1 00:00:03,481 --> 00:00:05,527 There's a lot of good things about weekends: 2 00:00:05,570 --> 00:00:08,051 no school, cartoons. 3 00:00:08,095 --> 00:00:10,401 But the best thing about weekends is having a neighbor 4 00:00:10,445 --> 00:00:13,448 like old Mrs. Jansen. 5 00:00:16,668 --> 00:00:19,236 [doorbell rings] 6 00:00:20,368 --> 00:00:21,456 ALL: Trick or treat! 7 00:00:21,499 --> 00:00:23,458 Oh, my! Look at 8 00:00:23,501 --> 00:00:26,287 what nice costumes you have! 9 00:00:26,330 --> 00:00:28,854 Here's two for you 10 00:00:28,898 --> 00:00:30,204 and two for you. 11 00:00:30,247 --> 00:00:31,727 There. 12 00:00:31,770 --> 00:00:33,250 ALL: Thank you, Mrs. Jansen. 13 00:00:33,294 --> 00:00:34,512 Good-bye. 14 00:00:37,298 --> 00:00:39,256 Hey, before you condemn us, 15 00:00:39,300 --> 00:00:41,128 we're the only kids who even talk to her. 16 00:00:41,171 --> 00:00:42,651 So if it wasn't for us, 17 00:00:42,694 --> 00:00:45,175 she would have no human contact at all. 18 00:00:50,354 --> 00:00:52,226 We shoveled your walkway. 19 00:00:52,269 --> 00:00:54,315 Oh! 20 00:00:54,358 --> 00:00:55,229 It looks wonderful. 21 00:00:55,272 --> 00:00:58,014 Let me get my purse. 22 00:00:58,058 --> 00:01:01,365 Okay, now you can condemn us. 23 00:01:01,409 --> 00:01:04,890 ♪ Yes, no, maybe 24 00:01:04,934 --> 00:01:07,241 ♪ I don't know 25 00:01:07,284 --> 00:01:10,592 ♪ Can you repeat the question? 26 00:01:10,635 --> 00:01:12,811 ♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪ 27 00:01:12,855 --> 00:01:15,118 ♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪ 28 00:01:15,162 --> 00:01:17,729 ♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪ 29 00:01:17,773 --> 00:01:19,818 ♪ And you're not so big 30 00:01:19,862 --> 00:01:22,169 ♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪ 31 00:01:22,212 --> 00:01:24,171 ♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪ 32 00:01:24,214 --> 00:01:26,912 ♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪ 33 00:01:26,956 --> 00:01:29,611 ♪ And you're not so big 34 00:01:29,654 --> 00:01:33,963 ♪ Life is unfair. 35 00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:41,318 It's Mom's birthday. 36 00:01:41,362 --> 00:01:43,538 She took us down to the store where she works 37 00:01:43,581 --> 00:01:45,192 so we could buy presents for her. 38 00:01:45,235 --> 00:01:47,759 So far, it's working out pretty well. 39 00:01:47,803 --> 00:01:50,632 Reese, for crying out loud! 40 00:01:50,675 --> 00:01:52,982 [grunts] 41 00:01:53,025 --> 00:01:55,376 It's killing me! I'm so close! 42 00:01:56,246 --> 00:01:58,422 Get your hand out of there! 43 00:01:58,466 --> 00:01:59,423 I can't! 44 00:02:01,251 --> 00:02:02,948 Ow! 45 00:02:02,992 --> 00:02:04,211 All right! 46 00:02:04,254 --> 00:02:05,429 I got it! 47 00:02:05,473 --> 00:02:06,952 Okay, now listen up. 48 00:02:06,996 --> 00:02:08,997 I'm going to give you each ten dollars 49 00:02:09,041 --> 00:02:10,173 to buy me something. 50 00:02:10,217 --> 00:02:12,436 We've never done this before. 51 00:02:12,480 --> 00:02:15,613 Usually on her birthday, we just make her stuff. 52 00:02:21,358 --> 00:02:26,407 Honey, it's... nice. 53 00:02:26,450 --> 00:02:27,495 It's a potato bank. 54 00:02:28,583 --> 00:02:30,237 I made it. 55 00:02:32,500 --> 00:02:34,023 Now, you can each get me something, 56 00:02:34,066 --> 00:02:35,546 or you can put your money together 57 00:02:35,590 --> 00:02:38,549 and get me... um, I don't know. 58 00:02:38,593 --> 00:02:41,030 Oh, well, now, look at that. 59 00:02:41,073 --> 00:02:43,250 A foot massager. 60 00:02:43,293 --> 00:02:45,339 Hey, and it's only $25. 