1
00:00:03,210 --> 00:00:07,173
<i>All right, so I'm Kim, a 15-year-old queer virgin
obsessed with my best friend.</i>

2
00:00:07,374 --> 00:00:08,822
<i>But it gets worse.</i>

3
00:00:09,141 --> 00:00:12,142
<i>Nathan chucked Stella out because
the whore gave him crabs.</i>

4
00:00:12,451 --> 00:00:15,170
<i>Now he's suicidal
and I'm being stalked by Tom,</i>

5
00:00:15,171 --> 00:00:18,039
<i>the sexually frustrated son
of our gay neighbours.</i>

6
00:00:18,074 --> 00:00:19,170
Is this a bad time ?

7
00:01:02,314 --> 00:01:05,684
<i>For the first time in a long time,
I had something to smile about.</i>

8
00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:13,300
<i>Nobody could take that kiss away.</i>

9
00:01:16,411 --> 00:01:18,925
Guillaume also said...

10
00:01:18,976 --> 00:01:20,802
What ?

11
00:01:21,363 --> 00:01:25,031
That he'd really like to see
two women kissing.

12
00:01:25,097 --> 00:01:26,203
Ha !

13
00:01:26,259 --> 00:01:29,162
He's so dirty. I love him.

14
00:01:38,818 --> 00:01:41,562
<i>Who cares if it was achieved by devious means ?</i>

15
00:01:41,617 --> 00:01:46,523
<i>It was better than I could have dreamt,
and let's face it, I've dreamt about it a lot.</i>

16
00:02:01,938 --> 00:02:04,242
<i>Nobody was gonna destroy my euphoria.</i>

17
00:02:04,298 --> 00:02:06,281
- Good morning.
- Is it ?

18
00:02:06,335 --> 00:02:08,790
<i>And who cares if they're dysfonctional ?</i>

19
00:02:16,537 --> 00:02:17,342
Morning.

20
00:02:17,368 --> 00:02:19,213
<i>Who cares if he's a stalker ?</i>

21
00:02:19,866 --> 00:02:21,193
It's a lovely day, isn't it ?

22
00:02:21,336 --> 00:02:23,840
<i>Sugar had shaken my world.</i>

23
00:02:23,895 --> 00:02:25,880
<i>She'd have to feel the same.</i>

24
00:02:32,645 --> 00:02:35,093
What do you think ?
I mean, it can get quite cold out there.

25
00:02:35,417 --> 00:02:37,400
Out where ?

26
00:02:38,266 --> 00:02:39,353
Paris.

27
00:02:41,126 --> 00:02:43,123
- Paris ?
- I'm going to stay with Guillaume.

28
00:02:43,216 --> 00:02:46,441
What makes you think that he'll want you ?

29
00:02:46,497 --> 00:02:48,923
He said he loved me, you heard him.

30
00:02:48,977 --> 00:02:52,401
"Goodbye, my little angel." Oh...

31
00:02:52,455 --> 00:02:56,160
<i>This is what is commonly known
as getting your comeuppance.</i>

32
00:02:56,227 --> 00:02:59,122
<i>Getting stuffed yet again.</i>

33
00:02:59,175 --> 00:03:02,442
Shoogs, come on, think about it.
What about your mum ?

34
00:03:02,495 --> 00:03:04,480
Oh, she won't even notice.

35
00:03:04,537 --> 00:03:06,522
What about your GCSEs ?

36
00:03:07,535 --> 00:03:08,652
Are you feeling OK ?

37
00:03:08,686 --> 00:03:11,122
<i>No. I felt sick to the pit of my stomach.</i>

38
00:03:11,175 --> 00:03:15,360
<i>I was about to lose the girl I loved
to a man who thought she was a whore.</i>

39
00:03:15,417 --> 00:03:18,360
- You hardly know him.
- Kim, he gave me a multiple orgasm.

40
00:03:18,415 --> 00:03:20,003
I think I know him well enough.

41
00:03:20,427 --> 00:03:21,462
So, what about phone sex ?

