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Tonight is the Dundies,

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00:00:35,910 --> 00:00:38,746
the annual employee awards
night here at Dunder Mifflin.

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00:00:38,829 --> 00:00:42,040
And this is
everybody's favorite day.

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00:00:42,625 --> 00:00:44,293
Everybody
looks forward to it,

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00:00:44,377 --> 00:00:46,462
because, you know,
a lot of the people here

6
00:00:46,546 --> 00:00:50,466
don't get trophies very
often, like Meredith or Kevin.

7
00:00:50,550 --> 00:00:53,052
I mean, who's gonna give
Kevin an award? Dunkin' Donuts?

8
00:00:53,135 --> 00:00:55,846
Plus, bonus,
it's really, really funny.

9
00:00:55,930 --> 00:00:58,515
Sol... You know,
an employee will go home

10
00:00:58,599 --> 00:01:00,934
and he'll tell his neighbor,
"Hey, did you get an award?"

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And the neighbor will say,
“No, man. I mean, I slave all day.

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"Nobody notices me."

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The next thing you know, the
employee smells something terrible

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coming from
the neighbor's house.

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The neighbor's hanged himself
due to lack of recognition.

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So, you ready
for the Dundies?

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You know what
they say about a car wreck,

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where it's so awful
you can't look away?

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The Dundies are like a car
wreck that you wanna look away,

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but you have to stare at it
because your boss is making you.

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Hey, hey, hey!
It's Fat Halpert.

22
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What?
Fat Halpert. Jim Halpert.

23
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So, why don't I take you on a
tour of past Dundie winners?

24
00:01:49,525 --> 00:01:52,277
We got Fat Jim Halpert here.

25
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Jim, why don't you show off
your Dundies to the camera?

26
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Oh, I can't,
because I keep them hidden.

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I don't wanna look at them
and get cocky.

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Oh, that's a good idea.

29
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And mine are at home in a
display case above my bed.

30
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Yuck!

31
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TMI. TMI, my friends.

32
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TMI? Too Much Information.

33
00:02:09,837 --> 00:02:11,255
It's just easier to say TMI.

34
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I used to say, "Don't go
there," but that's lame.

35
00:02:13,633 --> 00:02:15,926
And here we have
Stanley the Manly.

36
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Now, Stanley is a Dundie
All-Star. Aren't you, Stan?

37
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Why don't you show them
some of your bling?

38
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I don't know where they are.
I think I threw them out.

39
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No, you didn't.
I think I did.

40
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Why did...

41
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Say, we gotta order some more
appeteasers this time.

42
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We ran out last year,
remember?

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Yes, we should.
You know what?

44
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I wanted one of those
skillets of cheese,

45
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but when I got off-stage
someone had eaten all of them.

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To Oscar Martinez, it's the
Show Me The Money Award.

47
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Michael has taped
every Dundies Awards,

48
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and now he's making me
look through

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hours of footage
to find highlights.

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...song that I think we're gonna
play for the ladies. Hit it, Dwight.

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A little bit of Pam
all night long

52
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A little bit of Angela
on the thing

53
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A little bit of Meredith
everywhere

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This is the part where Kevin sat
in front of the camcorder all night.

55
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It's great.

56
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A little bit of Roy
eating chicken crispers

57
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A little bit of Kim
with some ribs

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A little bit of

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It was you.
Live and learn.

60
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It wasn't, I swear.
Yeah, it was.

61
00:03:26,205 --> 00:03:28,874
So, what's the joke?
You're not perfect, either.

62
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We're not laughing
at you, Dwight.

63
00:03:31,252 --> 00:03:32,753
So, who are we
laughing at?

64
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Just something
somebody wrote.

65
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Who, Dave Barry?
No, no.

66
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Just something that was
written on the ladies' room wall.

67
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What is it? Who wrote it?
It's kind of private.

68
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It's about Michael.

69
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That is defacement of company
property, so you better tell me.

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00:03:50,396 --> 00:03:52,940
Kelly, if you tell me,
you'll be punished less.

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Okay,
now I'm laughing at you.

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Will Her Highness
Jan Levinson-Gould

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00:04:01,157 --> 00:04:04,493
be descending from her
corporate throne this evening

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to visit us lowly serfs here
at Dunder Mifflin, Scranton?

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00:04:08,372 --> 00:04:11,625
It's a two-and-a-half-hour
drive from New York, Michael.

76
00:04:11,709 --> 00:04:14,545
Well, you could take the bus,
you could work on the way here,

77
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sleep on the way home?

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No.