61 00:02:45,382 --> 00:02:47,123 And you've got, uh, $30 62 00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:48,124 between you? 63 00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:49,865 Huh. 64 00:02:49,908 --> 00:02:52,215 Well, I'm sure whatever you get me, I'll love it. 65 00:02:52,259 --> 00:02:53,912 Now meet me back here in ten minutes... 66 00:02:53,956 --> 00:02:55,000 Stop pushing! 67 00:02:55,044 --> 00:02:57,264 Come on! Dewey, you... 68 00:03:00,092 --> 00:03:01,006 Lois! 69 00:03:01,050 --> 00:03:02,269 Hi, Craig. 70 00:03:02,312 --> 00:03:05,097 What are you doing here on your... day off? 71 00:03:05,141 --> 00:03:06,403 Oh, I just stopped in with the boys 72 00:03:06,447 --> 00:03:08,013 so they could buy me a birthday present. 73 00:03:08,057 --> 00:03:09,232 Oh! 74 00:03:09,276 --> 00:03:10,581 It's-it's your birthday? 75 00:03:10,625 --> 00:03:12,366 I'd-I'd completely forgotten. 76 00:03:12,409 --> 00:03:14,019 Seems like any other day, actually. 77 00:03:14,063 --> 00:03:15,586 Yeah, well... 78 00:03:15,630 --> 00:03:17,284 Craig to aisle seven. 79 00:03:17,327 --> 00:03:19,416 Of course, you can't blame me for forgetting. 80 00:03:19,460 --> 00:03:21,288 I've been so busy lately. 81 00:03:21,331 --> 00:03:23,507 Seems like I'm always hitting the weights at the gym, 82 00:03:23,551 --> 00:03:24,508 working on the guns. 83 00:03:24,552 --> 00:03:25,640 [laughs] 84 00:03:25,683 --> 00:03:27,250 Craig, aisle seven. 85 00:03:27,294 --> 00:03:29,296 Yeah, and when I'm not at the gym, 86 00:03:29,339 --> 00:03:31,689 I'm usually with my Dixieland jazz group. 87 00:03:31,733 --> 00:03:33,256 Really? What do you play? 88 00:03:33,300 --> 00:03:34,692 I'm the costumer. 89 00:03:34,736 --> 00:03:37,086 You know, there are four different types of straw hats, 90 00:03:37,129 --> 00:03:38,957 and if you ever need those arm garters... 91 00:03:39,001 --> 00:03:40,698 Craig, I can see you. 92 00:03:40,742 --> 00:03:42,352 Bye. 93 00:03:48,184 --> 00:03:49,403 FRANCIS: And it's my mom's birthday, 94 00:03:49,446 --> 00:03:51,492 so it means a lot to her for me to come home. 95 00:03:51,535 --> 00:03:53,494 Just as a coincidence, 96 00:03:53,537 --> 00:03:56,540 my friend Richie is throwing a huge party on the same day. 97 00:03:56,584 --> 00:03:58,281 But enough about me. 98 00:03:58,325 --> 00:03:59,891 I can't believe that you and your schoolmates 99 00:03:59,935 --> 00:04:01,502 have come all the way from Mozambique 100 00:04:01,545 --> 00:04:03,939 just to see a bunch of national parks and monuments. 101 00:04:03,982 --> 00:04:05,680 I mean, I don't want to criticize, 102 00:04:05,723 --> 00:04:07,464 but you really haven't seen America 103 00:04:07,508 --> 00:04:09,553 until you've seen the small towns, 104 00:04:09,597 --> 00:04:10,946 met the people, 105 00:04:10,989 --> 00:04:13,078 studied the way my friend Richie throws a keg party. 106 00:04:13,122 --> 00:04:14,558 You're wasting your time. 107 00:04:14,602 --> 00:04:16,560 She doesn't speak English. 108 00:04:16,603 --> 00:04:18,519 Oh. 109 00:04:18,562 --> 00:04:20,651 Which is just as well, because if she 110 00:04:20,695 --> 00:04:23,175 understood the crap you were feeding her, 111 00:04:23,219 --> 00:04:25,787 she'd laugh in your face. 112 00:04:25,830 --> 00:04:29,530 I, on the other hand, find your desperation charming. 113 00:04:29,573 --> 00:04:31,009 Really? 114 00:04:31,053 --> 00:04:33,490 Oh, well, there's plenty more where that came from. 115 00:04:34,622 --> 00:04:37,320 MALCOLM: Get out of my way! Let go of me! 116 00:04:37,364 --> 00:04:39,322 Come on, move, move! 117 00:04:39,366 --> 00:04:40,889 Here you go, Mom-- happy birthday. 118 00:04:40,932 --> 00:04:42,107 Don't you want to wrap it? 119 00:04:42,151 --> 00:04:44,327 No, it's okay. 120 00:04:47,243 --> 00:04:50,159 An eyeglass repair kit. 121 00:04:53,554 --> 00:04:55,817 Box of throat lozenges. 