1 00:00:03,301 --> 00:00:05,343 And he's down. That's it! 2 00:00:05,511 --> 00:00:08,263 That's it. Cleon "Slammin" ' Salmon 3 00:00:08,431 --> 00:00:11,641 is still the Heavyweight Champion of the World. 4 00:00:11,809 --> 00:00:14,477 What a deadly punch. It's all over. 5 00:00:55,060 --> 00:00:56,477 Hi. Two? 6 00:01:15,830 --> 00:01:17,247 Hey, buddy. 7 00:01:18,875 --> 00:01:21,126 Do me a favor. My girlfriend don't like her tuna. 8 00:01:21,294 --> 00:01:23,587 - Oh, I'm sorry. - It's fine. 9 00:01:23,755 --> 00:01:25,089 What do you mean? You just said it was undercooked. 10 00:01:25,256 --> 00:01:27,716 - Tell the guy. - It's fine, Anthony. The guy is busy. 11 00:01:27,884 --> 00:01:30,844 Stacy, he's a monkey wrench. It's his job. Look. 12 00:01:32,472 --> 00:01:34,139 Oh, let me get that for you. 13 00:01:34,307 --> 00:01:36,392 See? Just tell him what you want and he'll do it. 14 00:01:36,559 --> 00:01:38,686 - I'm not even that hungry. - You know what? 15 00:01:38,853 --> 00:01:41,897 Look, this is a little raw. Just put a little fire on it, all right, buddy? 16 00:01:42,065 --> 00:01:45,234 Uh, sir, tuna is a very delicate fish. 17 00:01:45,402 --> 00:01:46,735 Whoa. You think you're better than me? 18 00:01:46,903 --> 00:01:48,988 No, I don't think I'm better than you, sir. 19 00:01:49,155 --> 00:01:51,740 Well, you talk to me like I never ate a piece of fucking fish before. 20 00:01:51,908 --> 00:01:53,701 I'm sure you've had some fish before, sir. 21 00:01:53,868 --> 00:01:56,912 You know what? Tell the chef to cook it nice. 22 00:01:57,080 --> 00:02:00,082 And here, we need more butter. 23 00:02:00,250 --> 00:02:02,543 Okay. I will be right back. 24 00:02:02,711 --> 00:02:04,628 - Yeah, you will. - Thank you. 25 00:02:04,796 --> 00:02:06,505 Now we got no butter. 26 00:02:09,509 --> 00:02:11,260 Dave, can I get a re-fire? 27 00:02:11,428 --> 00:02:13,887 What did you just say to me? 28 00:02:14,055 --> 00:02:16,557 The guy on table five wants it cooked a little bit more. 29 00:02:16,725 --> 00:02:19,560 No, they asked for it medium rare. It's perfect. 30 00:02:19,728 --> 00:02:22,020 If he wants it cooked more tell him to go shove it up his ass. 31 00:02:22,187 --> 00:02:24,939 You want me to tell that guy to cook this in his ass? 32 00:02:25,107 --> 00:02:27,608 Yeah, within the inside of his anus. 33 00:02:27,776 --> 00:02:31,112 - Come on, Dave. - Fine. 34 00:02:33,490 --> 00:02:35,199 Dave, come on. 35 00:02:35,367 --> 00:02:37,910 Fuck him if he doesn't know what medium rare is. 36 00:02:38,078 --> 00:02:39,287 Are you kidding me? 37 00:02:39,455 --> 00:02:42,874 When I said cook it nice, I didn't mean bring it back looking like a fucking turd. 38 00:02:43,042 --> 00:02:45,501 Sir, I actually do not cook the food. I am just a waiter. 39 00:02:45,669 --> 00:02:47,128 Oh, a smart guy. 40 00:02:47,296 --> 00:02:48,755 You want to get smart with me, smart guy? 41 00:02:48,922 --> 00:02:51,340 Oh, great. What are you gonna do, kick his ass? 42 00:02:51,508 --> 00:02:52,800 Yeah, maybe I am. You want me to? 43 00:02:52,968 --> 00:02:54,635 Sure, go ahead. 44 00:02:54,803 --> 00:02:56,679 You always got to beat the shit out of the loser. 45 00:02:56,847 --> 00:02:59,182 Like the waiter at the Macaroni Grill, the waiter at the Olive Garden, 46 00:02:59,349 --> 00:03:00,808 the waiter at Buca di Beppo. 47 00:03:00,976 --> 00:03:03,519 Sir, here at the Slammin' Salmon there are no problems, just solutions. 48 00:03:03,687 --> 00:03:06,355 You know what? Here, you puck ass bitch. Here. 49 00:03:06,523 --> 00:03:07,690 You like that? How about some of that? 50 00:03:07,858 --> 00:03:10,443 Tell me what that tastes like. And you better say like shit. 51 00:03:10,611 --> 00:03:12,612 Like shit. 52 00:03:12,780 --> 00:03:15,323 Good, now get the fuck out of here and bring us some swordfish instead. 53 00:03:15,491 --> 00:03:16,949 I'll be right back. 54 00:03:17,117 --> 00:03:18,701 And you better not spit that out. 55 00:03:18,869 --> 00:03:20,495 Okay, I will not. 56 00:03:20,662 --> 00:03:22,163 Thank you. 57 00:03:25,459 --> 00:03:27,502 Up yours, you shit bird. 58 00:03:28,796 --> 00:03:31,089 You've got to be fucking fucking me. 59 00:03:31,256 --> 00:03:33,716 Were you just eating that piece of fish on the floor? 60 00:03:33,884 --> 00:03:36,511 You have no idea. This guy made me eat it. 61 00:03:36,678 --> 00:03:37,720 Oh, really? 62 00:03:37,888 --> 00:03:41,265 A customer shoved the food in your mouth and told you you had to eat it? 63 00:03:41,433 --> 00:03:43,559 Yeah. He actually told me I couldn't spit it out too. 64 00:03:43,727 --> 00:03:46,104 Oh man, that's crazy. What? 65 00:03:46,271 --> 00:03:48,773 And I'm the Prime Minister of Narnia. 66 00:03:49,858 --> 00:03:51,692 You're paying for that piece of fish. 67 00:03:51,860 --> 00:03:53,194 It was a send back. 68 00:03:53,362 --> 00:03:54,862 Then you should have put it in the send back area. 69 00:03:55,030 --> 00:03:57,198 - You're paying for it. - You know what? 70 00:03:57,366 --> 00:04:00,910 Fuck this, Carl. I quit. 71 00:04:01,078 --> 00:04:02,787 Fine, but I'm not the one you have to tell. 72 00:04:02,955 --> 00:04:05,539 You've got to tell the Champ. 73 00:04:09,710 --> 00:04:11,711 And I know you don't have the guts to do it. 74 00:04:13,047 --> 00:04:16,716 All right then, I'll just leave. Screw the Champ. 75 00:04:16,884 --> 00:04:19,719 You really think you can walk out of here without telling the Champ? 76 00:04:19,887 --> 00:04:21,721 You remember Marty Millman? 77 00:04:21,889 --> 00:04:25,350 Marty Millman is breathing through a hole in his throat right now. 78 00:04:25,518 --> 00:04:28,895 Rich, he will find you and ass fuck you 79 00:04:29,063 --> 00:04:30,730 in the face or in the mouth. 80 00:04:30,898 --> 00:04:33,233 Fine. Fine, I'll tell him to his face. 81 00:04:33,401 --> 00:04:35,110 - Okay, fine. - I'll tell him myself. 82 00:04:35,278 --> 00:04:36,987 - Okay, go for it. - I'm gonna go right now. 83 00:04:37,155 --> 00:04:38,738 - Okay, good luck. - I'm not afraid of him. 84 00:04:38,906 --> 00:04:40,407 - Okay, bye-bye. - I'll see you soon. 85 00:04:40,575 --> 00:04:42,576 - We'll be here. - Carl. 86 00:04:42,743 --> 00:04:45,287 In his face, right? 87 00:05:18,905 --> 00:05:21,114 Shit. Fuck it. Fuck this. 88 00:05:22,658 --> 00:05:26,286 Hey, Carl. Rich Parente is not a quitter. 89 00:05:27,288 --> 00:05:30,290 Whoa! 90 00:05:39,008 --> 00:05:41,259 Guess we ain't getting our swordfish. 91 00:06:05,325 --> 00:06:09,161 Dude, last night was sick. 92 00:06:09,329 --> 00:06:12,498 I was rolling with my boys down at Club Merengue 93 00:06:12,666 --> 00:06:14,792 and they called last call. 94 00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:17,169 So I reminded them it's now daylight savings 95 00:06:17,337 --> 00:06:19,463 and we got an extra hour. 96 00:06:19,631 --> 00:06:23,384 And in that hour I had five Smirnoff Ices... 97 00:06:24,386 --> 00:06:27,846 and I walked out of there with a Bangladeshi hooker. 98 00:06:28,848 --> 00:06:31,767 I banged her deshi all night long. 99 00:06:33,770 --> 00:06:35,854 Where'd you go pimping last night, playboy? 100 00:06:36,022 --> 00:06:38,816 I too had a wild night last night. 101 00:06:38,984 --> 00:06:41,527 I made sweet hot love to an orangutan. 102 00:06:41,695 --> 00:06:43,612 Really? A bachelor party? 103 00:06:43,780 --> 00:06:45,572 - Oh yeah. - What'd it smell like? 104 00:06:45,740 --> 00:06:48,117 - Bananas mostly. - Really? 105 00:06:48,285 --> 00:06:50,661 Guy, I'm pulling your leg. 106 00:06:50,829 --> 00:06:53,956 I did not fuck an orangutan last night. 107 00:06:54,124 --> 00:06:55,874 I have student teacher evaluations coming up. 108 00:06:56,042 --> 00:06:57,793 Keep going, playboy. I'm listening. 109 00:06:57,961 --> 00:07:00,045 - There's one kid who- - Hey. 110 00:07:02,382 --> 00:07:05,634 So, did you hear who's coming back tonight? 111 00:07:05,802 --> 00:07:09,388 Yeah, Connor. God, I can't believe it. 112 00:07:09,556 --> 00:07:11,932 Can you imagine being the star of a TV show 113 00:07:12,100 --> 00:07:13,475 and then having to come back and wait tables? 114 00:07:13,643 --> 00:07:16,312 I know. It's humiliating. 115 00:07:17,439 --> 00:07:20,107 Hey, do you think you guys will get it on again? 116 00:07:20,275 --> 00:07:23,360 Yeah right. He should be so lucky. 117 00:07:23,528 --> 00:07:25,237 You don't get two bites of the apple, 118 00:07:25,405 --> 00:07:28,240 especially when it's Golden Delicious. 119 00:07:28,408 --> 00:07:30,491 Oh, yeah. 120 00:07:30,659 --> 00:07:32,827 - Chow down. - Yes! 121 00:07:32,995 --> 00:07:35,163 I'm starving. 122 00:07:35,331 --> 00:07:37,582 What you pigs are eating is the blackened cod. 123 00:07:37,750 --> 00:07:41,502 It comes with rosemary mashed potatoes and tempura mushrooms. 124 00:07:41,670 --> 00:07:43,171 It's blackened because-hey! 125 00:07:43,339 --> 00:07:47,008 It's blackened because I bought 60 pieces last Tuesday and it's gone bad. 126 00:07:47,176 --> 00:07:50,887 I'll give a free dessert to whoever sells the most of this shit. 127 00:07:51,055 --> 00:07:52,638 - You bitch. - Guys. 128 00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:55,391 I hate to be a ball buster, but somebody was toking marijuana 129 00:07:55,559 --> 00:07:58,353 in the coat checkroom last night and that is a big no no never. 130 00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:00,646 Rich, you put me on for a double tomorrow. 131 00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:02,190 You said you needed money for ballet school. 132 00:08:02,358 --> 00:08:04,108 I do, but I also told you 133 00:08:04,276 --> 00:08:06,319 that I'd get shin splints if I work a double. 134 00:08:06,487 --> 00:08:08,571 - Oh, you're right. I'm sorry. - That's right. 135 00:08:08,739 --> 00:08:10,698 Shin splints, okay, you're right. I will change that right away. 136 00:08:10,866 --> 00:08:12,116 Who the hell is that? 137 00:08:12,284 --> 00:08:14,452 Oh, that's our new busboy. 138 00:08:14,620 --> 00:08:16,454 Donnie, could you come over here, please? 139 00:08:16,622 --> 00:08:19,791 Donnie is Dave's twin brother. 140 00:08:19,958 --> 00:08:22,418 Straighten your fucking bow tie. 141 00:08:22,586 --> 00:08:25,296 No, you went too far. Back. 142 00:08:26,548 --> 00:08:28,466 I'll warn you guys now, he's a complete retard. 143 00:08:28,634 --> 00:08:30,885 - I told you not to call me that. - You what? 144 00:08:31,053 --> 00:08:33,304 - I said you're the retard. - You're the retard! 145 00:08:33,472 --> 00:08:35,098 - You're the retard. - You're the retard. 146 00:08:35,265 --> 00:08:36,891 - You're the re- - Shut up! 147 00:08:38,811 --> 00:08:41,187 - Weird. - Donnie Kanogi, hi. 148 00:08:41,355 --> 00:08:43,981 - You a douchebag like your brother? - No, I- 149 00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:47,652 - Donnie Kanogi. - Tara. 150 00:08:47,820 --> 00:08:50,905 Don't worry about it. My sister's a dick too. I get it. 151 00:08:51,073 --> 00:08:53,282 Ladies and gentlemen, straight from TV land, 152 00:08:53,450 --> 00:08:55,243 our old friend Connor Rhodes! 153 00:08:55,411 --> 00:08:56,994 What's up? What's up? 154 00:08:57,162 --> 00:08:58,830 I missed each and every one of you. 155 00:08:58,997 --> 00:09:01,082 Look at him. Look at this guy. 156 00:09:01,250 --> 00:09:03,126 - Hey. - There you go. 157 00:09:03,293 --> 00:09:05,920 We watched you every single Sunday for two weeks. 158 00:09:06,088 --> 00:09:07,755 Hot stuff. 159 00:09:07,923 --> 00:09:09,507 - Dude! Ha ha! - Whoa! 160 00:09:09,675 --> 00:09:12,175 Oh, you did get a nose job. 161 00:09:12,343 --> 00:09:15,137 No no, my hair is longer and it makes my face look tiny. 162 00:09:15,304 --> 00:09:17,514 We noticed it looked smaller on TV 163 00:09:17,682 --> 00:09:19,516 but we thought it was makeup. 164 00:09:19,684 --> 00:09:24,187 It's strange, I know, but the camera actually takes 2 Ibs off your nose. 165 00:09:24,355 --> 00:09:26,022 I think you took 2 Ibs off your nose. 166 00:09:26,190 --> 00:09:29,526 Nice one, Dick P. But seriously, I did not get a nose job. 167 00:09:29,694 --> 00:09:31,445 Hey, true to form, you're an hour late. 168 00:09:31,612 --> 00:09:35,031 - Nuh-uh. Daylight savings. - Then you should be an hour early. 169 00:09:35,199 --> 00:09:36,658 Pretty good? 170 00:09:36,826 --> 00:09:39,786 All right, everybody, hit the floor. Let's have a big night tonight. 171 00:09:39,954 --> 00:09:41,455 - Whoo! - Let's see some pep in that step. 172 00:09:41,622 --> 00:09:43,874 - Let's do it. - Oh, I'm Donnie. 173 00:09:44,041 --> 00:09:45,667 - Welcome back. - Thank you. Nice to see you. 174 00:09:45,835 --> 00:09:47,335 - Good to see you. - You look good. 175 00:09:47,503 --> 00:09:49,504 - You do too. - How are you doing? 176 00:09:52,216 --> 00:09:54,509 Wow, frosty. 177 00:09:54,677 --> 00:09:56,261 So are you gonna be all right with this? 178 00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:58,555 Yeah yeah. Well, you know, I spent a shitload of cash I didn't have. 179 00:09:58,723 --> 00:09:59,973 So... got to eat. 180 00:10:00,141 --> 00:10:01,808 Go to work. 181 00:10:01,976 --> 00:10:04,186 - Okay. Working, huh? - Yeah. 182 00:10:18,743 --> 00:10:21,495 So what, you like quit to be on a TV show? 183 00:10:21,662 --> 00:10:24,789 Yeah yeah, I got a lead role on "CFI Hotlanta." 184 00:10:24,957 --> 00:10:27,250 - No way. - Yeah. 185 00:10:27,418 --> 00:10:30,086 Connor walked out of here in a blaze of glory. 186 00:10:38,095 --> 00:10:40,514 Yeah! Yeah! 187 00:10:40,681 --> 00:10:42,599 I'm famous! Whoo! 188 00:10:42,767 --> 00:10:46,353 I'm famous! Ya-ya-ya-ya-ya! 189 00:10:46,521 --> 00:10:48,104 Whoo-hoo! 190 00:10:50,566 --> 00:10:53,150 Cole slaw never tasted so good. 191 00:10:53,318 --> 00:10:54,693 Whoo-hoo! 192 00:10:54,861 --> 00:10:57,196 Fucking big nose. 193 00:10:57,364 --> 00:10:59,865 Suck it. Eat a dick. Eat a dick. 194 00:11:00,033 --> 00:11:02,076 Suck it. Lick it. Stick it. 195 00:11:02,244 --> 00:11:03,786 Double dick it. 196 00:11:03,954 --> 00:11:07,331 And fuck you! 197 00:11:12,754 --> 00:11:14,129 - Cole slaw! - Yeah. 198 00:11:14,297 --> 00:11:16,173 They killed me off after two episodes. 199 00:11:16,341 --> 00:11:19,009 - Aw, how come? - Because every time he came on TV 200 00:11:19,177 --> 00:11:21,178 America threw up in their mouths just a little bit. 201 00:11:21,346 --> 00:11:22,346 Oh, yes. 202 00:11:22,514 --> 00:11:26,392 Actually, it's because the actress who plays the police commissioner 203 00:11:26,560 --> 00:11:29,436 and I took a little trip to Ejacuidor together. 204 00:11:29,604 --> 00:11:32,565 Whoa, wait. Isn't that Morgan Fairchild? 205 00:11:32,732 --> 00:11:34,775 It is Morgan Fairchild. 206 00:11:34,943 --> 00:11:35,985 - What? - All right. 207 00:11:36,152 --> 00:11:37,152 - Dude! - She's hot! 208 00:11:37,320 --> 00:11:39,863 But the creator of the show, this guy named Dick Lobo, 209 00:11:40,031 --> 00:11:42,783 got jealous and suddenly Detective Shep Winford 210 00:11:42,951 --> 00:11:46,537 would up dead in a petting zoo with the killer's sperm in his shoes. 211 00:11:46,705 --> 00:11:49,248 Wait, his sperm was in your shoe? 212 00:11:49,416 --> 00:11:51,542 Whatever, dude. Tell us about Morgan Fairchild. 213 00:11:51,710 --> 00:11:53,836 Was she wet? Was she dry? Did she laugh? Did she cry? 214 00:11:54,004 --> 00:11:56,046 All right, day one of shooting, 215 00:11:56,214 --> 00:11:59,842 Morgan Fairchild is giving me the stink eye something fierce. 