1 00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:03,084 Go back to the void, babe. I'll be there in a minute. 2 00:00:03,170 --> 00:00:04,939 OK. I'll miss you like crazy. - I'll miss you more. 3 00:00:04,963 --> 00:00:05,963 No. 4 00:00:06,215 --> 00:00:08,548 I'll miss you more. Bye! 5 00:00:08,634 --> 00:00:11,314 It's my first time making someone so he might be a little bit "off." 6 00:00:11,345 --> 00:00:15,806 Janet, you can't just go around inventing people. 7 00:00:15,891 --> 00:00:17,223 Get rid of him immediately. 8 00:00:17,559 --> 00:00:18,424 No. 9 00:00:18,519 --> 00:00:20,306 Eleanor told me to find a rebound guy. 10 00:00:20,395 --> 00:00:23,308 I couldn't find one, so I made one. 11 00:00:23,398 --> 00:00:24,855 He's helping me forget about Jason. 12 00:00:24,900 --> 00:00:29,190 Ugh! "Jason. Jason. Jason. Jason. Jason." 13 00:00:29,279 --> 00:00:31,896 "Jason. Jason. Jason. Jason. Jason. Jason." 14 00:00:31,990 --> 00:00:33,750 Ugh! "Jason. Jason. Jason. Jason." - Honey... 15 00:00:33,784 --> 00:00:35,275 "Jason. Jason. Jason. Jason." - Babe. 16 00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:37,249 "Jason. Jason. Ja..." - Babe! Don't be jealous. 17 00:00:37,287 --> 00:00:39,074 I love you now. 18 00:00:39,164 --> 00:00:40,892 And we are going to spend every second together. 19 00:00:40,916 --> 00:00:42,999 Aw... - No! No, no, you are not. 20 00:00:43,085 --> 00:00:45,293 Janet, no one can know about... 21 00:00:45,837 --> 00:00:47,373 I'm so sorry, what's your name again? 22 00:00:47,464 --> 00:00:48,464 Derek Hoffstetler. 23 00:00:48,549 --> 00:00:52,213 If anybody finds out about him, we are doomed. 24 00:00:52,302 --> 00:00:54,510 He has to stay in your void. 25 00:00:54,596 --> 00:00:56,804 It's our void now. 26 00:00:56,890 --> 00:00:59,724 We moved in together. - What! Can you believe it? 27 00:00:59,810 --> 00:01:03,349 I got my own hanger for my jumpsuit. - Already? I mean, that's... that's so fast! 28 00:01:03,438 --> 00:01:05,145 Well, when you know, you know. 29 00:01:05,232 --> 00:01:07,565 And we know literally everything. 30 00:01:07,651 --> 00:01:09,734 We are so in sync, we're finishing each other's... 31 00:01:09,820 --> 00:01:10,981 Derek! - Ah! 32 00:01:20,455 --> 00:01:21,455 Hey, guys! - Oh! 33 00:01:21,498 --> 00:01:23,034 Michael, you frightened me. 34 00:01:23,125 --> 00:01:26,414 Jason's making me watch this horror film about two ex-convicts 35 00:01:26,503 --> 00:01:28,961 who try to rob and murder a neglected child. 36 00:01:29,673 --> 00:01:30,789 Get over here! 37 00:01:32,593 --> 00:01:34,129 Hey, I got some great news. 38 00:01:34,219 --> 00:01:37,303 I've arranged for you to have a weekend getaway. 39 00:01:37,389 --> 00:01:39,909 I bet you're tired of being cooped up in this house, aren't you? 40 00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:41,094 I am a bit, actually. 41 00:01:41,184 --> 00:01:44,973 All this time indoors has degraded my skin from "radiant" to merely "dewy." 42 00:01:45,063 --> 00:01:46,395 Me! Dewy! 43 00:01:46,481 --> 00:01:49,895 Well, there's going to be plenty of sun and fun at the private campsite 44 00:01:49,985 --> 00:01:52,005 that I set up for you at the edge of the Neighbourhood. 45 00:01:52,029 --> 00:01:55,818 Here you go. Ah, I told Vicky that I'll be torturing you for the time being. 46 00:01:55,907 --> 00:01:59,321 So just relax, live it up. Out you go. Here. Now, sadly... 47 00:01:59,411 --> 00:02:02,995 Janet is still offline, so you... you can't call her, OK? 48 00:02:03,081 --> 00:02:06,290 The best news is, none of this is suspicious. 49 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:08,747 I don't know what's going to happen to us. 50 00:02:08,837 --> 00:02:10,669 But I need to tell you something... 51 00:02:12,883 --> 00:02:14,044 I love you. 52 00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:15,841 What are you watching? - Um... 53 00:02:15,927 --> 00:02:18,044 "Cannonball Run Two." - Again? 54 00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:20,551 You watch that movie a lot. 55 00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:22,849 Well, it's basically my favourite movie of all time. 56 00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:26,018 But you can never watch it! This copy's mine. 57 00:02:26,104 --> 00:02:28,096 Uh-oh, I guess I'm still pretty selfish. 58 00:02:28,857 --> 00:02:31,395 Help. I need another ethics lesson, quick! 59 00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:33,818 Very weird energy coming off of you right now. 60 00:02:33,904 --> 00:02:35,111 Hey, guys. What you doing? 61 00:02:35,197 --> 00:02:36,608 Nothing? Great. 62 00:02:36,698 --> 00:02:39,111 So, Chidi, just want to double check. 63 00:02:39,201 --> 00:02:42,694 How do ethical philosophers feel about murder? 64 00:02:43,246 --> 00:02:44,246 It's frowned upon. 65 00:02:44,331 --> 00:02:48,200 OK, what if the reason you want to murder someone 66 00:02:48,293 --> 00:02:50,876 is to make your life easier? That's OK, right? 