122 00:04:59,211 --> 00:05:00,778 A dirt bike magazine. 123 00:05:00,822 --> 00:05:03,259 I might want to look at that when you're done. 124 00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:04,739 This cost you $30? 125 00:05:04,782 --> 00:05:06,044 No, it was, like, eight. 126 00:05:06,088 --> 00:05:08,220 This store's great, Mom. 127 00:05:08,264 --> 00:05:10,266 When can I have my candy? 128 00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:12,007 Relax, dude, we have 20 bucks worth. 129 00:05:12,050 --> 00:05:13,269 Shotgun! 130 00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:14,618 Hey! Wait! 131 00:05:14,662 --> 00:05:16,620 [boys arguing] 132 00:05:22,496 --> 00:05:23,758 Mom, what's for dinner? 133 00:05:23,801 --> 00:05:25,063 Oh, I don't know. 134 00:05:25,107 --> 00:05:27,370 Why don't you have some candy. 135 00:05:27,414 --> 00:05:28,458 Yay! 136 00:05:37,075 --> 00:05:39,600 Dewey, take off the wrappers. 137 00:05:39,643 --> 00:05:40,818 Does Mom seem okay to you? 138 00:05:40,862 --> 00:05:42,167 What do you mean? 139 00:05:42,211 --> 00:05:43,604 I don't know. 140 00:05:43,647 --> 00:05:45,388 I think she might be upset about something. 141 00:05:45,432 --> 00:05:47,869 Maybe I should go ask if... 142 00:05:47,912 --> 00:05:50,393 Ooh. Skinny Fonzie. 143 00:05:52,003 --> 00:05:56,965 ...19, 20, 21, 22, 23. 144 00:05:57,008 --> 00:05:58,096 All here. 145 00:05:58,140 --> 00:05:59,663 You can go. 146 00:06:08,585 --> 00:06:10,892 This is my house. 147 00:06:10,935 --> 00:06:13,547 Can't you just feel the authenticity of it? 148 00:06:13,590 --> 00:06:15,636 Not like those crappy plastic national parks 149 00:06:15,679 --> 00:06:16,767 you've been going to. 150 00:06:16,811 --> 00:06:17,899 You can relax, Francis. 151 00:06:17,942 --> 00:06:19,291 I got off the bus already. 152 00:06:19,335 --> 00:06:20,554 Right, okay. 153 00:06:20,597 --> 00:06:22,033 Here's the deal: we go inside, 154 00:06:22,077 --> 00:06:24,427 make a polite appearance for my mother's birthday, 155 00:06:24,471 --> 00:06:25,776 have some cake with her, drop off my laundry, 156 00:06:25,820 --> 00:06:27,212 and then we go to the party. 157 00:06:27,256 --> 00:06:29,040 My God! 158 00:06:29,084 --> 00:06:29,998 What? 159 00:06:30,041 --> 00:06:31,652 Do you even know 160 00:06:31,695 --> 00:06:33,784 how astonishingly beautiful you are? 161 00:06:33,828 --> 00:06:34,916 Oh, yes. 162 00:06:34,959 --> 00:06:36,657 I've had 15 marriage proposals. 163 00:06:36,700 --> 00:06:39,137 That's why the general sent me on this trip-- 164 00:06:39,181 --> 00:06:40,965 to keep me out of trouble. 165 00:06:58,287 --> 00:07:00,289 Hey, boys. Where's Mom? 166 00:07:00,332 --> 00:07:01,464 Bedroom. 167 00:07:01,508 --> 00:07:03,292 Oh, yeah? 168 00:07:06,208 --> 00:07:07,601 Honey? 169 00:07:07,644 --> 00:07:08,819 What? 170 00:07:08,863 --> 00:07:11,605 Are you okay? 171 00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:16,740 Hey. 172 00:07:16,784 --> 00:07:18,960 What's wrong? 173 00:07:21,789 --> 00:07:23,486 The boys. 174 00:07:23,530 --> 00:07:24,618 Ah. 175 00:07:24,661 --> 00:07:26,620 Don't let them get to you. 176 00:07:26,663 --> 00:07:29,927 They'll be out of the house in ten years. 177 00:07:29,971 --> 00:07:33,844 Hey, what did those mean boys do, huh? 178 00:07:33,888 --> 00:07:36,847 I gave them $30 to buy me something nice, 179 00:07:36,891 --> 00:07:40,721 and they spent it all on themselves. 180 00:07:40,764 --> 00:07:44,333 They don't even care that it's my birthday. 181 00:07:47,902 --> 00:07:49,991 Oh, well! 182 00:07:50,034 --> 00:07:52,689 Those boys are going to hear from me, let me tell you. 183 00:07:53,951 --> 00:07:57,694 They are going to get one heck of a talking-to. 184 00:07:57,738 --> 00:08:00,349 And th-then I think I'll go for a drive, 185 00:08:00,392 --> 00:08:03,744 I'm just so furious. 