1
00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:59,346
Gentlemen...

2
00:02:59,430 --> 00:03:03,267
Gentlemen, I bid you welcome,

3
00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:10,191
and beg at the very outset to be allowed
to express my extreme gratitude

4
00:03:10,274 --> 00:03:15,237
that you have seen fit
to grace this noble room

5
00:03:15,279 --> 00:03:19,033
with your presence this afternoon.

6
00:03:19,116 --> 00:03:22,244
I... I have here to hand

7
00:03:22,286 --> 00:03:27,082
a document of high concern
and vast importance.

8
00:03:29,919 --> 00:03:32,463
Vast importance

9
00:03:32,546 --> 00:03:35,758
to each and every one of you.

10
00:03:35,799 --> 00:03:40,638
This document, gentlemen, sets forth
the rules regulating an agreement

11
00:03:40,679 --> 00:03:44,225
to enter upon a venture
known as a tontine.

12
00:03:44,308 --> 00:03:45,726
"...tontine."

13
00:03:45,809 --> 00:03:50,940
A tontine is,
in point of fact, a lottery,

14
00:03:50,981 --> 00:03:54,235
a lottery, plain and simple,
gentlemen.

15
00:03:54,318 --> 00:03:55,736
"...simple."

16
00:03:55,819 --> 00:04:00,282
Into this tontine each parent,
or guardian,

17
00:04:00,324 --> 00:04:03,702
has placed for each of you,
and in your name,

18
00:04:03,786 --> 00:04:08,123
the sum of £1,000 sterling.

19
00:04:08,165 --> 00:04:11,835
The sum so constituted
is to be administered

20
00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:14,755
by a self-perpetuating board

21
00:04:14,838 --> 00:04:19,843
and held in trust by them
for whomsoever survives.

22
00:04:19,927 --> 00:04:21,303
"...survives."

23
00:04:21,345 --> 00:04:26,392
This £20,000 will grow and grow,

24
00:04:26,475 --> 00:04:32,731
under astute management,
who will charge but a nominal fee,

25
00:04:32,815 --> 00:04:35,818
and this by then great sum

26
00:04:35,859 --> 00:04:38,779
will be handed to the one amongst you

27
00:04:38,862 --> 00:04:42,741
who is the last surviving
member of the tontine.

28
00:04:42,825 --> 00:04:46,203
It is as plain and as simple as that.

29
00:04:46,287 --> 00:04:52,126
Therefore, allow me to say,
in conclusion, long life to all!

30
00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:57,298
But since no other shall be present
when the winner has won,

31
00:04:57,381 --> 00:04:59,717
"...has won..."

32
00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:02,052
let us cheer him now.

33
00:05:02,136 --> 00:05:06,056
He whom fate sees fit to favour.

34
00:05:08,225 --> 00:05:10,769
Oh. Hip-hip.

35
00:05:10,853 --> 00:05:12,396
Hooray!

36
00:05:12,479 --> 00:05:15,024
- Hip-hip.
- Hooray!

37
00:05:15,065 --> 00:05:18,902
- Hip-hip.
- Hooray!

38
00:05:34,501 --> 00:05:37,046
- Cannon reloaded?
- Cannon reloaded, sir.

39
00:05:37,087 --> 00:05:39,089
- Then fire.
- But sir...

40
00:05:39,173 --> 00:05:41,258
You heard me, man. Fire!

41
00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:53,687
Never fear, ladies.
He knows his prey.

42
00:05:55,356 --> 00:05:58,067
Ah, see, yonder.

43
00:06:00,277 --> 00:06:02,738
Kill!

44
00:06:30,432 --> 00:06:33,310
In the name of the Queen!

45
00:06:39,650 --> 00:06:44,279
And so it gives me great pleasure
to name this ship <i>Repulsion.</i>

46
00:06:44,321 --> 00:06:47,449
God bless all who sail in her.

47
00:06:56,959 --> 00:06:59,002
You swine!

48
00:07:06,677 --> 00:07:09,930
They're disorganised!
Victory must soon be ours.

49
00:07:10,013 --> 00:07:11,140
Sound the charge!

50
00:07:11,181 --> 00:07:14,435
- Sound the what, sir?
- Give that to me, you fool.

51
00:07:28,866 --> 00:07:34,913
Now, then, my good men, what's all this
poppycock about the mine not being safe, eh?

52
00:07:34,997 --> 00:07:37,583
Speak up. What's wrong with it?

53
00:07:44,339 --> 00:07:48,719
Not yet, Tumba.
You must learn the white man's code.

54
00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:52,181
It is not sporting, it is not done,

55
00:07:52,222 --> 00:07:55,058
to fire at rhino
until he's actually charging.

56
00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:42,356
When I die, my son,

57
00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:46,693
all this will be yours.

58
00:08:50,739 --> 00:08:52,783
Yes, Father.

59
00:09:16,974 --> 00:09:24,273
In recognition of your many
and varied services to the Crown,

60
00:09:30,612 --> 00:09:32,656
I dub thee...

61
00:09:38,287 --> 00:09:39,955
Oh.

62
00:09:40,831 --> 00:09:44,793
We are frightfully sorry, Sir Robert.

63
00:10:24,666 --> 00:10:27,669
- Michael!
- Yes, er...

64
00:10:28,837 --> 00:10:31,214
Yes, Grandfather?

65
00:10:31,298 --> 00:10:34,176
The time has come.

66
00:10:34,885 --> 00:10:36,595
Yes.

67
00:10:36,678 --> 00:10:40,682
Yes, I really believe
the time has come.

68
00:10:43,894 --> 00:10:47,981
At last. At last.

69
00:11:04,498 --> 00:11:05,832
Not so fast, sir!

70
00:11:05,916 --> 00:11:08,085
You're a very quick man
with the sheet, Michael.

71
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:11,046
Oh, yes, yes.
You see, sir, I thought...

72
00:11:11,088 --> 00:11:14,549
I know what you thought, sir.
But let me tell you something.

73
00:11:14,591 --> 00:11:18,595
Death cannot be assumed
simply because signs of life are not present.

74
00:11:19,596 --> 00:11:22,224
Hasn't that medical school taught you
how to take a pulse?

75
00:11:22,265 --> 00:11:24,518
Oh, we have touched on it, sir.

76
00:11:24,601 --> 00:11:26,812
But mostly, we cut up things.

77
00:11:26,895 --> 00:11:28,939
Hmm? Hmm.

78
00:11:29,773 --> 00:11:33,276
- Do you know what this is?
- No, sir. I gave it to you unopened.

79
00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:35,904
- Hackett is dead.
- Hackett, sir?

80
00:11:35,946 --> 00:11:38,990
Mmm-hmm. Ebenezer Hackett.
I went to school with him.

81
00:11:39,074 --> 00:11:42,452
An unpleasant name for a dirty little boy
and an even dirtier old man.

82
00:11:42,536 --> 00:11:44,329
Died of the pox, no doubt.

83
00:11:44,413 --> 00:11:50,752
Now, the point is, sir, it only leaves
my brother Joseph and me in the tontine.

84
00:11:50,794 --> 00:11:52,796
- Oh, yes, I see, sir.
- Do you, sir? Do you?

85
00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:56,883
I doubt it. I doubt it.
But we're not concerned with you, are we, eh?

86
00:11:56,967 --> 00:11:59,761
We're concerned with me.
My thoughts and feelings.

87
00:11:59,803 --> 00:12:01,722
- That's right, sir.
- Yes.

88
00:12:01,805 --> 00:12:04,766
Now, you're to go and get Joseph
and tell him I want to see him.

89
00:12:04,808 --> 00:12:06,143
Yes, sir.

90
00:12:07,936 --> 00:12:11,690
- Won't that upset you, sir?
- Upset me? But of course it'll upset me.

91
00:12:11,773 --> 00:12:14,609
But nothing will upset me more
than not winning the tontine

92
00:12:14,651 --> 00:12:17,696
and leaving you with a mountain
of debts and a doubtful future

93
00:12:17,779 --> 00:12:20,949
as an idiot in a profession
of rogues and charlatans.

94
00:12:20,991 --> 00:12:23,493
So, go and get him,
and tell him I'm dying.

95
00:12:30,333 --> 00:12:32,002
Thank you, Peacock.

96
00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:34,004
Privilege, sir.

97
00:12:35,005 --> 00:12:37,841
How's your grandfather this morning?

98
00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:41,636
- He says he's dying, Peacock.
- Oh, they always say that, sir.

99
00:12:41,678 --> 00:12:45,766
But Peacock,
he wants to see his brother Joseph.

100
00:12:45,849 --> 00:12:48,268
- Master Joseph?
- Yes.

101
00:12:49,352 --> 00:12:53,356
But they haven't even spoken
to each other for 40 years.

102
00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:55,817
Yes, I know, Peacock.

103
00:12:55,859 --> 00:12:58,361
He must be dying!

104
00:12:58,445 --> 00:13:01,031
Yes. Goodbye, Peacock.

105
00:13:01,823 --> 00:13:04,201
Good day, er...

106
00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:05,911
Michael.

107
00:13:07,704 --> 00:13:11,458
There's too much
excitement in this house.

108
00:13:30,560 --> 00:13:32,896
<i>Yes? Who is that?</i>

109
00:13:34,231 --> 00:13:36,441
Oh, er... yes.

110
00:13:36,525 --> 00:13:39,903
Ah... is Joseph Finsbury at home?

111
00:13:41,071 --> 00:13:43,907
<i>I can't hear you.
Could you speak a little lower?</i>

112
00:13:48,703 --> 00:13:52,040
Is Joseph Finsbury at home?

113
00:13:52,082 --> 00:13:54,209
<i>Lower.</i>

114
00:13:58,380 --> 00:14:01,550
Is Joseph...

115
00:14:07,264 --> 00:14:09,307
Oh, er...

116
00:14:10,684 --> 00:14:14,563
Joseph Finsbury. Is he at home?

117
00:14:14,604 --> 00:14:16,773
<i>- No, he is not.</i>
- Oh.

118
00:14:18,859 --> 00:14:21,820
Could you tell me, then,
when he is expected?

119
00:14:21,903 --> 00:14:24,281
Who, may I ask, is enquiring?

120
00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:26,283
Oh, allow me...

121
00:14:26,366 --> 00:14:29,202
Allow me to introduce myself.

122
00:14:29,286 --> 00:14:32,914
I am Michael Finsbury,
of the same name.

123
00:14:32,956 --> 00:14:35,083
<i>Oh.</i>

124
00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:40,672
Oh, I'm sorry to seem so inhospitable,

125
00:14:40,755 --> 00:14:45,760
but in the past twelve months alone,
over 320 girls in the Greater London area

126
00:14:45,802 --> 00:14:50,348
have been attacked by persons unknown,
and many of them unnecessarily mutilated.

127
00:14:50,432 --> 00:14:52,642
- Do come in.
- Oh, yes.

128
00:14:53,476 --> 00:14:55,604
Thank you.

129
00:14:58,648 --> 00:15:00,567
They do say it's something
to do with the weather.

130
00:15:02,569 --> 00:15:04,946
Oh... yes.

131
00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:09,284
So, you're Michael Finsbury?

132
00:15:09,326 --> 00:15:10,952
Yes.

133
00:15:10,994 --> 00:15:14,831
Actually,
Michael Hubert Gregory Finsbury.

134
00:15:14,915 --> 00:15:17,375
And I am your cousin Julia.

135
00:15:17,459 --> 00:15:19,502
Yes, I know.

136
00:15:23,298 --> 00:15:25,759
- Do come in.
- Thank you.

137
00:15:40,857 --> 00:15:43,693
Oh, yes, er...

138
00:15:44,653 --> 00:15:46,196
Do you, er...

139
00:15:47,322 --> 00:15:50,241
- Do you breed birds?
- Oh, no.

140
00:15:50,325 --> 00:15:53,495
Cousin Morris is an
ardent collector of eggs.

141
00:15:53,536 --> 00:15:56,581
He has spent most of his adult life
in the pursuit of them.

142
00:15:56,665 --> 00:15:59,834
- Most commendable.
- Oh, do you think so?

143
00:15:59,876 --> 00:16:03,004
I find them... obscene.

144
00:16:03,046 --> 00:16:06,383
Well, yes, yes, of course.
They are obscene.

145
00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:10,887
I suddenly see now
how obscene they are.

146
00:16:17,310 --> 00:16:19,604
He doesn't pursue birds, I take it?

147
00:16:19,688 --> 00:16:21,523
No. Only eggs.

148
00:16:21,690 --> 00:16:25,026
Well, I'm glad, because that
would be even more obscene.

149
00:16:25,068 --> 00:16:28,530
Oh, I can see you are
a deep thinker, like me.

150
00:16:28,571 --> 00:16:30,740
What is your particular interest?

151
00:16:30,824 --> 00:16:35,495
Oh, my... my consuming interest
is the human body.

152
00:16:35,578 --> 00:16:37,497
Oh...

153
00:16:37,580 --> 00:16:41,167
Oh, I am studying to be
a surgeon at St Mary's.

154
00:16:41,251 --> 00:16:45,422
Oh, I see. So, that's where you go
every morning. I see you often.

155
00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:47,632
Er... through the window.

156
00:16:47,716 --> 00:16:52,137
Oh, what an extraordinary coincidence!
I look at you through the window.

157
00:16:52,220 --> 00:16:55,098
And I've often had
a burning desire

158
00:16:55,765 --> 00:16:57,058
to nod.

159
00:16:57,100 --> 00:16:59,936
But my grandfather
does not approve of such things.

160
00:17:00,937 --> 00:17:03,064
Nor does my Uncle Joseph.

161
00:17:07,027 --> 00:17:09,112
Yes.

162
00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:12,323
Well,

163
00:17:14,117 --> 00:17:16,161
there it is, then.

164
00:17:17,954 --> 00:17:20,165
Is he at home, your Uncle Joseph?

165
00:17:20,248 --> 00:17:22,292
Oh, no.
He is in Bournemouth,

166
00:17:22,333 --> 00:17:25,128
taking the sun,
with Cousin Morris and Cousin John.

167
00:17:25,253 --> 00:17:26,588
Oh.

168
00:17:27,797 --> 00:17:30,633
Might I enquire
why you are enquiring?

169
00:17:30,717 --> 00:17:33,219
- Well, my grandfather is dying.
- Oh.

170
00:17:33,303 --> 00:17:36,598
Oh, it's nothing serious.
He's been dying for years.

171
00:17:36,639 --> 00:17:39,392
But now, he seems to have
taken a turn for the worse,

172
00:17:39,476 --> 00:17:43,897
and he wants desperately to
see his brother, before it is too late.

