1 00:00:03,450 --> 00:00:06,553 Pick up! Tables 12, 4, 11. 2 00:00:06,555 --> 00:00:07,554 Got it. 3 00:00:07,556 --> 00:00:09,789 Hey, when you get a second, 4 00:00:09,791 --> 00:00:12,458 stop looking at my boobs. 5 00:00:15,930 --> 00:00:17,580 Excuse me. 6 00:00:17,582 --> 00:00:18,631 Waitress? 7 00:00:18,633 --> 00:00:20,850 Dude? 8 00:00:23,120 --> 00:00:24,470 Hi, what can I get ya? 9 00:00:24,472 --> 00:00:26,606 We need some... 10 00:00:26,608 --> 00:00:27,640 Is that annoying? 11 00:00:29,244 --> 00:00:30,326 Is that obnoxious and rude? 12 00:00:32,030 --> 00:00:34,030 Would you find it distracting if someone did that to you 13 00:00:34,032 --> 00:00:35,147 while you were working? 14 00:00:35,149 --> 00:00:37,834 Oh, you don't have a job. Sorry. 15 00:00:37,836 --> 00:00:39,752 Damn, dude, she burned you. 16 00:00:39,754 --> 00:00:40,787 Oh. 17 00:00:40,789 --> 00:00:44,040 No, hipster. 18 00:00:44,042 --> 00:00:46,626 Do not think we're on the same team. We have nothing in common. 19 00:00:46,628 --> 00:00:48,661 I wear knit hats when it's cold out. 20 00:00:48,663 --> 00:00:51,264 You wear knit hats 'cause of coldplay. 21 00:00:52,933 --> 00:00:54,634 You have tattoos to piss off your dad. 22 00:00:54,636 --> 00:00:57,336 My dad doesn't know he's my dad. 23 00:00:57,338 --> 00:00:59,171 You think... 24 00:00:59,173 --> 00:01:00,773 This is the sound that gets you service. 25 00:01:00,775 --> 00:01:02,475 I think... 26 00:01:02,477 --> 00:01:05,678 This is the sound that dries up my vagina. 27 00:01:06,730 --> 00:01:08,982 The other waitress disappeared, the Russian one. 28 00:01:08,984 --> 00:01:10,566 We need horseradish. 29 00:01:10,568 --> 00:01:11,684 Please. 30 00:01:11,686 --> 00:01:14,787 That, ladies, is how you treat a waitress. 31 00:01:20,127 --> 00:01:21,878 Paulina! 32 00:01:24,248 --> 00:01:25,832 Oh, so... so good, oh... 33 00:01:25,834 --> 00:01:29,035 Oh, sorry, I didn't realize you were on break. 34 00:01:30,004 --> 00:01:31,220 I just need some horseradish. 35 00:01:31,222 --> 00:01:33,723 - Here. - Oh, cool. 36 00:01:37,745 --> 00:01:39,846 Excuse me, where's my waitress? 37 00:01:41,266 --> 00:01:43,716 She's coming. 38 00:01:57,832 --> 00:02:00,251 Earl. 39 00:02:00,253 --> 00:02:01,202 Earl! 40 00:02:01,204 --> 00:02:04,121 I made your favorite, red velvet. 41 00:02:04,123 --> 00:02:08,192 My little cupcake brought me a cupcake. 42 00:02:09,378 --> 00:02:10,878 Oh, no, no. It's on the house. 43 00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:12,379 It's your birthday. 44 00:02:12,381 --> 00:02:13,547 How old are you gonna be? 45 00:02:13,549 --> 00:02:14,998 75. 46 00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:18,835 Oh, Earl, if you were just three years younger. 47 00:02:18,837 --> 00:02:20,671 Max, Max, big news. 48 00:02:20,673 --> 00:02:23,357 The new boss fired that Russian waitress, Paulina. 49 00:02:23,359 --> 00:02:27,895 Turns out Chesty Kournikova was Vladimir puttin' it out. 50 00:02:32,517 --> 00:02:35,536 Hello today. I have paycheck for you. 51 00:02:35,538 --> 00:02:38,855 I need to talk to you. You fired Paulina, Han? 52 00:02:38,857 --> 00:02:40,574 I am no longer Han Lee. 53 00:02:40,576 --> 00:02:41,659 I have new American name 54 00:02:41,661 --> 00:02:43,077 to go with changing neighborhood. 55 00:02:43,079 --> 00:02:44,662 To go with the changing neighborhood. 56 00:02:44,664 --> 00:02:46,964 You need to remember this for your immigration exam. 57 00:02:46,966 --> 00:02:50,718 Correct. To go with the changing neighborhood. 