1 00:00:01,793 --> 00:00:03,910 Good afternoon, Eleanor. What can I get you today? 2 00:00:04,880 --> 00:00:06,917 Whoa! Lotta new flavours. 3 00:00:07,382 --> 00:00:10,403 Michael felt bad about the sinkhole, so he wanted to give you all a little treat. 4 00:00:10,427 --> 00:00:13,044 I recommend "Full Cell phone Battery." 5 00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:15,640 Whoa. 6 00:00:16,141 --> 00:00:19,600 It somehow tastes how I felt when my cell phone was fully charged. 7 00:00:20,103 --> 00:00:21,139 Oh, I'm so relaxed! 8 00:00:21,980 --> 00:00:23,016 But they all look good. 9 00:00:23,232 --> 00:00:24,348 This might take me a while. 10 00:00:24,983 --> 00:00:26,943 You know what, Gunnar? Uh, why don't you go ahead? 11 00:00:27,194 --> 00:00:28,435 Thanks so much, Eleanor. 12 00:00:28,529 --> 00:00:29,797 Mm-hmm. - What can I get you, Gunnar? 13 00:00:29,821 --> 00:00:32,108 Hi, Janet. Can I have some folded laundry? 14 00:00:32,449 --> 00:00:33,485 Coming up. 15 00:00:44,586 --> 00:00:45,622 Chidi! 16 00:00:46,171 --> 00:00:47,171 You'll never believe it. 17 00:00:47,256 --> 00:00:48,713 I was at the frozen yogurt place 18 00:00:48,799 --> 00:00:50,818 and I didn't know what I wanted so I turned to the guy behind me 19 00:00:50,842 --> 00:00:53,175 "Why don't you go ahead." 20 00:00:53,262 --> 00:00:55,345 Just like that! "Why don't you go ahead." 21 00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:57,301 Oh... okay. 22 00:00:57,391 --> 00:00:58,723 Dude, you don't understand. 23 00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:01,179 I never did stuff like that when I was on Earth! 24 00:01:01,311 --> 00:01:04,725 But now, thanks to your "good person" lessons I didn't hold up the line, 25 00:01:04,773 --> 00:01:06,685 I didn't even try a dozen samples 26 00:01:06,775 --> 00:01:09,815 I didn't want, just to spite some jerk who told me I was holding up the line. 27 00:01:10,153 --> 00:01:13,521 You do that? - No, Chidi. I used to do that. 28 00:01:13,782 --> 00:01:16,900 Now I do selfless things, without even thinking about it. 29 00:01:17,452 --> 00:01:19,318 I'm getting better. - That's great. 30 00:01:19,454 --> 00:01:20,820 I'm... I'm proud of you. 31 00:01:21,373 --> 00:01:22,409 So where's our yogurt? 32 00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:24,332 Ugh, I forgot it. 33 00:01:24,543 --> 00:01:27,126 Oh. Can you go? 34 00:01:27,212 --> 00:01:28,356 I don't wanna go all the way back. 35 00:01:28,380 --> 00:01:30,747 I ran all the way here and it was so hot. 36 00:01:32,467 --> 00:01:36,177 I mean, I will happily get it because I told you I would. 37 00:01:39,850 --> 00:01:40,886 Good person. 38 00:01:49,067 --> 00:01:51,935 So, to sum up. Utilitarianism posits that... 39 00:01:52,154 --> 00:01:55,192 the correct choice is the one that causes the most good 40 00:01:55,365 --> 00:01:58,324 or pleasure, and the least pain and suffering. 41 00:01:58,410 --> 00:01:59,617 I like this one. 42 00:01:59,911 --> 00:02:03,575 It's simple. Ugh. Screw all the other complicated theories. 43 00:02:03,665 --> 00:02:04,976 Why didn't you start with this one? 44 00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:06,286 Ah, but here's the problem. 45 00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:09,328 If all that matters is the sum total of goodness 46 00:02:09,421 --> 00:02:12,209 the you can justify anything number of bad actions like... 47 00:02:12,758 --> 00:02:16,092 torturing one innocent person to save a hundred or pre-emptive war. 48 00:02:16,178 --> 00:02:19,262 Oh, dip, I get it! It's like, I knew this girl Sheila? 49 00:02:19,598 --> 00:02:22,636 She was a black market alligator dealer, with a pierced jawbone. 50 00:02:23,060 --> 00:02:25,268 Um. Okay. What? 51 00:02:25,354 --> 00:02:27,892 Sheila was gonna get married to my boy Donkey Doug 52 00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:29,889 and make him move to Sarasota. 53 00:02:30,192 --> 00:02:31,961 It would have broken up my whole breakdancing crew 54 00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:34,477 and Donkey Doug was our best pop-and-locker! 55 00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:38,990 So I hid a bunch of stolen boogie boards in Sheila's garage and called the cops. 56 00:02:39,618 --> 00:02:44,238 I framed one innocent gator dealer, to save a sixty-person dance crew. 57 00:02:44,414 --> 00:02:49,455 Shockingly, that is a relevant example of the Utilitarian dilemma. Well done. 58 00:02:49,628 --> 00:02:51,164 Thanks! Um... 59 00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:53,875 Ah, yes, Jianyu? 60 00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:55,043 Can I be excused? 61 00:02:55,133 --> 00:02:59,047 Tahani's doing a brunch party and I want to get there before all the mini-waffles run out. 62 00:02:59,137 --> 00:03:02,380 Oh, it's the Good Place. You can get all the mini waffles you want at any time. 63 00:03:02,724 --> 00:03:04,590 So, I'm not excused? 