42
00:03:21,498 --> 00:03:25,493
Duh. You have to do all the hard work
yourself. OK. Now wait here.

43
00:03:25,535 --> 00:03:29,642
l'm going to go inside to get a dictionary
for when l take my wedding vows.

44
00:03:31,496 --> 00:03:34,213
<i>Surely things couldn't get more tragic.</i>

45
00:03:42,896 --> 00:03:44,130
Only walking the dog.

46
00:03:44,277 --> 00:03:47,310
<i>Stalking me. You desperate sod.</i>

47
00:03:47,378 --> 00:03:49,400
I bought Vanessa this new lead.

48
00:03:49,977 --> 00:03:51,642
It's retractable.

49
00:03:51,698 --> 00:03:53,682
That's nice.

50
00:03:54,117 --> 00:03:55,923
Kim, run !

51
00:04:04,576 --> 00:04:06,361
Someone's birthday, is it ?

52
00:04:06,418 --> 00:04:08,240
- Yeah, mine.
- Sign this, will you ?

53
00:04:12,537 --> 00:04:14,483
Got a secret admirer ?

54
00:04:22,935 --> 00:04:25,080
Stalking me.We all want to be wanted.

55
00:04:25,135 --> 00:04:27,721
Sugar, please. Wait. He doesn't like you.

56
00:04:27,777 --> 00:04:31,092
- Of course he does !
- I translated some stuff wrong.

57
00:04:31,095 --> 00:04:32,680
Oh, your French is fine !

58
00:04:32,738 --> 00:04:34,682
Deliberately did it wrong.

59
00:04:34,735 --> 00:04:36,962
He called you "putain", remember ?

60
00:04:37,018 --> 00:04:39,003
Yes, it means angel.

61
00:04:39,055 --> 00:04:40,563
Not exactly.

62
00:04:40,615 --> 00:04:43,923
- Well, whatever.
- Shoogs, please.

63
00:04:43,977 --> 00:04:46,041
Just look it up, OK ?

64
00:04:46,096 --> 00:04:50,720
Are you jealous because l'm actually doing
something with my life and you're not ?

65
00:04:51,106 --> 00:04:52,023
The dictionnary.

66
00:04:52,468 --> 00:04:54,480
OK. Fine.

67
00:05:05,135 --> 00:05:07,283
That garlic-eating wanker !

68
00:05:11,738 --> 00:05:15,000
<i>That's the worst thing about being rejected.</i>

69
00:05:15,056 --> 00:05:17,771
<i>You always want to get revenge.</i>

70
00:05:37,656 --> 00:05:41,883
You see, when you get married, you'll know
not to make the mistakes that l've made.

71
00:05:42,646 --> 00:05:45,463
For a start, don't trust a woman. Ever.

72
00:05:45,638 --> 00:05:47,940
About anything. Cause she's bound to be lying.

73
00:05:49,246 --> 00:05:52,631
Check her mobile phone bills, check her diary.

74
00:05:52,658 --> 00:05:55,081
If she seems happy, assume the worst.

75
00:05:55,888 --> 00:05:58,512
Question her at every available opportunity.

76
00:05:59,335 --> 00:06:02,270
Ideally, you should stop her
from leaving the house at all.

77
00:06:07,937 --> 00:06:09,561
You've missed out the T.

78
00:06:37,935 --> 00:06:41,280
<i>Those who have the power to hurt you
are the ones you want the most.</i>

79
00:06:41,336 --> 00:06:44,642
<i>No  matter how many times they do it,
you still come back for more.</i>

80
00:06:44,696 --> 00:06:47,120
Does he think if he follows you enough,
you'll give in ?

81
00:06:47,177 --> 00:06:48,920
- Going inside ?
- No.

82
00:06:49,106 --> 00:06:51,943
We're forming a chorus of singing nuns.
What do you think we're doing ?

83
00:06:55,255 --> 00:06:57,000
One, two, three.

