1 00:00:02,588 --> 00:00:04,176 What you looking at? 2 00:00:04,211 --> 00:00:05,902 Reese's report card. 3 00:00:05,936 --> 00:00:07,317 It is much better than last time. 4 00:00:07,352 --> 00:00:08,180 Really? 5 00:00:08,215 --> 00:00:09,216 Yeah. This time he used 6 00:00:09,250 --> 00:00:10,493 the exact same brand of pen 7 00:00:10,527 --> 00:00:12,115 as the teacher to change his grade. 8 00:00:12,150 --> 00:00:13,151 Look at that. 9 00:00:13,185 --> 00:00:14,842 He gave himself a "C" in math 10 00:00:14,876 --> 00:00:15,808 instead of an A . 11 00:00:15,843 --> 00:00:16,913 Yeah, it's subtle. 12 00:00:16,947 --> 00:00:18,466 Nice attention to detail. 13 00:00:18,501 --> 00:00:19,709 He's really learning. 14 00:00:19,743 --> 00:00:20,986 Two months grounded? 15 00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:23,230 Three months scrubbing toilets. 16 00:00:23,264 --> 00:00:26,750 ♪ Yes, no, maybe 17 00:00:26,785 --> 00:00:29,305 ♪ I don't know 18 00:00:29,339 --> 00:00:32,653 ♪ Can you repeat the question? 19 00:00:32,686 --> 00:00:34,965 ♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪ 20 00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:37,313 ♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪ 21 00:00:37,347 --> 00:00:39,694 ♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪ 22 00:00:39,729 --> 00:00:41,834 ♪ And you're not so big 23 00:00:41,869 --> 00:00:44,320 ♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪ 24 00:00:44,354 --> 00:00:46,322 ♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪ 25 00:00:46,356 --> 00:00:48,841 ♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪ 26 00:00:48,876 --> 00:00:51,603 ♪ And you're not so big 27 00:00:51,637 --> 00:00:55,917 ♪ Life is unfair. 28 00:00:59,921 --> 00:01:01,406 Feet. 29 00:01:01,440 --> 00:01:02,441 Hey! 30 00:01:02,476 --> 00:01:03,270 Ow! 31 00:01:03,304 --> 00:01:04,512 My sandwich! 32 00:01:04,547 --> 00:01:05,617 It's mine now. 33 00:01:05,651 --> 00:01:06,514 Moving van! 34 00:01:06,549 --> 00:01:09,448 We've got a moving van next door! 35 00:01:13,280 --> 00:01:15,558 Ooh, espresso-maker. 36 00:01:15,592 --> 00:01:18,354 Leather couch... I'm thinking upscale professional. 37 00:01:18,388 --> 00:01:19,493 Well, if they're living here, 38 00:01:19,527 --> 00:01:21,288 they haven't managed their money very well. 39 00:01:21,322 --> 00:01:23,428 Families keep moving in and out of that house. 40 00:01:23,462 --> 00:01:24,429 I wonder why. 41 00:01:27,156 --> 00:01:29,227 [grunting] 42 00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:35,612 Whoa! 43 00:01:48,142 --> 00:01:50,213 [clattering] 44 00:01:53,803 --> 00:01:55,460 Maybe the house is haunted. 45 00:01:55,494 --> 00:01:56,633 Table saw! 46 00:01:56,668 --> 00:01:59,049 No, Hal. No borrowing. 47 00:01:59,084 --> 00:02:00,568 We have a clean slate with these people. 48 00:02:00,603 --> 00:02:01,638 We're going to behave. 49 00:02:01,673 --> 00:02:03,640 I want to have one person on this earth 50 00:02:03,675 --> 00:02:04,779 who can pick up the mail. 51 00:02:04,814 --> 00:02:05,918 Your mother's right. 52 00:02:05,953 --> 00:02:08,162 Doesn't hurt to have allies on the block, 53 00:02:08,197 --> 00:02:09,818 especially allies with a pool. 54 00:02:09,853 --> 00:02:12,166 We just got to make sure we get to them 55 00:02:12,201 --> 00:02:14,444 before the Reeds can poison them against us. 56 00:02:14,479 --> 00:02:15,652 Or the McCartys. 57 00:02:15,687 --> 00:02:16,619 Or the Whitfords. 58 00:02:16,653 --> 00:02:18,241 We definitely need to get to them 59 00:02:18,276 --> 00:02:19,173 before the Whitfords. 60 00:02:19,208 --> 00:02:20,830 I see Mrs. Schneider circling. 