64 00:03:05,394 --> 00:03:07,010 Go ahead, man. - Yes! 65 00:03:08,980 --> 00:03:11,188 So, you want to roll right into another lesson? 66 00:03:12,109 --> 00:03:15,227 I am revved up to learn, man! My brain is horny! 67 00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:18,529 Can we take a little break? I've been standing at this chalkboard all day. 68 00:03:18,699 --> 00:03:20,486 Oh, yeah. I get it. Oh! You could, um... 69 00:03:20,659 --> 00:03:23,026 grade my paper I wrote on the concept of Dharma. 70 00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:24,239 Six pages! 71 00:03:24,329 --> 00:03:27,163 And I didn't even do that thing where I tried to make it longer 72 00:03:27,249 --> 00:03:29,616 by starting every sentence with, "Interestingly". 73 00:03:29,751 --> 00:03:31,663 Sure, I'll... I'll do that and 74 00:03:32,838 --> 00:03:33,999 we can start another lesson. 75 00:03:38,093 --> 00:03:41,336 Oh, I hope you are both enjoying this brunch. This is a fabulous jacket. 76 00:03:41,471 --> 00:03:44,305 Oh, you're both so attractive. Hello, Jianyu. 77 00:03:44,433 --> 00:03:46,140 Syrup? - Oh, right there. 78 00:03:46,810 --> 00:03:47,846 Chatty today, aren't we? 79 00:03:48,145 --> 00:03:52,355 Ah, Tahani. I've been working on my Western Hemisphere brunch banter. 80 00:03:52,441 --> 00:03:53,648 Tell me what you think. 81 00:03:54,276 --> 00:03:56,313 "That New Yorker article was crazy." 82 00:03:56,611 --> 00:03:58,352 "You haven't seen Hamilton?" 83 00:03:58,613 --> 00:04:00,149 "Hey, did you hear about Stephanie?" 84 00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:02,899 - Very well done, Michael. - Hi there! 85 00:04:02,951 --> 00:04:06,194 We have a category 55 Emergency Doomsday Crisis. 86 00:04:07,998 --> 00:04:11,617 A category 55 Emergency Doomsday Crisis? - Mm-hmm. 87 00:04:11,752 --> 00:04:14,711 Sorry, what is a category 55 Emergency Doomsday Crisis? 88 00:04:15,046 --> 00:04:17,379 It's nothing. It's a tiny little inconvenience. 89 00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:20,626 Tahani, dear, could you show us to a private room 90 00:04:20,719 --> 00:04:24,759 where no one could see or hear us, even if I yell very loudly out of fear? 91 00:04:30,353 --> 00:04:32,891 It appears that the sinkhole is not repairing itself. 92 00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:35,060 This is very bad, Janet. 93 00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:37,733 We have to go into the sinkhole, and fix it by hand. 94 00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:38,980 Get the tools. 95 00:04:39,321 --> 00:04:42,564 Sorry, can I be of any service? - Ah! Tahani. 96 00:04:42,657 --> 00:04:46,276 Didn't see you there... No, we're just having a slight problem 97 00:04:46,328 --> 00:04:48,911 with the enormous sinkhole. 98 00:04:48,997 --> 00:04:52,240 Yes, I meant to tell you. I walked past it last night and I... 99 00:04:52,667 --> 00:04:54,020 I actually saw it get a little bit bigger. 100 00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:59,418 It got bigger? Ah, well. That's so so normal. 101 00:04:59,508 --> 00:05:03,548 This is the reaction I have when things are incredibly mundane and expected. 102 00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:09,759 I'm going to leave now, at my regular pace, as I do in most scenarios. 103 00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:19,188 Finally! Let's get back to it! 104 00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:22,899 Whip out that chalkboard, big boy, show me what you're working with! 105 00:05:23,114 --> 00:05:27,825 Actually, I was going to head into town and pick up some blankets. 106 00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:31,116 Great, I'll grab my sweater. Plus... 107 00:05:31,206 --> 00:05:33,126 I can practise letting people cut in front of me. 108 00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:35,954 Please. You go ahead. I respect you. 109 00:05:36,127 --> 00:05:38,414 You're not just an obstacle for me getting what I want. 110 00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:41,873 You know? Uh, I just realised that I have blankets. 111 00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:46,673 So I'm going to take a nap using the several blankets that I already have. Good night! 112 00:05:47,597 --> 00:05:50,681 Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah! What's wrong? Out with it. 113 00:05:50,767 --> 00:05:53,305 Fine, I'm just tired. Need a break. No big deal. 114 00:05:53,395 --> 00:05:57,014 The way you're talking to me right now? "Everything's cool," "no big deal." 115 00:05:57,107 --> 00:05:58,107 I know that move. 116 00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:01,897 When I told a boyfriend something was "no big deal," it meant anything from 117 00:06:02,153 --> 00:06:03,769 "I just bought weed from your nephew," 118 00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:06,527 to "I secretly befriended your ex-girlfriend last year 119 00:06:06,616 --> 00:06:08,699 things got out of hand and now I'm her bridesmaid." 