1
00:00:49,969 --> 00:00:52,229
Don't kiss me.
I just woke up.
2
00:00:52,231 --> 00:00:55,071
It doesn't matter.
These are good luck kisses.
3
00:00:56,082 --> 00:00:58,804
Damn. My presentation.
What time is it?
4
00:00:58,806 --> 00:01:00,244
Calm down, calm down.
5
00:01:02,303 --> 00:01:04,943
- I'm nervous as hell.
- Nothing!
6
00:01:05,328 --> 00:01:07,008
I can't screw everything up.
7
00:01:11,948 --> 00:01:13,648
Do you want me to go with you?
8
00:01:14,648 --> 00:01:18,048
I want to listen to music,
to clear out.
9
00:01:18,308 --> 00:01:19,728
But I love you.
10
00:01:20,968 --> 00:01:22,408
I love you too.
11
00:01:33,208 --> 00:01:34,708
Go! Go!
12
00:02:10,248 --> 00:02:12,768
Whatever happens,
I'm proud of you.
13
00:02:57,888 --> 00:03:01,528
Do you believe?
This is everything we dreamed of.
14
00:03:03,488 --> 00:03:04,888
- I love you.
- I love you.
15
00:03:41,808 --> 00:03:43,148
Shit.
16
00:04:32,048 --> 00:04:35,768
Ali, I know you don't believe
on me, but I'm doing very well.
17
00:04:37,148 --> 00:04:38,688
- Is that so?
- �.
18
00:04:39,308 --> 00:04:43,808
Of course. So, will things
Can they change and get worse?
19
00:04:45,128 --> 00:04:46,528
They can,
20
00:04:47,568 --> 00:04:51,168
but I feel like I found
an incredible balance,
21
00:04:51,208 --> 00:04:52,928
where I am happy, healthy
22
00:04:52,968 --> 00:04:57,448
and I'm not looking
for the happiness of others,
23
00:04:59,248 --> 00:05:00,648
like Jules.
24
00:05:02,448 --> 00:05:05,568
I put a lot
of my emotional well-being
25
00:05:05,608 --> 00:05:09,488
in her hands, without even speaking
of that, or not even saying that,
26
00:05:10,048 --> 00:05:12,448
especially
when I made plans
27
00:05:12,488 --> 00:05:14,768
for the remains
of our lives.
28
00:05:17,288 --> 00:05:22,128
I look back now and think:
"Wow... How crazy!
29
00:05:22,268 --> 00:05:23,848
It's weird."
30
00:05:25,188 --> 00:05:26,768
Do you know? I don't know...
31
00:05:27,048 --> 00:05:29,208
I transformed Jules
in the problem,
32
00:05:30,728 --> 00:05:34,728
but the problem is not her,
the problem is me.
33
00:05:35,568 --> 00:05:38,568
The problem is your sobriety.
34
00:05:38,688 --> 00:05:40,488
That's it. Of course.
35
00:05:40,528 --> 00:05:43,948
And my general well-being.
36
00:05:44,288 --> 00:05:46,368
What starts
with your sobriety.
37
00:05:49,888 --> 00:05:54,088
And how to find
an emotional balance.
38
00:05:54,168 --> 00:05:57,148
You said you found
an incredible balance.
39
00:05:57,288 --> 00:05:59,248
I found...
40
00:05:59,528 --> 00:06:03,248
I found...
I'm not perfect, you know?
41
00:06:03,328 --> 00:06:05,568
But I'm alone.
42
00:06:06,088 --> 00:06:10,428
I'm more alone,
making sound decisions.
43
00:06:10,508 --> 00:06:13,728
Rue. You're high.
44
00:06:15,188 --> 00:06:17,968
You didn't hear
what I said.
45
00:06:18,008 --> 00:06:20,908
Rue, neither did you hear
what you said.
46
00:06:21,288 --> 00:06:25,448
- This is physically impossible.
- What? Talking nonsense?
47
00:06:30,208 --> 00:06:31,528
You know,
48
00:06:32,308 --> 00:06:36,528
That's what I don't understand
in the world.
49
00:06:36,568 --> 00:06:40,288
Because many people drink
and use drugs
50
00:06:40,328 --> 00:06:42,448
and sometimes,
their lives are good
51
00:06:42,488 --> 00:06:44,728
and sometimes, bad...
52
00:06:44,768 --> 00:06:47,288
They have ups and downs...
53
00:06:47,328 --> 00:06:51,528
Whether you believe it or not,
I'm fine.
54
00:06:51,568 --> 00:06:53,148
You already said that.
55
00:06:53,149 --> 00:06:55,288
I'm not using
a lot of things,
56
00:06:55,328 --> 00:06:56,768
just smoking some marijuana
57
00:06:56,888 --> 00:06:59,328
and taking some pills
with prescription.
58
00:06:59,748 --> 00:07:02,528
What do I mean
It's just that this won't last.
59
00:07:02,568 --> 00:07:04,608
My sober good mood
neither.
60
00:07:04,648 --> 00:07:08,188
You are not a model
mental health,
61
00:07:08,228 --> 00:07:09,608
you have problems
62
00:07:09,609 --> 00:07:12,288
and will fight them
for the rest of your life.
63
00:07:12,688 --> 00:07:16,328
The problem is that you see
sobriety as weakness
64
00:07:16,368 --> 00:07:19,168
facing these problems
and I'm just saying
65
00:07:19,208 --> 00:07:21,348
that sobriety
It's your greatest weapon.
66
00:07:29,848 --> 00:07:31,608
Ali, can I say something?
67
00:07:32,568 --> 00:07:35,408
- He can.
- Seriously...
68
00:07:35,588 --> 00:07:38,528
If I say something harsh,
Won't you report me?
69
00:07:38,568 --> 00:07:41,688
Rue, I'm not a counselor.
70
00:07:41,768 --> 00:07:44,128
I'm a drug addict
trying to do something good
71
00:07:44,168 --> 00:07:45,568
before dying.
72
00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:50,728
- You're a trip, man.
- What were you going to say?
73
00:07:50,968 --> 00:07:52,928
- It doesn't matter. It's idiot.
- Please.
74
00:07:52,968 --> 00:07:55,448
- What were you going to say? Say.
- I don't want...
75
00:07:55,808 --> 00:07:57,208
Say it.
76
00:08:07,968 --> 00:08:11,468
When I'm sober,
77
00:08:12,288 --> 00:08:13,988
when I'm present,
78
00:08:14,408 --> 00:08:18,208
being part of this world,
I don't just think about having errands.
79
00:08:18,308 --> 00:08:20,248
It's darker than that.
80
00:08:23,328 --> 00:08:28,248
You might say that sobriety
It's my greatest weapon,
81
00:08:29,648 --> 00:08:33,208
but drugs are the only reason
that I haven't killed myself yet.
82
00:08:41,948 --> 00:08:43,428
Now yes.
83
00:08:44,168 --> 00:08:46,368
Now you are being
sincere and honest,
84
00:08:47,008 --> 00:08:50,528
because all this nonsense
of being a functional addict,
85
00:08:50,568 --> 00:08:52,568
to find balance...
86
00:08:53,328 --> 00:08:55,568
- It's not true, it's a lie.
- It's not a lie.
87
00:08:55,608 --> 00:08:58,608
It's a lie, whether you want it or not,
but I don't want to hear that.
88
00:09:00,488 --> 00:09:05,348
- Screw it.
- Screw it?
89
00:09:05,748 --> 00:09:07,548
Listen, brat,
90
00:09:07,968 --> 00:09:10,808
I used drugs before the ovum
of your mother coming down.
91
00:09:10,968 --> 00:09:13,368
I lived a whole life
to come and sit down
92
00:09:13,408 --> 00:09:15,928
in this restaurant
with someone arrogant like you.
