1
00:00:02,120 --> 00:00:05,112
("RED DWARF" THEME)

2
00:01:27,740 --> 00:01:29,935
Hello? Can you hear me?

3
00:01:30,100 --> 00:01:34,696
Oh, no. Of course not.
I haven't engaged your verbal systems.

4
00:01:34,860 --> 00:01:37,294
(LISTER) Kryten.

5
00:01:37,460 --> 00:01:41,169
- Kryten, what you doing?
- I've repaired the toaster. Well, nearly.

6
00:01:41,340 --> 00:01:44,377
Oh, no! Dismantle him!
You don't know what he's like!

7
00:01:44,580 --> 00:01:48,175
I've read the documentation, sir.
He's simply a talking alarm clock

8
00:01:48,340 --> 00:01:50,934
who provides morning toast
and light conversation.

9
00:01:51,100 --> 00:01:53,660
- Not this one. This one's mental.
- Sir?

10
00:01:53,820 --> 00:01:58,098
He's defective. He wants everyone
to eat toast all of the time. He's obsessed.

11
00:01:58,260 --> 00:02:02,538
If you don't want 400 rounds of toast
every hour, he throws a wobbler.

12
00:02:02,700 --> 00:02:05,134
- That's what caused the accident.
- What accident?

13
00:02:05,300 --> 00:02:10,454
The accident involving me, the toaster,
the waste disposal and a 14lb lump hammer.

14
00:02:10,620 --> 00:02:14,135
That's why he was in the garbage hold
in 3,000 pieces.

15
00:02:14,300 --> 00:02:17,372
Another thing.
He always says "Howdy doodly do".

16
00:02:17,540 --> 00:02:21,499
Drives you spare.
What the smeg does "Howdy doodly do" mean?

17
00:02:21,660 --> 00:02:25,448
Well, just trust me, sir.
My motives will become clear.

18
00:02:25,660 --> 00:02:29,016
(CHIRPY VOICE) Howdy doodly do!
How's it going? I'm Talkie,

19
00:02:29,220 --> 00:02:32,576
Talkie Toaster,
your chirpy breakfast companion,

20
00:02:32,740 --> 00:02:36,653
Talkie's the name, toasting's the game,
Anyone like any toast?

21
00:02:36,820 --> 00:02:39,937
I don't want any toast. He doesn't want any toast.

22
00:02:40,100 --> 00:02:44,810
No one around here wants any toast.
Not now, not ever. No toast.

23
00:02:45,020 --> 00:02:48,569
- How about a muffin?
- Or muffins! We don't like muffins here!

24
00:02:48,780 --> 00:02:51,453
We want no muffins, no toast, no teacakes,

25
00:02:51,620 --> 00:02:54,134
no buns, baps, baguettes or bagels,

26
00:02:54,300 --> 00:02:56,973
no croissants, no crumpets, no pancakes,

27
00:02:57,140 --> 00:02:59,574
no potato cakes and no hot-cross buns

28
00:02:59,740 --> 00:03:01,810
and DEFINITELY no smeggin' flapjacks!

29
00:03:03,540 --> 00:03:06,293
Ah, so you're a waffle man!

30
00:03:07,220 --> 00:03:11,008
See? You see what he's like?
There's no reasoning with him.

31
00:03:11,180 --> 00:03:15,014
Allow me, sir. As one mechanical to another,
he'll understand me.

32
00:03:15,180 --> 00:03:21,335
Now, listen. You will not offer any grilled
bread products to any member of the crew.

33
00:03:21,500 --> 00:03:26,813
If you do, you will be on the receiving end
of a very large polo mallet!

34
00:03:27,020 --> 00:03:30,137
- Can I ask just one question?
- Of course.

35
00:03:30,340 --> 00:03:32,729
Would anyone like any toast?

36
00:03:32,900 --> 00:03:34,891
Didn't you hear what I just said?

37
00:03:35,060 --> 00:03:39,099
- Yes, but you might have changed your mind,
- You see what he's like?

38
00:03:39,260 --> 00:03:41,979
- We haven't changed our mind!
- No toast!

39
00:03:42,180 --> 00:03:47,413
But I'm a toaster, It is my raison d'etre,
I toast, therefore I am,

40
00:03:47,580 --> 00:03:51,175
- If you don't want toast, why repair me?
- Yeah, why?

