1
00:00:04,421 --> 00:00:05,753
What are you doing?
2
00:00:06,131 --> 00:00:08,418
Dude, I'm freaked out about
my meeting with Michael
3
00:00:08,509 --> 00:00:10,695
and if I spend one more second
staring at Creepo the Clown
4
00:00:10,719 --> 00:00:11,719
I'm gonna lose it!
5
00:00:11,762 --> 00:00:14,175
You named the clowns?
- Psycho, Creepo
6
00:00:14,264 --> 00:00:17,223
Crazy Head, Stupid Juggling Weirdo,
Freaky Feet
7
00:00:17,601 --> 00:00:19,308
and Nightmare George Washington.
8
00:00:19,937 --> 00:00:21,303
One of them has to go.
9
00:00:23,690 --> 00:00:25,522
Oh. Sexy mailman.
10
00:00:25,776 --> 00:00:26,812
Much better.
11
00:00:26,902 --> 00:00:28,338
In five minutes, Michael wants my help
12
00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:30,442
investigating what's making
the Neighbourhood go nuts
13
00:00:30,697 --> 00:00:32,063
which is, obviously, me.
14
00:00:32,157 --> 00:00:33,551
I mean, I did promise I would help.
15
00:00:33,575 --> 00:00:34,691
What do I do here?
16
00:00:35,077 --> 00:00:39,196
Actually, the answer is...
- Right here?
17
00:00:39,331 --> 00:00:41,142
in this easily-understandable comic strip.
- Nope.
18
00:00:41,166 --> 00:00:43,203
In this book,
about the theory of contractualism.
19
00:00:43,502 --> 00:00:44,709
"What We Owe To Each Other?"
20
00:00:44,753 --> 00:00:45,869
I saw this movie.
21
00:00:46,213 --> 00:00:47,749
Laura Linney cries in a lake house
22
00:00:47,839 --> 00:00:50,047
because Jude Law left her
for his ex-wife's ghost.
23
00:00:50,259 --> 00:00:53,297
No. Quick summary of contractualism
24
00:00:53,345 --> 00:00:57,055
Uh, imagine a group of reasonable people...
25
00:00:57,349 --> 00:00:59,841
are coming up with the rules
for a new society.
26
00:00:59,935 --> 00:01:02,723
Like, "If your Uber driver talks to you,
the ride should be free."
27
00:01:02,813 --> 00:01:07,274
Sure. But anyone can veto
any rule that they think is unfair.
28
00:01:07,359 --> 00:01:08,395
So if you said
29
00:01:08,485 --> 00:01:12,570
"We should be able to break our promises
without any repercussions"
30
00:01:12,656 --> 00:01:15,444
someone would veto that rule.
31
00:01:15,534 --> 00:01:18,447
Well, my first rule would be
that no one can veto my rules.
32
00:01:18,537 --> 00:01:21,200
Well, that's called "tyranny,"
and it's generally frowned upon.
33
00:01:22,124 --> 00:01:24,832
If you make a promise to someone,
you should do it.
34
00:01:25,168 --> 00:01:30,254
Just like I promised to help you,
and still am, despite your constant mockery.
35
00:01:30,340 --> 00:01:31,956
"Despite your constant mockery!"
36
00:01:32,843 --> 00:01:34,960
Whatever. You love it. So...
37
00:01:35,345 --> 00:01:39,635
either I help him find the problem,
which is me, and I'm doomed.
38
00:01:40,142 --> 00:01:42,350
Or I don't help him
39
00:01:42,436 --> 00:01:44,177
and then I'm behaving unethically
40
00:01:44,271 --> 00:01:46,888
and the whole world goes crazy
and I'm caught anyway.
41
00:01:48,150 --> 00:01:52,815
I need to figure out a way to both help him
and not help him at the same time.
42
00:01:53,071 --> 00:01:55,279
That's literally not possible.
- Oh, really?
43
00:01:55,741 --> 00:01:58,358
I once posed as a hot prom date
for my cousin
44
00:01:58,744 --> 00:02:03,330
both helping him, and later, according
to his therapist, "not helping" him.
45
00:02:17,387 --> 00:02:19,174
Oh! Hey, Eleanor! Thanks for coming in.
46
00:02:20,766 --> 00:02:22,883
Sorry about the mess.
47
00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:25,726
Oh. I forgot you don't see in nine
dimensions.
48
00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:29,564
There's just a lot of tension
in the air right now.
49
00:02:30,859 --> 00:02:33,772
Are you okay, buddy?
You seem kind of stressed.
50
00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:36,608
No, no, no, no, I'm fine.
Top of my game actually.
51
00:02:36,740 --> 00:02:38,072
Here. Let me just, uh...
52
00:02:38,367 --> 00:02:39,949
Have a seat, Eleanor.
53
00:02:40,369 --> 00:02:41,405
There you go.
54
00:02:41,953 --> 00:02:45,321
So, to prepare to meet all of you
55
00:02:46,041 --> 00:02:49,500
I studied the human concept of "friends".
