1 00:00:34,599 --> 00:00:36,123 Give me that. 2 00:00:43,217 --> 00:00:44,696 It never gets old. 3 00:00:44,740 --> 00:00:46,872 [choking and spitting] 4 00:00:46,916 --> 00:00:50,267 ♪ Yes, no, maybe 5 00:00:50,311 --> 00:00:52,965 ♪ I don't know 6 00:00:53,009 --> 00:00:56,099 ♪ Can you repeat the question? 7 00:00:56,143 --> 00:00:58,580 ♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪ 8 00:00:58,623 --> 00:01:00,973 ♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪ 9 00:01:01,017 --> 00:01:02,105 ♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪ 10 00:01:02,149 --> 00:01:05,369 ♪ And you're not so big 11 00:01:05,413 --> 00:01:07,893 ♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪ 12 00:01:07,937 --> 00:01:09,939 ♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪ 13 00:01:09,982 --> 00:01:11,114 ♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪ 14 00:01:11,158 --> 00:01:15,249 ♪ And you're not so big 15 00:01:15,292 --> 00:01:19,122 ♪ Life is unfair. 16 00:01:27,304 --> 00:01:28,392 Mom, what are you doing? 17 00:01:28,436 --> 00:01:29,828 For crying out loud, Malcolm, 18 00:01:29,872 --> 00:01:32,831 why am I paying for underpants that you're not wearing? 19 00:01:32,875 --> 00:01:33,832 Mom. 20 00:01:33,876 --> 00:01:36,487 Why are you not wearing your underpants? 21 00:01:36,531 --> 00:01:38,402 I want to wear boxers. 22 00:01:38,446 --> 00:01:39,403 Oh, really? 23 00:01:39,447 --> 00:01:40,404 Well, you may think 24 00:01:40,448 --> 00:01:42,276 you suddenly need all the extra room, 25 00:01:42,319 --> 00:01:43,407 but let me tell you, my dear, 26 00:01:43,451 --> 00:01:46,106 you are getting way ahead of yourself. 27 00:01:48,195 --> 00:01:53,243 Just once, I'd like a childhood memory I don't have to repress. 28 00:01:58,988 --> 00:02:01,425 Do you think maybe Dewey's 29 00:02:01,469 --> 00:02:03,427 getting a little old for stuffed animals? 30 00:02:06,387 --> 00:02:10,565 Maybe we should start thinking about weaning him off Domingo. 31 00:02:10,608 --> 00:02:13,394 I guess that part of his childhood is over. 32 00:02:13,437 --> 00:02:15,570 So sad. 33 00:02:15,613 --> 00:02:17,615 Our little baby is growing up. 34 00:02:17,659 --> 00:02:19,835 Give me that. 35 00:02:21,576 --> 00:02:23,055 Hey, 36 00:02:23,099 --> 00:02:25,406 check out the new kid. 37 00:02:25,449 --> 00:02:28,235 STEVIE: Fresh... 38 00:02:28,278 --> 00:02:29,627 meat. 39 00:02:29,671 --> 00:02:32,282 You no longer have to live in fear. 40 00:02:32,326 --> 00:02:34,110 What are you talking about? 41 00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:36,678 The hazing we put you through is over. 42 00:02:36,721 --> 00:02:37,766 What hazing? 43 00:02:37,809 --> 00:02:38,767 Oh, come on. 44 00:02:38,810 --> 00:02:41,465 When we gave you the warped lunch tray? 45 00:02:42,945 --> 00:02:44,947 When we dulled the points on your pencils? 46 00:02:46,253 --> 00:02:48,646 When you sneezed and no one said "Bless you"? 47 00:02:48,690 --> 00:02:50,648 I still feel bad about that. 48 00:02:50,692 --> 00:02:53,651 Now she's taking your place as the whipping boy. 49 00:02:53,695 --> 00:02:55,262 You know, you guys get dumped on and tortured 50 00:02:55,305 --> 00:02:56,915 by the entire school. 51 00:02:56,959 --> 00:02:59,309 Why would you want to do it to someone else? 52 00:02:59,353 --> 00:03:00,832 [mumbles "I don't know"] 53 00:03:00,876 --> 00:03:03,183 You guys don't even know this girl. Maybe she's nice. 54 00:03:05,489 --> 00:03:06,708 Hi. 55 00:03:06,751 --> 00:03:07,709 I'm Malcolm. 56 00:03:07,752 --> 00:03:09,276 Cynthia. 57 00:03:09,319 --> 00:03:10,712 So, you're new here. 58 00:03:10,755 --> 00:03:14,281 Yeah... my dad wanted to get away from Manhattan, 59 00:03:14,324 --> 00:03:16,021 but I think the real reason is 60 00:03:16,065 --> 00:03:17,588 that my mom's remarriage hit him pretty hard 61 00:03:17,632 --> 00:03:19,721 and he thinks that a new environment would help. 62 00:03:19,764 --> 00:03:21,462 The truth is, nothing's been the same 63 00:03:21,505 --> 00:03:24,204 since my brother died in the boating accident. 