93
00:09:15,968 --> 00:09:17,488
Don't say "screw it"
for me.
94
00:09:17,528 --> 00:09:20,208
You are 17 years old.
You don't know shit.
95
00:09:20,368 --> 00:09:23,688
Do you think you're brave? I am more.
Do you think you're tough? I am more.
96
00:09:23,728 --> 00:09:26,648
You sobered up
and wanted to kill himself? Me too.
97
00:09:26,768 --> 00:09:28,528
Want to know why?
98
00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:30,688
I will say.
You don't know how to live life.
99
00:09:31,208 --> 00:09:33,928
You don't have the tools.
You are very busy
100
00:09:33,968 --> 00:09:37,208
trying to fool everyone
saying he doesn't care,
101
00:09:37,248 --> 00:09:39,728
but you are so there
that you can't even bear to live.
102
00:09:39,768 --> 00:09:43,168
So, new rule:
No more wasting my time.
103
00:09:43,208 --> 00:09:46,448
Do you want to use it? Use.
But at least be honest.
104
00:09:49,648 --> 00:09:51,208
Did you understand?
105
00:09:53,408 --> 00:09:55,248
Why did you have a relapse?
106
00:09:55,288 --> 00:09:57,448
I don't know, my mind
It didn't stop accelerating.
107
00:09:57,488 --> 00:09:59,508
- Why?
- For everything.
108
00:09:59,948 --> 00:10:01,528
Be specific.
109
00:10:07,568 --> 00:10:10,888
For everything I remembered
and that I didn't want to remember.
110
00:10:13,248 --> 00:10:14,688
I understood.
111
00:10:15,828 --> 00:10:17,808
Why didn't you call me?
112
00:10:20,888 --> 00:10:24,488
Because I wasn't trying
not have a relapse.
113
00:10:26,448 --> 00:10:28,248
Right...
114
00:10:28,249 --> 00:10:30,048
Where did you get the drugs?
115
00:10:30,568 --> 00:10:34,328
I had some pills
for emergencies.
116
00:10:34,928 --> 00:10:36,428
Shit.
117
00:10:36,568 --> 00:10:38,568
You didn't have
no chance.
118
00:10:40,448 --> 00:10:42,048
No.
119
00:10:46,208 --> 00:10:47,688
Do you want to be clean?
120
00:10:51,888 --> 00:10:53,408
No.
121
00:10:53,468 --> 00:10:55,048
Are you sure?
122
00:10:58,208 --> 00:10:59,808
I have.
123
00:11:04,208 --> 00:11:06,908
Got it...
124
00:11:06,909 --> 00:11:08,568
Is this very wrong?
125
00:11:08,569 --> 00:11:12,828
Don't you want to stay clean?
Of course it's wrong.
126
00:11:13,288 --> 00:11:15,368
I'm shit, aren't I?
127
00:11:15,448 --> 00:11:19,568
Yeah, you suck.
But there is a good side:
128
00:11:20,808 --> 00:11:23,248
You are not drugged
because it sucks,
129
00:11:23,288 --> 00:11:25,948
but you suck
because she's drugged.
130
00:11:27,608 --> 00:11:31,428
I'm saying
that you weren't born being bad.
131
00:11:31,508 --> 00:11:35,208
You, Rue, were born
being a beautiful girl,
132
00:11:35,268 --> 00:11:37,648
that without knowing,
There were some loose threads.
133
00:11:37,888 --> 00:11:40,408
When you used drugs
for the first time,
134
00:11:40,448 --> 00:11:43,388
something clicked in your brain,
out of your control.
135
00:11:43,408 --> 00:11:46,568
It's not a matter of will,
not by force,
136
00:11:46,848 --> 00:11:49,888
but you are at a disadvantage
since the first time he got high.
137
00:11:49,889 --> 00:11:53,248
You can destroy your life,
screw your sister's head,
138
00:11:53,288 --> 00:11:56,888
abuse and torture your mother
and still sit here
139
00:11:56,928 --> 00:12:00,908
and tell me, calmly and coldly,
looking into my eyes:
140
00:12:00,909 --> 00:12:03,048
"I'm going to keep using drugs."
141
00:12:05,648 --> 00:12:09,348
This is the disease of addiction.
142
00:12:09,808 --> 00:12:12,208
It is a degenerative disease.
143
00:12:12,248 --> 00:12:15,908
It has no cure. She is lethal.
She is like cancer.
144
00:12:15,988 --> 00:12:19,768
You got this. Why?
By some chance.
145
00:12:19,769 --> 00:12:24,148
But the hardest part
of having the disease of addiction,
146
00:12:24,188 --> 00:12:25,568
beyond the disease itself,
147
00:12:25,608 --> 00:12:28,528
is that no one in the world
sees it as a disease.
148
00:12:28,688 --> 00:12:32,568
Everyone sees you
as selfish, weak, cruel,
149
00:12:32,928 --> 00:12:35,968
destructive, and think:
150
00:12:35,969 --> 00:12:38,648
"Why should I care,
if she doesn't care
151
00:12:38,688 --> 00:12:40,008
with her or others?
152
00:12:40,048 --> 00:12:42,768
Why does she deserve it
my time, my patience
153
00:12:42,771 --> 00:12:44,308
and my sympathy?
154
00:12:44,309 --> 00:12:46,448
"If she wants to kill herself,
leave."
155
00:12:47,168 --> 00:12:49,608
These are questions and answers
reasonable,
156
00:12:49,728 --> 00:12:53,888
But luckily, you're not
The only one who has this disease.
157
00:12:53,928 --> 00:12:57,388
There are people like me,
who understand
158
00:12:58,368 --> 00:13:00,288
that you're not that bad.
159
00:13:00,888 --> 00:13:03,688
That underneath
of this chaotic energy,
160
00:13:03,728 --> 00:13:05,968
you can be a good girl,
who knows?
161
00:13:06,408 --> 00:13:10,408
That's why we're eating
pancakes on Christmas Eve,
162
00:13:11,408 --> 00:13:14,128
even if you don't want to
stay sober.
163
00:13:21,088 --> 00:13:22,888
You have daughters, don't you?
164
00:13:24,788 --> 00:13:26,368
Where are they?
165
00:13:27,628 --> 00:13:30,488
In different places,
with their families.
166
00:13:31,448 --> 00:13:33,128
Do you always see them?
167
00:13:35,928 --> 00:13:38,208
I have never refused an invitation.
168
00:13:38,708 --> 00:13:42,548
But you are not clean
20 years ago?
169
00:13:42,908 --> 00:13:46,068
No...
I've been clean for seven years.
170
00:13:46,928 --> 00:13:48,448
Is it really?
171
00:13:48,449 --> 00:13:51,168
I was clean for 12 years before,
but I became arrogant
172
00:13:51,208 --> 00:13:53,648
and I started to think
that I was invincible.
173
00:13:53,688 --> 00:13:55,807
Ah, now I only have
seven years.
174
00:13:55,808 --> 00:13:57,548
- Damn.
- Yeah.
175
00:13:57,568 --> 00:14:01,408
How can you have a message
after 12 years?
176
00:14:01,908 --> 00:14:04,468
We forget
how bad it was.
177
00:14:04,948 --> 00:14:08,248
How long did the relapse last?
178
00:14:10,108 --> 00:14:11,768
A year and a half.
179
00:14:12,548 --> 00:14:15,068
- Holy crap.
- Yeah.
180
00:14:15,308 --> 00:14:16,848
Crap.
181
00:14:17,268 --> 00:14:20,208
I thought you were
talk one day.
182
00:14:20,248 --> 00:14:23,808
When you fall into that cycle
to use and abuse,
183
00:14:24,928 --> 00:14:26,568
you can't escape it,
184
00:14:26,608 --> 00:14:28,608
even more so being
Cleaned for 12 years.