84
00:07:00,976 --> 00:07:02,883
Ah , ha , ha.

85
00:07:03,396 --> 00:07:06,081
Fucking him felt so good.

86
00:07:06,138 --> 00:07:11,120
What if that's as good as it gets ?
What if I never get it that good again ? Fuck.

87
00:07:12,286 --> 00:07:14,752
Oh, another double vodka and orange,
please.

88
00:07:15,495 --> 00:07:19,403
Oh , I bet he's with some stupid French bird
with hairy arm pits,

89
00:07:19,455 --> 00:07:23,441
- garlic breath, giving him a crap blow job .
- Definitely.

90
00:07:25,056 --> 00:07:26,921
Do you think my tits are too small ?

91
00:07:30,256 --> 00:07:32,971
- Your tits are great.
- Huh ?

92
00:07:33,015 --> 00:07:37,081
Your tits are great !

93
00:07:48,496 --> 00:07:52,562
How can someone
who makes you feel so great be so wrong ?

94
00:07:53,575 --> 00:07:56,801
- I know what you mean .
- How do you know what I mean?

95
00:07:58,255 --> 00:08:03,530
Well , it's like Stella and Nathan, isn't it ?
They're so wrong but it works.

96
00:08:05,058 --> 00:08:08,041
I am totally off men .

97
00:08:10,257 --> 00:08:13,562
What do you reckon ? Complete sex goddess ?

98
00:08:13,566 --> 00:08:15,970
- More like care in the community.
- Oy !

99
00:08:19,575 --> 00:08:20,563
Here.

100
00:08:25,577 --> 00:08:27,562
Mmm. That feels nice.

101
00:08:31,095 --> 00:08:35,962
Maybe you're looking in all the wrong places
for the wrong type of person.

102
00:08:35,967 --> 00:08:39,630
When really you could find someone who's nice.

103
00:08:39,675 --> 00:08:41,163
Someone you can talk to.

104
00:08:41,216 --> 00:08:45,482
Yeah. And how many blokes around here do you
know who are interested in conversation ?

105
00:08:45,536 --> 00:08:51,283
I don't know. There must be some kind of people
who are quiet and...

106
00:08:51,336 --> 00:08:53,191
- sensitive.
- Mm.

107
00:08:53,385 --> 00:08:57,103
- Aren't they gay ?
- There's nothing wrong with that.

108
00:08:58,576 --> 00:09:02,723
Look. I'm not looking for someone
to sit and watch movies with.

109
00:09:03,778 --> 00:09:05,763
I want someone to fuck.

110
00:09:11,736 --> 00:09:14,623
- Right. Who am I going to go for, then ?
- Shoogs.

111
00:09:14,655 --> 00:09:16,280
He's nice.

112
00:09:17,296 --> 00:09:18,241
Oh. No arse, though.

113
00:09:18,375 --> 00:09:20,120
Ooh , he's allright.

114
00:09:20,378 --> 00:09:23,092
Can you just stop obsessing about men
all the time ?

115
00:09:23,306 --> 00:09:25,442
Why ? What else is there ?

116
00:09:25,466 --> 00:09:28,771
- I get bored watching you.
- Well, you can join in, you know.

117
00:09:28,977 --> 00:09:30,960
God, what's your problem ?

118
00:09:31,017 --> 00:09:33,281
I just don't understand.

119
00:09:33,338 --> 00:09:34,681
What ?

120
00:09:35,415 --> 00:09:38,162
Just go and get laid. See if I care.

121
00:09:39,046 --> 00:09:39,973
Kizzer !

122
00:09:46,276 --> 00:09:47,760
<i>I'd had my moment.</i>

123
00:09:47,815 --> 00:09:49,602
<i>I'd had my kiss.</i>

124
00:09:49,658 --> 00:09:51,801
<i>That was as good as it was ever gonna get.</i>

125
00:10:21,135 --> 00:10:24,811
<i>The trouble is when you have a feeling
that good, you want the world to know.</i>

126
00:10:29,137 --> 00:10:31,612
Faster ! Whoooo !

