1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162
WWW.MY-SUBS.CO

1
00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:18,151
Here we go.

2
00:01:20,600 --> 00:01:21,999
Fresh from the oven.

3
00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:23,792
Not that I bake, mind you.

4
00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:27,356
It's just that that's where I hide it
from Al and the kids.

5
00:01:27,920 --> 00:01:29,717
I'll get the forks.

6
00:01:29,960 --> 00:01:34,431
Now, let's see.
Where do I keep the good plastic?

7
00:01:43,640 --> 00:01:45,676
We couldn't wait.

8
00:01:47,160 --> 00:01:49,993
Glad I'm not made
of buttercream frosting.

9
00:01:51,640 --> 00:01:53,039
Mom.

10
00:01:59,400 --> 00:02:02,198
What is the best news
that you could possibly hear?

11
00:02:02,440 --> 00:02:05,000
They're making men in flavours?

12
00:02:06,440 --> 00:02:09,352
Yeah. I got a commercial.

13
00:02:09,560 --> 00:02:11,471
Now, it's not just any commercial.

14
00:02:11,680 --> 00:02:16,151
I am going to be
the new Waist Away Diet girl.

15
00:02:17,520 --> 00:02:19,317
Honey, that is terrific.

16
00:02:19,560 --> 00:02:21,596
Waist Away. That's a good diet.

17
00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:24,473
I've lost hundreds of pounds
on that one.

18
00:02:25,080 --> 00:02:28,709
You know, I am one of those people
that can't lose weight no matter what.

19
00:02:28,920 --> 00:02:31,434
I don't know.
You know, slow metabolism, I guess.

20
00:02:31,640 --> 00:02:33,198
I don't know.

21
00:02:37,600 --> 00:02:39,397
Mom, don't you see
what this means?

22
00:02:39,640 --> 00:02:41,710
This could be my springboard
to Hollywood.

23
00:02:41,960 --> 00:02:46,033
TV, movies, made-for-TV movies.

24
00:02:46,240 --> 00:02:48,754
Movies made from old TV.

25
00:02:49,480 --> 00:02:52,119
Mom, I'm finally on my way.

26
00:02:53,080 --> 00:02:57,153
Hey, Buck, I'm finally on my way.

27
00:02:57,440 --> 00:03:01,558
Mr. Clock, I'm finally on my way.

28
00:03:02,520 --> 00:03:06,308
Bud and the rubber woman,
I'm finally on my way.

29
00:03:10,920 --> 00:03:13,309
I take it Al and his NO MA'AM herd...

30
00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:16,273
...had a meeting tonight?
- Yeah. Why?

31
00:03:16,480 --> 00:03:19,040
Because there's a bumper sticker
on my car which says:

32
00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:23,392
"Support feminists.
Hairy women need love too."

33
00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:30,153
So tell me, where
is the little knuckle-walker?

34
00:03:31,720 --> 00:03:34,553
With the rest of the husbands
down at the Jiggly Room.

35
00:03:34,760 --> 00:03:36,352
The Jiggly Room?

36
00:03:36,560 --> 00:03:37,754
Isn't that a strip club?

37
00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:41,276
No, it's a school of science
and industry.

38
00:03:41,720 --> 00:03:43,392
Do you all mind if I ask a question?

39
00:03:43,760 --> 00:03:45,796
Do we have to stop eating?

40
00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:50,631
Why do you let your husbands
go to places like that?

41
00:03:50,840 --> 00:03:52,831
Think about the message
that they're sending.

42
00:03:53,080 --> 00:03:57,119
They're saying, you don't turn us on,
so we'll just get stimulated elsewhere.

43
00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:59,914
Well, that's sick. It's disgusting. It...

44
00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:02,839
Oh, my God,
is that John F. Kennedy Jr.?

45
00:04:15,720 --> 00:04:18,154
It's downright insulting.

46
00:04:18,640 --> 00:04:22,155
Marcie, what is the big deal?
All men go to strip clubs.

47
00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:24,152
Not my Jefferson.

48
00:04:24,360 --> 00:04:26,794
You may let the eyes
of your men wander...

49
00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:29,878
...but I am more than enough woman
for mine.

50
00:04:30,120 --> 00:04:34,159
Did you see the headlights
on that last stripper?

51
00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:42,349
How about the tail lights
on the one with the tattoos?

52
00:04:44,040 --> 00:04:47,396
No. No, no, no.
Those weren't tattoos.