58 00:02:53,089 --> 00:02:57,775 Bryce? Your name is Bryce Lee? 59 00:03:00,478 --> 00:03:02,546 Wait, wait, um, um, um... 60 00:03:02,548 --> 00:03:05,266 Don't hire a new waitress, okay? 61 00:03:05,268 --> 00:03:06,550 I've been doing all the work anyway, 62 00:03:06,552 --> 00:03:08,068 and I really could use the extra money. 63 00:03:08,070 --> 00:03:09,270 You need help. 64 00:03:09,272 --> 00:03:12,406 - No, I don't. - Everyone need help sometimes. 65 00:03:12,408 --> 00:03:14,692 I don't. I've been waiting my whole life, okay? 66 00:03:14,694 --> 00:03:17,328 I've waited on tables, I've waited in bars, 67 00:03:17,330 --> 00:03:19,713 I've waited on home pregnancy tests. 68 00:03:19,715 --> 00:03:21,732 I already hire new waitress. 69 00:03:21,734 --> 00:03:24,501 She work in all top restaurants in Manhattan. 70 00:03:24,503 --> 00:03:27,338 I gave her Paulina's uniform. 71 00:03:28,623 --> 00:03:30,374 Hi. 72 00:03:30,376 --> 00:03:33,043 Mr. Lee, not to complain, 73 00:03:33,045 --> 00:03:36,513 but I think someone wore this uniform before me, 74 00:03:36,515 --> 00:03:39,199 like right before me. 75 00:03:39,201 --> 00:03:40,934 Is it possible that I could get another one? 76 00:03:40,936 --> 00:03:44,772 Maybe one that's a little less moist. 77 00:03:44,774 --> 00:03:48,192 Also this mustard color doesn't really go with my skin tone, 78 00:03:48,194 --> 00:03:51,195 neither do the mustard stains... 79 00:03:51,197 --> 00:03:53,647 And these various other stains, 80 00:03:53,649 --> 00:03:56,150 and smells. I hope that's clam chowder. 81 00:03:56,152 --> 00:03:58,402 So... 82 00:03:58,404 --> 00:04:00,103 I think it'd be better for everyone, 83 00:04:00,105 --> 00:04:02,439 including my immune system, 84 00:04:02,441 --> 00:04:04,775 if I just keep on wearing what I'm wearing, 85 00:04:04,777 --> 00:04:07,611 and not the apron, 'cause this is Chanel. 86 00:04:07,613 --> 00:04:09,797 So thank you, 87 00:04:09,799 --> 00:04:12,549 and let's waitress. 88 00:04:16,671 --> 00:04:18,639 Whatever that is, 89 00:04:18,641 --> 00:04:20,307 it does not belong in this diner. 90 00:04:20,309 --> 00:04:22,393 It belongs in a show on Bravo. 91 00:04:23,845 --> 00:04:26,963 But she blonde, hair so shiny, 92 00:04:26,965 --> 00:04:28,599 good for business. 93 00:04:28,601 --> 00:04:30,300 Where do you even find these people? 94 00:04:30,302 --> 00:04:33,604 The Russian hooker, the one before that was a meth addict. 95 00:04:33,606 --> 00:04:35,406 You train her, I am boss. 96 00:04:35,408 --> 00:04:38,609 - Da boss. - Oh. 97 00:04:38,611 --> 00:04:40,944 Fine, but make her wear the uniform. 98 00:04:42,281 --> 00:04:43,747 Are you sure we can't get the meth addict back? 99 00:04:43,749 --> 00:04:46,983 She was really good at cleaning. 100 00:04:46,985 --> 00:04:49,536 But her teeth fall out. 101 00:04:52,824 --> 00:04:55,959 You are really judgmental, you know that? 102 00:04:58,179 --> 00:05:01,048 I'm only gonna say this once, so pay attention. 103 00:05:01,050 --> 00:05:03,484 I'm Caroline, by the way. And you're Max? 104 00:05:03,486 --> 00:05:07,855 Don't get attached. 105 00:05:07,857 --> 00:05:10,307 This is the Williamsburg diner, owned by Han Lee, 106 00:05:10,309 --> 00:05:11,975 who just changed his name to Bryce Lee, 107 00:05:11,977 --> 00:05:16,063 because I guess he wants people to take him even less seriously. 108 00:05:16,065 --> 00:05:17,898 Eight months ago he bought it from the Russian mob. 109 00:05:17,900 --> 00:05:20,734 Clientele used to be all eastern bloc criminals 110 00:05:20,736 --> 00:05:23,537 and crack whores, but then he took it over and ruined it. 111 00:05:26,190 --> 00:05:28,876 Hey, sexy woman. 