1
00:00:21,040 --> 00:00:24,374
<i>MAN 1 ON COMPUTER</i>
<i>Oh.. Mistress, spank my bottom Spank it really hard!</i>

2
00:00:24,460 --> 00:00:26,038
<i>Please, spank my bottom!</i>

3
00:00:26,212 --> 00:00:28,371
-That is unpleasant.
<i>-Spank it really hard</i>

4
00:00:29,174 --> 00:00:30,882
<i>WOMAN ON COMPUTER - Lick my nipples</i>

5
00:00:30,968 --> 00:00:32,795
No, thank you, pregnant lady.

6
00:00:33,762 --> 00:00:35,008
<i>MAN 2 ON COMPUTER - Strip, soldier!</i>

7
00:00:35,097 --> 00:00:37,671
<i>You're gonna find out</i>
<i>why they call me the drill sergeant</i>

8
00:01:28,949 --> 00:01:32,532
That's... That's nice, baby.

9
00:01:35,915 --> 00:01:37,409
No, Frizzy! No!

10
00:01:43,047 --> 00:01:44,921
No, no, no, Frizzy! No!

11
00:01:45,258 --> 00:01:46,290
Frizzy.

12
00:01:47,511 --> 00:01:50,049
No, no, no, wait! Cody! No.

13
00:02:11,829 --> 00:02:12,861
<i>No, no, no, Frizzy! No!</i>

14
00:02:12,956 --> 00:02:15,447
Don't worry about it, man.
Everyone's got a sex tape.

15
00:02:15,542 --> 00:02:16,621
Please.

16
00:02:16,710 --> 00:02:18,703
Yeah, except they're having sex with people.

17
00:02:19,797 --> 00:02:20,876
<i>-Frizzy</i>
-Right.

18
00:02:20,964 --> 00:02:24,713
It's not technically incest
if your family member's a different species.

19
00:02:24,969 --> 00:02:26,594
So, are you getting close with Dana yet?

20
00:02:26,679 --> 00:02:29,217
The rumours are true. She's taken the pledge.

21
00:02:29,307 --> 00:02:31,845
No sex? She was your sure thing.

22
00:02:31,977 --> 00:02:35,595
- Faith-camp propaganda, man.
- She's waiting until marriage.

23
00:02:35,814 --> 00:02:37,854
l thought she had sex with six guys.

24
00:02:42,780 --> 00:02:43,979
What?

25
00:02:45,158 --> 00:02:46,439
Get to class.

26
00:02:47,118 --> 00:02:48,696
No cell phones in the hall, Alyson.

27
00:02:48,787 --> 00:02:51,159
You can pick this up from my office
today after school.

28
00:02:51,248 --> 00:02:54,831
<i>No, no, no, Frizzy! No! Frizzy!</i>

29
00:02:55,252 --> 00:02:56,996
Well, I've seen worse.

30
00:02:59,090 --> 00:03:00,169
<i>No, no, no, Frizzy! No!</i>

31
00:03:02,135 --> 00:03:04,294
Miss Johnson. Lunch today?

32
00:03:05,222 --> 00:03:08,472
l'll have to check my calendar, perv... Pete.

33
00:03:12,188 --> 00:03:15,522
<i>No, no, no, Frizzy! No! Frizzy!</i>

34
00:03:15,692 --> 00:03:17,352
Look. Look. Look at that.

35
00:03:18,028 --> 00:03:21,397
<i>No, no, no, Frizzy! No! Frizzy!</i>

36
00:03:23,284 --> 00:03:27,151
-Hey, just ignore them.
-Oh, God. You saw it, too?

37
00:03:28,581 --> 00:03:31,037
-Just so you know, it's not at all...
-Hey, don't worry about it.

38
00:03:31,334 --> 00:03:33,956
Frizzy's a good-looking dog.

39
00:03:34,921 --> 00:03:38,373
So, do you wanna do it? Are we on?

40
00:03:40,010 --> 00:03:43,047
Rob? Rob? Are we on for seventh period?

41
00:03:43,181 --> 00:03:45,672
Yeah. l... l'll...

42
00:03:46,518 --> 00:03:48,676
-l'll meet you over there.
-Okay.

43
00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:53,189
-Doggy style!
-Hey, Stifler.

44
00:03:53,275 --> 00:03:54,734
Is that your girlfriend?

45
00:03:54,818 --> 00:03:57,191
No, we're just... We're just... We're friends.

46
00:03:57,571 --> 00:03:59,979
Just friends? How sweet.

47
00:04:00,700 --> 00:04:04,283
Well, she seems awful ripe.
If you don't pick the fruit, I will.

48
00:04:05,622 --> 00:04:07,579
Hey, beautiful.

49
00:04:11,796 --> 00:04:12,875
Wow!

50
00:04:14,173 --> 00:04:17,091
<i>CHARLES ON PA Good morning,</i>
<i>East Great Falls Blazers</i>

51
00:04:17,177 --> 00:04:20,094
<i>Don't forget about the big game</i>
<i>against Central this week</i>

52
00:04:20,180 --> 00:04:24,260
<i>and the Aloha Dance this Friday</i>
<i>from 700 to midnight</i>

53
00:04:24,351 --> 00:04:28,563
<i>Hawaiian shirts and leis</i>
<i>are recommended for entrance</i>

54
00:04:29,816 --> 00:04:33,019
<i>-PRINCIPAL ON PA Charles, knock that off</i>
<i>-Sorry</i>

55
00:04:55,302 --> 00:04:57,461
Let's focus on the quiz, please.

56
00:05:08,483 --> 00:05:09,978
Douche bag.

57
00:05:38,183 --> 00:05:40,223
I'm serious about this pledge, you know.

58
00:05:40,352 --> 00:05:41,431
I know.

59
00:05:41,520 --> 00:05:44,557
-so just dancing tonight.
-Yeah. just dancing.

60
00:05:44,940 --> 00:05:46,518
The horizontal hula.

61
00:05:46,609 --> 00:05:48,353
Nathan.

62
00:05:55,535 --> 00:05:56,816
Poor Nathan.

63
00:05:56,912 --> 00:05:59,534
His willy must be hard enough
to cut glass by now.

64
00:05:59,623 --> 00:06:01,996
Nathan loves me, and Nathan respects me.

65
00:06:02,084 --> 00:06:06,332
Okay. A, a guy never respects a girl
enough to give up sex.

66
00:06:06,631 --> 00:06:08,707
And, B, well, what about you?

67
00:06:09,009 --> 00:06:11,796
You must be feeling
pretty randy by now, Dana.

68
00:06:12,596 --> 00:06:15,170
Okay, well, yeah, maybe, like, the tiniest bit,

69
00:06:15,266 --> 00:06:17,722
but I really feel like I'm connecting
with the higher power here.

70
00:06:17,810 --> 00:06:20,384
Yes, I know, and that is totally fab,

71
00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:23,849
but I know I couldn't do it.
I'm way too into giving blow jobs.

72
00:06:24,401 --> 00:06:25,895
Ask Richard.

73
00:06:26,570 --> 00:06:28,812
Hey, don't listen to lmogen, okay?

74
00:06:28,906 --> 00:06:31,907
Sex is a really big deal,
and if you feel like you're not ready,

75
00:06:31,993 --> 00:06:34,151
then I think you should wait.

76
00:06:35,747 --> 00:06:36,909
But...

77
00:06:36,998 --> 00:06:40,367
No offence, Heidi, but you have no idea
what you're talking about.

78
00:06:43,714 --> 00:06:45,339
Text me later.

79
00:06:52,432 --> 00:06:54,341
- Hey, Rob.
- Yeah?

80
00:06:54,851 --> 00:06:57,058
-Can I ask You something?
-Sure. What's up?

81
00:06:57,145 --> 00:06:59,138
Well, it's kind of personal.

82
00:07:01,108 --> 00:07:02,353
Okay.

83
00:07:03,277 --> 00:07:07,026
I've been thinking.
You know I'm a virgin, right?

84
00:07:08,074 --> 00:07:09,403
It's just... I don't know.

85
00:07:09,492 --> 00:07:11,818
Everyone's already done it
like a million times already,

86
00:07:11,953 --> 00:07:15,370
and I know I don't have a boyfriend
or whatever, but...

87
00:07:16,250 --> 00:07:18,456
But sometimes I feel like I should just
get it over with.

88
00:07:18,544 --> 00:07:22,756
You know? I mean,
just get past this whole thing, this virgin.

89
00:07:23,341 --> 00:07:25,417
What does that even mean, anyway?

90
00:07:25,802 --> 00:07:29,088
So I've never had a penis in my vagina,
but so what?

91
00:07:29,431 --> 00:07:32,800
Why do I have to label everything?
Like, ''She's too innocent.

92
00:07:32,893 --> 00:07:35,895
'She can't handle it.'' I'm not that innocent.

93
00:07:35,980 --> 00:07:38,269
I've seen <i>Showgirls</i> and <i>Blue Lagoon</i>

94
00:07:40,819 --> 00:07:45,315
Anyways, I think I've decided to just do it.
But what do you think?

95
00:07:45,824 --> 00:07:51,199
Yeah. I think you should definitely
go ahead and get it over with.

96
00:07:51,330 --> 00:07:53,074
Thanks.

97
00:07:56,211 --> 00:07:57,670
Let's get back to work.

98
00:08:18,027 --> 00:08:21,063
Stifcam coming at you live
from the Aloha Dance

99
00:08:21,197 --> 00:08:23,273
here at the East Great Falls...

100
00:08:23,783 --> 00:08:25,361
This chick just grabbed my ass.

101
00:08:25,452 --> 00:08:27,990
She wants to play
the Stifmeister's flute skin.

102
00:08:28,079 --> 00:08:30,915
Let go find some of that
sweet-looking pinoche, Gibbsy.

103
00:08:56,069 --> 00:08:57,978
Hey, check it out. There's Heidi.

104
00:08:58,989 --> 00:09:01,562
All right, all right.
She looks highly doable.

105
00:09:02,159 --> 00:09:04,152
All right, so what's the game plan here?

106
00:09:04,244 --> 00:09:06,154
I don't know. Ask her to dance, I guess.

107
00:09:06,247 --> 00:09:09,698
You need a plan, all right?
It's all about establishing your intentions.

108
00:09:09,792 --> 00:09:12,877
See, right now,
she thinks of you as just a friend.

109
00:09:13,171 --> 00:09:14,713
You need to break that paradigm.

110
00:09:14,798 --> 00:09:18,416
Remember, friends don't let friends
just be friends.

111
00:09:18,510 --> 00:09:21,346
-Right.
-I'm serious. You cannot puss out here.

112
00:09:21,430 --> 00:09:24,100
All right, take it easy.
I'm gonna go talk to her.

113
00:09:25,560 --> 00:09:28,181
Wait. Aren't you forgetting something?

114
00:09:30,649 --> 00:09:32,060
Oh. Oh. Oh.

115
00:09:32,192 --> 00:09:33,900
Here, don't forget these.

116
00:09:34,695 --> 00:09:36,901
You only need those when you're alone.

117
00:09:37,782 --> 00:09:39,193
Right. Right. Okay.

118
00:09:51,547 --> 00:09:54,216
- Okay!
- What? What's wrong?

119
00:09:54,300 --> 00:09:55,581
l can't.

120
00:09:55,676 --> 00:09:58,761
-But it's only second base.
-l know. But if we go there,

121
00:09:58,847 --> 00:10:00,923
then we're gonna wanna go further.

122
00:10:01,892 --> 00:10:03,801
But Adam and Eve did it.

123
00:10:05,062 --> 00:10:07,470
I'm sorry. Hey, hey.

124
00:10:07,690 --> 00:10:10,311
I love you. Do you know that?

125
00:10:13,363 --> 00:10:14,738
Come here.

126
00:10:19,202 --> 00:10:20,448
Is God okay with a blow job?

127
00:10:22,706 --> 00:10:24,913
l thought you understood
how I felt about this.

128
00:10:25,001 --> 00:10:27,788
l told you, it's important for me
to save myself until marriage.

129
00:10:27,879 --> 00:10:29,457
You've had sex with seven guys.

130
00:10:33,802 --> 00:10:36,258
And it was six, not seven!

131
00:10:36,472 --> 00:10:39,045
Well, one was a black guy,
so he counts as two.

132
00:10:40,142 --> 00:10:41,174
Dana.

133
00:10:42,311 --> 00:10:44,185
-Dana, come on.
-Fuck off.

134
00:10:44,647 --> 00:10:47,649
Dana. Come on, Dana. Dana!

135
00:10:55,826 --> 00:10:59,112
Hey, girls.
This is gonna be for Sit-on-my-face-book.

136
00:10:59,205 --> 00:11:01,578
I need you to kiss one time, okay?

137
00:11:02,250 --> 00:11:03,448
I don't know.

138
00:11:03,543 --> 00:11:06,747
Come on.
It's gonna be seen by millions of people.

139
00:11:08,173 --> 00:11:09,288
Okay.

140
00:11:13,721 --> 00:11:15,050
Okay, we're gonna go again,

141
00:11:15,139 --> 00:11:17,927
but this time,
sneak in some tongue for daddy.

142
00:11:18,018 --> 00:11:19,346
Okay.

143
00:11:24,859 --> 00:11:28,442
That's what I'm talking about, baby!

144
00:11:31,199 --> 00:11:33,192
Stifmeister strikes again!

145
00:11:35,036 --> 00:11:36,199
Dude.

