1 00:00:09,953 --> 00:00:12,993 So, this is the town limits? 2 00:00:13,027 --> 00:00:16,801 Yes, sir, 4,500 acres that ends right here at the town sign. 3 00:00:16,834 --> 00:00:18,505 And it's all yours, Johnny. 4 00:00:18,538 --> 00:00:22,011 It must be a nice feeling, considering you don't have a lot right now. 5 00:00:22,045 --> 00:00:24,150 You know, because of the crooked business manager. 6 00:00:24,183 --> 00:00:25,252 You know, the money scandal... 7 00:00:25,285 --> 00:00:27,889 Yes, I know, I know, I know, Ray. 8 00:00:29,993 --> 00:00:31,197 What the hell is this? 9 00:00:31,231 --> 00:00:33,135 The town sign. 10 00:00:33,168 --> 00:00:36,174 Is this the real sign, or the joke sign? 11 00:00:36,207 --> 00:00:37,309 What do you mean? 12 00:00:37,343 --> 00:00:39,647 You don't see anything wrong with this? 13 00:00:40,515 --> 00:00:41,951 The man! 14 00:00:41,984 --> 00:00:44,423 Standing awfully close to that woman, wouldn't you say? 15 00:00:44,457 --> 00:00:47,263 Well, he's holding on to her so she doesn't fall into the creek. 16 00:00:47,296 --> 00:00:49,533 Look a little closer, Ray. 17 00:00:49,567 --> 00:00:51,737 Well, it does need a little sprucing up. 18 00:00:51,771 --> 00:00:52,906 Sprucing up? 19 00:00:52,939 --> 00:00:54,177 It's very popular, 20 00:00:54,210 --> 00:00:55,612 people come from all over to take a picture with it. 21 00:00:55,645 --> 00:00:57,149 I'll bet they do! 22 00:00:57,183 --> 00:00:59,820 You know what? This is coming down! 23 00:00:59,853 --> 00:01:01,324 That's the mayor's family up there! 24 00:01:01,357 --> 00:01:03,328 That sign's been here over 40 years. 25 00:01:03,361 --> 00:01:06,100 And you wonder why this place won't sell? 26 00:01:07,936 --> 00:01:09,907 Oh, I think I see it now. 27 00:01:09,940 --> 00:01:11,611 His shoulders are too big. 28 00:01:11,644 --> 00:01:13,080 Get in the car, Ray. 29 00:01:23,801 --> 00:01:25,839 Moira? 30 00:01:25,872 --> 00:01:28,211 Boy, we've got our work cut out for us. 31 00:01:28,245 --> 00:01:30,315 But I've seen worse. 32 00:01:30,349 --> 00:01:32,453 It's not a problem. 33 00:01:32,486 --> 00:01:33,521 Moira? 34 00:01:33,555 --> 00:01:38,465 They dare to call me irrelevant. 35 00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:42,906 Shag carpeting, that's irrelevant! 36 00:01:44,710 --> 00:01:48,217 LA is irrelevant. 37 00:01:50,455 --> 00:01:53,561 I am relevant! 38 00:01:57,936 --> 00:02:00,909 "Good riddance," is what they said. 39 00:02:00,942 --> 00:02:02,679 Who said that, sweetheart? 40 00:02:02,713 --> 00:02:04,483 I don't know! 41 00:02:05,385 --> 00:02:08,858 They're no name commenters. 42 00:02:09,493 --> 00:02:11,431 Tormentors. 43 00:02:11,464 --> 00:02:13,668 Are we having a bad day, honey? 44 00:02:13,701 --> 00:02:15,171 Anonymous. 45 00:02:16,105 --> 00:02:17,809 Ominous. 46 00:02:19,146 --> 00:02:21,082 That'll be fine, thank you. 47 00:02:21,115 --> 00:02:24,323 I'm afraid I don't have a gratuity right now. 48 00:02:26,694 --> 00:02:28,531 So, that guy from the other night, 49 00:02:29,299 --> 00:02:30,569 he's not for me, right? 50 00:02:30,602 --> 00:02:31,737 What guy? 51 00:02:31,771 --> 00:02:35,110 That beardy guy that I kissed at the party. 52 00:02:35,143 --> 00:02:38,284 He's gross, right? Like, that's not a thing for me. 53 00:02:38,317 --> 00:02:41,891 There wasn't like, a spark or anything. 54 00:02:41,924 --> 00:02:44,730 You mean the hitchhiker that was burning meat over a garbage can? 55 00:02:44,763 --> 00:02:46,567 Yeah, that one. 56 00:02:46,601 --> 00:02:49,005 Have you seen your mother today? 57 00:02:49,038 --> 00:02:52,212 Yeah, she was face down on the carpet before dragging herself into the closet. 