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Tensions are rising
as the stand-off

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00:00:47,798 --> 00:00:51,801
between the world community and the
rogue North African nation of Wadiya

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00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:53,094
intensified today

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00:00:53,178 --> 00:00:57,140
as U.N. weapons inspectors were once
again refused access to the country

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00:00:57,224 --> 00:01:00,476
by Wadiyan leader,
Admiral General Aladeen.

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00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:04,689
l will take no options
off the table. And l mean what l say.

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00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:07,859
Tonight we ask...
Who is General Aladeen?

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00:01:08,277 --> 00:01:10,069
According to
Wadiyan propaganda,

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00:01:10,154 --> 00:01:13,281
Haffaz Aladeen
was born in 1973.

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00:01:16,452 --> 00:01:19,787
He did not know his mother,
who died in childbirth.

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The only son of
the savage dictator Omar Aladeen,

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00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:26,919
he gained power
at the age of 7.

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Eccentric and with
unlimited oil wealth,

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00:01:30,132 --> 00:01:32,550
he recently hosted
his own Olympic Games...

15
00:01:32,843 --> 00:01:35,052
On your mark, get set.

16
00:01:43,729 --> 00:01:46,189
...at which he won
fourteen gold medals.

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00:01:49,985 --> 00:01:52,028
Aladeen! Aladeen!

18
00:01:53,030 --> 00:01:54,363
Often described
as ignorant,

19
00:01:54,907 --> 00:01:58,284
he changed
over 300 Wadiyan words to "Aladeen,"

20
00:01:58,368 --> 00:02:02,163
including the words "positive" and
"negative," causing mass confusion.

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00:02:02,873 --> 00:02:07,502
Do you want
the Aladeen news or the Aladeen news?

22
00:02:08,462 --> 00:02:11,130
The Aladeen news?

23
00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:15,468
You are HlV-Aladeen.

24
00:02:29,650 --> 00:02:30,858
With pressure mounting,

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00:02:30,943 --> 00:02:33,486
Aladeen addressed
his nation today.

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Aladeen! Aladeen!

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People of Wadiya,

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l come before you today

29
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to tell you that the world shall
kneel before our great nation.

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We are two months away from
enriching weapons-grade uranium

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to be used
for peaceful purposes.

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lt will be used
only for medical research

33
00:03:40,804 --> 00:03:43,973
and clean energy.
lt will, it will.

34
00:03:44,141 --> 00:03:46,809
And will certainly
never be used

35
00:03:47,144 --> 00:03:49,645
to attack ls...
Oh, boy.

36
00:03:53,317 --> 00:03:54,650
With that speech, today,

37
00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:57,320
the international community
is asking one question:

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00:03:57,821 --> 00:04:01,157
Does the Mad Dog of Wadiya
have nuclear weapons?

39
00:04:11,710 --> 00:04:12,835
Now, show me
my nuclear weapons!

40
00:04:12,919 --> 00:04:15,671
l can't wait!
l can't wait!

41
00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:33,981
This is the Beard
of Doom rocket?

42
00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:37,318
This is my weapon?
l will be a laughingstock!

43
00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:40,279
All my friends
have got nuclear weapons.

44
00:04:40,530 --> 00:04:42,031
Even Ahmadinejad!

45
00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:45,201
And he looks like
a snitch on Miami Vice.

46
00:04:45,702 --> 00:04:49,705
Where is the Head of my Nuclear
Program and Procurer of Women?

47
00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:51,874
Where is Nuclear Nadal?

48
00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:54,543
You had Nadal executed,
Supreme Leader.

49
00:04:54,878 --> 00:04:56,003
Why did l do that?

50
00:05:01,802 --> 00:05:02,802
Supreme Leader!

51
00:05:03,053 --> 00:05:04,387
Nadal.

52
00:05:04,638 --> 00:05:07,807
We are just months away
from refining weapons-grade uranium,

53
00:05:08,058 --> 00:05:10,726
and we are set
to test the missile next week.

54
00:05:12,562 --> 00:05:15,272
lt is too round on the top.
lt needs to be pointy.

55
00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:18,567
Round is not scary.
Pointy is scary.

56
00:05:18,819 --> 00:05:20,820
This will put a smile
on the faces of the enemy.

57
00:05:21,071 --> 00:05:24,407
They will think that it is a huge robot
dildo flying toward them.

58
00:05:24,658 --> 00:05:25,866
No, Supreme Leader.

59
00:05:25,951 --> 00:05:28,702
The shape of the missile top
has nothing to do with aerodynamics.

60
00:05:28,787 --> 00:05:30,496
lt is about
the payload delivery.

61
00:05:30,580 --> 00:05:32,748
No. lt sticks in the ground,
and then kaboom.

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00:05:33,250 --> 00:05:34,708
Supreme Leader,
l think perhaps

63
00:05:34,793 --> 00:05:38,587
some of your information
about bombs is coming from cartoons.

64
00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:41,132
Nonsense. l have been
watching research films.

65
00:05:41,425 --> 00:05:44,510
ln this film,
just one question,

66
00:05:44,594 --> 00:05:48,514
was there a duck who,
when the explosion is happens,

67
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his bill goes
around to the back of his head,

68
00:05:51,893 --> 00:05:55,020
and then in order to talk,
he has to put it back this way?

69
00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:58,732
There was somebody
who suffered a deformity like that.

70
00:05:58,817 --> 00:06:00,067
Okay.

71
00:06:00,152 --> 00:06:03,654
l am now 1 00% sure
that you are watching cartoons.

72
00:06:03,989 --> 00:06:06,782
lndulge me. For one second,
pretend that l'm an idiot.

73
00:06:06,950 --> 00:06:08,284
Okay. l'm there.

74
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Okay. You know what?

75
00:06:14,124 --> 00:06:15,958
Let's just agree
to disagree, my friend.

76
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Okay.

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What? Why? No!

78
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-Don't you remember?
-Of course l remember!

79
00:06:24,301 --> 00:06:27,261
How dare you question my
memory? l remember everything!

80
00:06:27,345 --> 00:06:30,181
No, l would never do that!
Never! l'm so sorry. l didn't mean that.

81
00:06:30,474 --> 00:06:32,892
Don't worry, it's fine.
Well done, my friend.

82
00:06:33,185 --> 00:06:34,351
Thank you.

83
00:06:35,812 --> 00:06:37,146
Wait! Wait!
Where are we going?

84
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Admiral General,
what if we just tell the United Nations

85
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we have no nuclear weapons?

86
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They will lift
the sanctions.

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We'll be free
to sell oil rights to the Jalabiya desert.

88
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Uncle Tamir.

89
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Do you not remember
what my saintly father

90
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made me promise him
on his deathbed?

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lt was never
to sell Wadiya's oil.

92
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You remember that
was when he gave me power

93
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instead of you,
the rightful heir.

94
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You've been so cool about it.

95
00:07:03,048 --> 00:07:04,381
Now, let's go back
to the palace.

96
00:07:04,633 --> 00:07:05,841
lt's the season finale

97
00:07:05,926 --> 00:07:09,637
of Real Housewives
of Shachahmahahfalimitahlicch!

98
00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:27,363
Death to the tyrant!

99
00:07:38,375 --> 00:07:40,376
Looks like we need
to find a new double.

100
00:07:40,710 --> 00:07:42,044
Because this one is...

101
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You know, l don't know
if he's going to get better.

102
00:07:45,382 --> 00:07:47,424
Oh, he's not going
to recover, sir. He's dead.

103
00:07:48,051 --> 00:07:50,553
Yeah, how 'bout looking in my eye
when l'm speaking to you?

104
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lt's very rude not to look at somebody in
the eye when they're talking to you.

105
00:07:55,850 --> 00:07:58,519
lt's okay. Don't worry.
You're having a rough day.

106
00:08:07,654 --> 00:08:09,905
We shot the wrong man.

107
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l can fix this. l have a new
plan. We need to find a new double.

108
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One that is simple enough to
be manipulated completely.

109
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l think we found
what you are looking for.

110
00:08:37,475 --> 00:08:39,852
You think this man
looks like me?

111
00:08:40,312 --> 00:08:42,646
You have
a very big barn.

112
00:08:42,981 --> 00:08:46,442
You must have
many happy goats, hmm?

113
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What the fuck
does that even mean?

114
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Uncle Tamir,
this thing is an idiot.

115
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What makes you think
he can do the job?

116
00:08:55,785 --> 00:08:59,455
May l remind you that his only real job is
to be shot in the head.

117
00:08:59,956 --> 00:09:02,791
Very well. Put him
through the process, okay?

118
00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:05,586
Clip his nails,
file his teeth,

119
00:09:05,670 --> 00:09:08,464
bleach his skin,
and shorten the penis.

120
00:09:12,802 --> 00:09:14,803
Megan! Megan!

121
00:09:15,972 --> 00:09:17,806
You now have herpes.

122
00:09:20,643 --> 00:09:23,228
Megan, you were
worth every penny.

123
00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:25,064
You were super hot.

124
00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:26,648
ls my jet ready?

125
00:09:26,775 --> 00:09:29,818
Yes, but do you
want to stay the night?

126
00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:31,653
You know, l really
want to do some cuddling.

127
00:09:31,738 --> 00:09:32,905
No. Your time is up.

128
00:09:32,989 --> 00:09:34,990
l have to be
with the ltalian Prime Minister tomorrow.

129
00:09:35,325 --> 00:09:37,701
Okay. Maroush,
give the goodie bag!

130
00:09:38,119 --> 00:09:39,119
Thanks.

131
00:09:39,204 --> 00:09:40,621
l trust
everything is in there,

132
00:09:40,705 --> 00:09:42,414
as your manager requested?

133
00:09:42,499 --> 00:09:44,583
Katy Perry said she got
a diamond Rolex.

134
00:09:44,667 --> 00:09:47,336
That's because she let me
Aladeen in her face.

135
00:09:50,340 --> 00:09:51,340
Okay.

136
00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:53,675
Right. Are you sure you don't want
to stay for some cuddles?

137
00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:54,760
-No.
-But, please.

138
00:09:54,844 --> 00:09:56,345
l really want
someone to cuddle.

139
00:10:59,909 --> 00:11:02,578
Breaking news now.
Just moments ago,

140
00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:03,829
the U.N. Security
Council voted

141
00:11:03,913 --> 00:11:06,290
to authorize NATO
air strikes against Wadiya,

142
00:11:06,374 --> 00:11:10,586
unless Admiral General Aladeen
agrees to address the U.N. in person.

143
00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:12,588
And now, the world waits.

144
00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:13,922
What will Aladeen do next?

145
00:11:34,277 --> 00:11:37,821
Next. No, no, no. No. Boring,
boring. Come on. Come on.

146
00:11:38,615 --> 00:11:42,034
Beloved Oppressor,
l have just received disturbing news.

147
00:11:42,118 --> 00:11:44,453
Welcome
to the Munich Olympics.

148
00:11:44,954 --> 00:11:46,121
Shalom?

149
00:11:47,290 --> 00:11:48,457
Oy vey!

150
00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:50,209
Supreme Leader,

151
00:11:50,293 --> 00:11:51,543
the United Nations
demands that

152
00:11:51,628 --> 00:11:54,922
you address their concerns
about our nuclear program,

153
00:11:55,006 --> 00:11:57,174
or they will vote to
authorize military action.

154
00:11:57,550 --> 00:11:58,800
Meshugenner!

155
00:11:59,135 --> 00:12:00,260
Very well.

156
00:12:00,345 --> 00:12:04,306
Then l shall address this gathering of
snakes they call the U.N.

157
00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:07,726
We are going
to the devil's nest

158
00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:09,478
ofAmerica!

159
00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:36,964
America!

160
00:12:37,340 --> 00:12:40,509
Built by the blacks
and owned by the Chinese.

161
00:12:44,264 --> 00:12:48,684
Supreme Leader, l took the liberty
of hiring some extra security.

162
00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:50,269
This is Mr. Clayton.

163
00:12:50,353 --> 00:12:53,480
Admiral General,
l am here for your protection 24/7.

164
00:12:53,565 --> 00:12:54,648
Okay.

165
00:12:54,732 --> 00:12:58,318
But in the interest of full disclosure, l
have to say l hate A-rabs.

166
00:12:59,195 --> 00:13:01,321
Well, that's fine,
because l'm not an Arab.

167
00:13:02,031 --> 00:13:05,367
Well, you're
all A-rabs to me, the blacks, the Jews,

168
00:13:05,451 --> 00:13:08,203
those blue tree-hugging
queers in A-vatar.

169
00:13:10,707 --> 00:13:14,209
ln fact, anyone from outside of
America is technically an A-rab.

170
00:13:15,378 --> 00:13:16,503
Listen, while you're here,

171
00:13:16,587 --> 00:13:19,881
l highly recommend a visit
to the Empire State Building,

172
00:13:19,966 --> 00:13:23,051
before you or one of your
sand-monkey cousins takes it down.

173
00:13:25,513 --> 00:13:29,266
Supreme Leader, the suite has been
renovated to your specifications.

174
00:13:34,772 --> 00:13:37,941
Twenty dollars a day
for lnternet? What the fuck?

175
00:13:39,277 --> 00:13:43,030
And they accuse me
of being an international criminal?

176
00:13:44,449 --> 00:13:46,241
Beloved Oppressor,
try to get some sleep.

177
00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:47,951
Tomorrow is
your big speech.

178
00:13:48,202 --> 00:13:51,079
Nobody touch the minibar!
lt's a fucking rip-off!

179
00:14:10,892 --> 00:14:12,601
Rise and shine.

180
00:14:13,895 --> 00:14:14,895
Who are you?

181
00:14:15,313 --> 00:14:17,564
We've actually
already met.

182
00:14:18,107 --> 00:14:19,232
Hello, Aladdin.

183
00:14:19,734 --> 00:14:21,318
-Clayton?
-Here's the deal.

184
00:14:21,736 --> 00:14:23,236
l'm being paid to kill you.