53
00:04:47,600 --> 00:04:48,828
Those were my fingerprints.

54
00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:56,558
Okay, you guys go ahead on in.

55
00:04:56,800 --> 00:05:00,395
Now, in case Marcie's in there,
remember, I wasn't with you.

56
00:05:00,640 --> 00:05:03,473
I was working security at...

57
00:05:04,760 --> 00:05:06,512
Wong's Dry Cleaning.

58
00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:12,238
Okay, guys, it's time to face
the wives.

59
00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:17,595
All right, now remember this,
men.

60
00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:18,994
Just as a man's eyes...

61
00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:21,998
...must adjust to the light
when he's been in the dark...

62
00:05:22,200 --> 00:05:24,760
...so, too, must a man's eyes
adjust to his wife...

63
00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:26,718
...when he's been in the nudie bar.

64
00:05:32,480 --> 00:05:36,439
Ergo, do not look directly at them.

65
00:05:43,840 --> 00:05:45,592
Let's do it.

66
00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:50,153
Hey, Peg.

67
00:05:52,880 --> 00:05:55,474
Hi, guys. How was the club?

68
00:05:55,720 --> 00:05:58,792
The same thing.
You know, it's no big deal.

69
00:05:59,680 --> 00:06:00,908
Just a minute.

70
00:06:01,120 --> 00:06:03,953
Now, tell me, what do you guys
get out of going to strip clubs?

71
00:06:04,200 --> 00:06:05,679
We get out of the house.

72
00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:09,791
Seriously, Al.

73
00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:13,037
Come on now, Peg.
Don't let Foghorn Leghorn here...

74
00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:15,390
...make an issue out of this.

75
00:06:18,480 --> 00:06:19,959
It's no big deal.

76
00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:22,958
Oh, hey, guys.

77
00:06:25,120 --> 00:06:28,590
I just got back
from guarding stuff.

78
00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:32,039
- Where have you been?
- Jefferson.

79
00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:34,675
They went to a strip club.

80
00:06:38,280 --> 00:06:40,999
You make me sick.

81
00:06:42,680 --> 00:06:45,433
Jefferson thinks it's a big deal, Al.

82
00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:48,717
So tell us. What do you do there?

83
00:06:49,160 --> 00:06:53,995
Nothing. Sit and watch ladies
dance and jump.

84
00:06:55,760 --> 00:06:58,797
- And are they naked?
- No!

85
00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:01,950
No, they're wearing those...

86
00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:04,754
- What-you-call-its.
- Shoes?

87
00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:10,193
Well, all I can say is that
if I ever caught my Jefferson...

88
00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:13,073
...going into a place like that,
I would do things to him...

89
00:07:13,280 --> 00:07:16,875
...that would make Lorena Bobbitt
toss her cookies.

90
00:07:21,440 --> 00:07:23,556
And what do you do
with those strippers?

91
00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:26,718
- Do you touch them?
- No!

92
00:07:27,360 --> 00:07:31,035
No, we don't do anything with them
that we wouldn't do with you.

93
00:07:32,040 --> 00:07:34,634
And you know we don't touch you.

94
00:07:35,480 --> 00:07:37,198
That's just the point.

95
00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:40,073
Marcie says the only reason
you go there...

96
00:07:40,280 --> 00:07:42,669
...is because we
don't turn you on anymore.

97
00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:44,751
Oh, she does, does she?

98
00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:48,873
Well, how ridiculous is that?
You people don't turn us on anymore.

99
00:07:55,360 --> 00:07:57,191
Anyway, ladies...

100
00:07:57,400 --> 00:08:00,392
...while it may seem that the nudie bar
is a place where men go...

101
00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:04,036
...to watch surgically-altered hooters
sway oddly to bad music.

102
00:08:04,240 --> 00:08:05,719
In reality...

103
00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:10,118
...it is a place where men go
to relax and unwind and...

104
00:08:10,480 --> 00:08:13,790
...watch surgically-altered hooters
sway...

105
00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:16,434
...oddly to bad music, Peg.

106
00:08:17,720 --> 00:08:20,518
Gee, Al, I guess we were misled.

107
00:08:20,720 --> 00:08:23,553
- Sounds like totally innocent fun.
- You're right.

108
00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:26,394
So I guess you wouldn't mind
if we joined you?

109
00:08:29,520 --> 00:08:32,751
- Join us?
- At the nudie bar?