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Come on, Jan,
this is important.

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I mean, this is validation
to my employees here

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that you and corporate
approve of this. So...

82
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But we don't approve
of this, Michael.

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You only have the budget
for one office party a year,

84
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so we're not
paying for this.

85
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Um...

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Could you...
Are you there?

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Yeah, I'm here. I just wanted to
talk to you for a second about that.

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What... What is...
I mean, come on, Jan.

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What, it's a... You're dropping
an A-bomb on me here.

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Really? I'm dropping
an atomic bomb on you?

91
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Well, yeah! I mean what is...
What... No, you can't...

92
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You already had a party
on May 5th for no reason.

93
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No reason? It was the 05-05-05
party. And you also had a luau.

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It happens once every billion
years. And you had a luau.

95
00:05:02,802 --> 00:05:06,096
And the Tsunami Relief fundraiser,
which somehow lost a lot of money.

96
00:05:06,180 --> 00:05:08,348
Okay, no, that was a fun-raiser.
I don't really understand that.

97
00:05:08,432 --> 00:05:11,143
I think I made that very clear in the
flyers. Okay, well, I don't understand

98
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why anyone would have...
Fun. F-U-N.

99
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...a Tsunami fun-raiser,
Michael.

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Well, I think a lot of people... I
mean, that just doesn't make sense.

101
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...were very affected
by the footage.

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This is a little character
I like to do.

103
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It is loosely based
on Karnak,

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one of Carson's
classic characters.

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Here we go.

106
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The PLO, the IRA, and the hot
dog stand behind the warehouse.

107
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Name three businesses that have better
healthcare plans than Dunder Mifflin.

108
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Here's the problem.

109
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There's no open bar
because of Jan.

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And it's the reason why comedy
clubs have a two-drink minimum.

111
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We'll be fine, but I just wish
people were gonna be drunk.

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Dwight, get
out of here! No, no, no...

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What are you doing in the ladies'
room? It's not what you think. No!

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Why were you in there?
What were you doing in there?

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You are a pervert!
I am not.

116
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The Dundie Award
for Longest Engagement

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goes to Pam Beesly.

118
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Pam, everybody!

119
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When is that girl gonna get
married? That's what I have to say.

120
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Ah, Roy's accepting.
Yes.

121
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<i>. Thank you, Roy. Are there any
words you'd like to say on Pam's behalf?</i>

122
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We'll see you next
year. - Yeah!

123
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Hope not. Hope not.

124
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I'm not changing that.
That's the best one.

125
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No, it's hilarious.
You're right.

126
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I just think,
"World's Longest Engagement,”

127
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we're all expecting it,
you know?

128
00:06:56,040 --> 00:06:57,458
That's why it's funny.

129
00:06:57,541 --> 00:07:01,253
Every year that Roy and Pam
don't get married, it gets funnier.

130
00:07:01,545 --> 00:07:05,048
Well, I'd think if you use the same
jokes, it just comes across as lazy.

131
00:07:06,508 --> 00:07:08,343
Oh, "lazy."

132
00:07:08,761 --> 00:07:09,970
Uh-huh.

133
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Excuse me, everyone. Can I
have your attention, please?

134
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I just wanted to say that the
women in this office are terrible.

135
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Especially the ones who
wrote that stuff about Michael

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on the bathroom wall.

137
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Having a bathroom
is a privilege.

138
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It is called a ladies'
room for a reason,

139
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and if you cannot
behave like ladies,

140
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well, then you are not going
to have a bathroom.

141
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You're taking away
our bathroom?

142
00:07:34,662 --> 00:07:37,247
We are going to have
two men's rooms.

143
00:07:37,331 --> 00:07:39,207
But where would we go?

144
00:07:39,291 --> 00:07:42,002
Be prepared to hold it,
folks. From 9:00 a.m...

145
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- Okay, okay, look...
- Michael?

146
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Yes? Dwight's banning
us from our bathroom.

147
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Okay, well, that's ridiculous. So, just
don't... I don't have time for this right now.

148
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There needs to be repercussions
for people's behavior.

149
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Just don't talk,
don't talk...

150
00:07:55,057 --> 00:07:57,726
Okay, look, I know there have
been a lot of rumors flying around

151
00:07:57,810 --> 00:07:59,228
about the Dundies this year.

152
00:07:59,311 --> 00:08:02,605
How there is no money,
and how there is no food,

153
00:08:02,731 --> 00:08:05,108
and how the jokes
are really bad.

154
00:08:05,567 --> 00:08:07,860
But, what the hell,
everybody?