61 00:02:20,864 --> 00:02:22,349 Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go! 62 00:02:30,564 --> 00:02:32,531 Ten-hut! 63 00:02:32,566 --> 00:02:34,395 When you men are done here, 64 00:02:34,430 --> 00:02:37,260 I expect to see each and every one of you 65 00:02:37,295 --> 00:02:38,848 on the parade ground 66 00:02:38,882 --> 00:02:41,195 practicing your close order drill. 67 00:02:41,230 --> 00:02:43,093 But, sir, we just did close order drill. 68 00:02:43,128 --> 00:02:44,578 Is that what that was? 69 00:02:44,612 --> 00:02:48,237 It looked like physical therapy at a head trauma ward. 70 00:02:48,271 --> 00:02:51,343 Sir, we've been cleaning and drilling for 36 hours. 71 00:02:51,378 --> 00:02:54,312 I think, by law, we're supposed to be allowed to sleep. 72 00:02:54,346 --> 00:02:55,830 Why are we doing this? 73 00:02:55,865 --> 00:02:58,523 Well, this was supposed to be a surprise, 74 00:02:58,557 --> 00:03:01,595 but I can no longer contain my excitement. 75 00:03:01,629 --> 00:03:04,391 Marlin Academy is about to be visited 76 00:03:04,425 --> 00:03:07,083 by one of the last living heroes. 77 00:03:07,117 --> 00:03:08,222 Gentlemen, 78 00:03:08,257 --> 00:03:11,536 Lieutenant Colonel Oliver North, 79 00:03:11,570 --> 00:03:15,125 United States Marine Corps, Retired, is coming here 80 00:03:15,160 --> 00:03:17,542 to give you a motivational speech. 81 00:03:17,576 --> 00:03:19,682 Sir, isn't he a convicted felon? 82 00:03:19,716 --> 00:03:21,856 That conviction was overturned. 83 00:03:21,891 --> 00:03:24,583 So was mine, but I'm still stuck here. 84 00:03:24,618 --> 00:03:28,138 Well, if you had a Bronze Star, 85 00:03:28,173 --> 00:03:29,933 a Silver Star, two Purple Hearts, 86 00:03:29,968 --> 00:03:32,453 and a nationally syndicated radio call-in show, 87 00:03:32,488 --> 00:03:34,110 then maybe you could have had 88 00:03:34,144 --> 00:03:35,076 a deal. 89 00:03:35,111 --> 00:03:37,734 But since you don't... 90 00:03:37,769 --> 00:03:40,944 you can shut your piehole! 91 00:03:45,501 --> 00:03:47,779 This is nice, Tina. 92 00:03:47,813 --> 00:03:49,263 You didn't have to barbecue. 93 00:03:49,298 --> 00:03:50,644 Well, you're the first neighbors 94 00:03:50,678 --> 00:03:51,817 to come by and say hello. 95 00:03:51,852 --> 00:03:53,163 Well, that's not surprising. 96 00:03:53,198 --> 00:03:55,165 I don't want to speak ill of anybody 97 00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:56,374 and I won't say who, 98 00:03:56,408 --> 00:03:58,893 but some of our neighbors are prone to paranoid fantasies. 99 00:03:58,928 --> 00:04:00,792 Oh, yeah, don't get me started on the stories. 100 00:04:00,826 --> 00:04:02,483 Hal... Yeah. 101 00:04:02,518 --> 00:04:04,416 So, what's there to do around here? 102 00:04:04,451 --> 00:04:08,765 Well, there's a pothole we like to jump with our bikes. 103 00:04:08,800 --> 00:04:11,837 They filled it. 104 00:04:11,872 --> 00:04:13,770 There's a dead squirrel we like to poke at. 105 00:04:13,805 --> 00:04:15,772 That should be good for a few more days. 106 00:04:15,807 --> 00:04:17,636 And there's always the dried-up creek 107 00:04:17,671 --> 00:04:20,846 and the flooded park. 108 00:04:20,880 --> 00:04:23,159 Boy, if it wasn't for that squirrel, 109 00:04:23,193 --> 00:04:25,679 my life would be really pathetic. 110 00:04:25,713 --> 00:04:29,614 Wait, wait, you, you only flipped 'em once? 111 00:04:29,648 --> 00:04:33,307 I feel every patty has a moment. 112 00:04:33,342 --> 00:04:36,206 See, I always rush it. 113 00:04:36,241 --> 00:04:40,038 Factor in the fat content, Hal. 114 00:04:40,072 --> 00:04:41,798 Hey, do you have a good doctor? 115 00:04:41,833 --> 00:04:43,144 Why, is something wrong? 116 00:04:43,179 --> 00:04:44,939 Well, neck pain. 117 00:04:44,974 --> 00:04:45,975 Or back pain. 118 00:04:46,009 --> 00:04:48,874 Whatever will get him to write the prescription. 