --> 00:07:02,119 the gay social conscience of Pittsburgh. 173 00:07:02,119 --> 00:07:04,056 I always listen to his radio show. 174 00:07:04,056 --> 00:07:05,525 I've read every word he's ever written. 175 00:07:05,525 --> 00:07:09,531 Congratulations. 176 00:07:09,531 --> 00:07:12,536 The Centre's giving him their Outstanding Gay Advocate Award. 177 00:07:12,536 --> 00:07:15,990 Yeah well, they oughta give him their Outstanding Gay Asshole Award. 178 00:07:15,994 --> 00:07:17,426 I'm suing the motherfucker. 179 00:07:17,426 --> 00:07:18,427 Take it easy, Brian. 180 00:07:18,427 --> 00:07:21,850 He said I'm 31. 181 00:07:21,850 --> 00:07:23,802 I'm 30. 182 00:07:23,802 --> 00:07:25,755 Is that all you care about? 183 00:07:25,755 --> 00:07:27,758 He practically called you a child molester. 184 00:07:27,758 --> 00:07:31,769 Well, who should know better than... you? 185 00:07:35,269 --> 00:07:41,228 Don't forget, Comicon tonight, 6:00 pm. 186 00:08:04,063 --> 00:08:05,566 - Yes? - Hi, I, uh... 187 00:08:05,566 --> 00:08:07,068 I'm Emmett. 188 00:08:07,068 --> 00:08:10,073 - The agency sent me. - The new maid. 189 00:08:10,073 --> 00:08:11,073 I'm Blaine. 190 00:08:11,575 --> 00:08:12,577 Please, come in. 191 00:08:18,084 --> 00:08:22,091 Sweetheart? 192 00:08:22,091 --> 00:08:26,046 - Oh. - This is my life partner, Blair. 193 00:08:26,046 --> 00:08:27,550 Oh my God! 194 00:08:28,049 --> 00:08:29,552 You guys are just like Bobby and Bruce. 195 00:08:30,036 --> 00:08:31,004 Who? 196 00:08:31,004 --> 00:08:34,350 You know, "Gay as Blazes". 197 00:08:34,359 --> 00:08:35,828 The TV show? 198 00:08:35,828 --> 00:08:38,282 Oh! We don't watch television. 199 00:08:38,282 --> 00:08:40,218 I'm usually pouring over medical journals. 200 00:08:40,218 --> 00:08:41,654 And I'm preparing legal briefs. 201 00:08:41,654 --> 00:08:43,990 Uh! So wait. So wait. You're a judge, 202 00:08:44,090 --> 00:08:45,092 and you're a surgeon? 203 00:08:45,593 --> 00:08:47,061 - Uh, lawyer. - Dentist. 204 00:08:47,061 --> 00:08:49,060 Next thing, you'll be telling me 205 00:08:49,065 --> 00:08:50,066 You been together for 10 years... 206 00:08:50,066 --> 00:08:51,034 11. 207 00:08:51,034 --> 00:08:53,905 And that you never fuck around! 208 00:08:54,456 --> 00:08:55,457 Oh, um... sorry. 209 00:08:55,959 --> 00:08:57,911 We believe that monogamy 210 00:08:57,911 --> 00:09:00,916 is the foundation of a solid relationship. 211 00:09:00,916 --> 00:09:03,420 - Don't we, sweetheart? - Absolutely. 212 00:09:03,420 --> 00:09:04,906 Oh, that's... 213 00:09:04,906 --> 00:09:06,909 that's so inspiring. 214 00:09:06,909 --> 00:09:08,410 Um... 215 00:09:08,410 --> 00:09:09,913 it's going to be a real privilege to, uh... 216 00:09:10,413 --> 00:09:13,368 to work for two distinguished gentlemen like yourselves. 217 00:09:13,368 --> 00:09:15,271 So... 218 00:09:15,271 --> 00:09:16,272 where would you like me to start? 219 00:09:16,272 --> 00:09:18,242 Wait! Wait! 220 00:09:18,242 --> 00:09:20,695 What? I'm... I'm a naked maid. Didn't they... 221 00:09:20,695 --> 00:09:21,697 tell you, the agency? 222 00:09:21,697 --> 00:09:24,202 Yes, but, um, that won't be necessary. 223 00:09:24,702 --> 00:09:25,703 You see, 224 00:09:25,703 --> 00:09:27,640 even though some members of our community 225 00:09:27,640 --> 00:09:30,144 find it titillating to sexualize even domestic work, 226 00:09:30,144 --> 00:09:32,146 we prefer you keep your pants on. 227 00:09:32,146 --> 00:09:34,600 We'll pay you the same fee, of course. 228 00:09:34,600 --> 00:09:37,104 It's just our small way of bringing a little dignity 229 00:09:37,104 --> 00:09:37,605 to our community. 230 00:09:37,605 --> 00:09:39,524 Our last maid got a PH.D. 231 00:09:40,026 --> 00:09:42,429 Really? Huh! 232 00:09:42,429 --> 00:09:44,899 Well, if it's not one communicable disease, it's another. 233 00:09:44,899 --> 00:09:47,853 So, um... 234 00:09:48,355 --> 00:09:51,860 so, ah, which way is the designer kitchen? 235 00:09:51,860 --> 00:09:54,864 This way. 236 00:11:18,357 --> 00:11:20,293 Do you think sex will be this good after we're married? 237 00:11:20,778 --> 00:11:21,746 No. 238 00:11:21,746 --> 00:11:23,749 That's why we have to have as... 239 00:11:23,749 --> 00:11:25,719 much as we can now. 240 00:11:32,161 --> 00:11:33,614 Fuck me. 241 00:11:53,243 --> 00:11:54,679 Ah, shit. 242 00:11:55,163 --> 00:11:56,631 Who is that? 243 00:12:00,103 --> 00:12:01,105 Coming. 244 00:12:01,105 --> 00:12:02,508 The vibrator! 245 00:12:02,508 --> 00:12:03,492 Huh? Oh. 246 00:12:03,492 --> 00:12:04,910 Catch it. 247 00:12:08,900 --> 00:12:10,403 Tannis... Phillip, 248 00:12:10,403 --> 00:12:11,904 - what a surprise. - Shit. Shit! 249 00:12:11,904 --> 00:12:13,892 The awards committee is in crisis. 250 00:12:13,892 --> 00:12:15,861 We have to talk. 251 00:12:15,861 --> 00:12:17,313 Honey, you'll never guess who's here. 252 00:12:17,313 --> 00:12:18,815 Oh, Tannis! Philip! 253 00:12:18,815 --> 00:12:22,322 What a surprise, have a seat. 254 00:12:27,294 --> 00:12:29,297 So, you were saying we have a problem? 255 00:12:31,752 --> 00:12:33,755 Have you read Howard Bellweather's article? 256 00:12:33,755 --> 00:12:35,758 If our corporate sponsors 257 00:12:35,758 --> 00:12:37,726 hear that we're giving Brian Kinney an award, 258 00:12:37,726 --> 00:12:38,728 they will cut us off. 259 00:12:39,230 --> 00:12:41,233 We'll lose our support, our funding... 