1
00:00:02,956 --> 00:00:05,808
<i>I'm Kim and I'm sexually obsessed
with my best friend Sugar.</i>

2
00:00:06,212 --> 00:00:09,225
<i>Sugar gave me crabs during|
a platonic night of frustration..</i>

3
00:00:09,894 --> 00:00:12,577
<i>Crabs which I then gave my mother
when she borrowed my jeans,,</i>

4
00:00:12,939 --> 00:00:16,227
<i>which exposed her affair
and destroyed my parents' marriage.</i>

5
00:00:16,228 --> 00:00:17,424
They're crabs, Stella.

6
00:00:17,668 --> 00:00:21,943
I've been seeing...
sleeping with someone else

7
00:00:22,513 --> 00:00:26,050
<i>All in a day's work for a 15-year-old
sexually-frustrated gay virgin.</i>

8
00:01:24,289 --> 00:01:27,953
"Je suis au milieu d'une situation impossible"

9
00:01:28,413 --> 00:01:30,195
I don't want you in my house.

10
00:01:30,196 --> 00:01:33,187
Oh, so now it comes down
to who pays the mortgage.

11
00:01:33,188 --> 00:01:35,317
- You had an affair.
- Where am I gonna go?

12
00:01:35,374 --> 00:01:39,048
- I don't care.
- You are a spineless reptile, Nathan.

13
00:01:39,049 --> 00:01:42,711
- And you are a stupid whore.
- For fuck's sake, shut up!

14
00:01:43,581 --> 00:01:47,415
- Kim...there's no need to shout.
- There's really no need to swear.

15
00:01:47,810 --> 00:01:50,494
<i>Being stuck between my parents
was nothing new.</i>

16
00:01:51,250 --> 00:01:53,315
<i>This situation was unbearable.</i>

17
00:01:53,491 --> 00:01:56,495
- What's for tea?
- He says he wants you gone by five.

18
00:01:58,939 --> 00:02:00,097
Now, wait a minute.

19
00:02:01,600 --> 00:02:03,674
She says you won't
be able to manage without her.

20
00:02:03,687 --> 00:02:07,328
Oh, yeah, because there'd be nobody to,
ooh, let me see,

21
00:02:07,448 --> 00:02:09,900
fill up the ashtrays and drink champagne.

22
00:02:12,505 --> 00:02:14,426
He says you made
a mockery of the marriage

23
00:02:14,427 --> 00:02:16,755
and he'll never be able
to see you in the same light again.

24
00:02:17,352 --> 00:02:20,720
Fine. Oh, Kimmy.

25
00:02:23,925 --> 00:02:27,950
- So you won't change your mind?
- Do you think that I should?

26
00:02:27,983 --> 00:02:31,696
<i>Taking sides is easy.
Being stuck in the middle is hell.</i>

27
00:02:34,608 --> 00:02:35,909
What am I gonna do?

28
00:02:38,202 --> 00:02:40,924
I've been married for 15 years.

29
00:02:42,237 --> 00:02:44,254
I've never lived with another man.

30
00:02:44,698 --> 00:02:46,682
It's not like you haven't slept with Dale.

31
00:02:47,494 --> 00:02:49,447
That is completely different.

32
00:02:49,866 --> 00:02:52,727
I mean, he only sees me once a week.

33
00:02:53,869 --> 00:02:59,663
I'm not a real person.
I'm...object of desire.

34
00:03:06,168 --> 00:03:08,763
All that's gonna change now.

35
00:03:15,212 --> 00:03:16,513
<i>You can say that again.</i>

36
00:03:20,181 --> 00:03:22,462
Bye, dear. Have fun.

37
00:03:25,117 --> 00:03:27,769
Did you tell her I want the rest
of her things gone by Friday?

38
00:03:27,978 --> 00:03:30,516
<i>I was so busy telling everyone
what everyone else thought,</i>

39
00:03:31,161 --> 00:03:33,258
<i>I forgot to tell them all to sod off.</i>

40
00:03:37,433 --> 00:03:39,749
<i>And just when I thought I'd escaped it all,</i>

41
00:03:40,014 --> 00:03:42,370
<i>Sugar landed me
right back in the middle again.</i>

42
00:03:46,607 --> 00:03:51,075
What do you reckon? Found him last night.
Gorgeous, isn't he?

