1
00:00:51,218 --> 00:00:55,055
So many people settle for
love that doesn't really ask
2
00:00:55,138 --> 00:00:59,101
anything of them, that they don't have
to make any sacrifices for.
3
00:01:00,352 --> 00:01:01,645
I don't want that.
4
00:01:02,396 --> 00:01:05,857
I want an ideal love
that I have to give everything to.
5
00:01:56,408 --> 00:01:57,784
Where are you?
6
00:01:59,202 --> 00:02:00,829
Where are you?
7
00:02:06,585 --> 00:02:08,629
Why are you doing this?
8
00:02:27,606 --> 00:02:28,815
In the name of the father...
9
00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:37,366
Benedicamus domino
10
00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:45,666
benedicamus domino
11
00:02:45,749 --> 00:02:47,584
dear Christ.
12
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:33,255
I was 17 years old
when I came to the convent,
13
00:03:33,338 --> 00:03:35,549
18 when I entered the novitiate.
14
00:04:01,825 --> 00:04:04,536
I know a lot of people
could probably never understand...
15
00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:13,545
Never understand how someone so young
16
00:04:13,628 --> 00:04:15,964
with their entire life ahead of them
17
00:04:17,466 --> 00:04:19,676
would want to give it all away to god.
18
00:04:26,141 --> 00:04:29,519
They think of nuns today,
and they see a bunch of old women.
19
00:04:29,603 --> 00:04:31,813
Women who couldn't find husbands,
20
00:04:31,897 --> 00:04:34,483
or for some reason,
21
00:04:34,566 --> 00:04:36,777
just couldn't make it
in the outside world.
22
00:04:45,202 --> 00:04:48,455
So they ran off to a monastery
to escape everything.
23
00:04:59,424 --> 00:05:03,345
What they don't understand
is that beneath everything else...
24
00:05:17,067 --> 00:05:18,902
We were women in love.
25
00:05:20,570 --> 00:05:22,113
You're all I could ever want.
26
00:05:53,854 --> 00:05:55,689
You ready for this?
27
00:05:55,772 --> 00:05:57,941
Okay, you can come right out this way.
28
00:06:08,285 --> 00:06:09,619
Ls my hair all right?
29
00:06:14,791 --> 00:06:16,251
Good morning, father.
30
00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:29,264
Nora Harris? I can't believe it.
Ls it you?
31
00:06:29,347 --> 00:06:31,308
Hey, rob, it sure is. How you been?
32
00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:34,019
I've been good. I've been real good.
33
00:06:34,102 --> 00:06:37,981
Now, wait a minute. Now don't tell me.
Ls this cathleen?
34
00:06:38,690 --> 00:06:40,734
It sure is. Can you believe it?
Look how big she got.
35
00:06:40,817 --> 00:06:43,403
My goodness. Hey, pretty lady.
How are you?
36
00:06:43,486 --> 00:06:45,697
You know, you're not allowed
to grow up that fast.
37
00:06:47,157 --> 00:06:49,701
Soon, you'll be taller than me.
38
00:06:49,826 --> 00:06:52,162
I gotta say, Nora, I'm a little
surprised to see you here.
39
00:06:52,245 --> 00:06:53,580
I've known you all my life,
40
00:06:53,663 --> 00:06:57,292
and I don't think I've ever seen you
within 500 yards of a Sunday service.
41
00:06:57,500 --> 00:06:59,085
Yeah, well, don't get your hopes up.
42
00:06:59,169 --> 00:07:00,921
I'm not here to be saved
or nothing like that.
43
00:07:01,004 --> 00:07:02,172
I just thought it about time
44
00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:04,966
that cathleen learned
what religion was about.
45
00:07:05,050 --> 00:07:07,761
- Or supposed to be about, you know.
- Yeah.
46
00:07:07,844 --> 00:07:09,679
Plus, we were a little bored,
weren't we?
47
00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:12,265
Well, hey, that's all right with me.
I'm just glad you're here.
48
00:07:12,349 --> 00:07:13,808
- Let's get y'all a good seat.
- All right.
49
00:07:13,892 --> 00:07:16,186
Come on in. Right there's two,
right up front there.
50
00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:18,188
Blessed be god the father.
51
00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:22,442
Because although you have
not seen him, you still love him.
52
00:07:23,234 --> 00:07:25,946
Although you do not know him,
you still believe in him.
53
00:07:27,030 --> 00:07:30,742
You feel his presence all around
without knowing his name,
54
00:07:30,825 --> 00:07:35,080
and you rejoice
with an indescribable ecstasy.
55
00:07:36,206 --> 00:07:37,999
Because if there's one thing we know,
56
00:07:38,667 --> 00:07:41,670
it's that god's love is unconditional.
57
00:07:45,882 --> 00:07:47,634
Put your napkin in your lap.
58
00:07:48,927 --> 00:07:50,261
Thank you.
59
00:07:56,559 --> 00:07:58,645
Did you like going to that church today?
60
00:07:58,728 --> 00:08:00,563
Yeah, I did.
61
00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:01,815
Yeah?
62
00:08:02,565 --> 00:08:04,526
What'd you like about it the most?
63
00:08:06,778 --> 00:08:07,862
I don't know.
64
00:08:08,196 --> 00:08:10,699
I guess I just thought it was peaceful.
65
00:08:12,242 --> 00:08:13,868
"Peaceful," huh?
66
00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:18,206
Yeah, I guess it was kind of peaceful.
67
00:08:18,289 --> 00:08:20,500
What kind of church was it, again?
68
00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:23,378
That was a catholic church.
69
00:08:26,589 --> 00:08:27,924
Are we catholic?
70
00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:30,176
No, we're not anything.
71
00:08:30,260 --> 00:08:32,804
I don't really believe
in religion, actually.
72
00:08:32,887 --> 00:08:35,223
I think it's kind of a waste of time.
73
00:08:35,974 --> 00:08:40,687
But when you're older,
you can decide for yourself.
74
00:08:49,112 --> 00:08:50,280
Mmm-mmm.
75
00:08:51,573 --> 00:08:53,116
Looks like daddy's home.
76
00:09:03,835 --> 00:09:06,379
Hey, hey, hey, baby.
77
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:10,341
How's daddy's little girl? Huh?
78
00:09:10,717 --> 00:09:12,927
What'd you do today?
Did you have a good day today?
79
00:09:13,011 --> 00:09:14,137
Daddy, where were you?
80
00:09:14,220 --> 00:09:15,805
We've been waiting for you for so long.
81
00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:18,475
Yeah, it's a valid question, Chuck.
Where you been?
82
00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:20,143
I was out. That's all.
83
00:09:20,226 --> 00:09:24,939
Okay. 'Cause we've been
sitting here all day, waiting on you.
84
00:09:25,023 --> 00:09:26,649
You never heard of a phone or...
85
00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:29,152
Come on, Nora, please.
Of course I've heard of a phone.
86
00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:32,363
Well, that's good.
You've heard of a phone. That's nice.
87
00:09:33,615 --> 00:09:34,949
What do you want me to say, Nora?
88
00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:38,369
Is there anything in particular
that you'd like to hear me say?
89
00:09:38,453 --> 00:09:39,496
I don't know, Chuck.
90
00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:42,332
Maybe I'd just like you to be a man
every once in a while, you know?
91
00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:44,167
Be a fucking father for a change,
92
00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:46,211
maybe learn to sacrifice a little bit.
93
00:09:46,294 --> 00:09:49,631
Give me a break, okay?
Are you serious with that?
94
00:09:49,714 --> 00:09:52,300
What, you want me to drop it, Chuck?
Ls that what you want?
95
00:09:52,383 --> 00:09:53,635
- Yeah!
- Well, fuck you!
96
00:09:53,718 --> 00:09:56,805
Fuck me? Fuck you, Nora!
97
00:09:56,888 --> 00:09:59,307
As a matter of fact, fuck all this shit!
98
00:09:59,390 --> 00:10:00,475
I'm sick of this!
99
00:10:00,558 --> 00:10:03,186
I'm sorry that I can't be
the person you want me to be!
100
00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:05,146
No, you can't be the man
i wanted you to be.
101
00:10:05,230 --> 00:10:07,065
- You are the opposite of that!
- Okay. All right.
102
00:10:07,148 --> 00:10:10,610
I was out! That's all!
You can't handle that, I'm gone!
103
00:10:10,693 --> 00:10:11,986
Where do you think you're going, Chuck?
104
00:10:12,070 --> 00:10:13,071
You're not leaving!
105
00:10:13,154 --> 00:10:15,406
You got a little girl now! Hear me?
106
00:10:15,490 --> 00:10:18,535
- If you leave, you get out!
- Well, fuck you!
107
00:10:27,919 --> 00:10:29,838
Honey, will you take this for me?
108
00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:32,048
You got it?
109
00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:37,762
Excuse me?
110
00:10:37,846 --> 00:10:39,180
Can I help you?
111
00:10:39,848 --> 00:10:41,683
Yes. Are you Mrs. Harris?
112
00:10:42,225 --> 00:10:44,561
- Yes.
- My name is sister Gloria.
113
00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:46,437
This is sister Eleanor.
114
00:10:46,521 --> 00:10:48,523
We're from our lady of blessed sorrows,
115
00:10:48,606 --> 00:10:50,942
the parochial school just up the road.
116
00:10:51,901 --> 00:10:57,073
We are very proud to say
that it is the nuns, sisters like us,
117
00:10:57,157 --> 00:11:00,410
who have built the
catholic school system in this country,
118
00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:02,036
brick by brick.
119
00:11:02,370 --> 00:11:05,206
Your little one is so lovely,
by the way.
120
00:11:05,290 --> 00:11:07,000
May I ask how old?
121
00:11:07,792 --> 00:11:09,002
Cathleen is 12.
122
00:11:10,295 --> 00:11:13,173
Look, we appreciate your coming by,
123
00:11:13,256 --> 00:11:16,634
but the truth is,
we're not all that religious.
124
00:11:17,051 --> 00:11:19,596
I mean, we go to church when we can,
like everybody else.
125
00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:22,140
But my husband, cathleen's father,
126
00:11:22,223 --> 00:11:25,685
he left us a while back,
so it's just me taking care of us.
127
00:11:25,768 --> 00:11:28,188
Sorry to hear that, Mrs. Harris.
128
00:11:28,605 --> 00:11:30,440
God cherishes your strength.
129
00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:32,483
But one thing you should know,
130
00:11:32,567 --> 00:11:34,903
our doors are open to everyone,
131
00:11:34,986 --> 00:11:37,572
practicing, non-practicing alike.
132
00:11:37,655 --> 00:11:42,076
Our first priority is just to provide
an exceptional education.
133
00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:47,290
Well, how much does it cost? I don't
know if we can afford this school.
134
00:11:47,373 --> 00:11:49,083
Well, that's just it.
135
00:11:49,167 --> 00:11:52,003
Right now, we're offering
full scholarships
136
00:11:52,587 --> 00:11:54,255
on a first-come basis.
137
00:11:54,339 --> 00:11:56,257
Silence, girls.
138
00:11:56,341 --> 00:11:57,842
Silence.
139
00:11:59,886 --> 00:12:02,555
How many in this room
were baptized catholic?
140
00:12:04,682 --> 00:12:08,853
Don't worry, this is not a judgment
on anybody's background or belief.
141
00:12:08,937 --> 00:12:12,482
No, the reason I ask the question
142
00:12:12,941 --> 00:12:16,319
is because I wonder if any of you know
143
00:12:16,402 --> 00:12:19,948
what the difference is
between the catholic religion
144
00:12:20,031 --> 00:12:21,574
and all the other religions.
145
00:12:21,658 --> 00:12:25,870
Say like, the protestants,
the baptists, the Jews?
146
00:12:27,872 --> 00:12:29,207
Love
147
00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:34,170
and sacrifice.
148
00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:37,924
Love and sacrifice.
149
00:12:38,925 --> 00:12:42,303
Because if there's one thing
i know for certain,
150
00:12:42,387 --> 00:12:45,473
there can be no love
151
00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:48,184
without sacrifice.
152
00:12:57,860 --> 00:12:58,945
Hi, there.
153
00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:01,322
How come you're sitting all alone?
154
00:13:01,698 --> 00:13:04,284
You don't wanna join the others?
155
00:13:06,494 --> 00:13:08,705
They're all talking
about their boyfriends.
156
00:13:10,331 --> 00:13:12,292
I don't have a boyfriend.
157
00:13:12,375 --> 00:13:13,751
Oh, no?
158
00:13:14,669 --> 00:13:15,837
Me, neither.
159
00:13:16,045 --> 00:13:17,964
I'm told they're overrated.
160
00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:19,716
Mind if I join you?
161
00:13:23,094 --> 00:13:26,556
I'm sister Margaret, by the way.
You're cathleen, right?
162
00:13:27,265 --> 00:13:30,435
I haven't had you in my class yet,
but I've noticed you
163
00:13:30,518 --> 00:13:32,562
because you're shy, like me.
164
00:13:32,854 --> 00:13:37,191
You seem to like to be
by yourself a lot, to think a lot?
165
00:13:37,275 --> 00:13:39,027
I guess so.
166
00:13:39,110 --> 00:13:42,113
I like to be by myself
and think a lot, too.
167
00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:44,365
- You do?
- Mmm-hmm.
168
00:13:44,449 --> 00:13:46,200
What do you like to think about?
169
00:13:46,284 --> 00:13:48,036
Mostly about god.
170
00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:55,293
Can I show you something?
171
00:13:57,295 --> 00:13:58,463
You see that light in there?
172
00:14:00,089 --> 00:14:02,133
That's his light.
173
00:14:02,759 --> 00:14:07,555
And the statue to the side,
the savior, of course, Jesus Christ.
174
00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:11,351
Here, you wanna sit down for a sec?
175
00:14:17,482 --> 00:14:18,691
Go ahead.
176
00:14:22,945 --> 00:14:25,406
Just because someone likes to be alone
177
00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:28,242
doesn't mean they don't still
crave intimacy.
178
00:14:31,162 --> 00:14:35,500
You really think god and Jesus are real?
179
00:14:35,583 --> 00:14:38,920
Of course I do. I more than do.
180
00:14:39,003 --> 00:14:41,339
'Cause I'm married to them, silly.
181
00:14:42,965 --> 00:14:46,260
Didn't you know?
All nuns are brides of Christ.
182
00:14:47,428 --> 00:14:48,513
But why?
183
00:14:48,846 --> 00:14:51,307
I bet you could have married
anyone you wanted to.