155
00:08:08,445 --> 00:08:10,196
I mean, God!

156
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The Dundies are about
the best in every one of us.

157
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Can't you see that? I mean...

158
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Okay, we can do better.

159
00:08:22,042 --> 00:08:24,627
So tonight,
for the first time,

160
00:08:24,712 --> 00:08:28,424
we are inviting
all of your friends and family

161
00:08:28,632 --> 00:08:31,009
to attend the awards with us.

162
00:08:31,093 --> 00:08:32,886
Yes! MICHAEL:
Yeah. Not bad, right?

163
00:08:33,095 --> 00:08:35,222
So let's make this
the best Dundies ever.

164
00:08:36,974 --> 00:08:38,183
Best Dundies ever.

165
00:08:46,650 --> 00:08:48,943
Welcome to the Eighth
Annual Dundies Awards.

166
00:08:49,028 --> 00:08:51,155
Before we get
started, a few announcements.

167
00:08:51,238 --> 00:08:53,490
Keep your acceptance
speeches short.

168
00:08:53,574 --> 00:08:57,995
I have wrap-it-up music and I
am not afraid to use it, Devon.

169
00:09:08,338 --> 00:09:10,798
The Dundies,
how can I explain it?

170
00:09:10,883 --> 00:09:12,259
Or would you like
to hate it?

171
00:09:12,342 --> 00:09:13,593
I'm happy that you
all made it

172
00:09:13,677 --> 00:09:14,886
You never had
to work so hard

173
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And feel no one notices

174
00:09:16,180 --> 00:09:17,222
You're just a name
and number

175
00:09:17,306 --> 00:09:18,432
And no one even says hello

176
00:09:18,515 --> 00:09:19,682
Card!

177
00:09:21,018 --> 00:09:22,477
The Dundies are kind of like

178
00:09:22,561 --> 00:09:24,145
a kid's birthday party.

179
00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:28,317
And you go, and there's really
nothing for you to do there,

180
00:09:28,734 --> 00:09:30,861
but the kid's having a
really good time, SO you...

181
00:09:31,236 --> 00:09:32,570
You're kind of there.

182
00:09:32,905 --> 00:09:34,656
That's... That's kind of
what it's like.

183
00:09:34,740 --> 00:09:36,408
You down with the Dundies?

184
00:09:37,117 --> 00:09:38,868
You down with the Dundie...

185
00:09:39,578 --> 00:09:41,037
The waitress tripped
on the cord.

186
00:09:41,121 --> 00:09:43,289
All right, all right.
Joke landed.

187
00:09:43,373 --> 00:09:45,792
So, we are here.
Thank you all for coming

188
00:09:45,876 --> 00:09:49,170
to the 2005 Dundie Awards.

189
00:09:49,546 --> 00:09:52,340
I am your host,
Michael Scott,

190
00:09:52,424 --> 00:09:54,384
and I just wanna tell you,

191
00:09:54,468 --> 00:09:57,220
please, please,
do not drink and drive.

192
00:09:57,346 --> 00:10:00,307
Because you may hit a bump
and spill the drink.

193
00:10:01,850 --> 00:10:03,768
I'll just put these
on the group tab.

194
00:10:03,852 --> 00:10:06,688
No, actually,
this year no group tab.

195
00:10:06,772 --> 00:10:09,191
We're gonna be doing
separate checks. - What?

196
00:10:09,274 --> 00:10:11,317
Oh, great.
Is he serious?

197
00:10:11,401 --> 00:10:13,361
You said we could
bring our families.

198
00:10:13,445 --> 00:10:16,948
I did, and why
didn't you, Stanley?

199
00:10:17,074 --> 00:10:19,409
I did.
My wife's name is Teri.

200
00:10:19,493 --> 00:10:21,786
Well, I'm looking
forward to meeting Teri.

201
00:10:21,870 --> 00:10:24,289
It's this person whose
hand I'm holding, Michael.

202
00:10:26,208 --> 00:10:27,417
Oh, yeah.

203
00:10:27,501 --> 00:10:28,543
Shut it.

204
00:10:29,253 --> 00:10:31,672
Good.
Speaking of relationships,

205
00:10:31,755 --> 00:10:34,632
of all ways, shapes,
and forms,

206
00:10:35,217 --> 00:10:38,762
I was out on a very,
very hot date last night

207
00:10:38,846 --> 00:10:40,639
with a girl from HR, Dwight.

208
00:10:40,722 --> 00:10:42,390
Really? We don't have
any girls from HR.