110
00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:36,510
Well, sure.
We wanna relax and unwind too.

111
00:08:36,720 --> 00:08:37,755
From what?

112
00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:41,748
Tearing open them packages
of Ho Hos with your teeth all day?

113
00:08:44,800 --> 00:08:46,711
Exactly.

114
00:08:46,920 --> 00:08:49,036
I mean, no!

115
00:08:49,920 --> 00:08:51,353
Take it or leave it, Al.

116
00:08:51,560 --> 00:08:53,915
Either you take us with you
the next time you go...

117
00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:56,475
...or you are never
going there again.

118
00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:59,560
And just how are you gonna stop us?

119
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:01,712
We won't give you any money.

120
00:09:06,440 --> 00:09:08,192
Well, that'll do it.

121
00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:17,276
Al, are you nuts?
Taking the wives to the nudie bar?

122
00:09:17,480 --> 00:09:20,790
They're gonna see how we act.
They'll kill us.

123
00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:29,076
Jefferson, first of all, what makes
you think I'm afraid of my wife?

124
00:09:29,280 --> 00:09:32,397
The fact that we're whispering
about this in your garage.

125
00:09:35,360 --> 00:09:38,557
Listen, I got this thing all worked out.

126
00:09:38,760 --> 00:09:40,910
We're going to take them
on Thursdays.

127
00:09:41,560 --> 00:09:43,949
Thursday night?
That's our bowling night.

128
00:09:45,520 --> 00:09:49,957
And why do we go bowling
on Thursday night?

129
00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:54,234
Because at the Jiggly Room,
it's always...

130
00:09:54,480 --> 00:09:56,789
A-cup night.

131
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:04,229
There's not a doctored yummy
in the house.

132
00:10:05,320 --> 00:10:07,709
Hence, we won't get excited.

133
00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:09,598
But what if we do?

134
00:10:11,040 --> 00:10:13,759
Well, then try to imagine
Jefferson's wife up on stage...

135
00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:15,718
...with no clothes on.

136
00:10:17,560 --> 00:10:21,155
If that doesn't work, try to picture
Jefferson up on stage with no clothes.

137
00:10:24,160 --> 00:10:25,798
What if that doesn't work?

138
00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:34,390
Then you're out of the club.

139
00:10:38,560 --> 00:10:40,790
Hi, I'm here for the commercial.

140
00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:43,036
I'm Kelly Bundy, the Waist Away Girl.

141
00:10:43,240 --> 00:10:44,309
Are you the hairdresser?

142
00:10:46,840 --> 00:10:51,595
No. I'm a professional wrestler
they've nicknamed "The Hairdresser."

143
00:10:51,960 --> 00:10:53,678
Oh, okay.

144
00:10:54,640 --> 00:10:56,119
When the hairdresser gets here...

145
00:10:56,320 --> 00:10:59,198
...tell him that I'm supposed
to be peppy for this commercial...

146
00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:01,356
...so I'd like kind of
a windswept look.

147
00:11:01,560 --> 00:11:03,710
Not too far off the face,
but with the sides...

148
00:11:03,920 --> 00:11:06,434
...with a little bit more texture. Okay?

149
00:11:11,640 --> 00:11:13,073
Done.

150
00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:16,192
Thanks.

151
00:11:20,840 --> 00:11:22,319
Excuse me.

152
00:11:22,520 --> 00:11:24,158
I'm looking for the dressing rooms.

153
00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:27,551
Oh, they're over
in the producer's office.

154
00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:30,076
But he's really stupid.

155
00:11:30,280 --> 00:11:33,795
He had me try on 30 different outfits
before he made up his mind.

156
00:11:34,240 --> 00:11:35,832
Thanks.

157
00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:41,993
Kelly Bundy to the set, please.

158
00:11:44,480 --> 00:11:47,313
Hi, Kelly. I'm your director.

159
00:11:47,960 --> 00:11:50,838
Okay. Okay.

160
00:11:51,120 --> 00:11:53,873
When I say action, I want you
to turn away from the fridge...

161
00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:55,433
...Iook into the camera, say:

162
00:11:55,640 --> 00:11:57,676
"And, baby, look at me now,"
then sip, go...

163
00:11:58,560 --> 00:12:01,279
...and say the flavour.
Can you do that for me?

164
00:12:01,920 --> 00:12:04,036
Is a bear Catholic?

