1 00:00:30,458 --> 00:00:33,619 Dr. Schwiman was so right. Isn't this romantic? 2 00:00:35,292 --> 00:00:39,020 This bike weighs as much as a dead cow. 3 00:00:39,092 --> 00:00:41,718 Who designed these bikes, Hitler? 4 00:00:41,792 --> 00:00:45,123 My God. They use these in the Tour de France? 5 00:00:45,192 --> 00:00:47,317 Well, everything is old here. It's part of the charm. 6 00:00:47,391 --> 00:00:49,324 Mine's broken, I think. 7 00:00:52,558 --> 00:00:54,320 And I think it's going to rain. 8 00:00:54,391 --> 00:00:55,881 Why do you have to be so pessimistic? 9 00:00:55,959 --> 00:00:58,619 I'm not pessimistique. 10 00:00:58,692 --> 00:01:00,716 I'm realistique. 11 00:01:00,792 --> 00:01:02,315 Exact same thing for you. 12 00:01:02,391 --> 00:01:04,449 Where are we? What arrondissement is this? 13 00:01:04,525 --> 00:01:06,355 Why don't you ride next to me instead of behind me 14 00:01:06,425 --> 00:01:09,392 because I may as well be riding alone. 15 00:01:09,458 --> 00:01:11,448 Well, suit yourself. 16 00:01:11,525 --> 00:01:13,492 I'm tired anyway. 17 00:01:13,558 --> 00:01:15,354 Suit yourself. 18 00:02:16,391 --> 00:02:17,653 Huh? 19 00:02:17,725 --> 00:02:18,657 Okay? 20 00:02:18,725 --> 00:02:19,817 Olè! 21 00:03:34,692 --> 00:03:36,318 Is my husband here? 22 00:03:36,391 --> 00:03:38,824 No, Madame. We were worrying about you. 23 00:03:38,892 --> 00:03:41,188 No, no harm done. What about Jacques? 24 00:03:41,258 --> 00:03:43,452 Ready and waiting! 25 00:03:43,525 --> 00:03:44,992 Brace yourself, pal. 26 00:03:45,059 --> 00:03:48,117 Look at that. Madame, I'm doubling my fee. 27 00:03:55,525 --> 00:03:58,015 Security man out there didn't let me in. 28 00:03:58,092 --> 00:04:00,718 Of course not. We have the Lord Mayor of London coming. 29 00:04:00,792 --> 00:04:02,452 Really? Sexy! 30 00:04:02,525 --> 00:04:03,856 Can I say hello? 31 00:04:03,925 --> 00:04:05,357 Well, he's coming with his husband. 32 00:04:05,425 --> 00:04:06,357 Too bad. 33 00:04:06,425 --> 00:04:08,221 Today's mail, Madame. 34 00:04:09,391 --> 00:04:11,415 And this came by messenger. 35 00:04:45,525 --> 00:04:47,458 I want some chocolate milk. 36 00:04:47,525 --> 00:04:49,617 And I'll have a double vodka on the rocks. 37 00:04:49,692 --> 00:04:51,158 Steven! 38 00:04:51,225 --> 00:04:53,852 How are you, silly monkeys? 39 00:04:53,925 --> 00:04:55,516 Sean. 40 00:04:55,592 --> 00:04:56,820 How are you, Maria? 41 00:04:56,892 --> 00:04:58,688 Oh, Mr. Stevens, when did you get here? 42 00:04:58,758 --> 00:05:00,657 Just this afternoon. 43 00:05:00,725 --> 00:05:03,191 What's happening here? Is it someone's birthday or something? 44 00:05:03,258 --> 00:05:05,316 Nothing like that. Just a small dinner for twelve. 45 00:05:05,391 --> 00:05:06,722 Ohh. 46 00:05:09,525 --> 00:05:11,185 Thank you. 47 00:05:11,258 --> 00:05:12,782 Come on, Rose, you need to eat something. 48 00:05:12,859 --> 00:05:14,189 No. 49 00:05:14,258 --> 00:05:16,282 Please, Mr. Steven, tell her. 50 00:05:16,358 --> 00:05:19,450 What are you doing, Rose, starving yourself like Mommy? 51 00:05:19,525 --> 00:05:20,992 Skinny Mommy, yes! 52 00:05:21,058 --> 00:05:22,855 Well, don't. 53 00:05:22,925 --> 00:05:25,790 Nobody likes a human toothpick. 54 00:05:25,859 --> 00:05:27,348 Going to find my dad. 55 00:05:29,225 --> 00:05:33,158 Listen to your big brother and finish those potatoes, please. 56 00:05:34,558 --> 00:05:36,491 Okay, try that. 57 00:05:38,425 --> 00:05:40,187 Aren't you gonna miss it? 58 00:05:40,258 --> 00:05:41,885 Of course I'm gonna miss it. 59 00:05:41,959 --> 00:05:45,050 This was your grandfather's greatest acquisition. 60 00:05:45,124 --> 00:05:47,114 He'd cut my balls off. 61 00:05:47,191 --> 00:05:48,886 Why don't you sell something else? 62 00:05:48,959 --> 00:05:51,357 You still don't get. I'm hanging by my fingernails here. 63 00:05:51,425 --> 00:05:52,517 I need the money. 64 00:05:52,592 --> 00:05:55,024 Anne's costing you that much? 65 00:05:55,091 --> 00:05:57,649 Sell her jewels. 66 00:05:57,725 --> 00:05:59,658 You're not funny. 67 00:05:59,725 --> 00:06:02,317 Do you want me to lend you something? 68 00:06:02,391 --> 00:06:04,358 Could you? 50,000. 69 00:06:04,425 --> 00:06:06,483 Just for a few days, until the sale goes through? 70 00:06:06,558 --> 00:06:08,889 - I'll call Mom. - Don't do that. 71 00:06:08,959 --> 00:06:13,324 Don't give her the satisfaction. How is she anyway? 72 00:06:13,391 --> 00:06:16,324 Getting older and heavier by the day. 73 00:06:16,391 --> 00:06:18,517 Richer too. 74 00:06:18,592 --> 00:06:20,889 Never leaves foggy London. 75 00:06:20,959 --> 00:06:23,187 She voted Brexit. 76 00:06:23,258 --> 00:06:24,782 Makes sense. 77 00:06:24,859 --> 00:06:27,883 When you were born, she was nuts about Margaret Thatcher. 78 00:06:27,959 --> 00:06:30,482 She said I had to vote for Reagan. 79 00:06:30,558 --> 00:06:32,218 - Did you? - No. 80 00:06:32,291 --> 00:06:33,952 We were in Athens. 81 00:06:34,024 --> 00:06:36,582 Our last horrible year. 82 00:06:39,558 --> 00:06:41,684 How's the writing going? 83 00:06:41,758 --> 00:06:44,315 Yeah, my publisher's coming to Paris. 84 00:06:44,391 --> 00:06:46,290 I've got nothing to show him. 85 00:06:46,358 --> 00:06:48,291 He knows it. 86 00:06:48,358 --> 00:06:50,222 So why is he coming? 87 00:06:50,291 --> 00:06:53,486 When he writes off the Eurostar trip, 88 00:06:53,558 --> 00:06:55,525 I'm one of his best assets. 89 00:07:22,958 --> 00:07:24,892 C'est l'heure. 90 00:07:29,558 --> 00:07:31,990 Go on, sir. Take one. 91 00:07:32,058 --> 00:07:36,355 In my country, we call it mektoub: your future. 92 00:07:41,458 --> 00:07:45,391 "Tonight you will meet someone special." 93 00:07:45,458 --> 00:07:47,391 That's not very original. 94 00:07:47,458 --> 00:07:50,186 No? And what if that someone special 95 00:07:50,258 --> 00:07:54,749 is a mysterious, beautiful lady? 96 00:08:13,725 --> 00:08:15,191 Zip me up. 97 00:08:18,891 --> 00:08:21,154 I'd rather undress you. 98 00:08:22,924 --> 00:08:26,221 Well, you had your chance. 99 00:08:32,191 --> 00:08:33,818 Ten, eleven, twelve... 100 00:08:33,891 --> 00:08:35,222 thirteen? 101 00:08:35,291 --> 00:08:36,985 - Madre de Dios. - Exactly. 102 00:08:37,058 --> 00:08:38,685 - Who did this? - I did. 103 00:08:38,758 --> 00:08:41,452 Hello, Anne. 104 00:08:41,525 --> 00:08:44,117 And welcome to Paris, Steven. Please make yourself at home. 105 00:08:44,191 --> 00:08:45,556 Yes, and invite yourself to dinner. 106 00:08:45,625 --> 00:08:47,455 No, no, Bob invited me. 107 00:08:47,525 --> 00:08:49,855 He didn't say a word. Typical. 108 00:08:49,924 --> 00:08:52,551 Well, I am not having thirteen at my table. It is bad luck. 109 00:08:52,625 --> 00:08:54,683 And what's worse, it's me. Sorry about that, Anne, 110 00:08:54,758 --> 00:08:56,725 but my father's really excited to see me. 111 00:08:56,792 --> 00:08:58,281 Especially now, as it happens. 112 00:08:58,358 --> 00:08:59,949 Oh, my God. 113 00:09:00,024 --> 00:09:01,787 Get rid of those. 114 00:09:01,858 --> 00:09:03,223 Anne, be proud of me! 115 00:09:03,291 --> 00:09:04,814 How about I kill you? 116 00:09:04,891 --> 00:09:08,222 Head down. Rotate for a single axis. 117 00:09:08,291 --> 00:09:09,985 See, I remember every word. 118 00:09:10,058 --> 00:09:12,321 Admit it. I'm a fast learner. 119 00:09:12,391 --> 00:09:13,449 So is my father. 120 00:09:13,525 --> 00:09:15,492 Add another place setting. 121 00:09:15,558 --> 00:09:18,024 There's one more chair in the corner. And hurry. 122 00:09:18,091 --> 00:09:20,183 You look beautiful, Anne! 123 00:09:31,291 --> 00:09:32,724 This one is fine. 124 00:09:35,058 --> 00:09:37,719 Hey, stop, all of you. Turn around. Look at me. 125 00:09:38,791 --> 00:09:41,520 Oh, I need another woman. 126 00:09:43,058 --> 00:09:44,457 Madame? No. 127 00:09:44,525 --> 00:09:46,185 There's no other solution. 128 00:09:46,258 --> 00:09:48,384 Madame, I am the maid. 129 00:09:48,458 --> 00:09:50,391 Maids don't have dinner with the bosses. 130 00:09:50,458 --> 00:09:52,822 Oh, nonsense. You're part of this family. 131 00:09:52,891 --> 00:09:56,552 - I have terrible accent. - Your accent is charming. 132 00:09:56,625 --> 00:09:58,353 But what will I say? 133 00:09:58,425 --> 00:10:00,483 Well, it's not about talking. It's about sitting. 134 00:10:00,558 --> 00:10:01,990 You know how to sit, don't you? 135 00:10:02,058 --> 00:10:04,957 Now come. We have no time to argue. 136 00:10:05,024 --> 00:10:08,048 Okay. 137 00:10:08,124 --> 00:10:10,717 Okay, come on. Which? No, no, no. 138 00:10:10,791 --> 00:10:12,849 Here. See if this one fits. 139 00:10:12,924 --> 00:10:14,482 We are not the same size, Madame. 140 00:10:14,558 --> 00:10:16,286 What about Mandy? Mandy can do this. 141 00:10:16,358 --> 00:10:18,484 Maria, be serious. Mandy is a Filipino. 142 00:10:18,558 --> 00:10:20,548 Nobody invites Filipinos to a dinner party. 143 00:10:20,625 --> 00:10:23,023 Maybe Aung San Suu Kyi because she won a Nobel Peace Prize. 144 00:10:23,091 --> 00:10:24,887 And she's from Burma. That's different. 145 00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:26,982 Mandy speaks terrible English and terrible French. 146 00:10:27,058 --> 00:10:28,957 I'm not even sure she knows how to speak Filipino. 147 00:10:29,024 --> 00:10:30,820 No, no. We'd be found out in a second. 148 00:10:30,891 --> 00:10:32,449 Found out? 149 00:10:32,525 --> 00:10:34,685 Yes, we're not gonna tell them you're the maid. 150 00:10:34,757 --> 00:10:36,724 So what are we going to say, Madame? 151 00:10:36,791 --> 00:10:39,724 Nothing! Just act like a friend. 152 00:10:39,791 --> 00:10:42,520 I think I'm going to faint, Madame. I'm unable to lie. 153 00:10:42,592 --> 00:10:44,650 No, it's okay. All women can lie. 154 00:10:44,724 --> 00:10:45,884 It's all about smiling. 155 00:10:45,958 --> 00:10:47,391 Like this? 156 00:10:47,458 --> 00:10:48,981 And Josiane? What about Josiane? 157 00:10:49,058 --> 00:10:50,991 She just started here. I don't know her. 158 00:10:51,058 --> 00:10:52,957 Josiane is very funny, Madame. 159 00:10:53,024 --> 00:10:56,389 She know how to make jokes. She even imitates Sarkozy. 160 00:10:56,458 --> 00:10:57,652 She could be the perfect guest. 161 00:10:57,724 --> 00:10:59,214 Josiane is at least a 12. 162 00:10:59,291 --> 00:11:01,485 You're pear-shaped, but you're not fat. 163 00:11:01,558 --> 00:11:03,388 Okay, so we'll go with the pants you have on. 164 00:11:03,458 --> 00:11:05,152 It's not a good idea, Madame. 165 00:11:05,225 --> 00:11:08,488 Yes, it is a good idea. Come on, Maria. Come on! 166 00:11:08,558 --> 00:11:10,354 We'll look back on this and laugh one day. 167 00:11:10,425 --> 00:11:12,153 It's gonna be like that time at the chalet 168 00:11:12,225 --> 00:11:13,714 when Rose was two, and you dressed up like Santa. 169 00:11:13,791 --> 00:11:16,724 Remember that? With the beard? Jacques! 170 00:11:16,791 --> 00:11:19,690 Okay, now listen, make it not too big and not too showy. 171 00:11:19,757 --> 00:11:21,281 Just make it quick. 172 00:11:21,358 --> 00:11:23,325 What about her shoes? 173 00:11:23,391 --> 00:11:24,789 What size are you? 174 00:11:24,858 --> 00:11:26,052 I'm an eight, Madame. 175 00:11:26,124 --> 00:11:29,523 Oh, my God! Just... hide them. 176 00:11:29,592 --> 00:11:31,115 No rich woman wears an eight. 177 00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:33,181 Louboutin doesn't even make an eight. 178 00:11:33,258 --> 00:11:34,656 Stay. 179 00:11:38,558 --> 00:11:41,184 Toby! Welcome to Paris. 180 00:11:41,258 --> 00:11:42,952 Glad they didn't stop you at the border. 181 00:11:43,024 --> 00:11:45,650 Well, as Lord Mayor, I'm issuing visas for London. 182 00:11:45,724 --> 00:11:47,487 You say the word, Bob, I'll give you one. 183 00:11:47,558 --> 00:11:49,616 London? Where is that anyhow? 184 00:11:49,691 --> 00:11:51,556 Little England. Former empire. 