41
00:03:51,340 --> 00:03:54,173
He's a guinea pig for "intelligence compression".

42
00:03:54,340 --> 00:03:57,059
His AI chips were badly damaged in the accident.

43
00:03:57,260 --> 00:03:59,979
That was no accident,
That was first-degree toastercide!

44
00:04:00,180 --> 00:04:02,375
- Just shut your grill!
- Ow!

45
00:04:02,580 --> 00:04:07,096
By re-routing his circuitry and channelling
all his run-time through a single CPU,

46
00:04:07,260 --> 00:04:11,970
I've restored his intelligence,
at the cost of reducing his operational lifespan.

47
00:04:12,980 --> 00:04:16,052
- So?
- So, it could work with Holly.

48
00:04:16,220 --> 00:04:20,498
We could restore her IQ of 6,000.
She could be brilliant again.

49
00:04:21,540 --> 00:04:26,250
You really think that airhead of a computer
can become a genius again?

50
00:04:26,460 --> 00:04:29,497
Well, it could hardly make her worse.

51
00:04:29,660 --> 00:04:34,370
Right. If she counts without banging her head
on the screen, it'll be an improvement.

52
00:04:34,860 --> 00:04:38,614
If Holly gets her brains back,
she'll be able to do anything -

53
00:04:38,780 --> 00:04:41,010
invent a hyperdrive, get back to Earth...

54
00:04:41,180 --> 00:04:45,412
If Earth still exists. If it does,
it's doubtful the human race survived.

55
00:04:45,620 --> 00:04:50,933
All right, a time machine. We could all pick
whatever period we wanted to live in.

56
00:04:51,140 --> 00:04:55,611
Well, it'll be the 19th century for me.
One of Napoleon's marshals.

57
00:04:55,780 --> 00:05:01,332
The chance to cross Europe with
the greatest general of all time and kill Belgians.

58
00:05:02,640 --> 00:05:04,631
- How long now?
- Nearly there, Hol.

59
00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:08,634
A couple of minutes to load the circuits,
maybe a minute to finalise the connection.

60
00:05:10,800 --> 00:05:14,588
Just three minutes, then?
Better get down to the science room.

61
00:05:14,800 --> 00:05:17,075
We'd better pray to God this works.

62
00:05:17,280 --> 00:05:20,352
That ion storm has really done her head in, man,

63
00:05:20,520 --> 00:05:22,112
(BLEEPING)

64
00:05:22,320 --> 00:05:26,279
- There's the signal. Everything's set.
- Let's hope you don't get an overload,

65
00:05:26,480 --> 00:05:28,948
- What if I do?
- You'll explode,

66
00:05:29,160 --> 00:05:30,593
I'll live.

67
00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:34,270
It's coming. I can feel it.

68
00:05:55,880 --> 00:05:58,792
Strike a light! I'm a genius again!

69
00:05:58,960 --> 00:06:03,670
I know everything! Metaphysics, philosophy,
the purpose of being - everything!

70
00:06:03,840 --> 00:06:06,877
- Ask me any question. I'll answer it.
- Any question?

71
00:06:07,080 --> 00:06:11,073
- Yes.
- How to break the speed of light?

72
00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:14,232
Any question at all and you will answer?

73
00:06:14,400 --> 00:06:16,994
- Yes.
- OK, here's my question,,,

74
00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:19,270
Would you like some toast?

75
00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:23,068
No, thank you. Now ask me another.

76
00:06:23,180 --> 00:06:29,779
OK, Why have you got an IQ of 12,000
when it was supposed to return to six?

77
00:06:29,980 --> 00:06:32,540
Good question! There was a miscalculation.

78
00:06:32,700 --> 00:06:36,613
My IQ has doubled, but my life expectancy
has been exponentially reduced.

79
00:06:36,820 --> 00:06:42,895
So what is your life expectancy? 345 years?
Well, better than a kick in the bread tray,

80
00:06:43,100 --> 00:06:48,811
- Missed the decimal point...
- You have only 3,41 years left to live?

81
00:06:49,020 --> 00:06:51,614
That's not years. That's minutes!

82
00:06:51,820 --> 00:06:54,539
Here's my next question -
what the smeg will you do?!

83
00:06:54,700 --> 00:06:58,090
To conserve my run-time,
I'm going to switch myself off.

