1
00:00:02,669 --> 00:00:04,253
[CHARLIE MOANS]

2
00:00:04,421 --> 00:00:06,797
Oh, that feels so good.

3
00:00:06,965 --> 00:00:10,843
Oh, lucky me.
Coffee and a live sex show.

4
00:00:11,136 --> 00:00:12,720
- I'm sorry, what?
- I'm sorry.

5
00:00:12,887 --> 00:00:16,473
- Nothing. I was just reading to Emma.
- From Cosmo?

6
00:00:18,518 --> 00:00:21,020
Yeah. Yeah, it's, uh:

7
00:00:21,187 --> 00:00:24,189
"Climax Your Way to Better Skin."

8
00:00:25,191 --> 00:00:28,485
So I have to go shopping today,
which is my least favorite thing.

9
00:00:28,653 --> 00:00:30,821
I'm so bad at picking out clothes.

10
00:00:30,989 --> 00:00:35,159
So you need someone who knows
fashion to, uh, tell you what looks good.

11
00:00:35,326 --> 00:00:37,369
Not me. Not me. Not me.

12
00:00:37,537 --> 00:00:40,289
- Oh, hey, Rach?
- Yeah?

13
00:00:40,915 --> 00:00:44,168
- Maybe you could take Charlie shopping?
- Oh, well...

14
00:00:44,335 --> 00:00:46,754
- I'm sure you have better things to do.
- You kidding?

15
00:00:46,921 --> 00:00:49,631
Rachel loves to shop,
and she has great taste.

16
00:00:49,799 --> 00:00:53,052
She's the one that taught me not
to wear white after Labor Day...

17
00:00:53,219 --> 00:00:57,723
...and to always, always, always put
on underwear when trying on clothes.

18
00:00:59,517 --> 00:01:02,227
If you have the time,
I'd really appreciate the help.

19
00:01:02,395 --> 00:01:04,646
Okay. Yeah, let's shop.

20
00:01:04,814 --> 00:01:09,401
Okay, you are gonna come back
with some very classy clothes. Ha-ha-ha.

21
00:01:09,569 --> 00:01:11,820
And some slutty lingerie. Slutty!

22
00:01:13,573 --> 00:01:16,575
Okay, great. All right, bye.

23
00:01:16,743 --> 00:01:18,827
Pain in the ass!

24
00:01:19,037 --> 00:01:22,748
- That's off, right?
- What's the matter, Pheebs?

25
00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:27,044
Ugh, Mike's sister just invited me to
a party tonight and he's gonna be there.

26
00:01:27,212 --> 00:01:31,757
She was like, "Don't worry. I asked him
and he's totally okay with seeing you."

27
00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:35,761
So now I have to go so he'll think
that I'm totally okay with seeing him.

28
00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:38,764
- You're not. You're hung up on him.
- Exactly.

29
00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:42,351
You want him to eat his heart out,
so you have to look fabulous.

30
00:01:42,519 --> 00:01:44,728
I didn't even think about that.

31
00:01:44,896 --> 00:01:47,689
Ugh. Sexual politics!

32
00:01:48,274 --> 00:01:51,026
Pheebs, I'm taking Charlie shopping.

33
00:01:51,194 --> 00:01:54,404
- Come and I'll help you find something.
- That'd be great.

34
00:01:54,572 --> 00:02:00,119
Oh, isn't that nice? The three of you,
trying on slutty lingerie together.

35
00:02:01,079 --> 00:02:05,499
- That's not what we're gonna do.
- Why'd you ruin it? Who was I hurting?

36
00:02:47,292 --> 00:02:51,920
Wow.
Fortunately, she has a very pretty face.

37
00:02:55,925 --> 00:03:01,680
I still can't believe this.
My uterus is an inhospitable environment?

38
00:03:01,848 --> 00:03:04,892
I've always tried so hard
to be a good hostess.

39
00:03:05,727 --> 00:03:07,895
I can't believe my sperm
have low motility.

40
00:03:08,062 --> 00:03:12,733
While I was growing up, they sure
seemed to be in a hurry to get places.

41
00:03:13,359 --> 00:03:14,610
CONNELLY: Hi there.
- Hi.

42
00:03:14,777 --> 00:03:17,863
I'm sorry there wasn't better news
from your tests last week...

43
00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:20,782
...but I wanted to talk to you
about your options.

44
00:03:20,950 --> 00:03:21,992
Okay.

45
00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:26,246
Even though your chances of conceiving
through natural means aren't great...

46
00:03:26,414 --> 00:03:29,124
...you never know,
so keep having sex on a regular basis.