120 00:06:08,785 --> 00:06:12,745 Wow. Okay, well, in this case, it really is no big deal. 121 00:06:12,914 --> 00:06:16,783 Dude, you're hiding something. What's wrong? - Nothing. 122 00:06:18,003 --> 00:06:22,589 What is wrong? 123 00:06:31,808 --> 00:06:35,518 Jianyu second! Oh, well done, my love. 124 00:06:36,521 --> 00:06:37,932 So where am I? 125 00:06:38,773 --> 00:06:41,231 Eleanor sixth? Come on. 126 00:06:50,785 --> 00:06:53,903 Oh, no. I'm second to last. 127 00:06:55,957 --> 00:06:58,290 I barely made it. 128 00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:03,087 Mummy, I made you this. It's the pretty bird we saw in the garden. 129 00:07:03,632 --> 00:07:06,124 Thank you, Tahani. It's very competent. 130 00:07:07,177 --> 00:07:08,213 I made a bird as well. 131 00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:10,382 I worked in reflective alloy 132 00:07:10,555 --> 00:07:12,842 holding up a mirror to mankind and its 133 00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:14,869 and its mistreatment of these defenceless animals. 134 00:07:14,893 --> 00:07:20,480 Excellent, Kamilah. I sense the influence of Brancusi, and Kapur. 135 00:07:20,607 --> 00:07:22,335 It seems you're moving out of your structural period, 136 00:07:22,359 --> 00:07:24,442 and more into conceptual abstraction. 137 00:07:24,527 --> 00:07:27,816 Good eye, mother. I grew tired of objective representation. 138 00:07:27,906 --> 00:07:29,147 I trust my audience. 139 00:07:30,075 --> 00:07:31,407 My birdie has a hat! 140 00:07:31,618 --> 00:07:33,450 Yes. Well done, Tahani. 141 00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:36,202 What's wrong? - Nothing. 142 00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:37,325 What's wrong? - Nothing. 143 00:07:37,415 --> 00:07:38,451 What's wrong? - Nothing. 144 00:07:41,962 --> 00:07:43,874 Nothing's wrong. Would you stop doing that? 145 00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:46,172 Okay, fine. You want to know what's wrong? 146 00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:48,420 You are a full-time job. 147 00:07:48,677 --> 00:07:52,091 I wake up there's Eleanor. I spend all day teaching Eleanor. 148 00:07:52,180 --> 00:07:55,344 And then, it's "Good night, Eleanor. Oh, this is a nice dream. 149 00:07:55,433 --> 00:07:56,298 My grandma's here... wait! 150 00:07:56,393 --> 00:07:59,557 She's got Eleanor's face! And tentacles for some reason." 151 00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:02,980 Don't blame me for your weird grandma dreams. That's on you, dude. 152 00:08:03,274 --> 00:08:05,812 And I thought you liked teaching me. 153 00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:10,071 So now I'm just some huge burden for you? - Yes! Of course you are! 154 00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:11,488 I am in paradise! 155 00:08:11,574 --> 00:08:14,738 I should be doing paradise things, like rowing out on a lake 156 00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:17,036 with a good bottle of wine, reading French poetry. 157 00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:20,201 That's your idea of "paradise?" That sucks! 158 00:08:20,417 --> 00:08:22,704 You know, and I can't stop helping you 159 00:08:22,794 --> 00:08:25,081 because then I am shirking my ethical duty. 160 00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:28,539 It's an impossible position! - Well, excuse me 161 00:08:28,591 --> 00:08:30,253 for trying to stay out of the Bad Place. 162 00:08:30,427 --> 00:08:33,170 You know what, if you're so stressed from writing on a chalkboard 163 00:08:33,388 --> 00:08:34,469 why don't you just leave? 164 00:08:34,556 --> 00:08:36,388 We could pretend to be soulmates in public 165 00:08:36,474 --> 00:08:38,119 but other than that we don't have to see each other! 166 00:08:38,143 --> 00:08:40,260 Fine with me. I'll move out right now. - Fine! 167 00:08:41,604 --> 00:08:42,640 Good afternoon. 168 00:08:42,731 --> 00:08:44,097 As you all may remember 169 00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:47,024 a sinkhole recently opened up in the town centre. 170 00:08:47,277 --> 00:08:49,735 The situation, sadly, has worsened. 171 00:08:50,113 --> 00:08:54,107 Starting right now no one may go outside under any circumstances. 172 00:08:54,659 --> 00:08:57,743 Leaving your homes could result in catastrophic damage 173 00:08:58,204 --> 00:09:01,038 to you and to the very fabric of the universe. 174 00:09:01,499 --> 00:09:02,535 Okay, bye! 175 00:09:03,877 --> 00:09:05,960 Or we could both just stay here. 176 00:09:08,923 --> 00:09:12,416 We hope you enjoy your eternal stay in the Good Place. 