1 00:00:24,691 --> 00:00:28,403 [laughing] 2 00:00:28,445 --> 00:00:30,030 - We don't have time for this. 3 00:00:30,071 --> 00:00:32,032 You're hurt. I get it. 4 00:00:32,073 --> 00:00:33,825 Now, there's a way out of this. 5 00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:35,410 Okay? 6 00:00:35,452 --> 00:00:37,162 [laughing] 7 00:00:40,415 --> 00:00:43,168 [clicking] 8 00:00:43,209 --> 00:00:44,711 This never happened to me before. 9 00:00:44,753 --> 00:00:46,755 Really. Man. 10 00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:50,383 Oh, man. 11 00:00:52,594 --> 00:00:54,095 Damn it. 12 00:00:54,137 --> 00:00:56,222 You never get a second chance to make a first impression. 13 00:00:56,264 --> 00:00:59,184 You know? [engine starting] 14 00:00:59,225 --> 00:01:01,561 Hey! Oh, no, no, no, no! No! 15 00:01:05,231 --> 00:01:06,524 This time it's loaded. 16 00:01:06,566 --> 00:01:08,068 Six bullets, each with your name on it 17 00:01:08,109 --> 00:01:10,111 if you don't get out of my car right now! 18 00:01:12,614 --> 00:01:14,616 That said, I'm willing to negotiate. 19 00:01:14,657 --> 00:01:16,159 [engine sputtering] 20 00:01:16,201 --> 00:01:20,038 Oh, I guess Evelyn doesn't like you very much. 21 00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:21,498 I'll make you a deal. 22 00:01:21,539 --> 00:01:23,750 You scooch over, I'll get you out of this alive. 23 00:01:23,792 --> 00:01:24,793 But you better think fast, 24 00:01:24,834 --> 00:01:27,128 'cause that ain't no birthday clown. 25 00:01:31,675 --> 00:01:33,510 Okay, go! 26 00:01:35,637 --> 00:01:36,971 [horn honks] 27 00:01:37,013 --> 00:01:40,183 Oh, shit. 28 00:01:41,976 --> 00:01:46,064 Okay, L1, R1, up, down, left, right, right, down, up. 29 00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:50,485 [engine revving] 30 00:01:50,527 --> 00:01:51,945 All right, Evelyn, we have nine days 31 00:01:51,986 --> 00:01:53,238 to get away from this clown, 32 00:01:53,279 --> 00:01:55,240 ditch this psychopathic hitchhiker, 33 00:01:55,281 --> 00:01:57,701 and make it to New Chicago. 34 00:01:57,742 --> 00:01:59,327 Hey, look! You forgot your seatbelt. 35 00:01:59,369 --> 00:02:02,288 [brakes squealing] Agh! 36 00:02:24,853 --> 00:02:26,604 - Here for the show? 37 00:02:26,646 --> 00:02:29,482 - I'm definitely here for the show! 38 00:02:29,524 --> 00:02:31,359 [gunfire] 39 00:02:46,708 --> 00:02:48,668 Oh, shit! 40 00:02:48,710 --> 00:02:52,422 [laughing] 41 00:03:02,057 --> 00:03:04,017 - You're not coming to my show? 42 00:03:04,059 --> 00:03:07,520 Well, then the show is coming to you! 43 00:03:26,623 --> 00:03:26,873 ** 44 00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:32,462 * Oh baby I like it raw * 45 00:03:32,504 --> 00:03:34,589 * Yeah baby I like it raw * 46 00:03:34,631 --> 00:03:36,007 * Oh baby I like it raw * 47 00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:38,551 - Suppertime! 48 00:03:38,593 --> 00:03:43,306 - Stu, I love you, but this is all your fault. 49 00:03:43,348 --> 00:03:44,516 - How was I supposed to know 50 00:03:44,557 --> 00:03:45,725 the woods would be crawling with butchers. 51 00:03:45,767 --> 00:03:47,519 - They're talking about getting us exiled. 52 00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:49,479 You had to get caught sleeping on duty! 53 00:03:49,521 --> 00:03:51,523 - Hey! You were sleeping, too! 54 00:03:51,564 --> 00:03:53,400 - I wasn't the one snoring like a goat in heat! 55 00:03:53,441 --> 00:03:54,567 - It's called sleep apnea. 56 00:03:54,609 --> 00:03:55,777 It's a real medical condition. 57 00:03:55,819 --> 00:03:57,821 And it would be a lot more manageable 58 00:03:57,862 --> 00:04:00,657 if you hadn't traded in my CPAP machine for porno. 59 00:04:00,699 --> 00:04:02,492 - Well, excuse me for trying to get you something dope 60 00:04:02,534 --> 00:04:03,618 for your birthday! 61 00:04:03,660 --> 00:04:04,786 - You know what's dope? 62 00:04:04,828 --> 00:04:06,996 A full eight hours of sleep. 63 00:04:07,038 --> 00:04:08,081 Dreaming is dope! 64 00:04:08,123 --> 00:04:09,165 - [Butcher] Francis! - [Francis] What? 65 00:04:09,207 --> 00:04:11,084 - Why did you season both meat baths 66 00:04:11,126 --> 00:04:12,335 in teriyaki sauce? 67 00:04:12,377 --> 00:04:14,879 Francis, we talked about diversifying flavors. 68 00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:16,381 - Fine! Um... 69 00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:18,383 Oh, I'll cover the thick one in lemon pepper. 