67 00:02:50,962 --> 00:02:52,919 Is there a problem here, bud? 68 00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:54,087 OK, I'll just tell you. 69 00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:56,131 Um... no. 70 00:02:56,218 --> 00:02:58,050 Too hard to explain. I'll show you. 71 00:02:58,095 --> 00:02:58,960 Janet. 72 00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:00,412 - Hi there. - Hey there! 73 00:03:00,472 --> 00:03:01,758 Who the fork is that? 74 00:03:01,848 --> 00:03:05,057 Derek Hoffstetler, PI. - Derek is my rebound guy. 75 00:03:05,143 --> 00:03:06,384 I made him. 76 00:03:07,104 --> 00:03:10,643 Oh! Did you do that because, um... of what I said? 77 00:03:10,732 --> 00:03:12,644 Yes. Because of what you said. - Janet... 78 00:03:12,734 --> 00:03:14,253 Thank you, Eleanor. - Thank you, Eleanor. 79 00:03:14,277 --> 00:03:16,109 You know, you seem so sad. 80 00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:18,028 Do you want me to make you a boyfriend too? 81 00:03:18,115 --> 00:03:19,731 Ooh, I could have a brother. - Yes! 82 00:03:19,825 --> 00:03:21,612 Based on your last 10,000 comments 83 00:03:21,660 --> 00:03:24,198 it would be Stone Cold Steve Austin's head on Tahani's body. 84 00:03:24,287 --> 00:03:26,449 Or vice versa. - She's not gonna make you anything. 85 00:03:26,832 --> 00:03:27,948 Janet, that'll be all. 86 00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:29,998 OK. Goodbye. Say goodbye, Derek. 87 00:03:30,085 --> 00:03:33,544 Ah! "Goodbob." I hope we "same place" again very now. 88 00:03:34,756 --> 00:03:36,588 His brain is wrong. - Ah-ha! 89 00:03:38,593 --> 00:03:40,676 Well, I definitely understand everything, so... 90 00:03:42,139 --> 00:03:43,425 No need to explain. 91 00:03:44,850 --> 00:03:46,432 Mm! - Mm! 92 00:03:46,518 --> 00:03:48,726 Now, the goal is to tap the ball hard enough 93 00:03:48,812 --> 00:03:51,833 that it goes through the wicket, but not so hard that it goes too far through. 94 00:03:51,857 --> 00:03:56,727 It combines both classic aspects of British sport - whimsy and restraint. 95 00:03:58,447 --> 00:04:01,155 Oh! So restrained. 96 00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:03,654 You know, I believe it was Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain 97 00:04:03,744 --> 00:04:06,578 who called croquet, "barely a game!" 98 00:04:06,663 --> 00:04:10,657 It's kinda fun, I guess. But can I teach you a different game? 99 00:04:10,834 --> 00:04:13,372 In this one, you just whack it as hard as you can 100 00:04:13,462 --> 00:04:15,328 in whatever direction you want! 101 00:04:15,422 --> 00:04:17,084 Jaguars rule! 102 00:04:18,633 --> 00:04:20,340 The Jaguars are very good! 103 00:04:20,427 --> 00:04:22,714 Ooh! - Whoa, nice! 104 00:04:28,643 --> 00:04:29,643 Mm! 105 00:04:32,647 --> 00:04:34,730 Fore! - Well done. 106 00:04:34,816 --> 00:04:36,557 OK, here's where I am on this. 107 00:04:36,651 --> 00:04:38,108 We gotta kill Derek. 108 00:04:38,862 --> 00:04:41,980 No, think about it. What if Vicky calls for Janet 109 00:04:42,073 --> 00:04:43,905 and Derek shows up too? 110 00:04:43,992 --> 00:04:46,137 She's gotta have a lot of questions that we can't answer. 111 00:04:46,161 --> 00:04:49,825 But Derek does seem to be helping Janet get over Jason. 112 00:04:49,915 --> 00:04:52,077 Right? No earthquakes since he showed up. 113 00:04:52,167 --> 00:04:55,911 If we get rid of Derek, then maybe Janet will start glitching again. 114 00:04:56,004 --> 00:05:00,089 OK, if we can't kill Derek, then we gotta break up Jason and Tahani. 115 00:05:00,175 --> 00:05:03,589 If that relationship ends then Janet won't feel sad anymore 116 00:05:03,678 --> 00:05:05,465 and maybe she'll get rid of Derek herself. 117 00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:09,174 Girl, you are a messy bench who loves drama and I am into it. 118 00:05:09,267 --> 00:05:12,726 I'm sorry, Michael. But that's also ethically kind of dicey. 119 00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:14,020 Here comes the egghead. 120 00:05:14,105 --> 00:05:16,062 Well, look, Jason and Tahani are happy together 121 00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:19,313 and telling them that he was once married to Janet might cause them harm. 122 00:05:19,402 --> 00:05:22,566 It's not permissible to... to ruin their happiness to save ourselves. 123 00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:26,696 Wait, but isn't keeping a secret from someone basically like lying though? 124 00:05:26,785 --> 00:05:28,095 No, no, it's OK to keep a secret. 125 00:05:28,119 --> 00:05:30,076 As long as that secret isn't harming anyone. 126 00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:32,496 And telling them that secret might cause harm. 127 00:05:32,582 --> 00:05:34,164 Noice! - Cool. 128 00:05:34,251 --> 00:05:35,458 Good point, egghead. 