1
00:00:35,950 --> 00:00:37,490
I want you so bad.

2
00:00:42,830 --> 00:00:43,990
Yeah.

3
00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:52,370
Pretty awesome, huh?

4
00:02:45,740 --> 00:02:46,740
It's a no -brainer.

5
00:02:47,260 --> 00:02:50,240
We bring booze to the party, and we're
getting laid by the hottest chicks in

6
00:02:50,240 --> 00:02:51,480
school. They're DTS.

7
00:02:51,860 --> 00:02:52,860
Down to fuck.

8
00:02:54,600 --> 00:02:57,080
Andy, nice touch with that sour cream,
man.

9
00:02:57,300 --> 00:02:58,360
I didn't do the sour cream.

10
00:03:03,340 --> 00:03:06,640
Trust me. By the end of the night,
you'll have your D -I -H -E, dick in

11
00:03:06,640 --> 00:03:10,360
ear, T -I -H -A, toner ass, and my B -O
-Y -C.

12
00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:12,120
Balls on your chin.

13
00:03:13,120 --> 00:03:14,920
That just sounds horrible, Jonah.

14
00:03:15,390 --> 00:03:18,670
What? Are you saying you would just
rather have my balls in your chin?

15
00:03:19,010 --> 00:03:20,410
What are you doing, man? Nothing.

16
00:03:20,610 --> 00:03:23,690
Hair in your eye. Look, it doesn't
matter. What's important here is that we

17
00:03:23,690 --> 00:03:26,730
someone who can get us alcohol so we can
get some pee in the motherfucking Fiji

18
00:03:26,730 --> 00:03:28,610
before our 18th birthday. That's it.

19
00:03:31,830 --> 00:03:32,950
Ticka ticka, yeah.

20
00:03:33,990 --> 00:03:35,790
Look what I picked up last night.

21
00:03:44,720 --> 00:03:47,260
One freaking name for real, dude? What
the hell is that?

22
00:03:47,520 --> 00:03:48,418
It's a great ID.

23
00:03:48,420 --> 00:03:49,760
That's fucking awesome, man.

24
00:03:50,120 --> 00:03:51,120
Could you get me one?

25
00:03:51,380 --> 00:03:52,380
Yeah, I can hook you up.

26
00:03:52,460 --> 00:03:57,140
Because I am McAnum Lovin'. Your shivvy
class of 2010.

27
00:03:58,460 --> 00:04:01,140
Chicka, chicka, yeah, fake ID, fake ID.

28
00:04:01,420 --> 00:04:02,640
Keep it down, bitches.

29
00:04:03,380 --> 00:04:05,580
Look, normally I wouldn't give a shit.

30
00:04:05,880 --> 00:04:10,120
But my cousin said that there's some
serious side effects with this herb.

31
00:04:10,360 --> 00:04:11,560
I mean serious.

32
00:04:12,440 --> 00:04:13,520
What's wrong with you?

33
00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:14,840
You're such a pussy.

34
00:04:15,120 --> 00:04:16,779
It'll be the best shit you've ever
smoked.

35
00:04:17,019 --> 00:04:19,600
They're just telling you it's got side
effects so they can keep it all for

36
00:04:19,600 --> 00:04:22,900
themselves. All right, then you smoke
some.

37
00:04:23,500 --> 00:04:24,459
Not interested.

38
00:04:24,460 --> 00:04:25,460
I'm on a diet.

39
00:04:27,480 --> 00:04:28,480
I'll tell you what.

40
00:04:28,700 --> 00:04:32,700
You smoke this shit for one week
straight, and I'll pay your rent for six

41
00:04:32,700 --> 00:04:33,700
months.

42
00:04:34,660 --> 00:04:35,660
Seriously?

43
00:04:36,620 --> 00:04:37,620
Uh, yeah.

44
00:04:37,780 --> 00:04:38,840
You're a refined biatch.

45
00:04:39,080 --> 00:04:40,780
You know, I know you're gay. How?

46
00:04:41,140 --> 00:04:42,860
Uh, you just called me biatch.

47
00:04:43,230 --> 00:04:44,230
You know how I know you're gay?

48
00:04:44,650 --> 00:04:47,210
How? You have a dildo stuck in your ass.
What?

49
00:04:47,550 --> 00:04:48,550
Yeah, check it out.

50
00:04:48,730 --> 00:04:49,730
Oh.

51
00:04:50,930 --> 00:04:51,930
Oh.

52
00:04:53,490 --> 00:04:55,190
Oh, there you are, Fernando.

53
00:04:58,290 --> 00:04:59,430
Hey, this smells like curry.

54
00:05:12,840 --> 00:05:14,220
Check one, check two.

55
00:05:14,520 --> 00:05:18,460
Oh, my God, this microphone smells like
Jimmy's balls.

56
00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:22,800
Hey, man.

57
00:05:23,020 --> 00:05:28,040
I feel bad when I do stand -up comedy.

58
00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:31,760
I'd do anything for somebody to teach me
how.

59
00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:35,900
Oh, you know what? Actually, I'm
actually probably not the person to ask,

60
00:05:35,900 --> 00:05:38,700
best person anyway, because I'm not very
seasoned, but there are several comics

61
00:05:38,700 --> 00:05:41,500
here that you could ask. Oh, no, you
don't.

62
00:05:45,630 --> 00:05:48,430
Excuse me for a minute there, young
lady.

63
00:05:50,690 --> 00:05:53,030
Biscuit, what the hell is the matter
with you? What?

64
00:05:53,450 --> 00:05:57,910
She wants your ass, and you're standing
there with your dick in your hand. Give

65
00:05:57,910 --> 00:05:59,470
me a break. She doesn't want me.

66
00:06:00,270 --> 00:06:01,390
That's just stupid.

67
00:06:02,250 --> 00:06:03,530
Come on, Biscuit.

68
00:06:03,890 --> 00:06:04,890
Trust me.

69
00:06:05,070 --> 00:06:09,570
Take it from a man who's been around. I
may have the binge and button disease,

70
00:06:09,790 --> 00:06:14,090
but I've had experience with women...
Since childbirth, three days ago.

71
00:06:14,750 --> 00:06:15,750
Bam!

72
00:06:16,010 --> 00:06:20,430
Okay, thank you very much for sharing,
but, you know, believe me, she doesn't

73
00:06:20,430 --> 00:06:21,430
want me, okay?

74
00:06:23,470 --> 00:06:26,910
You are a lost cause, my brother.

75
00:06:27,130 --> 00:06:30,570
Well, you know what, black guy? I'm not
like you, okay? I'm not some wizard at

76
00:06:30,570 --> 00:06:33,490
reading women. I don't know how to do
this. At least you're normal.

77
00:06:34,370 --> 00:06:37,550
I'm a 25 -year -old in an 85 -year -old
body.

78
00:06:37,770 --> 00:06:39,910
Do you know what that shit's like, huh?

79
00:06:44,240 --> 00:06:47,100
With the best fart my gay uncle waved.

80
00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:57,600
Oh, dude, last night I was

81
00:06:57,600 --> 00:07:00,300
fucking this chick. And we're in the
middle of fucking.

82
00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:04,260
And we're getting all sweaty.

83
00:07:04,520 --> 00:07:06,720
And then I realized it's not sweat.

84
00:07:07,080 --> 00:07:08,080
It's pee.

85
00:08:20,330 --> 00:08:25,710
How does anyone stay a fucking virgin
all these years?

86
00:08:25,910 --> 00:08:30,670
I mean, there are shaved middle
schoolers having sex on the internet

87
00:08:34,320 --> 00:08:37,460
Not that I know that from experience.

88
00:08:38,620 --> 00:08:44,400
I mean, that's what I heard from people
that I met

89
00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:46,360
on the Internet.

90
00:08:49,820 --> 00:08:51,000
I'm the Green Hornet.

91
00:08:52,300 --> 00:08:53,300
Yeah.

92
00:08:54,380 --> 00:08:58,980
I just don't get it, Biscuit. How in the
hell could you go 40 years and not have

93
00:08:58,980 --> 00:09:01,300
sex? I don't know. I just kind of
stopped trying.

94
00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:03,580
That's okay, man.

95
00:09:04,160 --> 00:09:06,520
That's what feminizing your disco stick
is for.

96
00:09:06,980 --> 00:09:13,340
What? You know, buttering your
peppercorn, skinning your smoke wagon,

97
00:09:13,340 --> 00:09:14,860
the sock with something other than your
foot.

98
00:09:15,180 --> 00:09:19,440
Oh, okay, you mean masturbation. I don't
know what all that shit mean, man. I'm

99
00:09:19,440 --> 00:09:20,440
talking about whacking off.

100
00:09:20,460 --> 00:09:22,300
Yeah, well, I've never done that.

101
00:09:22,500 --> 00:09:23,500
You what?

102
00:09:24,260 --> 00:09:25,520
You've never busted a nut?

103
00:09:26,500 --> 00:09:29,240
So you got 40 years of Prima all built
up in there?

104
00:09:29,980 --> 00:09:31,200
Yeah. Damn!

105
00:09:31,850 --> 00:09:35,150
I know, and the worst part about it is I
just feel so left out. It's like I feel

106
00:09:35,150 --> 00:09:36,430
like everybody's having sex but me.

107
00:09:36,730 --> 00:09:38,050
Ah, no pressure, biscuit.

108
00:09:38,550 --> 00:09:40,210
Not everybody's sexing it up.

109
00:09:40,550 --> 00:09:41,389
Oh, yeah?

110
00:09:41,390 --> 00:09:42,390
What do you call that?

111
00:09:45,050 --> 00:09:48,070
I say sex is not sex without
penetration.

112
00:09:50,270 --> 00:09:51,510
Oh, my God, what is that?

113
00:10:06,990 --> 00:10:08,010
Mother of Mary.

114
00:10:11,490 --> 00:10:13,330
Me likey.

115
00:10:13,770 --> 00:10:16,310
Me likey Allah.

116
00:10:19,570 --> 00:10:21,190
Walk lower.

117
00:10:29,290 --> 00:10:30,290
Damn.

118
00:10:32,130 --> 00:10:34,170
God, she was so pretty.

119
00:10:34,370 --> 00:10:37,560
Oh. See, that's just my luck, black guy.

120
00:10:38,820 --> 00:10:40,320
Oh, look, look, look, man.

121
00:10:42,480 --> 00:10:43,480
She's okay.

122
00:10:45,340 --> 00:10:46,480
That's all you, dog.

123
00:10:51,620 --> 00:10:52,940
Oh, God, no.

124
00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:55,100
Damn it, those gangs.

125
00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:57,000
Maybe not.

126
00:10:59,140 --> 00:11:00,460
Hey, hey, hey, wait, wait, wait.

127
00:11:04,750 --> 00:11:08,410
So resilient. You're so full of verve
and vigor.

128
00:11:12,930 --> 00:11:14,190
Oh, man.

129
00:11:15,490 --> 00:11:17,350
You guys are such assholes.

130
00:11:17,910 --> 00:11:21,430
Damn, Biscuit. You do have some bad sex
karma. We're going to have to change

131
00:11:21,430 --> 00:11:22,430
your whole vibe.

132
00:11:22,530 --> 00:11:24,150
Starting with that fur carpet.