47
00:03:29,292 --> 00:03:31,335
Oh, damn it!

48
00:03:32,837 --> 00:03:36,632
Don't worry.
After a while, you'll tune it out.

49
00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:41,136
Given your situation, the options
with the greatest chances for success...

50
00:03:41,304 --> 00:03:45,390
...would be surrogacy
or insemination using a sperm donor.

51
00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:48,310
Okay.

52
00:03:48,478 --> 00:03:52,773
If you feel that neither of those is
right for you, you could always adopt.

53
00:03:52,941 --> 00:03:54,608
Is that a hint?

54
00:03:54,776 --> 00:04:00,447
Because we love you, Dr. Connelly,
but we don't want you to be our child.

55
00:04:04,911 --> 00:04:07,746
Wow. Talk about
an inhospitable environment.

56
00:04:09,540 --> 00:04:13,377
Hi. Okay, you ready to go pick up
Phoebe and go shopping?

57
00:04:13,544 --> 00:04:16,630
- Let's do it.
- All right, have a good time.

58
00:04:17,131 --> 00:04:19,383
Not gonna find any clothes in there.

59
00:04:20,677 --> 00:04:21,927
- Hey, you guys.
RACHEL: Hi.

60
00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:26,431
Guess who's up for keynote speaker
at the National Paleontology Conference?

61
00:04:26,641 --> 00:04:28,934
- Uh, Chris Bailey?
- Yeah, right.

62
00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:32,562
When was the last time he made
a submission deadline for an abstract?

63
00:04:32,730 --> 00:04:33,772
[BOTH LAUGHING]

64
00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:38,944
Why are you laughing?

65
00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:42,739
Just seeing what it'd be like
to be a paleontologist.

66
00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:44,533
It's fun. Yeah.

67
00:04:45,702 --> 00:04:47,369
- You're up for keynote speaker?
- Yeah.

68
00:04:47,537 --> 00:04:49,329
- Who's deciding?
- Professor Sherman.

69
00:04:49,497 --> 00:04:52,666
- I'm meeting with him today.
- He's a pretty tough guy to impress.

70
00:04:52,834 --> 00:04:55,294
I think I know how to dazzle him.

71
00:04:55,461 --> 00:04:59,423
Oh, you're not gonna to do
a magic trick, are you?

72
00:04:59,674 --> 00:05:01,133
Pfft. No.

73
00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:12,686
- Hey, guys.
- I want to ask you something.

74
00:05:12,854 --> 00:05:16,064
I may get to speak
at this paleontology convention.

75
00:05:16,232 --> 00:05:19,693
If I do, I'd love for you guys
to come and hear me.

76
00:05:19,861 --> 00:05:24,948
I think I can safely say that we all have
family issues, work and/or are sick.

77
00:05:26,409 --> 00:05:28,493
- It's in Barbados.
- But you come first.

78
00:05:28,661 --> 00:05:30,162
I'm there.

79
00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:32,414
- We'll see you guys.
JOEY: Bye.

80
00:05:32,582 --> 00:05:35,459
RACHEL: See you.
ROSS: Hey.

81
00:05:36,294 --> 00:05:39,963
- So how did it go at the fertility clinic?
- Not as much fun as last time.

82
00:05:40,131 --> 00:05:43,592
Apparently, you only get porn
if you're giving a sperm sample.

83
00:05:44,844 --> 00:05:46,303
So, uh, what did the doctor say?

84
00:05:46,471 --> 00:05:50,182
There's surrogacy, but Monica's dreamt
her whole life of carrying a child...

85
00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:54,269
...and she just felt that watching
a surrogate would be too hard for her.

86
00:05:54,437 --> 00:05:56,646
- So you're ruling out surrogacy?
- Yeah.

87
00:05:56,814 --> 00:05:58,815
So I don't have to learn
what that means?

88
00:06:00,109 --> 00:06:03,070
Aside from adoption, the only
other choice is insemination...

89
00:06:03,237 --> 00:06:05,280
...so we're talking about sperm donors.

90
00:06:05,448 --> 00:06:09,159
Enough said. I'm there for you, man.
Where is she, upstairs?

91
00:06:11,579 --> 00:06:13,205
How do you feel about all this?

92
00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:18,377
I wish there was an easier way for us
to have a child, but there isn't one.

93
00:06:18,753 --> 00:06:22,339
Come on, Ross, be a good guy.
Step up and do it.

94
00:06:23,466 --> 00:06:24,508
What?

