1 00:00:01,418 --> 00:00:04,752 So, Aristotle was Plato's student 2 00:00:04,796 --> 00:00:08,380 and Aristotle believes that your character is voluntary 3 00:00:08,425 --> 00:00:11,543 because it's just the result of your actions 4 00:00:11,595 --> 00:00:14,679 which are under your control! 5 00:00:16,141 --> 00:00:20,260 For example, right now, you have made the insane choice 6 00:00:20,312 --> 00:00:23,396 to ignore the person who is literally trying to save you 7 00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:25,978 from eternal damnation. - No, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm listening. 8 00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:27,062 Uh, I just... 9 00:00:27,611 --> 00:00:29,978 are we sure we should be paying attention to these guys? 10 00:00:30,113 --> 00:00:32,947 It's like, who died and left Aristotle in charge of ethics? 11 00:00:34,618 --> 00:00:35,483 Plato. 12 00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:38,031 Uh, coming! 13 00:00:38,247 --> 00:00:40,239 Uhm... We're just kissing! 14 00:00:40,749 --> 00:00:43,241 And groping? - What? 15 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:47,916 Hello! 16 00:00:48,590 --> 00:00:50,377 Tahani, hi! 17 00:00:50,425 --> 00:00:52,542 What brings you here? - You know, I was just, uh... 18 00:00:53,220 --> 00:00:54,631 "in the Neighbourhood." 19 00:00:55,347 --> 00:00:56,258 Do you get it, Eleanor? 20 00:00:56,306 --> 00:00:58,159 Because you know we're all in the same afterlife 21 00:00:58,183 --> 00:00:59,619 so you know I'm always "in the Neighbourhood!" 22 00:00:59,643 --> 00:01:01,009 Do you get it? 23 00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:03,303 I do. And it's delightful. 24 00:01:03,355 --> 00:01:05,722 Anyway, this is for you. 25 00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:08,479 Just a housewarming plant! It's a little reminder that 26 00:01:08,527 --> 00:01:11,611 if there's ever anything that you need, I am right next door. 27 00:01:11,655 --> 00:01:12,941 How could I possibly forget? 28 00:01:13,448 --> 00:01:14,905 Have a great day, Tahani. 29 00:01:14,950 --> 00:01:15,950 Oh. Bye. 30 00:01:18,453 --> 00:01:20,160 Ugh. Tahani. 31 00:01:20,664 --> 00:01:22,544 "Welcome to the Neighbourhood 32 00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:24,700 even though we all arrived here at the same time! 33 00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:28,040 Here's some dirt I put in a bowl, because I'm amazing!" 34 00:01:29,506 --> 00:01:31,839 I thought it was kind of a nice gesture. 35 00:01:31,967 --> 00:01:35,210 Oh, Chidi. It's a total con. 36 00:01:35,512 --> 00:01:38,095 She only does things like this so that we will talk about 37 00:01:38,140 --> 00:01:41,759 how "thoughtful" and "wonderful" she is, but I see through her little act. 38 00:01:41,810 --> 00:01:45,895 Her act of being a nice person who brings you gifts? 39 00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:48,147 Bingo. - Okay, I'll... I'll remind you 40 00:01:48,191 --> 00:01:51,025 that you're trying to learn how to be a good person. 41 00:01:51,069 --> 00:01:52,480 Mm-hmm. - Maybe you should 42 00:01:52,529 --> 00:01:54,646 return the favour - bring her something. 43 00:01:54,698 --> 00:01:58,817 Oh, so now I'm supposed to be nice and make friends 44 00:01:58,869 --> 00:02:01,532 and treat her with mutual respect? - Yeah. 45 00:02:01,580 --> 00:02:04,948 That's exactly what she wants me to do, Chidi. Wake up! 46 00:02:06,793 --> 00:02:09,752 That... that's what everyone wants everyone to do. 47 00:02:17,179 --> 00:02:18,179 Hello, Chidi! 48 00:02:18,347 --> 00:02:20,134 No frozen yoghurt for you this morning? 49 00:02:20,390 --> 00:02:22,473 Oh, uh... no, just, uh... doing some reading. 50 00:02:22,684 --> 00:02:23,765 Ah, been there, brother. 51 00:02:23,810 --> 00:02:26,018 Workin' hard or hardly workin', am I right? 52 00:02:26,063 --> 00:02:27,063 Hump day. 53 00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:28,562 Uh, sorry. 54 00:02:29,232 --> 00:02:32,350 Janet's functioning as my assistant but she's a little stiff 55 00:02:32,402 --> 00:02:35,770 so I've been trying to get her to be a little more casual and conversational. 56 00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:37,905 I'll have what she's having! 57 00:02:37,949 --> 00:02:39,315 It's a work in progress. 58 00:02:39,368 --> 00:02:40,404 Listen, Chidi. 59 00:02:41,453 --> 00:02:44,867 I've been studying your file - you're a very interesting case. 60 00:02:44,915 --> 00:02:47,703 You essentially only did one thing while you were on Earth 61 00:02:47,918 --> 00:02:49,875 you thought and wrote about ethics. 62 00:02:49,920 --> 00:02:52,128 Yes. I... I spent eighteen years 63 00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:53,566 working on my manuscript... - Right. 