1 00:01:12,458 --> 00:01:14,460 You know, some people might say 2 00:01:14,460 --> 00:01:17,429 The Grand Canyon or Big Sur but... 3 00:01:17,929 --> 00:01:19,931 I think some of the finest vistas 4 00:01:19,931 --> 00:01:22,434 to be found anywhere in these United States 5 00:01:22,434 --> 00:01:24,868 are right here in Pittsburgh. 6 00:01:25,352 --> 00:01:26,820 Looks pretty barren to me. 7 00:01:26,820 --> 00:01:29,223 Oh come on. There's got to be someone 8 00:01:29,707 --> 00:01:32,542 in this vast panorama of sweaty bodies 9 00:01:32,542 --> 00:01:34,510 you're just dying to have reject you. 10 00:01:34,510 --> 00:01:37,480 It's not them. It's me. 11 00:01:37,480 --> 00:01:39,915 It's too soon. I'm still in mourning. 12 00:01:39,915 --> 00:01:42,918 Well it's time to take off the widow's weeds. 13 00:01:42,918 --> 00:01:46,371 After all, even Jackie managed to get up off all fours, 14 00:01:46,371 --> 00:01:49,874 marry some rich old man and go shopping again. 15 00:01:49,874 --> 00:01:51,375 At least try. 16 00:01:59,649 --> 00:02:01,151 Him. 17 00:02:01,651 --> 00:02:02,619 Who? 18 00:02:02,619 --> 00:02:06,071 Over there. The, uh, red and blue shirt, 19 00:02:06,071 --> 00:02:08,073 black hair, big button eyes, 20 00:02:08,073 --> 00:02:10,025 cute little turned-up nose. 21 00:02:10,025 --> 00:02:11,526 Oh, he's adorable. 22 00:02:11,526 --> 00:02:13,461 He's hot. 23 00:02:13,461 --> 00:02:15,663 He's, uh... 24 00:02:16,164 --> 00:02:17,165 Michael! 25 00:02:17,165 --> 00:02:18,099 - Michael. - Oh my God. 26 00:02:18,099 --> 00:02:20,100 - Hey. Michael. - Michael! 27 00:02:20,100 --> 00:02:21,585 - Hey! - Michael. 28 00:02:22,085 --> 00:02:22,586 Michael. 29 00:02:26,072 --> 00:02:29,575 It's you. I can't believe it. 30 00:02:30,076 --> 00:02:31,077 I figured I'd find you here. 31 00:02:31,577 --> 00:02:33,079 - How'd you guess? - Well, it was either this 32 00:02:33,079 --> 00:02:35,080 - or Midnight Mass. So, yeah. - Oh, well... 33 00:02:35,080 --> 00:02:37,082 Why didn't you tell us you were coming? 34 00:02:37,082 --> 00:02:38,083 It was a spur of the moment thing. 35 00:02:38,583 --> 00:02:40,568 I, uh... David took Hank camping... 36 00:02:40,568 --> 00:02:44,038 And so you figured you'd do a little camping of your own. 37 00:02:44,038 --> 00:02:45,539 Oh, man. 38 00:02:45,539 --> 00:02:47,041 - Oh, it's... - Oh, look at you. 39 00:02:47,041 --> 00:02:49,043 You look adorable. 40 00:02:49,492 --> 00:02:50,993 And hot! 41 00:02:50,993 --> 00:02:53,963 Doesn't he look hot, Ted? 42 00:02:53,963 --> 00:02:55,465 Let's have a drink. 43 00:02:55,465 --> 00:02:56,466 - Oh, yeah. - Come on. 44 00:03:01,436 --> 00:03:02,904 So how long are you in town for? 45 00:03:02,904 --> 00:03:04,889 Just long enough to see you guys and... 46 00:03:04,889 --> 00:03:06,390 and my mom and my Uncle Vic... 47 00:03:06,390 --> 00:03:08,309 - Brian. - Brian. 48 00:03:08,309 --> 00:03:10,311 Oh, there's no point in looking for him, sweetie, 49 00:03:10,311 --> 00:03:11,812 he's not here. 50 00:03:11,812 --> 00:03:14,798 No, of course not, not after what happened. 51 00:03:15,298 --> 00:03:19,736 He's in the back room. 52 00:03:19,736 --> 00:03:21,737 Oh, hey, Todd, how's it going? 53 00:03:21,737 --> 00:03:23,533 Hey. Fine. 54 00:03:55,316 --> 00:03:56,317 Hey, Mikey. 55 00:03:56,317 --> 00:03:58,269 Is that all you have to say? 56 00:03:58,269 --> 00:04:00,771 No. Cover your teeth. 57 00:04:01,271 --> 00:04:03,273 I've been e-mailing you and leaving you messages 58 00:04:03,273 --> 00:04:04,708 practically every day for the last month 59 00:04:04,809 --> 00:04:06,109 and you never answered. 60 00:04:06,210 --> 00:04:07,643 - Busy, busy. - What? 61 00:04:07,643 --> 00:04:08,578 Up to your old tricks? 62 00:04:08,578 --> 00:04:10,012 Never old ones, 63 00:04:10,012 --> 00:04:14,950 and never the same ones twice. 64 00:04:15,450 --> 00:04:19,404 Okay, guys, you can take a break. 65 00:04:19,404 --> 00:04:21,890 Well, I'm glad you're okay. 66 00:04:22,389 --> 00:04:23,891 Oh, not just okay. I'm... 67 00:04:23,891 --> 00:04:26,744 I'm fabulous. 68 00:04:26,744 --> 00:04:31,748 In fact, I'm the most fabulous fag in Pittsburgh... 69 00:04:31,748 --> 00:04:38,253 That is if it's possible to be fabulous in Pittsburgh. 70 00:04:38,253 --> 00:04:40,756 Does anybody have any "E"? 71 00:04:40,756 --> 00:04:42,224 Here you go. 72 00:04:42,224 --> 00:04:44,143 - Try it. - Here. 73 00:04:44,643 --> 00:04:46,611 Go on, take it. 74 00:04:46,611 --> 00:04:49,096 So who told you I was here, Rosencranz or Guildenstern? 75 00:04:49,096 --> 00:04:53,483 I think I could have figured it out on my own. 76 00:04:53,483 --> 00:04:57,387 Oh shit! I've been trying to nail that fucker all night. 77 00:04:57,888 --> 00:05:04,727 When am I going to see you? 78 00:05:04,727 --> 00:05:06,729 I wouldn't take it personally, sweetie. 79 00:05:07,229 --> 00:05:09,230 He's cut himself off from everyone. 80 00:05:09,230 --> 00:05:11,733 Everyone, that is, except for every slut in Pittsburgh 81 00:05:11,733 --> 00:05:14,235 with a smooth ass or a nine inch cock. 82 00:05:14,736 --> 00:05:16,237 So in other words, despite what happened, 83 00:05:16,237 --> 00:05:18,739 it's business as usual for Mr. Kinney. 84 00:05:19,239 --> 00:05:22,242 But hey, when your boy-toy gets broken, 85 00:05:22,242 --> 00:05:25,178 you get another toy. Right? 86 00:05:25,178 --> 00:05:27,680 Well, here we are. Home, sweet dump. 87 00:05:28,181 --> 00:05:29,682 It is so great to be back. 88 00:05:29,682 --> 00:05:31,684 Ah, I wouldn't go that far. 89 00:05:31,684 --> 00:05:34,186 After those photos you e-mailed us of your new place. 90 00:05:34,186 --> 00:05:36,688 Well, I may not have a pool and an atrium, 91 00:05:36,688 --> 00:05:38,190 but I've got a stopped-up sink 92 00:05:38,190 --> 00:05:40,691 and a halfdead rubber tree plant. 93 00:05:40,691 --> 00:05:42,193 He's trying to grow his own condoms. 94 00:05:44,195 --> 00:05:47,198 Oh, baby, you must be so happy. 95 00:05:47,198 --> 00:05:49,699 Yeah. Hank and David are getting very close now and... 96 00:05:49,699 --> 00:05:52,202 And, uh, we get to do all these cool things together. 97 00:05:52,202 --> 00:05:53,703 We get to go bicycling in Forest Park, 98 00:05:53,703 --> 00:05:55,204 and we get to go to Cannon Beach, 99 00:05:55,704 --> 00:05:58,207 and, uh, we've made some really great new friends. 100 00:05:58,207 --> 00:06:01,710 - It's really... - You have... friends? 101 00:06:01,710 --> 00:06:04,212 Well, that's, uh... that's nice. 102 00:06:04,212 --> 00:06:06,714 Oh, stop it. You know nobody could replace you guys. 103 00:06:06,714 --> 00:06:08,716 Hmmm? Uh, yeah, well, I'm afraid 104 00:06:08,716 --> 00:06:10,218 I'm going to have to replace you. 105 00:06:10,218 --> 00:06:11,134 What? 106 00:06:11,635 --> 00:06:13,136 If I don't find a new roommate soon, 107 00:06:13,136 --> 00:06:17,641 I'm going to be forced to move into the Home for Indigent Homos. 108 00:06:17,641 --> 00:06:20,526 Well, have you been looking? 