146
00:11:37,289 --> 00:11:39,448
You're gonna love this. Check this out.

147
00:11:41,877 --> 00:11:43,372
Yeah. So?

148
00:11:43,754 --> 00:11:45,083
Watch and learn.

149
00:11:48,551 --> 00:11:51,387
''You're hot.

150
00:11:51,888 --> 00:11:57,310
''Give me your number
and let's get together.''

151
00:12:00,064 --> 00:12:02,437
l throw this at a hot girl,

152
00:12:02,525 --> 00:12:05,942
and she's so impressed
that I'm literally throwing around a Benjamin

153
00:12:06,071 --> 00:12:08,360
that she wants to hook up with me.

154
00:12:08,448 --> 00:12:10,987
Yeah. Good luck with that.

155
00:12:11,535 --> 00:12:13,943
-I'm gonna go find Dana.
-All right, man.

156
00:12:37,898 --> 00:12:40,603
Oh, no.

157
00:12:40,943 --> 00:12:42,437
Oh, God.

158
00:12:46,115 --> 00:12:48,785
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Watch out. Coming through.

159
00:12:51,121 --> 00:12:55,201
So, I was thinking about what
we were talking about, you know, before.

160
00:12:55,459 --> 00:13:00,620
-Yeah. Yeah, I remember.
-Right. so I was thinking, why wait?

161
00:13:00,882 --> 00:13:03,634
Right? I mean, you might as well,
you know, get it over with.

162
00:13:03,718 --> 00:13:05,960
What? Like, here? At the dance?

163
00:13:06,054 --> 00:13:07,963
Well, there's always the library.

164
00:13:08,140 --> 00:13:10,809
-Yeah, the library.
-I'm kidding.

165
00:13:10,976 --> 00:13:13,812
-Yeah. I know.
-But seriously, after the dance,

166
00:13:13,896 --> 00:13:14,975
l don't know if you...

167
00:13:17,650 --> 00:13:20,486
-What are You doing?
-Looking for my money.

168
00:13:20,945 --> 00:13:23,152
-C-note thing?
-Yeah.

169
00:13:23,573 --> 00:13:25,531
-Lose your money?
-Shut up.

170
00:13:25,826 --> 00:13:26,941
Ooh.

171
00:13:30,957 --> 00:13:34,622
And we're back. What's up, dude?
Where's Heidi?

172
00:13:36,338 --> 00:13:37,666
l don't know.

173
00:13:38,548 --> 00:13:41,633
-She was here a second ago.
-Maybe She went to the bathroom.

174
00:13:41,802 --> 00:13:44,756
-Yeah, maybe.
-Dana's pissed at me.

175
00:13:45,181 --> 00:13:47,423
Dude, you gotta play along
with this whole pledge thing.

176
00:13:47,517 --> 00:13:49,059
Well, that's easy for you to say.

177
00:13:49,143 --> 00:13:50,851
You haven't exactly
broken the seal yet, either.

178
00:13:50,937 --> 00:13:53,393
Dude, I've been getting to third base
on a regular basis.

179
00:13:53,481 --> 00:13:55,688
I can't go back to jacking off now.

180
00:13:55,776 --> 00:13:59,821
Dude, just use your left hand.
It feels completely different.

181
00:14:01,198 --> 00:14:04,283
-I'm gonna go find Heidi.
-I'm gonna go find Dana.

182
00:14:29,521 --> 00:14:32,725
No! Dude,
you're gonna make me hurl.

183
00:14:40,742 --> 00:14:42,118
Heidi?

184
00:14:49,752 --> 00:14:51,994
No, no, no, no!

185
00:14:53,256 --> 00:14:54,419
Wait.

186
00:14:55,842 --> 00:14:57,218
Dude, yo.

187
00:15:13,595 --> 00:15:14,971
What are you doing?

188
00:15:15,848 --> 00:15:18,090
Rob? You said...

189
00:15:18,643 --> 00:15:19,674
Rob!

190
00:15:21,853 --> 00:15:23,597
Dude, nice cock block.

191
00:15:28,444 --> 00:15:29,820
I'm on fire.

192
00:15:30,613 --> 00:15:32,107
-I'm on fire.
-Oh, my God.

193
00:15:32,198 --> 00:15:35,983
There's a fire. There's a fire, and it's on me.

194
00:15:41,207 --> 00:15:42,488
Oh, my God.

195
00:15:43,335 --> 00:15:48,127
Rob! Rob! Put it out. Take off
your pants! Take off... Take your pants off!

196
00:15:48,424 --> 00:15:49,752
Oh, God!

197
00:15:49,883 --> 00:15:51,544
Come on!

198
00:15:54,179 --> 00:15:57,050
Oh, my God. Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

199
00:15:57,140 --> 00:15:59,632
Hurry, Rob, come on.

200
00:16:00,102 --> 00:16:01,846
Get it out! Get it out!

201
00:16:06,943 --> 00:16:08,022
Oh, God.

202
00:16:11,864 --> 00:16:13,857
What the hell is going on in here?

203
00:16:19,748 --> 00:16:23,283
Two months seems like an awfully long time
for Saturday detention.

204
00:16:23,544 --> 00:16:25,452
We're supposed to clean up the library.

205
00:16:26,296 --> 00:16:28,170
Do you guys know where the vacuum is?

206
00:16:28,256 --> 00:16:29,419
Nope.

207
00:16:31,593 --> 00:16:33,882
What were you doing in the library anyway?

208
00:16:35,014 --> 00:16:36,923
I wasn't doing anything.
Heidi was already in there.

209
00:16:37,016 --> 00:16:39,933
-I was just Looking for her.
-I heard She was blowing some dude.

210
00:16:40,018 --> 00:16:44,016
Cody! Well, I don't know
how you're gonna go on the school ski trip

211
00:16:44,106 --> 00:16:45,517
if you're still on detention.

212
00:16:45,608 --> 00:16:48,395
Mom, I don't see what that has to do with it.
I didn't do anything.

213
00:16:48,486 --> 00:16:50,028
I heard you were the fluffer.

214
00:16:50,864 --> 00:16:52,773
-Cody.
-Look. His lips are chapped.

215
00:16:54,034 --> 00:16:55,361
Well, we'll see.

216
00:16:56,369 --> 00:16:58,860
All right. I have to go get ready.

217
00:17:01,541 --> 00:17:03,451
Maybe it's in the garage.

218
00:17:07,006 --> 00:17:10,042
Rob? I wanna have a little chat with you.

219
00:17:10,343 --> 00:17:11,421
Do we have to?

220
00:17:11,510 --> 00:17:14,961
Honey, I know that you're growing older,

221
00:17:15,055 --> 00:17:18,721
and I don't know what your father
has told you about things,

222
00:17:18,809 --> 00:17:21,846
but I think it's important to discuss
everything, you know?

223
00:17:21,938 --> 00:17:23,729
Like about sex.

224
00:17:25,650 --> 00:17:28,223
-are You having sex?
-Mom, I don't wanna talk about this.

225
00:17:28,319 --> 00:17:33,028
No, well, it's just that I found
this sock in the laundry, and, well...

226
00:17:33,491 --> 00:17:35,899
Oh, God, Mom. Put that away.

227
00:17:38,455 --> 00:17:43,615
And, also,
somebody sent me a link to this video.

228
00:17:44,127 --> 00:17:46,084
<i>No, no, no, Frizzy! No</i>

229
00:17:46,171 --> 00:17:47,831
-Mom, just turn it off!
-l don't know how!

230
00:17:47,923 --> 00:17:49,548
Your brother made it my start-up screen.

231
00:17:49,633 --> 00:17:51,626
-Okay, I can... I Can fix that.
-You can? Great.

232
00:17:51,719 --> 00:17:52,750
-Yeah.
-Thanks.

233
00:17:52,845 --> 00:17:54,637
<i>-No, no, no, Frizzy! No!</i>
-Thank You for that.

234
00:17:54,722 --> 00:17:56,347
-Okay.
-And we're done. Right? Yeah.

235
00:17:56,432 --> 00:17:58,757
Well, honey, please.
There's no reason to be ashamed.

236
00:17:58,851 --> 00:18:00,511
Masturbation is perfectly natural.

237
00:18:00,603 --> 00:18:04,553
l mean, boys your age
are maybe into experimentation

238
00:18:04,649 --> 00:18:07,899
and trying new things with animals.

239
00:18:08,445 --> 00:18:12,063
l mean, Frizzy, she's been in our family for...
Since she was a puppy...

240
00:18:12,199 --> 00:18:14,191
Hey, I'm late.

241
00:18:24,962 --> 00:18:27,453
-You're tardy.
-Sorry.

242
00:18:28,549 --> 00:18:30,790
You can start by cleaning off
all the damaged books

243
00:18:30,884 --> 00:18:34,419
and separating the ruined ones.
l'll be checking on you.

244
00:18:37,183 --> 00:18:39,935
Heidi. Look, about last night...

245
00:18:40,603 --> 00:18:41,979
l don't wanna talk about it.

246
00:18:43,231 --> 00:18:45,721
-Well, I just wanted to tell you...
-Rob.

247
00:18:47,985 --> 00:18:49,859
I'm gonna go empty this bucket.

248
00:19:40,374 --> 00:19:42,580
Do you have any idea what I found here?

249
00:19:42,668 --> 00:19:45,159
-This is the bible.
-l thought That was an urban legend.

250
00:19:45,254 --> 00:19:47,626
No. This is real. This goes back decades.

251
00:19:47,714 --> 00:19:49,624
Okay. So what?

252
00:19:49,716 --> 00:19:52,290
This is exactly what we need
to finally get laid.

253
00:19:53,053 --> 00:19:55,545
How is this thing gonna help us get laid?
It's ruined.

254
00:19:55,723 --> 00:19:57,882
You can't even read most of it.

255
00:19:57,976 --> 00:20:00,893
This book has helped one lucky guy
each year at Great Falls.

256
00:20:01,104 --> 00:20:04,223
And this year, that lucky guy is us.

257
00:20:04,815 --> 00:20:08,399
Even with the damage, it still has
a ton of useful stuff. Check this out.

258
00:20:09,446 --> 00:20:12,945
''February 1st, 1977. The G-spot.''

259
00:20:15,494 --> 00:20:18,199
- l Can dig it.
- What else You got?

260
00:20:18,621 --> 00:20:22,240
''1991 . How to shave your pubes
to make your dick look bigger.''

261
00:20:22,751 --> 00:20:24,329
Dad showed me that one.

262
00:20:24,420 --> 00:20:28,548
'2003. I just had
the most amazing sexual experience.''

263
00:20:28,799 --> 00:20:32,714
Something I can't read.
''She used a breath mint.''

264
00:20:33,263 --> 00:20:35,800
A breath mint? For what?

265
00:20:36,265 --> 00:20:40,762
You moron. You stick it up your tailpipe and
the minty-ness makes your asshole twitch.

266
00:20:41,855 --> 00:20:43,432
Everyone knows that.

267
00:20:44,357 --> 00:20:46,564
Dude, I don't know. This sounds pretty weak.

268
00:20:46,651 --> 00:20:49,225
Plus, I mean, we can find most of this stuff
on the internet anyway.

269
00:20:49,321 --> 00:20:52,108
No, this is different.
This has personal experiences.

270
00:20:52,198 --> 00:20:54,606
Plus, it's custom-tailored to Great Falls girls.

271
00:20:54,701 --> 00:20:56,493
Since when does punani have a zip code?

272
00:20:56,578 --> 00:20:59,663
What have we got to lose? Nathan,
you've been working on Dana for, what?

273
00:20:59,748 --> 00:21:03,616
Like six months? Only to find out that
she loves the Lord more than sex?

274
00:21:05,504 --> 00:21:08,754
And, Lube, how have all your schemes
to get laid been working out so far?

275
00:21:08,841 --> 00:21:09,956
Minus $100.

276
00:21:10,050 --> 00:21:14,760
Exactly, and me, well, I've been wasting
all my time on some fantasy that someday

277
00:21:14,847 --> 00:21:18,014
Heidi's gonna fall madly in love with me.
Face it, guys, we need help.

278
00:21:18,143 --> 00:21:20,634
And this is it, staring us right in the face.

279
00:21:22,271 --> 00:21:23,516
-I'm in.
-All Right.

280
00:21:24,273 --> 00:21:25,472
I'm in.

281
00:21:25,650 --> 00:21:26,681
-Yeah.
-Yes.

282
00:21:28,111 --> 00:21:29,190
-Yeah!
-Yeah!

283
00:21:29,362 --> 00:21:31,071
Hey, easy. Guys, it's old.

284
00:21:31,657 --> 00:21:33,614
''May 1st, 1990.

285
00:21:35,327 --> 00:21:39,027
''The simplest way into a girl's pants
is still basic flattery.''

286
00:21:40,582 --> 00:21:43,038
That's it? Just flatter her?

287
00:21:43,335 --> 00:21:45,079
-That's it.
-Well, think about it.

288
00:21:45,171 --> 00:21:47,045
How many times do you actually do it?

289
00:21:47,381 --> 00:21:50,299
Walk up to a girl and say,
''Wow, you have beautiful eyes.''

290
00:21:50,385 --> 00:21:55,177
Like, never. It's telling us the only proven
way to get women is to be an asshole,

291
00:21:55,264 --> 00:21:58,515
'cause the guys that actually spew
that kind of crap get laid.

292
00:21:58,601 --> 00:22:01,092
Check it out. Twelve o'clock.