64 00:02:53,590 --> 00:02:55,957 ...called "Who We Are and Who We Are Not..." - No, no, I... 65 00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:57,695 ..."colon - Practical Ethics and Their... - Mm-hmm. 66 00:02:57,719 --> 00:02:59,364 ...Application in the Modern World... - Yes. Right. 67 00:02:59,388 --> 00:03:01,449 ...semi-colon - a Treatise on the..." - Yes, yes, yes! 68 00:03:01,473 --> 00:03:02,805 That's... that's the one. 69 00:03:03,517 --> 00:03:07,852 But searching for moral truths isn't really relevant anymore. 70 00:03:08,605 --> 00:03:11,848 Because here in the Good Place we actually know all the answers. 71 00:03:12,234 --> 00:03:15,523 I think you should experience new adventures, you know 72 00:03:15,570 --> 00:03:17,607 do things that you haven't done on Earth. 73 00:03:18,073 --> 00:03:21,817 Right? So why don't we meet tomorrow and try out some new hobbies. 74 00:03:21,910 --> 00:03:23,776 Uh, why not? 75 00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:25,448 I'll... I'll see you guys tomorrow. 76 00:03:25,497 --> 00:03:26,829 Not if I see you first. 77 00:03:27,541 --> 00:03:29,373 Where's the beef? 78 00:03:29,418 --> 00:03:31,034 I don't know. - Hump day. 79 00:03:31,837 --> 00:03:35,456 Hello, Eleanor! 80 00:03:35,674 --> 00:03:38,132 Jianyu, darling, look - it's Eleanor from next door! 81 00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:39,719 Is he asleep? 82 00:03:40,429 --> 00:03:42,029 You know, there's really no way to tell. 83 00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:43,950 You know one time I actually thought he was dead. 84 00:03:43,974 --> 00:03:45,785 But then I remembered we're all dead, aren't we? 85 00:03:45,809 --> 00:03:48,096 Such fun. Come in! Come on in! 86 00:03:48,603 --> 00:03:50,219 What brings you to our home, my dear? 87 00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:53,606 Well, I'm simply repaying your kind gift 88 00:03:53,650 --> 00:03:56,688 with a housewarming gift of my own. Fresh pears. 89 00:03:57,237 --> 00:04:00,776 It's a plant, just like your gift, but you can actually eat them 90 00:04:00,824 --> 00:04:02,440 so maybe it's a better gift? 91 00:04:02,492 --> 00:04:05,360 Who's to say? - That's so kind. 92 00:04:05,620 --> 00:04:09,614 However, in, um... Chinese culture, pears are actually a symbol of bad luck. 93 00:04:09,666 --> 00:04:12,079 And I don't want to offend Jianyu, so I'm afraid 94 00:04:12,127 --> 00:04:13,479 I'm going to have to throw these in the garbage. 95 00:04:13,503 --> 00:04:14,994 But do come and sit down! 96 00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:20,925 We haven't even had a chance to discuss all of the mayhem in our neighbourhood yet. 97 00:04:20,969 --> 00:04:22,335 It's so disconcerting. 98 00:04:22,387 --> 00:04:24,629 Yes. What do you think is causing it? 99 00:04:24,848 --> 00:04:26,009 Oh, I'm sure I don't know. 100 00:04:26,057 --> 00:04:27,844 But we must keep our heads up. 101 00:04:27,893 --> 00:04:30,681 In fact, tomorrow I'm actually going door-to-door to make sure 102 00:04:30,729 --> 00:04:33,062 that every single person in this entire neighbourhood 103 00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:35,473 is "keeping calm and carrying on." 104 00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:37,086 'Cause I think that helping others 105 00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:39,523 will make me feel like I truly belong here, you know? 106 00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:46,655 Here's a brainstorm - why don't I go with you? 107 00:04:47,037 --> 00:04:50,246 I mean, I would love to do my part to help the neighbourhood - 108 00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:52,953 not to mention get a little bonding time with you, lady! 109 00:04:53,001 --> 00:04:54,242 Oh, hurrah! 110 00:04:54,753 --> 00:04:56,710 Such fun! 111 00:04:57,839 --> 00:04:59,759 I'm telling you, Tahani's out to get me. 112 00:05:00,091 --> 00:05:02,253 Wha-what are you talking about? 113 00:05:02,511 --> 00:05:05,128 This note was slipped under my door yesterday. 114 00:05:06,848 --> 00:05:08,259 It has to be Tahani. 115 00:05:08,433 --> 00:05:11,676 She just said to me, "I want to feel like I truly belong here." 116 00:05:11,853 --> 00:05:14,186 Well, where have I seen the word "belong" recently? 117 00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:15,521 Oh, yeah - Ka-plow! 118 00:05:15,565 --> 00:05:19,275 Okay, I really don't think she's the type of person who would write this. 119 00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:21,777 She is that kind of person, and she did write it. 120 00:05:22,113 --> 00:05:25,277 She wants everybody to think she's such a perfect princess 121 00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:29,319 just 'cause she's tall, and glamorous, and has cappuccino skin 122 00:05:29,371 --> 00:05:32,489 and curves everywhere, and now I'm complimenting her. 123 00:05:32,749 --> 00:05:33,990 And kind of turned on! 124 00:05:34,125 --> 00:05:36,663 The point is, she straight-up sucks, bro. 125 00:05:38,630 --> 00:05:40,121 Whoa... 126 00:05:40,924 --> 00:05:42,005 Typical Tahani. 