165
00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:08,632
- Let's get started.
- Okay.

166
00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:11,111
Places, please.

167
00:12:15,280 --> 00:12:18,033
Oh, how will I know
what the flavour is?

168
00:12:18,240 --> 00:12:20,708
- From the taste.
- Okay.

169
00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:24,752
Waist Away Diet Ad, take one.

170
00:12:25,040 --> 00:12:26,632
Action.

171
00:12:27,160 --> 00:12:30,277
And, baby, look at me now.

172
00:12:32,800 --> 00:12:34,518
Cow pie.

173
00:12:41,520 --> 00:12:43,317
That's cherry.

174
00:12:44,320 --> 00:12:45,878
You taste it.

175
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:51,039
I have. Look, from now on
we'll just label the cups.

176
00:12:51,240 --> 00:12:55,677
Cups? How much of this bile
do I have to drink?

177
00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:00,518
Action.

178
00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:03,997
And, baby, look at me now.

179
00:13:06,360 --> 00:13:08,157
Kiwi.

180
00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:18,190
Cabbage.

181
00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:32,672
Salmon.

182
00:13:44,680 --> 00:13:46,432
Cut.

183
00:14:01,920 --> 00:14:04,275
Well, this is it, dear.
This is where I go.

184
00:14:04,480 --> 00:14:07,790
- Go right this way.
- Right this way, ladies. Right this way.

185
00:14:08,040 --> 00:14:11,669
- Jeez, what a dump.
- Oh, I don't know.

186
00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:15,276
It's better than some
of the restaurants Al's taken me to.

187
00:14:23,720 --> 00:14:26,792
Jefferson, I still don't understand
why you have to dress like that.

188
00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:32,230
I'm a pillar of the community, Marcie.
I shouldn't be seen in places like this.

189
00:14:32,880 --> 00:14:35,678
- Oh, hi, Jefferson.
- Hello, Mai Lin.

190
00:14:40,200 --> 00:14:41,349
That's a relief.

191
00:14:41,560 --> 00:14:43,949
I thought I was the only
dry-cleaner security guard...

192
00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:45,957
...working undercover tonight.

193
00:14:46,640 --> 00:14:50,235
Gee, Al, I can't believe you spend time
in places like this.

194
00:14:50,440 --> 00:14:52,795
I mean, what kind of example is this
for our son?

195
00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:04,992
I gotta go.

196
00:15:05,240 --> 00:15:08,516
Another emergency bypass,
Dr. Bundy?

197
00:15:10,120 --> 00:15:14,272
Yes. Yes, it appears my beeper has
just gone off.

198
00:15:20,360 --> 00:15:21,952
Also.

199
00:15:23,040 --> 00:15:23,995
I'll see you tomorrow.

200
00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:30,513
"Good evening, patrons.

201
00:15:31,360 --> 00:15:33,191
And welcome to the Jiggly Room...

202
00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:35,470
...where we present the finest...

203
00:15:35,680 --> 00:15:38,990
...in yada-yada-yada.

204
00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:44,519
Our first A-cup tonight
is a delectable little dish...

205
00:15:44,720 --> 00:15:47,917
...we like to call Shay Shay."

206
00:15:57,240 --> 00:15:59,834
Now, let's see. Where did we
leave off last week?

207
00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:02,878
We were discussing
health-care reform, I believe.

208
00:16:03,120 --> 00:16:05,918
Oh, yes. I think...

209
00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:08,755
Oh, excuse me, ma'am,
I believe you dropped this.

210
00:16:11,080 --> 00:16:14,789
We were weighing the benefits
of medical malpractice torts...

211
00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:19,357
...against across-the-board
employer insurance contributions.

212
00:16:20,320 --> 00:16:21,833
Yes. I'd like a bowl...

213
00:16:22,040 --> 00:16:25,794
...of your freshest
air-popped popcorn, please.

214
00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:29,993
And I'd like an unflavoured
mineral water with a lemon wedge.

215
00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:33,112
Two beers.

216
00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:36,635
Gee, Al, I have to admit...

217
00:16:36,840 --> 00:16:39,354
...this isn't anything
like I thought it would be.

218
00:16:39,560 --> 00:16:42,028
I know. Usually it's a little more
civilized in here...

219
00:16:42,280 --> 00:16:46,398
...but when talk turns to health care,
damn it, I become an animal!

220
00:16:57,920 --> 00:17:00,992
Ginger or Mary Ann?