70 00:04:18,425 --> 00:04:21,094 - No, no! [sputtering] 71 00:04:21,136 --> 00:04:23,430 Oh, god, it's so tangy, dude! 72 00:04:23,471 --> 00:04:25,140 - I call dibs on the man titties. 73 00:04:25,181 --> 00:04:26,474 [gunshots] 74 00:04:30,478 --> 00:04:32,439 - Holy cow! 75 00:04:34,149 --> 00:04:35,316 - Clear! 76 00:04:35,358 --> 00:04:37,027 [whimpering] 77 00:04:47,746 --> 00:04:49,330 - We don't usually find the pigs alive 78 00:04:49,372 --> 00:04:53,752 before the luau. You can cut 'em loose. 79 00:04:53,793 --> 00:04:55,295 Butchers! 80 00:04:55,337 --> 00:04:58,715 They'd rather eat the flesh of their own kind than starve. 81 00:05:02,510 --> 00:05:04,971 You guys are guards? 82 00:05:05,013 --> 00:05:06,931 - We, uh, we used to be. 83 00:05:06,973 --> 00:05:08,892 Uh, Mike and I were... - On a scouting mission 84 00:05:08,933 --> 00:05:10,894 from Seattle looking for trading routes. 85 00:05:10,935 --> 00:05:12,771 Our car broke down and the next thing you know 86 00:05:12,812 --> 00:05:14,689 we're getting grabbed by these assholes. 87 00:05:17,025 --> 00:05:20,403 - We're always on the lookout for upstanding citizens. 88 00:05:20,445 --> 00:05:21,821 I'll give you guys a choice. 89 00:05:21,863 --> 00:05:23,740 You can try and make your way back up north 90 00:05:23,782 --> 00:05:26,284 where it can be pretty dicey, 91 00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:28,453 or if you can take the grit, 92 00:05:28,495 --> 00:05:30,455 join us in bringing law and order 93 00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:34,125 back to the Divided States of America. 94 00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:36,044 What do you say? 95 00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:42,842 - Come on. 96 00:05:45,553 --> 00:05:48,139 - Sweet. - All right. 97 00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:50,016 Welcome to the law, huh? 98 00:05:50,058 --> 00:05:51,518 [cheers and applause] - [agent] Yeah! 99 00:05:51,559 --> 00:05:53,645 - [Agent Stone] You guys. - [agent] Don't go dying on us. 100 00:05:55,814 --> 00:05:57,357 - [John Doe] I can't believe 101 00:05:57,399 --> 00:05:59,651 I already got a flat tire. 102 00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:01,695 Way to go, John. Way to go. 103 00:06:04,030 --> 00:06:05,824 Hey, silent but not very deadly, 104 00:06:05,865 --> 00:06:07,575 you gonna come over here and help me with this? 105 00:06:07,617 --> 00:06:08,827 Don't shush me! 106 00:06:08,868 --> 00:06:09,994 You come over here and help me with the tire. 107 00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:13,498 [Sweet Tooth] * Toyland Toyland * 108 00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:17,836 * Little girl and boy land * 109 00:06:17,877 --> 00:06:20,005 - I'm gonna handle this shit. Watch my back. 110 00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:21,464 Ahh! 111 00:06:21,506 --> 00:06:23,758 Ah, shit. Ahh! 112 00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:26,469 [Sweet Tooth] * When you dwell within it * 113 00:06:26,511 --> 00:06:29,597 * You are ever happy then * 114 00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:36,354 You can hide, 115 00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:38,857 but I have ways to find you. 116 00:06:42,444 --> 00:06:45,822 Marco! Marco! 117 00:06:45,864 --> 00:06:47,490 - I'll be right back, Evelyn. 118 00:06:47,532 --> 00:06:49,451 I'll get us outta here. 119 00:06:49,492 --> 00:06:51,786 - [Sweet Tooth] Marco! 120 00:06:53,955 --> 00:06:58,209 Damn! That usually works. 121 00:06:58,251 --> 00:07:02,005 [electrical humming] 122 00:07:02,047 --> 00:07:03,423 [clangs] 123 00:07:03,465 --> 00:07:05,091 Huh? 124 00:07:06,217 --> 00:07:07,844 - Shh. 125 00:07:10,638 --> 00:07:11,306 [glass breaking] Oh, shit. 126 00:07:11,348 --> 00:07:12,766 [jackpot ringing] 127 00:07:17,937 --> 00:07:19,898 - Marco. 128 00:07:28,198 --> 00:07:29,824 [growls] 129 00:07:35,538 --> 00:07:37,123 - [Sweet Tooth] Well, hi there! 130 00:07:37,165 --> 00:07:38,917 [laughing] 131 00:07:40,669 --> 00:07:42,379 Oh, that tickled. 132 00:07:42,420 --> 00:07:44,798 You know, my dad always wanted to play catch, 133 00:07:44,839 --> 00:07:46,591 but he could never catch a ball. 134 00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:48,551 He could catch a bullet. 135 00:07:48,593 --> 00:07:50,637 [gunshot] 136 00:07:50,679 --> 00:07:52,639 Why are you scurrying away, little squirrel? 