177 00:09:12,802 --> 00:09:17,513 Take advantage of our day spa, or Janet, a magical assistant. 178 00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:19,256 who can get you whatever you want. 179 00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:23,303 And explore the grounds on one of our complimentary pegasi. 180 00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:26,125 Do you mind turning that off? It's been playing on a loop for two days. 181 00:09:26,149 --> 00:09:30,439 The whole Neighbourhood is offline. We only get the welcome channel. 182 00:09:30,612 --> 00:09:32,979 I would love to not watch TV 183 00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:35,398 but you cancelled school. 184 00:09:36,618 --> 00:09:38,359 What have you done to me, you monster? 185 00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:41,445 Look at all these dishes piling up. 186 00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:45,659 I used to just throw them in the sink and they'd be magically cleaned by morning. 187 00:09:45,877 --> 00:09:48,335 I did that. I cleaned the dishes. - Oh. 188 00:09:49,005 --> 00:09:50,405 Then what's up with these bad boys? 189 00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:53,332 You are unbelievable. 190 00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:55,509 Are you still upset? You're not over it yet? 191 00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:59,088 How can I be "over" it? We haven't discussed it, or even spoken for days. 192 00:09:59,182 --> 00:10:02,971 Well, it sounds like you've had a really nice "vacation" from your "full-time job." 193 00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:05,470 Get your story straight, bro. 194 00:10:05,563 --> 00:10:06,724 Hey, guys? It's Michael. 195 00:10:08,817 --> 00:10:11,275 Hi, Michael! What a lovely surprise! 196 00:10:11,694 --> 00:10:13,756 Oh, I'd love to make small talk. I've been practicing, too. 197 00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:16,443 I'm amazing at it. But I'm in a bit of a rush here. 198 00:10:16,533 --> 00:10:17,865 This is Bart and Nina 199 00:10:18,409 --> 00:10:21,277 They live right next to the, uh... sinkhole, so... 200 00:10:21,746 --> 00:10:23,282 they obviously need a place to stay. 201 00:10:23,373 --> 00:10:26,293 I was wondering, as my assistant, maybe you could put them up for a while? 202 00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:30,161 Oh, of course. Don't... don't think twice. - Okay. Shouldn't take long. 203 00:10:30,713 --> 00:10:33,581 Between an hour and, um... eleven months. 204 00:10:33,675 --> 00:10:35,758 Somewhere in there. Okay, bye! 205 00:10:37,554 --> 00:10:38,590 Don't go outside. 206 00:10:49,274 --> 00:10:50,310 We're doomed. 207 00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:52,562 Dude. You need to chill the fork out. 208 00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:54,359 How? We are living a lie. 209 00:10:54,571 --> 00:10:57,780 We are fighting and one small mistake could blow our cover 210 00:10:57,866 --> 00:10:59,009 and make the whole world go crazy. 211 00:10:59,033 --> 00:11:02,071 All we need to do is make a little small talk. 212 00:11:02,370 --> 00:11:04,111 Just say things that aren't lies. 213 00:11:04,372 --> 00:11:10,118 Like, isn't Eleanor super hot? Or, I'm Chidi, I lost my virginity to a book. 214 00:11:10,336 --> 00:11:11,372 Tea's ready! 215 00:11:11,462 --> 00:11:14,830 Thank you guys so much. Sorry for the imposition. 216 00:11:14,924 --> 00:11:16,210 Oh, bah! 217 00:11:16,301 --> 00:11:19,419 If you want to know the truth, we asked Michael if we could stay with you. 218 00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:21,879 We are obsessed with your relationship. 219 00:11:21,973 --> 00:11:24,716 Always whispering, locking yourself in the house all day. 220 00:11:25,101 --> 00:11:27,764 I thought I was an expert in true love 'cause of my old job 221 00:11:27,854 --> 00:11:30,346 but I have a lot to learn from you guys. 222 00:11:30,481 --> 00:11:31,938 Your job? What was your job? 223 00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:33,186 I was a marriage counsellor. 224 00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:36,231 You could say I wrote the book on healthy relationships 225 00:11:36,863 --> 00:11:38,604 and I did! 226 00:11:38,740 --> 00:11:43,155 It's called "How to Spot Problems in a Marriage From 100 Miles Away." 227 00:11:43,244 --> 00:11:44,701 Oh! Cool. - Oh, cool. 228 00:11:44,787 --> 00:11:46,403 Yeah, really cool. - Cool. Cool. 229 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:48,656 Cool. And what about you, Bart? 230 00:11:48,750 --> 00:11:50,867 Ah, well, my job wasn't nearly as interesting. 231 00:11:51,002 --> 00:11:53,585 Nah, I started a company that investigated identity theft. 