43
00:03:52,201 --> 00:03:55,480
He's not like other blokes around here.
l've never met anyone like him.

44
00:03:57,973 --> 00:03:59,466
Fuckin' cute little star.

45
00:04:01,205 --> 00:04:02,417
Language student.

46
00:04:05,263 --> 00:04:08,918
<i>Guillaume. a language student
who couldn't speak English.</i>

47
00:04:11,115 --> 00:04:13,942
<i>And, of course,
Sugar couldn't speak a word of French.</i>

48
00:04:15,077 --> 00:04:16,627
<i>It's not like they needed a lot of words</i>

49
00:04:17,023 --> 00:04:19,184
<i>but occasionally the odd one was useful.</i>

50
00:04:19,185 --> 00:04:22,727
- Have you got a condom?
- Oh, tu es une femme fantastique.

51
00:04:23,146 --> 00:04:27,776
Guillaume, have you got a condom?

52
00:04:27,777 --> 00:04:30,100
Putain, je suis en forme
et je peux te dire que tu vas aimer �a.

53
00:04:30,801 --> 00:04:32,632
No condom, no entry.

54
00:04:33,051 --> 00:04:34,256
<i>That's why they needed me.</i>

55
00:04:35,060 --> 00:04:38,186
<i>I was their French-speaking
gooseberry interpreter.</i>

56
00:04:42,623 --> 00:04:43,546
What did he say?

57
00:05:10,158 --> 00:05:12,046
l had a really nice time last night.

58
00:05:18,544 --> 00:05:21,428
- What are you doing later?
- l thought you were coming out with me.

59
00:05:21,888 --> 00:05:24,435
Maybe we can get
to know each other better.

60
00:05:24,894 --> 00:05:28,832
- And how are you going to do that?
- We speak the language of love.

61
00:05:28,978 --> 00:05:30,062
Oh, please.

62
00:05:39,984 --> 00:05:41,719
He's such a gentleman.

63
00:06:08,425 --> 00:06:09,155
So...

64
00:06:15,418 --> 00:06:19,501
- Now l know why we always met in hotels.
- Yeah, because it's dirty and sleazy.

65
00:06:20,233 --> 00:06:22,072
No, because your place is such a mess.

66
00:06:24,767 --> 00:06:26,366
You're not going to be nightmare, are you?

67
00:06:30,467 --> 00:06:31,414
No.

68
00:06:31,979 --> 00:06:36,935
Good, cos if you play your cards right, l
think you'll find l'm very pleased to see you.

69
00:06:54,815 --> 00:06:57,692
- Kizza, what's French for balls?
- Les balles.

70
00:06:58,096 --> 00:07:01,204
- You know, l'm really worried about Stella.
- What's French for hole?

71
00:07:01,536 --> 00:07:05,112
Trou. Nathan was
so determined to make her go.

72
00:07:06,351 --> 00:07:07,396
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

73
00:07:07,919 --> 00:07:09,662
l haven't seen him like that in ages.

74
00:07:20,508 --> 00:07:21,278
Kim.

75
00:07:22,719 --> 00:07:23,842
Kim, what's wrong?

76
00:07:24,673 --> 00:07:30,280
l don't know. Let's just say l've had enough
of translating Anglo-French relations.

77
00:07:30,587 --> 00:07:32,040
- What?
- You two.

78
00:07:32,405 --> 00:07:35,071
Oh, yeah, l know. Cute, ain't he?

79
00:07:37,341 --> 00:07:40,290
Oh, never mind, mon ch�ri.

80
00:07:42,848 --> 00:07:45,339
Kim? Kim?

81
00:07:46,828 --> 00:07:48,265
Nobody is listening to me.

82
00:07:48,781 --> 00:07:52,677
Well, OK, look, l'm sorry, babe,
but it's just...l've been so into him.