112 00:05:28,878 --> 00:05:30,878 You look so pretty today. 113 00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:35,532 You look so beautiful, I forgot how bad your personality is. 114 00:05:35,534 --> 00:05:38,836 Thanks, Oleg. 115 00:05:38,838 --> 00:05:41,588 Hey, Barbie. 116 00:05:45,660 --> 00:05:48,429 He will hit on you aggressively and relentlessly. 117 00:05:48,431 --> 00:05:49,897 He doesn't realize he looks like that, 118 00:05:49,899 --> 00:05:53,383 and I don't have the heart to tell him. 119 00:05:53,385 --> 00:05:54,735 Could we have some menus? 120 00:05:54,737 --> 00:05:55,986 Oh, sure. 121 00:05:55,988 --> 00:05:58,238 Don't smile. 122 00:05:58,240 --> 00:06:00,023 'Cause it raises the bar, and then I have to smile, 123 00:06:00,025 --> 00:06:01,158 and I can't be doing that. 124 00:06:01,160 --> 00:06:05,061 It's exhausting and I have a bad back. 125 00:06:05,063 --> 00:06:07,698 That's Earl, we're in love. 126 00:06:07,700 --> 00:06:08,949 Do not talk to him, 127 00:06:08,951 --> 00:06:11,368 unless you want to feel whiter than you already are. 128 00:06:11,370 --> 00:06:13,871 Oh, and that stain? 129 00:06:13,873 --> 00:06:16,907 Not clam chowder. 130 00:06:16,909 --> 00:06:19,259 Go marry the ketchups. 131 00:06:19,261 --> 00:06:22,930 Marry the ketchups. I'm on it. 132 00:06:35,243 --> 00:06:39,112 Okay. Now divorce the ketchups. 133 00:06:42,567 --> 00:06:44,401 Stop. Just stop. 134 00:06:44,403 --> 00:06:46,286 There's no such thing as divorcing the ketchups. 135 00:06:46,288 --> 00:06:48,071 You've never waitressed a day in your life. 136 00:06:48,073 --> 00:06:49,105 Yes, I have. 137 00:06:49,107 --> 00:06:50,324 You expect me to believe you 138 00:06:50,326 --> 00:06:53,276 after watching that whole Temple Grandin routine? 139 00:06:53,278 --> 00:06:54,695 - I'm telling Lee. - Okay, okay, 140 00:06:54,697 --> 00:06:56,580 I may have enhanced my resume. 141 00:06:56,582 --> 00:07:00,417 Enhanced? What, are we in Paris? 142 00:07:00,419 --> 00:07:02,719 Please, I really need this job, okay? 143 00:07:02,721 --> 00:07:04,171 We lost all of our money. 144 00:07:04,173 --> 00:07:06,723 My trust fund was taken for legal fees. 145 00:07:06,725 --> 00:07:08,258 My dad is in jail. 146 00:07:08,260 --> 00:07:10,794 What? What are you, Martin Channing's daughter? 147 00:07:11,980 --> 00:07:15,465 Where's the paper? 148 00:07:15,467 --> 00:07:17,651 Martin Channing? 149 00:07:17,653 --> 00:07:20,020 The guy who ripped off the entire city is your father. 150 00:07:20,022 --> 00:07:23,774 He told us we were having a good year. 151 00:07:23,776 --> 00:07:25,626 You're Caroline Channing. 152 00:07:25,628 --> 00:07:27,444 You're like a billionaire. 153 00:07:27,446 --> 00:07:29,913 Was. Was a billionaire. 154 00:07:29,915 --> 00:07:32,165 They froze all our assets, everything's gone. 155 00:07:32,167 --> 00:07:33,984 I only have what I could grab, 156 00:07:33,986 --> 00:07:36,420 and I grabbed all the wrong things. 157 00:07:36,422 --> 00:07:39,172 - So do you know the president? - I've met him. 158 00:07:39,174 --> 00:07:40,507 - He's hot. - He's the president. 159 00:07:40,509 --> 00:07:42,125 - Have you been to Switzerland? - Yes. 160 00:07:42,127 --> 00:07:43,510 - Do you have a horse? - Yes. 161 00:07:43,512 --> 00:07:47,798 - Do you know Paris Hilton? - No, she's a hundred. 162 00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:50,000 Excuse me, uh, two hot chocolate, please. 163 00:07:50,002 --> 00:07:51,268 - Comin' up. - It... 164 00:07:51,270 --> 00:07:52,970 let me do that, please. 