137 00:07:52,681 --> 00:07:55,058 Looking for a nut? 138 00:07:57,936 --> 00:08:02,023 This is gonna be fun! Machete! 139 00:08:02,065 --> 00:08:04,359 Huh, swung a little wide there. 140 00:08:06,236 --> 00:08:09,197 Well, aren't we a tall glass of water! 141 00:08:09,239 --> 00:08:12,117 Me, I'm more of a Hawaiian punch! 142 00:08:12,158 --> 00:08:13,827 [groans] 143 00:08:13,868 --> 00:08:14,828 I'm guessing you don't fight much 144 00:08:14,869 --> 00:08:16,371 outside of your car now, do you? 145 00:08:16,413 --> 00:08:19,332 - Look, clown, I don't need four wheels to kick your ass. 146 00:08:22,460 --> 00:08:24,337 [laughing] 147 00:08:24,379 --> 00:08:26,673 [growling] 148 00:08:26,715 --> 00:08:28,550 Any chance we could get this back in the cars? 149 00:08:28,591 --> 00:08:30,260 [laughing] 150 00:08:33,263 --> 00:08:36,391 - How about a little kill music? 151 00:08:36,433 --> 00:08:38,059 * Livin' la vida loca * 152 00:08:38,101 --> 00:08:40,437 * She had dumps like a truck truck truck * 153 00:08:40,478 --> 00:08:42,230 * Thighs like what what what * 154 00:08:42,272 --> 00:08:44,691 * Baby move your butt butt butt * 155 00:08:44,733 --> 00:08:45,942 * I think I'll sing it again * 156 00:08:45,984 --> 00:08:48,445 * She had dumps like a truck truck truck * 157 00:08:48,486 --> 00:08:50,363 * Thighs like what what what * 158 00:08:50,405 --> 00:08:52,365 * All night long * 159 00:08:52,407 --> 00:08:56,077 * Let me see that thong * 160 00:08:56,119 --> 00:08:57,537 * Likin' where the beat go * 161 00:08:57,579 --> 00:08:58,413 * Da-da-da-da * 162 00:08:58,455 --> 00:08:59,247 * Baby let your bootie go * 163 00:08:59,289 --> 00:09:00,331 * Da-da-da-da * 164 00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:01,374 * Girl you wanna show * 165 00:09:01,416 --> 00:09:02,500 * Da-da-da-da * 166 00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:03,752 * That thong thong thong thong thong * 167 00:09:03,793 --> 00:09:06,421 - Do you love the silver-haired god? 168 00:09:06,463 --> 00:09:07,756 And don't lie to me. 169 00:09:07,797 --> 00:09:08,965 - Yeah, man. 170 00:09:09,007 --> 00:09:10,592 Look, I listened to "Unleash the Dragon" 171 00:09:10,633 --> 00:09:12,218 so many times the disc broke. 172 00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:13,386 I'm not a liar. 173 00:09:13,428 --> 00:09:15,388 - Well, you said you were coming to my show 174 00:09:15,430 --> 00:09:16,723 and then you shot at me! 175 00:09:16,765 --> 00:09:18,350 - It was a misunderstanding. 176 00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:21,436 I been getting shot at ever since I can remember. 177 00:09:21,478 --> 00:09:23,730 It's force of habit, I guess. 178 00:09:23,772 --> 00:09:25,607 - Sounds like you have trust issues. 179 00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:26,941 - Yeah, you're not wrong. 180 00:09:26,983 --> 00:09:28,651 Nice pipes, dude, I have to say. 181 00:09:28,693 --> 00:09:31,112 That high note, whoo! It was perfect. 182 00:09:31,154 --> 00:09:33,448 - Oh, word? - Yeah, can I go? 183 00:09:33,490 --> 00:09:34,783 I got somewhere to be. 184 00:09:34,824 --> 00:09:36,409 - I thought you said you were coming to the show! 185 00:09:36,451 --> 00:09:39,496 - Of course, I am. 186 00:09:39,537 --> 00:09:42,415 Just can I leave after the show? 187 00:09:46,211 --> 00:09:50,590 - Well, in that case, tonight is opening night! 188 00:09:50,632 --> 00:09:52,801 [laughing] 189 00:09:54,636 --> 00:09:56,179 - How were your showers? 190 00:09:56,221 --> 00:09:57,889 - Aw, I don't know the last time 191 00:09:57,931 --> 00:10:00,392 I felt hot water that wasn't my own piss. 192 00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:01,643 Uh, sir. 193 00:10:01,685 --> 00:10:03,186 - Consider it your recompense 194 00:10:03,228 --> 00:10:05,313 for upholding law and order. 195 00:10:05,355 --> 00:10:11,069 Warm showers, warm blankets, warm meals. 196 00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:14,197 - Oh. - Aw, fuck, mashed potatoes? 197 00:10:14,239 --> 00:10:17,117 - [Mike] And goddamn, look at all that gravy! 198 00:10:17,158 --> 00:10:19,911 I wonder how we can get one of those punch cards. 199 00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:23,415 - Now, let's proceed to your initiation. 200 00:10:27,168 --> 00:10:28,545 Right this way, gentlemen. 201 00:10:30,839 --> 00:10:33,967 What you see down there is our supply truck. 202 00:10:34,009 --> 00:10:35,802 It brings us important provisions. 