185 00:11:51,625 --> 00:11:53,216 I remember now! 186 00:11:53,291 --> 00:11:55,451 - Rule, Britannia! - That's the one. 187 00:11:55,525 --> 00:11:57,650 You must be Michael. Bob Fredericks. 188 00:11:57,724 --> 00:11:58,884 Pleased to meet you. 189 00:11:58,958 --> 00:12:00,516 Nice little place you have here. 190 00:12:00,592 --> 00:12:02,149 Family pied-à-terre. 191 00:12:02,225 --> 00:12:03,283 Small but cozy. 192 00:12:03,358 --> 00:12:05,790 Hi, Toby. 193 00:12:05,858 --> 00:12:07,848 Fabulous. 194 00:12:07,924 --> 00:12:10,153 Hello, Michael. 195 00:12:10,225 --> 00:12:12,215 My dears! 196 00:12:12,291 --> 00:12:13,780 I'm sorry about the security detail. 197 00:12:13,858 --> 00:12:15,950 It's Toby's favorite style statement. 198 00:12:16,024 --> 00:12:17,321 Did you bring your food taster? 199 00:12:17,391 --> 00:12:19,857 What if we're serving poison tonight? 200 00:12:23,091 --> 00:12:24,819 No news, Bob, but calm down. 201 00:12:24,891 --> 00:12:26,518 It's okay, it's okay. 202 00:12:26,592 --> 00:12:29,149 Just give them another week. It'll be fine. 203 00:12:32,091 --> 00:12:33,319 Antoine! Hélène! 204 00:12:33,391 --> 00:12:35,051 Bonsoir. 205 00:12:35,124 --> 00:12:38,023 So nice to see you again. 206 00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:40,751 This place is so amazing. 207 00:12:43,291 --> 00:12:46,281 Ah, Steven! I read your book. 208 00:12:46,358 --> 00:12:48,120 - Really? - It's so very funny. 209 00:12:48,191 --> 00:12:49,851 Your father's naked hole-in-one, Anne taking all the credit, 210 00:12:49,924 --> 00:12:51,618 firing all the sexy girl caddies. 211 00:12:51,691 --> 00:12:54,318 Nothing's changed. They're still Punch and Judy. 212 00:12:54,391 --> 00:12:56,358 Congratulations on the reelection, by the way. 213 00:12:56,425 --> 00:12:58,358 Keep going, and you'll be England's first family. 214 00:12:58,425 --> 00:13:00,187 Well, don't you write about us. 215 00:13:00,258 --> 00:13:02,487 Don't want the entire world knowing our every little secret. 216 00:13:02,558 --> 00:13:03,888 Don't worry. I couldn't be more blocked 217 00:13:03,958 --> 00:13:06,152 if I'd eaten a pound of cement. 218 00:13:06,225 --> 00:13:09,192 - Put me somewhere nice. - I have. In the corner. 219 00:13:09,258 --> 00:13:11,884 Look at that. Homemade. 220 00:13:11,958 --> 00:13:13,652 Lovely. 221 00:13:15,458 --> 00:13:17,220 The trick is to pretend you're carrying 222 00:13:17,291 --> 00:13:19,383 a Chinese vase on your head. 223 00:13:19,458 --> 00:13:22,448 - You walk tall and slow. - Steven! 224 00:13:22,525 --> 00:13:25,014 And you shine, Maria. 225 00:13:25,091 --> 00:13:27,648 You shine. 226 00:13:27,724 --> 00:13:30,055 - This is not going to work. - mais sìr. 227 00:13:30,124 --> 00:13:31,556 You know, baby, it's cold outside, 228 00:13:31,624 --> 00:13:34,785 so I think you're gonna need an extra layer. 229 00:13:34,858 --> 00:13:36,722 Mr. Steven, it's summertime. 230 00:13:36,791 --> 00:13:39,190 Exactly. It's party time. 231 00:13:39,258 --> 00:13:41,054 Antoine, you still haven't told me how to deal with the press. 232 00:13:41,124 --> 00:13:43,647 It's not every day a Caravaggio changes hands. 233 00:13:43,724 --> 00:13:45,987 There's no rush, is there? 234 00:13:46,058 --> 00:13:47,718 Of course not. 235 00:13:47,791 --> 00:13:50,519 We both have to be satisfied with the results. 236 00:13:50,591 --> 00:13:53,491 The X-ray team are asking for another 10,000 euros. 237 00:13:53,557 --> 00:13:56,024 They're sending their best people over from New York. 238 00:13:56,091 --> 00:13:58,217 Bob, let me split the fee with you. 239 00:13:58,291 --> 00:14:00,883 Absolutely not. I wouldn't hear of it. 240 00:14:00,958 --> 00:14:04,016 Just give me an invitation once it's on your wall. 241 00:14:04,091 --> 00:14:06,149 I won't keep it at home. 242 00:14:06,225 --> 00:14:09,714 It will have a pride of place at my museum. 243 00:14:09,791 --> 00:14:12,281 Once we know it's real. 244 00:14:12,358 --> 00:14:14,222 Maria? 245 00:14:14,291 --> 00:14:15,723 What is this nonsense? 246 00:14:15,791 --> 00:14:17,486 It's not going to work, Madame. 247 00:14:17,557 --> 00:14:19,184 Your friends, the Bernards, they have been here before. 248 00:14:19,258 --> 00:14:21,020 - They would have seen her. - They haven't seen her. 249 00:14:21,091 --> 00:14:22,557 Nobody looks at a maid. 250 00:14:22,624 --> 00:14:24,682 Now come on out here, Maria, right this minute. 251 00:14:24,757 --> 00:14:26,621 They will recognize me, Madame. 252 00:14:26,691 --> 00:14:28,681 Well, if they find your face familiar, 253 00:14:28,757 --> 00:14:30,519 they'll just think they saw you at a fashion show. 254 00:14:30,591 --> 00:14:32,388 Madame, you know it's a sin to lie. 255 00:14:32,458 --> 00:14:34,288 You're not lying. You're not hurting anybody. 256 00:14:34,358 --> 00:14:36,984 It's like a part in our own little play. It's fun. 257 00:14:37,058 --> 00:14:38,888 It's like being in a movie, except you're changing your life 258 00:14:38,958 --> 00:14:40,618 from ABC to HBO, you get it? 259 00:14:40,691 --> 00:14:41,988 Not really. 260 00:14:42,058 --> 00:14:44,150 I'll make it simple: avoid them. 261 00:14:44,225 --> 00:14:45,987 You're at the far end of the table anyway. 262 00:14:46,058 --> 00:14:47,320 What about Jacques? 263 00:14:47,391 --> 00:14:49,823 He could make a perfect guest, Madame. 264 00:14:49,891 --> 00:14:52,222 Yes! Steven, you have a dress I can wear? 265 00:14:52,291 --> 00:14:54,224 No. Forget it, okay? 266 00:14:54,291 --> 00:14:56,315 This is Bob's fault, and I want him to suffer. 267 00:14:56,391 --> 00:14:59,516 Now, Maria, let me look at you. 268 00:14:59,591 --> 00:15:01,649 Oh, my God. She's not even dressed. 269 00:15:01,724 --> 00:15:03,657 Will you get her pulled together, please? 270 00:15:03,724 --> 00:15:04,816 And listen to me. 271 00:15:04,891 --> 00:15:06,448 Don't speak too much, 272 00:15:06,524 --> 00:15:09,117 don't smile too much and don't eat too much. 273 00:15:09,191 --> 00:15:10,714 Yes, Madame. 274 00:15:10,791 --> 00:15:14,225 Don't drink too much either. Nobody likes that. 275 00:15:14,291 --> 00:15:15,985 Trust me. 276 00:15:16,058 --> 00:15:18,184 How do I rate amongst your students? 277 00:15:18,258 --> 00:15:20,554 You're definitely not the most disciplined one. 278 00:15:20,624 --> 00:15:22,853 You're the most studious. You're the most studious one. 279 00:15:22,924 --> 00:15:24,618 - The most studious one. - Yes. 280 00:15:24,691 --> 00:15:26,624 I wish I could think of something to say now in French, 281 00:15:26,691 --> 00:15:28,783 but I'm baffled. 282 00:15:28,858 --> 00:15:30,120 You're always baffled. 283 00:15:30,191 --> 00:15:31,782 Anne! Not always. 284 00:15:31,858 --> 00:15:33,325 You remember my French teacher. 285 00:15:33,391 --> 00:15:34,823 Ah, yes, Melanie. 286 00:15:34,891 --> 00:15:36,051 Fanny. I'm Fanny. 287 00:15:36,124 --> 00:15:38,387 Oh, of course. How silly of me. 288 00:15:38,457 --> 00:15:41,186 Don't worry about it. I'll answer to almost anything. 289 00:15:55,958 --> 00:15:58,016 Don't speak too much. 290 00:15:58,091 --> 00:16:00,115 Don't eat too much. 291 00:16:00,191 --> 00:16:02,317 Don't smile too much. 292 00:16:24,891 --> 00:16:26,188 Yes? 293 00:16:28,591 --> 00:16:31,058 Are you out of your mind? 294 00:16:33,624 --> 00:16:35,057 Who is that? 295 00:16:37,191 --> 00:16:40,283 What's her name or who is she really? 296 00:16:40,357 --> 00:16:41,790 What are you talking about? 297 00:16:41,858 --> 00:16:43,984 She'll claim she's Maria Escalante, 298 00:16:44,058 --> 00:16:46,025 but the truth is she's Maria Immaculata 299 00:16:46,091 --> 00:16:48,557 of the Two Sicilies. 300 00:16:48,624 --> 00:16:52,058 - You're not serious. - Countess of Asturias. 301 00:16:52,124 --> 00:16:55,613 The House of Bourbon, second cousin of Juan Carlos. 302 00:16:55,691 --> 00:16:58,158 She'll deny it. 303 00:16:58,225 --> 00:17:00,192 And I never told you. 304 00:17:10,091 --> 00:17:12,058 Are you a fan of Caravaggio? 305 00:17:12,124 --> 00:17:14,182 I-I love the holy family. 306 00:17:14,258 --> 00:17:17,782 Oh. Good for you. 307 00:17:17,858 --> 00:17:21,223 I keep a portrait of the Baby Jesus by my bed. 308 00:17:21,291 --> 00:17:23,814 Oh, by whom? I'm a big fan of the masters. 309 00:17:23,891 --> 00:17:25,551 Let me guess. 310 00:17:25,624 --> 00:17:27,057 - El Greco? - No. 311 00:17:27,124 --> 00:17:28,454 - Goya. - No. 312 00:17:28,524 --> 00:17:29,855 No, I've got it. 313 00:17:29,924 --> 00:17:31,686 Dalì. I'm right, yes? 314 00:17:31,757 --> 00:17:33,849 The artist doesn't matter so much. 315 00:17:33,924 --> 00:17:37,187 It's the expression on the baby's face. 316 00:17:37,258 --> 00:17:39,122 Yes. We mustn't take that for granted. 317 00:17:39,191 --> 00:17:43,215 And the holy mother? How she loves him. 318 00:17:43,290 --> 00:17:46,382 Madame, le diner est servi. The dinner is served. 319 00:17:49,924 --> 00:17:52,550 So tonight's a... 320 00:17:52,624 --> 00:17:55,148 a sort of a last supper, in a way. 321 00:17:55,225 --> 00:17:57,384 This maybe the last time you see this painting. 322 00:17:57,457 --> 00:18:00,152 I'm brokering its sale to Antoine Bernard. 323 00:18:00,225 --> 00:18:01,714 Oh, monsieur Antoine. 324 00:18:01,791 --> 00:18:03,690 He's a friend of the family. 325 00:18:03,757 --> 00:18:04,849 Excellent. 326 00:18:04,924 --> 00:18:06,891 Let me introduce myself. 327 00:18:08,924 --> 00:18:11,187 I am David Morgan. I live in London. 328 00:18:11,257 --> 00:18:13,781 I am Maria. 329 00:18:13,858 --> 00:18:15,324 No second name? 330 00:18:15,390 --> 00:18:18,051 No, not tonight. I'm a friend of Madame. 331 00:18:18,124 --> 00:18:20,716 A friend of a friend. 332 00:18:20,791 --> 00:18:24,020 HBO, not ABC. 333 00:18:24,091 --> 00:18:25,183 Ah. 334 00:18:26,691 --> 00:18:28,749 Oh, thank you. 335 00:18:31,191 --> 00:18:32,214 Bon appétit. 336 00:18:32,290 --> 00:18:34,257 Bon appétit, darling. 337 00:18:43,257 --> 00:18:46,486 So being married to the mayor of London makes you what? 338 00:18:46,557 --> 00:18:48,218 Everybody's asking. 339 00:18:48,290 --> 00:18:50,190 Just another queen, I guess. 340 00:18:50,257 --> 00:18:52,656 Wow. That's great. You should carry a purse. 341 00:18:52,724 --> 00:18:53,986 And what do you do for a living? 342 00:18:54,058 --> 00:18:56,889 - I'm a hairdresser. - Oh, great. 343 00:18:56,958 --> 00:18:58,857 No, I'm joking. I used to be. 344 00:18:58,924 --> 00:19:01,153 Then I thought I can't be gay and a hairdresser. 345 00:19:01,224 --> 00:19:03,214 Too much of a cliché, so I changed everything. 346 00:19:03,290 --> 00:19:04,382 Oh, and you became? 347 00:19:04,457 --> 00:19:05,685 - A butcher. - Oh! 348 00:19:05,757 --> 00:19:06,689 I'm joking. 349 00:19:06,757 --> 00:19:07,724 He's a shrink. 350 00:19:07,791 --> 00:19:09,190 He let you run for office? 351 00:19:09,257 --> 00:19:10,815 I know. Malpractice. 352 00:19:10,891 --> 00:19:12,323 I'll say. 353 00:19:12,390 --> 00:19:15,619 So, France, Paris, why did you come here? 354 00:19:15,691 --> 00:19:16,988 This house for one thing. 355 00:19:17,058 --> 00:19:19,490 - And my grandfather was French. - Oh. 356 00:19:19,557 --> 00:19:21,047 And to keep a woman, 357 00:19:21,124 --> 00:19:24,613 at some point, you have to satisfy their neuroses. 358 00:19:24,691 --> 00:19:26,056 Or satisfy her analyst in New York. 359 00:19:26,124 --> 00:19:28,057 - She talks about him? - Well, not to everyone. 360 00:19:28,124 --> 00:19:29,385 I think the good doctor Schwiman 361 00:19:29,457 --> 00:19:30,981 could teach Michael a thing or two. 362 00:19:31,058 --> 00:19:32,524 About billing, no question. 363 00:19:32,591 --> 00:19:34,353 Did you rehearse? 364 00:19:34,424 --> 00:19:35,891 Or do you always speak this fast? 365 00:19:35,958 --> 00:19:38,016 Yes, and in such a brilliant and sarcastic way. 366 00:19:38,091 --> 00:19:39,523 Years of training, my dear. 367 00:19:39,591 --> 00:19:42,888 It's harder to lie when you speak fast. 368 00:19:42,958 --> 00:19:45,891 I guess that's way my husband speaks so slowly. 