165 00:07:52,972 --> 00:07:54,304 I'm a really fast learner. 166 00:07:54,306 --> 00:07:55,606 I went to Wharton business school. 167 00:07:55,608 --> 00:07:58,058 I got 2,300 on my SAT's 168 00:07:58,060 --> 00:08:00,677 Can you make a hot chocolate, or not? 169 00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:06,950 Nailed it. 170 00:08:11,789 --> 00:08:14,958 We split the tips. Give me yours. 171 00:08:19,130 --> 00:08:21,915 You did better than I thought you would. 172 00:08:21,917 --> 00:08:23,700 Listen, tonight I thought of a way 173 00:08:23,702 --> 00:08:24,885 we could make some extra money. 174 00:08:24,887 --> 00:08:26,420 They've totally underestimated 175 00:08:26,422 --> 00:08:28,255 the price point on those red velvet cupcakes. 176 00:08:28,257 --> 00:08:30,807 In Manhattan the asking price is at least seven, 177 00:08:30,809 --> 00:08:35,312 so we could sell them for seven, and then pocket the difference. 178 00:08:35,314 --> 00:08:37,731 Nothing about that sounds wrong to you? 179 00:08:37,733 --> 00:08:40,067 It's not our fault that the idiot who makes the cupcakes 180 00:08:40,069 --> 00:08:42,052 doesn't know their worth. 181 00:08:42,054 --> 00:08:45,122 I'm the idiot who makes the cupcakes. 182 00:08:46,190 --> 00:08:48,275 New information. 183 00:08:48,277 --> 00:08:49,493 That's stupid. 184 00:08:49,495 --> 00:08:51,995 No one would pay $7 for one of my cupcakes. 185 00:08:51,997 --> 00:08:54,998 Really? 'Cause... 186 00:08:58,286 --> 00:09:01,755 Well, at least we know you're not adopted. 187 00:09:04,459 --> 00:09:06,877 So how'd you even end up in Brooklyn? 188 00:09:06,879 --> 00:09:09,012 Oh, I went on monster.com. 189 00:09:09,014 --> 00:09:10,297 Typed in "place where nobody 190 00:09:10,299 --> 00:09:12,749 from the Upper East Side would ever go, ever," 191 00:09:12,751 --> 00:09:15,769 and this diner came up. 192 00:09:15,771 --> 00:09:17,604 You can't wear a fancy leather jacket 193 00:09:17,606 --> 00:09:18,772 outside in this neighborhood. 194 00:09:18,774 --> 00:09:19,923 You have to turn it inside out. 195 00:09:19,925 --> 00:09:21,525 Oh. 196 00:09:21,527 --> 00:09:24,194 Fur. Cool. Turn it back. 197 00:09:26,148 --> 00:09:28,231 So where do you live? 198 00:09:28,233 --> 00:09:31,318 Our townhouse was taken and bolted up by the bank, so... 199 00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:33,603 Is this where I'm supposed to feel sorry for you? 200 00:09:33,605 --> 00:09:36,206 I mean, I don't want you to, 201 00:09:36,208 --> 00:09:40,443 but just so you know, a well-adjusted person would. 202 00:09:40,445 --> 00:09:42,946 I'm dead inside. 203 00:09:42,948 --> 00:09:46,333 You make that pretty obvious. 204 00:09:46,335 --> 00:09:49,285 Anyway, I'm just gonna stay in the city with a friend. 205 00:09:49,287 --> 00:09:51,638 I live a couple of blocks that way. 206 00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:56,259 I'd walk you to the subway, it's just that I don't want to. 207 00:09:56,261 --> 00:09:59,613 - Okay. - Okay. 208 00:10:09,525 --> 00:10:12,492 ♪ ♪ 209 00:10:12,494 --> 00:10:14,861 Why is the music so loud? 210 00:10:14,863 --> 00:10:16,530 Whoa! 211 00:10:16,532 --> 00:10:17,698 It's 3:00 in the morning. 212 00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:19,032 I'm sorry. 213 00:10:21,202 --> 00:10:24,087 It's cool. So what are you doin'? 214 00:10:24,089 --> 00:10:26,489 The band's practicing. 215 00:10:26,491 --> 00:10:28,175 But you're not playing any instruments. 216 00:10:28,177 --> 00:10:29,710 Yeah, that's how we practice. 