64 00:03:25,988 --> 00:03:28,425 [laughing]: Just kidding. 65 00:03:28,469 --> 00:03:30,122 What? 66 00:03:30,166 --> 00:03:33,343 Get... a room. 67 00:03:33,387 --> 00:03:34,431 [laughing] 68 00:03:34,475 --> 00:03:36,607 Anyway, I'll see you later 69 00:03:36,651 --> 00:03:39,523 and I'm glad your brother's okay. 70 00:03:39,567 --> 00:03:41,438 I don't have a brother. 71 00:04:02,024 --> 00:04:07,508 Cadets, apparently one of you felt the compelling need 72 00:04:07,551 --> 00:04:13,992 to take my '37 Stutz Bearcat for a joyride in a cornfield. 73 00:04:14,036 --> 00:04:17,168 You may be sure the responsible party 74 00:04:17,213 --> 00:04:19,519 will be disciplined. 75 00:04:19,563 --> 00:04:20,956 Now, I know 76 00:04:20,999 --> 00:04:25,177 in the past I have resorted to grueling midnight hikes 77 00:04:25,221 --> 00:04:27,441 through leech- infested swamps 78 00:04:27,484 --> 00:04:30,879 or the repetitive digging and filling of ditches, 79 00:04:30,922 --> 00:04:32,402 et cetera, et cetera. 80 00:04:32,446 --> 00:04:35,144 But things have changed. 81 00:04:35,187 --> 00:04:37,407 Due to a recent court decision 82 00:04:37,451 --> 00:04:40,497 involving corporal punishment, 83 00:04:40,541 --> 00:04:46,416 a loophole has allowed me to unretire "Old Hickory." 84 00:04:50,072 --> 00:04:52,248 [whooshing] 85 00:04:56,296 --> 00:05:00,343 Mmm. He hungers for the sting 86 00:05:00,387 --> 00:05:02,519 of insolent flesh. 87 00:05:02,563 --> 00:05:03,564 [buzzing] 88 00:05:07,611 --> 00:05:08,569 Hi, Dad. 89 00:05:08,612 --> 00:05:10,222 Oh, hey, son. What's up? 90 00:05:10,266 --> 00:05:12,268 I need a little favor. 91 00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:14,183 Oh, I'll try. What do you need? 92 00:05:14,226 --> 00:05:16,490 An alibi. If anyone asks, you just have to say 93 00:05:16,533 --> 00:05:18,361 we were on a father-son fishing trip yesterday. 94 00:05:18,405 --> 00:05:19,362 What did you do? 95 00:05:19,406 --> 00:05:20,363 Really, Dad, 96 00:05:20,407 --> 00:05:21,582 do the specifics matter? 97 00:05:21,625 --> 00:05:23,366 I mean, you have to do this for me. 98 00:05:23,410 --> 00:05:25,281 I am not going to lie for you. 99 00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:27,631 Okay, I'm calling in my chit. 100 00:05:27,675 --> 00:05:30,242 What chit?You know, the one-time thing. 101 00:05:30,286 --> 00:05:32,244 I just call it in and you do it, no questions asked. 102 00:05:32,288 --> 00:05:35,160 That doesn't exist, Francis.Dad. 103 00:05:35,204 --> 00:05:36,379 No, I'm sorry, son, I can't help you. 104 00:05:36,423 --> 00:05:38,250 You're gonna have to face the consequences 105 00:05:38,294 --> 00:05:39,382 of your actions like a grown-up. 106 00:05:39,426 --> 00:05:43,604 All I have to say is, I am very disappointed in you. 107 00:05:43,647 --> 00:05:45,083 Was that Francis? 108 00:05:45,127 --> 00:05:46,302 How's he doing? 109 00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:47,608 Good. He... he, uh... 110 00:05:47,651 --> 00:05:50,306 just got a "B" on his history final. 111 00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:51,568 Good for him. 112 00:05:51,612 --> 00:05:53,091 You know, this is the longest he's ever gone 113 00:05:53,135 --> 00:05:54,441 without getting into any kind of trouble. 114 00:05:54,484 --> 00:05:56,573 Maybe things are finally starting to turn around. 115 00:06:06,670 --> 00:06:10,674 So, why are you here so late? 116 00:06:10,718 --> 00:06:12,807 I had to use the school computer. 117 00:06:12,850 --> 00:06:14,548 Why are you here so late? 118 00:06:14,591 --> 00:06:16,288 I really liked what you said in class 119 00:06:16,332 --> 00:06:18,682 about the search for intelligent life in the universe. 120 00:06:18,726 --> 00:06:20,249 And you waited out here to tell me that? 121 00:06:20,292 --> 00:06:21,468 You know, I was thinking, 122 00:06:21,511 --> 00:06:22,425 why are we even bothering 123 00:06:22,469 --> 00:06:24,296 to send signals into deep space? 124 00:06:24,340 --> 00:06:26,429 If we do make contact with extraterrestrials, 125 00:06:26,473 --> 00:06:28,475 we'll probably just wind up doing their laundry. 