216 00:12:00,010 --> 00:12:04,430 At the end of the day she says, "I want to see you in my trailer." 217 00:12:04,598 --> 00:12:07,349 So I knock on the door, open it up and go in 218 00:12:07,517 --> 00:12:11,437 and Morgan Fairchild is wearing the tiniest piece of lingerie. 219 00:12:11,605 --> 00:12:14,773 I mean, it's not even lingerie. It's like Silly String. 220 00:12:14,941 --> 00:12:17,276 - What color? - See-through. 221 00:12:17,444 --> 00:12:19,570 - See-through? - Like a spider web. 222 00:12:19,738 --> 00:12:21,030 That's so hot. 223 00:12:21,197 --> 00:12:23,198 She says, "I've got a little welcome present for you." 224 00:12:23,366 --> 00:12:26,368 Takes out a gift wrapped box, opens it, 225 00:12:26,536 --> 00:12:30,289 reaches in and pulls out, and I shit you not, 226 00:12:30,457 --> 00:12:33,876 the biggest, blackest- 227 00:12:34,044 --> 00:12:36,210 - Welcome to Slammin' Salmon. - Thank you. 228 00:12:36,378 --> 00:12:37,879 - Just one? - Just one. 229 00:12:38,047 --> 00:12:40,131 - No no no. - Not my section. Not my section. 230 00:12:40,299 --> 00:12:42,091 - He's definitely coming back. - No he's not. 231 00:12:42,259 --> 00:12:44,260 - No no no no. - No no no no. 232 00:12:44,428 --> 00:12:46,804 Damn it! 233 00:12:46,972 --> 00:12:49,349 You do not seat one person at a four top. 234 00:12:49,516 --> 00:12:50,767 Sorry, Guy. 235 00:12:50,934 --> 00:12:53,645 Can you please wait until I get back to finish that story? 236 00:12:53,812 --> 00:12:56,230 - I can't wait. - No dice, Jim Rice. 237 00:12:56,398 --> 00:12:58,775 - Come on. - They've spoken, Guy. 238 00:12:58,942 --> 00:13:00,401 God! 239 00:13:00,569 --> 00:13:02,779 Shit. 240 00:13:02,946 --> 00:13:05,865 All right, she reaches in and pulls out, and I shit you not... 241 00:13:06,033 --> 00:13:08,660 Hey, sport. How are you? 242 00:13:08,827 --> 00:13:11,496 Welcome to the Slammin' Salmon. I'm Guy. 243 00:13:11,664 --> 00:13:13,915 Well, hello, Guy. I'm Horace, and thank you. 244 00:13:14,083 --> 00:13:17,126 Oh no! 245 00:13:18,295 --> 00:13:21,422 Sounds like someone told a great story. 246 00:13:21,590 --> 00:13:23,716 Yes it does. 247 00:13:30,349 --> 00:13:33,685 Connor, I just sat you. Welcome back. 248 00:13:34,978 --> 00:13:36,562 It's good we didn't get a booth. 249 00:13:36,730 --> 00:13:39,357 Don't forget your Slammin' Salmon smile. 250 00:13:39,525 --> 00:13:40,900 Is that a real thing? 251 00:13:41,068 --> 00:13:42,860 - Do I need to know that? - Yeah. 252 00:13:43,028 --> 00:13:45,947 Honey, I'm not hungry. Can we just split a couple things? 253 00:13:47,116 --> 00:13:49,450 Hi, welcome to the Slammin' Salmon. 254 00:13:49,618 --> 00:13:52,620 - Okay. - Oh my God, I know you. 255 00:13:52,788 --> 00:13:55,498 - Really? - Oh yeah, I definitely know you. 256 00:13:55,666 --> 00:13:58,209 - Where do I know you from? - Maybe he's in your spinning class. 257 00:13:58,377 --> 00:14:01,129 - He looks like a spinner. - Honey, he's not a spinner. 258 00:14:01,296 --> 00:14:03,548 Oh, God, it's driving me crazy. 259 00:14:03,716 --> 00:14:05,466 I know I've seen you somewhere before. 260 00:14:05,634 --> 00:14:08,010 Is it from TV do you think? 261 00:14:09,722 --> 00:14:11,931 Yes, I've got it. 262 00:14:12,099 --> 00:14:14,308 Yeah, you waited on me last time I was here. 263 00:14:14,476 --> 00:14:17,145 Duh. 264 00:14:17,312 --> 00:14:21,064 Well, I left for a while to be one of the leads on "CFI Hotlanta." 265 00:14:23,651 --> 00:14:26,528 No way. I'm the black woman from "Law and Order," so... 266 00:14:26,696 --> 00:14:29,489 - You're so funny. - Thanks. 267 00:14:29,657 --> 00:14:33,160 - I'll have a Merlot. - Dry Sack, rocks. 268 00:14:37,915 --> 00:14:40,125 Ladies and gentlemen, 269 00:14:40,293 --> 00:14:42,544 from Hell's Kitchen, New York, 270 00:14:42,712 --> 00:14:45,422 the Doctor of Destruction, 271 00:14:45,590 --> 00:14:48,425 the Captain of Crunch, 272 00:14:48,593 --> 00:14:51,845 the Heavyweight Champion of the World, 273 00:14:52,013 --> 00:14:55,056 Slammin' Cleon Salmon. 274 00:14:59,353 --> 00:15:02,898 Thank you. I hope you find the seafood to be succulent. 275 00:15:03,065 --> 00:15:05,484 And if you need anything, anything at all, 276 00:15:05,651 --> 00:15:07,944 remember-ding-ring the bell. 277 00:15:08,112 --> 00:15:11,490 And come back soon, or else I'll ring your bell. 278 00:15:14,952 --> 00:15:16,870 Oh, look at that. You've been working out. 279 00:15:17,038 --> 00:15:18,997 Let's see. Come here. Yeah. Okay. 280 00:15:19,165 --> 00:15:21,041 Nuts, I need a drink. 281 00:15:21,209 --> 00:15:24,377 $200 for a babysitter? I mean, come on, that's a lot of money. 282 00:15:24,545 --> 00:15:26,296 No, you're totally worth it. 283 00:15:26,464 --> 00:15:28,256 I know how much you love Norah Jones. 284 00:15:28,424 --> 00:15:30,884 I love her too. I bought the tickets. Front row seats. 285 00:15:31,052 --> 00:15:33,595 My favorite song? Um... 286 00:15:34,597 --> 00:15:35,889 "Don't Know Why"? 287 00:15:36,057 --> 00:15:38,141 Round one. 288 00:15:38,309 --> 00:15:40,727 Oh my God. Oh my God. I've got to go. I love you. 289 00:15:40,895 --> 00:15:43,396 Well, if it isn't the King of Siam. 290 00:15:43,564 --> 00:15:46,483 - Make yourself at home. - Okay. Hey, Champ. 291 00:15:46,651 --> 00:15:48,652 Didn't mean to sit in your chair. Sorry about that. 292 00:15:48,820 --> 00:15:50,153 I'm just being humorous. 293 00:15:50,321 --> 00:15:53,406 But I do want to talk about something serious. 294 00:15:53,574 --> 00:15:57,953 Are you familiar with Japanese albino hunting? 295 00:15:58,120 --> 00:16:00,746 Can't say that I am, no. 296 00:16:00,914 --> 00:16:03,249 Oh my God, it is all the rage in Japan right now. 297 00:16:03,416 --> 00:16:05,584 What they do is they set a bunch of Japanese albinos 298 00:16:05,752 --> 00:16:07,461 loose in the forest and you hunt them. 299 00:16:07,629 --> 00:16:09,171 And you shoot them? 300 00:16:09,339 --> 00:16:12,132 No no, it's just for sport. Strictly catch and release. 301 00:16:12,300 --> 00:16:13,968 Who is it?! 302 00:16:14,135 --> 00:16:16,220 Round one. 303 00:16:17,556 --> 00:16:18,889 Your drink, Champ. 304 00:16:19,057 --> 00:16:21,183 Oh, crazy straw. 305 00:16:21,351 --> 00:16:23,143 Mmm. Wow, that's good. 306 00:16:23,311 --> 00:16:25,938 So my first time hunting these albinos 307 00:16:26,106 --> 00:16:28,107 an albino ran right past me. 308 00:16:28,275 --> 00:16:31,068 I got so nervous I smacked him in the head 309 00:16:31,236 --> 00:16:33,112 and almost depacitated him. 310 00:16:33,280 --> 00:16:35,614 It's decapitated, Champ. 311 00:16:35,782 --> 00:16:37,283 Whatever, motherfucker! 312 00:16:40,453 --> 00:16:42,162 Round one. 313 00:16:42,330 --> 00:16:43,455 Now where was I? 314 00:16:43,623 --> 00:16:46,458 You were talking about Japanese albino hunting. 315 00:16:46,626 --> 00:16:48,961 Oh yeah. So I bet the head of the Yakuza 316 00:16:49,129 --> 00:16:51,547 20 grand that I could catch more albinos than him. 317 00:16:51,715 --> 00:16:54,049 I mean, look at me, come on. I'm an athlete. 318 00:16:54,217 --> 00:16:56,135 Well, you know what? I got my ass kicked. 319 00:16:56,303 --> 00:16:58,804 And now I've got to pay him 20 grand by tomorrow. 320 00:16:58,972 --> 00:17:01,348 Sounds like someone has to go to the ATM machine. 321 00:17:01,516 --> 00:17:03,309 Yeah, you would think that. 322 00:17:03,476 --> 00:17:06,186 But I'm a little cash-poor right now. 323 00:17:06,354 --> 00:17:09,732 I bought some land on the moon next to John Travolta. 324 00:17:09,900 --> 00:17:12,151 Smart. Real estate is a very safe investment. 325 00:17:12,319 --> 00:17:13,611 So here's what you've got to do for me. 326 00:17:13,778 --> 00:17:15,613 I need you to make 20 grand tonight 327 00:17:15,780 --> 00:17:18,157 or else these guys are gonna come and take the restaurant. 328 00:17:18,325 --> 00:17:20,910 Champ, the most the restaurant 329 00:17:21,077 --> 00:17:22,828 has ever made in one night is 15 grand. 330 00:17:22,996 --> 00:17:25,414 Oh, boo hoo hoo. I don't care. 331 00:17:25,582 --> 00:17:27,875 I wish you would have told me. I would have had more waiters on tonight. 332 00:17:28,043 --> 00:17:30,044 I wish Nino Gutierrez would have told me 333 00:17:30,211 --> 00:17:33,255 he was gonna sock me with a hard right in the Fracas in Caracas. 334 00:17:33,423 --> 00:17:35,925 And now look at him. 335 00:17:39,512 --> 00:17:41,013 He's dead. 336 00:17:41,181 --> 00:17:43,348 I can see that. 337 00:17:43,515 --> 00:17:45,725 So figure it out. 338 00:17:45,893 --> 00:17:49,812 If you don't get me 20 grand by tonight I'm gonna lose the restaurant. 339 00:17:49,980 --> 00:17:52,649 If I lose the restaurant I'm gonna be mad. 340 00:17:52,816 --> 00:17:55,360 And if I'm mad I'm gonna beat the shit out of you 341 00:17:55,527 --> 00:17:56,945 and break all your arms. 342 00:17:57,112 --> 00:17:59,113 Champ, I'm gonna need those arms. 343 00:17:59,281 --> 00:18:00,865 I got three kids. 344 00:18:01,033 --> 00:18:03,618 All the more reason to keep it open. Okey-dokey? 345 00:18:03,786 --> 00:18:04,827 Okey-dokey. 346 00:18:04,995 --> 00:18:06,329 I'm gonna skedaddle. 347 00:18:06,497 --> 00:18:08,831 I'll be back to check on you later. 348 00:18:10,209 --> 00:18:12,377 Bam! 349 00:18:12,544 --> 00:18:13,878 Round one. 350 00:18:14,046 --> 00:18:16,297 Oh boy. 351 00:18:16,465 --> 00:18:18,341 Everybody listen up, please. 352 00:18:18,509 --> 00:18:20,551 Hello, everyone listen to me, please. 353 00:18:20,719 --> 00:18:22,553 Champ wants a big night tonight. 354 00:18:22,721 --> 00:18:25,723 So he is offering a prize to the top selling waiter. 355 00:18:25,891 --> 00:18:28,559 - Ooh, is it cash? - It's not cash, but it's something better. 356 00:18:28,727 --> 00:18:30,937 - What, a blowjob from your mother? - Oh! 357 00:18:31,105 --> 00:18:33,982 No no, it's not a blowjob from my mother, okay? 358 00:18:34,149 --> 00:18:36,484 The prize for the top selling waiter, 359 00:18:36,652 --> 00:18:40,655 two front row seats to the Norah Jones concert this week. 360 00:18:40,823 --> 00:18:42,323 Oh my God, oh my God! I love Norah Jones. 361 00:18:42,491 --> 00:18:44,325 Oh my God. 362 00:18:44,493 --> 00:18:46,536 - Right? Right? - Sweet, I'm in. 363 00:18:46,704 --> 00:18:48,287 Are you serious? You like Norah Jones? 364 00:18:48,455 --> 00:18:49,956 No, she's a slag. 365 00:18:50,124 --> 00:18:51,916 But think of all the tang that's gonna be at that show. 366 00:18:52,084 --> 00:18:54,794 I'll be up to my elbows in tang. Like a fucking astronaut. 367 00:18:54,962 --> 00:18:57,505 With a space helmet on. 368 00:18:57,673 --> 00:18:59,716 You're a weird fucking dude. You know that? 369 00:18:59,883 --> 00:19:02,635 I am so gonna win this. Do tips count? 370 00:19:02,803 --> 00:19:04,554 Tips count. Champ loves great service, right? 371 00:19:04,722 --> 00:19:08,266 Okay, give me your tips as you get them and I'll post it up on the board, okay? 372 00:19:08,434 --> 00:19:09,851 - All right. - Now everyone, 373 00:19:10,019 --> 00:19:12,478 get out there and move some fish. 374 00:19:12,646 --> 00:19:14,981 I've never lost at anything in my life. 375 00:19:20,654 --> 00:19:23,781 Look at this good-looking group of men. 376 00:19:23,949 --> 00:19:26,742 So are you boys hungry? 377 00:19:26,909 --> 00:19:28,452 Starving. 378 00:19:28,619 --> 00:19:32,289 Mmm, well you know what they say about a man with a big appetite. 379 00:19:32,457 --> 00:19:34,458 It's all true. 380 00:19:34,625 --> 00:19:36,793 Good. 'Cause you know what? 381 00:19:36,961 --> 00:19:39,129 You're gonna have the 4-Ib lobster tonight. 382 00:19:39,297 --> 00:19:41,882 - Okay. - Okay? And so are you. And you. 383 00:19:42,050 --> 00:19:44,593 I just have to tell you, I am a huge fan. 384 00:19:44,761 --> 00:19:46,845 "Dogs of the Sahara" is a perfect movie. 385 00:19:47,013 --> 00:19:50,515 And your acting in it is sick. Like hospital sick. 386 00:19:50,683 --> 00:19:53,393 Wow. Thanks, man. I appreciate it. 387 00:19:53,561 --> 00:19:57,147 Seriously, I think you discovered, like, a new emotion in that movie. 388 00:19:57,315 --> 00:20:00,275 Really? I didn't know. Thanks again. 389 00:20:00,443 --> 00:20:01,985 Well, what kind of emotion? 390 00:20:02,153 --> 00:20:04,780 Well, you know, it's like he's like brave 391 00:20:04,947 --> 00:20:06,281 but naive. 392 00:20:06,449 --> 00:20:08,283 You know? Like braive. 393 00:20:08,451 --> 00:20:10,494 Okay. 394 00:20:10,661 --> 00:20:12,287 - Congratulations. - Thank you. 395 00:20:12,455 --> 00:20:14,706 - Sorry, I never do this. - What's your name, pal? 396 00:20:14,874 --> 00:20:17,000 - I'm Connor. - Connor, I'm Marlon. 397 00:20:17,168 --> 00:20:19,461 And this is my girlfriend Samara Dubois. 398 00:20:19,629 --> 00:20:21,755 Oh, I read "US Weekly." I know who this is. 399 00:20:21,923 --> 00:20:24,424 The interior designer who stole your heart. 400 00:20:24,592 --> 00:20:25,884 That's right. 401 00:20:26,052 --> 00:20:28,220 I hired her to decorate my chill chalet. 402 00:20:28,387 --> 00:20:31,598 She said, "First things first. You should just call it a 'chilet. "' 403 00:20:31,766 --> 00:20:34,351 I fell in love with her right then and there. 404 00:20:34,519 --> 00:20:36,103 I just put the two words together. 405 00:20:36,270 --> 00:20:38,188 Chilet. I love that. 406 00:20:40,274 --> 00:20:42,400 New guy. Sorry. 407 00:20:42,568 --> 00:20:45,612 - So what's this? - Little tradition here at the Salmon. 408 00:20:45,780 --> 00:20:49,074 Anytime a busboy breaks something he does a shot of Blue Curacao. 409 00:20:49,242 --> 00:20:51,326 Is it cool to drink on the job? 410 00:20:51,494 --> 00:20:54,204 Do you need to ask your big brother for permission? 411 00:20:54,372 --> 00:20:56,957 Do you want to try shaving with this? Okay, yeah, let's see. 412 00:20:57,125 --> 00:20:59,459 I'm older by eight hours. 413 00:20:59,627 --> 00:21:01,336 Hi-yaa! 414 00:21:01,504 --> 00:21:03,463 And don't worry. No one will ever know. 415 00:21:03,631 --> 00:21:05,173 Cool. 416 00:21:05,341 --> 00:21:07,675 - Hey, Conman. - Mr. Spencer. 417 00:21:07,843 --> 00:21:10,553 I was wondering if you could help me out. 418 00:21:10,720 --> 00:21:13,097 Oh my God, this is really sudden. 419 00:21:15,183 --> 00:21:17,268 I'm proposing to Samara tonight. 420 00:21:17,435 --> 00:21:20,896 Wow, somebody finally put a saddle on you, huh, bronco? 421 00:21:21,064 --> 00:21:23,274 Um, yeah. When we order dessert, 422 00:21:23,441 --> 00:21:25,442 could you put the ring in it so she can find it? 423 00:21:25,610 --> 00:21:29,029 Yeah yeah yeah. Let's get her drunk so she says yes. 424 00:21:31,283 --> 00:21:34,451 That's a custom-made ring, yeah? 425 00:21:34,619 --> 00:21:36,620 It's safe with me. You have my word. 426 00:21:36,788 --> 00:21:38,164 Cool. 427 00:21:41,376 --> 00:21:43,294 - Send back - Oh, out of the way. It's a dessert. 428 00:21:43,461 --> 00:21:45,462 - Somebody sent back a dessert. - Oh my God. 429 00:21:47,465 --> 00:21:49,466 When somebody sends back a dessert you've got to move fast. 430 00:21:49,634 --> 00:21:51,594 They're like wild jackals at their mother's teat. 431 00:21:51,761 --> 00:21:53,971 I've got to get lemons. Tara, will you watch my section? 432 00:21:54,139 --> 00:21:56,974 - Mmm, yup. - This is good! 433 00:22:03,648 --> 00:22:05,774 - What's up, Mamma Mia? - Uh-oh. 434 00:22:05,942 --> 00:22:09,153 The old follow me down to the walk-in fridge game, huh? 435 00:22:11,239 --> 00:22:15,075 Frankly, I didn't expect to see you here at the Salmon again. 