173
00:17:43,980 --> 00:17:47,942
Well, you... you could send
Uncle Joseph a telegraph.

174
00:17:47,984 --> 00:17:51,780
They say the telegraphic service
has much to commend it.

175
00:17:51,821 --> 00:17:54,616
Yes. I've heard them say that.

176
00:17:55,909 --> 00:17:58,286
What an excellent idea!

177
00:17:58,328 --> 00:18:00,789
I've never sent one.

178
00:18:00,830 --> 00:18:03,500
One should always
broaden one's horizons.

179
00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:05,668
Oh, yes.

180
00:18:07,128 --> 00:18:09,297
Yes.

181
00:18:11,007 --> 00:18:12,926
Well,

182
00:18:13,009 --> 00:18:15,053
that's what I'll do, then.

183
00:18:17,305 --> 00:18:20,141
Oh, thank you for pointing out to me

184
00:18:20,183 --> 00:18:22,727
how obscene eggs are.

185
00:18:22,811 --> 00:18:26,189
It was a most illu...
Excuse me.

186
00:18:26,272 --> 00:18:28,650
It was a most
illuminating observation.

187
00:18:30,693 --> 00:18:33,196
Oh...

188
00:18:33,279 --> 00:18:35,657
It was superb of you to call.

189
00:18:35,698 --> 00:18:38,868
Oh, not at all. I hope I shall see
a great deal more of you.

190
00:18:40,703 --> 00:18:43,540
Well, off to St Mary's.

191
00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:46,501
Oh, yes, I'm... I'm...

192
00:18:46,543 --> 00:18:49,087
I'm sure they have need of you there.

193
00:18:50,547 --> 00:18:56,052
Along with everything else, Uncle Joseph
says there are 124 tropical diseases

194
00:18:56,136 --> 00:18:58,763
that can be contracted here in England.

195
00:18:58,847 --> 00:19:02,058
Mainly from fresh fruit,
returning travellers and

196
00:19:04,352 --> 00:19:06,896
hand towels in public places.

197
00:19:12,026 --> 00:19:13,945
- 124?
- Yes.

198
00:19:14,028 --> 00:19:16,072
Really?

199
00:19:16,156 --> 00:19:19,909
I must make a note of that.
Goodbye.

200
00:19:19,951 --> 00:19:21,035
Goodbye.

201
00:19:33,381 --> 00:19:35,758
Oh! Oh!

202
00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:39,429
Listen to me, all you eggs.
I met him!

203
00:19:39,596 --> 00:19:42,015
I finally met him!

204
00:19:44,225 --> 00:19:45,935
Oh...

205
00:19:48,104 --> 00:19:51,232
<i>- Yes?</i>
- It's Michael Finsbury again.

206
00:19:51,274 --> 00:19:52,734
Oh.

207
00:19:52,817 --> 00:19:56,779
Oh, we mustn't make a habit of this.
People will begin to talk.

208
00:19:56,863 --> 00:19:59,449
Oh, I fully agree.

209
00:19:59,532 --> 00:20:02,785
It's just that I don't know
where to send the telegraph.

210
00:20:02,952 --> 00:20:06,623
Oh. Mrs Goodge's Boarding House.

211
00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:09,292
Mrs Goodge's Boarding House.

212
00:20:09,459 --> 00:20:12,128
- Flodden Road.
- Flodden Road.

213
00:20:12,212 --> 00:20:14,672
- Bournemouth.
- Bournemouth.

214
00:20:16,299 --> 00:20:19,552
- Hants.
- Hants.

215
00:20:37,487 --> 00:20:38,780
Funny.

216
00:20:44,494 --> 00:20:46,663
John! What are you doing?

217
00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:49,165
You're supposed to be
looking after Uncle Joseph.

218
00:20:49,249 --> 00:20:51,376
Ah! Uncle Joseph.

219
00:20:51,459 --> 00:20:53,920
I knew there was somebody
I was supposed to be looking after.

220
00:20:54,003 --> 00:20:57,173
Erm... I merely threw my body
across this young lady,

221
00:20:57,257 --> 00:20:59,634
to protect her
from the falling, er... thing.

222
00:20:59,676 --> 00:21:02,845
You realise you made me drop my grebe?

223
00:21:03,846 --> 00:21:06,266
Oh, I'm awfully sorry, Morris.

224
00:21:06,349 --> 00:21:08,935
Come outside.

225
00:21:09,018 --> 00:21:12,105
Oh, Mr John,
do you think he'll get me my notice?

226
00:21:12,188 --> 00:21:13,815
Oh, don't worry.
I'll take care of Mrs Goodge.

227
00:21:13,856 --> 00:21:16,901
Tonight, then, eight o'clock,
behind the bandstand.

228
00:21:16,985 --> 00:21:18,444
Oh, you insatiable creature!

229
00:21:18,528 --> 00:21:21,197
<i>John, I'm waiting!</i>

230
00:21:22,865 --> 00:21:25,243
You must control
this obsession you have

231
00:21:25,326 --> 00:21:27,704
for chambermaids
and other girls of that class.

232
00:21:27,787 --> 00:21:29,622
I try.
Night and day, I try.

233
00:21:29,706 --> 00:21:32,083
Oh, there you are, boys.

234
00:21:32,166 --> 00:21:35,378
I was just about to take
this telegraph to your uncle.

235
00:21:35,461 --> 00:21:37,463
Telegraph? From whom?

236
00:21:37,547 --> 00:21:40,800
I don't know, Mr Morris.
Private matters are private with me.

237
00:21:40,883 --> 00:21:42,927
I'll take it.

238
00:21:45,638 --> 00:21:48,057
We must relive our madness tonight.

239
00:21:48,141 --> 00:21:50,018
Ten o'clock, under the pier.

240
00:21:54,022 --> 00:21:56,065
I'm coming, Cousin.

241
00:21:57,734 --> 00:22:00,403
- What is it, Cousin?
- Look at that.

242
00:22:03,573 --> 00:22:06,367
We're going to win!

243
00:22:06,409 --> 00:22:08,536
- We're going to win!
- We're going to win!

244
00:22:08,619 --> 00:22:10,288
We're going to win!

245
00:22:10,371 --> 00:22:13,833
<i>We're going to win!</i>

246
00:22:13,916 --> 00:22:17,795
<i>We're going to win!
We're going to win!</i>

247
00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:21,966
Later. Later.
No time for celebration now.

248
00:22:23,259 --> 00:22:24,927
Uncle!

249
00:22:25,011 --> 00:22:28,264
Have you been smoking again, Uncle?

250
00:22:28,348 --> 00:22:30,892
And you've got yourself in a draught.
He's left the window open.

251
00:22:30,933 --> 00:22:32,935
Well, shut it, then,
and get his coat and things.

252
00:22:33,019 --> 00:22:35,063
Uncle, dear, you're going out.

253
00:22:35,104 --> 00:22:36,939
Going out? Well, that'll be jolly.

254
00:22:37,065 --> 00:22:39,067
Yes, you're going to London.

255
00:22:39,108 --> 00:22:41,277
London? Yes.

256
00:22:41,361 --> 00:22:44,447
Now, where did I put it? Where is it?

257
00:22:45,531 --> 00:22:47,784
Ah, here it is. Now, London.

258
00:22:47,867 --> 00:22:50,703
Now, if you ascribe a number
to each letter of the alphabet,

259
00:22:50,787 --> 00:22:55,249
beginning with A as one and B as two,
culminating with the letter Z as 26,

260
00:22:55,291 --> 00:22:59,837
then the letters that compose
the word "London" add up to 74,

261
00:22:59,921 --> 00:23:02,507
which, coincidentally, is my age.

262
00:23:02,590 --> 00:23:05,385
- Lovely, Uncle. Now, read this.
- Yes. Get into your coat.

263
00:23:05,468 --> 00:23:07,804
Why... why this unseemly haste?

264
00:23:07,887 --> 00:23:11,140
- Your brother is dying.
- What did you say?

265
00:23:11,224 --> 00:23:14,394
What? MASTERMAN?
MASTERMAN dying?

266
00:23:14,477 --> 00:23:16,979
This must be the effect
of the nutmeg tarts.

267
00:23:17,063 --> 00:23:18,689
Nutmeg tarts!

268
00:23:18,773 --> 00:23:20,858
When he was at Harrow,
he lived on little else.

269
00:23:20,942 --> 00:23:22,902
- Where are your gloves, Uncle?
- I don't know.

270
00:23:22,985 --> 00:23:26,739
I have for some time
been compiling exhaustive notes

271
00:23:26,823 --> 00:23:30,368
on the peculiarities
of spices and herbs in common use,

272
00:23:30,451 --> 00:23:34,205
and I have discovered
that it can be authoritatively proved

273
00:23:34,288 --> 00:23:36,916
that the excessive
indulgence in nutmeg

274
00:23:36,999 --> 00:23:40,962
leads to hallucination
and general debilitation.

275
00:23:41,003 --> 00:23:43,840
But pepper, on the other hand,
in any form or variety,

276
00:23:43,923 --> 00:23:47,176
passes through the human body
without any effect on the organs.

277
00:23:47,260 --> 00:23:50,471
It has absolutely no value,
nutritive or otherwise.

278
00:23:50,513 --> 00:23:53,057
But, in the case of
cinnamon or cloves...

279
00:23:53,141 --> 00:23:54,934
- Uncle?
- Yes? You have a question?

280
00:23:55,017 --> 00:23:56,853
Read your paper.

281
00:23:57,854 --> 00:24:00,690
- Tontine!
- Lovely word!

282
00:24:00,773 --> 00:24:04,193
- Tontine!
- A derivation from the name Lorenzo Tonti,

283
00:24:04,277 --> 00:24:06,154
a banker of Neapolitan persuasion.

284
00:24:06,195 --> 00:24:08,322
Read your paper, Uncle.

285
00:24:08,364 --> 00:24:12,034
Morris, have you any idea
how much it's worth?

286
00:24:14,203 --> 00:24:16,372
Well over £100,000.

287
00:24:17,874 --> 00:24:20,168
And we've earned every penny of it.

288
00:24:20,209 --> 00:24:23,504
True, Cousin. True.
We've devoted our lives to him.

289
00:24:23,546 --> 00:24:27,508
We were two little orphans.
We waited on him hand and foot.

290
00:24:27,550 --> 00:24:29,927
It wasn't easy, keeping him alive.

291
00:24:30,011 --> 00:24:32,388
Yes, it was difficult.

292
00:24:33,389 --> 00:24:35,266
We kept him from the draughts.

293
00:24:35,349 --> 00:24:37,643
We warmed his shoes
before we put them on.

294
00:24:37,727 --> 00:24:40,855
- We tucked him up in bed at night.
- We fed him every sort of tonic.

295
00:24:40,897 --> 00:24:44,734
- Never thinking of ourselves.
- First in our hearts, first in our minds.

296
00:24:44,817 --> 00:24:47,778
And now, after all these years,

297
00:24:47,862 --> 00:24:49,489
he's gone.

298
00:24:49,572 --> 00:24:51,073
He's gone?

299
00:24:54,076 --> 00:24:56,204
You go that way.

300
00:24:57,246 --> 00:24:59,874
- Excuse me, sir.
- Excuse you, sir?

301
00:24:59,916 --> 00:25:02,877
Mannerless young pup!
Ought to be in the Army.

302
00:25:11,093 --> 00:25:14,764
I beg your pardon, sir.
I take it these seats are not reserved?

303
00:25:17,934 --> 00:25:21,729
I see you are proficient in the
ancient and noble art of knitting.

304
00:25:21,771 --> 00:25:26,234
I'm sure you know that examples of knitting,
much like your afghan there,

305
00:25:26,275 --> 00:25:28,402
date back to the mainstream

306
00:25:28,444 --> 00:25:30,863
of the Egyptian civilisation.

307
00:25:30,947 --> 00:25:34,617
Ah, the avocational activities of man
are many and varied.

308
00:25:34,700 --> 00:25:37,662
Some demand skill.
Yours, for instance.

309
00:25:37,745 --> 00:25:43,042
Carpentry, or the playing of games
with balls of various sizes.

310
00:25:46,796 --> 00:25:48,464
- Have you found him?
- No.

311
00:25:48,548 --> 00:25:50,216
Come on, then. This way.

312
00:25:50,299 --> 00:25:52,468
Some demand inspiration.

313
00:25:52,552 --> 00:25:55,096
Oil painting,
or the writing of epitaphs.

314
00:25:55,304 --> 00:25:58,391
The rest of us, an uninspired lot,
collect things.

315
00:25:58,474 --> 00:26:00,643
My nephew, for instance,

316
00:26:01,477 --> 00:26:05,523
with whom I'm travelling,
collects birds' eggs.

317
00:26:05,606 --> 00:26:10,069
And I, for the last 63 years,
have been collecting facts.

318
00:26:23,124 --> 00:26:25,334
- He seems safe enough.
- Yes.

319
00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:35,469
What a joy it is to indulge
in convivial conversation

320
00:26:35,511 --> 00:26:38,055
with a fellow being,
a kindred spirit.

321
00:26:38,264 --> 00:26:40,474
This will prove
the most amiable journey.

322
00:26:40,516 --> 00:26:44,604
You pursuing your hobby,
and me mine.

323
00:26:46,355 --> 00:26:51,527
"Bournemouth strangler escapes.
Large-scale murder hunt in three counties."

324
00:26:51,694 --> 00:26:54,196
Ah, murder and murderers.

325
00:26:54,363 --> 00:26:57,617
I once gave an
informal lecture on the subject.

326
00:26:57,700 --> 00:26:59,952
I wonder if you're aware, sir,
of the fact

327
00:27:00,036 --> 00:27:04,040
that there is an increasing number
of unsolved murders every year.

328
00:27:04,081 --> 00:27:07,126
Now, this fact I gleaned from
a pamphlet on the subject

329
00:27:07,209 --> 00:27:09,712
by the noted criminologist
Sir Henry Stanhope,

330
00:27:09,795 --> 00:27:13,549
whose own murder, I might add,
was never solved.

331
00:27:15,384 --> 00:27:18,554
My word, sir, I perceive
we are travelling at a goodish rate.

332
00:27:24,685 --> 00:27:28,189
You realise, sir,
I state only facts, no opinions,

333
00:27:28,230 --> 00:27:31,359
and this fascinates everyone I meet.

334
00:27:32,068 --> 00:27:34,779
Oh, don't be alarmed.

335
00:27:34,862 --> 00:27:39,033
I shall continue, but for the moment,
I must take my leave.

336
00:28:10,940 --> 00:28:12,983
Basingstoke!