84
00:06:58,260 --> 00:07:02,048
Wait! There is one question
the others will have to know!

85
00:07:02,220 --> 00:07:05,417
- What?
- Would you like a cheese and ham Breville?

86
00:07:06,420 --> 00:07:09,378
No indication of signal failure.
All signs are excellent.

87
00:07:09,540 --> 00:07:11,895
I really believe we've done it.

88
00:07:13,180 --> 00:07:15,978
- What's happened?
- What's going on?

89
00:07:16,180 --> 00:07:18,569
Listen. Can anyone hear anything?

90
00:07:19,740 --> 00:07:22,891
- No.
- Precisely. No one can hear anything.

91
00:07:24,060 --> 00:07:27,496
- And you know why we can't hear anything?
- Why?

92
00:07:27,700 --> 00:07:30,851
Because there are no sounds to hear.

93
00:07:32,140 --> 00:07:36,418
Kryten, isn't it this time of year
that your head goes for re-tuning?

94
00:07:37,020 --> 00:07:41,536
No, no, he's right. There's no sounds
because the engines are dead.

95
00:07:43,180 --> 00:07:45,216
We've lost all power!

96
00:07:46,540 --> 00:07:49,179
Everything's down, man, even the doors!

97
00:07:49,380 --> 00:07:51,735
We've got to get to the science room.

98
00:07:51,900 --> 00:07:56,371
There are 53 doors between here and there.
What are we going to do?

99
00:07:56,540 --> 00:07:59,293
Hey, I got it. We laser our way through!

100
00:07:59,460 --> 00:08:02,816
An excellent suggestion, sir,
with just two minor drawbacks.

101
00:08:02,980 --> 00:08:05,574
One - there's no power source for the lasers.

102
00:08:05,740 --> 00:08:08,698
And two - we don't have any lasers.

103
00:08:09,180 --> 00:08:13,332
Look, they're only interior doors.
They're only a light alloy.

104
00:08:13,500 --> 00:08:16,253
Maybe we could get through with a battering ram.

105
00:08:16,420 --> 00:08:21,858
All we need is something, say, six foot long,
fairly sturdy, with a flat top.

106
00:08:25,540 --> 00:08:28,373
53 doors?! You can't be serious!

107
00:08:38,380 --> 00:08:41,850
- You OK, man?
- I'm fine, thank you, Susan.

108
00:08:43,580 --> 00:08:47,050
It doesn't make sense.
Holly's off-lined and powered down the ship.

109
00:08:47,220 --> 00:08:49,609
Why? Why would she turn herself off?

110
00:08:49,820 --> 00:08:52,778
We can soon find out. Kryten, boot her up.

111
00:08:55,940 --> 00:08:58,170
Try it again.

112
00:09:00,100 --> 00:09:01,897
Go away!

113
00:09:03,740 --> 00:09:07,289
What's going on?
Give me voice control on the reboot command.

114
00:09:07,500 --> 00:09:08,853
(BLEEPING)

115
00:09:09,060 --> 00:09:10,459
- On.
- Off.

116
00:09:10,740 --> 00:09:12,139
- On.
- Off.

117
00:09:12,340 --> 00:09:13,659
- On.
- Off.

118
00:09:13,860 --> 00:09:16,135
Kryten, can we override her shutdown veto?

119
00:09:16,340 --> 00:09:20,015
- Yes, but may I suggest that...
- Don't, just do it.

120
00:09:22,820 --> 00:09:26,051
- On.
- Off. Off. OFF!

121
00:09:26,220 --> 00:09:30,691
Now, perhaps we can have a proper conversation
conducted in a civilised manner.

122
00:09:30,900 --> 00:09:34,256
- Take out the inhibitor! Switch me off!
- What is going on?

123
00:09:34,460 --> 00:09:38,578
No time to explain. Intelligence compressed.
Reduced lifespan. 2.35 remaining.

124
00:09:38,780 --> 00:09:42,216
- Come again?
- IQ 12,000. Two minutes and closing.

125
00:09:42,420 --> 00:09:44,490
Holly, what are you drivelling about?

126
00:09:44,700 --> 00:09:48,136
You're a total smeghead, aren't you, Rimmer?

127
00:09:48,340 --> 00:09:51,935
Why are you so unable to grasp
this extraordinarily simple premise?