109 00:06:21,026 --> 00:06:23,913 I'm here about the room. 110 00:06:23,913 --> 00:06:24,914 I'm here about the room. 111 00:06:25,915 --> 00:06:26,915 I'm here... 112 00:06:26,915 --> 00:06:28,383 Oh, yeah! 113 00:06:28,383 --> 00:06:29,667 Whoo! 114 00:06:29,667 --> 00:06:31,586 High and low. 115 00:06:31,586 --> 00:06:35,088 Only no one, uh... measures up. 116 00:06:35,088 --> 00:06:37,507 Maybe you need to rethink the interview process. 117 00:06:37,507 --> 00:06:40,010 Right now we have a guest. 118 00:06:40,010 --> 00:06:41,445 Welcome home, baby. 119 00:07:02,846 --> 00:07:05,348 Crummy night? 120 00:07:07,350 --> 00:07:10,353 Hell, what's a little rain? 121 00:07:10,353 --> 00:07:12,854 How about some hot tea? 122 00:07:12,854 --> 00:07:18,360 Or I could, uh, fix you up some of that, uh, soup in a cup, 123 00:07:18,860 --> 00:07:21,862 although it's got enough sodium to stiff a horse. 124 00:07:23,364 --> 00:07:24,865 Oh, by the way, Miguel, you know, uh, 125 00:07:24,865 --> 00:07:26,367 the one who's here Tuesdays and Thursdays, 126 00:07:26,367 --> 00:07:28,351 he was tossing the ball with him today. 127 00:07:28,852 --> 00:07:31,855 Yeah, said his hand was improving. 128 00:07:31,855 --> 00:07:34,858 But he still has these outbursts when he gets frustrated. 129 00:07:35,358 --> 00:07:36,859 Well, there must be something that you can give him. 130 00:07:36,859 --> 00:07:39,295 Oh, drugs can't fix everything. 131 00:07:39,795 --> 00:07:42,748 Where did you hear that? 132 00:07:42,748 --> 00:07:45,216 If you ask me... 133 00:07:45,216 --> 00:07:47,218 What would help him the most 134 00:07:47,218 --> 00:07:49,721 is if he knew that you came here every... 135 00:07:50,221 --> 00:07:51,205 No! 136 00:07:55,125 --> 00:07:58,578 Uh, no. 137 00:07:59,078 --> 00:08:11,573 Who made up the fucking rule that you can't smoke in a hospital? 138 00:08:11,573 --> 00:08:14,575 Come and give your mother a hug. 139 00:08:14,575 --> 00:08:17,044 Promise to let me go this time? 140 00:08:17,044 --> 00:08:18,479 Eagle Scout's honour. 141 00:08:18,479 --> 00:08:19,980 And they're all fags, you know. 142 00:08:21,982 --> 00:08:25,401 My baby! 143 00:08:25,401 --> 00:08:28,404 Christ! 144 00:08:28,404 --> 00:08:29,906 You're a fucking skeleton. 145 00:08:29,906 --> 00:08:30,872 What the hell have you been eating 146 00:08:30,973 --> 00:08:32,374 out there? Nuts and berries? 147 00:08:33,376 --> 00:08:36,345 I can see I'm going to have to fatten you up. 148 00:08:36,345 --> 00:08:38,829 I'm going to get you the butch bottom special, huh? 149 00:08:38,829 --> 00:08:40,331 - Stack-O-Jacks. - Jacks. 150 00:08:40,331 --> 00:08:41,782 Double sausage and eggs, 151 00:08:41,782 --> 00:08:43,284 a big slice of cherry pie a la mode. 152 00:08:43,284 --> 00:08:46,286 - Right. - Double B-S for my kid. 153 00:08:46,286 --> 00:08:47,787 Are you trying to fatten me up or give me a stroke? 154 00:08:47,787 --> 00:08:49,789 What's all this? 155 00:08:49,789 --> 00:08:51,241 Chris Hobbs' sentencing is next week. 156 00:08:51,741 --> 00:08:53,726 The judge is a real asshole. 157 00:08:53,726 --> 00:08:55,728 Yeah, we're calling everybody we can. 158 00:08:55,728 --> 00:08:57,229 P-Flagers, ACLUers. 159 00:08:57,730 --> 00:08:59,732 We're going to pack that courtroom. 160 00:08:59,732 --> 00:09:01,232 Make sure he knows we're holding him accountable. 161 00:09:01,733 --> 00:09:04,235 Justin's very lucky to have you looking after him. 162 00:09:04,235 --> 00:09:06,671 Well, that's more than I can say about your fucking friend. 163 00:09:06,671 --> 00:09:08,156 He hasn't been to see him once. 164 00:09:08,156 --> 00:09:09,656 Every time we visit Justin, 165 00:09:09,656 --> 00:09:11,658 all he ever asks is, "Where's Brian?" 166 00:09:11,658 --> 00:09:13,643 Getting his dick sucked, that's where's Brian. 167 00:09:13,643 --> 00:09:16,029 I'm not sticking up for him. 168 00:09:16,029 --> 00:09:18,531 But maybe it's like those Vietnam vets 169 00:09:18,531 --> 00:09:19,532 who witnessed all those atrocities. 170 00:09:19,532 --> 00:09:24,003 It's just too painful for him to face. 171 00:09:24,003 --> 00:09:26,504 What? Seeing a poor, hurt kid? 172 00:09:26,504 --> 00:09:29,007 You weren't there that night. You didn't see Brian... 173 00:09:29,007 --> 00:09:32,459 In shock, with all that blood all over him. 174 00:09:32,910 --> 00:09:35,879 It's like he had the shit beat out of him too. 175 00:09:35,879 --> 00:09:40,249 If you ask me, he's still an asshole. 176 00:09:40,249 --> 00:09:42,752 Okay, I guess it's time to get to the beauty parlour. 177 00:09:42,752 --> 00:09:44,253 Yeah, get our hair done. 178 00:09:44,253 --> 00:09:45,755 - Get our manicures. - Pick up our dresses. 179 00:09:45,755 --> 00:09:47,756 Be ready when our dates arrive. 180 00:09:47,756 --> 00:09:50,258 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 181 00:09:50,258 --> 00:09:53,261 Did something happen while I was gone that I should know about? 182 00:09:53,261 --> 00:09:55,763 Don't worry, Michael. We're still lesbians. 183 00:09:56,764 --> 00:09:58,682 It's my sister's wedding. 184 00:09:58,682 --> 00:10:00,684 And the less said, the better. 185 00:10:01,185 --> 00:10:02,686 Right. Yeah. 186 00:10:02,686 --> 00:10:03,686 Here, bone-butt. 187 00:10:03,686 --> 00:10:07,190 Start on these. 188 00:10:10,460 --> 00:10:11,477 Coffee. 189 00:10:11,477 --> 00:10:17,416 Coffee. 190 00:10:17,416 --> 00:10:20,918 Does he always push himself this hard? 191 00:10:20,918 --> 00:10:22,870 Even when he was a kid, 192 00:10:22,870 --> 00:10:27,824 he was so determined to ride his two-wheeler. 193 00:10:27,824 --> 00:10:29,326 He fell a hundred times. 194 00:10:29,826 --> 00:10:31,294 His knees were a bloody mess, but... 195 00:10:31,294 --> 00:10:37,783 he kept at it till he learned how to stay up. 196 00:10:38,284 --> 00:10:39,785 He hasn't changed. 197 00:10:40,286 --> 00:10:43,288 If he wants something, he won't stop till he gets it. 198 00:10:43,288 --> 00:10:44,789 Well, whatever it is now 199 00:10:44,789 --> 00:10:46,791 that's making him want to stay on top, 200 00:10:46,791 --> 00:10:47,792 it's paid off. 201 00:10:48,293 --> 00:10:50,711 I'm sending him home. 202 00:10:50,711 --> 00:10:51,712 That's wonderful. 203 00:10:51,712 --> 00:10:56,617 Fuck! Shit! 204 00:10:56,617 --> 00:10:58,117 Are you sure he's ready? 205 00:10:58,117 --> 00:11:00,086 I want to see him here three times a week 206 00:11:00,086 --> 00:11:03,022 for the next month for outpatient therapy. 207 00:11:03,022 --> 00:11:10,479 And call me if there's a problem. 208 00:11:20,453 --> 00:11:22,455 I can't believe it's Saturday night. 209 00:11:22,455 --> 00:11:24,457 I'm dressed for a fucking funeral. 210 00:11:24,457 --> 00:11:26,960 Close to it. Hetero wedding. 211 00:11:26,960 --> 00:11:28,961 Can't you two give up Babylon for one night? 212 00:11:28,961 --> 00:11:31,463 I did, and look, I'm having withdrawal symptoms. 213 00:11:37,802 --> 00:11:42,306 Oh. Well, it's too bad you're not straight. You could... 214 00:11:42,306 --> 00:11:43,757 really score big time. 215 00:11:44,257 --> 00:11:45,709 It's hard to believe 216 00:11:45,709 --> 00:11:47,711 but in this parallel universe, you're actually hot. 217 00:11:47,711 --> 00:11:50,147 Woo-hoo, lucky me. 218 00:11:50,147 --> 00:11:52,114 Pink champagne. Yeah. 219 00:11:52,114 --> 00:11:54,049 Um, yeah, that's too nelly even for me. 220 00:11:54,550 --> 00:11:56,535 Not bad... 221 00:11:56,535 --> 00:11:58,037 for a douche. 