95
00:06:26,969 --> 00:06:30,013
What? No!
I'm not gonna give them Ben!

96
00:06:34,727 --> 00:06:39,272
The data we're receiving
from MRI scans and DNA testing...

97
00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:41,483
...of these fossils are staggering.

98
00:06:41,692 --> 00:06:42,734
Mm-hm.

99
00:06:42,902 --> 00:06:46,071
I mean, we've been accepting
Leakey's dates as a given.

100
00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:49,324
But if they're off
by even a 100,000 years or so...

101
00:06:49,492 --> 00:06:53,328
...then you can just throw
most of our assumptions...

102
00:06:53,496 --> 00:06:55,789
...you know, right in the trash.

103
00:06:55,957 --> 00:07:00,043
So, what I'm saying is...

104
00:07:00,294 --> 00:07:02,045
Is that...

105
00:07:02,338 --> 00:07:07,050
Is that, uh, repercussions could be huge.

106
00:07:07,218 --> 00:07:10,971
I mean, not just in paleontology,
but if you think about it...

107
00:07:11,139 --> 00:07:15,350
...in evolutionary biology,
uh genetics, uh, geology.

108
00:07:15,518 --> 00:07:18,145
I mean, truly, the mind boggles.

109
00:07:18,354 --> 00:07:19,646
[SNORES]

110
00:07:22,150 --> 00:07:24,651
Well, that's not what you want.

111
00:07:29,615 --> 00:07:32,200
- Incentive for Men?
- I'll take some of that.

112
00:07:32,368 --> 00:07:34,035
- That's for men.
PHOEBE: I know.

113
00:07:34,203 --> 00:07:35,829
When I go to the party later...

114
00:07:35,997 --> 00:07:40,000
...Mike will know I'm over him
because I'll smell like another guy.

115
00:07:40,626 --> 00:07:42,127
Yeah.

116
00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:43,336
Okay.

117
00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:47,007
Oh, good, I'm dating
a Russian cabdriver.

118
00:07:47,717 --> 00:07:51,428
Seriously, does anyone buy this?
I smell like beets.

119
00:07:53,639 --> 00:07:58,018
I really like those jackets with the
shoulder pads in them. Where are those?

120
00:07:58,186 --> 00:08:01,396
Um, on Melanie Griffith in Working Girl.

121
00:08:02,607 --> 00:08:05,275
Um, I think what you want is over here.

122
00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:08,278
See, I told you I needed someone.

123
00:08:08,446 --> 00:08:11,823
By the way, as a thank you,
I would really love to take you out.

124
00:08:11,991 --> 00:08:15,243
- Really?
- Joey and I are going to a movie tonight.

125
00:08:15,411 --> 00:08:17,662
- You want to come?
- Oh, I can't.

126
00:08:18,289 --> 00:08:20,832
Because I've seen them.

127
00:08:23,085 --> 00:08:25,545
You've seen all the movies?

128
00:08:25,713 --> 00:08:29,007
Yeah. I'm a big fan.

129
00:08:29,300 --> 00:08:30,634
Of the movies.

130
00:08:30,801 --> 00:08:32,928
You know, motion pictures.

131
00:08:33,095 --> 00:08:34,471
The talkies.

132
00:08:36,474 --> 00:08:38,892
Rach, will you come with me
to a dressing room?

133
00:08:39,060 --> 00:08:40,101
RACHEL: Sure.
- Okay.

134
00:08:40,269 --> 00:08:42,187
Maybe we could do something else.

135
00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:46,816
You know, that depends on what it is.
I've done a lot of stuff.

136
00:08:55,701 --> 00:08:58,954
So, what were you doing out there?
Do you not like Charlie?

137
00:08:59,121 --> 00:09:03,083
She's okay. I don't know, I just don't
get a really good vibe from her.

138
00:09:03,251 --> 00:09:05,585
- Why?
- I don't know.

139
00:09:05,753 --> 00:09:10,882
You know, just the way
she waltzed in here all smart...

140
00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:12,717
...and tall, you know...

141
00:09:12,885 --> 00:09:16,388
...and just swept Joey off his feet.
Nobody else has a chance.

142
00:09:16,889 --> 00:09:17,931
Who else?

143
00:09:18,766 --> 00:09:19,808
Anybody.

144
00:09:20,893 --> 00:09:21,935
You.

145
00:09:22,728 --> 00:09:23,770
Me.

146
00:09:23,980 --> 00:09:26,273
You know, Monica's mom.

147
00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:31,236
- You like Joey?
- Shh! Phoebe!