260 00:12:41,233 --> 00:12:43,236 Do you hear a buzzing? 261 00:12:43,736 --> 00:12:47,241 Oh no, I... uh, the baby monitor's on the fritz. 262 00:12:47,241 --> 00:12:50,731 Sounds like it's coming from... 263 00:12:51,733 --> 00:12:53,234 Oh! God! 264 00:12:53,234 --> 00:12:54,236 - Oh. - Ew! 265 00:12:54,236 --> 00:12:56,239 There it is. 266 00:12:56,239 --> 00:12:59,160 Did you know, um... 267 00:12:59,160 --> 00:13:00,662 vibration in the soil 268 00:13:00,662 --> 00:13:03,116 produces ionization, which in turn, 269 00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:05,570 stimulates growth, causing the petals to open? 270 00:13:05,570 --> 00:13:06,571 It's... 271 00:13:07,072 --> 00:13:08,508 this is a completely unfair 272 00:13:09,008 --> 00:13:12,012 and dishonest attack. Justin Taylor's a college student. 273 00:13:12,012 --> 00:13:13,014 Uh... their relationship 274 00:13:13,014 --> 00:13:15,017 is legal, consensual and very loving. 275 00:13:15,017 --> 00:13:17,404 Besides, the award is for Brian's courage, 276 00:13:17,404 --> 00:13:18,907 not his sexual conduct. 277 00:13:18,907 --> 00:13:20,909 Tell that to our benefactors. 278 00:13:20,909 --> 00:13:22,912 The scent of a scandal could send them packing, 279 00:13:22,912 --> 00:13:24,915 along with their clutch purses. 280 00:13:24,915 --> 00:13:26,418 That is why you two 281 00:13:26,418 --> 00:13:28,921 have got to get Kinney to decline it. 282 00:13:28,921 --> 00:13:31,359 Do you have any idea what we had to go through 283 00:13:31,359 --> 00:13:32,861 to get him to accept it? 284 00:13:32,861 --> 00:13:36,770 Well then, it shouldn't be a problem, should it? 285 00:13:38,770 --> 00:13:42,775 Oh. 286 00:13:42,775 --> 00:13:44,228 He stood me up. 287 00:13:44,228 --> 00:13:45,730 No! 288 00:13:45,730 --> 00:13:46,732 He promised he'd be there. 289 00:13:46,732 --> 00:13:48,585 I bought uber passes and everything. 290 00:13:48,585 --> 00:13:50,237 Well, I hate to say this, Michael, 291 00:13:50,237 --> 00:13:52,273 but maybe you and he are... 292 00:13:52,675 --> 00:13:53,926 drifting apart. 293 00:13:54,410 --> 00:13:56,479 Honey, it happens to the closest of friends. 294 00:13:56,479 --> 00:13:58,583 So, how about coming... 295 00:13:58,583 --> 00:13:59,819 with me 296 00:13:59,819 --> 00:14:01,487 to the Bellweather book signing? 297 00:14:01,888 --> 00:14:03,691 After what he wrote about Brian? 298 00:14:03,691 --> 00:14:05,410 Brian's hardly a hero. 299 00:14:05,410 --> 00:14:07,430 God, Teddy! When did you become such a prude? 300 00:14:07,430 --> 00:14:09,149 Since he lost his job, whacking off. 301 00:14:09,149 --> 00:14:11,669 I'm not a prude. And I wasn't whack... 302 00:14:11,669 --> 00:14:12,471 I... just... I... 303 00:14:12,871 --> 00:14:14,474 I happen to think he might have a point. 304 00:14:14,975 --> 00:14:16,937 Well, I don't think any of us are in a position to judge, 305 00:14:16,944 --> 00:14:18,179 considering some of the things that we've done. 306 00:14:18,179 --> 00:14:19,681 I have nothing to be ashamed of. 307 00:14:19,782 --> 00:14:21,217 Oh, I could remind you of a few. 308 00:14:21,217 --> 00:14:23,287 Gotta go! 309 00:14:23,287 --> 00:14:26,157 Yep, me too. I'm ironing my boss' pants. 310 00:14:26,157 --> 00:14:28,562 Aren't you the one that's supposed to be bare-assed? 311 00:14:28,562 --> 00:14:29,546 I'll have you know 312 00:14:29,546 --> 00:14:31,383 they prefer me to keep my clothes on. 313 00:14:31,383 --> 00:14:32,885 Are you sure they're gay? 314 00:14:32,885 --> 00:14:34,838 Ah, not only are they gay, 315 00:14:34,838 --> 00:14:36,841 they're the most decent people I've ever met. 316 00:14:37,242 --> 00:14:40,613 So the next time you see Brian, if you ever do, 317 00:14:40,613 --> 00:14:42,216 you can tell him he's wrong. 318 00:14:42,216 --> 00:14:44,619 Those people on "Gay as Blazes" do exist. 319 00:14:53,583 --> 00:14:56,053 - Hey. - Oh! Huh, hi. 320 00:14:56,053 --> 00:14:57,556 Ah, Blaine called. 321 00:14:57,556 --> 00:15:00,059 He's, uh, doing some extra pro bono work 322 00:15:00,059 --> 00:15:02,563 at the gay homeless shelter 323 00:15:02,563 --> 00:15:06,002 and you're due at the gay Harvard Graduates' Luncheon. 324 00:15:06,002 --> 00:15:10,009 I'll have this done in a... in a jiff. 325 00:15:10,009 --> 00:15:12,012 You're doing a wonderful job, Emmett. 326 00:15:12,012 --> 00:15:13,513 Thank you. 327 00:15:14,014 --> 00:15:15,016 It's just, well... 328 00:15:15,516 --> 00:15:16,518 seeing you two has... 329 00:15:16,518 --> 00:15:18,521 has really inspired me to, uh, 330 00:15:18,521 --> 00:15:22,526 to strive, to achieve, to better myself. 331 00:15:23,028 --> 00:15:24,030 That's a great compliment. 332 00:15:24,030 --> 00:15:26,533 Well, if there's anything else I can do, 333 00:15:27,034 --> 00:15:29,038 - You let me know. - Okay. 334 00:15:29,038 --> 00:15:30,522 Oh, for Pete sake! 335 00:15:30,522 --> 00:15:34,980 Let me. 336 00:15:34,980 --> 00:15:36,982 Oops! Dropped your towel. 337 00:15:36,982 --> 00:15:38,919 Yeah, darn. I know. 338 00:15:38,919 --> 00:15:41,304 Do you think you could get that for me? 339 00:15:51,304 --> 00:15:54,809 I'm really grateful. 340 00:15:54,809 --> 00:12:58,229 I... I see that. 340 00:16:08,229 --> 00:16:09,231 Oh... oh sorry. 