1
00:00:30,230 --> 00:00:32,267
<i>[ Man Over Radio]
Along the Kennedy Expressway,</i>

2
00:00:32,332 --> 00:00:34,005
<i>a truck overturned
in the slow lane.</i>

3
00:00:34,067 --> 00:00:36,843
<i>Along the Stevenson Expressway,
the traffic moving along nicely.</i>

4
00:00:36,903 --> 00:00:40,112
<i>Another Shadow traffic update
with TJ. Burks in ten minutes.</i>

5
00:00:40,173 --> 00:00:42,119
<i>You are listening to WRIX,</i>

6
00:00:42,175 --> 00:00:44,746
<i>Chicago's number one news
and financial net work.</i>

7
00:00:44,811 --> 00:00:49,658
<i>Now, back to Money Matters.
I'm your host, Gil Stewart,.</i>

8
00:00:49,716 --> 00:00:51,718
<i>and we're almost out of time
here on Money Matters,</i>

9
00:00:51,785 --> 00:00:54,789
<i>but here's a quick wrap-up
of the day's biggest stories.</i>

10
00:00:54,854 --> 00:00:58,529
<i>The Dow closing out today
at minus 55,</i>

11
00:00:58,591 --> 00:01:00,628
<i>while the NASDAQ
was up seven points.</i>

12
00:01:00,693 --> 00:01:04,004
The SandP is down four.

13
00:01:04,063 --> 00:01:06,669
Gold takes a big hit on the floor
as the International Monetary Fund...

14
00:01:06,733 --> 00:01:09,339
unloads 10%
of its gold holdings,

15
00:01:09,402 --> 00:01:11,780
causing ripples
throughout the banking industry,

16
00:01:11,838 --> 00:01:14,512
continuing the trend of
unloading the bulk of its holdings...

17
00:01:14,574 --> 00:01:16,850
<i>in favor of
better-performing securities.</i>

18
00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:18,856
<i>You've been listening
to Money Matters.</i>

19
00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:21,085
<i>I'm Gil Stewart,
looking after your money.</i>

20
00:01:21,147 --> 00:01:24,959
<i>- It's now 2:00 a.m. and time for--
' i.” [SOUI]</i>

21
00:01:27,720 --> 00:01:30,360
What's happening?
And welcome to The Lad/es Man,

22
00:01:30,423 --> 00:01:34,701
<i>the love line with all the right
responses to your romantic queries.</i>

23
00:01:34,761 --> 00:01:39,301
My name is Leon Phelps, and to those
of you that are uninitiated,

24
00:01:39,365 --> 00:01:42,812
I am an expert
in the ways of love.

25
00:01:42,869 --> 00:01:45,975
Um, I have made love
to many fine ladies,

26
00:01:46,039 --> 00:01:49,851
from the lowliest
bus station skank...

27
00:01:49,909 --> 00:01:52,753
to the classiest,
most sophisticated,

28
00:01:52,812 --> 00:01:57,852
educated, debutante,
high society bus station skank.

29
00:01:57,917 --> 00:02:00,796
But listen. I am doing good,
if you were askin'.

30
00:02:00,854 --> 00:02:03,232
I got my Courvoisier cognac
right here,

31
00:02:03,289 --> 00:02:05,291
and I'm ready
to take your calls.

32
00:02:05,358 --> 00:02:09,807
While I am not a psychiatrist
or a psychologist or whatever,

33
00:02:09,863 --> 00:02:11,809
I have done it
to a lot of ladies,

34
00:02:11,865 --> 00:02:14,675
and that makes me
somewhat like an expert.

35
00:02:14,734 --> 00:02:18,682
I have a Ph.D. in tang,
as it were.

36
00:02:18,738 --> 00:02:23,517
So, if you have a romantic query
and you are under the age of 50...

37
00:02:23,576 --> 00:02:26,557
and you're not freaky or disgustin',
please give us a call.

38
00:02:26,613 --> 00:02:29,651
My lovely producer,
Julie Simmons,

39
00:02:29,716 --> 00:02:32,287
she is over there and she is
awaiting with bated breath...

40
00:02:32,352 --> 00:02:34,298
<i>to hear what
you got to say.</i>

41
00:02:34,354 --> 00:02:37,335
Okay, you're gonna have
to hold anyway, sir. Yeah.

42
00:02:37,390 --> 00:02:40,735
<i>Susan from Oak Park.
you have a question for Leon?</i>

43
00:02:42,395 --> 00:02:44,773
Oh, he left his clothes
at your house.

44
00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:47,744
<i>[Leon] The phone is lighting up,
so let's take a call.</i>

45
00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:51,714
Hey, what's happening? This is
Leon Phelps. You got The Ladies Man.

46
00:02:51,771 --> 00:02:55,810
- [Woman] Hello, Ladies Man.
- Oh, it's a lady.

47
00:02:55,875 --> 00:02:59,322
<i>[Woman] I'm new to this city.
and I don't know too many people.</i>

48
00:02:59,379 --> 00:03:01,256
<i>And I am painfully shy.</i>

49
00:03:01,314 --> 00:03:04,852
Yeah, you sound painfully shy.
Listen, this is what you should do.

50
00:03:04,918 --> 00:03:07,626
Go to the bus station
or to a bowling alley...

51
00:03:07,687 --> 00:03:09,633
and hang out
with no underpants.

52
00:03:09,689 --> 00:03:11,532
- <i>Trust me. It works.</i>
- <i>What?</i>

53
00:03:11,591 --> 00:03:15,471
You'd be surprised at how many men
will approach you. I know that I would.

54
00:03:16,696 --> 00:03:18,972
Next caller, go ahead.
You got The Ladies Man.

55
00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:22,172
<i>[ Woman Over Telephone] Ladies Man.
I've been feeling really confused.</i>

56
00:03:22,235 --> 00:03:24,237
Yeah, that sounds good.

57
00:03:24,304 --> 00:03:26,477
No, it's not good.

58
00:03:26,539 --> 00:03:28,712
I'm in a relationship, but
I don't know if he is for real.

59
00:03:28,775 --> 00:03:32,313
<i>How do you know when
you're really, truly in love?</i>

60
00:03:32,378 --> 00:03:35,723
Don't worry.
When you're really, truly in love,

61
00:03:35,782 --> 00:03:39,093
you will feel it
deep down in your pants.

62
00:03:39,152 --> 00:03:41,325
Unless, of course,
you're not wearing any pants,

63
00:03:41,387 --> 00:03:44,163
which is not uncommon
in my case.

64
00:03:44,223 --> 00:03:46,794
<i>What are you talking about?</i>
I <i>asked you about finding true love.</i>

65
00:03:46,859 --> 00:03:50,636
Yeah, that's right. You did. Listen,
I hope whatever I said was helpful.

66
00:03:50,697 --> 00:03:52,875
Next caller.
You got The Ladies Man.

67
00:03:52,899 --> 00:03:52,933
Next caller.
You got The Ladies Man.

68
00:03:53,032 --> 00:03:56,445
Ma'am, I'm gonna have to put
you on hold, okay? Lad/es Man.

69
00:03:56,502 --> 00:03:59,176
Listen, I don't care what you say.
Chlamydia is a soup.

70
00:03:59,238 --> 00:04:02,276
It's my opinion.
I can have that if I'd like.

71
00:04:02,342 --> 00:04:05,789
You don't have to argue. I've seen it
on the grocery store shelves.

72
00:04:05,845 --> 00:04:08,655
Yes, I know that clam chowder
is not a venereal disease.

73
00:04:08,715 --> 00:04:12,492
Don't argue with me about it.
I don't care if you are a doctor.

74
00:04:12,552 --> 00:04:15,465
No, we promise there
won't be any more vulgar material.

75
00:04:15,521 --> 00:04:18,058
You gotta get a thumb
and just stick it up in there.

76
00:04:18,124 --> 00:04:20,604
Actually, get two thumbs up
in there, you know, like the Fonz.

77
00:04:20,660 --> 00:04:23,266
Like this- “ <i>Hey."</i>
[ Chuckles]

78
00:04:23,329 --> 00:04:26,970
<i>There may be weird smells afterwards,
but don't worry. just take a shower.</i>

79
00:04:29,268 --> 00:04:31,874
Hey, go ahead, caller.
You got The Ladies Man.

80
00:04:31,938 --> 00:04:34,384
<i>[Man Narrating] No one knows
where Leon came from exactly,</i>

81
00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:38,946
<i>but he started out life on
the steps of a majestic mansion.</i>

82
00:04:39,012 --> 00:04:40,958
<i>The master of the house
was a great man...</i>

83
00:04:41,014 --> 00:04:44,860
<i>who surrounded himself
with the world's most beautiful objects.</i>

84
00:04:46,185 --> 00:04:48,529
<i>He had everything he wanted,</i>

85
00:04:48,588 --> 00:04:51,467
<i>except a son.</i>

86
00:04:53,693 --> 00:04:56,640
<i>Young Leon was taken
into this world...</i>

87
00:04:56,696 --> 00:04:59,302
<i>and raised as one of their own.</i>

88
00:04:59,365 --> 00:05:02,369
<i>And in that warm
family environment,.</i>

89
00:05:02,435 --> 00:05:05,245
<i>Leon developed into quite
a stylish young man.</i>

90
00:05:05,304 --> 00:05:08,649
<i>He learned everything a bright kid
would wanna know about--</i>

91
00:05:08,708 --> 00:05:12,588
<i>stereo systems
and, of course, love.</i>

92
00:05:12,645 --> 00:05:14,682
<i>In this magical kingdom,</i>

93
00:05:14,747 --> 00:05:17,887
<i>the king shared everything
with him.</i>

94
00:05:17,950 --> 00:05:21,591
<i>Only one thing was off-limits.</i>

95
00:05:23,923 --> 00:05:27,427
<i>But Leon being Leon,</i>

96
00:05:27,493 --> 00:05:32,670
<i>the day arrived when the benevolent
proprietor and Leon parted ways.</i>

97
00:05:32,732 --> 00:05:36,145
<i>Poor little Leon
was thrown out into the cold,</i>

98
00:05:36,202 --> 00:05:39,581
<i>much like Moses
in the days of old.</i>

99
00:05:39,639 --> 00:05:44,019
<i>After that it Wash "t easy
for the little man, but he got along.</i>

100
00:05:44,077 --> 00:05:46,250
<i>He always did.</i>

101
00:05:46,312 --> 00:05:49,953
<i>Not because he was smart
and not because he was rich,</i>

102
00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:51,962
<i>but because...</i>

103
00:05:52,018 --> 00:05:56,933
the ladies loved Leon Phelps.

104
00:05:56,989 --> 00:05:59,492
- How did he do it?
- [ Bar Patrons In Unison] Hey, Leon.

105
00:05:59,559 --> 00:06:02,301
Well, I guess you'd better
ask the man yourself.

106
00:06:02,361 --> 00:06:05,774
Lester, how come you tell that story
every time we walk into this bar?

107
00:06:05,832 --> 00:06:08,574
I don't know. Maybe there's somebody
out there who don't know you.

108
00:06:08,634 --> 00:06:11,808
Yeah, right. It's the same five
or six people in this place.

109
00:06:11,871 --> 00:06:14,784
- How'd your show go tonight?
- Oh, yeah, good question.

110
00:06:14,841 --> 00:06:17,720
Um, same old, same old.
Leon Phelps is a genius.

111
00:06:17,777 --> 00:06:20,553
Yeah, same old angry calls
from our listeners...

112
00:06:20,613 --> 00:06:22,559
and same old threats
from the boss.

113
00:06:22,615 --> 00:06:24,993
<i>[Leon] But listen,
for every hundred angry calls we get,</i>

114
00:06:25,051 --> 00:06:26,997
<i>there is somebody
that I helped.</i>

115
00:06:27,053 --> 00:06:29,465
Ain't that right,
Scrap Iron?

116
00:06:29,522 --> 00:06:31,968
Huh? Yeah.

117
00:06:32,024 --> 00:06:34,766
Leon single-handedly saved
my second and fourth marriages.

118
00:06:34,827 --> 00:06:37,433
- Mm-hmm.
- That's right. And it was Leon...

119
00:06:37,497 --> 00:06:40,000
who taught me I didn't have
to be ashamed of my body.

120
00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:42,012
<i>[Men Hooting]</i>

121
00:06:42,068 --> 00:06:46,278
Thank you, Candy. You see, I like
to help people. That is what I do.

122
00:06:46,339 --> 00:06:48,717
You know,
lam like Mother Teresa,

123
00:06:48,775 --> 00:06:51,779
but of“ boning,"
you see what I'm saying?

124
00:06:51,844 --> 00:06:55,951
<i>Listen, Julie, you are now
in the world of Leon Phelps, okay?</i>

125
00:06:56,015 --> 00:06:58,757
Everything will work out.
Trust me.

126
00:06:58,885 --> 00:07:00,694
<i>Thank you, Scrap.</i>

127
00:07:02,021 --> 00:07:04,194
<i>And besides that, Julie,
you have to learn...</i>

128
00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:06,931
that there are more important things
in life than work.

129
00:07:06,993 --> 00:07:09,701
- Can I help you?
- Martini with lemon.

130
00:07:09,762 --> 00:07:13,369
So excuse me while
Leon Phelps shows you...

131
00:07:13,432 --> 00:07:16,504
how he brings home
the bacon.

132
00:07:16,569 --> 00:07:18,674
That's my cue.
I'm out of here.

133
00:07:18,738 --> 00:07:21,685
Yeah, I know. It's a heartbreak,
ain't it, girlfriend?

134
00:07:21,741 --> 00:07:23,687
<i>I mean, when's it
gonna be our turn, right?</i>

135
00:07:23,743 --> 00:07:27,020
You know, you and me
are exactly alike. Eerie.

136
00:07:28,381 --> 00:07:30,327
- See you later, Scrap Iron.
- Bye, baby.

137
00:07:30,383 --> 00:07:34,058
- Bye, Lester. See you tomorrow, Leon.
- Bye, sweetie.

138
00:07:35,888 --> 00:07:38,368
There goes Julie Simmons.

139
00:07:38,424 --> 00:07:41,962
I bet you're wondering what a nice girl
like that is doing in a place like this.

140
00:07:42,028 --> 00:07:46,238
That's exactly what I was wondering
one night about two years ago.

141
00:07:50,102 --> 00:07:53,379
<i>♪ Do me wrong ♪</i>

142
00:07:53,439 --> 00:07:56,045
<i>♪ Do me right ♪</i>

143
00:07:56,108 --> 00:07:58,748
<i>♪ Do me right, baby ♪</i>

144
00:08:00,613 --> 00:08:02,889
<i>,1' Tell me lies ,1'</i>

145
00:08:02,949 --> 00:08:04,895
- <i>Bourbon, up.</i>
- <i>♪♪ [Continues]</i>

146
00:08:11,224 --> 00:08:14,433
Let me help you with that.
There you go.

147
00:08:14,493 --> 00:08:17,269
<i>Listen, I was wondering,
can I ask you a question?</i>

148
00:08:18,698 --> 00:08:21,736
Was your father
a meat burglar?

149
00:08:21,801 --> 00:08:24,111
Here's why I ask.
Because it looks like somebody...

150
00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:28,016
stole two fine hams and shoved them
down the back of your dress.

151
00:08:28,074 --> 00:08:30,611
<i>[ Lester] And then it happened.
She started laughing.</i>

152
00:08:30,676 --> 00:08:33,623
<i>Kept on laughing.
I thought she was crazy.</i>

153
00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:37,422
<i>They talked and laughed
on into the night.</i>

154
00:08:37,483 --> 00:08:41,363
<i>Leon didn't go home with her,
but he took home her business card.</i>

155
00:08:41,420 --> 00:08:45,596
<i>She said she was in radio. Said
she wanted to put Leon on the radio.</i>

156
00:08:45,658 --> 00:08:48,104
<i>That was two years ago.</i>

157
00:08:48,160 --> 00:08:50,504
<i>I guess she packed
her wedding dress away...</i>

158
00:08:50,563 --> 00:08:52,839
for another day.

159
00:08:52,899 --> 00:08:55,573
<i>Listen, seriously, Lester.
Can you take a break for a second?</i>

160
00:08:55,635 --> 00:08:57,979
I'm trying to concentrate
over here.

161
00:08:58,037 --> 00:09:01,814
<i>[Scrap] Leon, {think
she gonna be a tough shoe to polish.</i>

162
00:09:01,874 --> 00:09:03,820
[Leon]
Au contraire, bon jour.

163
00:09:03,876 --> 00:09:06,413
Let me give you
the play-by-play.

164
00:09:12,785 --> 00:09:16,323
<i>{will probably begin
with a very classy first line.</i>

165
00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:18,335
<i>Something like--</i>

166
00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:22,339
Say, sweet thing,
can I buy you a fish sandwich?