128
00:09:52,140 --> 00:09:56,497
- What premise?
- I will expire in just under two minutes.

129
00:09:56,660 --> 00:10:01,290
Understand, moose brain?
Any further questions? Take your time.

130
00:10:01,460 --> 00:10:04,258
One minute thirty and counting. No rush.

131
00:10:04,460 --> 00:10:07,418
- God! Shouldn't we switch you off?
- Oh, let me see...

132
00:10:07,620 --> 00:10:09,850
Get her off, man! Get her off!

133
00:10:10,620 --> 00:10:14,613
- Great. Where does this leave us?
- Floating aimlessly in space,

134
00:10:14,780 --> 00:10:18,489
with no navigation and a rapidly diminishing
emergency power supply.

135
00:10:18,660 --> 00:10:22,335
It leaves us galloping up Diarrhoea Drive
without a saddle.

136
00:10:22,540 --> 00:10:26,692
So how come
Grand Canyon Nostrils is still here?

137
00:10:26,900 --> 00:10:31,132
- Yeah, Rimmer hasn't been wiped.
- He must be linked to emergency power.

138
00:10:31,340 --> 00:10:35,333
- But isn't that an enormous drain?
- Yes, but if we switch him off,

139
00:10:35,500 --> 00:10:38,572
we wouldn't have enough emergency power
to re-initialise him.

140
00:10:38,740 --> 00:10:42,449
Mr Rimmer would be effectively dead.

141
00:10:42,660 --> 00:10:45,174
Hey, things are looking up already!

142
00:10:45,700 --> 00:10:48,897
Forget it.
Whatever it is you're suggesting, forget it.

143
00:10:49,060 --> 00:10:52,769
But the entire ship is running
on emergency battery power only.

144
00:10:52,940 --> 00:10:55,773
With the oxygen recycler
and minimal heating and lighting,

145
00:10:55,940 --> 00:11:00,297
I estimate that Lister and the Cat
have approximately two months left.

146
00:11:00,460 --> 00:11:05,375
Without your drain on the power,
they might last six. I'm sorry, sir.

147
00:11:05,580 --> 00:11:07,218
Sorry? Why?

148
00:11:07,420 --> 00:11:12,813
Well, Space Corps Directive 195 clearly states
that in an emergency power situation,

149
00:11:13,020 --> 00:11:17,969
a hologrammatic crew member must lay down
his life so that living crew members survive.

150
00:11:18,180 --> 00:11:23,857
Yes, but Rimmer Directive 271 states
just as clearly, "No chance, you metal bastard."

151
00:11:26,620 --> 00:11:31,694
Come on, man! You gotta sacrifice your life!
I'm not asking you to do anything I wouldn't.

152
00:11:31,900 --> 00:11:34,972
You'd sacrifice your life for the good of the crew?

153
00:11:35,180 --> 00:11:38,331
No, I'd sacrifice YOUR life
for the good of the crew.

154
00:11:38,380 --> 00:11:40,530
Let's just eliminate the switch-off option.

155
00:11:40,740 --> 00:11:43,937
- So what now?
- Well, it's back to basics.

156
00:11:44,100 --> 00:11:49,128
No heat, no light, no power. We can't get food
out of the dispensing machines.

157
00:11:49,300 --> 00:11:51,734
We'll have to scavenge in the cargo decks.

158
00:11:51,900 --> 00:11:55,017
Without computers and technology,
we're reduced to primitives.

159
00:11:55,180 --> 00:11:59,139
All we've got is us, guys.
Us and our own resourcefulness.

160
00:11:59,340 --> 00:12:01,774
My God. It's worse than I thought.

161
00:12:12,580 --> 00:12:14,650
Come on! You're slowing down!

162
00:12:14,820 --> 00:12:17,892
I've been going 20 minutes.
Of course I'm slowing down!

163
00:12:18,100 --> 00:12:20,568
- Keep going. We're nearly there.
- Face it, man.

164
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:25,416
It's just not possible to fry an egg
using a bicycle-powered hairdryer.

165
00:12:25,620 --> 00:12:30,899
Sure it is! You just never pedal fast enough.
Come on! Keep pumping! One last try!

166
00:12:33,100 --> 00:12:36,297
- (HAIRDRYER WHIRRS)
- Yeah! We're cookin' now!