127 00:05:42,467 --> 00:05:45,585 Brings us a faulty plant, so she can brag about being a better gardener. 128 00:05:45,804 --> 00:05:51,391 No - I think this is another way in which your negative actions affect this world. 129 00:05:51,476 --> 00:05:54,594 This plant represents your relationship to Tahani 130 00:05:54,646 --> 00:05:58,310 so when you're mean to her, it starts to wilt. 131 00:05:58,733 --> 00:06:01,771 Well, then this plant is doomed, because tomorrow I'm going with her 132 00:06:01,820 --> 00:06:06,155 and I'm gonna prove to you and to everyone that she is secretly a two-faced 133 00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:08,236 calculating, phony bench. 134 00:06:10,412 --> 00:06:13,120 Yeah, truth hurts, doesn't it, plant? 135 00:06:16,459 --> 00:06:17,666 Hello! 136 00:06:17,878 --> 00:06:19,335 Oh! Come on in. 137 00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:20,460 I'll be ready in a jiff. 138 00:06:20,672 --> 00:06:23,210 Jianyu, darling, look - it's Eleanor from next door again! 139 00:06:23,592 --> 00:06:24,986 The one who brought the offensive fruit. 140 00:06:25,010 --> 00:06:28,469 Ah, yes. What an embarrassing blunder on my part. 141 00:06:28,597 --> 00:06:30,213 Oh, no. Don't give it a second thought. 142 00:06:30,265 --> 00:06:33,505 I wouldn't expect anyone else to have my understanding of international etiquette. 143 00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:37,929 Hey, um... any idea why they gave you such a big house? 144 00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:42,483 I mean, if we were in America and... and you had like a big truck 145 00:06:42,944 --> 00:06:45,231 I would think you might be compensating for something. 146 00:06:45,488 --> 00:06:48,401 Yes, well American men can be very silly. 147 00:06:48,533 --> 00:06:49,969 You know I used to do quite a cutting impression 148 00:06:49,993 --> 00:06:51,859 of an ex-boyfriend of mine from the States. 149 00:06:52,078 --> 00:06:55,662 He'd be all like, "Hey, I'm so rich. I have nine houses. 150 00:06:55,707 --> 00:06:57,539 I'm Leonardo DiCaprio." 151 00:06:57,584 --> 00:06:59,667 It's just so silly. 152 00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:02,791 Anyway, I should've guessed that you would want to help our neighbourhood. 153 00:07:03,506 --> 00:07:05,122 We are birds of a feather, you and I. 154 00:07:05,467 --> 00:07:08,210 We make every effort to be our best selves. 155 00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:09,428 Mmm. 156 00:07:10,889 --> 00:07:12,300 Hey, babe. Got you coffee. 157 00:07:12,682 --> 00:07:13,682 Ah, great. 158 00:07:13,975 --> 00:07:14,886 Oh. Andy's Coffee? 159 00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:17,052 Uh, we shouldn't go there. Everybody's boycotting. 160 00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:19,811 Yeah, I know that one guy found a scorpion in his latte. 161 00:07:19,856 --> 00:07:21,834 I don't really care, though, 'cause it's so close to here. 162 00:07:21,858 --> 00:07:24,128 No, no, no, no, it's because he's sexually harassing people. 163 00:07:24,152 --> 00:07:27,270 Look, a journalist went undercover for an interview and recorded him. 164 00:07:27,530 --> 00:07:28,530 Here, watch. 165 00:07:29,824 --> 00:07:32,345 Here's the thing, sweetheart. You are very qualified, but you're also 166 00:07:32,369 --> 00:07:35,032 what we call in the coffee shop game, a "dog-face." 167 00:07:35,330 --> 00:07:37,538 You're a three, and you have to be a nine to work here. 168 00:07:37,582 --> 00:07:38,582 It's just math. 169 00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:41,329 So, I didn't get the job? 170 00:07:41,753 --> 00:07:44,291 No! Dog-face, you didn't get the job. 171 00:07:44,923 --> 00:07:46,880 All right, I'll check your references. 172 00:07:48,218 --> 00:07:49,709 Just to be... - Hey, my breasts! 173 00:07:49,761 --> 00:07:52,299 ...nice, I'll check them. Oh! They're good. Honk! 174 00:07:52,430 --> 00:07:54,590 I mean this guy's a monster. We can't support this guy. 175 00:07:54,683 --> 00:07:56,219 Okay, hey, you're not better than me 176 00:07:56,267 --> 00:07:59,010 just 'cause you won't support a guy who grabbed a boob once. 177 00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:01,679 No, I'm just saying we shouldn't go there. 178 00:08:01,731 --> 00:08:03,051 We can get coffee somewhere else. 179 00:08:03,233 --> 00:08:04,474 Did you know your left reference 180 00:08:04,526 --> 00:08:06,379 is a little bit bigger than your right reference? 181 00:08:06,403 --> 00:08:08,486 It's not a bad thing. It's just... it's a thing. 182 00:08:09,864 --> 00:08:11,981 This is the perfect hobby for you, Chidi. 