337
00:28:14,944 --> 00:28:17,279
<i>Basingstoke, next stop!</i>

338
00:28:36,799 --> 00:28:41,512
Er... Morris,
I may or may not be back in a moment.

339
00:28:46,726 --> 00:28:50,980
Uncle, where are you going? Uncle!

340
00:28:58,738 --> 00:29:02,992
- How dare you?
- Madam, my apologies. I'm looking for my uncle.

341
00:29:03,075 --> 00:29:06,829
- Well, do I look like anybody's uncle?
- No, no. I'm terribly sorry.

342
00:29:24,305 --> 00:29:27,016
- What do you make that out to be?
- What's that?

343
00:29:40,196 --> 00:29:43,032
- 'Tain't, is it?
- It is, you know.

344
00:29:43,115 --> 00:29:45,701
It's the 4.40 out of London!

345
00:29:45,785 --> 00:29:48,120
It's the 4.50 out of Bournemouth!

346
00:30:34,708 --> 00:30:39,588
Help me! Help me, somebody!
I think there's been an accident.

347
00:30:39,755 --> 00:30:41,340
Fred?

348
00:30:41,423 --> 00:30:43,467
- Yeah?
- We haven't heard the last of this.

349
00:30:43,551 --> 00:30:46,303
Drag them out of the cab!

350
00:30:46,387 --> 00:30:49,306
What's going on here, sir?
Control yourself.

351
00:30:49,390 --> 00:30:51,433
Look here! Stop all this damn rioting.

352
00:30:51,517 --> 00:30:54,562
Now, look here, you men.
Douse that fire in the baggage van.

353
00:30:54,603 --> 00:30:56,647
Now, the children will arrange
themselves according to height,

354
00:30:56,730 --> 00:30:58,941
and the women will muster
in alphabetical order.

355
00:30:59,024 --> 00:31:02,069
Now, I want a couple of volunteers.
You and you. Now, follow me.

356
00:31:10,452 --> 00:31:14,039
That's right, get those bags down.
Form a human chain.

357
00:31:22,298 --> 00:31:25,593
Sir, I didn't lose my right eye
in the Indian Mutiny

358
00:31:25,676 --> 00:31:27,344
to have my left eye offended

359
00:31:27,428 --> 00:31:30,514
by the youth of England standing around
with their arses hanging out.

360
00:31:30,598 --> 00:31:32,433
Dress yourself, sir. Dress yourself.

361
00:31:32,600 --> 00:31:36,270
One of the most disgusting sights
I've ever seen. Dress yourself, sir.

362
00:31:36,437 --> 00:31:40,274
You are, I suppose, aware of the fact
that accidents occur with more frequency

363
00:31:40,316 --> 00:31:42,735
on standard-gauge railways?

364
00:31:42,818 --> 00:31:46,655
Abigail? Abigail? Abigail?

365
00:31:46,739 --> 00:31:50,451
Has anyone seen Abigail?

366
00:31:56,165 --> 00:32:00,628
John! Come out of there at once.
Where's Uncle Joseph? Where is he?

367
00:32:00,669 --> 00:32:03,255
Er... I... was just having
a look for him in there.

368
00:32:03,339 --> 00:32:05,841
- Come along.
- Morris?

369
00:32:05,925 --> 00:32:08,761
Do you realise it's a
criminal offence to wear that coat?

370
00:32:08,844 --> 00:32:11,013
I'm not wearing any trousers.

371
00:32:12,014 --> 00:32:15,309
But... but that too is a criminal affair.

372
00:32:15,476 --> 00:32:17,686
<i>Uncle Joseph?</i>

373
00:32:17,770 --> 00:32:22,358
- I hope you don't mind if I take my leave.
- Oh, would you, sir?

374
00:32:23,609 --> 00:32:25,694
<i>Uncle Joseph?</i>

375
00:32:28,822 --> 00:32:30,866
Uncle Joseph?

376
00:32:32,368 --> 00:32:34,411
Uncle Joseph?

377
00:32:38,165 --> 00:32:40,042
Cousin!

378
00:32:41,043 --> 00:32:43,379
Oh... oh, no.

379
00:32:43,462 --> 00:32:46,131
Oh, don't tell me. I can't bear it.
Is it him?

380
00:32:46,215 --> 00:32:48,759
- Of course it's him!
- Well, how do you know it's him?

381
00:32:48,842 --> 00:32:51,637
Well, look at his coat.
It's his coat!

382
00:32:51,720 --> 00:32:53,764
Is he dead?

383
00:32:55,557 --> 00:32:57,726
What's left of him
is very dead indeed.

384
00:32:59,395 --> 00:33:01,605
Are you going to
say a prayer or something?

385
00:33:01,689 --> 00:33:03,565
Not at a time like this.

386
00:33:03,649 --> 00:33:07,736
Now, you listen to me, Uncle Joseph.
You may be dead, but you listen to me.

387
00:33:07,820 --> 00:33:11,281
You're a nasty, mean,
spiteful, vindictive old man,

388
00:33:11,365 --> 00:33:13,242
to do this to two little orphans.

389
00:33:13,325 --> 00:33:16,412
Your brother's on his deathbed.
Couldn't you have waited a day or so?

390
00:33:16,495 --> 00:33:18,205
You stupid oaf!

391
00:33:19,248 --> 00:33:21,834
- Look, I'll get some help.
- What's the use?

392
00:33:24,044 --> 00:33:26,088
Wait. Let me think.

393
00:33:28,424 --> 00:33:31,927
- Into the woods.
- Oh. Right. Yes.

394
00:33:32,928 --> 00:33:34,763
- With him!
- Who?

395
00:33:34,847 --> 00:33:38,017
- Uncle Joseph.
- Into the woods with Uncle Joseph?

396
00:33:38,100 --> 00:33:40,686
Don't stand there.
The tontine! We may still win it.

397
00:33:40,769 --> 00:33:44,440
- But he's dead.
- He's not dead until I say he's dead.

398
00:33:50,112 --> 00:33:50,946
Hey!

399
00:33:52,614 --> 00:33:54,283
Hey, sir!

400
00:33:54,366 --> 00:33:58,954
Ah. I wonder, sir, if you and your fine
bay gelding are heading for London.

401
00:33:59,038 --> 00:34:01,749
- I am, sir.
- And what would you ask a passenger?

402
00:34:01,790 --> 00:34:05,002
- Your company would be payment enough, sir.
- Oh!

403
00:34:05,085 --> 00:34:07,421
Well, thank you.

404
00:34:09,423 --> 00:34:11,592
Hey.

405
00:34:11,633 --> 00:34:17,681
Well, I wonder if you realise how many times
the word "whip" occurs in the Old Testament.

406
00:34:17,765 --> 00:34:19,641
174 times.

407
00:34:19,767 --> 00:34:23,437
Oh, I see you are impressed.
But that figure is infinitesimal,

408
00:34:23,479 --> 00:34:26,023
when you consider
that the Bible contains

409
00:34:26,106 --> 00:34:31,487
774,176 words altogether.

410
00:34:31,570 --> 00:34:33,781
And it is a remarkable fact...

411
00:34:41,997 --> 00:34:44,166
Do get on, or we'll be here
all night at this rate.

412
00:34:44,249 --> 00:34:46,877
Well, a penknife's
not the ideal tool, is it?

413
00:34:46,960 --> 00:34:48,879
Anyway, I don't think
we ought to be doing this.

414
00:34:48,962 --> 00:34:51,090
I don't want to go to prison.

415
00:34:51,173 --> 00:34:53,842
Don't start snivelling
in that revolting way.

416
00:34:53,926 --> 00:34:57,679
If you can't dig a hole for him,
cover him in leaves or something. Cover him.

417
00:34:57,763 --> 00:35:00,390
But why do I always
have to do the dirty work?

418
00:35:00,474 --> 00:35:04,978
Because you are remarkably stupid.

419
00:35:05,020 --> 00:35:06,980
Yes, I forgot that. Sorry.

420
00:35:07,022 --> 00:35:08,982
In any case,
I have to look after my hands.

421
00:35:09,024 --> 00:35:11,860
Petal-soft hands are the mark
of a great ornithologist.

422
00:35:11,985 --> 00:35:13,529
Now, get on with it!

423
00:35:14,822 --> 00:35:17,199
Morris, look, I beg of you,
let's have done with this.

424
00:35:17,950 --> 00:35:19,785
Let's get an undertaker.

425
00:35:19,827 --> 00:35:22,913
He won't be too expensive,
and he'll do a professional job.

426
00:35:22,996 --> 00:35:25,457
- We're not burying him.
- We're not?

427
00:35:25,541 --> 00:35:27,376
We're merely hiding him.

428
00:35:27,417 --> 00:35:30,420
- We're merely hiding him.
- Now what we need is a venal doctor.

429
00:35:30,504 --> 00:35:32,923
But Uncle Joseph's dead!
It's too late.

430
00:35:33,006 --> 00:35:37,219
Not for him, for us. Now, you remember
that chamber maid you got into, Erm...?

431
00:35:37,678 --> 00:35:40,597
- ...thing.
- Thing. Who was the doctor who did the, er...?

432
00:35:40,681 --> 00:35:43,642
Thing. Er, Pratt. Dr Pratt.

433
00:35:43,725 --> 00:35:45,727
Was he venal?

434
00:35:45,811 --> 00:35:46,895
I didn't like to ask.

435
00:35:46,979 --> 00:35:49,356
- Well, did he do the...?
- Thing. Yes.

436
00:35:49,398 --> 00:35:51,400
- Good.
- But what's he got to do with it?

437
00:35:51,483 --> 00:35:53,485
He's part of the plan.

438
00:35:53,652 --> 00:35:55,904
Now, you and I are
the only two people in the world

439
00:35:55,988 --> 00:35:58,407
who know that Uncle Joseph is, Erm...

440
00:35:58,490 --> 00:36:00,909
- Thing.
- Dead. And we won't tell anyone.

441
00:36:00,951 --> 00:36:03,162
But people are bound
to find out sooner or later.

442
00:36:03,245 --> 00:36:04,997
Not quite yet.

443
00:36:05,080 --> 00:36:09,543
Now, Uncle MASTERMAN, at best,
has only two or three days to live.

444
00:36:09,585 --> 00:36:16,133
When he goes, I'll announce that
Uncle Joseph has died of a heart attack

445
00:36:16,216 --> 00:36:18,677
on hearing the tragic news
of his brother's death.

446
00:36:18,760 --> 00:36:21,889
I then go along to
your accommodating Dr, er...

447
00:36:21,930 --> 00:36:23,682
- Pratt.
- Thing.

448
00:36:23,765 --> 00:36:27,269
He provides me with a blank
death certificate for Uncle Joseph.

449
00:36:27,352 --> 00:36:29,771
I fill in the date,
and the tontine is mine.

450
00:36:29,855 --> 00:36:33,108
- Ours.
- We'll go into that later.

451
00:36:33,192 --> 00:36:37,738
There come moments in life, cousin,
when every man must find moral courage.

452
00:36:37,779 --> 00:36:39,740
Your moment is about to come.

453
00:36:39,781 --> 00:36:41,241
- It is?
- It is.

454
00:36:41,283 --> 00:36:45,787
I'll go to London, tell everybody that
you and Uncle Joseph have been delayed.

455
00:36:45,871 --> 00:36:49,374
You go back to Bournemouth
and remain there till I send for you.

456
00:36:49,458 --> 00:36:52,920
I see, but, Erm... what about him?

457
00:36:52,961 --> 00:36:53,962
I'm coming to that.

458
00:36:54,087 --> 00:36:59,760
You must find a suitable box or container,
crate him up and send him back to London.

459
00:36:59,801 --> 00:37:02,387
We shall, after all,
need him at the funeral.

460
00:37:02,471 --> 00:37:05,265
Crate him in a box?
What sort of box?

461
00:37:05,307 --> 00:37:08,852
Something of suitable size and robustness
for a man in that condition.

462
00:37:12,981 --> 00:37:14,942
If you'll allow me, sir.

463
00:37:16,401 --> 00:37:19,571
I will take charge
of the rest of the packing.

464
00:37:19,655 --> 00:37:21,657
All right, Peacock.

465
00:37:21,740 --> 00:37:24,952
But don't lean too far in the barrel.

466
00:37:35,337 --> 00:37:39,007
I say! We've received a telegraph.
It must be from Uncle.

467
00:37:39,091 --> 00:37:41,134
Oh, drat.

468
00:37:42,302 --> 00:37:44,805
No. It's from Lady Pitman.

469
00:37:45,639 --> 00:37:48,517
She's sending back that statue
we sent her. Says it's a fraud.

470
00:37:49,768 --> 00:37:52,813
"I am having it crated
and sent back to you at once."

471
00:37:54,022 --> 00:37:55,732
Was it a fraud, Peacock?

472
00:37:55,816 --> 00:37:59,444
Life is a fraud, Master Michael.

473
00:37:59,528 --> 00:38:01,363
Yes, Peacock.

474
00:38:01,446 --> 00:38:05,117
Well, this is all right, isn't it?
This should fetch a good price at Sotheby's.

475
00:38:05,200 --> 00:38:08,829
Well, if it arrives in one piece, sir.

476
00:38:08,870 --> 00:38:10,872
Well, there's nothing else to sell.

477
00:38:10,956 --> 00:38:12,624
Except the piano.

478
00:38:12,708 --> 00:38:16,169
It's all right, Peacock, I'll answer it.

479
00:38:21,967 --> 00:38:24,011
Michael Finsbury, do I presume?

480
00:38:24,052 --> 00:38:27,264
- Yes?
- I'm your cousin, Morris Finsbury.

481
00:38:27,347 --> 00:38:29,182
- Oh, do come in.
- Thank you.

482
00:38:29,224 --> 00:38:31,685
- Isn't Uncle Joseph with you?
- Alas, no.

483
00:38:31,727 --> 00:38:37,482
My dear uncle, like your beloved grandfather,
is of advancing years and declining health.

484
00:38:37,566 --> 00:38:40,277
Grandfather will be disappointed.
May I take your coat?

485
00:38:40,360 --> 00:38:42,362
No, thank you. No, thank you.

486
00:38:43,405 --> 00:38:49,995
Uncle Joseph is naturally deeply concerned
with his brother's death... I mean, illness.

487
00:38:50,078 --> 00:38:52,831
- Or is he already...?
- Oh, no, no, not yet.

488
00:38:52,914 --> 00:38:54,791
What a relief to us all.

489
00:38:54,875 --> 00:38:57,711
I know you are
a medical student, cousin,

490
00:38:57,753 --> 00:39:01,465
so I need hardly remind you
that blood is thicker than water.