119 00:04:48,909 --> 00:04:51,221 No, I'm sorry. My doctor's honest. 120 00:04:51,256 --> 00:04:53,362 Too bad. 121 00:04:53,396 --> 00:04:55,156 I'll let you know if I find one. 122 00:05:05,995 --> 00:05:07,997 I wouldn't stare at him like that. He'll get angry. 123 00:05:08,031 --> 00:05:09,654 No, he won't. He's friendly. 124 00:05:09,688 --> 00:05:11,138 Tell that to the kid he ate. 125 00:05:11,172 --> 00:05:12,553 What kid? 126 00:05:12,588 --> 00:05:13,692 That's why we had to move. 127 00:05:13,727 --> 00:05:15,453 Didn't you read about it in the newspaper? 128 00:05:15,487 --> 00:05:16,212 No. 129 00:05:16,246 --> 00:05:17,247 Just as well. 130 00:05:17,282 --> 00:05:20,043 Pictures were really gruesome. 131 00:05:25,221 --> 00:05:26,533 I did it. I did it! 132 00:05:26,567 --> 00:05:28,397 See? I told you you could. 133 00:05:29,743 --> 00:05:31,227 Can I have another burger? Malcolm spit on mine. 134 00:05:31,261 --> 00:05:33,022 What? 135 00:05:33,056 --> 00:05:35,749 Malcolm, why would you do such a thing?But I didn't... 136 00:05:35,783 --> 00:05:37,544 Yeah, yeah, here. 137 00:05:37,578 --> 00:05:39,615 There. Now beat it. 138 00:05:43,308 --> 00:05:46,484 Why are you staring at me? 139 00:05:46,518 --> 00:05:49,349 What, do you want a chip? 140 00:05:49,383 --> 00:05:51,903 Ow! Cut it out! 141 00:05:51,937 --> 00:05:53,525 Ow! What are you doing?! 142 00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:54,561 Stop it! 143 00:05:54,595 --> 00:05:56,321 [laughing] 144 00:05:58,150 --> 00:05:59,876 I think there are some briquettes 145 00:05:59,911 --> 00:06:01,602 in one of these boxes. 146 00:06:04,122 --> 00:06:05,641 [gasps] 147 00:06:12,958 --> 00:06:14,339 Is this heaven? 148 00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:17,411 Wow, look at this collection. 149 00:06:17,446 --> 00:06:21,277 Oh, Doobie Brothers, King Crimson. 150 00:06:21,311 --> 00:06:23,106 Oh, Cheap Trick... hello! 151 00:06:23,141 --> 00:06:24,142 You like vinyl? 152 00:06:24,176 --> 00:06:25,143 Oh, yeah. 153 00:06:25,177 --> 00:06:26,455 Check this out. 154 00:06:36,706 --> 00:06:40,296 Is that a Shirendorff 1280 turntable? 155 00:06:40,330 --> 00:06:41,608 1290. 156 00:06:41,642 --> 00:06:43,333 [gasps softly] 157 00:06:43,368 --> 00:06:45,957 Why did you say I spit on your burger? 158 00:06:45,991 --> 00:06:47,545 Don't worry about it. 159 00:06:47,579 --> 00:06:48,960 Want to see something funny? 160 00:06:48,994 --> 00:06:51,100 Hey, quit staring at my mom's chest. 161 00:06:51,134 --> 00:06:52,446 What? I'm not. 162 00:06:52,481 --> 00:06:55,035 Malcolm, knock it off!But I-I wasn't... 163 00:06:55,069 --> 00:06:56,933 REESE: Aah, get away from me! 164 00:06:56,968 --> 00:06:58,797 Aah! Get away from me! 165 00:06:58,832 --> 00:07:01,593 Your daughter is biting my son. 166 00:07:01,628 --> 00:07:02,974 Oh, no, they're just playing. 167 00:07:03,008 --> 00:07:06,218 Ow! It hurts! It hurts! Mommy! 168 00:07:07,081 --> 00:07:08,876 [laughing] 169 00:07:10,188 --> 00:07:12,190 Now, honey, if you want to breathe, 170 00:07:12,224 --> 00:07:15,227 you're going to have to open your mouth and let go of my son. 171 00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:17,506 What are you doing? 172 00:07:17,540 --> 00:07:19,335 Just a little trick I picked up. 173 00:07:19,369 --> 00:07:21,924 How dare you touch my daughter. 174 00:07:21,958 --> 00:07:23,304 She was gnawing on my son. 175 00:07:23,339 --> 00:07:25,030 If you're not going to control her... 176 00:07:25,065 --> 00:07:26,791 Are you questioning my parenting? 177 00:07:26,825 --> 00:07:28,862 I don't know. I haven't seen it yet. 178 00:07:28,896 --> 00:07:31,796 How nice. This from a woman raising a pervert. 179 00:07:31,830 --> 00:07:33,211 Where was he supposed to look? 180 00:07:33,245 --> 00:07:34,971 You got 'em laid out like a couple eggs on a plate. 