129 00:05:35,544 --> 00:05:37,752 I'll tell you what else would cause them harm. 130 00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:40,706 Getting caught and being sent to the real Bad Place 131 00:05:40,799 --> 00:05:45,089 to be tortured for eternity, which will happen if Derek blows our cover. 132 00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:49,548 I know! But we'll also be sent to the real Bad Place if we do bad things. 133 00:05:49,641 --> 00:05:53,510 I know it's tempting to take a shortcut, but moral strength is defined 134 00:05:53,603 --> 00:05:56,220 by how we behave in times of stress. 135 00:05:56,314 --> 00:05:59,148 Has anyone ever told you what a drag you are? 136 00:05:59,234 --> 00:06:00,315 Everyone. 137 00:06:00,986 --> 00:06:02,147 Constantly. 138 00:06:05,198 --> 00:06:08,407 I hereby pronounce you... King Jason! 139 00:06:09,578 --> 00:06:10,614 Dope. 140 00:06:11,955 --> 00:06:13,412 Where did you learn how to do this? 141 00:06:13,498 --> 00:06:15,831 The Hertfordshire Academy for Expressionless Girls. 142 00:06:15,917 --> 00:06:18,330 It was a finishing school I attended before Oxford. 143 00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:20,377 And then of course the Sorbonne. 144 00:06:21,673 --> 00:06:24,026 You know, I don't think I've ever asked you where you were educated. 145 00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:27,714 I went to Lynyrd Skynyrd High School in Northeast Jacksonville 146 00:06:27,804 --> 00:06:30,547 which was really just a bunch of tugboats tied together. 147 00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:32,131 Didn't you get seasick? 148 00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:35,013 No, sorry. They were tied together in a junkyard. 149 00:06:35,562 --> 00:06:37,554 It wasn't a very good school. 150 00:06:37,981 --> 00:06:41,145 For most of my classes, we just sold dirty magazines door to door. 151 00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:46,070 You know, Jason. Every single detail about your life is deeply disturbing. 152 00:06:46,156 --> 00:06:47,988 And yet, I envy you. Where I... 153 00:06:48,074 --> 00:06:49,986 I was never allowed to goof off. 154 00:06:51,328 --> 00:06:54,321 I never even had a friend I could just be myself around. 155 00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:56,121 Maybe I can be that friend. 156 00:06:57,459 --> 00:06:59,792 Or your husband! 157 00:06:59,878 --> 00:07:01,210 OK, stop it. 158 00:07:01,296 --> 00:07:02,832 No, no, no, I'm serious. 159 00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:04,630 Will you marry me? 160 00:07:07,719 --> 00:07:09,961 I say we just let sleeping dogs lie. 161 00:07:10,055 --> 00:07:13,719 Tell Janet that Derek can stay, but she's gotta keep him under wraps 162 00:07:13,808 --> 00:07:15,674 so that none of the other demons find out. 163 00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:19,854 Fine. As long as they fly under the radar, and Janet stays happy 164 00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:21,147 I think we'll be safe. - Great. 165 00:07:21,232 --> 00:07:22,585 - Janet! - Because the truth is... 166 00:07:22,609 --> 00:07:23,794 You always do this! - ...you don't respect me! 167 00:07:23,818 --> 00:07:26,130 You make a federal case out of everything! - ...and you never have 168 00:07:26,154 --> 00:07:27,924 because to you I'll always be "that guy you made!" 169 00:07:27,948 --> 00:07:29,133 Guys, guys, guys! What's going on? 170 00:07:29,157 --> 00:07:31,365 OK, can we not do this in front of my friends? 171 00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:33,408 Oh, so they're your friends now? 172 00:07:33,495 --> 00:07:35,612 I'm stating a fact. They are your friends. 173 00:07:35,705 --> 00:07:38,573 I don't know these people. I am out of here. 174 00:07:38,667 --> 00:07:41,205 Oh, great, Derek. - I'm gonna go back to our void 175 00:07:41,294 --> 00:07:43,911 and I'm gonna try and forget this ever happened. 176 00:07:44,005 --> 00:07:46,122 It is not your void. - Oh! 177 00:07:46,216 --> 00:07:47,707 It is my void. - Wow. 178 00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:51,545 I know it's a boundless, barren nothingness, but you are always there. 179 00:07:51,638 --> 00:07:53,129 Fine, I'll go somewhere else. 180 00:07:53,223 --> 00:07:55,306 Fine! - No, not fine, don't go somewhere else! 181 00:07:56,518 --> 00:07:57,759 OK. Yeah. 182 00:07:58,311 --> 00:07:59,973 We're forked here, aren't we? 183 00:08:01,731 --> 00:08:02,767 Look, Jason. 184 00:08:02,857 --> 00:08:05,895 You're lovely and I've honestly had a wonderful time with you 185 00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:07,022 these past few weeks. 186 00:08:07,112 --> 00:08:09,229 But why on Earth would I marry you? 187 00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:12,065 Well, for one thing, we're not on Earth. 