293
00:22:34,806 --> 00:22:38,674
-All right. Let's put this bible to a test.
-Yes.

294
00:22:39,019 --> 00:22:41,688
-You go talk to her.
-I'm not trying it out on Ashley.

295
00:22:41,771 --> 00:22:44,808
Why don't you go talk to her,
'cause you're the one who likes her?

296
00:22:46,151 --> 00:22:48,393
-I'm eating.
-Okay. I'll do it.

297
00:23:20,145 --> 00:23:22,185
Hey, Ashley.

298
00:23:22,272 --> 00:23:24,312
Hey, Rob. Shopping for your girlfriend?

299
00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:27,732
No... This is... It's for my mom.

300
00:23:29,696 --> 00:23:31,025
She's dating again.

301
00:23:44,795 --> 00:23:48,580
Well, you know, I...
Actually, I wanted to say,

302
00:23:49,342 --> 00:23:53,636
you know,
you have the most gorgeous teeth.

303
00:23:58,559 --> 00:24:01,893
Hey. Come with me.

304
00:24:06,318 --> 00:24:09,319
Jealous? He's making a move
on your lady friend.

305
00:24:09,613 --> 00:24:12,069
Unlike you, I don't mind sharing my women.

306
00:24:12,909 --> 00:24:15,066
And what are
you wankers up to today?

307
00:24:15,160 --> 00:24:17,070
- Cheerio.
- Hello, love.

308
00:24:17,162 --> 00:24:18,194
Word to your mumsie.

309
00:24:18,289 --> 00:24:20,495
Just waiting for some ladies
to join us, in fact.

310
00:24:20,583 --> 00:24:23,204
You nancy boys couldn't get laid
at a Jonas Brothers concert

311
00:24:23,294 --> 00:24:26,913
with a fistful of backstage passes. Cheerio.

312
00:24:29,467 --> 00:24:31,009
Was that a slam?

313
00:24:31,344 --> 00:24:32,921
You bet your bollocks.

314
00:24:33,137 --> 00:24:34,513
-Hold this.
-Yeah.

315
00:24:48,779 --> 00:24:50,356
How does this look?

316
00:24:52,700 --> 00:24:54,159
Great, l'll take it.

317
00:24:55,411 --> 00:24:56,442
Stand up.

318
00:25:00,374 --> 00:25:03,790
Wait, what... What's... Wait, hold... Hold on.

319
00:25:04,545 --> 00:25:05,576
Oh.

320
00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:19,888
Should I call you?

321
00:25:21,229 --> 00:25:24,065
Just walk out of the store
and meet me at the food court.

322
00:25:26,402 --> 00:25:27,564
Act natural.

323
00:25:55,474 --> 00:25:56,553
Can I help you?

324
00:25:56,642 --> 00:26:00,971
No. No. I'm... I'm just browsing.

325
00:26:03,523 --> 00:26:04,899
Okay, then.

326
00:26:05,317 --> 00:26:07,773
-Have a nice day.
-You, too.

327
00:26:14,118 --> 00:26:17,784
I'm sorry! I wasn't stealing.
It was a... It was a prank.

328
00:26:17,872 --> 00:26:20,873
I am so sorry.
I think we left the tags on your garments.

329
00:26:20,958 --> 00:26:24,790
Please come back to the register.
We'll figure this out. I'm so embarrassed.

330
00:26:35,557 --> 00:26:37,384
Oh, my God.

331
00:26:39,144 --> 00:26:41,351
Sorry, I... I got excited.

332
00:26:48,196 --> 00:26:49,855
That'll be 149.90.

333
00:26:51,073 --> 00:26:53,445
-How much?
- 149.90.

334
00:26:54,452 --> 00:26:55,994
But they're so small.

335
00:27:02,919 --> 00:27:06,833
-Madeleine?
-It's my mom. I'm... I have a note.

336
00:27:21,479 --> 00:27:23,519
-Thank you.
-Have a nice day.

337
00:27:24,233 --> 00:27:25,608
Come again.

338
00:27:34,285 --> 00:27:36,029
What took you so long? Did you get it?

339
00:27:36,121 --> 00:27:40,118
Sure did. I even stole you a bag so
you don't have to touch it till you get home.

340
00:27:40,208 --> 00:27:41,702
Great. Thanks.

341
00:27:42,335 --> 00:27:44,411
Hey. What's up, Ashley?

342
00:27:44,546 --> 00:27:46,455
What are you pillow biters doing here?

343
00:27:46,548 --> 00:27:47,627
Stifler.

344
00:27:47,883 --> 00:27:50,421
Don't eat that. You're gonna get fat.

345
00:27:50,511 --> 00:27:53,677
I'm super horny.
Wanna suck me off in the Sharper lmage?

346
00:27:53,888 --> 00:27:55,003
Okay.

347
00:28:10,239 --> 00:28:13,940
Dana.
Excuse me. I'm so sorry.

348
00:28:14,076 --> 00:28:16,781
Didn't mean to disrupt the...
This morning's mass.

349
00:28:16,871 --> 00:28:19,445
What are you doing here?

350
00:28:19,749 --> 00:28:21,742
I wanted to say I'm sorry.

351
00:28:22,127 --> 00:28:25,163
Did you really think that
this is the best time to discuss this?

352
00:28:26,256 --> 00:28:27,964
Well, you weren't answering any of my texts.

353
00:28:30,093 --> 00:28:32,086
- l'll be right back, okay?
- Okay.

354
00:28:32,179 --> 00:28:34,302
<i>PRIEST ON PA What is faith?</i>

355
00:28:34,473 --> 00:28:36,845
<i>When you flip the light switch</i>
<i>in your kitchen,</i>

356
00:28:36,934 --> 00:28:39,341
<i>you know that the light will turn on</i>

357
00:28:39,436 --> 00:28:44,893
<i>Some might call that faith, but I tell you,</i>
<i>that is not the real faith</i>

358
00:28:45,442 --> 00:28:49,108
Okay, so what is so important that
you needed to come and interrupt church?

359
00:28:49,197 --> 00:28:50,905
l don't really get why
you're so mad at me right now.

360
00:28:50,990 --> 00:28:55,118
Because you don't respect me.
This is all just a big joke to you.

361
00:28:55,286 --> 00:28:58,785
You know what? You're right,
because this is just another phase for you.

362
00:28:58,873 --> 00:29:00,415
Just like your little stint on yearbook.

363
00:29:00,500 --> 00:29:02,956
You stuck with that for, what,
two weeks before you got bored with it?

364
00:29:03,044 --> 00:29:05,500
Why is it so hard for you to believe
that I wanna

365
00:29:05,589 --> 00:29:06,964
<i>wait until marriage?</i>

366
00:29:07,049 --> 00:29:08,247
<i>NATHAN ON PA</i>
<i>Because you slept with Doug Wheeler</i>

367
00:29:08,342 --> 00:29:10,464
<i>and Scott Thompson on the same night</i>

368
00:29:10,552 --> 00:29:12,628
<i>DANA That doesn't count I was drunk</i>

369
00:29:12,721 --> 00:29:13,835
Is that Dana?

370
00:29:13,930 --> 00:29:15,804
As soon as you get bored
with this whole pledge thing,

371
00:29:16,850 --> 00:29:18,642
<i>you're just gonna jump right back</i>
<i>in the saddle again</i>

372
00:29:18,811 --> 00:29:20,934
<i>And when you get to college,</i>
<i>don't even tell me</i>

373
00:29:21,022 --> 00:29:23,857
<i>that you won't be experimenting</i>
<i>with the standard lesbian hookups,</i>

374
00:29:23,941 --> 00:29:26,229
having three-ways, trying anal.

375
00:29:27,444 --> 00:29:28,476
-Yeah.
-Yeah.

376
00:29:28,571 --> 00:29:29,602
That's what I'm talking...

377
00:29:29,697 --> 00:29:30,942
<i>Fine Just relax</i>

378
00:29:31,115 --> 00:29:32,146
-Do something!
<i>-PRIEST Faith is</i>

379
00:29:32,241 --> 00:29:33,652
-She's your daughter.
-Go!

380
00:29:33,743 --> 00:29:35,368
<i>PRIEST Faith is the rock-solid</i>

381
00:29:35,453 --> 00:29:38,371
<i>DANA You don't think I'm committed to this?</i>
<i>My parents waited until marriage</i>

382
00:29:38,457 --> 00:29:41,623
<i>NATHAN My dad</i>
<i>went to high school with your mom</i>

383
00:29:41,709 --> 00:29:43,204
<i>He said she blew the whole football team</i>

384
00:29:43,294 --> 00:29:44,670
and had to have her stomach pumped.

385
00:29:46,089 --> 00:29:47,583
<i>DANA Don't be gross, okay?</i>

386
00:29:47,883 --> 00:29:49,377
<i>Plus, your dad was a Beta</i>

387
00:29:49,468 --> 00:29:51,176
Those guys are notorious poon slayers.

388
00:29:52,012 --> 00:29:54,171
<i>Fuck it! This is bullshit!</i>

389
00:29:56,517 --> 00:29:58,426
You know you want this.

390
00:29:59,228 --> 00:30:00,556
Did we miss communion?

391
00:30:02,815 --> 00:30:03,728
<i>COMMENTATOR 1 ON PA</i>
<i>Been a rough go for the</i>

392
00:30:03,816 --> 00:30:05,061
<i>East Great Falls Blazers in this game</i>

393
00:30:05,151 --> 00:30:06,526
Go, Blazers!

394
00:30:06,611 --> 00:30:09,945
<i>which is surprising, since this is</i>
<i>the last home game of the season</i>

395
00:30:10,031 --> 00:30:12,024
<i>You'd think they'd really</i>
<i>pump up the power there</i>

396
00:30:12,117 --> 00:30:13,859
Look at him! Watch that guy! Watch that guy!

397
00:30:13,951 --> 00:30:18,163
<i>Even though it's close to a tie,</i>
<i>we were hoping for better defence from the</i>

398
00:30:18,248 --> 00:30:21,035
Oh, my gosh, wait.
So, what did your dad say?

399
00:30:21,126 --> 00:30:23,451
He said if he ever sees Nathan
within 100 feet of me,

400
00:30:23,545 --> 00:30:25,621
he's gonna castrate him
with a rusty Garden Weasel.

401
00:30:25,714 --> 00:30:29,414
Oh, no. So what?
Is it over between you guys or what?

402
00:30:29,509 --> 00:30:30,707
l don't know.

403
00:30:30,802 --> 00:30:34,385
Well, if you ever want to try a menage,
you're welcome to join Richard and me.

404
00:30:35,849 --> 00:30:37,095
-No.
-No.

405
00:30:37,435 --> 00:30:39,724
<i>COMMENTATOR 1 Please don't say</i>
<i>''young boy'' around Coach Daly</i>

406
00:30:39,812 --> 00:30:41,271
<i>COMMENTATOR 2 ON PA</i>
<i>Yeah, out here he's</i>

407
00:30:41,356 --> 00:30:42,731
-What about You, missy?
-What?

408
00:30:42,815 --> 00:30:44,273
How's your sex life?

409
00:30:44,358 --> 00:30:46,980
You guys, I'm gonna go through with it.
I am. I am.

410
00:30:47,069 --> 00:30:50,273
You're so boring.
I would've thought you'd be fielding offers

411
00:30:50,365 --> 00:30:52,404
after your striptease in the library.

412
00:30:53,368 --> 00:30:55,942
Yeah, I'm...
I'm still just waiting for the right time.

413
00:30:58,957 --> 00:31:04,711
Blue and white,
let's go, fight, win. Let's go, fight, win.

414
00:31:04,921 --> 00:31:10,047
Blue and white, let's go, fight, win. Blazers!

415
00:31:10,135 --> 00:31:13,256
Fight, win.
Blue and white, let's go, fight, win.

416
00:31:41,627 --> 00:31:44,498
l think that is quite enough pictures
of the cheerleaders.

417
00:31:44,588 --> 00:31:46,995
How about we get some of the game?

418
00:32:06,110 --> 00:32:07,604
As you were.

419
00:32:12,576 --> 00:32:13,904
Douche bag.

420
00:32:14,328 --> 00:32:15,988
Blue and white...

421
00:32:16,079 --> 00:32:17,455
<i>COMMENTATOR 1</i>
<i>Shearson's bringing the ball up court</i>

422
00:32:17,539 --> 00:32:19,946
<i>He passes it off to Scott Stifler</i>

423
00:32:27,549 --> 00:32:30,337
<i>Central takes a charge from Shearson</i>

424
00:32:30,428 --> 00:32:33,512
<i>Time out, Blazers</i>
<i>What are we gonna do now, Bill?</i>

425
00:32:33,889 --> 00:32:34,920
<i>COMMENTATOR 2</i>
<i>Ten seconds in the game</i>

426
00:32:35,015 --> 00:32:36,640
<i>I think these guys</i>
<i>really need to get their act</i>

427
00:32:36,725 --> 00:32:40,426
Get your head in the game, doggy style.
You can finish your wet dream later.

428
00:32:40,521 --> 00:32:42,313
-I'm sorry.
<i>-This is it for this game</i>

429
00:32:42,398 --> 00:32:44,391
Hey, Scott? Can I talk to you for a sec?