185
00:14:28,648 --> 00:14:31,088
The disease begins to speak
with you:
186
00:14:31,128 --> 00:14:34,168
"Twelve years, Martin.
You won't do it again."
187
00:14:37,128 --> 00:14:38,768
Wait a minute... Martin?
188
00:14:39,448 --> 00:14:40,968
�...
189
00:14:41,388 --> 00:14:45,508
- Who is Martin?
- Martin is me.
190
00:14:46,268 --> 00:14:48,288
- How is it?
- It's my name.
191
00:14:48,328 --> 00:14:50,048
- Is your name Martin?
- It was...
192
00:14:50,088 --> 00:14:51,808
- How?
- Before I converted.
193
00:14:51,848 --> 00:14:53,248
- To what?
- To Islam.
194
00:14:53,288 --> 00:14:56,928
- There, I'm confused now.
- Am I your first black friend?
195
00:14:56,968 --> 00:14:59,848
I didn't come from the Middle East.
I'm from Philadelphia.
196
00:15:00,948 --> 00:15:03,748
You don't look like a Martin.
197
00:15:04,868 --> 00:15:06,368
Not really.
198
00:15:06,488 --> 00:15:07,908
I didn't think so either.
199
00:15:07,968 --> 00:15:09,888
Do women convert to Islam?
200
00:15:12,568 --> 00:15:14,228
Very few.
201
00:15:20,968 --> 00:15:22,908
It's interesting,
202
00:15:22,928 --> 00:15:24,388
because...
203
00:15:25,188 --> 00:15:27,408
I have difficulties with this.
204
00:15:28,388 --> 00:15:31,888
- Like this?
- With the N.A. and such.
205
00:15:32,308 --> 00:15:34,968
I like the first step.
206
00:15:35,488 --> 00:15:37,668
I can do it
207
00:15:38,488 --> 00:15:42,448
agree that I am powerless
against drugs
208
00:15:42,488 --> 00:15:44,528
and that my life
It's uncontrollable.
209
00:15:44,568 --> 00:15:47,407
- This is not inconceivable.
- Right.
210
00:15:47,408 --> 00:15:50,208
However...
In the second step,
211
00:15:50,268 --> 00:15:52,607
"believe that a greater power
than us
212
00:15:52,608 --> 00:15:54,808
could you give us back
� sanity".
213
00:15:55,488 --> 00:15:58,168
In that case, I...
214
00:15:59,188 --> 00:16:01,068
I have some difficulties.
215
00:16:02,248 --> 00:16:04,148
Right. Got it...
216
00:16:04,149 --> 00:16:06,048
Now, I understand.
217
00:16:06,168 --> 00:16:09,208
You don't believe it exists
a power on Earth
218
00:16:09,248 --> 00:16:10,888
bigger than Rue.
219
00:16:10,889 --> 00:16:12,568
- It's not true.
- Is that so?
220
00:16:12,608 --> 00:16:16,128
There are many things
more powerful than me.
221
00:16:16,188 --> 00:16:17,768
Say one.
222
00:16:19,028 --> 00:16:20,808
A Mack truck.
223
00:16:21,668 --> 00:16:23,968
- What it was?
- Say something else.
224
00:16:24,188 --> 00:16:25,608
The ocean.
225
00:16:26,748 --> 00:16:30,807
- Try again.
- Shit. I think...
226
00:16:30,808 --> 00:16:33,448
The music of Otis Redding
She's more powerful than me.
227
00:16:33,488 --> 00:16:36,768
- That didn't even make sense.
- Yes, he did.
228
00:16:38,268 --> 00:16:39,808
- Yes, he did.
- How?
229
00:16:41,568 --> 00:16:44,248
The global impact
from "Try a Little Tenderness"
230
00:16:44,288 --> 00:16:46,328
It's something I never
could do it.
231
00:16:46,368 --> 00:16:49,208
More than any of us
never could.
232
00:16:49,248 --> 00:16:52,308
Okay... Smart girl.
That's not worth it.
233
00:16:55,788 --> 00:16:58,408
- Ali, I don't believe in God.
- You want to know?
234
00:16:58,448 --> 00:17:00,808
He's not even there
whether you believe it or not.
235
00:17:00,848 --> 00:17:02,248
He believes in you.
236
00:17:02,288 --> 00:17:06,607
I don't know... it's a good phrase,
but it doesn't mean anything.
237
00:17:06,608 --> 00:17:10,328
It means. If God doesn't believe
in you, you don't even breathe.
238
00:17:10,568 --> 00:17:13,728
Then my father died
Why didn't God believe in him?
239
00:17:15,288 --> 00:17:17,568
I didn't say that.
240
00:17:17,608 --> 00:17:20,008
Nothing makes me madder
than this argument.
241
00:17:20,048 --> 00:17:23,048
- That's not what I said.
- Every time someone survives
242
00:17:23,088 --> 00:17:26,248
to a shooting, to an earthquake,
they say:
243
00:17:26,288 --> 00:17:30,848
"I survived. God saved me.
I have a purpose."
244
00:17:31,888 --> 00:17:36,607
But I think, "You're saying
that your life is more important"
245
00:17:36,608 --> 00:17:39,568
than the six year old boy
who died that day,
246
00:17:39,608 --> 00:17:42,488
of the newborn,
or the others who died...
247
00:17:42,568 --> 00:17:45,248
Your life has
a purpose, right?
248
00:17:45,268 --> 00:17:49,228
"Because yours has a purpose,
And my father's isn't?"
249
00:17:50,828 --> 00:17:53,488
I can say that the purpose
from my father
250
00:17:53,528 --> 00:17:55,608
was to raise me and my sister,
251
00:17:57,968 --> 00:17:59,888
being by my mother's side...
252
00:18:00,588 --> 00:18:03,128
That was his purpose.
I think...
253
00:18:04,348 --> 00:18:08,848
But, you know...
he is dead.
254
00:18:09,988 --> 00:18:12,288
- See...
- There, if you're going to tell me
255
00:18:12,328 --> 00:18:14,368
that he died for a reason,
256
00:18:14,408 --> 00:18:18,328
or I don't know, I'm leaving,
literally...
257
00:18:18,368 --> 00:18:19,988
I wouldn't...
258
00:18:21,028 --> 00:18:23,868
He didn't die
to teach us a lesson.
259
00:18:23,888 --> 00:18:27,568
He didn't die
for us to unite
260
00:18:27,608 --> 00:18:29,728
or for anything
what is said
261
00:18:29,768 --> 00:18:32,188
when you don't have
nothing to say.
262
00:18:33,008 --> 00:18:34,968
He died because he died.
263
00:18:34,969 --> 00:18:36,892
That's it. For the same reason
264
00:18:36,893 --> 00:18:40,492
that I was born
with some loose threads.
265
00:18:41,248 --> 00:18:43,888
Right? It was random.
266
00:18:44,988 --> 00:18:46,648
You said it yourself.
267
00:18:47,288 --> 00:18:48,968
That's it.
268
00:18:52,188 --> 00:18:53,568
Listen...
269
00:18:56,808 --> 00:19:00,908
I don't have all the answers,
I'm not even going to pretend that I have it.
270
00:19:00,928 --> 00:19:02,408
However,
271
00:19:02,928 --> 00:19:04,648
I know we never made it
272
00:19:04,688 --> 00:19:08,828
see and understand
the full arc of human life.
273
00:19:08,988 --> 00:19:12,408
No one can see
chain reactions
274
00:19:12,448 --> 00:19:14,828
of how everything happens,
from start to finish...
275
00:19:14,888 --> 00:19:17,768
This is a mystery,
and it will always continue to be.