183 00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:13,200 Cartography! 184 00:08:13,243 --> 00:08:16,156 Your neighbourhood stretches way beyond what you've already seen. 185 00:08:16,371 --> 00:08:18,829 And you can map it 186 00:08:19,207 --> 00:08:22,200 revealing all of the mysteries, like an explorer! 187 00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:24,123 I see how that might be fun. 188 00:08:24,713 --> 00:08:27,080 Uh, but exploring makes me nervous. 189 00:08:27,132 --> 00:08:29,875 I have what doctors call "directional insanity." 190 00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:31,797 I once got lost on an escalator. 191 00:08:32,095 --> 00:08:34,007 So, not exactly Christopher Columbus. 192 00:08:34,055 --> 00:08:36,388 Fun fact - Columbus is in the Bad Place 193 00:08:36,433 --> 00:08:39,096 because of all the raping, slave trade, and genocide. 194 00:08:39,769 --> 00:08:43,479 The fact that it makes you nervous is exactly why you should do it. 195 00:08:43,773 --> 00:08:45,167 You know, get out of your comfort zone. 196 00:08:45,191 --> 00:08:46,398 Become a trailblazer. 197 00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:50,736 Fun fact - all deceased members of the Portland Trail Blazers basketball team 198 00:08:50,780 --> 00:08:52,737 are also in the Bad Place. 199 00:08:52,782 --> 00:08:53,989 Ah. Yeah. 200 00:08:54,159 --> 00:08:57,072 Sorry about this. I steered her away from colloquialisms 201 00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:59,954 and into "fun facts" and trivia titbits. 202 00:08:59,998 --> 00:09:01,990 I thought it'd be more in her wheelhouse. 203 00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:04,705 Fun fact - a "wheelhouse" is a part of a boat. 204 00:09:04,794 --> 00:09:06,205 Okay, thank you, Janet. Thank you. 205 00:09:06,254 --> 00:09:07,745 Fun fact - Janet is me. 206 00:09:07,839 --> 00:09:09,580 All right, let's forget about exploring. 207 00:09:10,008 --> 00:09:11,670 Plenty more ideas for hobbies. 208 00:09:11,718 --> 00:09:13,300 Let's walk back to town, shall we? 209 00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:16,216 Okay. Hang on. 210 00:09:16,806 --> 00:09:18,138 Wrong way! - Yep! 211 00:09:20,435 --> 00:09:23,724 So all I want to do is just check in, see how everyone's holding up - 212 00:09:23,772 --> 00:09:26,389 just bring some cheer to these extraordinary people. 213 00:09:26,691 --> 00:09:27,691 Cool. 214 00:09:28,318 --> 00:09:30,275 So tell me about yourself. 215 00:09:30,612 --> 00:09:35,107 I mean, I want to hear it all, girlfriend! The good, the bad, the really bad, 216 00:09:35,158 --> 00:09:36,820 the embarrassing, the humiliating... 217 00:09:36,868 --> 00:09:38,234 just... let's bond! 218 00:09:38,620 --> 00:09:43,035 Okay. Well, I... I was born in Pakistan, raised in London, schooled in Paris. 219 00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:45,102 But I think the primary reason I'm in the Good Place 220 00:09:45,126 --> 00:09:47,664 is that I raised quite a lot of money for non-profit groups. 221 00:09:47,754 --> 00:09:51,919 Oh! Did you ever, uh... skim a little off the top, for yourself? 222 00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:55,842 Gracious, no! No! Every penny was accounted for. 223 00:09:56,137 --> 00:09:58,220 And as I raised nearly sixty billion dollars 224 00:09:58,264 --> 00:10:00,034 that was quite a lot of pennies! 225 00:10:00,058 --> 00:10:02,220 But I also dabbled in some other professions. 226 00:10:02,393 --> 00:10:06,137 I was a model, a museum curator, and "It Girl," and... 227 00:10:06,689 --> 00:10:08,681 oh, I was Baz Luhrmann's muse for a while. 228 00:10:08,733 --> 00:10:09,644 That was quite fun. 229 00:10:09,692 --> 00:10:11,979 Modelling - that's a crazy life. 230 00:10:12,195 --> 00:10:14,733 Wanna tell me about that rock-bottom you probably hit? 231 00:10:14,781 --> 00:10:15,966 Oh, I didn't really do it for long. 232 00:10:15,990 --> 00:10:17,356 Couture just doesn't fit my body. 233 00:10:17,408 --> 00:10:18,944 I'm cursed with ample bosom. 234 00:10:19,244 --> 00:10:21,611 And yet, you soldier on! - Oh, this is silly. 235 00:10:21,663 --> 00:10:24,701 So, "Tahani" means "congratulations" in Arabic 236 00:10:24,749 --> 00:10:26,365 and Al-Jamil means "beautiful." 237 00:10:26,417 --> 00:10:27,686 So my full name all together means... 238 00:10:27,710 --> 00:10:29,246 "Congratulations, Beautiful." 239 00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:31,582 Thanks, Eleanor! You big flirt. 240 00:10:34,509 --> 00:10:36,171 Extra! Extra! 241 00:10:36,594 --> 00:10:38,586 Read all about you! 242 00:10:38,721 --> 00:10:42,556 Chidi, this is the perfect hobby for you - journalism. 243 00:10:42,767 --> 00:10:45,180 Well, obviously, I... I like to write. 244 00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:48,054 But I don't love deadlines. 