341 00:16:09,731 --> 00:16:13,430 It's okay. Don't worry about it. 342 00:16:19,430 --> 00:16:21,433 Keep it up, sunshine. 343 00:16:21,433 --> 00:16:23,436 The good work, that is. 344 00:16:23,436 --> 00:16:24,404 Isn't he something? 345 00:16:24,404 --> 00:16:26,891 Mm, mother's little helper. 346 00:16:26,891 --> 00:16:28,777 Mother's little helper is valium. 347 00:16:28,877 --> 00:16:29,828 Huh? 348 00:16:30,296 --> 00:16:32,299 It's a drug reference from a Rolling Stones song. 349 00:16:32,299 --> 00:16:34,236 I know the song, thank you. 350 00:16:34,236 --> 00:16:36,239 I was listening to it before you were fucking born. 351 00:16:36,239 --> 00:16:39,092 Ancient history. 352 00:16:42,531 --> 00:16:46,538 Okay, what'd he do this time? 353 00:16:46,538 --> 00:16:47,989 Who? 354 00:16:47,989 --> 00:16:51,833 "Who". Is there anyone else? 355 00:16:54,833 --> 00:16:57,337 He was supposed to meet me at the Comic Convention and... 356 00:16:57,337 --> 00:17:00,726 I'm biting my tongue so hard I'm tasting blood. 357 00:17:00,726 --> 00:17:03,654 So just say it, you will anyway. 358 00:17:09,155 --> 00:17:10,157 Why must your happiness 359 00:17:10,157 --> 00:17:12,660 always depend on someone else? 360 00:17:12,660 --> 00:17:15,648 First Brian, then David. Now back to Brian. 361 00:17:15,648 --> 00:17:18,519 - You finished? - I haven't even started. 362 00:17:19,019 --> 00:17:20,021 If you came back here 'cause you thought 363 00:17:20,021 --> 00:17:22,024 Brian was missing you as bad as you were missing him, 364 00:17:22,024 --> 00:17:23,527 you fucked up big time. 365 00:17:23,527 --> 00:17:24,979 That's not why I came back. 366 00:17:24,979 --> 00:17:27,350 He has a life of his own. 367 00:17:27,350 --> 00:17:31,222 Which is more than I can say about you. 368 00:17:31,222 --> 00:17:32,724 And even though you're not gonna like me saying this... 369 00:17:32,724 --> 00:17:36,663 I'm sure of that. 370 00:17:36,663 --> 00:17:40,053 I think he actually might love this kid. 371 00:17:41,053 --> 00:17:42,539 As much as he can. 372 00:17:42,539 --> 00:17:45,928 That doesn't matter. 373 00:17:45,928 --> 00:17:46,912 We're still friends. 374 00:17:46,912 --> 00:17:50,918 At least I thought we were. 375 00:17:50,918 --> 00:18:00,349 That wasn't supposed to change. 376 00:18:00,349 --> 00:18:02,786 Well, one minute I'm starching his collar, 377 00:18:03,286 --> 00:18:05,791 the next minute I'm sucking his cock. 378 00:18:05,791 --> 00:18:08,795 Single-handedly I've destroyed 11 years of fidelity. 379 00:18:08,795 --> 00:18:09,796 That's what I've done. 380 00:18:10,297 --> 00:18:11,299 I'm scum. 381 00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:12,801 No, I'm worse than scum. 382 00:18:12,801 --> 00:18:15,305 Uh, what's worse than scum? 383 00:18:15,305 --> 00:18:16,807 We've all been around long enough to know 384 00:18:16,807 --> 00:18:18,811 that nobody does anything they don't want to do. 385 00:18:18,811 --> 00:18:20,312 This Blair sounds like no angel. 386 00:18:20,312 --> 00:18:24,318 He was. Now he's fallen. 387 00:18:24,318 --> 00:18:27,323 Oh, I'm... I'm the snake in the Garden of Eden, 388 00:18:27,323 --> 00:18:29,326 - that's what I am. - Stop blaming yourself! 389 00:18:29,326 --> 00:18:31,329 No, start blaming yourself. 390 00:18:31,329 --> 00:18:32,331 You know, it wouldn't have happened 391 00:18:32,832 --> 00:18:33,833 if you could keep your mind off of sex 392 00:18:33,833 --> 00:18:35,836 long enough to think about something else. 393 00:18:36,336 --> 00:18:37,789 Like what? 394 00:18:37,789 --> 00:18:39,792 Like going to a museum. 395 00:18:39,792 --> 00:18:42,213 Or reading a book. 396 00:18:42,213 --> 00:18:43,214 A book? 397 00:18:43,214 --> 00:18:46,218 Yeah, it's got pages. Little... 398 00:18:46,218 --> 00:18:48,221 words on it. You know, cover. 399 00:18:48,221 --> 00:18:50,725 Allegedly it improves the mind and... oh! 400 00:18:50,725 --> 00:18:52,728 Hey, here, they happen to sell them right here. 401 00:18:52,728 --> 00:18:54,231 Anybody care to join me? 402 00:18:54,731 --> 00:18:58,737 No. You keep your hero, I'll stick to Captain Astro. 403 00:18:58,800 --> 00:19:01,692 Oh, my God. I've got to go make dinner 404 00:19:01,695 --> 00:19:04,196 for Blaine and Blair. 405 00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:06,164 How am I going to face them? What am I going to say? 406 00:19:06,166 --> 00:19:09,671 Don't say anything. 407 00:19:09,671 --> 00:19:15,663 And for God's sake, don't let it happen again. 408 00:19:21,038 --> 00:19:23,542 Ow. Sorry. 409 00:19:23,542 --> 00:19:25,511 It's okay. Want to go back? 410 00:19:25,511 --> 00:19:26,980 No. 411 00:19:26,980 --> 00:19:30,418 - Sure? - Yeah. 412 00:19:30,418 --> 00:19:32,823 Look, no hands. 413 00:19:32,823 --> 00:19:35,276 Hey! Fucker. 414 00:19:35,276 --> 00:19:36,711 It's okay, it's okay. It's okay. 415 00:19:36,711 --> 00:19:40,217 It's okay. It's just an accident. 416 00:19:40,217 --> 00:19:43,620 Don't let it throw you. 417 00:19:53,620 --> 00:19:57,092 Thank you. 418 00:19:57,092 --> 00:20:01,599 Mr. Bellweather, I am so, so validated 419 00:20:01,599 --> 00:20:05,104 by what you write. You are a font 420 00:20:05,104 --> 00:20:08,059 of inspiration and wisdom. 