1
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_

2
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♪ I'm goin' down to South
Park, gonna have myself a time ♪

3
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♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

4
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♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪

5
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♪ Goin' down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind ♪

6
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♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

7
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♪ People spouting,
"Howdy, neighbor!" ♪

8
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♪ Heading on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

9
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♪ I like fucking silly bitches
and I know my penis likes it! ♪

10
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♪ Come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine ♪

11
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The political world is watching, Bannon.

12
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We need to make sure the
President-elect has a smooth transition.

13
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All indications are that his
transition is going to be fine.

14
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We're just doing some finishing touches,

15
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but everything went well.

16
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You can see him now if you like.

17
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I'll go.

18
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Well, do I look presidential?

19
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Honestly, you look 20 years younger.

20
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They really worked on my stank face.

21
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Look... Whenever I don't know
what people are talking about,

22
00:01:12,431 --> 00:01:15,628
I can just do this.
Wait, look... do this.

23
00:01:15,726 --> 00:01:17,419
This is... This is my stank face.

24
00:01:17,516 --> 00:01:19,594
It's like I'm not listening to you, see?

25
00:01:19,692 --> 00:01:21,929
They did a really good
job on my stank lips.

26
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It's an amazing transition.

27
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Now I feel ready to
take care of business

28
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and do what really matters.

29
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In just a minute. I'm gonna
do the UV rays a bit longer.

30
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Can I help you?

31
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Hello, I understand that
you're trying to get to Mars.

32
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This is my girlfriend, Heidi.

33
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She's really smart and really funny.

34
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Okay.

35
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We've given up social media,

36
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and we'd like to be somewhere
as far from the Internet as possible.

37
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Is it true Mars would
have really shitty Wi-Fi?

38
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That'd be an understatement, yes.

39
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Well, we'd like to go.

40
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We can't tolerate this world anymore,
and we'd like to talk to whoever we can

41
00:01:56,957 --> 00:01:58,427
about getting to Mars as
soon as possible, please.

42
00:01:58,524 --> 00:02:01,082
Uh-huh. Take a number
and join the others.

43
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What others?

44
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♪ We are the... ♪

45
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What the fuck dude?!

46
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A lot of people want to
leave the planet right now.

47
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Aw, God damn it. Is that Cher?!

48
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♪ Do you believe the world, oh ♪

49
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God damn it!

50
00:02:21,236 --> 00:02:23,409
How the fuck did this happen?

51
00:02:23,507 --> 00:02:27,024
Uh, sorry, PC Principal, but
someone wants to speak with you.

52
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I toldou to leave me alone, Mackey.

53
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I'm not in the mood.

54
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But... But, sir... the
president-elect is here.

55
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So sorry for the intrusion.

56
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You're not too busy, I hope.

57
00:02:38,861 --> 00:02:40,650
Uh, n-not at all.

58
00:02:40,748 --> 00:02:43,241
Please, uh, have a seat, Mr. Garrison.

59
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Excuse me?

60
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Uh, please have a seat,
Mister... President.

61
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That's better, bitch.

62
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Certainly want to, uh,

63
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congratulate you on the election.

64
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Do you remember the day
you fired me, PC Principal?

65
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I know we've had some differences, uh...

66
00:03:00,964 --> 00:03:04,426
I was upset because a bunch of
immigrants were changing my class,

67
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and I believe your response was that I
needed to go and learn their language,

68
00:03:08,225 --> 00:03:10,271
be more open-minded.

69
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I'm sorry that you're
position here at the school

70
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was terminated.

71
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Are you really?

72
00:03:17,246 --> 00:03:19,483
Are you really sorry?

73
00:03:19,582 --> 00:03:24,730
Because you see, PC Principal,
you helped create me.

74
00:03:24,827 --> 00:03:27,448
You insisted that I was a bigot,

75
00:03:27,546 --> 00:03:32,086
that I was an intolerant relic
left over from another time.

76
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But now... I'm your president.

77
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And if there's one thing I've learned

78
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about becoming President,

79
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it's that your penis can get really dry.

80
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When all the skin on
your penis is drying out

81
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from working so hard to get elected,

82
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there's only one thing that
can fix it, isn't there?

83
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Saliva... from a good
friend who once doubted you.

84
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I need you to fix my
problem, PC Principal,

85
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so that we can be even-stevens.

86
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What do you say, buddy?

87
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Oh, 'member when it fell in her drink?

88
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- I 'member!
- 'Member when Han shot Greedo?

89
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Sure, I 'member Greedo.

90
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- I 'member Greedo.
- 'Member?

91
00:04:21,989 --> 00:04:23,298
What's the password, 'member?

92
00:04:23,396 --> 00:04:24,962
- Yeah, I 'member.
- You 'member?

93
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I 'member.