222 00:11:58,037 --> 00:11:59,020 Look, I'm sorry 223 00:11:59,521 --> 00:12:00,989 to make you pretend to be our dates but... 224 00:12:00,989 --> 00:12:04,959 Lynnette insisted Mel and I not draw attention to ourselves. 225 00:12:04,959 --> 00:12:06,427 What did she think we were going to do? 226 00:12:06,427 --> 00:12:08,412 Perform cunnilingus on top of the wedding cake? 227 00:12:08,412 --> 00:12:09,913 I promised we'd follow wedding etiquette. 228 00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:12,833 Yeah, well I've read "Miss Manners" cover to cover, 229 00:12:12,833 --> 00:12:16,335 andd nowhere does it state that one must subjugate one's sexuality 230 00:12:16,335 --> 00:12:20,256 even... at the bride's request. 231 00:12:20,256 --> 00:12:22,691 - Wow, is he hot! - Come back here. 232 00:12:22,691 --> 00:12:24,659 What's her position on fucking ushers? 233 00:12:24,659 --> 00:12:25,660 Perfectly acceptable. 234 00:12:26,161 --> 00:12:28,597 Preferably not during the ceremony. 235 00:12:28,597 --> 00:12:30,097 - There she is. - Ah, daddy. 236 00:12:30,097 --> 00:12:32,032 There's my girl. 237 00:12:32,533 --> 00:12:34,518 We've been looking for you. 238 00:12:34,518 --> 00:12:35,519 Hello, Melanie. 239 00:12:35,519 --> 00:12:37,954 Mr. and Mrs. Petersen. 240 00:12:37,954 --> 00:12:39,939 This is Ted, Emmett. 241 00:12:39,939 --> 00:12:40,907 How do you do? 242 00:12:40,907 --> 00:12:44,344 We're their beards. 243 00:12:44,344 --> 00:12:46,345 You, uh, ready for "here comes the bride"? 244 00:12:46,345 --> 00:12:49,348 - Again. - Oh, Ron, stop. 245 00:12:49,348 --> 00:12:51,350 Well, don't tell me, Nancy, tell Lynnette. 246 00:12:51,350 --> 00:12:53,851 Uh, three weddings in five years is... 247 00:12:53,851 --> 00:12:55,803 This is the last one I'm paying for. 248 00:12:56,304 --> 00:12:58,806 That's what you said the last time. 249 00:13:00,274 --> 00:13:01,224 Mr. Petersen. 250 00:13:01,224 --> 00:13:03,226 Oh... oh, there's our cue. 251 00:13:03,226 --> 00:13:06,086 Shall we take our positions? 252 00:13:20,975 --> 00:13:23,429 I left you four messages. 253 00:13:25,429 --> 00:13:29,437 I told you, busy, busy. 254 00:13:34,437 --> 00:13:36,939 Want some dinner? 255 00:13:36,939 --> 00:13:38,424 This is dinner? 256 00:13:38,925 --> 00:13:40,926 It's just the essential elements of a healthy diet; 257 00:13:41,426 --> 00:13:42,427 salt, saturated fat, 258 00:13:42,427 --> 00:13:43,895 alcohol. 259 00:13:43,895 --> 00:13:44,846 I'm never eating again. 260 00:13:44,846 --> 00:13:46,348 My mom practically force-fed me 261 00:13:46,348 --> 00:13:47,848 the entire Liberty Diner menu. 262 00:13:47,848 --> 00:13:49,283 Well, who told you to eat it? 263 00:13:49,283 --> 00:13:50,718 Well, what was I supposed to do? 264 00:13:50,718 --> 00:13:53,137 Say no. 265 00:13:53,137 --> 00:13:54,138 You know it makes her happy. 266 00:13:54,638 --> 00:13:55,605 There you have it, ladies and gentlemen, 267 00:13:55,605 --> 00:13:56,606 proof positive 268 00:13:57,106 --> 00:13:58,091 that making other people happy 269 00:13:58,091 --> 00:14:00,093 can cause nausea, 270 00:14:00,593 --> 00:14:03,045 severe cramps, even diarrhea. 271 00:14:03,045 --> 00:14:10,552 Got any tums? 272 00:14:10,552 --> 00:14:12,553 You know what tums is spelled backwards? 273 00:14:13,054 --> 00:14:17,558 - Smut! - Smut! 274 00:14:17,558 --> 00:14:19,559 - Why the fuck are you here? - I told you, 275 00:14:19,559 --> 00:14:21,561 I left you a bunch of messages, and you never called me back. 276 00:14:21,561 --> 00:14:24,064 I mean, out of all the holiday destinations you could have chosen... 277 00:14:24,564 --> 00:14:28,033 Ibiza, Puerto Vallarta, Six Flags over fucking Tulsa, 278 00:14:28,033 --> 00:14:31,537 - why the Pitts? - I missed it. It's my home. 279 00:14:31,537 --> 00:14:33,539 Not any more it's not. You're just a visitor here now. 280 00:14:33,539 --> 00:14:38,543 Just a sightseer of your former life. 281 00:14:38,543 --> 00:14:41,546 So now that you've seen your mom and the boys and me, 282 00:14:41,546 --> 00:14:43,997 who's next on the tour? 283 00:14:43,997 --> 00:14:47,451 I thought I'd go see Justin. 284 00:14:47,951 --> 00:14:49,952 - How's he doing? - How should I know? 285 00:14:50,453 --> 00:14:51,454 Well, you would if you went to see him. 286 00:14:51,454 --> 00:14:52,955 - How about you coming with me? - What for? 287 00:14:52,955 --> 00:14:54,924 It might make him happy. 288 00:14:54,924 --> 00:14:56,375 I just told you, making other people happy 289 00:14:56,375 --> 00:14:57,876 can be hazardous to your health. 290 00:14:57,876 --> 00:14:59,377 So can making yourself miserable. 291 00:14:59,377 --> 00:15:04,882 Look, save the worried wife routine for the Doc... 292 00:15:04,882 --> 00:15:06,884 and, uh, come with me to Woody's. 293 00:15:06,884 --> 00:15:08,385 I don't want to... 294 00:15:08,385 --> 00:15:09,887 - I don't want to go to Woody's. - Come on. 295 00:15:09,887 --> 00:15:12,889 It's part of the tour. 296 00:15:12,889 --> 00:15:15,892 On your left, a nostalgic recreation of your misspent youth. 297 00:15:15,892 --> 00:15:18,895 You'll love it. 298 00:15:18,895 --> 00:15:22,898 Yeah, sure. 299 00:15:22,898 --> 00:15:25,296 I stink. I need a shower. 300 00:15:59,296 --> 00:16:00,797 What do you know about Justin's condition? 301 00:16:02,799 --> 00:16:03,800 What is your relationship to Justin? 302 00:16:04,301 --> 00:16:05,786 Is he all right? Have you seen him? 303 00:16:05,786 --> 00:16:07,787 Ow, shit! 304 00:16:07,787 --> 00:16:09,288 Mrs. Taylor, is Justin all right? 305 00:16:09,288 --> 00:16:11,290 Will you be going to the sentencing? 306 00:16:11,290 --> 00:16:13,709 Jesus Christ, what was that? 307 00:16:13,709 --> 00:16:15,710 They were waiting for us when we got home. 308 00:16:15,710 --> 00:16:17,712 Someone from the hospital must have told them 309 00:16:17,712 --> 00:16:20,215 Justin was being released. 310 00:16:20,215 --> 00:16:22,217 What happened to you? 311 00:16:22,217 --> 00:16:25,219 What? Oh, Jesus. 312 00:16:25,219 --> 00:16:27,221 Some asshole out there bumped into me 313 00:16:27,221 --> 00:16:29,223 and made me spill my marinara all over myself. 314 00:16:29,723 --> 00:16:31,724 It's supposed to go on the angel hair, not you. 315 00:16:31,724 --> 00:16:34,227 Wait till you see all the supporters 316 00:16:34,227 --> 00:16:36,229 we have got coming to the courtroom. 317 00:16:36,229 --> 00:16:39,231 Uh, Debbie, I... just brought Justin home. 318 00:16:39,681 --> 00:16:42,684 I can't subject him to all that. 319 00:16:42,684 --> 00:16:46,687 Oh, sure. I understand. 320 00:16:46,687 --> 00:16:48,689 Whoa! You shouldn't have gone to all this trouble. 321 00:16:48,689 --> 00:16:50,691 - It's... - It wasn't any trouble. 