186 00:08:08,052 --> 00:08:10,533 Damn it, damn it, damn it! 187 00:08:10,577 --> 00:08:11,795 Her birthday's on the 12th. 188 00:08:11,839 --> 00:08:12,927 It can't be the... oh! 189 00:08:12,970 --> 00:08:14,537 No, no! 190 00:08:14,581 --> 00:08:16,234 I programmed this stupid watch 191 00:08:16,278 --> 00:08:17,627 to remind me that... 192 00:08:17,671 --> 00:08:19,586 ["Happy Birthday to You" playing] 193 00:08:19,629 --> 00:08:21,849 No, no, no, no! 194 00:08:24,460 --> 00:08:26,723 You boys are in so much trouble! 195 00:08:26,767 --> 00:08:28,159 [whispering]: Help me on this. 196 00:08:28,203 --> 00:08:29,378 [shouting]: I can't believe 197 00:08:29,421 --> 00:08:30,727 that you could be so thoughtless! 198 00:08:30,771 --> 00:08:33,730 [whispering]: We all screwed up really big this time. 199 00:08:33,774 --> 00:08:36,385 I have a good mind to use the belt on all three of you! 200 00:08:36,428 --> 00:08:37,604 Why are you yelling at us? 201 00:08:37,647 --> 00:08:38,996 Sorry isn't good enough, mister. 202 00:08:39,039 --> 00:08:42,433 [shouting]: I forgot your mom's birthday! 203 00:08:42,477 --> 00:08:44,611 Oh... Oh! 204 00:08:44,654 --> 00:08:45,960 [groaning] 205 00:08:46,874 --> 00:08:48,484 [doorbell ringing] 206 00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:49,790 What?! 207 00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:53,663 What?! 208 00:08:54,490 --> 00:08:55,447 What?! 209 00:08:55,491 --> 00:08:56,579 Hi, Hal. 210 00:08:56,623 --> 00:08:58,233 Craig, what do you want? 211 00:08:58,276 --> 00:09:00,496 Well, Lois and I had an exchange, and I felt bad, 212 00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:02,454 so... I'm sure she told you all about it. 213 00:09:02,498 --> 00:09:04,021 No, actually, she didn't say anything. 214 00:09:04,065 --> 00:09:05,414 Craig, we're in the middle of... 215 00:09:05,457 --> 00:09:06,720 Well, it's complicated. 216 00:09:06,763 --> 00:09:09,418 You see, I didn't buy Lois a present, 217 00:09:09,461 --> 00:09:11,855 even though I wanted to, and I thought "this is silly," 218 00:09:11,899 --> 00:09:16,033 so I went ahead and got her one, and here it is. 219 00:09:17,818 --> 00:09:20,951 Oh... great. 220 00:09:20,995 --> 00:09:24,781 I-I'll take it in to her right now. 221 00:09:24,825 --> 00:09:27,784 Oh, such a nice, 222 00:09:27,828 --> 00:09:29,481 nice gift. 223 00:09:29,525 --> 00:09:30,744 You know what, second thought, uh, 224 00:09:30,787 --> 00:09:32,615 I can take care of this tomorrow. 225 00:09:32,659 --> 00:09:34,095 I'll bring it in to work.Oh, no, wouldn't be 226 00:09:34,138 --> 00:09:35,618 any trouble at all.Really? 227 00:09:35,662 --> 00:09:37,968 [laughs] No, I'd be happy to take it in to her. 228 00:09:38,012 --> 00:09:40,318 Yeah, I'd really hate to put you out. 229 00:09:40,362 --> 00:09:41,276 Don't be silly. 230 00:09:41,319 --> 00:09:43,321 [both laugh] 231 00:09:47,674 --> 00:09:49,501 Give it! 232 00:09:49,545 --> 00:09:51,765 Lois, it's Craig! He's stealing your present! 233 00:09:51,808 --> 00:09:55,116 It's a present that I paid $129 for! 234 00:09:59,816 --> 00:10:01,862 Honey? 235 00:10:03,864 --> 00:10:05,779 Honey, where are you going? 236 00:10:05,822 --> 00:10:08,433 Wherever I want. 237 00:10:08,477 --> 00:10:10,261 Well... 238 00:10:10,305 --> 00:10:12,699 when are you coming home? 239 00:10:12,742 --> 00:10:14,309 When? 240 00:10:14,352 --> 00:10:17,704 Whenever somebody in this family gives a damn. 241 00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:32,849 Happy birthday, Mom! 242 00:10:38,333 --> 00:10:40,161 [grunting over TV] 243 00:10:42,337 --> 00:10:43,904 This is bad. 244 00:10:43,947 --> 00:10:45,688 Mom's never taken off on us like this before. 