126 00:06:28,518 --> 00:06:29,780 [laughs] 127 00:06:29,824 --> 00:06:30,825 Just kidding. 128 00:06:30,868 --> 00:06:33,567 So, what's it like having a brother? 129 00:06:33,610 --> 00:06:34,611 I don't know. 130 00:06:34,655 --> 00:06:37,440 Well, I've got to go home now. Bye. 131 00:06:37,484 --> 00:06:38,746 Bye. 132 00:06:53,717 --> 00:06:55,502 What's going on? 133 00:06:55,545 --> 00:06:57,460 Some weird new girl from school 134 00:06:57,504 --> 00:06:59,027 actually followed me home. 135 00:06:59,070 --> 00:07:00,594 Really? Is she cute? 136 00:07:00,637 --> 00:07:03,466 Hey, is this what that whole boxer shorts thing is all about? 137 00:07:03,510 --> 00:07:06,077 Mom, please don't. 138 00:07:07,949 --> 00:07:09,603 Hi. 139 00:07:10,865 --> 00:07:12,040 Thank you again for inviting me. 140 00:07:12,083 --> 00:07:13,302 LOIS: Oh, you're welcome. 141 00:07:13,345 --> 00:07:14,477 If my son weren't such 142 00:07:14,521 --> 00:07:15,739 an unforgivably rude little pig, 143 00:07:15,783 --> 00:07:17,480 he would have invited you himself. 144 00:07:17,524 --> 00:07:19,482 You be nicer to her. 145 00:07:19,526 --> 00:07:21,310 She obviously has no friends at all. 146 00:07:21,353 --> 00:07:22,659 Malcolm, would you ask your girlfriend 147 00:07:22,703 --> 00:07:23,704 to pass the potatoes? 148 00:07:25,357 --> 00:07:29,361 Malcolm, would you thank your girlfriend for me? 149 00:07:30,537 --> 00:07:32,974 So, Cynthia, you're in Malcolm's class. 150 00:07:33,017 --> 00:07:33,888 Yeah. 151 00:07:35,759 --> 00:07:37,761 Huh. 152 00:07:37,805 --> 00:07:40,503 Malcolm, would you ask your girlfriend 153 00:07:40,547 --> 00:07:41,765 if she would like some peas? 154 00:07:41,809 --> 00:07:43,332 We get it. 155 00:07:43,375 --> 00:07:46,770 Thank you, Mr. Chicken, for giving up your life 156 00:07:46,814 --> 00:07:48,555 so that I can continue to live. 157 00:07:48,598 --> 00:07:49,773 What are you doing? 158 00:07:49,817 --> 00:07:51,558 I know if someone killed me and ate me, 159 00:07:51,601 --> 00:07:53,777 I'd like them to at least say thank you. 160 00:07:53,821 --> 00:07:54,778 [phone rings] 161 00:07:54,822 --> 00:07:56,954 Hello. 162 00:07:56,998 --> 00:07:59,870 This is Commandant Spangler from the Marlin Academy. 163 00:07:59,914 --> 00:08:00,915 Oh, yes. 164 00:08:00,958 --> 00:08:01,872 Sorry to disturb you. 165 00:08:01,916 --> 00:08:03,439 I'm just calling because 166 00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:05,093 we had an incident up here last weekend, 167 00:08:05,136 --> 00:08:06,660 and I've done a thorough investigation, 168 00:08:06,703 --> 00:08:08,357 and it appears your son Francis 169 00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:10,533 is a prime suspect. 170 00:08:10,577 --> 00:08:11,665 Well, that's impossible 171 00:08:11,708 --> 00:08:13,797 because he was with me last weekend. 172 00:08:13,841 --> 00:08:15,669 He was? 173 00:08:15,712 --> 00:08:18,323 Yes. Yes, we went fishing. 174 00:08:18,367 --> 00:08:18,976 You're sure? 175 00:08:19,020 --> 00:08:20,369 Smallmouth bass. 176 00:08:20,412 --> 00:08:21,675 Boy, those babies'll fight you. 177 00:08:21,718 --> 00:08:23,546 Yeah, I got the fish to prove it. 178 00:08:23,590 --> 00:08:25,548 You know, I should send you some. 179 00:08:25,592 --> 00:08:26,418 No, that's quite all right. 180 00:08:26,462 --> 00:08:27,594 No, I insist. 181 00:08:27,637 --> 00:08:30,597 Yeah, I got a freezer full of 'em. 182 00:08:34,861 --> 00:08:36,777 Okay, where's Domingo? 183 00:08:37,734 --> 00:08:39,823 Come on, I can smell him. 184 00:08:39,866 --> 00:08:41,650 Honey, do you think 185 00:08:41,695 --> 00:08:44,741 I just took Domingo away from you 186 00:08:44,785 --> 00:08:45,612 because I'm mean? 187 00:08:45,655 --> 00:08:46,961 Absolutely. 188 00:08:47,004 --> 00:08:47,918 Dewey, the reason 189 00:08:47,962 --> 00:08:49,833 I had to take your teddy bear away 190 00:08:49,877 --> 00:08:50,921 is because he's very dirty. 