185
00:14:23,571 --> 00:14:25,030
But l'm gonna
torture you for free.

186
00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:31,161
Are you serious?

187
00:14:31,412 --> 00:14:32,579
Where'd you get
those relics?

188
00:14:32,663 --> 00:14:35,248
From the Shah of lran's
garage sale?

189
00:14:35,666 --> 00:14:36,666
Yeah, right.

190
00:14:36,751 --> 00:14:38,168
l mean, l know there's
nothing more annoying

191
00:14:38,252 --> 00:14:39,795
than a backseat torturer,
but, please, come on.

192
00:14:40,088 --> 00:14:41,421
This is great stuff.

193
00:14:41,506 --> 00:14:44,925
lt's not great stuff.
That's like 1 972, hello.

194
00:14:46,677 --> 00:14:50,180
You won't be talking
so much smack with this up your butt.

195
00:14:50,765 --> 00:14:53,892
That's the Anal Umbrella.
lt's a good device, l grant you,

196
00:14:53,976 --> 00:14:55,852
but where's
the splash guard?

197
00:14:55,937 --> 00:14:57,896
You're going to kill me
and your white shirt.

198
00:14:58,231 --> 00:14:59,940
lt didn't come
with a splash guard.

199
00:15:00,024 --> 00:15:02,025
You're gonna get chara
on your trousers.

200
00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:04,236
l can see it has
a screw hole for one.

201
00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:05,695
Apparently,
l didn't get it.

202
00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:08,073
All right, Mr. Smart Guy,

203
00:15:08,324 --> 00:15:10,409
check out this bad boy.

204
00:15:10,493 --> 00:15:12,911
Oh, that's not bad.
The Kandahar Cock Wrench.

205
00:15:12,995 --> 00:15:14,371
Okay, so, now
we're getting somewhere.

206
00:15:14,455 --> 00:15:17,332
lt's actually been banned in Saudi
Arabia for being too safe.

207
00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:20,836
You know,
this is totally depressing.

208
00:15:21,087 --> 00:15:22,462
Listen, just show me
another one.

209
00:15:22,547 --> 00:15:25,340
You know, honestly, l don't even want
to show you anything anymore.

210
00:15:26,008 --> 00:15:27,342
Don't be like that.

211
00:15:27,844 --> 00:15:29,803
You know, l don't even think
you want to be tortured.

212
00:15:29,887 --> 00:15:31,221
l don't want
to be tortured.

213
00:15:31,305 --> 00:15:32,889
You're just, like,
taking all the fun out of it!

214
00:15:32,974 --> 00:15:34,474
What else you got?
l'm gonna love the next thing!

215
00:15:34,559 --> 00:15:35,642
l will be supportive.

216
00:15:35,893 --> 00:15:37,227
All right.

217
00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:40,105
Just this. This pours
hot fire out on you.

218
00:15:40,356 --> 00:15:42,274
Oh,
the Fallujah Firehose!

219
00:15:42,358 --> 00:15:44,109
Someone's got
a friend in Syria!

220
00:15:44,193 --> 00:15:45,652
l am pretty proud of it.

221
00:15:45,736 --> 00:15:47,320
There is a new model,
you know.

222
00:15:48,531 --> 00:15:49,865
l've got one that
works by Bluetooth.

223
00:15:51,826 --> 00:15:53,493
Screw it. Screw it!
Screw it!

224
00:15:53,828 --> 00:15:55,120
l'm going to enjoy this now.

225
00:15:55,204 --> 00:15:56,955
No, don't. Don't.
Don't. Please, don't!

226
00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:08,383
No one will recognize
the body without this!

227
00:16:08,634 --> 00:16:10,886
The Supreme Beard!
You will be cursed!

228
00:16:11,012 --> 00:16:12,095
No, no, don't do it!

229
00:16:12,180 --> 00:16:13,972
Come on!
Why won't this catch?

230
00:16:14,056 --> 00:16:17,893
You foolish man! There is no earthly
fire that could ever light...

231
00:16:19,353 --> 00:16:22,189
The flames
of the righteous attack the unjust!

232
00:16:31,532 --> 00:16:34,951
l'll be back with help!
J.K. ! Just kidding!

233
00:16:40,208 --> 00:16:41,875
My speech.

234
00:16:43,544 --> 00:16:46,713
Yo!
Average American shopper!

235
00:16:46,923 --> 00:16:48,215
Give me your clothes!

236
00:16:53,387 --> 00:17:00,310
Hey, hey, oh, oh!
Aladeen has got to go!

237
00:17:01,979 --> 00:17:03,980
Hello. l am
Admiral General Aladeen.

238
00:17:04,065 --> 00:17:06,274
l am here to
deliver my speech to the United Nations.

239
00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:08,193
Look, Admiral,
it's too hot for crazy.

240
00:17:08,444 --> 00:17:09,486
How dare you?

241
00:17:09,654 --> 00:17:11,696
Listen, Tamir is
coming right now.

242
00:17:11,948 --> 00:17:14,115
You're going to
be in big trouble. Here he is.

243
00:17:14,575 --> 00:17:15,909
Tamir! Tamir!

244
00:17:24,919 --> 00:17:27,045
Tamir, it was you, you snake!

245
00:17:28,923 --> 00:17:32,592
He's not the
legitimate leader!

246
00:17:32,677 --> 00:17:34,511
He's not
the legitimate leader!

247
00:17:34,595 --> 00:17:37,847
He's not the
legitimate leader!

248
00:17:39,350 --> 00:17:42,185
You have rehearsed the
speech l prepared for you?

249
00:17:42,270 --> 00:17:45,272
Yes. But when is
the General coming?

250
00:17:45,523 --> 00:17:46,690
He's feeling ill.

251
00:17:46,941 --> 00:17:49,025
Does he have worms in his shilshul?

252
00:17:49,110 --> 00:17:50,277
Very possibly.

253
00:17:50,861 --> 00:17:53,363
Admiral General Aladeen
preparing

254
00:17:53,447 --> 00:17:55,532
to address the General
Assembly of the United Nations.

255
00:17:55,616 --> 00:17:56,616
An historic moment.

256
00:17:56,701 --> 00:17:58,368
He's approaching the podium.

257
00:17:58,703 --> 00:18:00,954
And he's walked
right past the podium.

258
00:18:01,122 --> 00:18:02,122
What is he doing?

259
00:18:02,540 --> 00:18:04,541
You are making
a fool out of me!

260
00:18:04,875 --> 00:18:06,876
Let's bring in Denise,
our U.N. correspondent.

261
00:18:06,961 --> 00:18:08,169
What do you make of that?

262
00:18:08,963 --> 00:18:10,880
Well, l have to say,
he's got their attention.

263
00:18:11,215 --> 00:18:13,383
Every eye in the room
is on him right now.

264
00:18:13,467 --> 00:18:15,885
And he's returning
to the podium.

265
00:18:16,804 --> 00:18:18,555
And he's fallen
off the stage.

266
00:18:18,639 --> 00:18:20,307
What do you make
of that, Denise?

267
00:18:20,558 --> 00:18:25,228
You know, he's clearly implying that the
U.N. must fall before him.

268
00:18:25,646 --> 00:18:28,148
Drinking from the
pitcher of water directly,

269
00:18:28,232 --> 00:18:30,775
as opposed to
the glass that l'm sure must be up there.

270
00:18:30,860 --> 00:18:31,901
What do you think
that means?

271
00:18:31,986 --> 00:18:34,029
Again, it's another
attempt to say,

272
00:18:34,113 --> 00:18:36,323
"Listen, l'm not going
to play by your rules."

273
00:18:36,407 --> 00:18:38,074
And he seems to have
a pitcher of urine out.

274
00:18:38,576 --> 00:18:40,827
l believe he just
urinated in the pitcher.

275
00:18:42,580 --> 00:18:44,247
He is now drinking
his urine.

276
00:18:44,498 --> 00:18:46,166
lt looks to be
his own urine.

277
00:18:46,709 --> 00:18:47,959
Sorry. You want?

278
00:18:48,210 --> 00:18:50,545
Trying to force it
on the lsraeli delegation.

279
00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:52,547
That might be
the ambassador.

280
00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:56,634
He is dumping the urine
on the lsraeli delegation.

281
00:18:56,886 --> 00:18:58,136
Oh, that's a good one.

282
00:18:59,972 --> 00:19:01,806
Okay, he's returning
to the podium.

283
00:19:02,308 --> 00:19:06,728
Much has been made
of the hostility between our countries.

284
00:19:07,229 --> 00:19:09,564
With the help
of the U.M.,

285
00:19:09,815 --> 00:19:13,234
l will draft a new
constitution for Wadiya

286
00:19:13,569 --> 00:19:18,573
and sign it in five days,
on Wadiya's lndependence Day.

287
00:19:18,908 --> 00:19:19,908
No, no, no.

288
00:19:20,159 --> 00:19:21,910
This new constitution

289
00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:23,787
will end the dictatorship...

290
00:19:23,871 --> 00:19:24,871
No!

291
00:19:24,955 --> 00:19:28,416
...and it will
turn Wadiya into a

292
00:19:28,918 --> 00:19:30,251
democracy.

293
00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:35,590
No! Democracy? Never!

294
00:19:36,342 --> 00:19:37,675
Never!

295
00:19:38,844 --> 00:19:41,930
The Wadiyan people
love being oppressed!

296
00:19:42,765 --> 00:19:45,225
Dictatorship forever!

297
00:19:52,566 --> 00:19:54,067
Come on! Come with me!

298
00:19:54,860 --> 00:19:55,902
Hurry!

299
00:20:01,242 --> 00:20:03,576
Hello, person. Person.

300
00:20:03,828 --> 00:20:05,161
Black person.

301
00:20:05,830 --> 00:20:07,497
The double that
you found is good.

302
00:20:07,581 --> 00:20:09,332
He is almost as dumb
as the real guy.

303
00:20:09,583 --> 00:20:12,085
So, Wadiya will
become a democracy.

304
00:20:12,586 --> 00:20:14,754
China is a democracy,
too.

305
00:20:16,757 --> 00:20:18,466
Once that constitution
is signed,

306
00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:21,761
l will be able
to sell Wadiya's oil rights. Gazprom,

307
00:20:22,096 --> 00:20:24,389
you will have control of
Wadiya's southern oil fields.

308
00:20:24,473 --> 00:20:26,266
B.P., you will
control the north.

309
00:20:26,350 --> 00:20:27,767
Exxon, you will have
all offshore rights,

310
00:20:27,852 --> 00:20:30,103
provided you do not
use B.P.'s drilling rigs.

311
00:20:30,187 --> 00:20:34,190
And, Mr. Lao of PetroChina, you will
have the lease on our shale reserves.

312
00:20:34,275 --> 00:20:36,234
Some of those reserves are
in densely populated areas.

313
00:20:36,610 --> 00:20:38,945
Then unpopulate them.

314
00:20:39,447 --> 00:20:42,323
After you've paid me
my 30% finder's fee, of course.

315
00:20:42,783 --> 00:20:44,117
Gentlemen.

316
00:20:45,953 --> 00:20:48,121
So, you're going
to make billions.

317
00:20:48,205 --> 00:20:50,206
What will you do
with all those dollars?

318
00:20:50,666 --> 00:20:54,335
l will buy the house on Lake Como
next to George Clooney's.

319
00:20:54,587 --> 00:20:56,504
l love George Clooney!

320
00:20:56,839 --> 00:20:58,631
He's an old-fashioned
movie star.

321
00:20:58,716 --> 00:21:00,508
He gay?
He suck my dick?

322
00:21:01,302 --> 00:21:04,971
No, those are just rumors.
Are you a homosexual?

323
00:21:05,222 --> 00:21:07,807
No, no, no, it's more
of a power trip with me.

324
00:21:07,892 --> 00:21:09,434
Everybody has a price.

325
00:21:09,518 --> 00:21:12,604
Tommy Lee Jones let me roll it in my
fingers for two hundred grand!

326
00:21:19,904 --> 00:21:22,489
Oh, my gosh,
that was so crazy!

327
00:21:22,823 --> 00:21:24,991
l am so honored
to be able to help you.

328
00:21:25,242 --> 00:21:27,243
Finally, somebody
who knows who l am.

329
00:21:27,495 --> 00:21:28,745
Yeah, of course!

330
00:21:28,829 --> 00:21:32,499
You're the Wadiyan dissident who was
standing up to that asshole Aladeen.

331
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:34,501
lt was so brave of you.

332
00:21:34,752 --> 00:21:36,836
-My name is Zoey.
-l don't care.

333
00:21:37,046 --> 00:21:38,046
What's yours?

334
00:21:38,339 --> 00:21:41,007
My name is Ala...son.

335
00:21:41,509 --> 00:21:43,343
-Allison?
-Right. Allison.

336
00:21:43,677 --> 00:21:45,512
What's your last name?

337
00:21:48,432 --> 00:21:49,766
Burgers.

338
00:21:50,768 --> 00:21:52,602
Nice to meet you,
Allison Burgers.

339
00:21:52,686 --> 00:21:54,395
-You know, l...
-Whoa, whoa, whoa.

340
00:21:55,064 --> 00:21:58,816
Allison, could you
please take your hands off my breasts?

341
00:21:59,193 --> 00:22:01,236
Those are breasts?
l thought you were a boy.

342
00:22:04,782 --> 00:22:07,450
-Where are you taking me to?
-To Brooklyn!

343
00:22:16,877 --> 00:22:19,003
So, yeah,
this is my store!

344
00:22:19,088 --> 00:22:20,547
This is the Free
Earth Collective.

345
00:22:20,798 --> 00:22:24,133
We are a vegan, feminist,
non-profit cooperative operating

346
00:22:24,218 --> 00:22:26,469
within an anti-racist,
anti-oppressive framework

347
00:22:26,554 --> 00:22:28,221
for people of
all or no genders.

348
00:22:29,473 --> 00:22:31,641
We are
a pure democracy,

349
00:22:31,725 --> 00:22:33,810
just like Wadiya's
going to be soon!