58 00:02:52,245 --> 00:02:53,848 And you didn't say anything? 59 00:02:53,881 --> 00:02:57,456 I thought she was maybe looking for a contact or something. 60 00:02:57,489 --> 00:03:01,296 Yeah, she Googled herself again, now she's having one of her "things." 61 00:03:01,330 --> 00:03:03,166 How bad is it? 62 00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:05,003 How bad is it? A solid seven. 63 00:03:05,037 --> 00:03:07,208 It's not an eight, which seems manageable for you. 64 00:03:07,242 --> 00:03:09,513 Well, except I've got a few things I have to take care of, 65 00:03:09,547 --> 00:03:11,584 so I need you two to go in, and take... 66 00:03:11,617 --> 00:03:13,555 No, I did Saint-Tropez, so. 67 00:03:13,588 --> 00:03:15,592 And I did her birthday, and Aspen twice. 68 00:03:15,625 --> 00:03:17,629 And I'm trying to sell this town. 69 00:03:17,663 --> 00:03:20,200 So, if you kids want any chance of getting out of here, 70 00:03:20,234 --> 00:03:23,073 you'll help me out, and go in and look after your mother. 71 00:03:23,106 --> 00:03:24,743 Well, my horoscope said 72 00:03:24,777 --> 00:03:27,483 that I shouldn't assume responsibility for anybody but myself today. 73 00:03:27,516 --> 00:03:30,187 Yeah, and my horoscope says, "Why don't you go in and help your mother!" 74 00:03:32,726 --> 00:03:34,597 And don't let her out of your sight, okay? 75 00:03:34,630 --> 00:03:36,534 We don't want her detonating in public! 76 00:03:36,567 --> 00:03:38,337 I know! 77 00:03:38,370 --> 00:03:40,775 Though it is kind of fun to watch, though. 78 00:03:40,809 --> 00:03:43,247 Not when you're the one she's trying to back over with a car. 79 00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:44,282 What's that? 80 00:03:45,117 --> 00:03:46,854 - Eye cream. - From where? 81 00:03:46,887 --> 00:03:48,491 From Paris. 82 00:03:48,525 --> 00:03:49,727 How did you pay for it? 83 00:03:49,760 --> 00:03:51,564 Oh, one of my credit cards is still working. 84 00:03:51,597 --> 00:03:53,901 Oh, you're charging things to your credit card? 85 00:03:53,935 --> 00:03:56,440 I see, and how are you gonna pay for it? 86 00:03:56,473 --> 00:03:59,346 I don't think you understand, I already have it. 87 00:04:01,383 --> 00:04:04,322 Well, I know this is a bizarre concept for you, David, 88 00:04:04,356 --> 00:04:07,829 but if you want cream from Paris, you need a job, 89 00:04:07,863 --> 00:04:11,303 so you can pay for the cream from Paris! 90 00:04:11,336 --> 00:04:14,175 Okay, well, tell that to the bags under my eyes, then. 91 00:04:14,208 --> 00:04:16,045 And right after you tell your next joke, 92 00:04:16,079 --> 00:04:19,085 I want you to go down to the front desk, and ask what's-her-name... 93 00:04:19,118 --> 00:04:20,220 Stevie. 94 00:04:20,253 --> 00:04:22,425 Where you can get a job around here! All right? 95 00:04:22,458 --> 00:04:24,763 I'm in the middle of getting rid of an X-rated sign, 96 00:04:24,797 --> 00:04:27,836 before it scares off the few buyers we might actually have! 97 00:04:27,869 --> 00:04:30,040 Okay, I'll get on that. 98 00:04:30,073 --> 00:04:32,779 You want the smooth under eyes of a 16-year-old, 99 00:04:32,813 --> 00:04:33,881 get a job! 100 00:04:37,021 --> 00:04:38,357 You just need to relax, 101 00:04:38,390 --> 00:04:40,193 because it's not like your boyfriend left you 102 00:04:40,227 --> 00:04:42,999 for a Scandinavian flight attendant! 103 00:04:43,033 --> 00:04:45,538 What kind of name is Kika anyway? 104 00:04:45,571 --> 00:04:47,643 I'm the one that should be in the closet right now, not you. 105 00:04:47,676 --> 00:04:49,479 Help me out. 106 00:04:49,512 --> 00:04:50,682 - Help me! - Okay! 107 00:04:51,149 --> 00:04:52,318 Oh, shh. 108 00:04:52,352 --> 00:04:54,422 My foot's fallen asleep. 