191 00:08:50,965 --> 00:08:52,357 He's covered with germs 192 00:08:52,401 --> 00:08:54,229 and he could make you very sick. 193 00:08:54,272 --> 00:08:55,578 He wouldn't do that. 194 00:08:55,622 --> 00:08:56,797 He loves me. 195 00:08:56,840 --> 00:08:58,581 It's the germs, sweetie. 196 00:08:58,625 --> 00:09:01,366 There're tiny bugs carrying disease, 197 00:09:01,410 --> 00:09:02,759 and Domingo is covered with them. 198 00:09:02,803 --> 00:09:04,848 Now, when you touch him, they get on your hands, 199 00:09:04,892 --> 00:09:07,503 and what do you suppose happens if you touch your eyes? 200 00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:08,852 Well, I'll tell you what happens. 201 00:09:08,896 --> 00:09:11,594 The germs get in there and they infect them, 202 00:09:11,638 --> 00:09:12,856 and you get very sick 203 00:09:12,900 --> 00:09:14,684 and eventually your optic nerve rots away 204 00:09:14,728 --> 00:09:16,860 and your eyes fall out. 205 00:09:16,904 --> 00:09:19,210 Now, if you want to keep Domingo, you can. 206 00:09:19,254 --> 00:09:23,040 But if you want to keep your eyes, you'll give Domingo to me. 207 00:09:24,781 --> 00:09:28,655 You made the smart choice, sweetie. 208 00:09:29,873 --> 00:09:31,919 Sleep tight. 209 00:09:35,879 --> 00:09:37,315 Hey, Malcolm. 210 00:09:37,359 --> 00:09:39,187 I want to sit alone. 211 00:09:39,230 --> 00:09:40,188 Yeah, hi. 212 00:09:40,231 --> 00:09:42,059 So, I signed us up as lab partners. 213 00:09:42,103 --> 00:09:43,104 You know, Cynthia, 214 00:09:43,147 --> 00:09:45,410 you're spending all your time with me. 215 00:09:45,454 --> 00:09:47,021 Maybe it'd be a good thing 216 00:09:47,064 --> 00:09:48,979 if you branched out a little bit? 217 00:09:49,023 --> 00:09:50,807 Just seemed like a good idea. 218 00:09:50,851 --> 00:09:52,243 We get along so well, 219 00:09:52,287 --> 00:09:55,072 I just thought we've got a good thing going. 220 00:09:55,116 --> 00:09:56,465 "Thing"? 221 00:09:56,508 --> 00:09:57,466 Ooh, Malcolm, 222 00:09:57,509 --> 00:09:58,989 having lunch with your girlfriend? 223 00:09:59,033 --> 00:10:00,687 She's not my girlfriend. 224 00:10:00,730 --> 00:10:01,688 Oh, I don't know. 225 00:10:01,731 --> 00:10:02,993 I think I see a spark. 226 00:10:03,037 --> 00:10:03,994 Boop. 227 00:10:04,038 --> 00:10:05,343 Please don't touch me. 228 00:10:05,387 --> 00:10:06,780 Yeah, that'll work. 229 00:10:06,823 --> 00:10:09,043 Oh, she doesn't like to be touched. 230 00:10:09,086 --> 00:10:12,699 Well, then, maybe I'll do this. Ow! 231 00:10:12,742 --> 00:10:17,442 Now, say your body is composed entirely of snot. 232 00:10:17,486 --> 00:10:20,141 My body is composed entirely of snot. 233 00:10:20,184 --> 00:10:21,882 Anything you want to add?I'm good. 234 00:10:21,925 --> 00:10:23,971 [whimpers] 235 00:10:25,712 --> 00:10:26,669 What was that? 236 00:10:26,713 --> 00:10:27,931 It's Krav Maga-- 237 00:10:27,975 --> 00:10:30,891 the official self-defense system of the Israeli army. 238 00:10:30,934 --> 00:10:32,719 Maybe I'll show you sometime 239 00:10:32,762 --> 00:10:35,330 if you think you can handle it. 240 00:10:49,779 --> 00:10:51,302 What's with all the fish? 241 00:10:51,346 --> 00:10:52,913 Oh, nothing, I just did something incredibly stupid 242 00:10:52,956 --> 00:10:54,262 and shortsighted. 243 00:10:54,305 --> 00:10:55,872 You going to put those in the freezer? 244 00:10:55,916 --> 00:10:57,047 Just for tonight. 245 00:10:57,091 --> 00:10:59,920 Tomorrow they go in the mail. 246 00:11:01,965 --> 00:11:02,879 Dewey, what are you doing? 247 00:11:02,923 --> 00:11:04,533 I'm killing the germs. 248 00:11:04,576 --> 00:11:05,969 I hate germs. 249 00:11:06,013 --> 00:11:07,405 Germs are scary. 250 00:11:08,624 --> 00:11:11,583 Don't forget the germs in the oven. 251 00:11:12,628 --> 00:11:14,195 [phone rings]Hello. 252 00:11:14,238 --> 00:11:15,631 You are the best dad ever. 253 00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:16,719 I am not. 254 00:11:16,763 --> 00:11:17,764 I'm a terrible dad. 255 00:11:17,807 --> 00:11:19,722 I never should've lied for you. 256 00:11:19,766 --> 00:11:21,855 Well, the important thing is that this is all behind us 257 00:11:21,898 --> 00:11:23,204 and I've learned my lesson. 