245 00:10:48,106 --> 00:10:49,642 I prefer to take my time with things. 246 00:10:49,691 --> 00:10:50,556 Yes, I know. 247 00:10:50,608 --> 00:10:53,100 Uh, you never even named your dog, did you? 248 00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:57,739 When it ran away, you posted signs saying, "Responds to long pauses." 249 00:10:57,949 --> 00:11:02,034 Look, Chidi. I'm just trying to find you a hobby that - the hat - 250 00:11:02,328 --> 00:11:04,695 that will bring you a positive experience. 251 00:11:05,039 --> 00:11:06,039 What do you say? 252 00:11:06,332 --> 00:11:07,914 I'm loving that hat on you. 253 00:11:08,585 --> 00:11:12,204 It would look even better on my floor. - What is happening now? 254 00:11:12,255 --> 00:11:13,791 I suggested she be friendlier. 255 00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:17,083 She seems to have slipped right into overt sexuality. 256 00:11:17,302 --> 00:11:18,793 I got something you can slip into. 257 00:11:18,845 --> 00:11:22,304 Oh... - Janet, no! No, Janet! 258 00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:25,786 Well, Glenn, we just wanted to make sure you were all right. 259 00:11:25,810 --> 00:11:27,096 Tahani! You're too sweet! 260 00:11:27,437 --> 00:11:29,554 Oh. - Isn't she just the nicest person? 261 00:11:29,606 --> 00:11:30,606 Mm-hmm. 262 00:11:30,648 --> 00:11:32,560 That is what a lot of people are saying. 263 00:11:32,775 --> 00:11:34,641 Oh, everyone I know is saying that. - Yeah. 264 00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:37,653 It's just a big neighbourhood full of enormous mansions 265 00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:39,029 and people who love Tahani! 266 00:11:39,407 --> 00:11:41,615 There's also a heck of a lot of yoghurt. 267 00:11:41,659 --> 00:11:45,528 Excellent observation, Glenn. 268 00:11:46,623 --> 00:11:49,393 Eleanor and I just want to see if there's anything we can do to help you? 269 00:11:49,417 --> 00:11:50,999 Oh, Tahani, you are so thoughtful! 270 00:11:51,169 --> 00:11:54,753 Despite all the chaos earlier, we simply couldn't be happier. 271 00:11:54,797 --> 00:11:56,504 Oh, I'm so glad to hear it, Cualli! 272 00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:58,165 Please take a maple butter scone. 273 00:11:58,218 --> 00:11:59,584 I made them fresh this morning! 274 00:11:59,844 --> 00:12:01,676 Ooh, they look a bit burnt. 275 00:12:04,682 --> 00:12:05,718 But they're not. 276 00:12:05,892 --> 00:12:08,179 Hmm. Oh, fork, that's good! 277 00:12:08,603 --> 00:12:10,265 Okay! 278 00:12:10,313 --> 00:12:12,350 Arc welding! You could learn sculpture 279 00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:13,726 you could make furniture 280 00:12:13,775 --> 00:12:16,615 you could get your hands a little greasy, you know, and you make things! 281 00:12:16,861 --> 00:12:21,572 And, by the way, this is an exact replica of Brancusi's workshop in Paris. 282 00:12:21,616 --> 00:12:23,903 This equipment is very scary. 283 00:12:24,452 --> 00:12:26,739 Don't be a baby. It can't hurt you. 284 00:12:27,163 --> 00:12:29,621 Watch. I'll blowtorch your face off. - Janet! 285 00:12:29,874 --> 00:12:32,116 Whatever. This whole thing is stupid. 286 00:12:32,794 --> 00:12:33,659 Oh, brother. 287 00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:36,336 I told her to be less flirty. 288 00:12:36,381 --> 00:12:38,964 Now she's cruel and distant, apparently. 289 00:12:39,175 --> 00:12:40,336 I just can't get this right. 290 00:12:40,468 --> 00:12:43,427 Thank you for trying to find me a new hobby, uh... 291 00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:45,462 but I just want to be an academic. 292 00:12:45,848 --> 00:12:48,090 I want to keep working on my manuscript. 293 00:12:49,727 --> 00:12:51,434 Chidi, here's the thing. 294 00:12:51,479 --> 00:12:55,473 See, I... I read your whole book - all thirty-six hundred pages of it. 295 00:12:55,733 --> 00:12:58,271 It's, um... how shall I put this? 296 00:12:58,444 --> 00:12:59,444 It's a mess, dude. 297 00:13:00,238 --> 00:13:01,238 Hey! 298 00:13:01,823 --> 00:13:02,823 She's right. 299 00:13:02,865 --> 00:13:07,326 You see, Chidi, I can read the entirety of the world's literature in about an hour. 300 00:13:07,954 --> 00:13:10,321 This took me two weeks to get through. 301 00:13:10,456 --> 00:13:11,992 I mean, it's so convoluted! 302 00:13:12,041 --> 00:13:14,875 I just kept reading the same paragraph over and over again 303 00:13:15,169 --> 00:13:17,206 trying to figure out what the heck you were saying. 304 00:13:17,255 --> 00:13:18,371 Oh, no. - I mean, on... 305 00:13:18,423 --> 00:13:22,884 on page one thousand, you start section two with the sentence - 306 00:13:23,261 --> 00:13:25,924 "Of course, the exact opposite might be true." 307 00:13:26,597 --> 00:13:32,389 You're a brilliant guy, Chidi, but you just kept revising, and rewriting 308 00:13:32,437 --> 00:13:34,053 and adding words to your title. 