322 00:16:50,691 --> 00:16:52,693 She cooked it. 323 00:16:52,693 --> 00:16:54,194 I made Justin's favourite, 324 00:16:54,194 --> 00:16:56,196 - chicken parmigiana. - Well, 325 00:16:56,196 --> 00:16:58,698 I'm sure he's going to love it, if I can just get him to eat. 326 00:16:58,698 --> 00:17:00,200 Of course he'll eat. 327 00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:04,586 Of course I'll eat. 328 00:17:04,586 --> 00:17:08,457 Sunshine! 329 00:17:08,457 --> 00:17:10,458 Sweetheart, I thought you were taking a nap. 330 00:17:10,458 --> 00:17:11,459 Everything all right? 331 00:17:11,459 --> 00:17:13,928 I'm fine. 332 00:17:13,928 --> 00:17:14,929 Don't I look it? 333 00:17:14,929 --> 00:17:16,414 Good as new. 334 00:17:16,414 --> 00:17:17,914 Ah, better. 335 00:17:17,914 --> 00:17:21,802 You have no idea. 336 00:17:21,802 --> 00:17:23,303 You know, I have prayed... 337 00:17:23,303 --> 00:17:25,287 oh, for this moment, 338 00:17:25,287 --> 00:17:29,275 to see you standing there... 339 00:17:29,275 --> 00:17:34,129 to know that you're all right. 340 00:17:34,129 --> 00:17:36,631 Shit! 341 00:17:36,631 --> 00:17:39,567 You come and give me a kiss, honey. 342 00:17:39,567 --> 00:17:42,986 Oh! 343 00:17:42,986 --> 00:17:44,488 - What's wrong? - Uh, sweetheart. 344 00:17:44,988 --> 00:17:46,440 Honey, it's just... 345 00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:49,425 Marinara sauce. It's okay. 346 00:17:49,425 --> 00:17:53,346 I'm sorry. 347 00:17:53,346 --> 00:17:57,782 So, why don't we all sit down and eat? 348 00:17:57,782 --> 00:17:59,784 Yeah, I'll nuke up, uh, the rest of the sauce, 349 00:17:59,784 --> 00:18:01,236 what's left of it. 350 00:18:01,236 --> 00:18:03,237 And I'll wash the baby field greens, 351 00:18:03,237 --> 00:18:05,739 otherwise known as weeds. 352 00:18:05,739 --> 00:18:07,224 Honey, why don't you just run upstairs 353 00:18:07,224 --> 00:18:09,176 and get cleaned up? 354 00:18:09,176 --> 00:18:11,182 Okay. 355 00:18:16,182 --> 00:18:19,117 "Honey." "Sweetie." "Sunshine." 356 00:18:19,117 --> 00:18:21,620 Just 'cause Chris Hobbs fucking bashes me in the head, 357 00:18:21,620 --> 00:18:23,622 suddenly everybody wants to infantalize me. 358 00:18:23,622 --> 00:18:26,124 You could have died, you know. 359 00:18:26,124 --> 00:18:28,075 - I was there. - They're going to freak 360 00:18:28,075 --> 00:18:30,077 when they find out you're gone. 361 00:18:30,578 --> 00:18:32,580 I left a note. 362 00:18:33,030 --> 00:18:35,520 "Back soon. Love and kisses." 363 00:18:51,980 --> 00:18:53,481 Will you be okay? 364 00:18:53,481 --> 00:18:56,489 I don't know. But I have to find him. 365 00:19:02,489 --> 00:19:03,490 Thank you. 366 00:19:37,603 --> 00:19:38,554 Hey, are you all right? 367 00:19:39,054 --> 00:19:41,796 Don't touch me. 368 00:19:52,232 --> 00:19:53,733 So. 369 00:19:53,733 --> 00:19:56,703 How are the boys of Portland? 370 00:19:56,703 --> 00:19:58,688 I bet with all that... rain, 371 00:19:58,688 --> 00:20:01,690 they all have perfect peaches and cream cheeks. 372 00:20:01,690 --> 00:20:08,079 I... haven't had a chance to do a butt check. 373 00:20:08,563 --> 00:20:10,898 Besides, David and I have better ways of spending our evenings. 374 00:20:10,898 --> 00:20:13,401 - Like what? - We cook and we read 375 00:20:13,401 --> 00:20:14,901 and we listen to music. 376 00:20:14,901 --> 00:20:16,403 And... check each other's pulses 377 00:20:16,403 --> 00:20:18,905 to make sure you're still alive? 378 00:20:18,905 --> 00:20:22,358 You know, if it was me, I'd be out every night... 379 00:20:22,358 --> 00:20:24,310 - topping the tall timber. - Yeah, 380 00:20:24,310 --> 00:20:26,295 that's why they have environmental protection laws. 381 00:20:30,298 --> 00:20:32,300 But, Mikey, 382 00:20:32,300 --> 00:20:34,786 Tell me. I need to know. 383 00:20:35,287 --> 00:20:36,788 Does a lumber jack off? 384 00:20:41,725 --> 00:20:45,728 What the fuck is going on? 385 00:20:45,728 --> 00:20:47,730 Nothing-the-fuck is going on. 386 00:20:47,730 --> 00:20:49,699 You're a fucking, fall-down mess. 387 00:20:49,699 --> 00:20:51,134 I'm beautiful. 388 00:20:51,134 --> 00:20:52,635 I'll always be beautiful, you said that yourself. 389 00:20:52,635 --> 00:20:55,053 You want some? 390 00:20:55,053 --> 00:20:56,555 You've cut yourself off from everyone 391 00:20:56,555 --> 00:20:57,522 Including me. 392 00:20:57,522 --> 00:20:59,474 You're drinking... 393 00:20:59,474 --> 00:21:02,426 Christ, like I've never seen you before. 394 00:21:02,426 --> 00:21:04,929 Oh, well. 395 00:21:04,929 --> 00:21:06,430 Maybe you need to talk to someone. 396 00:21:06,430 --> 00:21:08,865 What are you? My goddamn mother? 397 00:21:08,865 --> 00:21:11,368 You go back where you belong, and... 398 00:21:11,368 --> 00:21:14,371 read and cook and listen to muzak with David, 399 00:21:14,371 --> 00:21:18,874 And I'll be all right. 400 00:21:19,308 --> 00:21:24,196 Why haven't you gone to see Justin? 401 00:21:24,646 --> 00:21:25,647 Because... 402 00:21:25,647 --> 00:21:27,148 there's nothing I can do for him. 403 00:21:44,547 --> 00:21:47,049 Get away from me. 404 00:21:47,049 --> 00:21:48,550 Hey, they send that guy to jail? 405 00:21:48,550 --> 00:21:49,551 - Hey, are you all right? - Don't touch me. 406 00:21:50,035 --> 00:21:51,036 Give him some room. 407 00:21:55,973 --> 00:21:57,653 Justin, it's me, Michael. 408 00:22:11,653 --> 00:22:15,157 Well, are you just going to fucking stand there? 409 00:22:23,114 --> 00:22:25,616 The first marriage she was registered at Tiffany's. 410 00:22:25,616 --> 00:22:28,118 The second, Pottery Barn. 411 00:22:28,118 --> 00:22:30,620 The third, the Big Q. 412 00:22:31,121 --> 00:22:33,623 Pathetic, isn't it? 413 00:22:33,623 --> 00:22:37,626 Straight people and their silly little rituals. 414 00:22:37,626 --> 00:22:39,128 Oh, come on, Mel, you know if it was legal 415 00:22:39,128 --> 00:22:41,130 for you and Lindsay to get married, you would. 416 00:22:41,130 --> 00:22:42,630 Well, we can't, so what's the point? 417 00:22:42,630 --> 00:22:44,632 The bride requests no smoking. 418 00:22:44,632 --> 00:22:48,136 Oh, uh, fuck the bride. 419 00:22:48,136 --> 00:22:49,137 Hello, Melanie. 420 00:22:49,636 --> 00:22:52,556 Lynnette. It's a beautiful wedding. 421 00:22:52,556 --> 00:22:54,057 Just like they've all been. 422 00:22:54,558 --> 00:22:55,542 Thank you. 423 00:22:55,542 --> 00:22:57,043 The chicken was delicious. 424 00:22:57,043 --> 00:22:58,010 It was a capon. 425 00:22:58,010 --> 00:23:03,516 Well, it tasted like chicken. 426 00:23:03,516 --> 00:23:04,966 I was just saying, I... 427 00:23:04,966 --> 00:23:06,968 I bet you're really looking forward to that honeymoon. 428 00:23:06,968 --> 00:23:08,970 Well, where are you off to this time? 429 00:23:08,970 --> 00:23:09,971 Borneo. 430 00:23:09,971 --> 00:23:11,406 Borneo. 431 00:23:11,406 --> 00:23:14,341 Don't they have a lot of pigs there? 432 00:23:14,808 --> 00:23:16,260 Well. 433 00:23:16,260 --> 00:23:17,761 I'm having a much better time than I thought. 434 00:23:17,761 --> 00:23:19,763 Well... 435 00:23:19,763 --> 00:23:21,214 time to cut the cake. 436 00:23:21,214 --> 00:23:23,216 And you... 437 00:23:23,216 --> 00:23:25,184 you promised to toast the happy couple. 