276
00:19:18,728 --> 00:19:22,148
Malcolm Little's father,
six years old,
277
00:19:22,828 --> 00:19:25,528
died in an accident
with a tram.
278
00:19:25,529 --> 00:19:29,008
The rumor was that it had been
the Black Legion, the KKK.
279
00:19:29,228 --> 00:19:32,928
The boy grew up believing
that this white world
280
00:19:32,968 --> 00:19:35,408
I didn't have space
for a black guy like him.
281
00:19:36,448 --> 00:19:38,928
He went to Harlem
and became a drug dealer,
282
00:19:38,968 --> 00:19:41,648
a drug addict,
began to steal and rob,
283
00:19:41,688 --> 00:19:43,208
until he is arrested
284
00:19:43,428 --> 00:19:47,607
and discover Islam,
start a move,
285
00:19:47,608 --> 00:19:49,808
that scared me so much
white America,
286
00:19:49,848 --> 00:19:54,107
that she hugged another black man,
287
00:19:54,108 --> 00:19:55,687
one who had a dream,
288
00:19:55,688 --> 00:19:59,368
of not nipping evil in the bud,
even if she deserved it,
289
00:19:59,408 --> 00:20:01,128
but to live in harmony.
290
00:20:01,168 --> 00:20:04,128
Soon after,
came the Civil Rights Act.
291
00:20:04,648 --> 00:20:08,048
These were the first steps
legislation that gave the right
292
00:20:08,088 --> 00:20:10,568
for you and me to sit
in this restaurant
293
00:20:10,608 --> 00:20:13,568
and talk about what we want
stop using drugs or not,
294
00:20:13,608 --> 00:20:16,168
the same drugs given
to your ancestors
295
00:20:16,208 --> 00:20:19,008
to keep them drunk,
inoculated and enslaved...
296
00:20:19,048 --> 00:20:22,488
Drugs that were taken from them not only
the ability to be free,
297
00:20:22,528 --> 00:20:25,888
but to imagine a world
where they would be free.
298
00:20:25,928 --> 00:20:28,448
Why the purpose
of a person is bigger?
299
00:20:28,488 --> 00:20:31,088
Why do some die
while others live?
300
00:20:31,128 --> 00:20:33,048
Why do you, Rue Bennett,
is here,
301
00:20:33,088 --> 00:20:36,568
and other 17 year olds,
maybe better, kinder
302
00:20:36,608 --> 00:20:40,088
and more respectful, aren't they?
I don't know.
303
00:20:40,348 --> 00:20:42,168
That's the mystery.
304
00:20:43,168 --> 00:20:44,768
But here we are.
305
00:20:45,728 --> 00:20:47,208
What are we going to do?
306
00:20:47,788 --> 00:20:49,188
I don't know...
307
00:20:50,088 --> 00:20:51,608
Maybe I
308
00:20:52,648 --> 00:20:55,328
start a revolution
like Malcolm X.
309
00:20:56,648 --> 00:20:59,008
Whatever you heard,
310
00:20:59,088 --> 00:21:01,908
revolutions
They are no longer radical.
311
00:21:02,968 --> 00:21:04,528
Like this?
312
00:21:04,608 --> 00:21:08,128
There are so many revolutions,
that everyone is revolutionary.
313
00:21:08,608 --> 00:21:11,728
The rich, the poor,
the right, the left,
314
00:21:11,768 --> 00:21:15,728
the young, the old,
the beggars, the bankers...
315
00:21:16,308 --> 00:21:17,808
How beautiful it is!
316
00:21:18,748 --> 00:21:21,848
All, at the same time,
in one revolution after another.
317
00:21:22,688 --> 00:21:27,308
I never thought I would see
so many revolutions in my life.
318
00:21:28,848 --> 00:21:31,528
Revolutions are so fast,
319
00:21:31,568 --> 00:21:34,528
that people don't even have time
to implement changes.
320
00:21:34,608 --> 00:21:37,768
"Didn't you know?
There is a new revolution."
321
00:21:39,648 --> 00:21:43,688
I went to buy a pair of sneakers
at the Nike store the other day,
322
00:21:43,728 --> 00:21:48,168
and I saw it on the wall,
in bold letters:
323
00:21:48,608 --> 00:21:50,688
"Our people matter."
324
00:21:51,408 --> 00:21:54,568
I thought, "Wow...
What a good feeling."
325
00:21:55,448 --> 00:21:58,888
I'm in my store
of favorite shoes and listen:
326
00:21:59,008 --> 00:22:01,048
"I know you lived
a long life
327
00:22:01,088 --> 00:22:03,448
and that life
It wasn't always easy,
328
00:22:03,488 --> 00:22:07,568
but in his 54 years,
my brother,
329
00:22:07,608 --> 00:22:09,368
I want to say I love you."
330
00:22:09,628 --> 00:22:14,408
I thought, "Wow...
What a good feeling."
331
00:22:14,828 --> 00:22:18,308
I thought, "Thanks, Nike."
332
00:22:20,328 --> 00:22:22,193
So, I picked up a pair of sneakers
333
00:22:22,194 --> 00:22:26,792
and the price was US$139.99.
334
00:22:27,988 --> 00:22:29,528
Oh, I thought:
335
00:22:30,468 --> 00:22:32,688
"I thought Nike loved me,
336
00:22:32,968 --> 00:22:36,568
that I enjoyed my life.
What happened?"
337
00:22:37,608 --> 00:22:41,392
I looked in the store and saw several black people
338
00:22:41,393 --> 00:22:42,893
feeling good too.
339
00:22:42,895 --> 00:22:45,728
I saw several white people,
also feeling good.
340
00:22:45,768 --> 00:22:49,328
Some even landing
and taking photos
341
00:22:49,368 --> 00:22:51,748
with big letters
on the wall.
342
00:22:54,168 --> 00:22:56,308
It's true.
343
00:22:56,388 --> 00:22:59,068
I had a feeling and thought:
344
00:23:00,148 --> 00:23:02,108
"Fuck you, Nike!"
345
00:23:02,228 --> 00:23:05,488
You don't give a fuck
for nothing or anyone.
346
00:23:05,648 --> 00:23:07,888
Chinese Muslims sew
these sneakers
347
00:23:07,928 --> 00:23:12,068
for seven cents an hour
and does my black ass matter?
348
00:23:12,848 --> 00:23:14,928
If rap wasn't popular,
349
00:23:14,968 --> 00:23:17,928
if Nirvana were still
the most famous band in the USA,
350
00:23:17,968 --> 00:23:22,088
they would say "depression matters",
because that would sell more sneakers.
351
00:23:22,128 --> 00:23:24,568
These advertisers
they are too good.
352
00:23:26,688 --> 00:23:28,408
They were smarter,
353
00:23:28,448 --> 00:23:31,328
but your generation too
is all compromised,
354
00:23:31,368 --> 00:23:33,728
because they invaded
your cell phones.
355
00:23:33,768 --> 00:23:36,448
They read your likes,
predicted their actions
356
00:23:36,488 --> 00:23:38,048
and deceived you.
357
00:23:38,208 --> 00:23:40,728
You think you're struggling
in a revolution
358
00:23:40,768 --> 00:23:43,987
and Bank of America
Are you on your side? Please!
359
00:23:44,088 --> 00:23:47,568
A real revolution
has no allies. Just like that.
360
00:23:47,588 --> 00:23:51,448
A real revolution,
not a quick, fashionable,
361
00:23:51,488 --> 00:23:54,527
but a revolution
really really
362
00:23:54,528 --> 00:23:57,328
It is spiritual in its essence.
363
00:23:57,888 --> 00:24:02,808
She is a decimation
of priorities, beliefs
364
00:24:02,828 --> 00:24:04,808
and lifestyles
365
00:24:05,948 --> 00:24:08,568
and a reconstruction
in the spirit of...