94
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'Member this place?

95
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Sure, I 'member.

96
00:04:36,703 --> 00:04:37,661
'Member the Tantive IV?

97
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Oh! I love that ship!

98
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Hi, it's us! 'Member?!

99
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Us who? I don't 'member.

100
00:04:43,869 --> 00:04:45,306
We did the thing with throwing Mickey

101
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in the drink, 'member?

102
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Oh, sure, I 'member.

103
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That's 'cause of yous,
we won the election.

104
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Yeah, yeah, 'member?

105
00:04:51,225 --> 00:04:53,719
Waiter, round of drinks for
our heroes here, 'member?

106
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I 'member!

107
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You done good poisoning
the lady's drink.

108
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Now our man is in office, 'member?

109
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But I still have
things I need you to do.

110
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I 'member.

111
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Please! You have to let me out of here!

112
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Skankhunt, stop.

113
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Yes, please. You're
making a very jackass of yourself.

114
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Well, well, what do we have here?

115
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Looks like a little troll party.

116
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You Danish pricks, you tricked us!

117
00:05:24,460 --> 00:05:27,914
We didn't trick you,
your own government did.

118
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They thought if they
handed you over to us,

119
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we would agree not to go forward
with the Troll Trace program.

120
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You can't hold people prisoner.

121
00:05:34,792 --> 00:05:36,102
I haven't done anything.

122
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People are gonna be looking for me!

123
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By all means...

124
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contact whoever you want.

125
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Of course, you'll have to
tell them why you're here.

126
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What are you gonna do with us?

127
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We're going to use you
to set the world on fire.

128
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When the servers go online,

129
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there will be panic, chaos, and war.

130
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And from the ashes, a
new world will rise...

131
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A world where everyone
is happy and a-singing

132
00:06:02,621 --> 00:06:06,234
and has a-no secrets... Like Denmark!

133
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You think you can turn countries
of the world against each other?

134
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Our President will
never let that happen.

135
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Hey, everybody!

136
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Guess who's here.

137
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It's the President of
the United Fucking States.

138
00:06:25,013 --> 00:06:27,474
Oh, it's been a while since
I've heard from you guys.

139
00:06:27,571 --> 00:06:29,586
Hi, Janice. Hello, Stephen.

140
00:06:29,683 --> 00:06:30,864
Mr. President.

141
00:06:30,962 --> 00:06:32,400
I was just, you know, passing through

142
00:06:32,498 --> 00:06:35,460
the old neighborhood thinking
about what laws I might get rid of,

143
00:06:35,494 --> 00:06:38,030
when suddenly out of nowhere,

144
00:06:38,127 --> 00:06:40,173
my penis got really dry.

145
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You know if they have anything
at this store for a dry dick?

146
00:06:42,958 --> 00:06:44,491
Huh?

147
00:06:44,590 --> 00:06:45,451
No?

148
00:06:45,549 --> 00:06:47,178
You guys can't think of anything?

149
00:06:47,276 --> 00:06:48,874
Oh, I know.

150
00:06:48,972 --> 00:06:53,479
What about Eduardo Hernandez?

151
00:06:53,578 --> 00:06:55,751
I believe it was Eduardo who told me

152
00:06:55,849 --> 00:06:58,214
I couldn't double-bag my groceries

153
00:06:58,312 --> 00:07:01,733
even though he's from fucking Guatemala.

154
00:07:01,830 --> 00:07:04,676
Well, what do you think now, Eduardo?

155
00:07:04,773 --> 00:07:07,170
You want to double-bag something else?

156
00:07:09,507 --> 00:07:10,753
This is the President.

157
00:07:10,851 --> 00:07:12,480
Sir, we need you at the Pentagon.

158
00:07:12,578 --> 00:07:14,176
It's a matter of national security.

159
00:07:14,274 --> 00:07:15,648
Oh, really?

160
00:07:15,745 --> 00:07:17,919
I'm kind of busy right now, geez.

161
00:07:18,017 --> 00:07:19,870
Sir, the Danish have
released a statement.

162
00:07:19,967 --> 00:07:22,365
I'm afraid we may be going to war.

163
00:07:22,463 --> 00:07:23,548
War?

164
00:07:29,851 --> 00:07:31,342
Ike! Ike, buddy, can you hear me?

165
00:07:31,420 --> 00:07:32,984
I need you to do something, okay?

166
00:07:33,082 --> 00:07:34,200
Daddy needs your help.

167
00:07:34,298 --> 00:07:37,878
I need you to go to your browser and
sign on to the school message board, okay?

168
00:07:37,976 --> 00:07:38,806
Can you do that for me?

169
00:07:38,904 --> 00:07:41,333
The school message
board and then log in.

170
00:07:41,431 --> 00:07:44,340
Lower-case "s," "skankhunt42."