127
00:10:49,016 --> 00:10:53,481
<i>You  want it to go on for ever and
the last thing you want to do is give it up.</i>

128
00:11:03,898 --> 00:11:05,881
<i>I wanted Sugar to know.</i>

129
00:11:05,936 --> 00:11:08,391
<i>She had to know.</i>

130
00:11:08,458 --> 00:11:10,440
<i>It was time to end the lies.</i>

131
00:11:29,755 --> 00:11:30,900
S ugar.

132
00:11:38,616 --> 00:11:40,560
Shoogs, it's me.

133
00:11:42,655 --> 00:11:43,721
Kiz.

134
00:11:43,776 --> 00:11:48,082
Look, I'm... I'm really sorry I shouted at you.

135
00:11:48,117 --> 00:11:49,053
It's just...

136
00:11:50,596 --> 00:11:55,633
There's something I need to tell you. About me.

137
00:11:57,177 --> 00:11:58,763
Me and you.

138
00:11:58,815 --> 00:12:00,801
Shit.

139
00:12:01,467 --> 00:12:06,290
This is... it's gonna sound mental.
It is mental.

140
00:12:10,418 --> 00:12:11,560
Sugar...

141
00:12:18,377 --> 00:12:19,963
I love you.

142
00:12:20,565 --> 00:12:22,132
Listen, I'm fucked.

143
00:12:24,617 --> 00:12:26,360
What are you doing ?

144
00:12:38,793 --> 00:12:42,621
<i>I used to think it was bad to get so drunk
that you lost your memory.</i>

145
00:12:46,337 --> 00:12:48,243
Hi, Kim.

146
00:12:51,099 --> 00:12:54,162
<i>Now I'm beginning to see
that it does have some advantages.</i>

147
00:12:55,817 --> 00:12:57,240
Have a good day.

148
00:13:04,735 --> 00:13:08,723
<i>We were all paying the price
for choosing the wrong person.</i>

149
00:13:10,055 --> 00:13:13,520
- You're gonna have to deal with this, babe.
- I know, I know.

150
00:13:14,058 --> 00:13:16,041
I can't even see the telly.
The match is on tonight.

151
00:13:16,088 --> 00:13:18,601
I'll sort it. Can you give me a hand ?

152
00:13:19,646 --> 00:13:21,193
Well, help you sort through your sordid past ?

153
00:13:21,237 --> 00:13:23,120
No, thanks.

154
00:13:31,738 --> 00:13:35,000
I mean, it's all just flashes, you know.
Of what happened .

155
00:13:35,056 --> 00:13:38,601
But I must try and remember.
You should see some of the marks on me.

156
00:13:38,655 --> 00:13:42,362
He must have had me
swinging from the lampshade.

157
00:13:50,978 --> 00:13:51,701
Sorry.

158
00:13:52,658 --> 00:13:55,430
It's OK babe, you're amazing. Take me.

159
00:13:58,495 --> 00:14:01,131
<i>It was like someone had ripped out my insides</i>

160
00:14:01,136 --> 00:14:04,463
<i>and replaced them with pure unadulterated pain.</i>

161
00:14:04,507 --> 00:14:05,523
Ooh.

162
00:14:07,736 --> 00:14:09,483
Hello.

163
00:14:10,495 --> 00:14:13,441
Oh, hi, Tom. So you can make it, then ?

164
00:14:13,946 --> 00:14:15,843
Eight o'clock, yeah ? OK.

165
00:14:15,888 --> 00:14:17,682
See you at eight.

166
00:14:19,376 --> 00:14:22,320
Guillaume can kiss my ass.

167
00:14:23,298 --> 00:14:24,432
Mmm.

168
00:14:25,416 --> 00:14:27,681
Oh, my God.

169
00:14:27,736 --> 00:14:29,842
But we're talking about Tom.

170
00:14:29,895 --> 00:14:32,452
When I said sensitive,
I meant someone nice.