258 00:11:23,247 --> 00:11:24,335 What lesson is that? 259 00:11:24,379 --> 00:11:27,338 That you are the best dad ever. 260 00:11:27,382 --> 00:11:30,907 You know, Francis, I don't feel much like talking right now. 261 00:11:30,951 --> 00:11:31,995 [spraying] 262 00:11:35,651 --> 00:11:36,957 Yes, Commandant Spangler, 263 00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:39,089 this is Francis' father. 264 00:11:39,133 --> 00:11:43,746 I'm-I'm afraid I... lied to you. 265 00:11:43,790 --> 00:11:47,228 Francis is the cadet responsible for damaging your car. 266 00:11:47,271 --> 00:11:49,143 I see. 267 00:11:49,186 --> 00:11:50,971 [cadet screaming] 268 00:11:51,014 --> 00:11:55,236 Well, that puts me in somewhat of an awkward position. 269 00:11:55,279 --> 00:11:59,806 You see, the culprit is being disciplined as we speak. 270 00:11:59,849 --> 00:12:01,024 But Francis did it. 271 00:12:01,068 --> 00:12:02,983 You-You're punishing the wrong cadet. 272 00:12:03,026 --> 00:12:04,027 I beg your pardon. 273 00:12:04,071 --> 00:12:06,900 In my 30 years at this academy 274 00:12:06,943 --> 00:12:09,250 I have never caned the wrong cadet. 275 00:12:09,293 --> 00:12:11,992 Sir, did you say "caned"? 276 00:12:12,035 --> 00:12:14,603 No. 277 00:12:14,646 --> 00:12:16,170 Sir... 278 00:12:16,213 --> 00:12:17,475 Consider the matter closed. 279 00:12:17,519 --> 00:12:18,955 But, sir, you... 280 00:12:18,999 --> 00:12:21,610 [cadet screaming] 281 00:12:23,264 --> 00:12:24,787 Take five, fellas. 282 00:12:28,095 --> 00:12:30,053 Yeah, we're having lunch together. 283 00:12:30,097 --> 00:12:31,141 So what? 284 00:12:31,185 --> 00:12:33,230 She likes to sit next to me. 285 00:12:34,405 --> 00:12:36,233 Looks like Lloyd and Dabney are having 286 00:12:36,277 --> 00:12:38,801 a pretty intense conversation. 287 00:12:39,976 --> 00:12:41,238 Did you know I could read lips? 288 00:12:42,457 --> 00:12:44,807 "I've noticed that 80% of my Doritos 289 00:12:44,851 --> 00:12:46,809 are isosceles triangles." 290 00:12:46,853 --> 00:12:48,680 "Wow, I'm impressed. 291 00:12:48,724 --> 00:12:49,899 Want to kiss?" 292 00:12:49,943 --> 00:12:51,858 "I was hoping you'd ask. 293 00:12:51,901 --> 00:12:54,251 Let me finish my sandwich first." 294 00:12:54,295 --> 00:12:55,949 "Waiting is such sweet agony." 295 00:12:55,992 --> 00:12:57,080 [laughs] 296 00:12:57,124 --> 00:12:59,169 "Okay, I'm ready." 297 00:12:59,213 --> 00:13:00,692 "Oh, now I'm not. 298 00:13:00,736 --> 00:13:02,869 I just took a bite of my sandwich." 299 00:13:02,912 --> 00:13:04,218 "Oh, you're such a tease." 300 00:13:11,878 --> 00:13:13,531 [snorts loudly] 301 00:13:17,361 --> 00:13:20,060 Now, if I apply pressure like this for ten seconds, 302 00:13:20,103 --> 00:13:21,322 you'll pass out. 303 00:13:21,365 --> 00:13:23,454 If I do it for 20 seconds, 304 00:13:23,498 --> 00:13:25,021 you'll die of a brain hemorrhage. 305 00:13:25,065 --> 00:13:26,109 Cool. 306 00:13:26,153 --> 00:13:27,807 Okay. 307 00:13:29,156 --> 00:13:31,071 Are you wearing perfume? 308 00:13:31,114 --> 00:13:33,073 Oh, it's my shampoo. 309 00:13:33,116 --> 00:13:35,118 Jasmine. Do you like it? 310 00:13:35,162 --> 00:13:36,990 Well, yeah. It smells good. 311 00:13:37,033 --> 00:13:38,469 It's supposed to get rid of my dandruff, 312 00:13:38,513 --> 00:13:40,645 but I'm not sure it's working. 313 00:13:40,689 --> 00:13:42,343 Here, what do you think? 314 00:13:44,911 --> 00:13:46,086 Malcolm? 315 00:13:46,129 --> 00:13:48,131 [laughing] 316 00:13:48,175 --> 00:13:50,003 Ooh. 317 00:13:51,004 --> 00:13:53,049 [laughs] 318 00:13:56,052 --> 00:13:58,968 Looks like you and Cynthia have some real chemistry. 319 00:13:59,012 --> 00:13:59,926 Would you shut up? 320 00:13:59,969 --> 00:14:03,103 No, see, it-it's a play on words. 321 00:14:03,146 --> 00:14:04,104 I said shut up. 322 00:14:04,147 --> 00:14:05,975 I'll e-mail it to you 323 00:14:06,019 --> 00:14:07,934 and some others, if you don't mind. 324 00:14:07,977 --> 00:14:10,458 So, have you figured out how many words 325 00:14:10,501 --> 00:14:11,720 your phone number makes? 