217 00:10:29,712 --> 00:10:31,461 We, like, listen to other good music 218 00:10:31,463 --> 00:10:34,131 and play it in our head. 219 00:10:34,133 --> 00:10:36,800 It's like The Secret. 220 00:10:36,802 --> 00:10:39,636 Well, I have a secret for you guys. 221 00:10:39,638 --> 00:10:41,688 - Get out! - Whoa! 222 00:10:43,057 --> 00:10:44,975 - Uh, you guys better go. - We should go. 223 00:10:44,977 --> 00:10:47,444 Sorry, guys, I still have to make the cupcakes. 224 00:10:47,446 --> 00:10:50,797 Cupcakes? For why? You can just buy 'em at the store. 225 00:10:53,018 --> 00:10:55,368 You can do that in the morning, babe, come to bed. 226 00:10:55,370 --> 00:10:58,188 No, I can't. I have to be in the city by 10:00. 227 00:11:00,458 --> 00:11:03,543 Fine. You can have three minutes. 228 00:11:05,913 --> 00:11:09,499 Fine, you can have eight, one for each ab. 229 00:11:09,501 --> 00:11:12,052 Boom! 230 00:11:14,005 --> 00:11:16,757 Stand clear of the closing doors. 231 00:11:23,514 --> 00:11:26,516 Well, I can cross that off my bucket list. 232 00:11:35,943 --> 00:11:36,993 Hey. 233 00:11:36,995 --> 00:11:38,061 I have a taser! 234 00:11:38,063 --> 00:11:41,081 Oh! 235 00:11:41,083 --> 00:11:44,117 Oh, my God. 236 00:11:46,909 --> 00:11:49,494 I am so sorry. 237 00:11:49,496 --> 00:11:52,514 I didn't think it would hurt so much. It's pink. 238 00:11:52,516 --> 00:11:54,666 It didn't feel pink. 239 00:11:54,668 --> 00:11:58,219 I didn't know it was you. I thought I was being raped. 240 00:11:58,221 --> 00:12:01,756 That's not what rape feels like. 241 00:12:03,058 --> 00:12:04,843 Did you... 242 00:12:04,845 --> 00:12:06,978 did you sleep on the subway? 243 00:12:06,980 --> 00:12:08,580 I had nowhere else to go, 244 00:12:08,582 --> 00:12:10,899 and I'm too afraid to sleep outside on the street. 245 00:12:10,901 --> 00:12:13,818 God, you're spoiled. 246 00:12:13,820 --> 00:12:16,938 Next stop, greenpoint. 247 00:12:16,940 --> 00:12:19,524 Ugh! Get your stuff. Come on, I'll take you to my place, 248 00:12:19,526 --> 00:12:20,875 but hurry. 249 00:12:20,877 --> 00:12:23,394 'Cause I have to be in the city in 30 minutes. 250 00:12:25,831 --> 00:12:28,032 Call me. 251 00:12:31,086 --> 00:12:34,289 Oh, my God, you've been robbed! 252 00:12:36,542 --> 00:12:38,343 This is how it always looks. 253 00:12:38,345 --> 00:12:41,412 Oh, my God, totally cute! 254 00:12:41,414 --> 00:12:43,515 All right, I'll be back at 4:00, 255 00:12:43,517 --> 00:12:45,600 and we can go to work together. Bathroom, bedroom, 256 00:12:45,602 --> 00:12:47,552 boyfriend sleeps till 4:00, yard. 257 00:12:47,554 --> 00:12:50,221 Oh, you have a yard. 258 00:12:50,223 --> 00:12:54,576 Looks like a really nice place to relax and do crack. 259 00:12:56,529 --> 00:12:58,146 It is. 260 00:12:59,448 --> 00:13:01,599 I gotta go, I'm gonna be late for my other job in the city. 261 00:13:01,601 --> 00:13:03,034 You have two jobs? 262 00:13:03,036 --> 00:13:05,603 Yes, I babysit for a Manhattan socialite diva. 263 00:13:05,605 --> 00:13:07,271 Now I have a set. 264 00:13:11,109 --> 00:13:12,610 Sorry I'm late. 265 00:13:12,612 --> 00:13:13,878 Oh, thank God you're here, 266 00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:15,129 there is a bridge and tunnel smell 267 00:13:15,131 --> 00:13:19,083 over by the babies that's stressing me out. 268 00:13:19,085 --> 00:13:20,885 Their diapers probably need to be changed. 269 00:13:20,887 --> 00:13:24,222 Again? I swear, the morning nanny just did that. 270 00:13:24,224 --> 00:13:26,474 Motherhood is for reals. 