232 00:11:53,671 --> 00:11:56,209 Analysing body language, tracking and catching people 233 00:11:56,299 --> 00:11:57,735 pretending to be someone they're not. 234 00:11:57,759 --> 00:12:00,752 It was snooze, am I right? 235 00:12:00,929 --> 00:12:05,799 You know what? Forget this tea. Who wants too much wine? 236 00:12:05,892 --> 00:12:08,225 Oh! 237 00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:09,764 Hello, everyone 238 00:12:09,854 --> 00:12:12,938 and welcome to Day Three of our brunch siege! 239 00:12:13,024 --> 00:12:16,859 I stayed up all night to plan a full day of fun activities 240 00:12:17,153 --> 00:12:18,769 just check the schedule I made! 241 00:12:19,572 --> 00:12:22,690 - Tahani, you are truly the best. - Hear! Hear! 242 00:12:22,825 --> 00:12:24,987 Yes, you would think so, wouldn't you, Henriette? 243 00:12:28,122 --> 00:12:31,866 Still second to last? 244 00:12:35,922 --> 00:12:36,958 Tahani. 245 00:12:37,006 --> 00:12:40,374 This auction threatens to be an embarrassing failure. 246 00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:43,381 Five-point-two million isn't bad. 247 00:12:43,471 --> 00:12:45,554 It's very "middle-thermometer." 248 00:12:45,974 --> 00:12:50,014 Your public failure is our public failure. 249 00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:51,685 You know what has to be done. 250 00:12:52,563 --> 00:12:53,679 I'm very pleased... 251 00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:56,811 to announce that there has been an addition to today's docket. 252 00:12:58,278 --> 00:13:01,521 I'm sure you all know my sister Kamilah. 253 00:13:04,325 --> 00:13:05,907 Yes. Kamilah. 254 00:13:06,244 --> 00:13:10,158 Kamilah, of course, is the youngest person ever to graduate from Oxford University. 255 00:13:10,248 --> 00:13:13,537 She's a Eurovision Award-winning singer-song writer 256 00:13:13,876 --> 00:13:16,334 a world-class painter, social activist 257 00:13:16,421 --> 00:13:20,586 sculptor, Olympic gold medallist for archery 258 00:13:20,675 --> 00:13:22,041 an iconoclast 259 00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:27,968 A Bafta Award-winner for her documentary on her Grammy Award-winning album 260 00:13:28,266 --> 00:13:32,135 and the person voted "Most Likely to be Banksy." 261 00:13:33,354 --> 00:13:36,518 So without further ado take it away from me! 262 00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:39,103 Sorry, I mean take it away, Kamilah! 263 00:13:42,989 --> 00:13:45,151 I am auctioning off a lunch date with me. 264 00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:49,569 The bidding shall commence at three million pounds. 265 00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:54,202 You're bidding? 266 00:13:54,417 --> 00:13:58,127 Of course. It's an hour with Kamilah Al-Jamil! 267 00:13:58,796 --> 00:13:59,832 Five million! 268 00:14:07,638 --> 00:14:10,597 Wow. You guys must really love clowns, huh? 269 00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:13,847 Would two people who didn't love clowns have this many clowns on their walls? 270 00:14:13,936 --> 00:14:16,679 It must be great to live with such a positive person. Huh, Chidi? 271 00:14:16,773 --> 00:14:20,892 Well, it's um... at times it's... person. 272 00:14:24,614 --> 00:14:26,480 Ugh. That's my Chidi. 273 00:14:26,991 --> 00:14:28,857 One glass of wine, he's totally useless. 274 00:14:30,745 --> 00:14:32,452 You know what you need right now, dear? 275 00:14:32,497 --> 00:14:33,932 To get into something more comfortable 276 00:14:33,956 --> 00:14:36,699 like one of your trademark taupe V-neck sweaters. 277 00:14:37,210 --> 00:14:39,497 You know how strongly I feel about those. 278 00:14:39,921 --> 00:14:40,957 - Aw. - Ooh.. 279 00:14:41,005 --> 00:14:42,337 So cute. 280 00:14:42,590 --> 00:14:44,752 Oh, love, love, love! 281 00:14:44,842 --> 00:14:46,253 Love, love, love! 282 00:14:49,597 --> 00:14:52,159 You couldn't think of one thing to say? Get your head in the game, man. 283 00:14:52,183 --> 00:14:53,183 They're gonna catch us. 284 00:14:53,267 --> 00:14:57,181 This is an extremely precarious situation. I am vexed, Eleanor! 285 00:14:57,271 --> 00:14:59,479 A marriage counsellor and a human lie detector 286 00:14:59,565 --> 00:15:03,809 isn't my first choice for company either, but they have no reason to suspect us. 287 00:15:04,821 --> 00:15:09,156 Plus, I think they may have actually just come here to, you know? 288 00:15:09,534 --> 00:15:10,570 Swing. 289 00:15:11,577 --> 00:15:12,693 I say we do it. 290 00:15:12,995 --> 00:15:14,556 It'll get them to stop asking questions. 291 00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:18,870 I am not going to have sex with someone to get them to stop talking to me. 292 00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:21,077 Really? You and I are very different. 