436 00:22:15,243 --> 00:22:18,329 Yeah, well, I figure I'm here three or four months tops. 437 00:22:18,496 --> 00:22:20,331 And then I'm moving to California to do some modeling. 438 00:22:20,498 --> 00:22:23,459 Well, don't you have to be like tall, 439 00:22:23,627 --> 00:22:26,670 muscular and really hot to model? 440 00:22:26,838 --> 00:22:30,216 No no, not anymore. You'd be amazed what they can do with CGI these days. 441 00:22:30,383 --> 00:22:32,009 Right. 442 00:22:32,177 --> 00:22:34,178 I like the new nose, by the way. 443 00:22:34,346 --> 00:22:36,847 It's so funny that you all think that. 444 00:22:37,015 --> 00:22:39,183 'Cause it's the same nose it always was. 445 00:22:39,351 --> 00:22:40,684 - Really? - Uh-huh. 446 00:22:40,852 --> 00:22:43,979 - Want to take a closer look? - I just might. 447 00:22:56,825 --> 00:22:59,535 - You fucking love it. - Yeah. 448 00:23:02,998 --> 00:23:04,540 Oh my God! Oh yes! 449 00:23:04,708 --> 00:23:06,626 - So fucking hot. - Yeah. 450 00:23:09,672 --> 00:23:13,383 Wow. You know what? I'm not your tickle friend anymore. 451 00:23:13,550 --> 00:23:15,593 Well, you are saying no 452 00:23:15,761 --> 00:23:17,804 but a couple of your friends are saying yes. 453 00:23:17,972 --> 00:23:20,181 It's cold in here, asshole. 454 00:23:29,525 --> 00:23:31,109 Why do they call you Nuts? 455 00:23:31,277 --> 00:23:33,278 Because I'm crazy. 456 00:23:33,445 --> 00:23:34,696 You don't look crazy. 457 00:23:34,863 --> 00:23:36,864 Oh, I'm insane. 458 00:23:37,032 --> 00:23:39,409 You should see me without my meds. 459 00:23:39,576 --> 00:23:41,869 At my last job, I didn't take my meds one day, 460 00:23:42,037 --> 00:23:45,039 hour later I was walking around naked with peanut butter in my hair 461 00:23:45,207 --> 00:23:47,458 telling people my name was Zongo. 462 00:23:47,626 --> 00:23:51,212 I delivered an old lady a cup of hot water with my balls in it. 463 00:23:51,380 --> 00:23:53,339 Yeah, talk about your Red Zinger. 464 00:23:53,507 --> 00:23:56,676 Yeah, but I don't remember any of it. 465 00:23:56,844 --> 00:23:59,679 My balls were red though. 466 00:24:01,348 --> 00:24:03,683 - Are you serious? - Totally. 467 00:24:03,851 --> 00:24:05,768 No, I'm joking. 468 00:24:05,936 --> 00:24:07,729 But it is true. 469 00:24:14,486 --> 00:24:16,696 - Sir. - Huh? 470 00:24:16,864 --> 00:24:18,781 Are you ready to order your entree? 471 00:24:18,949 --> 00:24:21,242 Oh, I haven't even looked at the menu. 472 00:24:21,410 --> 00:24:23,745 Oh, that's my party people. 473 00:24:23,912 --> 00:24:25,246 Yeah! 474 00:24:26,623 --> 00:24:29,167 Hey, all right. 475 00:24:29,335 --> 00:24:32,210 You've been here for an hour, sir. Surely you must be hungry. 476 00:24:32,378 --> 00:24:34,963 Oh, I am. I'll take a look. 477 00:24:35,131 --> 00:24:38,425 In the meantime, I'll have a drink. 478 00:24:38,593 --> 00:24:41,678 Tell me, Guy, what goes well with Tolstoy? 479 00:24:41,846 --> 00:24:44,598 Dom Perignon, Cristal, perhaps a Chateau Margaux, 480 00:24:44,766 --> 00:24:46,892 or even a 1945 Rothschild. 481 00:24:47,060 --> 00:24:48,935 Well, I'll take all four. 482 00:24:49,103 --> 00:24:51,188 - Really? - No. 483 00:24:51,356 --> 00:24:53,648 I'll just have a cup of hot water 484 00:24:53,816 --> 00:24:56,610 with a wedge of lemon. 485 00:24:57,653 --> 00:24:59,654 Living on the edge. 486 00:25:01,366 --> 00:25:04,201 - Oh no, here. - Hold on, hold on. 487 00:25:06,996 --> 00:25:08,914 Oh, come on. 488 00:25:12,043 --> 00:25:13,335 Oh, Jesus. 489 00:25:13,503 --> 00:25:15,545 Nuts, you fucker. 490 00:25:15,713 --> 00:25:16,922 Uh-oh! Dick P, a little help? 491 00:25:17,090 --> 00:25:19,674 - What are you guys doing? - Dicking around, bro. 492 00:25:19,842 --> 00:25:22,135 - Yahtzee! - What are you doing with the booze? 493 00:25:22,303 --> 00:25:25,597 Donnie, leave us. Grab me an olive from the bar, please. 494 00:25:29,060 --> 00:25:32,396 Dave Kanogi's brother. I'm hazing the shit out of him, dude. 495 00:25:32,563 --> 00:25:34,523 Maybe you should be selling the shit out of the food, dude. 496 00:25:34,690 --> 00:25:35,857 - Tara. - Yes? 497 00:25:36,025 --> 00:25:37,651 You love Norah Jones. I mean, "Come Away With Me." 498 00:25:37,819 --> 00:25:39,444 You love that song. I've heard you humming it. 499 00:25:39,612 --> 00:25:41,279 Yes, I also hum the Macarena. 500 00:25:41,447 --> 00:25:43,323 It doesn't mean I want to go to the Macarena concert. 501 00:25:43,491 --> 00:25:45,992 - Oh, snap. - Well, Norah Jones is different. 502 00:25:46,160 --> 00:25:48,370 I mean, she's cool and folksy and jazzy. Come on. 503 00:25:48,538 --> 00:25:52,124 Rich, look, I'm in medical school, okay? I don't have time to go to a concert. 504 00:25:52,291 --> 00:25:56,002 - What about you? - I'm not sure who Norma Jones is. 505 00:25:56,170 --> 00:25:57,754 - Is she the puppeteer? - No. 506 00:25:57,922 --> 00:26:01,216 Here's the thing. Norah Jones is for chicks and weepy dorks like you. 507 00:26:01,384 --> 00:26:04,094 If I'm gonna make the Champ richer, I want a real prize. 508 00:26:04,262 --> 00:26:05,846 Till then, you tell him to go fuck a cow. 509 00:26:06,013 --> 00:26:08,265 - What's up? - Oh, snap! 510 00:26:16,565 --> 00:26:18,649 Hey, retards, you want to answer the phone? 511 00:26:18,817 --> 00:26:21,193 Oh, I'll do it. I'm only the manager. 512 00:26:22,529 --> 00:26:25,364 Good evening. Persuasions Spa and Casino Resort. 513 00:26:25,532 --> 00:26:28,576 I'm Stanley Bellin. How may I persuade you? 514 00:26:28,743 --> 00:26:31,704 Hey, Stanley. It's Rich Parente calling on behalf of Cleon Salmon. 515 00:26:31,872 --> 00:26:34,999 Yeah, the Champ would like to book his regular suite. 516 00:26:35,167 --> 00:26:38,169 Oh, I'm afraid the suite 517 00:26:38,336 --> 00:26:40,379 is not available for Mr. Salmon. 518 00:26:40,547 --> 00:26:42,882 What do you mean? Why not? 519 00:26:43,049 --> 00:26:45,885 'Cause last time Mr. Salmon's pet kangaroo 520 00:26:46,052 --> 00:26:48,012 defecated in our kitchen. 521 00:26:48,180 --> 00:26:50,681 Oh, well, that kangaroo is no longer with us. 522 00:26:50,849 --> 00:26:53,642 The Champ actually killed him during a sparring session. 523 00:26:53,810 --> 00:26:55,478 I'm so sorry to hear that. 524 00:26:55,645 --> 00:26:58,898 Unfortunately I will have to politely say no. 525 00:26:59,065 --> 00:27:00,691 Is that Stanley? 526 00:27:00,859 --> 00:27:03,527 - Let me talk to him. - Don't tell him it's me. Just- 527 00:27:03,695 --> 00:27:05,029 Yes, Champ. It's Stanley Bellin. 528 00:27:05,197 --> 00:27:06,363 Fuck. 529 00:27:06,531 --> 00:27:08,616 Tell him I said I want the Emperor Suite 530 00:27:08,783 --> 00:27:10,951 or I'm gonna shove his ass up his ass. 531 00:27:11,119 --> 00:27:15,122 Uh, of course Mr. Salmon can stay in the Emperor Suite. 532 00:27:15,290 --> 00:27:16,957 I was merely joking. 533 00:27:17,125 --> 00:27:20,002 Tell him to make the reservation under King Kamehameha. 534 00:27:20,170 --> 00:27:22,588 All right, Kamehameha. 535 00:27:22,756 --> 00:27:24,757 How many Ms? 536 00:27:24,925 --> 00:27:27,927 And it better be free or I'm gonna knock Stanley into Bolivian. 537 00:27:28,094 --> 00:27:31,222 Yeah, he said that he was hoping it would be free 538 00:27:31,389 --> 00:27:32,848 or he was gonna knock you into Bolivian. 539 00:27:33,016 --> 00:27:34,600 But I think he means oblivion. 540 00:27:34,768 --> 00:27:36,602 Whatever, motherfucker! 541 00:27:36,770 --> 00:27:39,271 It'll be free. It'll be free. 542 00:27:39,439 --> 00:27:41,607 Guys, listen up. New deal, okay? 543 00:27:41,775 --> 00:27:43,526 Champ is very serious about selling big tonight. 544 00:27:43,693 --> 00:27:45,653 So there's a new prize. 545 00:27:45,820 --> 00:27:47,738 A four-day, three-night stay 546 00:27:47,906 --> 00:27:51,242 at the Persuasions Spa and Casino Resort Hotel in Key Largo. 547 00:27:51,409 --> 00:27:53,244 - That sounds awesome. - Really? 548 00:27:53,411 --> 00:27:54,620 Wait a minute, is that the gay key? 549 00:27:54,788 --> 00:27:56,371 It's the straight key, Guy. 550 00:27:56,539 --> 00:27:58,373 What if he wanted the gay key? 551 00:27:58,541 --> 00:27:59,707 Why would I want the gay key? 552 00:27:59,875 --> 00:28:02,919 - I thought you said you... - All right, listen listen listen. 553 00:28:03,087 --> 00:28:04,504 It's a great prize. Come on. 554 00:28:04,672 --> 00:28:06,798 Persuasions Spa and Casino Resort Hotel. 555 00:28:06,966 --> 00:28:08,216 - That's awesome. - Hell yeah, Dick P. 556 00:28:08,384 --> 00:28:10,260 Here are the current standings, okay? 557 00:28:10,427 --> 00:28:12,679 Nuts, Tara, let's pick it up a notch, okay? 558 00:28:12,846 --> 00:28:14,055 Enthusiasm! 559 00:28:14,223 --> 00:28:16,724 My suggestion to you guys, sell the cod. 560 00:28:16,892 --> 00:28:18,643 One of the most expensive items on the menu. 561 00:28:18,811 --> 00:28:20,728 $38.95, okay? 562 00:28:20,896 --> 00:28:22,939 Let's get out there and turn 'em and burn 'em. 563 00:28:23,107 --> 00:28:25,817 All right? 564 00:28:25,985 --> 00:28:27,819 Come on, sell some cod. 565 00:28:27,987 --> 00:28:30,488 Well, you have got to try the cod. 566 00:28:30,656 --> 00:28:32,782 Is it fishy? I don't really like fishy fish. 567 00:28:32,950 --> 00:28:35,201 Oh, no no no. The cod is the least fishy of the fishes. 568 00:28:35,369 --> 00:28:38,913 It's so unfishy it's not even classified as a fish. 569 00:28:39,081 --> 00:28:40,832 I'll take one. 570 00:28:42,209 --> 00:28:45,044 Do yourself a favor, order the cod. 571 00:28:45,212 --> 00:28:48,923 Is it a fishy fish? I like my fish fishy. 572 00:28:49,091 --> 00:28:50,675 Cod is definitely the fishiest fish there is. 573 00:28:50,843 --> 00:28:53,261 And a fishy fish is a healthy fish. 574 00:28:53,429 --> 00:28:54,804 Ha! 575 00:28:54,972 --> 00:28:56,723 Did you know that cod is a flying fish? 576 00:28:56,890 --> 00:28:58,683 It's flying off the shelf tonight. 577 00:28:58,851 --> 00:29:01,019 Is it flakey? I like flakey. 578 00:29:01,186 --> 00:29:03,146 Very flakey. The Eskimo name for cod 579 00:29:03,314 --> 00:29:05,773 is actually ponacana which means flake fish. 580 00:29:08,611 --> 00:29:10,945 It's a rare Moroccan midget cod. 581 00:29:11,113 --> 00:29:14,157 It's almost impossible to catch so the portions are tiny. 582 00:29:14,325 --> 00:29:15,825 You might want to get two per person. 583 00:29:15,993 --> 00:29:18,453 Moroccan midget cod? I've heard of that. 584 00:29:18,621 --> 00:29:20,079 It's really good. 585 00:29:20,247 --> 00:29:22,665 I usually don't swear at my tables, but you people look really cool. 586 00:29:22,833 --> 00:29:24,792 So it's fucking delicious. 587 00:29:24,960 --> 00:29:26,753 We'll get fucking two each. 588 00:29:26,920 --> 00:29:29,672 Good order. 589 00:29:29,840 --> 00:29:31,382 Hey! 590 00:29:33,260 --> 00:29:37,055 - I've got to ask you something. - Okay. 591 00:29:37,222 --> 00:29:38,680 Were you on "CFI Hotlanta"? 592 00:29:38,848 --> 00:29:41,516 Uh, yeah, I was. 593 00:29:41,684 --> 00:29:42,893 I knew it. 594 00:29:43,061 --> 00:29:45,062 I said you were on "The Bachelorette," dude. 595 00:29:45,229 --> 00:29:47,189 Well, they're both good shows, I suppose. 596 00:29:47,357 --> 00:29:48,690 I love both of those shows. 597 00:29:48,858 --> 00:29:50,817 Hey, Conman, when you're ready, 598 00:29:50,985 --> 00:29:52,903 I think we're ready for desert. 599 00:29:53,071 --> 00:29:56,239 We'll have a brownie, one scoop of vanilla ice cream 600 00:29:56,407 --> 00:29:57,741 and two spoons. 601 00:29:57,909 --> 00:30:00,160 Mmm, carbs. 602 00:30:00,328 --> 00:30:03,413 Yeah, I will get that right out to you. 603 00:30:05,625 --> 00:30:07,668 You know, oysters are an aphrodisiac. 604 00:30:07,835 --> 00:30:11,588 More oysters, more aphrodisia. 605 00:30:13,633 --> 00:30:16,468 That is if you guys think you're gonna get lucky tonight. 606 00:30:16,636 --> 00:30:18,261 I probably will. 607 00:30:18,429 --> 00:30:20,597 What's up, boys? Did you dirty ho-daddies 608 00:30:20,765 --> 00:30:23,058 wish this perfect angel a happy birthday yet? 609 00:30:24,519 --> 00:30:26,687 Oh, it's your birthday? 610 00:30:26,854 --> 00:30:28,480 Yeah. 611 00:30:28,648 --> 00:30:30,273 Where's your birthday suit? 612 00:30:32,151 --> 00:30:33,652 Stop. 613 00:30:33,820 --> 00:30:37,364 - You're so bad. - I can be worse. 614 00:30:41,953 --> 00:30:43,704 Donnie, have you ever noticed that redheaded people 615 00:30:43,871 --> 00:30:45,205 breathe through their mouths? 616 00:30:45,373 --> 00:30:47,040 Like orangutans? 617 00:30:47,208 --> 00:30:49,334 Yeah, exactly like orangutans. 618 00:30:49,502 --> 00:30:51,169 Coincidence? 619 00:30:51,337 --> 00:30:52,754 Happy birthday? 620 00:30:52,922 --> 00:30:54,631 Donnie, leave us. 621 00:30:54,799 --> 00:30:57,384 Bring me a cocktail onion from the bar, please. 622 00:30:57,552 --> 00:31:00,512 What can I say? I thought I'd help you get a big tip. 623 00:31:00,680 --> 00:31:02,180 Just like the old days. 624 00:31:02,348 --> 00:31:04,307 And while we're at it... 625 00:31:04,475 --> 00:31:06,393 may I ask for your hand? 626 00:31:06,561 --> 00:31:08,729 Ooh, I accept. 627 00:31:09,731 --> 00:31:12,232 You know, if you and I work together, 628 00:31:12,400 --> 00:31:14,693 we will definitely win this Key Largo prize. 629 00:31:14,861 --> 00:31:15,944 Mmm, no. 630 00:31:16,112 --> 00:31:18,029 Come on, Mia. Why are you being so difficult? 631 00:31:18,197 --> 00:31:19,656 I want my tickle friend back. 632 00:31:19,824 --> 00:31:21,532 - You do? - Ooh! 633 00:31:23,118 --> 00:31:24,493 Rich, did you just take a bite of that? 634 00:31:24,661 --> 00:31:26,328 Rich? 635 00:31:26,496 --> 00:31:27,830 Something's stuck. 636 00:31:30,167 --> 00:31:32,168 Jesus Christ, there was a diamond ring in that brownie. 637 00:31:32,335 --> 00:31:34,336 It was in the send back area. It was up for grabs. 638 00:31:34,504 --> 00:31:37,256 - You said it was a send back. - I said I want my tickle friend back. 639 00:31:37,424 --> 00:31:39,425 What the fuck is a tickle friend? 640 00:31:41,678 --> 00:31:43,846 Cough it up. 641 00:31:44,014 --> 00:31:45,389 - Whoo! Come on! 642 00:31:45,557 --> 00:31:47,475 I'm not choking. I swallowed it. 643 00:31:47,642 --> 00:31:50,311 Get it out. 644 00:32:07,162 --> 00:32:09,413 Clam chowder for the gentleman. 645 00:32:09,581 --> 00:32:12,124 One, two, three. 646 00:32:13,919 --> 00:32:16,754 The salmon and haricots verts for the lady. 647 00:32:16,922 --> 00:32:20,174 One, two, three. 648 00:32:20,342 --> 00:32:22,218 Soup spoon. 649 00:32:22,385 --> 00:32:24,887 One, two, three. 650 00:32:25,055 --> 00:32:28,474 Is there anything else I can get you this evening? 651 00:32:28,642 --> 00:32:30,768 I think we're fine for now. 652 00:32:30,936 --> 00:32:32,436 Thank you. 653 00:32:32,604 --> 00:32:35,064 One, two, three. 654 00:32:37,067 --> 00:32:39,068 Uh, enjoy your wine. 655 00:32:45,575 --> 00:32:47,993 Dude, it's heading down to Funkytown. 656 00:32:48,161 --> 00:32:49,662 I can't feel it anymore. 657 00:32:49,830 --> 00:32:51,455 - What is that thing? - It's a stud finder. 658 00:32:51,623 --> 00:32:53,999 Stud finder? Sounds like a gay dating service. 659 00:32:54,167 --> 00:32:55,543 Heyoo! 660 00:32:55,710 --> 00:32:57,253 Can we just get the ring, please? 661 00:32:57,420 --> 00:32:59,338 - Tara. - What? 662 00:32:59,506 --> 00:33:02,091 We need medical help. Rich just swallowed a really important diamond ring. 663 00:33:02,259 --> 00:33:04,634 Um, is it still in the esophagus? 664 00:33:06,595 --> 00:33:08,388 Okay, well, it's too deep to expunge by vomiting. 