109 00:04:54,456 --> 00:04:58,096 Hey, shall we see what they're saying about you and Stavros? 110 00:04:58,129 --> 00:05:00,267 - No! - It's not my idea! 111 00:05:01,269 --> 00:05:03,474 You were a couple of doe-eyed lovers 112 00:05:03,507 --> 00:05:08,116 aboard a Transatlantic airship filled with gas! 113 00:05:08,149 --> 00:05:09,285 You know what I think we should do? 114 00:05:09,319 --> 00:05:10,855 I think we should go get something to eat, 115 00:05:10,889 --> 00:05:13,928 because when you're eating you can't be talking to me, okay? 116 00:05:13,961 --> 00:05:16,165 - You know what I think? - What? 117 00:05:18,838 --> 00:05:21,242 You date pigs. 118 00:05:21,275 --> 00:05:24,482 Okay, I just remembered that being a mother is not your strong suit. 119 00:05:24,516 --> 00:05:29,058 Oh, darling, I'm only telling you because it's true! 120 00:05:29,091 --> 00:05:30,394 And because you gobbled down 121 00:05:30,428 --> 00:05:32,465 a hundred thousand anti-depressants this morning. 122 00:05:32,498 --> 00:05:33,968 - I was hungry! - Hmm. 123 00:05:35,137 --> 00:05:36,941 But I could still eat. 124 00:05:42,753 --> 00:05:45,023 Hi, um, question. 125 00:05:45,057 --> 00:05:49,900 If one were to theoretically look for a job 126 00:05:49,933 --> 00:05:51,603 here in Schitt's Creek, 127 00:05:51,636 --> 00:05:53,875 where would you 128 00:05:53,908 --> 00:05:56,814 suggest that that person go to look? 129 00:05:56,847 --> 00:05:59,519 Is there, like, a bulletin board or a pamphlet, 130 00:05:59,552 --> 00:06:00,855 or something with information on it? 131 00:06:00,889 --> 00:06:03,093 Uh, no, no bulletin board... 132 00:06:03,126 --> 00:06:05,230 What kind of job are you looking for? 133 00:06:05,263 --> 00:06:08,504 Um, something in, like, art curating, or trend forecasting. 134 00:06:08,537 --> 00:06:09,572 Okay. 135 00:06:09,606 --> 00:06:11,944 Um, hmm... Let's see. 136 00:06:11,977 --> 00:06:16,119 Not seeing anything in art curating, or trend forecasting, 137 00:06:16,152 --> 00:06:17,321 that's weird. 138 00:06:17,354 --> 00:06:18,590 Okay. 139 00:06:18,624 --> 00:06:21,195 Um, do you have any other skills or areas of expertise? 140 00:06:21,229 --> 00:06:23,600 Uh, I've been told I have really good taste. 141 00:06:23,634 --> 00:06:25,337 Well, that's good. Um... 142 00:06:26,406 --> 00:06:28,343 Let's see... Oh! 143 00:06:28,376 --> 00:06:30,247 Bag boy at the grocery store. 144 00:06:31,115 --> 00:06:32,485 I don't know what that is. 145 00:06:32,518 --> 00:06:34,556 You put groceries in bags, 146 00:06:34,589 --> 00:06:39,231 so that people can carry their groceries out of the grocery store. 147 00:06:39,265 --> 00:06:42,438 Okay, and how much do you think that would pay? 148 00:06:42,472 --> 00:06:45,377 Hmm. I'm gonna say minimum wage. 149 00:06:45,411 --> 00:06:48,617 Which is what, 40, 45 something an hour? 150 00:06:48,650 --> 00:06:49,719 Mmm-hmm. Exactly. 151 00:06:49,752 --> 00:06:51,590 Okay. Okay! 152 00:06:52,391 --> 00:06:53,827 Well, something to think about. 153 00:06:53,861 --> 00:06:55,431 For sure, thank you. 154 00:06:55,464 --> 00:06:56,666 You're welcome. 155 00:06:58,704 --> 00:07:02,011 I would like two apple fritters, 156 00:07:03,747 --> 00:07:08,857 sliver of pecan pie, large fries with gravy and bacon! 157 00:07:08,891 --> 00:07:11,496 Okay, so, she will have scrambled egg whites 158 00:07:11,530 --> 00:07:13,266 and some steamed spinach, please, thank you. 159 00:07:13,299 --> 00:07:17,475 And some pecan pie! Onion rings, and ice cream! 