184
00:14:51,933 --> 00:14:52,934
Oh...
185
00:14:53,017 --> 00:14:56,687
Well, I'm... I'm not so sure about that.
186
00:14:58,022 --> 00:14:59,273
And either way,
187
00:14:59,357 --> 00:15:03,569
I doubt any other relationship
would have been quite as fulfilling.
188
00:15:06,030 --> 00:15:08,491
Oh, I gotta go. I've got class.
189
00:15:15,039 --> 00:15:16,207
Are you coming?
190
00:15:16,290 --> 00:15:21,421
I think I'll stay for a little while,
if that's okay with you, sister.
191
00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:23,548
Of course.
192
00:15:49,365 --> 00:15:50,825
Good night, cathleen.
193
00:15:50,908 --> 00:15:52,493
Good night, miss Williams.
194
00:16:05,798 --> 00:16:06,841
Hi.
195
00:16:11,679 --> 00:16:12,763
Cathleeni who is he?
196
00:16:15,516 --> 00:16:17,977
He's just a friend of mine, that's all.
197
00:16:18,561 --> 00:16:19,812
Another one?
198
00:16:22,607 --> 00:16:24,650
What are you doing up so early, anyway?
199
00:16:25,067 --> 00:16:27,820
I set my alarm
so I can go to mass before school.
200
00:16:28,279 --> 00:16:31,073
Oh. Okay.
201
00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:34,619
You need a ride?
202
00:16:35,328 --> 00:16:36,329
That's okay.
203
00:16:40,917 --> 00:16:42,126
Hey, cathleen?
204
00:16:44,795 --> 00:16:49,300
You're not getting too into god
and all that stuff, are you?
205
00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:52,470
What do you mean?
206
00:16:52,887 --> 00:16:56,891
L just mean there's more to life
than god and church and praying.
207
00:18:04,166 --> 00:18:06,002
You're serious, cathleen?
208
00:18:08,462 --> 00:18:11,966
I honestly didn't even realize
you'd been considering this.
209
00:18:12,550 --> 00:18:14,885
I want to give my life to god.
210
00:18:16,178 --> 00:18:18,389
You're such a passionate girl.
211
00:18:18,472 --> 00:18:20,641
You remind me of myself at your age.
212
00:18:21,225 --> 00:18:23,644
I think you're making
the right decision.
213
00:18:23,728 --> 00:18:26,397
A nun? What are you talking about?
214
00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:28,399
That's just fucking crazy, cathleen.
215
00:18:28,482 --> 00:18:29,567
I knew you wouldn't understand,
216
00:18:29,650 --> 00:18:31,110
but you don't have to understand.
I didn't...
217
00:18:31,193 --> 00:18:32,320
It's not that I don't understand,
218
00:18:32,403 --> 00:18:35,072
it's just that it's the stupidest idea
I've ever heard!
219
00:18:35,323 --> 00:18:37,116
You throw your life away
in some convent...
220
00:18:37,199 --> 00:18:38,409
But I'm not throwing my life away.
221
00:18:38,492 --> 00:18:39,910
I don't know how you can
even say that...
222
00:18:39,994 --> 00:18:41,370
You're absolutely
throwing your life away!
223
00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:42,747
Well, I don't get it.
224
00:18:43,289 --> 00:18:44,332
Do you think I wanted this?
225
00:18:44,415 --> 00:18:45,875
Do you think I wanted
to be a single mother?
226
00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:47,793
But it's not about that.
It has nothing to do with you.
227
00:18:47,877 --> 00:18:48,878
Then what is it?
228
00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:51,339
-L'm in love, mom!
- You're in love with who?
229
00:18:53,174 --> 00:18:54,759
What?
230
00:18:57,845 --> 00:18:59,138
God?
231
00:19:00,056 --> 00:19:03,059
Oh, my god, that's crazy!
That is fucking crazy!
232
00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:06,312
That doesn't even make sense,
"in love with god."
233
00:19:07,563 --> 00:19:09,607
I don't know how to explain this,
234
00:19:11,025 --> 00:19:12,943
but I was called,
and I'm gonna become a nun.
235
00:19:13,027 --> 00:19:14,445
And there's really nothing
that you can say
236
00:19:14,528 --> 00:19:16,113
that's gonna make me change my mind.
237
00:19:19,450 --> 00:19:20,951
Oh, cathleen.
238
00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:25,039
You're a 17-year-old girl.
239
00:19:26,415 --> 00:19:28,501
You don't know anything about religion.
240
00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:32,380
And you sure as hell
don't know anything about love.
241
00:19:47,311 --> 00:19:48,771
Where are you?
242
00:19:51,982 --> 00:19:53,567
It's not right.
243
00:19:56,112 --> 00:19:57,697
It's not fair.
244
00:19:59,365 --> 00:20:01,534
Someone gives you their whole life...
245
00:20:03,828 --> 00:20:05,246
Where are you?
246
00:20:37,653 --> 00:20:39,321
Good afternoon, all of you.
247
00:20:39,405 --> 00:20:42,783
My name is reverend
mother Marie St. Clair.
248
00:20:42,867 --> 00:20:47,747
You can call me "reverend mother,"
or simply "mother," if you prefer it.
249
00:20:48,497 --> 00:20:51,041
I am the mother superior, or abbess
250
00:20:51,125 --> 00:20:55,379
of this particular order
of sisters of beloved rose.
251
00:20:56,046 --> 00:20:59,467
I myself have been a rose
for nearly 40 years.
252
00:21:00,050 --> 00:21:02,887
Meaning, some 40 years ago,
253
00:21:03,053 --> 00:21:05,306
I first came through those gates
as a postulant,
254
00:21:05,389 --> 00:21:07,057
same as all of you.
255
00:21:07,892 --> 00:21:10,936
And now, 40 years later,
256
00:21:11,353 --> 00:21:15,149
I have not once set foot
outside those gates.
257
00:21:16,233 --> 00:21:19,069
So, as far as all of you are concerned,
258
00:21:19,153 --> 00:21:21,947
you might consider me
like the voice of god around here.
259
00:21:22,823 --> 00:21:24,992
Meaning, since unfortunately
260
00:21:25,075 --> 00:21:28,162
god can't be here
to run this convent himself,
261
00:21:28,245 --> 00:21:32,374
my voice will serve
as a stand-in for his.
262
00:21:32,500 --> 00:21:36,003
And you can expect
that whenever you hear me speak,
263
00:21:36,086 --> 00:21:38,964
it is on behalf of his wishes.
264
00:21:40,007 --> 00:21:41,342
And over the next two years,
265
00:21:41,425 --> 00:21:45,262
I personally will be separating
the wheat from the chaff,
266
00:21:45,429 --> 00:21:49,141
determining which of you
actually belong,
267
00:21:49,391 --> 00:21:50,768
as opposed to which of you
268
00:21:50,851 --> 00:21:54,563
are simply victims
of a childish imagination.
269
00:21:55,147 --> 00:22:00,444
Because in this monastery,
god is not a fantasy to us.
270
00:22:01,111 --> 00:22:04,198
Not a fantasy, not a daydream,
271
00:22:04,990 --> 00:22:07,660
and certainly
not your invisible best friend.
272
00:22:08,869 --> 00:22:12,540
To the contrary, god is work. Hard work.
273
00:22:12,998 --> 00:22:16,961
The work of a very special kind of love,
274
00:22:17,044 --> 00:22:18,838
which you'll all be trained in.
275
00:22:19,755 --> 00:22:23,175
You'll be spending
the next six months as postulants.
276
00:22:24,260 --> 00:22:26,846
After that, and for those of you
who make it,
277
00:22:26,929 --> 00:22:30,558
you'll take your very first vows
and enter the novitiate.
278
00:22:31,267 --> 00:22:35,145
And as a rule, we make it a point
to never discuss the novitiate
279
00:22:35,229 --> 00:22:37,857
until we've been through it ourselves.
280
00:22:38,023 --> 00:22:41,569
So for now, you'll just have to wait.
281
00:22:42,778 --> 00:22:46,240
Finally, I'd like to talk about silence.
282
00:22:46,824 --> 00:22:49,660
We observe two kinds of silence here,
283
00:22:49,743 --> 00:22:53,789
regular silence and grand silence.
284
00:22:53,873 --> 00:22:55,291
During regular silence,
285
00:22:55,374 --> 00:22:58,335
if you feel you have
the need to speak, it's permissible.
286
00:22:58,836 --> 00:23:01,714
But when you hear that bell
at 9:00 at night,
287
00:23:01,797 --> 00:23:04,800
signifying the beginning
of grand silence,
288
00:23:04,884 --> 00:23:09,179
that means you don't talk.
289
00:23:10,306 --> 00:23:11,682
Any questions?
290
00:23:13,767 --> 00:23:16,604
Put your hand down, sister.
Postulants don't have questions.
291
00:23:16,687 --> 00:23:18,772
And you are free to go home.
292
00:24:47,903 --> 00:24:49,279
Good afternoon, mother. Praise the lord.
293
00:24:49,363 --> 00:24:50,739
Now and forever. God bless.
294
00:24:51,740 --> 00:24:54,618
- Praise the lord.
- Now and forever. God bless.
295
00:24:55,077 --> 00:24:56,662
Good afternoon, mother. Praise the lord.
296
00:24:56,745 --> 00:24:58,706
Now and forever. God bless, sister.
297
00:25:05,671 --> 00:25:09,633
Totally love him, who gave himself
totally for your love.
298
00:25:10,551 --> 00:25:13,637
He, Christ, is the splendor
of eternal glory,
299
00:25:13,887 --> 00:25:17,975
the brightness of eternal light
and the mirror without cloud.
300
00:25:25,065 --> 00:25:27,735
I haven't had the chance
to formally introduce myself yet.
301
00:25:27,818 --> 00:25:29,653
I'm sister Mary grace.
302
00:25:29,737 --> 00:25:32,489
I will be your postulant mistress
for the next six months,
303
00:25:32,573 --> 00:25:35,159
perhaps your novice mistress after that.
304
00:25:35,367 --> 00:25:37,161
This is sister Anne.
305
00:25:38,078 --> 00:25:40,289
Sister Catherine, Kate.
306
00:25:40,372 --> 00:25:43,751
Both professed nuns.
Both just took their final vows.
307
00:25:44,126 --> 00:25:45,627
We're very proud of them.
308
00:25:45,711 --> 00:25:50,507
Now, it is our job to help guide you
as you try to adapt to our way of life.
309
00:25:50,591 --> 00:25:54,011
I'm sure at the beginning,
it will feel very different.
310
00:25:54,094 --> 00:25:55,429
That's normal.
311
00:25:55,846 --> 00:26:00,559
I remember when I first came here,
everything seemed so strange.
312
00:26:00,642 --> 00:26:03,520
I didn't know if I'd ever
truly make it as a nun.
313
00:26:03,604 --> 00:26:05,564
Please don't worry about that.
314
00:26:05,647 --> 00:26:07,316
I'm sure you all will be great.
315
00:26:08,192 --> 00:26:11,028
Now, we should probably
go over the schedule.
316
00:26:11,695 --> 00:26:15,532
Postulants usually have
the same schedule every single day.
317
00:26:15,616 --> 00:26:18,702
The most important thing
to pay attention to is the bell.
318
00:26:19,078 --> 00:26:21,955
Pretty much everything we do here,
all day long,
319
00:26:22,039 --> 00:26:23,415
all comes down to the bell.
320
00:26:27,211 --> 00:26:31,090
The first bell you'll hear
each morning is the 5:00 A.M. bell.
321
00:26:32,549 --> 00:26:34,134
That bell lets everyone know
322
00:26:34,218 --> 00:26:37,429
it's time to wake up,
get ready for morning mass.
323
00:26:47,314 --> 00:26:50,025
Mass begins once father Luca arrives.
324
00:26:50,109 --> 00:26:53,320
Father Luca always keeps his back to us
the whole time,
325
00:26:53,403 --> 00:26:56,115
and he always reads the liturgy
in Latin.
326
00:26:56,198 --> 00:26:57,950
Sometimes it's hard to keep up.
327
00:26:59,827 --> 00:27:01,078
After daily chores,
328
00:27:01,161 --> 00:27:03,413
you'll hear the third bell
of the morning.
329
00:27:03,497 --> 00:27:06,583
That lets us know
that grand silence is over.
330
00:27:07,501 --> 00:27:09,878
Good afternoon, mother. Praise the lord.
331
00:27:11,964 --> 00:27:13,549
Now and forever. God bless.
332
00:27:13,632 --> 00:27:16,051
Good afternoon, mother.
Praise the lord.
333
00:27:17,761 --> 00:27:21,890
As you probably noticed,
all our meals begin with a reading.
334
00:27:21,974 --> 00:27:23,725
Even though it's after grand silence,
335
00:27:23,809 --> 00:27:27,187
we should all try
and remain as quiet as possible.
336
00:27:28,063 --> 00:27:29,773
Sometimes you might see
some of the novices
337
00:27:29,857 --> 00:27:32,568
doing their own penances
in the refectory.
338
00:27:32,985 --> 00:27:36,572
Probably best to just ignore it
until you're novices yourselves.
339
00:27:39,658 --> 00:27:43,579
Every day after the 3:00 P.M. bell,
we'll have our lessons together.
340
00:27:43,954 --> 00:27:47,958
As you probably remember,
reverend mother made it absolutely clear
341
00:27:48,041 --> 00:27:51,253
that we are not to speak
during grand silence,
342
00:27:51,628 --> 00:27:54,214
so let's practice a little bit
of sign language.
343
00:27:54,298 --> 00:27:56,091
Slowly, that is, "what...
344
00:27:59,011 --> 00:28:00,012
"Job...
345
00:28:03,807 --> 00:28:05,100
"Right now?"
346
00:28:39,801 --> 00:28:40,886
Sorry to interrupt, mother,
347
00:28:40,969 --> 00:28:43,639
but you just got another package
from the archdiocese.
348
00:28:44,014 --> 00:28:45,015
What?
349
00:28:59,071 --> 00:29:00,656
They can't be serious.
350
00:29:03,492 --> 00:29:05,077
Thank you, sister.
351
00:29:09,998 --> 00:29:12,167
What are they asking of us?
352
00:29:18,674 --> 00:29:23,679
My mother always said
at least one child should be sacrificed.
353
00:29:24,221 --> 00:29:26,890
And even though
i come from a big family,
354
00:29:26,974 --> 00:29:29,643
I'm the only girl with five brothers,
355
00:29:29,726 --> 00:29:35,190
so I guess it was pretty obvious
who was going to become a nun.