421 00:20:08,059 --> 00:20:11,597 A font? Well, how kind. 422 00:20:11,597 --> 00:20:12,599 And you are? 423 00:20:14,536 --> 00:20:17,474 - I'm Ted. - Yeah? 424 00:20:17,474 --> 00:20:20,479 Uh, Ted, uh, Ted Schmidt. 425 00:20:20,479 --> 00:20:23,432 Uh, it's, uh, S-C-H-M... 426 00:20:23,432 --> 00:20:24,433 Sign this. 427 00:20:24,433 --> 00:20:25,903 "To Brian Kinney, 428 00:20:25,913 --> 00:20:28,841 please accept my apologies for what I wrote about you. 429 00:20:28,900 --> 00:20:30,793 I'm a sucking sack of shit. 430 00:20:30,793 --> 00:20:32,296 Love and luck, Howie." 431 00:20:32,296 --> 00:20:33,247 Oh, God. 432 00:20:33,249 --> 00:20:34,198 I take it you are... 433 00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:36,603 His teenage lover. 434 00:20:36,603 --> 00:20:38,071 Well. 435 00:20:38,091 --> 00:20:41,426 It's a pleasure to meet such a bright, brave young man. 436 00:20:41,426 --> 00:20:42,929 If anyone deserves an award for heroism, it's you. 437 00:20:43,429 --> 00:20:44,932 You had no right to say those things. 438 00:20:44,932 --> 00:20:46,868 On the contrary, it was my obligation. 439 00:20:46,868 --> 00:20:48,820 He saved my life. 440 00:20:48,820 --> 00:20:52,209 He's also stolen part of it. 441 00:20:52,693 --> 00:20:53,194 Your innocence, 442 00:20:53,678 --> 00:20:56,064 your youth. 443 00:20:56,064 --> 00:21:00,454 One day you'll see he's hurt you as much as your attacker. 444 00:21:01,907 --> 00:21:07,398 Come on, Brian. 445 00:21:07,900 --> 00:21:09,335 By the way... 446 00:21:09,335 --> 00:21:11,338 I'm 30. 447 00:21:19,684 --> 00:21:22,688 Thank you, that's great. 448 00:21:22,688 --> 00:21:25,660 Emmett? 449 00:21:25,660 --> 00:21:27,646 You didn't tell me. 450 00:21:28,147 --> 00:21:29,149 Tell you what? 451 00:21:32,620 --> 00:21:34,122 That you could cook. 452 00:21:34,624 --> 00:21:36,125 Smells fantastic. 453 00:21:36,125 --> 00:21:40,131 Oh, it's... just a littlesauce piquante. 454 00:21:40,131 --> 00:21:42,134 For the fish. 455 00:21:42,134 --> 00:21:46,090 Blair will be sorry he missed this. 456 00:21:46,090 --> 00:21:49,095 He's, uh... he's not here? 457 00:21:49,095 --> 00:21:50,597 It's his night to read 458 00:21:50,597 --> 00:21:54,603 to the visually impaired gay seniors group. 459 00:21:54,603 --> 00:21:59,611 Well, I'll just, uh, I'll just set the table for one, then. 460 00:21:59,611 --> 00:22:03,116 Why don't you eat with me? 461 00:22:03,116 --> 00:22:08,124 I hate dining alone. 462 00:22:08,124 --> 00:22:10,628 All right. 463 00:22:10,628 --> 00:22:12,631 Mind if I have a taste? 464 00:22:12,631 --> 00:22:19,642 Ah, here. Let me. 465 00:22:20,643 --> 00:22:22,646 Oh! 466 00:22:22,646 --> 00:22:24,582 Got some on your pants. 467 00:22:24,582 --> 00:22:27,587 Better... better get that out before it... stains. 468 00:22:27,587 --> 00:22:29,089 I'll take my pants off. 469 00:22:29,089 --> 00:22:30,524 No. No. No! No. 470 00:22:30,524 --> 00:22:32,528 Don't do that. Yeah, we'll just... 471 00:22:33,028 --> 00:22:35,515 We'll just do it this way. 472 00:22:35,515 --> 00:22:36,517 You know, on second thought, 473 00:22:37,018 --> 00:22:38,019 - Maybe you... - No. No. No. No. 474 00:22:38,019 --> 00:22:41,491 Go ahead. You're doing just fine. 475 00:22:41,491 --> 00:22:46,498 But... you'd better rub harder. 476 00:22:46,498 --> 00:22:48,501 Yeah, uh... 477 00:22:48,501 --> 00:22:50,005 been to any museums? 478 00:22:51,957 --> 00:22:59,919 Read any good books... lately? 479 00:22:59,919 --> 00:23:01,388 Oh. 480 00:23:01,388 --> 00:23:04,845 Look what I've done. 481 00:23:05,845 --> 00:23:09,350 Forgive me, Father. 482 00:23:14,791 --> 00:23:16,795 Chateau Foutre, '90. 483 00:23:17,295 --> 00:23:19,299 It's a very good year. 484 00:23:19,799 --> 00:23:21,802 Black angus. 485 00:23:21,802 --> 00:23:25,307 So blue it moos. 486 00:23:26,743 --> 00:23:28,729 Wait till you see what's for dessert. 487 00:23:29,230 --> 00:23:32,668 Death by chocolate. 488 00:23:32,668 --> 00:23:33,670 Is there any other way to go? 489 00:23:34,154 --> 00:23:35,155 And just when you thought 490 00:23:35,155 --> 00:23:39,662 it couldn't get any better... 491 00:23:39,662 --> 00:23:41,168 Oh, yeah. 492 00:23:53,417 --> 00:23:55,353 Maybe there is more to life than sex. 493 00:23:56,722 --> 00:23:58,191 Fine food. 494 00:23:58,191 --> 00:24:00,678 Fine wine. 495 00:24:00,678 --> 00:24:01,679 Fine cigar. 496 00:24:03,097 --> 00:24:04,533 What do you want? 497 00:24:04,533 --> 00:24:07,538 You're so cynical you can't appreciate a little TLC? 498 00:24:09,541 --> 00:24:12,917 From lesbian Lucy and Ethel? 499 00:24:15,917 --> 00:24:19,324 Spill it. 500 00:24:20,324 --> 00:24:21,826 You know the award from the Centre? 501 00:24:21,826 --> 00:24:23,745 The one you never wanted anyway? 502 00:24:24,246 --> 00:24:25,749 What about it? 503 00:24:25,749 --> 00:24:27,718 Well, guess what? You don't have to accept it. 504 00:24:27,718 --> 00:24:29,171 I don't? 505 00:24:29,171 --> 00:24:32,091 We explained to them that you didn't feel comfortable 506 00:24:32,091 --> 00:24:34,596 with public attention, so they said all you have to do 507 00:24:34,596 --> 00:24:36,098 is say, "Thanks anyway, but no thanks" 508 00:24:36,599 --> 00:24:38,552 and the whole thing will just go away. 509 00:24:38,552 --> 00:24:40,054 Isn't that great? 510 00:24:40,054 --> 00:24:42,057 You don't have to prepare a speech, you don't have to wear a tux. 511 00:24:42,057 --> 00:24:44,496 Nothing! 