203 00:10:35,844 --> 00:10:38,972 As you can see, it's broken down. 204 00:10:39,014 --> 00:10:40,890 That's why it's not moving. 205 00:10:40,932 --> 00:10:45,186 What I need for you to do is to protect that truck. 206 00:10:45,228 --> 00:10:46,604 - From what? 207 00:10:46,646 --> 00:10:48,481 - Seagulls. 208 00:10:55,613 --> 00:10:58,199 - [Sweet Tooth] Skittles? - [John Doe] No, I'm good. 209 00:10:58,241 --> 00:11:01,202 [chomping] - Pre-show jitters. 210 00:11:01,244 --> 00:11:03,913 Listen, I really appreciate you coming along willingly. 211 00:11:03,955 --> 00:11:05,665 Normally I have to drag people into the theater 212 00:11:05,707 --> 00:11:06,958 kicking and screaming. 213 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,752 But word of advice, 214 00:11:08,793 --> 00:11:11,212 you won't like what happens if you run. 215 00:11:13,548 --> 00:11:14,674 What? Oh, him? 216 00:11:14,716 --> 00:11:15,925 Nah, he was here before. 217 00:11:15,967 --> 00:11:17,052 Hey, Donald. 218 00:11:17,093 --> 00:11:19,012 Don't worry, he can't hear us. 219 00:11:19,054 --> 00:11:21,348 I love names. I'm kind of a name guy. 220 00:11:21,389 --> 00:11:23,683 You know, the right one can send a shudder 221 00:11:23,725 --> 00:11:24,851 down your spine. 222 00:11:24,893 --> 00:11:26,895 Wanna know what I go by? 223 00:11:26,936 --> 00:11:28,730 - There's not a person on the West Coast 224 00:11:28,772 --> 00:11:31,399 that hasn't heard of Sweet Tooth. 225 00:11:31,441 --> 00:11:32,567 - See what I mean? 226 00:11:32,609 --> 00:11:36,154 I mean, you really feel that in your bones! 227 00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:38,531 What's your name, friend? 228 00:11:38,573 --> 00:11:40,950 - John Doe. 229 00:11:40,992 --> 00:11:42,744 - Nah, I'll give it a seven. 230 00:11:42,786 --> 00:11:44,120 - Hey, I didn't pick it. 231 00:11:44,162 --> 00:11:45,789 I don't know what name I was born with 232 00:11:45,830 --> 00:11:49,167 or who I am really. 233 00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:51,753 - Oh, amnesia. What's your brand? 234 00:11:51,795 --> 00:11:54,714 Post-traumatic, transient, dissociative? 235 00:11:54,756 --> 00:11:55,799 - All I know is my first memory 236 00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:57,801 is me waking up in my car 237 00:11:57,842 --> 00:11:59,302 with blood coming out of my head. 238 00:11:59,344 --> 00:12:00,887 - Wait, that's my first memory too! 239 00:12:00,929 --> 00:12:03,139 My head covered in blood. 240 00:12:03,181 --> 00:12:04,307 Of course, it was being pushed 241 00:12:04,349 --> 00:12:05,725 out of my mom's whisker biscuit, but... 242 00:12:05,767 --> 00:12:06,893 - Whoa! You remember that? 243 00:12:06,935 --> 00:12:10,397 - Oh, yeah. I remember everything. 244 00:12:10,438 --> 00:12:12,190 You should consider yourself lucky. 245 00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:14,734 There are some things I wish I could forget. 246 00:12:14,776 --> 00:12:17,529 Like the time I shit my pants 247 00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:20,490 in my elementary school production of "Oklahoma". 248 00:12:20,532 --> 00:12:24,160 I can still see the audience's faces 249 00:12:24,202 --> 00:12:26,705 laughing, mocking. 250 00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:31,501 Did you know Sisqo's real name was Mark? 251 00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:39,718 [grunting] 252 00:12:41,011 --> 00:12:42,637 - [Stu] Oh, a rock. 253 00:12:44,973 --> 00:12:46,516 - Man, what is wrong with you? 254 00:12:46,558 --> 00:12:48,601 You holding in a fart or something? 255 00:12:48,643 --> 00:12:51,271 - If the truck is so important, why don't they just move it? 256 00:12:51,312 --> 00:12:53,440 Something doesn't smell right, man. 257 00:12:53,481 --> 00:12:55,608 - Smells good to me. 258 00:12:55,650 --> 00:12:57,569 Back in Seattle, they treated us like morons. 259 00:12:57,610 --> 00:13:00,405 Now look at us; we holding .30-cals, dude! 260 00:13:00,447 --> 00:13:03,033 Come on, baby, get your head in the game. 261 00:13:03,074 --> 00:13:05,785 Come on. Come on. 262 00:13:05,827 --> 00:13:07,620 There you go. - Fuck you! 263 00:13:07,662 --> 00:13:09,456 - Eyes up, boys. 264 00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:12,959 Those seagulls lay a fingernail on our supplies, 265 00:13:13,001 --> 00:13:15,503 it's open season. 266 00:13:15,545 --> 00:13:16,921 - What the hell? 267 00:13:16,963 --> 00:13:18,965 Hey, why do you call 'em seagulls? 