350
00:22:34,144 --> 00:22:35,853
Get me clothes,
little man.

351
00:22:36,146 --> 00:22:37,897
Oh, you know what, there's some in
the Earthquake Relief box

352
00:22:37,982 --> 00:22:39,524
in the lesbian bathroom,
right there.

353
00:22:39,608 --> 00:22:40,817
Right.

354
00:22:41,902 --> 00:22:44,320
So, Allison,
we're the only store in New York,

355
00:22:44,405 --> 00:22:46,614
other than that fascist
superchain Green World,

356
00:22:46,699 --> 00:22:48,700
that sells your nation's
specialty fruit, mafroom,

357
00:22:49,159 --> 00:22:51,244
which l know
you people eat a lot of.

358
00:22:51,579 --> 00:22:53,371
Oh, l hope that didn't come off
like a cultural stereotype.

359
00:22:53,455 --> 00:22:55,915
Because l'm, like,
the furthest thing from a racist.

360
00:22:56,208 --> 00:22:58,876
l pretty much haven't
had a white boyfriend since high school.

361
00:22:59,128 --> 00:23:00,920
Well, the darker races
are less choosy.

362
00:23:02,548 --> 00:23:04,549
Okay, that came off
as kind of offensive.

363
00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:06,134
Thank you.

364
00:23:07,469 --> 00:23:09,387
Anyway, let me give
you the grand tour.

365
00:23:09,471 --> 00:23:12,307
Up on the roof,
we have this amazing organic garden...

366
00:23:12,641 --> 00:23:15,143
Boring! Do you sell
any assault rifles?

367
00:23:15,561 --> 00:23:18,229
Oh, wait. l got it.
Humor. Right?

368
00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:20,982
l took a feminist
clown workshop once.

369
00:23:21,233 --> 00:23:23,276
Help! Help! l'm trapped
under a glass ceiling!

370
00:23:23,652 --> 00:23:25,278
What the fuck?

371
00:23:25,613 --> 00:23:27,530
l wasn't the best
student, but...

372
00:23:27,781 --> 00:23:29,073
You seem educated.

373
00:23:29,325 --> 00:23:30,992
Yes.
l went to Amherst.

374
00:23:31,410 --> 00:23:33,328
l love it when
women go to school.

375
00:23:33,412 --> 00:23:36,414
lt's like seeing
a monkey on rollerskates.

376
00:23:36,665 --> 00:23:39,667
lt means nothing to them,
but it's so adorable for us.

377
00:23:40,252 --> 00:23:42,170
Okay. Well, hey, Allison,

378
00:23:42,254 --> 00:23:45,506
you know, we'd love to have you work
here if you ever wanted to.

379
00:23:45,591 --> 00:23:49,761
All of our employees
are political refugees, just like you!

380
00:23:49,970 --> 00:23:51,012
There's Hannah over here.

381
00:23:51,138 --> 00:23:55,016
She's from El Salvador. She's a really
useful member of our team.

382
00:23:57,603 --> 00:24:00,104
Useful as what?
A coat hanger?

383
00:24:01,357 --> 00:24:03,191
-Come on.
-Allison, that's not funny.

384
00:24:03,525 --> 00:24:06,527
Okay. l tell you what,
get back to work, Captain Hook!

385
00:24:06,862 --> 00:24:09,030
-"Captain Hook." lt's funny.
-No, it's not funny.

386
00:24:09,281 --> 00:24:10,281
Who's that?

387
00:24:10,532 --> 00:24:11,532
Oh, this is Joteph.

388
00:24:11,617 --> 00:24:14,035
He's from a Sudanese tribe
that has no concept of money.

389
00:24:14,286 --> 00:24:16,537
His entire village
was ransacked.

390
00:24:16,789 --> 00:24:17,872
Hey, Sub-Saharan!

391
00:24:19,124 --> 00:24:22,710
Do you think you could get me 1 00
child soldiers here by 5:00 p.m.?

392
00:24:22,795 --> 00:24:23,836
No!

393
00:24:23,921 --> 00:24:25,213
Okay. Time out! Time out.

394
00:24:25,297 --> 00:24:26,506
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

395
00:24:26,799 --> 00:24:28,466
Shave your under-the-arms!

396
00:24:28,801 --> 00:24:31,636
l dread to think what kind ofjungle
you have on your malawach!

397
00:24:31,970 --> 00:24:33,471
That is very inappropriate.

398
00:24:33,639 --> 00:24:36,474
Don't tell me what
to say and what not to say, little boy.

399
00:24:36,642 --> 00:24:38,810
You need to put
that finger away.

400
00:24:38,894 --> 00:24:40,269
l won't put my
finger away because...

401
00:24:40,354 --> 00:24:41,854
Look, l've got
two fingers now.

402
00:24:41,939 --> 00:24:42,980
Okay.

403
00:24:43,065 --> 00:24:46,651
lf you do not stop using hateful
language, you cannot work here.

404
00:24:47,069 --> 00:24:49,028
All right. l promise.

405
00:24:49,113 --> 00:24:50,321
Okay.

406
00:24:51,740 --> 00:24:54,325
l tricked you,
Wolverina.

407
00:24:55,661 --> 00:24:58,329
Justin Bieber's
chubby double!

408
00:25:00,582 --> 00:25:02,417
Hairy Potter!

409
00:25:10,342 --> 00:25:12,009
Good-bye, old friend.

410
00:25:19,143 --> 00:25:20,518
When will the Supreme
Leader be better?

411
00:25:20,602 --> 00:25:21,644
ln time.

412
00:25:21,812 --> 00:25:26,149
He's resting in his bedroom
and must never, ever be disturbed.

413
00:25:26,567 --> 00:25:28,067
Time for bed.

414
00:25:32,239 --> 00:25:35,408
Being Aladeen has its perks,
does it not?

415
00:25:38,662 --> 00:25:40,246
Dropped your belt.

416
00:25:56,346 --> 00:25:57,722
What are you doing?

417
00:25:57,806 --> 00:25:59,015
She tried to milk me!

418
00:25:59,266 --> 00:26:00,266
No.

419
00:26:00,517 --> 00:26:02,685
They are trying
to pleasure you.

420
00:26:02,853 --> 00:26:05,605
Allow the girls to use
their many talents.

421
00:26:15,240 --> 00:26:16,282
No!

422
00:26:16,366 --> 00:26:18,868
Supreme Leader!
The girls!

423
00:26:19,203 --> 00:26:21,871
Girls, show him
your bosoms.

424
00:26:47,773 --> 00:26:51,400
Let me in! l have
85 rooms at this hotel!

425
00:26:51,485 --> 00:26:53,569
lt's me, Admiral
General Aladeen!

426
00:26:53,654 --> 00:26:54,946
l lost my beard!

427
00:26:55,531 --> 00:26:56,656
You don't got a pass,
you don't get in.

428
00:26:56,740 --> 00:27:00,076
But l'm staying here! l paid twenty
dollars for the fucking lnternet!

429
00:27:00,869 --> 00:27:03,746
How much do you charge
for assassinations?

430
00:27:34,361 --> 00:27:35,570
Nadal?

431
00:28:21,950 --> 00:28:23,951
Welcome to
the Death to Aladeen Restaurant.

432
00:28:24,661 --> 00:28:27,413
Wait. You look
very familiar.

433
00:28:27,789 --> 00:28:29,081
Do l know you?

434
00:28:31,501 --> 00:28:33,961
Sorry.

435
00:28:34,338 --> 00:28:35,546
So sorry, Supreme Leader.

436
00:28:35,756 --> 00:28:37,548
Don't worry.
l'm 50% to blame.

437
00:28:40,218 --> 00:28:42,428
No! No! Supreme Leader!

438
00:28:43,305 --> 00:28:45,264
Definitely not.
l must be going.

439
00:28:45,349 --> 00:28:46,474
No, no. Stay, please.

440
00:28:46,767 --> 00:28:48,893
lf you hate Aladeen
and you like good food,

441
00:28:48,977 --> 00:28:51,979
this is the place for you.
This way. Here we go.

442
00:29:06,745 --> 00:29:07,995
Enjoy it.

443
00:29:11,667 --> 00:29:12,958
No! No!

444
00:29:28,517 --> 00:29:29,684
For you.

445
00:29:30,769 --> 00:29:32,144
What is your name?

446
00:29:32,562 --> 00:29:33,771
Allison Burgers.

447
00:29:34,564 --> 00:29:37,316
That's a made-up name.
What's your real name?

448
00:29:41,029 --> 00:29:42,071
Ladis.

449
00:29:42,364 --> 00:29:43,406
Ladis what?

450
00:29:43,824 --> 00:29:45,700
Ladis Washerum.

451
00:29:49,496 --> 00:29:51,914
So your name
is like the sign. "Ladies Washroom"?

452
00:29:51,998 --> 00:29:53,708
That is a made-up name.

453
00:29:54,084 --> 00:29:55,626
What is your real name?

454
00:29:55,836 --> 00:29:58,838
l am interested.
We are interested.

455
00:30:02,884 --> 00:30:04,093
Emploice.

456
00:30:04,511 --> 00:30:05,761
Emploice what?

457
00:30:06,054 --> 00:30:08,514
Emploice...Muswashans.

458
00:30:11,101 --> 00:30:12,601
That is a made-up name.

459
00:30:14,896 --> 00:30:16,021
Okay.

460
00:30:16,106 --> 00:30:18,232
What is your real name?

461
00:30:18,900 --> 00:30:20,192
Max.

462
00:30:20,569 --> 00:30:21,569
Max what?

463
00:30:21,778 --> 00:30:25,531
lmumoccupancyu
One-hundred-and-twenty.

464
00:30:28,577 --> 00:30:30,828
There's a number in the name?

465
00:30:30,912 --> 00:30:33,539
Who are you?
An Aladeen sympathizer?

466
00:30:33,749 --> 00:30:36,500
No, no, no!
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay. No, no, no!

467
00:30:36,585 --> 00:30:37,585
No!

468
00:30:37,669 --> 00:30:40,087
lt's Aladeen!
lt's Aladeen without the beard!

469
00:30:40,464 --> 00:30:42,214
No! lt's not Aladeen!

470
00:30:43,091 --> 00:30:44,133
Hasan, lock the door!

471
00:30:47,220 --> 00:30:49,680
Wait, wait, wait, no!
There you are, cousin!

472
00:30:50,140 --> 00:30:52,475
This is my cousin.
l see you've all met him.

473
00:30:52,684 --> 00:30:55,478
He's very simple
and backwards. l'm sorry.

474
00:30:55,562 --> 00:30:56,687
-Sorry.
-lt's okay, sit.

475
00:30:56,772 --> 00:30:58,105
-Okay.
-Sit and eat.

476
00:30:58,648 --> 00:30:59,940
Have a seat, cousin.

477
00:31:00,567 --> 00:31:02,943
Very sorry.
My apologies. Enjoy.

478
00:31:03,153 --> 00:31:06,238
What are you doing here?
And what has happened to your beard?

479
00:31:06,698 --> 00:31:09,867
l've been replaced by this body
double who's a total imbecile.

480
00:31:09,993 --> 00:31:11,619
How are you alive?

481
00:31:11,787 --> 00:31:14,455
How am l... Wait.
You don't know?

482
00:31:14,539 --> 00:31:15,664
No.

483
00:31:15,749 --> 00:31:19,126
Every single person
you had executed is still alive.

484
00:31:19,544 --> 00:31:21,545
We all live here
in Little Wadiya.

485
00:31:21,630 --> 00:31:24,089
The executioner, he is
a member of the Resistance!

486
00:31:24,466 --> 00:31:25,674
You mean l never
executed anybody?

487
00:31:25,759 --> 00:31:26,801
No.

488
00:31:26,885 --> 00:31:28,886
Like, honestly, zero people.

489
00:31:30,722 --> 00:31:34,725
Nadal, you must help me
get back into power.

490
00:31:34,810 --> 00:31:36,644
What? No.
Why would l do that?

491
00:31:36,728 --> 00:31:39,104
l have a perfectly
good job here. l'm a Mac Genius!

492
00:31:39,940 --> 00:31:41,941
What do you do?

493
00:31:43,985 --> 00:31:47,279
Mostly, l clean
semen out of laptops.

494
00:31:48,532 --> 00:31:50,533
Congratulations.
Living the American dream.

495
00:31:51,076 --> 00:31:53,744
Okay, fine. l will help you.
On one condition.

496
00:31:53,829 --> 00:31:55,079
Name it.

497
00:31:55,163 --> 00:31:57,581
You reinstate me
as Head of Nuclear Research,

498
00:31:57,666 --> 00:31:59,166
so l can finish
building my bomb.

499
00:31:59,543 --> 00:32:00,543
Deal.

500
00:32:00,752 --> 00:32:03,003
One last thing.

501
00:32:03,296 --> 00:32:05,756
You will let me build
a round nuclear weapon.

502
00:32:05,966 --> 00:32:08,092
Never.
lt has to be pointy.

503
00:32:08,218 --> 00:32:09,885
-Wait a minute. This is...
-Whoa.

504
00:32:11,555 --> 00:32:13,848
-Okay. Deal.
-Deal.

505
00:32:16,393 --> 00:32:18,227
Ladies and gentlemen
of the press,

506
00:32:18,311 --> 00:32:21,522
our Supreme Leader
is indisposed to answer your questions

507
00:32:21,815 --> 00:32:25,526
as he is currently
drafting Wadiya's new constitution,

508
00:32:25,819 --> 00:32:27,862
which is scheduled
to be signed

509
00:32:27,946 --> 00:32:31,031
at the Lancaster Penthouse
Ballroom in three days.

510
00:32:31,116 --> 00:32:32,783
Thank you.
No further questions.

511
00:32:46,715 --> 00:32:49,258
There is no way we're going to
get anywhere near this hotel

512
00:32:49,342 --> 00:32:51,719
without a security pass.
This is ridiculous.

513
00:32:52,470 --> 00:32:54,138
-Wait.
-What are you doing?

