1 00:01:03,750 --> 00:01:05,624 Have you got anything for a sore throat? 2 00:01:05,625 --> 00:01:08,543 - Do you wanna gargle? - I beg your pardon? 3 00:01:08,751 --> 00:01:10,627 I'm joking. Just something to suck. 4 00:01:10,835 --> 00:01:13,544 - Pastilles? - Got any crayons? No, no, no, no. 5 00:01:13,752 --> 00:01:16,045 Seriously, what have you got? 6 00:01:16,149 --> 00:01:19,171 Mac's, Vic's, Tunes, Bradosol, Merocaine, TCP. 7 00:01:19,275 --> 00:01:22,297 - Whatever. - What about a Fisherman's Friend? 8 00:01:22,505 --> 00:01:25,631 - What about a Fisherman's Friend? - 52. 9 00:01:26,777 --> 00:01:31,675 Right, Joy, we'll take six inches. 10 00:01:31,883 --> 00:01:34,801 Let's go the whole hog, shall we? 11 00:01:40,948 --> 00:01:42,407 Oh, that's it. 12 00:01:42,616 --> 00:01:45,325 See, that's looking better already. 13 00:01:45,429 --> 00:01:48,659 - I hope it won't be too severe. - Oh, no, that's lovely. 14 00:01:48,867 --> 00:01:53,869 That's gonna be gorgeous. You see, that's making your face look wider. 15 00:02:00,017 --> 00:02:01,788 Hello. 16 00:02:01,892 --> 00:02:03,976 You all right? 17 00:02:04,185 --> 00:02:06,477 You've had your hair cut, haven't you? 18 00:02:06,685 --> 00:02:08,353 Can I help you? 19 00:02:08,561 --> 00:02:12,000 Er, yeah, do you have any shampoo for greasy hair? 20 00:02:12,208 --> 00:02:14,917 - Is it for you? - No, it's for a friend. 21 00:02:15,021 --> 00:02:16,480 Yeah, it's for me. 22 00:02:16,584 --> 00:02:20,440 - How often do you wash your hair? - About two or three times 23 00:02:20,648 --> 00:02:22,419 a year - no, a week. 24 00:02:23,566 --> 00:02:25,962 - You want a frequency wash. - Do I? 25 00:02:26,171 --> 00:02:28,671 - That's what I use. - You ain't got greasy hair. 26 00:02:28,880 --> 00:02:30,755 - I have, actually. - Yeah? 27 00:02:30,860 --> 00:02:33,985 I got dry ends but it is greasy at the roots. 28 00:02:34,194 --> 00:02:38,049 - You're having me on, aren't you? - You could try that. 29 00:02:38,153 --> 00:02:41,279 I like your hair like that. It's quite pretty. 30 00:02:41,384 --> 00:02:44,093 Oh. Thank you. 31 00:02:44,301 --> 00:02:46,698 - Do you want this, then? - Yeah, I'll take it. 32 00:02:57,013 --> 00:02:59,202 - All right? Hello. - Hello. 33 00:02:59,410 --> 00:03:01,598 Eh! Oh... 34 00:03:01,702 --> 00:03:04,516 Hang about. 35 00:03:07,016 --> 00:03:09,205 I hate my name. 36 00:03:10,663 --> 00:03:12,747 - What's your name, then? - Clive. 37 00:03:12,852 --> 00:03:16,394 - That's unusual. - But you can call me sir. 38 00:03:22,855 --> 00:03:26,814 Joy, did you know that there's as many molecules in a teaspoon of water 39 00:03:27,023 --> 00:03:29,940 as there are teaspoons of water in the Atlantic Ocean? 40 00:03:30,149 --> 00:03:32,754 - This is my house. - Oh, right. 41 00:03:32,858 --> 00:03:35,879 - I'll see you tomorrow, then. - Yeah, all right. 42 00:03:36,088 --> 00:03:38,484 You go easy up them steps. 43 00:03:40,047 --> 00:03:41,715 I'll see you, then. 44 00:03:41,923 --> 00:03:44,111 Ta-ta, then, Clive. 