181 00:07:35,006 --> 00:07:36,490 I wasn't...Emily, Josh, 182 00:07:36,525 --> 00:07:38,009 I don't want you playing 183 00:07:38,043 --> 00:07:39,873 with these awful children anymore. 184 00:07:39,907 --> 00:07:41,840 Hey, my...! Well, they may be awful, 185 00:07:41,875 --> 00:07:44,705 but they're a hell of a lot better than your two brats. 186 00:07:57,615 --> 00:08:02,102 HAL AND MIKE: ♪ Whoa! Cherokee People! 187 00:08:02,136 --> 00:08:03,448 ♪ Ow! 188 00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:05,692 ♪ Cherokee Tribe... 189 00:08:12,250 --> 00:08:13,216 [grunts] 190 00:08:13,251 --> 00:08:14,390 A little help? 191 00:08:18,601 --> 00:08:20,776 [chuckles] This is nice. 192 00:08:20,810 --> 00:08:22,536 Yeah. You know, you may not believe this, 193 00:08:22,571 --> 00:08:25,781 but you're the first neighbor friend I've ever had. 194 00:08:25,815 --> 00:08:27,023 No way.Yeah. 195 00:08:27,058 --> 00:08:28,577 In fact, you're the first guy who's ever been 196 00:08:28,611 --> 00:08:29,923 back here that didn't work for the power company. 197 00:08:29,957 --> 00:08:32,373 Actually, I have a confession to make. 198 00:08:32,408 --> 00:08:34,893 I don't have many male friends myself. 199 00:08:34,928 --> 00:08:36,688 To friendship. 200 00:08:36,722 --> 00:08:38,275 To friendship. 201 00:08:43,764 --> 00:08:44,903 I'm straight. 202 00:08:44,938 --> 00:08:46,629 Me, too. 203 00:08:46,664 --> 00:08:48,976 Malcolm, what's going on? 204 00:08:49,011 --> 00:08:50,806 Get away. I'm not talking to you. 205 00:08:50,840 --> 00:08:51,738 Why? What'd I do? 206 00:08:51,772 --> 00:08:53,705 You keep telling lies about me. 207 00:08:53,740 --> 00:08:55,569 Come on, man. It's just a joke. 208 00:08:55,604 --> 00:08:57,709 I-I didn't know you were so sensitive. 209 00:08:57,744 --> 00:08:58,814 Excuse me. 210 00:08:58,848 --> 00:09:01,057 My friend here thinks you're really pretty. 211 00:09:01,092 --> 00:09:02,058 No, I don't, I mean... 212 00:09:02,093 --> 00:09:03,750 Come on, Malcolm, just tell her. 213 00:09:03,784 --> 00:09:05,993 Okay, maybe then you'll stop following her around everywhere. 214 00:09:06,028 --> 00:09:09,549 I am telling you, it is not healthy. 215 00:09:11,965 --> 00:09:15,831 Aah! Your mom said to stay away from us! 216 00:09:15,865 --> 00:09:18,040 [laughing] 217 00:09:18,074 --> 00:09:20,318 [Reese screaming] 218 00:09:20,352 --> 00:09:21,526 TINA: Damn it! 219 00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:24,080 Damn it, Hector, not over there! 220 00:09:24,115 --> 00:09:27,049 Are you deaf or stupid or both?! 221 00:09:27,083 --> 00:09:30,224 Could you please try to be a little less useless? 222 00:09:31,053 --> 00:09:32,295 Where is the sun? 223 00:09:32,330 --> 00:09:34,125 Do you see the sun?! 224 00:09:34,159 --> 00:09:37,335 I told you to dig the holes over there! 225 00:09:37,369 --> 00:09:38,681 El sol?! 226 00:09:38,716 --> 00:09:41,857 God, you people drive me nuts with your laziness! 227 00:09:41,891 --> 00:09:44,722 What is the matter with you?! 228 00:09:44,756 --> 00:09:45,964 Excuse me? 229 00:09:45,999 --> 00:09:47,863 You can't talk to him like that! 230 00:09:47,897 --> 00:09:49,002 He's a human being. 231 00:09:49,036 --> 00:09:50,486 You talk to him like 232 00:09:50,520 --> 00:09:51,763 he's some kind of animal. 233 00:09:51,798 --> 00:09:55,353 I will deal with the help the way I want to. 234 00:09:55,387 --> 00:09:58,287 He is not "the help." 235 00:09:59,564 --> 00:10:01,048 He's not a servant or a slave. 236 00:10:01,083 --> 00:10:02,429 He's a professional. 