167
00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:24,875
Mm-hmm.

168
00:09:24,931 --> 00:09:28,242
<i>And then I will commence to
whisper sweet words in her ear.</i>

169
00:09:28,301 --> 00:09:30,247
<i>Something like--</i>

170
00:09:30,303 --> 00:09:32,374
Man, I'd like to take a bite
out of your butt.

171
00:09:34,307 --> 00:09:38,278
<i>And then I will close the deal
by giving her a preview of...</i>

172
00:09:38,344 --> 00:09:41,450
<i>- the goods.
- [Zipper Unzips]</i>

173
00:09:41,514 --> 00:09:48,898
<i>[ Chorus]
♪ Hallelujah ♪</i>

174
00:09:48,955 --> 00:09:51,026
<i>[ Scrap ]
The day you pick up that pretty woman,</i>

175
00:09:51,090 --> 00:09:54,435
that's the day I believe
a wet bird don't fly at night.

176
00:09:54,493 --> 00:09:58,407
Yeah? Well, get ready to see
a wet bird fly at night, my friend.

177
00:09:58,464 --> 00:10:00,410
[Chuckling]

178
00:10:09,275 --> 00:10:11,846
Say there, sweet thing.

179
00:10:11,911 --> 00:10:13,857
Uh, I have a question.
Could I--

180
00:10:13,913 --> 00:10:16,951
- Hey, swinger. I've got an idea.
- Yeah?

181
00:10:17,016 --> 00:10:19,690
My husbands away.

182
00:10:19,752 --> 00:10:22,130
Let's go back to my place.

183
00:10:24,256 --> 00:10:26,566
So you don't want
a fish sandwich?

184
00:10:28,227 --> 00:10:30,605
Okay, that's cool, I guess.
But listen.

185
00:10:30,663 --> 00:10:33,872
- My car doesn't exist, so- Yes.
- Shut up.

186
00:10:33,933 --> 00:10:36,243
The bus is what
we'll be taking.

187
00:10:36,302 --> 00:10:38,248
- Hey! Hey, man! Hey!
- <i>[Leon</i> Continues]

188
00:10:40,873 --> 00:10:42,918
<i>[Panting, Grunting]</i>

189
00:10:42,942 --> 00:10:42,976
<i>[Panting, Grunting]</i>

190
00:10:52,151 --> 00:10:54,222
<i>♪♪ [ Soul, Muffled]</i>

191
00:11:02,228 --> 00:11:04,834
- <i>To the left'. Yeah. just like that.</i>
- Like <i>that?</i>

192
00:11:04,897 --> 00:11:07,707
<i>[ Man ]
Honey, the front door.</i>

193
00:11:10,636 --> 00:11:12,843
Barney, is that you?

194
00:11:12,905 --> 00:11:14,942
Well, it isn't the Orkin man.

195
00:11:15,007 --> 00:11:17,283
<i>I'll</i> be right there.

196
00:11:19,779 --> 00:11:23,283
You'll never guess
what happened.

197
00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:25,920
<i>I was cleaning up
the broom closet,</i>

198
00:11:25,985 --> 00:11:29,865
<i>and it was so stuffed
with crap.</i>

199
00:11:29,922 --> 00:11:32,061
<i>So I opened the door...</i>

200
00:11:32,124 --> 00:11:34,400
<i>and it was like,
" Uh-uh-uh-uh.</i>

201
00:11:34,460 --> 00:11:37,100
Don't open that door, McGee.“

202
00:11:37,163 --> 00:11:39,871
<i>'Cause all that stuff...</i>

203
00:11:39,932 --> 00:11:44,381
just came tumbling down
all over me.

204
00:11:44,437 --> 00:11:48,112
- Do you have a man in there with you?
- Oh, yes!

205
00:11:48,174 --> 00:11:50,654
Oh, yes! Oh, yes!
Don't stop.

206
00:11:50,709 --> 00:11:52,746
<i>- Cheryl
- [Bedpost Banging]</i>

207
00:11:52,812 --> 00:11:55,452
<i>Oh, don T stop!
Oh, don "t-</i>

208
00:11:57,817 --> 00:12:01,287
Listen, baby, that was cool,
but I gotta go.

209
00:12:27,346 --> 00:12:30,122
No!

210
00:12:34,386 --> 00:12:36,730
Wake up!

211
00:12:36,789 --> 00:12:41,260
It is 2:30 in the a.m., and you are
listenin' to The Ladies Man.

212
00:12:41,393 --> 00:12:44,840
All right. So let's take
some more calls. Go ahead, caller.

213
00:12:46,132 --> 00:12:48,840
Hello? Am I on?

214
00:12:48,901 --> 00:12:51,507
Yes, you are.
What seems to be your query?

215
00:12:51,570 --> 00:12:53,516
Uh-

216
00:12:53,572 --> 00:12:56,018
Well, look, I've never called
a show like this before,

217
00:12:56,075 --> 00:12:59,682
but I'm in-
I'm in really bad shape.

218
00:12:59,745 --> 00:13:03,750
I was, uh- I was kind of hoping
that you'd help me out.

219
00:13:03,816 --> 00:13:06,387
Well, we'll see
what we can do.

220
00:13:06,452 --> 00:13:08,523
<i>[ Barney]
So, I came home last night,</i>

221
00:13:08,587 --> 00:13:11,124
and what do you know.

222
00:13:11,190 --> 00:13:14,603
My wife of seven years was
in the sack with another guy.

223
00:13:14,660 --> 00:13:16,970
- Yeah, that sounds good.
- No, it's not good.

224
00:13:17,029 --> 00:13:19,737
<i>I-I saw the guy.</i>

225
00:13:19,798 --> 00:13:23,041
I saw him running--
running down the street.

226
00:13:23,102 --> 00:13:25,810
He had this, like, smiley...

227
00:13:25,871 --> 00:13:28,909
tattoo thing on his, uh,
on his, uh-

228
00:13:28,974 --> 00:13:32,148
Okay, sir, listen.

229
00:13:32,211 --> 00:13:34,521
<i>We're gonna take
a break right now.</i>

230
00:13:34,580 --> 00:13:37,652
We'll be back in a few moments
with the answer to our survey,

231
00:13:37,716 --> 00:13:41,220
“ <i>What is your favorite hole?"</i>
Thanks for calling.

232
00:13:54,466 --> 00:13:56,912
<i>_..-~...-~ [jazz On Television]</i>

233
00:14:02,007 --> 00:14:03,953
[Groaning]

234
00:14:09,348 --> 00:14:11,919
<i>I don't wanna talk.
I just came to pick up my-</i>

235
00:14:13,252 --> 00:14:15,198
<i>[ Rubbing Crotch Rapidly]</i>

236
00:14:15,254 --> 00:14:17,700
<i>- Barney'.
- [Keys Clattering]</i>

237
00:14:17,756 --> 00:14:20,532
♪♪ [ Continues]

238
00:14:20,593 --> 00:14:22,698
<i>No! No!</i>

239
00:14:22,761 --> 00:14:24,763
[Stammering]

240
00:14:27,666 --> 00:14:29,646
It's not what you think.

241
00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:33,616
Way to go, Leon.
You really are a class act.

242
00:14:33,672 --> 00:14:36,881
<i>Well, what can l say, baby?
The ladies, they love Leon Phelps.</i>

243
00:14:36,942 --> 00:14:40,287
[Laughing] What ladies?
Who are these women?

244
00:14:40,346 --> 00:14:43,054
<i>And why do you feel like you
have to sleep with all of them?</i>

245
00:14:43,115 --> 00:14:45,755
Um, let me see.
Have you ever had sex?

246
00:14:45,818 --> 00:14:48,424
Yes, Leon, I've had sex.

247
00:14:48,487 --> 00:14:50,626
- Yes, well, there you go.
- [Laughing]

248
00:14:50,689 --> 00:14:52,965
That's delightful.

249
00:14:53,025 --> 00:14:55,631
- <i>Yea</i> h.
- <i>It's exactly that kind of language...</i>

250
00:14:55,694 --> 00:14:58,300
that's gonna get you
kicked off the air-

251
00:14:58,364 --> 00:15:00,241
- Mr. Kent.
- Yes!

252
00:15:00,299 --> 00:15:03,746
You certainly seem
in good spirits today.

253
00:15:03,802 --> 00:15:05,941
I didn't think it showed.

254
00:15:06,005 --> 00:15:08,815
<i>I just got a letter
from the F.C.C.</i>

255
00:15:08,874 --> 00:15:12,845
So I suppose you could say I'm full
of contentment and cheer.

256
00:15:12,911 --> 00:15:15,152
What do you mean?

257
00:15:15,214 --> 00:15:19,356
I'm sure you're aware
your little friend, Leon Phelps,

258
00:15:19,418 --> 00:15:22,194
<i>has always been a thorn
in my side.</i>

259
00:15:22,254 --> 00:15:25,428
He's unprofessional.
He drinks on the air.

260
00:15:25,491 --> 00:15:28,097
He has a little sip
of cognac now and then, but-

261
00:15:32,231 --> 00:15:35,678
I would have fired him years ago
if he wasn't such a-

262
00:15:35,734 --> 00:15:39,181
such a favorite with
the owner of the station.

263
00:15:39,238 --> 00:15:41,184
I don't know what
she sees in him.

264
00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:44,312
<i>But I finally decided to
go over her head about this...</i>

265
00:15:44,376 --> 00:15:46,913
and straight to the F.C.C.

266
00:15:46,979 --> 00:15:50,620
And if Leon Phelps is responsible
for even one more...

267
00:15:50,683 --> 00:15:52,788
tiny little fine,

268
00:15:52,851 --> 00:15:55,229
I get to fire him.
[Chuckles]

269
00:15:55,287 --> 00:15:58,131
Well, we haven't had
a fine in weeks.

270
00:15:58,190 --> 00:16:00,363
Leon's completely
cleaned up his act.

271
00:16:00,426 --> 00:16:03,873
- <i>Oh,</i> is that a fact?
- <i>Caller, you got The Ladies Man.</i>

272
00:16:03,929 --> 00:16:06,876
<i>Yeah, you see,
what your problem is...</i>

273
00:16:06,932 --> 00:16:08,878
is that you suffer from,

274
00:16:08,934 --> 00:16:10,936
<i>um,</i> “ <i>homo-un-erectus.</i> ”

275
00:16:11,003 --> 00:16:14,246
<i>Which means, basically, that
your Wang is " hugeified"</i>

276
00:16:14,306 --> 00:16:17,253
not by a woman but by a man.

277
00:16:19,878 --> 00:16:24,054
Well, you never know. I mean, some
nights the F.C.C. doesn't even listen.

278
00:16:24,116 --> 00:16:27,859
- Really?
- No! [Laughing]

279
00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:30,025
They listen all the time.
Probably listening now.

280
00:16:30,089 --> 00:16:34,333
<i>What's up? Bucky Kent is visiting us
in the station. How you doing?</i>

281
00:16:37,996 --> 00:16:42,035
<i>[ Chuckling]
Well, I guess he can? stick around.</i>

282
00:16:42,101 --> 00:16:44,206
<i>But you still got Leon Phelps.
I'm sticking it out here.</i>

283
00:16:44,269 --> 00:16:46,749
<i>We gonna take a break.
We gonna be right back.</i>

284
00:16:49,007 --> 00:16:52,250
- Leon--
- Don't let Bucky get you all upset.

285
00:16:52,311 --> 00:16:55,986
- He is just jealous.
- Leon, I think he's serious this time.

286
00:16:56,048 --> 00:16:58,756
He said that the radio station
won’t pay for any more of your fines.

287
00:17:01,387 --> 00:17:05,267
I tell you what I'm gonna do. We only
got three minutes left for the show.

288
00:17:05,324 --> 00:17:09,136
I'm just gonna ease my way out. Play
a little music. No more phone calls.

289
00:17:09,194 --> 00:17:12,403
And you'll see by tomorrow
Bucky Kent will be all cooled down.

290
00:17:12,464 --> 00:17:15,877
- You promise?
-Julie, come on.

291
00:17:15,934 --> 00:17:18,210
The one person you can trust
is Leon Phelps.

292
00:17:19,972 --> 00:17:21,952
- Okay.
- Kiss me. Kiss me!

293
00:17:22,007 --> 00:17:23,953
- Stop it.
- [ Huffs]

294
00:17:26,345 --> 00:17:28,848
What's happening?
You got The Ladies Man,

295
00:17:28,914 --> 00:17:33,260
Leon Phelps here, and I am looking
at a half-empty bottle of Courvoisier,

296
00:17:33,318 --> 00:17:35,924
which means that we are
just about out of time.

297
00:17:35,988 --> 00:17:40,061
But before I go, I'd like to
leave you with just one more thought.

298
00:17:40,125 --> 00:17:42,571
This is a little something
that I wrote.

299
00:17:42,628 --> 00:17:44,801
And I read:

300
00:17:44,863 --> 00:17:47,070
<i>“ What is love?</i>

301
00:17:47,132 --> 00:17:50,705
<i>What is this longing in
our hearts for togetherness?</i>

302
00:17:50,769 --> 00:17:53,215
<i>Is it not
the sweetest flower?</i>

303
00:17:53,272 --> 00:17:55,274
<i>Does not this flower
of love...</i>

304
00:17:55,340 --> 00:17:59,117
<i>have the fragrant aroma
affine, fine diamonds?</i>

305
00:17:59,178 --> 00:18:02,159
<i>Does not the wind
love the dirt?</i>

306
00:18:02,214 --> 00:18:06,959
ls not love not unlike
the unlikely not it is unliking to?

307
00:18:09,021 --> 00:18:11,262
Are you with someone tonight?

308
00:18:11,323 --> 00:18:13,303
<i>Do not question your love.</i>

309
00:18:13,358 --> 00:18:15,497
<i>Take your lover by the hand.</i>

310
00:18:15,561 --> 00:18:18,269
<i>Release the power
within yourself</i>

311
00:18:18,330 --> 00:18:20,606
<i>You heard me,
release the power.</i>

312
00:18:20,666 --> 00:18:24,273
<i>Tame the wild cosmos
with a whisper.</i>

313
00:18:24,336 --> 00:18:27,715
<i>Conquer heaven with one
intimate caress.</i>

314
00:18:27,773 --> 00:18:29,775
<i>That's right.
Don't be shy.</i>

315
00:18:29,842 --> 00:18:32,288
<i>Whip out
everything you've got...</i>

316
00:18:32,344 --> 00:18:34,585
and do it in the butt.“

317
00:18:35,781 --> 00:18:38,694
By Leon Phelps.

318
00:18:39,751 --> 00:18:41,697
Let's go. Come on.

319
00:18:47,759 --> 00:18:49,796
- Good distance.
- Yeah, not bad.

320
00:18:51,597 --> 00:18:54,510
<i>[ Leon]
Listen, Julie, I just wanna say...</i>

321
00:18:54,566 --> 00:18:56,512
<i>thank you
for sticking up for me.</i>

322
00:18:56,568 --> 00:19:00,414
- Yeah, okay. Leon-
- Listen. You always stick up for me.

323
00:19:00,472 --> 00:19:04,386
- Yeah, but Leon--
- You're the greatest, you know?

324
00:19:04,443 --> 00:19:06,389
- Thank you.
- And another thing.

325
00:19:06,445 --> 00:19:10,257
No matter what they do to me, they can
fire me from their radio station,

326
00:19:10,315 --> 00:19:12,625
they can call me
all kinds of names,

327
00:19:12,684 --> 00:19:18,066
they can make me get down
on my knees and beg for my job,

328
00:19:18,123 --> 00:19:20,865
but the one thing
that they cannot take away...

329
00:19:20,926 --> 00:19:22,872
from sweet Leon...

330
00:19:22,928 --> 00:19:25,101
is his dignity.

331
00:19:30,502 --> 00:19:35,383
<i>So this is my fabulous yacht.</i>

332
00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:38,887
<i>Or as I like to call it,
my personal " skankuary. "</i>

333
00:19:38,944 --> 00:19:42,016
<i>I told you before, Leon,
it's not a yacht if you get mail there.</i>

334
00:19:42,080 --> 00:19:44,686
It's more like a trailer park
of the sea.

335
00:19:44,750 --> 00:19:47,697
Yeah, well, even so,

336
00:19:47,753 --> 00:19:51,963
this is what I like
to call the L.A. Forum,

337
00:19:52,024 --> 00:19:56,234
because this is where
the magic happens.

338
00:19:56,295 --> 00:19:59,970
And the magic just happened once
on that chair that you're touching.

339
00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:04,208
I have performed the magic
once in that wastepaper basket.

340
00:20:04,269 --> 00:20:08,911
<i>You know, {actually had to get the
magic cleaned from out of this curtain.</i>

341
00:20:08,974 --> 00:20:12,285
That was along shot.
Wore me out.