491
00:39:01,548 --> 00:39:03,258
Yes, five times as,
I believe.

492
00:39:03,342 --> 00:39:07,471
Uncle Joseph is valiantly gathering
what remains of his strength

493
00:39:07,554 --> 00:39:10,057
in order to come to London
in the next day or two

494
00:39:10,098 --> 00:39:13,352
to be with his dear brother...
at the end.

495
00:39:13,435 --> 00:39:15,354
Oh, I do hope he will be in time.

496
00:39:15,437 --> 00:39:17,564
Uncle MASTERMAN is that low?

497
00:39:17,606 --> 00:39:19,274
Yes.

498
00:39:19,358 --> 00:39:23,028
Oh, I am filled
with an immense grief

499
00:39:23,111 --> 00:39:26,615
that that proud
and lovely man should...

500
00:39:26,698 --> 00:39:28,617
Oh, my God.

501
00:39:29,242 --> 00:39:31,119
Sir?

502
00:39:31,203 --> 00:39:35,082
Sir, it's me. Morris.

503
00:39:35,123 --> 00:39:41,213
Oh, look at that noble face ravaged by time,
those eyes filled with pain.

504
00:39:41,296 --> 00:39:44,633
Oh, I should never have forgiven myself,
if I hadn't seen you before.

505
00:39:44,716 --> 00:39:46,885
- Cousin...
- But you shouldn't be out of bed.

506
00:39:46,968 --> 00:39:49,763
- Cousin, this is our butler.
- No need to call him.

507
00:39:49,805 --> 00:39:52,182
I can assist my own flesh and blood.

508
00:39:53,934 --> 00:39:56,103
Who's the butler?

509
00:39:56,144 --> 00:39:58,105
I have that honour, sir.

510
00:39:58,146 --> 00:39:59,856
How dare you embrace me!

511
00:39:59,940 --> 00:40:01,942
Grandfather is upstairs, sleeping.

512
00:40:01,983 --> 00:40:04,486
All right, Peacock, you may go.

513
00:40:04,569 --> 00:40:07,656
Thank you, Master Michael, sir.

514
00:40:10,617 --> 00:40:12,994
Thank you, too, Colonel.

515
00:40:13,829 --> 00:40:19,709
I, too, must be on my way, cousin.
I have some urgent, pressing business.

516
00:40:19,793 --> 00:40:22,337
You will let us know
the moment Uncle Joseph arrives?

517
00:40:22,421 --> 00:40:25,882
As soon as I've got the date.
That is, immediately.

518
00:40:25,966 --> 00:40:31,096
A great pity, cousin, that grief is the agent
responsible for bringing us together

519
00:40:31,179 --> 00:40:33,223
after all these years.

520
00:40:55,036 --> 00:40:57,873
Cousin Morris
had no trousers on, Peacock.

521
00:40:57,956 --> 00:41:00,125
If you say so, sir.

522
00:41:19,311 --> 00:41:21,062
For heaven's sake, Julia.

523
00:41:21,146 --> 00:41:24,983
Oh, it's you, Morris. I thought it was
the Bournemouth Strangler.

524
00:41:25,066 --> 00:41:27,360
It says in the papers
he might be in London.

525
00:41:27,402 --> 00:41:30,489
Do I look like
the Bournemouth Strangler?

526
00:41:30,572 --> 00:41:34,075
Well... yes, you could be, Morris.

527
00:41:35,535 --> 00:41:37,579
Why are you wearing that strange coat?

528
00:41:37,662 --> 00:41:39,539
Because it suits me to wear it.

529
00:41:39,581 --> 00:41:42,918
I think you should have it shortened.

530
00:41:43,001 --> 00:41:44,794
Isn't Uncle Joseph with you?

531
00:41:44,878 --> 00:41:47,005
Er... no, Erm...

532
00:41:47,088 --> 00:41:50,800
the news contained in the telegraph
came as a great shock to him.

533
00:41:50,884 --> 00:41:53,929
He is remaining in Bournemouth
with Cousin John.

534
00:41:54,012 --> 00:41:56,264
And now I must bid you good night.

535
00:41:56,348 --> 00:41:58,475
Good night, cousin.

536
00:41:58,558 --> 00:42:02,479
You won't always wear that coat, will you?
It's very frightening.

537
00:42:08,610 --> 00:42:12,489
It could easily have been
the Bournemouth Strangler instead of you.

538
00:42:12,572 --> 00:42:14,616
I might have been stalked by him

539
00:42:14,699 --> 00:42:18,453
and, in fleeing,
been trampled by a runaway horse.

540
00:42:19,454 --> 00:42:22,332
Perhaps a large hole in my head,

541
00:42:22,415 --> 00:42:26,503
my brains spilling out
all over Shaftesbury Avenue.

542
00:42:26,586 --> 00:42:29,214
Oh, wouldn't that have been
a homecoming for you,

543
00:42:29,297 --> 00:42:34,261
going to the mortuary to
identify my poor, crushed body?

544
00:42:35,470 --> 00:42:37,931
Body? What body?

545
00:42:38,098 --> 00:42:41,309
No body, Morris.
I was just thinking aloud.

546
00:42:41,393 --> 00:42:44,437
You mustn't use that word.
It isn't becoming.

547
00:42:44,604 --> 00:42:47,107
Oh, I meant a dead body, Morris.

548
00:42:48,400 --> 00:42:50,652
Not what is under a person's clothing.

549
00:42:50,819 --> 00:42:52,654
Julia!

550
00:42:55,407 --> 00:42:59,286
Now, why... did I say that?

551
00:43:03,415 --> 00:43:06,167
See that it gets on
the first available train.

552
00:43:24,436 --> 00:43:27,272
If I could help you with your baggage.
It's rather heavy.

553
00:43:39,826 --> 00:43:44,205
There have, of course, been many editions
of the Bible, some famous, some infamous.

554
00:43:44,289 --> 00:43:46,249
For instance,
there is the Wicked Bible,

555
00:43:46,333 --> 00:43:50,045
so called because the word "not"
is omitted from the seventh commandment,

556
00:43:50,128 --> 00:43:52,756
"Thou shalt commit adultery."

557
00:43:52,839 --> 00:43:55,800
A small error which could encourage
certain sections of the populace

558
00:43:55,884 --> 00:44:00,013
to a frenzy of immorality unknown
since first-century Rome.

559
00:44:00,055 --> 00:44:03,683
Speaking of which, have you heard
that the Emperor Heliogabalus...?

560
00:44:03,725 --> 00:44:05,727
I'm afraid, sir,
that this is as far as I go.

561
00:44:05,810 --> 00:44:11,066
What? Oh, splendid.
Excellent, excellent. Many, many thanks.

562
00:44:11,149 --> 00:44:14,110
13 hours seemed but so many minutes.

563
00:44:14,194 --> 00:44:17,822
Well, perhaps you might care to know
who your fellow traveller was.

564
00:44:17,906 --> 00:44:21,951
None other than Joseph Finsbury,
scholar extraordinary, lecturer,

565
00:44:22,035 --> 00:44:25,830
and one of the two Englishmen living
who can speak pure Swahili.

566
00:44:25,914 --> 00:44:30,460
Well said, sir.

567
00:44:30,543 --> 00:44:35,048
Well, well, who knows,
perhaps our paths may cross again?

568
00:44:35,090 --> 00:44:37,342
- God save us.
- Ah!

569
00:45:18,967 --> 00:45:21,302
Oh! Good.

570
00:45:21,386 --> 00:45:23,805
Good, yes. Thank you, Peacock.

571
00:45:25,223 --> 00:45:26,933
It is Peacock, isn't it?

572
00:45:26,975 --> 00:45:28,476
It is, sir.

573
00:45:28,560 --> 00:45:30,645
Ah! How long has it been?

574
00:45:30,729 --> 00:45:33,314
I came as quick as I could.

575
00:45:33,398 --> 00:45:36,985
It's Master Joseph, Peacock.

576
00:45:38,153 --> 00:45:40,697
Master Joseph!

577
00:45:40,780 --> 00:45:44,242
Oh! Forgive me, sir.

578
00:45:44,325 --> 00:45:47,162
It must be all of 40 years.

579
00:45:47,245 --> 00:45:48,997
- Yes.
- Yes, yes.

580
00:45:49,080 --> 00:45:52,500
I remember clearly
the last time I saw you.

581
00:45:52,584 --> 00:45:57,088
On that very day, the American, Colonel Colt,
inventor of the Colt revolver,

582
00:45:57,172 --> 00:46:00,717
used electricity
to detonate a torpedo,

583
00:46:00,800 --> 00:46:06,514
thereby destroying a brig in full sail
upon the Potomac in Washington DC.

584
00:46:06,598 --> 00:46:09,934
The present, though not the former
capital of the United States,

585
00:46:10,018 --> 00:46:12,604
New York City being the first.

586
00:46:12,687 --> 00:46:15,356
I take it my brother is upstairs?

587
00:46:15,440 --> 00:46:17,150
Yes, sir.

588
00:46:17,192 --> 00:46:21,070
- May I announce you, sir?
- No, no. I will announce myself.

589
00:46:21,154 --> 00:46:23,990
You might perhaps bring me a cup of tea.
I am a trifle piqued.

590
00:46:24,032 --> 00:46:25,658
With pleasure, sir.

591
00:46:25,700 --> 00:46:28,203
China, of course. You'll remember,
I developed

592
00:46:28,369 --> 00:46:32,290
<i>a taste for it in Turkey
during the 23rd revolution there.</i>

593
00:46:33,708 --> 00:46:35,460
Oh, ha ha, yes.

594
00:46:42,509 --> 00:46:44,385
MASTERMAN?

595
00:46:51,559 --> 00:46:53,311
MASTERMAN?

596
00:46:54,979 --> 00:46:56,731
Is that you, Mother?

597
00:46:56,898 --> 00:46:58,900
It's I. Joseph.

598
00:46:59,734 --> 00:47:01,694
Joseph?

599
00:47:03,488 --> 00:47:05,406
Brother Joseph.

600
00:47:07,158 --> 00:47:10,745
What unexpected joy.

601
00:47:10,912 --> 00:47:12,705
Don't tax yourself, brother.

602
00:47:12,747 --> 00:47:16,876
I am raised in spirits already.

603
00:47:16,918 --> 00:47:19,546
Doesn't raise mine to find you so,

604
00:47:19,587 --> 00:47:23,466
lying in the very bed
in which our dear papa passed from us.

605
00:47:23,550 --> 00:47:27,095
I am soon
to follow his example, I fear.

606
00:47:27,262 --> 00:47:28,721
Never say it.

607
00:47:28,763 --> 00:47:30,890
Oh, but I do say it.

608
00:47:30,932 --> 00:47:33,601
Last week, old Hackett.

609
00:47:33,768 --> 00:47:37,230
Next week, or even before,

610
00:47:38,273 --> 00:47:39,774
old MASTERMAN.

611
00:47:39,816 --> 00:47:42,277
Ah, yes. Poor Hackett.

612
00:47:42,360 --> 00:47:45,113
I must somehow attend his funeral.

613
00:47:46,030 --> 00:47:49,158
Our generation, brother,
is on its way to Valhalla.

614
00:47:49,242 --> 00:47:53,955
Or, as the Red Indians so aptly put it,
the happy hunting ground.

615
00:47:55,456 --> 00:48:00,295
Let me, er... give you
a glass of good cheer. Hm?

616
00:48:00,378 --> 00:48:02,463
It will seal the occasion

617
00:48:02,630 --> 00:48:05,800
and revive your spirits.

618
00:48:05,884 --> 00:48:08,428
Oh, no, thanks.
I've asked for some tea.

619
00:48:08,595 --> 00:48:10,221
Oh.

620
00:48:13,057 --> 00:48:15,268
Ah... ah...

621
00:48:15,310 --> 00:48:17,395
Oh, what...
what is it, brother?

622
00:48:18,479 --> 00:48:19,898
Shall I send for a physician?

623
00:48:19,981 --> 00:48:22,775
Oh, no, no.
No, send for no-one.

624
00:48:22,817 --> 00:48:25,153
I only want you.

625
00:48:26,154 --> 00:48:29,073
- Jo-Jo.
- Oh... oh, Jo-Jo.

626
00:48:29,157 --> 00:48:32,410
Jo-Jo. Oh, those boyhood names.

627
00:48:32,493 --> 00:48:36,331
Oh! What fond memories they recall.

628
00:48:37,540 --> 00:48:38,708
Argh!

629
00:48:40,293 --> 00:48:42,295
My goodness! My gracious!

630
00:48:42,337 --> 00:48:45,256
What... what is it?

631
00:48:45,340 --> 00:48:47,175
Are you hurt?

632
00:48:47,258 --> 00:48:50,261
No, no, no. I needed some air.

633
00:48:50,345 --> 00:48:52,430
I must... I must have air.

634
00:48:52,513 --> 00:48:53,765
Open the window, Joseph.

635
00:48:53,848 --> 00:48:56,726
Yes, yes. Yes, yes.

636
00:49:06,152 --> 00:49:08,446
Oh. Bless my soul.

637
00:49:08,529 --> 00:49:10,073
You're down again.

638
00:49:10,156 --> 00:49:11,950
Here. Let me...

639
00:49:12,033 --> 00:49:13,660
Come on. Oh.

640
00:49:13,701 --> 00:49:19,916
Yes, now, you lie here,
and let me open the window.

641
00:49:27,173 --> 00:49:28,633
What was that?
What was that?

642
00:49:29,550 --> 00:49:32,470
Surely... surely the populace
are not demonstrating?

643
00:49:33,805 --> 00:49:37,016
Yesterday, do you know,
I had the narrowest of escapes.

644
00:49:37,058 --> 00:49:40,937
- Upon my soul, I could have been killed.
- Killed?

645
00:49:41,020 --> 00:49:44,023
I was in the water closet
of the Bournemouth Express,

646
00:49:44,065 --> 00:49:46,359
when it quite unaccountably exploded,

647
00:49:46,401 --> 00:49:49,237
thereby extensively damaging
the rest of the train.

648
00:49:50,029 --> 00:49:54,701
I can't really think that I was to blame,
although at the time I was smoking.

649
00:49:54,742 --> 00:49:57,912
But it didn't... damage you?

650
00:49:57,996 --> 00:49:59,414
No, no, no.

651
00:49:59,497 --> 00:50:01,249
Thanks for the thought.

652
00:50:01,332 --> 00:50:03,626
I confess, I am a trifle ruffled.

653
00:50:04,711 --> 00:50:10,008
Yes... I think I'll lie low
at the club a few days.