221
00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:04,478
Mary Ann.

222
00:17:05,640 --> 00:17:08,950
Gilligan or Mrs. Howell?

223
00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:13,313
Well, that depends. How long
we been on this island?

224
00:17:13,560 --> 00:17:16,233
Al, we have to apologize.

225
00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:18,954
I really thought you came down here
to ogle these women.

226
00:17:19,160 --> 00:17:22,436
But if this is how you're gonna act,
you can have it. Come on, girls.

227
00:17:22,640 --> 00:17:24,835
Oh, no, no, Peg.
No, now wait a minute here.

228
00:17:25,040 --> 00:17:29,716
Don't go. Ike is about to start
a conversation on auto repair.

229
00:17:29,920 --> 00:17:33,356
Now you just stay seated here,
the night's still young.

230
00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:38,515
"And now, the Jiggly Room
presents a very special treat.

231
00:17:38,920 --> 00:17:41,115
She is usually here on Saturdays...

232
00:17:41,320 --> 00:17:44,835
...but this week
she'll be getting married.

233
00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:47,352
To me.

234
00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:54,518
And here she is, the two,
the only Rocki Mountains."

235
00:18:12,520 --> 00:18:14,875
Oh, my God.

236
00:18:18,040 --> 00:18:20,713
Helen, you still here?

237
00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:23,238
Go home.

238
00:18:32,560 --> 00:18:37,236
Would someone please tell me
who on earth would find that sexy?

239
00:18:45,920 --> 00:18:48,878
Men, get ahold of yourselves.
Get a grip.

240
00:18:49,120 --> 00:18:52,351
Who's man enough
to climb the Rockies?

241
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:56,558
I can't take it anymore!

242
00:18:56,760 --> 00:18:59,479
It's party time!

243
00:19:04,880 --> 00:19:08,873
Boy, Louise is gonna kill him
when he gets home, huh, Helen?

244
00:19:20,640 --> 00:19:25,236
Hey, Al, you think the wives will ever
let us come back to this place again?

245
00:19:28,520 --> 00:19:32,354
It'll be where they dump the bodies
after they gut us in our sleep.

246
00:19:32,840 --> 00:19:35,035
We can't go on dancing
like this forever.

247
00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:36,912
What'll we do?

248
00:19:37,120 --> 00:19:39,634
What we all know we have to do.

249
00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:43,032
- You mean...?
- I'm afraid so.

250
00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:46,640
Oh, Charlie.

251
00:19:47,960 --> 00:19:50,599
Oh, Ike.

252
00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:55,038
Oh, Bob Rooney.

253
00:19:57,160 --> 00:19:59,913
Oh, Al.

254
00:20:01,880 --> 00:20:04,952
Oh, Mr. Lincoln.

255
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:09,592
Hey, buddy...

256
00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:12,793
...you up for the Jiggly Room
tonight?

257
00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:17,231
No, Jefferson, I'm all jigglied out.

258
00:20:19,360 --> 00:20:22,796
Hey, guys, guess what it's time for.

259
00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:24,911
Armageddon?

260
00:20:25,760 --> 00:20:29,753
No, better. It is the world premiere
of my Waist Away Diet commercial.

261
00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:32,190
Man, when people see my face
in this commercial...

262
00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:36,029
...the offers are gonna rain down
like halves and pogs.

263
00:20:36,400 --> 00:20:38,994
I'm... I'm gonna be huge.

264
00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:41,998
Will Waist Away work for you?

265
00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:44,595
Ask former heavyweight,
Diane Graham.

266
00:20:44,840 --> 00:20:46,751
Other diets let me down.

267
00:20:46,960 --> 00:20:49,633
So I tried Waist Away.

268
00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:57,113
And, baby, look at me now.

269
00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:01,356
That's not my head.

270
00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:03,870
They didn't use my head.

271
00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:07,790
And remember,
I'm not just a Waist Away client...

272
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:11,117
...I'm the president
of the company's daughter.

273
00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:21,789
Now, now, pumpkin, you know
that life is full of little setbacks. Now...

274
00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:24,275
You... You just have
to stand tall and...

275
00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:28,189
And learn to face them
with courage and... And dignity, huh?

276
00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:34,838
Oh, Al, look what we got
at the Hungry Undie?

277
00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:41,440
Your favourite, Jefferson.

278
00:21:41,680 --> 00:21:43,955
Butterscotch.