271 00:13:28,427 --> 00:13:30,979 Max, remind me, what's my Twitter password? 272 00:13:30,981 --> 00:13:32,630 Twitter password. 273 00:13:32,632 --> 00:13:34,349 Yes! 274 00:13:35,133 --> 00:13:39,303 Hi, Brad. Hi, Angelina. 275 00:13:39,305 --> 00:13:42,156 Max, I need to tell you something because we're family. 276 00:13:42,158 --> 00:13:45,660 Now get me room temperature water and come over here. 277 00:13:49,314 --> 00:13:52,617 We are victims of the Channing Ponzi scheme. 278 00:13:52,619 --> 00:13:56,704 Me, David, and Brangelina. 279 00:13:56,706 --> 00:13:59,290 How much money did you lose? 280 00:13:59,292 --> 00:14:02,877 Hold my hands. 281 00:14:02,879 --> 00:14:06,130 Nothing. 282 00:14:06,132 --> 00:14:08,149 But it really scared me. 283 00:14:09,969 --> 00:14:13,104 Open that? 284 00:14:13,106 --> 00:14:15,273 So do you know Caroline Channing? 285 00:14:15,275 --> 00:14:17,842 No, but she lost everything. 286 00:14:17,844 --> 00:14:20,011 She has no money. 287 00:14:20,013 --> 00:14:21,446 Can you imagine having no money? 288 00:14:21,448 --> 00:14:26,317 I mean, you wouldn't even have any money. 289 00:14:26,319 --> 00:14:29,153 You should twit that. 290 00:14:29,155 --> 00:14:31,906 And no one will even talk to her. 291 00:14:31,908 --> 00:14:33,958 I heard she went to six different friends' houses 292 00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:35,293 for a place to stay, 293 00:14:35,295 --> 00:14:38,212 and they all had to pretend they weren't home. 294 00:14:38,214 --> 00:14:40,031 - That's not cool. - Yeah. 295 00:14:40,033 --> 00:14:42,199 - That's really sad. - So sad. 296 00:14:42,201 --> 00:14:44,052 Breaks my heart. 297 00:14:44,054 --> 00:14:46,604 I guess motherhood has really opened me up emotionally. 298 00:14:46,606 --> 00:14:48,923 Max, I need to hold one of the babies, 299 00:14:48,925 --> 00:14:52,343 bring me one. 300 00:14:54,714 --> 00:14:57,765 No, the other one. That's not the good one. 301 00:15:02,604 --> 00:15:03,888 Hello. 302 00:15:03,890 --> 00:15:07,659 Oh, hi. Oh, I'm so sorry if I woke you up. 303 00:15:07,661 --> 00:15:10,945 Who are you? 304 00:15:10,947 --> 00:15:14,198 I'm Max's friend. Uh, don't tell her I said that. 305 00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:15,700 I have a feeling if she heard me call her my friend, 306 00:15:15,702 --> 00:15:18,002 she'd stab me. 307 00:15:18,004 --> 00:15:19,420 What are you doin' over there? 308 00:15:19,422 --> 00:15:20,905 Just washing my uniform, 309 00:15:20,907 --> 00:15:22,340 trying to make it a little more cute 310 00:15:22,342 --> 00:15:24,125 and a little less crusty. 311 00:15:24,127 --> 00:15:25,376 Oh, watch out! 312 00:15:25,378 --> 00:15:27,211 Oh! Sorry, oh, my... 313 00:15:27,213 --> 00:15:31,082 - Do you have a towel or a rag? - No, I... I got it. 314 00:15:31,084 --> 00:15:32,433 Oh, okay. 315 00:15:39,108 --> 00:15:40,308 I'm Robbie. 316 00:15:40,310 --> 00:15:42,694 I'm uncomfortable. 317 00:15:42,696 --> 00:15:43,778 You're getting me wet. 318 00:15:43,780 --> 00:15:46,314 That's the point. 319 00:15:46,316 --> 00:15:47,932 You're Max's boyfriend. 320 00:15:47,934 --> 00:15:48,966 It's cool. 321 00:15:48,968 --> 00:15:51,903 No, it's not. Back up, Jersey shore. 322 00:15:54,990 --> 00:15:56,774 You're pathetic, 323 00:15:56,776 --> 00:15:58,826 and that's coming from someone who's homeless 324 00:15:58,828 --> 00:16:01,796 and wearing white after labor day. 325 00:16:08,637 --> 00:16:11,889 And I've seen better. 