356
00:29:35,691 --> 00:29:38,568
Honestly, though,
I'm really happy to be here.
357
00:29:38,652 --> 00:29:42,239
And I know that it's
supposed to be so hard,
358
00:29:42,322 --> 00:29:46,285
but I really can't wait
until we get to novitiate
359
00:29:46,368 --> 00:29:48,745
and we get to wear those white veils.
360
00:29:50,289 --> 00:29:51,456
Who wants to go next?
361
00:29:54,459 --> 00:29:58,505
Well, as for me, I have two cousins,
362
00:29:58,588 --> 00:30:02,926
an aunt and one older sister
who joined the sisterhood.
363
00:30:03,010 --> 00:30:07,264
So, I guess, in a way,
it's kind of in my blood.
364
00:30:07,973 --> 00:30:11,601
And who knows, maybe one day
I'll die young and become a Saint.
365
00:30:14,271 --> 00:30:15,439
Thank you, sister Emily.
366
00:30:17,941 --> 00:30:21,695
Sister cathleen, did you always know
that you wanted to be a nun?
367
00:30:24,489 --> 00:30:27,200
No, actually,
i wasn't raised in the church, so...
368
00:30:27,784 --> 00:30:30,287
What do you mean,
you weren't raised in the church?
369
00:30:30,370 --> 00:30:31,496
Aren't you catholic?
370
00:30:31,580 --> 00:30:35,959
I guess I'm not catholic
in the same way that you guys are.
371
00:30:36,043 --> 00:30:37,794
Well, what are you
even doing here, then?
372
00:30:37,878 --> 00:30:39,588
I mean, is this even allowed?
373
00:30:39,671 --> 00:30:41,923
Sister Candace, please. Ladies.
374
00:30:43,467 --> 00:30:44,718
I went to catholic school.
375
00:30:45,135 --> 00:30:46,845
That's where I learned
about the sisters.
376
00:30:47,137 --> 00:30:50,891
I just thought it seemed like
the most beautiful idea,
377
00:30:52,184 --> 00:30:54,853
to be able to spend
my entire life devoted to love.
378
00:30:57,606 --> 00:30:59,232
Tell me about the new postulants.
379
00:30:59,524 --> 00:31:01,443
I'm so impressed with them as a group.
380
00:31:01,526 --> 00:31:04,488
They're full of energy and enthusiasm,
381
00:31:04,571 --> 00:31:07,532
really passionate about finding
their own relationships with Christ.
382
00:31:14,456 --> 00:31:15,791
What is this you're reading?
383
00:31:15,874 --> 00:31:20,796
This is something to do
with this Vatican ll.
384
00:31:22,214 --> 00:31:23,757
Vatican what?
385
00:31:26,718 --> 00:31:28,220
From what I can make out,
386
00:31:28,303 --> 00:31:30,806
our pope has suddenly
got it into his head
387
00:31:30,889 --> 00:31:33,683
to turn himself
into some sort of reformer.
388
00:31:33,767 --> 00:31:35,268
Meaning what, exactly?
389
00:31:35,352 --> 00:31:38,438
Meaning he's organized
some ridiculous new council in Rome
390
00:31:38,522 --> 00:31:41,108
to speak about changes to the church.
391
00:31:41,191 --> 00:31:43,527
Well, that's a good thing, isn't it?
392
00:31:44,277 --> 00:31:47,406
The church hasn't reviewed its practices
in over 100 years.
393
00:31:47,489 --> 00:31:48,490
Perhaps change is...
394
00:31:48,573 --> 00:31:50,075
You think the church is
in need of change?
395
00:31:51,034 --> 00:31:52,661
Are you questioning me?
396
00:31:53,286 --> 00:31:55,956
I happen to think the church
is perfect the way it is.
397
00:31:56,164 --> 00:31:58,333
Well, what reforms
are they talking about?
398
00:31:58,417 --> 00:32:00,794
- Can I see?
-Lt's not important.
399
00:32:01,420 --> 00:32:03,046
This will all blow over very soon.
400
00:32:03,130 --> 00:32:05,215
It's nothing to concern yourself with.
401
00:32:05,632 --> 00:32:08,093
Pay attention.
I'm going to show you how we walk.
402
00:32:08,176 --> 00:32:10,637
It's called "custody of the eyes."
403
00:32:10,720 --> 00:32:13,265
You put your hands in your sleeve
like this.
404
00:32:13,723 --> 00:32:17,519
Always go slowly, gracefully,
never in a hurry.
405
00:32:17,602 --> 00:32:20,522
And most important
is you keep your eyes down.
406
00:32:20,605 --> 00:32:21,940
Always make sure you're looking
407
00:32:22,023 --> 00:32:24,109
straight ahead at the floor
in front of you.
408
00:32:24,192 --> 00:32:25,277
Why?
409
00:32:25,360 --> 00:32:26,570
Excuse me?
410
00:32:27,320 --> 00:32:28,864
Why do we have to walk like that?
411
00:32:28,947 --> 00:32:30,740
I mean, what if we can't see
where we're going?
412
00:32:33,660 --> 00:32:35,370
Not that it's your place
to question anything,
413
00:32:35,454 --> 00:32:36,913
but it's a part of our discipline.
414
00:32:36,997 --> 00:32:38,248
We keep our eyes down
415
00:32:38,331 --> 00:32:40,292
so we don't allow in
any extra stimulation
416
00:32:40,375 --> 00:32:42,169
that might distract us from our lord.
417
00:32:44,087 --> 00:32:45,964
Something funny, sisters?
418
00:32:46,548 --> 00:32:47,674
You two, come here.
419
00:32:48,508 --> 00:32:49,509
Come on.
420
00:32:52,262 --> 00:32:53,597
Stand face-to-face.
421
00:32:55,348 --> 00:32:57,851
Now, both of you look at each other
in the eyes.
422
00:33:15,619 --> 00:33:19,331
- Whatjust happened?
- I started thinking about her.
423
00:33:20,999 --> 00:33:23,251
Yeah, I started thinking about her, too.
424
00:33:23,335 --> 00:33:26,463
Exactly. We're not supposed
to think about each other.
425
00:33:26,546 --> 00:33:30,175
Because we're not here for each other,
we are here only for god.
426
00:33:31,134 --> 00:33:32,344
Move on, sisters.
427
00:33:36,932 --> 00:33:38,350
I love you, god.
428
00:33:47,234 --> 00:33:48,985
Thank you for letting me be here.
429
00:33:51,238 --> 00:33:53,573
Thank you for letting me
love you like this.
430
00:33:57,661 --> 00:34:00,413
Thank you for letting me feel you
so close to me.
431
00:34:01,039 --> 00:34:02,415
Thank you.
432
00:34:07,921 --> 00:34:09,464
I love you, god.
433
00:34:13,051 --> 00:34:14,636
I love you so much.
434
00:34:14,970 --> 00:34:16,054
Wow.
435
00:34:16,972 --> 00:34:20,475
This is the first time
I've seen you in your outfit.
436
00:34:21,184 --> 00:34:22,227
Yeah.
437
00:34:24,062 --> 00:34:25,397
Do you like it?
438
00:34:26,189 --> 00:34:28,900
- You look like a real nun.
- Thanks.
439
00:34:29,818 --> 00:34:32,487
I'm not a real nun yet. Not yet, but...
440
00:34:34,114 --> 00:34:35,490
What is with this thing?
441
00:34:35,574 --> 00:34:38,994
This is terrible. It's like prison.
442
00:34:39,077 --> 00:34:41,288
Yeah, it's just the way they do it.
443
00:34:41,371 --> 00:34:44,583
It's like a symbol of our enclosure.
444
00:34:45,041 --> 00:34:46,251
What the...
445
00:34:47,961 --> 00:34:49,462
What does that mean?
446
00:34:51,256 --> 00:34:52,257
It's nothing.
447
00:34:54,634 --> 00:34:56,469
So, how are you?
448
00:34:57,137 --> 00:35:00,682
Are you... you like it here?
Are you happy?
449
00:35:00,765 --> 00:35:02,142
Yeah.
450
00:35:02,809 --> 00:35:04,311
Yeah, I am.
451
00:35:06,062 --> 00:35:10,859
I don't know how to describe it,
but it feels like I belong here.
452
00:35:13,987 --> 00:35:18,408
I guess that means you plan on staying,
and you plan on taking those vows.
453
00:35:18,491 --> 00:35:20,577
What do they call it, the "novanate"?
454
00:35:20,660 --> 00:35:23,413
- Novitiate.
-"Novitiate." Nova-something?
455
00:35:25,373 --> 00:35:29,711
Yeah, it's just a temporary vow
that we take for a year and a half.
456
00:35:29,794 --> 00:35:32,005
And we find out
457
00:35:32,088 --> 00:35:36,551
if we're ready to marry god forever.
458
00:35:39,679 --> 00:35:42,974
I'm pretty sure
I'm going to be here my whole life.
459
00:35:44,601 --> 00:35:48,605
Jesus Christ, cathleen,
what the hell did I do wrong?
460
00:35:55,195 --> 00:35:56,196
How...
461
00:35:57,656 --> 00:35:58,823
How have you been?
462
00:36:01,618 --> 00:36:02,911
Well, I'm just fine.
463
00:36:03,870 --> 00:36:07,040
I picked up a few more shifts at work,
keeping myself busy.
464
00:36:07,123 --> 00:36:09,793
I don't really know
what to do with myself.
465
00:36:11,127 --> 00:36:15,382
'Cause I most... I...
I mostlyjust miss you so much.
466
00:36:16,966 --> 00:36:19,552
How about dad? How's dad?
467
00:36:20,303 --> 00:36:22,806
- Have you heard anything from dad?
- Your father? No.
468
00:36:23,515 --> 00:36:27,727
Your grandma did call
and said he'd been sick or something.
469
00:36:27,811 --> 00:36:29,813
That's probably why
you haven't heard from him.
470
00:36:29,896 --> 00:36:32,273
But do you want me to track him down?
I'm sure he'd love to come see you.
471
00:36:32,357 --> 00:36:36,277
That's okay, don't bother.
I'll pray for him.
472
00:36:37,320 --> 00:36:38,988
It's fine.
473
00:36:39,948 --> 00:36:42,033
But it's like a...
It's a really busy day here.
474
00:36:42,117 --> 00:36:44,202
I should get going.
475
00:36:44,285 --> 00:36:48,123
What? No. We have ten more minutes.
476
00:36:48,206 --> 00:36:51,918
- I know, but I just have a lot of work.
- What are you doing?
477
00:36:52,001 --> 00:36:54,003
Maybe we can spend more time together
next time, though.
478
00:36:54,087 --> 00:36:58,591
Okay. Well, can you just wait?
Wait, wait, wait. Wait one second?
479
00:36:59,300 --> 00:37:00,719
Um...
480
00:37:01,469 --> 00:37:04,681
Maybe I could just
touch your hand for a second.
481
00:37:05,807 --> 00:37:07,058
Um...
482
00:37:07,475 --> 00:37:09,185
- Just for a second.
- Yeah...
483
00:37:09,811 --> 00:37:11,855
We're really not supposed
to touch like that, mom, so...
484
00:37:11,938 --> 00:37:13,815
- Oh. Okay.
- I gotta go.
485
00:37:14,607 --> 00:37:17,402
Okay. Cathleen, I love you.
486
00:37:18,236 --> 00:37:19,612
Thank you for coming.
487
00:37:21,531 --> 00:37:22,741
Oh, god.
488
00:37:36,463 --> 00:37:40,967
I guess I just didn't really know
it was going to be like this.
489
00:37:41,050 --> 00:37:42,135
Like what?
490
00:37:42,218 --> 00:37:46,389
That we'll be spending our whole
entire lives here and never leaving.
491
00:37:46,473 --> 00:37:49,017
We won't even be able to go
to our own parents' funerals.
492
00:37:49,100 --> 00:37:52,353
Who cares? They'll be dead, anyway.
It's not like they'll notice.
493
00:37:53,730 --> 00:37:58,651
Besides, don't you think knowing god
knows we're here for him,
494
00:37:58,735 --> 00:38:03,156
knowing we are so much more special
to him than anybody else...
495
00:38:03,823 --> 00:38:06,201
Don't you think that
makes it all worth it?
496
00:38:08,661 --> 00:38:09,871
Yeah, I guess.
497
00:38:10,497 --> 00:38:13,041
Well, why did you come here, then?
498
00:38:14,584 --> 00:38:15,960
Audrey hepburn.
499
00:38:18,004 --> 00:38:19,672
What are you talking about?
500
00:38:20,340 --> 00:38:21,674
Audrey hepburn.
501
00:38:22,926 --> 00:38:25,678
I wanted to be a nun
502
00:38:25,762 --> 00:38:31,226
because I saw a nun's story,
and she's sister Gabrielle.
503
00:38:32,352 --> 00:38:33,603
And I just thought
504
00:38:33,686 --> 00:38:38,733
she was so holy and beautiful
and perfect.
505
00:38:41,528 --> 00:38:44,489
I wanted to be like her.
Don't laugh at me.
506
00:38:44,572 --> 00:38:47,200
That's not very holy.
507
00:38:48,284 --> 00:38:49,661
I won't tell anybody.
508
00:38:50,370 --> 00:38:52,080
This was a mistake.
509
00:38:53,706 --> 00:38:55,375
I was too young for it.
510
00:39:00,296 --> 00:39:03,091
I didn't ever mean to disappoint you.
511
00:39:08,429 --> 00:39:11,099
I just don't know if I feel it,
you know?
512
00:39:13,309 --> 00:39:14,394
Feel what?
513
00:39:17,689 --> 00:39:21,359
My relationship with him.
514
00:39:22,569 --> 00:39:24,863
Whatever we're supposed to feel.
515
00:39:28,950 --> 00:39:32,954
I can't tell if I'm
communicating with him,
516
00:39:33,955 --> 00:39:37,667
and it's really him
or if it's just all in my head.
517
00:39:41,212 --> 00:39:45,174
Reverend mother says we can't fake
518
00:39:45,425 --> 00:39:47,260
our relationship with him.
519
00:39:48,720 --> 00:39:50,346
Because if...
520
00:39:50,430 --> 00:39:54,976
Even if nobody else knows,
he'll know and he'll shun us for it.
521
00:39:57,103 --> 00:40:00,857
But I'm just worried,
what if I'm faking it,
522
00:40:01,691 --> 00:40:03,568
and I don't even realize?