160 00:07:17,508 --> 00:07:20,881 Actually, none of that, and I will have a tea, thank you. 161 00:07:20,915 --> 00:07:22,184 Okay. 162 00:07:22,217 --> 00:07:25,524 Um, Mrs. Rose, are you okay? You seem a bit... 163 00:07:25,558 --> 00:07:26,793 Mmm-hmm. She's fine. 164 00:07:27,294 --> 00:07:28,363 I'm fine. 165 00:07:41,991 --> 00:07:42,993 Um... 166 00:07:44,228 --> 00:07:47,668 Hey! Stay here, okay? Don't move! 167 00:07:51,643 --> 00:07:53,379 Oh! 168 00:07:53,413 --> 00:07:55,918 Wow, I'm really bored. 169 00:07:55,951 --> 00:07:59,692 Hey! Hey! Hey, you! Hey! 170 00:07:59,726 --> 00:08:03,500 Hey, so I just wanted to be clear about what happened the other night. 171 00:08:03,534 --> 00:08:05,504 The reason that I let you kiss me. 172 00:08:05,538 --> 00:08:07,474 Um, you kissed me. 173 00:08:07,508 --> 00:08:09,946 Yeah, no, I can see how that would be confusing, 174 00:08:09,979 --> 00:08:12,017 but I just wanted to let you know 175 00:08:12,051 --> 00:08:15,257 that that was just me going through some stuff. 176 00:08:16,059 --> 00:08:17,194 Cool. 177 00:08:17,595 --> 00:08:19,131 Um, hey! 178 00:08:19,165 --> 00:08:22,872 So, why do they give you table scraps? 179 00:08:22,905 --> 00:08:24,876 Are you, like, a poor person, or? 180 00:08:26,646 --> 00:08:29,151 Um, no, but thanks for asking. 181 00:08:29,185 --> 00:08:30,654 No, I use it to compost. 182 00:08:30,688 --> 00:08:33,159 You know, that way nothing gets thrown out. 183 00:08:34,295 --> 00:08:35,463 Composting? 184 00:08:35,497 --> 00:08:38,236 Yeah, no, I... I know composting. 185 00:08:38,269 --> 00:08:41,576 Um, Gwyneth Paltrow does a compost gift exchange. 186 00:08:42,778 --> 00:08:44,649 I'm gonna go. 187 00:08:44,682 --> 00:08:47,955 Okay, great, I'm glad that we could clear this up. 188 00:09:00,079 --> 00:09:01,249 Speak of the devil. 189 00:09:02,284 --> 00:09:03,754 Good morning. 190 00:09:03,787 --> 00:09:06,459 - Ray! Hi. - Hi. 191 00:09:06,492 --> 00:09:10,367 I just stopped by to make an appointment to see the town council. 192 00:09:10,400 --> 00:09:12,271 You're looking at us. 193 00:09:12,304 --> 00:09:15,678 I'm Bob, that's Ronnie, you know Ray. 194 00:09:15,711 --> 00:09:19,351 Yes, yes, Ray. Spent a wonderful morning with Ray. 195 00:09:19,385 --> 00:09:21,756 Well, I can see you've got a million things on your plate, 196 00:09:21,790 --> 00:09:23,594 so I'll get to the point, 197 00:09:23,627 --> 00:09:24,996 it's about the town sign. 198 00:09:25,029 --> 00:09:28,269 I told you he wouldn't let this go! 199 00:09:28,303 --> 00:09:31,776 The sign tells people what to expect when they're in town. 200 00:09:31,810 --> 00:09:34,649 Do you have a problem with that message? 201 00:09:34,682 --> 00:09:36,452 A major problem, Bob. 202 00:09:36,485 --> 00:09:39,491 Yeah, you see, it's the first thing you see when you drive in, 203 00:09:39,525 --> 00:09:41,495 and as the owner of the town, 204 00:09:41,529 --> 00:09:46,104 I'd like to convey a better, cleaner image. 205 00:09:46,138 --> 00:09:49,010 There's a lot of history in that sign, Johnny. 206 00:09:49,044 --> 00:09:50,714 Schitt history. 207 00:09:50,748 --> 00:09:52,317 That's all we need, 208 00:09:52,351 --> 00:09:55,257 some outsider coming in here and changing everything. 209 00:09:55,290 --> 00:09:58,263 If it ain't broke, don't fix it! 210 00:10:05,543 --> 00:10:07,682 - Hello, Moira! - Hi. 211 00:10:08,148 --> 00:10:09,285 Hi! 212 00:10:10,487 --> 00:10:11,790 How are you? 213 00:10:11,823 --> 00:10:13,660 I'm eating egg whites, 214 00:10:14,729 --> 00:10:16,900 and hoping the building will collapse. 215 00:10:18,002 --> 00:10:21,309 Anyways, I have a giant favor. 