430
00:32:44,484 --> 00:32:47,154
-Are you nuts? I'm in the middle of a game.
<i>-Last home game of the season</i>

431
00:32:48,405 --> 00:32:49,567
<i>Really gotta get their act together</i>

432
00:32:51,157 --> 00:32:55,321
<i>Tie game, 89 all, 39 seconds left</i>
<i>Let's see what's gonna happen here</i>

433
00:32:55,412 --> 00:32:56,740
<i>-Central's got the ball</i>
-CHEERLEADERS: Go, Blazers!

434
00:32:56,830 --> 00:32:59,582
<i>They have the advantage</i>

435
00:33:00,376 --> 00:33:01,656
<i>Looks like Double screen!</i>

436
00:33:01,752 --> 00:33:04,955
<i>Shearson gets the ball</i>
<i>He passes it to Scott Stifler It's good! It's in!</i>

437
00:33:06,173 --> 00:33:09,838
<i>The game's over</i>
<i>91-89 for East Great Falls Blazers</i>

438
00:33:09,927 --> 00:33:13,711
<i>This is incredible, folks!</i>
<i>This means we're going on to the playoffs!</i>

439
00:33:13,806 --> 00:33:15,929
<i>Unbelievable! It's exciting</i>

440
00:33:16,601 --> 00:33:20,219
<i>What a chain of events</i>
<i>that has occurred here today!</i>

441
00:33:26,194 --> 00:33:28,400
Honey, I need to talk to you.

442
00:33:29,197 --> 00:33:30,573
Yeah, sure.

443
00:33:31,742 --> 00:33:33,533
Is... Is that a Bible?

444
00:33:33,702 --> 00:33:35,161
What? No. No, it's...

445
00:33:35,245 --> 00:33:38,281
Well, honey, it's okay to read the Bible.
l mean, gosh, you act like

446
00:33:38,373 --> 00:33:39,404
l caught you reading pornography.

447
00:33:41,668 --> 00:33:43,163
What did you wanna talk about?

448
00:33:43,253 --> 00:33:46,041
Well, I just got
my credit card statement and...

449
00:33:46,132 --> 00:33:49,583
And here on your card
there's a charge here for a lingerie store.

450
00:33:50,428 --> 00:33:53,097
Yeah, I'm...
I'm gonna pay you back for that, Mom.

451
00:33:54,974 --> 00:33:56,598
Is there a girl you're seeing?

452
00:33:56,684 --> 00:33:59,887
No. Mom, it's complicated.

453
00:34:01,105 --> 00:34:03,775
-Did You buy something for yourself?
-No!

454
00:34:03,859 --> 00:34:05,602
Because it's a very normal area
of exploration.

455
00:34:05,694 --> 00:34:09,109
My book says that most fetishes are not
homosexual in nature,

456
00:34:09,197 --> 00:34:11,024
and, well, you know, boys, they tend to...

457
00:34:11,116 --> 00:34:14,734
Yes, Mom, that's it. You figured it out.
I love wearing women's underwear.

458
00:34:14,828 --> 00:34:17,450
Thongs, G-strings,
a little teddy now and then.

459
00:34:17,539 --> 00:34:20,078
It's so soft and silky smooth.
The frillier the better.

460
00:34:20,167 --> 00:34:21,199
Sexy.

461
00:34:21,293 --> 00:34:23,499
Oh, God! Come on.

462
00:34:23,587 --> 00:34:24,618
Gotcha.

463
00:34:29,301 --> 00:34:31,259
So it was for a girl.

464
00:34:32,638 --> 00:34:33,967
Yeah, Mom.

465
00:34:34,557 --> 00:34:35,720
Great.

466
00:34:50,282 --> 00:34:53,283
So, you know that thing
you told me before the dance?

467
00:34:53,369 --> 00:34:54,447
Yeah.

468
00:34:54,536 --> 00:34:56,991
Right, well,
I was thinking about that conversation.

469
00:34:57,080 --> 00:34:58,824
So, what about it?

470
00:34:59,041 --> 00:35:03,086
I was just thinking, you know,
maybe you should wait.

471
00:35:04,046 --> 00:35:07,831
I know. You know, I've thought about it, too,

472
00:35:07,925 --> 00:35:10,498
but I still feel like
I'm making this whole thing

473
00:35:10,594 --> 00:35:14,758
into, like, this huge deal. I mean,
it's consuming my every thought.

474
00:35:18,353 --> 00:35:20,180
I don't know, Rob.

475
00:35:20,271 --> 00:35:23,688
I still feel like it's best
if I just get it over with.

476
00:35:24,067 --> 00:35:26,771
Yeah. I can see that.

477
00:35:30,490 --> 00:35:32,649
<i>You figured it out</i>
<i>I love wearing women's underwear</i>

478
00:35:32,743 --> 00:35:35,068
<i>Thongs, G-strings,</i>
<i>a little teddy now and then</i>

479
00:35:35,162 --> 00:35:37,914
<i>It's so soft and silky smooth</i>
<i>The frillier the better</i>

480
00:35:37,998 --> 00:35:40,205
What is up with this crap, butt nugget?

481
00:35:40,293 --> 00:35:44,206
That was taken completely out of context.
All right? I was being facetious.

482
00:35:45,631 --> 00:35:47,209
That means he wasn't being serious.

483
00:35:48,634 --> 00:35:51,339
l know what facetious means, dick face.

484
00:35:51,763 --> 00:35:54,088
Are you trying to repel
all the pussy in school?

485
00:35:54,182 --> 00:35:55,724
-No...
-Tick tock, Doggy boy.

486
00:35:55,809 --> 00:35:57,219
You cock is on the clock.

487
00:35:58,269 --> 00:36:01,555
Excuse me. Take notes.

488
00:36:05,026 --> 00:36:07,862
-Hey, lmogen.
-Stifler.

489
00:36:08,614 --> 00:36:10,820
The word for the day is ''legs.''

490
00:36:11,742 --> 00:36:12,773
So?

491
00:36:12,867 --> 00:36:16,403
So, why don't we go back to my place
and spread the word?

492
00:36:17,331 --> 00:36:19,904
Well, how about you save your breath?

493
00:36:20,167 --> 00:36:22,456
You're gonna need it
to inflate your date later.

494
00:36:26,925 --> 00:36:29,593
Gentlemen, it is time we got laid.

495
00:36:29,718 --> 00:36:32,126
Really? And what is it
we've been trying to do all this time?

496
00:36:32,221 --> 00:36:37,263
No, no. We need to get laid.
Right here. September 9th, 1995.

497
00:36:38,395 --> 00:36:40,767
Can you give us the executive summary?

498
00:36:40,856 --> 00:36:44,805
No, not that. This.

499
00:36:46,820 --> 00:36:49,774
We are going on a road trip.

500
00:37:08,676 --> 00:37:10,503
How long do you intend
on staying in Canada?

501
00:37:11,471 --> 00:37:13,345
Just a couple of hours.

502
00:37:14,474 --> 00:37:15,968
What's the nature of your visit?

503
00:37:16,058 --> 00:37:19,642
We've driven many miles
in search of vertical smiles.

504
00:37:22,023 --> 00:37:23,933
We use kilometres here.

505
00:37:25,569 --> 00:37:31,441
Then we've driven many clicks
to wet our dicks?

506
00:37:32,159 --> 00:37:33,357
- Yes!
- Yeah!

507
00:37:33,452 --> 00:37:35,195
-That works, right?
-Bye-bye.

508
00:37:37,915 --> 00:37:39,326
Fucking Americans.

509
00:37:42,670 --> 00:37:45,126
You know, the exchange rate on the dollar
is really gonna help us out.

510
00:37:45,215 --> 00:37:46,246
Yeah.

511
00:37:46,341 --> 00:37:48,000
Okay, up ahead, turn right.

512
00:37:48,092 --> 00:37:49,372
-You sure?
-Yes. turn Right.

513
00:38:07,738 --> 00:38:10,193
Okay, boys. Let's do this.

514
00:38:10,282 --> 00:38:11,824
Are you sure this is a good idea?

515
00:38:11,909 --> 00:38:13,866
Come on, you pussy. Let's get laid.

516
00:38:17,206 --> 00:38:19,245
The bible says to ask for Monique.

517
00:38:29,552 --> 00:38:31,960
Hi. Are you Monique?

518
00:38:32,055 --> 00:38:36,218
No, <i>moi,</i> no, no, no.
<i>Mais,</i> Monique, she is inside.

519
00:38:36,684 --> 00:38:38,143
Come. Come, boys.

520
00:38:45,235 --> 00:38:49,067
Boys, <i>entrez chez nous</i>

521
00:38:49,156 --> 00:38:53,984
<i>C'est magnifique,</i> no? I will get Monique.

522
00:38:54,244 --> 00:38:58,492
She will be so happy to see you.

523
00:38:58,583 --> 00:39:01,500
ln the meantime, make yourselves at home.

524
00:39:05,005 --> 00:39:07,923
Jesus, tits. We came to the right place.

525
00:39:08,551 --> 00:39:10,129
Is that a moose?

526
00:39:10,595 --> 00:39:11,793
Condom?

527
00:39:12,430 --> 00:39:14,756
Hi, thank you.

528
00:39:16,143 --> 00:39:17,471
Gentlemen.

529
00:39:20,939 --> 00:39:22,101
Thank you.

530
00:39:22,315 --> 00:39:23,644
Very much.

531
00:39:23,942 --> 00:39:25,318
Thank you.

532
00:39:28,113 --> 00:39:29,608
Can't wait to see Monique.

533
00:39:45,173 --> 00:39:47,545
We're here to see Monique.

534
00:39:50,345 --> 00:39:53,796
I am Monique.

535
00:39:55,433 --> 00:39:58,388
Well, that's... That's okay.

536
00:39:59,146 --> 00:40:05,149
Come, come. I make you a nice drink.

537
00:40:26,174 --> 00:40:29,175
Could you just give us just one minute?

538
00:40:32,504 --> 00:40:36,797
-This could be very educational for All of us.
-Really?

539
00:40:44,928 --> 00:40:47,594
-He's up.
-No, No. why am I first?

540
00:40:47,678 --> 00:40:49,006
Lt was your idea.

541
00:40:49,096 --> 00:40:52,214
Don't... Don't insult Monique.
She has an entire chapter in the bible.

542
00:40:52,306 --> 00:40:53,883
Come on, you're going to have a nice time.

543
00:40:53,973 --> 00:40:56,842
You two crazy kids have fun.

544
00:41:18,359 --> 00:41:20,316
And welcome.

545
00:41:23,988 --> 00:41:27,272
So... So, how does this work?
Am I supposed to pay you?

546
00:41:27,364 --> 00:41:29,190
No, no, no. Not yet.

547
00:41:36,868 --> 00:41:38,361
l see.

548
00:42:33,813 --> 00:42:36,846
You've got one active imagination, boy.

549
00:42:40,941 --> 00:42:42,399
How long was I out?

550
00:42:42,899 --> 00:42:44,558
Only about eight seconds that time.

551
00:43:02,868 --> 00:43:06,650
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No. No. No, no, no.

552
00:43:06,745 --> 00:43:09,233
Yes. Yes.

553
00:43:15,040 --> 00:43:19,250
Monique! That's really nice.

554
00:43:32,548 --> 00:43:33,876
That's it.

555
00:43:40,427 --> 00:43:43,925
I'm so sorry. I usually last a lot longer.

556
00:43:45,971 --> 00:43:47,002
Hey.

557
00:43:47,597 --> 00:43:51,094
Hey, was I supposed to
tap you on the shoulder or something?

558
00:43:53,308 --> 00:43:54,931
Oh, no. No.

559
00:43:56,434 --> 00:44:00,216
Help! Help! Help, help, help!

560
00:44:01,062 --> 00:44:03,432
- Go, go, go! Go!
- I'm coming!

561
00:44:05,314 --> 00:44:06,476
-Jesus. dude.
-Oh, God!

562
00:44:06,565 --> 00:44:07,844
What, do you need an audience?

563
00:44:07,940 --> 00:44:09,683
No, no. Wait, guys. I think she's dead!

564
00:44:10,273 --> 00:44:11,353
Excuse me?

565
00:44:11,441 --> 00:44:13,232
Oh, my God. This is not good.

566
00:44:13,317 --> 00:44:15,937
I can't get her off.
I think she had a heart attack.

567
00:44:16,027 --> 00:44:18,102
Help! She's got lockjaw. Get her off of me!

568
00:44:18,195 --> 00:44:20,436
-Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
-It's lockjaw.

569
00:44:20,530 --> 00:44:23,529
Lockjaw! Lockjaw, lockjaw, lockjaw,
lockjaw, lockjaw!

570
00:44:23,614 --> 00:44:25,274
-Okay.
-Get her off!

571
00:44:29,283 --> 00:44:30,563
I'm sorry!

572
00:44:32,702 --> 00:44:36,744
Phone. Phone. Wait. Clear!

573
00:44:38,663 --> 00:44:40,322
Shit. What am I doing?

574
00:44:40,414 --> 00:44:42,072
Clear, clear!

575
00:44:45,415 --> 00:44:49,957
Okay. Come down here.
Grab her legs. One, two, three.

576
00:44:52,086 --> 00:44:55,086
Forget it. It's totally screwed up. Oh, God.

577
00:44:58,422 --> 00:45:00,212
What you do to <i>maman?</i>

578
00:45:08,969 --> 00:45:12,715
<i>Maman!</i> You killed <i>maman!</i>
You killed <i>maman!</i>

579
00:45:29,478 --> 00:45:34,932
Fucking Americans! Come back here.
I'll kill you! I'll kill you, you cowards!

580
00:45:37,441 --> 00:45:38,815
I killed her.