245 00:10:45,732 --> 00:10:47,821 Yeah. She usually throws usout. 246 00:10:47,864 --> 00:10:50,867 You bought candy? 247 00:10:50,911 --> 00:10:53,130 You don't just...! 248 00:10:53,174 --> 00:10:55,089 It was her...! 249 00:10:55,132 --> 00:10:57,874 If I only had the...! 250 00:10:57,918 --> 00:10:59,789 Stupid watch! 251 00:10:59,833 --> 00:11:01,617 Candy?! 252 00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:03,663 What were you...?! 253 00:11:06,013 --> 00:11:07,144 D'oh! 254 00:11:13,324 --> 00:11:14,325 [door slams] 255 00:11:14,369 --> 00:11:16,066 What's his problem? 256 00:11:16,110 --> 00:11:18,634 He's not the only one pissed at you little twerps. 257 00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:19,853 What are you talking about? 258 00:11:19,896 --> 00:11:21,811 I had this great party lined up 259 00:11:21,855 --> 00:11:23,073 with this beautiful girl, 260 00:11:23,117 --> 00:11:24,988 and all I had to do was come home, 261 00:11:25,032 --> 00:11:26,947 make an appearance at Mom's birthday-- 262 00:11:26,990 --> 00:11:27,991 be the good son. 263 00:11:28,035 --> 00:11:29,514 Everything would've been fine, 264 00:11:29,558 --> 00:11:31,734 but now my trip home has been tainted. 265 00:11:31,778 --> 00:11:33,780 In her mind, we're all thoughtless jerks, 266 00:11:33,823 --> 00:11:35,607 thanks to you guys. 267 00:11:35,651 --> 00:11:37,435 What did we do?Think about it. 268 00:11:37,479 --> 00:11:39,829 Mom gave you money to buy her a present 269 00:11:39,873 --> 00:11:41,875 and you spent most of it on candy. 270 00:11:41,918 --> 00:11:43,137 And the rest on her presents. 271 00:11:43,180 --> 00:11:45,922 But you spent most of it on candy. 272 00:11:45,966 --> 00:11:47,358 We've established that. 273 00:11:47,402 --> 00:11:49,099 We're just going around in circles here. 274 00:11:49,143 --> 00:11:50,927 Okay, look. 275 00:11:50,971 --> 00:11:53,800 How would you feel if Mom didn't buy you a present? 276 00:11:53,843 --> 00:11:56,019 Mom's not buying me a birthday present? 277 00:11:56,063 --> 00:11:57,629 No, that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying... 278 00:11:57,673 --> 00:11:58,979 But it's my birthday. 279 00:11:59,022 --> 00:12:00,241 No, it's not. 280 00:12:00,284 --> 00:12:01,851 Francis, it's Mom. 281 00:12:01,895 --> 00:12:04,027 We've never made a big deal out of her birthday. 282 00:12:04,071 --> 00:12:07,683 And plus, she said she'd be happy with whatever we got her. 283 00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:09,816 And was she happy? 284 00:12:10,991 --> 00:12:13,950 Oh, man... we suck. 285 00:12:13,994 --> 00:12:16,126 Did we make Mom mad? 286 00:12:16,170 --> 00:12:17,911 No, Dewey, worse. 287 00:12:17,954 --> 00:12:20,870 You hurt her. 288 00:12:20,914 --> 00:12:23,220 Okay, I'm lost. 289 00:12:23,264 --> 00:12:24,613 Ow! 290 00:12:24,656 --> 00:12:27,398 That's how Mom feels on the inside. 291 00:12:28,312 --> 00:12:30,227 So what are we supposed to do? 292 00:12:30,271 --> 00:12:31,359 "We"? 293 00:12:31,402 --> 00:12:32,926 Haven't you guys been listening? 294 00:12:32,969 --> 00:12:35,232 You screwed up, not me. I'm not doing anything. 295 00:12:35,276 --> 00:12:38,409 I don't know what you're going to do, and I don't care. 296 00:12:38,453 --> 00:12:40,020 I have my own problems. 297 00:12:40,063 --> 00:12:42,631 I have to go to a kegger, party with my friends, 298 00:12:42,674 --> 00:12:46,200 make out with an African goddess with this hanging over my head. 299 00:12:46,243 --> 00:12:48,724 Come on, Amaani. 300 00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:49,943 This isn't fair. 301 00:12:49,986 --> 00:12:51,596 Mom never should have taken us 302 00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:53,207 to a store that sells candy. 