133
00:11:24,810 --> 00:11:26,170
All right, just ask yourself.

134
00:11:26,390 --> 00:11:27,390
What's your why factor?

135
00:11:27,630 --> 00:11:31,950
My why factor? Yeah, you valet attendant
looking motherfucker. Your why factor.

136
00:11:32,010 --> 00:11:33,330
Why are you buying alcohol legally?

137
00:11:33,740 --> 00:11:35,600
Because you get some pussy in exchange
for it.

138
00:11:35,900 --> 00:11:37,440
Is this really what this is all about?

139
00:11:37,820 --> 00:11:38,820
Of course.

140
00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:40,860
What are you doing, man?

141
00:11:41,820 --> 00:11:45,400
Nothing. It's a little mustard in your
face. Look, guys, we get alcohol, we'll

142
00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:46,400
be sacked deep by midnight.

143
00:11:46,520 --> 00:11:49,600
All right? So, McGee and Eleven, get
your fucking ass in there and get us our

144
00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:52,260
factor. Give me that fucking vest, you
faggot.

145
00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:55,780
Yeah, take it off, dickhead. It looks
like you're parking cars at Morton's.

146
00:11:55,780 --> 00:11:59,140
look older, you fucking gay dude. Garth
Brooks, I'm going to fucking kill you.

147
00:11:59,140 --> 00:12:01,160
Give me that fucking vest and get the
fuck in there.

148
00:12:02,410 --> 00:12:03,410
Fucking hate him.

149
00:12:05,110 --> 00:12:06,470
That didn't fucking work.

150
00:12:06,710 --> 00:12:08,530
It wasn't funny. Fucking asshole.

151
00:12:17,850 --> 00:12:21,930
So many things.

152
00:12:28,690 --> 00:12:30,970
Can you hear me now?

153
00:12:51,940 --> 00:12:53,340
Underage.

154
00:13:09,400 --> 00:13:10,640
Go, go home to your mother.

155
00:13:10,900 --> 00:13:11,900
Go.

156
00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:13,900
Next, next, I .D., I .D.

157
00:13:14,660 --> 00:13:15,660
Come on.

158
00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:18,840
Out of state.

159
00:13:19,420 --> 00:13:21,000
No good here. Next.

160
00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:23,280
Come on, come on, come on.

161
00:13:26,820 --> 00:13:32,580
I .D. Oh, that's very flattering, young
man. But I was born in the year 1930.

162
00:13:33,380 --> 00:13:37,540
Yes, I can see that you are old by your
leathery hands and your breath that said

163
00:13:37,540 --> 00:13:38,540
to your whooper.

164
00:13:39,050 --> 00:13:40,050
What's a whooper?

165
00:13:40,270 --> 00:13:42,370
Wrinkled upper puffy area.

166
00:13:42,590 --> 00:13:44,810
No ID, no alcohol.

167
00:13:45,050 --> 00:13:46,050
Next.

168
00:13:47,170 --> 00:13:50,450
These crazy motherfuckers. I'm going on
break.

169
00:13:55,150 --> 00:13:56,150
ID.

170
00:13:59,430 --> 00:14:01,090
Let's go to the vacation.

171
00:14:30,939 --> 00:14:31,939
I say,

172
00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:39,380
uh, 15, maybe 16 at the most. What? No
way, that's crazy.

173
00:14:39,720 --> 00:14:40,720
Don't fuck with me.

174
00:14:48,869 --> 00:14:50,730
What are you wearing, a fur coat, dog?

175
00:14:50,970 --> 00:14:54,430
Oh, no, my father's from the Balkans.

176
00:14:55,390 --> 00:14:57,370
Don't waste your high on that weak shit,
bro.

177
00:14:58,130 --> 00:14:59,790
You're cutting shit into ball.

178
00:15:00,510 --> 00:15:02,570
Really? You don't feel any side effects?

179
00:15:03,310 --> 00:15:04,510
Not one, my friend.

180
00:15:04,930 --> 00:15:06,710
I told you that was pure bullshit.

181
00:15:08,830 --> 00:15:10,310
You realize you have tits, right?

182
00:15:11,230 --> 00:15:13,090
Yee. New experience.

183
00:15:17,770 --> 00:15:18,770
girl, Jew black.

184
00:15:19,350 --> 00:15:22,450
Okay, but you're one hairy motherfucker.

185
00:15:23,270 --> 00:15:25,050
Even your hair is growing hair.

186
00:15:26,030 --> 00:15:29,510
Yeah, I need to use the extra sticky
flak jacket, okay?

187
00:15:29,730 --> 00:15:30,730
You ready?

188
00:15:31,550 --> 00:15:33,630
It seems like a lot of glue. Is this
gonna hurt?

189
00:15:33,850 --> 00:15:37,050
It's not gonna hurt, man. She's a
professional. It's not gonna hurt,

190
00:15:37,370 --> 00:15:39,990
Yes, of course it's gonna hurt, you
stupid idiot.

191
00:15:40,430 --> 00:15:43,590
You ready? You be a man, okay? Don't be
a pussy, okay?

192
00:15:44,070 --> 00:15:45,690
Ready? One, two.

193
00:15:51,500 --> 00:15:56,560
That doesn't hurt that much. Dude, if
those are your nipples, I'm going to

194
00:15:56,560 --> 00:16:00,680
out. Of course they his nipple. What you
think?

195
00:16:00,980 --> 00:16:04,100
Look, they're all on the wall. I got the
collection over there. You see?

196
00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:10,860
Pussy, pussy, pussy, pussy.

197
00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:22,800
I can't get a walk from here.

198
00:16:23,060 --> 00:16:26,020
Hey, man, that's the least we can do
considering what Helen Keller did to

199
00:16:26,020 --> 00:16:27,020
ass back there.

200
00:16:27,160 --> 00:16:28,160
Yeah.

201
00:16:28,680 --> 00:16:30,300
I was totally uncalled for, I know.

202
00:16:31,500 --> 00:16:32,500
McAnil -loving.

203
00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:34,420
What the fuck type of name is that?

204
00:16:37,240 --> 00:16:38,240
Iris.

205
00:16:39,460 --> 00:16:40,460
Horn?

206
00:16:44,180 --> 00:16:45,780
How do you expect to get anywhere
looking like that?

207
00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:47,860
You know what I mean? We need to take
you shopping.

208
00:16:48,410 --> 00:16:51,250
Get you some things, some clothes, some
style.

209
00:16:51,590 --> 00:16:52,910
Alcohol? Absolutely.

210
00:16:53,570 --> 00:16:54,570
And how did you get that?

211
00:16:54,610 --> 00:16:55,610
My ID.

212
00:16:55,650 --> 00:16:57,110
No, motherfucker, money.

213
00:16:57,410 --> 00:16:58,950
All right, now, how do you get money?

214
00:16:59,390 --> 00:17:00,950
Uh, work.

215
00:17:01,270 --> 00:17:02,610
Yo, that's crazy talk, son.

216
00:17:02,830 --> 00:17:05,710
Shit is crazy, dawg. Yo, that's what's
wrong with the young people, yo ass.

217
00:17:06,089 --> 00:17:09,869
They all want to do homework and be
responsible. They all want to grow up.

218
00:17:10,670 --> 00:17:15,170
What ever happened to dropping out of
high school, get a bitch pregnant, start

219
00:17:15,170 --> 00:17:16,730
music career? Preach, nigga, preach.

220
00:17:20,750 --> 00:17:21,750
Well,

221
00:17:23,230 --> 00:17:24,829
McAnil Lovin', this is America.

222
00:17:25,190 --> 00:17:27,869
And we about to bring things back to the
good old days.

223
00:17:28,870 --> 00:17:32,390
Beat in your ass about to get you some
money the old -fashioned way, homeboy.

224
00:17:32,850 --> 00:17:33,850
What?

225
00:17:33,990 --> 00:17:35,190
We gonna steal it.

226
00:17:35,390 --> 00:17:36,550
Hold on, white boy.

227
00:17:46,030 --> 00:17:47,050
Is that a life meter?

228
00:17:47,410 --> 00:17:51,810
Yep, it is green. When it turns red,
your ass is dead.

229
00:17:53,590 --> 00:17:54,590
Put this shit on.

230
00:17:56,030 --> 00:17:58,130
We finna go GTA up in this bitch.

231
00:18:05,310 --> 00:18:06,310
Let's go talk.

232
00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:15,540
What'd you just do? Oh, no, he didn't.

233
00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:17,760
What? I got the cash money, dude.

234
00:19:18,160 --> 00:19:20,720
Did you just rob a Mexican? Are you
kidding me? What?

235
00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:24,580
Do you know what happens when you try to
rob a Mexican in this game? Dog, when

236
00:19:24,580 --> 00:19:27,820
you rob a white guy, you get the money.
When you rob a black guy, he'll chase

237
00:19:27,820 --> 00:19:29,200
after your ass the whole damn game.

238
00:19:29,440 --> 00:19:33,360
But if you rob a Mexican, dog, you get
the entire Latin community after your

239
00:19:33,360 --> 00:19:34,360
dumb ass. What?

240
00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:39,560
Every SA, Muchacho, Nino, Menudo,
Santana, and Rob Thomas, the

241
00:19:39,560 --> 00:19:42,400
from the catering truck, they go all
trying to kill us. Put your ass on the

242
00:19:42,400 --> 00:19:43,400
line.

243
00:19:50,870 --> 00:19:52,450
Go, go, go, go, go!

244
00:19:57,610 --> 00:19:59,990
We gonna find your ass a woman today.

245
00:20:00,390 --> 00:20:01,850
Ow, careful, I'm sore.

246
00:20:06,630 --> 00:20:07,630
How do they look?

247
00:20:07,910 --> 00:20:09,570
You look like Hannibal Nipples.

248
00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:12,400
Right this way.

249
00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:13,960
Got him.

250
00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:22,360
Well, you should like swimming and apple
picking.

251
00:20:23,300 --> 00:20:26,720
I like a really large man, but he's got
to shoot blanks. You know what I'm

252
00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:27,720
saying?

253
00:20:28,080 --> 00:20:29,860
Mommy, I'm thirsty.

254
00:20:30,500 --> 00:20:33,860
Hey, Mommy's trying to get some penis
right now. Suck it up.

255
00:20:42,990 --> 00:20:47,670
We'll keep it simple. He'll toss your
salad while I give you the reach around.

256
00:20:48,330 --> 00:20:49,330
Okay?

257
00:20:50,030 --> 00:20:56,630
So, yeah, I like sitting in saunas,
being in

258
00:20:56,630 --> 00:20:59,650
bathhouses, playing racquetball.

259
00:20:59,870 --> 00:21:02,530
I like camping.

260
00:21:04,310 --> 00:21:05,470
She's not the one.

261
00:21:05,890 --> 00:21:10,510
What? She's a knockout. What are you
talking about? Tall, big head, masculine

262
00:21:10,510 --> 00:21:12,250
jaw. Something's not right.

263
00:21:12,940 --> 00:21:13,940
That's not right.

264
00:21:14,800 --> 00:21:16,060
Motherfucker, look at her hands.

265
00:21:16,540 --> 00:21:17,540
What's wrong with her hands?