56
00:02:49,920 --> 00:02:52,663
I even watched
all ten seasons of the show Friends.
57
00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:56,253
Boy, those friends really were
friends, weren't they?
58
00:02:56,927 --> 00:02:59,761
Although... and I realise this is
the kind of observation
59
00:02:59,846 --> 00:03:03,180
that would only occur
to the mind of an eternal being -
60
00:03:03,809 --> 00:03:06,142
how did they afford that apartment?
61
00:03:07,270 --> 00:03:11,139
A waitress and a chef? With those
Manhattan real estate prices?
62
00:03:11,858 --> 00:03:13,645
Yeah, we were all confused about that, too.
63
00:03:13,735 --> 00:03:18,400
And why would they be jumping around
in a fountain if they also had umbrellas?
64
00:03:18,490 --> 00:03:21,449
I mean was the fountain full
because it had been raining? Or were they...
65
00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:23,864
Were they testing the durability of the
umbrellas?
66
00:03:24,413 --> 00:03:28,202
I don't know, man.
- Anyway, the reason why you're here is...
67
00:03:28,834 --> 00:03:31,702
It's been a tough couple of days.
68
00:03:32,129 --> 00:03:37,090
And right now, I could really use
a "friend" by my side.
69
00:03:37,634 --> 00:03:43,130
Well, you know me, the person
who has audibly promised to help you.
70
00:03:44,433 --> 00:03:46,345
Dude, it's a sweet house.
71
00:03:46,685 --> 00:03:48,472
What did you pay for it?
Six hundred K?
72
00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:51,389
You know it's considered impolite
to ask that question?
73
00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:53,314
Well, I was being polite.
74
00:03:53,650 --> 00:03:55,357
I already "Zillowed" it, I know the price.
75
00:03:55,902 --> 00:03:58,485
So you need me to housesit the whole week?
76
00:03:59,197 --> 00:04:01,234
Sounds like somebody's gonna have
a sweet vay-cay!
77
00:04:01,366 --> 00:04:03,608
As I told you before, my mom is very sick.
78
00:04:04,119 --> 00:04:05,999
I'm going to help her move into
assisted living.
79
00:04:06,997 --> 00:04:08,533
Well, I'm here for you.
80
00:04:08,623 --> 00:04:11,161
And your Wi-Fi is way better
than my neighbour's, so I'm in.
81
00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:13,368
It's gonna mean taking care of Lester, too.
82
00:04:13,545 --> 00:04:16,083
Walk and feed him twice a day,
give him his kidney medicine.
83
00:04:16,339 --> 00:04:17,539
Yup, got it. Feed his kidneys.
84
00:04:17,799 --> 00:04:18,835
Eleanor?
- Yeah?
85
00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:20,882
This is gonna be
a very stressful week for me.
86
00:04:20,969 --> 00:04:22,529
I need to know that I can count on you.
87
00:04:22,637 --> 00:04:24,003
I'm not gonna let you down.
88
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:25,300
I promise.
89
00:04:25,682 --> 00:04:29,221
I will faithfully protect this six hundred
and eighty thousand-dollar house.
90
00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:49,320
Oh! Sachveer, Jessica. Shopping for lunch?
91
00:04:49,706 --> 00:04:52,619
Yup! He loves to cook and I love to eat.
92
00:04:52,876 --> 00:04:54,993
He loves washing the dishes,
I love drying them.
93
00:04:55,378 --> 00:04:58,746
He loves putting them back in the cabinets,
I love closing cabinet doors.
94
00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:02,584
Yes, no, I see, you're... you soulmates.
It's so wonderful.
95
00:05:02,677 --> 00:05:05,010
Later we're going to the new spa
for the couples treatment.
96
00:05:05,514 --> 00:05:07,130
You should come and bring Jianyu.
97
00:05:11,228 --> 00:05:13,311
Jianyu, my love! How are you?
98
00:05:15,106 --> 00:05:16,938
I am decidedly so.
99
00:05:17,901 --> 00:05:19,688
That's very profound. Um..
100
00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:21,477
Soulmate, an idea!
101
00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:24,906
Our Neighbourhood now features a spa
and offers couples packages.
102
00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:28,530
And I thought maybe we could get facials
and do yoga
103
00:05:28,578 --> 00:05:32,242
and talk in long discursive sentences.
104
00:05:33,458 --> 00:05:34,458
What do you say?
105
00:05:36,294 --> 00:05:37,330
Signs point to yes.
106
00:05:37,754 --> 00:05:40,963
Oh! Marvelous. We'll go today.
107
00:05:44,469 --> 00:05:46,677
Dude, you gotta come with us to the spa.
108
00:05:46,763 --> 00:05:49,380
What? No. No way.
109
00:05:49,558 --> 00:05:50,844
No, that's really weird.
110
00:05:50,934 --> 00:05:53,614
You can't make small talk with her
for one day without being caught?
111
00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:55,394
No, I can't and she freaks me out!
112
00:05:55,564 --> 00:05:57,977
She's so pretty.
Like Nala, from TheLionKing.
113
00:05:58,233 --> 00:06:00,190
And she talks so smart. Like, um...