326 00:14:11,763 --> 00:14:12,939 Mine makes five: 327 00:14:12,982 --> 00:14:15,245 Three in English and two in Esperanto. 328 00:14:15,289 --> 00:14:16,943 Just kidding. 329 00:14:16,986 --> 00:14:18,031 You know, if it's a joke 330 00:14:18,074 --> 00:14:19,554 you don't have to say "just kidding." 331 00:14:19,597 --> 00:14:20,947 It's either funny or it isn't. 332 00:14:23,950 --> 00:14:25,516 You know, just because you're cute 333 00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:26,996 doesn't mean you can be rude. 334 00:14:29,999 --> 00:14:31,479 That wasn't rude. 335 00:14:31,522 --> 00:14:32,828 That was... 336 00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:34,177 What's a...? 337 00:14:34,221 --> 00:14:36,049 Did she say I was cute?! 338 00:14:36,092 --> 00:14:38,007 Hi, Malcolm. What's going on? 339 00:14:38,051 --> 00:14:39,139 I just wanted to talk to you 340 00:14:39,182 --> 00:14:40,357 about something that's bothering me. 341 00:14:40,401 --> 00:14:41,402 What's it about? 342 00:14:41,445 --> 00:14:42,359 There's this girl, and... 343 00:14:42,403 --> 00:14:43,404 Keep Mom out of it! 344 00:14:43,447 --> 00:14:44,405 What?! 345 00:14:44,448 --> 00:14:45,841 I am warning you, 346 00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:47,103 keep Mom out of your love life. 347 00:14:47,147 --> 00:14:49,192 Mom has nothing to do with this. 348 00:14:49,236 --> 00:14:50,193 Trust me-- yes, she does. 349 00:14:50,237 --> 00:14:51,412 She will ruin it, I swear. 350 00:14:51,455 --> 00:14:53,196 Whatever Mom tells you, don't do it. 351 00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:54,850 And don't do the opposite, either! 352 00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:57,940 The way it's worked for me is... 353 00:14:57,984 --> 00:14:59,986 Actually, it's never worked for me. 354 00:15:01,030 --> 00:15:03,076 I just don't know if it's a good idea. 355 00:15:03,119 --> 00:15:04,860 I've thought about this a long time. 356 00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:07,254 Okay, it's your call. 357 00:15:11,562 --> 00:15:12,955 When are you going to talk to Dewey? 358 00:15:12,999 --> 00:15:15,262 As soon as he finishes the windows. 359 00:15:23,052 --> 00:15:25,054 Hey! I want a rematch. 360 00:15:25,098 --> 00:15:26,447 Last time the sun was in my eyes, 361 00:15:26,490 --> 00:15:27,622 and I wasn't really... 362 00:15:27,665 --> 00:15:28,928 [coughing] 363 00:15:30,581 --> 00:15:31,756 Hey, Malcolm. 364 00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:33,410 What are you doing after school? 365 00:15:33,454 --> 00:15:35,108 We're getting a dog, and I thought you 366 00:15:35,151 --> 00:15:36,544 might want to help us pick one out. 367 00:15:36,587 --> 00:15:38,459 My mom wants a golden retriever, 368 00:15:38,502 --> 00:15:40,243 but I'm leaning more toward 369 00:15:40,287 --> 00:15:41,984 a flat-coated retriever... 370 00:15:42,028 --> 00:15:43,116 because everyone has goldens, and... 371 00:15:43,159 --> 00:15:45,118 I don't want to be lab partners with you anymore. 372 00:15:45,161 --> 00:15:46,989 What? 373 00:15:47,033 --> 00:15:48,860 I mean, it wasn't my idea. 374 00:15:48,904 --> 00:15:51,254 The teacher thought I should partner up with someone else. 375 00:15:51,298 --> 00:15:53,300 Okay. 376 00:15:57,739 --> 00:15:59,828 [Reese crying] 377 00:16:04,746 --> 00:16:06,748 Hello, son. 378 00:16:08,619 --> 00:16:10,273 Dad, what are you doing here? 379 00:16:10,317 --> 00:16:11,144 I need to talk to you. 380 00:16:11,187 --> 00:16:13,363 You drove eight hours just to talk to me? 381 00:16:13,407 --> 00:16:17,106 Well, I thought it best that I do this face- to-face, man-to-man. 382 00:16:17,150 --> 00:16:18,151 What is it? 383 00:16:18,194 --> 00:16:20,457 Francis, you wrecked Commandant Spangler's car 384 00:16:20,501 --> 00:16:21,850 and you weren't punished for it. 385 00:16:23,330 --> 00:16:26,550 Another cadet was, and that just isn't right. 