326 00:16:11,891 --> 00:16:14,359 No, you haven't. 327 00:16:20,232 --> 00:16:21,682 Hey. Why didn't you wait for me? 328 00:16:21,684 --> 00:16:23,484 I thought we were coming over together. 329 00:16:23,486 --> 00:16:27,822 Oh. Um, I wanted to get here early to marry the ketchups. 330 00:16:28,907 --> 00:16:30,141 Listen, I heard something 331 00:16:30,143 --> 00:16:31,743 really upsetting about you today. 332 00:16:31,745 --> 00:16:33,828 What did he say, that I came on to him? 333 00:16:34,646 --> 00:16:35,813 Him who? 334 00:16:35,815 --> 00:16:37,481 Nothing. 335 00:16:43,672 --> 00:16:45,206 Him, Robbie? 336 00:16:45,208 --> 00:16:47,258 It's none of my business, 337 00:16:47,260 --> 00:16:50,161 but you deserve better than that guy. 338 00:16:50,163 --> 00:16:52,847 Yeah, it is none of your business. 339 00:16:52,849 --> 00:16:55,466 Ooh, I was just starting to feel sorry for you. 340 00:16:55,468 --> 00:16:59,020 I'm just saying, you're worth more than that. 341 00:16:59,022 --> 00:17:01,105 What, I'm supposed to believe you about this? 342 00:17:01,107 --> 00:17:03,141 The person who lied on their resume, 343 00:17:03,143 --> 00:17:04,843 and lied about the cupcakes... you're a liar. 344 00:17:05,845 --> 00:17:08,296 - I'm just trying to help. - You know what? 345 00:17:08,298 --> 00:17:10,615 Since you seem to know so much about everything, 346 00:17:10,617 --> 00:17:12,233 why don't you take your Wharton degree, 347 00:17:12,235 --> 00:17:14,852 and your ridiculous coat, and figure this all out yourself. 348 00:17:14,854 --> 00:17:15,987 Max. 349 00:17:15,989 --> 00:17:17,789 - Max, wait. - Oh, look, 350 00:17:17,791 --> 00:17:20,041 the arcade fire concert just let out across the street, 351 00:17:20,043 --> 00:17:21,876 good luck with that. 352 00:17:21,878 --> 00:17:23,795 She's coming back, right? 353 00:17:23,797 --> 00:17:25,029 She's not gonna leave me here alone 354 00:17:25,031 --> 00:17:26,998 with a restaurant full of people? 355 00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:29,467 Let me put it to you this way. 356 00:17:29,469 --> 00:17:30,551 You might as well be 357 00:17:30,553 --> 00:17:34,388 a night maid at the Schwarzenegger house. 358 00:17:34,390 --> 00:17:37,374 You got screwed. 359 00:17:43,815 --> 00:17:45,365 - Oh. - Oh, yeah. 360 00:17:45,367 --> 00:17:48,202 That feels so good. 361 00:17:48,204 --> 00:17:49,670 Now put your tambourine around it. 362 00:17:52,975 --> 00:17:54,758 Hi, honey, I'm home. 363 00:17:57,229 --> 00:18:00,181 I want you gone by the time I get back. 364 00:18:00,183 --> 00:18:02,549 Babe! Babe, I can explain. 365 00:18:03,384 --> 00:18:06,871 You weren't supposed to be home. 366 00:18:06,873 --> 00:18:08,189 People say I deserve better than you. 367 00:18:08,191 --> 00:18:09,940 Who? 368 00:18:09,942 --> 00:18:12,526 That blonde girl? She doesn't know what she's talkin' about. 369 00:18:12,528 --> 00:18:15,229 She went to Wharton 370 00:18:15,231 --> 00:18:16,730 and Switzerland. 371 00:18:26,741 --> 00:18:28,709 Yo, yo. Look at that. 372 00:18:28,711 --> 00:18:30,461 That girl is workin' harder 373 00:18:30,463 --> 00:18:34,849 than Stephen Hawking tryin' to put in a pair of cufflinks. 374 00:18:37,269 --> 00:18:38,802 Here, let me help you with that. 375 00:18:38,804 --> 00:18:39,970 I don't need any help. 376 00:18:39,972 --> 00:18:42,523 Everyone needs help sometimes. 377 00:18:47,979 --> 00:18:51,649 This isn't what I ordered. 378 00:18:51,651 --> 00:18:53,317 This is Caroline. 379 00:18:53,319 --> 00:18:54,568 She may have gotten your order wrong, 380 00:18:54,570 --> 00:18:56,537 but she does get some things right. 