514
00:32:54,389 --> 00:32:56,390
Hiding from that
lesbian hobbit.

515
00:32:56,892 --> 00:32:57,975
That woman,
you know her?

516
00:32:58,351 --> 00:33:00,185
l cannot begin to tell you
what an honor it is

517
00:33:00,270 --> 00:33:02,146
to be able to provide
all of the catering...

518
00:33:02,230 --> 00:33:03,522
Well, of course.

519
00:33:03,607 --> 00:33:04,899
...and the mafroom
for this signing.

520
00:33:04,983 --> 00:33:06,650
You just paid
this month's rent!

521
00:33:06,860 --> 00:33:08,777
She offered me a job.

522
00:33:08,862 --> 00:33:11,614
Can you imagine that?
Me? Working?

523
00:33:11,781 --> 00:33:15,159
Listen, hold onto that badge. lt's the only
thing that'll get you past security.

524
00:33:15,243 --> 00:33:16,201
Okay, thanks.

525
00:33:16,286 --> 00:33:17,745
Wait a minute.

526
00:33:18,079 --> 00:33:21,957
Wait, her company is catering the
event. She has a security pass!

527
00:33:22,167 --> 00:33:24,335
That is the answer.
This is the plan.

528
00:33:24,419 --> 00:33:26,921
Okay? You will take that
job and you will work for her.

529
00:33:27,255 --> 00:33:30,090
l will get you
an identical beard and costume.

530
00:33:30,300 --> 00:33:31,592
And then on
the day of the event,

531
00:33:31,676 --> 00:33:34,762
you enter the Lancaster
as a member of her staff.

532
00:33:34,846 --> 00:33:36,847
You will find the double,
switch with him,

533
00:33:36,932 --> 00:33:39,391
then rip up the constitution
in front of the whole world.

534
00:33:39,851 --> 00:33:43,062
Me? Work for that
hairy titted yeti?

535
00:34:00,121 --> 00:34:01,163
Kimberly?

536
00:34:01,998 --> 00:34:02,998
Zoey.

537
00:34:03,208 --> 00:34:04,291
Who cares?

538
00:34:04,751 --> 00:34:07,294
l've come here
to apologize

539
00:34:07,671 --> 00:34:10,965
about some of the comments
l may have made about

540
00:34:11,132 --> 00:34:13,092
Captain Hook and Blackie.

541
00:34:15,053 --> 00:34:16,053
Great!

542
00:34:16,429 --> 00:34:18,681
And l accept yourjob offer
as general manager.

543
00:34:18,765 --> 00:34:20,808
Well, you can't be the manager,
because l am the manager.

544
00:34:21,142 --> 00:34:22,267
Well, l can
if l killed you.

545
00:34:25,021 --> 00:34:27,022
l think l'm starting
to get you.

546
00:34:27,107 --> 00:34:29,233
All right, then...
l will get you.

547
00:34:30,151 --> 00:34:31,819
Great!
Let's get you to work!

548
00:34:32,320 --> 00:34:33,904
Yeah?
Hold on one second.

549
00:34:34,155 --> 00:34:36,782
Hey, my man!
Excuse me. Hairnet!

550
00:34:36,908 --> 00:34:37,908
Yeah.

551
00:34:38,451 --> 00:34:40,911
l need a little of the
quinoa salad, please,

552
00:34:41,121 --> 00:34:43,914
and throw a couple of
extra cranny-b's on top, if you could,

553
00:34:44,124 --> 00:34:46,917
and l kind of need you
to hurry up, chief. Chop-chop.

554
00:34:50,046 --> 00:34:51,046
Next!

555
00:34:53,008 --> 00:34:54,925
Whoa, whoa!
Occupied!

556
00:34:55,010 --> 00:34:57,302
Out. l have to clean.
Come on, out you go, out you go.

557
00:34:57,387 --> 00:34:58,679
-What? You're hurting me!
-Out. Come on.

558
00:34:59,055 --> 00:35:02,182
Hey, Allison,
can you take out the garbage? Thanks.

559
00:35:09,274 --> 00:35:12,735
Look! One of the
customers left a tip of

560
00:35:13,028 --> 00:35:17,406
some Nair and some female razors.
Does anybody want to use it?

561
00:35:22,746 --> 00:35:23,871
Stop that.

562
00:35:24,873 --> 00:35:26,165
Suck it, loser.

563
00:35:33,089 --> 00:35:34,506
Clean-up on aisle four!

564
00:35:47,228 --> 00:35:48,812
Hey, buddy, l saw that.

565
00:35:48,897 --> 00:35:51,231
That is very disrespectful
to your leader.

566
00:35:51,441 --> 00:35:52,524
Whatever, dude.
Who are you,

567
00:35:52,609 --> 00:35:55,069
Osama bin Laden's
best friend?

568
00:35:55,236 --> 00:35:57,780
No, he is not
my best friend!

569
00:35:57,989 --> 00:35:59,656
Though he has been staying
in my guest house

570
00:35:59,741 --> 00:36:01,825
ever since they shot
his double last year.

571
00:36:02,994 --> 00:36:04,745
Now the guy won't leave.

572
00:36:04,829 --> 00:36:07,039
l know why this guy's
the most hated man in the world.

573
00:36:07,123 --> 00:36:09,124
You just have to go
to the bathroom after him.

574
00:36:09,250 --> 00:36:11,168
You go to the bathroom
after Osama,

575
00:36:11,252 --> 00:36:14,004
you will realize
the true meaning of terrorism.

576
00:36:33,274 --> 00:36:34,483
Here is the plan.

577
00:36:34,567 --> 00:36:36,276
We're going to take
this helicopter tour

578
00:36:36,361 --> 00:36:38,821
and fly over
the Lancaster to spot its weaknesses.

579
00:36:39,155 --> 00:36:42,783
Remember, we're just two
ordinary American tourists

580
00:36:43,118 --> 00:36:45,119
looking at the sights.

581
00:36:45,286 --> 00:36:47,996
Don't worry, nobody gonna suspect
anything. lt's a great plan.

582
00:36:48,414 --> 00:36:49,873
Don't do anything
to arouse any suspicions.

583
00:36:49,958 --> 00:36:52,835
Don't worry.
l am Wadiya's number one actor.

584
00:36:52,919 --> 00:36:55,546
You don't win four
Wadiyan Golden Globes for nothing.

585
00:36:55,630 --> 00:36:57,965
Yes, you do,
because you gave them to yourself!

586
00:36:58,466 --> 00:37:01,135
My performance in
Aladeen Jones and the Temple of Doom

587
00:37:01,219 --> 00:37:02,261
was outstanding.

588
00:37:02,345 --> 00:37:03,720
l give it thumbs down.

589
00:37:03,805 --> 00:37:05,514
Have you seen
You've Got Mail Bomb?

590
00:37:06,015 --> 00:37:08,475
Yes, l've seen them all!
They're all terrible movies!

591
00:37:08,560 --> 00:37:09,977
Listen to me. Okay?

592
00:37:10,311 --> 00:37:12,104
You are a terrible actor.

593
00:37:12,188 --> 00:37:16,358
l urge you, right now,
keep your performance small and real.

594
00:37:16,442 --> 00:37:18,318
All right, can you
get me a cloak?

595
00:37:18,403 --> 00:37:19,403
Why?

596
00:37:19,487 --> 00:37:21,238
Because l think
my guy would be wearing a cloak.

597
00:37:21,322 --> 00:37:25,576
No, your guy wears an American flag
sweatsuit and a sheriff's badge.

598
00:37:25,660 --> 00:37:26,618
l need the sheriff's badge.

599
00:37:26,703 --> 00:37:28,120
For what?

600
00:37:28,204 --> 00:37:29,496
You're sheriff
ofAmerican douche-town!

601
00:37:30,290 --> 00:37:31,248
That's rude.

602
00:37:31,332 --> 00:37:32,332
Listen.

603
00:37:32,417 --> 00:37:36,295
We're going to walk over
there, act very inconspicuous.

604
00:37:36,379 --> 00:37:37,963
-Okay, great, okay.
-Okay, good.

605
00:37:38,047 --> 00:37:39,590
Okay. So, when
we go to fly...

606
00:37:39,674 --> 00:37:41,341
Don't do that
with your eyes!

607
00:37:41,426 --> 00:37:43,093
You can't be
a Chinese person on this thing, okay?

608
00:37:43,178 --> 00:37:44,428
l'm not chink,
l'm Chinese-American!

609
00:37:44,512 --> 00:37:45,596
No, but you cannot
hold your eyes!

610
00:37:45,680 --> 00:37:46,930
Nobody is going to think
you're Chinese-American

611
00:37:47,015 --> 00:37:47,973
because you hold
your eyes like that!

612
00:37:48,057 --> 00:37:49,516
lt's racist,
what you are doing!

613
00:37:49,601 --> 00:37:52,102
Do you know it's a fact
that they cannot pronounce their R's?

614
00:37:52,187 --> 00:37:53,395
They pronounce them
as L's.

615
00:37:53,479 --> 00:37:55,355
So instead you know
what "rabbit" is in Chinese?

616
00:37:55,440 --> 00:37:56,565
l don't know
how to speak Chinese.

617
00:37:56,649 --> 00:37:58,859
-lt's "labbit."
-lt's not "labbit"!

618
00:37:58,943 --> 00:38:01,570
Yes! Who Shot Loger Labbit
was a huge hit in China!

619
00:38:01,654 --> 00:38:02,613
Nobody...
lt's stup...

620
00:38:02,697 --> 00:38:03,780
All right, l don't care.
This is stupid, okay?

621
00:38:04,157 --> 00:38:06,825
Okay, l'll do Filipino.
l like to work, l like to talk.

622
00:38:06,910 --> 00:38:08,160
-Don't.
-l like the shit, l do the kids.

623
00:38:08,244 --> 00:38:09,244
Stop that.

624
00:38:10,038 --> 00:38:12,831
Your Filipino
is the same as your Chinese!

625
00:38:13,374 --> 00:38:14,708
Now who's being a lacist?

626
00:38:29,140 --> 00:38:31,266
l love being
an Americans!

627
00:38:31,768 --> 00:38:33,852
America is number one!

628
00:38:34,646 --> 00:38:36,647
Oh, l am from U.S.A. !

629
00:38:36,731 --> 00:38:39,107
My father also
from U.S.A.

630
00:38:39,734 --> 00:38:43,570
My great-grandfather fought
in the American Civil Jihad.

631
00:38:44,656 --> 00:38:46,907
l am very proud
to be an American.

632
00:38:46,991 --> 00:38:49,618
l am America's
number one douche.

633
00:38:53,039 --> 00:38:54,957
l've fooled them. Job done.

634
00:38:55,750 --> 00:38:58,585
So, how are things back at the Palace?

635
00:38:59,087 --> 00:39:02,798
Fine, but guess
who's still living in my guest house?

636
00:39:03,841 --> 00:39:04,841
Ooh, Bin Laden?

637
00:39:06,260 --> 00:39:07,552
Yes, Osama.

638
00:39:07,637 --> 00:39:10,263
Bin Laden flooding the bathroom
every time he showers...

639
00:39:10,348 --> 00:39:14,226
And how hard is it to put a bath mat
down, Bin Laden?

640
00:39:16,229 --> 00:39:19,231
Hey, do you remember
my favorite sports car?

641
00:39:19,315 --> 00:39:20,857
You mean your Porsche?

642
00:39:20,942 --> 00:39:22,442
Yes... the 91 1 .

643
00:39:22,527 --> 00:39:24,945
91 1 , it's the best!

644
00:39:25,571 --> 00:39:29,533
So l was driving my 91 1 near the
palace one day...

645
00:39:29,617 --> 00:39:31,827
and l totally crashed!

646
00:39:35,957 --> 00:39:38,208
lt's ok, l've already ordered a new one.

647
00:39:38,292 --> 00:39:41,211
A brand new 91 1 201 2.

648
00:39:43,673 --> 00:39:46,550
You know, while you are here, you
should try to see some of the sights...

649
00:39:46,634 --> 00:39:49,761
such as the Empire State Building...

650
00:39:49,846 --> 00:39:52,723
and Yankee Stadium.

651
00:39:52,807 --> 00:39:57,394
And l'd love to see the fireworks
over the Statue of Liberty.

652
00:40:02,358 --> 00:40:04,568
Hey, have your old back problems been
bothering you?

653
00:40:04,652 --> 00:40:08,363
Oh, it's been terrible! lt got so bad that
l made myself a back brace.

654
00:40:08,448 --> 00:40:12,993
-Really?
-Yes, look, l'm still wearing it.

655
00:40:14,662 --> 00:40:17,039
Hey, my English is getting good...

656
00:40:17,123 --> 00:40:20,751
...l bet l can count down from five
faster than you can!

657
00:40:21,085 --> 00:40:23,003
Five, four,
three, two, one!

658
00:40:28,885 --> 00:40:30,719
Allison! Are you okay?

659
00:40:30,803 --> 00:40:32,262
l... Yes.

660
00:40:32,346 --> 00:40:34,973
You know what?
You people, you make me sick!

661
00:40:35,058 --> 00:40:37,517
You see a Middle Easterner
on an aircraft

662
00:40:37,602 --> 00:40:40,645
and you just assume
that he's hatching some violent plot?

663
00:40:40,730 --> 00:40:45,275
Allison Burgers is a persecuted
dissident, not a murderous madman!

664
00:40:45,359 --> 00:40:48,195
He was reported saying, "Let's take out
the guards at the Lancaster."

665
00:40:48,279 --> 00:40:50,739
Guess what?
We deliver to the Lancaster!

666
00:40:50,823 --> 00:40:51,823
Good one!

667
00:40:51,908 --> 00:40:54,993
Maybe he wanted to
take the guards out for a falafel!

668
00:40:55,078 --> 00:40:56,328
That's a bit
of a stereotype,

669
00:40:56,412 --> 00:40:59,539
but l get the idea.
Great idea! Yeah. You...

670
00:40:59,624 --> 00:41:02,626
You know what?
ls it a crime to care about yourjob?