386 00:16:29,858 --> 00:16:32,208 That's what you came all the way down here to tell me? 387 00:16:32,252 --> 00:16:34,167 Well, that, and your mother said 388 00:16:34,210 --> 00:16:36,604 you can come home from military school, 389 00:16:36,647 --> 00:16:39,085 and I told her I didn't think it was a good idea. 390 00:16:39,128 --> 00:16:40,086 What?!Francis, 391 00:16:40,129 --> 00:16:41,870 neither one of us did the right thing, 392 00:16:41,913 --> 00:16:43,524 and there has to be consequences for that. 393 00:16:43,567 --> 00:16:44,916 Oh, come on! 394 00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:46,309 Look, if I didn't do this 395 00:16:46,353 --> 00:16:47,832 I'd be failing you as a parent. 396 00:16:47,876 --> 00:16:49,269 There's got to be another way. 397 00:16:49,312 --> 00:16:50,052 No, no, believe me. 398 00:16:50,096 --> 00:16:51,967 I wrestled with this on the drive over. 399 00:16:52,011 --> 00:16:53,273 This is the only fair thing to do 400 00:16:53,316 --> 00:16:55,362 because it deals with my complicity as well. 401 00:16:57,668 --> 00:17:00,062 Guess there really isn't anything more to say. 402 00:17:02,934 --> 00:17:05,762 Well, looks like you have some kind of activity planned, 403 00:17:05,807 --> 00:17:07,329 so I'll get out of your hair. 404 00:17:07,374 --> 00:17:09,506 Hey. 405 00:17:13,467 --> 00:17:15,121 I love you, son. 406 00:17:16,383 --> 00:17:18,689 Have fun. 407 00:17:31,267 --> 00:17:33,356 Dewey, we have got to talk. 408 00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:35,532 Honey, when I talked to you about germs, 409 00:17:35,576 --> 00:17:37,099 I was just trying to scare you. 410 00:17:37,143 --> 00:17:38,492 That was wrong. 411 00:17:38,535 --> 00:17:40,102 This isn't about germs. 412 00:17:40,146 --> 00:17:41,886 Sweetie, it's about growing up. 413 00:17:41,930 --> 00:17:43,714 The reason I had to take Domingo 414 00:17:43,758 --> 00:17:44,889 away from you is because 415 00:17:44,933 --> 00:17:46,108 you are too grown-up 416 00:17:46,152 --> 00:17:47,153 for a ratty, old stuffed animal 417 00:17:47,196 --> 00:17:49,111 that's falling apart.[screeching] 418 00:17:49,155 --> 00:17:52,332 Dewey, you have got to stop this. 419 00:17:52,375 --> 00:17:53,681 It's a little bug. It never hurt anyone. 420 00:17:53,724 --> 00:17:54,986 But it has germs on it! 421 00:17:55,030 --> 00:17:56,510 Okay, this is enough. 422 00:18:06,215 --> 00:18:08,261 See? 423 00:18:08,304 --> 00:18:10,045 Nothing happened to me. 424 00:18:12,265 --> 00:18:13,396 Okay? 425 00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:14,789 Okay. 426 00:18:14,832 --> 00:18:18,184 So take off the plastic and go eat your breakfast. 427 00:18:24,799 --> 00:18:26,279 So, anyway... 428 00:18:26,322 --> 00:18:27,976 Look at her, talking to some idiot. 429 00:18:28,019 --> 00:18:29,760 Who is that guy? 430 00:18:30,892 --> 00:18:32,415 What am I saying? I don't care. 431 00:18:32,459 --> 00:18:33,764 Why should I care? 432 00:18:33,808 --> 00:18:35,853 There's nothing that special about her. 433 00:18:35,897 --> 00:18:38,987 Why is this bugging me so much? 434 00:18:39,030 --> 00:18:40,206 [laughing] 435 00:18:40,249 --> 00:18:41,424 If I'm such a genius 436 00:18:41,468 --> 00:18:44,297 I should be able to come up with a smart way to deal with this. 437 00:18:44,340 --> 00:18:45,515 Why did you throw a brick 438 00:18:45,559 --> 00:18:48,736 through my daughter's window at 2:00 in the morning? 439 00:18:48,779 --> 00:18:50,172 I don't know. 440 00:18:50,216 --> 00:18:51,652 I really don't. 441 00:18:52,348 --> 00:18:53,567 How could you do that? 442 00:18:53,610 --> 00:18:55,395 It really scared me, Malcolm. 443 00:18:55,438 --> 00:18:57,440 I don't know, I'm sorry. The one good thing is, 444 00:18:57,484 --> 00:18:59,268 Mom'll kill me before this goes on for too much longer. 445 00:18:59,312 --> 00:19:00,661 I didn't move to the suburbs 446 00:19:00,704 --> 00:19:03,577 so my daughter could be attacked in the dead of night. 447 00:19:03,620 --> 00:19:04,969 Oh, for God's sake. 448 00:19:05,013 --> 00:19:07,233 He wasn't attacking her. He's got a crush on her. 449 00:19:07,276 --> 00:19:08,799 Beg pardon? 