512 00:24:45,496 --> 00:24:47,966 - That's great. - Yeah. 513 00:24:47,966 --> 00:24:50,358 What's the real reason? 514 00:24:53,358 --> 00:24:55,360 Could it be they read Howard Bellweather's bullshit 515 00:24:55,360 --> 00:24:57,864 and now they're afraid that if they honour me 516 00:24:57,864 --> 00:25:00,818 they'll tarnish their spotless image? 517 00:25:00,818 --> 00:25:02,022 Or even worse, 518 00:25:02,030 --> 00:25:05,861 lose their precious corporate sponsors? 519 00:25:05,891 --> 00:25:08,930 and now they want me to spare them the embarrassment. 520 00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:11,000 Guess what? 521 00:25:11,001 --> 00:25:12,921 I'm not doing them any favours. 522 00:25:12,931 --> 00:25:14,523 Oh, come on, Brian. You didn't even want it. 523 00:25:14,553 --> 00:25:16,760 We practically had to force-feed it to you. 524 00:25:16,769 --> 00:25:19,563 That was before I realized... 525 00:25:19,563 --> 00:25:21,065 what an honour it would be 526 00:25:21,065 --> 00:25:25,055 to be recognized by such a fine, upstanding organization. 527 00:25:25,055 --> 00:25:27,008 I've even... 528 00:25:27,008 --> 00:25:30,948 started working on my acceptance speech, in fact. 529 00:25:31,448 --> 00:25:33,868 - Want to hear it? - God! 530 00:25:36,873 --> 00:25:39,878 Greetings and welcome all you... 531 00:25:39,878 --> 00:25:42,382 sexually challenged, 532 00:25:42,382 --> 00:25:46,388 transmogrified, bipolar whatever-the-fuck-you-ares... 533 00:25:49,394 --> 00:25:53,283 Hey, boys! 534 00:25:54,283 --> 00:25:56,286 Hi, honey. 535 00:25:56,286 --> 00:25:58,773 Hi, Teddy. 536 00:25:58,773 --> 00:26:00,175 Excuse me, 537 00:26:00,175 --> 00:26:02,679 but I believe these seats are reserved for the living. 538 00:26:02,679 --> 00:26:06,134 Ma, do you have to sit here? 539 00:26:06,134 --> 00:26:08,337 Well, I don't see a sign that says "Reserved for Brian". 540 00:26:08,340 --> 00:26:11,024 - I told you. - I know. 541 00:26:11,026 --> 00:26:12,528 I know you're uncomfortable 542 00:26:12,528 --> 00:26:14,981 hanging out in gay bars with your mother. 543 00:26:14,981 --> 00:26:16,483 But look at it this way. 544 00:26:16,483 --> 00:26:17,985 If you meet somebody nice, 545 00:26:17,987 --> 00:26:19,988 you won't have to bring him home to meet me, 546 00:26:19,988 --> 00:26:21,491 'cause I'm already here. 547 00:26:23,000 --> 00:26:25,447 I'm not meeting anybody. 548 00:26:25,447 --> 00:26:26,948 With an attitude like that 549 00:26:26,948 --> 00:26:28,902 you sure as hell won't. 550 00:26:28,933 --> 00:26:31,406 You two stick-in-the-muds have got to go have some fun! 551 00:26:31,417 --> 00:26:34,411 Come on. Go dancing, huh? 552 00:26:34,411 --> 00:26:35,863 Go get laid. 553 00:26:35,863 --> 00:26:39,368 What kind of mindless palliative is that for existential angst? 554 00:26:39,368 --> 00:26:40,770 Say what? 555 00:26:40,770 --> 00:26:42,706 A damn good one. 556 00:26:42,706 --> 00:26:44,158 You know, before you turn around, 557 00:26:44,158 --> 00:26:45,661 you guys will be our age. 558 00:26:45,661 --> 00:26:47,097 God, don't remind me. 559 00:26:47,097 --> 00:26:49,032 And you'll regret every night you didn't go out 560 00:26:49,032 --> 00:26:50,535 and grab a little life. 561 00:26:50,535 --> 00:26:52,487 Not to mention a little ass. 562 00:26:57,311 --> 00:26:59,816 Well... 563 00:26:59,816 --> 00:27:01,818 I did see an invitation on hotpitts.com 564 00:27:02,319 --> 00:27:03,755 to a B.B. Party. 565 00:27:03,755 --> 00:27:05,740 I thought you swore off the internet. 566 00:27:05,740 --> 00:27:07,209 It was a site I forgot to delete. 567 00:27:07,209 --> 00:27:09,647 A B.B. Party? 568 00:27:09,647 --> 00:27:11,116 It stands for body-builders. 569 00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:15,556 God, I just love rock-hard pecs and... rippled abs. 570 00:27:15,556 --> 00:27:19,445 God, mom, you are such a fag. 571 00:27:19,445 --> 00:27:22,901 Yeah, it puts the rest of us to shame. 572 00:27:23,334 --> 00:27:33,650 Well, what are you waiting for? 573 00:27:43,164 --> 00:27:45,669 Oh, yeah. I'll get a drink first, thanks. 574 00:27:57,035 --> 00:27:58,538 Whoa! 575 00:27:58,538 --> 00:28:01,042 Some party, huh? 576 00:28:01,042 --> 00:28:04,547 This isn't a party. This is an orgy. 577 00:28:04,547 --> 00:28:05,481 Yeah. 578 00:28:05,481 --> 00:28:07,968 Hi. 579 00:28:08,469 --> 00:28:08,970 Hi. 580 00:28:09,471 --> 00:28:10,940 Uh... 581 00:28:10,940 --> 00:28:13,443 Boy, if Brian only knew what he was missing. 582 00:28:13,443 --> 00:28:14,445 Fuck Brian. 583 00:28:27,464 --> 00:28:28,967 Oh, my God! Do you know who that is? 584 00:28:28,967 --> 00:28:30,970 Don't point. 585 00:28:30,970 --> 00:28:34,425 That's Howard Bellweather. 586 00:28:34,425 --> 00:28:35,927 He doesn't have a very good body. 587 00:28:36,411 --> 00:28:41,786 'Course not, he's a writer. 588 00:28:41,786 --> 00:28:44,741 These guys don't look much like bodybuilders to me. 589 00:28:44,741 --> 00:28:46,676 They certainly are getting a work-out. 590 00:28:46,676 --> 00:28:50,183 That's not all that's wrong with this picture. 591 00:28:50,183 --> 00:28:51,684 Something's missing. 592 00:28:52,186 --> 00:28:56,575 Hors d'oeuvres? 593 00:28:56,575 --> 00:28:58,078 Condoms. 594 00:28:58,078 --> 00:29:03,052 No one's using condoms. 