268 00:13:19,007 --> 00:13:20,675 These look like normal survivors to me. 269 00:13:20,717 --> 00:13:23,636 - What else would you call a bunch of fucking trash eaters? 270 00:13:33,605 --> 00:13:36,232 - Dude, are we really gonna kill these guys? 271 00:13:36,274 --> 00:13:39,903 [suppressed gunshot] 272 00:13:39,944 --> 00:13:41,488 - There's one left, Stu. 273 00:13:41,529 --> 00:13:43,323 He's all yours. 274 00:13:52,999 --> 00:13:56,378 Clean it up! 275 00:14:04,552 --> 00:14:06,137 [suppressed gunshot] 276 00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:09,683 [laughter] Melon down. 277 00:14:09,724 --> 00:14:11,184 - I saved your ass. 278 00:14:11,226 --> 00:14:13,853 - [Agent Stone] Seagulls, butchers, exiles. 279 00:14:13,895 --> 00:14:17,190 They see the world in shades of gray. 280 00:14:17,232 --> 00:14:19,859 What I need from you two lawmen 281 00:14:19,901 --> 00:14:21,069 is to just show them 282 00:14:21,111 --> 00:14:23,697 that there's only two colors in the world, 283 00:14:23,738 --> 00:14:27,283 black and blue. 284 00:14:27,325 --> 00:14:31,246 Now, you missed, Stu. It can happen to anyone. 285 00:14:31,287 --> 00:14:33,790 Rookie mistake. 286 00:14:33,832 --> 00:14:36,835 Hey, don't let it happen again. 287 00:14:39,587 --> 00:14:41,464 Okay. 288 00:14:41,506 --> 00:14:44,342 You guys want some burgers? 289 00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:46,428 - Bubby-baby, bubby-baby. 290 00:14:46,469 --> 00:14:48,138 Tip of the teat, tip of the teat. 291 00:14:48,179 --> 00:14:49,597 Tip of the teat. 292 00:14:49,639 --> 00:14:54,144 My marvelous mutterer makes me mingy on Monday. 293 00:14:54,185 --> 00:14:56,271 - You sleep here? 294 00:14:56,312 --> 00:14:58,064 What, the penthouse was booked up? 295 00:14:58,106 --> 00:14:59,983 - Nah, way too much space up there. 296 00:15:00,025 --> 00:15:01,192 Nice bidet, though. 297 00:15:01,234 --> 00:15:03,445 Like taking a shotgun up the ass. 298 00:15:03,486 --> 00:15:05,947 No, I sleep here because it reminds me 299 00:15:05,989 --> 00:15:08,366 of where I was before Vegas. 300 00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:11,327 Back then, I lived with a real solid group of dudes. 301 00:15:11,369 --> 00:15:14,998 But then the world took a shit and I came to Sin City. 302 00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:18,460 Now that was a party. 303 00:15:18,501 --> 00:15:21,087 - You've been here alone for over two decades? 304 00:15:21,129 --> 00:15:24,007 - Oh, shit, has it been that long? 305 00:15:24,049 --> 00:15:25,258 Look at this guy. 306 00:15:25,300 --> 00:15:27,886 Hasn't aged a day. What a beauty. 307 00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:29,262 Nah, I'm not alone. 308 00:15:29,304 --> 00:15:31,264 I got Harold, which, have you-- 309 00:15:31,306 --> 00:15:32,932 you haven't met Harold yet. 310 00:15:32,974 --> 00:15:35,769 I'm gonna introduce you. 311 00:15:35,810 --> 00:15:38,396 This is Harold. 312 00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:40,607 Been my best friend since I was a kid. 313 00:15:40,648 --> 00:15:42,901 You know, my entire life people have been lying to me. 314 00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:45,362 Even my fucking parents! 315 00:15:45,403 --> 00:15:47,405 But, uh, never Harold. 316 00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:50,950 No, he can't lie to me. He can't lie to anyone. 317 00:15:50,992 --> 00:15:52,535 - I can see that. 318 00:15:52,577 --> 00:15:53,661 [sighing] 319 00:15:53,703 --> 00:15:55,622 - I don't know what I'd do without him. 320 00:15:55,663 --> 00:15:57,665 Look at that smile. 321 00:15:57,707 --> 00:15:59,376 So, you got a Harold? 322 00:15:59,417 --> 00:16:01,628 - No. I got an Evelyn. 323 00:16:01,670 --> 00:16:03,296 - Oh, that's cute. 324 00:16:03,338 --> 00:16:07,467 - Before I met her, being alone was all I knew. 325 00:16:07,509 --> 00:16:09,969 You know, she makes everything easier, you know? 326 00:16:10,011 --> 00:16:13,640 Sometimes I wish I could make her laugh. Right? 327 00:16:13,682 --> 00:16:15,308 I have to say after all this time 328 00:16:15,350 --> 00:16:17,894 that's the sound I miss the most. 329 00:16:17,936 --> 00:16:20,146 - [Sweet Tooth] You know what sound I miss the most? 330 00:16:20,188 --> 00:16:23,149 The sound of hand meat clapping together. 331 00:16:23,191 --> 00:16:25,568 Nothing like that glorious applause. 332 00:16:25,610 --> 00:16:27,362 I mean, it's almost better than, I don't know, 333 00:16:27,404 --> 00:16:29,406 hearing somebody choking on their own blood. 