369 00:19:45,958 --> 00:19:47,982 Is the Eiffel Tower as a sexual symbol 370 00:19:48,058 --> 00:19:50,286 supposed to save your marriage? 371 00:19:50,357 --> 00:19:52,347 I will ask him. 372 00:19:52,424 --> 00:19:54,687 Do you really think love can last? 373 00:19:54,757 --> 00:19:57,883 I mean, you're so smart. Could you still be one of those? 374 00:19:57,958 --> 00:20:00,220 You have to let go. 375 00:20:00,290 --> 00:20:04,314 Well, flowers freeze and blossom again. 376 00:20:04,390 --> 00:20:06,789 Don't be so cynical. 377 00:20:09,691 --> 00:20:11,624 Oh, and what do you suggest? 378 00:20:11,691 --> 00:20:13,954 Adultery, darling. 379 00:20:14,024 --> 00:20:16,786 You're just taking the problem with you wherever you go. 380 00:20:16,858 --> 00:20:18,347 Make a best friend of your husband 381 00:20:18,424 --> 00:20:21,721 and have lunch with me tomorrow. 382 00:20:21,791 --> 00:20:24,348 Oh, you're evil. 383 00:20:24,424 --> 00:20:26,016 No, I'm French. 384 00:20:41,891 --> 00:20:42,880 Oh, oh, oh! 385 00:20:44,791 --> 00:20:45,814 Oh! 386 00:20:45,891 --> 00:20:47,357 Go, go. Let me help. 387 00:20:47,424 --> 00:20:48,721 It's only water. 388 00:20:50,123 --> 00:20:51,385 I like to pour water on myself 389 00:20:51,457 --> 00:20:53,356 so women come and help me. 390 00:20:53,424 --> 00:20:55,653 - Looks like fun. - It's genetic. 391 00:20:55,724 --> 00:20:58,714 When a woman sees a stain, she must come and rub. 392 00:20:58,791 --> 00:21:01,519 You're funny. I mean, for an American, obviously. 393 00:21:01,591 --> 00:21:04,524 Wow. Every guy from Cambridge knows how to judge funny. 394 00:21:04,591 --> 00:21:06,615 All the Englishmen I know think they're funny, 395 00:21:06,691 --> 00:21:08,783 but they never laugh. 396 00:21:08,858 --> 00:21:11,290 - Grrr! I hate 'em. - Yes, so do I. 397 00:21:11,357 --> 00:21:13,824 What do you think, Maria? 398 00:21:13,891 --> 00:21:16,687 I don't like English people. 399 00:21:16,757 --> 00:21:19,280 But I do like Hugh Grant. You know Hugh Grant? 400 00:21:19,357 --> 00:21:21,052 In Bridget Jones. 401 00:21:21,123 --> 00:21:23,386 He's also the one dancing in Love, Actually. 402 00:21:23,457 --> 00:21:24,822 Like this. 403 00:21:24,891 --> 00:21:28,052 ♪ I take you down I take you down ♪ 404 00:21:28,123 --> 00:21:30,647 ♪ You're more, more, more ♪ 405 00:21:30,724 --> 00:21:32,315 ♪ Jump ♪ 406 00:21:32,390 --> 00:21:33,448 ♪ Jump in ♪ 407 00:21:33,524 --> 00:21:34,547 You know Hugh Grant? 408 00:21:34,624 --> 00:21:35,784 The beautiful one. 409 00:21:35,858 --> 00:21:37,791 He has also an affair with... 410 00:21:40,724 --> 00:21:42,190 The prostitute! 411 00:21:42,257 --> 00:21:46,884 Of course we all know who Hugh Grant is. 412 00:21:46,958 --> 00:21:49,789 You look like him, like Hugh Grant. 413 00:21:49,858 --> 00:21:53,291 We all look the same from the same part of the world. 414 00:21:53,357 --> 00:21:55,119 Same face, 415 00:21:55,190 --> 00:21:57,521 same blue eyes, same funny teeth. 416 00:21:57,591 --> 00:21:59,524 That's beautiful. Very beautiful. 417 00:21:59,591 --> 00:22:01,717 But I don't like the stupid films he's in though. 418 00:22:01,791 --> 00:22:03,621 Always happy endings and kisses in the rain. 419 00:22:03,691 --> 00:22:06,214 You should not despise people. 420 00:22:06,290 --> 00:22:08,519 People love happy endings, you know? 421 00:22:08,591 --> 00:22:10,023 They can't fight it. 422 00:22:10,090 --> 00:22:11,352 The hero runs. 423 00:22:11,424 --> 00:22:13,448 He kisses her in the rain. 424 00:22:13,524 --> 00:22:14,957 People love that. 425 00:22:15,023 --> 00:22:16,854 Well... 426 00:22:16,924 --> 00:22:18,982 Would you ever consider running for Prime Minister? 427 00:22:19,057 --> 00:22:21,889 I thought Supreme Leader. Would you ever run for president? 428 00:22:21,958 --> 00:22:23,857 If you were my First Lady. 429 00:22:23,924 --> 00:22:25,356 Are you in politics? 430 00:22:25,424 --> 00:22:27,789 No. I'm a musician. 431 00:22:27,858 --> 00:22:29,791 A classical pianist, to be precise. 432 00:22:29,858 --> 00:22:31,654 Oh, great. How old are you? 433 00:22:31,724 --> 00:22:32,850 Nine and a half. 434 00:22:32,924 --> 00:22:35,516 - And you? - Thirty-two and a half. 435 00:22:35,591 --> 00:22:37,615 Is that your father sitting next to you? 436 00:22:37,691 --> 00:22:40,055 Oh, no. That's Fedor, the master. 437 00:22:40,123 --> 00:22:41,055 Oh. 438 00:22:41,123 --> 00:22:43,022 I hope you enjoy dinner. 439 00:22:43,090 --> 00:22:45,023 I'm so glad you could come. 440 00:22:45,090 --> 00:22:47,114 Does he speak English? 441 00:22:47,190 --> 00:22:49,180 Oh, no. He never speaks. 442 00:22:49,257 --> 00:22:50,519 Our kids, Frank and Robin. 443 00:22:50,591 --> 00:22:53,114 Oh, they're beautiful. 444 00:22:53,190 --> 00:22:55,282 Just like their mother. 445 00:22:55,357 --> 00:22:57,017 Thank you. 446 00:22:57,090 --> 00:23:00,615 You know, it is so hard to keep being sexy 447 00:23:00,691 --> 00:23:01,851 when you're a single mom. 448 00:23:01,924 --> 00:23:03,390 It's a constant battle. 449 00:23:03,457 --> 00:23:04,822 I went to this great seminar 450 00:23:04,891 --> 00:23:07,050 about fighting for yourself last month. 451 00:23:07,123 --> 00:23:09,556 Justin Tender. Do you know him? It was in London. 452 00:23:09,624 --> 00:23:12,113 Oh, my God. He is so spiritual. Amazing. 453 00:23:12,190 --> 00:23:16,021 Anyway, he says that it all starts with food. 454 00:23:16,090 --> 00:23:17,989 He also recommends that you drink less. 455 00:23:18,057 --> 00:23:19,752 What, water? 456 00:23:21,224 --> 00:23:22,816 Anne told me you were funny. 457 00:23:22,891 --> 00:23:25,653 You know, she's been wanting us to meet for a long time. 458 00:23:25,724 --> 00:23:28,555 Yes, she's a force of nature is Anne. 459 00:23:28,624 --> 00:23:31,386 Talk to me. This woman's a nightmare. 460 00:23:31,457 --> 00:23:33,549 How do you know she's not my friend? 461 00:23:33,624 --> 00:23:36,022 Well, if that's the truth, I'm gonna fake a heart attack 462 00:23:36,090 --> 00:23:37,954 and get dragged out of here by my ankles. 463 00:23:38,023 --> 00:23:40,115 Say something to me. Talk to me. Tell me a joke or something. 464 00:23:40,190 --> 00:23:42,350 She's all over me like a bad suit. 465 00:23:42,424 --> 00:23:44,618 I don't know any joke. 466 00:23:44,691 --> 00:23:47,487 Make something up. 467 00:23:47,557 --> 00:23:50,251 You're putting a lot of pressure on me. 468 00:23:51,757 --> 00:23:54,815 Where's that charming accent from? 469 00:23:54,891 --> 00:23:58,153 I-I'm Spanish. I was born in Majorca. 470 00:23:58,224 --> 00:23:59,486 Not Asturias? 471 00:23:59,557 --> 00:24:01,547 I would have thought it was Asturias. 472 00:24:01,624 --> 00:24:04,489 My ancestors were from Asturias. 473 00:24:04,557 --> 00:24:07,183 See, I'm Celtic like you. 474 00:24:07,257 --> 00:24:09,190 Where is your family from? 475 00:24:09,257 --> 00:24:13,156 Well, my family is from a very lovely county called Downe. 476 00:24:13,224 --> 00:24:15,851 My father owns most of it, you know. 477 00:24:15,923 --> 00:24:19,186 He always wants me to get my art hobby out of my system 478 00:24:19,257 --> 00:24:22,691 and come back and run the family estate. 479 00:24:22,757 --> 00:24:26,121 You came here to escape your father. 480 00:24:26,190 --> 00:24:28,521 Well, I came to London to be an artist, 481 00:24:28,591 --> 00:24:30,114 but I would up being a consultant, 482 00:24:30,190 --> 00:24:32,714 so I spend my life now flitting between hotels 483 00:24:32,791 --> 00:24:36,383 in New York and Paris and London. 484 00:24:36,457 --> 00:24:39,288 To be fair, I don't know where my real home is. 485 00:24:39,357 --> 00:24:41,722 Probably because it's still in Din. 486 00:24:41,791 --> 00:24:42,849 Din? 487 00:24:42,923 --> 00:24:44,322 - Downe, Downe. - Dan. 488 00:24:44,390 --> 00:24:45,322 - Din, Downe. - Din, Downe. 489 00:24:45,390 --> 00:24:46,947 Maria? Sorry, David. 490 00:24:47,023 --> 00:24:50,149 I'm stealing her for a minute. 491 00:24:50,224 --> 00:24:52,521 Don't drink too much. 492 00:24:52,591 --> 00:24:53,683 No, sir. 493 00:24:53,757 --> 00:24:55,348 Madame told me what to do 494 00:24:55,424 --> 00:24:57,550 and what not to do. 495 00:24:57,624 --> 00:24:59,614 What's with this silly idea? 496 00:24:59,691 --> 00:25:01,453 You must be dying here. 497 00:25:01,524 --> 00:25:04,854 It's like me sitting in on a plumber's meeting. 498 00:25:04,923 --> 00:25:07,117 I was supposed to sit close to Madame, 499 00:25:07,190 --> 00:25:10,680 but I think somebody mixed up the place cards. 500 00:25:10,757 --> 00:25:12,950 The scary fashion lady should be here. 501 00:25:13,023 --> 00:25:15,513 Don't talk like a maid. 502 00:25:15,591 --> 00:25:18,558 Just yes or no, entiendo? 503 00:25:18,624 --> 00:25:21,455 Be... really... 504 00:25:21,524 --> 00:25:23,013 impossible. 505 00:25:23,090 --> 00:25:24,113 Unpleasant. 506 00:25:24,190 --> 00:25:26,054 - Yes, sir. - Hey, Bob. 507 00:25:26,123 --> 00:25:28,613 Maria's got some great jokes. I bet you didn't know that. 508 00:25:28,691 --> 00:25:29,850 No, I didn't. 509 00:25:29,923 --> 00:25:31,788 Yeah. She was just about to tell me one. 510 00:25:31,857 --> 00:25:34,154 Madame Bernard, would you like to hear one of Maria's jokes? 511 00:25:34,224 --> 00:25:36,555 Yes, of course. 512 00:25:36,624 --> 00:25:39,318 Don't force her. She's embarrassed. 513 00:25:39,390 --> 00:25:41,448 And very shy. 514 00:25:41,524 --> 00:25:44,013 - I'm very unpleasant. - Oh, come on. 515 00:25:44,090 --> 00:25:45,785 You're very funny. We're all friends here. 516 00:25:45,857 --> 00:25:47,518 Who'd like to hear a joke? Come on, love. 517 00:25:47,591 --> 00:25:50,114 Everyone's funny with a Spanish accent. 518 00:25:50,190 --> 00:25:53,282 The only joke I know is very vulgar. 519 00:25:53,357 --> 00:25:55,722 My Uncle Pedro used to tell it when he was drunk. 520 00:25:55,791 --> 00:25:57,519 I don't think it's appropriate. 521 00:25:57,591 --> 00:25:59,649 - Oh, no. Don't bother. - Don't force yourself. 522 00:25:59,724 --> 00:26:02,657 Come on, live a little. Tell us a joke. 523 00:26:02,724 --> 00:26:06,122 Okay. You want it, you have it. 524 00:26:06,190 --> 00:26:08,123 A family's at the dinner table. 525 00:26:08,190 --> 00:26:10,282 The son asks the father, 526 00:26:10,357 --> 00:26:13,688 "Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?" 527 00:26:13,757 --> 00:26:17,155 The father, surprised, answers, "Well, my son, 528 00:26:17,224 --> 00:26:20,952 a woman goes through three phases. 529 00:26:21,023 --> 00:26:22,217 In her twenties, 530 00:26:22,290 --> 00:26:25,655 a woman's breasts are like melons, 531 00:26:25,724 --> 00:26:27,849 round and firm. 532 00:26:27,923 --> 00:26:31,482 In her thirties and forties, they are like pears, 533 00:26:31,557 --> 00:26:34,990 still nice, but hanging a bit. 534 00:26:35,057 --> 00:26:38,024 In her fifties, they are like onions." 535 00:26:38,090 --> 00:26:39,455 "Onions, Dad?" 536 00:26:39,524 --> 00:26:41,491 "Yes, you see them, 537 00:26:41,557 --> 00:26:43,490 and they make you cry." 538 00:26:45,190 --> 00:26:46,850 Hilarious! 539 00:26:46,923 --> 00:26:48,515 Wait, wait, I didn't finish yet 540 00:26:48,591 --> 00:26:51,285 because I'm translating straight from Spanish in my head. 541 00:26:51,357 --> 00:26:54,119 This woman's amazing. She's like Google Translator. 542 00:26:54,190 --> 00:26:56,214 The daughter asks the mother, 543 00:26:56,290 --> 00:27:00,348 "Mom, how many kinds of willies are there?" 544 00:27:00,424 --> 00:27:03,016 The mother answers, "Well, my dear, 545 00:27:03,090 --> 00:27:05,489 a man goes through three phases too." 546 00:27:05,557 --> 00:27:07,887 Love the voice of the wife. Keep going. 547 00:27:09,023 --> 00:27:10,684 "In his twenties, 548 00:27:10,756 --> 00:27:12,848 his willy is like an oak tree, 549 00:27:12,923 --> 00:27:14,686 mighty and hard. 550 00:27:14,756 --> 00:27:16,553 In his thirties and forties, 551 00:27:16,624 --> 00:27:18,988 it's like a birch tree, 552 00:27:19,057 --> 00:27:21,286 flexible, but reliable." 