45 00:03:51,926 --> 00:03:54,323 Two hands, please, Joy. That's it. 46 00:03:54,531 --> 00:03:56,928 - Got it? - Yeah. 47 00:03:57,032 --> 00:04:00,575 It's got to be a snug fit, you see. 48 00:04:00,783 --> 00:04:02,763 - Can I let go, Betty? - Yeah. 49 00:04:02,971 --> 00:04:05,472 I'll tuck the back in for you. 50 00:04:07,243 --> 00:04:10,265 - How's your mum, Joy? All right? - She's not too bad. 51 00:04:10,473 --> 00:04:13,495 Only she's not been in to see me, lately, you know. 52 00:04:13,599 --> 00:04:17,663 - This isn't gonna hurt, is it? - No, it'll be all right. 53 00:04:17,767 --> 00:04:20,477 And if it does pain, Joy, 54 00:04:20,685 --> 00:04:24,853 just shout out, you know, like when you're in labour. 55 00:04:25,061 --> 00:04:28,187 'Cause my Charlene had a very big head, you see. 56 00:04:28,291 --> 00:04:31,522 - I can't stand pain. - Can't you, Joy? No? 57 00:04:33,293 --> 00:04:36,002 - Ow! - That's it, Joy. 58 00:04:39,857 --> 00:04:42,879 Ooh-ooh! Did you forget your key again, Charlene? 59 00:04:43,088 --> 00:04:45,276 - Yeah. - Oh, that's typical. 60 00:04:45,484 --> 00:04:48,402 Oh, I'm queasy. I've just seen a gorgeous cat 61 00:04:48,610 --> 00:04:51,111 lying dead in the road outside the church, there. 62 00:04:51,319 --> 00:04:53,403 And I don't like cats, do I? 63 00:04:53,612 --> 00:04:55,487 All its insides were out. 64 00:04:55,696 --> 00:04:57,988 - Did you get that boiled ham? - Yeah. 65 00:04:58,196 --> 00:05:02,156 And I've been itching down below and I don't know why. 66 00:05:02,364 --> 00:05:05,074 Oh, I'm dry. Put the kettle on, Charlene. 67 00:05:05,282 --> 00:05:10,075 And of course, she wanted me just to walk out, leave my two ladies. 68 00:05:10,283 --> 00:05:13,201 I said, "Oh, no, Cynthia, I can't do that." 69 00:05:13,409 --> 00:05:18,307 I said, "Jerry said you was ill and I was expecting a full day's wages." 70 00:05:18,515 --> 00:05:22,162 "Oh, all right," she says, "I'll come back at two o'clock." 71 00:05:22,371 --> 00:05:26,955 At two o'clock I'm sitting there in my coat and she doesn't show up. 72 00:05:27,059 --> 00:05:29,248 There's your tea, Charlene. 73 00:05:29,456 --> 00:05:33,207 And the next thing is that at half past five, Jerry walks in. 74 00:05:33,416 --> 00:05:38,417 "Oh, she's bad again," he says. And I said, "What is it this time?" 75 00:05:38,626 --> 00:05:42,377 "Oh, it's her thyroid." I said, "Well, Jerry, I'm not surprised." 76 00:05:42,585 --> 00:05:46,857 You see, she takes tablets for her thyroid, Charlene, 77 00:05:46,961 --> 00:05:51,129 but with that diarrhoea being bad, they'd gone right through her. 78 00:05:51,338 --> 00:05:53,943 And then he checked the takings again. 79 00:05:55,297 --> 00:05:57,902 Course, you see, they don't trust me, Charlene. 80 00:05:58,111 --> 00:06:00,507 Oh, that itch is bad. 81 00:06:00,611 --> 00:06:04,258 I don't know whether it's a tight bra or whether I've been bitten. 82 00:06:06,759 --> 00:06:08,843 I was on the telly last night. 83 00:06:09,677 --> 00:06:12,386 I'll sleep anywhere when I've had a few drinks. 84 00:06:12,490 --> 00:06:15,095 - I think I'm getting a mouth ulcer. - Oh, yeah? 85 00:06:15,199 --> 00:06:18,534 - It's the salt. - Two peanuts walking down the road. 86 00:06:18,742 --> 00:06:21,451 One was a salted. 