334 00:16:29,447 --> 00:16:31,241 But look at me getting carried away. 335 00:16:31,282 --> 00:16:33,535 Good thing that your Evelyn's got hands, huh? 336 00:16:33,576 --> 00:16:35,495 She must clap for you all the time. 337 00:16:35,537 --> 00:16:37,831 - Nah, she doesn't. She's my car. 338 00:16:37,872 --> 00:16:39,290 - You talk to your car? 339 00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:42,836 That's weird, man. 340 00:16:42,877 --> 00:16:47,173 Ah, mwah! There you are. 341 00:16:47,215 --> 00:16:51,261 So, if Evelyn's not the girl, who's she? 342 00:16:53,972 --> 00:16:56,558 I caught this little pest crawling through my vents. 343 00:16:56,599 --> 00:16:58,435 See, I was gonna starve her. 344 00:16:58,476 --> 00:17:00,437 Watching the life slowly drain from their eyes. 345 00:17:00,478 --> 00:17:02,814 Kind of my artistic process. 346 00:17:02,856 --> 00:17:04,524 [laughing] 347 00:17:04,566 --> 00:17:08,278 You know, the last guy lasted almost four weeks. 348 00:17:08,319 --> 00:17:09,821 Hey, Wilbur! 349 00:17:09,863 --> 00:17:12,157 I think she's gonna give you a run for you money. 350 00:17:12,198 --> 00:17:13,616 She won't. 351 00:17:15,577 --> 00:17:17,370 Bubby-baby, bubby-baby. 352 00:17:17,412 --> 00:17:19,914 - Hey, you tried to kill me every chance you get. 353 00:17:19,956 --> 00:17:21,666 Why should I show you mercy? 354 00:17:25,003 --> 00:17:26,713 Goddamn it! 355 00:17:30,258 --> 00:17:32,886 Hey, man, why don't you let her out? 356 00:17:32,927 --> 00:17:35,388 - And why would I do that? - No, no, no, listen. 357 00:17:35,430 --> 00:17:37,349 What good is an audience of one? 358 00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:39,100 Think about all the meat slapping 359 00:17:39,142 --> 00:17:42,729 you'll hear with four hands. 360 00:17:42,771 --> 00:17:44,898 - Ah, that's true. 361 00:17:44,939 --> 00:17:46,358 I don't often get feedback 362 00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:50,111 from the 18 to 35 female demographic. 363 00:17:50,153 --> 00:17:53,365 Fine! [sighs] 364 00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:55,575 You fish her out and take a seat. 365 00:17:55,617 --> 00:18:00,163 Don't worry, I got a table just for you. 366 00:18:00,205 --> 00:18:02,332 - And what happens after the show? 367 00:18:02,374 --> 00:18:04,876 - Well, you go on your merry way. 368 00:18:04,918 --> 00:18:06,503 - Really? 369 00:18:06,544 --> 00:18:07,754 - Well, if I'm being honest, 370 00:18:07,796 --> 00:18:10,882 nobody has survived all three acts. 371 00:18:10,924 --> 00:18:12,592 Gird your loins! 372 00:18:24,479 --> 00:18:25,313 - Tonight, you will be enjoying 373 00:18:26,272 --> 00:18:27,774 white tiger prepared three ways. 374 00:18:27,816 --> 00:18:30,068 There's a whole pack of those milky white assholes 375 00:18:30,110 --> 00:18:31,945 breeding up on the fourth floor. 376 00:18:31,986 --> 00:18:33,905 Anyway, enjoy. 377 00:18:33,947 --> 00:18:35,532 Bony tit! 378 00:18:39,411 --> 00:18:40,704 - Give me back those keys! Hey, hey! 379 00:18:40,745 --> 00:18:41,871 If it wasn't for me, 380 00:18:41,913 --> 00:18:43,873 you would be a starving corpse right now. 381 00:18:54,426 --> 00:18:57,929 Listen, neither one of us made it pretty far on our own. 382 00:18:57,971 --> 00:19:02,058 So, instead of us trying to-- holy shit, this steak is good. 383 00:19:02,100 --> 00:19:03,768 Instead of us trying to stab each other in the back, 384 00:19:03,810 --> 00:19:05,478 we should put our heads together and figure out 385 00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:07,355 how in the hell we're going to make it through the show. 386 00:19:09,691 --> 00:19:11,651 Is any of this getting through to you? 387 00:19:15,989 --> 00:19:18,742 Blink twice for yes. 388 00:19:20,326 --> 00:19:22,871 Cool, we're fucked. 389 00:19:22,912 --> 00:19:23,955 [clapping] 390 00:19:26,166 --> 00:19:27,375 [clears throat] 391 00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:34,424 - Tonight, I will be presenting a one-man play entitled 392 00:19:34,466 --> 00:19:37,552 "That's In-Room Entertainment", 393 00:19:37,594 --> 00:19:40,305 based on the hotel's in-room entertainment. 394 00:19:42,140 --> 00:19:46,436 ** 395 00:19:46,478 --> 00:19:48,980 Hi, I'm Debra from guest services. 396 00:19:49,022 --> 00:19:51,316 And welcome to Nevada! 397 00:19:51,358 --> 00:19:55,236 Deep in the heart of Vegas is the Monte Cristo, 398 00:19:55,278 --> 00:19:57,739 a veritable oasis in the sand. 399 00:20:01,743 --> 00:20:04,454 And don't forget about our promenade. 