303 00:12:53,250 --> 00:12:54,382 She set us up! 304 00:12:54,425 --> 00:12:56,036 Shut up, Reese. 305 00:12:56,079 --> 00:12:57,689 We blew it. 306 00:12:57,733 --> 00:13:00,518 We made our own mom run away from home. 307 00:13:00,562 --> 00:13:02,477 Where do you think she is? 308 00:13:02,520 --> 00:13:07,656 ♪ Behind every good woman lies a trail of men ♪ 309 00:13:07,699 --> 00:13:12,661 ♪ Don't ask where she's going, don't ask where she's been ♪ 310 00:13:12,704 --> 00:13:15,969 ♪ Behind every good woman lies... ♪ 311 00:13:16,012 --> 00:13:17,971 Hey, lady, are you going to hog that cage all day? 312 00:13:18,014 --> 00:13:20,234 I got news for you, kid. I'm a grown-up 313 00:13:20,277 --> 00:13:21,888 with a credit card and no curfew. 314 00:13:21,931 --> 00:13:24,194 I could stay here all week if I want. 315 00:13:24,238 --> 00:13:25,979 Yeah, but we want to hit.BOY: Yeah, we do. 316 00:13:26,022 --> 00:13:27,676 When you getting out of there? 317 00:13:27,719 --> 00:13:29,286 You want me to get out? 318 00:13:29,330 --> 00:13:30,853 Okay, I'll get out. 319 00:13:30,897 --> 00:13:32,986 If you do one thing for me. 320 00:13:33,029 --> 00:13:35,118 You give me back 15 years of my life. 321 00:13:35,162 --> 00:13:37,120 Can you do that? Can you reverse time? 322 00:13:37,164 --> 00:13:39,122 Can you take me back to when I was 23, 323 00:13:39,166 --> 00:13:41,037 so I can stay single, go to music school 324 00:13:41,081 --> 00:13:43,083 and become a concert violinist? 325 00:13:44,911 --> 00:13:46,260 Huh? 326 00:13:46,303 --> 00:13:48,523 No? Okay. 327 00:13:48,566 --> 00:13:51,221 Looks like I'm going to have to keep on batting. 328 00:13:51,265 --> 00:13:53,223 You can't just hog the cage because you're crazy! 329 00:13:53,267 --> 00:13:54,790 That's not fair! 330 00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:56,966 You think I'm crazy? 331 00:13:57,010 --> 00:13:58,533 I'll show you crazy. 332 00:13:58,576 --> 00:14:00,709 [kids scream] 333 00:14:02,189 --> 00:14:04,887 ♪ 334 00:14:04,931 --> 00:14:06,236 I hope your friend Richie 335 00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:08,499 has some place where we can be alone. 336 00:14:08,543 --> 00:14:11,763 You know my mom's going to end up blaming me for this. 337 00:14:11,807 --> 00:14:12,764 What? 338 00:14:12,808 --> 00:14:15,115 This whole birthday fiasco. 339 00:14:15,158 --> 00:14:17,291 By the time she's done spinning it in her head, 340 00:14:17,334 --> 00:14:19,771 I'll be the one who gave her the crappy presents. 341 00:14:19,815 --> 00:14:22,078 Any chance my mom gets to make my life miserable, 342 00:14:22,122 --> 00:14:23,906 she pounces. 343 00:14:23,950 --> 00:14:25,952 You know, in Mozambique, 344 00:14:25,995 --> 00:14:29,390 talking about your mother this much isn't considered a turn-on. 345 00:14:29,433 --> 00:14:31,261 Sorry. 346 00:14:31,305 --> 00:14:35,091 Is Mom ever coming home? 347 00:14:35,135 --> 00:14:37,050 Of course she is. 348 00:14:37,093 --> 00:14:38,921 Reese, what are you doing? 349 00:14:38,965 --> 00:14:41,924 Making a list of women for Dad to look into. 350 00:14:41,968 --> 00:14:43,143 Now that Mom's gone. 351 00:14:43,186 --> 00:14:44,318 Mom's coming back. 352 00:14:44,361 --> 00:14:46,146 Hey, if you want to be in denial, 353 00:14:46,189 --> 00:14:48,496 it's fine with me, but I'm trying to keep Dad 354 00:14:48,539 --> 00:14:50,367 from making the same mistake twice. 355 00:14:50,411 --> 00:14:52,979 It's called being proactive. 356 00:14:53,022 --> 00:14:54,850 "Mrs. Larson"? 357 00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:57,984 She can cook, and her daughters are nymphos. 