523
00:41:29,570 --> 00:41:32,031
No, I have them right here
in front of me. I...
524
00:41:38,621 --> 00:41:41,040
It's not that
i wasn't going to respond. I...
525
00:41:42,959 --> 00:41:45,211
Of course I understand the historic...
526
00:41:50,341 --> 00:41:52,051
And also with you.
527
00:42:22,457 --> 00:42:23,458
Good morning, reverend mother.
528
00:42:23,541 --> 00:42:25,043
- Praise the lord.
- Now and forever.
529
00:42:25,918 --> 00:42:27,795
Did you just speak?
530
00:42:29,172 --> 00:42:31,007
Did I just hear you speak?
531
00:42:36,304 --> 00:42:39,265
What's your name?
532
00:42:41,517 --> 00:42:42,643
I'm sister sissy.
533
00:42:42,727 --> 00:42:44,145
Sister sissy?
534
00:42:45,229 --> 00:42:47,648
Well, sister sissy...
535
00:42:49,442 --> 00:42:52,111
Why don't you tell me
what you've been doing lately,
536
00:42:52,195 --> 00:42:55,073
besides getting fat,
being late for mass,
537
00:42:55,823 --> 00:42:58,493
and talking during grand silence.
538
00:43:02,830 --> 00:43:06,793
I... I didn't realize
it was still grand silence.
539
00:43:07,960 --> 00:43:11,005
Well, because they told us
to count the bells before noon.
540
00:43:11,089 --> 00:43:12,090
And I counted...
541
00:43:12,173 --> 00:43:14,634
Do you not understand
what "silence" means? Hmm?
542
00:43:15,468 --> 00:43:17,678
Was it not explained to you properly?
543
00:43:20,640 --> 00:43:23,518
During grand silence,
you are silent. Mmm?
544
00:43:24,102 --> 00:43:26,938
And silence means you don't talk.
545
00:43:27,021 --> 00:43:28,773
You shut your mouth!
546
00:43:30,817 --> 00:43:34,028
But, reverend mother, you're talking.
547
00:43:34,612 --> 00:43:37,323
That is because I am reprimanding you
right now, Jenny!
548
00:43:37,406 --> 00:43:40,493
- I am reprimanding you!
-Lt's "sissy."
549
00:43:44,372 --> 00:43:45,957
I don't care in the least.
550
00:43:46,040 --> 00:43:47,917
I want you to get down
on your hands and knees
551
00:43:48,000 --> 00:43:49,001
and crawl all the way here.
552
00:43:49,085 --> 00:43:52,255
Say as many hail Marys as you can,
from here to there.
553
00:43:53,005 --> 00:43:54,632
Right now!
554
00:43:55,675 --> 00:43:57,844
On your hands and knees, sister!
555
00:44:01,848 --> 00:44:03,683
Hail... hail Mary...
556
00:44:04,183 --> 00:44:05,893
Are you talking?
557
00:44:06,102 --> 00:44:08,938
Do I still hear you talking?
558
00:44:15,194 --> 00:44:17,113
Silence!
559
00:44:56,110 --> 00:44:58,029
I didn't have any clue.
560
00:45:00,406 --> 00:45:02,491
Sorry. I didn't realize
anybody was here.
561
00:45:02,575 --> 00:45:03,576
No, no, it's okay.
562
00:45:05,494 --> 00:45:06,871
Come here.
563
00:45:07,121 --> 00:45:09,081
Come here. I'd like to talk to you.
564
00:45:19,675 --> 00:45:22,136
- How are you, sister cathleen?
- Good.
565
00:45:23,721 --> 00:45:24,972
Thank you.
566
00:45:26,057 --> 00:45:27,475
And the other girls?
567
00:45:28,309 --> 00:45:30,895
Are they still upset about
sister sissy being sent home?
568
00:45:32,438 --> 00:45:35,066
Everybody mostly understands.
569
00:45:36,108 --> 00:45:37,693
We all miss her. I miss her, but...
570
00:45:38,694 --> 00:45:39,820
Of course.
571
00:45:41,656 --> 00:45:44,033
Do you often come here
to pray by yourself?
572
00:45:44,367 --> 00:45:45,743
Sometimes.
573
00:45:46,994 --> 00:45:49,497
Especially now that
our first vows are coming up.
574
00:45:49,664 --> 00:45:53,626
L just wanted to spend some extra time
communicating with him,
575
00:45:53,709 --> 00:45:58,089
and make sure he's okay
with me becoming a novice.
576
00:45:59,298 --> 00:46:01,259
I'm pretty sure he's okay with it.
577
00:46:03,135 --> 00:46:04,971
I think you're gonna be a great nun.
578
00:46:05,680 --> 00:46:06,973
Thank you, sister.
579
00:46:19,944 --> 00:46:21,862
Just do me a favor, okay?
580
00:46:23,531 --> 00:46:25,741
Please make sure this is what you want.
581
00:46:28,661 --> 00:46:30,579
Do you understand what I'm saying?
582
00:46:33,833 --> 00:46:35,167
Okay.
583
00:46:36,669 --> 00:46:39,422
Lord, please forgive me,
i haven't done well today.
584
00:46:41,507 --> 00:46:43,759
I didn't focus enough
on my prayers this morning,
585
00:46:43,843 --> 00:46:45,136
and I rushed to mass
586
00:46:46,554 --> 00:46:48,889
because I just wanted
to be with my friends.
587
00:46:51,309 --> 00:46:53,311
And I'm sorry, sometimes I feel like
588
00:46:53,894 --> 00:46:56,689
I pay more attention to my friends
than I do you.
589
00:46:58,649 --> 00:47:00,735
And I just pray that
you censure my heart,
590
00:47:01,610 --> 00:47:04,655
and you center my thoughts
and my mind only on you.
591
00:47:04,947 --> 00:47:07,616
You shall speak to him
592
00:47:07,700 --> 00:47:10,995
and put the words in his mouth
593
00:47:11,287 --> 00:47:14,415
and I will be with your mouth
594
00:47:14,582 --> 00:47:16,917
and with his mouth
595
00:47:17,043 --> 00:47:20,838
and will teach you both what to do
596
00:47:20,963 --> 00:47:23,799
you shall speak to him
597
00:47:23,883 --> 00:47:25,843
and put the words in his mouth
598
00:47:27,219 --> 00:47:30,598
and I will be with your mouth
599
00:47:30,681 --> 00:47:32,933
and with his mouth
600
00:47:33,017 --> 00:47:36,979
and will teach you both what to do
601
00:47:37,313 --> 00:47:39,899
you shall speak to him
602
00:47:39,982 --> 00:47:43,152
and put the words in his mouth
603
00:47:43,235 --> 00:47:46,447
and I will be with your mouth
604
00:47:46,530 --> 00:47:48,574
and with his mouth
605
00:47:48,657 --> 00:47:52,244
and will teach you both what to do
606
00:47:52,828 --> 00:47:55,623
you shall speak to him
607
00:47:55,706 --> 00:47:58,918
and put the words in his mouth
608
00:47:59,168 --> 00:48:02,463
and I will be with your mouth
609
00:48:02,588 --> 00:48:04,924
and with his mouth
610
00:48:05,007 --> 00:48:08,719
and will teach you both what to do
611
00:48:09,136 --> 00:48:11,680
you shall speak to him
612
00:48:12,056 --> 00:48:15,601
and put the words in his mouth
613
00:48:15,684 --> 00:48:19,021
and I will be with your mouth
614
00:48:19,105 --> 00:48:20,439
and with his mouth
615
00:48:20,523 --> 00:48:21,649
keep going.
616
00:48:21,732 --> 00:48:25,027
And will teach you both what to do
617
00:48:25,653 --> 00:48:26,737
keep singing-
618
00:48:26,821 --> 00:48:28,364
you shall speak to him
619
00:48:28,447 --> 00:48:31,867
and put the words in his mouth
620
00:48:31,951 --> 00:48:33,953
I owe you no explanation whatsoever.
621
00:48:34,036 --> 00:48:36,080
I just want you
to collect your belongings
622
00:48:36,163 --> 00:48:38,916
and get yourselves back home.
623
00:48:41,377 --> 00:48:43,587
All right, out you go.
624
00:48:43,671 --> 00:48:45,214
Enough's enough.
625
00:48:47,341 --> 00:48:48,592
Come along.
626
00:48:55,349 --> 00:48:57,143
Mmm!
627
00:49:00,479 --> 00:49:02,565
- What just happened?
- Oh, nothing.
628
00:49:02,648 --> 00:49:04,525
I'm sending those two girls home.
629
00:49:04,608 --> 00:49:07,319
You're sending Mariana and Teresa home?
630
00:49:09,989 --> 00:49:11,615
I was told that their relationship
631
00:49:11,699 --> 00:49:13,409
was veering toward
something inappropriate.
632
00:49:13,492 --> 00:49:15,119
But they're just young girls, right?
633
00:49:15,995 --> 00:49:17,830
Perhaps they're just friends.
634
00:49:17,913 --> 00:49:20,249
Perhaps they're just seeking comfort
in each other.
635
00:49:21,041 --> 00:49:22,835
Seeking comfort in each other?
636
00:49:23,627 --> 00:49:25,421
Is that what we do around here now?
637
00:49:27,756 --> 00:49:29,341
Are you questioning me again?
638
00:49:31,260 --> 00:49:33,387
Are you questioning myjudgment?
639
00:49:35,806 --> 00:49:37,808
So, why don't you tell me, Mary grace.
640
00:49:38,309 --> 00:49:41,228
How are those two girls
expected to go their entire lives
641
00:49:41,353 --> 00:49:43,522
without any form of physical affection,
642
00:49:43,856 --> 00:49:46,025
when they can't even make it
a few months?
643
00:49:47,526 --> 00:49:48,569
I don't know.
644
00:49:49,612 --> 00:49:55,034
You know, there have been
moments, recently,
645
00:49:58,078 --> 00:50:00,456
when it's begun to feel to me
646
00:50:00,539 --> 00:50:03,959
as if you don't want to
be here with us anymore.
647
00:50:05,419 --> 00:50:10,216
As if everything requires
some sort of inquisition by you.
648
00:50:14,136 --> 00:50:15,763
What is your trouble exactly?
649
00:50:16,138 --> 00:50:17,515
Part of my trouble is you.
650
00:50:18,224 --> 00:50:19,642
Me'?
651
00:50:19,725 --> 00:50:21,560
I don't understand your motivations.
652
00:50:21,644 --> 00:50:23,646
God is my motivation.
653
00:50:23,729 --> 00:50:26,649
God is my reason and motivation
for everything I do.
654
00:50:26,732 --> 00:50:28,484
How can you be absolutely certain
of what he wants?
655
00:50:28,609 --> 00:50:29,610
I am quite certain.
656
00:50:29,693 --> 00:50:32,488
I think it's wrong of you to keep us
in the dark about Vatican ll.
657
00:50:32,905 --> 00:50:34,281
Whatever's in those documents,
658
00:50:34,365 --> 00:50:35,824
whatever it is
that you're hiding from us,
659
00:50:35,908 --> 00:50:37,868
that's going to affect all of us...
660
00:50:37,952 --> 00:50:40,037
It is not going to affect any of us.
661
00:50:40,120 --> 00:50:43,165
- This will affect none of us.
- Why can't you just tell me?
662
00:50:43,874 --> 00:50:47,294
Because I don't want to.
I don't have to, and I don't want to.
663
00:50:47,378 --> 00:50:49,129
- Fine, mother!
- Yes, fine!
664
00:50:49,213 --> 00:50:51,006
Fine indeed, Mary!
665
00:51:24,290 --> 00:51:26,333
I just wanted to...
666
00:51:27,918 --> 00:51:31,672
I just wanted to tell you
I've decided to leave the convent.
667
00:51:32,047 --> 00:51:35,301
Postulantsi what?
668
00:51:36,010 --> 00:51:39,221
I'm very sorry that I won't be there
to see you take your first vows.
669
00:51:39,305 --> 00:51:41,348
What do you mean? Where are you going?
670
00:51:41,515 --> 00:51:43,142
It's because
of reverend mother, isn't it?
671
00:51:43,642 --> 00:51:45,269
She wants to take you away from us.
672
00:51:45,352 --> 00:51:48,022
No, no, no, that's not it.
673
00:51:48,480 --> 00:51:50,065
This is my decision.
674
00:51:51,358 --> 00:51:54,111
I've been a rose
since I was 16 years old.
675
00:51:55,613 --> 00:51:57,740
My time here has been wonderful,
676
00:51:58,240 --> 00:52:00,242
but I am not meant to be here anymore.
677
00:52:01,243 --> 00:52:04,830
Will you still be a member
of the church after you leave?
678
00:52:07,833 --> 00:52:08,834
Yes.
679
00:52:10,461 --> 00:52:11,879
This is my family.
680
00:52:13,672 --> 00:52:16,425
You, each and every one of you
681
00:52:16,508 --> 00:52:19,511
that I've spent day in and day outwith.
682
00:52:19,845 --> 00:52:24,683
I love each and every one of you
with everything in my heart.
683
00:52:29,146 --> 00:52:33,317
"We become what we love
and who we love shapes what we become.
684
00:52:33,901 --> 00:52:36,987
"Imitation is not
a literal mimicking of Christ,
685
00:52:37,363 --> 00:52:39,907
"rather it means becoming
the image of the beloved.
686
00:52:40,824 --> 00:52:43,702
"An image disclosed
through transformation."
687
00:53:04,765 --> 00:53:06,308
Be still...
688
00:53:07,101 --> 00:53:08,352
Please clear the way
689
00:53:08,435 --> 00:53:11,271
for my untouched virginal body to pass.
690
00:53:11,605 --> 00:53:13,148
There's a new era coming,
691
00:53:13,816 --> 00:53:15,818
a new wind blowing in here.
692
00:53:16,151 --> 00:53:18,237
There will come a time, very soon,
693
00:53:18,320 --> 00:53:21,865
when all your cathedrals
will finally crumble.
694
00:53:21,990 --> 00:53:26,120
All these trappings and clothing
falling away to the ground.
695
00:53:26,453 --> 00:53:28,205
And it'll be us, all of us,
696
00:53:29,123 --> 00:53:31,875
standing here naked before god.
697
00:54:06,660 --> 00:54:08,412
Girls,
we only have a few more minutes.
698
00:54:10,122 --> 00:54:12,416
- We have a long way to go.