400 00:20:04,496 --> 00:20:06,498 It features all the latest brands 401 00:20:06,539 --> 00:20:09,793 and is just a stone's throw from the salon. 402 00:20:09,834 --> 00:20:13,004 Girl, might be time to take care of those split ends! 403 00:20:19,177 --> 00:20:21,554 And for all you lovebirds out there, 404 00:20:21,596 --> 00:20:26,309 Las Vegas is still the marriage capital of the world. 405 00:20:26,351 --> 00:20:28,728 Time for kisses! 406 00:20:30,855 --> 00:20:36,736 And you have selected express checkout. 407 00:20:36,778 --> 00:20:39,864 Please leave your key at the drop box 408 00:20:39,906 --> 00:20:42,701 at the front desk. 409 00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:46,037 And thank you for staying with us. 410 00:20:54,587 --> 00:20:57,340 Well, we've come to the QandA 411 00:20:57,382 --> 00:21:00,343 where I ask the Q's or I kick your A. 412 00:21:00,385 --> 00:21:03,304 So, now is the moment of truth. 413 00:21:03,346 --> 00:21:05,056 What do you think? 414 00:21:07,475 --> 00:21:12,856 - Oh, um, I loved it. 415 00:21:12,897 --> 00:21:15,316 - Liar! 416 00:21:15,358 --> 00:21:17,902 What exactly did you love about it? 417 00:21:17,944 --> 00:21:19,654 - Uh, your performance! I was moved! 418 00:21:23,491 --> 00:21:25,952 What? It was a tour de force! 419 00:21:25,994 --> 00:21:29,372 - I am gonna tour de force this machete down your throat! 420 00:21:29,414 --> 00:21:31,583 If you're not gonna tell the truth, 421 00:21:31,624 --> 00:21:34,252 then I'm gonna make you shut up and bleed. 422 00:21:34,294 --> 00:21:37,047 - It was a fucking snooze-fest. 423 00:21:37,088 --> 00:21:39,090 - Now you talk? 424 00:21:39,132 --> 00:21:40,133 - What the hell did you say? 425 00:21:40,175 --> 00:21:42,260 - It sucked. 426 00:21:42,302 --> 00:21:43,928 Your performance was dull as dick water 427 00:21:43,970 --> 00:21:46,431 and frankly beneath you. 428 00:21:46,473 --> 00:21:48,224 - And you? 429 00:21:48,266 --> 00:21:49,976 You agree with her? 430 00:21:56,775 --> 00:21:59,652 - Yes. I agree with her. 431 00:22:02,405 --> 00:22:03,948 Come on, man, it was boring. 432 00:22:03,990 --> 00:22:04,949 I get it, you've been here forever, 433 00:22:04,991 --> 00:22:06,785 but you did a play about a hotel! 434 00:22:10,997 --> 00:22:13,416 - But didn't Mark Twain say you should write what you know? 435 00:22:13,458 --> 00:22:14,709 - Well, Mark Twain's a dumbass. 436 00:22:14,751 --> 00:22:16,086 You gotta get out in the world, man. 437 00:22:16,127 --> 00:22:17,504 - Yeah. Look, trust me, 438 00:22:17,545 --> 00:22:20,382 you don't want to spend the rest of your life alone. 439 00:22:20,423 --> 00:22:21,966 You end up talking to a car. 440 00:22:22,008 --> 00:22:23,593 - Yeah, like this guy. 441 00:22:23,635 --> 00:22:25,261 - You know what? You're right. 442 00:22:25,303 --> 00:22:27,013 I can't wait here for my audience. 443 00:22:27,055 --> 00:22:30,892 I need to get out there and hunt my audience down. 444 00:22:30,934 --> 00:22:31,976 - Oh, no, no, that's not what I meant. 445 00:22:32,018 --> 00:22:33,937 - No, that's exactly what you meant. 446 00:22:33,978 --> 00:22:36,940 I'm gonna get out there, and I'm gonna embrace the chaos. 447 00:22:36,981 --> 00:22:41,403 Who knows, maybe I'll even fall in love! 448 00:22:41,444 --> 00:22:44,030 The show is going on the road! 449 00:22:44,072 --> 00:22:53,790 ** 450 00:22:53,832 --> 00:22:56,084 - That was beautiful, man! 451 00:22:56,126 --> 00:23:04,092 ** 452 00:23:17,522 --> 00:23:19,816 - Well, a night of firsts. 453 00:23:19,858 --> 00:23:21,067 My first honest critique, 454 00:23:21,109 --> 00:23:23,778 first people I ever let leave here alive, 455 00:23:23,820 --> 00:23:27,824 but most importantly, my first two fans. 456 00:23:27,866 --> 00:23:29,576 You two. 457 00:23:29,617 --> 00:23:31,911 I got you a headshot. 458 00:23:31,953 --> 00:23:33,788 There's an inscription in that. 459 00:23:33,830 --> 00:23:36,666 - [John Doe] "See you soon." - I hope not. 460 00:23:36,708 --> 00:23:39,252 - Hey, thanks for being honest. 