266
00:21:17,740 --> 00:21:18,740
I'm pretty picky.

267
00:21:19,540 --> 00:21:21,320
You know. It ruins everything.

268
00:21:22,740 --> 00:21:26,440
You ain't tasting Mexican until you
taste this shit, white boy. This shit's

269
00:21:26,440 --> 00:21:27,440
bomb, dog.

270
00:21:27,560 --> 00:21:28,960
Ah, there we go.

271
00:21:29,280 --> 00:21:30,780
Why is there an F in the window?

272
00:21:31,080 --> 00:21:32,080
F?

273
00:21:32,780 --> 00:21:33,779
Man, that's a B.

274
00:21:33,780 --> 00:21:36,340
Stupid mother. What's wrong with you?
You think I would take you somewhere if

275
00:21:36,340 --> 00:21:37,059
was an F?

276
00:21:37,060 --> 00:21:39,600
All right. We got three ass -pissed
burritos.

277
00:21:39,820 --> 00:21:41,740
Yeah. One crab splatter enchilada.

278
00:22:05,549 --> 00:22:11,130
Has anybody been to the zoo lately I
went to the zoo and

279
00:22:12,880 --> 00:22:18,180
walked up to the penguin cage, and I was
like, I wonder if the other animals are

280
00:22:18,180 --> 00:22:20,440
looking at them going, God, I'm glad I'm
me.

281
00:22:22,140 --> 00:22:26,000
Because they, you know, it's like, I
wonder what I did in my past life to be

282
00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:28,760
reborn a legless, flightless bird in the
middle of the North Pole.

283
00:22:29,960 --> 00:22:30,960
South Pole.

284
00:22:43,020 --> 00:22:46,160
Ladies and gentlemen, I will attempt to
make comedy applesauce.

285
00:22:54,120 --> 00:22:55,240
I'm sorry if I hit you.

286
00:22:56,160 --> 00:22:57,880
Thank you very much. You've been a great
audience.

287
00:23:02,060 --> 00:23:03,060
Hey,

288
00:23:04,100 --> 00:23:06,000
give it up for Andy, huh?

289
00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:08,859
Hey there.

290
00:23:08,860 --> 00:23:09,860
Hi.

291
00:23:10,120 --> 00:23:13,840
Oh, hi. Oh, my God, you're from the
other night crossing the street. Yeah,

292
00:23:13,840 --> 00:23:14,679
would be me. Yeah.

293
00:23:14,680 --> 00:23:16,100
How are you? How's your neck?

294
00:23:16,300 --> 00:23:18,800
It's fine. You have bludgeoned head?
Better. Stab wounds? Healing.

295
00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:20,080
Oh, not an angled leg?

296
00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:21,280
Actually, it's better than before.

297
00:23:21,700 --> 00:23:22,700
I can do this now.

298
00:23:23,280 --> 00:23:25,660
Oh. Oh, I'm sorry.

299
00:23:26,020 --> 00:23:28,360
I know it's not a good color match. They
only had white or black.

300
00:23:28,860 --> 00:23:29,860
I chose white.

301
00:23:30,500 --> 00:23:31,500
Does that make me racist?

302
00:23:31,980 --> 00:23:36,420
No, absolutely not. Thanks. You were
really funny up there. Oh, please. You

303
00:23:36,420 --> 00:23:39,040
hilarious. I was laughing on the inside.
Thank you very much.

304
00:23:39,380 --> 00:23:41,600
Okay. Well, I just... Good job.

305
00:23:42,280 --> 00:23:44,000
Do you want to go out sometime? Yeah,
I'd love to. Tonight?

306
00:23:44,300 --> 00:23:45,300
Tonight.

307
00:23:45,720 --> 00:23:46,720
Yeah, sure.

308
00:23:46,760 --> 00:23:48,500
Great. Absolutely. Maybe we'll have some
sex after.

309
00:23:50,020 --> 00:23:50,939
Excuse me?

310
00:23:50,940 --> 00:23:51,940
What?

311
00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:54,860
What did you say?

312
00:23:55,760 --> 00:23:57,340
Did you say something? Oh, I didn't say
anything.

313
00:23:57,540 --> 00:24:00,540
Okay. Okay. Yeah. So why don't you send
me your email address and then I can

314
00:24:00,540 --> 00:24:01,760
tell you where I live and you can pick
me up.

315
00:24:01,980 --> 00:24:04,420
Oh, you know what? Maybe you should just
text me your number and then I'll call

316
00:24:04,420 --> 00:24:05,460
you and you can text me your address.

317
00:24:05,850 --> 00:24:07,990
Oh, is there an app for that? If not,
why don't I just Twitter you my Facebook

318
00:24:07,990 --> 00:24:09,890
page, and then you can wall -to -wall me
your number, and I'll call you and

319
00:24:09,890 --> 00:24:12,190
leave you my address on your voicemail.
You know what might be better, actually,

320
00:24:12,230 --> 00:24:15,270
is if I IM you on my Facebook page, then
you can leave me my life address there.

321
00:24:15,310 --> 00:24:16,870
I'll blog my cell phone on it there.

322
00:24:17,170 --> 00:24:19,870
You can call me, but I'll give you my T
-Mobile rollover minutes, put you in my

323
00:24:19,870 --> 00:24:22,070
Faye Five, and that way we can talk for
free, and you can give it to me live

324
00:24:22,070 --> 00:24:23,049
over the phone.

325
00:24:23,050 --> 00:24:24,250
You would put me in your Faye Five?

326
00:24:24,790 --> 00:24:25,790
Oh, yeah.

327
00:24:25,950 --> 00:24:26,950
Sure.

328
00:24:27,570 --> 00:24:28,930
Oh, excuse me one second.

329
00:24:29,210 --> 00:24:30,210
Oh, yeah. Okay.

330
00:24:31,030 --> 00:24:32,030
Hello?

331
00:24:32,130 --> 00:24:32,969
Oh, hi.

332
00:24:32,970 --> 00:24:34,670
Yes. Yes, I am. Of course.

333
00:24:35,340 --> 00:24:36,340
That's great news.

334
00:24:36,460 --> 00:24:37,460
Yeah.

335
00:24:37,480 --> 00:24:38,480
I will. Thank you.

336
00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:40,240
Okay, bye.

337
00:24:42,380 --> 00:24:45,880
I applied for this job in Hawaii like
six months ago, and I just found out

338
00:24:45,880 --> 00:24:47,500
I got it! Oh, my God, that's great!

339
00:24:47,720 --> 00:24:49,560
I'm so excited! That's awesome! But I
have to leave tonight.

340
00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:51,600
Tonight? Yeah. Oh, okay.

341
00:24:52,100 --> 00:24:53,220
I'm sorry about dinner and sex.

342
00:24:53,440 --> 00:24:56,480
Oh, that's, you know, listen, work is
work, you know? Okay, thank you for

343
00:24:56,480 --> 00:24:58,580
understanding. Yeah, sure, no problem.

344
00:24:58,820 --> 00:25:00,120
Oh, okay. Congratulations.

345
00:25:00,520 --> 00:25:01,560
That's great. Okay, bye.

346
00:25:01,880 --> 00:25:02,880
Okay.

347
00:25:07,690 --> 00:25:09,810
You forgot your, your, um, leg.

348
00:25:10,730 --> 00:25:11,970
How do you not have an address?

349
00:25:12,330 --> 00:25:13,830
This was your freaking contact.

350
00:25:14,450 --> 00:25:15,990
Stop riding me, man. I'm sorry.

351
00:25:16,190 --> 00:25:18,550
That dipshit fucked me up with the whole
getting arrested thing.

352
00:25:18,790 --> 00:25:19,930
I'm fine. No worries.

353
00:25:21,510 --> 00:25:22,510
Wait.

354
00:25:23,150 --> 00:25:24,170
What the hell is that?

355
00:25:25,510 --> 00:25:27,550
Sounds like La Cucaracha.

356
00:25:43,150 --> 00:25:44,150
Oh, shit.

357
00:25:44,190 --> 00:25:45,190
Rob Thomas?

358
00:25:51,850 --> 00:25:58,710
Get in the car.

359
00:25:59,790 --> 00:26:01,590
What? Get in the car!

360
00:26:26,350 --> 00:26:29,470
This shit happens all the time, man.
Girls just be doing that shit and it's

361
00:26:29,470 --> 00:26:30,470
fucked up.

362
00:26:30,730 --> 00:26:31,730
Oh, yeah, dude.

363
00:26:31,990 --> 00:26:36,410
But that shit doesn't even matter, all
right? Because tonight, you can fucking

364
00:26:36,410 --> 00:26:40,030
lay down the hammer, fucker. I don't
know what that means and it's not

365
00:26:40,090 --> 00:26:43,410
I just want to meet somebody for once in
my life who's just down to earth and

366
00:26:43,410 --> 00:26:46,150
just a normal person.

367
00:26:46,710 --> 00:26:48,290
What they have is special.

368
00:26:49,950 --> 00:26:51,210
Can I call you Noah?

369
00:26:52,110 --> 00:26:53,350
What is wrong with you?

370
00:26:54,170 --> 00:26:56,650
Okay, look, you turned into a real
certified bitch.

371
00:26:56,970 --> 00:26:59,150
Are you crying over the notebook?

372
00:26:59,570 --> 00:27:02,010
Got these things right here.

373
00:27:03,230 --> 00:27:04,230
Okay,

374
00:27:07,450 --> 00:27:08,570
you know what? You guys are disgusting.

375
00:27:09,090 --> 00:27:10,870
I'm going to go to Shirley Temple.

376
00:27:12,470 --> 00:27:13,470
Hi.

377
00:27:13,710 --> 00:27:14,569
You're cute.

378
00:27:14,570 --> 00:27:15,509
What's your name?

379
00:27:15,510 --> 00:27:16,510
I'm Andy. Hi.

380
00:27:16,810 --> 00:27:20,670
Well, Andy, every Thursday night my
sister and I randomly pick someone from

381
00:27:20,670 --> 00:27:24,030
bar to have sex with, and tonight we
choose you.

382
00:27:24,430 --> 00:27:25,430
Congratulations!

383
00:27:25,810 --> 00:27:30,070
You like a menage a trois, Andy? Five or
six times a night? How about double

384
00:27:30,070 --> 00:27:32,050
Dutch expressway? You enjoy those?

385
00:27:32,410 --> 00:27:33,410
Jelly donut?

386
00:27:33,530 --> 00:27:34,570
Ukrainian popcorn?

387
00:27:35,150 --> 00:27:36,250
Mouth -fucking.

388
00:27:37,670 --> 00:27:41,710
Would you excuse me just a second, or a
moment, if you don't mind.

389
00:27:42,590 --> 00:27:43,750
Think about it.

390
00:27:48,300 --> 00:27:49,300
Excuse me.

391
00:27:50,140 --> 00:27:51,140
Excuse me.

392
00:27:52,260 --> 00:27:53,260
Excuse me.

393
00:27:56,480 --> 00:28:00,880
Why can't I be the center of attention?

394
00:28:05,740 --> 00:28:11,720
He once had sex with a 345 -pound woman
just to help her get some exercise.

395
00:28:13,040 --> 00:28:16,860
His traps smell like a 40 -day -aged
bone -in ribeye.