148
00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:35,865
All right, look, I do.
I have a little thing for him. Just...

149
00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:38,660
- Oh, my God.
- It's just physical.

150
00:09:38,828 --> 00:09:43,290
I have it totally under control, okay?
It's just when I see them together...

151
00:09:43,457 --> 00:09:46,626
...sometimes, I just get a little jealous.

152
00:09:46,794 --> 00:09:50,463
Wow. Isn't that ironic
that he liked you, and now you like...?

153
00:09:50,631 --> 00:09:52,132
I get it!

154
00:09:53,384 --> 00:09:55,552
All right, as long as it's under control.

155
00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:58,763
You can't do anything about it.
He's already dating her.

156
00:09:58,931 --> 00:10:00,974
She is a nice person.
That wouldn't be right.

157
00:10:01,142 --> 00:10:04,102
I know, I know.
So it's just not a big deal.

158
00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:06,521
- So can we keep this between us?
- Sure.

159
00:10:06,689 --> 00:10:10,817
Great, because I gotta get out of here.
The smell of beets is killing me.

160
00:10:16,532 --> 00:10:19,909
- Any chance Charlie has a deaf twin?
- Mm.

161
00:10:23,414 --> 00:10:24,789
[KNOCKING]

162
00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:26,416
- Hi, honey.
CHANDLER: Hey.

163
00:10:26,584 --> 00:10:29,669
I brought a friend home for dinner.
This is Zack from work.

164
00:10:29,837 --> 00:10:33,131
Oh, of course. It's so nice
to see you again, Zack.

165
00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:35,967
- You too.
- You guys haven't actually met before.

166
00:10:36,135 --> 00:10:38,011
But, boy, you're both polite.

167
00:10:38,179 --> 00:10:40,180
Have a seat. I'll get you a beer.

168
00:10:40,348 --> 00:10:42,515
MONICA: I got it.
ZACK: Thanks.

169
00:10:45,186 --> 00:10:48,938
- So Zack's pretty nice, huh?
- Yeah, I guess.

170
00:10:49,565 --> 00:10:53,276
So how would you like to have a baby
that's half yours and half his?

171
00:10:57,239 --> 00:10:58,281
Excuse me?

172
00:10:58,449 --> 00:11:01,910
We're talking about sperm donors,
and Zack may be the guy.

173
00:11:02,078 --> 00:11:07,123
Look. He's intelligent, he's healthy,
he's athletic. I mean, he's sperm-tastic!

174
00:11:09,251 --> 00:11:13,046
Chandler, this is crazy.
Well, what did you even say to him?

175
00:11:13,214 --> 00:11:16,508
"Come up. Meet my wife.
Give us your sperm."

176
00:11:17,134 --> 00:11:20,387
I invited him to dinner so you'd get
a chance to get to know him.

177
00:11:20,554 --> 00:11:23,807
With a sperm bank, you never
meet the guy, get to check him out.

178
00:11:23,974 --> 00:11:26,393
- Chandler!
- I'm telling you, he's great.

179
00:11:26,560 --> 00:11:30,730
I mean, even if my sperm worked fine,
I think he'd be the way to go.

180
00:11:32,149 --> 00:11:34,192
I'm not going to be a part of this.

181
00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:38,697
You can't bring some random guy home
and expect him to be our sperm donor.

182
00:11:38,864 --> 00:11:39,906
Okay.

183
00:11:41,909 --> 00:11:43,576
- Zack?
ZACK: Thanks.

184
00:11:44,203 --> 00:11:47,122
Do you have a coaster?
I don't want to make a ring.

185
00:11:47,289 --> 00:11:49,457
Tell me about yourself, Zack.

186
00:11:54,088 --> 00:11:57,674
Oh, God, do you think she heard?
It'd be so bad if she heard.

187
00:11:57,842 --> 00:12:01,928
Maybe she didn't hear. I'll go into that
dressing room and talk. You stay here.

188
00:12:02,096 --> 00:12:04,055
- See if you can hear me.
- Okay, great.

189
00:12:06,976 --> 00:12:10,270
RACHEL: Oh, thank God,
I can't hear a word that you're saying.

190
00:12:10,438 --> 00:12:15,066
- I didn't say anything yet.
- Well, get back in there and talk.

191
00:12:16,402 --> 00:12:17,444
PHOEBE:
I'm Rachel.

192
00:12:17,611 --> 00:12:21,406
It's so annoying when I put Emma
on the phone to talk with my friends.

193
00:12:21,824 --> 00:12:22,866
What?