- Can you do it yourself?
699
00:54:13,041 --> 00:54:14,460
Our parents are out there.
700
00:54:14,960 --> 00:54:16,420
Does anyone have a knitting needle?
701
00:54:16,545 --> 00:54:18,297
Sister Anne, do you have
any knitting needles?
702
00:54:19,006 --> 00:54:20,340
I don't even have them.
703
00:54:20,424 --> 00:54:21,550
Can someone help her
with her veil?
704
00:54:21,633 --> 00:54:22,634
Postulant 42 I'll get it.
705
00:54:23,385 --> 00:54:24,428
Postulant 52 I need a band.
706
00:56:01,942 --> 00:56:03,443
With the help of god,
707
00:56:04,570 --> 00:56:06,196
I have come to know in this community...
708
00:56:06,488 --> 00:56:10,117
...both the difficulty and the joy
of a life completely devoted to him.
709
00:56:10,576 --> 00:56:14,204
My desire is to be allowed
to make perpetual profession.
710
00:56:14,496 --> 00:56:18,709
I seek to become a temporary bride
of Christ for a year and a half
711
00:56:18,792 --> 00:56:21,795
and to persevere
in all of my undying love.
712
00:57:30,447 --> 00:57:33,825
May we be worthy of Christ's love.
713
00:57:45,420 --> 00:57:49,216
We're married! We're married!
We're married!
714
00:57:49,299 --> 00:57:51,885
- I love you, god!
- I love you, Jesus!
715
00:57:58,016 --> 00:57:59,810
I'm married to Jesus.
716
00:58:01,645 --> 00:58:03,146
Christ. Christ.
717
00:58:05,107 --> 00:58:07,526
The novitiate,
as I'm sure you've all heard,
718
00:58:09,695 --> 00:58:12,531
is the most grueling
719
00:58:12,614 --> 00:58:14,449
and demanding period...
720
00:58:14,741 --> 00:58:16,576
Why are they breaking
our mirrors like that?
721
00:58:16,702 --> 00:58:17,995
...in any nun's life.
722
00:58:21,206 --> 00:58:25,627
It is then when the strength
of your so-called vocations
723
00:58:25,711 --> 00:58:29,131
will be tested to their limits.
724
00:58:30,215 --> 00:58:33,677
It's also about learning to be perfect.
725
00:58:35,053 --> 00:58:38,974
Because, and I think you'd all agree,
726
00:58:39,683 --> 00:58:42,811
our savior deserves no less
727
00:58:42,894 --> 00:58:46,023
from each one of you
than a perfect wife.
728
00:58:46,982 --> 00:58:51,862
So, once a week,
we will be meeting in this room
729
00:58:52,320 --> 00:58:55,532
for an exercise called
"chapter of faults."
730
00:58:56,408 --> 00:58:58,618
And one thing I can assure you,
731
00:58:59,870 --> 00:59:03,999
we do not leave
until the chapter is finished.
732
00:59:04,416 --> 00:59:08,670
So... you, sister.
733
00:59:10,255 --> 00:59:12,299
Me? Evelyn.
734
00:59:13,216 --> 00:59:14,801
I'm sister Evelyn.
735
00:59:15,427 --> 00:59:17,345
Come to the center of the room, please.
736
00:59:31,693 --> 00:59:33,528
Now...
737
00:59:33,862 --> 00:59:36,198
I want you to think for a moment,
738
00:59:37,699 --> 00:59:41,661
and then I want you to carefully list
739
00:59:42,120 --> 00:59:44,873
every single fault
740
00:59:45,499 --> 00:59:48,376
you're aware of in yourself.
741
00:59:52,506 --> 00:59:54,091
I'm sorry, what?
742
00:59:54,382 --> 00:59:56,051
What don't you understand?
743
00:59:57,761 --> 00:59:58,970
Are you perfect?
744
01:00:00,931 --> 01:00:02,599
No.
745
01:00:02,682 --> 01:00:04,726
I don't know...
746
01:00:05,477 --> 01:00:06,686
What do you mean?
747
01:00:06,770 --> 01:00:10,107
Are you a perfect person,
a perfect human being?
748
01:00:10,857 --> 01:00:12,275
A perfect nun?
749
01:00:12,359 --> 01:00:15,112
No. Of course not.
750
01:00:15,487 --> 01:00:16,988
Wouldn't you like to be perfect?
751
01:00:19,825 --> 01:00:23,578
Don't you think you should at least
try to be perfect?
752
01:00:23,829 --> 01:00:26,581
Yes, if I could.
753
01:00:29,251 --> 01:00:33,547
So what do you think
stands in the way most
754
01:00:33,630 --> 01:00:36,424
between you and perfection?
755
01:00:37,884 --> 01:00:39,177
My faults.
756
01:00:39,761 --> 01:00:41,054
Correct.
757
01:00:41,304 --> 01:00:45,934
Because there's really no way
for any of us to achieve perfection
758
01:00:46,017 --> 01:00:48,770
without first getting rid of our faults.
759
01:00:48,895 --> 01:00:50,063
I guess so.
760
01:00:50,564 --> 01:00:51,982
You guess what, sister?
761
01:00:53,525 --> 01:00:57,154
Yes, mother, I agree.
762
01:00:57,487 --> 01:00:59,906
All right. Let's hear it.
763
01:00:59,990 --> 01:01:01,533
Let's hear your faults.
764
01:01:01,992 --> 01:01:04,744
Well, I'm untidy.
765
01:01:05,912 --> 01:01:07,998
I mean, lam... I'm messy.
766
01:01:08,790 --> 01:01:11,877
I feel like a slob, and...
767
01:01:13,420 --> 01:01:15,672
I space out sometimes.
768
01:01:17,382 --> 01:01:18,383
I mean, in school, they...
769
01:01:18,466 --> 01:01:19,676
- All right. Whoa, whoa...
- I can't. I really can't...
770
01:01:19,759 --> 01:01:21,595
Hold it. Hold. Hold. Hold.
771
01:01:21,678 --> 01:01:22,929
Just a moment.
772
01:01:23,889 --> 01:01:28,810
Leaving clothes on the floor
and lack of concentration,
773
01:01:28,935 --> 01:01:30,896
or "spacing out," as you call it,
774
01:01:31,229 --> 01:01:37,485
while I agree these are all weaknesses
that you need to know about yourself,
775
01:01:38,570 --> 01:01:40,405
they're also quite superficial
776
01:01:40,488 --> 01:01:43,283
and won't get us very far
in this process.
777
01:01:44,826 --> 01:01:45,869
So...
778
01:01:48,121 --> 01:01:49,873
I want you to start again.
779
01:01:50,707 --> 01:01:51,958
And this time,
780
01:01:52,417 --> 01:01:56,504
I want you to fully examine
your conscience
781
01:01:56,796 --> 01:02:01,635
and come up with a list of things
you do on a daily basis
782
01:02:01,718 --> 01:02:04,095
to fail our lord Christ.
783
01:02:05,472 --> 01:02:06,890
Um...
784
01:02:07,849 --> 01:02:09,309
Ways that I fail...
785
01:02:12,020 --> 01:02:14,439
Ways that I fail Christ.
786
01:02:16,441 --> 01:02:19,736
Well, there's a part of me
787
01:02:21,571 --> 01:02:24,574
that thinks that I'm not good enough
to be here,
788
01:02:25,867 --> 01:02:28,411
that I don't deserve to be here.
789
01:02:29,037 --> 01:02:32,374
I want to be pure,
and I want to be good.
790
01:02:33,667 --> 01:02:35,210
But...
791
01:02:37,420 --> 01:02:41,758
I don't know if that's
who I really am on the inside.
792
01:02:42,425 --> 01:02:44,177
Because“.
793
01:02:45,095 --> 01:02:47,931
Sometimes my thoughts inside
794
01:02:48,014 --> 01:02:50,684
don't match the way
i act on the outside.
795
01:02:56,106 --> 01:03:01,569
And I just feel bad and ugly inside.
796
01:03:08,118 --> 01:03:09,869
And I've let people down before.
797
01:03:09,953 --> 01:03:14,124
I've let my parents down,
my ma and my father,
798
01:03:14,207 --> 01:03:16,543
but I don't want
to let him down, mother.
799
01:03:16,626 --> 01:03:19,838
I don't want to let Jesus down.
800
01:03:22,882 --> 01:03:27,095
And I just hope that
he knows that I can do better...
801
01:03:30,015 --> 01:03:31,725
If he'll let me.
802
01:03:32,600 --> 01:03:35,395
All right, sister. Very brave of you.
803
01:03:36,855 --> 01:03:38,148
And now for your penance,
804
01:03:38,231 --> 01:03:40,984
I'd like to assign you
ten rosaries next week.
805
01:03:41,693 --> 01:03:44,738
And I'd also like you
to starve yourself all day on Friday.
806
01:03:44,821 --> 01:03:46,156
Thank you, mother.
807
01:03:47,866 --> 01:03:49,659
Where are you going?
808
01:03:56,541 --> 01:03:58,043
I thought that I was done.
809
01:03:59,044 --> 01:04:01,504
Done? No one said you were done.
810
01:04:01,588 --> 01:04:02,630
Come back here.
811
01:04:14,684 --> 01:04:18,188
Now that sister has been brave enough
to share some of her faults with us,
812
01:04:18,313 --> 01:04:20,607
I'd like to open it up to the room
813
01:04:21,274 --> 01:04:24,903
to help point out
any additional character flaws
814
01:04:24,986 --> 01:04:27,655
that they are aware of in their sister.
815
01:04:35,413 --> 01:04:36,539
Well, somebody say something.
816
01:04:36,623 --> 01:04:38,416
We've already established
she's not perfect.
817
01:04:40,335 --> 01:04:42,253
- I saw her smile.
- What?
818
01:04:44,089 --> 01:04:47,425
Just now, when you said
she did a good job,
819
01:04:48,468 --> 01:04:50,053
I saw her smile.
820
01:04:50,929 --> 01:04:53,473
Like she was pleased with herself.
821
01:04:54,349 --> 01:04:56,226
Like it was all a joke to her.
822
01:04:57,769 --> 01:04:58,937
Is that true?
823
01:05:00,480 --> 01:05:01,689
No!
824
01:05:01,773 --> 01:05:02,982
And how would she know
825
01:05:03,066 --> 01:05:04,776
if she hadn't broken
the custody of eyes?
826
01:05:04,859 --> 01:05:06,152
I didn't. You're vain!
827
01:05:06,236 --> 01:05:09,280
You did! You're a liar!
How else would she know?
828
01:05:09,364 --> 01:05:11,658
All right. That's enough.
829
01:05:14,786 --> 01:05:16,496
Sister, your turn is finished.
830
01:05:16,830 --> 01:05:18,915
However, if that is true,
831
01:05:19,707 --> 01:05:23,211
and you had the nerve
to mock this process, it's pathetic.
832
01:05:23,628 --> 01:05:25,088
What sort of nun are you going to be
833
01:05:25,171 --> 01:05:28,591
if you can't even stand
a single moment of self-reflection
834
01:05:28,675 --> 01:05:31,386
without gloating? Hmm?
835
01:05:32,178 --> 01:05:33,930
So in addition to your other penance,
836
01:05:34,013 --> 01:05:37,517
I would like you to use
the discipline on yourself.
837
01:05:40,228 --> 01:05:41,604
What?
838
01:05:56,786 --> 01:05:59,080
Was it that bad?
839
01:05:59,289 --> 01:06:00,707
What do you think?
840
01:06:07,005 --> 01:06:09,090
You don't have to stay here, you know.
841
01:06:09,174 --> 01:06:10,467
None of us do.
842
01:06:10,884 --> 01:06:12,427
You can leave whenever you want to.
843
01:06:15,013 --> 01:06:16,347
And do what?
844
01:06:17,599 --> 01:06:21,186
You mean go home
and tell everyone and my parents
845
01:06:21,269 --> 01:06:22,979
that I failed at being a nun?
846
01:06:24,063 --> 01:06:26,733
- No, I can't do that.
- Sister Mary grace did it.
847
01:06:27,525 --> 01:06:29,027
It's not the same.
848
01:06:30,278 --> 01:06:31,946
Sister, I'm...
849
01:06:34,449 --> 01:06:37,035
I don't think you're vain at all.
850
01:06:37,994 --> 01:06:39,496
I didn't know.
851
01:06:40,288 --> 01:06:41,748
- L'm sorry.
-Lt's okay.
852
01:06:43,500 --> 01:06:45,126
-L'm sorry, too.
- We're all vain.
853
01:06:45,210 --> 01:06:47,837
She's just teaching us
how to lose our vanity.
854
01:06:50,173 --> 01:06:52,509
Sisters, I need your attention, please.
855
01:06:53,968 --> 01:06:56,179
As of today, we have a new member.
856
01:06:56,596 --> 01:06:59,349
Sister Gabrielle Emanuel
will be joining our community.
857
01:06:59,724 --> 01:07:01,768
Sister Emanuel was previously a member
858
01:07:01,851 --> 01:07:05,104
of the order of the sisters of Christ
in New Hampshire.
859
01:07:05,396 --> 01:07:07,649
But as she felt the culture of the roses
860
01:07:07,732 --> 01:07:10,068
was more suited to her religious needs,
861
01:07:10,151 --> 01:07:12,195
she has decided to transfer here.
862
01:07:12,362 --> 01:07:14,822
She'll be joining us
as a first-year novice.
863
01:07:15,240 --> 01:07:17,075
So let's make her feel welcome.
864
01:07:22,205 --> 01:07:23,623
I guess all my friends
are just back home,
865
01:07:23,706 --> 01:07:25,708
and they're doing a bunch
of teenage stuff.
866
01:07:25,792 --> 01:07:29,128
They're going to the drive-in movies.
867
01:07:29,212 --> 01:07:32,423
And they're going roller-skating
868
01:07:32,507 --> 01:07:36,219
and watching the fireworks
on the fourth of July,
869
01:07:36,302 --> 01:07:37,887
or they're going...
870
01:07:38,221 --> 01:07:39,806
They're going on dates with boys.
871
01:07:41,182 --> 01:07:44,394
- With boys.
- Yeah. I don't know, I...
872
01:07:46,563 --> 01:07:48,064
Even“.
873
01:07:50,483 --> 01:07:52,235
Even what?
874
01:07:53,152 --> 01:07:54,404
You know.
875
01:07:56,406 --> 01:07:57,615
What?
876
01:07:58,866 --> 01:07:59,867
Sex.