654
00:50:10,091 --> 00:50:12,760
My nephews have been
most annoying of late.

655
00:50:12,844 --> 00:50:16,431
Oh, brother, no, no.
Don't test yourself.

656
00:50:16,514 --> 00:50:20,226
Sit down.
It's you who should sit up here.

657
00:50:20,268 --> 00:50:22,770
You may have a nutmeg poisoning.

658
00:50:24,105 --> 00:50:26,983
Take a sip of your glass
of good cheer, dear old chap.

659
00:50:27,066 --> 00:50:28,943
It may prove effective.

660
00:50:29,027 --> 00:50:31,529
Do you know,
it's the most astonishing thing,

661
00:50:31,612 --> 00:50:36,117
there is a tribe of aborigines
in Southwest Tasmania

662
00:50:36,200 --> 00:50:39,662
who distil the chewed bark
of the banyan tree...

663
00:50:39,746 --> 00:50:44,375
Enough, you pedantic, boring old poop!

664
00:50:44,542 --> 00:50:47,378
A pedantic, boring, old...

665
00:50:47,462 --> 00:50:51,049
- Poop!
- I shall leave you, brother.

666
00:50:51,132 --> 00:50:53,342
You've lost your reason.

667
00:50:53,426 --> 00:50:55,720
Reason? Reason, yes.

668
00:50:55,803 --> 00:50:59,057
But not... not the tontine!

669
00:51:03,728 --> 00:51:05,813
Here it is!

670
00:51:06,939 --> 00:51:08,816
Too late to apologise.

671
00:51:15,615 --> 00:51:17,450
- Name of Finsbury, sir?
- Yes?

672
00:51:17,492 --> 00:51:19,160
Sign here, please, sir.

673
00:51:21,162 --> 00:51:22,789
Where do you want it, sir?

674
00:51:22,830 --> 00:51:24,999
Anywhere, my good man, anywhere.

675
00:51:28,753 --> 00:51:31,589
Er... thank you for the tea and cakes.

676
00:51:31,672 --> 00:51:34,383
I shall taste them
all through my dissection class.

677
00:51:34,467 --> 00:51:39,889
Would you say... is your work
in the nature of a vocation?

678
00:51:39,972 --> 00:51:43,267
No, no, not quite.
My grandfather wished it.

679
00:51:43,351 --> 00:51:46,312
He believes that if one cannot join
the ruling classes,

680
00:51:46,354 --> 00:51:48,356
one must do one's best
to deplete them.

681
00:51:49,482 --> 00:51:51,526
Well...

682
00:52:02,453 --> 00:52:04,038
Who is it?

683
00:52:06,332 --> 00:52:08,626
Finsbury?
Name of Finsbury, ma'am?

684
00:52:08,709 --> 00:52:11,045
- Yes?
<i>- There's a shipment for you, ma'am.</i>

685
00:52:20,388 --> 00:52:23,349
Oh! Cousin Morris
must have excelled himself.

686
00:52:23,391 --> 00:52:27,228
We're always having shipments of eggs,
but never anything like this before.

687
00:52:27,311 --> 00:52:29,897
Well, a little assistance
would not be refused, ma'am.

688
00:52:30,022 --> 00:52:31,858
If the staff were available.

689
00:52:31,899 --> 00:52:34,193
- Oh, yes.
- Oh, allow me to help.

690
00:52:34,235 --> 00:52:37,071
Oh, won't you miss your class?

691
00:52:37,155 --> 00:52:40,867
Oh, that's of no consequence.
I doubt if my class will miss me.

692
00:52:42,410 --> 00:52:44,704
- Would you hold my coat?
- Oh...

693
00:53:29,749 --> 00:53:31,125
Dr Pratt?

694
00:53:33,628 --> 00:53:34,629
Dr Pratt?

695
00:53:41,552 --> 00:53:42,929
Dr Pratt?

696
00:53:45,640 --> 00:53:47,433
Are you Dr Pratt?

697
00:53:48,559 --> 00:53:49,769
Hmm?

698
00:53:50,937 --> 00:53:52,605
What? What?

699
00:53:52,647 --> 00:53:54,649
Are you Dr Pratt?

700
00:53:54,815 --> 00:53:56,442
Are you...?

701
00:53:56,484 --> 00:53:59,278
Are you from the police?

702
00:53:59,445 --> 00:54:02,782
- No.
- Then I am Dr Pratt, yes.

703
00:54:02,949 --> 00:54:06,327
I was referred to you
by a slight acquaintance.

704
00:54:06,369 --> 00:54:08,621
- Oh?
- For professional advice.

705
00:54:08,663 --> 00:54:10,498
Oh, yes, yes.

706
00:54:10,581 --> 00:54:12,333
Yes, er... mmm.

707
00:54:12,416 --> 00:54:14,877
Is it, er...
is it night or day?

708
00:54:16,003 --> 00:54:17,004
- Day.
- Oh.

709
00:54:17,171 --> 00:54:19,840
Did you, er... have
an appointment to see me, sir?

710
00:54:20,007 --> 00:54:21,509
I'm afraid not.

711
00:54:21,550 --> 00:54:24,512
Then I will give you
a day appointment immediately.

712
00:54:24,595 --> 00:54:26,681
Thank you very much.

713
00:54:26,764 --> 00:54:28,849
Sit in that chair.

714
00:54:29,934 --> 00:54:32,687
Don't sit on that moggy, sir.

715
00:54:32,853 --> 00:54:35,231
She's the finest ratter
in the East End.

716
00:54:35,314 --> 00:54:37,441
- I'm terribly sorry.
- That's all right.

717
00:54:37,525 --> 00:54:39,568
Quiet, Tiger.

718
00:54:39,652 --> 00:54:43,656
Now, then, take off
your clothes, sir, and cough.

719
00:54:43,698 --> 00:54:45,825
Doctor, it's not me.

720
00:54:45,992 --> 00:54:48,744
It's certainly not me, sir.
It's probably one of my cats.

721
00:54:48,828 --> 00:54:51,330
- Doctor!
- Come in!

722
00:54:52,623 --> 00:54:54,458
- Come in!
- Doctor!

723
00:54:54,542 --> 00:54:58,838
I am not here
on a matter of my personal health.

724
00:55:00,548 --> 00:55:04,260
Would you be so good, sir,
as to, er... say that again?

725
00:55:04,343 --> 00:55:08,347
I did not come here
for reasons of my personal health.

726
00:55:09,390 --> 00:55:11,225
What is the young lady's name?

727
00:55:11,309 --> 00:55:14,478
- It is not that, Doctor.
- No, no, it isn't, no.

728
00:55:14,562 --> 00:55:18,232
I wanted to make
a somewhat unusual request.

729
00:55:18,316 --> 00:55:19,233
Yes, yes.

730
00:55:19,275 --> 00:55:20,985
I was wondering...

731
00:55:21,068 --> 00:55:25,865
do you by any chance
happen to have any, Erm...

732
00:55:26,991 --> 00:55:28,701
death certificates?

733
00:55:30,119 --> 00:55:32,413
Do I happen to have
any death certificates?

734
00:55:32,496 --> 00:55:34,248
What a monstrous thing, sir.

735
00:55:34,332 --> 00:55:37,460
What a monstrous thing to say to
a member of the medical profession!

736
00:55:37,543 --> 00:55:40,004
Do you realise the enormity
of what you have just said?

737
00:55:40,087 --> 00:55:41,756
Yes.

738
00:55:41,839 --> 00:55:43,924
Do you have any death certificates?

739
00:55:44,050 --> 00:55:48,179
- How many do you want?
- Just the one would be sufficient.

740
00:55:48,304 --> 00:55:49,263
Ah. Hmm.

741
00:55:49,305 --> 00:55:55,019
And if you'd be so good as to simply sign
your name and leave the remainder blank?

742
00:55:55,102 --> 00:55:56,562
Well, it'll cost you five shillings.

743
00:55:56,687 --> 00:55:58,105
Price is no object.

744
00:55:58,147 --> 00:56:00,524
Right, ten shillings, then,
payable in advance.

745
00:56:00,608 --> 00:56:03,694
Stay there,
I'll just get my medical pen.

746
00:56:06,197 --> 00:56:07,740
Sorry, Button.

747
00:56:09,325 --> 00:56:11,285
I keep them here. Yes.

748
00:56:11,369 --> 00:56:14,497
Oh! Would you like to buy a moggy?

749
00:56:14,580 --> 00:56:16,499
No, thank you, Doctor.

750
00:56:16,582 --> 00:56:18,459
They make lovely pets.

751
00:56:18,501 --> 00:56:20,669
You'd like to have
a moggy in the home.

752
00:56:20,753 --> 00:56:22,630
I collect eggs, Doctor.

753
00:56:22,671 --> 00:56:24,715
Eggs? Oh, yes,
I enjoy an egg myself.

754
00:56:24,799 --> 00:56:27,134
Yes, they don't make
good pets, though.

755
00:56:27,218 --> 00:56:31,138
You can never get 'em in at night.
They're too quiet. Yes.

756
00:56:31,180 --> 00:56:34,350
All I want is
a death certificate, Doctor.

757
00:56:34,433 --> 00:56:36,977
Don't we all? Oh yes, yes.

758
00:56:37,019 --> 00:56:38,479
Yes, indeed.

759
00:56:38,521 --> 00:56:42,316
Erm... you may return for it
this evening.

760
00:56:42,358 --> 00:56:47,071
I will have one of my staff collect it
from the place of its origin.

761
00:56:47,154 --> 00:56:49,532
Meanwhile, keep taking the pills.

762
00:56:49,615 --> 00:56:51,409
This evening, Doctor.

763
00:56:51,492 --> 00:56:54,662
Take them this evening.
It's as good a time as any, yes.

764
00:56:55,704 --> 00:56:57,164
Oh, that's better.

765
00:56:57,206 --> 00:57:02,169
Of course, I was not always
as you see me now.

766
00:57:02,211 --> 00:57:03,504
I'm sure you weren't, Doctor.

767
00:57:03,587 --> 00:57:08,175
No, no, no, I had a magnificent practice
in the fair confines of Camden Town.

768
00:57:08,217 --> 00:57:09,677
A charming area.

769
00:57:09,718 --> 00:57:13,764
The sick and groggy travelled
from all over the world to queue at my door.

770
00:57:13,931 --> 00:57:15,015
Wonderful work.

771
00:57:15,141 --> 00:57:18,561
I specialised, you see, in rare,
malign diseases of the spleen.

772
00:57:18,644 --> 00:57:20,104
How very interesting.

773
00:57:20,187 --> 00:57:23,065
The accolade itself
was not beyond my grasp.

774
00:57:23,149 --> 00:57:24,900
- Within it, I'm sure.
- Yes.

775
00:57:24,984 --> 00:57:28,404
Until that unfortunate episode
with the Lord Mayor's wife.

776
00:57:28,487 --> 00:57:29,864
Goodbye, Doctor.

777
00:57:30,030 --> 00:57:32,700
Come in. Come in.

778
01:00:07,271 --> 01:00:09,607
We are both old enough
to know what kisses lead to.

779
01:00:09,690 --> 01:00:12,276
- Oh, yes.
- And if I may be blunt,

780
01:00:12,359 --> 01:00:14,278
our children would be idiots.

781
01:00:14,361 --> 01:00:16,530
Why? Is there insanity in your family?

782
01:00:16,572 --> 01:00:18,365
What? Oh, no, no.

783
01:00:18,407 --> 01:00:22,411
What I mean is, it is a proved medical fact
that marriage between cousins...

784
01:00:22,494 --> 01:00:23,912
Oh, but we're not cousins.

785
01:00:23,996 --> 01:00:26,206
Uncle Joseph is just my guardian.

786
01:00:26,248 --> 01:00:27,958
I am an orphan.

787
01:00:28,042 --> 01:00:29,793
- An orphan?
- Yes.

788
01:00:29,877 --> 01:00:34,048
Oh, me, too. I never knew my parents.
They were killed in a balloon ascension.

789
01:00:34,089 --> 01:00:37,551
I only knew mine vaguely.
My father was a missionary.

790
01:00:37,593 --> 01:00:39,428
He was eaten by his Bible class.

791
01:00:39,511 --> 01:00:41,221
- And your mother?
- She too.

792
01:00:41,305 --> 01:00:43,223
They never eat one without the other.

793
01:00:43,307 --> 01:00:45,309
Oh, it's... it's destiny!

794
01:00:45,392 --> 01:00:46,644
Oh!

795
01:00:48,270 --> 01:00:49,647
<i>Stop!</i>

796
01:00:49,772 --> 01:00:51,357
Stop!

797
01:00:56,904 --> 01:00:59,239
Have you just made
a delivery to number 11?

798
01:00:59,323 --> 01:01:00,949
That's right, sir. Yeah.

799
01:01:01,033 --> 01:01:02,868
Thank you.

800
01:01:07,289 --> 01:01:10,584
Ah, cousin. How is your
dear grandfather this morning?

801
01:01:10,668 --> 01:01:12,461
- Oh, she's well.
- What?

802
01:01:12,544 --> 01:01:15,631
That is to say, he's just the same.
My grandfather, of course.

803
01:01:15,714 --> 01:01:17,549
Well, I must be off
to my Bible class, cousin.

804
01:01:17,716 --> 01:01:21,303
Cousin... I mean, Julia.

805
01:01:21,387 --> 01:01:24,264
Master Michael, sir, come quickly!

806
01:01:24,390 --> 01:01:27,017
Your granddad! Come quickly!

807
01:01:34,024 --> 01:01:36,360
Oh! Dr Slattery.

808
01:01:37,945 --> 01:01:41,699
- Am I too late?
- No, no, no. I've just given him a sedative.

809
01:01:44,159 --> 01:01:45,619
Is it anything serious?

810
01:01:45,703 --> 01:01:49,957
As you know, I'm a medical student and I would
understand a more detailed diagnosis.

811
01:01:49,998 --> 01:01:55,212
I see. Well, in that case, what I think he had,
to the nearest guess,

812
01:01:55,254 --> 01:01:59,133
technically speaking, that is,
was a conniption fit.

813
01:01:59,216 --> 01:02:01,635
Oh. Yes.

814
01:02:01,677 --> 01:02:04,346
Yes, well, don't worry about it.

815
01:02:04,430 --> 01:02:07,683
Hello, what are you
blubbing for, boy? Hm?

816
01:02:07,766 --> 01:02:09,560
Such a good man.

817
01:02:09,643 --> 01:02:12,312
Such a gentle soul
to be taken from us.

818
01:02:12,354 --> 01:02:15,482
- What are you talking about?
- My dear departed Uncle MASTERMAN.