396
00:28:20,650 --> 00:28:25,290
He's so secure with his masculinity that
he doesn't mind urinal peekers.

397
00:28:28,110 --> 00:28:31,070
He is the most interesting man in the
world.

398
00:28:32,270 --> 00:28:34,590
I don't always fuck fat bitches.

399
00:28:34,930 --> 00:28:38,130
But when I do, I prefer to be plastered
on.

400
00:28:41,810 --> 00:28:43,110
Stay thirsty, my friends.

401
00:28:45,470 --> 00:28:46,470
Can I help you?

402
00:28:47,510 --> 00:28:49,150
Hey, can I help you?

403
00:28:50,240 --> 00:28:51,159
To drink.

404
00:28:51,160 --> 00:28:55,100
What do you want? To drink. Sorry, um...
May I have a Shirley Temple, please?

405
00:28:58,360 --> 00:28:59,740
That's my favorite drink.

406
00:29:00,680 --> 00:29:01,680
Mine, too.

407
00:29:03,860 --> 00:29:04,940
This is fate.

408
00:29:05,600 --> 00:29:07,160
I think so.

409
00:29:07,880 --> 00:29:08,880
I'm Sarah.

410
00:29:08,900 --> 00:29:10,460
Oh, sorry, I'm Andy.

411
00:29:14,520 --> 00:29:15,520
Sorry.

412
00:29:18,100 --> 00:29:19,100
That was...

413
00:29:20,620 --> 00:29:21,620
Yeah, I'm out.

414
00:29:22,800 --> 00:29:25,300
So, MTV, the paparazzi show?

415
00:29:25,640 --> 00:29:29,460
Yeah, I've been working there for two
years, and I just got my promotion

416
00:29:29,640 --> 00:29:30,640
so. That's so cool.

417
00:29:30,880 --> 00:29:31,499
Oh, thank you.

418
00:29:31,500 --> 00:29:33,020
Oh, I know, I'm so excited.

419
00:29:33,220 --> 00:29:34,220
Hi.

420
00:29:34,880 --> 00:29:36,200
Copy me for the boy.

421
00:29:37,320 --> 00:29:42,940
You know, I don't drink. I sipped some
wine once, but that was it, so. Oh,

422
00:29:42,940 --> 00:29:46,940
you. That's fine. Now, come on, girl.
What, should I go hurt you?

423
00:29:48,300 --> 00:29:49,300
I will if you do.

424
00:29:52,860 --> 00:29:53,860
Okay. Cheers.

425
00:29:56,760 --> 00:29:58,460
Oh, that was horrible.

426
00:29:59,320 --> 00:30:01,160
My bad, girl. That was my genetic
sample.

427
00:30:01,480 --> 00:30:02,660
Here, try this one.

428
00:30:07,880 --> 00:30:09,780
I'm not sure if I like that one. Can I
try another one?

429
00:30:10,460 --> 00:30:12,180
Um, you know what?

430
00:30:12,460 --> 00:30:15,780
That's a lot of booze to have quickly.

431
00:30:33,249 --> 00:30:35,130
Oh my god, embarrassing.

432
00:30:35,370 --> 00:30:37,710
No way, this is not happening.

433
00:30:38,070 --> 00:30:40,110
Drunk girl, drunk girl.

434
00:30:43,170 --> 00:30:45,370
Drunk girl, it's time.

435
00:30:56,650 --> 00:30:58,410
Do you think that you should be driving?

436
00:30:58,750 --> 00:31:00,010
Oh, I can't help it.

437
00:31:01,130 --> 00:31:03,650
My vagina is mine of its own. Oh.

438
00:31:04,190 --> 00:31:05,990
Oh, my God. Okay, yep.

439
00:31:06,410 --> 00:31:07,410
That's weird.

440
00:31:07,930 --> 00:31:09,550
I like you, Andy.

441
00:31:09,810 --> 00:31:12,030
I like you, too. I like you a lot.

442
00:31:12,330 --> 00:31:13,330
Okay.

443
00:31:13,870 --> 00:31:15,370
Maybe... Oh,

444
00:31:16,330 --> 00:31:18,450
okay. No, that's... Oh,

445
00:31:19,310 --> 00:31:20,310
that could have done it.

446
00:31:21,270 --> 00:31:24,970
I'm going to go down on you now, okay?
What? I don't think that's...

447
00:31:29,230 --> 00:31:32,610
Oh my god, that's so warm! Oh my god, I
am like...

448
00:32:37,040 --> 00:32:38,040
Meet Michael.

449
00:32:39,080 --> 00:32:40,340
We're glad you're here, Michael.

450
00:32:40,680 --> 00:32:41,880
We need an umpire.

451
00:32:42,380 --> 00:32:43,880
What am I going to be an umpire for?

452
00:32:44,220 --> 00:32:45,580
Oh, Edward, you didn't tell him?

453
00:32:46,360 --> 00:32:47,360
I was getting to that.

454
00:32:48,040 --> 00:32:51,500
Let's just say it's something we can
only play during thunderstorms.

455
00:32:52,140 --> 00:32:53,140
Okay.

456
00:32:54,520 --> 00:32:55,520
What is it?

457
00:32:58,240 --> 00:33:00,160
We're all lactose intolerant.

458
00:33:08,580 --> 00:33:09,580
Sorry.

459
00:33:14,460 --> 00:33:15,460
Hey there.

460
00:33:15,800 --> 00:33:16,659
Holy shit.

461
00:33:16,660 --> 00:33:17,680
You scared the hell out of me.

462
00:33:18,040 --> 00:33:19,040
My apologies.

463
00:33:19,640 --> 00:33:20,640
Are you okay?

464
00:33:20,720 --> 00:33:21,720
I'm sorry.

465
00:33:21,760 --> 00:33:24,640
I was being chased by a bunch of
Mexicans for no reason. All I'm trying

466
00:33:24,640 --> 00:33:26,680
get some alcohol so I can have
pleasurable sex with the hottest chick

467
00:33:27,760 --> 00:33:28,980
Well, I think I can help you out.

468
00:33:29,500 --> 00:33:31,680
Really? Yeah. You see that house over
there?

469
00:33:32,240 --> 00:33:34,640
They're practically giving away free
booze.

470
00:33:34,980 --> 00:33:36,360
Just ask for Lisa.

471
00:33:36,760 --> 00:33:39,040
Seriously? If I'm lying, I'm dying.

472
00:33:40,200 --> 00:33:41,200
Here.

473
00:33:41,400 --> 00:33:42,400
Take this bag.

474
00:33:42,920 --> 00:33:45,040
You never want to go to a party empty
-handed.

475
00:33:45,780 --> 00:33:46,780
Cookies?

476
00:33:47,460 --> 00:33:48,520
And condoms?

477
00:33:48,900 --> 00:33:50,680
You can never have enough of either,
right?

478
00:33:51,320 --> 00:33:53,140
Greed. Now go get your alcohol.

479
00:33:53,740 --> 00:33:54,740
Thanks, man.

480
00:33:54,760 --> 00:33:55,800
You're an awesome dude.

481
00:33:57,820 --> 00:33:58,820
Yes, I am.

482
00:33:59,920 --> 00:34:00,920
Yes, I am.

483
00:34:08,940 --> 00:34:09,938
Is anyone home?

484
00:34:09,940 --> 00:34:10,940
Come on in.

485
00:34:11,260 --> 00:34:12,659
I made you a drink.

486
00:34:13,219 --> 00:34:14,340
Just help yourself.

487
00:34:15,199 --> 00:34:16,760
Cool. Thanks.

488
00:34:21,880 --> 00:34:22,880
Sweet.

489
00:34:23,600 --> 00:34:24,600
Hey there.

490
00:34:24,960 --> 00:34:26,540
Oh. Hey, bro.

491
00:34:27,620 --> 00:34:30,880
Dude, aren't you that guy from the show
that catches the molesters?

492
00:34:31,280 --> 00:34:32,280
That would be me.

493
00:34:32,639 --> 00:34:35,239
Oh, man, that show's so fucking awesome.
You're great on that.

494
00:34:35,600 --> 00:34:38,120
Do you remember the one with the priest
or something, and he was, like, trying

495
00:34:38,120 --> 00:34:40,360
to, like, weasel his way out of it, but
you ended up nailing him with the e

496
00:34:40,360 --> 00:34:42,820
-mails from the underage girl, and then
once he hightailed it out of there and

497
00:34:42,820 --> 00:34:45,780
hit the front yard, bam, he got hit by a
Sean Merriman -looking cop? Oh.

498
00:34:46,159 --> 00:34:46,839
I do.

499
00:34:46,840 --> 00:34:49,159
That was so fucking awesome, man. What
are you doing here?

500
00:34:49,540 --> 00:34:50,639
Is this your house or something?

501
00:34:51,380 --> 00:34:52,380
Uh, no.

502
00:34:52,880 --> 00:34:54,080
I'm actually taping the show.

503
00:34:54,440 --> 00:34:55,440
Really? Here?

504
00:34:55,960 --> 00:34:56,839
That's awesome.

505
00:34:56,840 --> 00:34:57,840
Can I watch?

506
00:34:57,960 --> 00:34:59,140
It looks like you already are.

507
00:35:07,530 --> 00:35:08,530
Just the stuff you gave me.

508
00:35:09,290 --> 00:35:10,290
Cookies and condoms.

509
00:35:10,530 --> 00:35:11,530
Oh, I didn't give you anything.

510
00:35:12,250 --> 00:35:14,910
So what did you think was going to
happen by coming over here tonight?

511
00:35:15,690 --> 00:35:16,790
Whoa, whoa, whoa.

512
00:35:17,290 --> 00:35:21,190
I'm not a molester. The only reason I'm
here is because you told me there'd be

513
00:35:21,190 --> 00:35:21,908
alcohol here.

514
00:35:21,910 --> 00:35:23,050
You should have asked for Lisa.

515
00:35:23,730 --> 00:35:27,530
Really? So you had no intention of
having sex with an underage minor?

516
00:35:28,090 --> 00:35:30,890
No. I don't know what you're talking
about.

517
00:35:31,690 --> 00:35:32,990
So you don't remember saying this?

518
00:35:33,190 --> 00:35:36,820
I want to... Spread your butt cheeks
with real maple syrup and then eat

519
00:35:36,820 --> 00:35:38,740
chocolate chips out of your corn hole.

520
00:35:39,440 --> 00:35:40,680
What? Corn? No.

521
00:35:41,180 --> 00:35:42,900
I'm allergic to chocolate chips for
Christ's sake.

522
00:35:43,680 --> 00:35:45,360
I don't even like real maple syrup.

523
00:35:45,680 --> 00:35:46,920
I don't know what's going on.

524
00:35:47,700 --> 00:35:50,420
Look, you can make things a hell of a
lot easier if you just tell us the

525
00:35:50,600 --> 00:35:51,600
I am telling you the truth.

526
00:35:51,820 --> 00:35:53,080
I don't know who this girl is.

527
00:35:53,620 --> 00:35:55,840
I'm just trying to get some alcohol so I
can have sex with the hot girl at

528
00:35:55,840 --> 00:35:56,840
school. Really?

529
00:35:56,880 --> 00:35:57,880
That's all.