216 00:10:21,910 --> 00:10:23,078 Hmm. 217 00:10:23,112 --> 00:10:26,452 My class is putting on a play for the younger grades, 218 00:10:26,485 --> 00:10:28,122 and I just 219 00:10:28,155 --> 00:10:30,527 thought that you'd be perfect, 220 00:10:30,560 --> 00:10:33,198 you know, to help coach the kids. 221 00:10:35,002 --> 00:10:38,042 Because they'd be thrilled to have someone like you, 222 00:10:38,075 --> 00:10:40,112 an actual star... 223 00:10:42,551 --> 00:10:44,789 Teach them? 224 00:10:44,822 --> 00:10:49,631 That must have taken such courage to ask me that. 225 00:10:52,203 --> 00:10:55,510 But in show business boldness is rewarded, 226 00:10:56,111 --> 00:10:57,647 so my answer is yes. 227 00:10:58,082 --> 00:11:00,520 Yes, yes! 228 00:11:00,553 --> 00:11:01,856 That is such good news! 229 00:11:01,890 --> 00:11:03,894 Fuck, I know! 230 00:11:11,375 --> 00:11:13,579 So, how'd it go? 231 00:11:13,613 --> 00:11:16,419 I met with a woman at a very sad grocery store, 232 00:11:16,452 --> 00:11:20,828 and I have a quote unquote interview to be a bag boy. 233 00:11:20,861 --> 00:11:23,666 Hey, that's great! 234 00:11:23,700 --> 00:11:26,639 That's all that I'm apparently qualified to be. 235 00:11:26,672 --> 00:11:28,744 - When's the interview? - This afternoon. 236 00:11:28,777 --> 00:11:31,081 Well, the interview's where you make your first good impression, 237 00:11:31,114 --> 00:11:32,451 so, it's gotta count. 238 00:11:32,484 --> 00:11:34,889 I'm interviewing to be a bag boy, not a personal injury lawyer. 239 00:11:34,922 --> 00:11:38,095 David, I've had enough people hire enough people in my day 240 00:11:38,128 --> 00:11:40,667 to know exactly what they're looking for in an interview, 241 00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:42,905 so, let's go! Let's get up. 242 00:11:45,309 --> 00:11:46,512 For what? 243 00:11:48,950 --> 00:11:50,286 Come in! 244 00:11:52,792 --> 00:11:54,595 Oh, David Rose. 245 00:11:55,798 --> 00:11:58,168 You're applying for the bag boy position. 246 00:11:58,202 --> 00:11:59,270 Yeah. 247 00:11:59,304 --> 00:12:02,010 Tell me David, why do you want this job? 248 00:12:02,043 --> 00:12:03,345 I don't want this job. 249 00:12:03,378 --> 00:12:05,884 Well, thank you very much, and don't expect a phone call! 250 00:12:05,918 --> 00:12:07,755 - Okay. - All right, do it right! 251 00:12:07,788 --> 00:12:09,859 Or let's not do it. 252 00:12:09,892 --> 00:12:10,961 Now, we're gonna start again. 253 00:12:10,994 --> 00:12:12,296 - Okay. - Tell me, David, 254 00:12:12,330 --> 00:12:13,967 why do you want this job? 255 00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:15,402 I ran out of eye cream. 256 00:12:15,436 --> 00:12:17,875 Okay, you're not gonna get this job. You're not gonna get this job! 257 00:12:17,908 --> 00:12:20,079 You know why? Your attitude sucks! 258 00:12:20,112 --> 00:12:21,515 - Okay... - And look at how you're dressed. 259 00:12:21,549 --> 00:12:24,555 What is this? Colostomy bag pants! 260 00:12:24,588 --> 00:12:26,993 I'm the manager of a family run grocery store. 261 00:12:27,026 --> 00:12:28,362 I'm not gonna hire you! 262 00:12:28,395 --> 00:12:30,667 You're not gonna get the job, you're the last person... 263 00:12:30,700 --> 00:12:32,470 - Okay! - Where's your mother? 264 00:12:33,974 --> 00:12:36,044 - Where's your mother? - What? 265 00:12:37,313 --> 00:12:38,549 - What? - Where's your mother? 266 00:12:38,583 --> 00:12:40,152 She's with Jocelyn. 267 00:12:40,186 --> 00:12:42,591 - With Jocelyn? - She's fine! 268 00:12:42,624 --> 00:12:44,294 And I'm fine too, if anybody cares. 269 00:12:44,327 --> 00:12:46,131 I told you to watch her! 270 00:12:46,164 --> 00:12:49,404 I did watch her! I watched her talk to Jocelyn. 