114
00:06:01,069 --> 00:06:02,560
Nala, from the LionKing.
115
00:06:02,654 --> 00:06:03,440
You gotta help me.
116
00:06:03,530 --> 00:06:06,398
Well, if I feel sympathy for anyone,
it's Tahani.
117
00:06:06,658 --> 00:06:09,218
She's going through the same thing I am,
but she doesn't know it.
118
00:06:09,786 --> 00:06:11,994
Which means maybe I'm obligated to tell her?
119
00:06:12,581 --> 00:06:16,200
Although, maybe it's better not to know?
Is ignorance bliss?
120
00:06:16,334 --> 00:06:18,451
Or will the painful truth actually be...
121
00:06:18,545 --> 00:06:19,661
healing...
- Ready, Jianyu?
122
00:06:20,088 --> 00:06:24,458
Oh, I cannot wait to just relax
and talk and chat and just
123
00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:27,380
you know, get to know each other.
124
00:06:28,430 --> 00:06:29,466
Hey...
125
00:06:30,015 --> 00:06:31,802
Maybe I'll come too!
126
00:06:32,517 --> 00:06:34,634
Oh, Chidi.
127
00:06:35,812 --> 00:06:39,431
I... I would love your company.
It's just that this is, um...
128
00:06:39,941 --> 00:06:41,227
This is really more of a...
129
00:06:41,902 --> 00:06:43,518
couples thing.
130
00:06:43,612 --> 00:06:46,650
I know. But Eleanor's off with Michael
131
00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:49,949
and Jianyu feels comfortable
when I'm around. Right?
132
00:06:51,328 --> 00:06:53,615
Made in Taiwan.
- Yes, you were.
133
00:06:54,539 --> 00:06:56,326
You were made in Taiwan, so...
134
00:06:56,958 --> 00:06:59,575
couples date! Let's go!
135
00:07:01,838 --> 00:07:04,956
I never really looked around your office
the first day.
136
00:07:05,175 --> 00:07:06,175
What is all this junk?
137
00:07:06,968 --> 00:07:10,678
Well, technically, architects aren't allowed
to own any human objects, but...
138
00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:13,302
I just love them so much.
139
00:07:13,642 --> 00:07:14,849
And over here, look at this.
140
00:07:15,226 --> 00:07:17,969
Aren't paperclips the most amazing
things in the world?
141
00:07:18,063 --> 00:07:20,476
Yeah. Sure.
- Anyway...
142
00:07:20,815 --> 00:07:23,774
my current theory is that
some object in the Neighbourhood
143
00:07:23,860 --> 00:07:26,819
has a design flaw, which is causing
everything to go haywire.
144
00:07:26,905 --> 00:07:30,489
So we need to find that object.
We're gonna start with the rocks!
145
00:07:30,575 --> 00:07:34,159
Now I've investigated all of the rocks
in the Neighbourhood
146
00:07:34,496 --> 00:07:37,204
these seventy-eight are the most suspicious.
147
00:07:38,166 --> 00:07:40,783
Maybe to an "Architect" they might
look suspicious
148
00:07:40,919 --> 00:07:43,912
but to me they just look like rocks.
So I'm not sure how I can help.
149
00:07:44,130 --> 00:07:47,464
Do any of them look defective, sinister?
150
00:07:47,550 --> 00:07:51,464
You know, like they're taunting you,
always one step ahead.
151
00:07:52,555 --> 00:07:54,672
Oh, you devious little monsters, you.
152
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:04,474
Hello, Janet. Jianyu and I are here for
the couples' package, please.
153
00:08:04,651 --> 00:08:07,109
And also I will be joining them.
154
00:08:07,237 --> 00:08:09,117
Great! And who is the other half
of your couple?
155
00:08:09,656 --> 00:08:12,899
Oh, no, no, it's just me.
- Couples are pairs of people.
156
00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:15,993
Yup! And... uh, there is a pair
of people, Tahani and Jianyu.
157
00:08:16,371 --> 00:08:18,988
And then also I am here.
158
00:08:19,124 --> 00:08:20,524
Great! And who will be joining you?
159
00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:23,705
No one. Um, it's...
it's really quite simple, Janet.
160
00:08:23,795 --> 00:08:28,586
They are a couple, and I am a third part
of that couple
161
00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:33,007
a helper part who is here
for fun and excitement.
162
00:08:33,304 --> 00:08:34,384
It's a three-person couple!
163
00:08:35,765 --> 00:08:37,347
Does not compute.
164
00:08:37,851 --> 00:08:39,262
Does not compute.
165
00:08:39,811 --> 00:08:41,393
Does not compute.
166
00:08:42,647 --> 00:08:44,229
I'm just kidding.
167
00:08:44,566 --> 00:08:47,525
I mean, it doesn't compute,
but I'm not gonna explode or anything.
168
00:08:47,736 --> 00:08:50,729
Right. Well. I'll see you inside, darling.
169
00:08:53,575 --> 00:08:55,066
Okay, you have to step up.
170
00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:58,577
Find a way to connect with her without,
you know, being you.