87 00:06:21,555 --> 00:06:25,307 - Do you ever get constipated? - No, no, no. My mum does. 88 00:06:25,515 --> 00:06:27,390 Why, do you? 89 00:06:27,599 --> 00:06:31,142 I've decided. I'm gonna try Senokot. 90 00:06:31,246 --> 00:06:33,851 Then the world will drop out of your bottom. 91 00:06:34,059 --> 00:06:36,143 I don't think that's very funny. 92 00:06:39,165 --> 00:06:41,041 You've been decorating, then? 93 00:06:41,249 --> 00:06:43,020 Don't you like them? 94 00:06:43,229 --> 00:06:45,834 - I've just had them done. - No, I do, actually. 95 00:06:46,042 --> 00:06:48,126 It's beautiful. 96 00:06:48,334 --> 00:06:51,252 Oh. I'm quite pleased with them myself. 97 00:06:52,607 --> 00:06:55,941 What's round and really violent? 98 00:06:56,149 --> 00:06:58,650 A vicious circle. 99 00:06:58,858 --> 00:07:01,880 That's better. You see? You can smile. That's nice. 100 00:07:02,089 --> 00:07:04,068 Lightens up your face. 101 00:07:04,173 --> 00:07:06,882 It's good. 102 00:07:07,090 --> 00:07:08,653 - Knock, knock. - Who's there? 103 00:07:08,862 --> 00:07:10,841 Oh, you've heard it. 104 00:07:11,050 --> 00:07:13,446 - I've got a blister on my heel. - Yeah? 105 00:07:13,655 --> 00:07:16,051 - You got a hole in your stocking? - No. 106 00:07:16,155 --> 00:07:18,656 How do you get your feet in, then? 107 00:07:19,907 --> 00:07:22,720 Don't you get embarrassed, selling these? 108 00:07:22,824 --> 00:07:25,950 - Not particularly, no. - I would, I would. 109 00:07:26,159 --> 00:07:29,076 - You get used to it. - I'd laugh. 110 00:07:29,284 --> 00:07:31,681 Do you want some, then? 111 00:07:31,889 --> 00:07:35,328 Yeah, all right, yeah. Extra large, that's the one, that's me. 112 00:07:35,536 --> 00:07:39,704 - Don't be so stupid. - No, no, no, I mean it. Go on. 113 00:07:39,913 --> 00:07:42,726 You're wondering now, ain't you? Look at you. 114 00:07:42,935 --> 00:07:44,810 - No. No. - You're thinking, "Hello..." 115 00:07:45,018 --> 00:07:47,936 - It's nothing to do with me. - We'll see about that. 116 00:07:48,978 --> 00:07:53,042 - So I'll pick you up about seven? - Yeah, all right. 117 00:07:54,292 --> 00:07:56,480 My feet are really aching. 118 00:07:56,585 --> 00:07:59,606 - You got any clothes pegs? - I use a foot deodorant. 119 00:07:59,815 --> 00:08:02,211 I like it, I like it, honestly. 120 00:08:02,420 --> 00:08:04,816 It's 'cause of standing on them all day. 121 00:08:04,920 --> 00:08:07,213 What else have you got to stand on? 122 00:08:07,317 --> 00:08:10,547 I hope I'm not gonna get varicose veins. 123 00:08:10,651 --> 00:08:13,777 - 'Cause my mum's got a varicose vein. - Has she? 124 00:08:13,882 --> 00:08:16,070 Are they, like, hereditary? 125 00:08:16,174 --> 00:08:18,675 Runs in families, yeah. 126 00:08:18,883 --> 00:08:21,801 Noses run in my family. 127 00:08:22,009 --> 00:08:24,614 You want to try a decongestant. 128 00:08:24,822 --> 00:08:27,427 Hell hath no fury like a woman's horn. 129 00:08:27,636 --> 00:08:31,074 The trouble with wearing tights is your skin can't breathe. 130 00:08:32,116 --> 00:08:35,555 I know a funny joke about stockings. 131 00:08:36,388 --> 00:08:39,931 - Go on, then. - No, it's dirty. 