530
00:35:59,460 --> 00:36:00,460
Oh, fuck.

531
00:36:00,480 --> 00:36:01,880
Now, hold on. Wait. I want to talk to
you.

532
00:36:02,240 --> 00:36:03,240
Sir?

533
00:36:18,320 --> 00:36:19,138
Your face.

534
00:36:19,140 --> 00:36:21,980
Why are you being so nice to me?

535
00:36:23,460 --> 00:36:26,460
I don't know. I guess because you're
letting me.

536
00:36:30,000 --> 00:36:31,000
Okay, no, no, no.

537
00:36:31,080 --> 00:36:33,020
No, no, no, no.

538
00:36:33,500 --> 00:36:34,800
You've got to drink some of that.

539
00:36:35,420 --> 00:36:36,420
It's not working.

540
00:36:52,520 --> 00:36:53,520
I'll meet you in the bedroom.

541
00:36:54,220 --> 00:36:55,220
Okay.

542
00:37:27,290 --> 00:37:29,350
Just give me a minute.

543
00:37:31,830 --> 00:37:32,830
Pussy!

544
00:37:37,190 --> 00:37:38,190
Oh, yeah.

545
00:37:38,210 --> 00:37:40,310
Oh, yeah.

546
00:37:41,810 --> 00:37:43,510
Okay. Oh, jeez.

547
00:37:43,730 --> 00:37:44,730
Oh, oh.

548
00:37:45,110 --> 00:37:47,390
Hey. Hey. Hey. Oh, sorry.

549
00:37:47,590 --> 00:37:50,890
I was just screwing this warm pie right
here. I heard it feels like the real

550
00:37:50,890 --> 00:37:51,910
thing. That's cool.

551
00:37:52,790 --> 00:37:55,270
You know, 16 is a real horny age, man.
Yes.

552
00:37:56,270 --> 00:37:58,170
So, uh... Whoa.

553
00:37:58,410 --> 00:37:59,368
What are you doing?

554
00:37:59,370 --> 00:38:01,050
Nothing. I'm sorry to interrupt you.

555
00:38:01,890 --> 00:38:06,210
Sarah's in the other room. She's tied to
the bed. She wants to have sex with me.

556
00:38:06,870 --> 00:38:08,030
I don't know what to do.

557
00:38:08,390 --> 00:38:09,870
Are you serious?

558
00:38:10,150 --> 00:38:12,130
Yes. My man, this is the big moment.

559
00:38:12,690 --> 00:38:17,610
It's about to go... Will you please keep
it down?

560
00:38:18,210 --> 00:38:19,810
I have such a massive headache.

561
00:38:20,510 --> 00:38:24,350
Sorry, brother. It's just, you know, so
exciting. Our boy's about to get...

562
00:38:27,210 --> 00:38:28,210
But are you bleeding?

563
00:38:28,470 --> 00:38:29,470
What?

564
00:38:29,950 --> 00:38:30,950
Oh.

565
00:38:31,370 --> 00:38:33,410
There are side effects to this weed.

566
00:38:34,870 --> 00:38:37,430
Damn. Anyone have an extra tampon?

567
00:38:38,050 --> 00:38:39,230
Preferably super wide?

568
00:38:39,550 --> 00:38:40,550
No.

569
00:38:41,430 --> 00:38:46,270
You need to get your ass back in there
before she passes out.

570
00:38:46,530 --> 00:38:48,010
But what if I do it wrong?

571
00:38:48,270 --> 00:38:49,009
Do it wrong?

572
00:38:49,010 --> 00:38:53,850
All you're doing is sticking your dick
in her coochie. There's no wrong way of

573
00:38:53,850 --> 00:38:54,850
doing it.

574
00:38:56,270 --> 00:38:58,310
You know what? There was one time I
stuck my thing in Naomi Turner's cat.

575
00:38:58,870 --> 00:39:01,570
You know, it was dark in there, and we
was huddled up in a twin bed, and that

576
00:39:01,570 --> 00:39:04,610
cat just snuck up in between the sheets,
man. It just... Ow!

577
00:39:04,890 --> 00:39:06,750
I like to feel... Ow! You know?

578
00:39:07,690 --> 00:39:09,150
We all have the lowest creatures, right?

579
00:39:09,550 --> 00:39:10,550
Yes.

580
00:39:10,750 --> 00:39:14,430
Just get your white ass in there and get
the fuck in. Get the fuck in. Get the

581
00:39:14,430 --> 00:39:16,750
fuck in. Let's do some fucking. Just do
some fucking!

582
00:39:17,170 --> 00:39:18,510
Do some fucking! Fucking!

583
00:39:25,480 --> 00:39:32,160
I can't do some fucking... I don't know
what's wrong with me. I'm 40 and I'm...

584
00:39:32,160 --> 00:39:35,000
I'm never going to be with a woman.

585
00:39:35,500 --> 00:39:36,500
I'm just not.

586
00:39:37,240 --> 00:39:39,600
Not with that stibbling attitude you
won't.

587
00:39:40,840 --> 00:39:42,640
Seth, what are you doing?

588
00:39:42,880 --> 00:39:43,880
Shut up!

589
00:39:45,520 --> 00:39:46,800
I'm going out.

590
00:39:48,040 --> 00:39:50,120
Out to get a milkshake.

591
00:39:51,220 --> 00:39:52,440
A milkshake?

592
00:39:53,680 --> 00:39:55,560
Yes. boy.

593
00:39:56,040 --> 00:40:00,820
You see, I have a milkshake.

594
00:40:01,100 --> 00:40:07,220
And you have a milkshake. But I have a
straw.

595
00:40:07,480 --> 00:40:13,640
You see? Oh, there it is. Watching, my
straw

596
00:40:13,640 --> 00:40:20,320
reaches across the room and into your

597
00:40:20,320 --> 00:40:21,680
milkshake.

598
00:40:25,290 --> 00:40:26,670
I don't understand what you're doing.

599
00:40:27,690 --> 00:40:30,190
Okay. You're doing a metaphor. I don't
really.

600
00:40:33,170 --> 00:40:38,810
My milkshake brings all the boys to the
yard.

601
00:40:39,230 --> 00:40:40,230
Damn right.

602
00:40:40,470 --> 00:40:42,110
It's better than yours.

603
00:40:42,810 --> 00:40:44,010
Damn right.

604
00:40:44,910 --> 00:40:48,610
I drink your milkshake.

605
00:40:48,950 --> 00:40:50,410
I drink it up.

606
00:40:52,200 --> 00:40:53,560
I don't even know what that means.

607
00:40:54,140 --> 00:40:55,180
It's so weird.

608
00:40:56,220 --> 00:40:58,460
No one wants a virgin boy,

609
00:40:59,260 --> 00:41:04,860
Andy. Hey, what are you... Don't do
that. Calm down. I will not calm down.

610
00:41:04,860 --> 00:41:06,580
do it. I will not calm down.

611
00:41:06,940 --> 00:41:09,860
Stop it. Stop it. Stop it.

612
00:41:10,980 --> 00:41:12,120
Just stop it.

613
00:41:14,000 --> 00:41:16,080
Oh, dude, I'm so sorry, man.

614
00:41:16,660 --> 00:41:18,580
I'm so fucking high right now.

615
00:41:19,840 --> 00:41:21,020
Look, look.

616
00:41:21,640 --> 00:41:25,080
You got an ocean of cum under there, all
right? The only person that's going to

617
00:41:25,080 --> 00:41:29,240
be able to get to it is you, and you got
to use your cock to do that. I get it.

618
00:41:29,240 --> 00:41:30,240
Please don't. Okay?

619
00:41:30,860 --> 00:41:35,460
You can do it. I know. I feel like I can
do it. No, you can do it. I feel like I

620
00:41:35,460 --> 00:41:38,140
can do it. I just need to get out there
and do it, though. Then go do it

621
00:41:38,140 --> 00:41:41,060
already. My mind is changing, and I can
do this, can't I? Yes.

622
00:41:51,440 --> 00:41:52,440
He is beautiful.

623
00:46:03,440 --> 00:46:05,120
You don't notice anything?

624
00:46:07,080 --> 00:46:11,140
Uh, um... Did you... You got new flip
-flops?

625
00:46:11,420 --> 00:46:12,760
Uh, not the flip -flop.

626
00:46:12,980 --> 00:46:13,980
Ankle pulling?

627
00:46:14,380 --> 00:46:17,520
Higher. Oh, do you carry a little weight
in your knees?

628
00:46:17,760 --> 00:46:18,760
Higher.

629
00:46:19,900 --> 00:46:20,980
Oh, my God.

630
00:46:21,400 --> 00:46:24,840
Aha! Of course, you have an Audi. I
never even realized you had an Audi.

631
00:46:25,280 --> 00:46:27,580
Not even when you were banging me last
night?

632
00:46:28,060 --> 00:46:30,780
Nope. Okay, so, no, I wasn't... I didn't
bang you last night.

633
00:46:31,150 --> 00:46:34,010
Of course you didn't bang me. You just
had your dick pounding my liver like

634
00:46:34,010 --> 00:46:36,910
Floyd Mayweather's punching bag, and now
I'm pregnant!

635
00:46:37,450 --> 00:46:38,450
Oh, shit.

636
00:46:38,690 --> 00:46:39,690
You're pregnant?

637
00:46:39,790 --> 00:46:40,629
Oh, bingo!

638
00:46:40,630 --> 00:46:41,830
Get the man a fucking prize!

639
00:46:42,390 --> 00:46:47,490
Be careful with that. I don't, um...
Yeah, you are. You're very pregnant, and

640
00:46:47,490 --> 00:46:49,410
I'm just wondering how that happened in
a day.

641
00:46:49,690 --> 00:46:50,690
Oh, I'm half Mexican.

642
00:46:51,470 --> 00:46:52,470
Really?

643
00:46:53,090 --> 00:46:57,850
Candy, do you know how hard it is to
find a guy who can make you feel like

644
00:46:57,850 --> 00:46:59,430
you're getting nailed by five guys?

645
00:46:59,850 --> 00:47:00,850
Hmm.

646
00:47:00,880 --> 00:47:06,040
No, I don't know how hard that would be,
but that's not my baby.

647
00:47:06,360 --> 00:47:07,880
Of course.

648
00:47:08,480 --> 00:47:12,240
Typical response from an irresponsible
middle -aged guy who lives with a bunch

649
00:47:12,240 --> 00:47:13,760
of sex -crazed teenagers.

650
00:47:14,220 --> 00:47:16,700
Okay, come on. My friends are not sex
-crazed teenagers.

651
00:47:18,080 --> 00:47:21,900
Okay, yeah, he's cupping and maybe
juggling your breasts a little bit.

652
00:47:22,940 --> 00:47:25,200
Look, do you mind?

653
00:47:26,360 --> 00:47:28,200
Awkward. Thank you.

654
00:47:31,180 --> 00:47:34,860
I thought you were wearing a condom. No,
I wasn't wearing a condom because I

655
00:47:34,860 --> 00:47:35,860
didn't have sex with you.