194
00:12:23,701 --> 00:12:26,494
Well, some things are just hard
to say to your face.

195
00:12:27,955 --> 00:12:32,000
Okay, well, I heard that.
Which means that she heard it too.

196
00:12:32,460 --> 00:12:36,129
- We have a problem.
- Oh, what are we gonna do?

197
00:12:36,297 --> 00:12:38,131
Just be honest with her.

198
00:12:38,549 --> 00:12:40,091
Oh, my God!

199
00:12:40,259 --> 00:12:42,594
It is annoying when parents
put babies on the phone.

200
00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:44,763
All right, enough out of you!

201
00:12:48,434 --> 00:12:50,059
[PHONE RINGS]

202
00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:55,315
- Hello?
- I need to talk to Charlie. Is she there?

203
00:12:55,483 --> 00:12:58,318
No, she, uh, went shopping with Rachel.
Why? What's up?

204
00:12:58,486 --> 00:13:02,447
I'm meeting with Professor Sherman
about my being the keynote speaker.

205
00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:04,991
- How's it going?
- It could be better.

206
00:13:06,368 --> 00:13:09,287
He, um... He fell asleep.

207
00:13:09,455 --> 00:13:12,457
What? But I already bought
my ticket to Bermuda!

208
00:13:13,876 --> 00:13:16,669
- Barbados.
- Fine, I'll rent a car and drive.

209
00:13:18,380 --> 00:13:19,964
You have to get that job.

210
00:13:20,132 --> 00:13:22,425
What am I supposed to do?
He's out cold.

211
00:13:22,593 --> 00:13:25,303
In fact, he was just talking
in his sleep before...

212
00:13:25,471 --> 00:13:29,849
...and evidently he wants someone
named Fran to "spank him harder."

213
00:13:30,059 --> 00:13:33,311
- Well, just wake him up.
- I can't.

214
00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:37,857
If he realizes that I'm the one who
put him to sleep, I won't get the job.

215
00:13:38,025 --> 00:13:39,526
JOEY:
Ooh, that's a tough one.

216
00:13:39,693 --> 00:13:42,612
Oh, wait a minute.
This happened to me before.

217
00:13:42,780 --> 00:13:48,034
Yeah, I was auditioning for a play,
and the producer fell asleep. I...

218
00:13:48,202 --> 00:13:50,328
No, wait a minute.

219
00:13:50,496 --> 00:13:52,080
It was me who fell asleep.

220
00:13:52,957 --> 00:13:57,126
I mean, hey, Shakespeare, how about
a chase scene once in a while?

221
00:14:00,256 --> 00:14:03,800
- Hey, guys, dinner's ready.
- I'm gonna go wash up first.

222
00:14:03,968 --> 00:14:05,009
Thanks.

223
00:14:08,097 --> 00:14:12,851
What do you think? I want his genes for
my kid. Those eyes, those cheekbones.

224
00:14:13,269 --> 00:14:16,604
Okay, there's enthusiastic,
and there's just plain gay.

225
00:14:18,566 --> 00:14:20,900
- You don't like him.
- I think he's fine.

226
00:14:21,068 --> 00:14:23,319
But we don't know
anything real about him.

227
00:14:23,487 --> 00:14:27,824
- I wish we could get more information.
- All right, just follow my lead.

228
00:14:28,617 --> 00:14:32,161
- You guys have a great place here.
- Thanks. I'm crazy about our place.

229
00:14:32,329 --> 00:14:34,122
Hey, speaking of crazy...

230
00:14:35,749 --> 00:14:39,252
...do you have a history
of mental illness in the family?

231
00:14:40,004 --> 00:14:44,799
Uh, no. Although, I did have an uncle
who voted for Dukakis.

232
00:14:45,384 --> 00:14:48,386
That's really not the kind of thing
we're looking for.

233
00:14:50,014 --> 00:14:51,055
Okay.

234
00:14:52,308 --> 00:14:55,268
So, um, tell me, how'd you guys meet?

235
00:14:55,436 --> 00:14:58,730
Oh, friends first, drunk in London,
you know the story.

236
00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:00,607
I've got a better question for you:

237
00:15:01,108 --> 00:15:04,319
Do you or any of your blood relatives
have diabetes?

238
00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:07,780
No.

239
00:15:08,198 --> 00:15:11,784
Uh, heart disease? Alzheimer's? Gout?

240
00:15:14,079 --> 00:15:16,831
You guys don't have people
for dinner a lot, huh?

241
00:15:17,333 --> 00:15:19,375
We're just making conversation.