450 00:19:08,843 --> 00:19:09,844 Mom, don't.Don't worry, 451 00:19:09,887 --> 00:19:11,193 Malcolm's going to be punished. 452 00:19:11,237 --> 00:19:12,890 But this is nothing to get panicked about. 453 00:19:12,934 --> 00:19:14,022 But...Don't you remember 454 00:19:14,065 --> 00:19:15,676 when you were his age-- all the dumb things 455 00:19:15,719 --> 00:19:17,417 you did with your little girlfriends? 456 00:19:17,460 --> 00:19:18,896 Um, I'm not his... 457 00:19:18,940 --> 00:19:20,071 It's puberty! 458 00:19:20,115 --> 00:19:21,551 Their bodies are going all crazy down there 459 00:19:21,595 --> 00:19:23,205 and they can't do anything about it. 460 00:19:23,249 --> 00:19:24,641 So they start all that silly making out 461 00:19:24,685 --> 00:19:26,339 and then they get all tingly and charged up 462 00:19:26,382 --> 00:19:28,471 and they don't know what to do with themselves 463 00:19:28,515 --> 00:19:29,864 so they throw bricks and things. 464 00:19:29,907 --> 00:19:32,258 My oldest son set a doghouse on fire. 465 00:19:32,301 --> 00:19:34,085 They are idiots at this age. 466 00:19:34,129 --> 00:19:35,609 That's just what they do. 467 00:19:35,652 --> 00:19:37,915 Yes, well... that-that may be, 468 00:19:37,959 --> 00:19:41,484 but this kind of behavior is not acceptable. 469 00:19:41,528 --> 00:19:43,312 No, it isn't... but you'd better get used to it 470 00:19:43,356 --> 00:19:44,792 because I'm gonna tell you right now, 471 00:19:44,835 --> 00:19:46,402 this one is an early bloomer. 472 00:19:46,446 --> 00:19:48,274 She's gonna pop out of every bra you buy 473 00:19:48,317 --> 00:19:49,362 for the next three years. 474 00:19:49,405 --> 00:19:51,320 You're going to be self-conscious, 475 00:19:51,364 --> 00:19:52,930 but don't let it make you slouch. 476 00:19:52,974 --> 00:19:55,106 You're gonna be happy about it when you get to college. 477 00:19:55,150 --> 00:19:56,412 Come on... 478 00:19:56,456 --> 00:19:58,066 I'll give you the number of a glass company. 479 00:19:58,109 --> 00:19:59,502 We give him a lot of business. 480 00:19:59,546 --> 00:20:00,329 He'll treat you right. 481 00:20:10,513 --> 00:20:13,299 Well, at least she didn't strip us and take pictures. 482 00:20:13,342 --> 00:20:15,344 The night is young. 483 00:20:21,350 --> 00:20:23,874 Okay, you know what? 484 00:20:23,918 --> 00:20:26,050 Big deal. 485 00:20:26,094 --> 00:20:28,314 I do like you. 486 00:20:28,357 --> 00:20:30,316 I'm willing to say it. 487 00:20:30,359 --> 00:20:32,318 I really like you a lot. 488 00:20:32,361 --> 00:20:33,884 I like you a lot. 489 00:20:33,928 --> 00:20:35,973 Okay, then... 490 00:20:40,151 --> 00:20:40,848 What? 491 00:20:40,891 --> 00:20:42,066 I'm not all tingly 492 00:20:42,110 --> 00:20:43,198 and charged up, okay? 493 00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:45,113 Nah. Me neither. 494 00:20:46,462 --> 00:20:49,160 And my body's not going crazy. 495 00:20:49,204 --> 00:20:51,206 Fine. 496 00:20:53,164 --> 00:20:55,558 God, why'd she have to say all that stuff? 497 00:20:55,602 --> 00:20:56,951 Malcolm, what are you doing? 498 00:20:56,994 --> 00:20:59,214 Look, Cynthia, believe me, I'm trying to kiss you, 499 00:20:59,258 --> 00:21:01,651 and I think if you just give me a minute to clear my head, 500 00:21:01,695 --> 00:21:03,174 I'll be able to kiss you, okay? 501 00:21:03,218 --> 00:21:05,655 Excuse me?! Francis said she'd do this. 502 00:21:05,699 --> 00:21:07,527 And who, exactly, is Francis? It's not what you think. 503 00:21:07,570 --> 00:21:10,356 He's my brother.You were going to kiss me, and you're thinking 504 00:21:10,399 --> 00:21:12,445 about your brother?No, I was thinking about my mom. 505 00:21:12,488 --> 00:21:16,231 No, I mean, I was thinking about your bra. 506 00:21:16,275 --> 00:21:18,538 I mean... I was thinking about what's inyour bra. 507 00:21:18,581 --> 00:21:21,410 Uh... I mean, what will bein your bra. 508 00:21:21,454 --> 00:21:23,369 Oh, can I start over? 509 00:21:35,468 --> 00:21:38,558 I wonder if I can convince anyone this is a hickey.