237 00:10:02,463 --> 00:10:04,362 He's a person with a skill-- 238 00:10:04,396 --> 00:10:08,021 a skill you do not have, which is why you hired him! 239 00:10:08,055 --> 00:10:08,987 Oh, for God's sake, 240 00:10:09,022 --> 00:10:11,403 just pick it up! 241 00:10:17,996 --> 00:10:19,584 [screams] 242 00:10:21,275 --> 00:10:23,208 Who does that woman think she is? 243 00:10:23,243 --> 00:10:25,694 Suddenly fake boobs and $50 highlights 244 00:10:25,728 --> 00:10:28,455 allow you to treat other people like dirt? 245 00:10:28,489 --> 00:10:30,250 I tell you, Hal, they are officially 246 00:10:30,284 --> 00:10:31,838 the worst neighbors we've ever had. 247 00:10:31,872 --> 00:10:33,356 Worst neighbors? 248 00:10:33,391 --> 00:10:36,221 Honey, that's not really fair to Mike. 249 00:10:36,256 --> 00:10:38,672 Remember the 70-year-old swingers? 250 00:10:38,707 --> 00:10:40,053 Dad, they're horrible. 251 00:10:40,087 --> 00:10:42,952 Look at what their little piranha did to me. 252 00:10:42,987 --> 00:10:46,576 Every time I go outside, Emily's there, lying in wait. 253 00:10:46,611 --> 00:10:48,855 Yeah, and that kid Josh keeps making up 254 00:10:48,889 --> 00:10:50,546 all these weird lies about me. 255 00:10:50,580 --> 00:10:51,892 He told the whole school 256 00:10:51,927 --> 00:10:54,584 that I was born with both sex organs and raised as a girl 257 00:10:54,619 --> 00:10:55,585 until I was five. 258 00:10:55,620 --> 00:10:58,243 Their gnome wants to eat me. 259 00:10:58,278 --> 00:10:59,382 It's evil. 260 00:10:59,417 --> 00:11:01,695 They're all evil, sweetie. 261 00:11:01,730 --> 00:11:05,872 I think the word everyone is tiptoeing around is "feud." 262 00:11:05,906 --> 00:11:07,943 That's a bit drastic, Reese. 263 00:11:07,977 --> 00:11:10,393 No, Dad, a feud is just what this family needs. 264 00:11:10,428 --> 00:11:12,672 Having a common enemy will hone our skills 265 00:11:12,706 --> 00:11:13,914 and unite us 266 00:11:13,949 --> 00:11:15,640 in a brotherhood of blood. 267 00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:18,816 Look, all I'm saying is that, before we judge them, 268 00:11:18,850 --> 00:11:22,267 maybe we should take a long, hard look at ourselves. 269 00:11:25,788 --> 00:11:27,065 Oh, never mind. 270 00:11:27,100 --> 00:11:30,690 [Emily giggling] 271 00:11:33,589 --> 00:11:35,695 [Emily giggling] 272 00:11:43,979 --> 00:11:45,532 [Emily giggling] 273 00:11:45,566 --> 00:11:47,983 Ow! 274 00:11:48,017 --> 00:11:50,433 No! No! No! 275 00:11:50,468 --> 00:11:53,471 Do you think Colonel North is going to be impressed 276 00:11:53,505 --> 00:11:56,163 by such a sloppy group of cadets? 277 00:11:56,198 --> 00:11:58,718 Now, we are going to do this 278 00:11:58,752 --> 00:12:02,204 and keep doing it until you get it right! 279 00:12:02,238 --> 00:12:04,827 All right, now, once more. 280 00:12:04,862 --> 00:12:06,518 With feeling. 281 00:12:06,553 --> 00:12:07,727 And... 282 00:12:07,761 --> 00:12:10,660 ♪ Candy Man 283 00:12:10,695 --> 00:12:11,938 ♪ Hey! 284 00:12:11,972 --> 00:12:15,286 ♪ Candy Man 285 00:12:15,320 --> 00:12:17,598 ♪ Who can take a sunrise 286 00:12:17,633 --> 00:12:19,152 ♪ Who can take a sunrise♪ 287 00:12:19,186 --> 00:12:22,742 ♪ Sprinkle it with dew ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh♪ 288 00:12:22,776 --> 00:12:26,193 ♪ Cover it with choc'late and a miracle or two ♪ 289 00:12:26,228 --> 00:12:27,816 ♪ Candy Man 290 00:12:27,850 --> 00:12:30,128 ♪ Candy Man♪ 291 00:12:30,163 --> 00:12:32,303 ♪ Oh, the Candy Man can 292 00:12:32,337 --> 00:12:33,787 ♪ The Candy Man can♪ 293 00:12:33,822 --> 00:12:34,961 ♪ The Candy Man can 294 00:12:34,995 --> 00:12:37,170 ♪ 'Cause he mixes it with love 295 00:12:37,204 --> 00:12:39,724 ♪ And makes the world taste good ♪ 296 00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:41,312 ♪ Oh, oh, oh♪ 297 00:12:41,346 --> 00:12:43,003 ♪ The Candy Man makes 298 00:12:43,038 --> 00:12:44,660 ♪ Everything he bakes 299 00:12:44,694 --> 00:12:47,214 ♪ Satisfying and delicious 300 00:12:47,249 --> 00:12:49,009 ♪ Do-do-do-do-do-do...