656
00:47:36,480 --> 00:47:41,000
If you don't accept this, child, I am
going to go so Flint, Michigan on you

657
00:47:41,000 --> 00:47:44,960
you are going to go into a deep economic
depression caused by the demise of the

658
00:47:44,960 --> 00:47:48,060
auto industry, and then some fat guy is
going to do a documentary on you.

659
00:47:48,720 --> 00:47:54,980
I don't understand what that means. If
that doesn't work, then this baby is

660
00:47:54,980 --> 00:47:56,280
going to suffer!

661
00:47:57,940 --> 00:47:59,920
It's just a baby, so don't...

662
00:48:00,160 --> 00:48:03,980
May cause severe birth defects. Yeah,
that's very 1970s. Don't do that,

663
00:48:04,340 --> 00:48:05,340
Don't want your baby?

664
00:48:05,400 --> 00:48:08,160
No, that's... Want to go for
underdeveloped lung capacity?

665
00:48:08,360 --> 00:48:10,080
I don't want to go for that. It's
illegal.

666
00:48:10,380 --> 00:48:14,660
Also, the police... Okay, I know you're
accepting. Please don't do that because

667
00:48:14,660 --> 00:48:17,740
that's how you make a baby homeless
and... Oh.

668
00:48:19,020 --> 00:48:20,700
Mommy, mommy, no, mommy.

669
00:48:25,000 --> 00:48:26,000
We're done.

670
00:48:26,300 --> 00:48:27,740
Andy, it's over, jerk -off.

671
00:48:47,980 --> 00:48:51,880
He's just for practice, you know? You
can't get almost involved in that shit.

672
00:48:52,340 --> 00:48:57,860
I don't know, Black Eye. I just feel
like I need to get out of here, recharge

673
00:48:57,860 --> 00:48:59,340
batteries, go on vacation.

674
00:48:59,780 --> 00:49:01,140
I don't know where to go.

675
00:49:01,520 --> 00:49:05,880
Sarah Marshall was found canoodling with
British rock sensation Aldis Bright in

676
00:49:05,880 --> 00:49:07,020
Maui, Hawaii.

677
00:49:07,340 --> 00:49:11,780
The couple seemed very much in love as
they frolicked about without a care in

678
00:49:11,780 --> 00:49:13,060
the world. What's warm this time of
year?

679
00:49:13,420 --> 00:49:16,200
Maui, which is a favorite hot spot for
many celebrities.

680
00:49:21,610 --> 00:49:22,610
Maybe Australia?

681
00:49:23,690 --> 00:49:24,770
Nah, too far.

682
00:49:25,910 --> 00:49:28,310
How about Mexico?

683
00:49:32,410 --> 00:49:35,790
I have frequent flyer miles, but I... I
don't know.

684
00:49:40,950 --> 00:49:41,950
Hey, you know what?

685
00:49:42,770 --> 00:49:43,810
How about Maui?

686
00:50:03,080 --> 00:50:05,020
Don't move you sick fuck

687
00:50:05,020 --> 00:50:11,700
We're supposed to go you fucking
dickhead

688
00:51:35,690 --> 00:51:37,970
I'm checking in. Oh, Mr. Spitzer, hello.

689
00:51:38,510 --> 00:51:40,330
We have you in one of our econo rooms.

690
00:51:40,610 --> 00:51:42,370
Great. Yeah, that's $50 a night?

691
00:51:42,810 --> 00:51:43,950
$50, of course.

692
00:51:44,410 --> 00:51:48,850
Then there's an 8 % state tax, a 7 %
city tax, a 12 % airport tax, a 32 %

693
00:51:48,850 --> 00:51:52,350
stimulus tax, and, of course, the valet
fee. Oh, valet. No, I didn't drive,

694
00:51:52,470 --> 00:51:55,450
so... Everyone pays the valet fee. It's
standard.

695
00:51:55,830 --> 00:52:00,370
Standard? The grand total on your room
will come to $485 per night. Food is

696
00:52:00,370 --> 00:52:02,390
extra, except the mint on your pillow,
it turned out.

697
00:52:02,990 --> 00:52:04,290
$485? That's...

698
00:52:05,080 --> 00:52:06,940
Ridiculous. It's a very good mint.

699
00:52:07,220 --> 00:52:08,058
I know.

700
00:52:08,060 --> 00:52:10,040
I'd like to speak to a manager, please.

701
00:52:12,960 --> 00:52:16,780
Manager to the front desk. Manager to
the front desk. We have a cheap bitch in

702
00:52:16,780 --> 00:52:20,180
line one. Cheap bitch in line one. If
it's not a cheap bitch, it's a broke

703
00:52:20,180 --> 00:52:23,140
motherfucker. Cheap bitch, broke -ass
motherfucker in line one.

704
00:52:23,380 --> 00:52:25,380
Okay, can you... High haul. Going on
break.

705
00:52:27,340 --> 00:52:28,340
Andy?

706
00:52:28,660 --> 00:52:30,480
Kim. What are you doing here?

707
00:52:30,740 --> 00:52:33,480
I needed a vacation. This is so...

708
00:52:40,290 --> 00:52:41,370
Okay. Thank you.

709
00:52:42,430 --> 00:52:44,130
That's so nice of you. Under one
condition.

710
00:52:44,470 --> 00:52:47,170
Okay. You take me on that date we were
supposed to go on last week.

711
00:52:48,250 --> 00:52:49,250
Deal.

712
00:52:49,790 --> 00:52:50,790
I'd love to.

713
00:52:51,290 --> 00:52:52,390
Okay. Tonight?

714
00:52:52,730 --> 00:52:54,730
At 8 p .m.? 8 p .m.'s great. Okay. Okay.

715
00:52:55,870 --> 00:52:58,390
Okay. So, thank you so much.

716
00:53:11,440 --> 00:53:14,160
or you're drunk lowlife ass out on the
street, you prick.

717
00:53:14,520 --> 00:53:15,520
Sarah?

718
00:53:16,500 --> 00:53:18,400
Oh, my baby daddy.

719
00:53:19,380 --> 00:53:20,520
This is weird.

720
00:53:20,840 --> 00:53:24,540
I came here on vacation, and my friend
gave me this room.

721
00:53:24,960 --> 00:53:25,960
This is weird.

722
00:53:26,400 --> 00:53:27,860
It's not weird at all.

723
00:53:28,420 --> 00:53:29,860
You came here to find me.

724
00:53:30,300 --> 00:53:31,360
That's so romantic.

725
00:53:31,780 --> 00:53:35,240
No, I didn't come. No, this is a
coincidence, really. This is really just

726
00:53:35,240 --> 00:53:36,240
coincidence.

727
00:53:36,960 --> 00:53:39,240
So you're still not going to claim your
love child?

728
00:53:40,060 --> 00:53:41,820
Baby, what is all the noise?

729
00:53:42,040 --> 00:53:43,520
You're not still mad at me, are you?

730
00:53:47,300 --> 00:53:50,960
Right, I thought you said no sex until
after the baby. That must be some other

731
00:53:50,960 --> 00:53:53,620
lady you're dating because we are going
to do it right now.

732
00:53:54,080 --> 00:53:55,080
Bye, Andy.

733
00:54:59,509 --> 00:55:02,330
Son of a bitch. You might have a girl
over there.

734
00:55:03,190 --> 00:55:04,069
Take it.

735
00:55:04,070 --> 00:55:08,730
Take it. Take it like a dirty whore. Oh,
yeah. Give me your man stick.

736
00:55:09,010 --> 00:55:11,950
Take it like a friend who hates
everything American.

737
00:55:12,390 --> 00:55:15,230
I can't because I can't see the baby
moving.

738
00:55:15,770 --> 00:55:16,749
Don't look.

739
00:55:16,750 --> 00:55:20,430
Oh, yes. Give me your big, limey lizard.
Oh, you.

740
00:55:20,630 --> 00:55:21,630
You're giving too many.

741
00:55:26,990 --> 00:55:29,790
Say you love me right now. I love you
right now. Fuck a lot of bitches. No,

742
00:55:29,790 --> 00:55:32,630
I love you right now. I love you too,
Alice. Of course we can name the baby

743
00:55:32,630 --> 00:55:35,790
after you. No, I don't want to name the
baby. Oh, shut up. Yes, you do.

744
00:55:36,010 --> 00:55:37,010
Okay, just let me down.

745
00:55:38,030 --> 00:55:39,590
Oh, yes.

746
00:55:40,810 --> 00:55:41,870
Oh, yes.

747
00:55:42,610 --> 00:55:43,610
Yes, yes.

748
00:55:43,970 --> 00:55:44,970
Oh, yes.

749
00:55:45,290 --> 00:55:46,290
Oh, yes.

750
00:55:46,950 --> 00:55:48,370
Yes. Someone's got a hold on me, Willie.

751
00:55:48,610 --> 00:55:53,550
What? Me, Willie. Someone's got a hold
on me, Willie. It feels like baby hands.

752
00:55:53,730 --> 00:55:54,730
Oh, good.

753
00:55:54,990 --> 00:55:57,630
God, Lord, the baby's got a hold on your
wanker. Shut up!

754
00:55:58,510 --> 00:55:59,510
Oh, yes!

755
00:56:00,170 --> 00:56:01,850
Oh, yes, my dad!

756
00:56:02,830 --> 00:56:05,710
Yes, yes! What did you fuck, the devil?

757
00:56:06,210 --> 00:56:07,750
Daddy, daddy, pray!

758
00:56:08,410 --> 00:56:13,670
Oh, God, Lord, help me, Jesus Christ!
This woman's got a demon in her back!

759
00:56:24,780 --> 00:56:25,558
I love it here.

760
00:56:25,560 --> 00:56:28,200
It reminds me of a restaurant my uncle
used to take me to when I was a little

761
00:56:28,200 --> 00:56:30,040
girl. He'd always have a scotch.

762
00:56:30,400 --> 00:56:32,780
I hated the taste of it after he kissed
me.

763
00:56:39,340 --> 00:56:41,400
Is that... Is that you?

764
00:56:41,620 --> 00:56:43,080
Huh? Oh, yeah.

765
00:56:44,180 --> 00:56:47,340
You know what? My ex -boyfriend owns
this restaurant. He took those with me

766
00:56:47,340 --> 00:56:48,400
night when I was really toasted.

767
00:56:49,240 --> 00:56:53,000
Yeah, ex -boy... Been here three days,
you already have an ex -boyfriend. Wow.

768
00:56:53,440 --> 00:56:56,200
Once you start mixing alcohol and Red
Bull, it's like you're behind the wheel

769
00:56:56,200 --> 00:56:58,680
a car going 100 miles an hour, but
nobody's driving.

770
00:57:00,300 --> 00:57:01,300
Wow,

771
00:57:02,840 --> 00:57:05,000
you're really flexible.

772
00:57:05,560 --> 00:57:08,840
Oh, yeah, it's genetic. I come from a
long line of leg spreaders.

773
00:57:09,900 --> 00:57:13,020
Yeah, because you seem to really like
being naked.

774
00:57:14,280 --> 00:57:17,400
Are you judging me, Andy? Is that what's
going on here?

775
00:57:17,660 --> 00:57:21,720
No. No. Because if you are, I will walk
out of here right now. No, no, no. Kim,

776
00:57:21,780 --> 00:57:22,780
I'm not judging you.