366
00:24:13,148 --> 00:24:15,448
You have to create
a new god,
367
00:24:15,568 --> 00:24:16,968
or gods,
368
00:24:17,088 --> 00:24:19,128
or whatever it is,
but it is essential
369
00:24:19,168 --> 00:24:22,368
that you believe in something
bigger than you.
370
00:24:22,408 --> 00:24:25,128
And it can't be the ocean,
or your favorite song,
371
00:24:25,168 --> 00:24:28,588
nor the movement,
people or words.
372
00:24:30,328 --> 00:24:32,588
You have to believe
in poetry.
373
00:24:33,868 --> 00:24:36,608
Because everything in your life
will leave you in the lurch.
374
00:24:36,728 --> 00:24:38,208
Including yourself.
375
00:24:40,528 --> 00:24:41,948
Do you understand?
376
00:24:42,308 --> 00:24:44,048
That's your situation.
377
00:24:45,268 --> 00:24:46,848
You are sick.
378
00:24:47,308 --> 00:24:50,168
Your system is
on the verge of collapse
379
00:24:50,368 --> 00:24:52,528
and the addict inside you
want to sell
380
00:24:52,568 --> 00:24:54,948
the same thing
that made you sick.
381
00:24:55,028 --> 00:24:57,088
If you continue like this,
382
00:24:57,628 --> 00:25:01,068
will rot inside
until he gave up and died.
383
00:25:03,188 --> 00:25:06,788
Your only hope
It's a revolution,
384
00:25:07,208 --> 00:25:09,288
but a revolution
really,
385
00:25:09,328 --> 00:25:11,008
inside and out.
386
00:25:12,208 --> 00:25:14,008
But you have
to go all out.
387
00:25:14,248 --> 00:25:16,248
She can't be half-assed.
388
00:25:16,668 --> 00:25:19,608
You have to be committed
every day
389
00:25:21,608 --> 00:25:24,728
and know that you can
act better and be better.
390
00:25:26,808 --> 00:25:28,368
Because, who knows?
391
00:25:29,708 --> 00:25:31,688
Maybe one day you will.
392
00:25:36,848 --> 00:25:38,848
I don't underestimate anyone.
393
00:25:42,308 --> 00:25:44,288
I've seen stranger things.
394
00:25:47,948 --> 00:25:49,448
I'll be right back.
395
00:25:50,228 --> 00:25:51,768
All good?
396
00:27:34,748 --> 00:27:36,928
I didn't know
that you would answer.
397
00:27:37,448 --> 00:27:39,768
I thought I was going to fall
in the mailbox.
398
00:27:42,608 --> 00:27:44,028
No...
399
00:27:44,488 --> 00:27:46,828
It's not for you
feel guilty.
400
00:27:47,268 --> 00:27:48,768
It's that...
401
00:27:51,448 --> 00:27:53,128
� Christmas.
402
00:27:53,868 --> 00:27:55,508
Merry Christmas.
403
00:28:12,528 --> 00:28:14,248
Is your sister there?
404
00:28:15,388 --> 00:28:17,088
That's good.
405
00:28:23,488 --> 00:28:25,088
Tell her
406
00:28:25,248 --> 00:28:27,168
"Merry Christmas" from me.
407
00:28:28,148 --> 00:28:32,328
And say that I love her
and that I miss you.
408
00:28:36,268 --> 00:28:37,968
No...
409
00:28:38,788 --> 00:28:41,848
I didn't try to talk to her
through you, Imani.
410
00:28:43,268 --> 00:28:44,888
It wasn't what I...
411
00:28:47,188 --> 00:28:48,608
Right.
412
00:28:54,348 --> 00:28:57,168
I'm fine...
I just left a meeting.
413
00:28:57,268 --> 00:29:00,368
I'm in the parking lot
of a restaurant.
414
00:29:00,388 --> 00:29:01,928
No, no...
415
00:29:02,668 --> 00:29:05,608
I ate pancakes
with a girl I sponsor.
416
00:29:20,388 --> 00:29:22,148
Who is it?
417
00:29:22,188 --> 00:29:23,688
Rashad?
418
00:29:25,848 --> 00:29:27,328
Who am I?
419
00:29:27,888 --> 00:29:29,488
It's grandpa!
420
00:29:30,108 --> 00:29:33,388
Grandma Ali.
Speak again.
421
00:29:33,928 --> 00:29:36,288
Yes, my grandson.
422
00:29:42,048 --> 00:29:45,828
What a beautiful voice he has!
Isn't it?
423
00:29:45,829 --> 00:29:48,028
How tall is he?
424
00:29:54,068 --> 00:29:58,148
Of course, I understand...
No problem.
425
00:30:13,228 --> 00:30:18,188
I'm fine, but it seems
that I'm in an old movie.
426
00:30:18,191 --> 00:30:20,508
"Happiness can't be bought."
427
00:30:21,028 --> 00:30:24,488
Happiness can't be bought.
Merry Christmas, Imani.
428
00:31:07,788 --> 00:31:10,488
There, what should I do
about Jules?
429
00:31:19,688 --> 00:31:21,208
Marsha.
430
00:31:24,428 --> 00:31:26,048
One question...
431
00:31:29,228 --> 00:31:31,288
How long has it been
Are you clean?
432
00:31:33,628 --> 00:31:35,708
Seventeen years,
433
00:31:36,468 --> 00:31:38,348
by the grace of God.
434
00:31:39,888 --> 00:31:42,305
Seventeen years.
435
00:31:42,308 --> 00:31:44,448
I never found it
if I were to say that,
436
00:31:44,488 --> 00:31:46,848
but I say
with great pride.
437
00:31:48,388 --> 00:31:50,328
Seventeen years.
438
00:31:51,168 --> 00:31:52,748
Why?
439
00:31:53,488 --> 00:31:55,248
What would happen
440
00:31:55,288 --> 00:31:59,688
if you thought about dating
at the beginning of sobriety?
441
00:32:00,448 --> 00:32:04,128
You want to know if I wanted
dating or staying clean?
442
00:32:04,268 --> 00:32:07,728
Well the answer is yes
for both questions.
443
00:32:07,729 --> 00:32:09,128
But...
444
00:32:09,528 --> 00:32:12,608
I had to not be
in a relationship
445
00:32:12,628 --> 00:32:16,928
to focus on my sobriety,
because it was what I wanted
446
00:32:16,968 --> 00:32:19,768
and I had no energy
for both things.
447
00:32:20,488 --> 00:32:22,488
And I wanted to be clean.
448
00:32:22,808 --> 00:32:27,468
Not everything is good for you
it's good for you.
449
00:32:27,488 --> 00:32:30,688
What would you say to someone
Who doesn't have much hope?
450
00:32:31,648 --> 00:32:33,768
When I was a child,
451
00:32:34,508 --> 00:32:38,308
my grandmother always said something,
452
00:32:38,348 --> 00:32:41,368
and I never understood the meaning
453
00:32:43,508 --> 00:32:47,228
until I'm ready
to stay clean.
454
00:32:47,288 --> 00:32:50,308
Her words were:
"Honey,
455
00:32:50,368 --> 00:32:53,768
the difficulties
They don't last forever."
456
00:32:55,028 --> 00:32:56,788
They really don't last.
457
00:32:57,068 --> 00:33:01,508
If you want to change,
the responsibility is yours.
458
00:33:03,028 --> 00:33:06,968
Any more questions,
while I count my tip?
459
00:33:06,988 --> 00:33:08,488
No, you can tell...
460
00:33:08,528 --> 00:33:12,248
- I'll put some more there.
- It's really good, you hard bread.
461
00:33:17,248 --> 00:33:18,868
It's all true.