♪ 301 00:12:49,044 --> 00:12:52,530 ♪ Talk about your childhood wishes ♪ 302 00:12:52,564 --> 00:12:55,671 ♪ You can even eat the dishes. 303 00:12:55,705 --> 00:12:59,088 [scatting] 304 00:13:03,403 --> 00:13:04,853 She's out there. 305 00:13:04,887 --> 00:13:06,337 Who? 306 00:13:06,371 --> 00:13:08,926 Emily-- the Demon Child. 307 00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:10,824 She's everywhere. 308 00:13:10,859 --> 00:13:14,724 No matter where I go or what I do, she's there. 309 00:13:14,759 --> 00:13:16,209 I'm going crazy. 310 00:13:16,243 --> 00:13:18,556 Aren't you the one who wanted a feud? 311 00:13:18,590 --> 00:13:21,248 Malcolm, you know I don't think things through. 312 00:13:21,283 --> 00:13:23,043 How am I supposed to fight her? 313 00:13:23,078 --> 00:13:24,631 I can't hit her. 314 00:13:24,665 --> 00:13:27,945 I can't do anything to her, and she knows it. 315 00:13:27,979 --> 00:13:29,739 I'm completely defenseless. 316 00:13:29,774 --> 00:13:31,293 Reese, she's four. 317 00:13:31,327 --> 00:13:33,019 You're bigger and smarter than... 318 00:13:33,053 --> 00:13:34,744 Well, you're bigger. 319 00:13:34,779 --> 00:13:37,264 LOIS: Malcolm, would you come out here, please? 320 00:13:39,473 --> 00:13:42,166 Malcolm, these people would like a word with you. 321 00:13:51,451 --> 00:13:53,384 We've had a report that you've been seen prowling 322 00:13:53,418 --> 00:13:55,973 in the neighbors' yards and peeking in their windows. 323 00:13:56,007 --> 00:13:56,870 What? 324 00:13:56,905 --> 00:13:58,147 So you've decided 325 00:13:58,182 --> 00:14:00,218 to become a Peeping Tom? 326 00:14:00,253 --> 00:14:01,564 A Peeping Tom?! 327 00:14:01,599 --> 00:14:02,876 But I didn't do it. 328 00:14:02,911 --> 00:14:04,740 Why would I want to look in anybody's windows? 329 00:14:04,774 --> 00:14:06,500 Have you seen the people in this neighborhood? 330 00:14:06,535 --> 00:14:08,330 Peeping isn't about looks, son. 331 00:14:08,364 --> 00:14:10,677 It's about the thrill and exhilaration 332 00:14:10,711 --> 00:14:13,645 of observing someone without their knowledge. 333 00:14:26,210 --> 00:14:28,177 [rock clinking against glass] 334 00:14:32,526 --> 00:14:35,253 [can opens] 335 00:14:37,635 --> 00:14:38,912 You still have to go to Dayton? 336 00:14:38,947 --> 00:14:42,260 Yeah, but it's only a couple of days. 337 00:14:42,295 --> 00:14:44,814 How was your presentation? 338 00:14:44,849 --> 00:14:47,403 Oh, great. Your joke killed. 339 00:14:48,404 --> 00:14:49,854 Look at us. 340 00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:52,477 We've been reduced to sneaking around at night. 341 00:14:52,512 --> 00:14:55,791 A man should be able to talk to his best friend in daylight. 342 00:14:55,825 --> 00:14:58,173 Did you say "best"? 343 00:15:00,934 --> 00:15:02,660 I should go. 344 00:15:19,884 --> 00:15:21,990 This has been going on for days. 345 00:15:22,024 --> 00:15:25,959 I can't believe everybody fell for Josh's stupid lie. 346 00:15:25,994 --> 00:15:29,652 Maybe if I just ignore it for a while, it'll go away. 347 00:15:29,687 --> 00:15:32,069 People have short memories, right? 348 00:15:32,103 --> 00:15:35,900 ♪ Late at night, when you're sleeping ♪ 349 00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:37,557 ♪ That's when Malcolm 350 00:15:37,591 --> 00:15:40,042 ♪ Comes a-peeping 351 00:15:40,077 --> 00:15:41,181 ♪ You better watch out 352 00:15:41,216 --> 00:15:42,527 ♪ You better beware 353 00:15:42,562 --> 00:15:45,530 ♪ Or Malcolm will see your underwear. ♪ 354 00:15:45,565 --> 00:15:47,325 What are you doing? Where did you learn that? 355 00:15:47,360 --> 00:15:48,740 At school. 