342
00:20:18,817 --> 00:20:21,127
- Let's get you into bed, okay?
- [ Groans ]

343
00:20:21,186 --> 00:20:23,496
- Here.
- Officer, no.

344
00:20:23,555 --> 00:20:26,035
Come on. Let's see
if we can get you into bed.

345
00:20:27,359 --> 00:20:29,305
Watch it. Ow!

346
00:20:31,196 --> 00:20:33,699
- I'm sorry,Julie.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait. Come on.

347
00:20:33,765 --> 00:20:36,405
- I'm sorry.
- It's okay.

348
00:20:36,468 --> 00:20:39,881
Listen, I handle my drink
better than today.

349
00:20:39,938 --> 00:20:42,919
- I've seen you. I know.
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry about the firing.

350
00:20:42,975 --> 00:20:45,751
- It's okay just lie down.
- You deserve better.

351
00:20:45,811 --> 00:20:48,257
- It's okay. We're gonna be fine.
- You should be with a professional.

352
00:20:52,517 --> 00:20:55,691
Mrs. Robinson, are you
trying to seduce me?

353
00:20:55,754 --> 00:20:57,700
<i>No, I'm not.</i>

354
00:20:59,191 --> 00:21:02,764
In fact, I'm looking
around this place...

355
00:21:02,828 --> 00:21:07,208
and I can't understand why anyone
would ever want to seduce you.

356
00:21:13,238 --> 00:21:15,878
<i>♪ Turn off the lights ♪</i>

357
00:21:15,941 --> 00:21:17,887
<i>[ Leon]
That is why.</i>

358
00:21:17,943 --> 00:21:20,583
- ,1' Light a candle)
- You've gotta be kidding.

359
00:21:20,646 --> 00:21:22,626
<i>Mm-mmm.</i>

360
00:21:22,681 --> 00:21:24,718
<i>♪♪ [ Continues]</i>

361
00:21:26,785 --> 00:21:29,288
<i>- [Julie] " Pina Colada Butt Lotion"?
- Mm-hmm.</i>

362
00:21:29,354 --> 00:21:31,698
Where do you even
find this stuff?

363
00:21:31,757 --> 00:21:35,227
Mostly at K-Mart
and Wal-Mart.

364
00:21:35,293 --> 00:21:37,637
And why do you have a water bed
when you live on a boat?

365
00:21:37,696 --> 00:21:42,907
Oh, it's because there's
more motion in the ocean.

366
00:21:42,968 --> 00:21:45,244
<i>Come on in, baby.
The water's fine.</i>

367
00:21:48,407 --> 00:21:50,387
<i>- So Julie?</i>
- Huh?

368
00:21:50,442 --> 00:21:53,389
Are we going to do it?

369
00:21:53,445 --> 00:21:56,551
No, we are not going to do it.

370
00:21:58,150 --> 00:22:01,154
I would hate to see you
as an old man, Leon.

371
00:22:01,219 --> 00:22:03,825
You are gonna be
one sorry sight.

372
00:22:07,092 --> 00:22:10,699
- Where you going?
- I'm going home.

373
00:22:10,762 --> 00:22:12,708
<i>The job search
starts tomorrow.</i>

374
00:22:12,764 --> 00:22:15,472
<i>[ Door Closes]</i>

375
00:22:19,538 --> 00:22:21,484
Oh, boy.

376
00:22:23,975 --> 00:22:26,182
- <i>Smiley...</i>
- <i>[Keyboard Keys Clacking]</i>

377
00:22:26,244 --> 00:22:28,622
<i>ass tattoo.</i>

378
00:22:32,350 --> 00:22:34,296
[Groaning]

379
00:22:36,888 --> 00:22:39,425
“ <i>Victims of the smiling ass.</i> ”

380
00:22:40,459 --> 00:22:43,133
<i>" Have you seen this ass?"</i>

381
00:22:45,931 --> 00:22:48,571
<i>Yeah. Yeah, yeah.</i>

382
00:22:50,001 --> 00:22:52,413
<i>“ Welcome to the v.5.A.</i>

383
00:22:52,471 --> 00:22:55,315
<i>Victims of the smiling ass.</i>

384
00:22:56,775 --> 00:22:59,187
<i>We will have our revenge."</i>

385
00:23:03,982 --> 00:23:07,225
<i>[ Man] Well, let me
tell you a little bit about WRQE.</i>

386
00:23:07,352 --> 00:23:10,822
We play all the biggest names
in soft rock and light jazz.

387
00:23:10,889 --> 00:23:13,335
Folks like Enya, Yanni, Tesh.

388
00:23:13,391 --> 00:23:16,838
I don't know if you've heard of a lady
who goes by the name of Celine Dion.

389
00:23:16,895 --> 00:23:19,899
- [ Laughing]
- No, who is that?

390
00:23:22,167 --> 00:23:25,011
<i>I have to say I've heard of you, but
I'm not too familiar with your show.</i>

391
00:23:25,070 --> 00:23:27,016
I don't stay up
that late anymore.

392
00:23:29,708 --> 00:23:32,484
- Do you have a tape I could listen to?
- I'm afraid we don't-

393
00:23:32,544 --> 00:23:34,922
Yeah, actually, we do.
This should give you...

394
00:23:34,980 --> 00:23:37,586
a good idea of what
we can bring to your station.

395
00:23:37,649 --> 00:23:39,651
Fantastic.

396
00:23:39,718 --> 00:23:41,664
Let's see
what we've got here.

397
00:23:43,421 --> 00:23:47,836
You know, clinically speaking,
doing it doggy style has-

398
00:23:47,893 --> 00:23:51,170
There's some racy stuff at the
beginning, but you can speed through it.

399
00:23:51,229 --> 00:23:53,436
All right.

400
00:23:53,498 --> 00:23:55,705
- [Tape Fast-Forwarding]
- Yeah.

401
00:23:55,767 --> 00:23:59,340
Sounds like the answer for you
is doing it doggy style.

402
00:23:59,404 --> 00:24:02,715
Just speed through.
Same stuff.

403
00:24:04,609 --> 00:24:08,421
[Coughing]

404
00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:11,984
<i>Boy, excuse me.
Anyways, doggy style--</i>

405
00:24:12,050 --> 00:24:14,587
You can speed right through
that part too.

406
00:24:14,653 --> 00:24:17,259
<i>Yeah, see,
you was kicked in the scrotum.</i>

407
00:24:17,322 --> 00:24:21,737
<i>Or as they say
in the medical profession, the ball sac.</i>

408
00:24:21,793 --> 00:24:24,069
You can skip
through that part.

409
00:24:24,129 --> 00:24:27,576
<i>Well, you know, the scientific name
is the</i> ” <i>Hershey Highway.</i> ”

410
00:24:27,632 --> 00:24:30,408
Speed on through.

411
00:24:30,468 --> 00:24:34,541
Hey. But that
is the only tape.

412
00:24:34,606 --> 00:24:38,179
The tape is important.
There's people looking.

413
00:24:38,243 --> 00:24:40,849
That's not- Don't-

414
00:24:49,588 --> 00:24:52,592
- Miss, uh, Simmons?
- Yes.

415
00:24:53,825 --> 00:24:56,066
Uh, let's see.
[Humming]

416
00:24:58,396 --> 00:25:00,808
Oh, very nice.
Very nice.

417
00:25:00,866 --> 00:25:03,403
- Thank you.
- And, uh-

418
00:25:05,370 --> 00:25:07,316
Mr. Phelps.

419
00:25:07,372 --> 00:25:09,318
Yeah, that's me.

420
00:25:09,374 --> 00:25:14,084
I'm presently in the process of getting
my resume typed up over at Kinko's.

421
00:25:14,145 --> 00:25:16,421
- Kinko's. Good people. Nice.
- Yeah.

422
00:25:16,481 --> 00:25:20,759
I see under " interests, "
you've written " <i>Debit"</i> ?

423
00:25:20,819 --> 00:25:22,765
No, that's “ da" butt.

424
00:25:22,821 --> 00:25:26,735
- "Da" butt?
- Yeah. And I also like tennis.

425
00:25:26,791 --> 00:25:28,793
Good, good.

426
00:25:28,860 --> 00:25:31,898
Well, Mr. Phelps,
today might be your lucky day.

427
00:25:31,963 --> 00:25:34,967
Our morning anchor quit,
out of the blue.

428
00:25:35,033 --> 00:25:37,639
And we are desperate for
someone to fill her old slot.

429
00:25:37,702 --> 00:25:39,909
Well, that's no problem,

430
00:25:39,971 --> 00:25:42,815
'cause I have a lot of experience
at filling other people’s slots.

431
00:25:42,874 --> 00:25:44,080
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

432
00:25:44,142 --> 00:25:46,452
<i>You mean you've filled
other people's slots before?</i>

433
00:25:46,511 --> 00:25:50,755
- Yeah, this morning.
- Fantastic. You got the job.

434
00:25:50,815 --> 00:25:52,954
[Together]
Really?

435
00:25:53,018 --> 00:25:55,020
Yeah, absolutely.

436
00:25:55,086 --> 00:25:58,199
Well, welcome to WPJT Radio.

437
00:25:58,223 --> 00:25:58,257
Well, welcome to WPT Radio.

438
00:25:58,356 --> 00:26:01,997
<i>♪♪ [Angelic Chorus]</i>

439
00:26:02,060 --> 00:26:04,062
What's happening?
And welcome to The Ladies--

440
00:26:04,129 --> 00:26:07,667
<i>Uh, The Lord's Man Show.</i>

441
00:26:07,732 --> 00:26:12,408
Um- So, I understand
that you are a nun?

442
00:26:12,470 --> 00:26:15,940
- Yes, that's right.
- Yeah, that's cool.

443
00:26:16,007 --> 00:26:19,784
And how long have you been,
uh, “ nunning" it up?

444
00:26:19,844 --> 00:26:22,290
For about 30 years now.

445
00:26:22,347 --> 00:26:25,123
Yeah. Well, congratulations.
That's good.

446
00:26:25,183 --> 00:26:27,185
Now, I understand
that your work...

447
00:26:27,252 --> 00:26:29,732
takes you all around the world,
is that right?

448
00:26:29,788 --> 00:26:32,598
Yes, that is correct. In fact,
<i>I'll</i> be leaving the country...

449
00:26:32,657 --> 00:26:35,263
<i>very soon to assume
a missionary position.</i>

450
00:26:36,661 --> 00:26:39,267
[Stammering]
I'm sorry. What was that?

451
00:26:39,331 --> 00:26:41,402
I'm going to assume
a missionary position,

452
00:26:41,466 --> 00:26:45,107
and <i>I'll</i> probably be holding it
for a very longtime.

453
00:26:45,170 --> 00:26:47,912
<i>Yeah, well, that's--
that's interesting.</i>

454
00:26:47,973 --> 00:26:52,319
Um- So, where will
you be holding this-

455
00:26:52,377 --> 00:26:54,880
- Missionary position? In Bangkok.
- <i>Yeah.</i>

456
00:26:54,946 --> 00:26:59,361
Bangkok. Yeah.
That's, uh, cool.

457
00:26:59,417 --> 00:27:01,920
So why don't we talk
about something else.

458
00:27:01,987 --> 00:27:06,663
<i>Bangkok is lovely. In fact, I'm
looking forward to taking it all in.</i>

459
00:27:06,725 --> 00:27:09,137
<i>[Leon]
Hmm.</i>

460
00:27:09,194 --> 00:27:12,835
- <i>But it can get a little steamy.</i>
- [ <i>Swallows</i> ]

461
00:27:12,897 --> 00:27:16,003
<i>Have you ever gone down
the Yellow River?</i>

462
00:27:18,703 --> 00:27:21,547
Yeah, once in the '805,
but I did not enjoy it.

463
00:27:21,606 --> 00:27:23,916
What about
a missionary position?

464
00:27:23,975 --> 00:27:26,922
<i>Have you ever known the joys
of a missionary position?</i>

465
00:27:36,621 --> 00:27:38,567
Yeah, okay.

466
00:27:38,623 --> 00:27:41,604
<i>Here's a story I'm gonna tell you.
It goes a little something like this.</i>

467
00:27:41,659 --> 00:27:44,503
I was with these two girls,
right?

468
00:27:44,562 --> 00:27:47,509
<i>And so I was doing the twin sisters
and then her mother walks in,</i>

469
00:27:47,565 --> 00:27:49,875
<i>and her mother
has a video camera.</i>

470
00:27:49,934 --> 00:27:53,108
<i>So she puts it on the tripod
and she starts to ram it.</i>

471
00:27:53,171 --> 00:27:55,276
<i>It was sort of
a missionary position--</i>

472
00:27:55,340 --> 00:27:57,286
[Siren Wailing]

473
00:28:03,281 --> 00:28:05,693
Yeah?
Well, up yours too.

474
00:28:06,751 --> 00:28:09,322
Oh, well,
on to the next one.

475
00:28:09,387 --> 00:28:11,458
Next one?
There is no next one.

476
00:28:11,523 --> 00:28:15,437
That's nonsense,Julie. There's
that kiddie station up in Wilmette.

477
00:28:15,493 --> 00:28:19,839
Leon, we may never work
in radio again.

478
00:28:19,898 --> 00:28:21,844
No, listen, Julie.
That is where you are wrong.

479
00:28:21,900 --> 00:28:24,073
We'll get out of this mess.
Trust me.

480
00:28:24,135 --> 00:28:27,446
Last time I trusted you, you told the
city of Chicago to do it in the butt.

481
00:28:27,505 --> 00:28:31,282
Yeah. Well, there was no way to predict
that that was gonna end up so badly.

482
00:28:31,342 --> 00:28:33,618
- But look, it'll be different this time.
- Whatever, Leon.

483
00:28:33,678 --> 00:28:37,387
I need to think this through. You
call me when you come back to reality.

484
00:28:37,449 --> 00:28:41,556
Don't you worry,Julie.
I'm a man of action.

485
00:28:41,619 --> 00:28:44,691
I have a plan
for this type of thing.

486
00:28:44,756 --> 00:28:46,702
There's only one thing to do.

487
00:28:46,758 --> 00:28:48,704
I'm must go and have sex...

488
00:28:48,760 --> 00:28:50,899
and wait for something
to randomly happen.

489
00:28:50,962 --> 00:28:53,568
<i>It'll</i> work out, you’ll see.

490
00:28:53,631 --> 00:28:55,872
It will randomly work out!

491
00:28:55,934 --> 00:28:58,107
Score! Score! Score!

492
00:28:58,169 --> 00:29:00,547
Yeah. Whoo!

493
00:29:00,605 --> 00:29:03,381
Well, I just had sex, and-

494
00:29:03,441 --> 00:29:07,355
- <i>[Man] U.5.</i> Mail'
- There's the random occurrence.

495
00:29:07,479 --> 00:29:10,289
I hate the houseboat guy.

496
00:29:11,783 --> 00:29:13,956
Hey, what's happenin'?

497
00:29:15,753 --> 00:29:18,029
Shh.
I was bonin' a lady inside.

498
00:29:19,858 --> 00:29:23,806
Say, look at this.
It's a telegram from Jimmie Walker.

499
00:29:23,862 --> 00:29:26,934
- Really?
- Ooh, it says, “ Urgent."

500
00:29:26,998 --> 00:29:31,469
" Deal"Leon. Stop.
The '70s are over. Stop."

501
00:29:31,536 --> 00:29:34,642
Let me see that.

502
00:29:34,706 --> 00:29:36,811
Here's your- Oops.

503
00:29:36,875 --> 00:29:39,287
I seem to be dropping
all your mail.

504
00:29:39,344 --> 00:29:43,121
- I guess I'm a clumsy mailman.
- You're a bad mailman.

505
00:29:45,383 --> 00:29:48,626
- And this is not from Jimmie Walker.
- [ Mimicking Leon]

506
00:29:50,688 --> 00:29:52,634
[ Sighs ]
Let's see here.

507
00:29:52,690 --> 00:29:55,136
Gas bill.

508
00:29:55,193 --> 00:29:59,039
Houseboat bill.
Electrical bill.

509
00:30:00,098 --> 00:30:02,476
Ooh, what is this?

510
00:30:02,534 --> 00:30:06,072
Ooh. It's a lady.

511
00:30:12,277 --> 00:30:15,087
“ Dearest <i>Leon,</i>
I know it's been a long- ♪

512
00:30:15,146 --> 00:30:18,150
[ Continues, inaudible]

513
00:30:18,216 --> 00:30:20,423
“ <i>My back pressed against</i>
the <i>washing machine- ♪</i>

514
00:30:21,486 --> 00:30:23,432
“ <i>Money-</i> ”

515
00:30:25,890 --> 00:30:27,927
This is it!