553 00:27:22,591 --> 00:27:24,285 - Maybe not. - "After 50... 554 00:27:24,357 --> 00:27:26,347 it's like a Christmas tree." 555 00:27:26,424 --> 00:27:27,720 "A Christmas tree, Mommy?" 556 00:27:27,790 --> 00:27:30,314 "Yes. Dead from the root up, 557 00:27:30,390 --> 00:27:33,221 and the balls are just for decoration." 558 00:27:35,057 --> 00:27:37,024 - Fantastic. - Sure is. 559 00:27:37,090 --> 00:27:40,285 That's a rude joke. It's not even funny. 560 00:27:40,357 --> 00:27:42,324 I have one about chorizo. Do you want to hear it? 561 00:27:42,390 --> 00:27:44,619 No, that will be fine. Thank you! 562 00:27:44,690 --> 00:27:45,623 I think that's plenty. 563 00:27:45,690 --> 00:27:46,987 Thank you, you're so... 564 00:27:47,057 --> 00:27:48,819 She's so funny! 565 00:27:52,190 --> 00:27:56,385 I can understand now why my dad is making progress in French. 566 00:27:56,457 --> 00:27:57,946 I bet he took one look at you, 567 00:27:58,023 --> 00:28:01,457 he said, "I want to learn French immediately." 568 00:28:01,524 --> 00:28:03,650 No. 569 00:28:03,723 --> 00:28:07,952 His wife forced him to learn la langue de Molière. 570 00:28:08,023 --> 00:28:10,819 Thank you for this. It's become my instant favorite. 571 00:28:10,890 --> 00:28:13,982 Oh, so you're the revenge. 572 00:28:14,057 --> 00:28:15,547 I don't get it. 573 00:28:16,857 --> 00:28:19,415 She used to be his golf teacher. 574 00:28:42,290 --> 00:28:46,280 So what do I need to wear to look more Parisian? 575 00:28:46,357 --> 00:28:47,846 Women are always asking me that. 576 00:28:47,923 --> 00:28:50,015 Le chic Franáais, no one can buy that. 577 00:28:50,090 --> 00:28:52,489 That's why I'm asking for your advice. 578 00:28:52,557 --> 00:28:55,422 Oh, I love what you did with the new issue, by the way. 579 00:28:56,857 --> 00:28:58,484 As my grandmother always said, 580 00:28:58,557 --> 00:29:01,853 "Tell the truth. It's easier to remember." 581 00:29:01,923 --> 00:29:03,856 You know, in therapy, I hear so many... 582 00:29:03,923 --> 00:29:06,049 lies, contradictions. 583 00:29:06,123 --> 00:29:08,988 But even your lies say something about you. 584 00:29:09,057 --> 00:29:10,956 Yeah, I'm gonna marry you. 585 00:29:11,023 --> 00:29:14,149 And what makes you think I would say yes? 586 00:29:14,224 --> 00:29:17,850 Are all women mad about you? 587 00:29:17,923 --> 00:29:19,890 The night is young. 588 00:29:22,190 --> 00:29:23,521 Listen, sorry for ignoring you, buddy, 589 00:29:23,590 --> 00:29:25,784 but this girl next to me is really sexy. 590 00:29:25,857 --> 00:29:28,347 It's okay. I'm used to not talking. 591 00:29:28,424 --> 00:29:30,856 You know, with Fedor. 592 00:29:30,923 --> 00:29:32,481 Go and get her. 593 00:29:32,557 --> 00:29:34,023 Cheers, buddy. High five. 594 00:29:34,090 --> 00:29:36,023 I'm not insured for high fives. 595 00:29:36,090 --> 00:29:37,079 Oh? 596 00:29:38,557 --> 00:29:41,183 Are you allowed to touch boobs? 597 00:29:41,257 --> 00:29:43,520 I guess so, but I've never had the opportunity. 598 00:29:43,590 --> 00:29:45,353 I hope I'm not being too forward, 599 00:29:45,424 --> 00:29:47,822 but I'd just like to say... 600 00:29:47,890 --> 00:29:50,823 you look absolutely beautiful tonight. 601 00:29:50,890 --> 00:29:51,948 Thank you. 602 00:29:52,023 --> 00:29:54,888 How long have you been in Paris? 603 00:29:54,957 --> 00:29:57,550 How long have you been sleeping with my dad? 604 00:29:57,623 --> 00:29:59,181 Are you crazy? 605 00:29:59,257 --> 00:30:01,985 I'm just his teacher. 606 00:30:02,057 --> 00:30:03,990 Look at you. Your dad. 607 00:30:04,057 --> 00:30:05,388 Makes you sound so childish. 608 00:30:05,457 --> 00:30:07,447 You look like a child. 609 00:30:07,524 --> 00:30:10,820 I'd really like to spank you. 610 00:30:13,057 --> 00:30:16,320 Well, your dad warned me that you were rude, 611 00:30:16,390 --> 00:30:18,822 alcoholic, and unemployed. 612 00:30:18,890 --> 00:30:20,517 Yeah, but I also have some really bad points. 613 00:30:20,590 --> 00:30:21,852 Did he tell you what those were? 614 00:30:21,923 --> 00:30:23,719 You look very elegant too. 615 00:30:23,790 --> 00:30:27,780 Well, I'm the best in my price range. 616 00:30:27,857 --> 00:30:30,222 Fanny, you're going to be my new mother-in-law. 617 00:30:30,290 --> 00:30:33,314 It's like you and your dad are the only two men on the planet. 618 00:30:33,390 --> 00:30:35,323 Ah, I see. 619 00:30:35,390 --> 00:30:37,618 Why would you want the egg when you've already got the goose? 620 00:30:37,690 --> 00:30:39,282 I don't want the goose, 621 00:30:39,357 --> 00:30:42,983 and I don't like the rotten egg, actually. 622 00:30:47,390 --> 00:30:50,221 Um... 623 00:30:50,290 --> 00:30:52,688 Dearest darling Daddy 624 00:30:52,756 --> 00:30:55,280 and his... 625 00:30:55,357 --> 00:30:57,846 ageless, gorgeous concubine-- 626 00:30:57,923 --> 00:30:59,117 Steven... 627 00:30:59,190 --> 00:31:01,520 Sorry, sorry. 628 00:31:01,590 --> 00:31:03,523 Stepmom Anne. 629 00:31:03,590 --> 00:31:06,853 Thank you so much for inviting me tonight to this... 630 00:31:06,923 --> 00:31:08,856 amazing place, 631 00:31:08,923 --> 00:31:11,719 where generosity holds no bounds. 632 00:31:11,790 --> 00:31:13,620 Actually, Dad, who's getting the tab? 633 00:31:13,690 --> 00:31:15,385 Anyway, not important. 634 00:31:16,690 --> 00:31:17,987 I digress. 635 00:31:18,057 --> 00:31:20,115 I'd just like to make an announcement. 636 00:31:20,190 --> 00:31:23,953 My engagement to this amazing, 637 00:31:24,023 --> 00:31:26,388 beautiful, talented creature. 638 00:31:26,457 --> 00:31:27,980 - What's your name again? - Fuck you. 639 00:31:28,057 --> 00:31:29,956 Fuck you. That's an unusual name. 640 00:31:30,023 --> 00:31:31,149 Don't be shy, honey. 641 00:31:34,257 --> 00:31:37,053 Dona Maria! Your Highness, I would like your blessing. 642 00:31:46,690 --> 00:31:48,180 Congratulations. 643 00:31:48,257 --> 00:31:49,484 Thank you. 644 00:31:49,556 --> 00:31:51,887 Well, dear guests, 645 00:31:51,957 --> 00:31:54,856 we have the great honor of sharing the table tonight 646 00:31:54,923 --> 00:31:57,480 with a very young, talented prodigy, 647 00:31:57,556 --> 00:31:58,716 Gilles Durand, 648 00:31:58,790 --> 00:32:01,655 and his master Fedor Krachinsky. 649 00:32:01,723 --> 00:32:03,622 Gilles is only nine years old and needs to get some sleep 650 00:32:03,690 --> 00:32:05,123 because he's playing a very special concert 651 00:32:05,190 --> 00:32:06,520 in Vienna tomorrow night. 652 00:32:06,590 --> 00:32:08,819 So we will have dessert in the music room 653 00:32:08,890 --> 00:32:10,289 after we hear some... 654 00:32:10,357 --> 00:32:12,516 "Songs My Mother Taught Me." 655 00:32:12,590 --> 00:32:13,852 Arranged by the master. 656 00:32:13,923 --> 00:32:15,651 Well, there you have it. 657 00:32:15,723 --> 00:32:17,519 Please. 658 00:33:10,224 --> 00:33:12,383 - Clean this! - And she rub, rub, rub. 659 00:33:13,957 --> 00:33:15,355 Did it for a long time! 660 00:33:15,423 --> 00:33:16,651 Not true, Mandy! 661 00:33:25,923 --> 00:33:27,856 We said hardly speak. 662 00:33:27,923 --> 00:33:29,220 I made them laugh, Madame. 663 00:33:29,290 --> 00:33:32,280 Yeah, even the scary fashion woman. 664 00:33:32,356 --> 00:33:36,017 Madame, you heard that from the other side of the table? 665 00:33:36,090 --> 00:33:38,023 Dinners are my job. 666 00:33:38,090 --> 00:33:41,545 I can follow five conversations at the same time. 667 00:33:41,623 --> 00:33:44,715 And do you know what your job is, Maria? 668 00:33:47,456 --> 00:33:50,890 You don't even know how to recognize laughter. 669 00:33:50,957 --> 00:33:54,186 You don't know if you're making people laugh 670 00:33:54,257 --> 00:33:56,723 or if they're laughing at you. 671 00:33:56,790 --> 00:33:57,722 I mean, can you tell the difference between 672 00:33:57,790 --> 00:33:59,450 ha ha ha ha ha... 673 00:33:59,523 --> 00:34:02,456 and ho ho ho ho ho? 674 00:34:02,523 --> 00:34:05,888 So actually, you never really laugh. 675 00:34:05,957 --> 00:34:07,981 You were supposed to play the part of the missing guest. 676 00:34:08,057 --> 00:34:09,614 Silent. Forgettable. 677 00:34:09,690 --> 00:34:12,283 If someone finds out about this, I will be embarrassed. 678 00:34:12,356 --> 00:34:13,880 And so will they. 679 00:34:13,957 --> 00:34:17,651 That they laughed at the maid's joke? 680 00:34:17,723 --> 00:34:19,656 Don't you play the victim. 681 00:34:19,723 --> 00:34:22,349 You know I'm a lifelong democrat. 682 00:34:22,423 --> 00:34:25,016 It's about their mindset, not mine. 683 00:34:25,090 --> 00:34:26,351 I'm so sorry, Madame. 684 00:34:26,423 --> 00:34:28,356 I had too much to drink. 685 00:34:28,423 --> 00:34:29,720 Wine is so delicious. 686 00:34:29,790 --> 00:34:31,484 I've been drinking it like juice. 687 00:34:31,556 --> 00:34:37,115 No. Haut-Brion '82 is an incredibly expensive juice. 688 00:34:37,190 --> 00:34:38,952 We should go back before the music ends, 689 00:34:39,023 --> 00:34:40,455 don't you think, Madame? 690 00:34:40,523 --> 00:34:43,184 No, no, I think that's enough for tonight. 691 00:34:43,257 --> 00:34:45,519 You just go to bed. 692 00:34:45,590 --> 00:34:47,217 Won't they wonder what happened to me? 693 00:34:47,289 --> 00:34:49,950 Let me take care of that. We'll see you tomorrow. 694 00:34:50,023 --> 00:34:52,580 Thank you for everything, Maria. 695 00:34:55,590 --> 00:34:58,386 You don't want me to help the others clean up? 696 00:34:58,456 --> 00:35:01,014 Not tonight. 697 00:35:01,090 --> 00:35:03,182 See you tomorrow, Madame. 698 00:35:05,256 --> 00:35:06,746 Maria. 699 00:35:08,123 --> 00:35:10,351 Yes, Madame? 700 00:35:10,423 --> 00:35:13,447 You look beautiful with lipstick on. 701 00:35:13,523 --> 00:35:15,490 Thank you, Madame. 702 00:35:58,423 --> 00:35:59,685 Come on, come on. 703 00:35:59,756 --> 00:36:01,121 A bit harder. 704 00:36:01,189 --> 00:36:02,656 Come on, upsy-daisy. 705 00:36:02,723 --> 00:36:04,713 - I'm coming. - Upsy-daisy. 706 00:36:06,957 --> 00:36:09,117 God, you stink! 707 00:36:09,189 --> 00:36:11,713 This is outrageous behavior. 708 00:36:11,790 --> 00:36:13,121 - Okay, okay. - Hey, hey, hey. 709 00:36:13,189 --> 00:36:14,713 Hey, look, look, hey. 710 00:36:14,790 --> 00:36:17,882 - Thirteen at the table as-- - Yes. 711 00:36:17,957 --> 00:36:20,287 Because of Judas. Thirteen. That's-- 712 00:36:20,356 --> 00:36:22,220 That's why it's bad luck. 713 00:36:22,289 --> 00:36:24,279 Where's Maria? 714 00:36:24,356 --> 00:36:26,220 Gone to bed. 715 00:36:26,289 --> 00:36:28,847 She was the belle of the ball. 716 00:36:34,857 --> 00:36:36,289 I want him out of here. 717 00:36:36,356 --> 00:36:37,687 He almost ruined the whole evening. 718 00:36:37,756 --> 00:36:40,154 - But he didn't! - And Maria. 719 00:36:40,223 --> 00:36:43,850 God, I was a nervous wreck. Did you see those shoes? 720 00:36:43,923 --> 00:36:45,184 You know what? 721 00:36:45,256 --> 00:36:47,189 Everyone loved her. 722 00:36:47,256 --> 00:36:48,655 Don't ever do that to me again, okay? 723 00:36:48,723 --> 00:36:50,280 You put me in a horrible position. 724 00:36:50,356 --> 00:36:52,949 Hey! You improvised. 725 00:36:53,023 --> 00:36:55,455 You pulled it off. Congratulations. 726 00:36:55,523 --> 00:36:57,717 David Morgan was flat out flirting with her. 727 00:36:57,790 --> 00:36:59,052 What's up with that? 728 00:36:59,123 --> 00:37:02,180 Chill. Congratulations, I said. 729 00:37:02,256 --> 00:37:03,655 Hey! 730 00:38:12,690 --> 00:38:14,281 - Hello? - Hi, Steven. 731 00:38:14,356 --> 00:38:16,789 - It's David Morgan. - Sorry. Bonjour. 732 00:38:16,857 --> 00:38:18,517 Do you remember the beautiful lady named Maria? 733 00:38:18,590 --> 00:38:20,557 I think. 