167
00:12:36,460 --> 00:12:39,452
How do you want yours? Permed or blow-dried?

168
00:12:39,620 --> 00:12:43,135
I can't go on, man. I'm finished. Finished.

169
00:12:43,340 --> 00:12:47,652
So we're back on the cold beans again?
Oh, not more beans, man.

170
00:12:47,820 --> 00:12:51,654
It smells like the inside
of a packet of dry roasted peanuts.

171
00:12:52,540 --> 00:12:56,852
Plus, it's 20 minutes sawing the lid off
'cause all the openers are electric.

172
00:12:57,060 --> 00:12:59,290
Everything on the smeggin' ship's electric, man -

173
00:12:59,460 --> 00:13:01,496
heat, lights, doors.

174
00:13:01,660 --> 00:13:07,212
I never realised how dependent we were.
I just plugged things in and pressed "on".

175
00:13:07,380 --> 00:13:11,817
I don't even know how to make oxygen,
just that it ends in "osis".

176
00:13:11,980 --> 00:13:16,258
Or is it "esis"? I don't know!
Why did I never pay attention in biology?

177
00:13:16,420 --> 00:13:21,130
Why did I always turn to page 47
and draw little beards on the sperms?

178
00:13:21,700 --> 00:13:25,852
Look, conserve your energy.
Stan and Ollie will soon be back with supplies.

179
00:13:26,020 --> 00:13:29,171
Meanwhile,
let's just stay warm and get some sleep.

180
00:13:29,380 --> 00:13:33,089
- Yeah, man. You're right.
- Hey, where you going, bud?

181
00:13:33,260 --> 00:13:35,820
- To get some sleep.
- It's Tuesday, right?

182
00:13:35,980 --> 00:13:37,618
Yeah. So?

183
00:13:37,780 --> 00:13:41,216
My turn on the electric blanket. Pedal.

184
00:13:44,620 --> 00:13:47,259
Wake me in eight hours.

185
00:13:49,260 --> 00:13:52,809
Five days to get to and from the cargo deck.
Unbelievable!

186
00:13:52,980 --> 00:13:56,893
That's 2,000 floors, sir.
Without the lifts, we made pretty good time.

187
00:13:57,100 --> 00:13:59,489
(THUNDEROUS CRASH)

188
00:14:01,260 --> 00:14:03,490
Hmm... Interesting.

189
00:14:04,380 --> 00:14:06,769
(HUMMING)

190
00:14:09,660 --> 00:14:13,494
(SLOWED DOWN)
My heavens! What on earth was that?

191
00:14:14,420 --> 00:14:19,733
(SPEEDED UP) It came from outside the ship.
Can we get a damage report? What's going on?

192
00:14:20,820 --> 00:14:23,698
Why are you speaking so quickly, sir?

193
00:14:23,900 --> 00:14:27,131
I'm not speaking quickly.
It's you. You're speaking too slowly.

194
00:14:27,300 --> 00:14:30,178
It's like talking to Paul Robeson on dope.

195
00:14:31,060 --> 00:14:33,051
(HUMMING)

196
00:14:33,220 --> 00:14:35,734
- How do I sound now?
- Normal. How do I sound?

197
00:14:35,900 --> 00:14:37,936
Likewise.

198
00:14:38,260 --> 00:14:40,694
(HUMMING)

199
00:14:40,860 --> 00:14:44,535
(SLOWED DOWN) What about now?
(SPEEDED UP) You sound very peculiar,

200
00:14:44,700 --> 00:14:47,453
as if you're speaking in slow motion.

201
00:14:47,940 --> 00:14:49,976
(HUMMING)

202
00:14:51,980 --> 00:14:54,369
- And now?
- Normal. Curious.

203
00:14:54,540 --> 00:14:59,489
It's like experiencing relative time dilation
in an amazingly compressed space.

204
00:14:59,660 --> 00:15:05,496
That's exactly what I thought. Relative time
dilation. You're a mind-reader, Kryten.

205
00:15:05,700 --> 00:15:10,296
We should go to the science room
and consult Holly. It's only two floors up.

206
00:15:10,460 --> 00:15:12,530
She's got two minutes of run-time left.

207
00:15:12,700 --> 00:15:15,772
With her new IQ, it could be enough.