877
01:08:03,746 --> 01:08:06,291
Come on. You can't say that
you've never thought about it before.
878
01:08:06,374 --> 01:08:07,667
Everybody does.
879
01:08:08,209 --> 01:08:10,920
Even nuns do,
they just don't ever talk about it.
880
01:08:13,256 --> 01:08:14,674
How do you know that?
881
01:08:15,758 --> 01:08:18,469
Because it's normal.
882
01:08:19,679 --> 01:08:21,389
It's more normal than you think.
883
01:08:25,226 --> 01:08:28,688
I don't really think about it.
884
01:08:29,772 --> 01:08:32,233
So, you never even kissed a boy
before you came here,
885
01:08:32,317 --> 01:08:33,735
nothing like that?
886
01:08:40,533 --> 01:08:41,868
Have you?
887
01:08:43,703 --> 01:08:46,080
Yeah. Only once, though.
888
01:08:46,164 --> 01:08:48,791
Wait, don't tell all the other sisters,
though, please.
889
01:08:49,292 --> 01:08:51,127
- I won't.
- Okay.
890
01:08:53,671 --> 01:08:58,051
"Let him kiss me
with the kisses of his mouth,
891
01:08:58,635 --> 01:09:01,846
"for your love is better than wine.
892
01:09:03,222 --> 01:09:06,392
"Your anointing oils are fragrant.
893
01:09:07,393 --> 01:09:10,688
"Your name is oil poured out on me.
894
01:09:11,898 --> 01:09:15,652
"Therefore, virgins love you."
895
01:09:26,120 --> 01:09:27,705
Sister cathleen.
896
01:09:43,888 --> 01:09:47,266
I wish I could be more loved back.
897
01:09:50,436 --> 01:09:51,562
I wish I knew for sure...
898
01:09:53,898 --> 01:09:55,191
I wish we all knew for sure
899
01:09:57,902 --> 01:10:00,780
that he really loves us
as much as we love him.
900
01:10:03,491 --> 01:10:05,451
L just wish I could feel it more.
901
01:10:08,913 --> 01:10:12,291
Don't wish for things
you shouldn't, sister.
902
01:13:01,085 --> 01:13:03,379
For it is in giving that we receive,
903
01:13:03,629 --> 01:13:06,716
and in pardoning, that
we are pardoned, and in dying...
904
01:13:06,799 --> 01:13:09,760
Excuse me, mother.
The archbishop is here to see you.
905
01:13:10,636 --> 01:13:11,846
The archbishop.
906
01:13:28,487 --> 01:13:30,489
Good afternoon, mother.
907
01:13:32,742 --> 01:13:33,951
Go ahead, sit.
908
01:13:34,952 --> 01:13:36,579
Let me get you some tea.
909
01:13:37,330 --> 01:13:39,832
- No, thank you.
- A little drop won't hurt you.
910
01:13:40,041 --> 01:13:41,626
So, how are you, Marie?
911
01:13:42,501 --> 01:13:44,086
You seem a little bit on edge.
912
01:13:44,921 --> 01:13:48,299
Perhaps it's because I haven't been
in the company of a man for a while.
913
01:13:48,716 --> 01:13:50,092
It's unusual for me.
914
01:13:52,803 --> 01:13:55,348
- Do you know why I'm here?
- No, I don't.
915
01:13:55,890 --> 01:13:59,101
- You have no idea why I'm here?
- No, I honestly do not.
916
01:14:00,811 --> 01:14:05,858
Well, I've been hearing a lot recently
about how this order, in particular,
917
01:14:05,942 --> 01:14:07,735
is having some trouble embracing
918
01:14:07,818 --> 01:14:10,655
some of the changes that have been
put forth by Vatican ll.
919
01:14:10,738 --> 01:14:12,740
Now, you tell me, is that accurate?
920
01:14:12,990 --> 01:14:14,450
Accurate to a point.
921
01:14:15,159 --> 01:14:17,578
Some of the changes we've adopted,
others we haven't.
922
01:14:17,954 --> 01:14:19,038
Great.
923
01:14:20,081 --> 01:14:21,248
You care to elaborate?
924
01:14:22,041 --> 01:14:26,170
The memos sent over from your office
used the word "suggestion"
925
01:14:26,337 --> 01:14:29,882
in regards to all these changes
we're supposed...
926
01:14:31,592 --> 01:14:33,177
Well, that's amusing.
927
01:14:33,678 --> 01:14:36,013
I think you're the only one
who missed the subtext there.
928
01:14:37,556 --> 01:14:39,892
You see, for most of us,
929
01:14:39,976 --> 01:14:44,981
the word "suggestion" is understood
as synonymous with "obligation."
930
01:14:45,189 --> 01:14:49,026
Perhaps I'm not all that
attuned to subtext.
931
01:14:49,944 --> 01:14:51,821
- My apologies.
- Of course.
932
01:14:51,904 --> 01:14:54,573
- Are we done here?
- No, no, no. Sorry, we're not done.
933
01:14:55,574 --> 01:14:58,786
Why don't you tell me
934
01:14:59,120 --> 01:15:01,455
what exactly you have
the most difficulty with?
935
01:15:01,539 --> 01:15:03,249
Just lay it all out for me.
936
01:15:03,541 --> 01:15:04,750
I have no difficulty.
937
01:15:05,042 --> 01:15:07,294
I just happen to disagree with it.
All of it.
938
01:15:07,378 --> 01:15:09,422
Not to mention it's a slap in the face
939
01:15:09,505 --> 01:15:11,674
that the sisters weren't given
any voice in the matter.
940
01:15:11,757 --> 01:15:14,051
You honestly expected them
to have their own voice, the sisters?
941
01:15:14,135 --> 01:15:15,803
We are a part of this church, too.
942
01:15:15,886 --> 01:15:17,847
Marie, Marie, that's not how it works.
943
01:15:17,930 --> 01:15:20,933
I don't think you really understand
what this will do to us.
944
01:15:21,350 --> 01:15:25,146
If we were to truly embrace
all these changes,
945
01:15:25,438 --> 01:15:29,525
it will ruin the very institution
of catholic nuns as...
946
01:15:35,197 --> 01:15:40,536
Are you still encouraging
all of your novitiates and postulants
947
01:15:40,619 --> 01:15:44,790
to perform extreme acts
of penance on themselves?
948
01:15:45,541 --> 01:15:50,129
All that old medieval stuff?
Because that's gotta stop.
949
01:15:50,212 --> 01:15:52,006
I never asked my girls
to do anything for god
950
01:15:52,089 --> 01:15:53,466
that I haven't done myself.
951
01:15:53,549 --> 01:15:54,842
Like I said, gotta stop.
952
01:15:56,552 --> 01:15:58,929
As for the rest
of Rome's recommendations,
953
01:15:59,013 --> 01:16:01,599
I would just hope
that you can keep an open mind
954
01:16:01,682 --> 01:16:06,687
and try to see things
as part of the larger context.
955
01:16:06,896 --> 01:16:10,524
A theme of change, adaptation,
of spiritual evolution.
956
01:16:10,858 --> 01:16:15,404
Do me a favor,
just open your mind a little bit.
957
01:16:16,822 --> 01:16:20,868
Otherwise, I may have to "suggest"
958
01:16:22,078 --> 01:16:24,080
that we find a replacement for you.
959
01:16:31,003 --> 01:16:36,217
I never ever, ever thought
that I would say this,
960
01:16:36,300 --> 01:16:40,179
but there are times where I question
961
01:16:41,722 --> 01:16:43,974
whether or not god is even real.
962
01:16:44,058 --> 01:16:46,852
And I know, I know that's so horrible,
963
01:16:46,936 --> 01:16:48,646
but what scares me to think is,
964
01:16:49,396 --> 01:16:53,025
what if he actually doesn't exist?
965
01:16:53,818 --> 01:16:56,028
What if he's just something
that we all made up one day
966
01:16:56,112 --> 01:16:57,655
and everybody started believing it?
967
01:16:59,824 --> 01:17:03,869
Everything that we do for him
and what we put ourselves through,
968
01:17:03,953 --> 01:17:07,123
to only live in his image, but...
969
01:17:08,624 --> 01:17:12,419
But are we spreading any sort of love
in here or in the world,
970
01:17:12,503 --> 01:17:13,963
or any kindness, or...
971
01:17:14,046 --> 01:17:17,216
Or are we even getting to know god more?
972
01:17:18,259 --> 01:17:20,261
And if it ever turned out
973
01:17:20,970 --> 01:17:24,890
that god didn't really exist...
974
01:17:25,766 --> 01:17:27,726
Then who would we all be doing this for?
975
01:17:30,896 --> 01:17:32,773
Sister, you come in here week after week
976
01:17:32,857 --> 01:17:36,485
with the same ridiculous confession
977
01:17:36,569 --> 01:17:39,280
about your wavering spirituality.
978
01:17:41,407 --> 01:17:43,075
Frankly, it's grown tiresome.
979
01:17:44,910 --> 01:17:48,956
Your utter spiritual wretchedness.
980
01:17:51,417 --> 01:17:54,712
So, for your penance,
I'm assigning you no penance.
981
01:17:57,006 --> 01:17:58,090
Don't bother.
982
01:18:03,345 --> 01:18:04,763
Excuse!
983
01:18:27,077 --> 01:18:31,332
I just don't understand who she is
or what she's doing here.
984
01:18:31,415 --> 01:18:34,376
Apparently, the socs
weren't strict enough for her.
985
01:18:35,461 --> 01:18:38,422
I guess she came here
for all the extra self-punishment.
986
01:18:39,173 --> 01:18:40,507
Really?
987
01:18:42,343 --> 01:18:44,553
She really thinks she's that holy?
988
01:19:17,795 --> 01:19:19,338
You can come in now.
989
01:19:24,593 --> 01:19:26,220
What did you want to see me for?
990
01:19:29,640 --> 01:19:32,643
I was wondering
if I could borrow the discipline?
991
01:19:33,185 --> 01:19:35,145
Just for tonight, please?
992
01:19:35,938 --> 01:19:36,939
Discipline?
993
01:19:37,606 --> 01:19:38,774
What did you do?
994
01:19:40,776 --> 01:19:43,654
If it's okay with you,
i would rather not say.
995
01:19:43,737 --> 01:19:45,948
- It's not okay.
- No.
996
01:19:46,365 --> 01:19:48,158
I can't just give it to you
without knowing
997
01:19:48,242 --> 01:19:50,452
what you need it for first.
You know that.
998
01:19:51,370 --> 01:19:53,163
Yeah, of course. I...
999
01:19:57,626 --> 01:20:00,170
I broke grand silence twice this week.
1000
01:20:00,629 --> 01:20:01,839
And...
1001
01:20:03,424 --> 01:20:05,259
I was uncharitable to one of my sisters
1002
01:20:05,342 --> 01:20:06,719
when I didn't mean to be.
1003
01:20:07,761 --> 01:20:08,971
That's all.
1004
01:20:10,055 --> 01:20:12,391
That's what you want
to punish yourself for?
1005
01:20:14,977 --> 01:20:16,395
Honestly?
1006
01:20:20,607 --> 01:20:21,650
Yes.
1007
01:20:38,751 --> 01:20:39,835
Thank you, mother.
1008
01:22:12,511 --> 01:22:16,140
Excuse me, sister.
Your mother's here to see you.
1009
01:22:17,641 --> 01:22:20,519
What do you mean, why?
It's not visiting day.
1010
01:22:32,239 --> 01:22:35,826
It's okay. Reverend mother said
you can use the other door today.
1011
01:22:43,917 --> 01:22:45,043
Hi, my love.
1012
01:22:47,588 --> 01:22:50,424
Is there someplace we could talk?
I have something I have to tell you.
1013
01:22:50,924 --> 01:22:52,009
She already told me.
1014
01:22:56,889 --> 01:22:58,432
Yeah. So, I guess no one...
1015
01:22:59,808 --> 01:23:01,185
No one knew how sick he was,
1016
01:23:01,268 --> 01:23:03,312
and I know he wasn't the best father,
but I just...
1017
01:23:04,104 --> 01:23:05,814
I didn't want you to be alone.
1018
01:23:12,112 --> 01:23:13,739
Okay, I don't...
1019
01:23:13,822 --> 01:23:15,657
I came here to tell you your dad died,
1020
01:23:15,741 --> 01:23:17,159
and now you hear it from somebody else?
1021
01:23:17,242 --> 01:23:19,077
I don't understand what's going on.
1022
01:23:19,495 --> 01:23:21,914
I'm sorry you're upset, mom.
1023
01:23:22,372 --> 01:23:23,999
What the hell is going on here?
1024
01:23:24,166 --> 01:23:26,293
And why does it look like
you've lost a bunch of weight?
1025
01:23:26,376 --> 01:23:28,086
I really haven't lost
very much weight. I'm fine.
1026
01:23:28,170 --> 01:23:30,964
You have lost some weight, cathleen.
So, how much weight have you lost?
1027
01:23:32,925 --> 01:23:34,510
What's going on,
they don't feed you in here?
1028
01:23:34,593 --> 01:23:35,844
- You're not allowed to eat?
- No, I'm fine, okay?
1029
01:23:35,928 --> 01:23:36,970
- Let me look at you!
-L'm fine, okay?
1030
01:23:37,054 --> 01:23:38,388
- Let me look at you, cathleen.
-L'm sorry. I have to go.
1031
01:23:38,472 --> 01:23:39,556
Sorry to hear about dad.
1032
01:23:39,640 --> 01:23:41,141
I'll pray that god meets him
at his grace, okay?
1033
01:23:41,225 --> 01:23:42,226
- I really need to go.
- What do you mean, you have to go?
1034
01:23:42,309 --> 01:23:43,310
- Don't go yet.
- I need to leave, I'm sorry, mom.
1035
01:23:43,393 --> 01:23:44,728
I've been driving for three hours.
Stop! Stop, stop.
1036
01:23:44,811 --> 01:23:46,939
Cathleen? Cathleen!
1037
01:23:49,900 --> 01:23:52,152
I'd like to thank you
for stopping in, Mrs. Harris.
1038
01:23:52,236 --> 01:23:53,612
I don't think we've had the pleasure.
1039
01:23:53,695 --> 01:23:56,114
Just wanna know what's going on
with my daughter, that's all.
1040
01:23:56,657 --> 01:23:58,033
Going on with your daughter?
1041
01:23:58,116 --> 01:23:59,785
- In what way?
- Look, miss...