581
00:45:38,900 --> 00:45:40,690
I killed her with my sperm!

582
00:45:40,776 --> 00:45:43,858
Hey, man, when it's your time to go,
it's your time to go. She led a full life.

583
00:45:43,943 --> 00:45:44,974
How do you know that?

584
00:45:45,068 --> 00:45:47,309
Man, what do you want me to say?
You're the one that murdered her!

585
00:45:47,403 --> 00:45:50,984
I can't believe that was the woman
the bible said we should have sex with.

586
00:45:51,072 --> 00:45:54,605
Right here. ''September 9th, 1995.''

587
00:45:55,449 --> 00:45:56,824
Let me see that.

588
00:45:57,826 --> 00:46:03,825
No. No, that's a seven!
That's 1975. It's from the '70s.

589
00:46:04,286 --> 00:46:06,492
- I thought It was a nine.
- Shut up! Shut up!

590
00:46:06,579 --> 00:46:11,155
-I didn't do anything!
-Shut up!Just Shut up!l wanna go home.

591
00:46:11,248 --> 00:46:12,446
I don't wanna be here.

592
00:46:13,708 --> 00:46:15,829
Oh, my God! I just hit a squirrel.

593
00:46:18,918 --> 00:46:20,709
Well, that went well.

594
00:46:21,045 --> 00:46:23,368
Guys, I think it's time
we try my interpretation.

595
00:46:23,462 --> 00:46:26,581
Look, Nathan, you've been trying to
convince Dana to sleep with you,

596
00:46:26,672 --> 00:46:28,829
instead of just listening to her.
Right, you know?

597
00:46:28,923 --> 00:46:31,957
Trying to see things from her point of view?
Showing just...

598
00:46:32,049 --> 00:46:34,041
Just a little respect.

599
00:46:34,133 --> 00:46:37,050
And you, you're still trying
to trick women into sleeping with you,

600
00:46:37,218 --> 00:46:39,175
instead of just being honest.

601
00:46:39,678 --> 00:46:43,010
And you're still too much of a pussy
to tell Heidi you're into her.

602
00:46:52,268 --> 00:46:54,390
You going to Stifler's house tonight?

603
00:46:54,477 --> 00:46:56,848
Yeah. l'll probably go with Dana.

604
00:46:56,978 --> 00:47:00,511
So any luck losing that thing you were
trying to get rid of?

605
00:47:00,605 --> 00:47:03,011
-Rob.
-I'm just asking.

606
00:47:03,106 --> 00:47:05,227
Maybe you should mind your own business.

607
00:47:09,234 --> 00:47:10,857
What's with you today?

608
00:47:20,739 --> 00:47:24,651
l wanna tell you something that
I've been wanting to say for a long time.

609
00:47:24,741 --> 00:47:25,820
Okay.

610
00:47:31,037 --> 00:47:32,696
l really like you.

611
00:47:33,328 --> 00:47:35,366
l really like you, too.

612
00:47:36,080 --> 00:47:41,202
No, not like that. I really like you.

613
00:47:43,459 --> 00:47:44,489
Oh.

614
00:47:46,752 --> 00:47:48,032
-Rob...
-l think you're great.

615
00:47:48,420 --> 00:47:53,162
You have a great personality.
l laugh at all your jokes. You're pretty.

616
00:47:53,254 --> 00:47:57,961
Oh, God, you're pretty. You even smell great.

617
00:47:59,674 --> 00:48:02,839
I don't know. I'm just...
I'm happy when I'm around you.

618
00:48:02,926 --> 00:48:04,751
Now, I don't know if you feel the same way,
but if you do...

619
00:48:04,843 --> 00:48:06,834
Let's not waste any more time. Right?
Let's just

620
00:48:07,928 --> 00:48:10,299
see where our feelings take us.

621
00:48:14,140 --> 00:48:15,799
l feel the same way.

622
00:48:16,974 --> 00:48:19,049
-You do?
-Yes.

623
00:48:19,142 --> 00:48:22,343
This is great.
Why didn't you say something?

624
00:48:22,434 --> 00:48:23,928
Why didn't you?

625
00:48:27,395 --> 00:48:33,063
It's about that time, so I gotta go.
But I'll see you tonight?

626
00:48:33,900 --> 00:48:34,978
Yes.

627
00:48:54,742 --> 00:48:55,820
-Dana: Dad?
-Mmm-hmm?

628
00:48:56,576 --> 00:48:58,034
There she is.

629
00:49:05,872 --> 00:49:08,658
They saw me!
Get down! Get down!

630
00:49:12,334 --> 00:49:14,373
-Oh, my God. Oh, my gosh.
-Drive. Drive.

631
00:49:14,460 --> 00:49:16,251
It's cool. It's cool.

632
00:49:17,378 --> 00:49:20,413
Nathan, look, I've been thinking.

633
00:49:21,588 --> 00:49:23,294
Maybe I've been too hard on you.

634
00:49:24,131 --> 00:49:25,410
You have?

635
00:49:25,673 --> 00:49:29,503
You obviously love my daughter,
and you two should be together.

636
00:49:30,509 --> 00:49:33,046
-we should?
-Absolutely.

637
00:49:33,594 --> 00:49:37,376
Honey, it is not right
to give a man blue balls.

638
00:49:37,471 --> 00:49:42,379
If you want boys to like you, you gotta
put out. Here, start with Nathan's friend.

639
00:49:54,395 --> 00:49:55,770
This is so not cool.

640
00:49:55,854 --> 00:49:58,426
I mean, fantasising about
your best friend's girlfriend?

641
00:49:59,773 --> 00:50:01,681
Oh, my God!

642
00:50:02,941 --> 00:50:04,933
-Dad! Stop! Stop.
-Fucknut!

643
00:50:31,038 --> 00:50:32,946
All right, girls.

644
00:50:33,288 --> 00:50:35,197
-Party looks good.
-Yeah.

645
00:50:35,289 --> 00:50:36,452
Uh-huh.

646
00:50:36,915 --> 00:50:39,536
All right, listen to me. Stay focused.

647
00:50:39,626 --> 00:50:42,956
Be honest, show respect
and just say whatever's on your mind.

648
00:50:43,043 --> 00:50:44,073
Stop, jerk.

649
00:50:44,168 --> 00:50:45,248
I can't even get near Dana.

650
00:50:45,336 --> 00:50:46,746
She'll be here. She's coming with Heidi.

651
00:50:46,837 --> 00:50:49,373
Just try and think of things
from her point of view.

652
00:50:49,463 --> 00:50:52,167
Yeah, and I might as well just crack
the Da Vinci Code while I'm at it.

653
00:50:52,257 --> 00:50:54,294
Just get her some frankincense and myrrh.

654
00:50:54,382 --> 00:50:55,413
That's a great idea.

655
00:50:55,508 --> 00:50:57,794
I'll just pick up some roofies for you
while I'm out.

656
00:50:57,883 --> 00:51:01,132
You need a prescription for that,
from what I hear.

657
00:51:01,218 --> 00:51:03,126
Lube, pay attention. This applies to you, too.

658
00:51:03,219 --> 00:51:07,167
All right.
Let's try to go in there and just be real.

659
00:51:08,139 --> 00:51:09,798
All right, Oprah.

660
00:51:35,604 --> 00:51:38,330
Hey. Isn't that that chick from Central?

661
00:51:40,058 --> 00:51:41,183
Yeah.

662
00:51:41,573 --> 00:51:43,043
Hey, Stifler.

663
00:51:43,506 --> 00:51:45,013
Oh, hey, there...

664
00:51:45,524 --> 00:51:46,732
Katie.

665
00:51:46,953 --> 00:51:50,565
Katie, right. I knew that.
Just having some fun with you.

666
00:51:50,905 --> 00:51:54,635
Can I talk to you for a second,
like, in private?

667
00:51:55,319 --> 00:51:56,442
Yeah, sure, you know what?

668
00:51:56,538 --> 00:51:59,562
Let me just grab another beer
and l'll be right back with you.

669
00:51:59,649 --> 00:52:01,490
Don't you flake on me.

670
00:52:03,770 --> 00:52:06,709
Dude, you been working out?
Didn't think so.

671
00:52:06,838 --> 00:52:10,281
You two, stay amazing. My God.

672
00:52:13,731 --> 00:52:15,369
Hey, what's up, beautiful?

673
00:52:15,455 --> 00:52:17,379
You know, I got so drunk last weekend

674
00:52:17,473 --> 00:52:20,916
that I nailed my cock to a table,
then set it on fire.

675
00:52:21,341 --> 00:52:22,847
Wanna check it out?

676
00:52:22,939 --> 00:52:24,828
The table or your cock?

677
00:52:25,125 --> 00:52:27,048
God, I love that accent.

678
00:52:27,142 --> 00:52:28,983
Could you do me a favour and just say,

679
00:52:29,076 --> 00:52:32,937
''Spank me, Stifler.
Spank me wee little bum.''

680
00:52:34,246 --> 00:52:36,889
How did you know I like to be spanked?

681
00:52:37,778 --> 00:52:40,037
Awesome!

682
00:52:41,183 --> 00:52:45,045
So where's this boyfriend Richard you keep
talking about non-stop all the time?

683
00:52:45,135 --> 00:52:47,692
He doesn't attend high-school parties.

684
00:52:47,783 --> 00:52:52,361
Sounds like you might be in the market
for some home-grown American beef.

685
00:52:52,449 --> 00:52:54,086
Sorry, I'm vegan.

686
00:52:55,182 --> 00:52:56,390
Cheers.

687
00:52:59,594 --> 00:53:01,483
What if I use a cucumber?

688
00:53:04,159 --> 00:53:07,023
All right, boys. Tonight's the night.
Wish me luck.

689
00:53:07,108 --> 00:53:08,319
Good luck, buddy.

690
00:53:08,416 --> 00:53:10,896
Good luck, dude.
Tonight, you become a man.

691
00:53:10,986 --> 00:53:13,216
That's it. Tonight, I'm getting laid!

692
00:53:13,515 --> 00:53:15,576
-Yeah, buddy! Yes!
-Yeah, buddy.

693
00:53:15,665 --> 00:53:17,090
-Yes!
-right here.

694
00:53:17,181 --> 00:53:19,159
Just give it to her nice and slow at first.

695
00:53:19,247 --> 00:53:20,972
Then speed her up.

696
00:53:21,311 --> 00:53:22,437
Dana!

697
00:53:23,502 --> 00:53:24,843
Dana!

698
00:53:29,645 --> 00:53:30,286
Yeah!

699
00:53:36,440 --> 00:53:39,317
-I can't find Heidi anywhere.
-Maybe she didn't come.

700
00:53:39,407 --> 00:53:41,535
No, no. Her car is outside.

701
00:53:42,627 --> 00:53:43,793
How you making out?

702
00:53:43,883 --> 00:53:45,381
Check it out.

703
00:53:47,061 --> 00:53:50,653
Don't you think maybe Ashley's
just a little bit out of your league?

704
00:53:50,740 --> 00:53:54,998
I don't know. I'm just saying, you know,
you've been at it for years.

705
00:53:55,172 --> 00:53:57,467
Maybe it's just not in the cards for you.

706
00:53:57,556 --> 00:53:59,018
I'm a man of refinement.

707
00:53:59,103 --> 00:54:02,363
Why settle for a six
when you can get a perfect 10?

708
00:54:05,376 --> 00:54:08,589
Okay, whatever you say, man. Good luck.

709
00:54:08,805 --> 00:54:11,218
Right. I'm gonna do it.

710
00:54:12,776 --> 00:54:14,740
Hey, what's up, Ashley?

711
00:54:15,244 --> 00:54:16,576
Hey, Lube.

712
00:54:16,666 --> 00:54:17,950
You want a beer?

713
00:54:18,046 --> 00:54:19,424
Got a beer.

714
00:54:19,592 --> 00:54:20,759
Right.

715
00:54:22,187 --> 00:54:23,304
So...

716
00:54:26,284 --> 00:54:29,993
You obviously know that I'm,
like, totally into you. Right?

717
00:54:30,256 --> 00:54:31,838
Yeah. I've seen the shrine.

718
00:54:34,272 --> 00:54:35,899
All right.

719
00:54:36,864 --> 00:54:40,574
Okay, so I'm just gonna be honest with you.
I'm just gonna lay it out on the line.

720
00:54:40,670 --> 00:54:43,166
No tricks, no hidden agenda at all.

721
00:54:44,600 --> 00:54:47,727
I happen to be a sensitive and expert lover.

722
00:54:52,545 --> 00:54:56,255
I can guarantee that I will satisfy you
in every way possible,

723
00:54:56,350 --> 00:54:58,562
and I shall not stop until I'm certain

724
00:54:58,649 --> 00:55:01,943
that you are completely happy
with my endeavours.

725
00:55:06,261 --> 00:55:07,378
Okay.

726
00:55:15,668 --> 00:55:20,925
Look, that was a really interesting speech,

727
00:55:21,022 --> 00:55:25,161
and I don't really wanna embarrass you
in front of everyone, but...

728
00:55:25,956 --> 00:55:27,870
But it's not gonna happen.

729
00:55:27,963 --> 00:55:31,472
I mean, I think that you're,
like, really super cool,

730
00:55:31,558 --> 00:55:33,356
and you're really funny in class
and everything,

731
00:55:33,440 --> 00:55:36,200
but I don't wanna have sex with you.

732
00:55:37,079 --> 00:55:38,162
Okay?