83
00:07:55,347 --> 00:07:58,979
- My mum left home this morning.
- Did she? Good.

84
00:07:59,270 --> 00:08:02,604
- What?
- I thought that's what you wanted.

85
00:08:04,898 --> 00:08:05,949
I've got to go.

86
00:08:06,698 --> 00:08:09,444
Kim. Kim, is it something I said?

87
00:08:10,331 --> 00:08:11,945
Who's going to translate for me?

88
00:08:13,273 --> 00:08:14,085
Translate this.

89
00:08:22,833 --> 00:08:25,684
<i>Sometimes love throws up
unexpected pleasures.</i>

90
00:08:27,726 --> 00:08:30,402
<i>But mostly it deals you a pile of shit.</i>

91
00:08:35,254 --> 00:08:40,927
Next time you see your mother, l want you
to tell her that we had her favourite dessert.

92
00:08:41,387 --> 00:08:45,358
- We had her favourite dessert.
- What's the point in that if she's not there?

93
00:08:45,519 --> 00:08:48,540
- What's the point in that if she isn't here?
- Life goes on, Kim.

94
00:08:48,871 --> 00:08:51,925
- Yeah but...
- Just eat your lemon meringue pie.

95
00:08:52,079 --> 00:08:53,524
Just eat your lemon meringue pie.

96
00:08:58,727 --> 00:09:00,904
There's definitely a problem with this table.

97
00:09:02,842 --> 00:09:04,377
When's Stella coming back?

98
00:09:05,390 --> 00:09:07,696
- Don't know.
- Will it be long?

99
00:09:09,956 --> 00:09:12,688
We want everything
to be just right, don't we?

100
00:09:13,903 --> 00:09:16,555
- lt's always been like that.
- lt's no good.

101
00:09:17,498 --> 00:09:20,623
lt's still no reason not to fix the ruddy thing!

102
00:09:38,043 --> 00:09:39,561
Get us a drink, would you, Kim?

103
00:09:44,087 --> 00:09:46,257
Definitely a problem with this table.

104
00:09:48,798 --> 00:09:51,588
<i>That was the worst thing
about being stuck in between.</i>

105
00:09:52,971 --> 00:09:54,907
<i>Couldn't seem to make anyone happy.</i>

106
00:09:58,887 --> 00:10:00,268
<i>Least of all myself.</i>

107
00:10:10,183 --> 00:10:10,962
<i>Kimmy, </i>

108
00:10:11,237 --> 00:10:12,055
it's me.

109
00:10:12,169 --> 00:10:15,697
- Yeah, l know.
- Um, what's the French for cunnilingus?

110
00:10:16,775 --> 00:10:18,004
l have no idea.

111
00:10:22,292 --> 00:10:23,165
Was that her?

112
00:10:24,966 --> 00:10:26,082
Was that Stella?

113
00:10:28,271 --> 00:10:29,129
No.

114
00:10:30,586 --> 00:10:31,791
Go back to sleep.

115
00:10:39,018 --> 00:10:43,896
That was it. The situation sucked. And
it was about time someone took control.

116
00:10:51,678 --> 00:10:52,369
<i>Hi.</i>

117
00:10:52,506 --> 00:10:56,042
Hey. Tell him, ''Dans le cul.''

118
00:10:56,413 --> 00:10:57,698
That'll get you what you want.

119
00:10:58,077 --> 00:10:59,354
<i>Dans le cul.</i>

120
00:11:06,686 --> 00:11:08,059
<i>Things were about to change.</i>

121
00:11:14,487 --> 00:11:16,584
<i>It was the first day of the rest of my life.</i>

122
00:11:19,039 --> 00:11:21,015
<i>I was no longer going to be shat on.</i>

123
00:11:22,881 --> 00:11:24,495
<i>Things were going to return to normaI.</i>

124
00:11:26,202 --> 00:11:27,349
<i>I was in control.</i>

125
00:11:45,763 --> 00:11:49,450
- What is going on?
- We're having a bonfire.