1042
01:23:59,868 --> 01:24:01,036
Mother.
1043
01:24:01,119 --> 01:24:04,540
- Excuse me?
-Lt's "mother." Or "reverend mother."
1044
01:24:04,623 --> 01:24:07,543
I'm not a "miss," or a "missus" either,
for that matter.
1045
01:24:07,626 --> 01:24:09,920
Lady, I am not calling you mother.
1046
01:24:11,547 --> 01:24:14,258
Mrs. Harris, I understand
you've had a loss in the family.
1047
01:24:14,341 --> 01:24:16,051
- And I would like to express...
- Save it.
1048
01:24:16,343 --> 01:24:18,595
You know, I haven't seen
my daughter in over six months.
1049
01:24:19,513 --> 01:24:21,306
And I came here today
to tell her about her dad,
1050
01:24:21,390 --> 01:24:22,683
and I barely recognize her.
1051
01:24:24,309 --> 01:24:26,937
She looks completely different,
like she's lost 20 pounds.
1052
01:24:27,020 --> 01:24:29,481
I wanna know
what you're doing to her in here.
1053
01:24:29,690 --> 01:24:31,149
What I'm doing?
1054
01:24:31,942 --> 01:24:34,820
You're talking about her body,
which is a superficial topic.
1055
01:24:34,903 --> 01:24:36,071
Are you blind?
1056
01:24:38,115 --> 01:24:39,575
Have you seen her lately?
1057
01:24:39,658 --> 01:24:41,451
She looks like she's dying.
1058
01:24:41,743 --> 01:24:43,495
Just, please, calm down.
1059
01:24:43,579 --> 01:24:46,206
I said, I wanna know
what's going on in here!
1060
01:24:47,916 --> 01:24:51,628
Honestly, Mrs. Harris,
with all due respect,
1061
01:24:52,754 --> 01:24:56,008
in a sense, you did bring
your daughter here to die.
1062
01:24:56,842 --> 01:24:59,011
You brought her here
to die to the outside world
1063
01:24:59,094 --> 01:25:01,263
and be born again in Christ's love.
1064
01:25:01,805 --> 01:25:04,474
It's a process.
She's simply going through it.
1065
01:25:04,558 --> 01:25:05,684
That's all.
1066
01:25:07,603 --> 01:25:08,645
For what it's worth,
1067
01:25:08,729 --> 01:25:10,606
I do understand how difficult it can be
1068
01:25:10,689 --> 01:25:12,482
for a parent to give their child to god.
1069
01:25:12,691 --> 01:25:15,110
And that's because
you have children of your own?
1070
01:25:15,360 --> 01:25:16,445
No, I don't,
1071
01:25:17,112 --> 01:25:18,739
but neither do you anymore.
1072
01:25:26,705 --> 01:25:27,998
Okay. Well...
1073
01:25:29,499 --> 01:25:30,792
Just so you know,
1074
01:25:31,209 --> 01:25:32,586
and with all due respect to you,
1075
01:25:32,669 --> 01:25:34,796
miss whatever the fuck
you want to be called,
1076
01:25:36,548 --> 01:25:38,050
I didn't bring my daughter here.
1077
01:25:39,509 --> 01:25:41,178
I didn't bring her here at all.
1078
01:25:41,261 --> 01:25:44,014
But if I ever come here
and see her like this again,
1079
01:25:44,097 --> 01:25:46,516
I will take her out of here.
1080
01:26:34,356 --> 01:26:36,024
Are you all right, sister cathleen?
1081
01:27:30,912 --> 01:27:32,497
Reverend mother...
1082
01:27:34,291 --> 01:27:35,667
She asked me to check on you.
1083
01:27:37,377 --> 01:27:39,296
And we don't have to sign.
It's not grand silence yet.
1084
01:27:41,548 --> 01:27:43,008
They asked me to bring soup for you.
1085
01:27:58,523 --> 01:27:59,733
Thank you.
1086
01:28:12,954 --> 01:28:15,207
So you were at the socs, right?
1087
01:28:18,293 --> 01:28:19,628
What happened, you didn't like it there?
1088
01:28:25,175 --> 01:28:27,135
It's not that I didn't like it,
it's just...
1089
01:28:28,553 --> 01:28:29,763
I don't know, I just thought
1090
01:28:31,056 --> 01:28:32,724
being a rose would be better for me.
1091
01:28:33,558 --> 01:28:34,684
I thought it would be easier.
1092
01:28:36,019 --> 01:28:37,604
Isn't it so much stricter here?
1093
01:28:39,773 --> 01:28:42,901
Sometimes when things are stricter,
it makes them easier.
1094
01:28:44,110 --> 01:28:45,153
I wouldn't know.
1095
01:28:46,905 --> 01:28:48,657
All I ever wanted was to be a rose.
1096
01:28:49,366 --> 01:28:50,992
Seems to come so naturally to you.
1097
01:28:51,910 --> 01:28:53,286
Sometimes, I guess.
1098
01:28:53,370 --> 01:28:54,746
I just know that
1099
01:28:57,374 --> 01:28:59,125
I want god's love
1100
01:29:01,837 --> 01:29:05,382
and if being a good nun is what it takes
to deserve it, then...
1101
01:29:05,841 --> 01:29:07,425
I admire your devotion.
1102
01:29:08,635 --> 01:29:11,471
The passion you feel,
it seems real with you.
1103
01:29:12,264 --> 01:29:14,015
Isn't it with you, too?
1104
01:29:26,027 --> 01:29:27,195
Sister Emanuel?
1105
01:30:01,438 --> 01:30:04,065
Maybe it's a strange question, but...
1106
01:30:06,359 --> 01:30:07,569
Why'd you do it?
1107
01:30:09,487 --> 01:30:14,075
I mean, why did you starve yourself,
make yourself sick?
1108
01:30:17,454 --> 01:30:18,788
Did you do it for Christ?
1109
01:30:26,296 --> 01:30:29,424
I'm sorry, it's...
It's really not my place to ask.
1110
01:30:31,092 --> 01:30:32,344
You can turn around.
1111
01:30:43,563 --> 01:30:46,316
I thought I was doing it for Christ.
1112
01:30:47,943 --> 01:30:48,985
Or,
1113
01:30:50,987 --> 01:30:53,156
just to be a better nun,
1114
01:30:55,367 --> 01:30:57,869
but maybe I also thought that
1115
01:31:01,414 --> 01:31:03,959
if I made myself starve on the outside,
1116
01:31:04,709 --> 01:31:06,252
I wouldn't feel myself
1117
01:31:08,588 --> 01:31:10,215
starving as much on the inside.
1118
01:31:11,800 --> 01:31:13,134
What are you starving for?
1119
01:31:16,554 --> 01:31:17,806
I don't know.
1120
01:31:37,033 --> 01:31:38,493
"Let not your heart be troubled.
1121
01:31:40,954 --> 01:31:43,581
"You believe in god. Believe also in me.
1122
01:31:44,582 --> 01:31:46,710
"In my father's house,
there are many rooms.
1123
01:31:47,544 --> 01:31:48,628
"Were it not so,
1124
01:31:48,712 --> 01:31:50,130
-"i should have told you..."
- Will you please stop?
1125
01:31:51,589 --> 01:31:52,924
I'm sorry.
1126
01:31:54,009 --> 01:31:55,969
I'm sorry, did I do something wrong?
1127
01:32:01,433 --> 01:32:02,434
I don't understand.
1128
01:32:10,984 --> 01:32:13,820
You can just keep reading.
Please go back to reading, please.
1129
01:32:16,740 --> 01:32:17,824
Just read. I'm sorry.
1130
01:33:16,007 --> 01:33:18,593
No, that was a mistake. I'm sorry.
1131
01:33:18,676 --> 01:33:19,886
- It's my fault.
- That was my fault.
1132
01:33:19,969 --> 01:33:20,970
I'm sorry. That was a mistake.
1133
01:33:21,054 --> 01:33:23,389
- L'm sorry, it was my fault.
- No, it's me. I have to go.
1134
01:33:25,850 --> 01:33:27,143
So stupid of...
1135
01:33:49,707 --> 01:33:52,961
Lord,
make me an instrument of thy peace.
1136
01:33:53,545 --> 01:33:55,880
Where there is hatred, let me sow love,
1137
01:33:56,840 --> 01:33:58,883
where there is injury, pardon,
1138
01:33:59,384 --> 01:34:01,010
where there is doubt, faith,
1139
01:34:02,262 --> 01:34:03,972
where there is despair, hope,
1140
01:34:04,514 --> 01:34:06,099
where there is sadness, joy,
1141
01:34:06,558 --> 01:34:08,101
where there is darkness, light.
1142
01:34:08,601 --> 01:34:10,145
Oh, divine master,
1143
01:34:10,436 --> 01:34:13,690
Grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console,
1144
01:34:14,149 --> 01:34:18,153
to be understood as to understand,
to be loved as to love.
1145
01:34:20,530 --> 01:34:22,782
Love, love, love.
1146
01:34:23,449 --> 01:34:24,659
Love.
1147
01:34:58,943 --> 01:35:00,195
Sisters.
1148
01:35:00,778 --> 01:35:02,155
I have an announcement.
1149
01:35:03,072 --> 01:35:05,992
I apologize that this has taken so long,
1150
01:35:07,076 --> 01:35:09,871
but there's something very important
1151
01:35:09,954 --> 01:35:12,790
that I've been meaning to inform you of.
1152
01:35:13,458 --> 01:35:15,543
I'm sure, by now,
1153
01:35:15,627 --> 01:35:19,422
at least a few of you have heard
of something called Vatican ll.
1154
01:35:20,465 --> 01:35:21,716
In a nutshell,
1155
01:35:22,842 --> 01:35:25,553
there's been a series of meetings
in Rome
1156
01:35:26,846 --> 01:35:28,598
over the past three years.
1157
01:35:30,225 --> 01:35:33,770
These meetings have been
principally concerned with revisions
1158
01:35:33,853 --> 01:35:35,521
that the pope and others
1159
01:35:35,980 --> 01:35:39,776
felt necessary to ensure the survival
1160
01:35:41,194 --> 01:35:42,403
of our church.
1161
01:35:45,865 --> 01:35:50,078
I, myself, couldn't be more pleased
1162
01:35:50,453 --> 01:35:52,580
with the results of Vatican ll.
1163
01:35:53,998 --> 01:35:59,796
Pope John xxiii
was nothing short of a visionary
1164
01:35:59,879 --> 01:36:01,756
in terms of...
1165
01:36:04,884 --> 01:36:06,427
In terms...
1166
01:36:09,472 --> 01:36:11,057
Well, let's not belabor it.
1167
01:36:11,724 --> 01:36:16,646
I will read this letter
from the archdiocese.
1168
01:36:17,355 --> 01:36:18,773
A letter,
1169
01:36:19,983 --> 01:36:22,277
regarding certain reforms
1170
01:36:22,360 --> 01:36:26,155
which we will be adopting immediately.
1171
01:36:30,451 --> 01:36:32,870
"From now on, please be advised
1172
01:36:32,954 --> 01:36:37,166
"that priests are no longer required
to read the liturgy in Latin
1173
01:36:37,458 --> 01:36:40,753
"and should face the congregation
during mass.
1174
01:36:42,839 --> 01:36:46,092
"All catholics are further
encouraged to embrace
1175
01:36:46,384 --> 01:36:49,512
"the idea of full religious tolerance.
1176
01:36:49,595 --> 01:36:53,224
"While we may not share
the same beliefs as others,
1177
01:36:53,308 --> 01:36:55,393
"we will honor and respect
1178
01:36:55,476 --> 01:36:59,605
"each and every individual's belief
as their own.
1179
01:37:00,648 --> 01:37:04,694
"Please be advised also that all nuns
1180
01:37:04,777 --> 01:37:08,489
"and women religious,
cloistered and non-cloistered,
1181
01:37:10,199 --> 01:37:14,412
"are no longer required to wear
the traditional habit
1182
01:37:15,288 --> 01:37:18,958
"as a symbol of their
lifelong matrimony to Christ.
1183
01:37:19,792 --> 01:37:20,918
"In fact,
1184
01:37:22,920 --> 01:37:25,673
"they are now free to wear
what they want.
1185
01:37:28,092 --> 01:37:31,179
"Regarding the culture
of more extreme abnegation
1186
01:37:31,262 --> 01:37:35,350
"and self-punishment still prevalent
in many communities today,
1187
01:37:36,434 --> 01:37:38,978
"please be advised
that according to the council,
1188
01:37:39,062 --> 01:37:41,064
"this is no longer understood
1189
01:37:42,899 --> 01:37:45,193
"to be the appropriate path to follow
1190
01:37:45,276 --> 01:37:48,154
"for all those seeking
greater union with Christ.
1191
01:37:48,905 --> 01:37:50,782
"It is no longer acceptable
1192
01:37:50,865 --> 01:37:54,619
"to view any acts of extreme sacrifice
1193
01:37:55,912 --> 01:37:57,705
"as an act of love.
1194
01:37:58,539 --> 01:37:59,749
"Finally,
1195
01:38:01,751 --> 01:38:03,211
"from here forward,
1196
01:38:03,461 --> 01:38:08,424
"in the eyes of both
the holy church and god,
1197
01:38:10,635 --> 01:38:13,471
"the status of all nuns
shall be reduced as equal
1198
01:38:13,554 --> 01:38:18,810
"to that of any regular
practicing catholic.
1199
01:38:18,893 --> 01:38:23,022
"While the choice to enter the convent
remains one's own,
1200
01:38:23,898 --> 01:38:26,567
"this does not
necessarily make nuns any more
1201
01:38:28,903 --> 01:38:31,447
"beloved or special
1202
01:38:32,657 --> 01:38:34,409
"in the eyes of god."
1203
01:38:38,579 --> 01:38:42,667
I am deeply sorry, sisters.
1204
01:38:43,709 --> 01:38:44,877
Have a pleasant day.
1205
01:39:06,524 --> 01:39:08,234
Where are you?
1206
01:39:14,031 --> 01:39:18,911
I can feel you, right next to me,
for so long.
1207
01:39:19,454 --> 01:39:20,663
With me
1208
01:39:22,623 --> 01:39:26,127
all that time, my darling husband.
1209
01:39:28,921 --> 01:39:31,924
And now you've abandoned me.
1210
01:39:39,599 --> 01:39:41,100
And you hoped
1211
01:39:42,351 --> 01:39:44,437
that I would lose faith in you?