293 00:15:21,170 --> 00:15:23,662 Yeah, I noticed. - You know what, man? 294 00:15:23,881 --> 00:15:26,749 I have spent every second in this place worried I was gonna get caught 295 00:15:26,843 --> 00:15:29,836 but if we go down right now, that's on you. Okay? 296 00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:33,093 Oh, you spend all your time teaching a charming, awesome lady? 297 00:15:33,182 --> 00:15:35,720 How sad for you. Face it, dude. 298 00:15:35,810 --> 00:15:40,430 I'm the best thing that ever happened to you. Because guess what, Chidi? Ya basic. 299 00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:43,891 Eleanor. - Yeah, I know. You wanna do that thing 300 00:15:43,985 --> 00:15:47,478 where we're arguing and fighting, but then suddenly it's like "Whoa, this is hot," 301 00:15:47,572 --> 00:15:49,359 and we start making out? Dream on! 302 00:15:49,657 --> 00:15:51,009 Or, whatever, fine, let's just do it. 303 00:15:51,033 --> 00:15:52,274 No! Eleanor, look. 304 00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:01,951 So, how much of that did you hear? 305 00:16:02,044 --> 00:16:04,644 We couldn't hear you but I'm an expert in non-verbal communication 306 00:16:04,714 --> 00:16:07,047 and it is clear you are in conflict. 307 00:16:07,341 --> 00:16:10,129 We're not judging you. This has been a tough couple of weeks. 308 00:16:10,511 --> 00:16:14,346 I'm sure the... the stress of the sinkhole has caused lots of soulmate squabbles. 309 00:16:15,016 --> 00:16:19,977 That's what it is! A squabble. We're squabbling. - Squabble-squabble! 310 00:16:20,188 --> 00:16:22,430 I can help. I'm going to take your relationship 311 00:16:22,523 --> 00:16:24,264 and put it under a microscope 312 00:16:24,609 --> 00:16:27,317 And dig and poke and prod 313 00:16:27,403 --> 00:16:30,362 until you are back to soulmate harmony. 314 00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:31,697 Eleanor, why don't you tell... 315 00:16:31,782 --> 00:16:34,274 She never does the dishes. I have to do them all the time. 316 00:16:35,203 --> 00:16:37,195 We just have different interests. - Mm-hmm. 317 00:16:37,288 --> 00:16:40,952 I like relaxing, he likes getting on my case about the dishes. 318 00:16:41,083 --> 00:16:42,824 I'm getting a lot of repressed anger. 319 00:16:42,919 --> 00:16:45,411 I suspected this when I arrived, but now I'm sure. 320 00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:47,872 You are hiding something. 321 00:16:47,965 --> 00:16:50,423 What are earth would I be hiding? - No, no, no, not you... 322 00:16:51,427 --> 00:16:52,463 Him. 323 00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:57,305 Please go back inside. 324 00:16:57,391 --> 00:17:01,431 It isn 't safe to be out of your home. Please go back inside. 325 00:17:01,521 --> 00:17:03,262 Janet, could you see what's wrong? 326 00:17:03,773 --> 00:17:04,809 Everything. 327 00:17:05,107 --> 00:17:07,224 Oh! 328 00:17:08,319 --> 00:17:10,527 My goodness. It's even worse than I thought. 329 00:17:10,696 --> 00:17:12,107 Tahani, what are you doing here? 330 00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:15,483 Well, everyone else might be okay staying inside, but I wanted to help. 331 00:17:15,618 --> 00:17:19,282 So I brought some cheer and sustenance, to raise your spirits. 332 00:17:19,372 --> 00:17:20,579 Look, I made donut holes. 333 00:17:21,082 --> 00:17:25,497 Do you get it? Donut holes, sinkhole. Funny, no? 334 00:17:25,628 --> 00:17:28,621 No, too soon. By exactly nine days. 335 00:17:28,756 --> 00:17:31,715 Tahani, this sinkhole is incredibly dangerous. 336 00:17:31,842 --> 00:17:35,426 If a human gets too close to it there could be disastrous side effects. 337 00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:38,722 What's... what's happening to me? 338 00:17:38,766 --> 00:17:40,382 Ooh, that's one of the side effects. 339 00:17:40,476 --> 00:17:42,763 Janet, knock her out, while we still have time, please. 340 00:17:42,853 --> 00:17:45,186 Knock me out? What does that... 341 00:17:48,651 --> 00:17:51,359 Guys, really, it's no big deal. 342 00:17:51,445 --> 00:17:56,156 "It's not a big deal" is nearly always code for "something is wrong." 343 00:17:56,242 --> 00:17:58,108 Boom! That's what I said! 344 00:17:58,202 --> 00:17:59,596 I should've been a marriage counsellor. 345 00:17:59,620 --> 00:18:02,738 Lets take the positive aspects of this relationship. 346 00:18:02,832 --> 00:18:04,243 Let's focus on that first. 347 00:18:04,667 --> 00:18:07,250 What do you do to make Eleanor feel valued? 348 00:18:08,045 --> 00:18:14,633 I spend every waking moment thinking about her and supporting her. 349 00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:16,335 Beautifully said. 350 00:18:16,429 --> 00:18:18,967 Eleanor, what do you do to support Chidi? 351 00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:20,468 I... 352 00:18:21,851 --> 00:18:25,390 taught him how to reheat cold pizza with a curling iron. 353 00:18:26,647 --> 00:18:30,140 But this isn't about me or my awesome life hacks. 