309 00:13:34,105 --> 00:13:36,597 I think you just twisted yourself up into a knot. 310 00:13:37,275 --> 00:13:38,515 I have a very bad stomach ache. 311 00:13:41,195 --> 00:13:42,955 Oh, Jianyu, darling, would you like some tea? 312 00:13:45,033 --> 00:13:46,615 That nod meant "no," apparently. 313 00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:49,346 Well, it was nice to get out and meet all of our wonderful neighbours. 314 00:13:49,370 --> 00:13:52,158 They all truly belong here. 315 00:13:52,206 --> 00:13:54,448 Mmm. Yes, they do, cutie pants! 316 00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:55,500 Boop! 317 00:13:55,710 --> 00:13:57,187 Well! I should really be going. I have to begin 318 00:13:57,211 --> 00:13:59,749 my twelve-step Korean skin care regimen but, uh... 319 00:13:59,797 --> 00:14:01,129 I'll see you... oh, no, no, no. 320 00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:03,006 Please, stay and enjoy the evening tea. 321 00:14:03,051 --> 00:14:04,051 I'll see you soon. 322 00:14:05,511 --> 00:14:09,175 I can't even tell if you've kissed my cheek or the air around it. 323 00:14:09,223 --> 00:14:11,761 Oh. Thank you. That's the goal. 324 00:14:12,101 --> 00:14:13,101 Boop! 325 00:14:27,742 --> 00:14:29,825 "The Diary of Tahani Al-Jamil." 326 00:14:32,163 --> 00:14:33,163 Hey, man! 327 00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:36,375 What's wrong? 328 00:14:36,834 --> 00:14:37,834 Am I a good teacher? 329 00:14:38,461 --> 00:14:40,623 Am I... am I clear, do I make sense? 330 00:14:40,671 --> 00:14:43,789 Yeah, you're a great teacher! I'm super ethical now. 331 00:14:44,592 --> 00:14:45,673 What's that? - Hmm? 332 00:14:46,177 --> 00:14:47,543 Nah... Don't worry about it. 333 00:14:50,181 --> 00:14:54,551 I stole Tahani's diary so I could see if her handwriting matches the note 334 00:14:54,602 --> 00:14:58,562 and also read about all the mean and terrible things she's definitely done 335 00:14:58,606 --> 00:15:00,598 so I can prove she's actually evil. 336 00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:05,737 Huh. 337 00:15:07,156 --> 00:15:08,442 What do you think that means? 338 00:15:08,950 --> 00:15:10,441 It's tough to interpret. 339 00:15:11,327 --> 00:15:12,408 Feels positive though. 340 00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:18,957 You stole Tahani's diary? 341 00:15:19,001 --> 00:15:21,414 I know I broke some ethical rule but I had good reason. 342 00:15:21,462 --> 00:15:25,797 Eleanor. In order to be a good person you have to do good things. 343 00:15:26,134 --> 00:15:30,174 And not stealing people's stuff, that is just a basic kindergarten rule. 344 00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:33,506 I mean, do I also have to tell you to not throw sand? 345 00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:35,994 First of all, throwing sand is an excellent way to put out a vodka fire. 346 00:15:36,018 --> 00:15:37,037 Why would you even know that? 347 00:15:37,061 --> 00:15:39,348 Second of all, I know that it may not be "nice" 348 00:15:39,397 --> 00:15:42,561 but neither is pretending to be one hundred percent perfect 349 00:15:42,608 --> 00:15:43,769 like Tahani does. 350 00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:46,401 She wrote that note. - No, she didn't! 351 00:15:46,737 --> 00:15:47,737 You did! 352 00:15:48,698 --> 00:15:51,736 I... I was hoping you would come to this conclusion on your own 353 00:15:51,784 --> 00:15:56,154 but obviously, no one here would ever threaten you. 354 00:15:56,581 --> 00:16:00,291 That note is the Good Place manifesting your own guilt - 355 00:16:00,334 --> 00:16:05,580 like with the plant, or when you literally made giant shrimp fly through the air. 356 00:16:07,049 --> 00:16:08,460 I wrote myself the note! 357 00:16:09,302 --> 00:16:12,295 And as it turns out I do belong here 358 00:16:12,722 --> 00:16:14,402 because I'm just as good as everyone else. 359 00:16:14,891 --> 00:16:17,929 And... and nobody is at fault for anything. 360 00:16:18,060 --> 00:16:20,894 Oh! You, sir, are an excellent teacher. 361 00:16:20,938 --> 00:16:23,225 No, no, no. You don't belong here. 362 00:16:23,274 --> 00:16:26,233 And in this place, everyone is better than you. 363 00:16:26,277 --> 00:16:28,815 It has been proven by an infallible formula. 364 00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:33,650 Tahani might be a little British and condescending at times 365 00:16:33,701 --> 00:16:37,661 but she devoted her entire life to helping other people. 366 00:16:38,372 --> 00:16:41,581 I mean when you were with her today, did she do anything to indicate 367 00:16:41,626 --> 00:16:43,618 that she might be secretly out to get you? 368 00:16:43,794 --> 00:16:46,332 No. Because I was there to thwart her plan. 369 00:16:46,380 --> 00:16:50,670 Or because the only plan was to comfort people. 