171
00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:02,331
But what does that even mean?
Do I talk or not talk?
172
00:09:02,751 --> 00:09:06,085
Do I be nice to Tahani, or do I
throw all her jewellery in the toilet?
173
00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:08,162
That's the opposite of "being nice?"
174
00:09:08,423 --> 00:09:09,459
So no toilet?
175
00:09:10,633 --> 00:09:12,670
Okay. So we have two piles.
176
00:09:13,344 --> 00:09:15,711
Seemingly fine, where we have placed
177
00:09:16,765 --> 00:09:18,927
three of the rocks, and...
178
00:09:19,726 --> 00:09:23,811
further examination needed,
where we've placed the other seventy-five.
179
00:09:24,814 --> 00:09:28,273
Only ninety minutes in and we're eliminated
three rocks. We're making progress.
180
00:09:30,111 --> 00:09:33,479
Although, I have to say I'a little suspicious
of the second one right here.
181
00:09:33,782 --> 00:09:36,991
Could we just move that back in the
further examination needed?
182
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:41,993
You... you... you need to chill a little
'cause you have a very psycho, burnout
183
00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:46,122
guy muttering to himself
at a library computer" type of vibe.
184
00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:48,585
I cannot stop until I find the problem.
185
00:09:48,671 --> 00:09:51,960
I just... it's my responsibility
to solve the problem.
186
00:09:52,050 --> 00:09:55,088
What else can I do, except keep working?
187
00:09:57,263 --> 00:09:59,346
You could stop working.
188
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:01,970
Look, I promised to help you and,
honestly
189
00:10:02,060 --> 00:10:04,473
the way I can help you
is to force you to take a break.
190
00:10:04,646 --> 00:10:07,605
And not working will help me work?
191
00:10:07,690 --> 00:10:10,728
Yes. Recharge the old batteries.
192
00:10:10,819 --> 00:10:15,063
I promise, this is gonna help
both of us. Let's go.
193
00:10:16,157 --> 00:10:17,193
Okay.
194
00:10:17,992 --> 00:10:22,362
Let's keep our eyes peeled
for twigs that may have a nefarious agenda.
195
00:10:22,497 --> 00:10:24,079
Okay, crazy, come on.
196
00:10:27,127 --> 00:10:28,709
What is it with you and frozen yogurt?
197
00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:30,873
Have you not heard of ice cream?
198
00:10:31,005 --> 00:10:33,463
Oh, sure.
But I've come to really like frozen yogurt.
199
00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:36,717
There's something so human about
taking something great
200
00:10:37,178 --> 00:10:39,636
and ruining it a little,
so you can have more of it.
201
00:10:40,014 --> 00:10:41,300
That is very human.
202
00:10:42,433 --> 00:10:44,641
Why do you need a human to be your assistant?
203
00:10:44,853 --> 00:10:49,518
I mean, aren't there more of
whatever you are?
204
00:10:50,066 --> 00:10:52,308
Well since we're becoming "friends"
205
00:10:53,319 --> 00:10:54,776
like Ross and Phoebe
206
00:10:54,904 --> 00:10:56,440
Weird combo to pick, but okay.
207
00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:57,817
I'm gonna tell you a secret.
208
00:10:59,617 --> 00:11:03,327
Usually Architects don't live
in their Neighbourhoods.
209
00:11:03,788 --> 00:11:06,075
Usually, the people show up,
we play the movie
210
00:11:06,708 --> 00:11:09,416
Janet is there to answer questions,
and you're on your own.
211
00:11:09,752 --> 00:11:10,959
But I had this theory.
212
00:11:11,045 --> 00:11:15,255
I thought transition would be easier
if the Architect were on site
213
00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:17,268
for at least the first thousand years or so.
214
00:11:17,635 --> 00:11:20,878
That's why you've been so freaked out,
'cause your butt is on the line.
215
00:11:24,851 --> 00:11:25,887
Do you have a butt?
216
00:11:27,395 --> 00:11:28,886
Well I thought I did. Ouch.
217
00:11:29,105 --> 00:11:31,597
No, I'm sorry. It's a great butt. I...
- No I'm...
218
00:11:32,275 --> 00:11:34,232
just... this is weird.
- Anyway...
219
00:11:34,569 --> 00:11:38,313
my boss thought I was nuts,
and if this Neighbourhood doesn't work
220
00:11:38,406 --> 00:11:40,568
I am in big trouble.
221
00:11:41,284 --> 00:11:44,448
Just like Chandler and Joey
when they left Ross's baby on a bus.
222
00:11:44,746 --> 00:11:49,912
But more importantly, I promised all of you
that you would be safe and happy
223
00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:51,875
and you just don't break a promise.
224
00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:55,956
Unlike Ross, when he promised Emily
not to talk to Rachel.
225
00:11:56,633 --> 00:11:58,374
Wow, you are really into that show.
226
00:11:58,676 --> 00:12:00,963
You know something? I feel better already.
227
00:12:01,179 --> 00:12:03,637
Should we get back to work?