271 00:12:52,043 --> 00:12:56,251 Okay, how many of you beautiful young things 272 00:12:56,284 --> 00:12:57,754 have a background in the theater? 273 00:12:57,788 --> 00:12:59,490 Raise your swords! 274 00:13:02,998 --> 00:13:07,173 I see, a class grounded in realism, nice work. 275 00:13:07,206 --> 00:13:10,848 Because that is where we find our deepest well. 276 00:13:11,816 --> 00:13:13,185 May I be upfront? 277 00:13:13,218 --> 00:13:14,420 Yes. 278 00:13:15,891 --> 00:13:20,132 We're not here to play, or to have fun! 279 00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:26,278 You will work until it hurts! 280 00:13:29,084 --> 00:13:30,988 Hey, come here a second! 281 00:13:31,021 --> 00:13:33,458 Hey, just the man I wanna see! 282 00:13:33,492 --> 00:13:36,699 So word on the street is that you're all freaked out 283 00:13:36,732 --> 00:13:38,970 about the town sign, is that right? 284 00:13:39,004 --> 00:13:41,474 No, no, I'm not freaked out about the town sign, I just... 285 00:13:41,508 --> 00:13:43,746 And that you have some sort of problem with my family, 286 00:13:43,779 --> 00:13:44,949 - or something, is that it? - No, no, no, 287 00:13:44,982 --> 00:13:46,151 this is not about your family. 288 00:13:46,184 --> 00:13:47,653 - It's not? - It's not about your family. No. 289 00:13:47,687 --> 00:13:49,324 - Really? Okay, interesting. - No, no, no. 290 00:13:49,357 --> 00:13:50,626 In the car, come on! 291 00:13:50,659 --> 00:13:52,330 In, let's go! 292 00:13:54,836 --> 00:13:57,440 Come on, Kaylee, try this. 293 00:13:57,473 --> 00:13:59,410 It's cool. 294 00:13:59,444 --> 00:14:01,314 I can be cool without drugs, Mark! 295 00:14:01,348 --> 00:14:03,085 Okay, stop! No one speak. 296 00:14:03,118 --> 00:14:04,554 Not a word! 297 00:14:07,593 --> 00:14:09,530 It's not your fault, the script is garbage! 298 00:14:09,564 --> 00:14:13,605 Okay, which one of you wrote this? 299 00:14:14,808 --> 00:14:16,178 I did. 300 00:14:17,747 --> 00:14:20,954 Jocelyn, have you ever been addicted to drugs? 301 00:14:20,988 --> 00:14:22,791 No! 302 00:14:22,824 --> 00:14:24,896 Then write what you know, okay? 303 00:14:24,929 --> 00:14:28,702 The quiet suffering of a woman trapped in a relationship with a simpleton. 304 00:14:28,735 --> 00:14:31,441 That's not what I know Moira, 305 00:14:31,474 --> 00:14:35,116 and drug awareness is part of the curriculum, so. 306 00:14:35,149 --> 00:14:36,684 I'm gonna work with these two. 307 00:14:37,753 --> 00:14:40,928 What is it that you want? 308 00:14:40,961 --> 00:14:42,296 To go home. 309 00:14:42,330 --> 00:14:44,234 Is that where you keep the stash? 310 00:14:44,267 --> 00:14:45,569 You want the marijuana? 311 00:14:46,304 --> 00:14:47,373 Yes? 312 00:14:47,406 --> 00:14:52,516 No, you want to be seen, and heard, and loved! 313 00:14:55,322 --> 00:14:57,426 Now, what is it you need? 314 00:14:57,460 --> 00:15:00,032 It's different, be careful, what is it you need? 315 00:15:02,803 --> 00:15:04,640 What is it you need? 316 00:15:22,978 --> 00:15:24,414 Okay. 317 00:15:33,732 --> 00:15:35,369 Hey! 318 00:15:35,402 --> 00:15:38,308 Um, were you working out or something? Or... 319 00:15:38,842 --> 00:15:41,614 Uh, sort of. 320 00:15:41,648 --> 00:15:44,956 Okay, well, I'm sorry for interrupting. 321 00:15:44,989 --> 00:15:48,162 Um, I just... I happened to be in the area, so... 322 00:15:48,195 --> 00:15:49,330 Mutt? 323 00:15:50,499 --> 00:15:51,801 Um... 324 00:15:52,570 --> 00:15:53,905 - Just... - Alexis! 325 00:15:55,209 --> 00:15:56,478 Twyla! 