171
00:07:44,438 --> 00:07:45,588
You got it?

172
00:07:45,686 --> 00:07:46,547
Wow.

173
00:07:46,645 --> 00:07:47,667
Wow, what?

174
00:07:47,765 --> 00:07:50,322
He's gonna have his son
sign in and troll for him.

175
00:07:50,419 --> 00:07:52,209
If Skankhunt is still
out there trolling,

176
00:07:52,307 --> 00:07:53,777
then they have the wrong guy, get it?

177
00:07:53,875 --> 00:07:55,663
It's called using your brain, fatso!

178
00:07:55,761 --> 00:07:57,391
So, they'll blame your kid?

179
00:07:57,489 --> 00:07:59,279
Nobody cares if a kid trolls.

180
00:07:59,376 --> 00:08:01,325
What are they gonna do?
Get a slap on the wrist?

181
00:08:01,423 --> 00:08:02,989
Didn't you hear what that guy said?

182
00:08:03,086 --> 00:08:05,420
They're gonna set countries
against each other.

183
00:08:05,518 --> 00:08:07,019
We have way bigger problems.

184
00:08:07,118 --> 00:08:08,746
You don't know my fucking wife.

185
00:08:08,844 --> 00:08:10,218
Ike, you got it?

186
00:08:10,316 --> 00:08:11,625
Great, pal.

187
00:08:11,723 --> 00:08:14,216
Okay, now I need you to go
to the comments section, okay,

188
00:08:14,314 --> 00:08:17,959
and type in "You should
all get raped by gorillas."

189
00:08:18,057 --> 00:08:19,206
You got that, pal?

190
00:08:19,304 --> 00:08:21,510
Ike, "You should all
get raped by gorillas."

191
00:08:21,608 --> 00:08:23,365
Come on, we have a lot work to do here.

192
00:08:25,605 --> 00:08:28,195
Jesus, I didn't think getting
to Mars would take this long.

193
00:08:28,293 --> 00:08:30,018
You really think that this
is what we should do, babe?

194
00:08:30,116 --> 00:08:31,361
I'm gonna miss everyone.

195
00:08:31,460 --> 00:08:33,473
I know. But it'll be worth it, babe.

196
00:08:33,571 --> 00:08:36,352
We'll be left alone to
make our new world better.

197
00:08:36,450 --> 00:08:38,079
Hey, Eric!

198
00:08:39,137 --> 00:08:40,734
What the hell are you doing here?

199
00:08:40,832 --> 00:08:42,173
Well, I want to get the
fuck off this planet,

200
00:08:42,271 --> 00:08:43,741
but they told me I had to take a number.

201
00:08:43,838 --> 00:08:46,163
Oh, no, no, no, you're a male
chauvinist sexist pig, Butters.

202
00:08:46,197 --> 00:08:47,420
You don't get to go to Mars.

203
00:08:47,518 --> 00:08:49,754
No, you don't understand.
I've see the light.

204
00:08:49,852 --> 00:08:51,354
I'm a changed man.

205
00:08:51,452 --> 00:08:53,241
I thought boys were
being treated unfairly,

206
00:08:53,339 --> 00:08:54,233
but now I know

207
00:08:54,331 --> 00:08:57,623
shit's about to get a lot worse.

208
00:09:01,848 --> 00:09:03,029
Here we are.

209
00:09:03,128 --> 00:09:05,012
Oh, yeah! I 'member.

210
00:09:05,110 --> 00:09:07,764
Come on, everybody, 'member?

211
00:09:11,764 --> 00:09:13,778
- 'Member snowspeeders?
- Yeah, I 'member.

212
00:09:13,875 --> 00:09:15,377
'Member not hearing?

213
00:09:16,914 --> 00:09:18,576
'Member the invasion
of Hoth?

214
00:09:18,673 --> 00:09:20,943
- 'Member "You rebel scum"?
- I 'member.

215
00:09:27,277 --> 00:09:29,195
Oh, 'member the rebel transports?

216
00:09:29,293 --> 00:09:31,403
- "We did it!" 'Member?
- Sure, I 'member.

217
00:09:31,500 --> 00:09:33,418
- What do we do now?
- Don't you 'member?

218
00:09:33,516 --> 00:09:34,985
Ooh, I 'member.

219
00:09:39,475 --> 00:09:41,648
Okay, now make sure the little
worm is in the woman's mouth.

220
00:09:41,746 --> 00:09:43,088
You got it?

221
00:09:43,186 --> 00:09:46,254
Now I need you to type "You're
a fat retard" in the comments.

222
00:09:47,408 --> 00:09:49,037
"You're a retard."

223
00:09:49,135 --> 00:09:51,308
No, you have to say "a fat retard," Ike!