665 00:33:08,556 --> 00:33:10,431 It could tear the esophageal tissue on its way up. 666 00:33:10,599 --> 00:33:11,850 After all, it is a diamond. 667 00:33:12,017 --> 00:33:13,560 Hardest substance known to man! 668 00:33:13,727 --> 00:33:17,522 Look, my advice- you have to pass it anally. 669 00:33:17,690 --> 00:33:20,316 - Oh, shit. - Hope it doesn't turn into coal. 670 00:33:20,484 --> 00:33:22,360 Dude, you better pray it doesn't fork off into your dick. 671 00:33:22,528 --> 00:33:24,070 Ouch. 672 00:33:24,238 --> 00:33:25,697 Nuts, what was with that counting thing at the table? 673 00:33:25,865 --> 00:33:27,782 Counting? 674 00:33:27,950 --> 00:33:29,242 Did you take your meds today? 675 00:33:29,410 --> 00:33:31,953 Meds? Yeah, 3:30. Took 'em before I came here. 676 00:33:32,121 --> 00:33:34,622 Next one is at 8:30. 677 00:33:34,790 --> 00:33:35,999 Right now. 678 00:33:36,166 --> 00:33:38,543 Wait, did you account for daylight savings? 679 00:33:38,711 --> 00:33:41,212 Daylight savings. No. No. 680 00:33:41,380 --> 00:33:43,298 Well, that means that your body actually thinks it's 9:30. 681 00:33:43,465 --> 00:33:45,049 You were supposed to take your meds an hour ago. 682 00:33:45,217 --> 00:33:47,927 Uh-oh. Not good. 683 00:33:48,095 --> 00:33:50,638 Okay, look, why don't you take them and I'll watch your section? 684 00:33:50,806 --> 00:33:52,223 Yeah. 685 00:33:52,391 --> 00:33:54,309 Probably all those cock rings jangling around in there. 686 00:33:54,476 --> 00:33:55,768 Nuts, Nuts, Nuts, where are you going? 687 00:33:55,936 --> 00:33:58,354 I've got to get something out of the coat room. Just take a second. 688 00:33:58,522 --> 00:34:01,482 Can you watch these guy's tables? I got a diamond ring in me, man. 689 00:34:02,776 --> 00:34:05,111 That's all right. I'll get it later. 690 00:34:18,792 --> 00:34:20,835 - Was he just skipping? - What? 691 00:34:21,003 --> 00:34:23,421 - Was he just skipping? - Pig in a poke. 692 00:34:23,589 --> 00:34:24,964 Let's get back to work. 693 00:34:25,132 --> 00:34:27,759 I think I got a pretty good bead on a lunch box. 694 00:34:38,646 --> 00:34:39,729 What's up, buddy? 695 00:34:39,897 --> 00:34:42,815 Okay, there's been a bit of a snag. 696 00:34:42,983 --> 00:34:44,150 Okay, what? 697 00:34:44,318 --> 00:34:46,109 Someone ate your engagement ring. 698 00:34:47,820 --> 00:34:50,530 You're fucking with me. That's good. 699 00:34:50,698 --> 00:34:52,783 No. I put the ring in the brownie 700 00:34:52,951 --> 00:34:55,077 and I turned my back for just one second 701 00:34:55,244 --> 00:34:57,537 and a member of the staff ate the brownie. 702 00:34:57,705 --> 00:35:00,374 You stupid cock. That was a $450,000 703 00:35:00,541 --> 00:35:02,000 South African Bing diamond. 704 00:35:02,168 --> 00:35:05,045 I want to speak to the manager and the asshole who ate it now. 705 00:35:05,213 --> 00:35:08,173 Did you know some dumb fuck ate my ring? 706 00:35:08,341 --> 00:35:11,259 Yes, sir. And I'm terribly sorry about that. 707 00:35:11,427 --> 00:35:12,636 So what are you gonna do about it? 708 00:35:12,804 --> 00:35:14,388 I'm trying to pass it. 709 00:35:14,555 --> 00:35:16,682 - Come again? - I'm trying to pass it. 710 00:35:16,849 --> 00:35:19,810 Anally. Coffee, cigarettes, laxatives. 711 00:35:19,978 --> 00:35:23,146 - It was you? - Uh, yes it was. 712 00:35:23,314 --> 00:35:27,859 That was a $450,000 South African Bing diamond you just ate. 713 00:35:28,027 --> 00:35:30,195 Uh, your meal is on the house tonight. 714 00:35:30,363 --> 00:35:31,446 Screw the meal. 715 00:35:31,614 --> 00:35:35,409 If you don't fuck out that shitting diamond and fast I'm gonna kick your ass. 716 00:35:35,576 --> 00:35:38,245 And Conster, there will be a sequel to that. 717 00:35:41,124 --> 00:35:43,083 Como se dice "Cleveland steamer"? 718 00:35:43,251 --> 00:35:44,668 Don't worry about it. 719 00:35:44,836 --> 00:35:46,545 Yo, Dave. 720 00:35:46,713 --> 00:35:48,964 No, don't even say it. 721 00:35:49,132 --> 00:35:50,382 The woman said it's cold. 722 00:35:50,550 --> 00:35:52,843 - It's steaming. - I know. 723 00:35:53,011 --> 00:35:54,177 Fucking customers, huh? 724 00:35:54,345 --> 00:35:57,180 I mean, I told her to cook with her ass and then go fuck herself but she insisted. 725 00:35:57,348 --> 00:35:59,516 I like you, Guy. 726 00:35:59,684 --> 00:36:01,768 Jamie, nuke the dick out of it. 727 00:36:01,936 --> 00:36:04,688 Si, señor. 728 00:36:14,282 --> 00:36:16,867 Hey, what's that blue shit on your lips? 729 00:36:17,035 --> 00:36:18,160 Nothing. 730 00:36:18,327 --> 00:36:20,537 - Blue Curacao. - Are you drunk? 731 00:36:23,291 --> 00:36:25,375 Asshole, I got you this fucking job. 732 00:36:25,543 --> 00:36:27,544 You screw this up, I'm telling Mom. 733 00:36:27,711 --> 00:36:29,587 No! 734 00:36:29,755 --> 00:36:31,839 Come on, Señor Dave, get him! 735 00:36:34,509 --> 00:36:36,927 Get him, Dave. Come on, man. 736 00:36:38,555 --> 00:36:40,181 I'm gonna stick your fucking face in the oven. 737 00:36:40,348 --> 00:36:42,141 I fucking hate you! 738 00:36:47,564 --> 00:36:49,065 Come on, señor! 739 00:36:49,232 --> 00:36:51,567 Twins are disgusting, man. 740 00:36:51,735 --> 00:36:54,987 Want me to put your head in the oven? 'Cause I'll do it! I'll do it! 741 00:36:55,155 --> 00:36:56,947 I'm sorry. 742 00:36:57,115 --> 00:36:59,325 The kitchen just told me we're out of the brownies. 743 00:36:59,493 --> 00:37:01,285 So would you like the soufflé instead? 744 00:37:01,453 --> 00:37:03,370 It takes an hour to prepare. 745 00:37:03,538 --> 00:37:04,955 I don't think that we actually need- 746 00:37:05,123 --> 00:37:06,832 - Oh, we'll take it. - Honey. 747 00:37:07,000 --> 00:37:08,918 Now tell me all about your plans for the living room. 748 00:37:09,086 --> 00:37:11,128 Okay, 749 00:37:11,296 --> 00:37:14,215 where is my boyfriend and what did you do with him? 750 00:37:16,635 --> 00:37:18,969 Okay, think pillows. 751 00:37:19,137 --> 00:37:21,347 - I'll leave you two alone. - Starting with the bathtub... 752 00:37:21,515 --> 00:37:24,225 Oh, thank you. 753 00:37:24,392 --> 00:37:26,602 I'm a ballerina, you know? 754 00:37:26,770 --> 00:37:30,481 And I'm putting myself through the Bilitnikoff Ballet School. 755 00:37:31,691 --> 00:37:34,193 Well, you certainly got the body for it. 756 00:37:34,361 --> 00:37:37,655 And it stretches in every direction. 757 00:37:39,991 --> 00:37:42,952 Uh, here's a little something extra 758 00:37:43,120 --> 00:37:45,621 for the Sugar Plum Fairy. 759 00:37:45,789 --> 00:37:49,291 Oh, thank you. 760 00:37:50,544 --> 00:37:52,753 What are you looking at, Liz? 761 00:37:52,921 --> 00:37:55,714 - You are so winning this contest. - Oh, yeah. 762 00:38:57,860 --> 00:38:59,277 Shit! 763 00:39:04,200 --> 00:39:06,117 Don't cry. It's gonna look fine. 764 00:39:06,285 --> 00:39:08,745 Oh, gently gently gently. Ah! 765 00:39:08,913 --> 00:39:10,872 This looks all right. Was this a cream-based soup? 766 00:39:11,040 --> 00:39:12,749 Yeah. Yeah, I think so. I think so. 767 00:39:12,917 --> 00:39:15,585 - Does that make a difference? - Sometimes. 768 00:39:15,753 --> 00:39:18,546 Okay, well, it looks like first-degree burns. 769 00:39:18,714 --> 00:39:20,590 It could lead to some epidermal scarring. 770 00:39:20,758 --> 00:39:24,552 I want you to go home and get some rest and drink plenty of water. 771 00:39:24,720 --> 00:39:27,639 I am not going home. I'm in first place. 772 00:39:27,806 --> 00:39:29,974 Hey, that's the spirit, Mia. Get out there. 773 00:39:30,142 --> 00:39:31,809 What? Rich, no. Look, she needs to rest 774 00:39:31,977 --> 00:39:34,854 and put some ichthammol or sulfadiazine on her face. 775 00:39:35,022 --> 00:39:38,399 Yeah, Rich, she needs ichthioldizine. 776 00:39:38,567 --> 00:39:41,277 Thank you, Donnie. At least someone here has a heart. 777 00:39:41,445 --> 00:39:43,655 - Thank you. - Um, all right. 778 00:39:43,822 --> 00:39:45,281 You guys are right. You're right. 779 00:39:45,449 --> 00:39:46,866 Mia, you should go home. 780 00:39:47,993 --> 00:39:50,536 Did Baryshnikov go home 781 00:39:50,704 --> 00:39:53,330 when he twisted his ankle at the Bolshoi Festival? 782 00:39:53,498 --> 00:39:54,915 I, uh... 783 00:39:55,083 --> 00:39:58,835 Did Vladimir Putinski walk away when he sprained his toe 784 00:39:59,003 --> 00:40:01,630 doing "The Marzipan King" at the Ballet des Elysées? 785 00:40:01,798 --> 00:40:04,341 I'm guessing by your tone, no. 786 00:40:04,509 --> 00:40:08,512 Okay, did Joe Theesman quit baseball when he broke his leg? 787 00:40:08,680 --> 00:40:10,973 Um, it's actually Joe Theismann, 788 00:40:11,140 --> 00:40:12,432 and he never played football again. 789 00:40:12,600 --> 00:40:16,019 Either way, I am tougher than you are, motherfucker. 790 00:40:16,187 --> 00:40:18,897 Shh, what's that? 791 00:40:19,065 --> 00:40:21,984 Oh no. Oh, shit. Okay, I'll be back. 792 00:40:22,151 --> 00:40:24,987 - Look, Mia, just sit down, okay? - Yeah yeah. Don't touch. 793 00:40:25,154 --> 00:40:26,738 The Captain of Crunch, 794 00:40:26,906 --> 00:40:29,866 the Heavyweight Champion of the World, 795 00:40:30,034 --> 00:40:32,452 Slammin' Cleon Salmon. 796 00:40:34,914 --> 00:40:36,707 You've got to be kidding me. 797 00:40:36,874 --> 00:40:39,668 I am here. Undefeated, baby. 798 00:40:39,836 --> 00:40:41,837 - The king is here. - You're number one. 799 00:40:42,005 --> 00:40:43,714 How you doing? Come here and give me a hug. 800 00:40:43,881 --> 00:40:45,465 Mmm, you look good. 801 00:40:45,633 --> 00:40:48,343 Hey, get a carrot for the SS Fudgealicious, okay? 802 00:40:48,511 --> 00:40:50,304 I assume that's the horse? 803 00:40:50,471 --> 00:40:54,099 Never assume. When you assume you make an asshole out of yourself. 804 00:40:55,810 --> 00:40:57,978 All right, thank you. Go back to eating. 805 00:40:58,146 --> 00:40:59,688 Enjoy yourselves. Forget it. It's not about me. 806 00:40:59,856 --> 00:41:03,275 Hey, Rich, tell Dave to cook that swordfish. 807 00:41:03,443 --> 00:41:06,194 I won it from Emeril Lagasse in a thumb-wrestling contest. 808 00:41:06,362 --> 00:41:08,322 I broke this thumb. Bam! 809 00:41:08,489 --> 00:41:10,615 He cried like a baby. 810 00:41:10,783 --> 00:41:12,868 Hey, look, me and Mr. Yamamuri, 811 00:41:13,036 --> 00:41:14,870 we want the best seat in the house. 812 00:41:15,038 --> 00:41:16,288 We want the royal treatment, Rich. 813 00:41:16,456 --> 00:41:17,914 Uh, Champ, you can't. 814 00:41:18,082 --> 00:41:20,667 I mean, we need those tables if you want to earn the 20 grand. 815 00:41:20,835 --> 00:41:23,378 That's nice, Rich. Check this out. 816 00:41:23,546 --> 00:41:25,547 If you don't find me a table, 817 00:41:25,715 --> 00:41:29,134 I'm gonna shove him up your ass. 818 00:41:29,302 --> 00:41:32,637 Champ, isn't he Yakuza? 819 00:41:32,805 --> 00:41:35,514 Come on, man. Don't be racist. No, he's not Yakuza. 820 00:41:35,682 --> 00:41:39,435 Mr. Yamamuri is gonna make the first Slammin' Salmon candy bar in Japan. 821 00:41:39,603 --> 00:41:41,437 Check it out-a layer of chocolate, 822 00:41:41,605 --> 00:41:45,399 nougat, peanut, more nougat and salmon. 823 00:41:45,567 --> 00:41:47,526 Yeah, I know it sounds nasty, but trust me. 824 00:41:47,694 --> 00:41:50,071 They love that fish candy over in the Orient. 825 00:41:50,238 --> 00:41:52,365 Now I'm saying that to say this: 826 00:41:52,532 --> 00:41:55,242 shut the fuck up, get me a table, 827 00:41:55,410 --> 00:41:58,120 or I'm gonna use your nuts for cufflinks. 828 00:41:58,288 --> 00:42:00,289 - Coming right up. Great. - All right. 829 00:42:00,457 --> 00:42:02,124 - Candy bar sounds delicious. - It is. 830 00:42:02,292 --> 00:42:04,502 - Okay, be right back. - All right. 831 00:42:04,669 --> 00:42:06,962 You're gonna love this waitress. She's a ballerina. 832 00:42:07,130 --> 00:42:10,132 Graceful like a swan. Tell Mr. Yamamuri. 833 00:42:12,344 --> 00:42:14,887 Hey, Champ. 834 00:42:16,807 --> 00:42:19,141 What the fuck happened to you? 835 00:42:19,309 --> 00:42:21,268 I got burned with soup. 836 00:42:21,436 --> 00:42:24,563 Don't you know you're supposed to blow on it first? 837 00:42:24,731 --> 00:42:25,815 Yes, Champ. 838 00:42:25,982 --> 00:42:28,109 Well, don't just stand there. Get out of here, soup face. 839 00:42:28,276 --> 00:42:29,568 You're offending my Tokyokan guest. 840 00:42:29,736 --> 00:42:32,530 - Get me the smart girl. - Tara? 841 00:42:32,697 --> 00:42:35,366 - Yeah. - Yeah, I'm gonna get her for you. 842 00:42:35,534 --> 00:42:38,035 And tell her to bring me some champagne. 843 00:42:38,203 --> 00:42:40,996 I am so sorry, but her soup face scared the shit out of me. 844 00:42:41,164 --> 00:42:42,748 My voice is not that high. 845 00:42:45,043 --> 00:42:47,837 This says eight hours. I need something faster. 846 00:42:48,004 --> 00:42:49,755 I hear eye-drops work on some people. 847 00:42:49,923 --> 00:42:52,341 One glass of apple juice and I can fill up a mailbox. 848 00:42:52,509 --> 00:42:55,344 - Yogurt. - Cheddar cheese. 849 00:42:55,512 --> 00:42:59,223 Tara, the Champ wants you to wait on him. 850 00:42:59,391 --> 00:43:02,101 Oh, okay. 851 00:43:03,145 --> 00:43:06,313 - Cause of the... - Oh, yeah. Right. 852 00:43:11,069 --> 00:43:14,405 Mr. Yamamuri say he think if Muhammad Ali 853 00:43:14,573 --> 00:43:16,948 was still young man no one ever defeat him. 854 00:43:18,576 --> 00:43:20,952 Yeah, well, if ifs and buts was candies and nuts, 855 00:43:21,120 --> 00:43:23,037 we'd all have a merry Christmas. Tell him that. 856 00:43:27,710 --> 00:43:29,252 No, I didn't say that. 857 00:43:29,420 --> 00:43:32,922 If ifs and buts was candies and nuts, 858 00:43:33,090 --> 00:43:35,216 we'd all have a merry Christmas. 859 00:43:35,384 --> 00:43:36,634 Yes, Champ-san. 860 00:43:36,802 --> 00:43:38,887 - I translate- - Say it! 861 00:43:41,223 --> 00:43:45,226 If if and but was candy and nut, 862 00:43:45,394 --> 00:43:47,562 we all have a merry Christmas. 863 00:43:47,730 --> 00:43:50,106 Thank you. Was that so hard? 864 00:43:50,274 --> 00:43:53,067 - Hey, Champ. - Mmm. 865 00:43:54,737 --> 00:43:57,447 Dave, what did you do? Did you blow Papa Smurf? 866 00:44:00,034 --> 00:44:02,744 Blow Papa Smurf. 867 00:44:04,246 --> 00:44:07,332 We got a couple of stiffs over here. 868 00:44:07,500 --> 00:44:09,167 Champ, would you like to order some appetizers? 869 00:44:09,335 --> 00:44:11,878 Yes, I would like to order some encrapments. 870 00:44:12,046 --> 00:44:14,547 I will have the frutti del mare, 871 00:44:14,715 --> 00:44:16,966 the oysters del cabana 872 00:44:17,134 --> 00:44:19,260 and the clams casino. 873 00:44:19,428 --> 00:44:21,638 And for the entree I want that swordfish that I caught. 874 00:44:21,805 --> 00:44:24,599 Oh, and Dave, make sure you cook the nose too. 875 00:44:24,767 --> 00:44:26,935 I want to see what that tastes like. 876 00:44:27,102 --> 00:44:28,436 You got that, Dave? 877 00:44:28,604 --> 00:44:31,105 Oh, and I want maraschino cherries on everything. 878 00:44:31,273 --> 00:44:34,025 Did you know that the word maraschino 879 00:44:34,193 --> 00:44:37,278 came from the boxer Rocky Maraschino? 880 00:44:37,446 --> 00:44:40,365 Uh, it's actually Rocky Marciano. 881 00:44:40,533 --> 00:44:43,284 Whatever, motherfucker! 882 00:44:43,452 --> 00:44:45,787 Okay. Okay. Okay. 883 00:44:47,122 --> 00:44:49,958 How do you say motherfucker in Spanish? 884 00:44:50,125 --> 00:44:52,460 Most guys go surf 'n' turf. 885 00:44:52,628 --> 00:44:55,380 But I like a guy who goes surf 'n' surf 'n' turf 'n' turf. 886 00:44:55,548 --> 00:44:57,131 You know, actually, could you give us a minute? 