171
00:14:32,686 --> 00:14:35,702
Not some sad, wet, pathetic loser.

172
00:14:35,747 --> 00:14:37,681
Oh, he is nice.

173
00:14:37,736 --> 00:14:41,280
- He's a real gentleman.
- I thought you said you couldn't remember anything.

174
00:14:41,345 --> 00:14:44,163
- I remember him holding back my hair.
- What ?

175
00:14:44,708 --> 00:14:45,963
When I was puking.

176
00:14:48,408 --> 00:14:49,942
I mean, what sort of bloke does that ?

177
00:14:50,416 --> 00:14:51,841
I've got to go.

178
00:14:52,278 --> 00:14:54,481
Wait, no ! I need your help with this.

179
00:14:54,695 --> 00:14:56,172
Kim !

180
00:14:57,815 --> 00:15:01,370
<i>I could cope with the bloke she picked up
in the pub, I could cope with the bloke from France</i>

181
00:15:01,415 --> 00:15:04,603
<i>but to choose Tom over me !
Why would anyone do that?</i>

182
00:15:04,907 --> 00:15:06,011
Come on, Vanessa.

183
00:15:06,086 --> 00:15:08,301
<i>What I did next I'm not proud of.</i>

184
00:15:08,348 --> 00:15:10,681
<i>But this date just couldn't happen.</i>

185
00:15:10,766 --> 00:15:13,621
You wait here. OK ? There's a good girl.

186
00:15:13,768 --> 00:15:16,182
<i>Desperate times call for desperate measures.</i>

187
00:15:24,096 --> 00:15:25,463
Good girl, Vanessa.

188
00:15:26,338 --> 00:15:28,891
<i>Turns out a dog
can also be a girl's best friend.</i>

189
00:15:40,095 --> 00:15:41,843
Vanessa !

190
00:15:44,015 --> 00:15:45,881
Have you seen her ?

191
00:15:47,736 --> 00:15:50,642
Vane - ssa ! Come on.

192
00:15:52,777 --> 00:15:53,923
Vanessa.

193
00:16:39,138 --> 00:16:41,851
<i>All right, so kidnapping a dog was a bit extreme,</i>

194
00:16:41,897 --> 00:16:43,761
<i>but I just couldn't stand the thought</i>

195
00:16:43,817 --> 00:16:47,562
<i>of anybody else getting their hands
on what was rightfully mine.</i>

196
00:17:04,896 --> 00:17:07,922
<i>Love makes you blind
to the world around you.</i>

197
00:17:53,778 --> 00:17:55,760
Matt.

198
00:18:11,738 --> 00:18:14,481
<i>Love makes you do the strangest things.</i>

199
00:18:21,296 --> 00:18:23,003
I like you the best, Dad.

200
00:18:35,097 --> 00:18:37,242
That is the last time I listen to you.

201
00:18:38,297 --> 00:18:41,402
- He cancelled on you, then ?
- At five to eight !

202
00:18:42,938 --> 00:18:44,920
Do you know what nice guys are ?

203
00:18:44,925 --> 00:18:47,403
Tedious, overrated and full of shit ?

204
00:18:47,498 --> 00:18:49,080
Wankers.

205
00:18:49,137 --> 00:18:50,840
But, yeah, that'll do.

206
00:18:55,857 --> 00:18:59,242
Do you want take in the view
and down a bottle of cheap vodka ?

207
00:18:59,295 --> 00:19:00,610
Absolutely.

208
00:19:21,535 --> 00:19:22,190
V anessa.

209
00:19:27,295 --> 00:19:30,041
Vanessa !

210
00:19:37,828 --> 00:19:42,443
The thing is, Matt...
You see, being angry is, er...

211
00:19:42,497 --> 00:19:45,602
is normal and, um... and good.

212
00:19:45,656 --> 00:19:47,641
But people ,they, um...

213
00:19:48,356 --> 00:19:52,370
Just because they do these things,
it doesn't mean that, um...