819
01:02:15,524 --> 01:02:17,192
He's no more departed than you are,

820
01:02:17,276 --> 01:02:20,237
probably less so, judging from
the last time you consulted me.

821
01:02:20,279 --> 01:02:22,740
How are the boils, by the way, hm?
Disappeared? Yes?

822
01:02:22,823 --> 01:02:24,491
Miss Julia.

823
01:02:24,533 --> 01:02:26,243
Excuse me.

824
01:02:27,453 --> 01:02:30,956
Come, Julia. Good day, cousin.

825
01:02:32,416 --> 01:02:33,876
Julia?

826
01:02:49,850 --> 01:02:51,518
Peacock?

827
01:02:54,396 --> 01:02:56,523
What is this?
I thought they'd all gone.

828
01:02:58,066 --> 01:03:03,197
I took it to be
Lady Pitman's goods returned, sir.

829
01:03:03,739 --> 01:03:04,948
Oh, dear.

830
01:03:06,033 --> 01:03:07,785
A perfect day ruined.

831
01:03:32,726 --> 01:03:34,269
Dead.

832
01:03:54,665 --> 01:03:56,416
Peacock!

833
01:03:58,210 --> 01:04:00,254
Peacock...

834
01:04:01,380 --> 01:04:05,425
- Uncle Joseph...
- Oh, yes, I forgot to tell you.

835
01:04:05,509 --> 01:04:07,594
He came and went.

836
01:04:07,636 --> 01:04:10,013
- Came and went?
- Yes.

837
01:04:10,097 --> 01:04:11,849
It was terrible, sir.

838
01:04:11,932 --> 01:04:15,602
- Oh, terrible, it was.
- What was?

839
01:04:15,644 --> 01:04:17,604
The altercation between them.

840
01:04:17,688 --> 01:04:20,274
- Altercation?
- Oh, yes, terrible.

841
01:04:20,315 --> 01:04:22,317
Things flying around.

842
01:04:22,401 --> 01:04:24,987
Words, angry words.

843
01:04:25,070 --> 01:04:26,780
And objects.

844
01:04:26,864 --> 01:04:28,448
Objects?

845
01:04:35,956 --> 01:04:37,624
Peacock...

846
01:04:40,085 --> 01:04:43,130
Grandfather has murdered Uncle Joseph!

847
01:04:44,548 --> 01:04:46,884
And then suffered a conniption fit.

848
01:04:46,967 --> 01:04:49,469
No, never say it!

849
01:04:49,511 --> 01:04:53,307
And he did it because he wanted me
to have the tontine.

850
01:04:53,348 --> 01:04:55,183
Mercy on us.

851
01:04:55,267 --> 01:04:57,060
See for yourself, Peacock.

852
01:04:58,770 --> 01:05:00,689
See for yourself.

853
01:05:02,941 --> 01:05:04,026
No.

854
01:05:11,366 --> 01:05:13,660
What shall we do, Master Michael?

855
01:05:14,870 --> 01:05:17,080
What shall we do?

856
01:05:17,164 --> 01:05:19,666
There's only one thing to do, Peacock.

857
01:05:20,876 --> 01:05:22,669
We must inform the police.

858
01:05:23,921 --> 01:05:26,590
But your grandfather's good name, sir?

859
01:05:26,673 --> 01:05:28,342
I shall say I did it.

860
01:05:28,467 --> 01:05:30,886
No. I am an old man.

861
01:05:30,969 --> 01:05:33,430
Let me say I did it.

862
01:05:33,513 --> 01:05:36,683
- What was your motive?
- Money.

863
01:05:36,725 --> 01:05:39,353
- They'd never believe you.
- Why not, sir?

864
01:05:39,436 --> 01:05:42,940
After all, I haven't
been paid for seven years.

865
01:05:43,023 --> 01:05:45,108
Begging your pardon, sir.

866
01:05:45,192 --> 01:05:47,027
No, Peacock.

867
01:05:47,069 --> 01:05:49,279
It's a noble gesture,

868
01:05:49,363 --> 01:05:51,698
but I shall plead guilty to the crime.

869
01:05:51,740 --> 01:05:53,533
But think of your career, sir.

870
01:05:53,575 --> 01:05:55,911
You have your whole life before you.

871
01:05:55,994 --> 01:05:57,955
Yes, there is that, of course.

872
01:05:58,038 --> 01:06:00,707
Well, we must think of
something else, then.

873
01:06:02,292 --> 01:06:03,710
Who is it?

874
01:06:03,794 --> 01:06:06,296
I don't know, sir. Shall I ask?

875
01:06:06,380 --> 01:06:08,215
I don't know.

876
01:06:08,256 --> 01:06:10,300
Could it be the police already?

877
01:06:10,384 --> 01:06:13,387
- I don't know. Do they work that fast?
- I don't know.

878
01:06:13,470 --> 01:06:15,180
<i>Hello?</i>

879
01:06:16,056 --> 01:06:17,849
Oh, it's Miss Julia.

880
01:06:19,309 --> 01:06:21,269
Listen, listen, listen.

881
01:06:22,354 --> 01:06:24,815
Take your time getting to the door.

882
01:06:27,442 --> 01:06:28,986
Coming!

883
01:06:34,366 --> 01:06:36,576
I'll slow it down a bit.

884
01:06:50,549 --> 01:06:52,050
Thank you.

885
01:06:53,093 --> 01:06:55,762
I've brought some broth
for Uncle MASTERMAN.

886
01:06:55,846 --> 01:06:58,890
My Uncle Joseph says it has
strong recuperative qualities.

887
01:07:00,642 --> 01:07:01,768
Oh!

888
01:07:03,687 --> 01:07:05,313
Hello.

889
01:07:05,397 --> 01:07:07,441
Oh...

890
01:07:07,524 --> 01:07:11,278
Oh, I've brought a little sustenance
for your dear grandfather.

891
01:07:11,361 --> 01:07:13,030
I thought that...

892
01:07:13,113 --> 01:07:14,781
Oh.

893
01:07:14,823 --> 01:07:16,616
What is it?

894
01:07:16,658 --> 01:07:18,285
Oh.

895
01:07:20,370 --> 01:07:22,706
You haven't any furniture.

896
01:07:22,789 --> 01:07:25,459
- What?
- Oh, how sad.

897
01:07:26,293 --> 01:07:31,381
Oh, I always knew you were poor,
but I never imagined anything like this.

898
01:07:31,465 --> 01:07:34,301
- Oh, really?
- Would you mind if I looked around?

899
01:07:34,384 --> 01:07:35,719
Would you like to look
around the hallway?

900
01:07:35,761 --> 01:07:38,638
Oh, I've always wanted
an empty room of my own.

901
01:07:38,722 --> 01:07:40,140
Ours is so cluttered.

902
01:07:40,223 --> 01:07:43,143
Oh, we have lots of empty rooms.
Would you like to see another one?

903
01:07:43,185 --> 01:07:44,644
Oh!

904
01:07:44,728 --> 01:07:47,647
Oh, how sad.

905
01:07:47,731 --> 01:07:50,609
All you've got left is your piano.

906
01:07:52,319 --> 01:07:54,988
- I learned the pianoforte as a child, but...
- Oh, yes?

907
01:07:55,072 --> 01:07:56,698
- I can never practise.
- No.

908
01:07:56,782 --> 01:07:59,701
Cousin Morris will not permit
an instrument in the house.

909
01:07:59,785 --> 01:08:02,162
He says the vibrations
might shatter his eggs.

910
01:08:02,245 --> 01:08:03,830
Yes, of course.

911
01:08:03,914 --> 01:08:06,333
I think you'll find the piano's
rather out of tune.

912
01:08:06,416 --> 01:08:08,335
Oh, I'm sure not.

913
01:08:16,218 --> 01:08:18,595
My repertoire is
somewhat limited, I'm afraid.

914
01:08:18,678 --> 01:08:20,931
Hark! I think I hear
my grandfather calling me.

915
01:08:22,057 --> 01:08:23,809
No, I don't think so.

916
01:08:26,478 --> 01:08:29,189
I’m terribly sorry. Then it must be
your cousin Morris calling you.

917
01:08:29,272 --> 01:08:30,899
Yes, that must be it.

918
01:08:30,982 --> 01:08:32,734
In either case, it's one or the other.

919
01:08:32,818 --> 01:08:36,613
And I think we ought see which one
of them wants which one of us.

920
01:08:36,696 --> 01:08:38,490
- Goodbye.
- Oh!

921
01:08:43,328 --> 01:08:44,788
Oh!

922
01:08:46,414 --> 01:08:48,125
Forgive me!

923
01:08:50,418 --> 01:08:53,255
What to do, Peacock?
What to do? That's the question.

924
01:08:53,338 --> 01:08:56,550
If I may be allowed to say, sir.

925
01:08:56,591 --> 01:08:58,885
Anything, Peacock, anything.

926
01:08:58,969 --> 01:09:06,476
Well, I have heard that there are,
in certain sectors of this great city, men...

927
01:09:07,018 --> 01:09:08,854
Unscrupulous men, sir,

928
01:09:08,937 --> 01:09:15,902
who, for a price,
will perform the most unsavoury tasks.

929
01:09:21,324 --> 01:09:23,410
Dr Pratt?

930
01:09:23,451 --> 01:09:26,246
Rouse yourself, Dr Pratt.

931
01:09:27,956 --> 01:09:32,169
I assure you, the lady was already dead,
when I arrived, Constable.

932
01:09:32,210 --> 01:09:34,671
- Dr Pratt.
- Come in. Hm?

933
01:09:34,754 --> 01:09:38,425
I was here earlier.
You asked me to return.

934
01:09:38,508 --> 01:09:39,968
What?

935
01:09:40,051 --> 01:09:43,013
Oh, yes.
Yes, yes. I remember.

936
01:09:43,096 --> 01:09:45,599
- I’ve got what you wanted.
- Thank you, Doctor.

937
01:09:45,682 --> 01:09:49,686
Here. Blackcurrant jelly.
It contains 12 grains of arsenic.

938
01:09:49,769 --> 01:09:52,063
Just spread it on
your mother's bread and butter.

939
01:09:52,105 --> 01:09:54,566
Doctor, I wanted a death certificate!

940
01:09:55,817 --> 01:09:58,028
Oh, you've done her in already,
have you?

941
01:09:58,111 --> 01:10:00,614
- What's this? ls that it?
- Mm? What?

942
01:10:00,697 --> 01:10:03,533
- What's that?
- Oh, yes, this is...

943
01:10:03,617 --> 01:10:05,619
- This is a death certificate.
- Yes.

944
01:10:05,702 --> 01:10:09,831
- God, I’ve signed a lot of these in my time.
- Could you sign this one?

945
01:10:09,915 --> 01:10:12,292
Yes, yes, I’ll sign this one.

946
01:10:13,627 --> 01:10:17,130
- Give me a hand.
- Up you get, Doctor.

947
01:10:17,214 --> 01:10:19,299
Yes. Yes.

948
01:10:19,883 --> 01:10:24,971
Oh, yes. Before I sign this,
I must do my ablutions

949
01:10:25,096 --> 01:10:29,851
according to the sterile principles
laid down by Lord Lister:

950
01:10:29,935 --> 01:10:34,064
"Cleanliness in all things,
even the humblest of tasks."

951
01:10:39,653 --> 01:10:41,780
Oh, that's better.

952
01:10:43,323 --> 01:10:46,034
Now, then.

953
01:10:46,117 --> 01:10:50,080
Oh, look at that.
Look at that! Scarcely human.

954
01:10:51,039 --> 01:10:53,124
- I’ll have to see a vet about it.
- Doctor!

955
01:10:53,166 --> 01:10:55,627
- Come in.
- Come on!

956
01:10:56,670 --> 01:10:58,672
Keep taking the pills.
You'll be all right.

957
01:11:04,803 --> 01:11:08,848
- Are you all right, Doctor?
- Yes, I’m all right. It's just a fur ball.

958
01:11:08,932 --> 01:11:10,433
It's nothing.

959
01:11:10,475 --> 01:11:13,853
Strange. I haven't
had fur for a fortnight.

960
01:11:14,980 --> 01:11:17,399
Now, let's see...

961
01:11:17,482 --> 01:11:22,028
Now... yes.
Er... that's it.

962
01:11:24,447 --> 01:11:26,533
There we are.

963
01:11:26,574 --> 01:11:28,660
- Doctor...
- Mm?

964
01:11:29,661 --> 01:11:32,872
Oh, you want it
signed in two places? Yes.

965
01:11:33,498 --> 01:11:35,000
Yes.

966
01:11:36,543 --> 01:11:38,962
- P.
- What?

967
01:11:40,213 --> 01:11:42,382
- P, Doctor. P.
- Oh, yes.

968
01:11:42,465 --> 01:11:44,301
- P.
- R.

969
01:11:44,384 --> 01:11:49,347
- R...
- A... T... T.

970
01:11:51,725 --> 01:11:53,810
Oh.

971
01:11:54,769 --> 01:11:57,063
MD.

972
01:11:58,148 --> 01:12:00,608
"Prattmd".
ls that your name as well?

973
01:12:01,985 --> 01:12:05,071
Oh, I’ve gone and blotted it, now.
It's a small world.

974
01:12:06,281 --> 01:12:10,035
You'd never think that there were
two Pratts in one room, would you?

975
01:12:13,997 --> 01:12:15,832
There we are.

976
01:12:15,874 --> 01:12:19,085
- Thank you, Doctor. Good night.
- Yes. Come in.

977
01:12:21,212 --> 01:12:23,256
Of course, you know...

978
01:12:24,174 --> 01:12:26,801
I was not always as you see me now.

979
01:12:27,385 --> 01:12:29,929
Was I, Mervyn? Eh?

980
01:12:29,971 --> 01:12:32,390
Oh, no, you're too young to remember.

981
01:12:34,351 --> 01:12:36,728
Stay away, lad.
It's not good for you.

982
01:12:49,949 --> 01:12:52,243
Julia!

983
01:12:52,327 --> 01:12:54,662
Are you mad?

984
01:12:54,746 --> 01:12:57,624
A scream like that
might have shattered my eggs.

985
01:12:57,791 --> 01:12:59,918
Oh, but I was dreaming
I was an egg, Morris,

986
01:13:00,001 --> 01:13:02,504
and that an eagle
was trying to hatch me.

987
01:13:02,587 --> 01:13:06,132
- Please cover yourself.
- Oh...

988
01:13:06,549 --> 01:13:08,802
What, Erm...

989
01:13:10,220 --> 01:13:13,098
What news of next door?