887 00:44:57,299 --> 00:45:00,801 And we will call you when we need you. 888 00:45:00,969 --> 00:45:04,304 You men always say you're gonna call. 889 00:45:04,472 --> 00:45:06,348 Okay, actually I'm just trying to keep my appetite here. 890 00:45:06,516 --> 00:45:08,475 But thank you... 891 00:45:08,643 --> 00:45:10,602 for groping me 892 00:45:10,770 --> 00:45:12,813 and bringing your face into our dinner. 893 00:45:14,482 --> 00:45:17,317 These are the days I thank God I have a perfect face. 894 00:45:24,075 --> 00:45:25,450 Sorry. 895 00:45:33,710 --> 00:45:36,003 - Hey, you. - Oh. 896 00:45:37,547 --> 00:45:41,049 So I'm gonna take you up on your offer about working as a team. 897 00:45:41,217 --> 00:45:44,177 Oh, I don't know. 898 00:45:44,345 --> 00:45:46,430 I think I would drag you down. 899 00:45:46,598 --> 00:45:47,973 No. 900 00:45:48,141 --> 00:45:50,434 Best of luck to you. 901 00:45:51,769 --> 00:45:54,146 Get it out of the soup! Get it out of the soup! 902 00:45:54,314 --> 00:45:56,732 Will somebody please kill this thing?! 903 00:45:56,899 --> 00:46:00,277 He's strong! He's strong! 904 00:46:00,445 --> 00:46:03,405 What the fuck is taking so long? 905 00:46:10,246 --> 00:46:12,372 You have to dominate the swordfish. 906 00:46:12,540 --> 00:46:15,125 Only then can you sauté it. 907 00:46:15,293 --> 00:46:17,294 Thanks, Champ. 908 00:46:17,462 --> 00:46:19,254 Rich, numbers! 909 00:46:19,422 --> 00:46:21,632 Here you go. 910 00:46:21,799 --> 00:46:23,008 Are we at 20 grand yet? 911 00:46:23,176 --> 00:46:24,426 We're at 12,000. 912 00:46:24,594 --> 00:46:26,345 That's not even halfway. 913 00:46:26,512 --> 00:46:29,097 - Um, actually... - In my office! 914 00:46:31,059 --> 00:46:32,643 Everybody in my office! 915 00:46:34,228 --> 00:46:36,063 No no no, not the customers. 916 00:46:36,230 --> 00:46:37,814 You guys sit down. 917 00:46:37,982 --> 00:46:40,359 Wait staff in my office. 918 00:46:55,582 --> 00:46:59,085 So I guess nobody wants this trip to the Bahamas. 919 00:46:59,252 --> 00:47:01,921 Um, it's actually Key Largo, Champ. Persuasions. 920 00:47:02,089 --> 00:47:05,257 You know what? Don't say another word. 921 00:47:05,425 --> 00:47:08,427 'Cause you've proven yourself useless, wouldn't you say? 922 00:47:08,595 --> 00:47:10,554 Say it. 923 00:47:10,722 --> 00:47:14,767 I am useless with a capital Y. 924 00:47:14,935 --> 00:47:17,061 I am useless 925 00:47:17,229 --> 00:47:18,979 with a capital Y. 926 00:47:19,147 --> 00:47:22,525 That's right. Now then, when I was in your position, 927 00:47:22,693 --> 00:47:24,777 I would have rabbit-punched my own mother 928 00:47:24,945 --> 00:47:26,904 for a trip to the Bahamas. 929 00:47:28,490 --> 00:47:30,825 Are you telling me you wouldn't want to be on a beach right now 930 00:47:30,992 --> 00:47:32,702 sipping on a strawberry daiquiri? 931 00:47:32,869 --> 00:47:35,496 - I would like that very much. - Well, too bad! 932 00:47:35,664 --> 00:47:38,165 'Cause strawberry daiquiris are for closers! 933 00:47:38,333 --> 00:47:40,126 Not for pussies! 934 00:47:43,130 --> 00:47:44,422 Hey, numbnuts. 935 00:47:44,589 --> 00:47:46,716 Yeah, Champ? 936 00:47:46,883 --> 00:47:49,510 You're gonna be polishing my fist with your teeth. 937 00:47:50,595 --> 00:47:52,179 I'll get to you later. 938 00:47:52,347 --> 00:47:55,558 Who is Guy "Meatdrapes"? What kind of name is that? 939 00:47:55,726 --> 00:47:57,977 It's Metdrapedes, sir. 940 00:47:58,145 --> 00:48:00,020 It's Greek. 941 00:48:00,188 --> 00:48:02,440 Well, I think you're pronouncing it wrong. 942 00:48:02,607 --> 00:48:04,400 This says "Meatdrapes." 943 00:48:04,568 --> 00:48:06,986 It's actually pronounced Metdrapedes. 944 00:48:07,154 --> 00:48:08,988 Well, why doesn't it sound like that when I say it? 945 00:48:09,156 --> 00:48:10,823 "Meatdrapes." 946 00:48:10,991 --> 00:48:13,159 I don't know. 947 00:48:13,326 --> 00:48:15,494 You don't know much, do you, Guy? 948 00:48:15,662 --> 00:48:17,288 No, sir. 949 00:48:17,456 --> 00:48:19,498 Well, if a trip to the Bahamas 950 00:48:19,666 --> 00:48:22,001 ain't gonna get the molasses out ya asses, 951 00:48:22,169 --> 00:48:24,544 maybe $10,000 will do the trick. 952 00:48:24,712 --> 00:48:26,921 - What? - What? 953 00:48:27,089 --> 00:48:29,841 - 10,000 bucks? - That's right, new prize. 954 00:48:30,009 --> 00:48:33,553 Top waiter leaves here tonight with 10 grand in his pocket. 955 00:48:33,721 --> 00:48:36,973 Do you know what 10 grand feels like in your pocket? 956 00:48:37,141 --> 00:48:39,267 It feels like a third cock. 957 00:48:39,435 --> 00:48:42,896 Jesus, how many cocks you got, Champ? 958 00:48:44,690 --> 00:48:46,441 Are you lampooning me, Meatdrapes? 959 00:48:46,609 --> 00:48:47,734 No, of course not, sir. 960 00:48:47,902 --> 00:48:50,528 - You want a punch in the eye, Guy? - No, please. 961 00:48:50,696 --> 00:48:52,530 I can make your face look like a pie, Guy. 962 00:48:52,698 --> 00:48:54,365 Oh, God, no. 963 00:49:06,045 --> 00:49:08,129 Excuse me. I didn't mean to do that. 964 00:49:08,297 --> 00:49:10,924 But now you know the deal. 965 00:49:11,091 --> 00:49:13,218 The waiter that comes in first place 966 00:49:13,385 --> 00:49:15,553 gets $10,000. 967 00:49:15,721 --> 00:49:18,973 Whoever comes in last gets a broken rib sandwich. 968 00:49:19,141 --> 00:49:21,810 And I wasn't even trying to hurt him. 969 00:49:21,977 --> 00:49:25,188 - Are you about to cry, Guy? - No, of course not. 970 00:49:25,356 --> 00:49:26,981 Loosen up your tie, Guy. 971 00:49:27,149 --> 00:49:29,234 Did you hear what I just said? 972 00:49:29,401 --> 00:49:31,194 It was a rhyme. 973 00:49:31,362 --> 00:49:34,614 If you're not gonna cry, then put it in his eye. 974 00:49:34,782 --> 00:49:39,285 Punch to the gut and make him smell like a skunk. 975 00:49:39,453 --> 00:49:41,913 If he runs out of meat then he's... 976 00:49:51,215 --> 00:49:52,966 So what are you all staring at? 977 00:49:53,133 --> 00:49:55,218 Don't nobody want $10,000? 978 00:49:55,386 --> 00:49:57,887 Get the hell out of here now! 979 00:49:58,055 --> 00:50:00,098 - Get out of my way. - I've got this thing in the bag. 980 00:50:00,266 --> 00:50:01,516 Bullshit, big nose, it's already over. 981 00:50:01,684 --> 00:50:03,518 Um, Champ, 982 00:50:03,686 --> 00:50:05,478 I don't mean to tell you your business, 983 00:50:05,646 --> 00:50:08,188 but if you have to make 20 grand tonight and you give away 10, 984 00:50:08,356 --> 00:50:10,858 it works counter to what you're trying to do. 985 00:50:11,025 --> 00:50:14,278 Richardo, believe it or not, I ain't a numbers man. 986 00:50:14,445 --> 00:50:16,363 I punch people for a living. 987 00:50:16,531 --> 00:50:19,658 And I'm gonna punch you if you don't make that money tonight. 988 00:50:19,826 --> 00:50:22,327 Okay, that's good math. I'm on it. 989 00:50:33,673 --> 00:50:36,300 - You really mean that? - Oh, yeah I do. 990 00:50:37,802 --> 00:50:39,678 Wow, that is so cool. 991 00:50:39,846 --> 00:50:41,972 It's that couple's 20th wedding anniversary. 992 00:50:42,140 --> 00:50:45,642 Really? They look so young. 993 00:50:45,810 --> 00:50:47,394 Well, they've been married since they were 16. 994 00:50:47,562 --> 00:50:49,980 Can you believe? That's amore. 995 00:50:51,065 --> 00:50:54,943 Gordon, send those kids a bottle of champagne. 996 00:50:55,111 --> 00:50:56,778 Apparently they've been married for 10 years. 997 00:50:56,946 --> 00:50:59,573 But she didn't want to get pregnant until the cancer went into remission. 998 00:50:59,741 --> 00:51:02,701 Well, it went into remission last week. 999 00:51:02,869 --> 00:51:05,579 Oh, will you send them a bottle of your best champagne? On us, of course. 1000 00:51:05,747 --> 00:51:07,497 - It'd be my pleasure. - Thank you. 1001 00:51:07,665 --> 00:51:09,499 You see that man over there? 1002 00:51:09,667 --> 00:51:12,210 He's the one who pulled me from the burning car. 1003 00:51:12,378 --> 00:51:13,712 He's my hero. 1004 00:51:13,880 --> 00:51:15,714 After three years in a wheelchair, 1005 00:51:15,882 --> 00:51:17,758 he walked into her arms. 1006 00:51:17,926 --> 00:51:20,469 It was "Oprah" 's highest rated episode. 1007 00:51:20,637 --> 00:51:23,388 And they're sitting right over there. 1008 00:51:23,556 --> 00:51:26,850 I am gonna stuff it in your ass tonight. 1009 00:51:27,018 --> 00:51:29,686 Well, that's gonna be an extra 50 bucks. 1010 00:51:29,854 --> 00:51:32,940 That's okay. Shellfish makes me horny. 1011 00:51:33,107 --> 00:51:35,692 - Good, 'cause I got crabs. - Who doesn't? 1012 00:51:35,860 --> 00:51:39,196 Excuse me, sir. Compliments of the house. 1013 00:51:45,870 --> 00:51:47,996 What is this, some kind of hidden camera thing? 1014 00:51:48,164 --> 00:51:50,957 - Are you miked? - Are you miked? 1015 00:51:51,124 --> 00:51:53,834 I was just kidding about the anal. 1016 00:51:54,002 --> 00:51:55,544 Eww. 1017 00:51:55,712 --> 00:51:56,879 I was just bored at the hotel. 1018 00:51:57,047 --> 00:51:59,006 I was looking for something to do with my cock. 1019 00:51:59,174 --> 00:52:01,133 Perfectly natch. 1020 00:52:01,301 --> 00:52:04,345 Come on, take a look at her. You wouldn't kick in that back door? 1021 00:52:04,513 --> 00:52:07,139 - I'm not ashamed. - Fuck this! 1022 00:52:20,195 --> 00:52:23,406 Yeah, Guy. Number two with a bullet. 1023 00:52:23,573 --> 00:52:25,908 Congratulations. 1024 00:52:26,076 --> 00:52:27,368 Burn. 1025 00:52:27,536 --> 00:52:29,912 I would like to see you try and sell with a burned face, 1026 00:52:30,080 --> 00:52:32,248 you orange tanned prick! 1027 00:52:32,416 --> 00:52:34,917 Oh, sucks to be you, Hiroshima. 1028 00:52:36,503 --> 00:52:37,753 10 grand! 1029 00:52:37,921 --> 00:52:42,341 I got my eye on a leather couch with a velvet dick hole in it. 1030 00:52:42,509 --> 00:52:43,884 Oh, yeah? Well, check out the scoreboard. 1031 00:52:44,052 --> 00:52:45,803 You got to get by me first, fake 'n' bake. 1032 00:52:45,971 --> 00:52:49,056 - Aha-ha! See ya. - Oh, I am going to own this. 1033 00:53:00,318 --> 00:53:02,820 Hi there. Hey. 1034 00:53:02,988 --> 00:53:04,822 Is that Norma Jones? 1035 00:53:04,990 --> 00:53:06,615 That's Nutella the pop star. 1036 00:53:06,783 --> 00:53:08,909 Yeah, you take Norah Jones, Fergie and Beyonce 1037 00:53:09,077 --> 00:53:10,411 and mix 'em together, you get Nutella. 1038 00:53:10,579 --> 00:53:13,914 Ah. Who's Beyonce? 1039 00:53:14,082 --> 00:53:16,959 - Nutella, Nutella. - There he is. 1040 00:53:17,127 --> 00:53:18,794 Good to see you. 1041 00:53:18,962 --> 00:53:21,005 Mwah mwah. 1042 00:53:21,173 --> 00:53:24,133 Nutella thinks it's always good to see you too, Champ. 1043 00:53:24,301 --> 00:53:25,718 Give 'em the best seat in the house. 1044 00:53:25,886 --> 00:53:28,971 Thank you, baby. Y'all see all that chocolate? 1045 00:53:29,139 --> 00:53:31,014 - I know, I love chocolate. - I heard that. 1046 00:53:31,182 --> 00:53:32,474 - Right this way. - All right. 1047 00:53:32,641 --> 00:53:34,893 - Perfect, that table. - Come on. 1048 00:53:35,061 --> 00:53:37,896 - Thank you. - Yes! 1049 00:53:38,064 --> 00:53:40,190 Come on. 1050 00:53:40,357 --> 00:53:43,276 - Hey, sexy Patty. - Hey. 1051 00:53:43,444 --> 00:53:45,028 Hey, if you give me the best tables for the rest of the night 1052 00:53:45,196 --> 00:53:46,696 I'll take you to Persuasions with me. 1053 00:53:46,864 --> 00:53:48,573 Oh, I thought you were taking Mia. 1054 00:53:48,741 --> 00:53:51,409 No, I would rather take you-a. 1055 00:53:51,577 --> 00:53:53,536 Oh my God, you are so funny. 1056 00:53:53,704 --> 00:53:54,913 You've got a great sense of humor. 1057 00:53:55,081 --> 00:53:56,414 Oh, you have great posture. 1058 00:53:56,582 --> 00:53:57,874 I used to have scoliosis. 1059 00:53:58,042 --> 00:54:00,335 You can't tell. 1060 00:54:04,298 --> 00:54:05,632 Good evening, Miss Nutella. 1061 00:54:05,800 --> 00:54:08,968 We are so honored to have you with us tonight. 1062 00:54:09,136 --> 00:54:11,846 Can I just say that I love your song 1063 00:54:12,014 --> 00:54:14,099 "Too Sincere For You"? 1064 00:54:18,020 --> 00:54:19,687 Got it. Nutella thanks you, baby. 1065 00:54:19,855 --> 00:54:22,190 Now can we order fast? 'Cause Nutella is hungry. 1066 00:54:22,358 --> 00:54:23,817 Of course. 1067 00:54:23,984 --> 00:54:25,860 So what should we have? 1068 00:54:26,028 --> 00:54:29,906 Well, the Champ ordered two bottles of Cristal, 1069 00:54:30,074 --> 00:54:32,242 four lobsters troubadour, 1070 00:54:32,409 --> 00:54:34,119 an Alaskan king crab, 1071 00:54:34,286 --> 00:54:37,664 oysters carbonara and a round of swordfish. 1072 00:54:37,832 --> 00:54:40,125 Well, we will take five of that. 1073 00:54:40,292 --> 00:54:42,460 - Fantastic. - You treat Nutella right, 1074 00:54:42,628 --> 00:54:44,295 Nutella treats you right. 1075 00:54:44,463 --> 00:54:46,256 - I know what you're saying, girlfriend. - All right, girl. 1076 00:54:46,423 --> 00:54:49,717 - Okay, right. - Show 'em what you're working with. 1077 00:55:07,611 --> 00:55:10,572 Okay, great. There we go. 1078 00:55:12,741 --> 00:55:15,492 No. What? What are you doing? 1079 00:55:15,660 --> 00:55:17,661 - Why am I on the board? - I am giving you a section. 1080 00:55:17,829 --> 00:55:19,788 Congratulations, you are in the competition. 1081 00:55:19,956 --> 00:55:21,248 What are you talking about? I'm a busboy. 1082 00:55:21,416 --> 00:55:24,001 - You were a busboy. - Get your hands off me. 1083 00:55:24,169 --> 00:55:25,544 But now you're a waiter. 1084 00:55:25,712 --> 00:55:28,297 No, I don't know the first thing about waiting tables. 1085 00:55:28,464 --> 00:55:30,799 It's very simple. You ask the people what they want, 1086 00:55:30,967 --> 00:55:33,218 and then you bring it to them. A monkey could do it. 1087 00:55:33,386 --> 00:55:36,763 I'm four hours behind these guys and I'm shitfaced. 1088 00:55:36,931 --> 00:55:38,599 - Bring those tables out. - No no no! 1089 00:55:38,766 --> 00:55:40,934 Great, stick them wherever they fit. 1090 00:55:41,102 --> 00:55:42,686 Please don't do this. 1091 00:55:42,854 --> 00:55:45,105 Rock shrimp and scallop linguini. 1092 00:55:45,273 --> 00:55:47,941 Stay close to the shitter. I call it my pants down pasta. 1093 00:55:48,109 --> 00:55:49,860 Be sure to eat all the cream. Hey, douchebag. 1094 00:55:50,028 --> 00:55:52,571 Dave, you've got to tell the guy I'm a fuck-up, yeah? 1095 00:55:52,739 --> 00:55:55,157 No no no, you'll do great. You made it through six months of college. 1096 00:55:55,325 --> 00:55:57,743 - Come on, Dave. - Sounds like waiter material to me. 1097 00:55:57,911 --> 00:55:59,703 This is delicious. 1098 00:55:59,871 --> 00:56:03,624 I hope the Champ knocks every tooth out of your fucking head. 1099 00:56:03,791 --> 00:56:05,834 I hope the Champ knocks your tooth out. 1100 00:56:13,468 --> 00:56:16,386 Shots shots shots. Come on, get it into ya. 1101 00:56:19,432 --> 00:56:22,059 Hello, gentlemen, and welcome to the Salmon Slammin'. 1102 00:56:22,227 --> 00:56:25,479 My name is Donnie. Can I start you off with something to drink tonight? 1103 00:56:25,647 --> 00:56:28,106 We've already got some drinks, haven't we, mate? 1104 00:56:28,274 --> 00:56:30,108 Sounds like you're from the UK. 1105 00:56:30,276 --> 00:56:33,487 Are you in a band like Oasis or Herman's Hermits? 1106 00:56:33,655 --> 00:56:36,198 No, we're not. 1107 00:56:36,366 --> 00:56:39,076 Are there any answers I can question you from the menu tonight? 1108 00:56:39,244 --> 00:56:42,412 All right, Donnie, why don't you tell us something good on the menu, eh? 1109 00:56:42,580 --> 00:56:44,331 Well, the Blue Curacao is excellent. 