Gah-gah-gah-gah-gah-gah!
228
00:12:03,806 --> 00:12:06,389
The whole point is to stop thinking
about work
229
00:12:06,893 --> 00:12:07,893
and start having fun.
230
00:12:08,311 --> 00:12:10,428
Now, what should we do first?
231
00:12:10,897 --> 00:12:16,484
♪ I'm going out in a blaze of glory ♪
232
00:12:16,694 --> 00:12:20,358
♪ Lord, I never drew first
But I drew first blood ♪
233
00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:22,189
♪ I'm no one's son ♪
234
00:12:22,617 --> 00:12:25,576
♪ Call me young gun ♪
235
00:12:27,205 --> 00:12:28,946
This is so interesting.
236
00:12:29,123 --> 00:12:32,958
I mean there's no point to it,
the images on the screen relate to nothing
237
00:12:33,711 --> 00:12:35,271
some time passed, and then it was over!
238
00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:37,917
That's karaoke!
- Let's do it again.
239
00:12:40,718 --> 00:12:44,632
Okay! My hands are heated to the ideal
one hundred and five degrees.
240
00:12:45,014 --> 00:12:46,221
Who would like to go first?
241
00:12:46,307 --> 00:12:48,219
Oh well, uh... what if I go first, and then
242
00:12:48,309 --> 00:12:50,221
perhaps Jianyu could stand near me and
243
00:12:50,395 --> 00:12:52,136
share some intimate aspects of his life?
244
00:12:56,859 --> 00:12:58,976
Or what if
245
00:13:00,154 --> 00:13:02,612
while Janet massages Tahani
246
00:13:02,740 --> 00:13:05,983
I massage Jianyu?
247
00:13:10,581 --> 00:13:12,538
Jianyu, darling, let's discuss the arts.
248
00:13:14,252 --> 00:13:16,494
I adore the Impressionists.
249
00:13:18,172 --> 00:13:20,664
Who's your favourite artist?
- I mean...
250
00:13:21,050 --> 00:13:23,292
- Pitbull changed the game...
- Hm.
251
00:13:24,053 --> 00:13:25,919
Sorry. I was working the...
252
00:13:26,848 --> 00:13:29,340
oft-neglected mandible area.
253
00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:36,934
Oh, man!
254
00:13:37,275 --> 00:13:39,938
I didn't even want that thing,
why am I trying to win it?
255
00:13:40,028 --> 00:13:41,894
Because the machine says it's a prize.
256
00:13:42,947 --> 00:13:44,233
- Oh!
- Boom!
257
00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:45,690
How many tickets do I get?
258
00:13:45,783 --> 00:13:47,900
Six? Is that all?
- Well... watch this.
259
00:13:50,872 --> 00:13:52,363
Is that allowed?
- Not really.
260
00:13:52,457 --> 00:13:54,073
But it is a time-honoured tradition.
261
00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:56,041
Say no more. I got it. I got it.
262
00:13:59,088 --> 00:14:00,295
Yow!
- Whoo!
263
00:14:01,257 --> 00:14:02,293
You know something?
264
00:14:02,383 --> 00:14:04,716
As much as I've always wanted
to be around humans
265
00:14:04,802 --> 00:14:08,136
I think I've missed a big part
of what makes them wonderful.
266
00:14:08,431 --> 00:14:12,471
Sometimes all you guys think about
is how you can have the most fun!
267
00:14:12,894 --> 00:14:17,264
Exactly! That was practically my mantra.
268
00:14:18,733 --> 00:14:20,019
What's up, dongbait?
269
00:14:20,109 --> 00:14:21,949
Drop everything you're doing.
270
00:14:22,070 --> 00:14:25,905
Rihanna is performing in Vegas.
I got tickets. We are road tripping!
271
00:14:25,990 --> 00:14:27,447
Aw, I can't.
272
00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:31,531
I promised I'd housesit one more day,
and I have to feed this stupid dog.
273
00:14:31,746 --> 00:14:34,864
I'm sorry, does this dog smoke blunts
topless on a yacht, like a boss
274
00:14:34,916 --> 00:14:35,997
'cause that's how RiRi do.
275
00:14:36,542 --> 00:14:40,286
That's a very good point.
- This is floor-seats, in Vegas, for Rihanna!
276
00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:41,962
The booze is free there.
277
00:14:42,090 --> 00:14:44,958
Do I really need to keep going?
278
00:14:47,303 --> 00:14:50,137
Okay. This is dinner tonight,
breakfast tomorrow.
279
00:14:50,431 --> 00:14:52,231
I have an idea. This is in case of emergency.
280
00:14:54,268 --> 00:14:55,759
This is in case of emergency.
281
00:14:55,812 --> 00:14:59,021
Do not eat this unless it's an emergency.
282
00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:02,607
Wow. I'm ready to be a mom.
283
00:15:11,119 --> 00:15:13,156
I'm having trouble getting
this mask to stick.
284
00:15:13,246 --> 00:15:16,114
Yes, it's because my pores are just so small.
285
00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:19,078
There's no way anything can ever adhere
to my skin.