516
00:30:27,992 --> 00:30:29,972
[Julie]
“ <i>Dearest L eon,</i>

517
00:30:30,028 --> 00:30:33,942
I know it has been a longtime since
we parted ways that fateful night,

518
00:30:33,998 --> 00:30:37,571
but I still remember
the tender moments we spent together.

519
00:30:37,635 --> 00:30:41,014
The feeling of your skin
pressed up against mine.

520
00:30:41,072 --> 00:30:44,576
The feeling of my back pressed up
against the wall of the Laundromat.

521
00:30:44,642 --> 00:30:48,317
I remember how you said
I was your one true love.

522
00:30:48,379 --> 00:30:50,757
Time has changed nothing.

523
00:30:50,815 --> 00:30:52,761
I want you even more.

524
00:30:52,817 --> 00:30:57,357
And I have all the money we'll ever
need to make a fresh start.

525
00:30:57,422 --> 00:30:59,766
Come back to me, Leon.
I'm waiting for you...

526
00:30:59,824 --> 00:31:01,770
and I've never stopped
thinking of myself...

527
00:31:01,826 --> 00:31:03,965
the way you always used to
describe <i>me...</i>

528
00:31:04,028 --> 00:31:07,373
as your very special
Sweet Thing.“

529
00:31:09,467 --> 00:31:11,413
- You gotta be kidding me.
- Uh-uh.

530
00:31:11,469 --> 00:31:14,939
This is the answer to
all your unemployment problems?

531
00:31:16,441 --> 00:31:18,387
- Who is she?
- I don't know.

532
00:31:18,443 --> 00:31:20,389
- You don't know?
- Uh-uh.

533
00:31:21,546 --> 00:31:24,789
As you can see,
she did not sign her name,

534
00:31:24,849 --> 00:31:27,386
so I guess she thought
I knew who she was.

535
00:31:27,452 --> 00:31:29,625
Cuckoo, cuckoo.
Yeah.

536
00:31:29,687 --> 00:31:33,362
All I know is that all my problems,
they are now solved.

537
00:31:33,424 --> 00:31:37,566
Leon, all your problems will be solved
when you get a job like normal people.

538
00:31:37,629 --> 00:31:41,441
How am I supposed to do that?
We tried every radio station in town.

539
00:31:41,499 --> 00:31:45,641
Not every one.
I can still pull a favor, hopefully,

540
00:31:45,703 --> 00:31:48,775
over at WAMS from Cyrus.

541
00:31:50,041 --> 00:31:53,955
Cyrus Cunningham?
Your ex-fiance?

542
00:31:54,012 --> 00:31:55,958
<i>The one that dumped you?</i>

543
00:31:56,014 --> 00:31:58,585
<i>The one with
the three-inch penis?</i>

544
00:31:58,650 --> 00:32:01,290
No,Julie, listen.
I can't stand the idea of you...

545
00:32:01,352 --> 00:32:04,526
crawling back to that jerk
just because I got both of us fired.

546
00:32:04,589 --> 00:32:06,933
Listen, baby, the answer
to all of our troubles...

547
00:32:06,991 --> 00:32:09,995
is in this rich lady's letter
and her money.

548
00:32:10,061 --> 00:32:13,474
Her money. Leon, this
is a love letter, not a lottery ticket.

549
00:32:13,531 --> 00:32:15,511
- [ Groans]
- This is a woman who cared for you,

550
00:32:15,566 --> 00:32:17,512
who you called
by a special pet name.

551
00:32:17,568 --> 00:32:19,514
- Who you called-
- Hey, sweet thing.

552
00:32:19,570 --> 00:32:22,779
Hi. Can I get some more
waffles down here? Thank you.

553
00:32:22,840 --> 00:32:25,582
I'm sorry.
What were you saying, sweet thing?

554
00:32:44,128 --> 00:32:49,134
I'm, uh-
I'm sorry about the door.

555
00:32:49,200 --> 00:32:52,409
Do I have the right place?
I was just-

556
00:32:52,470 --> 00:32:55,007
Wow! You're huge.

557
00:32:55,073 --> 00:32:57,349
We know who you are, Barney.

558
00:32:57,408 --> 00:33:00,184
I think you'll be glad
that you decided to come.

559
00:33:00,244 --> 00:33:02,349
What-What is this?

560
00:33:02,413 --> 00:33:05,587
- These are people just like you, Barney.
-[All ] Hi, Barney.

561
00:33:06,951 --> 00:33:10,865
They, too, have had
their lives shattered...

562
00:33:10,922 --> 00:33:13,368
by the sight
of that man's ass.

563
00:33:16,761 --> 00:33:20,038
I caught this mysterious tattooed guy
and my wife going at <i>it...</i>

564
00:33:20,098 --> 00:33:23,079
<i>in July, 1992.</i>

565
00:33:25,336 --> 00:33:27,282
Spring of '89.

566
00:33:29,440 --> 00:33:31,716
December, 1994.

567
00:33:32,777 --> 00:33:34,779
<i>November of '95.</i>

568
00:33:34,846 --> 00:33:36,792
<i>And then Apr“ of '$6.</i>

569
00:33:36,848 --> 00:33:38,589
<i>[ Murmuring I</i>

570
00:33:38,649 --> 00:33:41,425
And then again
in June of '96.

571
00:33:41,486 --> 00:33:45,525
And then twice more
on January 15,1997.

572
00:33:47,259 --> 00:33:49,830
<i>And three more times
in the spring of '99--</i>

573
00:33:49,895 --> 00:33:53,035
Arbor Day, Cinco de Mayo
and Flag Day.

574
00:33:53,099 --> 00:33:57,013
That's Hal. Don't
make any sudden moves around him.

575
00:33:57,069 --> 00:34:00,278
It's all right, man.

576
00:34:00,339 --> 00:34:03,343
What about you?
I mean, what's your story?

577
00:34:04,410 --> 00:34:07,516
It was April, 1990.

578
00:34:07,580 --> 00:34:10,186
I was in training
for the U.S. Olympic Team.

579
00:34:10,249 --> 00:34:12,195
My Sport:

580
00:34:12,251 --> 00:34:14,822
Greco-Roman wrestling.

581
00:34:14,887 --> 00:34:17,629
My wife and I didn't
have a perfect marriage.

582
00:34:17,690 --> 00:34:20,637
Maybe I didn't
understand her needs.

583
00:34:20,693 --> 00:34:23,537
But she definitely
didn't understand my passion...

584
00:34:23,596 --> 00:34:25,542
for wrestling.

585
00:34:25,598 --> 00:34:29,136
She didn't understand why Brian,
my wrestling partner, and <i>I...</i>

586
00:34:29,201 --> 00:34:31,545
trained constantly.

587
00:34:31,604 --> 00:34:34,175
She didn't understand
the thrill any man would feel...

588
00:34:34,240 --> 00:34:37,551
after grabbing a big,
husky guy like Brian...

589
00:34:37,610 --> 00:34:40,022
and pinning him down
to the ground...

590
00:34:40,079 --> 00:34:44,585
until he squirms and squeals
like a little piglet.

591
00:34:44,650 --> 00:34:46,994
<i>[Men Coughing, Murmuring]</i>

592
00:34:48,387 --> 00:34:50,333
[Clears Throat]

593
00:34:51,490 --> 00:34:54,164
<i>One night,
I went out to train...</i>

594
00:34:54,226 --> 00:34:57,230
at-at Brian's.

595
00:34:58,964 --> 00:35:02,275
I returned home only
to find my wife lying there...

596
00:35:02,334 --> 00:35:05,008
with a faraway look.

597
00:35:05,070 --> 00:35:07,209
<i>I noticed an open window,</i>

598
00:35:07,273 --> 00:35:10,846
<i>and out of it I saw our man
running through the parking lot.</i>

599
00:35:10,910 --> 00:35:15,188
I would’ve chased after him,
but I was too sore.

600
00:35:15,247 --> 00:35:17,193
From the training.

601
00:35:17,249 --> 00:35:19,786
<i>- [Chattering]
- [ Man ] Of course, the training.</i>

602
00:35:19,852 --> 00:35:23,925
<i>Right. After that, I discovered
there were others like me,.</i>

603
00:35:23,989 --> 00:35:25,935
and I formed this group.

604
00:35:25,991 --> 00:35:28,267
<i>The point is,</i>

605
00:35:28,327 --> 00:35:31,865
we may not know his name,
but we're onto him.

606
00:35:32,932 --> 00:35:35,606
And one day, he'll slip up.

607
00:35:35,668 --> 00:35:40,048
And when he does, we're gonna
be there to nail <i>him...</i>

608
00:35:40,105 --> 00:35:42,278
and cut his balls off!

609
00:35:42,341 --> 00:35:46,312
- [All Groaning]
- Okay, sorry. Sorry, everyone.

610
00:35:46,378 --> 00:35:48,984
<i>Maybe we won't
actually go that far.</i>

611
00:35:49,048 --> 00:35:51,358
That's yucky.

612
00:35:51,417 --> 00:35:54,591
Well, you don't have to wait
for him to slip up.

613
00:35:54,653 --> 00:35:56,633
He already has.

614
00:35:56,689 --> 00:35:59,067
'Cause when he ran
out of my apartment-

615
00:36:00,526 --> 00:36:04,531
Look!
He's a circus clown!

616
00:36:04,597 --> 00:36:06,668
Yeah, we already know
about the clothes.

617
00:36:08,267 --> 00:36:10,873
He runs out of all
of our houses bare-assed, you know.

618
00:36:10,936 --> 00:36:13,041
<i>The clothes really
haven't given us anything.</i>

619
00:36:13,105 --> 00:36:15,051
[Sobbing]
What?

620
00:36:19,578 --> 00:36:21,819
Damn it!

621
00:36:21,881 --> 00:36:25,852
I mean, there must be some way
to catch this woman's dude.

622
00:36:36,362 --> 00:36:38,672
Gentlemen,

623
00:36:38,731 --> 00:36:42,406
- prepare for battle.
- [All Cheering]

624
00:36:42,468 --> 00:36:45,415
<i>Listen up, everybody.
This will be...</i>

625
00:36:45,471 --> 00:36:48,941
our general area
of our search, okay?

626
00:36:49,008 --> 00:36:51,818
Now, years ago
I was in the army,

627
00:36:51,877 --> 00:36:54,551
and we spent a lot of time
in this area here.

628
00:36:54,613 --> 00:36:56,786
The army, they called it Asia,

629
00:36:56,849 --> 00:36:58,920
but I like to call it
Freaky-Deeky Sex World.

630
00:37:00,085 --> 00:37:03,623
Scrap Iron, you're my man.

631
00:37:03,689 --> 00:37:06,431
<i>This will be your area.
[suggest that...</i>

632
00:37:06,492 --> 00:37:09,200
you stick to the back streets
and the whorehouses.

633
00:37:09,261 --> 00:37:11,298
- I'm right on it.
- Good'.

634
00:37:11,363 --> 00:37:14,867
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Scrap, wait a minute. Leon.

635
00:37:16,335 --> 00:37:19,009
This postmark is from Chicago.

636
00:37:19,071 --> 00:37:22,541
- [Candy] <i>Hey.</i>
- Let me see that, Lester.

637
00:37:22,608 --> 00:37:26,181
If the lady lives right here
in Chicago, that ought to be easy.

638
00:37:26,245 --> 00:37:29,488
I mean, you could find all the women
you been with in town, right?

639
00:37:29,548 --> 00:37:32,256
That's a very good question,
Candy. Yes, I can,

640
00:37:32,318 --> 00:37:37,631
because I have written the names of all
of my very special sweet ladies down...

641
00:37:37,690 --> 00:37:40,102
in this, my black book.

642
00:37:40,159 --> 00:37:44,039
- Look at that thing.
- And in addition to that,

643
00:37:44,096 --> 00:37:48,442
I have made these photocopies
for you all to take a look at.

644
00:37:48,500 --> 00:37:52,448
- That's for you, Lester.
- You have any idea who this woman is?

645
00:37:52,504 --> 00:37:55,007
<i>Yes, I do, because
when I read this letter...</i>

646
00:37:55,074 --> 00:37:57,918
I hear a voice
that I connect to a face.

647
00:37:57,977 --> 00:38:00,651
And because I have
what is called 20-20 memory,

648
00:38:00,713 --> 00:38:04,684
that tells me that this is
my very special Sweet Thing.

649
00:38:10,889 --> 00:38:12,835
Leon Phelps.

650
00:38:12,891 --> 00:38:17,431
- You miserable, fatheaded jackass.
- Theresa!

651
00:38:17,496 --> 00:38:19,976
What the hell are you doing here?
I hoped you were dead.

652
00:38:20,032 --> 00:38:22,205
No, I'm not dead. Surprise.

653
00:38:22,267 --> 00:38:24,213
- Ew!
- What?

654
00:38:24,269 --> 00:38:27,341
You expect me to let you stick your
tongue in my mouth after two years?

655
00:38:27,406 --> 00:38:29,511
Yes, I do.
Ooh, Courvoisier.

656
00:38:29,575 --> 00:38:31,521
Let's have a drink.
Come on in, baby.

657
00:38:32,878 --> 00:38:34,824
This is nice.

658
00:38:37,182 --> 00:38:39,128
Leon, why haven't
you called me?

659
00:38:39,184 --> 00:38:42,722
This is the thing. They kept changing
all those collect call phone numbers,

660
00:38:42,788 --> 00:38:45,826
so it became really difficult
for me to use the telephone.

661
00:38:45,891 --> 00:38:48,963
- Shut it up. I can't believe this.
- Okay.

662
00:38:49,028 --> 00:38:53,477
I meet you under the stands at a dog
track. You sweet-talk me into leaving.

663
00:38:53,532 --> 00:38:57,036
Next thing, I'm busting slobs with you
in a bathroom of a Chuck E. Cheese.

664
00:38:57,102 --> 00:39:00,015
You called me
your sweet thing.

665
00:39:00,072 --> 00:39:03,383
Wait a second. It says here
we did it in a Laundromat.

666
00:39:03,442 --> 00:39:05,422
- What?
- Yeah.

667
00:39:05,477 --> 00:39:09,357
Didn't you send me a note about getting
together and sharing your money, love?

668
00:39:15,654 --> 00:39:17,827
Mistakes
are sometimes funny.

669
00:39:17,890 --> 00:39:20,496
Listen, I could really
use that drink now.

670
00:39:22,761 --> 00:39:25,935
All right, that's nice.
I got everything but the glass.

671
00:39:27,399 --> 00:39:29,777
- Rot in hell, Leon.
- Yes, I heard you the first time.

672
00:39:29,835 --> 00:39:32,145
No, no, no, no, no.
I hope you burn in hell.

673
00:39:32,204 --> 00:39:34,707
- Yes, duly noted.
- Rotting and burning.

674
00:39:34,773 --> 00:39:39,483
- Yes, in hell. I got you.
- Your mother looks like Florida Evans!

675
00:39:39,545 --> 00:39:41,684
Listen, there's no reason
to go there.

676
00:39:41,747 --> 00:39:44,785
You mud duck!
Quack on.

677
00:39:47,453 --> 00:39:50,297
<i>♪♪ [ Soul, indistinct]</i>

678
00:40:00,466 --> 00:40:04,107
Hey, Sandra, it's me, Leon.
What's happening?

679
00:40:04,169 --> 00:40:06,877
<i>A)" f Soul ]</i>

680
00:40:19,651 --> 00:40:21,995
- Hey, Margie. What's up? It's Leon.
- Hi.

681
00:40:22,054 --> 00:40:24,000
How you doing?
Good to see you.

682
00:40:24,056 --> 00:40:26,058
I'm sorry to interrupt you.
Yeah, I know you gotta go.

683
00:40:26,125 --> 00:40:28,071
- Listen, did you write this letter?
- What?

684
00:40:28,127 --> 00:40:30,767
No? Okay. Go on up there.
Have a good time tonight.

685
00:40:30,829 --> 00:40:33,742
Play some AI Green and smack her
on the ass. She likes that.

686
00:40:33,799 --> 00:40:35,938
Hey. How you doin'?

687
00:40:37,770 --> 00:40:40,114
Hey, what's happening, Evelyn?
I remember-

688
00:40:53,418 --> 00:40:56,729
<i>That was not a good idea.</i>

689
00:40:56,789 --> 00:40:58,826
<i>[ Over P.A.]
What's happening, Chicago?</i>

690
00:40:58,891 --> 00:41:02,134
<i>Ladies, if you are rich
and I boned you,</i>

691
00:41:02,194 --> 00:41:05,437
<i>could you please meet me
at the nacho cart?</i>

692
00:41:05,497 --> 00:41:09,309
<i>Also, if you are rich
and you want to be boned,</i>

693
00:41:09,368 --> 00:41:12,349
would you please meet me
at the nacho cart?