356 00:15:48,775 --> 00:15:51,053 ♪ One, two, three, four 357 00:15:51,088 --> 00:15:52,710 ♪ Malcolm's at your bedroom door ♪ 358 00:15:52,744 --> 00:15:54,160 ♪ Five, six, seven... 359 00:15:56,714 --> 00:15:58,095 Oh, my God! 360 00:15:58,129 --> 00:16:00,545 What are you doing?! 361 00:16:01,305 --> 00:16:04,791 These are our hedges! 362 00:16:04,825 --> 00:16:07,621 This is the property line! 363 00:16:07,656 --> 00:16:11,384 The property line! The property line! 364 00:16:11,418 --> 00:16:14,283 You can't cross the property line! 365 00:16:14,318 --> 00:16:15,422 I can see you! 366 00:16:15,457 --> 00:16:17,217 Don't think you can hide from me! 367 00:16:17,252 --> 00:16:18,529 What don't you come out here 368 00:16:18,563 --> 00:16:20,738 and apologize to me like an adult?! 369 00:16:20,772 --> 00:16:22,119 Oh! 370 00:16:22,153 --> 00:16:26,123 Oh, that's real mature. 371 00:16:26,157 --> 00:16:30,092 Don't think you can get rid of me so easy! 372 00:16:36,271 --> 00:16:37,651 Fine. 373 00:16:37,686 --> 00:16:40,240 That's the way you want it to be? 374 00:16:40,275 --> 00:16:44,037 You'll get these back when you fix my hedges! 375 00:16:54,875 --> 00:16:58,500 [screaming] 376 00:16:58,534 --> 00:16:59,949 What's going on? 377 00:16:59,984 --> 00:17:01,468 We're on our fifth rendition of "Candy Man." 378 00:17:01,503 --> 00:17:02,538 Where is Spangler? 379 00:17:02,573 --> 00:17:03,505 He says he's not ready. 380 00:17:03,539 --> 00:17:04,471 What's he trying to do? 381 00:17:04,506 --> 00:17:05,679 Make a fashionable entrance? 382 00:17:05,714 --> 00:17:08,060 North's been waiting for dinner for 45 minutes. 383 00:17:08,096 --> 00:17:10,650 He's going to fill up on cheese and crackers. 384 00:17:14,723 --> 00:17:15,689 Huh? 385 00:17:15,723 --> 00:17:16,932 Are you all right, sir? 386 00:17:16,965 --> 00:17:21,074 I am a little under the weather. 387 00:17:21,108 --> 00:17:23,007 You're drunk, sir. 388 00:17:23,041 --> 00:17:25,215 That could be why. 389 00:17:25,251 --> 00:17:29,048 I was a tad nervous about Colonel North's visit. 390 00:17:29,082 --> 00:17:32,189 I thought that a little nip of something might help. 391 00:17:32,223 --> 00:17:34,467 That, and seven or eight belts of Scotch. 392 00:17:34,501 --> 00:17:36,917 Let's get you dressed. 393 00:17:36,952 --> 00:17:38,954 And attached. 394 00:17:38,988 --> 00:17:42,716 The man is a national hero. 395 00:17:42,751 --> 00:17:44,373 He has done so many things 396 00:17:44,408 --> 00:17:47,825 and I have done so little. 397 00:17:47,859 --> 00:17:51,484 I don't deserve to breathe the same air as that great man. 398 00:17:51,518 --> 00:17:52,864 Don't talk like that, sir. 399 00:17:52,899 --> 00:17:54,142 No! 400 00:17:54,176 --> 00:17:56,075 I'm a worm. 401 00:17:56,109 --> 00:17:58,318 Cadet, I'm a worm. 402 00:17:58,353 --> 00:18:01,770 I belong on the floor with the other worms. 403 00:18:01,804 --> 00:18:04,669 Sir, get up. 404 00:18:04,704 --> 00:18:07,258 Sir, please stop wriggling. 405 00:18:07,293 --> 00:18:08,742 [snores] 406 00:18:08,777 --> 00:18:09,985 Sir? 407 00:18:12,229 --> 00:18:14,196 Look, we just sneak over the fence, 408 00:18:14,231 --> 00:18:16,095 plant the stolen goods under Josh's window, 409 00:18:16,129 --> 00:18:18,097 and make an anonymous phone call to the police 410 00:18:18,131 --> 00:18:19,857 from Stevie's house. 411 00:18:19,891 --> 00:18:22,239 Yeah, I know it's stupid, but I'm too desperate to care. 412 00:18:22,273 --> 00:18:24,448 Are you sure this is going to work? 413 00:18:24,482 --> 00:18:25,759 If there's one thing I've learned, 414 00:18:25,794 --> 00:18:27,382 it's you can't clear your own name. 415 00:18:27,416 --> 00:18:29,038 You can only ruin someone else's. 416 00:18:29,073 --> 00:18:30,247 Yeah, but... Trust me. 417 00:18:30,281 --> 00:18:31,386 I've thought of everything. 