1212
01:39:47,190 --> 01:39:51,527
You imagined that I would
just walk out those gates?
1213
01:39:55,823 --> 01:39:57,366
Icannot
1214
01:40:01,162 --> 01:40:02,705
I made a commitment
1215
01:40:04,665 --> 01:40:06,167
forty years ago.
1216
01:40:08,377 --> 01:40:12,340
And even if you choose
to turn your light from me forever...
1217
01:40:17,553 --> 01:40:20,515
I am yours.
1218
01:40:23,809 --> 01:40:25,770
Oh, my darling husband.
1219
01:40:59,178 --> 01:41:00,471
You can't be here.
1220
01:41:08,521 --> 01:41:09,522
Okay.
1221
01:41:19,865 --> 01:41:20,866
Okay.
1222
01:41:35,047 --> 01:41:36,215
It's okay.
1223
01:42:06,871 --> 01:42:08,247
Do you remember...
1224
01:42:14,086 --> 01:42:16,464
Do you remember when you asked
what I was starving for?
1225
01:42:24,597 --> 01:42:25,931
I just want to be comforted.
1226
01:42:28,976 --> 01:42:31,103
Please, will you just comfort me?
1227
01:42:37,318 --> 01:42:38,903
Please, will you just...
Please, will you just...
1228
01:42:39,278 --> 01:42:40,488
Will you, please? Just...
1229
01:42:49,330 --> 01:42:51,874
Please, will you just comfort me?
Please, please, please.
1230
01:42:54,794 --> 01:42:58,381
Please, will you just comfort me?
Please, will you just comfort me?
1231
01:43:01,509 --> 01:43:02,885
I can't.
1232
01:43:05,971 --> 01:43:09,058
Please, I just want to be comforted.
Please, please, please.
1233
01:43:12,395 --> 01:43:13,604
Please.
1234
01:43:19,610 --> 01:43:21,112
- Okay.
- Please comfort me.
1235
01:43:21,195 --> 01:43:23,489
- I will. I will comfort you.
- Please, please, please.
1236
01:43:23,572 --> 01:43:24,824
Okay. Okay. Okay.
1237
01:43:39,964 --> 01:43:41,590
Please, please, please.
1238
01:43:41,674 --> 01:43:45,594
Okay. Okay. Stop talking.
1239
01:43:50,349 --> 01:43:51,350
Please.
1240
01:44:03,946 --> 01:44:05,698
Please, just comfort me. Please, please.
1241
01:44:07,700 --> 01:44:08,743
Please.
1242
01:44:28,888 --> 01:44:30,264
- Please, please.
- Okay, okay.
1243
01:44:30,347 --> 01:44:32,600
- Please, please.
- Okay, okay.
1244
01:44:36,771 --> 01:44:37,897
Comfort me.
1245
01:44:43,903 --> 01:44:45,613
I take it you're feeling better?
1246
01:44:49,533 --> 01:44:52,661
Yes. I am.
1247
01:44:53,412 --> 01:44:54,622
Thank you.
1248
01:44:55,998 --> 01:44:59,919
I appreciate the devotion you showed,
starving yourself for Christ.
1249
01:45:00,795 --> 01:45:01,879
Thank you, mother.
1250
01:45:04,298 --> 01:45:07,176
So, a few bumps here and there,
1251
01:45:07,259 --> 01:45:10,304
but mostly you have been exceptional
during your training.
1252
01:45:11,931 --> 01:45:14,099
I believe you belong here
with us, sister.
1253
01:45:15,351 --> 01:45:16,811
Doesn't that make you happy?
1254
01:45:18,062 --> 01:45:19,146
Yes.
1255
01:45:20,481 --> 01:45:21,690
Of course.
1256
01:45:22,900 --> 01:45:24,068
Of course I'm happy.
1257
01:45:25,152 --> 01:45:26,320
L.-
1258
01:45:27,279 --> 01:45:28,531
uh...
1259
01:45:29,865 --> 01:45:33,285
I don't know how much you've heard
about this Vatican ll?
1260
01:45:35,454 --> 01:45:36,872
Not much,
1261
01:45:36,956 --> 01:45:38,582
just little things
I've heard here and there
1262
01:45:38,666 --> 01:45:40,000
from some of the others.
1263
01:45:43,879 --> 01:45:45,464
When I first came here...
1264
01:45:47,925 --> 01:45:51,887
When I first came to this convent,
i had nothing.
1265
01:45:55,266 --> 01:45:58,769
No home, no family, nothing.
1266
01:46:02,606 --> 01:46:06,277
The church is the only thing
that ever held me.
1267
01:46:07,528 --> 01:46:08,946
It gave me my work,
1268
01:46:10,072 --> 01:46:11,282
my community,
1269
01:46:12,032 --> 01:46:13,367
even my identity.
1270
01:46:15,452 --> 01:46:21,041
And now Vatican ll is trying
to invalidate all that, for all of us.
1271
01:46:23,168 --> 01:46:25,004
Saying none of it matters.
1272
01:46:27,381 --> 01:46:28,841
So, my question is,
1273
01:46:29,884 --> 01:46:32,887
what is it that really does
still matter?
1274
01:46:55,242 --> 01:46:56,493
Sister?
1275
01:47:05,294 --> 01:47:08,213
So much has changed
since we were postulants.
1276
01:47:10,633 --> 01:47:13,344
I know that
when I first had my vocation,
1277
01:47:14,470 --> 01:47:15,846
that it was real.
1278
01:47:16,472 --> 01:47:17,932
It was a real vocation.
1279
01:47:19,808 --> 01:47:23,062
Really, truly, his voice calling to me.
1280
01:47:29,735 --> 01:47:31,904
I just don't know sometimes
1281
01:47:31,987 --> 01:47:34,531
if that was what
he was really calling me for.
1282
01:47:36,659 --> 01:47:38,869
Maybe he wants something else for me.
1283
01:47:41,163 --> 01:47:43,707
Maybe he never meant for me
to be a nun at all...
1284
01:47:48,087 --> 01:47:51,131
Just wants me to be happy
and be good to others.
1285
01:47:54,593 --> 01:47:57,721
Or maybe not.
1286
01:48:04,019 --> 01:48:08,607
For your penance, I'd like you to say
three extra hail Marys at bedtime.
1287
01:48:09,191 --> 01:48:10,526
You can do it quickly if you'd like.
1288
01:48:16,323 --> 01:48:17,658
Sister cathleen.
1289
01:48:19,076 --> 01:48:20,703
Come to the center of the room, please.
1290
01:48:30,295 --> 01:48:33,882
You have any accusations
you'd like to share with us? Hmm?
1291
01:48:35,801 --> 01:48:36,844
Faufis?
1292
01:48:42,391 --> 01:48:43,892
- Do you hear me, sister?
- Yes.
1293
01:48:51,483 --> 01:48:52,943
I want to accuse myself.
1294
01:49:00,951 --> 01:49:02,494
I accuse myself of having feelings.
1295
01:49:04,580 --> 01:49:05,998
"Feelings"?
1296
01:49:08,208 --> 01:49:10,169
Feelings I'm not sure
I'm supposed to have.
1297
01:49:13,672 --> 01:49:15,382
Like wanting to be with another person
1298
01:49:20,596 --> 01:49:21,889
in a way that made me
1299
01:49:23,932 --> 01:49:24,933
feel...
1300
01:49:25,017 --> 01:49:26,435
Feel what?
1301
01:49:28,395 --> 01:49:29,396
Comforted.
1302
01:49:31,607 --> 01:49:32,816
Wanted.
1303
01:49:34,359 --> 01:49:35,486
Loved.
1304
01:49:37,571 --> 01:49:38,947
I wanted someone to touch me.
1305
01:49:41,158 --> 01:49:43,827
I wanted someone to make me feel
something more than god can give me.
1306
01:49:43,911 --> 01:49:45,454
More than god can give you?
1307
01:49:46,246 --> 01:49:47,372
What do you mean?
1308
01:49:47,748 --> 01:49:50,459
- Explain yourself.
- I don't know how to explain myself.
1309
01:49:53,587 --> 01:49:55,255
I'm accusing myself
of being intimate with someone.
1310
01:49:55,506 --> 01:49:57,925
- Intimate?
- With another sister.
1311
01:49:58,801 --> 01:50:00,010
Feeling love for her.
1312
01:50:02,387 --> 01:50:04,515
And I don't think it was a sin.
I don't think it was a sin.
1313
01:50:04,598 --> 01:50:07,810
Because it didn't feel like a sin.
It felt like I'm supposed to feel.
1314
01:50:08,352 --> 01:50:09,603
A particular friendship?
1315
01:50:10,854 --> 01:50:12,189
With someone in this room?
1316
01:50:14,900 --> 01:50:16,360
- Who?
-L'm not going to say, mother.
1317
01:50:16,443 --> 01:50:17,444
I did what you asked.
1318
01:50:17,528 --> 01:50:20,280
I made my confession.
Will you just give me my penance?
1319
01:50:20,489 --> 01:50:24,535
I want you to tell me exactly
what you did and with whom.
1320
01:50:24,618 --> 01:50:26,036
No, I did what you asked,
i made my accusation.
1321
01:50:26,120 --> 01:50:27,788
- Will you just give me my penance?
- Do you want your penance?
1322
01:50:27,871 --> 01:50:29,456
Yes, I want my penance.
Please just give me my penance.
1323
01:50:29,957 --> 01:50:31,333
You want your penance, cathleen?
1324
01:50:31,416 --> 01:50:33,877
Yes, I just want my penance.
Please just give me my penance.
1325
01:50:33,961 --> 01:50:35,420
You do? You want your penance?
1326
01:50:36,213 --> 01:50:38,423
Yes, I just want my penance.
I want my penance, please.
1327
01:50:38,507 --> 01:50:40,259
- Do you want your penance?
- Please, yes.
1328
01:50:43,345 --> 01:50:44,763
Please give it to me.
1329
01:50:45,430 --> 01:50:50,435
I want you to crawl around this room
1330
01:50:50,519 --> 01:50:55,023
and ask this group for your penance.
1331
01:50:55,107 --> 01:50:57,442
I just want my penance.
Please, I beg you. Please. Please.
1332
01:50:58,402 --> 01:50:59,862
I'm begging you, please.
1333
01:51:03,448 --> 01:51:04,825
I'm begging you
1334
01:51:08,036 --> 01:51:10,539
please, I'm begging you. Please, please.
1335
01:51:14,710 --> 01:51:16,795
I'm begging you, please.
1336
01:51:39,985 --> 01:51:41,945
I don't understand.
Where is everyone?
1337
01:51:43,447 --> 01:51:44,531
Gone.
1338
01:51:44,865 --> 01:51:46,408
Gone? What do you mean, "gone"?
1339
01:51:47,117 --> 01:51:48,327
Didn't you hear?
1340
01:51:49,119 --> 01:51:50,996
It's because of Vatican ll.
1341
01:51:53,498 --> 01:51:55,209
Now and forever. God bless, sister.
1342
01:51:57,461 --> 01:52:00,047
You three are late.
Ls everyone here now?
1343
01:52:05,093 --> 01:52:08,472
Why are there only five dresses?
Where's sister Emanuel?
1344
01:52:08,555 --> 01:52:10,432
Sister Emanuel's dress
will not be needed anymore
1345
01:52:10,515 --> 01:52:11,725
because sister Emanuel left.
1346
01:52:12,267 --> 01:52:14,269
She's not going to be taking vows
with the rest of you.
1347
01:52:14,353 --> 01:52:15,771
What do you mean, she left?
Where'd she go?
1348
01:52:15,854 --> 01:52:17,731
I have no idea, she just left.
That's all.
1349
01:52:17,814 --> 01:52:19,650
I guess she didn't want
to be a nun anymore.
1350
01:52:23,528 --> 01:52:25,530
I don't know if this is something
1351
01:52:25,614 --> 01:52:27,532
that I need to figure out on my own.
1352
01:52:28,825 --> 01:52:30,369
I'll do whatever it takes.
1353
01:52:32,204 --> 01:52:33,872
If you want me to stay, then I'll stay.
1354
01:52:38,669 --> 01:52:41,755
But I can't tell
if that's what you want anymore.
1355
01:52:41,880 --> 01:52:43,882
I can't hear you, and I don't know.
1356
01:54:12,346 --> 01:54:13,805
I pray and beseech thee
1357
01:54:15,057 --> 01:54:17,601
- that each of these dear pledges...
Ls he speaking English?
1358
01:54:17,684 --> 01:54:19,019
...of Jesus and Mary,
1359
01:54:19,686 --> 01:54:22,856
their being preserved
from all uncleanness.
1360
01:54:23,231 --> 01:54:26,943
Thy may with spotless mind,
pure heart and a chaste body
1361
01:54:27,986 --> 01:54:32,616
serve Jesus and Mary most chastely
all the days of my life.
1362
01:54:32,699 --> 01:54:33,700
Amen.
1363
01:54:39,539 --> 01:54:40,999
What is it you seek?
1364
01:54:42,376 --> 01:54:45,170
I seek to take the vows
1365
01:54:45,420 --> 01:54:50,801
of chastity, poverty and obedience.
1366
01:54:52,344 --> 01:54:53,637
To give my life
1367
01:54:54,888 --> 01:54:57,015
to god for eternity.
1368
01:54:58,100 --> 01:55:03,814
To be married forever
to our lord Jesus Christ.
1369
01:55:05,690 --> 01:55:09,152
Bride of Christ,
you are now professed.
1370
01:55:27,712 --> 01:55:29,589
What is it you desire?
1371
01:55:34,302 --> 01:55:35,554
With the help of god,
1372
01:55:37,222 --> 01:55:39,141
I have come to know in this community
1373
01:55:41,143 --> 01:55:43,687
both the difficulty and joy
1374
01:55:44,771 --> 01:55:46,898
of a life completely devoted to him.
1375
01:55:50,485 --> 01:55:53,905
My desire is to make
permanent profession
1376
01:55:55,407 --> 01:55:56,741
within this community
1377
01:55:59,411 --> 01:56:01,455
and to wear the holy habit of the rose.
1378
01:56:02,164 --> 01:56:03,915
And what is it you seek?
1379
01:56:19,764 --> 01:56:20,891
I seek...
1380
01:56:22,809 --> 01:56:24,060
What do I seek?
1381
01:56:28,899 --> 01:56:30,192
What do I seek?
1382
01:56:42,704 --> 01:56:43,955
I seek...
1383
01:56:47,459 --> 01:56:48,793
I seek something more.