734 00:38:20,623 --> 00:38:22,487 You couldn't give me Maria's phone number, could you? 735 00:38:22,556 --> 00:38:26,284 - Uh-huh. - I'm trying to chat with her. 736 00:38:26,356 --> 00:38:27,880 Um... 737 00:38:27,957 --> 00:38:29,446 If she's available for a bit of fun sometime. 738 00:38:29,523 --> 00:38:31,183 Yeah, sure. 739 00:38:31,256 --> 00:38:33,120 - Stay on the phone. - Okay. 740 00:38:33,189 --> 00:38:35,679 I'll just get her number for you now. 741 00:38:35,756 --> 00:38:37,882 Okay, hold on. Hang on. 742 00:38:37,957 --> 00:38:41,651 Maria, jot down your phone number for me. 743 00:38:41,723 --> 00:38:43,553 Jot it down quick. 744 00:38:44,723 --> 00:38:46,747 I'll explain later. 745 00:38:52,423 --> 00:38:53,981 Thank you. 746 00:38:54,056 --> 00:38:56,649 Hello? Uh-huh. 747 00:38:56,723 --> 00:38:58,952 Yeah, I have it here, yeah. 748 00:38:59,022 --> 00:39:01,785 06, 89... 749 00:39:01,857 --> 00:39:06,222 13, 91, 34. 750 00:39:06,289 --> 00:39:07,881 Yeah. 751 00:39:07,957 --> 00:39:09,821 Yeah, I will. I'll tell him you said thank you. 752 00:39:09,890 --> 00:39:11,220 Okay, bye-bye. 753 00:39:11,289 --> 00:39:13,722 Hey, Dad, guess what? 754 00:39:13,790 --> 00:39:16,279 What? 755 00:39:16,356 --> 00:39:19,187 Uh, uh, nothing. 756 00:39:19,256 --> 00:39:22,417 I just had a bad dream, that's all. 757 00:39:31,690 --> 00:39:33,213 What about your French lesson? 758 00:39:33,289 --> 00:39:36,222 Tard aujourd'hui. 759 00:39:36,289 --> 00:39:39,313 Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir? 760 00:39:39,389 --> 00:39:41,856 Ooh, oui, volontiers. 761 00:39:41,923 --> 00:39:44,219 Stop it, okay? 762 00:39:44,289 --> 00:39:46,051 I'm doing this for you, remember? 763 00:39:46,122 --> 00:39:47,885 Oh, you're not learning French for me anymore. 764 00:39:47,957 --> 00:39:48,889 That's plain enough. 765 00:39:48,957 --> 00:39:51,617 Sean, give Maria back her phone. 766 00:39:51,690 --> 00:39:53,782 "Let me be direct. 767 00:39:53,857 --> 00:39:55,153 You are amazing. 768 00:39:55,223 --> 00:39:57,486 Very cool, but red hot too. 769 00:39:57,556 --> 00:39:59,716 May I see you again? Text yes or yes. 770 00:39:59,790 --> 00:40:01,689 David M." 771 00:40:01,756 --> 00:40:03,949 What? 772 00:40:04,022 --> 00:40:07,080 It's a wrong number, Madame. No one ever texts me. 773 00:40:09,189 --> 00:40:10,816 It's David Morgan. 774 00:40:10,890 --> 00:40:13,288 You're kidding. He's kidding. 775 00:40:13,356 --> 00:40:15,846 "Excellent. I felt something the moment we met." 776 00:40:15,923 --> 00:40:17,048 My God! 777 00:40:17,122 --> 00:40:19,180 I knew it. This is because of you. 778 00:40:19,256 --> 00:40:21,655 - And you! - The Oscar goes to Maria. 779 00:40:21,723 --> 00:40:24,019 Here, somebody take this. I think I'm gonna throw up. 780 00:40:24,089 --> 00:40:26,079 Good luck, Maria. 781 00:40:27,890 --> 00:40:28,981 Maria. 782 00:40:29,056 --> 00:40:31,023 This is not funny, Bob. Shut up. 783 00:40:34,189 --> 00:40:37,315 Did something happen at the dinner? Something specific? 784 00:40:37,389 --> 00:40:40,356 No, Madame. Nothing specific. 785 00:40:40,423 --> 00:40:42,185 He didn't play footsie with you? 786 00:40:42,256 --> 00:40:44,155 Footsie? What is that? 787 00:40:44,223 --> 00:40:46,690 What? You know, like... 788 00:40:46,756 --> 00:40:48,313 Oh, no, Madame. 789 00:40:48,389 --> 00:40:50,117 Madre de Dios. 790 00:40:50,189 --> 00:40:52,281 He didn't touch you somewhere or make you touch him? 791 00:40:52,356 --> 00:40:55,846 - No, Madame. - Well, what is this all about? 792 00:40:55,922 --> 00:40:58,719 What? It was something, I must say. 793 00:40:58,790 --> 00:41:00,689 What thing? 794 00:41:00,756 --> 00:41:03,382 I don't know. I felt something when he looked at me. 795 00:41:03,456 --> 00:41:04,945 Yes, the Haut-Brion. 796 00:41:05,022 --> 00:41:07,319 The thing you felt inside was drunk, Maria. 797 00:41:07,389 --> 00:41:08,822 Nothing else. 798 00:41:08,889 --> 00:41:10,686 Here, I'm gonna help you get rid of him. 799 00:41:10,756 --> 00:41:12,313 What is this cell? Nokia? 800 00:41:12,389 --> 00:41:14,117 You keep it for sentimental reasons? 801 00:41:14,189 --> 00:41:15,781 I'm gonna get you a new iPhone 802 00:41:15,857 --> 00:41:17,824 for putting up with David's insanity. 803 00:41:17,889 --> 00:41:19,220 Yes, Madame. 804 00:41:19,289 --> 00:41:22,723 "Be kind. Please do not insist." There. 805 00:41:24,289 --> 00:41:25,722 I beat Rose. 806 00:41:25,790 --> 00:41:27,814 Yeah, barely. I got an eight. 807 00:41:27,889 --> 00:41:30,118 How great you are, my little stars. 808 00:41:30,189 --> 00:41:32,883 You weren't even watching me. You were talking to Maria. 809 00:41:32,956 --> 00:41:34,446 Look, I tagged you all over my Instagram. 810 00:41:34,523 --> 00:41:35,989 How many likes did I get? 811 00:41:36,056 --> 00:41:38,785 Go collect your clubs. Go on, now. 812 00:41:39,956 --> 00:41:41,218 Oh! 813 00:41:41,289 --> 00:41:44,654 "Meet me at the George V at nine." 814 00:41:44,723 --> 00:41:46,656 Oh, my God, I am an idiot. 815 00:41:46,723 --> 00:41:49,019 He's excited by your resistance. 816 00:41:49,089 --> 00:41:50,885 He wants you in his bed. 817 00:41:50,956 --> 00:41:53,321 But I thought the George V was a movie theater 818 00:41:53,389 --> 00:41:54,878 on the Champs Élysées, Madame. 819 00:41:54,956 --> 00:41:57,788 No, not in this context. It's a hotel. 820 00:41:57,856 --> 00:41:59,687 The George V Hotel. 821 00:41:59,756 --> 00:42:01,416 A hotel? 822 00:42:02,889 --> 00:42:06,913 Steven, Steven! Stop fucking around, Steven! 823 00:42:10,456 --> 00:42:12,979 - I'll turn you into a frog! - Oh, no! 824 00:42:13,056 --> 00:42:15,319 Okay, I'll turn you into a princess, 825 00:42:15,389 --> 00:42:17,049 but only until midnight. 826 00:42:17,122 --> 00:42:19,021 Then poof! 827 00:42:19,089 --> 00:42:21,215 Abracadabra! 828 00:42:25,389 --> 00:42:26,720 I don't trust her. 829 00:42:26,790 --> 00:42:28,881 I think we should tell David the truth. 830 00:42:28,956 --> 00:42:31,355 Don't. Not yet anyway. 831 00:42:31,423 --> 00:42:33,185 What do you mean, not yet? 832 00:42:33,256 --> 00:42:35,553 Wait till he's verified the painting. 833 00:42:35,623 --> 00:42:38,522 I don't want him thinking we're a household of liars. 834 00:42:38,590 --> 00:42:40,523 God forbid. 835 00:42:40,590 --> 00:42:43,352 It's a real Caravaggio, Anne. 836 00:42:43,423 --> 00:42:45,912 Don't muddy the waters. 837 00:43:20,856 --> 00:43:22,687 What are we going to see? 838 00:43:22,755 --> 00:43:25,154 A horror movie, of course. 839 00:43:25,223 --> 00:43:28,281 So you jump into my arms. 840 00:43:28,356 --> 00:43:31,221 Madame-- Anne, our friend, 841 00:43:31,289 --> 00:43:34,017 thought it was the George V Hotel. 842 00:43:36,289 --> 00:43:39,723 Anne does not know the first thing about romance. 843 00:43:42,056 --> 00:43:43,683 Listen, Maria, 844 00:43:43,755 --> 00:43:46,881 there's something I must tell you straight off the bat. 845 00:43:46,956 --> 00:43:49,821 I know who you are. 846 00:43:49,889 --> 00:43:52,049 What I mean is... 847 00:43:52,122 --> 00:43:54,351 I know who you really are. 848 00:43:56,722 --> 00:44:00,019 Somebody told me at the party. I promised I wouldn't say who. 849 00:44:00,089 --> 00:44:03,181 Oh, my God. It was Steven. He wasn't supposed to-- 850 00:44:03,256 --> 00:44:06,052 Listen, it's all right. 851 00:44:06,122 --> 00:44:08,646 I don't care. 852 00:44:08,722 --> 00:44:11,554 It makes no difference to me. 853 00:44:11,623 --> 00:44:12,987 Really? 854 00:44:13,056 --> 00:44:14,387 Yeah. 855 00:44:15,789 --> 00:44:18,188 Do you honestly feel that way? 856 00:44:19,722 --> 00:44:23,019 And I have a daughter. Did he tell you that? 857 00:44:23,089 --> 00:44:26,215 A princess, I'm sure. 858 00:44:26,289 --> 00:44:29,381 The topic, mi amor, 859 00:44:29,456 --> 00:44:31,150 is closed. 860 00:44:50,456 --> 00:44:53,854 You know they were supposed to destroy them? 861 00:44:53,922 --> 00:44:57,219 It was a big scandal at the time. 862 00:44:57,289 --> 00:44:59,347 Like everything new. 863 00:44:59,423 --> 00:45:01,549 People are afraid when they can't link a feeling 864 00:45:01,623 --> 00:45:04,283 with another one. 865 00:45:04,356 --> 00:45:06,448 And how do you feel right now? 866 00:45:06,523 --> 00:45:08,547 Empty. 867 00:45:08,623 --> 00:45:10,816 Let's make a wish. 868 00:45:38,423 --> 00:45:40,356 Are you okay? You look sad. 869 00:45:43,722 --> 00:45:48,281 Your mother never been so happy in all her life. 870 00:45:48,356 --> 00:45:50,323 Now I will pop this in FedEx, 871 00:45:50,389 --> 00:45:52,515 and you will have it by Saturday. 872 00:45:52,590 --> 00:45:54,613 I wish you could come and see me. 873 00:45:57,556 --> 00:45:59,749 - Look. - A ver. 874 00:46:05,289 --> 00:46:06,949 Ah! 875 00:46:07,022 --> 00:46:08,546 - Where were you? - Oh, you know. 876 00:46:08,622 --> 00:46:10,680 Doing a little shopping at the Galeries Lafayette. 877 00:46:10,755 --> 00:46:12,052 You okay? 878 00:46:12,122 --> 00:46:13,487 I'm fine. 879 00:46:13,556 --> 00:46:15,386 Just starving, that's all. 880 00:46:15,456 --> 00:46:17,649 Maria just asked me if she could go. 881 00:46:17,722 --> 00:46:19,655 She just left. 882 00:46:19,722 --> 00:46:21,814 Mandy is with the kids. 883 00:46:21,889 --> 00:46:23,550 Did she have makeup on? 884 00:46:23,622 --> 00:46:26,612 - Lipstick? A skirt? - Excuse me? 885 00:46:26,689 --> 00:46:30,781 There is something very strange going on with Maria, trust me. 886 00:46:30,856 --> 00:46:32,880 Okay, can you tell me about it over steak? 887 00:46:32,956 --> 00:46:34,480 There's this nice bistro on the corner. 888 00:46:34,555 --> 00:46:36,988 She is seeing him, Bob. This morning she came late, 889 00:46:37,056 --> 00:46:38,523 and she looked like she'd been fucking. 890 00:46:38,589 --> 00:46:40,056 Oh, my God! 891 00:46:41,289 --> 00:46:42,949 - Coming! - Come on, Bob! 892 00:46:43,022 --> 00:46:45,012 My God, I'd hate to see it if there was a fire! 893 00:46:45,089 --> 00:46:48,215 You move like a tortoise. Oh, my God. 894 00:46:48,289 --> 00:46:50,153 Okay, let's follow her. 895 00:46:51,589 --> 00:46:53,284 Come on, turn it on! 896 00:46:53,356 --> 00:46:56,221 Let's go. Now, drive fast. Be like the French. 897 00:46:56,289 --> 00:46:58,153 Go, go, go! Oh, my God! 898 00:46:58,223 --> 00:46:59,212 Shut up. 899 00:46:59,289 --> 00:47:00,812 Do not talk to me that way! 900 00:47:10,789 --> 00:47:13,222 They're parking. Go around the block. Fast. 901 00:47:13,289 --> 00:47:14,687 Go! 902 00:47:34,022 --> 00:47:35,648 It's nice, no? 903 00:47:40,589 --> 00:47:42,988 Oh, please! He can't be serious! 904 00:47:43,056 --> 00:47:45,818 Look, Bob, he's taken her Le Petit Bistrot d'Auteuil. 905 00:47:45,889 --> 00:47:48,288 Obviously. I'm not blind. 906 00:47:48,356 --> 00:47:51,880 That's one of my favorite restaurants! I mean... 907 00:47:51,956 --> 00:47:53,855 At least it's food. 908 00:47:55,622 --> 00:47:58,487 Can we go back home now? You can fire her tomorrow. 909 00:47:58,555 --> 00:47:59,681 I can't fire her. 910 00:47:59,755 --> 00:48:01,517 She runs the house like clockwork. 911 00:48:01,589 --> 00:48:03,147 Well, you trained her. 912 00:48:03,223 --> 00:48:05,452 She's not a biochemist. 913 00:48:05,522 --> 00:48:07,114 She's just a housemaid. 914 00:48:07,189 --> 00:48:09,815 You don't get it. It takes at least half a day 915 00:48:09,889 --> 00:48:12,288 to learn how to fold my skirts alone, you know? 916 00:48:12,356 --> 00:48:14,948 I mean, it's a mess. It's a total fucking mess! 917 00:48:15,022 --> 00:48:17,853 I think you're overreacting, but I'll talk to her. 918 00:48:17,922 --> 00:48:20,514 Could he be in love with her? Is that possible? 919 00:48:20,589 --> 00:48:23,488 Well, admit it. She's got a great ass. 920 00:48:23,555 --> 00:48:25,613 Maybe vacuum cleaning's the new Pilates. 921 00:48:25,689 --> 00:48:27,849 She's terribly ugly, right? 922 00:48:27,922 --> 00:48:29,287 I don't know. 923 00:48:29,356 --> 00:48:31,447 She's got a kind of charm. 