1110 00:56:44,499 --> 00:56:46,583 Private joke. 1111 00:56:46,751 --> 00:56:48,877 Just get us some more shots, all right? 1112 00:56:49,045 --> 00:56:51,546 Then I will just clear these shot glasses out of the way for you. 1113 00:56:51,714 --> 00:56:53,840 Hey hey! 1114 00:56:58,428 --> 00:57:00,513 You fucking cunt. 1115 00:57:00,681 --> 00:57:03,516 I'm not drunk. 1116 00:57:16,613 --> 00:57:18,739 So how is everything tonight? 1117 00:57:18,907 --> 00:57:21,951 Oh, truly splendid, Guy. Thank you. 1118 00:57:22,119 --> 00:57:24,537 Well, we're really really busy tonight. 1119 00:57:24,705 --> 00:57:26,455 Yes, I can see that. 1120 00:57:26,623 --> 00:57:29,000 So is there anything else I can get for you tonight 1121 00:57:29,167 --> 00:57:31,210 or just the check? 1122 00:57:31,378 --> 00:57:33,879 Well, I wouldn't mind a cup of tea. 1123 00:57:34,047 --> 00:57:37,466 Get the fuck out of here. 1124 00:57:37,634 --> 00:57:39,552 Excuse me? 1125 00:57:39,720 --> 00:57:41,095 Are you reading "War and Peace"? 1126 00:57:41,263 --> 00:57:42,471 Get the fuck out of here. I love that book. 1127 00:57:42,639 --> 00:57:45,766 Oh, well, perhaps you'd like to come to my book club. 1128 00:57:45,934 --> 00:57:50,104 Yeah, last week we read Flaubert's "Madame Bovary." 1129 00:57:50,272 --> 00:57:52,356 It really brought the... 1130 00:57:52,524 --> 00:57:54,608 house down. 1131 00:57:54,776 --> 00:57:56,485 Hey, kid. 1132 00:57:56,653 --> 00:57:57,820 I like you. 1133 00:57:57,988 --> 00:58:00,031 I think they put you in a really tough situation. 1134 00:58:00,198 --> 00:58:02,116 I'm gonna help you out and give you one of my tables. 1135 00:58:02,284 --> 00:58:03,868 Really? Thanks. 1136 00:58:04,036 --> 00:58:06,245 Yeah, see Donald Trump over there? 1137 00:58:08,248 --> 00:58:10,124 Knock yourself out. 1138 00:58:12,919 --> 00:58:15,296 Ooh, Connor. 1139 00:58:15,464 --> 00:58:17,715 I just sat you a six. 1140 00:58:17,883 --> 00:58:19,175 Six. 1141 00:58:19,343 --> 00:58:21,093 Mmm, thanks, Patty. 1142 00:58:24,056 --> 00:58:26,640 So you just keep whacking him in the knee. 1143 00:58:28,852 --> 00:58:31,187 Painful, but better than a punch in the face. 1144 00:58:37,818 --> 00:58:40,945 - Connor? - Hey, Morgan. 1145 00:58:41,113 --> 00:58:43,448 Hi. 1146 00:58:43,616 --> 00:58:45,408 You remember Dick Lobo, 1147 00:58:45,576 --> 00:58:47,869 - the producer of "CFI Hotlanta." - Hey. 1148 00:58:48,037 --> 00:58:49,454 Of course. 1149 00:58:49,622 --> 00:58:51,456 And the entire rest of the cast. 1150 00:58:51,624 --> 00:58:54,167 Yeah, Ron, Mary Kay, Jojo. 1151 00:58:54,335 --> 00:58:56,878 Um, what are you guys doing here? 1152 00:58:57,046 --> 00:58:59,881 Oh, we're in town to shoot this fabulous crossover promo 1153 00:59:00,049 --> 00:59:01,257 with "CFI Miami." 1154 00:59:01,425 --> 00:59:02,801 Oh, cool. 1155 00:59:02,968 --> 00:59:05,053 You know, somebody suggested that if I was in Miami 1156 00:59:05,221 --> 00:59:06,554 this is the place to come. 1157 00:59:06,722 --> 00:59:08,348 That was me. 1158 00:59:08,516 --> 00:59:10,850 Right. Right. 1159 00:59:11,018 --> 00:59:13,019 Yeah, so what are you doing here? 1160 00:59:13,187 --> 00:59:15,647 You researching a role for TV or something? 1161 00:59:15,815 --> 00:59:17,482 Not really. 1162 00:59:17,650 --> 00:59:20,151 I actually just work here. So... 1163 00:59:20,319 --> 00:59:22,946 Keeping it real, huh? 1164 00:59:23,114 --> 00:59:26,449 - Good for you, dog. - All right. Okay. 1165 00:59:27,993 --> 00:59:31,037 So can I get you all started off 1166 00:59:31,205 --> 00:59:33,248 with something to drink? 1167 00:59:33,416 --> 00:59:37,585 I told myself I wasn't going to put 1168 00:59:37,753 --> 00:59:42,173 my thumbprint into every dessert 1169 00:59:42,341 --> 00:59:43,842 and yet... 1170 00:59:46,637 --> 00:59:48,346 That's impossible. 1171 00:59:48,514 --> 00:59:50,265 I never touched that one. 1172 00:59:50,433 --> 00:59:51,724 You know you're gonna have to start over now. 1173 00:59:51,892 --> 00:59:53,226 I know. 1174 00:59:54,311 --> 00:59:56,855 I told myself I wasn't going to put... 1175 00:59:57,022 --> 00:59:58,690 This is undefeated, you are- 1176 00:59:58,858 --> 01:00:00,775 should be depleted. 1177 01:00:00,943 --> 01:00:02,360 When you go against me 1178 01:00:02,528 --> 01:00:04,988 you're gonna be needing a paramedic. 1179 01:00:05,156 --> 01:00:07,949 P- a-r-a-dic. Paramedic. 1180 01:00:10,369 --> 01:00:13,079 Zongo's in the house! 1181 01:00:22,297 --> 01:00:24,465 Hey, he's onto something. 1182 01:00:24,632 --> 01:00:26,091 You guys see Nuts? 1183 01:00:26,259 --> 01:00:29,595 I want all the wait staff skipping just like Nuts now. 1184 01:00:31,598 --> 01:00:34,433 God damn it, I said now! Skip! 1185 01:00:34,601 --> 01:00:36,935 Skip, everybody! 1186 01:00:37,103 --> 01:00:39,229 Keep skipping. Keep skipping. 1187 01:00:39,397 --> 01:00:40,981 If you're in one place, hop up and down. 1188 01:00:41,149 --> 01:00:43,775 - There you go, man. You doing all right? 1189 01:00:43,943 --> 01:00:47,446 Skip it like you mean it! Keep skipping! 1190 01:00:47,614 --> 01:00:48,906 What the fuck? 1191 01:00:58,791 --> 01:01:01,084 That's great. 1192 01:01:01,252 --> 01:01:03,170 I love it. We'll take all of it. 1193 01:01:03,338 --> 01:01:05,380 - Nuts, Nuts, come here. Tara, Tara, Tara. 1194 01:01:05,548 --> 01:01:08,300 Rich, he's over the edge. We have to help him. 1195 01:01:08,468 --> 01:01:09,927 Let it slide. He's selling like crazy. 1196 01:01:10,094 --> 01:01:13,180 - You don't care? - I totally care. 1197 01:01:15,141 --> 01:01:17,059 Rich, look at him. He's totally out of control. 1198 01:01:17,227 --> 01:01:19,269 That doesn't bother you? 1199 01:01:19,437 --> 01:01:22,231 - Keep up the good work, okay? - Rich, come on. Something's wrong. 1200 01:01:22,398 --> 01:01:24,107 If you need anything ask for Zongo. 1201 01:01:25,777 --> 01:01:27,402 In second place is Connor. 1202 01:01:27,570 --> 01:01:30,781 And in first place, Nuts/Zongo. 1203 01:01:30,949 --> 01:01:32,824 - Nuts is in first? Jesus Christ. - What? 1204 01:01:32,992 --> 01:01:35,077 Rich, he's bazonkers. Get him off the floor. 1205 01:01:35,245 --> 01:01:37,496 - Yeah. - Look, aren't we all a little bazonkers? 1206 01:01:37,664 --> 01:01:40,082 Rich, why are you doing this? Is it because of the Champ? 1207 01:01:40,250 --> 01:01:41,959 That's ridiculous. We have a job to do. 1208 01:01:42,126 --> 01:01:43,835 Nuts and Zongo should at least count as two different people. 1209 01:01:44,003 --> 01:01:45,003 - I agree. - Yes. 1210 01:01:45,171 --> 01:01:47,589 Look, if it's any consolation, you're all really close together. 1211 01:01:47,757 --> 01:01:49,508 Except for you, Donnie. 1212 01:01:51,719 --> 01:01:53,971 Oh my God. Excuse me. I've got to go. 1213 01:01:57,183 --> 01:02:00,352 - Got to be an asshole about this. - I ain't losing to some lunatic. 1214 01:02:02,229 --> 01:02:04,480 If you don't like mauve we can totally do some kind of texture 1215 01:02:04,648 --> 01:02:06,065 mosaic finger-painting. 1216 01:02:06,233 --> 01:02:07,900 Excuse me. 1217 01:02:08,068 --> 01:02:10,319 I just wanted to let you know that the chef 1218 01:02:10,487 --> 01:02:12,321 is pushing out 1219 01:02:12,489 --> 01:02:15,032 your dessert from the oven. 1220 01:02:15,200 --> 01:02:17,285 It'll just be a few minutes. 1221 01:02:17,452 --> 01:02:21,414 Well, that is fantastic, Detective Shep Winford. 1222 01:02:21,582 --> 01:02:24,125 Now why don't you track me down another drink? 1223 01:02:24,293 --> 01:02:26,502 And tell them to put some booze in it this time, yeah? 1224 01:02:26,670 --> 01:02:28,504 Coming right up. 1225 01:02:28,672 --> 01:02:30,381 - Are you sure you want another one? - Yes. 1226 01:02:30,549 --> 01:02:32,341 Maybe a virgin rum and Coke. 1227 01:02:32,509 --> 01:02:35,469 - That would just be Coke. - Oh, that sounds delicious. 1228 01:02:35,637 --> 01:02:37,430 Whoo! What's up, noodle dicks? 1229 01:02:37,598 --> 01:02:40,433 That table over there just ordered two rounds of premium tequila. 1230 01:02:40,601 --> 01:02:41,976 Now are y'all just gonna sit here 1231 01:02:42,144 --> 01:02:44,103 while they make you look like a bunch of fucking pussies? 1232 01:02:44,271 --> 01:02:46,522 Hell no, dude. We'll take three rounds. 1233 01:02:46,690 --> 01:02:47,982 Shit yeah! What are y'all, Phi Taus? 1234 01:02:48,150 --> 01:02:50,610 - Phi Taus! - Come on now, give it to me. 1235 01:02:50,777 --> 01:02:52,403 - Give it to me good. - Let's take him down. 1236 01:02:52,571 --> 01:02:55,990 - I know where he keeps his meds. - Yeah. 1237 01:02:56,158 --> 01:02:58,326 I want some booze in my belly. 1238 01:02:58,493 --> 01:03:00,077 Yeah, baby! 1239 01:03:00,245 --> 01:03:03,039 Fidel, this is for a pissed-off movie star, so give it some balls. 1240 01:03:04,374 --> 01:03:05,916 Mm-hmm, yeah. Do it. 1241 01:03:06,084 --> 01:03:08,878 Go and go. That's what I'm talking about. 1242 01:03:09,046 --> 01:03:10,713 Hola, diablo blancos. 1243 01:03:10,881 --> 01:03:13,174 Zongo like vodka. 1244 01:03:13,342 --> 01:03:15,635 Hey hey, you doing okay, Zongo? 1245 01:03:15,802 --> 01:03:18,471 Hello, Zongo. 1246 01:03:18,639 --> 01:03:20,264 You've got to take it, Zongo. 1247 01:03:20,432 --> 01:03:22,892 Nobody puts Zongo in a cage. 1248 01:03:23,060 --> 01:03:26,562 No one's trying to put Zongo in a cage, Zongo. 1249 01:03:26,730 --> 01:03:29,523 Okay. I'll take it. 1250 01:03:29,691 --> 01:03:32,318 - It's so big! - Get him! 1251 01:03:38,075 --> 01:03:40,451 Zongo, calm down. 1252 01:03:53,589 --> 01:03:54,881 What the fuck? 1253 01:03:55,049 --> 01:03:57,217 Hey, Mr. Lobo. 1254 01:03:57,385 --> 01:03:59,803 - Men's room? Just down the hall. 1255 01:03:59,970 --> 01:04:02,555 Miami. 1256 01:04:02,723 --> 01:04:04,683 Open. There. 1257 01:04:04,850 --> 01:04:07,560 Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. 1258 01:04:07,728 --> 01:04:10,230 Easy. Easy, Zongo. Easy. Shh. 1259 01:04:10,398 --> 01:04:12,440 Easy. That's good. 1260 01:04:12,608 --> 01:04:15,360 - That's good. - Get him up. 1261 01:04:19,115 --> 01:04:21,241 Hey, you look better. 1262 01:04:21,409 --> 01:04:22,867 Yeah, I'm better now. 1263 01:04:23,035 --> 01:04:25,662 I am gonna win this thing, face or no face. 1264 01:04:25,830 --> 01:04:28,957 Got a birthday table and I've got 'em in the palm of my hand. 1265 01:04:29,125 --> 01:04:31,960 - So you want to sing with me? - Yes, I do. 1266 01:04:32,128 --> 01:04:34,796 Get your poop in a group. 1267 01:04:37,591 --> 01:04:40,635 - Any second now. - Believe it when I see it. 1268 01:04:46,809 --> 01:04:49,102 Sorry. 1269 01:04:51,480 --> 01:04:53,857 Shit. 1270 01:04:54,024 --> 01:04:55,567 Connor, hey. 1271 01:04:55,735 --> 01:04:57,819 Mr. Lobo, I just need a minute of your time 1272 01:04:57,987 --> 01:04:59,362 to talk about why you fired me. 1273 01:04:59,530 --> 01:05:02,949 Connor, please. I don't know what you're taking about. 1274 01:05:03,117 --> 01:05:05,285 It's okay, I understand. 1275 01:05:05,453 --> 01:05:07,203 I mean, you cast me to play a big-nosed cop 1276 01:05:07,371 --> 01:05:09,539 and I got a nose job. It was stupid. 1277 01:05:09,707 --> 01:05:11,499 I didn't even know you had a nose job. 1278 01:05:11,667 --> 01:05:13,543 Looks pretty good though. Turn your head that way. 1279 01:05:13,711 --> 01:05:15,545 Yeah. Who's your doctor? 1280 01:05:15,713 --> 01:05:17,964 I've got a 12-year old daughter with a fucking beak. 1281 01:05:18,132 --> 01:05:20,800 She's got bean bag tits and a big caboose too. 1282 01:05:20,968 --> 01:05:23,178 That poor girl's gonna have a hard road ahead. 1283 01:05:23,345 --> 01:05:25,138 Mr. Lobo, I know I made a mistake. 1284 01:05:25,306 --> 01:05:28,223 Look, kid, I didn't fire you for having a small nose. 1285 01:05:28,391 --> 01:05:31,268 Mr. Lobo, I am not gonna turn you in to the nose police. 1286 01:05:31,436 --> 01:05:33,228 You kill me, man. 1287 01:05:33,396 --> 01:05:36,190 It was hard growing up with that nose. 1288 01:05:36,357 --> 01:05:39,193 You are a real fucking moron, you know that? 1289 01:05:39,360 --> 01:05:41,904 - What? - You read the script, didn't you, shithead? 1290 01:05:42,071 --> 01:05:45,365 It's all nose jokes. "I've been nosing around. I smell a rat." 1291 01:05:45,533 --> 01:05:47,743 And then you show up with that little cat nose. 1292 01:05:47,911 --> 01:05:49,536 Doesn't make any sense. 1293 01:05:49,704 --> 01:05:52,122 Do you realize how hard it is to rewrite an entire season? 1294 01:05:52,290 --> 01:05:54,875 - No, sir. - You were a kid with a big nose. 1295 01:05:55,043 --> 01:05:57,169 You got on TV but you fucked it up. 1296 01:05:57,337 --> 01:06:00,214 You. Who? You fucked it up. 1297 01:06:02,217 --> 01:06:04,551 Look, Mr. Lobo, I found out about this place 1298 01:06:04,719 --> 01:06:06,845 that does nose enlargements. 1299 01:06:07,013 --> 01:06:10,349 And if all goes well I could actually have the money to do it by tomorrow. 1300 01:06:11,976 --> 01:06:15,896 The new honker is gonna be a goddamn fire hose. 1301 01:06:16,064 --> 01:06:17,564 What are we supposed to do? 1302 01:06:17,732 --> 01:06:21,985 Bring back Detective Shep Winford from the dead with a big nose? 1303 01:06:22,153 --> 01:06:24,029 This isn't fucking "X Files." 1304 01:06:27,909 --> 01:06:29,284 Goodbye. 1305 01:06:31,371 --> 01:06:34,915 So you didn't donkey punch Morgan Fairchild. 1306 01:06:35,083 --> 01:06:37,209 Oh, Jesus Christ. 1307 01:06:47,804 --> 01:06:51,765 Hey, wasn't I in last place an hour ago? 1308 01:06:51,933 --> 01:06:53,267 Yes, you were. 1309 01:06:53,434 --> 01:06:56,186 - Was Zongo here? - Oh, Zongo was here all right. 1310 01:06:56,354 --> 01:06:58,730 Sold 18 entrees to a party of six. 1311 01:06:58,898 --> 01:07:01,233 I don't remember any of that. 1312 01:07:01,401 --> 01:07:02,609 Not even the Champ offering 10 grand? 1313 01:07:02,777 --> 01:07:05,779 - 10 grand for what? - Top seller. 1314 01:07:11,159 --> 01:07:14,245 Fucking dodo bird. 1315 01:07:33,390 --> 01:07:35,391 Nuts? 1316 01:07:35,559 --> 01:07:37,476 Are you okay? 1317 01:07:37,644 --> 01:07:40,938 I am Zongo. 1318 01:07:42,900 --> 01:07:44,734 I am still going to win this contest 1319 01:07:44,902 --> 01:07:47,278 because I can hold it together under pressure. 1320 01:07:47,446 --> 01:07:49,947 Welcome to the Slammin' Salmon. 1321 01:07:50,115 --> 01:07:51,866 Be graceful and amazing 1322 01:07:52,034 --> 01:07:53,993 'cause that's what I am. 1323 01:07:56,788 --> 01:07:58,873 Donnie? 1324 01:07:59,041 --> 01:08:01,751 Who the fuck is Donnie? 1325 01:08:01,919 --> 01:08:04,462 I'm Donnie, Mr. Salmon. 1326 01:08:04,630 --> 01:08:07,131 Good try, Dave. 1327 01:08:08,342 --> 01:08:10,718 No, I'm Dave's twin brother. 1328 01:08:11,803 --> 01:08:13,179 And you know what? Another thing, 1329 01:08:13,347 --> 01:08:15,556 I don't care how severe her peanut allergy is. 1330 01:08:17,351 --> 01:08:19,810 Did anybody ever tell you you guys look exactly alike? 1331 01:08:19,978 --> 01:08:21,395 Every day. 1332 01:08:21,563 --> 01:08:23,856 Is that why you wear the blue lipstick? 1333 01:08:24,024 --> 01:08:26,108 Either way, I hope you like hospital food. 1334 01:08:26,276 --> 01:08:29,528 No, I was recently a busboy. 1335 01:08:29,696 --> 01:08:32,198 - I wasn't a part of this thing. - Yeah, you know what? 1336 01:08:32,366 --> 01:08:35,660 Excuses are like assholes. Everybody's got one, 1337 01:08:35,827 --> 01:08:37,912 but don't nobody want to admit it. 1338 01:08:38,080 --> 01:08:41,374 Now get your ass out of last place 1339 01:08:41,541 --> 01:08:44,627 or I'm gonna use your spine for a jump rope. 1340 01:08:48,465 --> 01:08:49,966 What the fuck? 1341 01:08:51,384 --> 01:08:54,219 I'd still hit that. 1342 01:09:00,017 --> 01:09:01,893 - I got it. - Nice. 1343 01:09:03,312 --> 01:09:06,231 Dude, where's the South African Bing diamond? 