671
00:41:02,710 --> 00:41:03,877
Yeah! Well,
it is in Wadiya.

672
00:41:04,504 --> 00:41:07,464
Where did you get your diversity
and sensitivity training, huh?

673
00:41:07,548 --> 00:41:08,757
The Stasi?

674
00:41:08,841 --> 00:41:12,844
Let's see how you feel about racial
profiling when white people...

675
00:41:25,441 --> 00:41:26,983
And l know
what l'm talking about

676
00:41:27,068 --> 00:41:29,611
because l majored
in Fem Lit!

677
00:41:30,404 --> 00:41:31,655
Come on.

678
00:41:33,116 --> 00:41:34,991
Hey! What are you doing?
Where are you going?

679
00:41:35,076 --> 00:41:36,034
Don't worry!

680
00:41:36,119 --> 00:41:38,245
Just suck the fatoot
of the biggest guy, you'll be fine.

681
00:41:40,081 --> 00:41:41,832
The police here
are such fascists!

682
00:41:41,916 --> 00:41:42,999
Yeah, right,
and not in a good way.

683
00:41:43,084 --> 00:41:44,751
lt just makes me so mad!

684
00:41:44,836 --> 00:41:47,546
You know, Zoey,
you were great back there.

685
00:41:47,630 --> 00:41:49,256
Thanks. l just...

686
00:41:49,924 --> 00:41:51,466
l don't know,
l just feel so sorry

687
00:41:51,551 --> 00:41:52,884
that wherever
you go in the world,

688
00:41:52,969 --> 00:41:54,636
you're the victim
of police abuse.

689
00:41:54,720 --> 00:41:59,057
Come here.
l'm just so sorry! You're okay now.

690
00:41:59,308 --> 00:42:00,392
All right?

691
00:42:00,476 --> 00:42:02,853
And l'm not gonna
let anything bad happen to you.

692
00:42:02,937 --> 00:42:04,646
You know what? Let's get you
back to the collective, okay?

693
00:42:05,439 --> 00:42:06,398
Come on.

694
00:42:06,482 --> 00:42:07,482
No, a bit more.

695
00:42:08,109 --> 00:42:09,401
Okay.

696
00:42:10,069 --> 00:42:12,070
-Come on, let's go. l need to go to work.
-l feel so sad!

697
00:42:13,739 --> 00:42:14,823
Let's do another hug, okay?

698
00:42:14,949 --> 00:42:16,616
Allison, why are you sad?

699
00:42:17,785 --> 00:42:19,119
The brutality?

700
00:42:19,412 --> 00:42:21,204
Did you suffer
from sexual abuse?

701
00:42:21,289 --> 00:42:24,416
Yes, they raped me in
a very unprofessional way.

702
00:42:25,793 --> 00:42:27,752
Oh, no.
We have to get you to the Rape Center.

703
00:42:27,837 --> 00:42:29,671
You have a center
for rape here?

704
00:42:29,755 --> 00:42:32,007
Great! l'd love to go!
Maybe another time, you know.

705
00:42:32,091 --> 00:42:35,385
Hire a limo, have some
cocktails, bring my raping shoes.

706
00:42:39,348 --> 00:42:41,600
lt was literally
the tour from hell...

707
00:42:41,684 --> 00:42:44,686
Look, Supreme Leader is
on the talking painting.

708
00:42:44,770 --> 00:42:45,896
...with shades of 9/1 1 ,

709
00:42:45,980 --> 00:42:49,024
their helicopter tour
of the Manhattan skyline was cut short

710
00:42:49,108 --> 00:42:52,360
by what police are now
calling a "terrorism misunderstanding"

711
00:42:52,653 --> 00:42:57,115
involving a man named
Emer Gencyexitonly.

712
00:42:57,199 --> 00:42:58,241
Maroush!

713
00:42:58,784 --> 00:43:01,036
Double the security
around the hotel.

714
00:43:01,120 --> 00:43:03,330
The signing must
not be disrupted!

715
00:43:06,834 --> 00:43:09,252
Hannah, that guy from the
Lancaster's coming tomorrow morning,

716
00:43:09,337 --> 00:43:11,129
so why don't you take
the mafroom downstairs

717
00:43:11,213 --> 00:43:13,214
and make some sort of
a nice display?

718
00:43:13,341 --> 00:43:15,884
l just want everything
to be perfect.

719
00:43:16,510 --> 00:43:17,594
Zoey?

720
00:43:17,678 --> 00:43:18,845
Allison. Hi.

721
00:43:19,013 --> 00:43:21,598
To thank you for what you did
today at the police station,

722
00:43:21,682 --> 00:43:23,934
l have decided to
bestow upon you a gift.

723
00:43:24,310 --> 00:43:26,645
-That's sweet. What is it?
-Yeah.

724
00:43:34,028 --> 00:43:36,696
l don't know
what that is.

725
00:43:36,864 --> 00:43:38,323
lt's fine.
lt's fine.

726
00:43:40,743 --> 00:43:42,702
Oh! No!

727
00:43:43,746 --> 00:43:46,247
No, l am not
going to do that.

728
00:43:46,582 --> 00:43:48,792
l'm getting a lot of this
and not much of this...

729
00:43:52,421 --> 00:43:54,631
Listen, l understand
that you're having urges, okay?

730
00:43:54,715 --> 00:43:55,757
Right.

731
00:43:55,841 --> 00:43:58,426
But you need to
take care of them by yourself.

732
00:43:58,719 --> 00:44:00,553
Myself? What? How?

733
00:44:00,763 --> 00:44:02,347
You need to
touch yourself.

734
00:44:02,515 --> 00:44:05,183
l don't touch myself.
Do you touch yourself?

735
00:44:05,559 --> 00:44:07,811
l think most
healthy people do, yes.

736
00:44:07,895 --> 00:44:11,231
Yeah, you touch your own
malawach? Disgusting! Yuck!

737
00:44:11,315 --> 00:44:12,399
Yuck!

738
00:44:12,650 --> 00:44:16,069
Stop joking, all right?
You've neverjerked off?

739
00:44:18,072 --> 00:44:19,656
Okay, come with me.

740
00:44:19,740 --> 00:44:21,741
Where are you taking me to?
The Rape Center?

741
00:44:25,788 --> 00:44:27,288
This is silly.

742
00:44:27,623 --> 00:44:28,957
Okay...

743
00:44:29,458 --> 00:44:32,377
Take your penis out
and put it in your hands.

744
00:44:32,461 --> 00:44:33,503
This is silly.

745
00:44:35,464 --> 00:44:39,426
Now, slowly move your hand
up and down.

746
00:44:39,510 --> 00:44:40,593
Okay.

747
00:44:41,429 --> 00:44:43,596
l told you already,
this is...

748
00:44:46,934 --> 00:44:48,101
Wait.

749
00:44:48,561 --> 00:44:50,353
What sorcery is this?

750
00:44:50,438 --> 00:44:53,481
Some people
wait a lifetime

751
00:44:53,566 --> 00:44:58,278
For a moment like this

752
00:44:58,362 --> 00:45:01,614
Some people
wait a lifetime

753
00:45:01,699 --> 00:45:04,617
For a moment like this

754
00:45:04,702 --> 00:45:10,040
Whoa, I can't believe
it's happening to me

755
00:45:10,124 --> 00:45:13,043
Some people
wait a lifetime

756
00:45:13,127 --> 00:45:18,631
For a moment like this

757
00:45:23,262 --> 00:45:27,599
l can't believe
it's happening to me

758
00:45:29,060 --> 00:45:31,853
l did it!
l just jerked it completely off!

759
00:45:31,937 --> 00:45:33,396
l did it all by myself!

760
00:45:33,481 --> 00:45:35,815
With this hand right here!

761
00:45:35,900 --> 00:45:39,110
l grabbed my bilbul
like l was strangling a bird.

762
00:45:39,195 --> 00:45:41,362
And l smacked it
and l smacked it and l gave it a flick,

763
00:45:41,447 --> 00:45:42,781
and out came
my own labeneh!

764
00:45:43,032 --> 00:45:44,032
Zoey?

765
00:45:44,408 --> 00:45:46,868
Zoey! You have
changed my life!

766
00:45:47,203 --> 00:45:50,789
Give a man a vagina
and he will shpichs for a day.

767
00:45:50,873 --> 00:45:53,917
Teach a man to use
his hand as a vagina,

768
00:45:54,001 --> 00:45:56,461
and he will shpichs
for a lifetime.

769
00:45:59,090 --> 00:46:00,590
ls something the matter?

770
00:46:00,674 --> 00:46:04,427
That was the guy from the Lancaster on
the phone. They just fired us!

771
00:46:04,637 --> 00:46:05,678
What? Why?

772
00:46:05,763 --> 00:46:09,432
He said he came by
and someone kicked his son.

773
00:46:10,017 --> 00:46:13,019
They've given the contract
to Green World Market.

774
00:46:13,229 --> 00:46:14,646
We must get
the contract back.

775
00:46:14,730 --> 00:46:16,231
l have to be
at the signing.

776
00:46:16,524 --> 00:46:19,943
l don't know what to say!
My staff lacks the discipline

777
00:46:20,027 --> 00:46:22,237
and motivation
to do this job.

778
00:46:22,571 --> 00:46:24,447
We will see about that.

779
00:46:24,532 --> 00:46:27,617
But from now on,
it is my way

780
00:46:27,701 --> 00:46:30,537
or the highwahahtmaa-
fferrohshelechnichway.

781
00:46:30,788 --> 00:46:31,871
Okay?

782
00:46:33,040 --> 00:46:35,458
There has been
a regime change!

783
00:46:35,543 --> 00:46:37,877
Yo! You are
stocking the shelves.

784
00:46:38,295 --> 00:46:40,713
You, senile
Romanian accountant.

785
00:46:40,798 --> 00:46:42,465
You are on
the cash register.

786
00:46:42,633 --> 00:46:46,553
The CEO of Green World
does not drive a hybrid!

787
00:46:48,806 --> 00:46:50,974
The chemicals
in Green World produce

788
00:46:51,225 --> 00:46:53,393
made this boy
grow tits!

789
00:46:59,066 --> 00:47:01,234
You promise not
to steal again?

790
00:47:01,318 --> 00:47:02,986
l won't. l won't!

791
00:47:03,237 --> 00:47:04,946
Give him one more
for fun, Viktor.

792
00:47:24,967 --> 00:47:26,384
Good choice.

793
00:47:41,108 --> 00:47:42,775
Hi, Viktor.

794
00:47:58,792 --> 00:48:00,376
Supreme Grocer.

795
00:48:00,461 --> 00:48:02,212
The radicchio
has been washed and sorted,

796
00:48:02,296 --> 00:48:04,047
and the spray hose
has been tightly coiled.

797
00:48:04,131 --> 00:48:05,798
Very good. Now go upstairs

798
00:48:05,883 --> 00:48:08,134
and finish composting
the wheatgrass tailings, okay?

799
00:48:08,219 --> 00:48:09,469
Yes, Supreme Grocer.

800
00:48:11,472 --> 00:48:12,805
Zoey!

801
00:48:12,890 --> 00:48:15,141
What? Look...

802
00:48:15,768 --> 00:48:16,809
Wow!

803
00:48:17,436 --> 00:48:18,895
lt's amazing!

804
00:48:18,979 --> 00:48:21,731
Oh, it's not amazing.
lt's just a little less shit.

805
00:48:22,024 --> 00:48:23,816
Well, thank you.

806
00:48:25,027 --> 00:48:26,778
-Sorry.
-Oh, of course.

807
00:48:26,862 --> 00:48:29,739
-Personal.
-Thank you. Thank you again.

808
00:48:31,909 --> 00:48:33,826
-Hello?
-l have some very good news.

809
00:48:33,911 --> 00:48:34,953
What is it?

810
00:48:35,037 --> 00:48:38,665
l managed to buy some beards at the
wig store today that are perfect.

811
00:48:38,749 --> 00:48:40,959
No, Nadal,
it must be real hair.

812
00:48:41,043 --> 00:48:43,086
-And from the head of a great man!
-What?

813
00:48:43,170 --> 00:48:44,837
Like Castro or Gandalf.

814
00:48:44,922 --> 00:48:46,172
No...

815
00:48:49,009 --> 00:48:51,678
Well done, Nadal.
This beard is perfect.

816
00:48:56,850 --> 00:48:58,935
Those are lovely flowers.

817
00:48:59,019 --> 00:49:00,937
You know, Zoey is
thinking of opening

818
00:49:01,021 --> 00:49:03,356
an eco-friendly
flower section to the store.

819
00:49:03,440 --> 00:49:06,734
This is the fifth time you've mentioned
her today. What is going on?

820
00:49:06,819 --> 00:49:08,486
The signing
is in two days.

821
00:49:08,570 --> 00:49:10,405
Tell me you're not
falling for this woman!

822
00:49:10,864 --> 00:49:13,533
Of course l'm not.
This is silly.

823
00:49:13,867 --> 00:49:16,869
Okay, good. All we need to do
is slip into this chapel...

824
00:49:16,954 --> 00:49:18,121
And yet, it's strange.

825
00:49:18,205 --> 00:49:20,123
The other day,
l asked her to, you know,

826
00:49:20,207 --> 00:49:22,875
gobble on my bilbul
and she said, "No."

827
00:49:22,960 --> 00:49:24,961
So obviously
l wanted to execute her.

828
00:49:25,045 --> 00:49:28,298
But the thought of
her decapitated head actually upset me,

829
00:49:28,382 --> 00:49:30,133
-so l decided not to do it.
-No.

830
00:49:30,217 --> 00:49:33,553
When the thought of someone's
decapitated head upsets you,

831
00:49:33,637 --> 00:49:35,388
that is love.

832
00:49:35,639 --> 00:49:38,641
-l swear, l don't even like her at all.
-You don't like her?

833
00:49:38,809 --> 00:49:41,561
She has the body shape
of a 14-year-old boy.

834
00:49:41,895 --> 00:49:45,648
Well, that is
a particular weakness of yours.