188 00:08:12,617 --> 00:08:13,698 Decent point. 189 00:08:13,785 --> 00:08:19,907 Also, we like each other. And I promise to always be nice to you. 190 00:08:21,459 --> 00:08:22,459 OK. 191 00:08:23,253 --> 00:08:24,289 I'll marry you. 192 00:08:24,879 --> 00:08:26,916 But I need some time to plan a proper reception. 193 00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:28,109 I mean, where will everyone sit? 194 00:08:28,133 --> 00:08:29,735 Will it Michael and Janet opposite Chidi and Eleanor 195 00:08:29,759 --> 00:08:31,320 or Michael and Eleanor opposite Janet and Chidi? 196 00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:33,210 Let's just have it today. At the beach! 197 00:08:33,304 --> 00:08:34,824 The beach is where all the best stuff happens 198 00:08:34,848 --> 00:08:38,637 like, uh... swimsuit issues, and "Saving Private Ryan" 199 00:08:38,727 --> 00:08:41,640 and "Jersey Shore" and crabs! 200 00:08:41,730 --> 00:08:44,188 OK. Oh, I hope Janet's back online. - Mm. 201 00:08:44,274 --> 00:08:46,482 - Janet? - Hi there. 202 00:08:47,902 --> 00:08:51,066 Is everything alright, Janet? - Yeah. Mm-hm. Everything's fine. 203 00:08:51,156 --> 00:08:52,363 It's OK. Yeah, I'm fine. 204 00:08:52,449 --> 00:08:55,032 So, it's all fine. 205 00:08:55,118 --> 00:08:56,700 How can I help you? 206 00:08:56,786 --> 00:08:58,097 Where? There he is! 207 00:08:58,121 --> 00:08:59,306 - Derek. How are you? - Derek! 208 00:08:59,330 --> 00:09:00,787 Nice to meet you. - Derek! 209 00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:02,081 Derek, get down from there! 210 00:09:02,167 --> 00:09:04,910 I am not coming down because I'm meant to come here. 211 00:09:05,003 --> 00:09:06,744 - I came here on purpose... - Shh. 212 00:09:06,838 --> 00:09:09,251 ...cos this tree is my new house. This is Derek's house 213 00:09:09,340 --> 00:09:12,253 and Janet's not allowed in, because I booby-trapped it. 214 00:09:12,343 --> 00:09:13,254 - OK, OK! - Hi. 215 00:09:13,303 --> 00:09:15,420 Janet! Oh, my God, you're here! Thank, God! 216 00:09:15,513 --> 00:09:18,256 Derek, I am not talking to you right now. 217 00:09:18,349 --> 00:09:19,349 I'm here to announce 218 00:09:19,434 --> 00:09:24,680 that Jason Mendoza and Tahani Al-Jamil are getting married this evening. 219 00:09:26,107 --> 00:09:29,271 "The ceremony will be private, but we think it would be totally dope" 220 00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:33,479 "if you biz-natches came and got turnt up with us afterward." 221 00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:35,342 I think I can guess who wrote the invitation. 222 00:09:35,366 --> 00:09:37,636 How come you never get this upset at anything I do, Janet? 223 00:09:37,660 --> 00:09:39,617 Do not start with me right now, Derek? 224 00:09:39,704 --> 00:09:41,570 Oh, I will start it. - No, no, no, don't! 225 00:09:41,664 --> 00:09:45,032 Oh! Do not avoid me by going to the void. 226 00:09:45,126 --> 00:09:46,492 No, no, no! 227 00:09:46,544 --> 00:09:48,957 What a little bench! - Argh! 228 00:09:49,047 --> 00:09:51,084 Things are falling apart here. 229 00:09:51,174 --> 00:09:56,340 Chidi, I understand the ethics involved, but we need to stop that wedding! 230 00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:58,842 We break up Jason and Tahani. 231 00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:02,551 Janet stops being sad. Derek goes away. 232 00:10:02,644 --> 00:10:04,556 Fine, but... 233 00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:07,458 ...there's something called the Doctrine of Double Effect. 234 00:10:07,482 --> 00:10:09,543 In order to remain ethical, you can't just go into this 235 00:10:09,567 --> 00:10:11,024 with the intention of killing Derek. 236 00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:13,945 Your only goal has to be to spare Jason and Tahani 237 00:10:14,030 --> 00:10:16,943 from future pain by filling them in on Jason's past. 238 00:10:17,033 --> 00:10:18,240 No, I gotcha. I gotcha. 239 00:10:18,326 --> 00:10:22,411 So, it's like ethically we should tell Jason that he used to be married to Janet 240 00:10:22,497 --> 00:10:26,286 and it sure would be terrible if that ultimately led to Derek's death. 241 00:10:26,376 --> 00:10:27,912 Wink. - No, the winking is bad. 242 00:10:28,002 --> 00:10:30,460 You should not be winking or saying the word, "wink." 243 00:10:30,547 --> 00:10:32,789 OK. We really need to kill... 244 00:10:33,341 --> 00:10:37,255 We really need to kill any suspicion that I wanna murder Derek. 245 00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:38,548 Boom! 246 00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:39,719 Wink! 247 00:10:39,806 --> 00:10:41,388 You shouldn't be winking either. 248 00:10:41,724 --> 00:10:42,724 Guys! 249 00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:45,968 Tahani, you're so smart. 