438 00:23:25,184 --> 00:23:27,670 Right. I did. 439 00:23:27,670 --> 00:23:29,171 But before you do, 440 00:23:29,171 --> 00:23:30,672 I just want to thank you. 441 00:23:31,173 --> 00:23:33,175 For toasting my own sister at her wedding? 442 00:23:33,175 --> 00:23:35,677 No, I mean, uh, 443 00:23:35,677 --> 00:23:38,679 for not... embarrassing me. 444 00:23:38,679 --> 00:23:41,182 You know, not that I have anything against Melanie, 445 00:23:41,182 --> 00:23:43,683 and you know I adore Gus, but... 446 00:23:43,683 --> 00:23:46,186 considering it is my wedding... 447 00:23:46,186 --> 00:23:48,688 Third wedding. 448 00:23:48,688 --> 00:23:51,191 After all, it's just... didn't see any reason 449 00:23:51,191 --> 00:23:53,192 for people to be subjected to... 450 00:23:53,692 --> 00:23:56,203 An undignified display of my private life. 451 00:24:06,654 --> 00:24:08,104 Excuse me. 452 00:24:08,104 --> 00:24:11,608 Everyone, I'm Lindsay, Lynnette's sister, 453 00:24:12,075 --> 00:24:14,578 and I'd like to congratulate her and her husband 454 00:24:15,077 --> 00:24:17,530 on this special occasion. 455 00:24:24,953 --> 00:24:28,957 To stand in front of your family and friends... 456 00:24:28,957 --> 00:24:31,458 and to declare your love and commitment 457 00:24:31,458 --> 00:24:32,960 in the eyes of God and... the law 458 00:24:32,960 --> 00:24:35,462 Is a privilege... 459 00:24:35,462 --> 00:24:37,897 not to be taken lightly. 460 00:24:37,897 --> 00:24:40,867 I know, because I've shared a commitment with my partner 461 00:24:40,867 --> 00:24:43,319 for six wonderful years, 462 00:24:43,319 --> 00:24:47,239 even though we're not married. 463 00:24:47,239 --> 00:24:51,193 And that's because we're not allowed to be. 464 00:24:51,193 --> 00:24:52,694 But that shouldn't stop two people 465 00:24:52,694 --> 00:24:54,178 from doing what they truly want, 466 00:24:54,178 --> 00:24:56,564 should it? 467 00:24:56,564 --> 00:24:58,999 So I'd like to ask my beloved, 468 00:24:58,999 --> 00:25:03,786 Melanie... 469 00:25:03,786 --> 00:25:08,224 will you marry me? 470 00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:20,501 The doctor said if Chris Hobbs had hit me 471 00:25:21,002 --> 00:25:23,004 a fraction of an inch this way, 472 00:25:23,504 --> 00:25:24,504 or that way, 473 00:25:24,504 --> 00:25:25,972 or at a different angle, 474 00:25:26,473 --> 00:25:27,474 or even a little bit harder, 475 00:25:27,474 --> 00:25:29,476 I'd be a complete vegetable, 476 00:25:29,476 --> 00:25:30,977 Or dead. 477 00:25:30,977 --> 00:25:34,430 As it is, he only damaged the cerebral motor strip. 478 00:25:34,930 --> 00:25:36,916 Is that where they drag race through your brain? 479 00:25:36,916 --> 00:25:40,418 No. It's the part of the cerebral cortex that controls motor skills. 480 00:25:40,418 --> 00:25:42,921 I know what it is. I attended the eighth grade. 481 00:25:42,921 --> 00:25:45,373 They had to drill through my skull to release all the blood. 482 00:25:45,373 --> 00:25:47,808 Cool. 483 00:25:47,808 --> 00:25:50,310 They say I may never draw again. 484 00:25:50,310 --> 00:25:52,312 Yeah, well, they're always telling people 485 00:25:52,312 --> 00:25:54,248 they'll never walk again or... 486 00:25:54,248 --> 00:25:55,748 draw again or... 487 00:25:56,249 --> 00:25:57,750 piss again, so that when you finally do, 488 00:25:58,251 --> 00:25:59,252 you'll think they're geniuses 489 00:25:59,252 --> 00:26:04,723 And they can charge you whatever the fuck they want. 490 00:26:07,225 --> 00:26:12,596 Why didn't you come and see me? 491 00:26:12,596 --> 00:26:15,950 What for? 492 00:26:15,950 --> 00:26:17,952 Considering that I was in a coma for two weeks, 493 00:26:18,452 --> 00:26:19,953 and rehab for a month, 494 00:26:19,953 --> 00:26:24,958 trying to relearn how to throw a fucking whiffle ball. 495 00:26:24,958 --> 00:26:27,459 You know, if you want to regain the agility and the strength in your hand, 496 00:26:27,960 --> 00:26:30,445 I suggest jerking off several times a day. 497 00:26:30,445 --> 00:26:32,447 It works like magic. 498 00:26:32,447 --> 00:26:34,448 You should have at least called to see if I was still alive. 499 00:26:34,448 --> 00:26:38,886 I'm sure I would have heard if you weren't. 500 00:26:38,886 --> 00:26:41,389 Besides, I'm not your occupational therapist. 501 00:26:41,389 --> 00:26:43,890 I'm not your trauma specialist. I'm not even your goddamned mother 502 00:26:43,890 --> 00:26:48,900 sitting there holding your hand. I mean, there's nothing I could have done for you. 503 00:26:54,800 --> 00:27:00,271 I still don't remember anything. 504 00:27:00,271 --> 00:27:02,223 Last thing I do remember is you telling me 505 00:27:02,223 --> 00:27:06,710 that you wouldn't come to my prom. 506 00:27:06,710 --> 00:27:09,646 But they said that you showed up after all. 507 00:27:09,646 --> 00:27:11,648 And that we danced together. 508 00:27:11,648 --> 00:27:15,101 And that it was amazing. 509 00:27:15,101 --> 00:27:20,056 Daphne said that we were amazing. 510 00:27:20,056 --> 00:27:23,975 We were all right. 511 00:27:23,975 --> 00:27:28,479 Shit. 512 00:27:28,479 --> 00:27:31,932 I wish I could remember that. 513 00:27:32,433 --> 00:27:33,434 And then... 514 00:27:33,434 --> 00:27:35,436 I walked with you... 515 00:27:35,436 --> 00:27:37,887 back out to your jeep. 516 00:27:37,887 --> 00:27:40,840 And that's when Chris Hobbs came out with the baseball bat... 517 00:27:40,840 --> 00:27:42,275 I thought you said you couldn't remember anything. 518 00:27:42,275 --> 00:27:44,209 I can't. 519 00:27:44,209 --> 00:27:45,694 This is just stuff that... 520 00:27:45,694 --> 00:27:47,195 other people have told me. 521 00:27:47,195 --> 00:27:49,131 It's like... 522 00:27:49,131 --> 00:27:53,134 a story that happened to somebody else. 523 00:27:53,134 --> 00:27:56,643 Yeah, well, I can remember. I can remember everything. 524 00:28:03,643 --> 00:28:07,613 I saw him. 525 00:28:07,613 --> 00:28:11,354 He was coming after you with the bat. 526 00:28:16,354 --> 00:28:18,356 But he was moving too fast, and you were too far away. 527 00:28:18,356 --> 00:28:20,728 Justin! 528 00:28:24,728 --> 00:28:27,698 I ran. 529 00:28:27,698 --> 00:28:33,202 But there was no time to stop it. 530 00:28:33,202 --> 00:28:38,106 And then he swung. 531 00:28:38,106 --> 00:28:42,060 And it was too late. 532 00:28:42,494 --> 00:28:45,852 There was nothing I could do. 533 00:28:51,852 --> 00:28:55,354 And then you just lay there on the cold cement. 534 00:28:55,354 --> 00:28:56,355 No, no, no, no, no, no, 535 00:28:56,355 --> 00:28:58,808 No. 536 00:28:58,808 --> 00:29:02,310 God! 537 00:29:02,811 --> 00:29:19,659 It wasn't your fault. 538 00:29:19,659 --> 00:29:22,498 It wasn't your fault. 539 00:29:44,498 --> 00:29:47,000 Oh, God, that old biddy 540 00:29:47,000 --> 00:29:49,001 who wrestled me for this thing, 541 00:29:49,001 --> 00:29:51,470 she had one hell of a grip. 542 00:29:51,470 --> 00:29:55,974 Try this. 543 00:29:59,410 --> 00:30:01,412 Let me give a piece of this to my roommate, 544 00:30:01,412 --> 00:30:03,413 even though he's... happily married, you know. 545 00:30:03,413 --> 00:30:05,415 You know, they say if you put a piece of wedding cake 546 00:30:05,916 --> 00:30:07,918 under your pillow, you'll get, uh, 547 00:30:07,918 --> 00:30:09,920 you'll get icing all over your pillowcase. 