462
00:33:28,888 --> 00:33:30,388
You know,
463
00:33:32,408 --> 00:33:35,868
when I think about it all,
I still blame Jules.
464
00:33:36,488 --> 00:33:38,088
Why?
465
00:33:39,948 --> 00:33:44,448
Why
I was clean.
466
00:33:46,368 --> 00:33:49,488
I would stay clean
467
00:33:50,428 --> 00:33:53,168
and most of the time,
I was happy.
468
00:33:53,848 --> 00:33:55,946
- Oh, Jules...
- Wait a minute.
469
00:33:55,948 --> 00:33:57,788
Were you going to stay clean?
470
00:33:57,789 --> 00:33:59,768
- I was.
- With pills in the room?
471
00:33:59,928 --> 00:34:02,508
- I wasn't going to take it.
- Just save it?
472
00:34:02,948 --> 00:34:05,408
But you said
that would be clean
473
00:34:05,428 --> 00:34:07,528
and that the message
It was Jules' fault.
474
00:34:12,028 --> 00:34:14,448
There, you don't know
what she did to me.
475
00:34:15,288 --> 00:34:18,308
True. I don't know.
476
00:34:22,228 --> 00:34:23,728
She betrayed me.
477
00:34:24,588 --> 00:34:28,227
When I was clean,
she betrayed me.
478
00:34:28,228 --> 00:34:30,368
- I didn't know.
- Exactly.
479
00:34:32,228 --> 00:34:34,568
You were
in a relationship?
480
00:34:34,588 --> 00:34:36,168
We were.
481
00:34:37,148 --> 00:34:39,948
- I thought they were just friends.
- No...
482
00:34:42,188 --> 00:34:44,048
When did this change?
483
00:34:44,128 --> 00:34:45,568
At night in the park
484
00:34:45,608 --> 00:34:48,288
she came to my house
and we kissed a lot.
485
00:34:48,688 --> 00:34:50,968
But when it turned
a relationship?
486
00:34:51,008 --> 00:34:52,608
I already said.
That night.
487
00:34:53,108 --> 00:34:55,368
- Was it that night?
- He was.
488
00:34:55,408 --> 00:34:58,568
So, it wasn't just kisses?
Did you guys talk about being together?
489
00:34:58,948 --> 00:35:01,668
What? How strange.
490
00:35:01,928 --> 00:35:03,368
What?
491
00:35:03,928 --> 00:35:05,728
Why would we talk about this?
492
00:35:06,308 --> 00:35:10,108
That's how people come in
in relationships.
493
00:35:12,048 --> 00:35:15,048
We said "I love you"
several times.
494
00:35:15,388 --> 00:35:17,728
I say "I love you"
to my barber.
495
00:35:19,148 --> 00:35:21,328
But you don't kiss
your barber.
496
00:35:21,368 --> 00:35:24,248
Even if I kissed him,
he wouldn't see it as something serious.
497
00:35:25,228 --> 00:35:30,108
We talk about doing
matching tattoos on lips.
498
00:35:32,188 --> 00:35:33,768
Did you?
499
00:35:34,148 --> 00:35:37,408
No, but we talk about doing it.
500
00:35:40,788 --> 00:35:42,288
Continue...
501
00:35:42,508 --> 00:35:46,368
There's nothing more to say,
unless I loved her,
502
00:35:46,548 --> 00:35:48,068
trusted her
503
00:35:49,468 --> 00:35:53,288
and now,
I see she lied to me
504
00:35:53,688 --> 00:35:56,848
- and manipulated me.
- Right.
505
00:35:56,888 --> 00:35:59,008
And that all
at the train station...
506
00:35:59,028 --> 00:36:01,168
She wanted
for me to run away with her,
507
00:36:01,208 --> 00:36:05,408
even though I'm scared
and without my medicine...
508
00:36:05,410 --> 00:36:08,748
That was wrong and selfish.
509
00:36:13,668 --> 00:36:16,048
I didn't think she was going to go
for real.
510
00:36:16,948 --> 00:36:18,808
You know, leave me?
511
00:36:23,068 --> 00:36:25,688
That triggered something
in my head...
512
00:36:26,388 --> 00:36:28,248
I thought about my life
513
00:36:29,868 --> 00:36:32,728
and how people
they promise me things.
514
00:36:35,268 --> 00:36:38,808
My mother kissed me on the forehead
515
00:36:39,548 --> 00:36:42,108
and said my father would be fine.
516
00:36:42,688 --> 00:36:44,568
Jules spoke
that we would live together
517
00:36:44,608 --> 00:36:47,608
when she went to college,
we would sleep in the same bed,
518
00:36:48,608 --> 00:36:50,328
we would be together forever...
519
00:36:52,048 --> 00:36:54,108
Then, she abandoned me,
520
00:36:55,988 --> 00:36:58,128
because she met
another girl.
521
00:37:08,748 --> 00:37:11,608
That made me think
how everyone lies.
522
00:37:13,768 --> 00:37:15,928
It's not even the lies
that hurt,
523
00:37:15,968 --> 00:37:18,688
but you are never
emotionally prepared
524
00:37:18,808 --> 00:37:20,448
for someone to leave you.
525
00:37:22,528 --> 00:37:24,248
This is terrible.
526
00:37:24,748 --> 00:37:28,368
It was like an avalanche,
But maybe I deserved it.
527
00:37:29,388 --> 00:37:31,568
Maybe it is
the punishment of the universe
528
00:37:31,608 --> 00:37:34,208
because I was
shit all my life,
529
00:37:37,708 --> 00:37:39,968
because I stole
from my mother,
530
00:37:41,988 --> 00:37:44,288
for hitting her in the face...
531
00:37:46,848 --> 00:37:50,448
I've already done this.
There, I hit my mother.
532
00:37:50,788 --> 00:37:52,448
In her face.
533
00:38:00,528 --> 00:38:02,448
I picked up a piece of glass,
534
00:38:02,648 --> 00:38:05,068
I pointed at her
and I threatened to kill her.
535
00:38:06,508 --> 00:38:08,528
This is unforgivable.
536
00:38:09,108 --> 00:38:11,728
Maybe I deserve it
be abandoned
537
00:38:12,188 --> 00:38:14,608
at the train station at 1am.
538
00:38:16,648 --> 00:38:19,088
The drugs change
who you are as a person.
539
00:38:19,288 --> 00:38:22,408
I wasn't high
when I attacked my mother.
540
00:38:22,448 --> 00:38:25,508
The drugs change
who you are as a person.
541
00:38:25,828 --> 00:38:27,908
Even so,
It's unforgivable.
542
00:38:27,909 --> 00:38:29,768
No, no.
543
00:38:31,628 --> 00:38:34,568
- How?
- If I believed that,
544
00:38:34,608 --> 00:38:37,448
I wouldn't be here,
because what I did in my life
545
00:38:37,528 --> 00:38:39,548
It's much more unforgivable.
546
00:38:39,728 --> 00:38:41,288
It seems like it.
547
00:38:42,928 --> 00:38:45,568
I already said it once
and I'll say it again.
548
00:38:45,608 --> 00:38:48,088
You are playing pool
with the Minnesota Fats.
549
00:38:48,648 --> 00:38:51,688
If I were a colleague of yours,
no life experience,
550
00:38:51,728 --> 00:38:55,288
and heard that you threatened
your mother with a shard of glass,
551
00:38:55,328 --> 00:38:57,948
I could say:
"It's unforgivable!"
552
00:38:58,068 --> 00:39:01,008
The more you believe in this,
the sicker you get,
553
00:39:01,048 --> 00:39:03,208
because when you do
something unforgivable,
554
00:39:03,248 --> 00:39:05,208
you ask yourself:
"Why change?
555
00:39:05,248 --> 00:39:07,688
I'm really shit.
Better to keep it that way.