461 00:23:43,465 --> 00:23:45,800 [engine revving and tires squealing] 462 00:23:45,842 --> 00:24:00,273 ** 463 00:24:00,315 --> 00:24:03,485 [gunshots] 464 00:24:03,526 --> 00:24:05,320 * Come on * 465 00:24:05,362 --> 00:24:07,447 * Come on * 466 00:24:07,489 --> 00:24:09,616 * Come on * 467 00:24:09,657 --> 00:24:14,871 * Yeah * 468 00:24:14,913 --> 00:24:17,582 * Baby That thong * 469 00:24:17,624 --> 00:24:21,336 * I said I like the way * 470 00:24:21,378 --> 00:24:24,714 * Baby * 471 00:24:24,756 --> 00:24:29,719 * Listen Said I like the way * 472 00:24:29,761 --> 00:24:33,431 * I don't think you heard me * 473 00:24:33,473 --> 00:24:37,268 * Oh-oh-oh * 474 00:24:39,604 --> 00:24:41,731 * Baby * 475 00:24:41,773 --> 00:24:45,402 * Oh-oh-oh * 476 00:24:45,443 --> 00:24:49,072 * Yeah * 477 00:24:49,114 --> 00:24:52,200 * All right * 478 00:24:52,242 --> 00:24:53,576 - [John Doe] You know, I have to admit I didn't think 479 00:24:53,618 --> 00:24:56,454 we were gonna make it out of there alive. 480 00:24:56,496 --> 00:24:57,789 I mean, it would have been a lot easier 481 00:24:57,831 --> 00:24:59,457 if you had piped up instead of just trying to-- 482 00:24:59,499 --> 00:25:01,042 oh, come on! Have you learned nothing? 483 00:25:04,796 --> 00:25:06,297 What is your problem anyway? 484 00:25:06,339 --> 00:25:07,424 - I'm trying to find someone. 485 00:25:07,465 --> 00:25:08,383 - Well, I'm trying to get somewhere, 486 00:25:08,425 --> 00:25:09,342 and I lost a hell of a lot of time 487 00:25:09,384 --> 00:25:11,136 watching that god-awful play. 488 00:25:13,179 --> 00:25:15,348 If you put the gun down, I'll drop you off 489 00:25:15,390 --> 00:25:17,600 as close as I can to where you're going. Deal? 490 00:25:17,642 --> 00:25:19,978 - Fine. But I'm keeping the gun. 491 00:25:20,020 --> 00:25:22,355 - No, come on, that one's new. All right, all right, take it. 492 00:25:27,861 --> 00:25:29,696 What's your name anyway? 493 00:25:32,532 --> 00:25:34,284 Okay, I'll start. Hi, I'm John. 494 00:25:34,325 --> 00:25:36,453 You're...? 495 00:25:36,494 --> 00:25:38,538 Bridget? 496 00:25:38,580 --> 00:25:40,040 Yolanda? Jennifer? 497 00:25:41,708 --> 00:25:43,752 Okay. So, since you like to be quiet, 498 00:25:43,793 --> 00:25:45,462 that's what I'm gonna call you: Quiet. 499 00:25:45,503 --> 00:25:48,131 Is that okay, Quiet? - Yep. 500 00:25:48,173 --> 00:25:49,966 - So, you're really not gonna tell me your name? 501 00:25:50,008 --> 00:25:51,676 - Nope. 502 00:25:52,635 --> 00:25:54,304 - Fine. 503 00:25:54,346 --> 00:25:55,889 Makes it easier when I drop your ass off 504 00:25:55,930 --> 00:25:58,433 in the middle of nowhere, Quiet. 505 00:26:05,065 --> 00:26:06,483 - [Agent Shepard] Sack up, newbs. 506 00:26:06,524 --> 00:26:09,194 Got a live one. 507 00:26:09,235 --> 00:26:10,987 I'll stop the vehicle 508 00:26:11,029 --> 00:26:13,073 and demand to see their open road license. 509 00:26:13,114 --> 00:26:15,075 If they don't got it, they don't pass. 510 00:26:19,412 --> 00:26:20,372 What? 511 00:26:20,413 --> 00:26:22,499 - Hey, sorry, just one question. 512 00:26:22,540 --> 00:26:24,876 Where do we bring 'em? 513 00:26:24,918 --> 00:26:28,755 Oh, and why are we stopping them? 514 00:26:28,797 --> 00:26:31,508 And what's an open road license? 515 00:26:31,549 --> 00:26:33,843 Is it common at the-- - Just get in. 516 00:26:33,885 --> 00:26:36,054 - We learn on the job. I respect that. 517 00:26:36,888 --> 00:26:37,889 - I've never seen a checkpoint 518 00:26:37,931 --> 00:26:39,891 that wasn't outside of a settlement. 519 00:26:39,933 --> 00:26:41,101 And these guys aren't on the map. 520 00:26:41,142 --> 00:26:43,895 So, more delays. 521 00:26:43,937 --> 00:26:44,979 Let me do all the talking. 522 00:26:45,021 --> 00:26:46,356 I deal with these guys all the time. 523 00:26:46,398 --> 00:26:49,192 I speak their lingo. 524 00:26:49,234 --> 00:26:51,986 - Hey, ORL, please. 525 00:26:52,028 --> 00:26:54,406 - Did you just ask me for oral? 526 00:26:54,447 --> 00:26:58,243 - Uh, no, sir. ORL. 527 00:26:58,284 --> 00:26:59,911 Open road license. 528 00:26:59,953 --> 00:27:02,539 - That's an awful acronym. 529 00:27:02,580 --> 00:27:04,541 Hey, look, I'm just a milkman. 530 00:27:04,582 --> 00:27:07,168 I'm just passing through, man. Come on. 531 00:27:07,210 --> 00:27:08,795 And you guys look great, by the way. 532 00:27:08,837 --> 00:27:10,130 I love your shirts, man. 533 00:27:10,171 --> 00:27:11,965 What are you, like a club or a team or something? 534 00:27:12,007 --> 00:27:14,718 - We're officers. Of the law. 535 00:27:14,759 --> 00:27:17,262 - Ah, angry black friend. Okay. 536 00:27:26,688 --> 00:27:29,065 Hey, where-- Get back in the car! 537 00:27:29,107 --> 00:27:30,442 - [Stu] Listen to your friend! 538 00:27:30,483 --> 00:27:31,818 - Eat my ass, motherfucker! 539 00:27:31,860 --> 00:27:35,780 [clicking and buzzing] 540 00:27:35,822 --> 00:27:38,074 [wincing] 541 00:27:38,116 --> 00:27:44,456 **