250 00:10:46,062 --> 00:10:50,727 Every day you teach me something new about art, and history, and... 251 00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:53,400 and why I shouldn't eat everything that smells good... 252 00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:55,853 because sometimes, it's candles. 253 00:10:55,947 --> 00:10:59,236 You're basically like a hot genius teacher 254 00:10:59,325 --> 00:11:02,363 who sometimes has sex with me, your student. 255 00:11:03,454 --> 00:11:06,538 That used to happen a lot at Lynyrd Skynyrd High School. 256 00:11:06,624 --> 00:11:08,104 But this time, you won't be arrested. 257 00:11:09,043 --> 00:11:11,376 Oh, I love you, Tahani. 258 00:11:12,797 --> 00:11:15,039 Brap! Brap! Brap! Pew! Pew! 259 00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:21,254 Jason. I never guessed we'd be where we are today. 260 00:11:21,347 --> 00:11:24,590 Me, a prominent British philanthropist with award-winning legs 261 00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:28,018 set to marry you, a swamp-dweller who once asked me 262 00:11:28,104 --> 00:11:31,768 if the presidents on Mount Rushmore have butts on the other side. 263 00:11:32,650 --> 00:11:35,518 We don't make any sense together. 264 00:11:35,612 --> 00:11:38,776 And yet, when I'm with, you I can really let my hair down - 265 00:11:38,865 --> 00:11:42,324 metaphorically speaking, of course, since I'd never have it up in the first place. 266 00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:44,902 I'm not a factory worker. 267 00:11:45,496 --> 00:11:49,581 But you've helped me to see that there is more to life than just... 268 00:11:49,667 --> 00:11:53,786 appearances. And I can't believe I'm about to say this, but... 269 00:11:54,964 --> 00:11:56,421 - I think I love... - Wait! 270 00:11:56,507 --> 00:11:57,918 Stop the ceremony! 271 00:11:58,593 --> 00:12:01,006 This wedding cannot happen. 272 00:12:01,095 --> 00:12:03,087 This is not helpful, but I have always wanted 273 00:12:03,181 --> 00:12:05,514 to be a part of a wedding that was stopped dramatically. 274 00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:07,466 We can't get married? Why not? 275 00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:09,677 Because... because... 276 00:12:10,605 --> 00:12:12,471 Hang on a second. I can't do it. 277 00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:14,397 Professor Buzzkill got in my head. 278 00:12:14,484 --> 00:12:17,898 I'm just thinking about all the rules I have to follow to stay ethical. 279 00:12:17,987 --> 00:12:20,274 Someone else is gonna have to do this, I... I... No. 280 00:12:20,365 --> 00:12:23,358 Alright, alright, alright. I hate to be the bearer of bad news... 281 00:12:23,451 --> 00:12:26,865 Uh, I think you mean "Bad News Bear." 282 00:12:28,706 --> 00:12:32,825 Before all the reboots, Jason was married to Janet, OK? 283 00:12:32,919 --> 00:12:36,333 That's why Janet's been glitching, because she's sad cos she misses Jason. 284 00:12:36,422 --> 00:12:39,415 In fact, she was so sad she... Well... 285 00:12:40,468 --> 00:12:43,085 - Derek? - Well, well, well. 286 00:12:43,554 --> 00:12:44,840 Jason Mendoza. 287 00:12:45,431 --> 00:12:46,967 At last we meet. 288 00:12:47,058 --> 00:12:48,970 You've got a lot of nerve, buddy. 289 00:12:49,060 --> 00:12:50,517 No, no, I'm Eleanor, man. - What? 290 00:12:51,437 --> 00:12:53,349 Everybody, this is Derek. 291 00:12:53,439 --> 00:12:55,897 Janet made Derek as a boyfriend 292 00:12:55,984 --> 00:12:57,941 to try and rebound from Jason. 293 00:12:59,862 --> 00:13:01,603 Oh, I feel quite lightheaded. 294 00:13:02,198 --> 00:13:05,862 Janet, fetch my dizzy couch, please. 295 00:13:05,952 --> 00:13:08,535 Uh, Jason, Tahani. 296 00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:10,578 You guys stay there, OK? 297 00:13:10,665 --> 00:13:13,032 The rest of you, come with me, right now! 298 00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:14,287 So, it's true. 299 00:13:14,377 --> 00:13:16,869 I'm just some sort of consolation prize. - Derek! 300 00:13:16,963 --> 00:13:20,331 Save the drama for your mama and technically, I am your mama 301 00:13:20,425 --> 00:13:22,508 and I don't want it! - Ugh! 302 00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:24,877 Decision time. 303 00:13:24,971 --> 00:13:27,679 Any second now, someone's gonna realise we're all missing. 304 00:13:27,765 --> 00:13:29,506 Why don't you just reboot all of us? 305 00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:31,967 Tahani and Jason will forget they were ever in love. 306 00:13:32,061 --> 00:13:34,394 It was a fluky thing, it probably won't happen again. 307 00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:36,142 And Chidi and I can forget, uh... 308 00:13:36,232 --> 00:13:38,474 Anything we want to forget. 309 00:13:38,568 --> 00:13:43,188 You know just like, uh... personal bloopers that were embarrassing or, uh... 310 00:13:43,281 --> 00:13:45,364 Days where we were very gassy, etc. 311 00:13:45,450 --> 00:13:47,066 And then we'll meet back in your office. 