326 00:15:57,680 --> 00:15:59,517 I didn't know you two were... 327 00:15:59,550 --> 00:16:02,456 Did you wanna come in? I was just about to make some tea. 328 00:16:02,490 --> 00:16:04,627 Mmm. No, I'm good. 329 00:16:04,660 --> 00:16:06,931 Um, I should be getting back to my mom, 330 00:16:06,965 --> 00:16:10,406 who's not well, yeah, so, I'm gonna go. 331 00:16:10,439 --> 00:16:11,608 Okay. 332 00:16:11,641 --> 00:16:13,445 - You guys have fun! - Thanks! 333 00:16:15,549 --> 00:16:16,986 Bye! 334 00:16:18,322 --> 00:16:20,926 Bye. 335 00:16:20,959 --> 00:16:24,800 That is my great grandfather up there, Horace Schitt. 336 00:16:25,536 --> 00:16:27,573 He was a visionary, Johnny! 337 00:16:27,606 --> 00:16:29,610 He discovered this land, he developed it, 338 00:16:29,644 --> 00:16:32,583 and he turned it into the little slice of heaven that it is. 339 00:16:32,616 --> 00:16:35,189 And I'm proud of him! You understand that? 340 00:16:35,222 --> 00:16:36,558 Roland, you've got this all wrong. 341 00:16:36,591 --> 00:16:37,660 Why do you hate me? 342 00:16:37,693 --> 00:16:39,564 I don't hate you! I don't hate you! 343 00:16:39,597 --> 00:16:41,234 Well then, why do you have a problem with a sign 344 00:16:41,268 --> 00:16:42,670 that celebrates my family? 345 00:16:42,703 --> 00:16:45,242 It's not, it's just the way they're celebrating, that's all! 346 00:16:45,276 --> 00:16:47,046 Okay, so now you hate my family. 347 00:16:47,080 --> 00:16:48,215 I don't hate your family! 348 00:16:48,248 --> 00:16:50,252 Well then, what is your big fat problem with the sign? 349 00:16:50,286 --> 00:16:51,988 It looks like your great grandfather's 350 00:16:52,022 --> 00:16:54,594 fucking your great grandmother right up the ass! 351 00:16:56,698 --> 00:16:59,637 Oh, my... That is so demented! 352 00:16:59,670 --> 00:17:02,110 You can't tell me you don't see that! 353 00:17:02,143 --> 00:17:05,982 Well, you know, now that you put that creepy thought in my head, 354 00:17:06,016 --> 00:17:09,557 sure, I see it, but you got it all wrong, pal! 355 00:17:09,590 --> 00:17:12,028 Let me enlighten you, Mr. Johnny Rose! 356 00:17:12,062 --> 00:17:13,998 That isn't even Horace's wife! 357 00:17:14,032 --> 00:17:15,936 That's his sister. 358 00:17:18,908 --> 00:17:20,979 Well, how does that make it any better? 359 00:17:21,681 --> 00:17:22,916 Oh! 360 00:17:22,950 --> 00:17:25,656 Well, I don't know how they do things where you come from, 361 00:17:25,689 --> 00:17:26,758 but around these parts, 362 00:17:26,791 --> 00:17:28,728 we don't do that sort of thing with our sisters! 363 00:17:29,797 --> 00:17:33,372 Roland, how is anybody driving past this sign 364 00:17:33,405 --> 00:17:36,009 supposed to know the woman getting banged from behind 365 00:17:36,042 --> 00:17:38,148 is that man's sister? 366 00:17:38,182 --> 00:17:40,852 - Oh, my. - Oh, my! Yes, oh my! 367 00:17:40,886 --> 00:17:43,558 All right, Johnny, well I never really looked at it that way, 368 00:17:43,592 --> 00:17:47,166 but now I get it, okay, well, all right, I'll do something about it. 369 00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:48,368 I'll fix it, all right? 370 00:17:48,402 --> 00:17:51,641 And thank you, thank you for bringing that up to me. 371 00:17:51,674 --> 00:17:52,910 Good. 372 00:17:55,316 --> 00:17:57,152 Good! 373 00:17:57,186 --> 00:18:00,057 Jocelyn, we're going off book! 374 00:18:00,091 --> 00:18:01,861 Well, actually, we're running out of time. 375 00:18:01,894 --> 00:18:04,567 Forget the lines, forget the lines! 376 00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:07,706 Let's just be in character, shall we? 377 00:18:10,077 --> 00:18:12,983 Ugh, could you be stiffer? Just watch, please. 