595 00:29:03,502 --> 00:29:05,006 Including Howard Bellweather. 596 00:29:05,006 --> 00:29:06,007 Shh! 597 00:29:07,992 --> 00:29:10,996 Holy shit, I don't think B.B. stands for body-builders. 598 00:29:10,997 --> 00:29:13,900 - I think it stands for... - Bare-backing. 599 00:29:30,000 --> 00:29:34,834 We're not giving Brian Kinney an award! 600 00:29:34,834 --> 00:29:38,791 How do you turn this fucking thing off? 601 00:29:43,080 --> 00:29:45,783 Our mistake was sending committee neophytes 602 00:29:45,884 --> 00:29:48,087 - to do co-chair work in the first place. - Fems. 603 00:29:48,087 --> 00:29:50,289 If Kinney insists on accepting the award, 604 00:29:50,289 --> 00:29:52,727 we have no other choice but to refuse to give it to him. 605 00:29:52,727 --> 00:29:54,163 I wouldn't do that if I were you. 606 00:29:54,163 --> 00:29:55,097 Excuse me? 607 00:29:55,097 --> 00:29:57,067 - Honey, I... - If you take it away now, 608 00:29:57,067 --> 00:29:59,003 you'll be in breach of promise 609 00:29:59,504 --> 00:30:00,005 and he'll take action. 610 00:30:00,506 --> 00:30:01,440 What kind of action? 611 00:30:01,440 --> 00:30:02,942 Legal action. 612 00:30:02,942 --> 00:30:05,446 Are you suggesting he'd sue? 613 00:30:05,446 --> 00:30:07,449 "Non-profit" will take on a whole new meaning 614 00:30:07,449 --> 00:30:08,901 when he's through with you. 615 00:30:08,901 --> 00:30:11,405 Is this true? 616 00:30:11,405 --> 00:30:13,909 If he wanted to, he could drag us to court. 617 00:30:13,909 --> 00:30:15,411 But... that would be financially ruinous, 618 00:30:15,411 --> 00:30:16,913 not to mention the humiliation. 619 00:30:16,914 --> 00:30:18,900 We'd be run off the board! 620 00:30:18,900 --> 00:30:21,821 As your counsel, my professional advice 621 00:30:21,821 --> 00:30:28,247 is to just give him the fucking award. 622 00:30:28,247 --> 00:30:30,200 Well, you can congratulate Mr. Kinney 623 00:30:30,200 --> 00:30:36,096 on adding blackmail to his long list of accomplishments. 624 00:30:38,096 --> 00:30:39,098 Straighten that banner! 625 00:30:39,597 --> 00:30:41,101 Breach of promise? 626 00:30:41,101 --> 00:30:42,602 Where'd that come from? 627 00:30:42,602 --> 00:30:44,605 Hey, you fuck a lawyer, you pick up a few things. 628 00:31:03,067 --> 00:31:04,568 That smug, 629 00:31:04,568 --> 00:31:06,556 sanctimonious, hypocritical... 630 00:31:06,556 --> 00:31:08,057 who the fuck does he think he is, 631 00:31:08,057 --> 00:31:09,059 judging everybody's behaviour? 632 00:31:09,059 --> 00:31:10,995 Especially Brian's. 633 00:31:10,995 --> 00:31:13,466 To think I just spent 25 bucks on his new book. 634 00:31:13,950 --> 00:31:15,452 Maybe he'll use the money to buy rubbers. 635 00:31:15,452 --> 00:31:17,371 Is there no such thing as decency left? 636 00:31:17,371 --> 00:31:19,342 There was. 637 00:31:19,342 --> 00:31:21,345 Once upon a time... 638 00:31:21,846 --> 00:31:22,847 until I came along. 639 00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:24,099 Don't tell me. 640 00:31:24,100 --> 00:31:25,717 You did the other one? 641 00:31:25,717 --> 00:31:27,000 I couldn't help myself! 642 00:31:27,008 --> 00:31:28,289 What about them? 643 00:31:28,290 --> 00:31:30,191 You said they were a happily committed couple. 644 00:31:30,191 --> 00:31:32,178 It's not their fault. 645 00:31:32,178 --> 00:31:36,184 Obviously, up against my powers of seduction, 646 00:31:36,684 --> 00:31:39,589 they didn't stand a chance. 647 00:31:39,589 --> 00:31:41,992 I'm gonna go. 648 00:31:41,992 --> 00:31:43,495 Oh, hey! 649 00:31:43,995 --> 00:31:45,882 It's just the man I've been looking for. 650 00:31:45,882 --> 00:31:48,385 Want to dance? 651 00:31:48,385 --> 00:31:50,356 - I don't feel like it. - Come on. 652 00:31:50,356 --> 00:31:52,308 I said I don't want to. 653 00:31:52,308 --> 00:31:54,311 What's the matter with you? 654 00:31:54,311 --> 00:31:55,813 You wouldn't understand. 655 00:31:55,813 --> 00:31:58,318 And if you did, you wouldn't care. 656 00:32:01,790 --> 00:32:05,729 Fine. 657 00:32:05,729 --> 00:32:09,684 The convention, asshole, you were supposed to meet me! 658 00:32:10,184 --> 00:32:12,639 Is that all? 659 00:32:13,089 --> 00:32:13,590 Yeah, that's all. 660 00:32:14,090 --> 00:32:15,042 I'm sorry, 661 00:32:15,042 --> 00:32:16,027 I got tied up. 662 00:32:16,027 --> 00:32:18,481 Actually, he did. 663 00:32:18,481 --> 00:32:21,418 - See, I picked up this cop... - I don't want to hear it. 664 00:32:21,418 --> 00:32:24,372 Doesn't matter. 665 00:32:24,372 --> 00:32:25,825 Come on, Mikey, 666 00:32:25,825 --> 00:32:28,296 it's a fucking Comic book Convention, for Christ's sake. 667 00:32:28,296 --> 00:32:30,282 Right. That's all it was. 668 00:32:30,282 --> 00:32:31,784 A bunch of geeks wandering around, 669 00:32:31,785 --> 00:32:34,739 searching for lost pieces of their childhood. 670 00:32:34,792 --> 00:32:37,226 It's pretty pathetic when you think about it. 671 00:32:37,226 --> 00:32:39,229 Only the reason for going wasn't to find 672 00:32:39,229 --> 00:32:43,185 a "Green Lantern" from 1982. 673 00:32:43,185 --> 00:32:44,687 It was for us to be together 674 00:32:44,687 --> 00:32:46,189 the way we used to be. 675 00:32:46,189 --> 00:32:47,692 Before I ran off with David. 676 00:32:47,692 --> 00:32:49,128 Before... 677 00:32:49,128 --> 00:32:52,549 before Justin got hurt. 678 00:32:52,549 --> 00:32:58,041 The dynamic duo, reunited once again. 