694
00:41:20,979 --> 00:41:23,425
- Hey, Lester.
- I stepped in a time machine.

695
00:41:23,482 --> 00:41:26,292
Look at this place.
This place is disgusting.

696
00:41:26,351 --> 00:41:28,388
You don't have to stay long.
just long enough to meet Leon.

697
00:41:28,453 --> 00:41:30,399
I'm telling you,
he's just what your station needs.

698
00:41:30,455 --> 00:41:34,870
- Leon, this is Cyrus.
- Cyrus Cunningham.

699
00:41:34,927 --> 00:41:37,066
Yeah, this is the guy
that dumped you.

700
00:41:37,129 --> 00:41:40,599
You're a lot shorter than I expected.
But the hair and the shoes help out.

701
00:41:40,666 --> 00:41:44,375
Well, Julie, sweetheart, I said
I would meet your friend, and I have.

702
00:41:44,436 --> 00:41:46,382
I wasted a lot of my time
in the process.

703
00:41:46,438 --> 00:41:49,442
Obviously, you haven't grown up much
since our little mistake.

704
00:41:49,508 --> 00:41:51,488
Look, Cyrus, why don't you
just listen for a second?

705
00:41:51,543 --> 00:41:54,217
WAMS has done quite well
without the help of rejects...

706
00:41:54,279 --> 00:41:57,522
<i>and winos and ditsy women who think
they can run with the big boys.</i>

707
00:41:57,583 --> 00:42:00,826
If you need a temp job, let me know,
okay? Gotta go. Love your place.

708
00:42:00,886 --> 00:42:03,366
Listen, don't talk
to Julie like that.

709
00:42:06,491 --> 00:42:09,495
Excuse me.
What was that, little man?

710
00:42:09,561 --> 00:42:12,269
I said that you don't talk
to Julie like that.

711
00:42:12,331 --> 00:42:14,402
<i>[Cyrus Chuckles]</i>

712
00:42:14,466 --> 00:42:18,539
Don't push up on me
in front of your peeps, okay?

713
00:42:18,604 --> 00:42:22,780
<i>Don't let the smooth taste fool you.
I'm from the streets.</i>

714
00:42:22,841 --> 00:42:25,754
Oh, yeah?
Well, I still live in the streets...

715
00:42:25,811 --> 00:42:28,883
and will occasionally
find myself waking up in the streets.

716
00:42:28,947 --> 00:42:30,688
That's right.
That's right.

717
00:42:30,749 --> 00:42:33,025
Gentlemen, there will be
no fighting in this bar.

718
00:42:33,085 --> 00:42:36,726
All right, fine.
We can take it outside.

719
00:42:46,865 --> 00:42:50,142
Listen, I'm sorry.
We-We got off on the wrong foot here.

720
00:42:50,202 --> 00:42:52,842
Um, why don't we just
let bygones be bygones?

721
00:42:52,905 --> 00:42:54,851
Whatever you say, sugar.
That's fine with me.

722
00:42:54,907 --> 00:42:58,980
Listen, how about you have a- I'd
like to offer you a pickled pig's feet.

723
00:42:59,044 --> 00:43:01,285
I don't think so.

724
00:43:01,346 --> 00:43:03,292
<i>[Scrap]
Come on, johnny Mathis.</i>

725
00:43:03,348 --> 00:43:06,921
- You said you from the streets.
- Yeah.

726
00:43:06,985 --> 00:43:09,864
Yeah, well, Julie told me
that while they were datin',

727
00:43:09,922 --> 00:43:13,426
there were some things that
Cyrus didn't have a taste for.

728
00:43:13,492 --> 00:43:16,166
[Bar Patrons Laughing]

729
00:43:16,228 --> 00:43:18,105
<i>- [ Leon] Interesting.
- [Cyrus] Hey, hey, hey.</i>

730
00:43:18,163 --> 00:43:20,268
It ain't no thing, all right?
It ain't no thing.

731
00:43:20,332 --> 00:43:22,505
<i>I was raised on pig's feet.</i>

732
00:43:22,567 --> 00:43:25,548
I can eat this. Fine. I can eat it.
If this is what you want, fine.

733
00:43:26,772 --> 00:43:28,877
- This is what you want me to do?
- Mm-hmm.

734
00:43:28,941 --> 00:43:31,922
Just to impress you and the rest
of the Sunshine Band, <i>I'll</i> eat it.

735
00:43:31,977 --> 00:43:33,923
<i>[Leon]
That's fine.</i>

736
00:43:33,979 --> 00:43:38,189
See? I'll eat it here. Cut it up a
little bit and eat it like that. See?

737
00:43:38,250 --> 00:43:40,594
There.

738
00:43:40,652 --> 00:43:44,964
Perhaps you thought I'd recoil
from your bar food, but-

739
00:43:45,023 --> 00:43:48,937
- You want some pickled eggs?
- I'd love some pickled eggs.

740
00:43:48,994 --> 00:43:51,497
One pickled dish at a time.
Why are we gonna--

741
00:43:51,563 --> 00:43:53,668
Okay, <i>I'll</i> stay
for one pickled egg.

742
00:43:53,732 --> 00:43:57,475
<i>Look, everybody. People
are actually eating the bar food.</i>

743
00:43:57,536 --> 00:44:00,483
<i>[ Scrap ] All right, boys, eat up.
The food is free.</i>

744
00:44:00,539 --> 00:44:03,452
- <i>It disappears.
- Pick/ed egg you want, you got.</i>

745
00:44:03,508 --> 00:44:05,818
<i>[Scrap] This ain't the welfare.
This is the good stuff</i>

746
00:44:05,877 --> 00:44:08,187
- <i>Mmm.</i>
- Mmm, mmm, mmm!

747
00:44:08,246 --> 00:44:12,956
- Hey, how about some prairie oysters?
- Ooh, prairie oysters!

748
00:44:13,018 --> 00:44:15,794
- They are really good.
- Come on. Bring it on. Let's go.

749
00:44:15,854 --> 00:44:19,165
<i>- Look like a chitlin to me.
- Prairie oysters. Mmm!</i>

750
00:44:19,224 --> 00:44:22,535
Oh, yeah, look at that.
Oh, yeah, it's fresh.

751
00:44:22,594 --> 00:44:27,065
<i>This is gonna be so good.
I haven't had these since yesterday.</i>

752
00:44:27,132 --> 00:44:29,237
- M m <i>m!</i>
- <i>[ Woman] It's an acquired taste.</i>

753
00:44:30,869 --> 00:44:33,406
<i>[ Scrap ]
Take your time.</i>

754
00:44:33,472 --> 00:44:35,577
<i>[Bar Patrons Groaning,
Chattering]</i>

755
00:44:35,640 --> 00:44:39,383
Hmm?
Good, huh?

756
00:44:39,444 --> 00:44:41,924
- Spicy hog balls.
- [All Groaning]

757
00:44:41,980 --> 00:44:44,256
<i>[ Man]
Not the hog balls.</i>

758
00:44:46,585 --> 00:44:49,725
<i>Spicy hog balls.
Where'd you find these?</i>

759
00:44:49,788 --> 00:44:52,098
Ooh, look at that.
They got two balls.

760
00:44:52,157 --> 00:44:56,333
<i>And they going right down here.
Mmm! Mmm!</i>

761
00:44:56,395 --> 00:44:59,899
Oh! Yes, indeed.
Look at them.

762
00:45:04,102 --> 00:45:06,582
<i>Eat all you want, boys.
Eat all you want.</i>

763
00:45:10,342 --> 00:45:13,221
<i>[ Man ]
Show him how to do it, Leon.</i>

764
00:45:13,278 --> 00:45:15,918
<i>Mmm'.
Mmm, mmm, mmm'.!</i>

765
00:45:17,649 --> 00:45:20,061
How you boys doing?

766
00:45:20,118 --> 00:45:22,564
So, is that it?

767
00:45:22,621 --> 00:45:25,295
I've eaten more exotic foods
than that.

768
00:45:25,357 --> 00:45:27,769
- How about a piece de resistance?
- <i>Hmm.</i>

769
00:45:27,826 --> 00:45:31,239
- <i>Back-bottom gristle lumps.</i>
- <i>[ Candy] Special of the house.</i>

770
00:45:31,296 --> 00:45:33,833
Practically nobody eats these.

771
00:45:33,899 --> 00:45:37,369
- I don't remember those on the menu.
- Oh, these are good.

772
00:45:37,436 --> 00:45:40,974
These are new.
The best!

773
00:45:41,039 --> 00:45:44,350
- These are mine.
- No, no, no. No way. No way!

774
00:45:44,409 --> 00:45:46,650
- They're mine.
- Get the hell off of them!

775
00:45:46,711 --> 00:45:48,588
Jeez!

776
00:45:48,647 --> 00:45:50,854
<i>[Scrap] Don't be fighting
over gristle lumps. Come on, now.</i>

777
00:45:50,916 --> 00:45:53,396
<i>There you go, now. That's a nice one.
That's a nice one.</i>

778
00:45:53,452 --> 00:45:57,491
- just <i>some</i> gristle lumps.
- Gristle lump you want, you got.

779
00:45:57,556 --> 00:46:00,935
- I got your gristle lump.
- [All Groaning]

780
00:46:00,992 --> 00:46:03,336
- Savor the flavor.
- Mm-hmm.

781
00:46:03,395 --> 00:46:06,604
<i>[Scrap]
Got some hot sauce to go with that too.</i>

782
00:46:06,665 --> 00:46:10,442
- <i>Mmm.</i> I did it.
- That's right. You sure did.

783
00:46:10,502 --> 00:46:13,779
- I did it.
- You did it. I'm proud of you.

784
00:46:13,839 --> 00:46:16,319
I did it. I did it!
[Laughing]

785
00:46:16,374 --> 00:46:19,355
<i>I've never seen anything
like this in my life.</i>

786
00:46:19,411 --> 00:46:23,257
- Boy, you just done ate some shit.
- [Al/Laughing]

787
00:46:23,315 --> 00:46:26,694
- Some what?
- You just ate some human shit.

788
00:46:28,954 --> 00:46:31,696
Human shit?
Human shit?

789
00:46:33,258 --> 00:46:35,499
Why would you
bottle human shit?

790
00:46:35,560 --> 00:46:38,006
What possible holiday would you
bottle human shit for?

791
00:46:38,063 --> 00:46:41,135
- <i>[Scrap ] Funniest idea yet!</i>
- <i>You people</i> are sick!

792
00:46:41,199 --> 00:46:43,475
That's the first time
it's ever worked.

793
00:46:43,535 --> 00:46:45,481
We scored so big.

794
00:46:48,807 --> 00:46:51,811
You know that that was
our last chance at a steady paycheck.

795
00:46:51,877 --> 00:46:56,826
- Mm-hmm.
- But I feel good. I feel real good.

796
00:46:56,882 --> 00:46:59,089
Well, that's good,
because listen, there's no way...

797
00:46:59,151 --> 00:47:02,496
that I was gonna let that dude
disrespect my Julie twice.

798
00:47:05,590 --> 00:47:08,434
So, listen, excuse me.

799
00:47:08,493 --> 00:47:12,600
I will be going to the bathroom
to puke up a hog ball.

800
00:47:26,678 --> 00:47:30,057
Gentlemen, we've been waiting
for this day for a longtime.

801
00:47:30,115 --> 00:47:34,723
- [ Murmuring]
- This man, this “ Lad/es Man, ”

802
00:47:34,786 --> 00:47:38,097
thought he could take something
from us, something we hold sacred.

803
00:47:38,156 --> 00:47:42,400
- Our manhood. Was he successful?
- [All ] No!

804
00:47:42,460 --> 00:47:45,100
No, he was not. Why?
Because we're men among men.

805
00:47:45,163 --> 00:47:47,837
- That's right! Yeah!
- Super men!

806
00:47:47,899 --> 00:47:51,540
And from this moment on,
I declare our supreme manliness!

807
00:47:51,603 --> 00:47:53,742
[ Cheering]

808
00:47:59,911 --> 00:48:03,222
♪ I feel like this
is something really special ♪

809
00:48:03,281 --> 00:48:06,785
♪ Something tells me
this is truly grand ♪

810
00:48:06,851 --> 00:48:09,525
♪ I've got a brand-new lease
on life now ♪

811
00:48:09,588 --> 00:48:12,535
♪ And it's all because we're
gonna get The Ladies Man ♪

812
00:48:12,591 --> 00:48:15,299
[All ]
That's right!

813
00:48:15,360 --> 00:48:18,830
♪ All at once the search
is truly over ♪

814
00:48:18,897 --> 00:48:21,969
♪ Everything is happening
as planned ♪

815
00:48:22,033 --> 00:48:24,912
♪ I hope he's naked
and good-looking ♪

816
00:48:24,970 --> 00:48:27,473
♪ And it's all because we're
gonna get this Ladies Man ♪

817
00:48:27,539 --> 00:48:29,815
That's right!

818
00:48:29,874 --> 00:48:34,220
When we catch him,
we're gonna cut his balls off.

819
00:48:34,279 --> 00:48:36,589
♪ I don't know
what I'm feeling;

820
00:48:36,648 --> 00:48:39,754
♪ I never felt
like this before ♪

821
00:48:39,818 --> 00:48:43,129
♪ I want to sing
from a mountaintop ♪

822
00:48:43,188 --> 00:48:47,830
♪ And let my true heart soar ♪

823
00:49:17,856 --> 00:49:19,802
Going UP-

824
00:49:22,127 --> 00:49:24,107
<i>[Elevator Bell Dings]</i>

825
00:49:24,162 --> 00:49:27,473
♪ I can't believe
it's finally over ♪

826
00:49:27,532 --> 00:49:30,638
♪ All of my dreams
are near at hand ♪

827
00:49:30,702 --> 00:49:34,248
♪ I'm gonna kill
that dirty bastard ♪

828
00:49:34,272 --> 00:49:34,306
♪ I'm gonna kill
that dirty bastard ♪

829
00:49:34,406 --> 00:49:37,615
♪ The time has come
to kill The Ladies Man ♪

830
00:49:37,676 --> 00:49:41,453
♪ The time has come
to kill The Ladies Man ♪♪

831
00:49:41,513 --> 00:49:45,290
His name is Leon Phelps.
I fired him a week ago.

832
00:49:46,985 --> 00:49:49,864
Say, is that a picture
of him over there?

833
00:49:49,921 --> 00:49:52,993
<i>Yes. Yes, it is.
That's your man.</i>

834
00:49:53,058 --> 00:49:55,060
That's, uh-
That's Leon Phelps.

835
00:49:55,126 --> 00:49:57,732
<i>[ Lance]
Leon Phelps.</i>

836
00:49:57,796 --> 00:50:00,470
Where might we
find this Leon Phelps?

837
00:50:01,700 --> 00:50:04,340
Oh, you might
try his houseboat,

838
00:50:04,402 --> 00:50:07,781
<i>or that gin tank
called Lester's Lounge.</i>

839
00:50:07,839 --> 00:50:12,310
<i>And when you find him, tell him
to come in and pick up this crap.</i>

840
00:50:12,377 --> 00:50:15,085
- What's this?
- Fan mail...

841
00:50:15,146 --> 00:50:18,218
from all the sluts he's been banging
for the past couple of years.

842
00:50:18,283 --> 00:50:20,889
A lot of these
are from my wife.

843
00:50:23,788 --> 00:50:27,099
- <i>[ Woman] You thought I wrote this?</i>
- <i>[Leon] Yeah, I did.</i>

844
00:50:27,158 --> 00:50:31,436
Sorry, Leon. I'm not really
interested in settling down right now.

845
00:50:31,496 --> 00:50:35,376
- <i>[Knocking On Door]</i>
- <i>You're on in ten minutes.</i>

846
00:50:36,534 --> 00:50:39,572
Excuse me.
<i>I'll</i> just be a minute changing.

847
00:50:42,340 --> 00:50:46,345
<i>This is a nice place. It looks
like you've finally made the big-time.</i>

848
00:50:46,411 --> 00:50:49,824
Yeah, my work is everything
to me right now.

849
00:50:49,881 --> 00:50:52,122
That's why I couldn’t dream
of settling down.

850
00:50:52,183 --> 00:50:55,687
In fact, the only thing
that ever compared...

851
00:50:55,754 --> 00:50:57,700
<i>to the thrill
of my performances...</i>

852
00:50:57,756 --> 00:51:00,930
<i>were those wild nights
we had together in bed.</i>

853
00:51:00,992 --> 00:51:03,495
Yeah, we did some pretty
messed-up junk.

854
00:51:05,363 --> 00:51:08,276
- Hey, Leon.
- Yes?