378 00:18:14,119 --> 00:18:15,889 - Start wherever. - Um... 379 00:18:15,922 --> 00:18:18,795 Do you wanna smoke a joint? 380 00:18:18,828 --> 00:18:22,135 Oh, Mark, you are better than this. 381 00:18:22,169 --> 00:18:24,374 You can't let others define you. 382 00:18:24,407 --> 00:18:25,676 Look at me! 383 00:18:25,709 --> 00:18:28,515 Never let the bastards get you down! 384 00:18:28,548 --> 00:18:29,650 Can't say bastard! 385 00:18:29,684 --> 00:18:31,120 Okay. 386 00:18:31,153 --> 00:18:34,193 You must prepare for life, and whatever it will throw at you. 387 00:18:34,226 --> 00:18:35,996 The opportunities will diminish, 388 00:18:36,764 --> 00:18:38,835 and the ass will get bigger, 389 00:18:38,868 --> 00:18:40,806 oh, you can bet your bottom dollar it will! 390 00:18:40,839 --> 00:18:44,246 Especially yours. You're going to have a huge ass. 391 00:18:44,947 --> 00:18:47,786 And you, future baldy. 392 00:18:47,820 --> 00:18:50,459 Sorry, hairless, homeless! 393 00:18:50,492 --> 00:18:52,496 So what? Who cares? 394 00:18:52,530 --> 00:18:56,002 When they get mean, you tell them to go to hell! 395 00:18:56,036 --> 00:18:59,444 Because only you know who you are! 396 00:18:59,477 --> 00:19:03,718 And those cruel internet people cannot take that away from you! 397 00:19:03,752 --> 00:19:06,458 You will forge on! 398 00:19:06,491 --> 00:19:10,932 And you will find some glimmer of something to hold on to. 399 00:19:10,966 --> 00:19:13,872 And only then will you find your way back. 400 00:19:15,140 --> 00:19:20,218 Only then will you become once again who you are! 401 00:19:20,251 --> 00:19:22,356 Lady standing! 402 00:19:32,743 --> 00:19:35,281 Good, you're gettin' the hang of it. 403 00:19:35,315 --> 00:19:37,653 Well, putting groceries in a bag 404 00:19:37,686 --> 00:19:39,557 is not as complicated as one might think. 405 00:19:39,590 --> 00:19:41,928 Watch the eggs. What did I say? 406 00:19:41,961 --> 00:19:44,199 You said put them in a separate bag. 407 00:19:44,233 --> 00:19:47,171 Good. Quick learner. 408 00:19:47,205 --> 00:19:49,209 David Rose, line one. 409 00:19:51,414 --> 00:19:53,718 Sorry, I just gotta... 410 00:19:53,752 --> 00:19:55,622 Just one... Thank you. 411 00:19:56,991 --> 00:19:58,060 Hello? 412 00:19:58,093 --> 00:19:59,764 Hey, how's it going? 413 00:19:59,797 --> 00:20:00,999 Yeah, I can't talk right now, so. 414 00:20:01,032 --> 00:20:02,736 Ah, they're working you hard, huh? 415 00:20:02,770 --> 00:20:05,609 Yeah, I can't talk, so I'm gonna hang up, bye. 416 00:20:07,880 --> 00:20:09,817 Sorry, sorry about that. 417 00:20:13,625 --> 00:20:15,228 Someone's on a health kick, huh? 418 00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:19,670 David Rose, line one. 419 00:20:22,041 --> 00:20:24,880 I'm just gonna... Scoot past. 420 00:20:28,421 --> 00:20:30,124 - Yeah? - You hung up. 421 00:20:32,496 --> 00:20:33,732 Sorry. 422 00:20:34,700 --> 00:20:36,069 Okay. 423 00:20:37,339 --> 00:20:38,975 Where were we? 424 00:20:39,008 --> 00:20:41,046 David Rose, line one! 425 00:20:44,587 --> 00:20:45,756 Right. 426 00:20:47,191 --> 00:20:49,028 Take that off. 427 00:20:49,764 --> 00:20:51,534 Hand that to you. 428 00:20:51,568 --> 00:20:53,471 Now I'm gonna... I'm gonna go. 429 00:20:58,013 --> 00:20:59,850 This is worse. 430 00:20:59,884 --> 00:21:01,186 This is much worse! 431 00:21:01,219 --> 00:21:02,289 You did this? 432 00:21:02,322 --> 00:21:05,027 No, I didn't do this, I tried to fix this! 433 00:21:05,060 --> 00:21:06,731 Well, it... 434 00:21:06,764 --> 00:21:08,568 It is what it is. 435 00:21:08,602 --> 00:21:09,937 Okay, it looks like... 436 00:21:09,970 --> 00:21:12,108 I know what it looks like, Alexis! 437 00:21:12,141 --> 00:21:13,210 I know!