242
00:15:19,543 --> 00:15:23,004
Yeah, well, okay.
I heard a joke today. It's pretty funny.

243
00:15:23,172 --> 00:15:25,924
You know what's not funny?
Male pattern baldness.

244
00:15:29,803 --> 00:15:33,306
You guys have shown a lot of interest
in me tonight, and I'm flattered...

245
00:15:33,474 --> 00:15:35,767
...and quite frankly, a little frightened.

246
00:15:36,352 --> 00:15:38,227
Can we just talk about something else?

247
00:15:38,395 --> 00:15:39,812
- Sure.
CHANDLER: All right.

248
00:15:40,606 --> 00:15:41,856
This ravioli's delicious.

249
00:15:42,066 --> 00:15:46,277
I notice you're enjoying that ravioli
with a beautiful set of teeth.

250
00:15:46,445 --> 00:15:48,321
Did you have braces as a child?

251
00:15:48,572 --> 00:15:50,949
- No, I didn't.
- Yes!

252
00:15:53,994 --> 00:15:56,496
We're teeth people, Zack.

253
00:16:01,502 --> 00:16:05,004
Let's just do it. Let's just go
over there and see if she heard.

254
00:16:05,172 --> 00:16:06,297
- Good plan.
- Okay.

255
00:16:07,341 --> 00:16:11,010
- What? Where are you going?
- Oh, I'm sorry, Rachel.

256
00:16:11,178 --> 00:16:14,514
I don't have time
for your childish games, okay?

257
00:16:14,682 --> 00:16:17,266
I still have to find something
incredible to wear...

258
00:16:17,434 --> 00:16:20,436
...so I can beat Mike
at "Who's More Over Who"!

259
00:16:22,189 --> 00:16:24,273
[CLEARS THROAT]

260
00:16:25,442 --> 00:16:26,943
- Hey. Hi.
- Hey.

261
00:16:27,111 --> 00:16:29,570
- Where have you been?
- Trying on clothes.

262
00:16:29,738 --> 00:16:34,575
Oh, really? In the dressing room?
Well, that's so weird.

263
00:16:34,743 --> 00:16:39,998
Phoebe and I were in the dressing room.
Gosh, it's just such a small world.

264
00:16:40,165 --> 00:16:42,709
Rachel, I heard you
two guys whispering.

265
00:16:42,876 --> 00:16:46,004
Oh, God, you did, you heard.
Okay, look, let me explain.

266
00:16:46,171 --> 00:16:48,172
There's nothing to explain.
I heard you.

267
00:16:48,340 --> 00:16:49,674
Phoebe likes Joey.

268
00:16:54,638 --> 00:16:55,680
Yeah.

269
00:16:57,766 --> 00:17:00,560
I don't understand it.
I mean, Phoebe likes Joey...

270
00:17:00,728 --> 00:17:03,688
...and then she's here to buy a dress
to impress another guy?

271
00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:08,651
Yeah, that's Phoebe. That's Phoebe.
You know, she just wants them all.

272
00:17:08,819 --> 00:17:11,696
It's, like, she's nympho.

273
00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:14,532
- Wow!
- Yeah.

274
00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:18,536
You know, by the way, I heard you
tell her not to do anything.

275
00:17:18,704 --> 00:17:23,041
Thanks for sticking up for me.
God, you are such a nice person.

276
00:17:24,376 --> 00:17:25,418
I try.

277
00:17:33,510 --> 00:17:36,012
[SNORING]

278
00:17:42,269 --> 00:17:44,896
[CHAIR CREAKING]

279
00:17:59,036 --> 00:18:00,745
Oh!

280
00:18:03,415 --> 00:18:08,503
Oh, my God, you really want me
to be the keynote speaker?

281
00:18:09,338 --> 00:18:11,130
Thank you!

282
00:18:13,383 --> 00:18:15,093
You're welcome.

283
00:18:27,773 --> 00:18:29,774
Wow! You look...

284
00:18:30,692 --> 00:18:32,944
...stop-eating hot!

285
00:18:34,530 --> 00:18:37,240
Which is like the highest level
of hotness.

286
00:18:37,407 --> 00:18:41,744
Okay, are you sure? Because I am
really dreading going to this party.

287
00:18:41,912 --> 00:18:42,954
Then don't go.

288
00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:46,874
Mike knows I'm coming. If I don't show
up, he'll think it's because of him...

289
00:18:47,042 --> 00:18:51,838
...and then I'm gonna lose face.
That's a very serious thing in my culture.

290
00:18:52,881 --> 00:18:57,468
All right, then you go to that party,
and you pretend to be over Mike.