312 00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:49,948 You bring us up to speed and we go from there. 313 00:13:50,038 --> 00:13:52,200 No, no, no. We're not starting over. 314 00:13:52,290 --> 00:13:53,531 We've come too far. 315 00:13:53,624 --> 00:13:57,334 Our only options are to reboot either Janet, or Derek. 316 00:13:57,420 --> 00:14:00,333 Neither one is permissible as your primary intention. 317 00:14:00,423 --> 00:14:03,211 I mean, the Doctrine of Double Effect, remember? 318 00:14:03,301 --> 00:14:07,887 Well, man, I'm working with the "Doctrine of Not Being Completely Effed." OK? 319 00:14:07,972 --> 00:14:11,465 I say we just reboot both of them and see what shakes out. 320 00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:12,517 OK. 321 00:14:16,147 --> 00:14:18,730 No, no, Michael, Michael, please, please, I have a son. 322 00:14:18,816 --> 00:14:21,149 He's also my boyfriend. I have a boyfriend-son. 323 00:14:21,235 --> 00:14:23,397 Please, Michael, no. I was just born today. 324 00:14:23,488 --> 00:14:25,400 I'm a baby. - I birthed him. I'm a mummy. 325 00:14:25,490 --> 00:14:26,947 Don't kill a baby, Michael. - Argh! 326 00:14:27,033 --> 00:14:28,365 Would you kill a baby? 327 00:14:28,451 --> 00:14:29,845 I can't stand this. I just hate this! 328 00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:31,829 I don't understand what you even like about Jason. 329 00:14:31,996 --> 00:14:33,737 What does he have that I don't have? 330 00:14:33,831 --> 00:14:34,867 A soul. 331 00:14:35,083 --> 00:14:36,415 And genitals. - Ugh! 332 00:14:36,501 --> 00:14:39,460 Here we go, with this whole "no genitals" thing again. 333 00:14:39,545 --> 00:14:42,145 You're the one that gave me wind chimes instead of a penis, Janet! 334 00:14:42,215 --> 00:14:44,548 This isn't about your wind-chime penis. 335 00:14:44,634 --> 00:14:46,250 In fact, it's not about you at all. 336 00:14:46,344 --> 00:14:50,008 I don't even know what it is about, which is very confusing 337 00:14:50,098 --> 00:14:52,966 because the whole point of me is that I know everything! 338 00:14:53,059 --> 00:14:55,893 Janet, can I speak to you alone for a second? 339 00:14:56,437 --> 00:14:59,805 OK, look. When you said you were sad about Jason... 340 00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:02,767 and I suggested, "Hey, find a rebound guy." 341 00:15:02,860 --> 00:15:05,352 It's cos I thought it was some sort of schoolgirl crush 342 00:15:05,446 --> 00:15:07,813 like just some guy you made out with a couple of times 343 00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:10,615 in the walk-in freezer of a Bruegger's Bagels. 344 00:15:10,701 --> 00:15:12,237 Not based on a real example. 345 00:15:12,328 --> 00:15:14,866 Yes, it is. His name was Marcus Bicksburger. 346 00:15:14,956 --> 00:15:16,868 Marcus? I always called him Ben. 347 00:15:16,958 --> 00:15:19,917 Look, I gave you bad advice... - Uh-huh. 348 00:15:20,002 --> 00:15:22,961 OK? Jason was clearly important to you... - Yeah. 349 00:15:23,047 --> 00:15:25,539 ...and real heartbreak doesn't have a simple cure. 350 00:15:25,633 --> 00:15:27,169 Mm-mm. 351 00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:29,968 I mean, you will feel better after some time goes by. 352 00:15:30,054 --> 00:15:32,512 I don't really experience the passage of time. 353 00:15:32,890 --> 00:15:34,756 I do use it as lotion, occasionally, but... 354 00:15:34,851 --> 00:15:38,094 I mean, weird, but keep doing it cos your skin looks amazing. 355 00:15:38,187 --> 00:15:39,644 Thank you. Not skin. 356 00:15:39,730 --> 00:15:42,393 The point is, to get through a real heartbreak 357 00:15:42,483 --> 00:15:45,521 you kind of just have to sit with your feelings, and mull it over 358 00:15:45,611 --> 00:15:47,102 and power through. 359 00:15:48,239 --> 00:15:51,152 And you have to talk about it. Ugh! 360 00:15:51,242 --> 00:15:53,655 Talking about your feelings is the worst. 361 00:15:53,744 --> 00:15:56,077 It's so much easier just to find a rebound guy 362 00:15:56,164 --> 00:15:57,484 and have sex about your feelings. 363 00:15:57,540 --> 00:15:59,577 I don't know if I want to talk to Jason right now. 364 00:15:59,667 --> 00:16:01,624 That's cool. Until then... 365 00:16:02,628 --> 00:16:05,666 if you ever need a friend to talk to, just know I'm here. 366 00:16:06,424 --> 00:16:08,632 That's really kind of you, Eleanor. Thank you. 367 00:16:09,218 --> 00:16:12,336 And in case you were wondering, Marcus is still at that Bruegger's Bagels 368 00:16:12,430 --> 00:16:16,891 and he's the manager now! - Good for Ben. 369 00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:18,512 Marcus. - Marcus. 370 00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:21,725 Derek, there's no easy way to say this. 371 00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:23,931 I never should have made you. - Hm. 372 00:16:24,025 --> 00:16:25,812 I think it's time for you to go away. 373 00:16:25,902 --> 00:16:28,565 I understand because you understand. 