132 00:08:40,140 --> 00:08:43,266 - I don't like dirty jokes. - This is filthy. 133 00:08:43,474 --> 00:08:46,079 - You're gonna tell it though. - No, I wouldn't. 134 00:08:46,183 --> 00:08:49,934 I wouldn't embarrass you. Not in front of the fish. 135 00:08:54,936 --> 00:08:57,124 What time's your mum and dad getting back? 136 00:08:57,332 --> 00:08:59,521 Midnight. 137 00:09:00,500 --> 00:09:02,667 They're nice, your legs. 138 00:09:04,542 --> 00:09:07,772 I like 'em. I do. 139 00:09:14,753 --> 00:09:18,087 Didn't you meet nobody nice tonight, Charlene? No? 140 00:09:19,859 --> 00:09:23,818 - You should have a boyfriend. - I don't want a boyfriend. 141 00:09:24,027 --> 00:09:26,423 Course you do. 142 00:09:26,632 --> 00:09:28,403 I know I do. 143 00:09:29,862 --> 00:09:32,467 A man about the house. 144 00:09:35,905 --> 00:09:38,927 - Didn't you talk to no boys tonight? - No. 145 00:09:39,031 --> 00:09:41,636 Well, you're shy, like your father. 146 00:09:42,083 --> 00:09:45,418 Didn't nobody ask you to dance? 147 00:09:45,522 --> 00:09:49,124 'Cause you were a gorgeous little girl, Charlene. 148 00:09:49,125 --> 00:09:52,564 You were a gorgeous baby and you're gorgeous now. 149 00:09:52,772 --> 00:09:56,419 I can't understand how they're not queuing up for you. 150 00:09:56,523 --> 00:09:59,649 - 'Cause I know they were for me. - And look what happened to you. 151 00:10:00,417 --> 00:10:03,708 Your father was a gorgeous man, Charlene Flack. 152 00:10:05,917 --> 00:10:08,730 That was his mother turned him against me. 153 00:10:12,958 --> 00:10:15,876 - D'you like that, Joy? - It's unusual. 154 00:10:15,980 --> 00:10:20,877 Oh, I think it's very modern. You'll be the belle of the ball, tonight. 155 00:10:21,086 --> 00:10:24,941 - Are you courting, Joy? - I have been seeing somebody. 156 00:10:25,150 --> 00:10:27,129 Oh, have you? Is he lovely? 157 00:10:28,588 --> 00:10:30,672 - He's quite tall. - Is he? 158 00:10:30,881 --> 00:10:33,798 - He's got blond hair and blue eyes. - Lovely. 159 00:10:33,902 --> 00:10:36,299 - Is he well built? - He is actually, yeah. 160 00:10:36,507 --> 00:10:39,737 - Manly? - He's a very quiet type. 161 00:10:39,946 --> 00:10:42,030 Don't say much. 162 00:10:42,238 --> 00:10:44,635 He's serious. 163 00:10:50,782 --> 00:10:53,492 Oh, he's gorgeous. 164 00:10:53,700 --> 00:10:56,930 - I could go for a man like that. - Which one now? 165 00:10:57,139 --> 00:10:59,952 The dark one. Do you like him, Charlene? 166 00:11:00,056 --> 00:11:04,328 - He's all right. - He's so clean, isn't he? 167 00:11:04,537 --> 00:11:08,079 - Which one do you like the best? - Neither of them. 168 00:11:08,288 --> 00:11:10,832 - What about that blond one? - He's too fat. 169 00:11:10,833 --> 00:11:13,647 Oh, no, that's not fat, Charlene, that's muscle. 170 00:11:15,208 --> 00:11:17,542 You've got to have something to grab hold of. 171 00:11:18,083 --> 00:11:20,333 Ooh, I'd have him any day of the week. 172 00:11:21,167 --> 00:11:24,709 - Mind you, I don't like a thin man. - Well, he's thin. 173 00:11:24,918 --> 00:11:26,167 Ooh, look, she loves him. 174 00:11:27,210 --> 00:11:30,440 - What time are we having dinner? - Five o'clock. 