224
00:09:51,406 --> 00:09:53,388
It's a nuance, but it's very important!

225
00:09:53,486 --> 00:09:55,179
"You are a fat wee-tard."

226
00:09:55,276 --> 00:09:56,138
Ike!

227
00:09:56,236 --> 00:09:57,450
What are you doing?!

228
00:09:57,547 --> 00:09:59,305
What he says.

229
00:10:02,410 --> 00:10:04,679
It was you all this time!

230
00:10:04,777 --> 00:10:06,630
What have you done, Ike?!

231
00:10:06,728 --> 00:10:09,509
Do you have any idea
the damage you've caused?

232
00:10:09,606 --> 00:10:11,940
How can my child be such a monster?

233
00:10:13,542 --> 00:10:15,331
Yes, yes, hello.

234
00:10:15,428 --> 00:10:16,866
Hey, sweetheart. How's everything going?

235
00:10:16,964 --> 00:10:19,361
You have to come home from
helping the government, Gerald.

236
00:10:19,459 --> 00:10:22,177
I just caught Ike trolling Mrs. Hererra.

237
00:10:22,274 --> 00:10:23,711
Are you serious?

238
00:10:23,809 --> 00:10:26,719
Yeah! The school troll
is our son, Gerald!

239
00:10:26,816 --> 00:10:29,821
You should see all the things
he's posted on his computer!

240
00:10:29,919 --> 00:10:31,165
God dang it!

241
00:10:31,263 --> 00:10:34,652
Let me talk to him right now.

242
00:10:34,749 --> 00:10:35,867
Hello?

243
00:10:35,965 --> 00:10:38,714
Hey, Ike, just stay calm and
act like I'm yelling at you,

244
00:10:38,811 --> 00:10:39,769
okay, pal?

245
00:10:39,867 --> 00:10:41,401
Okay, give it a few seconds.

246
00:10:41,498 --> 00:10:42,616
Wait.

247
00:10:42,714 --> 00:10:45,655
Good. Okay, now... now
say, "I'm sorry, Dad.

248
00:10:45,753 --> 00:10:48,150
I guess I'm just fucked up inside."

249
00:10:48,247 --> 00:10:49,109
No!

250
00:10:49,207 --> 00:10:50,549
Ike, you have to listen to me.

251
00:10:50,647 --> 00:10:53,236
On your mother's life, this is
a matter of national security.

252
00:10:53,334 --> 00:10:57,138
You have to say, "I'm sorry, Dad.
I guess I'm just fucked up inside."

253
00:10:57,236 --> 00:11:00,529
I'm sorry, Dad. I'm
just fucked up inside.

254
00:11:00,627 --> 00:11:02,992
That was amazing, kiddo.
It'll all be worth it, okay?

255
00:11:03,091 --> 00:11:05,616
I'll make this up to you.
Give me back to your mom.

256
00:11:06,640 --> 00:11:07,790
Gerald?

257
00:11:07,889 --> 00:11:08,846
He's full of shit.

258
00:11:08,944 --> 00:11:10,862
He's not sorry. If he felt sorry,

259
00:11:10,959 --> 00:11:12,588
he wouldn't be able to
do it in the first place.

260
00:11:12,687 --> 00:11:13,645
I know!

261
00:11:13,742 --> 00:11:16,107
I'm gonna get home as soon as
I can to deal with this, okay?

262
00:11:16,205 --> 00:11:17,706
We can deal with this together.

263
00:11:17,804 --> 00:11:20,394
Just don't say anything to
anyone for now, all right?

264
00:11:20,491 --> 00:11:21,609
Okay.

265
00:11:21,707 --> 00:11:23,272
Okay, yeah, I love you, too.

266
00:11:23,370 --> 00:11:25,025
I know. Bye.

267
00:11:25,213 --> 00:11:28,071
You just sit in here until
we figure out what to do.

268
00:11:28,168 --> 00:11:30,533
And if you get back on
that computer, you are done!

269
00:11:30,631 --> 00:11:32,773
You got it?

270
00:11:35,302 --> 00:11:37,773
Ike, okay, there's just a few
more things I need you to do.

271
00:11:37,831 --> 00:11:41,409
I need you to type "How'd
you like a donkey dick?"

272
00:11:51,424 --> 00:11:52,957
Welcome to the Pentagon, sir.

273
00:11:53,055 --> 00:11:54,461
I've been ordered to show you around.

274
00:11:54,559 --> 00:11:56,252
This way, please.

275
00:11:56,349 --> 00:11:59,035
So, I can do whatever the
fuck I want in here now, right?

276
00:11:59,132 --> 00:12:01,146
Yes, sir. Here are all
our military secrets

277
00:12:01,243 --> 00:12:02,777
and all classified information.

278
00:12:02,875 --> 00:12:03,768
Okay, good.