286
00:15:19,419 --> 00:15:20,455
It's a curse, really.
287
00:15:21,170 --> 00:15:24,083
Jianyu?
What are your pores like?
288
00:15:27,718 --> 00:15:29,835
Seemed like such an easy question to answer.
289
00:15:30,596 --> 00:15:32,883
Janet, can you show me to the sauna, please?
290
00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:40,479
Dude! She's trying so hard,
and you're giving her nothing.
291
00:15:40,565 --> 00:15:43,854
Just pick a fact that you know about her
and just muddle through. She...
292
00:15:44,193 --> 00:15:46,185
She said she likes impressionist
paintings.
293
00:15:46,612 --> 00:15:49,650
Oh! Impressionist paintings?
Okay, say no more!
294
00:15:50,074 --> 00:15:53,363
No, no. I definitely feel like I need to say
more. Jia...?
295
00:15:54,328 --> 00:15:55,910
So...
296
00:15:56,747 --> 00:15:58,488
would you say I helped you today?
297
00:15:58,583 --> 00:16:02,998
Oh, so much! I had fun,
I didn't think about my problems and I...
298
00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:05,128
I won this ugly yellow toddler
299
00:16:05,214 --> 00:16:07,454
which is one of the most
beautiful things I've ever seen.
300
00:16:08,092 --> 00:16:10,425
Eleanor, thank you for being a friend.
301
00:16:11,429 --> 00:16:13,512
You're a pal and a confidante.
302
00:16:13,931 --> 00:16:16,344
After you watched Friends,
did you also watch GoldenGirls?
303
00:16:16,434 --> 00:16:17,845
Yes, I did.
304
00:16:18,519 --> 00:16:20,977
They love cheesecake
and one of them loves intercourse.
305
00:16:22,523 --> 00:16:24,230
All right. I'll see you tomorrow, friend.
306
00:16:39,582 --> 00:16:41,462
You sure this
is where you want to be right now?
307
00:16:42,210 --> 00:16:45,078
At the "Tea for Two" Couples' Café.
308
00:16:45,254 --> 00:16:47,041
There's no use avoiding it, Chidi.
309
00:16:47,590 --> 00:16:48,626
I'm alone.
310
00:16:49,300 --> 00:16:51,667
Jianyu and I have nothing in common.
311
00:16:51,802 --> 00:16:55,341
I just want a soulmate.
Someone I can share my passions with
312
00:16:55,431 --> 00:16:58,595
someone who I can talk to about
the ethereal colours of a Degas.
313
00:16:58,684 --> 00:16:59,720
I love Degas!
314
00:16:59,810 --> 00:17:02,974
I took painting lessons as a kid,
and Degas was always my inspiration.
315
00:17:03,564 --> 00:17:05,417
What's your favourite work?
- Let's say it on three.
316
00:17:05,441 --> 00:17:08,605
Okay.
- One, two, three.
317
00:17:08,694 --> 00:17:10,654
The Absinthe Drinker
- Ballet Dancers in the Wings
318
00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:13,481
Well, at least we both still like Degas.
319
00:17:13,574 --> 00:17:16,942
Yes! And do you like France as much as I do?
320
00:17:17,078 --> 00:17:21,072
Well, they enslaved my country
for three hundred years, so no.
321
00:17:21,582 --> 00:17:24,290
But they have great museums.
- Yes.
322
00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:26,622
Welcome to my café you two!
323
00:17:26,712 --> 00:17:30,422
We have a special on soulmate muffins:
two for the price of zero.
324
00:17:30,508 --> 00:17:32,841
Everything is free.
- Oh, uh... well, we're not soulmates.
325
00:17:32,969 --> 00:17:34,460
- No.
- We're just, uh...
326
00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:36,546
- Soul friends.
- Oh.
327
00:17:40,434 --> 00:17:43,677
Hey, buddy! I have all new fun stuff
for us to do today.
328
00:17:43,980 --> 00:17:45,892
Also, you think you didn't do any work?
329
00:17:46,107 --> 00:17:49,020
Wait till you see how much work
the RealHousewives don't do.
330
00:17:49,318 --> 00:17:51,435
Eleanor... Eleanor, I have huge news.
331
00:17:52,029 --> 00:17:54,737
"Not working" actually worked.
332
00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:55,943
It did what now?
333
00:17:56,033 --> 00:17:58,867
After our day off,
with a completely clear head
334
00:17:59,287 --> 00:18:03,657
I realised part of what makes humans
so fun is that they're unpredictable.
335
00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:06,492
The chaos we've been experiencing
336
00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:11,047
is exactly what would happen
if a resident behaved unpredictably.
337
00:18:11,132 --> 00:18:15,422
The problem in our Neighbourhood,
it's not a rock or an object...
338
00:18:15,970 --> 00:18:17,552
it's one of the people.
339
00:18:17,847 --> 00:18:19,839
Oh! We need to celebrate!
340
00:18:20,391 --> 00:18:23,884
Okay. Whoo-hoo! Paperclip shower!
341
00:18:28,065 --> 00:18:31,649
So, do you think we're looking for a man?