924 00:48:31,522 --> 00:48:34,455 Oh, my God. Now you too. 925 00:48:34,522 --> 00:48:36,887 How about we both go in there and have our dinner? 926 00:48:36,956 --> 00:48:39,014 Because they would see us. 927 00:48:39,089 --> 00:48:42,250 - She's the guilty one, not us. - Oh, Bob. 928 00:48:44,622 --> 00:48:46,646 It's good. 929 00:48:46,722 --> 00:48:48,155 You see? 930 00:48:48,223 --> 00:48:50,849 Everything's new to you. 931 00:48:50,922 --> 00:48:53,980 You're like a kid, Maria. 932 00:48:54,056 --> 00:48:57,217 And you have a play date after dinner. 933 00:48:58,722 --> 00:49:01,450 You realize I'm a fervent believer, David. 934 00:49:01,522 --> 00:49:03,614 Oh, I know. 935 00:49:03,689 --> 00:49:06,213 I hear you calling for God when you're in bed with me. 936 00:49:06,289 --> 00:49:09,188 Maybe I am a kid, but you? 937 00:49:09,256 --> 00:49:12,018 You're a teenager. 938 00:49:12,089 --> 00:49:13,521 Oversexed. 939 00:49:13,589 --> 00:49:16,056 In the worst way. 940 00:49:16,122 --> 00:49:18,554 I'll have you know when I was a teenager, 941 00:49:18,622 --> 00:49:19,953 I was going to be a priest. 942 00:49:20,022 --> 00:49:21,545 Oh, my God! 943 00:49:21,622 --> 00:49:23,680 You see? You're doing it again. 944 00:49:23,755 --> 00:49:25,052 Calling his name. 945 00:49:25,122 --> 00:49:26,816 I'm starting to get jealous, Maria. 946 00:49:28,789 --> 00:49:31,779 It's like a slow-motion car crash. 947 00:49:31,856 --> 00:49:33,720 I've never seen you this way. 948 00:49:33,789 --> 00:49:36,279 Well, it's like my own little catastrophe. 949 00:49:36,356 --> 00:49:37,822 She knows the color of our underwear. 950 00:49:37,889 --> 00:49:39,220 She cleans our sheets. 951 00:49:39,289 --> 00:49:40,778 She knows when we have sex. 952 00:49:40,856 --> 00:49:43,016 She knows when I throw up. 953 00:49:43,089 --> 00:49:44,646 You're still throwing up? 954 00:49:44,722 --> 00:49:46,189 Well, not in a major way. 955 00:49:46,256 --> 00:49:48,484 I just want to stay, you know... 956 00:49:48,555 --> 00:49:50,385 sexy. 957 00:49:50,455 --> 00:49:52,218 Hang on. 958 00:49:52,289 --> 00:49:53,448 What are you doing? 959 00:49:53,522 --> 00:49:55,386 Hunting. 960 00:49:55,455 --> 00:49:57,445 Hunting for what? 961 00:49:57,522 --> 00:50:00,353 God, it's not 1878. 962 00:50:07,089 --> 00:50:08,646 I wanted to send you flowers. 963 00:50:08,722 --> 00:50:10,348 What kind of flowers? 964 00:50:10,422 --> 00:50:12,322 Well, give me an address. You'll find out. 965 00:50:15,355 --> 00:50:18,481 Don't be afraid of me, Maria. 966 00:50:18,555 --> 00:50:21,545 You and your family, I give you my word. 967 00:50:21,622 --> 00:50:25,350 Complete and utter discretion. 968 00:50:25,422 --> 00:50:27,480 Meanwhile, 969 00:50:27,555 --> 00:50:28,988 a gift... 970 00:50:29,056 --> 00:50:30,545 for you. 971 00:50:37,689 --> 00:50:39,952 Oh, my God. 972 00:50:40,022 --> 00:50:42,046 I can't accept. They're... 973 00:50:42,122 --> 00:50:44,282 Perfect. 974 00:50:44,355 --> 00:50:46,152 For your hair. 975 00:50:46,223 --> 00:50:49,190 For your eyes. 976 00:50:49,256 --> 00:50:52,313 For your tattoo, my white princess. 977 00:50:55,388 --> 00:50:56,719 That's it. 978 00:50:56,789 --> 00:50:58,551 I'm gonna have to tell him the truth. 979 00:50:58,622 --> 00:51:01,680 Don't. He'll think we were making fun of him. 980 00:51:01,755 --> 00:51:03,154 I cannot afford that. 981 00:51:03,223 --> 00:51:05,314 Come on, are we having any money problems? 982 00:51:05,388 --> 00:51:07,287 Absolutely not. 983 00:51:07,355 --> 00:51:10,686 But Monsieur Antoine Bernard and his museum 984 00:51:10,755 --> 00:51:13,018 must have a Caravaggio. 985 00:51:13,089 --> 00:51:14,646 I'm only too happy to oblige. 986 00:51:14,722 --> 00:51:16,814 That is if it's the real thing. 987 00:51:20,122 --> 00:51:23,055 I'd pocket a king's ransom. 988 00:51:23,122 --> 00:51:25,089 So keep your mouth shut. 989 00:51:43,288 --> 00:51:45,482 Finally! Dr. Schwiman. 990 00:51:45,555 --> 00:51:46,715 Are you all right? 991 00:51:46,789 --> 00:51:48,653 I saw your text about an emergency. 992 00:51:48,722 --> 00:51:51,019 No, I'm not all right! I'm about to kill that woman. 993 00:51:51,089 --> 00:51:52,953 What's happening? Are you in bed? 994 00:51:53,022 --> 00:51:54,318 Yes, I am. 995 00:51:54,388 --> 00:51:56,049 It's the middle of the night for you. 996 00:51:56,122 --> 00:51:57,782 Are you gonna listen or just make stupid remarks? 997 00:51:57,856 --> 00:51:59,322 It's the middle of the night. 998 00:51:59,388 --> 00:52:02,822 - See? - If you'd called back sooner... 999 00:52:02,889 --> 00:52:04,617 Hello, Doctor. 1000 00:52:04,689 --> 00:52:05,986 Hello, Bob. 1001 00:52:06,056 --> 00:52:09,114 Bob, this is a private consultation. 1002 00:52:09,189 --> 00:52:10,416 Please. 1003 00:52:13,689 --> 00:52:17,020 Okay. I just... 1004 00:52:17,089 --> 00:52:20,351 I mean, you know, I've had to fight my whole entire life 1005 00:52:20,422 --> 00:52:23,218 for everything, even men. 1006 00:52:23,288 --> 00:52:26,312 How can this woman, this-- this maid, 1007 00:52:26,388 --> 00:52:29,049 inspire such feelings? 1008 00:52:29,122 --> 00:52:30,713 Go on. 1009 00:52:30,789 --> 00:52:33,620 I feel so alone. 1010 00:52:33,689 --> 00:52:35,212 You know, even in a crowded room, 1011 00:52:35,288 --> 00:52:37,278 I feel lonely, Doctor. 1012 00:52:37,355 --> 00:52:40,152 Are you serious? 1013 00:52:55,889 --> 00:52:57,856 Tell me the truth, Maria. 1014 00:53:00,022 --> 00:53:02,046 What is your secret dream? 1015 00:53:02,122 --> 00:53:04,611 Everyone's got a secret dream. 1016 00:53:04,689 --> 00:53:07,156 I gave up on dreams, you know? 1017 00:53:07,222 --> 00:53:09,849 I have a simple desire. 1018 00:53:09,922 --> 00:53:11,855 I want my daughter to be happy. 1019 00:53:11,922 --> 00:53:14,218 Oh, tell the truth. Come on. 1020 00:53:14,288 --> 00:53:15,846 Everyone's got a project. 1021 00:53:15,922 --> 00:53:17,548 - You must have a plan. - Well... 1022 00:53:20,288 --> 00:53:23,449 It will sound ridiculous to you. 1023 00:53:23,522 --> 00:53:26,046 Sweetheart, 1024 00:53:26,122 --> 00:53:27,520 anything you'd say to me 1025 00:53:27,589 --> 00:53:30,488 will never, ever sound ridiculous to me. 1026 00:53:30,555 --> 00:53:32,681 Come on. What is it? 1027 00:53:32,755 --> 00:53:34,688 I would like to invent... 1028 00:53:34,755 --> 00:53:38,483 the half-pack of baking powder. 1029 00:53:38,555 --> 00:53:39,852 - Baking powder? - Yes. 1030 00:53:39,922 --> 00:53:41,980 I cook a lot, you see, 1031 00:53:42,056 --> 00:53:45,046 and no recipe uses the whole packet of baking powder. 1032 00:53:45,121 --> 00:53:46,281 None! 1033 00:53:46,355 --> 00:53:48,322 It's always half of the packet. 1034 00:53:48,388 --> 00:53:50,446 Then you leave the rest in the cupboard. 1035 00:53:50,522 --> 00:53:52,614 But you don't use it, never again, 1036 00:53:52,689 --> 00:53:55,281 because you're afraid it got spoiled. 1037 00:53:55,355 --> 00:53:58,050 Or you're not sure it's a real half remaining there. 1038 00:53:58,121 --> 00:54:00,350 Perhaps more, perhaps less, you know what I mean? 1039 00:54:00,422 --> 00:54:03,446 Yeah, I get the point. It's, um... 1040 00:54:03,522 --> 00:54:07,012 It's very smart. Very smart. 1041 00:54:07,089 --> 00:54:08,612 You're a very unusual woman, Maria. 1042 00:54:08,689 --> 00:54:10,485 Yes, I am. 1043 00:54:10,555 --> 00:54:12,351 Maybe you could cook for me sometime. 1044 00:54:12,422 --> 00:54:14,889 Invite me back to your place. 1045 00:54:14,956 --> 00:54:17,115 You have that Velazquez. 1046 00:54:17,188 --> 00:54:19,246 I could come and appraise it for you. 1047 00:54:21,088 --> 00:54:23,022 You could take me to Madrid. 1048 00:54:23,088 --> 00:54:25,112 I could meet your family. 1049 00:54:25,188 --> 00:54:28,155 I'm brilliant at groveling. 1050 00:54:28,222 --> 00:54:29,814 Buenas noches. 1051 00:54:31,589 --> 00:54:33,283 Buenas noches, cariÒo. 1052 00:54:33,355 --> 00:54:35,686 Oh, madre mia. 1053 00:54:35,755 --> 00:54:37,722 - Que rico. - Que rico. 1054 00:54:37,789 --> 00:54:39,346 - Que rico. - Que rico. 1055 00:54:42,388 --> 00:54:44,321 - Que rico. - Que rico. Yep, yep. 1056 00:54:59,622 --> 00:55:03,055 Bonsoir, monsieur. Bonsoir. 1057 00:55:03,121 --> 00:55:04,679 Bonsoir. 1058 00:55:13,689 --> 00:55:14,656 Wow. 1059 00:55:18,121 --> 00:55:19,452 What's with the outfit? 1060 00:55:19,522 --> 00:55:21,216 Well, it was Dr. Schwiman's idea. 1061 00:55:21,288 --> 00:55:25,415 It's an exercise to expunge my anger against Maria. 1062 00:55:27,856 --> 00:55:30,618 Are you jealous? 1063 00:55:30,689 --> 00:55:31,656 Stop it. 1064 00:55:35,121 --> 00:55:38,452 Anne, you're a beautiful woman. 1065 00:55:38,522 --> 00:55:40,011 But that's not why I married you. 1066 00:55:40,088 --> 00:55:42,351 Am I not pretty anymore? 1067 00:55:42,422 --> 00:55:45,150 I think you're jealous because you're... 1068 00:55:45,222 --> 00:55:46,382 insecure. 1069 00:55:46,455 --> 00:55:48,718 Of course I am. We never have sex. 1070 00:55:48,789 --> 00:55:50,722 The world is full of young pretty women, 1071 00:55:50,789 --> 00:55:52,722 and Paris is the worst. 1072 00:55:52,789 --> 00:55:54,153 Shh, shh, shh... 1073 00:55:54,222 --> 00:55:56,189 Don't shush me. 1074 00:55:56,255 --> 00:55:59,518 We have doctor's orders, don't we? 1075 00:56:20,522 --> 00:56:22,352 I must get this. 1076 00:56:30,555 --> 00:56:33,112 Bob, the bank's breathing down my neck. 1077 00:56:33,188 --> 00:56:35,678 Your accounts are running low. This is it. 1078 00:56:35,755 --> 00:56:37,813 We really need the money from the painting. 1079 00:56:37,889 --> 00:56:40,879 How much time do I have? 1080 00:56:40,955 --> 00:56:43,718 A month, maybe, before the foreclosures begin. 1081 00:56:43,789 --> 00:56:46,255 I can't do anything else without you here. 1082 00:57:39,222 --> 00:57:41,212 How was your evening? 1083 00:57:41,288 --> 00:57:43,846 You scared me, Madame. Is everyone okay? 1084 00:57:43,921 --> 00:57:45,718 You're never up so early. 1085 00:57:45,789 --> 00:57:47,449 - How would you know? - Well, sorry. 1086 00:57:47,522 --> 00:57:50,148 I'm going to get breakfast ready. 1087 00:57:50,222 --> 00:57:52,212 What's in that bag, Maria? 1088 00:57:52,288 --> 00:57:54,687 - In this one, Madame? - Exactly. 1089 00:57:54,755 --> 00:57:57,449 It's a dress from the dry cleaner, Madame. 1090 00:57:57,522 --> 00:57:59,284 Hmm. They gave it back to you like that 1091 00:57:59,355 --> 00:58:01,117 with no hanger or plastic? 1092 00:58:01,188 --> 00:58:03,052 It's for the dry cleaner. I wanted to take it yesterday, 1093 00:58:03,121 --> 00:58:05,213 - but it was closed. - Really? 1094 00:58:05,288 --> 00:58:07,482 You just said you picked it up from the dry cleaner. 1095 00:58:07,555 --> 00:58:10,147 Sometimes I get confused with my English, Madame. 1096 00:58:10,222 --> 00:58:12,984 Oh, no. Your English is perfect. 1097 00:58:13,055 --> 00:58:14,682 Let me see the dress. 1098 00:58:14,755 --> 00:58:17,051 - This is the one I-- - Give me the dress, Maria. 1099 00:58:19,055 --> 00:58:20,579 Yes, Madame. 1100 00:58:22,288 --> 00:58:24,812 It's dirty, Madame. It belongs at the dry cleaners. 1101 00:58:24,888 --> 00:58:27,287 No. It belongs to me. 1102 00:58:27,355 --> 00:58:29,345 But I haven't worn it in months. 1103 00:58:29,422 --> 00:58:31,150 And it smells like you 1104 00:58:31,222 --> 00:58:34,519 with your cheap vanilla perfume. 1105 00:58:34,589 --> 00:58:38,488 I don't smell anything. 1106 00:58:38,555 --> 00:58:40,715 I trusted you, Maria. 1107 00:58:40,789 --> 00:58:45,518 I sat you at my table. I thought you were honest. 1108 00:58:45,589 --> 00:58:47,522 Just so I know, do you wear my underwear 1109 00:58:47,589 --> 00:58:49,112 when he takes you to the hotel? 1110 00:58:49,188 --> 00:58:50,950 I don't understand, Madame. 1111 00:58:51,021 --> 00:58:53,113 You know I hate it when people cry. 1112 00:58:53,188 --> 00:58:54,950 I'm so sorry. 1113 00:58:55,021 --> 00:58:57,954 Just hurry up. The kids are gonna be late for school. 