126
00:11:51,565 --> 00:11:53,848
Have you completely lost the plot?

127
00:11:54,597 --> 00:11:56,027
lt's possible, l suppose.

128
00:11:58,705 --> 00:12:00,832
Matt, go and get your coat. We're going out.

129
00:12:01,301 --> 00:12:02,481
Are you like Mum now?

130
00:12:03,102 --> 00:12:04,804
Well, it seems that way, doesn't it?

131
00:12:06,148 --> 00:12:08,189
- Can l have a fiver?
- Out the house.

132
00:12:08,512 --> 00:12:09,249
Come on.

133
00:12:16,436 --> 00:12:17,947
Are you going to sort yourself out?

134
00:12:19,362 --> 00:12:22,183
- l don't know.
- Nathan.

135
00:12:22,218 --> 00:12:25,053
- There's no point any more.
- What about me and Matt?

136
00:12:25,151 --> 00:12:27,802
l'm sick of being the sensible one...

137
00:12:28,044 --> 00:12:32,851
Oh, that's bloody great, isn't it? You sit here
like a wreck and leave me to rule the house.

138
00:12:33,479 --> 00:12:35,142
lt's not like l've got school or anything.

139
00:12:37,057 --> 00:12:37,931
What do l do?

140
00:12:41,196 --> 00:12:42,144
l don't know.

141
00:12:45,286 --> 00:12:47,070
Just clean this lot up.

142
00:13:09,916 --> 00:13:12,865
Hope you won't burn the place down.
l don't have insurance.

143
00:13:12,946 --> 00:13:15,060
- Where are you going?
- Buckingham Palace.

144
00:13:17,134 --> 00:13:19,336
lt's our first day together.
l thought we could do something.

145
00:13:20,093 --> 00:13:23,291
- Er...l've got to get going. l'll see you later.
- But l made you...

146
00:13:36,525 --> 00:13:40,879
l think l must have said something wrong
last night. l didn't quite get what l expected.

147
00:13:43,011 --> 00:13:44,400
Bloody good, though.

148
00:13:45,752 --> 00:13:47,929
- Really?
- Yeah.

149
00:13:48,115 --> 00:13:52,318
<i>My one pIeasure was shafting Sugar
and I couIdn't get that one right.</i>

150
00:13:52,875 --> 00:13:56,178
l really like this guy. He's different.

151
00:13:56,266 --> 00:14:00,567
<i>My worId was faIIing apart
and I was totaIIy powerIess to put it right.</i>

152
00:14:07,882 --> 00:14:11,419
Oh, he's so cute. What did he say?

153
00:14:11,845 --> 00:14:13,823
<i>Or maybe there was another way.</i>

154
00:14:16,059 --> 00:14:19,522
He says sorry but he's got to go and meet
his friends on the other side of town.

155
00:14:20,102 --> 00:14:23,758
What? No, well...um, tell him to stay.

156
00:14:40,689 --> 00:14:41,580
So he'll stay, yeah?

157
00:14:42,827 --> 00:14:46,425
Oh, he can't, cos he arranged to meet them
earlier and he doesn't have their number.

158
00:14:47,963 --> 00:14:49,111
He didn't say anything.

159
00:14:49,813 --> 00:14:50,687
- Guillaume?

160
00:14:52,249 --> 00:14:53,339
Guillaume, don't go.

161
00:14:54,682 --> 00:14:56,756
What the fuck's that all about?

162
00:14:57,208 --> 00:15:01,724
<i>This was it. I'd finaIIy found a way
to turn things to my advantage.</i>

163
00:15:05,578 --> 00:15:07,537
Maybe l didn't pay him enough attention.

164
00:15:08,118 --> 00:15:10,223
Yeah, right. You were all over him.

165
00:15:11,672 --> 00:15:13,455
- Well, did he say he'd call?
- No.

166
00:15:14,154 --> 00:15:15,600
Look, just forget him, Shoogs.

167
00:15:16,316 --> 00:15:18,607
- He said he wanted to slap your arse.
- Matthew!