279
00:12:03,867 --> 00:12:05,496
This is the drone program.

280
00:12:05,594 --> 00:12:07,800
In there, you can kill
anyone on earth remotely.

281
00:12:07,897 --> 00:12:08,855
Here's the keys.

282
00:12:08,953 --> 00:12:09,815
Thanks.

283
00:12:09,913 --> 00:12:11,510
In here is satellite surveillance

284
00:12:11,607 --> 00:12:13,877
where you can monitor
anyone's conversation live.

285
00:12:13,974 --> 00:12:15,252
Oh, that'll come in handy.

286
00:12:15,350 --> 00:12:19,289
Extreme interrogation room in case
you ever find interrogation necessary.

287
00:12:19,323 --> 00:12:21,682
Oh, hell yeah, it's
necessary. Let's do it.

288
00:12:22,740 --> 00:12:24,721
And here, of course,
is the famous football,

289
00:12:24,819 --> 00:12:26,512
where you can order a nuclear attack

290
00:12:26,610 --> 00:12:27,567
in four minutes.

291
00:12:27,665 --> 00:12:29,838
Love me some football.

292
00:12:29,936 --> 00:12:33,293
And finally, in here is
the diplomatic strategy

293
00:12:33,391 --> 00:12:34,669
and negotiating room.

294
00:12:40,333 --> 00:12:42,634
Oh, geez, this doesn't look very fun.

295
00:12:42,732 --> 00:12:43,945
Thank God you're here, sir.

296
00:12:44,043 --> 00:12:46,344
We need your guidance.

297
00:12:46,443 --> 00:12:48,167
♪ Loo, loo, loo,
I've got some apples ♪

298
00:12:48,265 --> 00:12:49,479
♪ Loo, loo, loo,
you've got some, too ♪

299
00:12:49,576 --> 00:12:51,462
Butters, butters. You
expect people to believe

300
00:12:51,560 --> 00:12:52,998
that you went from
being the biggest asshole

301
00:12:53,096 --> 00:12:55,301
in the school to a
soft-hearted feminist like me?

302
00:12:55,398 --> 00:12:56,356
Fat chance.

303
00:12:56,454 --> 00:12:58,340
No, no, believe me, I'm a changed man.

304
00:12:58,437 --> 00:12:59,843
Girls are really smart, and they'll be

305
00:12:59,941 --> 00:13:01,795
running the country soon, and
they deserve total respect.

306
00:13:01,892 --> 00:13:04,002
Yeah? You just forgot one thing...

307
00:13:04,099 --> 00:13:05,409
That women are funny, too.

308
00:13:05,507 --> 00:13:06,720
That didn't occur to
you, did it, Butters?

309
00:13:06,818 --> 00:13:09,087
Well, I don't think there was
ever any question women are funny.

310
00:13:09,185 --> 00:13:10,207
Remember that movie "9 to 5"

311
00:13:10,305 --> 00:13:11,870
with Lily Tomlin and Dolly Parton?

312
00:13:11,968 --> 00:13:13,502
Oh, yeah, that movie was funny.

313
00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:16,444
Well, I laughed my butt off, and it never
even occurred to me that they were women.

314
00:13:16,543 --> 00:13:17,820
I don't know why things changed.

315
00:13:17,918 --> 00:13:19,291
I don't know why people
make such a big deal

316
00:13:19,389 --> 00:13:20,411
about women in comedy now.

317
00:13:20,509 --> 00:13:21,914
I mean, what about Carol Burnett?

318
00:13:22,012 --> 00:13:22,842
She was great!

319
00:13:22,940 --> 00:13:25,337
Wow, I guess you're right.

320
00:13:25,435 --> 00:13:27,544
Yeah, and I mean, when
women make vagina jokes,

321
00:13:27,642 --> 00:13:28,888
I think it's the funniest thing ever.

322
00:13:28,985 --> 00:13:30,615
Yeah, I swear I don't
care how many times

323
00:13:30,713 --> 00:13:32,118
Amy Schumer talks about her vagina,

324
00:13:32,216 --> 00:13:34,645
I laugh every time.

325
00:13:34,743 --> 00:13:36,053
Oh, I see what you're doing.

326
00:13:36,150 --> 00:13:37,588
- What, babe?
- Oh, nothing, babe.

327
00:13:37,686 --> 00:13:39,635
I'm just... Do you think
you could tell me some jokes?

328
00:13:39,733 --> 00:13:42,549
Why do you want me
telling you jokes all the time?

329
00:13:42,582 --> 00:13:44,785
Because you're fucking hilarious.

330
00:13:44,883 --> 00:13:46,737
Well, did I tell you the
one about the skeleton

331
00:13:46,835 --> 00:13:47,792
and the skunk?