855
00:51:08,333 --> 00:51:10,506
<i>I've got a crazy idea.</i>

856
00:51:10,568 --> 00:51:13,139
<i>I've got a few minutes
before I go on.</i>

857
00:51:13,204 --> 00:51:16,651
Let's have a quickie
for old time's sake.

858
00:51:16,708 --> 00:51:21,123
That's not a crazy idea.
I like that idea and I will support it.

859
00:51:21,179 --> 00:51:25,286
<i>Let's do it like we used to--
real nasty!</i>

860
00:51:25,350 --> 00:51:28,456
[Honking Horn]

861
00:51:28,520 --> 00:51:32,263
Listen, maybe it's not a good idea.
We don't have the time to do this.

862
00:51:32,323 --> 00:51:36,396
We'll do it real quick. Come on,
baby. You know what Bloopy likes.

863
00:51:36,461 --> 00:51:39,271
- [ Honking]
- Okay, listen, Bloopy?

864
00:51:39,330 --> 00:51:41,776
I'm about to go on.
I have to stay in character.

865
00:51:41,833 --> 00:51:43,813
Now, give it to me, you stud.

866
00:51:43,868 --> 00:51:48,248
- Take it easy there, Bloopy.
- Bloopy's gonna lick you all over.

867
00:51:48,306 --> 00:51:52,345
Okay, listen.
I don't know.

868
00:51:53,578 --> 00:51:56,582
Oh, what the hell.

869
00:51:56,648 --> 00:51:59,822
♪ I can't believe
it's finally over ♪

870
00:51:59,884 --> 00:52:03,161
♪ All of my dreams
are near at hand ♪

871
00:52:03,221 --> 00:52:06,600
♪ I'm gonna kill
that dirty bastard ♪

872
00:52:06,658 --> 00:52:10,037
♪ The time has come
to kill The Ladies Man ♪

873
00:52:10,094 --> 00:52:12,665
♪ The time has come
to kill The Ladies Man ♪♪

874
00:52:12,730 --> 00:52:14,676
That's right!

875
00:52:29,481 --> 00:52:32,223
- Hal, why don't you just-
- Yeah.

876
00:52:34,285 --> 00:52:36,458
[All Shouting]

877
00:52:39,958 --> 00:52:42,370
<i>[ Man]
He's not here, guys.</i>

878
00:52:42,427 --> 00:52:44,373
This stinks.

879
00:52:44,429 --> 00:52:46,636
♪ This stinks, he's not here
and this stinks ♪

880
00:52:46,698 --> 00:52:49,645
♪ And we know why he's not here
because he's not ♪

881
00:52:49,701 --> 00:52:52,011
<i>♪ He's gone ♪♪</i>

882
00:52:52,070 --> 00:52:55,176
<i>[ Barney]
So, this is where he lives.</i>

883
00:52:57,976 --> 00:53:00,650
Well, tasteful.

884
00:53:03,581 --> 00:53:07,427
Gentlemen,
let's torch it.

885
00:53:14,259 --> 00:53:17,206
- Hey,
<i>'</i> Let’s

886
00:53:17,262 --> 00:53:20,141
[All Screaming]

887
00:53:27,238 --> 00:53:30,344
We really didn't
think that through.

888
00:53:30,408 --> 00:53:32,945
That place was full
of pleather and cologne.

889
00:53:33,011 --> 00:53:36,891
<i>[Lance] It was quite a thrill,
though, when it went up in flames.</i>

890
00:53:50,261 --> 00:53:52,707
Ah, gentlemen,
can I help you?

891
00:53:52,764 --> 00:53:56,541
- A round of beers for my men.
- [All ] Yeah!

892
00:53:56,601 --> 00:54:02,142
- There something else I can help with?
- I think there is. My card.

893
00:54:03,541 --> 00:54:06,249
We're also looking
for this man.

894
00:54:06,311 --> 00:54:08,723
His name is Leon Phelps.

895
00:54:08,780 --> 00:54:12,353
- <i>He also goes</i> by “ <i>The Lad/es Man.</i> ”
- <i>[All] Yeah!</i>

896
00:54:12,417 --> 00:54:15,557
- You guys friends of his?
- You might say <i>that.</i>

897
00:54:15,620 --> 00:54:18,430
<i>- [All Chuckling]
- We want to kill him.</i>

898
00:54:18,489 --> 00:54:21,493
Well, he doesn't hang out here.
[ Chuckles]

899
00:54:21,559 --> 00:54:25,336
<i>What would you want to kill a guy
like that for anyway?</i>

900
00:54:25,396 --> 00:54:28,002
<i>He's a dangerous thief
of hearts.</i>

901
00:54:28,066 --> 00:54:31,673
He seduced my wife.
He screwed all our women!

902
00:54:31,736 --> 00:54:33,579
[All]
Yeah!

903
00:54:33,638 --> 00:54:37,643
- That's why you want to kill Phelps.
- Oh, yeah.

904
00:54:37,709 --> 00:54:41,156
Yeah, that's why we wanna kill him.
And we're going to.

905
00:54:41,212 --> 00:54:44,750
<i>We're going to catch him
and cut off his tiny little pecker.</i>

906
00:54:44,816 --> 00:54:48,457
- You're not talking about-
- That's him!

907
00:54:49,654 --> 00:54:51,531
[All Shouting]

908
00:55:00,565 --> 00:55:02,602
Get him!

909
00:55:02,667 --> 00:55:06,205
- See <i>you</i> later!
<i>- [Barney] How does he do it?</i>

910
00:55:06,270 --> 00:55:09,843
- He's outsmarted <i>us</i> again.
- Lance, his little black book.

911
00:55:10,908 --> 00:55:12,854
Oh, yes.

912
00:55:12,910 --> 00:55:14,856
Oh,yes,
this is good.

913
00:55:14,912 --> 00:55:16,914
This is very good!

914
00:55:16,981 --> 00:55:19,587
[All Laughing]

915
00:55:19,651 --> 00:55:23,963
- Why is it very good?
- It's the book of all of his numbers.

916
00:55:29,160 --> 00:55:32,630
<i>This is not cool.
This is unfair.</i>

917
00:55:32,697 --> 00:55:36,839
I did not do anything to deserve this.
[Crying]

918
00:55:36,901 --> 00:55:40,439
My houseboat.
It's my houseboat!

919
00:55:41,506 --> 00:55:43,645
<i>[Screaming]
Why?</i>

920
00:55:54,552 --> 00:55:56,532
[ Conversation,
indistinct ]

921
00:56:12,070 --> 00:56:14,016
<i>Mm.</i>

922
00:56:39,297 --> 00:56:42,244
<i>[Leon] This is how my uncle
taught us to drink tea.</i>

923
00:56:42,300 --> 00:56:46,476
<i>You put your pinkie up.
Then take it to your lips, like this.</i>

924
00:56:46,537 --> 00:56:49,017
<i>Julie.
Come on in.</i>

925
00:56:49,073 --> 00:56:51,713
Your friend Leon
has made some suggestions...

926
00:56:51,776 --> 00:56:54,757
pertaining to us
and our love life.

927
00:56:54,812 --> 00:56:58,316
<i>I'm so glad you invited Leon here
to spend this time with us.</i>

928
00:56:58,382 --> 00:57:00,419
I didn't invite Leon--

929
00:57:00,485 --> 00:57:03,227
As far as I'm concerned,
he can stay as long as he wants.

930
00:57:03,287 --> 00:57:05,790
<i>- [Edna] I'll drink to that.
- [Leon] I do too.</i>

931
00:57:05,857 --> 00:57:10,169
If you got some Courvoisier, we could
pour some of that in here too.

932
00:57:10,228 --> 00:57:12,539
Julie, when am I
gonna see your room?

933
00:57:12,563 --> 00:57:12,597
Julie, when am I
gonna see your room?

934
00:57:12,697 --> 00:57:16,543
♪ I am Julie's piano ♪

935
00:57:16,601 --> 00:57:19,047
♪ I am Julie's piano ♪♪

936
00:57:19,103 --> 00:57:21,208
That's a song
I wrote for you.

937
00:57:21,272 --> 00:57:25,345
Look, you got your nice
little stuffed animals there.

938
00:57:25,409 --> 00:57:28,049
And look at that nice poster
of Rick Astley.

939
00:57:28,112 --> 00:57:30,388
Okay, I told you
this was temporary.

940
00:57:30,448 --> 00:57:32,587
- You don't have to tease me.
- Yes, I do.

941
00:57:32,650 --> 00:57:34,857
I'd like to remind you,
young lady,

942
00:57:34,919 --> 00:57:39,026
about the “trailer park of
the sea“ line, my houseboat...

943
00:57:39,090 --> 00:57:41,536
which I don't
have anymore.

944
00:57:42,593 --> 00:57:44,937
<i>Oh, man.</i>

945
00:57:44,996 --> 00:57:49,342
You know something, Julie? I'm
realizing that my life really sucks.

946
00:57:54,338 --> 00:57:57,410
You know whose fault it is,
don't you?

947
00:57:57,475 --> 00:58:01,981
It is the fault of the Wang.
I should cut this thing off.

948
00:58:02,046 --> 00:58:03,992
- You're not gonna cut it off.
- I know.

949
00:58:04,048 --> 00:58:07,222
That's the craziest thing
I've ever thought of.

950
00:58:07,285 --> 00:58:10,027
But I just can't live
like this anymore.

951
00:58:10,087 --> 00:58:13,762
I'm so tired of being
“ The Lad/es Man. ”

952
00:58:15,827 --> 00:58:20,469
<i>You know , you were never
“ The Ladies Man" to me.</i>

953
00:58:20,531 --> 00:58:22,477
- Really?
- Really.

954
00:58:22,533 --> 00:58:27,004
No, to me you've always been
just plain old Leon Phelps.

955
00:58:28,072 --> 00:58:31,178
A lonely, misguided...

956
00:58:31,242 --> 00:58:33,188
idiot.

957
00:58:33,244 --> 00:58:36,191
[Chuckles]
You know something Julie? Hmm?

958
00:58:36,247 --> 00:58:40,559
I think that you
wrote the mystery letter.

959
00:58:40,618 --> 00:58:44,088
[incredulous Laugh]

960
00:58:44,155 --> 00:58:47,762
Yeah! Leon,
I've never had sex with you,

961
00:58:47,825 --> 00:58:49,930
especially not
in a Laundromat.

962
00:58:49,994 --> 00:58:52,941
Yeah, that is true.

963
00:58:54,932 --> 00:58:57,037
You know what?

964
00:58:57,101 --> 00:59:01,811
It would’ve been really nice
if you had written this letter.

965
00:59:01,873 --> 00:59:03,819
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

966
00:59:03,875 --> 00:59:06,719
You know, a girl like you,
that's what I need.

967
00:59:06,777 --> 00:59:09,724
I don't need
some crazy mystery lady.

968
00:59:11,449 --> 00:59:15,898
Well, how could you find
a girl like me?

969
00:59:15,953 --> 00:59:18,559
Yeah, how can I find
a girl like you?

970
00:59:18,623 --> 00:59:20,569
She'd have to be single.

971
00:59:20,625 --> 00:59:23,970
- That would be really nice this time.
- Yeah.

972
00:59:24,028 --> 00:59:25,974
And she'd
have to be attractive.

973
00:59:26,030 --> 00:59:29,944
- Yeah, well, you have that.
- [ Laughs ]

974
00:59:30,001 --> 00:59:33,881
She'd have to have parents that
wouldn’t throw you off the porch.

975
00:59:33,938 --> 00:59:36,214
Yeah, that would
be really nice.

976
00:59:38,075 --> 00:59:41,522
And she'd have to have
known you long enough...

977
00:59:41,579 --> 00:59:46,221
to finally realize what a wonderful
person you're capable of being.

978
01:00:03,768 --> 01:00:05,873
Julie, can you
do that again?

979
01:00:05,937 --> 01:00:08,178
<i>,1' All this time ,1'</i>

980
01:00:08,239 --> 01:00:11,948
<i>♪ Like the stormy sea ♪</i>

981
01:00:12,009 --> 01:00:18,187
<i>♪ Reaching for the sky ♪</i>

982
01:00:18,249 --> 01:00:20,855
<i>I' thiS time f.”</i>

983
01:00:24,789 --> 01:00:27,133
<i>That's it.</i>

984
01:00:27,191 --> 01:00:29,797
- That is it.
- What? What?

985
01:00:31,562 --> 01:00:33,564
<i>Del an e.</i>

986
01:00:33,631 --> 01:00:35,804
DeLune!

987
01:00:35,866 --> 01:00:37,937
DeLune, DeLune.

988
01:00:38,002 --> 01:00:40,573
Honey DeLune!

989
01:00:40,638 --> 01:00:43,676
Sweet Thing
is Honey DeLune!

990
01:00:43,741 --> 01:00:46,745
That is it!

991
01:00:46,811 --> 01:00:48,813
<i>Oh, my God!</i>

992
01:00:48,879 --> 01:00:51,655
lam rich!

993
01:00:51,716 --> 01:00:56,495
Look out, Chicago!
The Ladies Man is back!

994
01:00:56,554 --> 01:00:58,500
Yes!

995
01:01:01,692 --> 01:01:04,798
<i>[ Lester Narrating] Well, there
goes Leon Phelps, chasing his dream.</i>

996
01:01:04,862 --> 01:01:08,002
<i>But here's a funny thing
about running after a dream--</i>

997
01:01:08,065 --> 01:01:11,842
<i>sometimes what you were dreaming
about was in front of you all along.</i>

998
01:01:11,902 --> 01:01:15,372
Lester, could you just shut up and
give me the number for Honey DeLune?

999
01:01:15,439 --> 01:01:17,385
Right.

1000
01:01:18,776 --> 01:01:21,916
Just thought you could
use a little advice.

1001
01:01:23,581 --> 01:01:25,527
Okay.

1002
01:01:27,451 --> 01:01:29,397
5, 9--

1003
01:01:29,453 --> 01:01:31,399
[Ringing]

1004
01:01:32,990 --> 01:01:37,905
- Hello?
- Guess who, Sweet Thing!

1005
01:01:37,962 --> 01:01:40,738
- Leon? Leon Phelps?
- [Chuckles]

1006
01:01:40,798 --> 01:01:43,904
That's right, baby.
It's your Laundromat love machine.

1007
01:01:43,968 --> 01:01:45,914
Oh, my God! It is!

1008
01:01:45,970 --> 01:01:48,382
- So you got my letter, right?
- Mm-hmm.

1009
01:01:48,439 --> 01:01:51,477
Oh, when so much time
went by, I thought...

1010
01:01:51,542 --> 01:01:54,284
maybe you didn't want
to have anything to do with me.

1011
01:01:54,345 --> 01:01:57,383
- I guess that was silly, huh?
- Yes, it was.

1012
01:01:57,448 --> 01:02:00,361
- [ Laughs]
- It was downright stupid, baby.

1013
01:02:00,418 --> 01:02:02,523
Ever since
we last saw each other,

1014
01:02:02,586 --> 01:02:06,762
- I have had this aching in my soul.
- Oh, you did?

1015
01:02:06,824 --> 01:02:10,636
Yeah. How about I come over there and
go to town on your money and your ass?

1016
01:02:10,694 --> 01:02:12,640
Oh! Heh-heh!

1017
01:02:12,696 --> 01:02:16,234
Oh, uh, Leon, you're gonna have
to give me a little bit of time.

1018
01:02:17,935 --> 01:02:21,678
- What the hell for?
- To tie up some loose ends.

1019
01:02:21,739 --> 01:02:26,017
Baby, I want to leave my whole life
behind and run away with you.

1020
01:02:26,077 --> 01:02:29,286
How does a trip around the world
sound for starters?

1021
01:02:29,346 --> 01:02:31,451
- Are you paying for it?
- Of course.

1022
01:02:31,515 --> 01:02:34,462
- Well, that sounds good.
- Wonderful.

1023
01:02:34,518 --> 01:02:36,794
Um, come by and pick me up
tomorrow night. Okay?

1024
01:02:36,854 --> 01:02:40,233
All right. Sure, Sweet Thing.
Ha ha!

1025
01:02:40,291 --> 01:02:42,237
[ Beeps Off]

1026
01:02:42,293 --> 01:02:45,604
- You talking on the phone just now?
- No, sweetheart.

1027
01:02:45,663 --> 01:02:47,734
Good.

1028
01:02:47,798 --> 01:02:51,143
- Nice try, my friend.
- Hello, Mrs. DeLune.

1029
01:02:52,603 --> 01:02:54,776
Hi, Brian.

1030
01:02:54,839 --> 01:02:57,649
<i>Here comes the pterodactyl.
Hope you like it.</i>

1031
01:02:57,708 --> 01:02:59,619
[Grunting, Groaning]

1032
01:03:01,078 --> 01:03:04,321
- <i>,1' Who's that lady)</i>
- <i>,1' Who's that lady)</i>

1033
01:03:04,381 --> 01:03:08,591
- <i>,1' Beautiful lady);</i>
- <i>Hey!</i>

1034
01:03:08,719 --> 01:03:10,460
- Yo!
- What's up, Aloysius?