358 00:15:00,203 --> 00:15:01,944 Ask me what she did for my birthday? 359 00:15:01,988 --> 00:15:03,206 Just ask me. 360 00:15:03,250 --> 00:15:05,078 Francis... Okay. 361 00:15:05,121 --> 00:15:06,079 I'm sorry. 362 00:15:06,122 --> 00:15:07,167 That is the last time. 363 00:15:07,210 --> 00:15:09,125 It's out of my mind. 364 00:15:09,169 --> 00:15:11,171 DEEJAY: And this next track is a special request to Lois from Hal. 365 00:15:11,214 --> 00:15:14,348 He loves you and misses you and says if you come back, 366 00:15:14,391 --> 00:15:17,090 he'll give you that sweet monkey love... 367 00:15:17,133 --> 00:15:18,830 What are you doing?Nothing. 368 00:15:18,874 --> 00:15:20,223 DEEJAY 2: And this next song 369 00:15:20,267 --> 00:15:23,531 goes out to a very special lady from Craig. 370 00:15:23,574 --> 00:15:25,837 ♪ 371 00:15:31,234 --> 00:15:32,888 Oh, no. 372 00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:34,020 What is it? 373 00:15:34,063 --> 00:15:35,847 It's my mom. 374 00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:40,200 What's she doing at a batting cage? 375 00:15:40,243 --> 00:15:43,333 And why am I surprised by anything she does? 376 00:15:43,377 --> 00:15:46,380 Don't worry, I am not going to let her ruin this for us. 377 00:15:46,423 --> 00:15:49,513 We are going to that party-- end of story. 378 00:15:57,434 --> 00:15:59,219 Damn it! 379 00:16:06,226 --> 00:16:08,968 Oh, thank God. 380 00:16:10,143 --> 00:16:11,840 She's crushing the ball. 381 00:16:11,883 --> 00:16:14,016 How come she didn't teach us how to play baseball? 382 00:16:14,060 --> 00:16:16,888 Because there's more to hitting than making contact. 383 00:16:16,932 --> 00:16:18,673 So what do we do now? 384 00:16:22,198 --> 00:16:26,637 ♪ Happy birthday, dear Timmy 385 00:16:26,681 --> 00:16:30,511 ♪ Happy birthday to you. 386 00:16:30,554 --> 00:16:32,643 Okay, Timmy, blow out the candles. 387 00:16:32,687 --> 00:16:33,905 Hang on there, Timmy. 388 00:16:33,949 --> 00:16:35,298 What are you doing? 389 00:16:35,342 --> 00:16:37,909 Can I talk to you for a second? 390 00:16:37,953 --> 00:16:43,219 ♪ Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you ♪ 391 00:16:43,263 --> 00:16:46,440 ♪ Happy birthday, dear Lois ♪ Happy birthday, dear Mom 392 00:16:46,483 --> 00:16:49,399 ♪ Happy birthday to you. 393 00:16:49,443 --> 00:16:50,922 Happy birthday, honey. 394 00:16:50,966 --> 00:16:51,706 Yeah. 395 00:16:51,749 --> 00:16:53,273 What are you doing, Hal? 396 00:16:53,316 --> 00:16:54,535 Well, what's it look like? 397 00:16:54,578 --> 00:16:57,277 We're celebrating your birthday as a family. 398 00:16:57,320 --> 00:16:58,669 Who are you? 399 00:16:58,713 --> 00:16:59,627 I'm sorry, Mom. 400 00:16:59,670 --> 00:17:01,977 Yeah, me, too.Me, too. 401 00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:04,719 Actually, I'd like to point out that I'm clean on this one. 402 00:17:04,762 --> 00:17:06,982 Lois, honey, come home, please? What do we have to do? 403 00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:08,243 A lot of things. 404 00:17:08,288 --> 00:17:10,203 I don't want to be taken for granted anymore. 405 00:17:10,246 --> 00:17:12,465 If I come back, you guys are gonna make some changes. 406 00:17:12,509 --> 00:17:13,858 Anything, whatever you want. 407 00:17:13,902 --> 00:17:15,512 I don't ever want to have to remind 408 00:17:15,556 --> 00:17:17,862 my own family that it's my birthday. 409 00:17:17,906 --> 00:17:18,993 You are so right. 410 00:17:19,038 --> 00:17:20,647 It will never happen again. 411 00:17:20,691 --> 00:17:21,953 Mm-hmm.And one night a week, 412 00:17:21,997 --> 00:17:23,912 I don't want to have to fix dinner. 413 00:17:23,954 --> 00:17:25,869 Absolutely, good, fine, done.No problem. 