168
00:15:18,905 --> 00:15:21,460
- What else did he say?
- Nothing.

169
00:15:22,112 --> 00:15:23,776
Kim said you needed some time alone.

170
00:15:31,430 --> 00:15:34,025
- Why did you do that?
- Cos he was getting on my nerves.

171
00:15:34,187 --> 00:15:37,393
- l really liked him.
- He was an arrogant French tosser.

172
00:15:37,394 --> 00:15:38,856
No, he wasn't. He was a proper man.

173
00:15:39,774 --> 00:15:41,910
Fuck me, Nath, it's the middle of the day.

174
00:15:45,248 --> 00:15:46,283
He's just tired.

175
00:15:47,782 --> 00:15:49,965
Yeah, half a bottle of vodka
can have that effect.

176
00:15:57,218 --> 00:15:59,987
- Didn't know he was this mashed.
- l did try to tell you.

177
00:16:00,761 --> 00:16:01,805
l'm sorry.

178
00:16:02,940 --> 00:16:04,032
Whoa!

179
00:16:04,133 --> 00:16:06,928
Guillaume...l really liked him, you know.

180
00:16:07,332 --> 00:16:08,850
Why? He was just a shag.

181
00:16:09,583 --> 00:16:10,860
lt wasn't like that.

182
00:16:12,001 --> 00:16:15,257
You can't be in love with him.
You don't even speak the same language.

183
00:16:20,154 --> 00:16:22,974
- Sugar....
- He really cared about me.

184
00:16:24,575 --> 00:16:26,092
He cared whether l came or not.

185
00:16:27,607 --> 00:16:31,300
He is the first person ever
to give me an orgasm.

186
00:16:33,594 --> 00:16:35,578
He was a creepy French wanker.

187
00:16:35,603 --> 00:16:38,150
Yes, Kim, but he made me come.

188
00:16:44,448 --> 00:16:47,590
For a minute there,
l thought you were being serious.

189
00:16:47,601 --> 00:16:51,176
l am being serious.
Bloody hell, these things are important.

190
00:16:54,827 --> 00:16:56,779
Yeah, l'm sorry. OK?

191
00:17:03,396 --> 00:17:07,535
l'll forgive you if you do one thing for me.

192
00:17:09,610 --> 00:17:11,537
Find him and get me
one more night with him.

193
00:17:14,569 --> 00:17:17,030
- Please.
- OK.

194
00:17:18,228 --> 00:17:20,693
l love you, Kimmy. l love you.

195
00:18:21,803 --> 00:18:23,568
Don't bank on it, mate.

196
00:18:48,683 --> 00:18:52,170
<i>If only the world was
as simple as a man's pride.</i>

197
00:18:55,694 --> 00:19:00,403
<i>Having successfully sorted out Sugar,
it was now time to sort out SteIIa.</i>

198
00:19:00,687 --> 00:19:01,867
Yes, who is it?

199
00:19:01,868 --> 00:19:03,803
Hello. lt's me.

200
00:19:07,246 --> 00:19:08,088
<i>Who?</i>

201
00:19:09,439 --> 00:19:10,773
Your daughter.

202
00:19:12,563 --> 00:19:18,077
Oh! Thank God you're here.
l've been going out of my mind.

203
00:19:18,344 --> 00:19:19,677
l knew you would be.

204
00:19:23,360 --> 00:19:26,942
- What am l going to do?
- Just come home.

205
00:19:28,166 --> 00:19:31,847
- What?
- You're miserable here, aren't you?

206
00:19:33,013 --> 00:19:35,762
What are you talking about?
lt's this meat loaf.

207
00:19:37,820 --> 00:19:40,769
l followed the recipe and everything
but look at it.

208
00:19:42,603 --> 00:19:44,187
Do you think l can cut the top off?

209
00:19:46,478 --> 00:19:47,843
Dale's going to be home soon.

210
00:19:49,862 --> 00:19:54,258
<i>I think I'd entered a quantum universe
where everything was just a IittIe bit wrong.</i>

211
00:19:54,583 --> 00:19:59,975
You should have seen this place yesterday.
lt took me five hours to clean.