679 00:32:58,042 --> 00:33:02,047 But I guess things don't work out that way. 680 00:33:02,047 --> 00:33:05,052 You know, things go forward instead of backwards, right? 681 00:33:05,052 --> 00:33:07,020 And nothing stays the same, 682 00:33:07,022 --> 00:33:11,011 so don't trouble yourself. 683 00:33:11,011 --> 00:33:12,997 There's no reason for you to be there with me 684 00:33:12,997 --> 00:33:15,500 and there's no reason for me to expect you to be. 685 00:33:36,382 --> 00:33:39,888 I'm, um, I'm very sorry to have to tell you this. 686 00:33:39,888 --> 00:33:42,391 Uh, I hope you won't be angry. 687 00:33:42,391 --> 00:33:46,397 But, um, I have to give you my notice. 688 00:33:46,397 --> 00:33:47,900 Oh, Emmett, no! 689 00:33:47,900 --> 00:33:48,901 Aren't you happy here? 690 00:33:49,402 --> 00:33:50,904 Have we done something to displease you? 691 00:33:50,904 --> 00:33:54,409 Oh, no. No, no. It's... it's not you. 692 00:33:54,409 --> 00:33:55,912 It's me. 693 00:33:55,922 --> 00:34:00,919 I'm unworthy to work for two such fine men. 694 00:34:00,919 --> 00:34:02,421 You mustn't say that. 695 00:34:02,421 --> 00:34:03,924 No one has ever given us service 696 00:34:03,925 --> 00:34:05,426 quite like you. 697 00:34:05,426 --> 00:34:08,815 I was afraid you'd say that. 698 00:34:08,815 --> 00:34:10,316 In fact, Blair has told me himself 699 00:34:10,316 --> 00:34:13,321 how happy he is with your performance. 700 00:34:13,322 --> 00:34:14,823 Haven't you, Blair? 701 00:34:14,823 --> 00:34:17,277 Oh, yes. And Blaine has done the same. 702 00:34:17,277 --> 00:34:18,780 Haven't you, sweetheart? 703 00:34:20,000 --> 00:34:25,223 We've never had a more congenial menial. 704 00:34:28,000 --> 00:34:30,214 Wait a minute. Um... 705 00:34:30,214 --> 00:34:32,183 you both know? 706 00:34:32,183 --> 00:34:34,686 Of course. 707 00:34:34,686 --> 00:34:36,691 But I... I thought... 708 00:34:36,691 --> 00:34:40,196 didn't you say you were completely monogamous? 709 00:34:40,197 --> 00:34:41,832 We are. 710 00:34:41,833 --> 00:34:44,669 But we can all use a little help around the house. 711 00:34:44,679 --> 00:34:47,072 Now, won't you stay? 712 00:34:51,011 --> 00:34:52,515 You know, 713 00:34:52,525 --> 00:34:55,818 I, uh, I... I may be a slut... 714 00:34:57,020 --> 00:35:00,025 but at least I'm an honest slut. 715 00:35:00,025 --> 00:35:02,529 So, uh, so find someone else 716 00:35:02,529 --> 00:35:04,533 to put the starch in your pants. 717 00:35:05,534 --> 00:35:08,037 Right. 718 00:35:29,000 --> 00:35:33,209 Come on, sonny-boy. 719 00:35:54,000 --> 00:35:58,787 - I wasn't sure I could do it. - I was. 720 00:36:02,787 --> 00:36:04,289 What's that for? 721 00:36:04,290 --> 00:36:08,295 You know how much I love sex in public places. 722 00:36:08,295 --> 00:36:10,232 Then suck me off. 723 00:36:10,232 --> 00:36:12,235 Right here, right now... 724 00:36:12,235 --> 00:36:14,238 - in broad daylight. - Wow. 725 00:36:14,238 --> 00:36:17,175 You are recovering nicely. 726 00:36:17,175 --> 00:36:18,612 Bad as new. 727 00:36:18,622 --> 00:36:20,098 Look, one step at a time. 728 00:36:20,099 --> 00:36:22,600 First, we walk back to my place. 729 00:36:22,610 --> 00:36:25,055 Then I suck you off. 730 00:36:25,055 --> 00:36:26,556 I can do it by myself. 731 00:36:26,556 --> 00:36:28,410 You can give yourself head? 732 00:36:28,420 --> 00:36:30,914 No, I can walk back without a chaperone. 733 00:36:30,924 --> 00:36:32,415 You're not trying to lose me, are you? 734 00:36:32,425 --> 00:36:36,923 I'm sick of you always following me around. 735 00:36:36,933 --> 00:36:38,425 Don't you have any friends your own age? 736 00:36:38,435 --> 00:36:42,297 Yeah, but none of them adore me as much you do. 737 00:36:42,299 --> 00:36:46,254 I can think of one that does. 738 00:36:46,264 --> 00:36:48,257 Anyway, you have a big, 739 00:36:48,267 --> 00:36:50,759 important fundraiser to attend. 740 00:36:51,763 --> 00:36:58,272 You mean a boring, insignificant timewaster to endure. 741 00:36:58,272 --> 00:37:01,275 You're a hero. 742 00:37:01,275 --> 00:37:05,189 No matter what anyone says. 743 00:37:10,000 --> 00:37:14,230 Thank you for the standing ovation. 744 00:37:14,330 --> 00:37:18,170 All right, here goes. 745 00:37:18,170 --> 00:37:19,671 Later. 746 00:37:19,773 --> 00:37:21,649 Later. 747 00:37:27,000 --> 00:37:30,000 Just a reminder that bidding for our silent auction 748 00:37:30,009 --> 00:37:32,540 will be closing in ten minutes... 749 00:37:32,550 --> 00:37:37,047 It's so stuffy in here you need an oxygen mask. 750 00:37:37,057 --> 00:37:39,501 Just keep breathing. 751 00:37:39,511 --> 00:37:41,436 Where the hell is Brian? 752 00:37:41,436 --> 00:37:43,273 Fashionably late. 753 00:37:43,283 --> 00:37:46,344 He better get his fashionable ass here. 754 00:37:46,354 --> 00:37:50,783 Our next recipient is a man whose voice 755 00:37:50,784 --> 00:37:52,887 has been a beacon of truth 756 00:37:52,891 --> 00:37:57,465 in an often stormy sea of moral uncertainty. 757 00:37:59,065 --> 00:38:01,067 A man who has challenged us 758 00:38:01,077 --> 00:38:04,021 to account for our behaviour, 759 00:38:04,031 --> 00:38:07,026 who's demanded we accept nothing less of ourselves 760 00:38:07,036 --> 00:38:11,202 than decency and dignity. 