175 00:11:37,875 --> 00:11:41,626 I think I might have had my cap in upside down. 176 00:11:43,375 --> 00:11:45,355 Don't matter, does it? 177 00:11:45,563 --> 00:11:47,439 What do you mean? 178 00:11:48,208 --> 00:11:50,374 I had the Durex on the right way up. 179 00:11:50,375 --> 00:11:53,293 - The Durex was for AIDS. - I know. 180 00:11:57,252 --> 00:11:59,958 - Was it all right? - Yeah. 181 00:12:01,042 --> 00:12:02,917 Yeah. It was good. 182 00:12:04,375 --> 00:12:07,397 Only, I did feel a little bit of discomfort. 183 00:12:10,523 --> 00:12:12,190 Are you hot? 184 00:12:16,717 --> 00:12:19,530 Better go soon. 185 00:12:19,834 --> 00:12:23,064 Yeah, I'll have to get up. Mum and Dad'll be back. 186 00:12:29,542 --> 00:12:31,626 Here you are. 187 00:12:40,483 --> 00:12:42,483 Well, she was gorgeous. 188 00:12:42,708 --> 00:12:45,082 She was a platinum blonde and wasn't she lovely? 189 00:12:45,083 --> 00:12:47,916 - She was quite overweight, though. - Was she? 190 00:12:47,917 --> 00:12:51,668 She photographed about two stone lighter than she actually was. 191 00:12:51,876 --> 00:12:57,167 She had a lovely bust, though. Didn't she? Oh, I wouldn't say no to a bust like that. 192 00:12:57,525 --> 00:12:59,400 And she could make you laugh. 193 00:13:00,417 --> 00:13:02,292 That was tragic, though. Wasn't it? The way she died. 194 00:13:02,292 --> 00:13:04,417 - Overdose, wasn't it? - Was it? 195 00:13:04,800 --> 00:13:07,550 She'd be about sixty now, wouldn't she? 196 00:13:08,753 --> 00:13:13,546 - Mind you, Joy, I liked the red. - It didn't suit my personality. 197 00:13:13,650 --> 00:13:16,672 But then again, it's not my hair, you see. 198 00:13:39,595 --> 00:13:41,992 Do you have trouble with your periods, Joy? 199 00:13:42,096 --> 00:13:43,763 I do, yes. 200 00:13:44,042 --> 00:13:47,124 But it's particularly bad this time. I don't know why. 201 00:13:47,125 --> 00:13:52,543 Is it? A couple of aspirins and a hot-water bottle normally helps. 202 00:13:52,648 --> 00:13:55,044 - I can't take analgesics. - Can't you? 203 00:13:55,252 --> 00:13:57,857 - I've got a very sensitive stomach. - Have you? 204 00:13:58,066 --> 00:14:00,775 I've been feeling very depressed all round. 205 00:14:00,879 --> 00:14:03,901 - That's right. - Listless. 206 00:14:04,458 --> 00:14:07,167 - Definitely not 100 per cent. - No? 207 00:14:08,333 --> 00:14:11,355 Oh, hang on a minute, Joy. Oh, here's a nice young man. 208 00:14:14,042 --> 00:14:17,832 - Are those for me? - I just come to see Joy actually. 209 00:14:17,833 --> 00:14:20,751 - Oh, did you? Look, Joy. - All right? 210 00:14:22,001 --> 00:14:23,981 - What do you want? - Knock, knock. 211 00:14:25,875 --> 00:14:26,708 Who's there? 212 00:14:26,709 --> 00:14:28,688 - Isobel. - Isobel who? 213 00:14:28,792 --> 00:14:31,814 Is the bell not working? I've been ringing it for ages. 214 00:14:32,022 --> 00:14:35,878 That makes me laugh. Oh, I want to take him home with me, Joy. 215 00:14:36,086 --> 00:14:38,587 And he's brought you gorgeous flowers, look. 216 00:14:38,691 --> 00:14:41,088 Oh, no, I'm doing a favour for my boss. 217 00:14:41,192 --> 00:14:43,380 Oh, are you? 218 00:14:46,458 --> 00:14:51,147 My dad said he didn't know what happiness was until he married my mum. 219 00:14:51,750 --> 00:14:53,417 Then it was too late. 220 00:14:55,208 --> 00:14:57,458 You've always got a joke, ain't you? 221 00:14:57,758 --> 00:15:00,988 I wouldn't be joking if I wasn't being serious. 