777
00:57:22,960 --> 00:57:24,040
Please, I'm not judging you.

778
00:57:24,300 --> 00:57:27,280
You know, I've gotten drunk and done
some pretty wild things myself.

779
00:57:28,000 --> 00:57:32,720
Just drop it, Andy, okay? Just put the
photos behind us. Yeah, okay. I'm all

780
00:57:32,720 --> 00:57:33,419
that, yeah.

781
00:57:33,420 --> 00:57:34,740
Thank you. Shall we order?

782
00:57:34,980 --> 00:57:36,080
Yeah, I'm starving.

783
00:57:42,060 --> 00:57:44,240
Is that a gorilla?

784
00:57:44,900 --> 00:57:46,560
Yeah, Andy, it's a gorilla.

785
00:57:46,820 --> 00:57:47,860
What does it look like, a giraffe?

786
00:57:48,250 --> 00:57:49,250
I mean, come on. Yeah.

787
00:57:54,450 --> 00:57:58,390
I like you, Andy.

788
00:57:59,070 --> 00:58:01,130
I like you a lot. I like you, too.

789
00:58:01,670 --> 00:58:04,710
You know, the funny thing is, is that
usually I like to get really physical

790
00:58:04,710 --> 00:58:05,710
the guys I date.

791
00:58:05,810 --> 00:58:07,390
But with you, it's different.

792
00:58:07,890 --> 00:58:09,830
It's like I need something more.

793
00:58:11,130 --> 00:58:14,730
Yeah. I feel like I'm connecting with
you on such a deeper level.

794
00:58:15,170 --> 00:58:16,550
You're like a brother to me.

795
00:58:16,870 --> 00:58:17,870
You've got this...

796
00:58:18,589 --> 00:58:20,230
Asexual vibes. It's so hot.

797
00:58:20,570 --> 00:58:23,690
It's like I could see us married for
five years and not even kissing.

798
00:58:24,050 --> 00:58:24,928
Oh, really?

799
00:58:24,930 --> 00:58:29,410
Yeah. I really think we should just go a
while without having sex. Like a long,

800
00:58:29,450 --> 00:58:30,570
long while, you know?

801
00:58:31,530 --> 00:58:33,530
Just take things really slow.

802
00:58:33,770 --> 00:58:37,110
Okay. You know what I'm saying, Andy?
Because I don't think we should get each

803
00:58:37,110 --> 00:58:39,910
other all hot and bothered. I really
think we should just let sex be the

804
00:58:39,910 --> 00:58:42,050
furthest thing from our minds. Okay.

805
00:58:42,290 --> 00:58:42,968
I won't...

806
00:58:42,970 --> 00:58:49,710
tongue your ear or rub my natural perky
breath up against your chest or lick

807
00:58:49,710 --> 00:58:56,210
your inner thigh all the way up to
your... Up to your... Do

808
00:58:56,210 --> 00:59:00,890
you... I don't really want to say it,
but I feel shy about saying the word

809
00:59:01,130 --> 00:59:02,630
Up to your cock.

810
00:59:03,070 --> 00:59:04,070
Is that your cock?

811
00:59:04,270 --> 00:59:05,270
Oh, my God.

812
00:59:05,770 --> 00:59:07,490
You're making a weird face right now.

813
00:59:07,710 --> 00:59:11,950
I am? Yeah. Really? It's funny. You look
like a crazy person.

814
00:59:23,140 --> 00:59:25,860
I feel like we're connected or
something.

815
00:59:26,100 --> 00:59:28,360
I feel like you might be my soulmate.

816
00:59:29,460 --> 00:59:30,780
Take me from behind.

817
00:59:32,620 --> 00:59:39,020
What the hell is that?

818
00:59:40,180 --> 00:59:42,560
What? Oh, it's my tattoo.

819
00:59:42,980 --> 00:59:45,020
My uncle inked it on me when I was like
12.

820
00:59:45,420 --> 00:59:48,100
It's like a family crest. It's kind of
cool, right? I never really got a full

821
00:59:48,100 --> 00:59:48,979
look at it.

822
00:59:48,980 --> 00:59:50,160
Are you Native American?

823
00:59:50,820 --> 00:59:51,820
What? No.

824
00:59:52,380 --> 00:59:53,880
I want you inside me right now.

825
00:59:57,280 --> 01:00:00,700
Don't do it, Andy! Do not throw away
everything that we have built together!

826
01:00:00,920 --> 01:00:01,920
Who the hell is this?

827
01:00:02,160 --> 01:00:03,220
Sarah, what are you doing?

828
01:00:03,500 --> 01:00:07,460
Look, I made a mistake, okay? I never
should have let you go.

829
01:00:07,720 --> 01:00:11,920
You're the one that I want to be with. I
know it, and our baby knows it. That is

830
01:00:11,920 --> 01:00:15,700
not my baby, okay? That is not my baby.
I know that this is a lot for you to

831
01:00:15,700 --> 01:00:17,180
process, and that's okay.

832
01:00:17,680 --> 01:00:20,580
You know, Oprah says that all men go
through this first phase of denial with

833
01:00:20,580 --> 01:00:24,380
pregnancy, and we can go through it
together. Okay, hold on a second. Am I

834
01:00:24,380 --> 01:00:27,940
hearing that this is your baby? That is
not my baby. Of course it is. He's my

835
01:00:27,940 --> 01:00:28,859
baby's daddy.

836
01:00:28,860 --> 01:00:32,860
I'm not your baby's daddy. Black Eye is
the baby's daddy. Oh, leave it up to the

837
01:00:32,860 --> 01:00:36,540
man to put the blame on the color. I'm
not blaming anybody. Black Eye had sex

838
01:00:36,540 --> 01:00:37,980
with you when you were blindfolded.

839
01:00:38,600 --> 01:00:40,860
Okay, Andy, I'll humor you, all right?

840
01:00:41,240 --> 01:00:42,940
There's only one way to find this out
for sure.

841
01:00:43,200 --> 01:00:44,200
A little help, please.

842
01:00:54,890 --> 01:00:58,950
Ladies and gentlemen, Andy claims that
his roommate diddled Sarah while she

843
01:00:58,950 --> 01:00:59,950
wasn't looking.

844
01:01:00,350 --> 01:01:05,350
Sarah claims that this baby is going to
come out all white and hairy just like

845
01:01:05,350 --> 01:01:06,450
his daddy Andy.

846
01:01:07,310 --> 01:01:13,230
So to end all of this right now, we have
an amazing new DNA test that can

847
01:01:13,230 --> 01:01:16,990
determine the father of a child before
the baby is born.

848
01:01:18,030 --> 01:01:23,250
Come here, you grisly little bastard. I
am so sick and tired.

849
01:01:23,820 --> 01:01:28,140
of you deadbeat motherfuckers making us
white guys look bad.

850
01:01:29,600 --> 01:01:30,600
Oh, shit!

851
01:01:31,960 --> 01:01:37,700
If it turns blue, ladies, we got your
baby's daddy.

852
01:01:48,480 --> 01:01:52,660
I'm sorry, son. I may have been a little
too hard on you right there.

853
01:01:53,770 --> 01:01:59,370
You can take a hound to water, but you
can't water a hound.

854
01:02:00,350 --> 01:02:01,570
Sarah, you're a bitch.

855
01:02:06,610 --> 01:02:07,750
Good night, folks.

856
01:02:08,430 --> 01:02:09,388
I'm Dr.

857
01:02:09,390 --> 01:02:10,390
Bill.

858
01:02:11,430 --> 01:02:14,070
He told you, bitch. Now you look stupid.

859
01:02:15,510 --> 01:02:18,950
Stupid? Who you calling stupid, bitch?

860
01:02:19,310 --> 01:02:20,310
You a trick?

861
01:02:20,590 --> 01:02:21,249
A trick?

862
01:02:21,250 --> 01:02:22,250
You the hoe?

863
01:02:22,320 --> 01:02:24,300
I'm the hoe, you the hoe with that hoe
mouth.

864
01:02:24,600 --> 01:02:26,760
Should be eating out this peach with
that hoe mouth.

865
01:02:26,980 --> 01:02:30,900
Oh, I will eat that peach. I will eat
that peach until it turns into a prune,

866
01:02:30,900 --> 01:02:33,400
bitch. You think I'm scared of that? You
think I'm scared of you turning my

867
01:02:33,400 --> 01:02:37,480
peach into a prune? Oh, you're not
scared of me? No, I ain't scared of you.

868
01:02:37,720 --> 01:02:39,020
You're not scared of me sucking it?

869
01:02:40,420 --> 01:02:43,080
I'm gonna suck you off just like I did
my man Andy.

870
01:02:43,280 --> 01:02:44,280
What'd you say, bitch?

871
01:02:44,600 --> 01:02:47,140
You heard me? What'd you say about my
man Andy?

872
01:02:47,820 --> 01:02:48,779
Your man?

873
01:02:48,780 --> 01:02:49,960
It's on, bitch.

874
01:02:51,290 --> 01:02:52,330
All right, are you ready?

875
01:02:52,710 --> 01:02:53,710
Are you ready?

876
01:02:53,770 --> 01:02:54,770
Get on!

877
01:02:57,990 --> 01:02:59,130
Let me see what you can do.

878
01:03:29,610 --> 01:03:32,450
Oh, you did not just fuck with my best
outfit.

879
01:03:33,490 --> 01:03:34,490
Oh,

880
01:03:38,090 --> 01:03:39,450
did it just get cold in here?

881
01:03:52,630 --> 01:03:53,549
Go big.

882
01:03:53,550 --> 01:03:55,670
You want to go again? You want to go
again? Oh.

883
01:04:02,060 --> 01:04:03,460
I'd like to call the Heather Mills,
bitch.

884
01:04:06,880 --> 01:04:12,880
You know what, Andy? This is exactly the
kind of drama I wanted to get away from

885
01:04:12,880 --> 01:04:13,839
by moving out here.

886
01:04:13,840 --> 01:04:16,320
So who's it going to be? Me or her?

887
01:04:16,560 --> 01:04:20,940
You're both, like, incredibly special
people, and... You know what?

888
01:04:21,300 --> 01:04:23,280
It's been real, but it's over.

889
01:04:34,730 --> 01:04:35,730
Ready for summer.

890
01:05:10,380 --> 01:05:14,400
Young white one, follow me to the path
of your destiny.

891
01:05:15,260 --> 01:05:16,260
What?

892
01:05:17,500 --> 01:05:20,800
Motherfucker, get your ass out of that
lounge chair and follow me, bitch.

893
01:05:21,140 --> 01:05:22,140
Damn.

894
01:05:33,640 --> 01:05:34,640
Hi.

895
01:05:35,080 --> 01:05:36,080
Who are you?

896
01:05:37,360 --> 01:05:39,280
The force is strong with this one.

897
01:05:39,890 --> 01:05:41,150
Virgin, you are.

898
01:05:42,130 --> 01:05:44,510
Are you a virgin? Yes.

899
01:05:45,250 --> 01:05:46,730
140 years for me.

900
01:05:47,130 --> 01:05:50,970
Okay, you're 140 years old. I doubt
that. Nobody's 140 years old.

901
01:05:51,170 --> 01:05:54,390
By not spilling your seed upon the sand,
many years do you live.