354 00:18:30,276 --> 00:18:32,716 He's hiding something, and we need to get to the bottom of it. 355 00:18:32,820 --> 00:18:34,482 She's right, Chidi. Out with it. 356 00:18:34,739 --> 00:18:37,732 What is so unsatisfying about your soulmate relationship? 357 00:18:37,825 --> 00:18:40,317 Be honest, Chidi. Be like... 358 00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:43,738 the exact right amount of honest 359 00:18:43,831 --> 00:18:46,198 so that we can both be happy. 360 00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:51,044 I never had a soulmate on earth. 361 00:18:51,339 --> 00:18:56,255 I never even really had a girlfriend that I loved. 362 00:18:57,470 --> 00:19:01,430 And when I got here and Michael said I would finally meet my actual soulmate 363 00:19:01,515 --> 00:19:03,928 I was so excited. And it isn't... 364 00:19:05,811 --> 00:19:06,847 exactly... 365 00:19:08,064 --> 00:19:09,100 what I thought. 366 00:19:09,774 --> 00:19:12,517 You've never had an intense relationship before. 367 00:19:12,777 --> 00:19:14,939 This is all uncharted territory. 368 00:19:15,029 --> 00:19:17,316 No wonder you're so tense! 369 00:19:17,907 --> 00:19:21,696 You know, Nina and I are skilled in the art of massage. 370 00:19:22,787 --> 00:19:24,403 Not erotic massage. - Mm. 371 00:19:24,497 --> 00:19:27,160 - Although it can be, it often leads there anyway. - Okay! 372 00:19:27,249 --> 00:19:28,490 Well, you know what? 373 00:19:28,751 --> 00:19:32,040 You guys have given us so much to think about and I think we should go to bed. 374 00:19:32,088 --> 00:19:34,501 Just the two of us, alone. Just us. 375 00:19:34,882 --> 00:19:36,794 I know it's not the right time, but I told you. 376 00:19:36,884 --> 00:19:39,547 You know after an emotional breakthrough like that 377 00:19:39,637 --> 00:19:42,300 you guys aren't gonna do much sleeping. 378 00:19:42,390 --> 00:19:43,801 Yeah, I know. 379 00:19:44,016 --> 00:19:49,683 We're gonna keep our clothes. I'll sleep on the floor and we'll maintain a chilly silence until morning. 380 00:19:49,980 --> 00:19:51,516 Could you imagine? 381 00:19:54,276 --> 00:19:55,733 Well, that's terrifying. - Mm. 382 00:19:58,823 --> 00:20:00,530 Tahani? Wake up, dear. 383 00:20:01,158 --> 00:20:04,151 Michael, did it work? 384 00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:06,403 Did I fix the sinkhole? 385 00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:07,571 Am I a heroine? 386 00:20:07,665 --> 00:20:12,126 No. You did something catastrophically stupid and we had to knock you unconscious. 387 00:20:12,461 --> 00:20:14,669 Why in the world did you go outside? 388 00:20:14,964 --> 00:20:17,752 Because I saw the rankings in the manual. 389 00:20:17,967 --> 00:20:21,631 That manual is only meant to be seen by Architects and Janets. 390 00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:24,338 It's got some very sensitive material. 391 00:20:24,515 --> 00:20:28,304 Plus some song lyrics I've been working on, and I'd rather not let people see those 392 00:20:28,394 --> 00:20:29,475 until they're finished. 393 00:20:29,979 --> 00:20:31,265 But, anyway... 394 00:20:31,772 --> 00:20:34,685 Why did seeing the rankings unravel you so? 395 00:20:37,403 --> 00:20:40,771 I was so sorry to hear of your parents' passing. 396 00:20:41,198 --> 00:20:44,111 Please bear with me as I share their last will and testament. 397 00:20:44,452 --> 00:20:46,910 To Kamilah, we have left sixty-eight million pounds 398 00:20:46,996 --> 00:20:51,991 the home in Kensington, their yacht, and other assorted weekend boats. 399 00:20:52,460 --> 00:20:55,077 But what did they leave their second-favourite child? 400 00:20:55,463 --> 00:20:58,922 There's still quite a lot of money and property that goes to you. 401 00:20:59,383 --> 00:21:00,669 There is one issue, however. 402 00:21:01,385 --> 00:21:04,628 They have, um... spelled your name incorrectly, in the will. 403 00:21:05,181 --> 00:21:06,241 You've got to be kidding me. 404 00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:11,056 It says, "We bequeath the rest of our estate to Tahini." Like the sauce. 405 00:21:11,645 --> 00:21:14,262 You know what? I don't want the money. 406 00:21:14,732 --> 00:21:16,894 My sister can have it all. 407 00:21:17,276 --> 00:21:22,442 My whole life I have lived in your shadow, but now I'm going to step out of it. 408 00:21:22,698 --> 00:21:27,659 I am going to reach heights of success and sophistication you could only dream of. 409 00:21:28,078 --> 00:21:29,410 Your cardigan's on inside out. 410 00:21:29,663 --> 00:21:33,782 I know! It's a new trend that I am starting. 411 00:21:33,959 --> 00:21:36,747 Just one example of how I'm going to step out of your shadow. 412 00:21:36,962 --> 00:21:40,126 Oh, please wait. I'm obligated to say one more thing. 