1344 01:09:08,901 --> 01:09:10,694 Shit! 1345 01:09:13,948 --> 01:09:16,700 Ladies, hello and welcome to the Slammin' Salmon tonight. 1346 01:09:16,867 --> 01:09:20,286 Let me tell you about some of the more delicious things on our menu. 1347 01:09:20,454 --> 01:09:23,498 Uh, we have a boneless fillet of... 1348 01:09:26,002 --> 01:09:28,753 champion- 1349 01:09:28,921 --> 01:09:32,173 also a very nice black eye- 1350 01:09:34,427 --> 01:09:37,929 sock-eyed salmon. It's very nice. 1351 01:09:40,016 --> 01:09:42,100 It's sautéed... 1352 01:09:42,268 --> 01:09:44,019 heartbeat... 1353 01:09:46,313 --> 01:09:48,356 He's watching me. 1354 01:10:05,207 --> 01:10:08,460 Little story for you, Dave II, before you get back to work. 1355 01:10:08,627 --> 01:10:12,005 When I was training for the Dispute in Beirut, 1356 01:10:12,173 --> 01:10:15,800 I used to run 10 miles a day with a baby camel strapped to my back. 1357 01:10:18,137 --> 01:10:20,638 So you can understand how bemusing I find it 1358 01:10:20,806 --> 01:10:22,390 that you're trying to run away from me. 1359 01:10:22,558 --> 01:10:24,601 I was... 1360 01:10:24,769 --> 01:10:27,437 Don't run. Just take it. 1361 01:10:32,026 --> 01:10:33,734 Okay, here we go. Here we go. 1362 01:10:33,902 --> 01:10:35,861 Here's to "CFI Hotlanta" 1363 01:10:36,029 --> 01:10:39,031 and its record 15 Emmy Award nominations. 1364 01:10:39,199 --> 01:10:40,908 - Yay. - Hear hear. 1365 01:10:43,161 --> 01:10:45,037 Connor. 1366 01:10:45,205 --> 01:10:46,872 Come here. Come here a second. 1367 01:10:47,040 --> 01:10:50,000 Come here. Come here. 1368 01:10:51,753 --> 01:10:54,505 Hey, buddy, we couldn't have done it without you, man. 1369 01:10:54,672 --> 01:10:56,757 - Hear hear. - Hear hear. 1370 01:10:56,925 --> 01:10:58,592 Thanks a million. 1371 01:10:58,760 --> 01:11:01,220 Oh, Connor, have you met our newest cast member? 1372 01:11:01,387 --> 01:11:02,888 This is Steve Lemmaduche. 1373 01:11:04,516 --> 01:11:06,100 Hey, buddy. What's crackin'? 1374 01:11:06,267 --> 01:11:08,352 Call me Duche. 1375 01:11:09,938 --> 01:11:12,272 Hey, what are those guys eating over there? 1376 01:11:12,440 --> 01:11:15,442 Over there? That's the salmon. 1377 01:11:17,362 --> 01:11:19,571 Oh yeah. That smells beautiful. 1378 01:11:19,739 --> 01:11:21,281 Hustle me out one of those. 1379 01:11:21,449 --> 01:11:23,909 And a chocotini, dry. 1380 01:11:24,077 --> 01:11:25,327 Thanks, pal. 1381 01:11:25,495 --> 01:11:26,787 The Duche. 1382 01:11:26,955 --> 01:11:28,789 Connor. 1383 01:11:28,957 --> 01:11:32,459 Look, I just know you're gonna find another show really soon. 1384 01:11:32,627 --> 01:11:34,628 Thank you, Morgan. 1385 01:11:34,796 --> 01:11:38,715 And that being said, I also know that I ordered my ahi tuna seared, 1386 01:11:38,883 --> 01:11:41,260 and, baby, this is not seared. 1387 01:11:41,427 --> 01:11:44,388 I'll get that right back to you. 1388 01:11:44,556 --> 01:11:46,598 Thank you. 1389 01:11:54,816 --> 01:11:58,277 Donnie? What are you doing? 1390 01:12:00,613 --> 01:12:01,822 Are you crying? 1391 01:12:01,990 --> 01:12:03,949 No. 1392 01:12:04,951 --> 01:12:08,078 What is that? It's not coming off. 1393 01:12:08,246 --> 01:12:10,038 The Champ is gonna kill me. 1394 01:12:10,206 --> 01:12:12,124 There's no way I can get out of last place. 1395 01:12:12,292 --> 01:12:13,917 Donnie, he's not gonna kill you. 1396 01:12:14,085 --> 01:12:17,003 Didn't you hear? Last place is a broken rib sandwich. 1397 01:12:17,171 --> 01:12:20,506 You see? Breaking your ribs won't kill you. 1398 01:12:22,593 --> 01:12:25,386 Okay, Look, Donnie, why don't you take one of my tables? 1399 01:12:25,554 --> 01:12:27,430 The McNaultys. They're great tippers 1400 01:12:27,598 --> 01:12:30,016 and they've got a huge check. My gift to you. 1401 01:12:30,184 --> 01:12:31,976 Shut up. You need that money for school. 1402 01:12:32,144 --> 01:12:34,604 Nutella's check is over $1000. 1403 01:12:34,771 --> 01:12:36,939 Once I close her out, I'm gonna shoot past everyone. 1404 01:12:37,107 --> 01:12:39,025 Take the table. 1405 01:12:39,193 --> 01:12:41,569 - Really? - Yeah. 1406 01:12:41,737 --> 01:12:44,989 - How would I pay you back? - I don't know. 1407 01:12:45,157 --> 01:12:48,326 Take me out for a broken rib sandwich sometime. 1408 01:12:48,493 --> 01:12:50,870 Help me up. 1409 01:12:51,038 --> 01:12:52,496 Come on, you lush. 1410 01:12:57,628 --> 01:12:59,795 Welcome to the Slammin' Salmon. 1411 01:12:59,963 --> 01:13:01,380 My name is Zongo. 1412 01:13:01,548 --> 01:13:04,050 How is everyone feline this evening? 1413 01:13:05,636 --> 01:13:08,971 The '62 salmon is "purrfect." 1414 01:13:09,139 --> 01:13:12,308 Would anybody like to try? 1415 01:13:12,476 --> 01:13:15,353 Oh, yes. Everybody take a sip. 1416 01:13:15,520 --> 01:13:17,396 Mmm, delicious. 1417 01:13:17,564 --> 01:13:20,566 How about you, ma'am? How does that taste? 1418 01:13:20,734 --> 01:13:23,152 How does that taste? How does that taste? 1419 01:13:23,320 --> 01:13:24,820 How does that taste? 1420 01:13:24,988 --> 01:13:27,323 How does that taste? How does that taste? 1421 01:13:27,491 --> 01:13:29,784 How does that taste? How does it taste? 1422 01:13:29,952 --> 01:13:31,953 How does it taste? How does that taste? 1423 01:13:32,120 --> 01:13:34,330 How does it taste? 1424 01:13:42,839 --> 01:13:46,175 Definitely the hardest substance known to man. 1425 01:13:48,595 --> 01:13:51,264 Mmm, so good. 1426 01:14:03,317 --> 01:14:04,651 Oh my God. 1427 01:14:04,819 --> 01:14:07,570 - Oh, I love it. - I'm glad you like it. 1428 01:14:07,738 --> 01:14:09,364 Yes. 1429 01:14:09,532 --> 01:14:11,616 Yes, I'll marry you. 1430 01:14:17,331 --> 01:14:20,750 - I love you so much. - I love you too, baby. 1431 01:14:20,918 --> 01:14:22,794 - Tara, Tara, Tara. - What? 1432 01:14:22,962 --> 01:14:24,212 Can you go check on Nuts, please? 1433 01:14:24,380 --> 01:14:25,755 Why do I have to do it? Rich, I'm slammed. 1434 01:14:25,923 --> 01:14:27,257 'Cause you're a doctor, come on. 1435 01:14:27,425 --> 01:14:29,551 I'm not even close to being a doctor. I'm a second-year med student. 1436 01:14:29,719 --> 01:14:31,219 I'm making half of this shit up. 1437 01:14:31,387 --> 01:14:33,263 Come on, isn't it part of your Hippocrastic Oath? 1438 01:14:33,431 --> 01:14:36,141 Hippo what? Look, don't put this on me, okay? 1439 01:14:36,309 --> 01:14:38,310 He got punched out by that gigantic mongoloid 1440 01:14:38,477 --> 01:14:40,228 because you denied him his medication. 1441 01:14:40,396 --> 01:14:43,565 You sold him out just like you sold out Mia and that poor kid Donnie. 1442 01:14:43,733 --> 01:14:45,984 And all because you're afraid of Cleon. 1443 01:14:46,152 --> 01:14:48,320 God, you're a real spineless pussy, Rich. 1444 01:14:50,573 --> 01:14:53,658 Hey, three of them. 1445 01:14:53,826 --> 01:14:55,201 Oh, Jesus. 1446 01:14:55,369 --> 01:14:57,120 Look at these babies. 1447 01:14:57,288 --> 01:15:00,373 - Honey, hi. - Hey. 1448 01:15:00,541 --> 01:15:01,750 What are you doing here? 1449 01:15:01,917 --> 01:15:04,711 Well, the kids couldn't sleep so I thought we'd pop in and say hi. 1450 01:15:04,879 --> 01:15:07,589 Mrs. Rich Parente in the house. 1451 01:15:07,757 --> 01:15:09,049 - Hey, Champ. - Hey. 1452 01:15:09,216 --> 01:15:12,093 Oh, Cleon. 1453 01:15:12,261 --> 01:15:15,263 I don't mean to be mean, but, baby, you need some Listerine. 1454 01:15:17,224 --> 01:15:19,893 That's my little sister. Always tells it like it is. 1455 01:15:20,061 --> 01:15:22,562 Oh, look at the little babies. 1456 01:15:22,730 --> 01:15:24,856 Hey, it's Uncle Cleon. 1457 01:15:25,024 --> 01:15:27,150 Damn, they all look the same. 1458 01:15:27,318 --> 01:15:29,861 What'd you do, fuck a Xerox machine? 1459 01:15:30,029 --> 01:15:32,530 Watch your goddamn mouth in front of my kids. 1460 01:15:32,698 --> 01:15:34,824 - It's Uncle Cleon. Watch it. - No no, not too close. 1461 01:15:34,992 --> 01:15:37,452 - Okay, easy now. Okay. - Keep your guard up. 1462 01:15:37,620 --> 01:15:40,497 How the hell did you wind up with the Champ's sister? 1463 01:15:40,663 --> 01:15:42,831 Well, believe it or not, 1464 01:15:42,999 --> 01:15:45,250 the Champ introduced us and we fell in love 1465 01:15:45,418 --> 01:15:48,712 and had these babies. And here we are. 1466 01:15:48,880 --> 01:15:52,216 When I first was made aware of Richardo here, 1467 01:15:52,384 --> 01:15:54,802 he cracked his head open running out of my office. 1468 01:15:54,969 --> 01:15:57,221 And I thought right away, this guy 1469 01:15:57,389 --> 01:15:59,848 is such a pussy. 1470 01:16:00,016 --> 01:16:01,975 I knew he was such a pussy 1471 01:16:02,143 --> 01:16:04,812 that he would never ever cheat on my sister. 1472 01:16:04,979 --> 01:16:06,772 No, I'm serious. 1473 01:16:06,940 --> 01:16:08,982 You want to know what my nickname for him was? 1474 01:16:09,150 --> 01:16:11,527 Cunty McTwat. 1475 01:16:11,694 --> 01:16:13,237 'Cause he was such a pussy. 1476 01:16:16,116 --> 01:16:19,034 Why isn't anybody laughing? 1477 01:16:19,202 --> 01:16:21,495 - That's amazing. Hey, babies, yes. 1478 01:16:21,663 --> 01:16:23,372 The middle one has your head. 1479 01:16:23,540 --> 01:16:24,957 Don't touch-no no no. Okay. 1480 01:16:27,168 --> 01:16:28,836 Okay, we've got some movement, you guys. 1481 01:16:31,381 --> 01:16:33,173 This is bullshit! 1482 01:16:33,341 --> 01:16:36,593 You gave Donnie all of Nuts's huge tables. 1483 01:16:36,761 --> 01:16:38,053 Guy, it's anyone's game still, all right? 1484 01:16:38,221 --> 01:16:40,431 There's only 250 bucks separating first and last. 1485 01:16:40,598 --> 01:16:42,433 - It's anyone's game. - That's awesome. 1486 01:16:42,600 --> 01:16:44,226 You better not be lying, 'cause I will cut you. 1487 01:16:44,394 --> 01:16:46,770 All right, one hour left. Go get 'em, guys, all right? 1488 01:16:46,938 --> 01:16:49,231 - Okay okay. - Mia Mia Mia. 1489 01:16:49,399 --> 01:16:51,024 I just sat the last table. You got 'em. 1490 01:16:51,192 --> 01:16:54,528 It's the Miami Dolphin's offensive line and they're starving. 1491 01:16:54,696 --> 01:16:57,823 Good luck. Sorry, but, you know... 1492 01:16:57,991 --> 01:16:59,491 This is so not over. 1493 01:16:59,659 --> 01:17:03,078 - You're gonna burn, baby. - I'm not losing this thing. 1494 01:17:03,246 --> 01:17:04,705 I'm not losing this thing. 1495 01:17:05,832 --> 01:17:07,374 All right, if you ladies are like me, 1496 01:17:07,542 --> 01:17:09,209 you can eat a shitload of lobster. 1497 01:17:09,377 --> 01:17:12,254 I am not leaving until you people are heaving. 1498 01:17:12,422 --> 01:17:15,424 So that's four orders of the Alaskan king crab legs. 1499 01:17:16,968 --> 01:17:19,636 Eat it, fuck nut. 1500 01:17:24,141 --> 01:17:25,683 Hey, how are you? 1501 01:17:25,851 --> 01:17:27,977 I couldn't help but overhear you ordered the king crab. 1502 01:17:28,145 --> 01:17:31,105 Well, we came in here dead set on the San Francisco cioppino, 1503 01:17:31,273 --> 01:17:35,109 but that young lad made those king crab legs sound irresistible. 1504 01:17:35,277 --> 01:17:37,403 It's just that you look like good people. 1505 01:17:37,571 --> 01:17:40,406 And the chef asked us not to sell the king crab 1506 01:17:40,574 --> 01:17:43,868 because it's a week old. 1507 01:17:44,036 --> 01:17:47,497 Why would that waiter recommend something that's turned? 1508 01:17:47,664 --> 01:17:49,832 It's one of the most expensive items on the menu. 1509 01:17:50,000 --> 01:17:53,336 You can figure it out. But please, you didn't hear it from me. 1510 01:17:53,504 --> 01:17:56,130 My name is Guy. 1511 01:17:56,298 --> 01:17:59,425 I like him more. That's the man I trust. 1512 01:18:02,179 --> 01:18:05,932 Hi, guys. Welcome to the Slammin' Salmon. 1513 01:18:06,099 --> 01:18:08,267 My name is Mia and I'll be your waitress. 1514 01:18:08,435 --> 01:18:10,770 I apologize for my appearance, 1515 01:18:10,938 --> 01:18:13,272 but I was in an explosion. 1516 01:18:13,440 --> 01:18:15,066 Is this like Make a Wish Foundation? 1517 01:18:15,234 --> 01:18:17,109 Yes, definitely. 1518 01:18:17,277 --> 01:18:18,819 That's great. 1519 01:18:18,987 --> 01:18:22,365 What a brave lady. I mean, showing your face in public like this. 1520 01:18:22,533 --> 01:18:24,158 - Thank you. - Tell you what, Mia, 1521 01:18:24,326 --> 01:18:27,411 we're starving, so would you start us off with some appetizers? 1522 01:18:27,579 --> 01:18:29,664 Of course. 1523 01:18:29,831 --> 01:18:32,250 We'll take two t-bone steaks. Two each. 1524 01:18:32,417 --> 01:18:35,002 - Two each. - Okay. 1525 01:18:35,170 --> 01:18:36,963 Put some calamari on there. 1526 01:18:37,130 --> 01:18:39,423 Good luck on your nose job. 1527 01:18:39,591 --> 01:18:41,008 Thank you, Mr. Lobo. 1528 01:18:41,176 --> 01:18:42,593 Give me a call when the bandages come off. 1529 01:18:42,761 --> 01:18:45,596 - Okay. - We're doing "CFI Greektown." 1530 01:18:45,764 --> 01:18:49,225 You might be right for Detective Stavros Popadropolis. 1531 01:18:49,393 --> 01:18:51,727 - Okay. - Feel like I'm gonna give birth. 1532 01:18:51,895 --> 01:18:53,187 Thank you, Mr. Lobo. 1533 01:18:53,355 --> 01:18:56,399 Thank you, Connor. It's so good to see you again. 1534 01:18:56,567 --> 01:18:58,150 Great to see you too, Morgan. You look terrific. 1535 01:18:58,318 --> 01:19:01,404 - Oh, thank you. - Hey, man, you're a hell of a waiter. 1536 01:19:01,572 --> 01:19:04,490 Don't quit your day job. Boop. 1537 01:19:04,658 --> 01:19:07,075 Get lost. 1538 01:19:07,243 --> 01:19:10,537 Oh, enjoy not winning 10 grand, sucker. 1539 01:19:10,705 --> 01:19:12,914 Oh, honey, that's so cute. 1540 01:19:13,082 --> 01:19:16,876 But I still have Nutella and, whew, it is a huge check. 1541 01:19:17,044 --> 01:19:19,170 Don't worry though. When I'm done with school 1542 01:19:19,338 --> 01:19:21,756 I'll fix your nose for free. Any shape you want, okay? 1543 01:19:21,924 --> 01:19:24,217 Button nose, cute little clown nose. 1544 01:19:24,385 --> 01:19:27,178 Ooh, a brown nose. That works well for you. 1545 01:19:32,685 --> 01:19:36,938 And I came in here dead set on the San Francisco cioppino. 1546 01:19:37,106 --> 01:19:38,982 I'm very sorry, sir. We will change your order right away. 1547 01:19:39,150 --> 01:19:40,734 - And Guy will be your waiter. What? 1548 01:19:40,901 --> 01:19:43,403 Donnie, the table is Guy's now. 1549 01:19:43,571 --> 01:19:45,655 No no no. No, it was- 1550 01:19:45,823 --> 01:19:48,658 - See? I can step up to the plate. - Finally. 1551 01:19:51,621 --> 01:19:54,497 Some pitchers of beer, that bucket of jumbo shrimp, 1552 01:19:54,665 --> 01:19:56,207 that spinach artichoke dip, 1553 01:19:56,375 --> 01:19:58,752 and of course that 8-Ib lobster you were talking about. 1554 01:19:58,919 --> 01:20:00,920 - Yes. - And that should do it. 1555 01:20:01,088 --> 01:20:02,964 Okay. 1556 01:20:03,132 --> 01:20:04,924 Oh, baby girl, what's wrong? 1557 01:20:05,092 --> 01:20:07,719 It's just you guys are so nice. 1558 01:20:07,887 --> 01:20:10,513 And this is my biggest check ever. 1559 01:20:10,681 --> 01:20:13,308 I just really needed this. 1560 01:20:13,476 --> 01:20:15,560 And you're the nicest waitress we've ever had. 1561 01:20:15,728 --> 01:20:19,022 You know, Mia, I know you were pretty once. 1562 01:20:19,190 --> 01:20:21,024 Thank you. 1563 01:20:31,577 --> 01:20:33,828 That's disgusting. 