835
00:49:45,733 --> 00:49:47,650
Need l remind you of
the Menudo incident?

836
00:49:47,860 --> 00:49:49,610
Those boys had
their eyes open.

837
00:49:49,695 --> 00:49:50,987
They knew exactly
what they were doing.

838
00:49:51,071 --> 00:49:52,572
We made them
have their eyes open.

839
00:49:52,656 --> 00:49:54,824
You made me hold
one of their eyes open,

840
00:49:54,908 --> 00:49:56,534
so they'd see what
you were doing to them.

841
00:49:57,119 --> 00:49:59,162
They seemed to be having
a pretty good time.

842
00:49:59,246 --> 00:50:01,706
They were not.
Those boys were crying.

843
00:50:01,999 --> 00:50:03,249
Three of them
killed themselves!

844
00:50:04,251 --> 00:50:05,376
Nothing to do with me.

845
00:50:05,461 --> 00:50:07,837
Everything to do with you!
A lot of them wrote notes.

846
00:50:07,921 --> 00:50:10,590
ln their suicide notes
they named you by name!

847
00:50:10,841 --> 00:50:13,092
lt's all a rumor.
And you're being silly.

848
00:50:17,473 --> 00:50:19,724
-Go there.
-Okay. Here we go.

849
00:50:29,359 --> 00:50:30,443
Hello?
Somebody in here?

850
00:50:30,527 --> 00:50:32,695
Nadal!
The Sub-Saharans have discovered us!

851
00:50:32,780 --> 00:50:34,363
-What? Okay, okay, okay!
-Hurry, hurry!

852
00:50:34,448 --> 00:50:36,532
-Just a moment!
-Open this door!

853
00:50:36,617 --> 00:50:38,493
-No, no, no!
-Open the door now!

854
00:50:38,786 --> 00:50:41,162
Quick! Plan B! Plan B!

855
00:50:50,714 --> 00:50:51,798
Why did you
chop off his head?

856
00:50:51,882 --> 00:50:52,965
You said Plan B!

857
00:50:53,050 --> 00:50:54,842
Plan B was to have
coffee and regroup,

858
00:50:54,927 --> 00:50:57,261
it was not to
chop his head off!

859
00:51:05,312 --> 00:51:07,105
Good morning, Nadal!

860
00:51:07,981 --> 00:51:10,316
Wake up!
Good morning, Nadal!

861
00:51:12,861 --> 00:51:14,445
No, no, no, no, no, no!

862
00:51:14,613 --> 00:51:15,655
Get this away from me!

863
00:51:15,739 --> 00:51:16,989
You know, me and you
are quite a team.

864
00:51:17,074 --> 00:51:18,074
No, no.

865
00:51:18,158 --> 00:51:19,575
You know who else
makes a great team?

866
00:51:19,660 --> 00:51:22,120
Ebony and ivory

867
00:51:22,204 --> 00:51:23,621
No, no, no!

868
00:51:23,747 --> 00:51:25,081
Live together
in perfect harmony

869
00:51:25,165 --> 00:51:26,165
What is wrong with you?
Get it out of here!

870
00:51:27,209 --> 00:51:28,209
Good one.

871
00:51:32,673 --> 00:51:34,632
Splish splash
l was taking a bath!

872
00:51:35,592 --> 00:51:37,176
No! Get it out of here!

873
00:51:38,345 --> 00:51:40,012
Oh, that is weird.

874
00:51:41,515 --> 00:51:46,352
l threw in some carob-covered goji
berries, just as a treat. Enjoy.

875
00:51:46,854 --> 00:51:51,107
Thank you. That's very kind of
you. You're a very nice man.

876
00:51:51,692 --> 00:51:53,693
What the fuck
did you call me?

877
00:51:54,695 --> 00:51:56,529
l said you were nice!

878
00:52:01,535 --> 00:52:05,454
Allison! The Lancasterjust
called! We got the contract back!

879
00:52:05,539 --> 00:52:07,623
-Great! Whatever!
-l know!

880
00:52:07,708 --> 00:52:10,042
Green World is shutting down
their Manhattan store!

881
00:52:10,377 --> 00:52:12,253
l wonder what
could have happened?

882
00:52:14,214 --> 00:52:16,299
Be careful with that,
sweetheart. Be careful.

883
00:52:16,633 --> 00:52:19,385
Oh, yeah, we're going to
have a nice big salad.

884
00:52:20,220 --> 00:52:21,929
Celebratory cuddle?

885
00:52:23,557 --> 00:52:24,640
Well done!

886
00:52:24,808 --> 00:52:26,225
-You smell bad.
-l know.

887
00:52:26,727 --> 00:52:27,810
Help!

888
00:52:27,895 --> 00:52:30,104
Somebody help!
My wife is in labor!

889
00:52:30,439 --> 00:52:32,064
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!

890
00:52:32,232 --> 00:52:35,026
Baby? The ambulance can't
be here for 20 minutes. Can you hold it?

891
00:52:35,110 --> 00:52:36,777
l can't hold it!
lt's coming out!

892
00:52:37,070 --> 00:52:38,196
lt's coming out!

893
00:52:38,280 --> 00:52:40,990
Does anyone have
any medical experience?

894
00:52:41,241 --> 00:52:44,827
l was Wadiya's Chief Surgeon
for the last 22 years.

895
00:52:45,120 --> 00:52:46,913
Please.
Please help us. Please.

896
00:52:47,164 --> 00:52:49,165
-Allison, they need your help. Come on.
-Okay, fine.

897
00:52:49,791 --> 00:52:50,791
Come on.

898
00:52:51,293 --> 00:52:52,376
Are you okay?

899
00:52:53,795 --> 00:52:55,504
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What are you doing?

900
00:52:55,589 --> 00:52:56,964
Sorry! Old habits die hard.

901
00:52:57,424 --> 00:52:59,091
All right, l'm going in.

902
00:53:01,011 --> 00:53:02,053
That's the wrong hole!

903
00:53:02,137 --> 00:53:04,096
-What?
-You just put your fist up the wrong hole.

904
00:53:04,264 --> 00:53:05,890
lf l had a dollar for
every time l heard that.

905
00:53:07,768 --> 00:53:08,809
Get it outta there.

906
00:53:09,519 --> 00:53:11,520
-Going in again.
-Okay, good.

907
00:53:11,688 --> 00:53:13,272
Still my asshole!

908
00:53:13,523 --> 00:53:15,024
What is wrong
with you, man?

909
00:53:15,108 --> 00:53:16,567
You just put it in
my asshole again!

910
00:53:16,652 --> 00:53:18,152
Just go up
from where you are.

911
00:53:18,862 --> 00:53:21,489
The good news is,
your prostate is completely healthy.

912
00:53:22,449 --> 00:53:24,116
That's good. That's good.

913
00:53:24,368 --> 00:53:25,743
-Going in again.
-Okay, good.

914
00:53:29,456 --> 00:53:30,623
Hold on.

915
00:53:31,959 --> 00:53:33,000
What are you...

916
00:53:35,045 --> 00:53:36,879
Allison, stop it!
You need two hands!

917
00:53:37,214 --> 00:53:38,381
But l'm in the middle
of the text.

918
00:53:38,632 --> 00:53:40,216
lt's coming out!

919
00:53:45,472 --> 00:53:46,847
-Where is that coming from?
-What?

920
00:53:52,145 --> 00:53:54,146
l'm really sorry.
l'm gonna have to take this call.

921
00:53:54,356 --> 00:53:55,690
ls there a phone
in my body?

922
00:53:55,983 --> 00:53:57,316
What are you doing?

923
00:53:57,442 --> 00:53:58,818
l'm in
the Lincoln Tunnel.

924
00:53:59,027 --> 00:54:01,362
What? Okay, look.
We need to talk for a minute.

925
00:54:01,697 --> 00:54:03,656
Hello, Nadal.
Listen, l can't speak now.

926
00:54:03,740 --> 00:54:05,241
l'll speak to you later,
okay? Bye!

927
00:54:05,575 --> 00:54:07,493
Stop talking to my vagina!

928
00:54:08,829 --> 00:54:11,497
Zoey, the baby's stuck. l need you to put
your hand in and help me.

929
00:54:11,790 --> 00:54:13,040
-What? No...
-Come on! Put it in!

930
00:54:13,125 --> 00:54:14,834
-No, don't be scared. Put it in.
-Okay. Okay.

931
00:54:15,085 --> 00:54:16,419
-l'm sorry.
-Put it right there on the right side.

932
00:54:16,503 --> 00:54:18,421
-Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh!
-Push in.

933
00:54:19,589 --> 00:54:20,715
l think l feel an arm!

934
00:54:22,342 --> 00:54:23,342
That's my finger.

935
00:54:36,732 --> 00:54:39,275
Excuse me. You guys
make a really cute couple together.

936
00:54:39,359 --> 00:54:40,985
But maybe could you finish doing this

937
00:54:41,069 --> 00:54:43,029
when you're not elbow-deep
in my pussy!

938
00:54:43,363 --> 00:54:45,573
Okay, Allison,
you've got the head?

939
00:54:45,866 --> 00:54:47,616
-l've got the head.
-Okay, it's coming out.

940
00:54:47,701 --> 00:54:48,743
Come on, push!

941
00:54:51,204 --> 00:54:54,040
Where are the rebel bases?
Where are the rebel bases?

942
00:54:54,374 --> 00:54:55,916
Sorry, sorry.

943
00:54:56,209 --> 00:54:59,170
Wait, l can see the head!
l can see the head!

944
00:54:59,254 --> 00:55:00,379
l can't push anymore!

945
00:55:04,885 --> 00:55:07,303
You did it!
You did it!

946
00:55:15,562 --> 00:55:16,896
l sentence you

947
00:55:17,230 --> 00:55:18,731
to life.

948
00:55:21,234 --> 00:55:22,318
lt's still attached!

949
00:55:22,444 --> 00:55:24,403
Sorry. Oh, no.

950
00:55:24,571 --> 00:55:25,905
-What's wrong?
-l'm sorry.

951
00:55:26,114 --> 00:55:27,615
lt's bad news.

952
00:55:27,949 --> 00:55:29,075
lt's a girl.

953
00:55:31,203 --> 00:55:32,244
Where's the trash can?

954
00:55:32,454 --> 00:55:34,455
No, no, no, no!
That's what we wanted!

955
00:55:34,748 --> 00:55:36,415
We'll take her,
we'll take her.

956
00:55:36,500 --> 00:55:37,500
Oh, baby.

957
00:55:42,005 --> 00:55:44,840
You were so
amazing down there.

958
00:55:45,175 --> 00:55:47,259
You saved
a little person's life.

959
00:55:56,436 --> 00:55:58,020
lt feels so nice
to kiss you.

960
00:55:58,105 --> 00:55:59,522
l know. lt's nice
to kiss you, too.

961
00:55:59,606 --> 00:56:01,107
l love the hugging.

962
00:56:01,525 --> 00:56:02,942
l just came.

963
00:56:06,196 --> 00:56:07,696
l don't care.

964
00:56:09,032 --> 00:56:10,199
Lie back.

965
00:56:10,283 --> 00:56:11,283
Okay.

966
00:56:11,368 --> 00:56:13,035
This is going to be
amazing for you.

967
00:56:13,120 --> 00:56:14,453
Okay!

968
00:56:27,551 --> 00:56:29,552
See you in 1 5 minutes.

969
00:56:32,139 --> 00:56:33,180
Okay.

970
00:56:42,232 --> 00:56:43,566
Wait, wait.

971
00:56:43,900 --> 00:56:45,234
Wait.

972
00:56:47,487 --> 00:56:49,655
Allison,
before we go any further,

973
00:56:50,240 --> 00:56:52,324
there's something
that l want to tell you.

974
00:56:52,576 --> 00:56:55,161
You've got a dick.
l knew it.

975
00:56:55,912 --> 00:56:58,038
Allison,
l don't have a dick.

976
00:56:58,290 --> 00:56:59,540
Great!

977
00:56:59,833 --> 00:57:02,084
What l wanted to
tell you was this.

978
00:57:02,169 --> 00:57:05,337
l really want
to be with you, Allison Burgers.

979
00:57:06,173 --> 00:57:07,423
Zoey,

980
00:57:09,217 --> 00:57:11,302
l'm not really
Allison Burgers.

981
00:57:12,387 --> 00:57:15,055
l'm actually
a little somebody called

982
00:57:16,057 --> 00:57:18,058
Admiral General

983
00:57:18,768 --> 00:57:20,019
Aladeen.

984
00:57:24,441 --> 00:57:26,609
No, what's your real name?

985
00:57:26,818 --> 00:57:28,569
Wait, this will
convince you.

986
00:57:30,405 --> 00:57:31,447
Look, it's me!

987
00:57:32,574 --> 00:57:35,743
The weapons inspectors
will bathe in their own blood!

988
00:57:36,953 --> 00:57:38,412
That's your beard?

989
00:57:38,497 --> 00:57:40,539
No, no, no!
lt's not my beard.

990
00:57:40,624 --> 00:57:42,666
My friend chopped the head
off Morgan Freeman.

991
00:57:43,210 --> 00:57:44,543
You're a murderer!

992
00:57:44,878 --> 00:57:46,921
No, no, no!
Zoey, Zoey, Zoey! No.

993
00:57:47,005 --> 00:57:50,257
You were just using me
to get access to that hotel!

994
00:57:50,342 --> 00:57:51,509
No!

995
00:57:51,593 --> 00:57:55,221
Zoey, l'm attracted to you
in a really fucked-up way.

996
00:57:55,722 --> 00:57:57,723
Oh, my God!

997
00:57:58,058 --> 00:58:00,559
l'm canceling that
contract tomorrow!

998
00:58:01,061 --> 00:58:03,312
No, Zoey! What have
l ever done wrong?

999
00:58:03,563 --> 00:58:05,523
You lied to me!

1000
00:58:05,607 --> 00:58:08,067
And you're wanted
for war crimes!