1035
01:03:10,521 --> 01:03:13,263
- My main man!
- I need some new stuff.

1036
01:03:13,324 --> 01:03:16,965
- Man, I got you covered, baby.
- This is all right.

1037
01:03:17,027 --> 01:03:20,133
- This is the darkest brown you got?
- Yeah.

1038
01:03:20,197 --> 01:03:25,875
- German chocolate. Can't get no deeper.
- Yeah. Aloysius...

1039
01:03:27,271 --> 01:03:31,048
- I think you got a deal.
- Yeah. Mm!

1040
01:03:31,108 --> 01:03:33,054
Mm!

1041
01:03:33,110 --> 01:03:36,023
<i>♪ Get up
on the downstroke ♪</i>

1042
01:03:36,080 --> 01:03:37,718
- <i>,1' Everybody get up ,1'</i>
- Yeah.

1043
01:03:37,781 --> 01:03:40,955
<i>- ♪ Get up on the downstroke ♪
- That's fight.</i>

1044
01:03:41,018 --> 01:03:45,899
<i>- ♪ Get up on the downstroke ♪
- Mm-hmm. Player of the year.</i>

1045
01:03:45,956 --> 01:03:50,803
<i>- You the man now.
- ♪ Get up on the downstroke ♪</i>

1046
01:03:50,861 --> 01:03:53,808
- <i>,1' Everybody get up ,1'</i>
- <i>Cleaner than a broke-dick dog.</i>

1047
01:03:56,567 --> 01:03:58,774
<i>♪ Everybody get up i}</i>

1048
01:04:04,074 --> 01:04:06,748
- <i>[Men]</i> Hey, <i>Leon!</i>
- Yeah, that's right. It's me.

1049
01:04:06,810 --> 01:04:08,756
Hey, there, Leon!

1050
01:04:08,812 --> 01:04:10,758
[All Exclaiming]

1051
01:04:12,416 --> 01:04:14,555
- You like that?
- I don't believe this.

1052
01:04:14,618 --> 01:04:16,564
Custom-made, $100.

1053
01:04:16,620 --> 01:04:19,226
- You look like Monkey D.
- Thank you very much.

1054
01:04:19,290 --> 01:04:21,930
I just got off the phone
with my Sweet Thing.

1055
01:04:21,992 --> 01:04:25,166
She is gonna take me
on a trip around the world.

1056
01:04:25,229 --> 01:04:28,005
<i>[ Candy]
Wow! Where you gonna go, Leon?</i>

1057
01:04:28,065 --> 01:04:30,705
Well, basically,
around the world, you know.

1058
01:04:30,768 --> 01:04:34,341
We'll go to Paris, of course.
We might go to France.

1059
01:04:34,405 --> 01:04:38,683
Acapulco, Sweden,
maybe the Solomon Islands.

1060
01:04:38,742 --> 01:04:42,952
- You <i>know.</i>
- Well, Leon, you finally made good.

1061
01:04:43,013 --> 01:04:46,517
That's the way I like
to look at it, you know.

1062
01:04:46,584 --> 01:04:49,030
<i>When a man works hard
all his life...</i>

1063
01:04:49,086 --> 01:04:52,693
<i>and dorks hundreds of ladies,
many of whom he don't even remember,</i>

1064
01:04:52,756 --> 01:04:55,202
<i>you'd like to think that
at the end of the day...</i>

1065
01:04:55,259 --> 01:04:58,206
<i>he'll be given a lot of money
without having to earn it.</i>

1066
01:04:58,262 --> 01:05:00,640
<i>[ Scrap ]
I believe that, yes.</i>

1067
01:05:00,698 --> 01:05:04,043
So, yes, I think I have found
true happiness. And I raise my glass.

1068
01:05:04,101 --> 01:05:07,207
- <i>To happiness.</i>
- <i>[Leon] To happiness.</i>

1069
01:05:07,271 --> 01:05:09,877
- <i>[Scrap] Happiness.'</i>
- <i>Thank you.</i>

1070
01:05:10,941 --> 01:05:13,717
Mmm!

1071
01:05:13,777 --> 01:05:15,723
That is good Courvoisier.

1072
01:05:15,779 --> 01:05:18,885
I would love to stay and have
another one, like I usually do,

1073
01:05:18,949 --> 01:05:22,362
but I cannot keep the future
Mrs. Leon Phelps waiting.

1074
01:05:22,419 --> 01:05:26,128
So I bid you adieu. See you
on the other side of the tracks.

1075
01:05:26,190 --> 01:05:28,636
<i>- Take care of yourself.
- All right, Scrap.</i>

1076
01:05:28,692 --> 01:05:31,172
Julie,
you made it just in time.

1077
01:05:31,228 --> 01:05:34,266
<i>I'm on my way to see
the girl of my dreams.</i>

1078
01:06:18,709 --> 01:06:21,656
Yeah. Now, that's
what I'm talkin' about.

1079
01:06:26,518 --> 01:06:30,193
[ Sighs ]
Leon Phelps.

1080
01:06:30,255 --> 01:06:34,670
- Damn!
- Baby, what happened to your face?

1081
01:06:34,726 --> 01:06:39,436
This is nothin'. lt's just one
of those Biore patches, that's all.

1082
01:06:39,498 --> 01:06:42,968
Sorry about that.
I brought you some flowers.

1083
01:06:43,035 --> 01:06:46,983
They look and feel plastic,
but they smell real.

1084
01:06:47,039 --> 01:06:52,387
And also I bought you a box
of my favorite Mexican wine.

1085
01:06:52,444 --> 01:06:54,788
- It's a little heavy.
- [ Laughs]

1086
01:06:54,846 --> 01:06:58,384
Well, you've always
been <i>so...</i> giving.

1087
01:06:58,450 --> 01:07:02,057
- Mm.
- Why don't you come on in?

1088
01:07:02,120 --> 01:07:04,430
I will. This is my house,
after all. Right?

1089
01:07:04,489 --> 01:07:08,665
I mean, this is my statue,
and this is my carpet.

1090
01:07:08,727 --> 01:07:10,729
This is my mirror.

1091
01:07:10,796 --> 01:07:12,776
That's my urn.

1092
01:07:12,831 --> 01:07:15,038
And that is my frieze.

1093
01:07:15,100 --> 01:07:18,912
Why don't you go have a seat in the
living room, and <i>I'll</i> fix you a drink.

1094
01:07:18,970 --> 01:07:20,916
Yeah, that sounds good.

1095
01:07:20,972 --> 01:07:23,475
Let me see if
I remember- Cour-

1096
01:07:23,542 --> 01:07:26,819
Courvoisier, yes.
That is the drink.

1097
01:07:26,878 --> 01:07:30,348
Yeah. This is a nice place
you got here.

1098
01:07:30,415 --> 01:07:32,793
It's no houseboat,
but it's nice.

1099
01:07:32,851 --> 01:07:35,855
Can we sell it? [Laughs]
just kiddin'.

1100
01:07:35,921 --> 01:07:39,164
My God, this is a butt-load
of cash you got here.

1101
01:07:39,224 --> 01:07:43,673
- Is this ours?
- Well, it's ours now.

1102
01:07:43,729 --> 01:07:47,006
Well, that's nice, but you should
put that in a safer place,

1103
01:07:47,065 --> 01:07:49,011
like a bank or somethin'.

1104
01:07:49,067 --> 01:07:51,980
Stop talking.

1105
01:07:52,037 --> 01:07:54,313
- I want you to take me, wild man.
- Now?

1106
01:07:54,373 --> 01:07:57,377
Yes, now. My husband
won't be back for hours.

1107
01:07:57,442 --> 01:08:00,150
- Your husband.
- Yeah. It's no big deal.

1108
01:08:00,212 --> 01:08:03,056
You might have to kill him,
but I don't think it'll come to that.

1109
01:08:12,991 --> 01:08:17,030
You better be sure it's safe, because
I can guarantee if it was not safe...

1110
01:08:17,095 --> 01:08:19,701
I would never do something
of this nature.

1111
01:08:19,765 --> 01:08:23,178
Because over the years
I have learned to not <i>do...</i>

1112
01:08:23,235 --> 01:08:25,511
- unsafe things, you understand.
- [Sniffs]

1113
01:08:25,570 --> 01:08:27,675
- Because-
- Shut up and kiss me.

1114
01:08:30,108 --> 01:08:32,315
Okay, listen,
this is very nice, but-

1115
01:08:32,377 --> 01:08:34,653
Okay-
♪ Hey, macarena ♪♪

1116
01:08:34,713 --> 01:08:36,852
Listen,
this is not cool.

1117
01:08:36,915 --> 01:08:40,419
Why don't we talk first?
We never get to really- Whoa!

1118
01:08:40,485 --> 01:08:43,989
- We're never gonna catch this guy.
- Calm down, Barney.

1119
01:08:44,055 --> 01:08:47,434
You've gotta take that
defeatist attitude and subdue it.

1120
01:08:47,492 --> 01:08:49,972
Wrestle it to the ground.

1121
01:08:51,029 --> 01:08:55,375
<i>Pin its-its
well-oiled and...</i>

1122
01:08:55,434 --> 01:08:58,438
musky form down hard.

1123
01:08:58,503 --> 01:09:01,575
Let it feel your-your...

1124
01:09:01,640 --> 01:09:05,087
soft breath on-
on the back of its neck.

1125
01:09:05,143 --> 01:09:07,555
[Murmurings]

1126
01:09:08,980 --> 01:09:10,982
[Clears Throat]

1127
01:09:12,050 --> 01:09:14,929
I mean-
You know what <i>I'm...</i>

1128
01:09:14,986 --> 01:09:17,262
trying to get at.

1129
01:09:17,322 --> 01:09:19,859
- Oh, yeah. Oh, sure.
- You bet.

1130
01:09:19,925 --> 01:09:23,634
<i>- [Honey] Yes! Yes! Yes!
- [Leon] No, no. No.</i>

1131
01:09:23,695 --> 01:09:27,438
- Listen, I can't do it.
- What?

1132
01:09:27,499 --> 01:09:30,480
- I can't do it. It's not workin'.
- It looks fine.

1133
01:09:30,535 --> 01:09:32,674
Oh, no, that is workin'.
Yeah.

1134
01:09:32,737 --> 01:09:35,217
But I can't do it.
Somethin' is wrong.

1135
01:09:35,273 --> 01:09:37,184
You see, I--

1136
01:09:37,242 --> 01:09:41,384
I know I'm in control
of my personal world.

1137
01:09:41,446 --> 01:09:44,052
- [ <i>Murmurings]</i>
- <i>Nothing will ever violate my--</i>

1138
01:09:44,115 --> 01:09:46,061
<i>my personal space.</i>

1139
01:09:46,117 --> 01:09:49,564
That's for sure.
Whoops. Butterfingers.

1140
01:09:49,621 --> 01:09:51,567
[All Chuckle]

1141
01:09:51,623 --> 01:09:55,230
Let me just grab these keys,
and we'll be right inside.

1142
01:09:55,293 --> 01:09:57,603
Something is wrong.
I can't do this.

1143
01:09:57,662 --> 01:10:01,667
- You know, I think that I'm in love.
- What?

1144
01:10:01,733 --> 01:10:05,681
Yeah. When you sent that letter,
all I could think about was the money.

1145
01:10:05,737 --> 01:10:10,447
But then when we started to do it, all
I could think about was Julie's face.

1146
01:10:10,509 --> 01:10:14,457
I don't mean like thinkin' about some
hot chick when you're bonin' a skank.

1147
01:10:14,513 --> 01:10:17,585
- This was sensitive.
- [ Exasperated Sigh]

1148
01:10:17,649 --> 01:10:20,220
Gentlemen, please step into
the serenity...

1149
01:10:20,285 --> 01:10:23,391
of my beautiful foyer.

1150
01:10:23,455 --> 01:10:25,366
- All right.
- All right.

1151
01:10:25,423 --> 01:10:28,870
Listen- Listen, Honey,
I don't think this is a good idea.

1152
01:10:28,927 --> 01:10:31,407
- <i>I'm tell/'ogy0u--</i>
- <i>[Kissing] Remember ho w--</i>

1153
01:10:31,463 --> 01:10:34,103
<i>Yeah, I know--
Gettin' it together.</i>

1154
01:10:36,868 --> 01:10:40,941
[ Nervous Chuckle] Hi, sweetheart.
Have you met Leon Phelps?

1155
01:10:41,006 --> 01:10:44,112
- Yeah, what's happenin'?
- [ Murmuring, Wailing]

1156
01:10:44,175 --> 01:10:46,849
- <i>[Lance] Son of a bitch!</i>
- <i>Don't say</i> “ <i>son of a bitch."</i>

1157
01:10:46,912 --> 01:10:51,019
That's not nice.
What's wrong with you fellas?

1158
01:10:52,150 --> 01:10:54,596
- Oh, my God!
- [All Murmur]

1159
01:10:54,653 --> 01:10:58,226
- <i>[Man] My wife had that?</i>
- Yeah, she <i>did.</i>

1160
01:10:58,290 --> 01:11:01,703
- [ Groans]
- I can understand you bein' angry,

1161
01:11:01,760 --> 01:11:04,297
but you can't blame
the Wang.

1162
01:11:04,362 --> 01:11:07,138
- Well, he's got a point.
- I mean, that's a beauty.

1163
01:11:07,198 --> 01:11:09,303
Kill him!

1164
01:11:09,367 --> 01:11:11,438
- Yeah!
- Yeah! No!

1165
01:11:11,503 --> 01:11:14,313
Yeah, you heard what he said.
No!

1166
01:11:14,372 --> 01:11:17,148
I've waited longer for this
than anyone.

1167
01:11:17,208 --> 01:11:21,247
Gentlemen... he's mine.

1168
01:11:22,847 --> 01:11:25,453
- And he's dead.
- <i>Yeah!</i> Yeah!

1169
01:11:25,517 --> 01:11:27,963
<i>[ Scrap ]
♪ Don't drink so much whiskey, girl ♪</i>

1170
01:11:28,019 --> 01:11:32,559
<i>♪ It ain't no good for you
You know you're too pretty, girl ♪</i>

1171
01:11:32,624 --> 01:11:34,570
♪ You don't know
what whiskey can do to you ♪♪

1172
01:11:34,626 --> 01:11:37,732
Talk to her, Lord.
Please talk to her.

1173
01:11:37,796 --> 01:11:40,072
I told you
we were a lot alike.

1174
01:11:43,134 --> 01:11:46,672
It's all right, baby.
Men are pigs.

1175
01:11:46,738 --> 01:11:51,278
The only way to deal with them
is booze.

1176
01:11:51,343 --> 01:11:55,189
Booze... and penicillin.

1177
01:11:56,715 --> 01:12:00,356
I swear, I never thought
I could be taken in again...

1178
01:12:00,418 --> 01:12:03,194
<i>by another insincere man.</i>

1179
01:12:04,856 --> 01:12:09,032
Easy. Easy, girl. That's one
rambunctious guzzle you got there.

1180
01:12:09,094 --> 01:12:14,134
I drank that one
for Leon's one true love.

1181
01:12:15,634 --> 01:12:17,739
Rot in hell,
Honey DeLune.

1182
01:12:17,802 --> 01:12:19,975
In hell!

1183
01:12:20,038 --> 01:12:22,484
Did you say that woman's name
was Honey DeLune?

1184
01:12:22,540 --> 01:12:24,781
That's what she said.

1185
01:12:24,843 --> 01:12:27,949
If that's her name,
Leon is in a whole lot of trouble.

1186
01:12:28,013 --> 01:12:29,515
Why is that?

1187
01:12:29,581 --> 01:12:32,528
That's the wife of the dude
who wants to kill Leon.

1188
01:12:34,119 --> 01:12:36,895
- Somebody wants to kill Leon?
- Mm-hmm.

1189
01:12:36,955 --> 01:12:39,231
<i>' M'! Leon?
- '(up</i>

1190
01:12:39,357 --> 01:12:41,894
<i>[Men Chanting]
Lance! Lance! Lance! Lance!</i>

1191
01:12:41,960 --> 01:12:44,566
<i>Lance! Lance!
Lance! Lance!</i>

1192
01:12:44,629 --> 01:12:47,200
<i>Lance! Lance!
Lance! Lance!</i>

1193
01:12:47,265 --> 01:12:49,802
Lance! Lance!
Lance! Lance!

1194
01:12:49,868 --> 01:12:53,680
- Lance! Lance! Lance! Lance!
- I am going to wrestle you.