556
00:39:07,728 --> 00:39:09,168
What's the difference?"
557
00:39:09,169 --> 00:39:13,208
Don't you realize that forgiveness
It's the secret of change.
558
00:39:13,768 --> 00:39:16,808
We judge intentions
and people's motivations,
559
00:39:16,848 --> 00:39:19,448
as if we knew
what happens in the human soul.
560
00:39:19,488 --> 00:39:22,348
"You did it,
So you are that." Please.
561
00:39:23,188 --> 00:39:28,088
There, I picked up a piece of glass,
I pointed to my mother
562
00:39:28,788 --> 00:39:31,108
and said he would kill her.
563
00:39:31,648 --> 00:39:33,128
Yeah.
564
00:39:33,648 --> 00:39:35,368
This is terrible.
565
00:39:36,568 --> 00:39:38,368
But what does this mean?
566
00:39:40,008 --> 00:39:43,328
- That I suck.
- Go deeper.
567
00:39:43,329 --> 00:39:45,448
- Yes I am.
- No. Go deeper.
568
00:39:45,488 --> 00:39:48,608
This looks like the complement
from the name of a stupid movie.
569
00:39:48,648 --> 00:39:50,768
Just because it's not cool
enough,
570
00:39:50,808 --> 00:39:52,528
Do you accept being superficial?
571
00:39:52,568 --> 00:39:54,188
This is unforgivable.
572
00:39:55,648 --> 00:39:58,387
Go deeper.
What it means?
573
00:39:58,388 --> 00:40:01,708
That I'm violent
with someone I love.
574
00:40:05,708 --> 00:40:07,368
Why?
575
00:40:09,528 --> 00:40:11,328
Because that's how I am.
576
00:40:12,368 --> 00:40:14,528
I don't know what that means.
577
00:40:14,688 --> 00:40:16,668
That I accept that.
578
00:40:17,208 --> 00:40:18,768
Do you accept?
579
00:40:19,848 --> 00:40:21,607
That's what it looks like...
580
00:40:21,608 --> 00:40:24,128
But do you accept this?
581
00:40:26,888 --> 00:40:28,608
No.
582
00:40:28,609 --> 00:40:30,328
So,
You're not like that.
583
00:40:31,928 --> 00:40:34,187
But I did that,
even so.
584
00:40:34,188 --> 00:40:36,528
But why do you
Don't accept this?
585
00:40:38,388 --> 00:40:41,608
- Because this is horrible.
- Why?
586
00:40:41,609 --> 00:40:46,308
Because it's low, cruel, bad
and my mother doesn't deserve this.
587
00:40:47,309 --> 00:40:49,847
- Do you believe in these things?
- I believe.
588
00:40:49,848 --> 00:40:51,808
Your beliefs are part
of you.
589
00:40:51,809 --> 00:40:53,328
They do. Of course.
590
00:40:53,329 --> 00:40:58,268
So you can do something
and think it's wrong at the same time.
591
00:40:58,928 --> 00:41:02,607
You make it worth more
than your intentions.
592
00:41:02,608 --> 00:41:05,868
It depends. Why did you ignore
everything you believe in?
593
00:41:11,248 --> 00:41:13,687
Because I wasn't
thinking.
594
00:41:13,688 --> 00:41:16,908
But this might be the fight
of all humans.
595
00:41:18,268 --> 00:41:21,108
- How?
- Live following your beliefs.
596
00:41:21,328 --> 00:41:23,888
All humans do not threaten
kill the mother.
597
00:41:25,028 --> 00:41:28,568
True, you did something
more radical. I agree.
598
00:41:29,188 --> 00:41:32,868
- But why?
- Why was it more radical?
599
00:41:35,348 --> 00:41:39,008
I don't know...
Because of drugs
600
00:41:40,368 --> 00:41:42,888
and some
emotional disorders.
601
00:41:42,928 --> 00:41:45,848
Is it really? You are not alone
a horrible person,
602
00:41:45,888 --> 00:41:48,268
or is it just shit?
603
00:41:48,828 --> 00:41:50,728
- No...
- Because a lot of people
604
00:41:50,808 --> 00:41:52,808
with drug problems
and emotional
605
00:41:52,848 --> 00:41:54,748
do not threaten to kill
their mother.
606
00:41:56,208 --> 00:41:58,728
- I know...
- But you threatened.
607
00:41:58,768 --> 00:42:00,348
And your punishment,
608
00:42:00,368 --> 00:42:03,867
the sentence you gave yourself,
It's that you, Rue Bennett,
609
00:42:03,868 --> 00:42:05,448
is beyond forgiveness.
610
00:42:05,488 --> 00:42:08,928
This punishment is very severe,
but it's also very easy.
611
00:42:09,068 --> 00:42:14,008
It allows you to act without changing,
because you really deserve it.
612
00:42:14,048 --> 00:42:16,768
There is no hope.
You are beyond forgiveness.
613
00:42:16,928 --> 00:42:19,228
You tell everything to go to hell
and dies in the gutter,
614
00:42:19,268 --> 00:42:22,148
because that's what this shit
deserves it.
615
00:42:22,268 --> 00:42:24,448
That's why
that the world only gets worse.
616
00:42:24,488 --> 00:42:26,488
People do things
"unforgivable"
617
00:42:26,528 --> 00:42:29,148
and decide there is no reason
to change.
618
00:42:29,168 --> 00:42:32,767
Oh, we have a lot of people
who doesn't even care about redemption.
619
00:42:32,768 --> 00:42:34,288
It's scary!
620
00:42:37,688 --> 00:42:40,048
What did you do that was so horrible?
621
00:42:41,308 --> 00:42:42,768
Many things.
622
00:42:44,308 --> 00:42:46,868
- Are you serious?
- Many things.
623
00:42:47,468 --> 00:42:49,608
- Isn't it just lip service?
- No.
624
00:42:49,648 --> 00:42:51,068
Do you swear?
625
00:42:52,208 --> 00:42:53,768
Why do you want to know?
626
00:42:55,308 --> 00:42:57,788
Because I think
that you are a good person
627
00:42:59,268 --> 00:43:03,328
and I can't imagine
You're doing something terrible.
628
00:43:11,748 --> 00:43:15,508
I grew up in a house where my father
I hit my mother.
629
00:43:15,908 --> 00:43:18,488
He was a son of a bitch
drunk and cruel.
630
00:43:19,548 --> 00:43:24,028
Every night I dreamed
with how I would kill him.
631
00:43:25,628 --> 00:43:28,048
But finally
my mother left him,
632
00:43:28,088 --> 00:43:31,248
taking my sister and I with her,
and life went on.
633
00:43:32,668 --> 00:43:34,848
However, I always said
to myself,
634
00:43:35,168 --> 00:43:38,568
it didn't matter
how difficult things were,
635
00:43:38,628 --> 00:43:41,448
even injecting drugs
or smoking crack,
636
00:43:41,468 --> 00:43:44,208
that I would never be
like my father.
637
00:43:46,308 --> 00:43:49,247
Then, I got married.
638
00:43:49,248 --> 00:43:53,028
I had two girls
and everything became chaotic.
639
00:43:53,029 --> 00:43:55,748
I used drugs
and my wife didn't accept it.
640
00:43:55,749 --> 00:43:57,608
We fought every night.
641
00:43:58,368 --> 00:44:00,448
And things got violent.
642
00:44:01,068 --> 00:44:02,747
Until...
643
00:44:02,748 --> 00:44:06,088
One night I saw my girls
spying on us.
644
00:44:06,708 --> 00:44:08,248
Oh, I thought:
645
00:44:08,748 --> 00:44:10,288
"Here I am,
646
00:44:10,388 --> 00:44:12,328
a man, with two daughters,
647
00:44:12,368 --> 00:44:14,448
and they saw me
beating their mother."