291
00:18:57,636 --> 00:19:01,180
Afterward, you come to my place
and I'll get you good and drunk.

292
00:19:01,348 --> 00:19:03,099
You got it. Okay.

293
00:19:03,267 --> 00:19:05,810
But not on the wine
that you made, okay?

294
00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:09,897
Because I just don't want to go back
to the emergency room.

295
00:19:19,449 --> 00:19:20,950
PHOEBE:
David?

296
00:19:21,118 --> 00:19:22,702
Phoebe! Hi.

297
00:19:22,870 --> 00:19:25,288
PHOEBE: Oh, my God!
- Hi.

298
00:19:25,956 --> 00:19:28,291
Wow! You look unbelievable.

299
00:19:28,458 --> 00:19:30,209
Oh, yeah, well...

300
00:19:32,462 --> 00:19:33,838
What are you doing here?

301
00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:36,966
Well, I'm back from Minsk.
Uh, permanently.

302
00:19:37,134 --> 00:19:38,342
Well, what happened?

303
00:19:38,510 --> 00:19:40,344
Remember how I was trying
to achieve...

304
00:19:40,512 --> 00:19:43,389
...the positronic distillation
of subatomic particles?

305
00:19:43,557 --> 00:19:45,016
Yeah.

306
00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:48,728
Well, after eight years of research,
I discovered...

307
00:19:48,896 --> 00:19:51,397
...that it can't be done.

308
00:19:52,232 --> 00:19:53,274
Well...

309
00:19:54,067 --> 00:19:56,777
...great that you're back. How are you?

310
00:19:56,945 --> 00:19:58,821
- Good. Good. Life is good.
- Good.

311
00:19:58,989 --> 00:20:02,825
- Well, I'm seeing someone.
- Oh.

312
00:20:03,076 --> 00:20:04,577
- Good for you.
- Yeah.

313
00:20:04,745 --> 00:20:09,123
She's also a scientist,
so she's very smart and pretty and, um...

314
00:20:09,291 --> 00:20:11,751
It's actually because of you
that we're together.

315
00:20:11,919 --> 00:20:14,795
I mean, I saw what you had
with that Mike guy...

316
00:20:14,963 --> 00:20:17,048
...and I just said, "Boy, I want that."

317
00:20:17,674 --> 00:20:20,551
- Mike and I broke up.
- You're kidding me.

318
00:20:20,719 --> 00:20:24,847
Because I'm not seeing anybody.
I just totally made that up.

319
00:20:25,015 --> 00:20:27,058
- Really?
- I don't know why, I'm sorry.

320
00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:29,852
I guess I just didn't want
to lose face.

321
00:20:30,145 --> 00:20:32,271
I understand.

322
00:20:32,689 --> 00:20:35,858
Yeah. Okay. So then, okay...

323
00:20:36,026 --> 00:20:39,946
So we're both living in New York,
not seeing anyone.

324
00:20:40,113 --> 00:20:42,365
- That's so not like us.
- Yeah, I know.

325
00:20:42,532 --> 00:20:47,078
Well, this is probably a stupid question,
seeing that you look like that...

326
00:20:47,246 --> 00:20:50,122
...but, um, do you have someplace
that you need to be right now?

327
00:20:50,290 --> 00:20:51,332
Well...

328
00:20:52,626 --> 00:20:53,668
No.

329
00:20:55,545 --> 00:20:58,589
- Well, do you want to get a drink?
- I'd love to.

330
00:20:58,757 --> 00:21:00,716
- Great.
- Okay.

331
00:21:03,053 --> 00:21:05,721
Uh, do you smell beets?

332
00:21:05,889 --> 00:21:08,641
Oh, all right, stay upwind of me.

333
00:21:10,852 --> 00:21:14,605
Hey, there's Phoebe.
Is that Mike she's with?

334
00:21:15,148 --> 00:21:17,316
No, that's David.

335
00:21:17,484 --> 00:21:20,236
There's a third guy?

336
00:21:20,696 --> 00:21:23,906
Tip of the iceberg.

337
00:21:26,702 --> 00:21:28,202
I'm gonna take off now.

338
00:21:28,370 --> 00:21:30,913
You're gonna let me go home,
aren't you?

339
00:21:31,373 --> 00:21:33,457
Sure you don't want to stay
a little longer?

340
00:21:33,625 --> 00:21:35,751
No, I should get home.
I'm kind of tired.

341
00:21:35,919 --> 00:21:37,628
Are you always tired?