374 00:16:28,654 --> 00:16:33,695 Janet, this relationship has been the best seven hours of my whole life. 375 00:16:33,784 --> 00:16:35,901 It's been the only seven hours of my whole life. 376 00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:37,281 It's been my whole life. 377 00:16:37,371 --> 00:16:38,807 I made you this morning, we all remember. 378 00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:40,447 OK, you ready to do this? - Yep. 379 00:16:44,545 --> 00:16:47,504 Janet? What are you doing? 380 00:16:47,590 --> 00:16:49,877 I imbued Derek with some of my thoughts, and emotions. 381 00:16:49,967 --> 00:16:51,647 This is the only way I can re-absorb them. 382 00:16:51,719 --> 00:16:53,085 It'll just be a minute. 383 00:16:54,222 --> 00:16:57,135 Dang it! That is some hot re-absorbing. 384 00:16:57,225 --> 00:16:59,217 Can you get pregnant from re-absorbing? 385 00:17:00,770 --> 00:17:03,683 Uh-oh. I hear wind chimes. Look away! Everybody, look away! 386 00:17:03,773 --> 00:17:05,981 I'm gonna keep watching, but you guys look away! 387 00:17:09,153 --> 00:17:10,234 Goodbye, Derek. 388 00:17:10,321 --> 00:17:13,655 From the moment I made you, everyone wanted to kill you. 389 00:17:14,951 --> 00:17:16,032 And then I did. 390 00:17:16,118 --> 00:17:17,825 Goodbye, mummy-girlfriend. 391 00:17:17,912 --> 00:17:20,620 - Bye, everybody! - Derek's going away now. 392 00:17:21,707 --> 00:17:24,040 Does he seem a little bit, uh... 393 00:17:24,085 --> 00:17:25,166 still alive? 394 00:17:25,253 --> 00:17:27,040 Well, he's about as dead as he can be. 395 00:17:27,505 --> 00:17:29,337 Kind of like he's in power-saver mode. 396 00:17:29,423 --> 00:17:30,959 Derek. 397 00:17:31,509 --> 00:17:33,111 Are you worried you might start glitching again? 398 00:17:33,135 --> 00:17:36,549 No. I think I'll be OK now that I understand what I'm going through. 399 00:17:36,639 --> 00:17:39,177 And now that I know I can talk to my friends about it. 400 00:17:39,976 --> 00:17:41,888 OK, I'm gonna toss this steamer trunk 401 00:17:41,978 --> 00:17:43,413 containing the lifeless husk of my ex-boyfriend 402 00:17:43,437 --> 00:17:46,555 into a remote corner of my limitless void! Bye, guys! 403 00:17:46,649 --> 00:17:48,265 Derek! 404 00:17:50,278 --> 00:17:52,565 I'm kinda glad we didn't get married today. 405 00:17:53,239 --> 00:17:56,277 Me too. Perhaps we were rushing things a bit. 406 00:17:56,367 --> 00:17:58,447 I mean we don't even know that much about each other. 407 00:17:58,786 --> 00:18:00,903 Like, who was the first person you kissed? 408 00:18:00,997 --> 00:18:04,286 The sexy mouse robot in the Chuck E Cheese band. 409 00:18:04,875 --> 00:18:06,207 Yeah, it was... - OK, OK. 410 00:18:06,294 --> 00:18:08,355 I think that's probably enough "getting to know each other" for now. 411 00:18:08,379 --> 00:18:09,620 We'll just take things slow. 412 00:18:10,881 --> 00:18:13,043 I know I'm technically married to Janet. 413 00:18:13,134 --> 00:18:15,672 But I don't remember it at all. 414 00:18:17,221 --> 00:18:19,964 I'm sorry that it puts you in a weird position. 415 00:18:20,057 --> 00:18:21,889 And I still like you a lot. 416 00:18:23,644 --> 00:18:24,930 Me too. 417 00:18:26,647 --> 00:18:27,979 What happens now? 418 00:18:28,899 --> 00:18:31,983 Don't know. Do you want to try... 419 00:18:33,571 --> 00:18:34,687 re-absorbing me? 420 00:18:43,998 --> 00:18:45,955 Something wrong? - No. 421 00:18:46,834 --> 00:18:51,579 Yep. I've been keeping a secret from you, about you. 422 00:18:51,672 --> 00:18:52,753 What is it? 423 00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:55,958 The thing is, it's not even harming you, and... and... and if I tell you 424 00:18:56,052 --> 00:18:57,759 I feel like it... it might harm you. 425 00:18:57,845 --> 00:18:59,632 So, uh, ethically speaking 426 00:18:59,722 --> 00:19:00,907 I don't think I have to tell you. 427 00:19:00,931 --> 00:19:02,297 Yeah, well... forget all that. 428 00:19:02,391 --> 00:19:04,974 Um, this is freaking me out. I'm losing my mind. So just tell me. 429 00:19:07,229 --> 00:19:11,189 And you don 't need to respond cos I know you have trouble saying how you feel. 430 00:19:11,275 --> 00:19:12,391 I love you too. 431 00:19:17,365 --> 00:19:18,731 Wow, OK. 432 00:19:19,325 --> 00:19:21,442 You just... said it. 433 00:19:21,494 --> 00:19:26,114 And I just said it, so effortlessly. 434 00:19:26,207 --> 00:19:28,119 I've never been that certain about anything. 435 00:19:28,209 --> 00:19:31,623 I once even tried to rent socks. 436 00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:35,210 How did I say that, that easily? 437 00:19:35,675 --> 00:19:37,667 I mean, I get how you said it. 438 00:19:38,636 --> 00:19:39,922 I'm a total smoke-show. 439 00:19:40,805 --> 00:19:42,546 But how did I say it so easily? 