648
00:44:15,428 --> 00:44:17,868
I spent 30 years of my life
649
00:44:19,208 --> 00:44:21,768
thinking
on how to kill my father
650
00:44:21,848 --> 00:44:24,948
for doing the same shit
what I did with their mother.
651
00:44:26,908 --> 00:44:28,568
That's rock bottom.
652
00:44:29,068 --> 00:44:31,228
It doesn't get worse than that.
653
00:44:31,948 --> 00:44:34,488
But I needed five more years
to stay clean,
654
00:44:34,528 --> 00:44:37,408
because for some,
there is no bottom of the well.
655
00:44:37,409 --> 00:44:39,188
He has no bottom.
656
00:44:40,268 --> 00:44:41,988
The truth is
657
00:44:42,828 --> 00:44:46,588
that drugs change
who you are as a person.
658
00:44:47,028 --> 00:44:49,008
All morals,
the whole principle,
659
00:44:49,048 --> 00:44:51,888
everything you believe
in your heart
660
00:44:51,928 --> 00:44:55,008
comes out the window,
or go down the drain,
661
00:44:55,408 --> 00:44:59,227
because there is no force majeure
on planet Earth
662
00:44:59,228 --> 00:45:01,128
than that next dose.
663
00:45:03,948 --> 00:45:06,408
You can even be functional.
664
00:45:06,848 --> 00:45:09,448
Maybe things will work out
and last.
665
00:45:09,888 --> 00:45:11,448
Or maybe not.
666
00:45:12,188 --> 00:45:14,128
But one thing is true:
667
00:45:14,608 --> 00:45:17,688
The longer
you use drugs,
668
00:45:17,748 --> 00:45:19,808
the more you will lose.
669
00:45:19,888 --> 00:45:21,968
It's not just the things
that you love,
670
00:45:22,008 --> 00:45:24,448
but the things you value
in yourself.
671
00:45:25,088 --> 00:45:28,848
In whatever area you give in,
any line you cross,
672
00:45:28,851 --> 00:45:33,468
you will go further and further,
until you no longer recognize yourself.
673
00:45:34,188 --> 00:45:36,268
And that list
of racing thoughts
674
00:45:36,308 --> 00:45:39,468
and unforgivable things
it only increases
675
00:45:40,068 --> 00:45:41,768
and it gets even worse.
676
00:45:47,548 --> 00:45:49,688
Do you still think I'm
a good person?
677
00:45:55,288 --> 00:45:56,688
I think.
678
00:46:01,908 --> 00:46:04,628
The idea of perhaps being
a good person
679
00:46:05,048 --> 00:46:07,608
It's what keeps me trying
be a good person.
680
00:46:11,228 --> 00:46:14,928
But some people
disagree with you.
681
00:46:17,168 --> 00:46:20,148
My newest queue,
for example.
682
00:46:24,528 --> 00:46:26,128
What is her name?
683
00:46:29,188 --> 00:46:30,848
Marie.
684
00:46:42,508 --> 00:46:44,028
There...
685
00:46:49,348 --> 00:46:52,448
I don't intend to stop here
for so long.
686
00:46:59,628 --> 00:47:01,288
And this...
687
00:47:04,268 --> 00:47:06,528
That's the worst part of it all,
do you know?
688
00:47:09,868 --> 00:47:13,228
I love talking to you.
In truth.
689
00:47:14,868 --> 00:47:18,408
And I agree with almost everything
what you say.
690
00:47:18,488 --> 00:47:20,088
And I understand...
691
00:47:24,108 --> 00:47:25,628
But...
692
00:47:28,268 --> 00:47:31,088
I don't intend to stay here
for a long time.
693
00:47:37,748 --> 00:47:39,368
I understand.
694
00:47:41,108 --> 00:47:43,088
We live in difficult times.
695
00:47:45,668 --> 00:47:47,608
There's not much hope out there.
696
00:47:52,048 --> 00:47:54,888
What I miss most
of using drugs
697
00:47:58,008 --> 00:47:59,568
It's beauty.
698
00:48:01,168 --> 00:48:04,928
It doesn't matter what happens
in the world, or in your life...
699
00:48:06,148 --> 00:48:09,128
"Everything's going to be okay."
700
00:48:18,128 --> 00:48:21,068
The world is very ugly, you know?
701
00:48:23,908 --> 00:48:26,248
Too ugly
702
00:48:28,308 --> 00:48:31,268
and everyone seems to accept that.
703
00:48:34,868 --> 00:48:36,368
The anger...
704
00:48:36,888 --> 00:48:38,748
The amount of anger...
705
00:48:40,828 --> 00:48:44,648
Everyone wants to do each other
does not appear to be human.
706
00:48:49,508 --> 00:48:52,148
I don't want to be part of this.
707
00:48:56,068 --> 00:48:58,148
I don't even want to see that.
708
00:49:02,988 --> 00:49:05,368
This is not the root
of my problems,
709
00:49:05,408 --> 00:49:08,568
but I think about it... A lot.
710
00:49:08,608 --> 00:49:11,888
Why think about these questions,
in these ideas,
711
00:49:12,288 --> 00:49:14,608
are a big part
712
00:49:15,788 --> 00:49:18,088
of what makes life worth living.
713
00:49:20,768 --> 00:49:22,348
Right?
714
00:49:22,988 --> 00:49:25,108
That's what I said before.
715
00:49:26,168 --> 00:49:28,488
You have to believe
in poetry.
716
00:49:28,868 --> 00:49:32,528
Worth two people
sitting in a restaurant
717
00:49:32,568 --> 00:49:34,168
on Christmas Eve,
718
00:49:34,948 --> 00:49:38,748
talking about life,
719
00:49:38,768 --> 00:49:41,928
addiction and loss.
720
00:49:43,828 --> 00:49:46,208
You don't want to be part
of the world,
721
00:49:47,188 --> 00:49:50,008
because you care
with what is great in life.
722
00:49:51,488 --> 00:49:54,448
I don't know if I care
with what is great in life.
723
00:49:54,488 --> 00:49:56,048
Of course you care.
724
00:49:56,088 --> 00:49:58,888
You don't care
with what is small,
725
00:49:58,928 --> 00:50:02,588
how to be right
and get angry...
726
00:50:03,488 --> 00:50:06,808
Everything that destroys curiosity
727
00:50:07,808 --> 00:50:09,488
and prevent us
728
00:50:09,508 --> 00:50:11,528
to look deeper.
729
00:50:14,328 --> 00:50:15,928
You already said...
730
00:50:18,328 --> 00:50:20,108
I love talking to you.
731
00:50:20,808 --> 00:50:22,908
Why we speak
of real things.
732
00:50:22,928 --> 00:50:24,408
Of things that matter.
733
00:50:25,788 --> 00:50:27,328
Like...
734
00:50:27,948 --> 00:50:30,768
about who you want to be
when you die.
735
00:50:32,728 --> 00:50:34,868
I don't know if I understand...
736
00:50:36,628 --> 00:50:39,508
You don't want to stay here
for a long time.
737
00:50:41,148 --> 00:50:42,648
So,
738
00:50:45,668 --> 00:50:48,908
how do you want your mother
and your sister remember you?
739
00:51:22,188 --> 00:51:25,648
As someone who tried very hard to be
what it failed to be.
740
00:51:42,268 --> 00:51:44,208
I put faith in you.
741
00:51:47,328 --> 00:51:48,928
Why?
742
00:51:51,688 --> 00:51:55,088
I don't know, but I do.
743
00:51:58,929 --> 00:52:02,228
It's okay that I was a Christian
before being Muslim.
744
00:52:02,288 --> 00:52:03,928
So, I've made mistakes before.
745
00:52:06,268 --> 00:52:07,828
It cost.