418 00:18:31,420 --> 00:18:33,215 Everyone's going to think Josh is a thief. 419 00:18:33,250 --> 00:18:35,355 His parents are going to be tied up in court 420 00:18:35,390 --> 00:18:37,564 and Emily's going to be thrown in a foster home 421 00:18:37,599 --> 00:18:39,118 where she'll bite her foster parents, 422 00:18:39,152 --> 00:18:41,154 who will then leave her at a rest stop somewhere, 423 00:18:41,189 --> 00:18:42,742 and she can spend the rest of her life 424 00:18:42,776 --> 00:18:44,640 biting hillbillies on the interstate. 425 00:18:44,675 --> 00:18:46,228 Okay. 426 00:18:52,027 --> 00:18:53,822 [grunting] 427 00:18:57,412 --> 00:18:59,586 [giggling] 428 00:18:59,621 --> 00:19:02,279 My God, you people are handsome. 429 00:19:04,833 --> 00:19:06,973 [screams] 430 00:19:07,007 --> 00:19:09,976 Dios mío! 431 00:19:10,010 --> 00:19:12,392 [screaming] 432 00:19:15,050 --> 00:19:16,189 Oh, oh! 433 00:19:16,224 --> 00:19:18,847 Oh, you little monsters! 434 00:19:25,302 --> 00:19:28,374 He's teaching me to swim. 435 00:19:30,376 --> 00:19:32,757 I can't believe after all he put us through, 436 00:19:32,792 --> 00:19:33,724 Spangler ends up getting drunk 437 00:19:33,758 --> 00:19:34,897 and standing up the colonel. 438 00:19:34,932 --> 00:19:36,416 Yeah, that was creepy 439 00:19:36,451 --> 00:19:38,211 the way he was wriggling around on the floor like that, 440 00:19:38,246 --> 00:19:39,488 calling for his mother. 441 00:19:39,523 --> 00:19:40,869 I'll go check on him. 442 00:19:44,044 --> 00:19:45,114 Sir? 443 00:19:45,149 --> 00:19:46,564 Who's there? 444 00:19:46,599 --> 00:19:49,222 Uh, just me, sir. 445 00:19:51,742 --> 00:19:53,295 What time is it? 446 00:19:53,330 --> 00:19:55,263 Colonel North should be here any minute. 447 00:19:55,297 --> 00:19:57,092 It's morning, sir. 448 00:19:57,126 --> 00:19:58,783 You, you already missed reveille. 449 00:19:58,818 --> 00:20:02,442 Oh, my God. 450 00:20:02,477 --> 00:20:05,411 Oh, my God. 451 00:20:06,998 --> 00:20:11,210 The one chance I had to be face-to-face with my hero, 452 00:20:11,244 --> 00:20:15,628 and I slept through his visit? 453 00:20:15,662 --> 00:20:17,216 Slept through his visit, sir? 454 00:20:17,250 --> 00:20:19,390 You guys were up all night talking. 455 00:20:19,425 --> 00:20:21,358 We did? 456 00:20:21,392 --> 00:20:23,049 Yeah, you really hit it off. 457 00:20:23,083 --> 00:20:24,568 He told you to call him Ollie. 458 00:20:24,602 --> 00:20:26,501 Really?Don't you remember? 459 00:20:26,535 --> 00:20:30,367 You two were joking and laughing like old friends. 460 00:20:30,401 --> 00:20:33,646 And drinking Scotch, lots and lots of Scotch. 461 00:20:33,680 --> 00:20:37,028 Yes, we did, didn't we? 462 00:20:37,063 --> 00:20:38,478 If I may say so, sir, 463 00:20:38,513 --> 00:20:40,687 you were the happiest I have ever seen you. 464 00:20:40,722 --> 00:20:44,691 Well, you may... you may. 465 00:20:44,726 --> 00:20:49,731 Now, if you will excuse me, I have to get myself ready. 466 00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:54,632 Dude, that was classy. 467 00:20:54,667 --> 00:20:55,875 Thanks. 468 00:20:55,909 --> 00:20:57,532 So when do we get back the pictures 469 00:20:57,566 --> 00:20:58,636 of him in the negligee? 470 00:20:58,671 --> 00:20:59,741 Wednesday. 471 00:20:59,775 --> 00:21:00,949 Poster size takes two days. 472 00:21:02,813 --> 00:21:05,298 Hey, I'm really sorry about you and Tina. 473 00:21:07,473 --> 00:21:09,060 What's this? 474 00:21:09,095 --> 00:21:10,338 A mix tape. 475 00:21:21,935 --> 00:21:23,834 [indistinct voices] 476 00:21:25,180 --> 00:21:26,664 Hey. 477 00:21:26,699 --> 00:21:29,840 Hi, neighbor. Steve Jenkins. 478 00:21:29,874 --> 00:21:31,600 Sorry, Steve. 479 00:21:31,635 --> 00:21:34,051 It's just too soon for me.