733
00:55:38,627 --> 00:55:40,506
Yeah, yeah. Sure. Okay.

734
00:55:41,887 --> 00:55:44,350
-so are we cool?
-Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

735
00:55:44,690 --> 00:55:45,890
All right.

736
00:55:45,986 --> 00:55:47,567
Well, I'm gonna go get another beer.
Do you want one?

737
00:55:47,659 --> 00:55:50,335
No, no. I'm... I'm good. I'm good.

738
00:55:55,186 --> 00:55:56,982
-Hey.
-Hey.

739
00:55:57,235 --> 00:56:00,243
What you said just now?

740
00:56:00,538 --> 00:56:01,655
Yeah?

741
00:56:01,793 --> 00:56:03,339
Was that true?

742
00:56:03,926 --> 00:56:09,444
Guaranteed satisfaction and you won't stop
until a girl is completely satisfied?

743
00:56:10,616 --> 00:56:11,697
Yeah.

744
00:56:13,376 --> 00:56:16,052
All right. Well, what the hell.

745
00:56:16,764 --> 00:56:19,974
Meet me upstairs
in the first bedroom to the left.

746
00:56:33,197 --> 00:56:36,075
The truth is, yes,
I was trying to pressure you,

747
00:56:36,166 --> 00:56:38,925
because I really, really wanna have sex.

748
00:56:39,052 --> 00:56:43,107
But I really wanna have sex with you.

749
00:56:44,069 --> 00:56:47,946
And, also, I mean, with us,
hooking up has always been about me.

750
00:56:50,091 --> 00:56:54,431
I wanna forget myself for once
and try to make you feel good for a change.

751
00:56:54,524 --> 00:56:59,446
Like, maybe try and make you feel
the way that you make me feel.

752
00:57:08,037 --> 00:57:09,069
Oh!

753
00:57:21,550 --> 00:57:22,582
Oh.

754
00:57:23,720 --> 00:57:26,341
You shouldn't... You shouldn't...
It's my phone.

755
00:57:26,430 --> 00:57:27,890
Don't read my phone.

756
00:57:27,973 --> 00:57:32,434
What's this supposed to mean?
''Give her a dose of manthrax''?

757
00:57:32,644 --> 00:57:33,675
Well, I don't... What does that...

758
00:57:33,770 --> 00:57:35,598
l don't know what that...
Do you know what that means?

759
00:57:35,689 --> 00:57:37,599
'I'm getting laid''?

760
00:57:38,776 --> 00:57:41,102
You're advertising this
before it even happens?

761
00:57:41,196 --> 00:57:42,275
-No.
-Wow.

762
00:57:42,363 --> 00:57:44,736
You must be some special kind of asshole.

763
00:57:44,824 --> 00:57:47,112
No. No, no, no! No. I didn't... lt was...

764
00:57:48,327 --> 00:57:49,785
Later, loser.

765
00:57:54,750 --> 00:57:58,877
Faster. Okay. Now, slower. Yes, yes.

766
00:57:59,213 --> 00:58:01,965
Slower. Tickle the bunny. Yes, yes.

767
00:58:02,050 --> 00:58:04,587
Oh, God, the man in the boat is out.

768
00:58:04,676 --> 00:58:07,001
Paddle, paddle, do the alphabet. Swirl.

769
00:58:07,095 --> 00:58:10,714
Back to the bunny. That's it.
Okay. Now, more to the left.

770
00:58:11,140 --> 00:58:12,801
More to the left!

771
00:58:13,059 --> 00:58:14,768
-my left or your left?
-My left, my left, my left!

772
00:58:14,853 --> 00:58:15,885
All right.

773
00:58:17,647 --> 00:58:19,640
Hey, have you seen Heidi?

774
00:58:20,399 --> 00:58:21,596
Thanks.

775
00:58:23,195 --> 00:58:24,476
Hey, Rob.

776
00:58:26,282 --> 00:58:27,479
Heidi?

777
00:58:28,534 --> 00:58:31,950
Hey, doggy style.
l told you, you snooze, you lose.

778
00:58:32,037 --> 00:58:35,489
So unless you want mop-up duty,
close the door, pervert.

779
00:58:46,176 --> 00:58:47,339
Hey, where are you going?

780
00:58:47,427 --> 00:58:49,632
This was a horrible idea.

781
00:58:56,936 --> 00:58:58,810
Rob? Excuse me.

782
00:59:00,065 --> 00:59:03,812
Excuse me. Rob. Rob.

783
00:59:04,735 --> 00:59:06,479
-go away.
-l didn't. l...

784
00:59:06,571 --> 00:59:09,143
l don't wanna see your face right now.

785
00:59:10,033 --> 00:59:11,146
Rob.

786
00:59:24,256 --> 00:59:26,248
Whoa, whoa.

787
00:59:26,423 --> 00:59:27,502
What are you doing?

788
00:59:27,592 --> 00:59:31,670
What happened to forgetting about yourself
and making me feel good?

789
00:59:32,471 --> 00:59:34,179
But I thought I just...

790
00:59:34,265 --> 00:59:35,759
What? You thought that what, Nathan?

791
00:59:35,850 --> 00:59:39,182
That you could just pretend that you cared
about my feelings and my pledge

792
00:59:39,269 --> 00:59:42,186
and then just go
and try again when my guard was down?

793
00:59:42,272 --> 00:59:44,562
No. You don't get it. l...

794
00:59:44,650 --> 00:59:47,686
No. No, you're the one
that's not gonna get it.

795
00:59:58,371 --> 01:00:01,077
Dude, you need to slow down.

796
01:00:01,168 --> 01:00:03,455
Yeah, seriously. Let's just go home.

797
01:00:03,543 --> 01:00:07,042
You, sir...
You, sir, were right about the bible.

798
01:00:07,839 --> 01:00:10,625
Because assholes get laid!

799
01:00:11,885 --> 01:00:12,916
Yes.

800
01:00:15,429 --> 01:00:18,385
No. No, no, dude. You were right.

801
01:00:18,726 --> 01:00:20,883
-There's something to it.
-What are You talking about?

802
01:00:20,977 --> 01:00:24,594
We tried the nice guy thing
and I believe we're all still virgins.

803
01:00:24,689 --> 01:00:28,057
Well, the nice guy vibe got me
past the bouncer, man.

804
01:00:28,776 --> 01:00:29,891
Hey.

805
01:00:33,907 --> 01:00:40,358
Well, gentlemen, you failed,
and the proof, as they say, is in the Jell-o.

806
01:00:41,373 --> 01:00:43,863
So I will see you later, nice guys.

807
01:00:47,628 --> 01:00:49,502
-Hey.
-Hey.

808
01:00:49,798 --> 01:00:51,376
I know you want me.

809
01:00:51,465 --> 01:00:54,750
I'm gonna let you take me upstairs
and do me right now.

810
01:00:55,218 --> 01:00:56,761
-Really?
-Yeah.

811
01:00:57,470 --> 01:00:58,716
Kiss me.

812
01:01:03,059 --> 01:01:05,100
Y'all ready for some pain?

813
01:01:09,566 --> 01:01:11,523
Hey, ladies.

814
01:01:20,660 --> 01:01:22,072
GlRL: Oh, my God.

815
01:01:22,664 --> 01:01:24,240
Oh, my God!

816
01:01:24,749 --> 01:01:26,575
Look at those taters!

817
01:01:35,468 --> 01:01:37,176
Do me from behind.

818
01:01:37,511 --> 01:01:38,625
What?

819
01:01:40,263 --> 01:01:42,755
I thought you liked it doggy style.

820
01:01:47,313 --> 01:01:48,591
Huh?

821
01:01:49,272 --> 01:01:51,810
What are you doing back there? Let's go.

822
01:01:53,152 --> 01:01:56,153
You're not putting your dick in that,
are you?

823
01:01:58,490 --> 01:02:01,063
Are you kidding me? Gross.

824
01:02:22,972 --> 01:02:24,716
Here. This'll help.

825
01:02:25,014 --> 01:02:26,213
Thanks.

826
01:02:27,143 --> 01:02:30,558
Honey, I know that I can't stop you
from doing certain things,

827
01:02:30,646 --> 01:02:33,812
but I can insist that you are safe.

828
01:02:34,273 --> 01:02:35,983
Did you drink and drive?

829
01:02:36,068 --> 01:02:38,559
No. John Costello drove me home.

830
01:02:39,196 --> 01:02:44,356
Well, I want you to know that if
you find yourself in any carnal situation,

831
01:02:44,450 --> 01:02:46,990
that you... You will use protection.

832
01:02:47,412 --> 01:02:49,488
What do you mean by carnal?

833
01:02:52,167 --> 01:02:53,199
This.

834
01:02:58,299 --> 01:03:00,089
<i>GIRL Are you kidding me? Gross</i>

835
01:03:00,175 --> 01:03:02,250
Is there no such thing as privacy any more?

836
01:03:02,343 --> 01:03:06,092
l will tell your father that
you're just not up to seeing him today.

837
01:03:06,181 --> 01:03:08,090
You're not feeling well.

838
01:03:08,934 --> 01:03:10,180
Thanks.

839
01:03:13,897 --> 01:03:15,356
How was she?

840
01:03:16,900 --> 01:03:18,892
-How was who?
-Vomit girl.

841
01:03:19,277 --> 01:03:20,356
How do you know about that?

842
01:03:20,446 --> 01:03:23,779
Who do you think is forwarding
all those videos to Mom?

843
01:03:28,661 --> 01:03:30,454
I'm ready to give up.

844
01:03:30,830 --> 01:03:32,158
I thought I had the answers.

845
01:03:32,247 --> 01:03:35,948
It's too bad that 99% of the bible's
completely unreadable.

846
01:03:37,879 --> 01:03:39,207
That's it.

847
01:03:39,924 --> 01:03:42,045
We need to reconstruct the bible.

848
01:03:42,132 --> 01:03:43,213
Why?

849
01:03:43,301 --> 01:03:44,712
The secrets are in there.

850
01:03:44,803 --> 01:03:47,719
I mean, there's no one single answer
to getting laid.

851
01:03:47,804 --> 01:03:49,762
Right? We need the whole book
to understand.

852
01:03:49,848 --> 01:03:51,925
Probably has a lot of crap in there
that we need to know, too,

853
01:03:52,017 --> 01:03:55,019
like positions, techniques,
angle of insertion.

854
01:03:55,104 --> 01:03:59,315
Exactly. That's what the bible was
created for, to help guys like us.

855
01:03:59,484 --> 01:04:02,603
And we owe it to the others.
I ruined the bible.

856
01:04:02,944 --> 01:04:05,482
I owe it to future generations
to restore its wisdom.

857
01:04:05,572 --> 01:04:08,324
Dude, I'm all for it, but how?

858
01:04:14,332 --> 01:04:15,992
Where do we start?

859
01:04:18,043 --> 01:04:19,750
From the beginning.

860
01:04:20,212 --> 01:04:22,003
This must be the guy
who created the bible.

861
01:04:27,178 --> 01:04:28,375
Hello?

862
01:04:28,470 --> 01:04:31,257
<i>Hi May I speak</i>
<i>to Noah Levenstein, please?</i>

863
01:04:31,348 --> 01:04:32,380
Speaking.

864
01:04:32,475 --> 01:04:34,798
Are you the one who created the bible?

865
01:04:36,143 --> 01:04:38,551
No, that would be God.

866
01:04:38,730 --> 01:04:40,557
<i>No, no, no Hold on</i>

867
01:04:40,857 --> 01:04:44,191
I'm referring to the bible.

868
01:04:45,111 --> 01:04:46,854
<i>I'm calling from</i>
<i>East Great Falls High School</i>

869
01:04:50,074 --> 01:04:54,119
Lt was the summer
of my junior year, 1969,

870
01:04:54,203 --> 01:04:56,955
and my buddies and I,
we take this trip to Amsterdam,

871
01:04:57,040 --> 01:05:00,954
where we run into a group
of semi-attractive Dutch nymphos

872
01:05:01,044 --> 01:05:05,254
who were willing to trade their bodies
for a handful of Jimi Hendrix LPs.

873
01:05:05,340 --> 01:05:09,836
Well, needless to say, we had ourselves
one super weekend with those gals,

874
01:05:10,053 --> 01:05:12,756
sexually speaking, if you get my drift.

875
01:05:13,556 --> 01:05:16,426
But the sad news was,
we had no idea what we were doing.

876
01:05:16,517 --> 01:05:18,261
We had no technique.

877
01:05:18,645 --> 01:05:21,396
And then one day, we were out sight-seeing,

878
01:05:21,480 --> 01:05:24,434
and we run into this Dutch hooker
in the red-light district,

879
01:05:24,525 --> 01:05:26,932
and she tells us about this book.

880
01:05:28,113 --> 01:05:33,154
It was a sex manual, evidently written
in the 19th century by some priest.

881
01:05:33,243 --> 01:05:35,614
Well, we read that thing cover to cover,

882
01:05:35,702 --> 01:05:38,158
and then when we got back
to East Great Falls,

883
01:05:38,246 --> 01:05:40,997
I had the bright idea to write my own book

884
01:05:41,082 --> 01:05:45,129
and add my own observations
and experiences and advice

885
01:05:45,212 --> 01:05:49,127
and leave it in the library for some
other hapless virgin in the class below us.

886
01:05:49,217 --> 01:05:53,295
But I had no idea it had been
passed down for 40 years.

887
01:05:53,512 --> 01:05:56,134
Your book is a legend, Mr Levenstein.