761 00:38:13,202 --> 00:38:17,710 This year's Outstanding Gay Advocate Award 762 00:38:17,710 --> 00:38:19,712 goes to Mr. Howard... 763 00:38:19,712 --> 00:38:22,015 Bellweather! 764 00:38:28,075 --> 00:38:30,044 Yay! 765 00:38:43,948 --> 00:38:46,953 How can we complain of being stereotyped, 766 00:38:46,953 --> 00:38:49,440 of being marginalized, 767 00:38:49,440 --> 00:38:51,945 when it is often members of our own community 768 00:38:51,945 --> 00:38:55,450 who, through their irresponsible behaviour, 769 00:38:55,450 --> 00:38:58,404 perpetuate such treatment. 770 00:38:58,404 --> 00:39:02,410 We are our own worst enemy. 771 00:39:02,410 --> 00:39:05,232 And so we must raise ourselves up by our moral... 772 00:39:06,233 --> 00:39:07,168 In conclusion... 773 00:39:07,178 --> 00:39:09,137 Did he say "conclusion"? 774 00:39:09,137 --> 00:39:10,122 Shh! 775 00:39:10,122 --> 00:39:12,025 It is up to us 776 00:39:12,025 --> 00:39:14,028 to change the misperception 777 00:39:14,028 --> 00:39:16,515 that gay life is all about sex. 778 00:39:16,515 --> 00:39:17,950 Hear, hear. 779 00:39:17,950 --> 00:39:19,953 This is the gauntlet I throw down to you... 780 00:39:20,921 --> 00:39:24,427 ...to prove we are the concerned, 781 00:39:24,427 --> 00:39:28,286 committed citizens we, in truth, are. 782 00:39:30,787 --> 00:39:31,788 Thank you. 783 00:39:31,798 --> 00:39:33,224 Yay! 784 00:39:47,011 --> 00:39:50,015 I still believe in what he says... 785 00:39:50,025 --> 00:39:52,518 even if I don't believe in him. 786 00:40:00,315 --> 00:40:03,320 Wow. 787 00:40:03,820 --> 00:40:07,826 Our next recipient's name became synonymous with courage 788 00:40:07,826 --> 00:40:13,134 when he intervened in a vicious gaybashing incident, 789 00:40:13,134 --> 00:40:17,141 saving the young victim's life. 790 00:40:18,141 --> 00:40:21,131 He's a... inspiration to us all. 791 00:40:22,131 --> 00:40:25,569 This year's Outstanding Gay Hero Award 792 00:40:25,579 --> 00:40:27,522 goes to... 793 00:40:27,532 --> 00:40:29,000 Brian Kinney. 794 00:40:30,944 --> 00:40:32,897 Yes! 795 00:40:48,554 --> 00:40:51,993 Well, stop standing there and do something. 796 00:40:51,999 --> 00:40:54,997 Is, uh, Brian Kinney with us tonight? 797 00:40:55,498 --> 00:40:58,436 I can't believe he didn't show. 798 00:40:58,436 --> 00:41:00,439 If only to tell the crowd where to stick it. 799 00:41:00,450 --> 00:41:02,877 And how high. 800 00:41:03,376 --> 00:41:06,180 I think he got his message across. 801 00:41:06,190 --> 00:41:10,887 Loud and clear. 802 00:41:18,332 --> 00:41:20,837 Wow, "The Invincible Iron Man" number 49. 803 00:41:20,837 --> 00:41:22,840 This is so amazing. 804 00:41:23,340 --> 00:41:27,346 $500.00? What have you been smoking? 805 00:41:27,356 --> 00:41:29,349 Buy it. 806 00:41:29,359 --> 00:41:31,352 It's a steal. 807 00:41:31,453 --> 00:41:33,854 Aren't you supposed to be somewhere, 808 00:41:33,864 --> 00:41:36,861 winning some award? Hero of the Year? 809 00:41:36,374 --> 00:41:40,365 Buy a comic book. 810 00:41:36,871 --> 00:41:39,364 You want a hero? 811 00:41:43,370 --> 00:41:45,373 Why aren't you accepting your award? 812 00:41:45,383 --> 00:41:47,376 Not that I give a shit. 813 00:41:47,877 --> 00:41:49,880 We had a date. 814 00:41:49,890 --> 00:41:52,384 Attention, everyone. 815 00:41:52,394 --> 00:41:55,388 Comicon will be closing in 15 minutes. 816 00:41:55,398 --> 00:41:57,891 You barely made it. 817 00:42:02,883 --> 00:42:06,889 Look, I meant what I said. You didn't have to come. 818 00:42:06,899 --> 00:42:08,091 Things have changed, 819 00:42:08,095 --> 00:42:12,398 We've moved on and it's okay. 820 00:42:12,398 --> 00:42:15,903 No demands, no expectations, no regrets. 821 00:42:18,357 --> 00:42:21,861 Well, as long as I'm here, we might as well have a good time. 822 00:42:25,251 --> 00:42:29,723 Hey. 823 00:42:26,823 --> 00:42:33,196 Let's get a picture. 824 00:42:34,006 --> 00:42:35,498 That's for kids. 825 00:42:35,500 --> 00:42:38,705 Come on, Mikey. 826 00:42:38,715 --> 00:42:41,198 It's stupid. 827 00:42:45,698 --> 00:42:48,903 It wasn't stupid when we used to lock ourselves up in your room... 828 00:42:48,913 --> 00:42:50,706 reading "Captain Astro and Galaxy Lad" 829 00:42:51,207 --> 00:42:54,645 wishing we were invincible like them. 830 00:42:54,655 --> 00:42:56,648 And pretending that no earthly force 831 00:42:56,658 --> 00:42:59,000 Could ever separate us, like them. 832 00:42:59,008 --> 00:43:03,123 And swearing that we'd always be there for each other. 833 00:43:03,624 --> 00:43:07,097 Like them. 834 00:43:07,599 --> 00:43:12,022 You remember that? 835 00:43:27,829 --> 00:43:31,834 You don't have to be out on the streets any more, Travis. 836 00:43:31,844 --> 00:43:35,306 From now on, you're going to be living here with us. 837 00:43:35,306 --> 00:43:38,177 You're so kind. 838 00:43:38,187 --> 00:43:41,065 I didn't know gay people like you existed. 839 00:43:41,075 --> 00:43:44,021 We're not all sexual predators. 840 00:43:44,021 --> 00:43:47,523 In fact, the only thing we like bound in leather 841 00:43:47,524 --> 00:43:50,979 is a good 19th century novel. 842 00:43:51,983 --> 00:43:56,054 Have you read Jane Austen? 843 00:43:56,064 --> 00:43:57,056 No. 844 00:43:57,066 --> 00:43:59,092 It's better than sex. 845 00:43:59,099 --> 00:44:00,093 Oh. 846 00:44:00,100 --> 00:44:02,193 Blaze this.