1114 00:58:58,021 --> 00:58:59,454 I'm so sorry, Madame. 1115 00:58:59,522 --> 00:59:01,852 I don't know what to say. 1116 00:59:01,921 --> 00:59:03,684 I am in love, and I just-- 1117 00:59:03,755 --> 00:59:04,687 Please! 1118 00:59:04,755 --> 00:59:06,381 Just stop it! 1119 00:59:06,455 --> 00:59:09,217 Okay, I am not your friend. 1120 00:59:09,288 --> 00:59:12,380 Try to put an end to this nonsense. 1121 00:59:12,455 --> 00:59:14,718 I'm advising you to think of what's important 1122 00:59:14,789 --> 00:59:16,982 for you and your daughter. 1123 00:59:18,222 --> 00:59:19,984 Yes, Madame. 1124 00:59:20,055 --> 00:59:22,113 How is she by the way? 1125 00:59:22,188 --> 00:59:25,280 Still very well. Thanks, Madame. 1126 00:59:25,355 --> 00:59:29,447 She's got the freestyle finals coming up. 1127 00:59:29,522 --> 00:59:32,852 Well, I'm really proud to pay for such a nice girl's study. 1128 00:59:35,755 --> 00:59:38,312 Really. 1129 00:59:38,388 --> 00:59:41,082 I'd hate to have to be forced to stop. 1130 00:59:43,121 --> 00:59:44,679 Yes, Madame. 1131 00:59:59,388 --> 01:00:01,184 Stop with this phone. 1132 01:00:01,255 --> 01:00:02,654 He will not call. 1133 01:00:02,722 --> 01:00:04,552 We do not belong to this world. 1134 01:00:04,622 --> 01:00:06,646 He knows who I am. 1135 01:00:06,722 --> 01:00:08,518 He doesn't know. 1136 01:00:08,589 --> 01:00:10,283 But the world does. 1137 01:00:10,355 --> 01:00:12,049 Is that a Filipino saying? 1138 01:00:12,121 --> 01:00:15,179 Maria, we serve, they eat. 1139 01:00:15,255 --> 01:00:18,188 They don't love people like you or Josiane or me. 1140 01:00:18,255 --> 01:00:20,347 We're slaves. Same as slaves. 1141 01:00:20,422 --> 01:00:22,719 How can you say such a thing, Mandy? 1142 01:00:22,788 --> 01:00:24,449 Are you crazy? 1143 01:00:24,522 --> 01:00:26,284 I'm worth as much as Madame, 1144 01:00:26,355 --> 01:00:28,322 even if I bring her tea on a tray. 1145 01:00:28,388 --> 01:00:31,287 We are human beings. You better respect yourself. 1146 01:00:31,355 --> 01:00:35,345 We work for our kids. They will be strong at study. 1147 01:00:35,422 --> 01:00:37,786 What does any of this have to do with love? 1148 01:00:37,855 --> 01:00:39,049 Everything. 1149 01:00:39,121 --> 01:00:41,713 There's no such thing as love. 1150 01:01:13,422 --> 01:01:15,616 You're showing me the best baker in Paris, 1151 01:01:15,688 --> 01:01:18,315 as if you would know better than I would? 1152 01:01:18,388 --> 01:01:21,048 Je voudrais deux croissants bien cuits. 1153 01:01:21,121 --> 01:01:22,110 Is that right? 1154 01:01:22,188 --> 01:01:23,120 Perfect. 1155 01:01:23,188 --> 01:01:24,984 Let me order something else. 1156 01:01:25,055 --> 01:01:26,352 Madame, s'il vous plait, 1157 01:01:26,422 --> 01:01:31,878 deux pains au chocolat et un baguette. 1158 01:01:31,955 --> 01:01:34,354 How do you say "lemon tart?" 1159 01:01:34,422 --> 01:01:35,683 Tarte au citron. 1160 01:01:35,754 --> 01:01:37,221 No, no, no. We don't. We stop. 1161 01:01:37,288 --> 01:01:39,811 On va devenir très gross, Bob. 1162 01:02:08,222 --> 01:02:12,383 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 1163 01:02:12,455 --> 01:02:14,921 Happy birthday, sweetheart. 1164 01:02:16,422 --> 01:02:17,718 Let's play, kids! 1165 01:02:17,788 --> 01:02:19,221 Yay! 1166 01:02:20,855 --> 01:02:24,448 So... what do you think, boy or a girl? 1167 01:02:24,522 --> 01:02:25,988 Let me see. 1168 01:02:26,055 --> 01:02:30,011 You're trying to play a trick on me here. 1169 01:02:30,088 --> 01:02:32,180 I can feel... 1170 01:02:32,255 --> 01:02:33,812 There's twins in there, no? 1171 01:02:33,888 --> 01:02:35,821 Oh, my God! It's unbelievable! 1172 01:02:35,888 --> 01:02:37,378 I told you she was amazing. 1173 01:02:37,455 --> 01:02:39,388 When there is two, I cannot tell if boy or girl. 1174 01:02:39,455 --> 01:02:41,479 Isn't it better than ultrasound? 1175 01:02:41,555 --> 01:02:44,454 One of you is worried. 1176 01:02:44,522 --> 01:02:47,716 One of you is in love. You don't have to worry. 1177 01:02:47,788 --> 01:02:50,721 He's going to call and ask you away for the weekend. 1178 01:02:50,788 --> 01:02:52,880 Finally! George Clooney is going to call me. 1179 01:02:52,955 --> 01:02:54,547 What else? 1180 01:02:54,621 --> 01:02:57,179 Well, you should go. You should say yes. 1181 01:02:57,255 --> 01:03:00,120 Life wasn't always nice to you and will not always be, 1182 01:03:00,188 --> 01:03:01,620 so enjoy now. 1183 01:03:01,688 --> 01:03:03,019 I don't know who she's talking to, 1184 01:03:03,088 --> 01:03:04,521 but one of you is gonna have a nice weekend. 1185 01:03:04,588 --> 01:03:05,556 Maybe it's you. 1186 01:03:05,621 --> 01:03:07,282 The woman I am talking about 1187 01:03:07,355 --> 01:03:09,549 knows exactly who she is. 1188 01:03:09,621 --> 01:03:11,611 Should we open the presents, Madame? 1189 01:03:11,688 --> 01:03:13,417 Are you drunk, Maria? 1190 01:04:45,754 --> 01:04:49,983 You Americans and guns. You can't fight it. 1191 01:04:50,055 --> 01:04:53,352 Well, they give us guns at ten, so we're not tempted 1192 01:04:53,422 --> 01:04:56,321 to play with the toy pistol between our legs. 1193 01:04:56,388 --> 01:04:58,786 And does it work? 1194 01:04:58,855 --> 01:05:01,049 The guilt works. 1195 01:05:01,121 --> 01:05:04,849 I always have a little guilt when I'm having sex. 1196 01:05:04,921 --> 01:05:07,683 How delicious that must be. 1197 01:05:07,754 --> 01:05:09,687 You must tell me all about it. 1198 01:05:32,921 --> 01:05:35,888 Here we are. 1199 01:05:35,955 --> 01:05:38,547 It's so beautiful. 1200 01:05:38,621 --> 01:05:40,282 Is it a hotel? 1201 01:05:40,355 --> 01:05:43,049 No, my dear, it is not. 1202 01:05:46,554 --> 01:05:49,386 I want you to witness my big announcement. 1203 01:05:49,454 --> 01:05:50,853 Check. 1204 01:05:50,921 --> 01:05:53,013 I'm going to get you! 1205 01:05:56,088 --> 01:05:57,850 What has got into you? 1206 01:05:57,921 --> 01:05:59,387 Let's have sex. 1207 01:05:59,454 --> 01:06:01,012 Or let's run away. 1208 01:06:01,088 --> 01:06:04,021 We can have sex tonight, and we can run away tomorrow. 1209 01:06:04,088 --> 01:06:06,146 Now, come on. 1210 01:06:06,222 --> 01:06:08,155 What I like about chess is the vision. 1211 01:06:08,222 --> 01:06:13,121 You know where you're going, but nobody else has a clue. 1212 01:06:13,188 --> 01:06:16,518 There is no such thing as vision in chess. 1213 01:06:16,588 --> 01:06:18,112 Only options. 1214 01:06:18,188 --> 01:06:19,518 Hmm. 1215 01:06:19,588 --> 01:06:23,521 I have my own... shortcuts, my lucky tricks. 1216 01:06:23,588 --> 01:06:25,180 Lay there for a minute and smell the flowers. 1217 01:06:25,255 --> 01:06:27,313 What is going on? 1218 01:06:27,387 --> 01:06:29,650 I can't go in there. 1219 01:06:32,121 --> 01:06:34,713 - Are you ashamed of me? - Of course not. 1220 01:06:34,788 --> 01:06:38,721 David, you know me. You know who I am. 1221 01:06:38,788 --> 01:06:43,517 I cannot mix with these people. I can't. 1222 01:06:43,588 --> 01:06:45,680 Darling Maria... 1223 01:06:45,754 --> 01:06:48,187 it is the 21st century. 1224 01:06:48,255 --> 01:06:52,154 Queen Elizabeth has dinner with Jay-Z. 1225 01:06:52,222 --> 01:06:53,882 Come on, let's go. 1226 01:06:53,955 --> 01:06:57,547 Stefan Zweig said that he loved chess 1227 01:06:57,621 --> 01:07:00,986 because it had nothing to do with luck. 1228 01:07:03,222 --> 01:07:05,745 Maria! Maria! 1229 01:07:07,421 --> 01:07:09,479 I won't be caught again, believe me. 1230 01:07:09,554 --> 01:07:12,316 Maria! Maria! 1231 01:07:13,688 --> 01:07:15,019 You're amazing. 1232 01:07:15,088 --> 01:07:17,282 Does every child in the world love you? 1233 01:07:18,554 --> 01:07:20,021 Let's play. 1234 01:07:21,788 --> 01:07:24,550 Ah, gentlemen, if I can have your attention, please. 1235 01:07:24,621 --> 01:07:26,952 I bring news from London. 1236 01:07:27,021 --> 01:07:29,215 Your painting has been authentified. 1237 01:07:29,288 --> 01:07:30,379 Hallelujah. 1238 01:07:30,454 --> 01:07:32,115 Congratulations, mon vieux. 1239 01:07:32,188 --> 01:07:34,586 Mm. Thank you. 1240 01:07:43,421 --> 01:07:46,082 We have many things to celebrate today. 1241 01:07:47,855 --> 01:07:49,481 First, our friendship. 1242 01:07:49,554 --> 01:07:51,714 To our wives, 1243 01:07:51,788 --> 01:07:53,153 to our families, 1244 01:07:53,222 --> 01:07:55,620 and let's not forget... 1245 01:07:55,688 --> 01:07:58,121 Michelangelo Merisi da Caravaggio, 1246 01:07:58,188 --> 01:07:59,518 that rogue. 1247 01:07:59,588 --> 01:08:01,987 And master fornicator. 1248 01:08:02,055 --> 01:08:04,385 At least he had fun. 1249 01:08:04,454 --> 01:08:06,478 Taste it. 1250 01:08:06,554 --> 01:08:09,544 It's one of the greatest wines in the world. 1251 01:08:09,621 --> 01:08:11,020 Bourgogne. 1252 01:08:11,088 --> 01:08:13,611 - To life. - To life. 1253 01:08:13,688 --> 01:08:14,655 - To life. - To life. 1254 01:08:16,121 --> 01:08:17,610 Thank you. 1255 01:08:17,688 --> 01:08:20,553 They are both with the nice Portuguese nanny, 1256 01:08:20,621 --> 01:08:21,679 going down for a nap. 1257 01:08:21,754 --> 01:08:24,153 Thank you so much. 1258 01:08:24,222 --> 01:08:27,677 Oh, my gosh, you must have the magic touch. Shazam! 1259 01:08:27,754 --> 01:08:30,119 Maria, tell us about yourself. 1260 01:08:30,188 --> 01:08:33,951 The mysterious woman who stole David's heart. 1261 01:08:34,021 --> 01:08:35,817 Or his liver. 1262 01:08:35,888 --> 01:08:37,286 His heart is difficult to steal. 1263 01:08:39,088 --> 01:08:41,520 My heart is easy to steal, but it's hard to hold. 1264 01:08:41,588 --> 01:08:43,215 I'm Irish, after all. 1265 01:08:43,287 --> 01:08:46,482 When did the Irish become experts in affairs of heart? 1266 01:08:46,554 --> 01:08:48,487 They're supposed to be happy drunks. 1267 01:08:48,554 --> 01:08:49,885 Oh. 1268 01:08:49,955 --> 01:08:51,444 The French do adultery, 1269 01:08:51,521 --> 01:08:53,148 and the English do spanky-spanky. 1270 01:08:53,221 --> 01:08:54,711 And the Americans, they have sex 1271 01:08:54,788 --> 01:08:57,187 like they're invading a third-world country 1272 01:08:57,254 --> 01:08:58,778 and didn't have to pay for it afterwards. 1273 01:08:58,855 --> 01:09:01,481 I can explain it. In France, we choose adultery, 1274 01:09:01,554 --> 01:09:03,885 so we can stay married to our beloved wives. 1275 01:09:03,955 --> 01:09:05,888 The English, well, 1276 01:09:05,955 --> 01:09:10,184 after twenty years of getting punished in boarding school, 1277 01:09:10,254 --> 01:09:12,778 fighting their homosexual feelings, 1278 01:09:12,855 --> 01:09:15,686 they only have the guts to speak to one girl, that's it. 1279 01:09:15,754 --> 01:09:18,380 They are settled for life. 1280 01:09:18,454 --> 01:09:21,012 What do you think, Maria? 1281 01:09:21,088 --> 01:09:23,850 Oh, well, I am an old-fashioned Spanish, 1282 01:09:23,921 --> 01:09:27,513 but I do believe marriage is an important matter. 1283 01:09:27,588 --> 01:09:29,646 So you don't lie to anyone. 1284 01:09:29,721 --> 01:09:31,551 - Interesting. - She's adorable. 1285 01:09:31,621 --> 01:09:33,679 It's like you're from the 19th century or something. 1286 01:09:33,754 --> 01:09:35,983 Because you think women were pure back then? 1287 01:09:36,055 --> 01:09:37,521 Did you ever read a book, David? 1288 01:09:37,588 --> 01:09:39,316 Yes, and I'm nearly finished coloring it in. 1289 01:09:39,387 --> 01:09:44,343 Seriously. Vice has been around since human beings themselves. 1290 01:09:44,421 --> 01:09:47,820 And needed an excuse to invent virtue. 1291 01:09:47,888 --> 01:09:50,855 So, Anne, tell me. 1292 01:09:50,921 --> 01:09:53,183 How did you meet Maria? She won't tell me. 1293 01:09:53,254 --> 01:09:55,551 Oh, no! 1294 01:09:55,621 --> 01:09:58,281 These two are very secretive about their friendship. 1295 01:09:58,354 --> 01:10:00,514 I don't even know when they met. 1296 01:10:00,588 --> 01:10:02,248 Why such a mystery? 