888
01:05:58,642 --> 01:06:00,136
Do you have it here?

889
01:06:00,226 --> 01:06:01,307
Yeah.

890
01:06:01,395 --> 01:06:03,055
May I see it?

891
01:06:06,902 --> 01:06:08,063
Oh.

892
01:06:08,444 --> 01:06:09,641
Oh, my.

893
01:06:11,196 --> 01:06:12,274
Boys.

894
01:06:13,948 --> 01:06:16,737
This is a real piece of history here.

895
01:06:17,453 --> 01:06:19,244
What happened to it?

896
01:06:19,412 --> 01:06:21,156
Well, that's why we're here.

897
01:06:21,248 --> 01:06:22,493
The bible kinda got ruined,

898
01:06:22,583 --> 01:06:26,532
so we wanna call everyone on the list
and try to reconstruct it.

899
01:06:27,672 --> 01:06:28,915
Oh.

900
01:06:30,005 --> 01:06:33,919
Well, I think you boys might need
some help.

901
01:06:35,929 --> 01:06:39,843
Well, girls have the advantage,
because girls talk to each other,

902
01:06:39,932 --> 01:06:42,637
and don't kid yourself,
they talk about the penis.

903
01:06:42,727 --> 01:06:46,142
Penis size, penis shape,
the angle of the bend.

904
01:06:46,481 --> 01:06:48,189
Whether it winks at you. They talk.

905
01:06:48,274 --> 01:06:52,189
Now, to really make love to a woman,
you gotta really care about her.

906
01:06:52,278 --> 01:06:56,227
But... Hey, sex is great, but sex with
someone you love? That's awesome.

907
01:06:56,322 --> 01:06:58,066
Dude, that is so profound.

908
01:06:58,159 --> 01:06:59,322
Telling you.

909
01:06:59,410 --> 01:07:01,283
Yeah, definitely gets lonely on the road.

910
01:07:01,371 --> 01:07:03,908
Sure, I made love to all kinds
of different food groups.

911
01:07:03,999 --> 01:07:06,205
Did you ever try making love
to a peanut-butter sandwich?

912
01:07:06,292 --> 01:07:07,573
Nothing comes close.

913
01:07:07,668 --> 01:07:08,747
What?

914
01:07:08,836 --> 01:07:13,083
Well, maybe a deboned ham hock,
but that takes a whole lot of prep.

915
01:07:13,674 --> 01:07:14,753
Bend your knees.

916
01:07:14,842 --> 01:07:17,628
Next time you spank it, sit lndian-style.

917
01:07:17,845 --> 01:07:19,588
You won't come, not in a million years.

918
01:07:19,680 --> 01:07:22,385
Our sex organs
are like musical instruments.

919
01:07:22,474 --> 01:07:24,384
Sure, you can have any technician
blow on your horn,

920
01:07:24,477 --> 01:07:27,559
but to place your instrument into
the hands of a true expert?

921
01:07:27,645 --> 01:07:30,351
That, my young friend, is true harmony.

922
01:07:30,441 --> 01:07:32,398
Guys don't talk to each other

923
01:07:32,484 --> 01:07:34,394
because they view each other
as competitors,

924
01:07:34,486 --> 01:07:36,195
which I think is crazy. You know?

925
01:07:36,279 --> 01:07:39,731
Because men need to help each other
and work together to get laid.

926
01:07:40,159 --> 01:07:42,114
<i>Noah Levenstein, class of '70</i>

927
01:07:42,202 --> 01:07:44,907
<i>- Pete Sambrelli?</i>
<i>- That's right, the Noah Levenstein</i>

928
01:07:44,996 --> 01:07:46,027
<i>Do you have a number for him?</i>

929
01:07:46,123 --> 01:07:48,578
<i>Hi This is regarding his advice</i>
<i>on the lubricants</i>

930
01:07:48,666 --> 01:07:51,871
We found the tongue tornado in Regina.

931
01:07:53,254 --> 01:07:55,462
You said bros befo' hos.

932
01:07:55,549 --> 01:07:59,546
Isn't that what you said? Bros befo' hos.
And then you screwed my girlfriend.

933
01:07:59,636 --> 01:08:02,672
Well, so did the entire glee club, Carlito.
What's your point?

934
01:08:05,521 --> 01:08:08,865
It's all about chemistry,
and confidence is the key.

935
01:08:13,135 --> 01:08:15,810
<i>R-E-S-P-E-C-T,</i>
<i>you've heard that song, right?</i>

936
01:08:15,894 --> 01:08:17,642
Boys, we got another confirmation.

937
01:08:17,735 --> 01:08:19,316
You gotta treat your lady right.

938
01:08:19,408 --> 01:08:24,248
You've got to be gentle, kind
and respectful to the one you love.

939
01:08:24,678 --> 01:08:27,011
-Who are You talking to?
-Shut the Fuck up.

940
01:08:27,103 --> 01:08:28,936
This is how you get her really excited.

941
01:08:29,027 --> 01:08:32,405
Stick your finger in her ass. Trust me.

942
01:08:32,623 --> 01:08:34,752
Was that two fingers or one?

943
01:08:35,551 --> 01:08:37,349
I'm sorry.
Confidential matter.

944
01:08:38,899 --> 01:08:40,563
Phone, phone. Okay.

945
01:08:41,157 --> 01:08:42,190
Then what happened?

946
01:08:42,286 --> 01:08:45,377
Hello. Yeah. Class of '77.

947
01:08:45,464 --> 01:08:47,011
Yeah, hold on. Let me get a pen.

948
01:08:47,094 --> 01:08:48,212
Pete O'Donnell, please.

949
01:08:48,976 --> 01:08:50,392
Who is this?

950
01:08:51,277 --> 01:08:54,452
Mr O'Donnell, this is Marshall Lubetski.

951
01:08:54,540 --> 01:08:57,383
l just wanted to talk to you about
what you wrote in the bible.

952
01:08:57,467 --> 01:09:01,476
You know, about having anal sex
with Miss Johnson.

953
01:09:13,695 --> 01:09:16,538
...very much! Mark S.!

954
01:09:27,372 --> 01:09:29,751
This is not a sex manual.

955
01:09:31,094 --> 01:09:33,639
lt is a life manual.

956
01:09:35,276 --> 01:09:37,856
Now, I've been married for 35 years

957
01:09:37,952 --> 01:09:41,498
and not just because
I'm this handsome dude

958
01:09:41,592 --> 01:09:43,971
who knows how to satisfy a woman.

959
01:09:44,144 --> 01:09:48,233
I've been married 35 years
because I love my wife

960
01:09:48,324 --> 01:09:51,250
and I respect my wife.

961
01:09:51,588 --> 01:09:54,264
And whether it's Amsterdam
or East Great Falls,

962
01:09:54,348 --> 01:09:56,061
it all comes down to this.

963
01:09:56,148 --> 01:10:00,026
If you're honest and treat a girl with respect,

964
01:10:00,980 --> 01:10:06,683
then whatever happens is meant to happen,
because it's all perfectly natural.

965
01:10:11,778 --> 01:10:14,863
Boys, I've prepared you for this quest.

966
01:10:15,240 --> 01:10:18,737
And before you lies
the biggest test of your lives.

967
01:10:27,497 --> 01:10:29,785
This book is a powerful weapon,

968
01:10:32,167 --> 01:10:33,957
so use it for good,

969
01:10:35,627 --> 01:10:36,871
not evil.

970
01:11:26,450 --> 01:11:27,529
Yes.

971
01:11:34,332 --> 01:11:35,957
You still looking for the vacuum?

972
01:11:36,041 --> 01:11:39,125
No. I found it in Cody's room. So strange.

973
01:11:39,210 --> 01:11:42,245
I mean, I just don't remember
leaving it there.

974
01:11:42,337 --> 01:11:44,163
Losing my mind, clearly.

975
01:11:44,254 --> 01:11:46,793
Hey, Mom, can I go on the ski trip?

976
01:11:48,675 --> 01:11:49,754
Yes.

977
01:11:50,343 --> 01:11:54,587
But no drinking,
and if you do drink, no driving.

978
01:11:54,677 --> 01:11:58,211
Don't worry. If I do anything wrong,
I'm sure it'll end up on YouTube, so...

979
01:11:58,306 --> 01:12:00,299
Call you when I get there.

980
01:12:19,987 --> 01:12:21,362
Drinking round!

981
01:12:29,993 --> 01:12:32,448
-Deal me in.
-What are You doing here?

982
01:12:32,536 --> 01:12:33,567
Katie.

983
01:12:33,662 --> 01:12:35,987
l know. But what are you doing here?

984
01:12:36,080 --> 01:12:38,571
-l wanna play.
-Right.

985
01:12:38,666 --> 01:12:40,906
Just deal her in, Stifler. What's the big deal?

986
01:12:41,000 --> 01:12:42,659
Yeah, deal her in.

987
01:12:49,046 --> 01:12:50,422
Hi, Nathan.

988
01:12:53,258 --> 01:12:54,918
Thanks for the flowers.

989
01:12:55,010 --> 01:12:58,459
I'm sorry about being a jerk.
And, for the record, I've learned my lesson.

990
01:12:58,553 --> 01:13:01,506
I'm ready to respect you
and support you on your pledge.

991
01:13:01,597 --> 01:13:05,048
Really? But why?

992
01:13:06,392 --> 01:13:09,723
I'm in this for you.
I'm not in it just to have sex.

993
01:13:10,227 --> 01:13:13,096
Well, I realised that I'm in this for you,

994
01:13:13,186 --> 01:13:17,016
and if the pledge gets in the way of that,
then how good can it really be?

995
01:13:17,106 --> 01:13:21,813
Sounds like a good basis for the two of us
to just relax and see what happens.

996
01:13:22,193 --> 01:13:24,767
Look. I bought a book.

997
01:13:25,612 --> 01:13:27,603
I was thinking that we could

998
01:13:27,697 --> 01:13:31,111
start on page one
and then see how far we get this weekend.

999
01:13:31,949 --> 01:13:34,107
The first three chapters are foreplay.

1000
01:13:34,200 --> 01:13:35,279
Wow.

1001
01:13:35,993 --> 01:13:39,242
You know, I've actually been
reading a book, as well.

1002
01:13:39,330 --> 01:13:42,364
Have you ever heard of the tongue tornado?

1003
01:13:42,956 --> 01:13:44,497
Okay, let's go.

1004
01:13:48,960 --> 01:13:51,119
This is supposed to be fun.

1005
01:13:51,503 --> 01:13:53,044
This isn't fun.

1006
01:13:53,212 --> 01:13:56,378
Just you wait. You possess wisdom now.

1007
01:13:57,133 --> 01:13:58,792
Trust in the book.

1008
01:14:03,385 --> 01:14:07,430
I mean, what does that mean, anyway?
Do you think I'm too clingy?

1009
01:14:07,639 --> 01:14:09,881
No. No, of course not.

1010
01:14:10,225 --> 01:14:11,848
Do you even know how to play poker?

1011
01:14:11,935 --> 01:14:12,965
I know the game.

1012
01:14:13,060 --> 01:14:16,806
And I tell you what,
if I lose, l'll take off all my clothes.

1013
01:14:19,395 --> 01:14:20,889
- Snap.
- Nice.

1014
01:14:20,981 --> 01:14:22,475
And if I lose?

1015
01:14:22,857 --> 01:14:24,648
You apologise to me.

1016
01:14:25,861 --> 01:14:27,933
- for What? blowing You off?
- Yes.

1017
01:14:28,027 --> 01:14:30,813
If it's not enough, it was my first time.

1018
01:14:31,029 --> 01:14:32,060
I deserve better.

1019
01:14:34,407 --> 01:14:37,940
But if I win,
not only do you apologise to me,

1020
01:14:38,035 --> 01:14:40,239
you gotta run through the snow naked.

1021
01:14:42,286 --> 01:14:45,156
-Yeah.
-It's a deal.

1022
01:14:53,168 --> 01:14:55,326
Start stripping, sweetheart.

1023
01:14:55,630 --> 01:14:57,289
It's not over yet.

1024
01:14:59,966 --> 01:15:01,458
Feeling lucky?

1025
01:15:03,467 --> 01:15:06,502
You better hope for a five on the river, baby.

1026
01:15:14,515 --> 01:15:16,839
She got the five! Unbelievable.

1027
01:15:18,352 --> 01:15:19,679
Oh, my God.

1028
01:15:21,353 --> 01:15:23,013
-Strip.
-Hold on a second.

1029
01:15:23,105 --> 01:15:24,599
-Strip.
-Strip.

1030
01:15:24,688 --> 01:15:27,643
Strip! Strip! Strip! Strip!

1031
01:15:27,731 --> 01:15:32,806
Strip! Strip! Strip! Strip!

1032
01:15:32,902 --> 01:15:35,983
You want me to strip?
You want some of this?

1033
01:15:36,696 --> 01:15:39,649
It's time to get it going, baby!

1034
01:15:41,449 --> 01:15:44,450
All right, let's go! Here we go, baby.

1035
01:15:46,079 --> 01:15:48,197
Wait, let's talk this over.

1036
01:15:50,497 --> 01:15:53,450
Shit. It's freezing out here.

1037
01:15:53,624 --> 01:15:55,165
Now apologise.

1038
01:15:55,458 --> 01:15:57,249
-I'm sorry.
-for What?

1039
01:15:57,627 --> 01:16:00,118
I'm sorry for not calling you afterwards.