548 00:30:11,337 --> 00:30:12,839 All right, now why don't you, uh, 549 00:30:13,339 --> 00:30:15,341 usher yourself right into my bedroom, 550 00:30:15,341 --> 00:30:17,343 - through there. - Okay. 551 00:30:17,343 --> 00:30:20,801 I'll be with you in one minute. 552 00:30:35,708 --> 00:30:38,211 Thanks. 553 00:30:38,211 --> 00:30:40,713 For what? 554 00:30:41,214 --> 00:30:44,716 The ride. Saving me. 555 00:30:44,716 --> 00:30:47,719 I didn't save you. 556 00:30:47,719 --> 00:30:52,156 I meant tonight. 557 00:30:52,156 --> 00:30:56,060 So... will I see you again? 558 00:30:56,060 --> 00:30:57,561 Yeah, you'll see me. 559 00:30:57,561 --> 00:30:59,563 Well, don't wait too long. 560 00:30:59,563 --> 00:31:03,525 At this rate, who knows how long I'll be around? 561 00:31:13,525 --> 00:31:16,027 Justin! Where have you been? 562 00:31:16,027 --> 00:31:18,513 Do you have any idea how worried I was? 563 00:31:18,513 --> 00:31:20,514 How could you just leave like that? 564 00:31:20,514 --> 00:31:22,516 I left you a note. 565 00:31:22,516 --> 00:31:25,945 Come inside. 566 00:31:36,945 --> 00:31:38,446 Okay, come on, come on be quiet. 567 00:31:38,446 --> 00:31:39,948 How about one more for the road? 568 00:31:39,948 --> 00:31:40,949 Six is my lucky number. 569 00:31:40,949 --> 00:31:43,951 Oh, super. Okay. 570 00:31:43,951 --> 00:31:45,920 I left you my number by the bed. 571 00:31:45,920 --> 00:31:47,421 You sure you've got everything? 572 00:31:47,421 --> 00:31:48,923 Okay, scram. 573 00:31:48,923 --> 00:31:50,424 - Ow. Ow! Shhh. - Call me. 574 00:31:59,831 --> 00:32:00,832 So, um... 575 00:32:00,832 --> 00:32:03,055 how was your piece of cake? 576 00:32:08,055 --> 00:32:09,790 Mom. Mom, please. 577 00:32:09,790 --> 00:32:11,792 - Mom, would you please stop crying? - Did she put you up to it? 578 00:32:11,792 --> 00:32:13,294 No, she did not put me up to it. 579 00:32:13,294 --> 00:32:15,295 That's right, blame the Jew. 580 00:32:15,295 --> 00:32:17,297 Damnit, mother, if Lynnette can get married, 581 00:32:17,297 --> 00:32:19,299 three times, then why the hell can't I? 582 00:32:19,299 --> 00:32:21,284 Well, frankly, I don't give a shit what people think. 583 00:32:21,284 --> 00:32:23,786 - Two women do not get married. - Love to daddy. 584 00:32:23,786 --> 00:32:25,287 How can we show our faces? What are... 585 00:32:25,287 --> 00:32:26,789 Can't wait to see the video. 586 00:32:26,789 --> 00:32:28,290 Do you know how many weddings we're invited to this season? 587 00:32:28,290 --> 00:32:29,792 And anniversary parties? 588 00:32:30,291 --> 00:32:31,292 Bitch! 589 00:32:31,292 --> 00:32:32,794 I can't believe they're this upset. 590 00:32:32,794 --> 00:32:33,795 Fear not. 591 00:32:33,795 --> 00:32:35,797 In time they'll sweep it under their waspy rug, 592 00:32:36,297 --> 00:32:38,799 - and forget all about it. - I don't want to forget about it. 593 00:32:38,799 --> 00:32:40,801 I want full and equal recognition, 594 00:32:40,801 --> 00:32:42,803 if not under the law, then at least in my own parents' house. 595 00:32:42,803 --> 00:32:46,305 I'd count on getting hitched in Mississippi first. 596 00:32:49,308 --> 00:32:51,811 Can't we stay in bed a little longer? 597 00:32:58,316 --> 00:33:01,318 You still haven't answered my question. 598 00:33:01,318 --> 00:33:02,770 Will you marry me? 599 00:33:02,770 --> 00:33:05,205 You weren't serious? 600 00:33:05,205 --> 00:33:07,708 I was dead serious. 601 00:33:07,708 --> 00:33:09,709 Why do they get to receive everyone's blessings and presents 602 00:33:09,709 --> 00:33:12,161 - and we don't? - I knew it had to do with presents. 603 00:33:14,163 --> 00:33:16,665 Look, we can't get married. 604 00:33:16,665 --> 00:33:19,668 I mean, for one thing it's not legal, only symbolic, 605 00:33:19,668 --> 00:33:22,170 and for another, you know how I feel about weddings. 606 00:33:22,170 --> 00:33:23,672 They're antiquated... 607 00:33:23,672 --> 00:33:26,140 meaningless rituals for heterosexuals. 608 00:33:26,641 --> 00:33:31,128 - I've heard. - Linz, we have a marriage... 609 00:33:31,128 --> 00:33:33,613 and a family... 610 00:33:33,613 --> 00:33:35,582 six years strong, 611 00:33:36,082 --> 00:33:39,552 give or take a few bumps in the road. 612 00:33:39,552 --> 00:33:41,053 And as nice as it would be 613 00:33:41,553 --> 00:33:44,056 to have a party and payback, finally, 614 00:33:44,056 --> 00:33:47,509 for all the wedding gifts we've shelled out for throughout the years, 615 00:33:47,509 --> 00:33:50,501 we don't need any of that to prove to ourselves we love each other. 616 00:33:50,511 --> 00:33:52,447 Now come on. 617 00:33:52,447 --> 00:33:55,925 Let's go and grab our kid and get some brunch. 618 00:34:05,925 --> 00:34:08,427 I mean, if I'd known how many men you could meet at straight functions, 619 00:34:08,427 --> 00:34:10,429 I'd have started going years ago. 620 00:34:10,429 --> 00:34:12,931 Leave it to you to sniff out the one truffle in the garden. 621 00:34:13,431 --> 00:34:14,916 Mmm, I wouldn't be so sure. 622 00:34:14,916 --> 00:34:16,868 I have my suspicions about the groom. 623 00:34:16,868 --> 00:34:18,869 Oh, you mean Lindsay's sister 624 00:34:18,869 --> 00:34:20,371 might actually break her own record. 625 00:34:24,308 --> 00:34:25,809 How about you, Michael? 626 00:34:25,809 --> 00:34:27,243 How was your night on the town? 627 00:34:28,745 --> 00:34:32,181 He brought home a nice centrepiece of his own. 628 00:34:32,181 --> 00:34:37,903 Jeez, Em. 629 00:34:38,403 --> 00:34:39,905 Well. 630 00:34:40,405 --> 00:34:41,906 You certainly didn't waste any time, did you? 631 00:34:42,406 --> 00:34:44,842 In town less than 24 hours and... 632 00:34:44,842 --> 00:34:46,844 Why shouldn't he get a little action? 633 00:34:46,844 --> 00:34:48,779 He's outside the required 400-mile limit 634 00:34:48,779 --> 00:34:51,681 for extra-marital quickies and anonymous assignations. 635 00:34:51,781 --> 00:34:54,234 Mind you, if you want to do anything further, 636 00:34:54,234 --> 00:34:58,170 you'll need overseas travel and a minimum 14-day stay. 637 00:34:58,670 --> 00:35:00,672 I just thought, with everything you wrote, that, you know, 638 00:35:00,672 --> 00:35:02,674 you and David were so in love, so committed... 639 00:35:02,674 --> 00:35:05,626 Every relationship has its own set of rules. 640 00:35:05,626 --> 00:35:09,614 Their arrangement is none of our business. 641 00:35:10,114 --> 00:35:13,066 Right, sweetie? 642 00:35:13,066 --> 00:35:17,070 Now who wants a potsticker? 643 00:35:17,070 --> 00:35:21,057 We broke up. 644 00:35:21,057 --> 00:35:23,526 What? 645 00:35:23,526 --> 00:35:25,027 It's over. 646 00:35:25,528 --> 00:35:39,306 David and I are over. 647 00:35:39,306 --> 00:35:41,208 Mmm, God. You know, 648 00:35:41,308 --> 00:35:42,810 these are the best pan-fried dumplings I've ever had. 649 00:35:42,810 --> 00:35:44,277 Did you hear what he just said? 650 00:35:44,277 --> 00:35:47,163 He broke up. 651 00:35:47,163 --> 00:35:50,566 You broke up. 652 00:35:50,566 --> 00:35:52,067 So why the fuck didn't you tell us? 653 00:35:52,067 --> 00:35:53,502 - I was going to. - When? 654 00:35:53,502 --> 00:35:54,970 After you'd convinced us 655 00:35:54,970 --> 00:35:56,905 that you'd found Paradise Lost? 656 00:35:56,905 --> 00:35:58,407 When the time was right. 