1195
01:12:53,738 --> 01:12:55,684
You really don't
have to do this.

1196
01:12:55,740 --> 01:12:59,415
I was just saying to your wife Honey
that I'm a changed man.

1197
01:12:59,477 --> 01:13:04,392
And if I can have the self-control
to not bone a lady as fine as she is-

1198
01:13:04,449 --> 01:13:08,727
She can do that amazing thing
with her tongue--

1199
01:13:08,787 --> 01:13:10,926
that should be reason enough
to let me go.

1200
01:13:10,989 --> 01:13:13,492
[All Groaning]

1201
01:13:13,558 --> 01:13:16,903
[Chanting]
Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!

1202
01:13:16,961 --> 01:13:20,738
Oh, yes.
I'm going to enjoy this.

1203
01:13:20,799 --> 01:13:23,405
- <i>[Chanting Dies Down]</i>
- Oil?

1204
01:13:23,468 --> 01:13:27,416
- No, that's all right.
- Oh.

1205
01:13:27,472 --> 01:13:32,581
Well, I- I'm still
going to enjoy this.

1206
01:13:32,644 --> 01:13:36,592
But definitely not as much.
And that makes me angry.

1207
01:13:36,648 --> 01:13:40,118
-I am a master of Greco-Roman wrestling.
-[All] <i>Yeah!</i>

1208
01:13:40,185 --> 01:13:42,495
I will crush you,

1209
01:13:42,554 --> 01:13:45,728
and you will learn
a new definition of pain!

1210
01:13:45,790 --> 01:13:48,532
<i>- Totally! Yeah!
- All right!</i>

1211
01:13:48,593 --> 01:13:52,735
Sure you don't want a dab? It's
a lemon essence, and it is delightful.

1212
01:13:52,797 --> 01:13:55,209
- <i>Mm.</i>
- <i>[Honey]Ah--</i>

1213
01:13:55,266 --> 01:13:59,237
You'd better take the oil, Leon.
It's pretty rough without the oil.

1214
01:13:59,304 --> 01:14:03,047
- No, that's all right. I’m good.
- Okay. Suit yourself.

1215
01:14:03,108 --> 01:14:07,557
<i>And Lance, dear,
can you kick ass quietly?</i>

1216
01:14:07,612 --> 01:14:10,320
10-4, apricot.

1217
01:14:10,381 --> 01:14:14,557
<i>Now, Leon Phelps,
prepare to meet your doom.</i>

1218
01:14:14,619 --> 01:14:16,394
- Yeah!
- Yeah!

1219
01:14:16,454 --> 01:14:18,900
Cry havoc,
and set free the dogs of war!

1220
01:14:18,957 --> 01:14:20,300
- Yeah!
- Yeah!

1221
01:14:20,358 --> 01:14:22,895
Vengeance is mine!
Aa-aah!

1222
01:14:22,961 --> 01:14:26,135
[All Groaning]
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

1223
01:14:26,197 --> 01:14:28,074
Ooh!

1224
01:14:28,133 --> 01:14:30,443
- [Whimpers]
- [All 1 O-O-Ohh!

1225
01:14:32,704 --> 01:14:36,516
- Ow! You punched me.
- Yeah.

1226
01:14:36,574 --> 01:14:39,186
That is not wrestling!
Hello!

1227
01:14:39,210 --> 01:14:39,244
That is not wrestling!
Hello!

1228
01:14:41,813 --> 01:14:44,657
- [Grunts]
- [Weeping]

1229
01:14:44,716 --> 01:14:47,322
Boss, you want us
to let him go now, or-

1230
01:14:47,385 --> 01:14:51,629
- He's got a gun!
- What, are you crazy, round boy?

1231
01:14:51,689 --> 01:14:55,728
<i>No, we don't let him go!
Get back in there!</i>

1232
01:14:56,895 --> 01:14:59,136
This guys ruined my life!

1233
01:15:02,500 --> 01:15:04,502
Get me the bolt cutters.

1234
01:15:04,569 --> 01:15:07,379
- <i>This man has stolen our manhood</i>
- <i>Cuckoo!</i>

1235
01:15:07,438 --> 01:15:11,045
<i>It's time to take it back.</i>

1236
01:15:11,109 --> 01:15:15,114
- Cut his balls off!
- Wait a second!

1237
01:15:15,180 --> 01:15:17,922
- Aarrgh!
- Before you do what you're about to do,

1238
01:15:17,982 --> 01:15:20,223
there's something
I want to say, all right?

1239
01:15:20,285 --> 01:15:23,858
<i>Now listen. All you men
here with wives or girlfriends...</i>

1240
01:15:23,922 --> 01:15:26,334
or sisters or mothers,

1241
01:15:26,391 --> 01:15:29,065
yes, I did sex them up
a little bit.

1242
01:15:29,127 --> 01:15:32,597
- Kill him!
- There's something else I wanna say.

1243
01:15:32,664 --> 01:15:34,735
In most cases,
it was really good.

1244
01:15:34,799 --> 01:15:37,143
- [All ] Kill!
- No, hold on!

1245
01:15:37,202 --> 01:15:40,149
I didn't force myself
onto your women.

1246
01:15:40,205 --> 01:15:44,347
I simply gave them somethin'
that you all wasn't givin' them.

1247
01:15:44,409 --> 01:15:46,719
<i>- Like Frank. You, for instance.
- Yeah?</i>

1248
01:15:46,778 --> 01:15:50,692
- Your wife, she loves you, man.
- She does?

1249
01:15:50,748 --> 01:15:53,752
Yes. She always used to call your name
when I was rockin' on top of her.

1250
01:15:53,818 --> 01:15:57,425
- She did?
- Yeah. And Hal.

1251
01:15:57,488 --> 01:16:00,435
- Me?
- Hal, Hal, Hal.

1252
01:16:00,491 --> 01:16:05,736
All your old lady ever wanted was you
to spend time gettin' her in the mood.

1253
01:16:05,797 --> 01:16:08,744
- Really?
- Yeah. And you never did, did you?

1254
01:16:10,235 --> 01:16:12,181
- Say it loud.
- No.

1255
01:16:12,237 --> 01:16:14,239
<i>You see?</i>

1256
01:16:14,305 --> 01:16:18,549
And Lance.
Well, Lance, you're clearly gay.

1257
01:16:18,610 --> 01:16:22,524
There's nothing really else to say
about that. I think you all know that.

1258
01:16:22,580 --> 01:16:28,496
That's cool. But you were tryin' to
oil me up, and that's not really cool.

1259
01:16:28,553 --> 01:16:31,329
<i>You all need to listen
to your ladies.</i>

1260
01:16:31,389 --> 01:16:34,927
You need to say to her, “Baby,
what is it that you want?“

1261
01:16:34,993 --> 01:16:37,940
Or, “Do you want
to do it in the butt?

1262
01:16:37,996 --> 01:16:43,207
No? Well, let's move onto somethin'
else.“ You just need to listen.

1263
01:16:43,268 --> 01:16:48,081
<i>I know that now, because I,
too, have a woman that I love.</i>

1264
01:16:48,139 --> 01:16:52,144
<i>Her name is Julie,
and I never listened to her.</i>

1265
01:16:52,210 --> 01:16:56,317
<i>I was too busy trying to be
" Leon Phelps, The Ladies Man, "</i>

1266
01:16:56,381 --> 01:16:59,794
instead of Leon Phelps,
the man.

1267
01:17:01,552 --> 01:17:05,591
- Leon--
-just a second,Julie, I gob-Julie!

1268
01:17:05,657 --> 01:17:08,069
That was beautiful.

1269
01:17:08,126 --> 01:17:10,402
You're not getting off
the hook this time.

1270
01:17:10,461 --> 01:17:13,442
- <i>No, Lance, no!</i>
- <i>[Barney] Lance, Lance.</i>

1271
01:17:13,498 --> 01:17:16,445
Nuts!
Al's right.

1272
01:17:16,501 --> 01:17:20,108
- <i>Hey, hey!</i> Watch <i>it!</i>
- <i>He's not the prob/em.</i>

1273
01:17:20,171 --> 01:17:22,845
l-I'm the problem.

1274
01:17:22,907 --> 01:17:25,911
Look what it's done to us.

1275
01:17:25,977 --> 01:17:28,355
- It's turned us crazy!
- [All ] Whoa! Whoa!

1276
01:17:31,549 --> 01:17:34,587
I'm sorry, Lance.
I'm going home.

1277
01:17:37,655 --> 01:17:39,828
<i>[ Gun Thuds]</i>

1278
01:17:47,065 --> 01:17:49,705
No-o-o!

1279
01:17:53,871 --> 01:17:55,851
No!

1280
01:17:55,907 --> 01:17:58,717
[All ]
Lance!

1281
01:17:58,776 --> 01:18:01,279
<i>Lance!</i>

1282
01:18:01,346 --> 01:18:03,155
Lance!

1283
01:18:04,782 --> 01:18:07,956
- I'm sorry. That was way too dramatic.
- <i>[Relieved</i> Laughter]

1284
01:18:08,019 --> 01:18:11,626
I'm actually with these guys.
You're all right in my book.

1285
01:18:11,689 --> 01:18:15,159
- See you later.
- Take care.

1286
01:18:22,900 --> 01:18:25,346
<i>♪♪ [ Chorus Vocalizing]</i>

1287
01:18:32,810 --> 01:18:34,812
<i>[ Lester]
Well, there goes Leon Phelps.</i>

1288
01:18:34,879 --> 01:18:39,885
His days as the fastest and loosest Wang
in town may be over,

1289
01:18:39,951 --> 01:18:42,898
but it's not the end
of his story by along shot.

1290
01:18:42,954 --> 01:18:46,766
In fact, he got--

1291
01:18:46,824 --> 01:18:49,031
- Hi.
- Hi.

1292
01:18:49,093 --> 01:18:53,735
- [ Laughs] Let's go.
- Yes. Let's.

1293
01:18:53,798 --> 01:18:56,574
<i>[ Lester Narrating]
In fact, Leon got his show back.</i>

1294
01:18:56,634 --> 01:19:01,583
<i>His popularity grew and grew until he
was one of the biggest deejays in town.</i>

1295
01:19:01,639 --> 01:19:06,452
<i>His face appeared on the nation's
most popular brand of hog balls.</i>

1296
01:19:06,511 --> 01:19:11,085
Ladies Man <i>became America's
number-one radio talk show.</i>

1297
01:19:11,149 --> 01:19:15,097
<i>Your husband is a little insecure
because he's retirin', that's all.</i>

1298
01:19:15,153 --> 01:19:17,963
Don't worry. It's a passing thing.
Okay, Hillary?

1299
01:19:18,022 --> 01:19:21,401
Now, I will see you and Bill
this weekend. Okay? Bye-bye.

1300
01:19:21,459 --> 01:19:25,839
<i>You're listening to The</i> Ladies <i>Man,
the coast-to-coast love line...</i>

1301
01:19:25,897 --> 01:19:29,174
<i>with all the right responses
to your romantic queries.</i>

1302
01:19:29,233 --> 01:19:31,076
And I think we got time
for one more call.

1303
01:19:32,136 --> 01:19:35,208
- [Woman] Hello? Ladies Man?
- Hey, it's a lady.

1304
01:19:35,273 --> 01:19:38,277
<i>How do you know when you're really,
truly in love?</i>

1305
01:19:38,342 --> 01:19:40,913
<i>That's a good question.</i>

1306
01:19:40,978 --> 01:19:44,926
<i>I can tell you how I felt
when I knew I was truly in love.</i>

1307
01:19:44,982 --> 01:19:47,087
It happened when
I met someone...

1308
01:19:47,151 --> 01:19:50,462
<i>that made everything
that I enjoy in life...</i>

1309
01:19:50,521 --> 01:19:53,297
<i>a little bit
more special.</i>

1310
01:19:53,357 --> 01:19:55,394
Plus, I felt it
in my pants.

1311
01:19:56,894 --> 01:19:59,170
<i>Well. that is
all the time we have.</i>

1312
01:20:00,631 --> 01:20:04,443
Until next time,
this has been The Lad/es Man.

1313
01:20:05,636 --> 01:20:08,776
<i>♪ Get up on the downstroke ♪</i>

1314
01:20:08,840 --> 01:20:10,684
<i>♪ Everybody get UP a'</i>

1315
01:20:10,708 --> 01:20:10,776
<i>♪ Everybody get UP a'</i>

1316
01:20:10,842 --> 01:20:13,789
<i>♪ Get up on the downstroke ♪</i>

1317
01:20:13,845 --> 01:20:16,018
<i>♪ Everybody get up i}</i>

1318
01:20:21,052 --> 01:20:23,293
<i>♪ Yeah, yeah ♪</i>

1319
01:20:25,056 --> 01:20:28,367
<i>♪ 0-0-Oh, baby ♪</i>

1320
01:20:29,594 --> 01:20:34,134
<i>♪ Oh, ♪</i>

1321
01:20:34,198 --> 01:20:36,178
<i>I Baby' d'</i>

1322
01:20:38,436 --> 01:20:42,213
<i>♪ Sexy situation ♪</i>

1323
01:20:42,273 --> 01:20:46,278
<i>♪ Givin' you old-school love ♪</i>

1324
01:20:47,345 --> 01:20:49,382
<i>♪ Ooh, yeah ♪</i>

1325
01:20:49,447 --> 01:20:52,621
<i>Anything you can think of</i>

1326
01:20:52,683 --> 01:20:54,890
<i>'P Yeah, Oh -.---~...--~</i>

1327
01:21:14,472 --> 01:21:18,420
All right

1328
01:21:27,885 --> 01:21:29,922
<i>♪ Yeah, yeah ♪</i>

1329
01:21:29,987 --> 01:21:31,933
<i>,1' Yeah ,1'</i>

1330
01:21:57,915 --> 01:22:00,691
<i>♪ Yeah, baby ♪</i>

1331
01:22:00,751 --> 01:22:02,697
<i>J Oh',</i>

1332
01:22:07,858 --> 01:22:10,998
<i>♪ Yeah, baby ♪</i>

1333
01:22:17,201 --> 01:22:20,410
<i>Oo-oo-ooh</i>

1334
01:22:23,708 --> 01:22:27,246
<i>♪ Right in front of me ♪</i>

1335
01:22:27,311 --> 01:22:33,694
<i>♪ Right before my eyes ♪</i>

1336
01:22:33,751 --> 01:22:36,357
<i>,1' All this time ,1'</i>

1337
01:22:36,420 --> 01:22:39,924
<i>♪ Like the stormy sea ♪</i>

1338
01:22:39,991 --> 01:22:46,237
<i>♪ Reaching for the sky ♪</i>

1339
01:22:46,297 --> 01:22:50,473
<i>,1' All this time ,1'</i>

1340
01:22:50,534 --> 01:22:53,208
<i>,1' After all this time ,1'</i>

1341
01:22:53,271 --> 01:22:56,912
<i>♪ I looked into your eyes ♪</i>

1342
01:22:56,974 --> 01:23:01,150
<i>♪ And I fell
so in love with you ♪</i>

1343
01:23:01,212 --> 01:23:05,558
<i>- ♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
- ♪ You know it took some time to see ♪</i>

1344
01:23:05,616 --> 01:23:07,618
<i>♪ That you were meant for me ♪</i>

1345
01:23:07,685 --> 01:23:11,690
- <i>.1' Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh ♪
-</i> 'P / <i>was made for you...»</i>

1346
01:23:11,756 --> 01:23:14,259
<i>,1' All this time ,1'</i>

1347
01:23:14,325 --> 01:23:17,863
<i>♪ Right in front of me ♪</i>

1348
01:23:17,928 --> 01:23:21,603
<i>♪ Right before my eyes ♪</i>

1349
01:23:21,666 --> 01:23:24,272
<i>♪ Hey, yeah ♪</i>

1350
01:23:24,335 --> 01:23:26,872
<i>,1' All this time ,1'</i>

1351
01:23:26,937 --> 01:23:30,544
<i>♪ Like the stormy sea ♪</i>

1352
01:23:30,608 --> 01:23:35,819
<i>♪ Reaching for the sky ♪</i>

1353
01:23:36,881 --> 01:23:41,626
<i>,1' All this time ,1'</i>

1354
01:23:46,257 --> 01:23:49,932
<i>♪ Right before my eyes ♪</i>

1355
01:23:49,994 --> 01:23:52,600
<i>♪ Hey, yeah ♪</i>

1356
01:23:52,663 --> 01:23:55,337
<i>,1' All this time ,1'</i>

1357
01:23:55,399 --> 01:23:58,972
<i>♪ Like the stormy sea ♪</i>

1358
01:23:59,036 --> 01:24:05,248
<i>♪ Reaching for the sky ♪</i>

1359
01:24:05,309 --> 01:24:09,621
<i>I' thiS time f.”</i>