990
01:13:13,223 --> 01:13:16,309
Oh, er...
very peculiar, Morris.

991
01:13:16,393 --> 01:13:18,645
I took Uncle MASTERMAN some broth

992
01:13:18,728 --> 01:13:21,564
and Michael...
well, he seemed to...

993
01:13:21,648 --> 01:13:25,610
How shall I say it?
I... I think he threw me out.

994
01:13:27,237 --> 01:13:31,574
- Threw you out?
- Yes! What do you think it means, Morris?

995
01:13:31,658 --> 01:13:34,119
Well, it means that, Erm...

996
01:13:34,369 --> 01:13:37,163
What it means is that, er...

997
01:13:38,039 --> 01:13:40,625
I don't know what it means.

998
01:13:41,626 --> 01:13:44,838
Morris, am I pretty?

999
01:13:44,879 --> 01:13:46,423
Let me think.

1000
01:13:47,632 --> 01:13:50,260
Oh... never mind.

1001
01:13:53,263 --> 01:13:55,348
He's up to something.

1002
01:13:55,640 --> 01:13:58,726
It's happened.
I know it's happened.

1003
01:13:58,810 --> 01:14:01,604
And Michael's trying to cheat us.

1004
01:14:01,688 --> 01:14:04,315
Trying to cheat two little orphans
out of the tontine.

1005
01:14:05,608 --> 01:14:07,193
That must be it!

1006
01:14:14,993 --> 01:14:18,746
Peacock? Peacock!

1007
01:14:20,957 --> 01:14:23,543
Where is the old fool?

1008
01:14:26,671 --> 01:14:29,340
The house is full of fools!

1009
01:14:29,424 --> 01:14:33,136
I’m coming, blast you!

1010
01:14:51,029 --> 01:14:55,325
I’m coming! I’m coming!
Wait a minute! Wait a minute!

1011
01:14:55,867 --> 01:14:59,370
I’m... Oh! Aagh! Oh!

1012
01:15:06,044 --> 01:15:08,505
I’ll turn the cart round
and stand guard.

1013
01:15:21,601 --> 01:15:23,853
Hey...

1014
01:15:30,068 --> 01:15:32,278
- Funny.
- Funny, Daddy.

1015
01:15:32,320 --> 01:15:34,697
What's all this malarkey
about a piano, then?

1016
01:15:35,740 --> 01:15:38,993
Still, he must be the one. Can't be
two in the same house, can there?

1017
01:15:39,077 --> 01:15:40,453
Come on, let's get him
wrapped up now.

1018
01:15:40,578 --> 01:15:44,207
Here, you take his legs,
I’ll take his shoulders.

1019
01:15:59,430 --> 01:16:03,101
Right, well, thanks for
the business, sir. Good night.

1020
01:16:25,456 --> 01:16:27,292
You, there!

1021
01:16:27,333 --> 01:16:30,795
- Where are you going with that?
- Er... Chelsea Undertakers, sir.

1022
01:16:30,878 --> 01:16:33,673
We have a dead person
what has just deceased.

1023
01:16:33,965 --> 01:16:39,429
I see. Well, be about
your sacred business.

1024
01:16:39,470 --> 01:16:42,599
Thank you, sir. The compliments
of the night to you, sir.

1025
01:16:59,699 --> 01:17:06,164
And so, gentlemen,
the great tontine has been won after 63 years

1026
01:17:06,247 --> 01:17:10,460
by your uncle, er...
Joseph, Erm, Finsbury.

1027
01:17:10,627 --> 01:17:13,212
Yes, we've telegraphed him
in Bournemouth.

1028
01:17:13,296 --> 01:17:17,216
He will, Erm... arrive shortly.

1029
01:17:17,300 --> 01:17:18,968
A most magnificent sum!

1030
01:17:19,052 --> 01:17:22,388
Erm... could we ask...
just how magnificent?

1031
01:17:22,513 --> 01:17:24,223
Oh, yes, yes, yes.

1032
01:17:24,349 --> 01:17:31,314
Well, it's the magnificent total of
£111,000, three shillings and thruppence.

1033
01:17:33,399 --> 01:17:35,652
We could, of course,
continue to administer the fund.

1034
01:17:35,777 --> 01:17:40,323
No, no, no, no, no. Er... my uncle
gave quite explicit instructions.

1035
01:17:40,406 --> 01:17:43,618
He wants the entire amount
handed over to him.

1036
01:17:43,701 --> 01:17:45,161
- Oh?
- In cash.

1037
01:17:45,203 --> 01:17:46,704
- Hmm?
- Immediately.

1038
01:17:46,871 --> 01:17:49,374
Oh. That is most unusual.

1039
01:17:50,500 --> 01:17:51,834
Oh, well. However...

1040
01:17:51,918 --> 01:17:53,461
Well, in that case...

1041
01:17:55,213 --> 01:17:59,342
would it be convenient for you
to return, say, at three o'clock?

1042
01:17:59,384 --> 01:18:03,596
Ah! We were thinking
more immediately than that.

1043
01:18:03,638 --> 01:18:07,892
Erm... unless, of course, our new
legal friend could bring it to the house.

1044
01:18:07,975 --> 01:18:12,730
Yes, that would suit. You see, this is sure
to prove a trying day for our dear uncle.

1045
01:18:12,814 --> 01:18:15,400
Mm! The shock
of losing a brother, you see.

1046
01:18:15,483 --> 01:18:20,196
Plus the shock of winning the tontine
might prove too much for his weak...

1047
01:18:20,279 --> 01:18:22,281
- Terribly weak.
- Heart.

1048
01:18:22,407 --> 01:18:23,741
Mmm.

1049
01:18:24,409 --> 01:18:26,953
That's no good.
Here! Give it to me.

1050
01:18:26,994 --> 01:18:30,873
Leave it, leave it! Give it to me.
Now, this time. This time, pull!

1051
01:18:30,957 --> 01:18:34,252
- Pull!
- You know what that is?

1052
01:18:35,211 --> 01:18:39,090
That is stuck.
That is what that is.

1053
01:18:40,133 --> 01:18:42,593
ls this the Finsbury residence?

1054
01:18:43,636 --> 01:18:46,097
- Who asks?
- Kindly address me as "Major".

1055
01:18:46,764 --> 01:18:51,811
- Are you a member of this household?
- The butler, Major.

1056
01:18:51,853 --> 01:18:55,273
Does your employer answer to the name
of MASTERMAN Finsbury?

1057
01:18:55,356 --> 01:18:58,151
That was the case, Major.

1058
01:18:58,192 --> 01:19:00,820
Then he is delivered up,
and safely returned.

1059
01:19:00,945 --> 01:19:05,616
This poor, misguided man attempted to
take his own immortal life last night.

1060
01:19:06,451 --> 01:19:08,995
- We fished him out of the river.
- Mercy!

1061
01:19:09,954 --> 01:19:11,956
Yes? Did somebody call?

1062
01:19:12,790 --> 01:19:17,003
Later, Mercy. Later! First things first.
Pass him through.

1063
01:19:17,086 --> 01:19:19,130
Come along! Come along!

1064
01:19:22,759 --> 01:19:24,844
Now, you two, give a hand. Come along!

1065
01:19:29,098 --> 01:19:32,101
Get the piano out of the way!
Come along, get moving! Get moving!

1066
01:19:40,651 --> 01:19:43,362
- Where is he usually kept?
- First door.

1067
01:19:43,446 --> 01:19:45,490
Forward, the Army!

1068
01:19:52,830 --> 01:19:54,874
Take him upstairs.

1069
01:19:57,960 --> 01:20:00,922
You ought to count yourself lucky
we were on our toes last night.

1070
01:20:01,047 --> 01:20:03,633
The Lord moves in mysterious ways

1071
01:20:03,716 --> 01:20:06,093
when He is raising money
for our cause.

1072
01:20:06,177 --> 01:20:09,180
He will have to move
very mysteriously

1073
01:20:10,389 --> 01:20:12,725
to raise any boodle here.

1074
01:20:13,309 --> 01:20:15,228
Boodle? What do you mean?

1075
01:20:15,812 --> 01:20:18,481
I am not in charge of the finances.

1076
01:20:19,398 --> 01:20:22,527
You have to wait
till Master Michael returns.

1077
01:20:23,611 --> 01:20:25,238
We can wait.

1078
01:20:26,322 --> 01:20:31,744
- Ah, Master Michael! Oh, poor!
- Ha!

1079
01:20:34,831 --> 01:20:36,916
Here, that boy!

1080
01:20:38,459 --> 01:20:41,128
- Do you want to earn a penny?
- Yeah.

1081
01:20:42,129 --> 01:20:44,549
Here, go to St Mary's Hospital.

1082
01:20:44,632 --> 01:20:48,427
- Ask for Mr Michael Finsbury.
- Michael Finsbury?

1083
01:21:13,327 --> 01:21:14,579
Good morning.

1084
01:21:14,662 --> 01:21:17,081
May I be of service
in your hour of need?

1085
01:21:17,123 --> 01:21:20,585
Oh... oh, yes,
I’ve come to pay my respects.

1086
01:21:20,877 --> 01:21:23,337
And who, may I ask,
have you suffered the sad loss of?

1087
01:21:23,421 --> 01:21:26,090
My uncle, MASTERMAN Finsbury.

1088
01:21:26,799 --> 01:21:28,426
Finsbury?

1089
01:21:29,385 --> 01:21:31,429
Finsbury as in Park?

1090
01:21:32,889 --> 01:21:34,974
Well, the only soul reposing here

1091
01:21:35,016 --> 01:21:38,644
belongs and answers to the name
Wilfrid Ebenezer Hackett.

1092
01:21:38,769 --> 01:21:42,982
Oh. Well, Uncle
was called many names,

1093
01:21:43,065 --> 01:21:45,359
but that was never one of them.

1094
01:21:45,443 --> 01:21:47,904
- When did your uncle die?
- Late last night.

1095
01:21:49,113 --> 01:21:51,699
In that case, allow me
to present you with my card.

1096
01:21:52,617 --> 01:21:54,994
Er... er...

1097
01:21:55,077 --> 01:21:59,582
Oh, I appear to have run out.
Business is so brisk these days!

1098
01:21:59,624 --> 01:22:03,794
But it is quite obvious, my dear young lady,
that you are in need of my entire organisation.

1099
01:22:03,961 --> 01:22:08,716
When you leave me at the undertakers',
go back to the house, unpack Uncle

1100
01:22:08,799 --> 01:22:13,054
and place him in the hallway,
so that it appears he fell down the stairs.

1101
01:22:13,137 --> 01:22:15,890
Why do I always have the packing
and unpacking to do?

1102
01:22:15,973 --> 01:22:18,726
You're quite right. I can't trust you
with the simplest task.

1103
01:22:18,809 --> 01:22:20,353
I’d better handle it.

1104
01:22:20,436 --> 01:22:22,480
We haven't got much time.

1105
01:22:22,855 --> 01:22:25,316
Here we are. Get out!

1106
01:22:27,360 --> 01:22:31,280
Tell the undertakers, a simple coffin.
Nothing expensive!

1107
01:23:06,065 --> 01:23:08,651
Now, if you'll excuse me,
Miss Finsbury.

1108
01:24:02,079 --> 01:24:05,207
Brothers and sisters,
our prayers were for nought.

1109
01:24:05,291 --> 01:24:07,752
Hymn 231.

1110
01:24:07,877 --> 01:24:11,589
♪ Onward Christian soldiers

1111
01:24:19,638 --> 01:24:21,807
Most unusual.

1112
01:24:24,268 --> 01:24:26,395
Most unusual!

1113
01:24:28,272 --> 01:24:31,442
I think we'd better pay a call on...

1114
01:24:36,280 --> 01:24:38,324
on...

1115
01:24:41,160 --> 01:24:44,330
Hmm... yes!

1116
01:24:46,791 --> 01:24:50,711
I think we'll pay a call on...

1117
01:24:53,089 --> 01:24:55,591
- Michael Finsbury, sir?
- I know, I know!

1118
01:24:56,509 --> 01:24:58,677
Michael Finsbury, naturally.

1119
01:25:14,610 --> 01:25:17,279
- Bring that down, will you?
- Right, sir.

1120
01:26:23,762 --> 01:26:25,848
Mr Patience.

1121
01:26:28,058 --> 01:26:30,686
- What means this?
- Our dead uncle.

1122
01:26:30,978 --> 01:26:34,148
My cousin should never have broken
the glad news at the top of the stairs.

1123
01:26:34,231 --> 01:26:37,484
- Why? What happened?
- Well, the poor old chap...

1124
01:26:38,277 --> 01:26:40,154
broke his noodle.

1125
01:26:40,237 --> 01:26:42,781
I see. You mean it...
it proved fatal?

1126
01:26:42,865 --> 01:26:45,492
Oh, totally. Excuse me.

1127
01:26:45,618 --> 01:26:47,703
Allow me.

1128
01:27:01,842 --> 01:27:05,012
Er...

1129
01:27:07,932 --> 01:27:09,516
Morris?

1130
01:27:14,271 --> 01:27:16,065
Morris!

1131
01:27:19,777 --> 01:27:22,613
Morris?

1132
01:27:25,241 --> 01:27:27,284
Excuse me.

1133
01:27:29,828 --> 01:27:31,330
Morris!

1134
01:27:31,538 --> 01:27:33,332
Morris!

1135
01:27:33,958 --> 01:27:37,586
Patience is here with the boodle.
Where is Uncle Joseph?

1136
01:27:37,628 --> 01:27:42,424
- I say, she's a bit of all right!
- "Where is Uncle Joseph," indeed, you cretin!

1137
01:27:42,508 --> 01:27:45,511
- I sent him to you in a barrel!
Well, what's this?

1138
01:27:45,594 --> 01:27:49,348
- You realise we're ruined?
- I think I know what's happened.

1139
01:27:50,516 --> 01:27:54,228
- There's been a mix-up.
- You imbecile!

1140
01:27:54,311 --> 01:27:55,854
Let go of me!

1141
01:27:55,938 --> 01:27:59,108
<i>♪ Leads against the foe</i>

1142
01:27:59,775 --> 01:28:03,153
<i>♪ Forward into battle</i>

1143
01:28:06,991 --> 01:28:09,076
- Oh, help him up!
- Are you all right?

1144
01:28:09,159 --> 01:28:12,329
- Are you all right? Get him on his feet.
- Yes.

1145
01:28:12,454 --> 01:28:14,498
And that, sir, is that.

1146
01:28:14,581 --> 01:28:17,501
The doctor left this death certificate.

1147
01:28:20,754 --> 01:28:22,840
One moment!