1001
00:58:08,151 --> 00:58:09,735
That stuff never sticks.

1002
00:58:10,320 --> 00:58:12,029
You need to leave now.

1003
00:58:13,406 --> 00:58:14,657
Okay.

1004
00:58:16,493 --> 00:58:17,826
l'll go.

1005
00:58:39,808 --> 00:58:42,184
With the signing of the
constitution tomorrow morning,

1006
00:58:42,269 --> 00:58:44,812
democracy in Wadiya
is just hours away,

1007
00:58:44,896 --> 00:58:47,231
and people are
in the streets celebrating.

1008
00:58:47,482 --> 00:59:00,911
Kill Aladeen,
kill Aladeen, hey!

1009
00:59:17,345 --> 00:59:18,929
-Good-bye!
-Stop, stop, wait!

1010
00:59:19,014 --> 00:59:20,347
What are you doing?

1011
00:59:23,184 --> 00:59:24,852
l am executing myself!

1012
00:59:25,186 --> 00:59:26,520
What? Why?

1013
00:59:26,688 --> 00:59:28,272
Because no one
has ever loved me!

1014
00:59:28,648 --> 00:59:30,691
Your father would
be ashamed of you!

1015
00:59:30,775 --> 00:59:33,402
No, l've realized
l don't want to be like my father!

1016
00:59:33,486 --> 00:59:36,030
ln fact,
l don't want to be a dictator anymore!

1017
00:59:36,114 --> 00:59:37,281
What's that now?

1018
00:59:37,490 --> 00:59:40,284
l've been on a spiritual journey,
man, like Eat, Pray, Love.

1019
00:59:41,536 --> 00:59:43,203
Have you gone insane?

1020
00:59:43,455 --> 00:59:45,497
l now know that
on the outside,

1021
00:59:45,582 --> 00:59:46,957
l am a bit of
a cocksucker.

1022
00:59:47,250 --> 00:59:50,127
-Yeah.
-But deep down l'm nice.

1023
00:59:50,378 --> 00:59:52,713
-Not really.
-Yes, l am! l'm like mafroom.

1024
00:59:53,006 --> 00:59:55,132
Hard and spiky
on the outside,

1025
00:59:55,216 --> 00:59:57,301
but soft and
really mushy on the in.

1026
00:59:57,510 --> 01:00:00,846
You're not like
mafroom at all. You're like an onion.

1027
01:00:01,139 --> 01:00:03,098
An outer layer
of cocksucker,

1028
01:00:03,183 --> 01:00:04,600
and when you
peel it away,

1029
01:00:04,684 --> 01:00:07,394
there is 1 0 more layers
of cocksucker underneath.

1030
01:00:09,522 --> 01:00:10,856
You are such a schmuck!

1031
01:00:11,149 --> 01:00:13,692
-Why are you speaking Yiddish?
-l picked it up.

1032
01:00:13,818 --> 01:00:16,278
What do you mean,
"l picked it up"? Who picks up Yiddish?

1033
01:00:16,363 --> 01:00:17,529
l'm in New York!

1034
01:00:17,614 --> 01:00:19,865
We're trying to erase
that country off the map!

1035
01:00:19,949 --> 01:00:22,034
l don't like the people,
but l like the way that

1036
01:00:22,118 --> 01:00:24,787
their words really sound like
what they're meant to be.

1037
01:00:24,871 --> 01:00:27,706
Oh, l'm sorry! Did l not get the
Evite to your bar mitzvah?

1038
01:00:27,791 --> 01:00:28,957
Oh, my God!

1039
01:00:29,042 --> 01:00:31,085
You've got real
chutzpah saying that!

1040
01:00:31,169 --> 01:00:33,379
Look, where has being
a nice guy gotten you, huh?

1041
01:00:33,671 --> 01:00:35,881
Standing on the edge
of a bridge about to commit suicide?

1042
01:00:35,965 --> 01:00:37,049
Still wearing Crocs?

1043
01:00:37,717 --> 01:00:39,134
What's wrong with Crocs?

1044
01:00:39,219 --> 01:00:42,221
They are the universal symbol of a
man who has given up hope!

1045
01:00:43,348 --> 01:00:45,307
You might as well
put sweatpants on

1046
01:00:45,392 --> 01:00:47,309
and go to Applebee's
for the rest of your life!

1047
01:00:48,353 --> 01:00:50,312
l'll give you that one.
l do look ridiculous.

1048
01:00:50,397 --> 01:00:54,233
Yes! Listen, if you won't
come down from there for yourself,

1049
01:00:54,317 --> 01:00:55,567
do it for your country.

1050
01:00:55,735 --> 01:00:57,486
lf this constitution
is signed,

1051
01:00:57,570 --> 01:01:00,781
there will be free press,
women drivers, civil rights!

1052
01:01:00,990 --> 01:01:02,074
What are "civil rights"?

1053
01:01:02,367 --> 01:01:04,618
l'll tell you later.
They're hilarious.

1054
01:01:05,120 --> 01:01:08,580
Look, you alone can stop
these terrible things from happening.

1055
01:01:08,873 --> 01:01:11,458
You are the last
great dictator!

1056
01:01:11,876 --> 01:01:14,044
All of the others
are gone! Qaddafi,

1057
01:01:14,254 --> 01:01:16,755
Saddam, Kim Jong, Cheney.

1058
01:01:18,800 --> 01:01:20,259
You are right, Nadal.

1059
01:01:20,718 --> 01:01:22,803
l will become
the greatest dictator of all,

1060
01:01:22,887 --> 01:01:24,888
the envy of madmen
everywhere!

1061
01:01:25,098 --> 01:01:26,682
Yes, Supreme Leader!

1062
01:01:26,766 --> 01:01:30,144
From the mountaintops of North Korea
to the jungles of Zimbabwe,

1063
01:01:30,228 --> 01:01:34,481
let every child laborer
and sweatshop factory worker sing,

1064
01:01:34,566 --> 01:01:37,234
"Oppressed at last!
Oppressed at last!

1065
01:01:37,610 --> 01:01:40,404
"Thank Aladeen,
l am oppressed at last!"

1066
01:01:40,488 --> 01:01:41,655
Yes! Whoa!

1067
01:01:41,739 --> 01:01:43,031
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
What are you doing?

1068
01:01:43,116 --> 01:01:44,491
-No, no, no, no, don't fall.
-l'm not doing anything.

1069
01:01:44,576 --> 01:01:47,244
Just do like a pull-up.
You know how you do pull-ups?

1070
01:01:47,328 --> 01:01:48,537
l invented the pull-up.

1071
01:01:52,834 --> 01:01:55,919
lf you're just joining us, we
are at the Lancaster Hotel,

1072
01:01:56,004 --> 01:01:57,713
where in about 20 minutes,

1073
01:01:59,799 --> 01:02:01,592
General Aladeen will be signing the
new Wadiyan constitution.

1074
01:02:01,676 --> 01:02:03,552
Dignitaries from
around the world

1075
01:02:03,636 --> 01:02:06,555
are arriving now to witness
the creation of a democracy

1076
01:02:06,639 --> 01:02:09,391
that will undoubtedly change
the political landscape

1077
01:02:09,476 --> 01:02:11,185
of the entire region.

1078
01:02:11,478 --> 01:02:14,480
As Wadiya goes,
so goes North Africa.

1079
01:02:21,821 --> 01:02:26,074
Edward Norton,
tell Viggo Mortensen he is on my radar.

1080
01:02:27,535 --> 01:02:29,912
How do you say,
"Fly is in the soup"?

1081
01:02:29,996 --> 01:02:31,830
Gentlemen, Tamir.

1082
01:02:32,207 --> 01:02:34,333
Let me introduce you
to my beautiful wife.

1083
01:02:34,876 --> 01:02:37,294
Mrs. Lao, it is my
very great pleasure.

1084
01:02:37,378 --> 01:02:39,546
No, no, no, no.
She does not speak English.

1085
01:02:39,631 --> 01:02:40,839
Watch this.

1086
01:02:41,549 --> 01:02:43,175
You ugly horse!

1087
01:02:43,843 --> 01:02:44,885
She doesn't know.

1088
01:02:45,512 --> 01:02:49,681
"Ohhh." See?
She goes "Ohhh" all the time. Watch.

1089
01:02:50,225 --> 01:02:51,892
Shaved ape.

1090
01:02:52,477 --> 01:02:53,519
"Ohhh."

1091
01:03:07,033 --> 01:03:10,035
Wait. That is how you intend to get me
across to the Lancaster?

1092
01:03:10,286 --> 01:03:11,370
Absolutely.

1093
01:03:11,454 --> 01:03:12,788
-Where'd you get that?
-l built it.

1094
01:03:13,206 --> 01:03:15,457
When l was going
to assassinate you.

1095
01:03:15,875 --> 01:03:16,959
You mean my double.

1096
01:03:19,629 --> 01:03:21,004
Sure. Yeah.

1097
01:03:28,763 --> 01:03:30,681
Bingo!

1098
01:03:33,726 --> 01:03:34,726
Love it!

1099
01:03:34,811 --> 01:03:35,852
-Here's what you do.
-Okay.

1100
01:03:35,937 --> 01:03:38,939
Zipline across,
kill the double,

1101
01:03:39,023 --> 01:03:41,608
and then rip up the constitution in
front of the world's media.

1102
01:03:41,693 --> 01:03:42,693
Piece of cake.

1103
01:03:57,083 --> 01:03:59,334
Hello, Lancaster!

1104
01:04:08,303 --> 01:04:09,595
l don't understand
what has happened.

1105
01:04:09,679 --> 01:04:11,763
My calculations
were very precise.

1106
01:04:12,432 --> 01:04:14,391
lf you lose enough weight,
then the zipline will work.

1107
01:04:14,475 --> 01:04:16,184
Do you have anything
in your pockets?

1108
01:04:16,269 --> 01:04:17,936
Let me check.

1109
01:04:20,898 --> 01:04:22,107
What is that?

1110
01:04:22,191 --> 01:04:23,483
lt's Vita Coco water.

1111
01:04:24,110 --> 01:04:25,611
Why do you have
Vita Coco water?

1112
01:04:25,695 --> 01:04:28,363
Because it has
as much potassium as three bananas.

1113
01:04:28,448 --> 01:04:30,032
The line is
still too heavy.

1114
01:04:30,116 --> 01:04:32,534
ls there anything else in your pockets
that could be weighing you down?

1115
01:04:34,537 --> 01:04:37,372
You're kidding. So then why did
you bring three bananas?

1116
01:04:37,457 --> 01:04:41,084
Because l don't trust the
advertising. l'm naturally suspicious.

1117
01:04:41,711 --> 01:04:44,212
ls there anything else you're
carrying? You're still too heavy.

1118
01:04:44,297 --> 01:04:45,422
Just this.

1119
01:04:47,258 --> 01:04:48,383
What is that, a brick?

1120
01:04:48,468 --> 01:04:50,886
All this time you've had a
brick? Why do you have that?

1121
01:04:50,970 --> 01:04:52,888
Well, to balance out
the weight from the other one.

1122
01:04:52,972 --> 01:04:54,222
You have two bricks?

1123
01:04:54,307 --> 01:04:55,349
Yes!

1124
01:04:55,433 --> 01:04:56,933
Throw them down
immediately!

1125
01:05:01,481 --> 01:05:03,940
Oh, my God!
There's a little goat eating the wire!

1126
01:05:06,986 --> 01:05:08,820
You need to lose
weight immediately!

1127
01:05:09,155 --> 01:05:11,782
My pockets are empty.
l could poo.

1128
01:05:12,158 --> 01:05:13,742
That won't be enough
to make a difference.

1129
01:05:13,826 --> 01:05:16,370
Yes, it will.
l haven't gone since Wadiya.

1130
01:05:16,454 --> 01:05:19,081
Losing power
has stopped me up like a cork.

1131
01:05:19,165 --> 01:05:20,457
Hurry!

1132
01:05:20,541 --> 01:05:23,126
Come on, Supreme Leader!
Make it rain! Make it rain!

1133
01:05:24,712 --> 01:05:26,963
lt's out!
And it's pointy!

1134
01:05:28,007 --> 01:05:29,299
Somebody stop that man!

1135
01:05:31,135 --> 01:05:32,177
Yes!

1136
01:05:33,513 --> 01:05:34,721
What? No, no, no, no!

1137
01:05:35,515 --> 01:05:36,515
No, no, no!

1138
01:06:00,790 --> 01:06:02,332
Supreme Leader!

1139
01:06:05,712 --> 01:06:07,879
Get out of here
before Tamir kills you.

1140
01:06:08,631 --> 01:06:09,715
Who is Tamir?

1141
01:06:10,133 --> 01:06:11,508
Tamir...

1142
01:06:11,592 --> 01:06:14,302
The bald bastard
who did all these terrible things to us!

1143
01:06:15,096 --> 01:06:16,805
l thought
his name was Dennis.

1144
01:06:18,349 --> 01:06:23,019
How would you
even make that leap? Tamir to Dennis?

1145
01:06:24,230 --> 01:06:26,231
-Go on, get out! Get out!
-Come on, Montzi!

1146
01:06:26,315 --> 01:06:27,315
Quick!

1147
01:06:30,528 --> 01:06:32,070
Just jump.
lt's not that far.

1148
01:06:33,239 --> 01:06:34,489
Efawadh.

1149
01:06:34,574 --> 01:06:36,241
lt is almost time.

1150
01:06:39,078 --> 01:06:41,413
l like goats.

1151
01:06:42,582 --> 01:06:45,041
l am very stupid.

1152
01:06:46,961 --> 01:06:49,087
This is
an historic moment.

1153
01:06:49,172 --> 01:06:52,007
Admiral General
Aladeen of Wadiya

1154
01:06:52,091 --> 01:06:53,592
is going to be signing

1155
01:06:53,676 --> 01:06:57,345
the first democratic
constitution in the history of his nation.

1156
01:06:57,430 --> 01:07:01,391
Across the globe,
people are glued to their television sets.