222 00:15:01,293 --> 00:15:03,689 - I'm not forcing you. - Oh, look. 223 00:15:03,793 --> 00:15:07,232 I'm going to marry the most beautiful girl in the world. 224 00:15:07,336 --> 00:15:09,733 I'll bring her round later, you'd like her. 225 00:15:12,859 --> 00:15:14,839 Why do you have to spoil everything? 226 00:15:15,047 --> 00:15:17,235 Take no notice. 227 00:15:18,694 --> 00:15:22,966 I don't know what to do now. I should give you a ring or something. 228 00:15:24,112 --> 00:15:26,509 So I'll phone you later. 229 00:15:28,593 --> 00:15:30,885 Now listen. Listen to this, this is good. 230 00:15:30,989 --> 00:15:35,167 I'll sing you a song, it isn't very long, in fact it ends right here 231 00:15:35,550 --> 00:15:37,947 That's it. It just finishes. 232 00:16:03,258 --> 00:16:06,905 I'll bring that front bit back, that'll give you a bit of height 233 00:16:07,010 --> 00:16:09,302 and I'll sweep the sides round 234 00:16:09,406 --> 00:16:11,699 and put that Fergie bow in the back. 235 00:16:11,907 --> 00:16:14,720 - Won't she look gorgeous, Charlene? - Yeah. 236 00:16:14,825 --> 00:16:17,013 Are you having a professional photographer? 237 00:16:17,221 --> 00:16:19,097 Oh, yes, yes. At the church 238 00:16:19,305 --> 00:16:22,082 and at the reception afterwards, when we cut the cake. 239 00:16:22,083 --> 00:16:23,167 Oh, lovely. 240 00:16:23,333 --> 00:16:25,916 I was so nervous. I couldn't sleep at all last night. 241 00:16:25,917 --> 00:16:30,293 Then I woke up and I couldn't eat anything 'cause I thought I was gonna be sick. 242 00:16:30,501 --> 00:16:35,607 I vomited the morning I got married. I was carrying Charlene at the time. 243 00:16:35,816 --> 00:16:38,624 Don't perch, Charlene, sit properly in the seat. 244 00:16:38,625 --> 00:16:41,374 - I keep telling her, Joy. - I'm all right. 245 00:16:41,375 --> 00:16:44,501 I'll put some conditioner on that for you, make it nice and shiny. 246 00:16:44,605 --> 00:16:46,291 I'm gonna go home. 247 00:16:46,292 --> 00:16:48,541 I'll see you later then. - Do you want the back washed, Joy? 248 00:16:48,542 --> 00:16:50,874 - Yes. - I'll put plenty of mousse on. 249 00:16:50,875 --> 00:16:53,063 That'll hold it nice and firm. 250 00:16:53,272 --> 00:16:55,147 Shall I leave this bow here then, Betty? 251 00:16:55,356 --> 00:16:57,500 Yes, that'll be safer. 252 00:16:57,752 --> 00:16:58,808 Right. 253 00:17:01,295 --> 00:17:03,000 That's right, sit down. 254 00:17:04,167 --> 00:17:06,667 I'll put the towel round you. That's it, lovely. 255 00:17:11,148 --> 00:17:13,857 - I'm getting a spot coming up. - Oh, are you? 256 00:17:14,066 --> 00:17:16,566 You want to get Hide and Heal on that. 257 00:17:16,775 --> 00:17:20,317 I'll cover it up with make-up. You can't see it, can you? 258 00:17:20,526 --> 00:17:24,381 No, you can't see that, Joy. You won't see it on the photographs.