657 00:35:59,373 --> 00:36:00,307 You know, 658 00:36:00,808 --> 00:36:01,792 but there's never a right time 659 00:36:02,293 --> 00:36:04,762 to admit that you've failed. 660 00:36:04,762 --> 00:36:05,763 You had this great opportunity 661 00:36:06,263 --> 00:36:07,263 to start your life over 662 00:36:07,263 --> 00:36:09,265 with someone that you loved or... 663 00:36:09,766 --> 00:36:11,768 thought you loved, and... 664 00:36:11,768 --> 00:36:17,272 you blew it. 665 00:36:17,272 --> 00:36:20,275 I blew it. 666 00:36:20,275 --> 00:36:21,777 I complained that David was working too much, 667 00:36:22,277 --> 00:36:23,778 and that I couldn't find a job, 668 00:36:24,278 --> 00:36:25,780 and that I didn't have any friends, 669 00:36:25,780 --> 00:36:28,783 and when I accused him of being thoughtless and not caring, 670 00:36:28,783 --> 00:36:31,284 and said that if I'd known it was going to be like this, 671 00:36:31,785 --> 00:36:33,787 I never would have come, he said... 672 00:36:33,787 --> 00:36:37,674 "Well, go home, Michael. 673 00:36:37,674 --> 00:36:45,664 Go home." 674 00:36:46,147 --> 00:36:51,619 Well... 675 00:36:52,120 --> 00:36:57,040 I wouldn't say that you failed. 676 00:36:57,040 --> 00:36:58,976 And... you know, it's not true 677 00:36:58,976 --> 00:37:01,477 that you don't have any friends, 678 00:37:01,477 --> 00:37:02,979 'cause you still got us. 679 00:37:04,981 --> 00:37:06,983 And as for coming home, 680 00:37:06,983 --> 00:37:11,486 you know, there's no shame in that. 681 00:37:11,486 --> 00:37:18,492 It's what it's here for. 682 00:37:18,492 --> 00:37:20,444 The fact that Christopher Hobbs pled guilty 683 00:37:20,845 --> 00:37:23,013 to assault charges for his vicious attack on Justin Taylor 684 00:37:23,514 --> 00:37:26,449 in no way mitigates the seriousness of the crime, 685 00:37:26,449 --> 00:37:29,953 or the tragic effects on these young men's lives. 686 00:37:29,953 --> 00:37:32,955 Both were honour students at St. James Academy. 687 00:37:32,955 --> 00:37:35,457 Both had planned to attend college. 688 00:37:35,457 --> 00:37:38,961 Now one young man is recovering from serious brain injuries, 689 00:37:38,961 --> 00:37:41,963 and the other is facing a prison sentence. 690 00:37:41,963 --> 00:37:44,465 I ask myself how could this have happened? 691 00:37:44,465 --> 00:37:46,467 I'll tell you how. 692 00:37:46,467 --> 00:37:48,418 Chris Hobbs is a homophobic animal 693 00:37:48,418 --> 00:37:51,388 who should be put away. 694 00:37:51,388 --> 00:37:54,891 I can only imagine how profoundly disturbing it must have been 695 00:37:54,891 --> 00:37:58,377 For a young man of Chris Hobbs' fine, moral upbringing, 696 00:37:58,377 --> 00:38:00,863 to be approached sexually by a fellow student, 697 00:38:00,863 --> 00:38:03,364 then to see him flaunt his lifestyle 698 00:38:03,364 --> 00:38:06,367 by bringing his male lover to the prom, and engage in 699 00:38:06,367 --> 00:38:10,838 what has been described as a highly provocative dance. 700 00:38:10,838 --> 00:38:12,839 Given the fact that he was drinking, 701 00:38:13,340 --> 00:38:14,841 which he should not have been, 702 00:38:14,841 --> 00:38:17,344 I could understand how Chris Hobbs might lose control 703 00:38:17,344 --> 00:38:19,845 of his better judgment. Still... 704 00:38:20,346 --> 00:38:23,349 it does not excuse his actions. 705 00:38:23,349 --> 00:38:25,818 And so I have struggled 706 00:38:25,818 --> 00:38:27,819 to find the appropriate sentence 707 00:38:27,819 --> 00:38:30,822 to impose for this unfortunate crime. 708 00:38:30,822 --> 00:38:33,325 Court will recess for 10 minutes. 709 00:38:33,825 --> 00:38:34,825 Where the fuck's he going? 710 00:38:35,326 --> 00:38:36,777 It's a hell of a time to leave. 711 00:38:37,278 --> 00:38:38,270 Great suspense. 712 00:38:38,279 --> 00:38:41,265 It's how he got his name, Regular Roy. 713 00:38:41,265 --> 00:38:43,216 Every day at 12:15 on the dot, 714 00:38:43,216 --> 00:38:45,151 he goes to the bathroom across the hall, 715 00:38:45,151 --> 00:38:46,653 sits in the stall under the window, 716 00:38:46,653 --> 00:38:48,655 takes a dump and has a smoke. 717 00:38:53,091 --> 00:38:55,093 - No way! - You've gotta be kidding. 718 00:38:55,594 --> 00:39:00,322 Wouldn't matter who he was sentencing. 719 00:39:09,322 --> 00:39:11,274 Christopher Mark Hobbs, 720 00:39:11,274 --> 00:39:14,276 This court accepts your plea of guilty for simple assault. 721 00:39:14,276 --> 00:39:17,263 Because of your age, the fact that you have no previous offences, 722 00:39:17,263 --> 00:39:19,248 and because you were unduly provoked, 723 00:39:19,248 --> 00:39:22,183 you are hereby given a two-year suspended sentence 724 00:39:22,183 --> 00:39:25,069 and ordered to serve 500 hours of community service. 725 00:39:26,988 --> 00:39:29,990 - No. - No. 726 00:39:29,990 --> 00:39:32,492 Can he do that? 727 00:39:32,492 --> 00:39:34,494 No, that's not right. 728 00:39:34,995 --> 00:39:36,495 Wait a minute. 729 00:39:36,495 --> 00:39:37,997 Just a slap on the wrist, judge. 730 00:39:37,997 --> 00:39:40,983 Let's get out of here. 731 00:39:40,983 --> 00:39:42,985 Look at him. 732 00:39:42,985 --> 00:39:45,920 He's practically a fucking murderer. 733 00:39:46,421 --> 00:39:47,922 How'd he get off scot-free? 734 00:39:47,922 --> 00:39:49,424 Made a deal. 735 00:39:49,424 --> 00:39:51,426 His lawyer agreed to plead guilty. 736 00:39:51,426 --> 00:39:52,926 The prosecutor reduced the charges 737 00:39:52,926 --> 00:39:54,928 from aggravated to simple assault, 738 00:39:54,928 --> 00:39:57,414 and Roy sent him off with probation and service. 739 00:39:57,414 --> 00:39:59,349 Yeah, well I'd like to give him something to service. 740 00:39:59,349 --> 00:40:01,851 He'd have gotten more for... bashing a dog. 741 00:40:01,851 --> 00:40:03,803 It's okay, ma. Let's go home. 742 00:40:03,803 --> 00:40:05,805 - Get some rest. - Damn right I'm going home. 743 00:40:06,306 --> 00:40:10,225 But not to rest. I'm going to call every P-Flag chapter in this country. 744 00:40:10,759 --> 00:40:12,594 I'm not putting up with this. 745 00:40:12,694 --> 00:40:14,196 Not for one fucking second. 746 00:40:14,196 --> 00:40:16,197 We're going to march. 747 00:40:16,197 --> 00:40:17,698 We're going to carry huge signs 748 00:40:17,698 --> 00:40:20,201 that let this asshole judge know what we think of him. 749 00:40:20,701 --> 00:40:22,052 - That's enough. - And we're going to march 750 00:40:22,153 --> 00:40:23,153 on Washington if we have to. 751 00:40:23,653 --> 00:40:24,621 Sis. Do you hear that! 752 00:40:24,621 --> 00:40:26,106 Just... now settle down. 753 00:40:26,106 --> 00:40:27,607 We're going to Washington. 754 00:40:28,108 --> 00:40:29,609 Settle down. Come on, sis. That's enough. 755 00:40:29,609 --> 00:40:32,561 It's okay, ma. It's okay. 756 00:40:32,561 --> 00:40:38,066 It's okay. He's not going to get away with this. 757 00:40:38,066 --> 00:40:41,569 We'll march. We'll protest. 