1564 01:20:35,915 --> 01:20:37,874 I'm gonna be sick. 1565 01:20:46,008 --> 01:20:50,010 I just wanna win. 1566 01:20:53,640 --> 01:20:55,766 And, um, word to your mother. 1567 01:20:55,934 --> 01:20:57,476 All right, girl. 1568 01:21:05,235 --> 01:21:07,945 Nutella, I'm sorry. This isn't the check that I gave you. 1569 01:21:08,113 --> 01:21:10,948 Yeah it is. Champ comped us. 1570 01:21:11,116 --> 01:21:14,118 I throw a little knee right there. 1571 01:21:14,285 --> 01:21:17,162 It bends him down. Bam! 1572 01:21:18,790 --> 01:21:21,709 Well, were you dissatisfied with the service? 1573 01:21:21,876 --> 01:21:24,420 - You didn't leave a tip. - Do the math. 1574 01:21:24,587 --> 01:21:27,214 20% of nothing is nothing. 1575 01:21:27,382 --> 01:21:29,758 Come on, y'all. We outie. 1576 01:21:39,978 --> 01:21:41,854 Shit. 1577 01:22:11,676 --> 01:22:13,218 Here you go. I didn't want to interrupt. 1578 01:22:13,386 --> 01:22:14,553 Thank you. 1579 01:22:14,721 --> 01:22:16,638 Have you read this? 1580 01:22:16,806 --> 01:22:18,390 Uh, no. I can't say that I have. 1581 01:22:18,558 --> 01:22:21,310 I did not know anything, 1582 01:22:21,478 --> 01:22:23,687 anything at all till now. 1583 01:22:26,816 --> 01:22:29,234 You remind me of a young Andrew Bolkonski. 1584 01:22:29,402 --> 01:22:31,944 Oh, thank you. 1585 01:22:32,112 --> 01:22:33,362 No, thank you. 1586 01:22:33,530 --> 01:22:35,198 Thank you. 1587 01:22:48,045 --> 01:22:49,837 I'm sorry, sir. I think you made a mistake. 1588 01:22:50,005 --> 01:22:51,798 I can't take that much money. 1589 01:22:51,965 --> 01:22:54,759 I didn't make a mistake. What's your name? 1590 01:22:54,927 --> 01:22:57,053 Donald Kanogi. 1591 01:22:57,221 --> 01:22:59,639 I'm dying, Donald Kanogi. 1592 01:23:01,058 --> 01:23:04,185 My doctor told me I have a month to live. 1593 01:23:04,353 --> 01:23:07,939 Have you ever heard of schistophosiasis? 1594 01:23:08,106 --> 01:23:09,690 No, I haven't. 1595 01:23:09,858 --> 01:23:11,317 Well, I've got it. 1596 01:23:11,485 --> 01:23:13,653 - I've got it hard. - Oh my God. 1597 01:23:13,821 --> 01:23:16,906 All I wanted to do tonight was to sit quietly, 1598 01:23:17,074 --> 01:23:18,991 have a nice meal, 1599 01:23:19,159 --> 01:23:21,452 read a little Russian pre-existentialism. 1600 01:23:21,620 --> 01:23:24,831 It was pretty crowded, but unlike the other waiter, 1601 01:23:24,998 --> 01:23:27,834 you were content to let me sit here nonetheless. 1602 01:23:28,001 --> 01:23:30,253 And I thank you for that. 1603 01:23:31,463 --> 01:23:33,172 But, sir... 1604 01:23:33,340 --> 01:23:35,466 No, young man, 1605 01:23:35,634 --> 01:23:37,760 you can't take it with you. 1606 01:23:37,928 --> 01:23:40,513 Now if you'll excuse me, 1607 01:23:40,681 --> 01:23:44,392 I've got a lot of living to do before I die. 1608 01:23:45,978 --> 01:23:47,520 Do svidaniya. 1609 01:24:19,635 --> 01:24:21,636 That poor man. 1610 01:24:21,804 --> 01:24:24,139 You know, it really puts things into perspective. 1611 01:24:24,307 --> 01:24:27,267 Fuck him and the horse that rode over him. 1612 01:24:27,435 --> 01:24:30,812 That's Guy. Big heart, big hair. 1613 01:24:30,980 --> 01:24:33,815 That's me. Throw big dick in there, you got a box trifecta. 1614 01:24:33,983 --> 01:24:36,860 You know what? It's way too late for that kind of chatter. 1615 01:24:37,028 --> 01:24:38,862 - Heyo, I've got the totals. All right. 1616 01:24:39,030 --> 01:24:41,615 - Who wants to see some results? - Oh, I do, I do. 1617 01:24:41,782 --> 01:24:44,910 - Oh, yeah. - Gather round. This is pretty exciting. 1618 01:24:45,077 --> 01:24:47,662 - Gather around, everybody. - All right. 1619 01:24:47,830 --> 01:24:50,165 - I'm excited. - Good. 1620 01:24:50,333 --> 01:24:51,791 - Are you guys ready? - Yes. 1621 01:24:51,959 --> 01:24:54,628 Okay. First, before I start, let me just say 1622 01:24:54,795 --> 01:24:57,464 - I'm really proud of you guys. - Thank you. 1623 01:24:57,632 --> 01:24:59,674 Very proud. I think you did a great job tonight. 1624 01:24:59,842 --> 01:25:01,551 - Thank you. - Here we go. 1625 01:25:01,719 --> 01:25:04,387 In third place... 1626 01:25:05,973 --> 01:25:08,224 - is the waiter... - Oh, Jesus Christ. 1627 01:25:08,392 --> 01:25:10,810 - Who did a good job tonight... - Say it, you big dog. 1628 01:25:10,978 --> 01:25:14,648 - Come on. - And his name is Nuts. 1629 01:25:14,815 --> 01:25:18,151 - Hey, Nuts. - In the pickle jar, all right. 1630 01:25:18,319 --> 01:25:19,444 - Great. - Okay. 1631 01:25:19,612 --> 01:25:20,779 - Bring it. - Here we go. 1632 01:25:20,947 --> 01:25:23,990 In second place, and runner up, 1633 01:25:24,158 --> 01:25:27,369 is... 1634 01:25:27,536 --> 01:25:29,454 - Come on. - Connor. 1635 01:25:29,622 --> 01:25:30,956 What? Who won? 1636 01:25:31,123 --> 01:25:33,708 Drum roll, please. Drum roll. 1637 01:25:33,876 --> 01:25:36,044 Great, thank you. 1638 01:25:36,212 --> 01:25:39,673 And the winner of the $10,000 prize 1639 01:25:39,840 --> 01:25:41,841 and the big contest 1640 01:25:42,009 --> 01:25:45,220 tonight is... 1641 01:25:45,388 --> 01:25:47,806 Tara. 1642 01:25:47,974 --> 01:25:50,475 - Oh my God! - Honk the goose. 1643 01:25:50,643 --> 01:25:52,560 - What? - Oh my God, I won? 1644 01:25:52,728 --> 01:25:54,145 How is that even possible? 1645 01:25:54,312 --> 01:25:58,148 Well, the guy who got hit by the horse gave her a $1,000 tip. 1646 01:25:58,316 --> 01:26:00,693 I had that table. That's my table. 1647 01:26:01,945 --> 01:26:03,779 Jesus, Donnie. 1648 01:26:03,947 --> 01:26:06,573 You gave me a table, I gave you a table. 1649 01:26:06,741 --> 01:26:10,285 That is the most selfless thing anyone has ever done for me. 1650 01:26:10,453 --> 01:26:12,204 Well, when the Champ kills me, 1651 01:26:12,372 --> 01:26:14,123 just see to it I get a decent burial. 1652 01:26:14,290 --> 01:26:16,083 You're not gonna die. 1653 01:26:16,251 --> 01:26:17,876 I'll give you mouth to mouth. 1654 01:26:18,044 --> 01:26:21,255 Stick a sock in it before I puke. 1655 01:26:22,549 --> 01:26:24,842 Richardo. It's time. 1656 01:26:25,010 --> 01:26:28,637 All right, if you guys will excuse me for one second... 1657 01:26:28,805 --> 01:26:30,014 All right, baby, 1658 01:26:30,181 --> 01:26:32,891 what is the final take? 1659 01:26:33,059 --> 01:26:36,020 Am I sitting in the lap of luxury or what? 1660 01:26:36,187 --> 01:26:38,313 Well, we made... 1661 01:26:38,481 --> 01:26:41,108 $19,017. 1662 01:26:43,028 --> 01:26:45,738 $19,017. 1663 01:26:45,905 --> 01:26:47,114 Pretty good. 1664 01:26:47,282 --> 01:26:49,950 But last time I checked, 1665 01:26:50,118 --> 01:26:53,787 19 is lower than 20, right? 1666 01:26:54,998 --> 01:26:57,541 That makes you a grand short, short shorts. 1667 01:26:59,461 --> 01:27:01,587 What's that? 1668 01:27:01,755 --> 01:27:03,672 - The waiter's tips. - Problem solved. 1669 01:27:03,840 --> 01:27:06,550 I'll just take a grand out of that then. 1670 01:27:06,718 --> 01:27:08,302 No no no, hold on. 1671 01:27:08,470 --> 01:27:10,554 Excuse me, Champ. About the 10 grand. 1672 01:27:10,722 --> 01:27:12,765 - Not now, Tara. - The what? 1673 01:27:12,932 --> 01:27:14,099 The $10,000. 1674 01:27:14,267 --> 01:27:16,310 Oh, there is no $10,000. 1675 01:27:16,478 --> 01:27:18,979 That was all predicated on an illusion. 1676 01:27:19,147 --> 01:27:21,148 I don't understand. 1677 01:27:21,316 --> 01:27:24,985 Okay, I'll break it down. If I needed to make 20 tonight, 1678 01:27:25,153 --> 01:27:28,655 why would I give away 10? That makes no sense. 1679 01:27:28,823 --> 01:27:30,616 Right, Rich? 1680 01:27:30,784 --> 01:27:32,659 Right. 1681 01:27:32,827 --> 01:27:34,078 Thank you. 1682 01:27:34,245 --> 01:27:36,163 Adieu. 1683 01:27:42,336 --> 01:27:45,129 Champ. 1684 01:27:47,132 --> 01:27:49,175 This money belongs to the waiters. 1685 01:27:49,343 --> 01:27:51,219 And you owe Tara $10,000. 1686 01:27:51,386 --> 01:27:52,678 Whoa. 1687 01:27:52,846 --> 01:27:55,348 What the hell is wrong with you, Richardo? 1688 01:27:55,516 --> 01:27:57,975 You offered a prize and now you owe her. 1689 01:27:58,143 --> 01:28:00,937 You want to make something of it? 1690 01:28:04,483 --> 01:28:06,275 Yeah, I do. 1691 01:28:06,443 --> 01:28:09,278 Just do what you promised, you motherfucker. 1692 01:28:09,446 --> 01:28:11,739 What? 1693 01:28:13,575 --> 01:28:15,701 Well well well, 1694 01:28:15,869 --> 01:28:18,079 looks like somebody's little acorns 1695 01:28:18,247 --> 01:28:19,997 done grew into big nuts. 1696 01:28:20,165 --> 01:28:22,375 You're finally acting like a man. 1697 01:28:22,543 --> 01:28:24,627 But you're too little too late. 1698 01:28:24,795 --> 01:28:26,879 I still got to pay the Yakuza 1699 01:28:27,047 --> 01:28:28,798 20,000 yen. 1700 01:28:28,966 --> 01:28:31,509 Wait, yen or dollars? 1701 01:28:31,677 --> 01:28:33,719 Same thing, stupid. 1702 01:28:33,887 --> 01:28:36,055 Yen is Japanese for dollars. 1703 01:28:38,308 --> 01:28:40,059 Actually, Champ, 20,000 yen 1704 01:28:40,227 --> 01:28:43,604 is about 170 American dollars. 1705 01:28:43,772 --> 01:28:46,691 Ah-so. 1706 01:28:47,776 --> 01:28:50,945 In circumspeculation that makes sense. 1707 01:28:51,113 --> 01:28:53,739 When I was in the Orient I used to wonder to myself 1708 01:28:53,907 --> 01:28:56,075 why is everything so small 1709 01:28:56,243 --> 01:28:59,328 yet so expensive? 1710 01:28:59,496 --> 01:29:01,372 Good work, Dr. Doolittle. 1711 01:29:02,374 --> 01:29:04,500 170 for me. 1712 01:29:04,668 --> 01:29:06,419 10 grand for you. 1713 01:29:08,380 --> 01:29:10,339 What do you think I should do with the rest of it? 1714 01:29:10,507 --> 01:29:12,091 I think you should give it to the waiters. 1715 01:29:12,259 --> 01:29:15,178 - I think they earned it. Yeah, I guess so. 1716 01:29:15,345 --> 01:29:18,848 I was wrong to think they could be replaced by robots. 1717 01:29:19,015 --> 01:29:21,183 Nice one, Rich. 1718 01:29:21,350 --> 01:29:23,560 Feed, my pretties, feed. 1719 01:29:25,813 --> 01:29:28,148 Oh my God! 1720 01:29:36,282 --> 01:29:37,782 Money money money! 1721 01:29:37,950 --> 01:29:39,701 Oh God. 1722 01:29:39,869 --> 01:29:42,245 Wow, Rich. 1723 01:29:42,413 --> 01:29:45,248 - That was legendary. - Thank you. 1724 01:29:51,631 --> 01:29:55,300 Well, I guess I should thank you properly for what you did. 1725 01:29:58,804 --> 01:30:00,138 Aw! 1726 01:30:00,306 --> 01:30:02,057 That's so nice. 1727 01:30:31,754 --> 01:30:34,047 Whoa. Oh, just- 1728 01:30:34,215 --> 01:30:36,716 Okay, oh oh oh. 1729 01:30:36,884 --> 01:30:39,886 Okay okay, what the fuck, Donnie? 1730 01:30:40,054 --> 01:30:41,513 You see that, Donnie? 1731 01:30:41,681 --> 01:30:43,807 That's how you kiss a girl, you fucking fruit cake. 1732 01:30:43,975 --> 01:30:47,102 I hate you. 1733 01:30:47,270 --> 01:30:49,187 Nice going, dog. 1734 01:30:49,355 --> 01:30:51,231 Oh, God. 1735 01:30:51,399 --> 01:30:53,275 It tastes like tartar sauce. 1736 01:30:53,442 --> 01:30:55,318 Wait wait wait wait. Hold on. 1737 01:30:55,486 --> 01:30:57,612 I almost forgot. 1738 01:30:57,780 --> 01:31:01,199 I still got to kick the shit out of the low man. 1739 01:31:01,366 --> 01:31:03,867 Is he fucking serious? 1740 01:31:04,035 --> 01:31:05,327 Oh God. 1741 01:31:08,707 --> 01:31:11,250 Why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself, huh? 1742 01:31:11,418 --> 01:31:13,377 Why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself? 1743 01:31:13,545 --> 01:31:16,547 Why are you hitting yourself? Have you gone crazy, huh? 1744 01:31:16,715 --> 01:31:18,048 Are you crazy, man? 1745 01:31:18,216 --> 01:31:19,883 All right, come on. Let's get this over with. 1746 01:31:20,051 --> 01:31:21,969 I've got to get home and watch "Dancing with the Stars." 1747 01:31:22,137 --> 01:31:23,679 Nick Lachey is doing the jitterbug. 1748 01:31:23,847 --> 01:31:24,972 He's good. Have you ever seen him? 1749 01:31:25,140 --> 01:31:26,640 - No no. - You've got your guards up. 1750 01:31:26,808 --> 01:31:28,475 - You want to fight? - You're just kidding, right, Champ? 1751 01:31:28,643 --> 01:31:31,729 Don't be so scared. You should learn to control your fears. 1752 01:31:31,896 --> 01:31:33,897 Take me for instance. I'm afraid of the dark. 1753 01:31:34,065 --> 01:31:36,191 But you'd never know it 'cause I have mental discipline. 1754 01:31:36,359 --> 01:31:38,819 You know what I'm saying? I don't even use a nightlight no more. 1755 01:31:38,987 --> 01:31:41,572 - Okay okay. - Whoa whoa, what's up? 1756 01:31:41,740 --> 01:31:43,282 What? What's up? What's up? 1757 01:33:43,152 --> 01:33:44,694 What's up, noodle dicks? 1758 01:33:44,862 --> 01:33:46,195 That to-do-you- 1759 01:33:48,157 --> 01:33:50,700 Whoo! Hey, noodle dicks. 1760 01:33:50,868 --> 01:33:53,327 God damn it. Come on. 1761 01:33:53,495 --> 01:33:55,538 Whoo! What's up, noodle dicks? 1762 01:33:55,706 --> 01:33:58,916 That table over there just ordered two rounds of premium tequila. 1763 01:33:59,084 --> 01:34:01,043 Now you guys-now you guys- 1764 01:34:01,211 --> 01:34:03,087 Shit! 1765 01:34:03,255 --> 01:34:05,465 I missed each and every one of you. 1766 01:34:10,596 --> 01:34:13,681 I don't like that shit. I don't like the dark. 1767 01:34:13,849 --> 01:34:16,225 Y'all didn't fucking see "Green Mile"? 1768 01:34:16,393 --> 01:34:18,019 I am afraid of the dark. 1769 01:34:18,187 --> 01:34:20,438 - That's fucked up. - Cut. 1770 01:34:22,107 --> 01:34:24,400 Oh my God, that's crazy. 1771 01:34:24,568 --> 01:34:26,276 And I'm Barack Obama. 1772 01:34:26,444 --> 01:34:28,028 And I'm Osama bin Laden. 1773 01:34:28,196 --> 01:34:29,571 And I'm Obama bin Laden. 1774 01:34:29,739 --> 01:34:30,989 And I'm Shaquille O'Neal. 1775 01:34:31,157 --> 01:34:34,409 And I'm Gloria Estefan from the Miami Sound Machine. 1776 01:34:39,248 --> 01:34:41,124 I can do it. I can do it. 1777 01:34:48,758 --> 01:34:51,176 - Can you do a faster one, please? - Okay. 1778 01:34:55,765 --> 01:34:58,350 Cut. 1779 01:35:06,317 --> 01:35:08,235 Good, let's go from the top again. 1780 01:35:08,402 --> 01:35:10,779 Is it gross? All right, cut. 1781 01:35:10,947 --> 01:35:12,280 Cut cut cut. 1782 01:35:12,448 --> 01:35:13,949 It wasn't gross. I just thought I'd put it back. 1783 01:35:19,372 --> 01:35:20,956 Well, you know what they say: 1784 01:35:21,123 --> 01:35:23,041 All the good ones are either gay or crazy. 1785 01:35:23,209 --> 01:35:24,793 Or fat. Or gassy. 1786 01:35:24,961 --> 01:35:26,962 Or Dutch. Or uncircumcised. 1787 01:35:27,129 --> 01:35:30,131 - Ew! - What does that mean? 1788 01:35:30,299 --> 01:35:31,925 Cut! 1789 01:35:32,093 --> 01:35:34,636 And she throws an elbow across like this. 1790 01:35:34,804 --> 01:35:36,930 So I want to grab her- I started to do like that. 1791 01:35:37,098 --> 01:35:38,932 Body shot, body shot, body shot, body shot. 1792 01:35:39,100 --> 01:35:40,308 We were in the clinch like this 1793 01:35:40,476 --> 01:35:42,310 and I started to go, "Bitch, what the fuck are you doing?" 1794 01:35:42,478 --> 01:35:44,187 So I'm like... and I'm trying to hit him. 1795 01:35:44,355 --> 01:35:46,273 And we cover up like this and I'm moving around. 1796 01:35:46,440 --> 01:35:47,857 I'm like, "This dude is-" 1797 01:35:48,025 --> 01:35:49,276 no, don't turn your back. Stay right here. 1798 01:35:49,443 --> 01:35:51,820 Last week on "Heroes." 1799 01:35:51,988 --> 01:35:54,656 Yeah, cut. Yes. Very good. 1800 01:36:13,300 --> 01:36:14,883 'Cause I'm bored. 1801 01:36:15,051 --> 01:36:17,678 Cut. Cut.