Or do you think we're looking for two men?
342
00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:35,313
Not sure.
We don't know anything about this person.
343
00:18:35,406 --> 00:18:37,318
I mean does he or she
344
00:18:37,408 --> 00:18:40,276
even know that they caused
all these problems?
345
00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:42,160
No, that can't be.
346
00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:45,076
I mean what kind of monster
would wreak havoc and then say nothing?
347
00:18:45,166 --> 00:18:48,204
There are nice monsters, like Elmo.
348
00:18:48,294 --> 00:18:51,037
Elmo? I'm not familiar with that.
349
00:18:51,547 --> 00:18:52,583
Let me just quickly...
350
00:18:54,717 --> 00:18:57,801
Elmo's delightful.
351
00:18:57,970 --> 00:19:00,212
Uh-oh.
352
00:19:01,349 --> 00:19:03,966
They're over-using him.
He's gotten annoying.
353
00:19:04,685 --> 00:19:05,721
Oh, well, too bad.
354
00:19:05,811 --> 00:19:07,097
Anyway, back to the hunt.
355
00:19:07,229 --> 00:19:10,518
So this is the main place
where the garbage fell from the sky.
356
00:19:11,108 --> 00:19:12,565
Janet?
- Hi there.
357
00:19:12,735 --> 00:19:17,070
I need a list of everyone that was here
on garbage duty during Orientation.
358
00:19:17,114 --> 00:19:18,776
Oh!
359
00:19:20,201 --> 00:19:21,237
Eleanor.
360
00:19:21,327 --> 00:19:24,411
- Our criminal is on this very short list.
- Hm.
361
00:19:24,789 --> 00:19:27,702
People were flying that day, too.
I'll add everybody who flew overhead.
362
00:19:28,459 --> 00:19:33,124
Our criminal is on this much longer list.
363
00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:39,592
Oh, hey, homey.
Thanks for your advice.
364
00:19:39,804 --> 00:19:41,796
I'm about to give Tahani the best gift ever.
365
00:19:41,889 --> 00:19:42,925
Check it.
366
00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:49,432
What? I mean, what?
367
00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:51,120
She likes impressionist paintings, right?
368
00:19:51,148 --> 00:19:54,391
I got her a painting of
the best impressionist of all time.
369
00:19:54,485 --> 00:19:55,521
Frank Caliendo.
370
00:19:55,653 --> 00:19:58,817
He can do it all: Fat Al Pacino,
Fat Jerry Seinfeld, Regular John Madden...
371
00:19:58,864 --> 00:20:04,201
Jianyu, I need you to take
this oil painting of Frank Caliendo
372
00:20:04,328 --> 00:20:07,071
and put it in a very dark room
where no one will ever see it.
373
00:20:07,289 --> 00:20:09,076
Perfect. It glows in the dark. Watch.
374
00:20:12,712 --> 00:20:14,123
Huh?
375
00:20:14,964 --> 00:20:17,672
Forget about it, forget about it.
376
00:20:17,967 --> 00:20:19,003
Huh?
377
00:20:20,344 --> 00:20:24,008
Okay, so the opening night party
won't help us narrow our list
378
00:20:24,098 --> 00:20:25,930
because, well... everyone was there.
379
00:20:26,183 --> 00:20:27,765
Right. Everyone was there.
380
00:20:28,102 --> 00:20:30,310
Everyone drank the appropriate
amount of alcohol.
381
00:20:30,646 --> 00:20:32,808
So that seems like a dead end.
- But...
382
00:20:34,150 --> 00:20:39,817
This is where the sinkhole opened up,
and the guest list that night was limited.
383
00:20:39,864 --> 00:20:42,982
There were a total of 30 people that night.
384
00:20:45,286 --> 00:20:46,493
Only thirty, huh?
385
00:20:46,620 --> 00:20:49,112
Yay! How do you pump your fist again?
386
00:20:50,708 --> 00:20:51,744
Is this it?
387
00:20:51,834 --> 00:20:55,123
But sixty-six others passed through
to take a look before it opened.
388
00:20:55,212 --> 00:20:58,000
And everyone else in the Neighbourhood
was in a close radius.
389
00:20:58,090 --> 00:21:02,425
Oh, boy!
That doesn't narrow it down at all.
390
00:21:03,137 --> 00:21:05,470
Feels like the end of the road.
391
00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:09,883
End of the Road. Boyz Il Men.
Karaoke!
392
00:21:10,269 --> 00:21:12,101
Let's go.
Don't think about it too much.
393
00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:13,307
Janet.
394
00:21:13,773 --> 00:21:15,560
My hoodie please.
395
00:21:20,613 --> 00:21:22,570
What's happening?
- I give up.
396
00:21:23,991 --> 00:21:26,699
I can't help the people
I promised that I would help.
397
00:21:29,371 --> 00:21:31,738
I feel like Friends in season eight
398
00:21:32,708 --> 00:21:37,999
out of ideas and forcing Joey and Rachel
together even though it made no sense.