332
00:13:47,890 --> 00:13:51,247
That's already funny!

333
00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:55,534
All around the world,
countries are mobilizing armies

334
00:13:55,632 --> 00:13:57,229
and preparing defensive countermeasures.

335
00:13:57,326 --> 00:13:58,924
Why? What the hell happened?

336
00:13:59,022 --> 00:14:00,332
This is everything you need to know

337
00:14:00,430 --> 00:14:01,963
about the Troll Trace program.

338
00:14:02,060 --> 00:14:03,466
What's Troll Trace?

339
00:14:03,564 --> 00:14:04,906
A plan by the Danish to release

340
00:14:05,003 --> 00:14:07,689
the full Internet histories
of everyone on earth.

341
00:14:07,786 --> 00:14:09,864
The previous administration
tried to work with the Danish

342
00:14:09,962 --> 00:14:12,262
by handing over several trolls,
but the plan didn't work.

343
00:14:12,360 --> 00:14:15,622
The entire world has become
very uncertain and unstable.

344
00:14:15,719 --> 00:14:18,661
We think we should order all
navy vessels to the Bering Sea.

345
00:14:18,758 --> 00:14:19,939
For what?

346
00:14:20,037 --> 00:14:22,339
Because when the Chinese are
able to see all our e-mails

347
00:14:22,437 --> 00:14:25,314
and online activity, we believe
they will most likely attack us.

348
00:14:25,412 --> 00:14:27,809
Also, there are ground
troops mobilizing in Paris

349
00:14:27,907 --> 00:14:30,368
because the French believe
when we see all their e-mails,

350
00:14:30,466 --> 00:14:32,223
we will most likely attack them.

351
00:14:32,321 --> 00:14:33,470
Mr. President, sir.

352
00:14:33,569 --> 00:14:36,286
The Russians are asking what we
intend to do about the Danish.

353
00:14:36,383 --> 00:14:38,076
Well, why are you asking me?

354
00:14:38,174 --> 00:14:39,677
Please, sir, we have very little time

355
00:14:39,774 --> 00:14:41,692
before this escalates
beyond our control.

356
00:14:47,163 --> 00:14:48,345
President Putin.

357
00:14:48,515 --> 00:14:50,848
_

358
00:14:50,962 --> 00:14:52,833
_

359
00:14:53,141 --> 00:14:56,014
_

360
00:14:56,104 --> 00:14:58,248
_

361
00:14:58,418 --> 00:15:00,113
_

362
00:15:00,114 --> 00:15:02,520
_

363
00:15:02,521 --> 00:15:06,604
_

364
00:15:06,605 --> 00:15:09,613
_

365
00:15:11,201 --> 00:15:13,051
_

366
00:15:13,617 --> 00:15:14,702
'Member the Death Star?

367
00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:16,334
'Member
cutting open tauntauns?

368
00:15:16,432 --> 00:15:17,613
Yeah, yeah, 'member the Force?

369
00:15:18,734 --> 00:15:20,142
_

370
00:15:20,526 --> 00:15:21,612
Sure, I 'member.

371
00:15:21,709 --> 00:15:23,659
Hey, hey, hey, 'member the Cold War?

372
00:15:23,757 --> 00:15:25,949
Ooh, I love the Cold
War. That was fantastic.

373
00:15:28,173 --> 00:15:32,106
Okay, numbers 204 through
215, you can come on through.

374
00:15:32,204 --> 00:15:33,577
Oh, finally!

375
00:15:33,675 --> 00:15:35,496
Hey, that's me, too! Yippee!

376
00:15:35,595 --> 00:15:37,960
Right in here, everyone.

377
00:15:40,809 --> 00:15:43,077
Hello, everyone, and
welcome to the tour.

378
00:15:43,175 --> 00:15:45,701
I'm Elon Musk.
Are we gonna have some fun today?

379
00:15:45,799 --> 00:15:47,556
Oh, great, a stupid tour guide.

380
00:15:47,654 --> 00:15:48,836
Can we just talk to
someone important, please?

381
00:15:48,934 --> 00:15:49,987
We want to go to Mars.

382
00:15:50,085 --> 00:15:53,282
And getting anywhere takes ingenuity.

383
00:15:53,380 --> 00:15:57,056
Oh, Mrs. Door, would
you mind opening, please?

384
00:15:57,154 --> 00:15:59,200
Yes, Elon.

385
00:16:09,725 --> 00:16:12,570
The only way for humankind to survive

386
00:16:12,668 --> 00:16:15,417
is with imagination and technology...

387
00:16:15,515 --> 00:16:17,369
Cars that run on electricity.

388
00:16:17,466 --> 00:16:20,183
Solar panels that replace roof shingles.

389
00:16:20,281 --> 00:16:23,606
Even food that changes form.