1148
01:28:24,466 --> 01:28:28,971
Pray, what is going on? Hmm?

1149
01:28:34,143 --> 01:28:37,438
Ah! Erm... thank you.

1150
01:28:37,521 --> 01:28:39,606
Well, what... what is this?

1151
01:28:39,690 --> 01:28:43,402
- What's what?
- Well, today's the 12th. This is dated the 13th.

1152
01:28:43,527 --> 01:28:46,697
Well, here today and gone tomorrow.

1153
01:28:46,822 --> 01:28:48,949
Surely a mere formality, sir?

1154
01:28:49,033 --> 01:28:53,704
You have our words as English gentlemen
that our uncle is... no longer with us.

1155
01:28:55,372 --> 01:29:00,002
I wonder... I wonder if you could give us
a few more moments alone with him

1156
01:29:00,085 --> 01:29:02,713
before you remove his mortal remains.

1157
01:29:02,796 --> 01:29:04,131
Of course, sir.

1158
01:29:04,214 --> 01:29:07,509
- Please indulge yourself.
- Thank you.

1159
01:29:07,593 --> 01:29:11,847
Well, in that case, perhaps it'd be as well
if I returned another day for the transfer of the...

1160
01:29:11,930 --> 01:29:13,640
Oh, no, no, no.

1161
01:29:13,724 --> 01:29:17,478
- What must be done, must be done.
- Er... yes.

1162
01:29:17,561 --> 01:29:20,898
- We must...
- Curb our natural grief.

1163
01:29:21,982 --> 01:29:24,026
- Exactly.
- Yes.

1164
01:29:24,109 --> 01:29:30,741
<i>♪ With the cross of Jesus going on before</i>

1165
01:29:45,839 --> 01:29:47,257
No...

1166
01:29:50,302 --> 01:29:54,139
Brothers and sisters,
our prayers have been answered!

1167
01:29:54,223 --> 01:29:56,392
Hymn 224!

1168
01:30:01,563 --> 01:30:05,943
You were too keen to get me buried, sir!
The point is... the point is,

1169
01:30:06,026 --> 01:30:08,153
I did not kill my brother Joseph!

1170
01:30:08,237 --> 01:30:10,948
- I tried to, but I failed.
- Grandfather...

1171
01:30:11,115 --> 01:30:13,534
If you stop your spluttering
and allow me to speak, sir!

1172
01:30:13,617 --> 01:30:16,412
The point is, the tontine is ours!

1173
01:30:16,453 --> 01:30:19,456
Well, it certainly isn't yours
and it must be returned!

1174
01:30:19,873 --> 01:30:22,626
- It must be returned at once!
- You can't!

1175
01:30:22,751 --> 01:30:25,546
You can't ask that
of two innocent little orphans!

1176
01:30:25,629 --> 01:30:29,133
You couldn't take it back now!
You gave it to us. It's ours!

1177
01:30:29,216 --> 01:30:33,345
I put it to you, gentlemen, that MASTERMAN
Finsbury is alive and your uncle dead.

1178
01:30:33,429 --> 01:30:37,182
- I have his death certificate!
- It's a mistake! It says he died tomorrow!

1179
01:30:37,266 --> 01:30:39,101
- Relinquish that chest, sir!
- Never!

1180
01:30:39,143 --> 01:30:41,645
And please do not touch me!

1181
01:30:41,728 --> 01:30:45,399
Ooh! You touched me!

1182
01:30:46,442 --> 01:30:49,111
- Er... you may remove the body now.
- Certainly, sir.

1183
01:30:53,449 --> 01:30:55,576
Stop them! Stop them!
They have the money.

1184
01:30:56,952 --> 01:31:00,038
Get this thing out of my way!

1185
01:31:00,289 --> 01:31:01,373
Stop!

1186
01:31:03,459 --> 01:31:05,127
Come on!

1187
01:31:06,837 --> 01:31:08,881
Stop them!

1188
01:31:08,964 --> 01:31:11,300
- Stop them, they've got the tontine!
- Julia!

1189
01:31:16,472 --> 01:31:18,182
Stop!

1190
01:31:27,858 --> 01:31:31,695
Stop them!
They've got the tontine! Stop them!

1191
01:31:38,577 --> 01:31:41,997
Could you tell me
where I could find Michael Finsbury?

1192
01:31:42,080 --> 01:31:46,418
It's Morris Finsbury you want!
He's just made off with £100,000!

1193
01:31:46,502 --> 01:31:48,629
- What? Where?
- That way!

1194
01:31:48,712 --> 01:31:50,756
In a hearse!

1195
01:31:51,548 --> 01:31:54,885
This man was a witness.

1196
01:32:01,099 --> 01:32:02,726
Seize him.

1197
01:32:08,273 --> 01:32:10,359
It's obvious we are not needed here.

1198
01:32:10,484 --> 01:32:12,945
We brought the Gospel,
but they would not listen.

1199
01:32:13,904 --> 01:32:15,197
Damn them all!

1200
01:32:42,558 --> 01:32:44,560
Come on. Come on. Hey!

1201
01:32:44,643 --> 01:32:48,522
Halt! In the name of the law!

1202
01:32:48,605 --> 01:32:53,443
- Follow those hearses!
- Stop! Wait for me!

1203
01:34:06,683 --> 01:34:07,851
Giddy-up! Giddy-up!

1204
01:35:51,204 --> 01:35:53,373
It is, as you know, a statistical fact

1205
01:35:53,457 --> 01:35:56,710
that in London one person dies
every 25 seconds,

1206
01:35:57,294 --> 01:35:59,796
which means it is extremely probable
that one of us

1207
01:35:59,880 --> 01:36:02,799
may not even live
to arrive at the cemetery.

1208
01:36:15,604 --> 01:36:18,315
Morris, I think there's been
another mix-up.

1209
01:36:18,398 --> 01:36:20,776
- We've got a body instead of the boodle.
- What?

1210
01:36:22,277 --> 01:36:24,529
We must go to the cemetery!

1211
01:36:53,141 --> 01:36:55,769
Quick. Get the flag.
They'll never notice.

1212
01:36:55,852 --> 01:36:58,188
I well recall, Mrs Hackett,

1213
01:36:58,271 --> 01:37:01,733
that your late husband showed me
another kindness on February 3rd.

1214
01:37:01,817 --> 01:37:07,614
- No, February 4th. Another kindness, by...
- And it was kind of him to pass on, wasn't it?

1215
01:37:07,697 --> 01:37:13,370
Wasn't it? Gave you a better chance
of the tontine! Hypocrite! You hypocrite!

1216
01:37:13,453 --> 01:37:17,123
Don't touch me!

1217
01:37:18,708 --> 01:37:22,170
Now, come, Mrs Hackett.
You mustn't spoil this beautiful occasion.

1218
01:37:22,254 --> 01:37:26,466
Perfidious! How dare...

1219
01:37:38,103 --> 01:37:40,188
What have you done with Mr Hackett?

1220
01:37:40,230 --> 01:37:42,357
Look at the size of that coffin!

1221
01:37:42,440 --> 01:37:46,278
That's only part of him!
He weighed 15 stone.

1222
01:37:46,361 --> 01:37:48,864
And look at that ridiculous flag!

1223
01:37:48,947 --> 01:37:52,909
He hated England!

1224
01:38:06,089 --> 01:38:09,509
Excuse me, you have our body.
Erm... our Yorkshire terrier.

1225
01:38:09,593 --> 01:38:11,177
He would have been 14 tomorrow.

1226
01:38:11,261 --> 01:38:13,889
Poor little beggar.

1227
01:38:16,349 --> 01:38:18,059
Hey! Get back!

1228
01:38:22,439 --> 01:38:25,317
Excuse me!

1229
01:38:25,400 --> 01:38:28,069
Stop! Thief! Stop! Thief!

1230
01:38:31,865 --> 01:38:34,784
Please! Please!
Let us remember where we are!

1231
01:38:47,464 --> 01:38:49,549
- Oh!
- Oh, my!

1232
01:38:57,807 --> 01:38:59,935
Uncle...

1233
01:39:03,980 --> 01:39:06,107
That's him.

1234
01:39:08,318 --> 01:39:10,236
Please. May we begin?

1235
01:39:12,656 --> 01:39:16,409
Dearly beloved, we are gathered
together in the sight of God

1236
01:39:16,493 --> 01:39:21,122
and in the face of this congregation
to join this man and this woman...

1237
01:39:22,624 --> 01:39:25,669
No, no, that's not it. Er... er...

1238
01:39:25,752 --> 01:39:28,171
- Aah!
- Ugh!

1239
01:39:28,213 --> 01:39:32,592
I must have quiet! I demand the silence
due this solemn occasion!

1240
01:39:34,928 --> 01:39:36,888
Uncle Joseph!

1241
01:39:43,770 --> 01:39:46,940
- Just where you belong, Jo-Jo.
- Oh!

1242
01:39:47,023 --> 01:39:49,401
Please! I beg of you, sir!

1243
01:39:49,484 --> 01:39:53,947
- Get off him, all of you!
- Ladies! Gentlemen!

1244
01:39:54,030 --> 01:39:57,033
I beg of you to
conduct your business elsewhere.

1245
01:39:57,117 --> 01:40:01,371
- What do you mean, elsewhere?
- Not you, of course, Mrs Hackett.

1246
01:40:04,666 --> 01:40:06,710
Uncle Joseph.

1247
01:40:07,794 --> 01:40:09,170
Let us begin.

1248
01:40:10,171 --> 01:40:14,342
Man that is born of a woman
hath but a short time to live

1249
01:40:14,384 --> 01:40:16,136
and is full of misery.

1250
01:40:16,219 --> 01:40:19,639
He cometh up and is cut down like a flower.

1251
01:40:19,723 --> 01:40:22,475
He fleeth as it were a shadow

1252
01:40:22,559 --> 01:40:26,062
and never continueth in one stay.

1253
01:40:26,146 --> 01:40:28,815
In the midst of life, we are in death.

1254
01:40:28,898 --> 01:40:33,236
- Of whom may we seek for succour...
- Stop! Stop this funeral.

1255
01:40:34,237 --> 01:40:38,491
I demand the money to be returned.
The tontine has yet to be won.

1256
01:40:38,575 --> 01:40:40,410
If fate names me the winner,

1257
01:40:40,493 --> 01:40:43,872
the entire amount
goes to my ward, Julia.

1258
01:40:46,708 --> 01:40:50,003
Julia, my darling, I’ve always loved you.
Be mine tonight.

1259
01:40:50,086 --> 01:40:52,088
Better still, be mine.

1260
01:40:52,213 --> 01:40:57,343
Let us begin. Man that is born
of a woman hath but a short time to live

1261
01:40:57,427 --> 01:41:00,138
and is full of misery.

1262
01:41:01,097 --> 01:41:03,767
All right, come on, come on!
What's going on? What is it? Come on.

1263
01:41:03,850 --> 01:41:06,102
Please, sir, I beg of you.
There's a dead man here.

1264
01:41:06,186 --> 01:41:07,562
All right, no-one move!

1265
01:41:16,571 --> 01:41:18,573
- Finsbury?
- Yes?

1266
01:41:21,576 --> 01:41:24,287
- Morris Finsbury?
- Yes.

1267
01:41:24,370 --> 01:41:27,874
Morris Finsbury, I arrest you
for stealing £100,000.

1268
01:41:27,957 --> 01:41:30,543
- But the money has been returned, sir.
- And who are you, sir?

1269
01:41:30,627 --> 01:41:34,714
- Some sort of accomplice?
- Certainly not! I am his solicitor.

1270
01:41:34,798 --> 01:41:36,758
You've brought your solicitor
with you, have you?

1271
01:41:36,841 --> 01:41:40,637
- Yes, I’ve met your type before.
- No, I’m the administrator of the tontine!

1272
01:41:40,720 --> 01:41:43,723
- "Tontine"?
- Named after Lorenzo Tonti,

1273
01:41:43,807 --> 01:41:47,268
- a Neapolitan banker.
- And who are you, sir?

1274
01:41:47,310 --> 01:41:50,146
- I...
- He's nobody. He's my young brother.

1275
01:41:50,230 --> 01:41:52,315
- And who are you, sir?
- None of your business, sir.

1276
01:41:52,982 --> 01:41:55,443
I shall have you arrested
for indecent exposure!

1277
01:41:56,319 --> 01:41:58,571
My grandfather was recently buried, sir.

1278
01:41:58,655 --> 01:42:00,490
And who are you, sir?

1279
01:42:00,573 --> 01:42:02,617
He is Michael Finsbury.

1280
01:42:02,659 --> 01:42:04,077
And who are you, madam?

1281
01:42:04,160 --> 01:42:07,789
She is Julia Finsbury,
shortly to become...

1282
01:42:08,790 --> 01:42:10,416
Julia Finsbury.

1283
01:42:10,500 --> 01:42:13,461
Young man, did you know
there was a body in the piano?

1284
01:42:15,839 --> 01:42:17,882
I did it.

1285
01:42:21,177 --> 01:42:23,429
- Who is he?
- He is the butler, sir.

1286
01:42:23,513 --> 01:42:26,599
- The butler did it?
- No, sir.

1287
01:42:27,517 --> 01:42:29,769
- I put the body there.
- ls this true?

1288
01:42:29,853 --> 01:42:30,645
Yes, sir.

1289
01:42:30,728 --> 01:42:33,857
In that case, you are entitled
to a reward of £1,000.

1290
01:42:33,940 --> 01:42:38,278
You are responsible for bringing
the Bournemouth Strangler to his just end.

1291
01:42:38,361 --> 01:42:40,697
£1,000?

1292
01:42:41,865 --> 01:42:44,367
Oh, but I... I don't deserve it.

1293
01:42:44,450 --> 01:42:47,453
- The body just arrived in a barrel.
- I sent it.

1294
01:42:47,537 --> 01:42:51,416
- And who are you, sir?
- He is of diminished responsibility, Officer.

1295
01:42:51,499 --> 01:42:56,546
It was all my doing. If there's any justice
in this naughty world, the reward is mine.

1296
01:42:56,629 --> 01:42:58,381
And who are you?

1297
01:42:58,464 --> 01:43:00,842
You remember me. Morris Finsbury.

1298
01:43:00,925 --> 01:43:04,095
I was falsely accused
of stealing £100,000,

1299
01:43:04,179 --> 01:43:06,055
whereas, in fact,
it was me and me alone

1300
01:43:06,139 --> 01:43:10,310
who was responsible for bringing
the Bournemouth Strangler to his just deserts.

1301
01:45:26,237 --> 01:45:29,866
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