1157
01:07:01,476 --> 01:07:04,060
The people of Wadiya
are celebrating

1158
01:07:04,145 --> 01:07:06,980
what will be
a new chapter in their country.

1159
01:07:07,815 --> 01:07:10,734
Just moments away now
from putting his signature

1160
01:07:10,818 --> 01:07:13,195
on the first
democratic constitution.

1161
01:07:13,946 --> 01:07:16,782
That's Tamir Mafraad,
Aladeen's trusted advisor,

1162
01:07:16,866 --> 01:07:19,868
sharing a lighthearted moment with
Chinese businessman, Xiang Lao.

1163
01:07:19,952 --> 01:07:21,828
Any thoughts on
what they might be saying, Mike?

1164
01:07:21,913 --> 01:07:24,790
l thought l made out
the words "Harvey Keitel."

1165
01:07:27,376 --> 01:07:29,002
Don't know
what that meant.

1166
01:07:29,086 --> 01:07:31,838
Maybe they shared
a hot dog together, l'm thinking?

1167
01:07:31,923 --> 01:07:36,301
That would make sense. He's wiping the
mustard off his face and chest.

1168
01:07:36,385 --> 01:07:37,677
Excuse me!

1169
01:07:37,762 --> 01:07:39,221
You have to let me in.
You don't understand.

1170
01:07:39,305 --> 01:07:40,972
He's trying to
stop the signing!

1171
01:07:41,057 --> 01:07:42,599
Tamir is now speaking.

1172
01:07:42,683 --> 01:07:43,683
Today,

1173
01:07:44,393 --> 01:07:46,144
we begin a new era.

1174
01:07:46,687 --> 01:07:49,731
Wadiya will be
open to the world.

1175
01:07:49,816 --> 01:07:51,399
Open to the future.

1176
01:07:51,484 --> 01:07:52,984
And open for business.

1177
01:07:54,487 --> 01:07:57,906
The document is
ready to be signed, Supreme Leader.

1178
01:08:06,499 --> 01:08:09,251
What are you doing?
This man is an imposter!

1179
01:08:09,335 --> 01:08:13,797
No! This traitor tried to kill me
and had my beard removed!

1180
01:08:13,881 --> 01:08:16,091
Look!

1181
01:08:16,175 --> 01:08:18,593
Arrest the viper Tamir!

1182
01:08:18,678 --> 01:08:20,387
And now in another

1183
01:08:20,471 --> 01:08:24,099
amazing turn of events,
Tamir Mafraad is being taken away.

1184
01:08:24,183 --> 01:08:26,726
This constitution

1185
01:08:26,811 --> 01:08:29,479
is nothing
but a license for oil companies

1186
01:08:29,564 --> 01:08:33,066
and foreign interests
to destroy my beloved Wadiya!

1187
01:08:33,150 --> 01:08:36,820
Wadiya will remain
a dictatorship!

1188
01:08:46,581 --> 01:08:47,956
Oh, be quiet.

1189
01:08:48,332 --> 01:08:51,334
Why are you guys
so anti dictators?

1190
01:08:51,586 --> 01:08:54,421
lmagine ifAmerica
was a dictatorship.

1191
01:08:54,797 --> 01:08:59,009
You could let 1 % of the people
have all the nation's wealth.

1192
01:08:59,343 --> 01:09:00,802
You could help
your rich friends

1193
01:09:00,887 --> 01:09:03,430
get richer by
cutting their taxes

1194
01:09:03,514 --> 01:09:06,766
and bailing them out
when they gamble and lose.

1195
01:09:07,226 --> 01:09:11,521
You could ignore the needs of the poor
for health care and education.

1196
01:09:11,606 --> 01:09:13,273
Your media
would appear free

1197
01:09:13,357 --> 01:09:17,485
but would secretly be controlled
by one person and his family.

1198
01:09:17,570 --> 01:09:21,823
You could wiretap phones,
you could torture foreign prisoners.

1199
01:09:21,908 --> 01:09:24,075
You could have
rigged elections.

1200
01:09:24,160 --> 01:09:26,244
You could lie about
why you go to war.

1201
01:09:26,787 --> 01:09:28,580
You could fill your prisons

1202
01:09:28,664 --> 01:09:32,292
with one particular racial group
and no one would complain!

1203
01:09:32,627 --> 01:09:36,004
You could use the media
to scare the people

1204
01:09:36,088 --> 01:09:40,008
into supporting policies
that are against their interests.

1205
01:09:40,092 --> 01:09:43,470
l know this is hard
for you Americans to imagine,

1206
01:09:43,554 --> 01:09:45,513
but please try.

1207
01:09:45,598 --> 01:09:47,849
l will tell you
what democracy is!

1208
01:09:48,267 --> 01:09:50,393
Democracy is the worst!

1209
01:09:50,478 --> 01:09:53,396
Endless talking
and listening to every stupid opinion!

1210
01:09:53,481 --> 01:09:55,565
And everybody's
vote counts,

1211
01:09:55,650 --> 01:09:59,319
no matter how
crippled or black or female they are.

1212
01:10:00,237 --> 01:10:01,613
Democracy...

1213
01:10:08,371 --> 01:10:09,621
Democracy

1214
01:10:10,998 --> 01:10:15,126
has hairy armpits
and could lose five pounds.

1215
01:10:16,379 --> 01:10:19,631
Democracy looks like
a midget in a chemo wig.

1216
01:10:20,633 --> 01:10:23,259
Democracy kisses you
because she wants to,

1217
01:10:23,344 --> 01:10:27,222
not because her father
is in the next room chained to a radiator

1218
01:10:27,306 --> 01:10:29,474
with electrodes
attached to his nipples.

1219
01:10:30,309 --> 01:10:34,646
Democracy is flawed!
She is not perfect!

1220
01:10:35,314 --> 01:10:36,815
But democracy,

1221
01:10:40,361 --> 01:10:41,361
l love you.

1222
01:10:42,488 --> 01:10:45,573
And that is
why l call for real democracy!

1223
01:10:45,658 --> 01:10:47,450
A real constitution!

1224
01:10:47,535 --> 01:10:49,494
And real elections
in Wadiya!

1225
01:10:56,127 --> 01:10:58,128
Oh, no!

1226
01:10:59,004 --> 01:11:00,171
Come on!

1227
01:11:07,054 --> 01:11:10,223
Democracy,
l will make you one of my wives.

1228
01:11:11,308 --> 01:11:13,727
Okay, only wife.
We'll vote on it.

1229
01:11:14,353 --> 01:11:16,271
l'll shave
my armpits for you.

1230
01:11:16,355 --> 01:11:18,440
Praise be to the Creator!

1231
01:11:18,524 --> 01:11:20,942
And please stop using
that organic deodorant.

1232
01:11:21,026 --> 01:11:23,236
You could gas the Kurds
with that stench.

1233
01:11:50,389 --> 01:11:52,307
You died
protecting me, Efawadh.

1234
01:11:53,058 --> 01:11:54,058
Hello!

1235
01:11:54,351 --> 01:11:55,351
You are alive?

1236
01:11:55,561 --> 01:11:58,521
Of course!
lt is my job to be shot in the head.

1237
01:12:02,193 --> 01:12:04,068
-ls he okay?
-He's fine.

1238
01:12:04,153 --> 01:12:06,738
Luckily the bullet
hit him in the brain.

1239
01:12:07,865 --> 01:12:09,699
So,

1240
01:12:11,160 --> 01:12:12,202
what now?

1241
01:12:12,495 --> 01:12:15,830
l return to Wadiya
to participate in fair elections.

1242
01:12:27,802 --> 01:12:31,346
Let's now look back
at the wonderful events of the past year.

1243
01:12:31,430 --> 01:12:34,224
After Wadiya's
first free elections,

1244
01:12:34,308 --> 01:12:37,268
President Prime Minister
Admiral General Aladeen

1245
01:12:37,353 --> 01:12:39,938
won 98.8% of the vote.

1246
01:12:42,483 --> 01:12:46,069
But the big story today is the
marriage of President Prime Minister

1247
01:12:46,153 --> 01:12:49,906
Admiral General Aladeen
and his new bride, Zoey.

1248
01:12:54,161 --> 01:12:56,788
l now pronounce you
man and wife.

1249
01:13:06,632 --> 01:13:08,842
Are you okay, my love?
What did you step on?

1250
01:13:08,926 --> 01:13:10,218
Oh, yes! No, no.

1251
01:13:10,302 --> 01:13:13,972
lt's my people's tradition.
We always smash a glass at weddings.

1252
01:13:14,056 --> 01:13:15,890
-l'm Jewish!
-What?

1253
01:13:15,975 --> 01:13:17,267
Mazel tov!

1254
01:13:22,273 --> 01:13:23,314
Are you okay?

1255
01:13:24,316 --> 01:13:26,985
That's fine.
l don't mind. lt's great!

1256
01:13:27,444 --> 01:13:29,153
Come here, my love.

1257
01:13:48,883 --> 01:13:50,758
Jachnoon, President
Prime Minister Aladeen.

1258
01:13:50,843 --> 01:13:54,137
Jachnoon. Nadal. l have to be back
at the palace in an hour.

1259
01:13:54,221 --> 01:13:56,514
Zoey thinks l'm at yoga.

1260
01:13:56,932 --> 01:13:57,932
l have great news.

1261
01:13:58,017 --> 01:14:00,810
We are just days
away from testing the new missiles.

1262
01:14:00,895 --> 01:14:02,854
l have re-engineered
the oxidizing ducts

1263
01:14:02,938 --> 01:14:04,397
and the payload
delivery systems.

1264
01:14:04,481 --> 01:14:09,193
But you'll be happy to know,
the missile is now pointy!

1265
01:14:10,446 --> 01:14:12,447
Who cares if it's pointy?

1266
01:14:12,531 --> 01:14:13,656
What?

1267
01:14:14,199 --> 01:14:16,451
You do.
You care if it's pointy.

1268
01:14:16,535 --> 01:14:18,202
Why would l care
about such a trivial detail?

1269
01:14:18,287 --> 01:14:20,538
Are you serious?
Are you serious right now?

1270
01:14:20,623 --> 01:14:21,623
Of course l'm serious.

1271
01:14:21,707 --> 01:14:23,166
That's why you
had me executed!

1272
01:14:23,250 --> 01:14:26,544
The shape of the missile has nothing to
do with the payload delivery.

1273
01:14:26,629 --> 01:14:29,047
That's what l said!
That's what l said the first time!

1274
01:14:29,131 --> 01:14:30,548
No, that's what l said,
and you went crazy.

1275
01:14:30,633 --> 01:14:31,966
No!

1276
01:14:35,220 --> 01:14:38,389
So, we're opening
300 Women's Centers,

1277
01:14:38,641 --> 01:14:42,560
but l'm going to have to take a
break for a little bit because

1278
01:14:43,228 --> 01:14:44,604
l'm pregnant.

1279
01:14:44,688 --> 01:14:45,855
What?

1280
01:14:49,568 --> 01:14:52,070
Are you having a boy
or an abortion?

1281
01:15:15,636 --> 01:15:16,678
Hello, gentlemen.
How you doin'?

1282
01:15:16,762 --> 01:15:18,304
Are you guys friends
of the deceased?

1283
01:15:18,389 --> 01:15:21,182
Do you want me to say this
in front of his widow?

1284
01:15:21,266 --> 01:15:22,308
l was his lover.

1285
01:15:22,393 --> 01:15:23,893
No. That is
not true.

1286
01:15:24,311 --> 01:15:26,312
l saw him perform
with the Globetrotters.

1287
01:15:26,397 --> 01:15:28,898
l thought
he was outstanding. l befriended him.

1288
01:15:28,983 --> 01:15:31,109
No, it's
a different person.

1289
01:15:31,193 --> 01:15:34,529
His message
of don't worry and being happy

1290
01:15:34,613 --> 01:15:35,780
was so powerful.

1291
01:15:35,864 --> 01:15:38,116
No, this is
Bobby McFerrin. l told you this outside.

1292
01:15:38,200 --> 01:15:40,451
Whatever the scandal
you went through,

1293
01:15:40,536 --> 01:15:42,370
you're still
the best golfer in the world.

1294
01:15:42,454 --> 01:15:43,621
Let's go.

1295
01:15:43,872 --> 01:15:46,457
Okay. Let's rehearse this.
Role play, role play.

1296
01:15:46,542 --> 01:15:49,752
So, Secretary General,
your soldiers will weep...

1297
01:15:51,255 --> 01:15:52,630
l am so sorry!

1298
01:15:52,715 --> 01:15:54,382
Listen, it was
not my fault.

1299
01:15:54,466 --> 01:15:56,801
l mean, somebody had
set the safety catch

1300
01:15:56,885 --> 01:15:59,262
to "Aladeen"
instead of "Aladeen."

1301
01:15:59,346 --> 01:16:00,596
Look, l mean,
this whole gun...

1302
01:16:03,976 --> 01:16:05,101
Zoey.

1303
01:16:06,603 --> 01:16:08,813
That's some good head!

1304
01:16:11,066 --> 01:16:13,192
That is called payback
and it feels so good!

1305
01:16:13,277 --> 01:16:15,570
How did it feel for you?
How did it feel for you?

1306
01:16:15,654 --> 01:16:17,447
l prefer it with goats.

1307
01:16:18,157 --> 01:16:19,699
Where is
the Supreme Leader?

1308
01:16:19,783 --> 01:16:20,783
No, no.

1309
01:16:20,868 --> 01:16:23,286
Now that is
called payback!

1310
01:16:23,495 --> 01:16:24,829
Oh, great!

1311
01:16:30,252 --> 01:16:33,296
Don't touch it.
Don't touch it.

1312
01:16:33,756 --> 01:16:35,089
You don't have
to touch it.

1313
01:16:35,174 --> 01:16:36,215
Sorry. l was...

1314
01:16:36,300 --> 01:16:38,134
Just give us...
We don't...

1315
01:16:38,218 --> 01:16:41,137
Just give me
a couple of millimeters to myself.