1297 01:10:05,254 --> 01:10:06,312 I am their maid. 1298 01:10:09,387 --> 01:10:11,217 I have been cleaning their underwear 1299 01:10:11,287 --> 01:10:13,481 and their toilets... 1300 01:10:13,554 --> 01:10:15,680 for about, what? 1301 01:10:15,754 --> 01:10:17,687 Ten years now, Madame? 1302 01:10:20,554 --> 01:10:23,988 No, no! We traveled when we were young, together, 1303 01:10:24,055 --> 01:10:26,146 and we ate at all the finest restaurants. 1304 01:10:26,221 --> 01:10:29,484 Did you eat at Alain Ducasse's new restaurant in Italy yet? 1305 01:10:29,554 --> 01:10:31,453 L'Andana? Oh, my God! 1306 01:10:31,521 --> 01:10:34,852 You must absolutely go there. The meat is amazing. 1307 01:10:34,921 --> 01:10:38,877 How can you eat so much and stay that thin? 1308 01:10:38,955 --> 01:10:42,217 She was always like that. 1309 01:10:42,287 --> 01:10:44,686 She was born like that. Beautiful. 1310 01:10:44,754 --> 01:10:46,448 Never ages. 1311 01:10:46,521 --> 01:10:48,351 She's a mystery. 1312 01:10:48,421 --> 01:10:49,979 Thank you, darling. 1313 01:10:50,055 --> 01:10:52,544 When are you going back to New York? 1314 01:10:52,621 --> 01:10:54,383 Oh, soon. 1315 01:10:55,754 --> 01:10:57,220 Are we-- Are you leaving? 1316 01:10:58,721 --> 01:10:59,710 Yes. 1317 01:11:00,754 --> 01:11:02,516 Fun's over! 1318 01:11:02,588 --> 01:11:04,384 There's an investment banker in New York I have to kill. 1319 01:11:04,454 --> 01:11:05,978 I'm going back to packing. 1320 01:11:06,055 --> 01:11:09,283 Taking the kids and the staff and heading home. 1321 01:11:09,354 --> 01:11:12,549 But that doesn't change your feelings. 1322 01:11:12,621 --> 01:11:14,588 What's a few miles between friends? 1323 01:11:28,055 --> 01:11:29,248 Ah, Maria. 1324 01:11:32,387 --> 01:11:34,980 Do you realize what a mess we're in because of your behavior? 1325 01:11:35,054 --> 01:11:37,544 I never asked for anything, Madame. 1326 01:11:39,087 --> 01:11:40,850 He just... 1327 01:11:40,921 --> 01:11:42,547 Well, it's good you didn't ask. 1328 01:11:42,621 --> 01:11:45,486 You're a housekeeper, not a prostitute. 1329 01:11:45,554 --> 01:11:48,988 It's not what you think it is, Madame. 1330 01:11:49,054 --> 01:11:51,715 He's deeply in love with me. True love. 1331 01:11:51,788 --> 01:11:53,948 He told me. 1332 01:11:54,021 --> 01:11:56,954 The way he holds me during the night. 1333 01:11:57,021 --> 01:11:58,112 The way he looks at me. 1334 01:11:58,187 --> 01:11:59,711 Maria, just listen to me. 1335 01:11:59,788 --> 01:12:01,186 Anne, I beg you. 1336 01:12:01,254 --> 01:12:03,118 Don't call me Anne! 1337 01:12:03,187 --> 01:12:06,211 You abused my kindness, and you lied to me. 1338 01:12:06,287 --> 01:12:09,152 I just did what you asked me to, Madame. 1339 01:12:09,221 --> 01:12:11,779 I sat at that table because you asked me to. 1340 01:12:11,855 --> 01:12:15,151 Look, I don't want to hurt you. I know your life is hard. 1341 01:12:15,221 --> 01:12:17,347 But you're playing out of your league. 1342 01:12:17,421 --> 01:12:19,445 How do you know? 1343 01:12:19,521 --> 01:12:23,010 How can I explain this without hurting your feelings? 1344 01:12:23,087 --> 01:12:26,452 This is not your world. 1345 01:12:26,521 --> 01:12:28,681 If your opinions were really interesting, 1346 01:12:28,754 --> 01:12:30,152 substantial, 1347 01:12:30,221 --> 01:12:33,780 if they had any impact or a real interest, 1348 01:12:33,855 --> 01:12:36,617 why would you be a maid? 1349 01:12:36,688 --> 01:12:39,849 Because I'm a Spanish immigrant. I had no options, Madame. 1350 01:12:39,921 --> 01:12:41,854 Cervantes, El Bulli, 1351 01:12:41,921 --> 01:12:44,046 Almodóvar, Antonio Banderas. 1352 01:12:44,120 --> 01:12:46,985 They're all Spanish, and they're not maids, are they? 1353 01:12:47,054 --> 01:12:50,215 He loves me, Madame. 1354 01:12:50,287 --> 01:12:53,379 Perhaps you should believe in love too. 1355 01:14:20,454 --> 01:14:22,648 You're in love. 1356 01:14:22,721 --> 01:14:25,449 You sing and you don't eat. 1357 01:14:25,521 --> 01:14:26,715 I eat. 1358 01:14:26,788 --> 01:14:28,516 But not so much. 1359 01:14:28,588 --> 01:14:31,214 That's how it starts. 1360 01:14:45,521 --> 01:14:46,885 Filthy genius! 1361 01:14:46,954 --> 01:14:48,944 I read it. Tell me it's true. 1362 01:14:49,020 --> 01:14:50,817 All true. Just like the first one. 1363 01:14:50,887 --> 01:14:53,047 Only this time it's not Anne and my father. 1364 01:14:53,120 --> 01:14:54,280 It's Anne and the maid. 1365 01:14:54,354 --> 01:14:55,945 Totally cool. 1366 01:14:56,020 --> 01:14:58,146 And you know what? Political. 1367 01:14:58,221 --> 01:15:00,347 How does it end? 1368 01:15:00,421 --> 01:15:01,820 Who knows? 1369 01:15:01,887 --> 01:15:03,684 Badly. 1370 01:15:03,754 --> 01:15:04,879 Join me. 1371 01:15:22,221 --> 01:15:23,552 David! 1372 01:15:24,954 --> 01:15:26,478 How are you? 1373 01:15:26,554 --> 01:15:28,145 Hello, Anne. 1374 01:15:29,954 --> 01:15:32,046 This is so funny because I wanted to organize 1375 01:15:32,120 --> 01:15:33,984 a double date with my friend. 1376 01:15:34,054 --> 01:15:36,283 Remember the pretty brunette from our dinner party, Jane? 1377 01:15:36,354 --> 01:15:37,980 - Oh, yeah. - I know. 1378 01:15:38,054 --> 01:15:39,646 She can seem a little boring at the beginning, 1379 01:15:39,721 --> 01:15:42,153 but she's a little lonely, what with her divorce 1380 01:15:42,221 --> 01:15:45,120 and trying to figure out what to do with all of her millions. 1381 01:15:45,187 --> 01:15:48,154 I hear she's a real tornado in bed. 1382 01:15:48,221 --> 01:15:50,154 Anne, I think you're getting me confused 1383 01:15:50,221 --> 01:15:51,711 with some sort of gigolo. 1384 01:15:51,788 --> 01:15:53,618 I'm just a humble academic. 1385 01:15:53,688 --> 01:15:55,120 I hear you have other talents. 1386 01:15:55,187 --> 01:15:57,051 Maybe I could take you out some night, Anne. 1387 01:15:57,120 --> 01:16:00,281 Why not? When my beloved husband is out of town. 1388 01:16:00,354 --> 01:16:02,651 But in the meantime, I'll get the details from Jane. 1389 01:16:02,721 --> 01:16:04,312 Maria hasn't already told you? 1390 01:16:04,387 --> 01:16:06,320 Maria? Oh, my God. 1391 01:16:06,387 --> 01:16:08,354 I thought that nightmare was over. I feel terrible. 1392 01:16:08,421 --> 01:16:11,854 I wanted to call you. I thought things would end quickly. 1393 01:16:11,920 --> 01:16:13,649 Well, I surprised myself, to be honest. 1394 01:16:13,721 --> 01:16:17,552 But what can I say? She beguiles me. 1395 01:16:17,621 --> 01:16:20,815 Look, I held back because I'm a nice person, 1396 01:16:20,887 --> 01:16:22,218 but there's something I have to tell you 1397 01:16:22,287 --> 01:16:24,186 that should remain between us. 1398 01:16:24,254 --> 01:16:25,687 Nobody should be embarrassed. 1399 01:16:33,254 --> 01:16:35,653 I'm so sorry. It's so good to see you. 1400 01:16:35,721 --> 01:16:38,381 - I'll call you, okay? - Okay. 1401 01:16:41,721 --> 01:16:43,778 Oh! God! 1402 01:16:49,054 --> 01:16:51,180 Ah. Not too tight. 1403 01:16:57,054 --> 01:16:58,884 - All done. - Okay. 1404 01:17:04,521 --> 01:17:06,181 No, I'm fine. 1405 01:17:07,521 --> 01:17:08,919 Oh, God. 1406 01:17:39,887 --> 01:17:41,683 Hello. This is David Morgan. 1407 01:17:41,753 --> 01:17:43,550 Please leave a message. 1408 01:17:44,787 --> 01:17:48,948 Hi. Hi, David. It's me, Maria. 1409 01:17:49,020 --> 01:17:52,613 Uh, nothing. I hope you're doing well. 1410 01:17:52,687 --> 01:17:54,655 I sent you message. 1411 01:17:58,087 --> 01:18:00,213 I hope you received them. 1412 01:18:00,287 --> 01:18:01,810 And nothing. Um... 1413 01:18:03,254 --> 01:18:04,811 Call me back. 1414 01:18:07,454 --> 01:18:08,750 Take care. 1415 01:18:43,354 --> 01:18:45,287 Maybe something bad happened to him. 1416 01:18:45,354 --> 01:18:47,048 I don't know, an accident. 1417 01:18:47,120 --> 01:18:49,314 I know what kind of accident happened to man 1418 01:18:49,387 --> 01:18:50,785 that never called back. 1419 01:18:50,854 --> 01:18:52,219 It's an accident with boobs. 1420 01:18:52,287 --> 01:18:53,981 But it's not possible. 1421 01:18:54,054 --> 01:18:55,782 He was so in love with me. 1422 01:18:55,854 --> 01:18:59,185 You don't send text. You wait. 1423 01:18:59,254 --> 01:19:02,652 She's right. In French, we say, "Fais le courir." 1424 01:19:02,720 --> 01:19:03,982 Make him run. 1425 01:19:04,054 --> 01:19:06,112 Ca lui fera les pieds. 1426 01:19:06,187 --> 01:19:08,881 Which mean, uh... 1427 01:19:08,954 --> 01:19:10,012 I don't know. 1428 01:19:17,920 --> 01:19:21,683 A mortal wanted... 1429 01:19:21,753 --> 01:19:23,811 to marry my wife? 1430 01:19:28,387 --> 01:19:32,843 Yes, and I had to confront his violence. 1431 01:19:32,920 --> 01:19:36,012 Was it a prince from this country, 1432 01:19:36,087 --> 01:19:38,849 or the king himself? 1433 01:19:42,554 --> 01:19:46,385 It is he who reigns over this land. 1434 01:19:46,454 --> 01:19:47,818 The son of Proteus. 1435 01:19:47,887 --> 01:19:50,683 Ah. 1436 01:19:50,753 --> 01:19:53,777 So the hidden meaning... 1437 01:19:53,854 --> 01:19:56,685 behind the maid's words. 1438 01:20:05,354 --> 01:20:06,718 Oh, Bob. 1439 01:20:06,787 --> 01:20:08,482 It's not very professional. 1440 01:20:08,553 --> 01:20:10,384 Quasimodo's not watching. 1441 01:20:12,020 --> 01:20:14,317 Quasimodo would like this. 1442 01:20:32,087 --> 01:20:34,020 You know, Maria, 1443 01:20:34,087 --> 01:20:37,952 I can feel you're embarrassed with everything that's happened. 1444 01:20:38,020 --> 01:20:41,714 But I want you to know you're still important in this house. 1445 01:20:41,787 --> 01:20:43,379 I've spoken with Bob, 1446 01:20:43,454 --> 01:20:46,011 and we're giving you a raise for Christmas. 1447 01:20:46,087 --> 01:20:48,213 Thank you, Madame, but it will be not necessary. 1448 01:20:48,287 --> 01:20:50,015 Oh, nonsense. 1449 01:20:50,087 --> 01:20:52,644 Now, will you bring tea and cake for two in the salon, please? 1450 01:20:52,720 --> 01:20:53,743 Yes, Madame. 1451 01:22:00,787 --> 01:22:03,982 So now that we've suddenly got all this wall space, 1452 01:22:04,054 --> 01:22:06,850 I was thinking, if you want to stick with the 17th century, 1453 01:22:06,920 --> 01:22:09,614 there is this. 1454 01:22:09,687 --> 01:22:11,779 - Oh, it's stunning. - Yeah? 1455 01:22:11,854 --> 01:22:13,219 Oh, it really is. 1456 01:22:13,287 --> 01:22:16,186 But Christie's are having a sale in London 1457 01:22:16,254 --> 01:22:17,720 in a couple of weeks' time. 1458 01:22:17,787 --> 01:22:20,811 We could go modern, maybe pick up a Delacroix. 1459 01:22:25,354 --> 01:22:27,843 Oh, my God, it's beautiful. 1460 01:22:27,920 --> 01:22:29,819 I don't even know what to say. 1461 01:22:29,887 --> 01:22:31,377 I have to show Bob. 1462 01:22:31,453 --> 01:22:32,977 Is he not here? Is he away? 1463 01:22:33,054 --> 01:22:35,021 He's at his French lesson. 1464 01:22:35,087 --> 01:22:37,485 His accent is hilarious. 1465 01:22:37,553 --> 01:22:39,520 Oh, yeah. 1466 01:22:39,587 --> 01:22:41,611 Paris has been great for us. 1467 01:22:41,687 --> 01:22:45,314 We're in love like we were when we first met. 1468 01:22:45,386 --> 01:22:47,354 Congratulations. 1469 01:23:58,287 --> 01:23:59,651 Bye, Steven. 1470 01:24:01,054 --> 01:24:02,248 Bye, Maria. 1471 01:24:03,420 --> 01:24:04,751 Take care. 1472 01:24:27,087 --> 01:24:29,986 Did you find your ending? 1473 01:24:30,054 --> 01:24:32,146 I'm not sure yet. 1474 01:24:34,453 --> 01:24:36,011 You know something? 1475 01:24:37,687 --> 01:24:40,211 A woman I was fond of once 1476 01:24:40,286 --> 01:24:43,254 told me not to despise people. 1477 01:24:44,520 --> 01:24:47,544 That people love happy endings. 1478 01:24:48,787 --> 01:24:51,652 They can't fight it. 1479 01:24:51,720 --> 01:24:53,516 The hero runs. 1480 01:24:53,587 --> 01:24:55,850 He kisses her in the rain. 1481 01:24:58,286 --> 01:25:00,083 People love it. 1482 01:25:04,854 --> 01:25:06,048 Really? 1483 01:25:10,920 --> 01:25:12,250 People.