390
00:16:23,703 --> 00:16:26,229
You see this? It's a pizza...

391
00:16:26,326 --> 00:16:28,660
Only four inches long,
and yet when heated,

392
00:16:28,758 --> 00:16:31,859
it expands to make enough
pizza to feed 100 people.

393
00:16:31,957 --> 00:16:35,250
I call it the Pizza Pocket.

394
00:16:35,347 --> 00:16:37,329
They
already have pizza pockets.

395
00:16:37,427 --> 00:16:39,248
Who would like to see the Hyperloop,

396
00:16:39,346 --> 00:16:41,551
a new mode of travel that
can take you from here

397
00:16:41,649 --> 00:16:45,294
to Dubai in nine minutes?

398
00:16:45,391 --> 00:16:46,605
Excuse me, Mr. Musk.

399
00:16:46,703 --> 00:16:47,821
This is all super interesting and shit,

400
00:16:47,918 --> 00:16:49,484
but can we see the Mars rocket now?

401
00:16:52,492 --> 00:16:54,186
Sir, India's moving aircraft carriers

402
00:16:54,284 --> 00:16:55,465
into the Gulf of Mexico.

403
00:16:55,564 --> 00:16:57,417
Well, why would we care about Mexicans?

404
00:16:57,515 --> 00:16:59,049
Sir, a message from Saudi Arabia.

405
00:16:59,146 --> 00:17:01,351
They say they pinky promise not
to look up our Internet history

406
00:17:01,449 --> 00:17:03,015
if we pinky promise
not to look up theirs.

407
00:17:03,112 --> 00:17:04,998
Well, what does that even mean?!

408
00:17:05,096 --> 00:17:07,429
Still waiting on if we should
send troops into Japan, sir.

409
00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:09,124
I don't know! Geez!

410
00:17:09,222 --> 00:17:11,715
Sir, it's the U.K.
Secretary of Foreign Affairs

411
00:17:11,813 --> 00:17:12,835
calling from London.

412
00:17:12,933 --> 00:17:14,210
He says they have advice for you.

413
00:17:14,308 --> 00:17:15,234
What?!

414
00:17:15,332 --> 00:17:16,097
Yes, hello.

415
00:17:16,195 --> 00:17:17,825
Things aren't looking good here.

416
00:17:17,923 --> 00:17:21,759
We just want to say whatever
you do, don't eat the mem'bries.

417
00:17:21,857 --> 00:17:23,550
Don't eat the mem'bries! They're bad!

418
00:17:23,649 --> 00:17:25,821
Mem'bries?

419
00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:27,901
I'm afraid everyone here
who ate the mem'bries

420
00:17:27,998 --> 00:17:29,948
wanted to go back in the past, you see?

421
00:17:30,046 --> 00:17:31,868
Hasn't worked out too well for us.

422
00:17:31,965 --> 00:17:34,010
We shouldn't have ate the mem'bries.

423
00:17:34,108 --> 00:17:35,802
The mem'bries cloud your judgment.

424
00:17:35,900 --> 00:17:37,401
They get inside your head, you see?

425
00:17:37,499 --> 00:17:39,896
"Get inside your head."

426
00:17:39,994 --> 00:17:41,175
Wait a minute!

427
00:17:41,274 --> 00:17:43,895
Nobody gets in my head, you limey bitch!

428
00:17:43,993 --> 00:17:45,174
Are you insulting me?!

429
00:17:45,272 --> 00:17:46,389
Stop wasting my time,

430
00:17:46,487 --> 00:17:47,765
'cause I'll have you here on a plane

431
00:17:47,863 --> 00:17:49,812
in five hours sucking my dick!

432
00:17:51,062 --> 00:17:52,467
What'd he say?

433
00:17:52,565 --> 00:17:54,258
I believe they've eaten the mem'bries.

434
00:17:54,357 --> 00:17:56,562
- Oh, dear!
- Oh, dear!

435
00:17:56,660 --> 00:18:00,113
Here you see
our Falcon 9 full-thrust rockets.

436
00:18:00,211 --> 00:18:02,128
They are actually able
to take off into space

437
00:18:02,226 --> 00:18:05,134
and land safely back on earth for reuse.

438
00:18:05,232 --> 00:18:06,702
Well, I certainly want to thank you all

439
00:18:06,799 --> 00:18:08,013
for joining our tour today.

440
00:18:08,111 --> 00:18:09,805
You've been a wonderful group.

441
00:18:09,903 --> 00:18:11,340
Give yourselves a round of applause.

442
00:18:11,438 --> 00:18:12,811
- Huh?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

443
00:18:12,909 --> 00:18:14,123
What about going to Mars?

444
00:18:14,221 --> 00:18:16,426
Mars? We're still about 10
years away from going to Mars.