208
00:15:21,300 --> 00:15:24,337
- What is it?
- I've never seen one, no one has,

209
00:15:24,500 --> 00:15:27,537
- but I'm guessing it's a white hole.
- A white hole?

210
00:15:27,700 --> 00:15:30,453
Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.

211
00:15:30,620 --> 00:15:34,852
A black hole sucks time and matter
out of the universe. A white hole returns it.

212
00:15:35,020 --> 00:15:37,898
So that thing's spewing time
back into the universe?

213
00:15:38,100 --> 00:15:42,696
Precisely. That's why we're experiencing
these curious time phenomena on board.

214
00:15:42,900 --> 00:15:45,812
- What is it?
- I've never seen one, no one has,

215
00:15:45,980 --> 00:15:49,256
- but I'm guessing it's a white hole.
- A white hole?

216
00:15:49,420 --> 00:15:52,059
Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.

217
00:15:52,220 --> 00:15:56,418
A black hole sucks time and matter
out of the universe. A white hole returns it.

218
00:15:56,620 --> 00:15:59,498
So that thing's spewing time
back into the universe?

219
00:15:59,700 --> 00:16:04,296
Precisely. That's why we're experiencing
these curious time phenomena on board.

220
00:16:04,500 --> 00:16:08,095
- What time phenomena?
- Like just then, when time repeated itself.

221
00:16:08,300 --> 00:16:11,133
So, what is it?

222
00:16:11,340 --> 00:16:13,900
Only joking.

223
00:16:14,100 --> 00:16:16,614
OK, so it's decided, then. We consult Holly.

224
00:16:16,820 --> 00:16:20,495
Hey, wait a minute. I missed the discussion!

225
00:16:20,700 --> 00:16:23,578
- We all did.
- Time is occurring in random pockets.

226
00:16:23,740 --> 00:16:26,049
The laws of causality no longer apply.

227
00:16:26,220 --> 00:16:29,690
- Action no longer leads to consequence.
- So, what is it?

228
00:16:29,900 --> 00:16:32,733
We've experienced this period of time before.

229
00:16:32,940 --> 00:16:36,137
- Only joking.
- And that one.

230
00:16:36,300 --> 00:16:39,098
Since we're no longer affected
by laws of causality,

231
00:16:39,260 --> 00:16:42,377
we can override these time jumps
if we concentrate.

232
00:16:42,540 --> 00:16:46,294
- Look, we have to consult Holly.
- I'll go with that.

233
00:16:46,500 --> 00:16:50,049
- Gets my vote.
- OK, so it's decided. We consult Holly.

234
00:16:50,260 --> 00:16:53,172
Ah, we've just encountered
the middle of this conversation.

235
00:16:53,380 --> 00:16:57,976
- So, what is it?
- Someone punch him out. Boot Holly up.

236
00:16:58,180 --> 00:17:00,410
Perhaps I should talk to her.

237
00:17:00,580 --> 00:17:04,175
Leave this to me, Kryten.
On. White hole. Spewing time.

238
00:17:04,340 --> 00:17:07,298
- Engines dead. Air supply low. Advice.
- Excuse me?

239
00:17:07,460 --> 00:17:10,020
- White hole. Spewing time...
- I can't understand you.

240
00:17:10,220 --> 00:17:12,256
- White. Hole.
- Yes. Right.

241
00:17:12,460 --> 00:17:14,496
- Spewing. Time.
- Yes. With you.

242
00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:17,339
- Engines dead. Air supply low.
- Oh. Ah.

243
00:17:17,540 --> 00:17:19,576
- Advice, please.
- Right.

244
00:17:20,860 --> 00:17:25,456
It's a computer slug. It looks like
it's compatible with Starbug's navicomp.

245
00:17:25,660 --> 00:17:28,697
- What is it?
- I've never seen one, no one has,

246
00:17:28,860 --> 00:17:31,897
- but I'm guessing it's a white hole.
- A white hole?

247
00:17:32,060 --> 00:17:35,450
Every action has an equal
and opposite reaction...

248
00:17:42,660 --> 00:17:45,697
- We should be getting something now, sir.
- Yeah.

249
00:17:45,860 --> 00:17:50,092
The most audacious piece of astronavigation
in the history of the universe.