370 00:16:51,260 --> 00:16:53,126 She's a good person. Accept that. 371 00:16:56,724 --> 00:16:59,933 Hey, babe. Great news. I got us tickets to the Coyotes' game. 372 00:17:00,186 --> 00:17:02,644 Awesome! - But, ooh, yikes. 373 00:17:02,939 --> 00:17:04,931 Turns out two of the players have "DUI" s. 374 00:17:05,399 --> 00:17:07,356 Guess we can't cheer for that team. 375 00:17:07,401 --> 00:17:08,266 Eleanor... 376 00:17:08,319 --> 00:17:12,814 You know what? Instead, let's just stay in, watch a Roman Polanski movie 377 00:17:12,949 --> 00:17:15,282 listen to R. Kelly, and eat Chik-Fil-A. 378 00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:17,151 Does that sound good? 379 00:17:17,203 --> 00:17:19,411 There's bad stuff everywhere, man. 380 00:17:19,455 --> 00:17:21,162 It's impossible to avoid. 381 00:17:21,457 --> 00:17:23,289 Yeah, but... shouldn't we just try? 382 00:17:23,334 --> 00:17:25,747 Shouldn't we just try to do the right thing, whenever we can? 383 00:17:25,795 --> 00:17:29,195 Why? It's so much harder to live like that, and it's not like someone's keeping score. 384 00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:31,874 Look, I know you're gonna break up with me. 385 00:17:31,926 --> 00:17:33,212 Okay? I'm not an idiot. 386 00:17:33,261 --> 00:17:34,718 I read your emails to your dad. 387 00:17:34,845 --> 00:17:35,710 Oh, my God. - Have fun being 388 00:17:35,763 --> 00:17:37,254 so amazing and perfect until you die. 389 00:17:37,306 --> 00:17:40,424 And by the way, I'm talking really fast because I still go to Andy's Coffee 390 00:17:40,476 --> 00:17:41,887 and I got a full punch card, bro! 391 00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:50,938 Good people make me insecure. 392 00:17:51,612 --> 00:17:54,150 When I'm around someone who I think is "better" than me 393 00:17:54,198 --> 00:17:55,780 I try and drag them down to my level. 394 00:17:56,033 --> 00:17:59,572 That's why perfect Tahani is like my kryptonite. 395 00:17:59,620 --> 00:18:02,363 Did it ever occur to you that maybe Tahani 396 00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:05,624 has her own set of insecurities and anxieties? 397 00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:06,918 Never. 398 00:18:07,211 --> 00:18:09,123 That woman has zero problems. 399 00:18:09,547 --> 00:18:12,164 Her biggest flaw is that she makes a weird face 400 00:18:12,216 --> 00:18:15,835 when she sneezes and even that is actually charming 401 00:18:16,053 --> 00:18:17,544 because she looks like a baby deer. 402 00:18:18,931 --> 00:18:21,048 The point is... you were right. 403 00:18:22,018 --> 00:18:24,476 About why I reacted to her the way I did. 404 00:18:24,645 --> 00:18:27,683 Well, maybe even admitting that is an important step. 405 00:18:28,566 --> 00:18:30,023 And also, maybe don't listen to me. 406 00:18:30,067 --> 00:18:31,774 I would love not to listen to you. 407 00:18:32,028 --> 00:18:32,893 Wait, what? 408 00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:38,782 Basically, my life's work is thirty-six hundred pages of garbage. 409 00:18:38,826 --> 00:18:40,783 Even, Michael couldn't understand it. 410 00:18:40,828 --> 00:18:42,865 So? What does Michael know? 411 00:18:42,913 --> 00:18:43,778 Everything. 412 00:18:43,914 --> 00:18:47,328 That's my point - he knows everything, and it was too convoluted even for him. 413 00:18:47,918 --> 00:18:49,750 Michael does not know everything. 414 00:18:50,296 --> 00:18:52,629 Michael does not know I'm not supposed to be here. 415 00:18:53,424 --> 00:18:55,006 You wrote four thousand pages 416 00:18:55,051 --> 00:18:58,169 on one of the most complicated subjects in the world! 417 00:18:58,304 --> 00:19:01,047 I mean I used to get bored halfway through writing a text message. 418 00:19:01,599 --> 00:19:02,680 Be proud! 419 00:19:08,064 --> 00:19:11,432 I want to broaden my horizons and try new things and I will. 420 00:19:11,567 --> 00:19:13,775 But even though I might have gotten lost in the weeds 421 00:19:13,819 --> 00:19:18,405 I loved writing this book, and I want to try again. 422 00:19:18,741 --> 00:19:19,741 So... 423 00:19:20,534 --> 00:19:22,491 will you be my advisor? - Chidi 424 00:19:22,828 --> 00:19:25,115 all I want is for you to be happy. 425 00:19:25,790 --> 00:19:30,251 So if spending eternity getting blunt feedback on your circular 426 00:19:30,294 --> 00:19:35,380 rambling ideas will make you happy, then of course I will be your advisor! 427 00:19:35,424 --> 00:19:39,134 Let's throw that monstrosity in the trash and start over! 428 00:19:40,888 --> 00:19:42,688 Aren't there maybe some parts worth salvaging? 429 00:19:42,765 --> 00:19:45,508 Honestly, man, I don't even know. I mean that thing is unreadable. 430 00:19:45,768 --> 00:19:49,387 I literally learned what headaches were because that thing gave me a headache. 