342
00:21:37,796 --> 00:21:40,673
Because that could be
a sign of clinical depression.

343
00:21:41,341 --> 00:21:45,136
No, it's tiring to figure out the age
at which all my grandparents died.

344
00:21:47,097 --> 00:21:49,098
- I'll see you tomorrow.
- Okay.

345
00:21:49,266 --> 00:21:50,308
MONICA:
Bye.

346
00:21:51,768 --> 00:21:53,936
I think we found our sperm.

347
00:21:54,938 --> 00:21:56,480
He does seem pretty perfect.

348
00:21:56,648 --> 00:21:59,025
Yeah? You think so?
Should I ask him?

349
00:22:01,695 --> 00:22:02,737
No.

350
00:22:02,904 --> 00:22:05,531
Why not? Just because his
great-grandmother was obese?

351
00:22:05,699 --> 00:22:08,367
Our kid's gonna get that
from you anyway.

352
00:22:10,662 --> 00:22:12,705
No, that's not it.

353
00:22:12,873 --> 00:22:17,335
It's just that when we were asking him
all those questions before...

354
00:22:17,502 --> 00:22:22,423
...I just realized I don't care if he
is the most perfect guy in the world.

355
00:22:22,591 --> 00:22:26,260
- He's not you.
- Yeah, he's better!

356
00:22:27,888 --> 00:22:30,097
No, he's not.

357
00:22:30,265 --> 00:22:34,602
If I can't get pregnant with you,
then I don't want to get pregnant by him...

358
00:22:34,770 --> 00:22:36,354
...or anyone else.

359
00:22:37,731 --> 00:22:41,233
- Really? Are you sure?
- Yeah, I'm sure.

360
00:22:41,401 --> 00:22:43,819
Thank God, because I
don't wanna do this either.

361
00:22:43,987 --> 00:22:47,198
I was just doing it because I thought
that was what you wanted.

362
00:22:47,366 --> 00:22:50,951
I'm the husband.
I'm supposed to bring the sperm.

363
00:22:52,079 --> 00:22:53,704
That is so sweet.

364
00:22:54,623 --> 00:22:55,956
I love you.

365
00:22:59,586 --> 00:23:01,712
So you know this leaves us with...

366
00:23:02,464 --> 00:23:03,506
Adoption.

367
00:23:04,466 --> 00:23:06,217
How do you feel about that?

368
00:23:07,677 --> 00:23:10,304
I think I feel okay about it.

369
00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:14,141
Actually, I think I feel
really good about it.

370
00:23:15,268 --> 00:23:16,310
Me too.

371
00:23:16,895 --> 00:23:21,232
I wanna find a baby that needs a home,
and I wanna raise it with you.

372
00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:25,111
And I wanna mess it up
in our own specific way.

373
00:23:26,780 --> 00:23:30,157
So this is it?
We're really gonna adopt?

374
00:23:30,951 --> 00:23:31,992
Yeah.

375
00:23:32,702 --> 00:23:36,997
- Oh, my God! We're gonna be parents!
- We are gonna be great parents.

376
00:23:37,165 --> 00:23:38,416
And it could be soon.

377
00:23:38,583 --> 00:23:41,752
I mean, think about it.
Right now, somewhere out there...

378
00:23:42,170 --> 00:23:44,588
...our baby could be being conceived.

379
00:23:44,756 --> 00:23:49,301
Wait. If we're lucky,
and we're really, really, really quiet...

380
00:23:49,469 --> 00:23:53,139
...we may be able to hear
the sound of a condom breaking.

381
00:23:58,979 --> 00:24:00,062
Hey, Zack.

382
00:24:00,230 --> 00:24:02,398
Hey, Chandler.

383
00:24:02,566 --> 00:24:04,400
I wanted to apologize for last night.

384
00:24:04,568 --> 00:24:06,944
I got the feeling
we made you uncomfortable.

385
00:24:07,112 --> 00:24:08,279
- No, you didn't.
- Really?

386
00:24:08,447 --> 00:24:10,156
No, you did.

387
00:24:10,323 --> 00:24:12,992
My wife and I have
some boundary issues.

388
00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:15,286
Sometimes we ask
inappropriate questions.

389
00:24:15,454 --> 00:24:17,037
We're working on it.

390
00:24:17,205 --> 00:24:20,541
- Here are the boards for Friday's pitch.
- Thank you.

391
00:24:22,794 --> 00:24:26,505
You wouldn't know if she's planning
on keeping her baby, would you?

392
00:24:33,430 --> 00:24:35,431
[English - US - SDH]