902
01:05:55,050 --> 01:05:57,170
Spooge is the key to life force, it is.

903
01:05:58,510 --> 01:06:01,250
He's saying if you don't jerk it, you'll
live longer.

904
01:06:01,930 --> 01:06:02,930
Really?

905
01:06:04,270 --> 01:06:05,630
I may be one myself.

906
01:06:06,250 --> 01:06:09,310
So wait, I've been doing the right thing
this whole time?

907
01:06:09,790 --> 01:06:11,170
Yes, have you.

908
01:06:12,750 --> 01:06:15,930
Um, I'm sorry, is that your ball sack?

909
01:06:17,090 --> 01:06:18,090
Observant you are.

910
01:06:19,110 --> 01:06:20,310
Strodom very stretchy.

911
01:06:20,750 --> 01:06:22,630
Yes, yes, very stretchy.

912
01:06:23,290 --> 01:06:26,530
At age 41, your balls will fill up.

913
01:06:26,850 --> 01:06:29,770
The bigger they get, the more force
you'll have.

914
01:06:29,990 --> 01:06:34,390
I don't care about the force. I don't
want big balls. Behold, the power of the

915
01:06:34,390 --> 01:06:35,390
virgin force.

916
01:06:39,620 --> 01:06:43,140
No, this is not what I... I don't want
to be a virgin anymore!

917
01:06:45,520 --> 01:06:48,880
I fear we have lost another one to the
dark side.

918
01:06:49,980 --> 01:06:52,700
Scratch the back of my balls. Will you
reach them?

919
01:06:53,100 --> 01:06:54,100
I cannot.

920
01:06:59,560 --> 01:07:02,400
It's so hot. Oh, my God. I smile on this
one.

921
01:07:02,620 --> 01:07:03,620
No, no, don't use your teeth.

922
01:07:04,480 --> 01:07:05,480
Hey,

923
01:07:06,700 --> 01:07:08,500
hey, hey. Fuck's door. What are you
doing with my photos?

924
01:07:08,860 --> 01:07:10,980
She's my girlfriend and these are mine.

925
01:07:11,220 --> 01:07:14,320
And don't call me a snort fuck, whatever
it is you call me.

926
01:07:14,600 --> 01:07:17,260
What a fucking hognock. You, back at me,
right now. There we go.

927
01:07:21,660 --> 01:07:25,640
It just isn't right that a woman as
wonderful as you has her shaved, chunch

928
01:07:25,640 --> 01:07:27,340
plastered all over a four -star
restaurant.

929
01:07:27,920 --> 01:07:31,000
And I know that we're not together, but
if we were, I wouldn't want to share

930
01:07:31,000 --> 01:07:32,000
your growler with anyone.

931
01:07:33,800 --> 01:07:36,800
Except for maybe the gorilla that kind
of turned me on.

932
01:07:37,420 --> 01:07:40,100
It wasn't a gorilla, Andy. It was a guy
in a fuzzy suit.

933
01:07:40,540 --> 01:07:41,840
Oh, I didn't know that.

934
01:07:42,880 --> 01:07:45,760
Look, I made a mistake back there by not
telling you how I really feel.

935
01:07:47,540 --> 01:07:48,600
I choose you, Kim.

936
01:07:49,540 --> 01:07:50,760
I choose you.

937
01:08:05,180 --> 01:08:06,380
Wicked scenes.

938
01:08:08,020 --> 01:08:11,980
I can't escape or erase from me.

939
01:08:14,140 --> 01:08:15,140
I'm doomed.

940
01:08:15,980 --> 01:08:21,020
I'm going to be this old man with this
giant nutsack and nobody to carry it

941
01:08:21,020 --> 01:08:22,020
around.

942
01:09:01,870 --> 01:09:02,688
There's something else.

943
01:09:02,689 --> 01:09:03,689
Oh. Okay.

944
01:09:07,890 --> 01:09:08,890
Look.

945
01:09:11,630 --> 01:09:12,630
I'm a virgin.

946
01:09:13,870 --> 01:09:14,870
Really?

947
01:09:17,090 --> 01:09:20,590
Oh, Andy, that is so refreshing. I
haven't been with a virgin since I was

948
01:09:20,590 --> 01:09:22,090
eight. Wait, what?

949
01:09:22,450 --> 01:09:23,490
Since I was like eight.

950
01:09:24,270 --> 01:09:25,310
Oh, okay.

951
01:09:26,290 --> 01:09:27,290
You know what?

952
01:09:27,950 --> 01:09:31,890
I love you. You got hit by a car and
you're still... standing up.

953
01:09:32,370 --> 01:09:33,569
You're just undefeatable.

954
01:09:51,510 --> 01:09:55,970
All right, Sarah. We got some kind of
action going on over here, okay? I can

955
01:09:55,970 --> 01:09:57,330
the head, but the head can't see me.

956
01:09:57,690 --> 01:09:59,790
Here we go. I'm going to take a look.

957
01:10:14,190 --> 01:10:15,210
Can you hear me now?

958
01:10:16,470 --> 01:10:17,470
No.

959
01:10:18,650 --> 01:10:19,650
What about now?

960
01:10:41,960 --> 01:10:43,140
We got another one. What?

961
01:10:43,660 --> 01:10:45,120
Come on. It's coming.

962
01:10:46,460 --> 01:10:51,440
I'm going to assume this one is yours.

963
01:10:52,600 --> 01:10:54,280
Oh, he's beautiful.

964
01:11:14,190 --> 01:11:15,190
What did you have sex with?

965
01:11:57,019 --> 01:11:58,060
Andy. Congratulations.

966
01:11:58,680 --> 01:12:01,980
Tonight you get to do both of us. But we
were just wondering one thing.

967
01:12:02,200 --> 01:12:03,820
Have you ever had a Turkish log jammer?

968
01:12:04,080 --> 01:12:05,080
Double clam slam?

969
01:12:05,620 --> 01:12:08,200
Bolivian skyscraper? Sweaty catfish
sampler?

970
01:12:08,440 --> 01:12:09,440
Pink glass shower?

971
01:12:09,880 --> 01:12:10,880
Mouth fucking?

972
01:12:12,400 --> 01:12:14,900
Okay, get the fuck out of here!

973
01:12:30,540 --> 01:12:31,880
I'm going to make it really easy on you.

974
01:12:32,360 --> 01:12:33,620
I'm going to do all the work.

975
01:12:34,040 --> 01:12:35,500
Oh. Okay.

976
01:12:36,400 --> 01:12:37,560
Oh. Wow.

977
01:12:38,100 --> 01:12:41,500
Oh. Oh. That feels... That's good.

978
01:12:41,740 --> 01:12:43,340
You're officially not a virgin anymore.

979
01:12:43,660 --> 01:12:44,840
Oh. Yeah.

980
01:12:45,760 --> 01:12:48,120
Oh, that's really... That feels good.

981
01:12:48,580 --> 01:12:50,560
That feels, like, really good.

982
01:12:52,100 --> 01:12:53,160
Why are you making that face?

983
01:12:53,480 --> 01:12:54,480
Oh, sorry.

984
01:12:54,560 --> 01:12:55,960
It's okay. I'm sorry. It's red.

985
01:12:56,660 --> 01:12:58,220
Just try looking at my eyes. It's okay.

986
01:12:58,520 --> 01:12:59,520
Yeah.

987
01:12:59,760 --> 01:13:03,440
That's... There, there, that hurts. This
hurts. A little bit hurts.

988
01:13:03,660 --> 01:13:04,639
Good, though.

989
01:13:04,640 --> 01:13:05,640
In a good way.

990
01:13:05,740 --> 01:13:07,400
Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah.

991
01:13:07,780 --> 01:13:08,780
Do it harder.

992
01:13:11,580 --> 01:13:17,700
You shouldn't move. Something's going on
now. Something's going on.

993
01:13:48,560 --> 01:13:52,060
But in related news, Louisiana is now
completely flooded.

994
01:13:52,320 --> 01:13:57,360
A torrential downpour of an unknown
salty liquid has filled the area,

995
01:13:57,360 --> 01:13:59,680
the levees once again in the process.

996
01:15:09,650 --> 01:15:13,650
I should know that you can't turn a hoe
into a house.

997
01:15:13,910 --> 01:15:16,670
We'll screw you over and make a joke.

998
01:15:43,300 --> 01:15:47,620
That's the fact you just may want to
wear this. Cause that's just the fact of

999
01:15:47,620 --> 01:15:49,320
that pumps a lot of children.

1000
01:15:49,660 --> 01:15:53,080
You have so many of them that you might
just want to kill them.

1001
01:16:21,480 --> 01:16:24,060
fried chicken, panitas, and cheesy
tikka.

1002
01:18:03,360 --> 01:18:09,580
Yes Yes Yes

1003
01:18:09,580 --> 01:18:14,240
Yes Yes

1004
01:18:14,240 --> 01:18:19,320
Yes Yes

1005
01:18:19,320 --> 01:18:23,640
Yes Yes

1006
01:18:31,210 --> 01:18:32,570
Yes. Yes.

1007
01:18:35,230 --> 01:18:36,230
Yes.

1008
01:18:36,710 --> 01:18:37,710
Yes.

1009
01:18:40,010 --> 01:18:41,010
Yes.

1010
01:18:42,150 --> 01:18:43,150
Yes.

1011
01:18:43,950 --> 01:18:45,790
Yes. Yes.

1012
01:18:46,110 --> 01:18:52,210
Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. You stupid, lame
-brained, relentless, snot -nosed, dick

1013
01:18:52,210 --> 01:18:55,850
-faced, cocksucker, cock -knocker,
motherfucker!

1014
01:18:56,210 --> 01:18:57,630
Yes! Yes!

1015
01:18:57,890 --> 01:19:00,250
God, don't you ever give up!

1016
01:19:02,410 --> 01:19:03,410
soul.

1017
01:20:08,010 --> 01:20:09,550
Who are you such a douche bag?

1018
01:20:11,510 --> 01:20:13,470
Frost in your tip.

1019
01:20:14,990 --> 01:20:16,670
Shaking your hips.

1020
01:20:17,130 --> 01:20:18,210
Dressing drag.

1021
01:20:19,230 --> 01:20:21,890
You walk around with your dick out.

1022
01:20:24,030 --> 01:20:25,810
Dancing like a fool.

1023
01:20:27,050 --> 01:20:28,930
Looking like a tool.

1024
01:20:29,350 --> 01:20:30,590
What a bag.

1025
01:20:32,690 --> 01:20:37,390
And when you walk around with your pink
shirt and your sparky hair.

1026
01:20:39,280 --> 01:20:43,320
It makes me want to give you a wedgie by
pulling on your underwear.

1027
01:20:45,640 --> 01:20:46,640
Douchebag.

1028
01:20:50,100 --> 01:20:52,660
Everybody knows you're a douchebag.

1029
01:20:56,740 --> 01:20:58,740
Why are you such a douchebag?

1030
01:21:02,420 --> 01:21:04,920
Everybody knows you're a douchebag.

1031
01:21:12,690 --> 01:21:19,390
wearing beetles while you swim rocking
pandex at the gym all the

1032
01:21:19,390 --> 01:21:23,070
time while you're shivving off your
mustache