431 00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:51,022 Okay. 432 00:19:52,608 --> 00:19:55,100 There you go! New beginnings! Well done. 433 00:20:18,134 --> 00:20:19,966 Oh! Hello, Eleanor. 434 00:20:20,010 --> 00:20:22,423 Hi. Sorry, I was just cleaning up. 435 00:20:23,556 --> 00:20:24,556 You okay? 436 00:20:25,391 --> 00:20:28,134 Do you want to talk about it? 437 00:20:28,269 --> 00:20:29,269 Desperately. 438 00:20:30,354 --> 00:20:31,390 It's Jianyu. 439 00:20:31,772 --> 00:20:33,604 I just can't seem to connect with him. 440 00:20:33,691 --> 00:20:35,353 I know that he took a vow of silence 441 00:20:35,860 --> 00:20:38,102 but he won't even talk to me, his soulmate! 442 00:20:39,029 --> 00:20:40,486 And I adore talking. 443 00:20:40,823 --> 00:20:42,530 I know. You do. 444 00:20:42,575 --> 00:20:44,862 Eleanor, you don't know what it's like to be in paradise 445 00:20:44,910 --> 00:20:47,323 and feel like there's something just not quite right. 446 00:20:48,038 --> 00:20:49,324 Well... 447 00:20:50,416 --> 00:20:54,126 I may not know exactly what you're feeling, but I do understand. 448 00:20:54,712 --> 00:20:57,580 And you deserve to be happy, because... 449 00:20:59,049 --> 00:21:01,962 you are an impressive, thoughtful, and special person. 450 00:21:04,180 --> 00:21:05,421 Not to mention... 451 00:21:07,016 --> 00:21:09,008 you have a rockin' bod. 452 00:21:09,059 --> 00:21:12,928 I mean, Jianyu may be mute, but he's not blind. 453 00:21:13,564 --> 00:21:17,774 You two belong here, and you belong together. 454 00:21:17,943 --> 00:21:20,026 And, you have all of eternity 455 00:21:20,070 --> 00:21:22,403 so there's plenty of time for things to change. 456 00:21:22,615 --> 00:21:25,904 Oh, thank you. I really needed to hear that. 457 00:21:25,951 --> 00:21:26,951 Come here. 458 00:21:28,329 --> 00:21:30,912 Ugh! Of course your hugs are amazing. 459 00:21:39,548 --> 00:21:42,382 Stupid ledge. No stairs. 460 00:21:43,719 --> 00:21:44,719 Hmm! 461 00:21:44,929 --> 00:21:46,966 Everyone here is really into hugging. 462 00:21:48,933 --> 00:21:50,799 Looks like someone learned something. 463 00:21:54,647 --> 00:21:58,857 Well... it's 'cause someone else is a really good teacher. 464 00:22:02,112 --> 00:22:03,648 Eleanor! Hello. 465 00:22:03,697 --> 00:22:06,064 How are you, my dear, sweet "bestie?" 466 00:22:06,450 --> 00:22:08,237 Never better. What's up? 467 00:22:08,285 --> 00:22:10,618 Well, Janet has been acting as my assistant. 468 00:22:10,663 --> 00:22:14,873 It... it's not what she was designed to do. It didn't go "great." 469 00:22:14,917 --> 00:22:16,249 But now I'm back to normal. 470 00:22:16,502 --> 00:22:18,243 It turns out that the best Janet 471 00:22:18,295 --> 00:22:21,163 was the Janet that was inside Janet all along. 472 00:22:21,382 --> 00:22:22,839 She was feeling a little lost 473 00:22:22,883 --> 00:22:26,502 so I gave her a self-help book to restore her confidence. 474 00:22:26,762 --> 00:22:29,470 Now I'm living my truth and creating my bliss. 475 00:22:29,515 --> 00:22:31,723 Yes. But anyway, um... look 476 00:22:31,767 --> 00:22:34,305 Michael asked me if I would serve as his assistant 477 00:22:34,353 --> 00:22:37,312 but I'd quite like to focus on my relationship with Jianyu. 478 00:22:37,898 --> 00:22:40,936 So, I recommended you for the job. 479 00:22:41,068 --> 00:22:45,312 Eleanor, you and I could work side by side 480 00:22:45,364 --> 00:22:48,152 to figure out what's going wrong with this neighbourhood. 481 00:22:48,450 --> 00:22:49,450 Will you help me? 482 00:22:50,286 --> 00:22:51,493 How could I say no? 483 00:22:51,537 --> 00:22:53,199 Hurrah! Hurrah! - Hurrah! 484 00:22:57,418 --> 00:22:58,418 What now? 485 00:23:06,886 --> 00:23:11,756 Relax, Eleanor. You sent this to yourself. 486 00:23:11,807 --> 00:23:15,642 This is your own guilt, manifesting itself. 487 00:23:17,354 --> 00:23:18,470 I've been waiting for you. 488 00:23:19,690 --> 00:23:22,103 Jianyu? You talk now? 489 00:23:25,446 --> 00:23:27,153 You sent me these threatening notes? 490 00:23:27,197 --> 00:23:28,483 What the fork, man? 491 00:23:28,532 --> 00:23:29,943 Some Buddhist monk you are! 492 00:23:30,284 --> 00:23:32,401 You don't belong here. Admit it. 493 00:23:35,039 --> 00:23:37,577 Okay, you're right. I don't belong here. 494 00:23:37,625 --> 00:23:39,867 Michael made a mistake. But I'm trying, dude. 495 00:23:39,919 --> 00:23:44,038 I'm really trying to be a good person, and I think I'm changing, for the better. 496 00:23:44,089 --> 00:23:46,672 So just please, please don't rat me out. 497 00:23:47,927 --> 00:23:50,465 Don't worry. I won't. 498 00:23:50,804 --> 00:23:52,484 Because I'm not supposed to be here either! 499 00:23:52,723 --> 00:23:55,340 I don't know how I got here, I have no idea what's going on 500 00:23:55,392 --> 00:23:56,849 and I'm freaking out, homey! 501 00:23:57,144 --> 00:23:59,261 You gotta help me! I'm scared! 502 00:24:01,607 --> 00:24:02,607 What?