399
00:21:39,507 --> 00:21:42,671
I hope the sinkhole opens up again
and swallows me whole.
400
00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:56,480
Paula! Hey, girl! How's the dog?
401
00:21:56,857 --> 00:21:59,315
Still fat, Eleanor. Still fat.
402
00:22:00,069 --> 00:22:03,528
The vet said his stomach expanded
to the size of a basketball.
403
00:22:03,614 --> 00:22:05,321
And that it will never shrink.
404
00:22:05,407 --> 00:22:07,524
Mmm. Well, that's not my fault.
405
00:22:07,618 --> 00:22:11,407
How was I supposed to know
he would literally eat all of the food?
406
00:22:11,497 --> 00:22:13,079
It shouldn't have been an issue.
407
00:22:13,582 --> 00:22:16,290
You were supposed to be there
but you broke your promise
408
00:22:16,669 --> 00:22:21,881
as soon it wasn't convenient for you,
and now I have a very bulbous dog.
409
00:22:23,050 --> 00:22:25,337
Well, you know what?
You're rude.
410
00:22:25,678 --> 00:22:28,512
'Cause you didn't even ask me
how the Rihanna concert was.
411
00:22:29,473 --> 00:22:33,183
She was very late and a little drunk.
412
00:22:40,025 --> 00:22:42,517
I promised to help you, and I will
413
00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:44,356
however I can.
414
00:22:44,864 --> 00:22:49,575
If you want to look at a million rocks
like a psychopath, I'll be there.
415
00:22:49,910 --> 00:22:54,280
If you want to just lay here
and cry in your hoodie, I'm cool with that.
416
00:22:54,498 --> 00:22:57,115
Honestly, I don't know how I can help you
417
00:22:57,751 --> 00:22:59,788
'cause I'm just a person
418
00:22:59,879 --> 00:23:05,216
and you're like this super, magical,
Orville Redenbacher type guy
419
00:23:05,384 --> 00:23:07,922
who invented this entire universe
420
00:23:08,053 --> 00:23:10,170
but I'll do my best.
421
00:23:11,932 --> 00:23:12,968
I'm right here.
422
00:23:13,726 --> 00:23:14,967
Oh, my gosh...
423
00:23:18,772 --> 00:23:19,853
Of course.
424
00:23:21,150 --> 00:23:22,357
How did I not see it?
425
00:23:22,985 --> 00:23:26,820
Janet, I've found the answer to the problem.
426
00:23:27,031 --> 00:23:28,191
Call a Neighbourhood meeting.
427
00:23:28,657 --> 00:23:32,492
Should it be "Festive and Casual,"
or "Moribund and Devastating?"
428
00:23:32,578 --> 00:23:35,070
Moribund and Devastating, please.
- Great!
429
00:23:42,087 --> 00:23:43,703
Hello, Jianyu. Chidi.
430
00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:49,884
What's this?
- I made you a "art".
431
00:23:50,179 --> 00:23:54,594
It's three of me! As ballerinas!
432
00:23:54,934 --> 00:23:57,096
Painted in the style of the impressionists!
433
00:23:57,353 --> 00:23:58,389
Of course!
434
00:23:59,605 --> 00:24:03,349
You don't say things, but you do things
435
00:24:03,776 --> 00:24:05,392
and you feel things.
436
00:24:06,737 --> 00:24:10,731
Only my true soulmate could ever give me
such a perfect gift.
437
00:24:10,824 --> 00:24:12,406
Thank you.
438
00:24:20,834 --> 00:24:22,200
Do you need anything else from me?
439
00:24:22,795 --> 00:24:26,539
No, no. I just want you to stand right there.
440
00:24:30,094 --> 00:24:32,802
What's going on?
- Well, I did what you said.
441
00:24:32,888 --> 00:24:36,507
I honoured my agreement to help
Michael find the problem
442
00:24:36,558 --> 00:24:40,051
and he found the problem.
443
00:24:40,145 --> 00:24:41,181
Oh, I'm so sorry.
444
00:24:43,232 --> 00:24:46,316
Maybe I broke my promise, too.
I agreed to help you.
445
00:24:47,194 --> 00:24:49,652
Don't worry, you did.
446
00:24:51,824 --> 00:24:54,658
After I'm gone,
take down the rest of those clown paintings.
447
00:24:55,077 --> 00:24:59,663
But leave up the sexy mailman,
to remember me by.
448
00:25:00,916 --> 00:25:04,080
Thank you all for your patience
with the problems in our Neighbourhood.
449
00:25:04,837 --> 00:25:07,170
I have finally discovered the cause.
450
00:25:08,215 --> 00:25:11,253
There was one common link
among every incident.
451
00:25:12,136 --> 00:25:14,594
And when I figured it out it was a shock
452
00:25:14,930 --> 00:25:16,296
but there's no escaping it
453
00:25:18,183 --> 00:25:19,219
the problem...
454
00:25:20,602 --> 00:25:21,638
is me.
455
00:25:21,729 --> 00:25:23,186
And now...
456
00:25:24,690 --> 00:25:27,558
I have to leave you, forever.