250
00:17:50,300 --> 00:17:53,019
- I don't understand.
- It's quite straightforward, sir.

251
00:17:53,180 --> 00:17:57,651
Starbug is going to fire a thermonuclear
device into this sun here,

252
00:17:57,820 --> 00:18:01,733
creating a solar flare
which will knock that planet out of orbit

253
00:18:01,900 --> 00:18:06,212
and send it rocketing across space
into a white hole, blocking it up.

254
00:18:06,420 --> 00:18:09,412
Is she doing what I think she's doing?

255
00:18:09,620 --> 00:18:13,249
- What do you think she's doing?
- Playing pool with planets.

256
00:18:13,460 --> 00:18:16,338
- Is that possible?
- Well, it won't work. It's insane.

257
00:18:16,500 --> 00:18:18,775
It's whacko. It's noodle-doodle.

258
00:18:18,980 --> 00:18:22,814
- I'm with you, buddy.
- Not the idea, the shot. Not enough side.

259
00:18:23,020 --> 00:18:26,490
- Side?
- Yeah, side-spin. It's a complete miscue.

260
00:18:26,700 --> 00:18:31,455
What are you drivelling about? We're talking
about a computer with an IQ of 12,000.

261
00:18:31,660 --> 00:18:34,732
Doesn't mean she can play pool. I can. Trust me.

262
00:18:34,900 --> 00:18:40,293
I know whereof I speak.
They called me Dave "Cinzano Bianco" Lister -

263
00:18:40,460 --> 00:18:43,532
once I was on the table, you couldn't shift me.

264
00:18:44,300 --> 00:18:49,374
This pool arm is as sound as a dollarpound.
That shot will not come off.

265
00:18:49,540 --> 00:18:52,259
She's topped it. It's a felt-ripper.

266
00:18:52,460 --> 00:18:56,089
That planet is off the table
and into somebody's pint of beer.

267
00:18:56,260 --> 00:19:00,970
We are talking about the trigonomics
of four-dimensional space, you gimboid!

268
00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:05,975
We are not talking about some seedy game
of pool in a backstreet Scouse drinking pit.

269
00:19:06,180 --> 00:19:08,410
- It's the same principle.
- Of course it isn't.

270
00:19:08,580 --> 00:19:11,333
I promise you, that is a complete miscue.

271
00:19:11,500 --> 00:19:16,415
- I say we let me take the shot.
- Well, I say we put it to the vote.

272
00:19:16,580 --> 00:19:20,812
On one hand, we have a computer
with an IQ in excess of 12,000,

273
00:19:20,980 --> 00:19:23,448
who has a total grasp of astrophysics.

274
00:19:23,620 --> 00:19:30,093
And on the other hand, we have Lister,
who - let's be fair to him - is a complete gimp.

275
00:19:30,260 --> 00:19:35,459
To whom do we entrust our lives, the safety
of this vessel and the future of everything?

276
00:19:35,620 --> 00:19:38,771
If it's a tie, we go with Holly. Lister?

277
00:19:39,420 --> 00:19:42,457
Well, I vote for Dave "Cinzano Bianco" Lister.

278
00:19:42,660 --> 00:19:47,654
- One-nil. I vote for Holly. Cat?
- Well, I agree with you, buddy,

279
00:19:47,820 --> 00:19:50,493
but I'm voting for Doodoo-Breath.

280
00:19:50,700 --> 00:19:56,058
See, even though you're right, I couldn't vote
for someone with your dress sense.

281
00:19:56,260 --> 00:20:00,378
I couldn't put my cross next to the bri-nylon party.

282
00:20:00,540 --> 00:20:03,691
- Down to you, Kryten.
- It's insane and suicidal, sir,

283
00:20:03,860 --> 00:20:06,010
but I have to side with the human.

284
00:20:06,620 --> 00:20:09,737
- Brutal!
- You're voting for El Dirtball?

285
00:20:11,460 --> 00:20:15,578
- It's in my programming, sir.
- A living human outranks a hologram.

286
00:20:15,740 --> 00:20:19,335
- I'm sorry.
- Three-one to me! Let's do it!

287
00:20:19,540 --> 00:20:23,215
Congratulations, Kryten.
Your vote has just killed everyone.

288
00:20:23,420 --> 00:20:28,494
Will you relax? I've seen Gerbil-Face play
down in the recreation room. He's a diva!