445
00:18:16,524 --> 00:18:18,281
Maybe 8.

446
00:18:18,379 --> 00:18:20,584
No. No, no, no, no, we have to go now.

447
00:18:20,682 --> 00:18:22,343
Well, I'm sorry, but it's
a bit more complicated

448
00:18:22,441 --> 00:18:23,751
than a Pizza Pocket.

449
00:18:23,849 --> 00:18:25,894
Going to Mars is gonna take
a lot of very smart people

450
00:18:25,992 --> 00:18:27,942
working very hard for a very long time.

451
00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:30,980
Now, if you don't mind, I have
hundreds of more tours to do.

452
00:18:31,078 --> 00:18:32,868
Mr. Musk, wait!

453
00:18:32,965 --> 00:18:34,979
Maybe we can help you
get to Mars sooner.

454
00:18:35,076 --> 00:18:37,058
I'm not sure if you
know our friend, Heidi.

455
00:18:37,156 --> 00:18:39,905
She's really smart and really funny.

456
00:18:42,434 --> 00:18:44,991
Like... how funny?

457
00:18:48,863 --> 00:18:53,628
♪ Gonna take a lot to
take me away from you ♪

458
00:18:53,725 --> 00:18:57,978
♪ There's nothing that a hundred
men or more could ever do ♪

459
00:19:03,353 --> 00:19:04,567
Out of the way, 'member?

460
00:19:04,665 --> 00:19:06,550
You better 'member, if you
know what's good for yous.

461
00:19:12,598 --> 00:19:14,515
Hey, look! It's him, 'member?

462
00:19:14,613 --> 00:19:16,946
Sure, I 'member!

463
00:19:17,044 --> 00:19:18,609
Ah, yous did good.

464
00:19:18,707 --> 00:19:19,506
Who's in charge, 'member?

465
00:19:19,604 --> 00:19:21,073
We decided he's in charge.

466
00:19:21,171 --> 00:19:22,544
No, we said I'm in charge, 'member?

467
00:19:22,643 --> 00:19:24,815
No, wait, I 'member. We
all said he's in charge.

468
00:19:24,914 --> 00:19:26,286
Oh, yeah, I 'member.

469
00:19:26,384 --> 00:19:27,758
Wrong.

470
00:19:27,856 --> 00:19:29,325
Waaaah!

471
00:19:29,423 --> 00:19:30,989
'Member stormtroopers?

472
00:19:31,086 --> 00:19:32,685
Sure, I 'member.

473
00:19:32,782 --> 00:19:35,691
Not those stormtroopers!
The real old ones.

474
00:19:35,789 --> 00:19:39,018
People want to 'member?
They're gonna 'member.

475
00:19:43,147 --> 00:19:44,167
Ike?

476
00:19:46,952 --> 00:19:47,910
What are you doing?

477
00:19:48,008 --> 00:19:50,693
Don't talk to him! He is in big trouble!

478
00:19:50,791 --> 00:19:51,877
What'd he do?

479
00:19:51,975 --> 00:19:53,380
It's him, Kyle!

480
00:19:53,478 --> 00:19:55,300
Your brother is the Internet troll

481
00:19:55,397 --> 00:19:58,018
who's caused all this
pain in our community.

482
00:19:58,116 --> 00:20:00,577
- What?
- It was him all along.

483
00:20:00,675 --> 00:20:02,656
Now we have to figure
out what to tell people

484
00:20:02,754 --> 00:20:07,998
when they learn this
ugliness came from our family.

485
00:20:08,097 --> 00:20:10,398
You made people quit Twitter?

486
00:20:10,495 --> 00:20:13,021
You started a war
between boys and girls?

487
00:20:13,118 --> 00:20:14,524
You...

488
00:20:17,404 --> 00:20:19,098
I call it emoji analysis.

489
00:20:19,196 --> 00:20:21,209
It isn't a student, it's an adult.

490
00:20:21,307 --> 00:20:23,897
This ugliness came from our family.

491
00:20:23,994 --> 00:20:25,687
I think it's one of the parents.

492
00:20:25,785 --> 00:20:27,895
You're supposed to just
laugh and make fun of shit.

493
00:20:27,993 --> 00:20:30,198
Daddy called you a pussy.

494
00:20:30,296 --> 00:20:31,478
Oh, my God.

495
00:20:31,576 --> 00:20:32,757
Oh, my God!

496
00:20:32,854 --> 00:20:34,230
Ike, come on!

497
00:20:39,508 --> 00:20:40,850
Kyle?!

498
00:20:40,947 --> 00:20:42,321
Ike?!

499
00:20:42,419 --> 00:20:45,072
What, what, whaaat?!

500
00:20:45,322 --> 00:20:48,658
Sync and corrections by rickSG
www.addic7ed.com