381 00:19:02,661 --> 00:19:03,777 Thank you. 382 00:19:03,779 --> 00:19:06,463 No, thank you. 383 00:19:06,465 --> 00:19:08,716 What'd you see in that guy, anyway? 384 00:19:08,718 --> 00:19:10,801 He had these muscle thingies. 385 00:19:10,803 --> 00:19:13,754 - Oh, those things? - Yeah. 386 00:19:13,756 --> 00:19:14,922 I don't know what those are called, 387 00:19:14,924 --> 00:19:17,808 but they make smart girls stupid. 388 00:19:17,810 --> 00:19:19,126 Max! 389 00:19:19,128 --> 00:19:21,312 I thought your tight ass wasn't coming in tonight, 390 00:19:21,314 --> 00:19:24,682 and my heart broke in half. 391 00:19:24,684 --> 00:19:27,468 You know what, Oleg? 392 00:19:27,470 --> 00:19:29,303 I needed that. 393 00:19:35,076 --> 00:19:37,978 So, um... 394 00:19:37,980 --> 00:19:40,247 I need a roommate, if you want to crash. 395 00:19:40,249 --> 00:19:41,582 Hmm. 396 00:19:41,584 --> 00:19:46,370 Not gonna lie, the subway's cleaner than your couch. 397 00:19:46,372 --> 00:19:48,539 Wow. 398 00:19:48,541 --> 00:19:50,624 I just felt myself starting to like you. 399 00:19:50,626 --> 00:19:52,343 Really? Because I really feel like we could... 400 00:19:52,345 --> 00:19:55,296 I knew that wouldn't last. 401 00:19:55,298 --> 00:19:57,514 Come on. 402 00:19:57,516 --> 00:19:59,016 Tomorrow we can go into the city 403 00:19:59,018 --> 00:20:00,601 and get the rest of your stuff. 404 00:20:00,603 --> 00:20:02,853 Everything's locked up. 405 00:20:02,855 --> 00:20:06,056 What, you have nothing that you care about that we can get? 406 00:20:06,058 --> 00:20:07,608 Well, there is one thing. 407 00:20:09,894 --> 00:20:12,863 The weirdest thing is that nobody stopped us. 408 00:20:14,532 --> 00:20:16,033 I'm gonna save a fortune, 409 00:20:16,035 --> 00:20:18,452 keeping him here instead of in the stables. 410 00:20:18,454 --> 00:20:22,906 When did you put this whole horse-in-my-yard thing together? 411 00:20:22,908 --> 00:20:24,074 I can't help it. 412 00:20:24,076 --> 00:20:26,026 I see an opportunity, and I make it happen, 413 00:20:26,028 --> 00:20:28,162 like with your cupcakes. 414 00:20:28,164 --> 00:20:30,247 Like what with my cupcakes? 415 00:20:30,249 --> 00:20:32,716 Ready? To open a bake shop, 416 00:20:32,718 --> 00:20:34,885 all we need is 250 grand start-up money, 417 00:20:34,887 --> 00:20:36,303 for the real estate, and the basic equipment... 418 00:20:36,305 --> 00:20:38,555 Yeah. Oh. 419 00:20:38,557 --> 00:20:40,975 - 250 grand, that's all? - Yeah. 420 00:20:40,977 --> 00:20:42,760 Did freakin' Chestnut here kick you in the head 421 00:20:42,762 --> 00:20:44,395 while I was in Starbucks? 422 00:20:44,397 --> 00:20:45,646 Hear me out. 423 00:20:45,648 --> 00:20:48,349 If we both worked two jobs and made $2,000 a week, 424 00:20:48,351 --> 00:20:50,818 we could open a cupcake business in a little over a year. 425 00:20:50,820 --> 00:20:53,804 In the past two days, we've made $387, 426 00:20:53,806 --> 00:20:55,055 and that's a good start. 427 00:20:55,057 --> 00:20:56,273 We can make extra money at other jobs, 428 00:20:56,275 --> 00:20:58,776 like publicists, advertising executives... 429 00:20:58,778 --> 00:21:02,229 Janitors, drug mules. 430 00:21:03,365 --> 00:21:06,083 We really need to work on your self-esteem. 431 00:21:06,085 --> 00:21:07,167 So... 432 00:21:07,169 --> 00:21:09,736 You, cupcakes, me, business background, 433 00:21:09,738 --> 00:21:13,557 us, success. What do you think? 434 00:21:14,742 --> 00:21:16,593 I think you have a horse. 435 00:21:16,595 --> 00:21:19,596 I think we have a horse. 436 00:21:22,518 --> 00:21:25,302 Don't get attached.