414 00:17:25,914 --> 00:17:27,481 And I want dirty laundry in the hamper, 415 00:17:27,523 --> 00:17:29,439 not on the floor, not over a lampshade, 416 00:17:29,483 --> 00:17:31,528 not shoved in some mattress crack. 417 00:17:31,572 --> 00:17:32,660 No problem.We'll throw it in the hamper. 418 00:17:32,703 --> 00:17:35,097 It's just that easy, huh? 419 00:17:35,141 --> 00:17:36,751 Yes, it's just that easy. 420 00:17:36,794 --> 00:17:40,276 Then why do I even have to ask? 421 00:17:41,364 --> 00:17:43,149 If it's so obvious 422 00:17:43,192 --> 00:17:46,543 I need a little human consideration, 423 00:17:46,587 --> 00:17:49,155 I shouldn't even have to ask. 424 00:17:51,592 --> 00:17:56,031 Oh, geez, honey, that's never going to happen. 425 00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:57,772 What? 426 00:17:57,815 --> 00:17:59,774 We're not smart enough to do that. 427 00:17:59,817 --> 00:18:01,254 Look who you're talking to. 428 00:18:01,297 --> 00:18:04,213 You might as well ask us all to be a foot taller. 429 00:18:04,257 --> 00:18:07,347 Sweetie, you're always going to have to tell us what to do. 430 00:18:07,390 --> 00:18:09,610 I mean, look at this half-baked celebration. 431 00:18:09,653 --> 00:18:11,742 I mean, we're at the top of our game here. 432 00:18:11,786 --> 00:18:13,004 Honey, the only thing that 433 00:18:13,048 --> 00:18:14,180 we're ever going to be able 434 00:18:14,223 --> 00:18:18,314 to offer you is our total abject obedience. 435 00:18:20,316 --> 00:18:22,318 I-I know that doesn't sound like much, 436 00:18:22,362 --> 00:18:24,494 but if you look at it this way, 437 00:18:24,538 --> 00:18:30,065 our meager abilities are yours completely-- 100%. 438 00:18:31,588 --> 00:18:33,242 Listen, wide ride, these guys are 439 00:18:33,286 --> 00:18:34,983 just trying to do something nice for you. 440 00:18:35,026 --> 00:18:37,028 Give them a break. 441 00:18:37,072 --> 00:18:39,422 I-I'm sorry. 442 00:18:39,466 --> 00:18:42,382 Did you just call my wife "wide ride"? 443 00:18:42,425 --> 00:18:43,383 Oh, okay, I get it. 444 00:18:43,426 --> 00:18:45,385 You got to make a big show for... 445 00:18:47,474 --> 00:18:50,346 Now, you are going to get up and apolo... 446 00:18:52,043 --> 00:18:53,828 BOYS: All right! 447 00:18:53,871 --> 00:18:55,786 [boys shouting] 448 00:18:56,613 --> 00:18:58,049 MALCOLM: Yeah! Good job! 449 00:18:58,093 --> 00:18:59,181 Hit him, Dad! Come on! 450 00:18:59,225 --> 00:19:00,182 Come on, work the gut! 451 00:19:00,226 --> 00:19:01,531 Work the inside!Keep your hands in! 452 00:19:01,575 --> 00:19:02,706 Lead with the left! 453 00:19:05,013 --> 00:19:07,233 [shouting continues] 454 00:19:08,930 --> 00:19:10,192 Hold this. 455 00:19:16,242 --> 00:19:18,069 I got to go. I know. 456 00:19:18,113 --> 00:19:19,854 You'll be here waiting for me when I'm done? 457 00:19:19,897 --> 00:19:21,638 No. Good-bye. 458 00:19:28,906 --> 00:19:30,169 Hit him, Dad! Kill him! 459 00:19:36,305 --> 00:19:37,741 Fight him! Hit him! 460 00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:53,670 [shouting continues] 461 00:20:04,377 --> 00:20:07,771 ♪ All my life was a paper 462 00:20:10,165 --> 00:20:13,212 ♪ Once plain, pure and white 463 00:20:15,388 --> 00:20:17,825 ♪ Till you moved with your pen 464 00:20:17,868 --> 00:20:20,349 ♪ Changing moods now and then 465 00:20:20,393 --> 00:20:24,179 ♪ Till the balance was right 466 00:20:26,660 --> 00:20:30,316 ♪ And you 467 00:20:30,359 --> 00:20:35,321 ♪ Decorated my life 468 00:20:35,364 --> 00:20:41,501 ♪ By painting your love 469 00:20:41,544 --> 00:20:46,549 ♪ All over my heart 470 00:20:46,593 --> 00:20:51,250 ♪ You decorated my life 471 00:20:54,818 --> 00:20:56,820 ♪ Ooh, ooh 472 00:20:57,560 --> 00:20:59,345 ♪ Ooh, ooh.