212
00:20:01,305 --> 00:20:03,030
- You did that?
- Mm-hm.

213
00:20:05,580 --> 00:20:07,469
At least here l can be helpful.

214
00:20:08,184 --> 00:20:10,724
At home, l was nothing but an old lush.

215
00:20:13,258 --> 00:20:14,773
Bon app�tit.

216
00:20:22,139 --> 00:20:26,962
l'm not coming back, Kim. Nathan made
the right decision in throwing me out.

217
00:20:27,655 --> 00:20:30,636
l was a terrible mother.
A nightmare to live with.

218
00:20:31,368 --> 00:20:32,845
You're all better off without me.

219
00:20:34,430 --> 00:20:35,755
No, we're not.

220
00:20:36,117 --> 00:20:40,104
- l was no good for you, for any of you.
- You don't understand.

221
00:20:42,043 --> 00:20:44,607
lt'll all be all right. You'll see.

222
00:20:45,082 --> 00:20:48,201
These things have a habit
of working themselves out.

223
00:21:01,578 --> 00:21:06,335
Er... l'm sorry that things have been
a bit strange the past few days.

224
00:21:07,068 --> 00:21:08,103
l'll make it up to you.

225
00:21:09,808 --> 00:21:11,793
We could go ice skating.

226
00:21:12,340 --> 00:21:13,794
That is a really good idea.

227
00:21:14,785 --> 00:21:16,520
See? We'll get back to normal.

228
00:21:17,332 --> 00:21:19,421
And then who knows?
Maybe your mother will...

229
00:21:23,748 --> 00:21:24,477
Well...

230
00:21:31,753 --> 00:21:36,270
Erm... l know l shouldn't ask
but er...how did your mother seem?

231
00:21:38,306 --> 00:21:40,450
l think l can be happy here, Kim.

232
00:21:42,155 --> 00:21:44,060
She's miserable, Dad.

233
00:21:44,865 --> 00:21:46,648
- Really?
- Yeah.

234
00:21:47,775 --> 00:21:49,020
She'll be home soon.

235
00:21:50,974 --> 00:21:52,580
<i>The thing about being in the middIe</i>

236
00:21:53,136 --> 00:21:55,835
<i>is that you have the power
to make everybody feeI good.</i>

237
00:21:55,894 --> 00:21:58,721
l don't want him to go.
Last night was the best night ever.

238
00:22:03,540 --> 00:22:05,413
Farewell, my little angel.

239
00:22:14,440 --> 00:22:16,169
He can't wait for you to meet his family.

240
00:22:17,828 --> 00:22:21,711
<i>And Iife sucks so often, you'd better
get the good times whiIe you can.</i>

241
00:22:22,564 --> 00:22:24,797
What did he say? What did he say?

242
00:22:26,864 --> 00:22:27,657
Bye.

243
00:22:30,690 --> 00:22:31,709
l love you.

244
00:22:35,070 --> 00:22:36,814
<i>Yes, you can make everybody happy.</i>

245
00:22:38,175 --> 00:22:39,234
<i>Even yourseIf.</i>

246
00:22:40,884 --> 00:22:42,690
Guillaume also said...

247
00:22:42,909 --> 00:22:43,605
What?

248
00:22:46,276 --> 00:22:49,797
..that he'd really like
to see two women kissing.

249
00:22:50,458 --> 00:22:54,146
Oh! He's so dirty. l love him.

250
00:23:22,433 --> 00:23:27,447
Synchronization and corrections
Lucile76

251
00:23:30,048 --> 00:23:32,048
"Numb", Porishead 
"French Kiss", The Lovers
"The Day It All Went Wrong", Gisli

252
00:23:32,049 --> 00:23:34,049
"Wake Up Boo!", The Boo Radley�s
"A Forest", Nouvelle Vague
"Hey Lisa", David Holmes

253
00:23:34,050 --> 00:23:36,050
"Stuck In The Middle", Louise 
"Out Of Time", Blur
"Sunday Girl (French Version)", Blondie