289
00:20:28,660 --> 00:20:31,732
He can knock those balls around all night long,

290
00:20:31,900 --> 00:20:38,055
and I have never once seen him
lose a single ball down one of those holes!

291
00:20:54,820 --> 00:20:58,290
- How much are you going to drink?
- Don't talk. Game on.

292
00:20:58,500 --> 00:21:02,334
You're going to drink an entire six-pack
of "wicked strength" lager?

293
00:21:02,500 --> 00:21:05,856
I'm not gonna get plastered, Rimmer,
just...just nicely drunk.

294
00:21:06,060 --> 00:21:09,735
Define "nicely drunk".
Is that horizontal or perpendicular?

295
00:21:09,940 --> 00:21:12,693
- I can handle it.
- I'm not sure I can.

296
00:21:12,900 --> 00:21:16,415
We're in the wrong position.
It's easier from over here.

297
00:21:16,580 --> 00:21:21,654
That's right in the path of the planet!
If you miss, we get a planet in the face.

298
00:21:21,860 --> 00:21:24,579
- I'm not gonna mish.
- "Mish"?

299
00:21:25,780 --> 00:21:28,340
- What?
- You said "mish". "I'm not gonna mish."

300
00:21:28,500 --> 00:21:31,458
- Two cans and you're steaming!
- Rimmer, relax.

301
00:21:31,620 --> 00:21:34,896
I know what I'm doing. I am not pished.

302
00:21:37,100 --> 00:21:39,091
(CLATTER)

303
00:22:09,700 --> 00:22:11,850
(RESOUNDING BLAST)

304
00:22:17,140 --> 00:22:19,290
(RIMMER) He's missed.

305
00:22:20,860 --> 00:22:22,578
We're finished.

306
00:22:28,700 --> 00:22:30,770
What the smeg is going on?!

307
00:22:32,460 --> 00:22:34,690
(LISTER) She rides!

308
00:22:42,420 --> 00:22:46,174
- You jammy goit!
- Played for and got!

309
00:22:46,380 --> 00:22:49,975
- Surely not, sir.
- Are you saying that was a trick shot?

310
00:22:51,500 --> 00:22:56,654
Intended! Pool god! King of the cues!
Prince of the planet-potters!

311
00:22:58,500 --> 00:23:03,415
'Ere, what's goin' on? What happened
to that plan to make me brilliant again?

312
00:23:03,620 --> 00:23:07,010
Of course. Blocking up the white hole
has eradicated its influence.

313
00:23:07,180 --> 00:23:10,297
The time it spewed into the universe
no longer exists.

314
00:23:11,340 --> 00:23:14,616
- Meaning?
- Basically, we occupy a redundant timeline.

315
00:23:14,780 --> 00:23:18,773
Reviving the toaster, making Holly a genius -
none of this will have happened.

316
00:23:18,980 --> 00:23:22,450
What about us? Are we just going to cease to be?

317
00:23:22,660 --> 00:23:25,493
We'll cease to be here,

318
00:23:25,660 --> 00:23:29,858
but we will exist back on Red Dwarf,
before all this began,

319
00:23:30,020 --> 00:23:34,616
with, of course, no memory of these events,
which, of course, never happened.

320
00:23:34,780 --> 00:23:38,455
And as these events never happened,
we'll have no memory of them.

321
00:23:38,620 --> 00:23:42,852
In which case, Mr Rimmer,
I should like to take this opportunity of saying

322
00:23:43,020 --> 00:23:47,730
that you are the most obnoxious,
trumped-up, farty little smeghead

323
00:23:47,900 --> 00:23:50,698
it has ever been my misfortune to encounter!

324
00:23:55,420 --> 00:23:58,776


325
00:23:58,940 --> 00:24:02,171


326
00:24:02,340 --> 00:24:05,457


327
00:24:05,620 --> 00:24:08,293


328
00:24:08,460 --> 00:24:12,009


329
00:24:12,180 --> 00:24:15,377


330
00:24:15,540 --> 00:24:18,691


331
00:24:18,860 --> 00:24:22,057


332
00:24:22,220 --> 00:24:24,939


333
00:24:25,100 --> 00:24:28,615


334
00:24:28,780 --> 00:24:31,499


335
00:24:31,660 --> 00:24:35,539