1040
01:16:00,214 --> 01:16:01,457
And what else?

1041
01:16:01,546 --> 01:16:03,951
I'm sorry for being a dick, okay?

1042
01:16:04,339 --> 01:16:06,460
Now, open the stinking door.

1043
01:16:06,966 --> 01:16:07,996
Oh!

1044
01:16:17,555 --> 01:16:19,098
Open the door!

1045
01:16:19,182 --> 01:16:23,677
Now, tell everyone how you cry
like a little girl after you cum.

1046
01:16:23,768 --> 01:16:26,342
I cry like a girl after I cum, okay?

1047
01:16:27,063 --> 01:16:29,518
It's a very intense experience for me.

1048
01:16:35,360 --> 01:16:36,437
Call 91 1 .

1049
01:17:48,035 --> 01:17:49,779
Hey, l'll meet you at the lodge later.

1050
01:17:49,871 --> 01:17:51,150
Yeah, yeah, sure. Go.

1051
01:17:52,790 --> 01:17:54,697
Heidi. Wait up.

1052
01:18:02,927 --> 01:18:05,381
Do you mind if I ride up with you?

1053
01:18:05,802 --> 01:18:06,881
Okay.

1054
01:18:35,918 --> 01:18:38,207
Hey. What's up?

1055
01:18:39,297 --> 01:18:42,214
We... We're in the same gondola.

1056
01:18:43,092 --> 01:18:44,551
Yeah, look at that.

1057
01:18:56,147 --> 01:18:57,426
Oh, God.

1058
01:19:14,416 --> 01:19:15,794
I didn't sleep with Stifler.

1059
01:19:15,876 --> 01:19:17,584
Yeah. I heard.

1060
01:19:18,754 --> 01:19:20,878
-But You still hate me?
-No.

1061
01:19:22,466 --> 01:19:24,459
No. Why would you say that?

1062
01:19:24,551 --> 01:19:27,637
You haven't said a word to me
since that night.

1063
01:19:28,307 --> 01:19:30,298
I know. I'm sorry.

1064
01:19:31,185 --> 01:19:34,969
I guess I just...
I needed time to work through my feelings.

1065
01:19:40,151 --> 01:19:43,187
And? What did you decide?

1066
01:19:46,493 --> 01:19:50,192
Gibbs says that Stifler has to sit on
a foam rubber doughnut for six weeks.

1067
01:19:50,287 --> 01:19:54,073
And he says they're talking about
amputating his feet from frostbite.

1068
01:19:54,166 --> 01:19:57,332
Gibbs is a liar.
Stifler doesn't need amputation.

1069
01:19:57,419 --> 01:19:59,993
That's too bad. I got an A in Shop.

1070
01:20:05,803 --> 01:20:07,676
Oh, my. Was that a snort?

1071
01:20:22,695 --> 01:20:23,942
Come to gloat?

1072
01:20:24,031 --> 01:20:26,153
No. Just looking for a fag.

1073
01:20:26,325 --> 01:20:30,025
Just 'cause I took a moose pickle up my ass
doesn't mean I'm gay.

1074
01:20:30,121 --> 01:20:32,954
Very funny. How's your bum?

1075
01:20:33,039 --> 01:20:37,168
Feels like I gave birth to a mayonnaise jar,
but thanks for asking.

1076
01:20:37,919 --> 01:20:41,040
Hey, I heard about your boyfriend.
That really sucks.

1077
01:20:41,131 --> 01:20:44,335
Yeah. I thought only high school boys
were jerks.

1078
01:20:44,425 --> 01:20:46,135
lt turns out they never outgrow it.

1079
01:20:46,219 --> 01:20:49,920
lmogen, no offence,
and you're the most mature girl I know,

1080
01:20:50,599 --> 01:20:54,515
but a 24-year-old dude isn't gonna take
a high-school girl seriously.

1081
01:20:54,606 --> 01:20:56,014
I suppose not.

1082
01:20:57,107 --> 01:20:58,849
You wanna sit down?

1083
01:20:59,525 --> 01:21:00,771
What for?

1084
01:21:00,943 --> 01:21:03,897
I just thought we could both use
a friend right now.

1085
01:21:16,585 --> 01:21:17,617
Stifler.

1086
01:21:17,711 --> 01:21:19,254
My bad. Reflex.

1087
01:21:22,383 --> 01:21:23,759
I'm sorry.

1088
01:21:24,177 --> 01:21:25,457
You have to make your own decisions.

1089
01:21:25,553 --> 01:21:29,502
You know, I just...
I thought we had something.

1090
01:21:29,598 --> 01:21:30,843
We did.

1091
01:21:32,518 --> 01:21:33,717
We do.

1092
01:21:35,105 --> 01:21:36,563
I was scared.

1093
01:21:37,275 --> 01:21:38,519
Of what?

1094
01:21:42,446 --> 01:21:44,070
I really like you.

1095
01:21:45,573 --> 01:21:47,899
And I want it to be special.

1096
01:21:49,326 --> 01:21:52,495
I guess I just wanted to be ready.

1097
01:21:54,500 --> 01:21:58,912
So you almost had sex with Stifler
so you'd be ready for me.

1098
01:22:00,339 --> 01:22:01,418
Yeah.

1099
01:22:02,341 --> 01:22:05,177
That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

1100
01:22:06,262 --> 01:22:08,836
Well, I heard you got some practise.

1101
01:22:09,516 --> 01:22:12,432
You know, the truth is,
is nothing happened.

1102
01:22:14,395 --> 01:22:17,182
l didn't want it to be random like that.

1103
01:22:17,398 --> 01:22:18,598
And...

1104
01:22:21,361 --> 01:22:25,406
I couldn't picture my first time
being with anybody else but you.

1105
01:22:45,887 --> 01:22:47,381
What was that?

1106
01:22:48,139 --> 01:22:49,764
I don't know.

1107
01:22:53,102 --> 01:22:55,060
-Looks like we're stuck.
-Yeah.

1108
01:23:00,985 --> 01:23:04,319
You know, we could be up here for a while.

1109
01:23:04,404 --> 01:23:05,485
Yeah.

1110
01:23:31,601 --> 01:23:33,392
Hey, can I ask you a question?

1111
01:23:33,478 --> 01:23:35,185
Yeah, sure. Whatever.

1112
01:23:35,270 --> 01:23:37,809
Why do you hook up with assholes
like Scott Stifler anyway?

1113
01:23:37,898 --> 01:23:40,188
Excuse me, but you don't know me.

1114
01:23:40,276 --> 01:23:43,443
You know,
you're just the same as all the rest.

1115
01:23:43,529 --> 01:23:44,691
I'm just some sort of trophy to you.

1116
01:23:44,781 --> 01:23:47,238
You don't care about me.
You just wanna sleep with me,

1117
01:23:47,325 --> 01:23:50,160
because you think
it's some sort of status symbol.

1118
01:23:50,244 --> 01:23:51,407
Sorry.

1119
01:23:53,833 --> 01:23:54,864
God.

1120
01:23:56,460 --> 01:23:58,831
How long are we gonna be up here?

1121
01:24:00,672 --> 01:24:02,168
l'll get help.

1122
01:24:03,802 --> 01:24:05,212
What are you doing?

1123
01:24:05,303 --> 01:24:08,054
It's not that far down,
and there's, like, 20 feet of snow.

1124
01:24:08,138 --> 01:24:10,131
What, is this supposed to impress me?

1125
01:24:10,226 --> 01:24:12,263
The thought had crossed my mind.

1126
01:24:12,353 --> 01:24:14,426
Absolutely not. First of all, it's just wrong.

1127
01:24:14,521 --> 01:24:16,809
Second of all,
you're not even supposed to touch the door.

1128
01:24:16,898 --> 01:24:21,144
And third, it's just really dangerous, okay?
So just get away from there.

1129
01:24:21,235 --> 01:24:23,690
Right. What was I thinking?

1130
01:24:27,616 --> 01:24:28,697
Whoa!

1131
01:24:32,205 --> 01:24:33,581
Are you okay?

1132
01:24:33,664 --> 01:24:35,161
I think I hurt my leg.

1133
01:24:36,710 --> 01:24:37,824
Idiot.

1134
01:24:53,186 --> 01:24:54,679
Are you okay?

1135
01:24:55,604 --> 01:24:57,147
Are you crazy?

1136
01:24:58,315 --> 01:24:59,776
Are you okay?

1137
01:25:00,402 --> 01:25:03,606
Yeah, I'm fine. No, I'm fine. I'm fine.

1138
01:25:03,697 --> 01:25:07,231
About what you said
about how I don't care about you

1139
01:25:07,325 --> 01:25:10,078
and you're just a trophy,
that's actually not true.

1140
01:25:10,161 --> 01:25:14,705
l really like you.
We went to elementary school together.

1141
01:25:15,001 --> 01:25:18,168
I remember when you sang <i>Hey Ya!</i>
in the sixth-grade talent show.

1142
01:25:18,253 --> 01:25:22,383
I remember when you fell off the pyramid
at the homecoming game, freshman year.

1143
01:25:22,466 --> 01:25:25,337
You were so embarrassed, but I didn't care.

1144
01:25:25,510 --> 01:25:29,211
I just liked how you played it off
like it was all part of the routine.

1145
01:25:29,306 --> 01:25:35,892
I mean, yeah, sure, you're a super-hot babe,
but I actually like you for you.

1146
01:25:38,067 --> 01:25:40,770
Look, this may be a shock to you,

1147
01:25:40,860 --> 01:25:45,108
but I have no idea what I'm doing with girls.

1148
01:25:46,659 --> 01:25:49,992
But I really wanna learn.
You just give me a chance.

1149
01:25:50,914 --> 01:25:52,786
That's all I'm asking.

1150
01:25:53,498 --> 01:25:57,496
And I guarantee that
l will make it my life's mission

1151
01:25:57,586 --> 01:26:00,921
to satisfy you in every way possible.

1152
01:26:37,546 --> 01:26:40,165
-Let's go back to the...
-to the cabin.

1153
01:27:37,523 --> 01:27:40,228
Dude. You forgot to sign it.

1154
01:27:47,783 --> 01:27:50,358
You sure we can't just keep it
for one more year?

1155
01:27:50,454 --> 01:27:52,446
No, guys, it's someone else's turn.

1156
01:28:36,085 --> 01:28:38,457
<i>ROB ON COMPUTER</i>
<i>This is my little brother, Cody,</i>

1157
01:28:38,794 --> 01:28:42,579
<i>and this is what he does</i>
<i>with the vacuum every day</i>

1158
01:28:43,551 --> 01:28:45,507
No! Hey! No!

1159
01:28:46,012 --> 01:28:49,095
<i>CODY Help! It's stuck! I can't get it off!</i>

1160
01:28:50,725 --> 01:28:53,216
<i>Help! Help! It's stuck</i>

1161
01:28:53,853 --> 01:28:55,015
<i>Gotcha</i>

1162
01:28:56,312 --> 01:28:57,429
<i>CODY Help!</i>

1163
01:29:00,737 --> 01:29:01,766
No!

1164
01:29:05,321 --> 01:29:09,987
She was using me. I... That was really bad.

1165
01:29:10,369 --> 01:29:12,777
Father, why hast Thou forsaken me?

1166
01:29:13,665 --> 01:29:16,335
Wanna suck me off in the Sharper lmage?

1167
01:29:16,627 --> 01:29:19,296
Rob, are you some kind of jive turkey?

1168
01:29:21,338 --> 01:29:24,377
He's like an inch away from the real McCoy.

1169
01:29:25,053 --> 01:29:26,926
Did you bring condoms?

1170
01:29:27,095 --> 01:29:28,175
What?

1171
01:29:28,263 --> 01:29:31,383
I wet the bed until I was 13 years old, okay?

1172
01:29:31,517 --> 01:29:34,054
You nancy boys couldn't get lucky
at a Jonas Brothers concert

1173
01:29:34,144 --> 01:29:36,267
with a fistful of backstage passes.

1174
01:29:36,647 --> 01:29:40,396
<i>Faith in God and His promise of eternal life</i>

1175
01:29:41,987 --> 01:29:44,940
Now, put the condom on the banana.

1176
01:29:45,989 --> 01:29:49,656
Who didn't see that coming?
Look at the time. Gotta go.

1177
01:29:50,702 --> 01:29:53,456
l think that is quite enough pictures
of the cheerleaders.

1178
01:29:53,539 --> 01:29:54,999
How about we get some of the game?

1179
01:29:56,502 --> 01:29:57,580
We're eating.

1180
01:29:59,713 --> 01:30:02,122
You've been fucking Americans or...

1181
01:30:02,757 --> 01:30:04,465
Watching, loving...

1182
01:30:08,138 --> 01:30:09,170
Bear with me.

1183
01:30:09,265 --> 01:30:12,135
If she's down, bring her flowers.

1184
01:30:12,434 --> 01:30:14,926
If she's thirsty, serve her fine champagne.

1185
01:30:15,020 --> 01:30:17,394
Yeah, 'cause, I'm telling you,
my wife is pretty effing hot.

1186
01:30:17,480 --> 01:30:20,933
I'm talking a tight, tight ass
and squeaky clean.

1187
01:30:21,777 --> 01:30:24,483
Is that cream-filled? You rock.

1188
01:30:25,072 --> 01:30:27,231
Oh. Don't mention that, okay?

1189
01:30:27,867 --> 01:30:32,279
And whenever it comes to making out,
put on side one of <i>Led Zeppelin IV</i>