413 00:21:41,050 --> 00:21:43,133 Kamilah, I'm taken by you. 414 00:21:43,803 --> 00:21:46,762 Your very presence is magnetic. 415 00:21:47,348 --> 00:21:51,262 I may be married and I've never been interested in any woman before 416 00:21:51,602 --> 00:21:55,687 but my attraction for you goes beyond sexuality. 417 00:21:56,857 --> 00:21:59,190 Though it certainly is deeply sexual. 418 00:21:59,735 --> 00:22:03,194 Oh, for crying out loud! Come on! 419 00:22:05,533 --> 00:22:08,446 Oh, I'm sorry that I looked at the rankings, Michael. 420 00:22:08,536 --> 00:22:11,529 But I just don't understand how I'm so low. 421 00:22:11,831 --> 00:22:14,790 My entire life I have tried to be extraordinary 422 00:22:14,875 --> 00:22:16,491 but it just never seemed to be enough. 423 00:22:17,044 --> 00:22:22,665 Ah. And you thought you could increase your ranking by helping us fix the sinkhole. 424 00:22:23,467 --> 00:22:24,503 Tahani. 425 00:22:25,261 --> 00:22:28,470 Tahani, the point evaluations stop the moment you die. 426 00:22:28,597 --> 00:22:32,136 But also, out of literally billions 427 00:22:32,601 --> 00:22:35,844 you were one of the most remarkable people on Earth. 428 00:22:36,647 --> 00:22:40,140 You have nothing left to prove, to anyone. 429 00:22:40,901 --> 00:22:41,937 Hi there! 430 00:22:42,152 --> 00:22:44,439 The sinkhole has begun to repair itself! 431 00:22:44,572 --> 00:22:45,608 It has? 432 00:22:45,906 --> 00:22:47,022 Could it be? - But how? 433 00:22:47,116 --> 00:22:50,860 Did I, "Tahani saves the uni..." - No, no, no, still not you. 434 00:22:50,995 --> 00:22:53,395 You had nothing to do with it. We'd better leave immediately. 435 00:22:57,877 --> 00:22:58,913 Oh. Morning, Chidi. 436 00:22:59,003 --> 00:23:01,147 Michael just lifted the lockdown. We can all go outside again. 437 00:23:01,171 --> 00:23:04,460 Say goodbye to Eleanor for us. Oh, she left you a note by the dishes. 438 00:23:06,218 --> 00:23:09,882 And if you ever want to come to our house, break out the massage oils 439 00:23:10,222 --> 00:23:12,134 And, uh... see what unfolds. 440 00:23:12,808 --> 00:23:15,846 Okay. Great. Thank you, Nina. 441 00:23:24,403 --> 00:23:25,439 Morning, teach! 442 00:23:25,529 --> 00:23:28,317 Morning. What's this about? 443 00:23:28,657 --> 00:23:30,148 Well, here's what I realised. 444 00:23:30,492 --> 00:23:34,076 It's not just that helping me is a full-time job that you feel you have to do. 445 00:23:35,164 --> 00:23:38,032 The real problem is that the more you help me 446 00:23:38,125 --> 00:23:42,460 the greater the chance is that I can stay here, and me staying here means 447 00:23:42,671 --> 00:23:44,503 you'll never get a real soulmate. 448 00:23:45,591 --> 00:23:47,833 I'm basically a Utilitarian nightmare. 449 00:23:49,053 --> 00:23:51,841 Every ounce of my happiness leads to a ton of pain for you. 450 00:23:51,931 --> 00:23:55,800 So, every time the simple fact of my existence 451 00:23:56,185 --> 00:23:57,517 starts to bum you out 452 00:23:58,729 --> 00:24:00,595 I want you to hold this up. 453 00:24:01,607 --> 00:24:03,314 At which point 454 00:24:03,359 --> 00:24:06,272 I will leave you alone, for as long as you need. 455 00:24:07,029 --> 00:24:09,988 I know we'll never be soulmates, but we're friends. 456 00:24:10,699 --> 00:24:13,099 So I'm going to help you have the paradise you always wanted. 457 00:24:14,119 --> 00:24:17,362 Side note, I can't believe this is the paradise you always wanted, but... 458 00:24:18,749 --> 00:24:20,957 get in this boat, and read some boring French poetry. 459 00:24:32,262 --> 00:24:35,755 I... I've never actually done this before. This is... this is a theoretical fantasy. 460 00:24:36,433 --> 00:24:37,799 How do you row a boat? 461 00:24:38,894 --> 00:24:41,374 I tell you, it's good as new. Go ahead, if you want. Just here. 462 00:24:41,438 --> 00:24:43,771 Whoo! See? You can jump up and down on it. 463 00:24:43,857 --> 00:24:46,065 Hey boss, so you fixed the sinkhole? 464 00:24:46,151 --> 00:24:48,393 Yep! Good as new! Crisis averted! 465 00:24:48,487 --> 00:24:52,231 Everybody, have a wonderful day because I fixed the sinkhole. 466 00:24:52,700 --> 00:24:54,032 I didn't fix the sinkhole. 467 00:24:54,451 --> 00:24:57,194 Sorry? - I tried and I tried but nothing worked. 468 00:24:57,287 --> 00:25:00,530 And then all of a sudden, this morning, out of the blue! Just whoop! 469 00:25:00,749 --> 00:25:02,490 It just closed over. 470 00:25:03,502 --> 00:25:06,336 Huh! How about that? 471 00:25:07,006 --> 00:25:10,750 Well, as your assistant, I officially declare this good news! 472 00:25:10,843 --> 00:25:12,630 No, this is terrible news. 473 00:25:13,303 --> 00:25:17,468 I have no idea what caused it, Eleanor, and no idea what fixed it. 474 00:25:18,183 --> 00:25:20,926 I want you to come to my office first thing in the morning. 475 00:25:21,562 --> 00:25:24,930 You and I are gonna find this problem.