440 00:19:44,308 --> 00:19:48,018 Look, I don't want to talk about this, but after everything that's happened today 441 00:19:48,104 --> 00:19:51,848 I think we gotta. So, let's just get it all out there. 442 00:19:51,941 --> 00:19:52,977 Um... 443 00:19:54,151 --> 00:19:55,892 Well, yeah, I guess, do you... 444 00:19:55,986 --> 00:20:00,321 I don't know, do you have any feelings like that for me again now? 445 00:20:02,743 --> 00:20:05,531 I'm... I'm sorry, but I don't think I do. 446 00:20:06,956 --> 00:20:08,618 S... "sorry"? Why are you sorry? 447 00:20:08,708 --> 00:20:12,122 Cos I'm relieved, because I don't either. 448 00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:13,918 So, all good. 449 00:20:14,004 --> 00:20:16,621 I mean, I, I... I feel incredibly close to you... 450 00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:18,819 No, no, no! Dude, dude, you don't... - ...in many ways. 451 00:20:18,843 --> 00:20:22,507 ...need to explain yourself. We are on the same page. OK. Good. 452 00:20:22,596 --> 00:20:24,838 Hey, guys. Sorry, I, uh... 453 00:20:24,932 --> 00:20:25,968 I know it's late. 454 00:20:26,726 --> 00:20:28,137 Can I talk to Eleanor for a second? 455 00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:29,621 Actually, we're chatting about something right now. 456 00:20:29,645 --> 00:20:31,765 No, it's cool. We were wrapping it up. Good talk, bro. 457 00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:35,516 What's on your mind? 458 00:20:35,609 --> 00:20:38,101 Uh... well. 459 00:20:38,195 --> 00:20:41,233 Being ethical... it's hard. 460 00:20:41,323 --> 00:20:42,689 And I kind of hate it. 461 00:20:42,783 --> 00:20:45,992 When's it get easier? - Why are you asking me? 462 00:20:46,078 --> 00:20:47,364 Why don't you ask Chidi? 463 00:20:47,455 --> 00:20:50,914 He's the ethics master. I'm just a newbie and I still kinda suck at it. 464 00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:53,333 Yeah. That's why I'm asking you. 465 00:20:53,419 --> 00:20:56,378 I designed this entire torture chamber 466 00:20:56,464 --> 00:20:59,957 around the absolute certainty that when the going got tough 467 00:21:00,050 --> 00:21:03,134 you would give up. That was the signature Shellstrop move! 468 00:21:03,220 --> 00:21:06,258 Do you remember once when your "change oil" light came on? 469 00:21:06,348 --> 00:21:09,011 You just abandoned your car in a parking garage. 470 00:21:09,101 --> 00:21:10,888 Of course. - But here... 471 00:21:10,978 --> 00:21:15,097 faced with the toughest challenges I could throw at you... 472 00:21:15,191 --> 00:21:19,231 you never once stopped trying to become a better person, and I just... 473 00:21:20,988 --> 00:21:21,853 Why? 474 00:21:21,947 --> 00:21:23,654 I... I don't know. 475 00:21:23,741 --> 00:21:26,654 I mean, whenever I would do something crappy on Earth 476 00:21:26,744 --> 00:21:30,237 there would be a little tiny voice in the back of my head, that would say 477 00:21:30,331 --> 00:21:34,871 "Eleanor, don't grab that handful of olives from the salad bar." 478 00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:36,104 You know, "You didn't pay for that." 479 00:21:36,128 --> 00:21:39,621 Or "Eleanor, don't spit those olive pits onto the floor of the grocery store." 480 00:21:39,715 --> 00:21:40,580 "That's not cool." 481 00:21:40,674 --> 00:21:45,135 Or "Eleanor, that old man just slipped on your olive pit and he fell down." 482 00:21:45,221 --> 00:21:48,408 "Don't use the fact that everyone's distracted to go back and steal more olives." 483 00:21:48,432 --> 00:21:50,048 I get it. - The thing is... 484 00:21:50,643 --> 00:21:52,976 I still did those things. 485 00:21:53,062 --> 00:21:54,849 I just ignored the voice. 486 00:21:55,773 --> 00:21:58,106 This ethics stuff - it's hard. 487 00:21:58,192 --> 00:22:01,606 And it's confusing. It is such a buzzkill. 488 00:22:02,905 --> 00:22:05,488 But it does get rid of the little voice. 489 00:22:05,574 --> 00:22:08,032 Because at least I'm trying to do the right thing 490 00:22:08,118 --> 00:22:09,700 instead of the crappy thing, and... 491 00:22:09,787 --> 00:22:12,951 I gotta say, man, I don't miss the little voice. 492 00:22:14,124 --> 00:22:15,160 Well... 493 00:22:16,627 --> 00:22:18,084 Thank you for helping me today. 494 00:22:21,090 --> 00:22:26,051 Wow. You, uh... you really did just come here to chat, didn't you? 495 00:22:26,136 --> 00:22:28,799 Just shootin' the shirt with your old pal, Eleanor. 496 00:22:28,889 --> 00:22:30,221 I guess so, yeah, why? 497 00:22:30,307 --> 00:22:32,890 It's just a very human-y thing to do. 498 00:22:33,727 --> 00:22:35,514 Stick with the programme, demon buddy. 499 00:22:35,604 --> 00:22:38,768 I really feel like things are starting to click in our little study group. 500 00:22:40,776 --> 00:22:41,892 Mm. 501 00:22:44,655 --> 00:22:47,489 Hello, Michael. Shut the door. 502 00:22:47,616 --> 00:22:48,616 Have a seat.