758 00:40:41,569 --> 00:40:44,505 Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. 759 00:40:44,505 --> 00:40:46,006 All protests are bullshit. 760 00:40:46,506 --> 00:40:48,508 I mean, a bunch of well-meaning do-gooders 761 00:40:48,508 --> 00:40:50,010 marching around carrying signs, 762 00:40:50,510 --> 00:40:52,963 chanting? 763 00:40:52,963 --> 00:40:55,464 "Hey, hey, ho, ho, homophobia's got to go." 764 00:40:55,464 --> 00:40:56,465 Give me a goddamn fucking break. 765 00:40:56,966 --> 00:40:57,966 So, I guess this means 766 00:40:57,967 --> 00:41:00,353 you're... not going with us? 767 00:41:00,353 --> 00:41:02,354 Hell no, I won't go. 768 00:41:02,354 --> 00:41:03,855 So you're just going to sit there on your ass 769 00:41:04,356 --> 00:41:05,857 - and do nothing. - Yeah. I guess so. 770 00:41:05,857 --> 00:41:07,826 Jesus, what the fuck did I do all these weeks 771 00:41:08,326 --> 00:41:09,326 without you here to harangue me? 772 00:41:09,326 --> 00:41:12,769 When the fuck are you going back anyway? 773 00:41:19,769 --> 00:41:22,221 I'm not. 774 00:41:22,221 --> 00:41:24,223 I know. 775 00:41:24,723 --> 00:41:26,224 Why? Did Ted and Emmett tell you? 776 00:41:26,725 --> 00:41:31,163 No, I managed to figure it out all by my little self. 777 00:41:31,163 --> 00:41:34,165 I mean... 778 00:41:34,165 --> 00:41:36,634 I knew it wouldn't work out. 779 00:41:37,134 --> 00:41:38,636 Well, congratulations. 780 00:41:38,636 --> 00:41:40,637 Right as usual. 781 00:41:40,637 --> 00:41:42,138 This isn't about me, asshole. It's about you. 782 00:41:42,138 --> 00:41:44,607 I mean, did you really think you'd be happy in Wisconsin, 783 00:41:44,607 --> 00:41:46,059 playing the doctor's wife? 784 00:41:46,059 --> 00:41:47,976 Oregon. Portland's in Oregon. 785 00:41:47,976 --> 00:41:51,964 Wherever the fuck. 786 00:41:52,464 --> 00:41:53,465 Well maybe that's the problem. I... 787 00:41:53,966 --> 00:42:00,480 I don't know where the fuck I belong. 788 00:42:11,981 --> 00:42:13,482 There. That's where. 789 00:42:13,482 --> 00:42:14,917 Now... 790 00:42:14,917 --> 00:42:18,421 will you go on and help your mom? 791 00:42:18,421 --> 00:42:24,375 And... make the world safe for fags. 792 00:42:24,375 --> 00:42:26,877 What is this? Is this our old chemistry book? 793 00:42:26,877 --> 00:42:30,380 - Yeah, it is, from high school. - Yeah, that's, um... 794 00:42:30,881 --> 00:42:32,883 I'm doing some research. I have a new client 795 00:42:32,883 --> 00:42:34,884 at a drug company. 796 00:42:34,884 --> 00:42:36,886 Oh. Well, you must be thrilled. 797 00:42:36,886 --> 00:42:39,805 You'll be able to get "E" wholesale. 798 00:43:36,304 --> 00:43:39,808 After spending 14 hours glued to a toilet seat, 799 00:43:39,808 --> 00:43:42,811 the judge was unharmed but badly shaken. 800 00:43:42,811 --> 00:43:45,813 So far there are no clues or suspects. 801 00:43:45,813 --> 00:43:48,248 The seat of justice has been severely compromised. 802 00:43:48,248 --> 00:43:50,184 No skin off my ass. 803 00:43:50,184 --> 00:43:52,151 Bet he wishes he could say the same thing. 804 00:43:53,619 --> 00:43:55,521 Well, who do you think did it? 805 00:43:55,521 --> 00:43:57,523 Someone who didn't like waiting for his sentence. 806 00:43:57,523 --> 00:43:59,025 One thing you can say for sure, 807 00:43:59,025 --> 00:44:00,976 that must have scared the shit out of him. 808 00:44:03,912 --> 00:44:07,398 Know what this reminds me of? 809 00:44:07,398 --> 00:44:08,899 That time in Chemistry class 810 00:44:08,899 --> 00:44:11,402 when you said you were going to invent synthetic cum, 811 00:44:11,902 --> 00:44:13,404 and you made that goo. 812 00:44:13,404 --> 00:44:15,405 You put it all over the toilet seat in the teachers' lounge, 813 00:44:15,405 --> 00:44:22,761 and Mrs. Renfrew got glued to it. 814 00:44:22,761 --> 00:44:24,701 I better take off. 815 00:44:30,701 --> 00:44:31,702 I knew they'd let him go. 816 00:44:33,704 --> 00:44:36,207 They don't care about us. They want us all dead. 817 00:44:36,707 --> 00:44:38,708 Look. Don't think about it, okay? 818 00:44:38,708 --> 00:44:40,210 Just focus on what you're doing. 819 00:44:40,210 --> 00:44:43,213 Shit. 820 00:44:43,213 --> 00:44:45,715 Fuck! 821 00:44:45,715 --> 00:44:48,651 Come on, you can do it. 822 00:44:48,651 --> 00:44:49,652 Nah, I can't. 823 00:44:50,152 --> 00:44:55,607 Yes, you can. Come on. 824 00:44:55,607 --> 00:44:57,108 Hey, that one was good, Justin. 825 00:44:57,108 --> 00:45:04,498 Oh, Daph, you're so full of shit. 826 00:45:04,498 --> 00:45:05,499 Hi, honey. 827 00:45:05,999 --> 00:45:07,451 - Hello, Daphne. - Hey. 828 00:45:07,451 --> 00:45:08,452 Hello, Mrs. Taylor. 829 00:45:08,452 --> 00:45:11,337 Hello, Brian. 830 00:45:11,337 --> 00:45:12,338 We were just tossing the ball. 831 00:45:12,338 --> 00:45:14,724 I think you should rest now. 832 00:45:14,724 --> 00:45:16,642 I'm not tired. 833 00:45:16,642 --> 00:45:23,548 I'd like to speak to Brian. 834 00:45:24,015 --> 00:45:26,513 Come on, Daph. 835 00:45:41,513 --> 00:45:43,515 The day the doctor sent him home from the hospital, 836 00:45:43,515 --> 00:45:46,518 He said he'd never seen such a determined patient, 837 00:45:46,518 --> 00:45:51,022 qnd he asked me what it was that made him work so hard. 838 00:45:51,022 --> 00:45:53,975 I knew, but I didn't tell him. 839 00:45:53,975 --> 00:45:56,476 It was you. 840 00:45:56,476 --> 00:45:58,478 Every day that you didn't come to see him 841 00:45:58,478 --> 00:46:01,448 was more incentive for him to get better 842 00:46:01,448 --> 00:46:06,402 and get out so that he could come to see you. 843 00:46:06,402 --> 00:46:07,903 Of course what Justin didn't know, 844 00:46:07,903 --> 00:46:09,905 and I didn't tell him was 845 00:46:10,406 --> 00:46:14,359 that you were there, every night. 846 00:46:14,359 --> 00:46:18,279 The nurse on duty told me. 847 00:46:18,279 --> 00:46:20,781 I want to thank you for that, 848 00:46:20,781 --> 00:46:23,784 but he's home now, safe and sound, 849 00:46:23,784 --> 00:46:25,285 and there isn't any reason any more 850 00:46:25,285 --> 00:46:30,723 for you to watch over him, so... 851 00:46:30,723 --> 00:46:32,725 So I would like you to leave 852 00:46:32,725 --> 00:46:38,647 and never see him again. 853 00:46:38,647 --> 00:46:40,148 I care about him. 854 00:46:40,148 --> 00:46:46,503 It was because of you he was almost killed. 855 00:46:46,503 --> 00:46:49,506 Forgive me for being so blunt. 856 00:46:49,506 --> 00:46:53,443 I've tried to accept him for who he is, 857 00:46:53,443 --> 00:46:56,345 to accept your world and that he's part of it. 858 00:46:56,446 --> 00:46:59,381 I've even tried to accept you. 859 00:46:59,381 --> 00:47:02,317 And as a result, I nearly lost him. 860 00:47:02,317 --> 00:47:03,802 And I don't intend to lose him again. 861 00:47:03,802 --> 00:47:08,806 So if you care about him... 862 00:47:08,806 --> 00:47:10,307 and I believe you... 863 00:47:10,307 --> 00:47:14,227 I believe you do... 864 00:47:14,227 --> 00:47:16,030 you'll do what I ask, 865 00:47:16,130 --> 00:47:19,730 and return my son to me.