214
00:19:52,457 --> 00:19:55,400
What I'm trying to say to you
is that, um...

215
00:19:55,767 --> 00:19:56,801
Mum's not a whore ?

216
00:20:01,078 --> 00:20:04,153
Yeah. Yeah, that's it, exactly.

217
00:20:05,375 --> 00:20:08,280
Does that mean
we've got to repaint my room ?

218
00:20:08,757 --> 00:20:09,283
Yeah.

219
00:20:11,016 --> 00:20:12,121
Can it be pink ?

220
00:20:13,977 --> 00:20:16,810
<i>In the end, of course,
the truth has to come out.</i>

221
00:20:16,817 --> 00:20:20,962
- And he was a crap shag.
- I thought you said...

222
00:20:21,018 --> 00:20:25,240
Yeah, well, that was before I remembered
what really happened.

223
00:20:27,055 --> 00:20:30,830
Because, um... the trombone
is a very complicated instrument.

224
00:20:32,338 --> 00:20:33,690
Thanks...

225
00:20:34,266 --> 00:20:37,602
And... And, you know,
despite what everyone says,

226
00:20:37,657 --> 00:20:39,802
me playing it doesn't make me a twat.

227
00:20:45,695 --> 00:20:46,473
See, most people...

228
00:20:47,336 --> 00:20:50,920
they think that the trombonist
moves the slide just with his wrist.

229
00:20:51,975 --> 00:20:55,441
But really, it's these two fingers...

230
00:20:56,458 --> 00:20:59,280
that... that give you
those extra couple of inches...

231
00:21:00,697 --> 00:21:01,683
to...

232
00:21:05,656 --> 00:21:06,681
Oh ! Oh.

233
00:21:12,417 --> 00:21:14,400
- Aha.
- I'm sorry.

234
00:21:20,495 --> 00:21:24,802
I don't know why you thought sensitive guys
were such a good idea.

235
00:21:25,797 --> 00:21:28,052
Maybe that's because that's what you go for.

236
00:21:28,337 --> 00:21:30,321
Uhh... Yeah... No.

237
00:21:30,375 --> 00:21:34,802
Oh, but he's so sensitive and so quiet.

238
00:21:34,857 --> 00:21:36,841
And so square.

239
00:21:37,858 --> 00:21:39,522
Just like you, Kimmy.

240
00:21:39,577 --> 00:21:44,120
If you could put up with the premature ejaculators,
you two would be a match made in heaven.

241
00:21:44,125 --> 00:21:47,713
- He is not, absolutely not the type I go for.
- Mmm.

242
00:21:47,856 --> 00:21:50,081
So why have you been weird all day ?

243
00:21:51,177 --> 00:21:53,282
Maybe it's cos you're jealous.

244
00:21:53,337 --> 00:21:55,042
I so do not like him.

245
00:21:55,097 --> 00:21:57,810
Well, maybe you like me, then.

246
00:22:02,106 --> 00:22:03,691
What ?

247
00:22:08,418 --> 00:22:09,411
Nothing.

248
00:22:14,498 --> 00:22:16,481
Oh, my God.

249
00:22:18,098 --> 00:22:20,082
Oh, my God. You... You fancy me.

250
00:22:26,767 --> 00:22:28,193
I've... gotta... go.

251
00:23:01,028 --> 00:23:06,092
Synchronization and corrections
Allenmcbeal

252
00:23:09,095 --> 00:23:11,091
Tracklist :
"Do You Realize ?", The Flaming Lips
"Angel Interceptor", Ash

253
00:23:11,098 --> 00:23:13,092
"Melt", Leftfield
"Sunrise", Pulp
"Thinking About Tomorrow", Beth Orton

254
00:23:13,108 --> 00:23:15,103
"Knock On Wood", Amii Stewart
"Serenade", Emiliana Torrini
"Gentle Piece", Craig Armstrong

255
00:23:15,108 --> 00:23:17,102
"Little Bird", Marianne Faithful
"Today has been OK", Emiliana Torrini