209
00:10:42,474 --> 00:10:43,808
No, that...

210
00:10:44,560 --> 00:10:46,270
For the sake of this story.

211
00:10:46,353 --> 00:10:48,313
And things were getting hot
and heavy. - Yeah?

212
00:10:48,397 --> 00:10:51,233
And I was about to
take her bra off... Yeah?

213
00:10:51,316 --> 00:10:54,068
...when she had me fill out
six hours' worth of paperwork.

214
00:10:54,153 --> 00:10:55,529
Like an AIDS test?

215
00:10:56,113 --> 00:10:58,281
No. God.

216
00:11:00,075 --> 00:11:04,037
All right. So, let's get this party
started! Hey, let's go to Poor Richard's.

217
00:11:04,413 --> 00:11:06,373
Yeah,
let's get out of here.

218
00:11:09,084 --> 00:11:10,460
Guys, where you going?

219
00:11:10,544 --> 00:11:13,964
Pam, the show's just
getting started. Sorry.

220
00:11:17,342 --> 00:11:19,719
And now, to someone
who goes... Are you staying?

221
00:11:19,803 --> 00:11:22,180
- Yeah. Gotta eat somewhere.
- ...quietly about their job,

222
00:11:22,264 --> 00:11:23,723
but always seems to land
the biggest accounts.

223
00:11:23,807 --> 00:11:27,685
The Busiest Beaver Award
goes to Phyllis Lapin!

224
00:11:27,769 --> 00:11:29,187
Yeah!

225
00:11:29,521 --> 00:11:32,857
Way to go, Phyllis.
Nice work, per usual.

226
00:11:32,941 --> 00:11:35,401
This says, "Bushiest Beaver."
What?

227
00:11:36,028 --> 00:11:38,739
I told them "Busiest."
Idiots. It's fine.

228
00:11:38,864 --> 00:11:41,741
Well, we can fix it. We'll fix it
up. You don't have to display that.

229
00:11:41,825 --> 00:11:44,536
Because that's what happens every
time... He's a jackass. Every year.

230
00:11:44,620 --> 00:11:46,038
No. Come on, I'm
going to Poor Richard's.

231
00:11:46,121 --> 00:11:48,331
No, I don't wanna go.
I don't want to. Pam.

232
00:11:48,415 --> 00:11:51,042
If you would have asked
me that, then you would know.

233
00:11:51,376 --> 00:11:53,461
Hello, everybody.

234
00:11:54,087 --> 00:11:56,005
You know,
Michael called... Hey.

235
00:11:56,340 --> 00:12:00,052
How are you?? I thought you had
left. No, I just... I decided to stay.

236
00:12:00,135 --> 00:12:02,303
I'll just get a ride
home from Angela. Oh.

237
00:12:02,679 --> 00:12:06,307
I'm going to call
Jan Levinson-Gould...

238
00:12:06,391 --> 00:12:08,684
Oh, good. I'm just in
time for Ping. Yeah.

239
00:12:08,769 --> 00:12:10,687
...of Dunder Mifflin,

240
00:12:10,938 --> 00:12:13,190
and me so horny. Right?

241
00:12:13,273 --> 00:12:14,899
You know
what I'm talking about.

242
00:12:14,983 --> 00:12:16,192
Can I get a drink?

243
00:12:20,530 --> 00:12:22,698
This next award
goes to somebody

244
00:12:22,783 --> 00:12:25,619
who really lights up
the office.

245
00:12:25,911 --> 00:12:28,121
Somebody who I think
a lot of us

246
00:12:28,205 --> 00:12:31,082
cannot keep from checking out.

247
00:12:31,291 --> 00:12:34,043
The Hottest
in the Office Award

248
00:12:34,127 --> 00:12:38,506
goes to Ryan, the temp!

249
00:12:38,715 --> 00:12:40,258
Yeah!

250
00:12:42,427 --> 00:12:45,304
You sexy thing
Sexy thing, you

251
00:12:45,389 --> 00:12:46,640
Here you go.

252
00:12:48,892 --> 00:12:50,935
Hanging and a humming
and a huh

253
00:12:51,019 --> 00:12:53,604
Come from baby?

254
00:12:53,689 --> 00:12:55,357
There
you go. There you go.

255
00:12:55,774 --> 00:12:57,942
What am I gonna do
with the award?

256
00:13:00,362 --> 00:13:03,656
Nothing. I don't know
what I'm gonna do.

257
00:13:04,741 --> 00:13:07,535
That's the least
of my concerns right now.

258
00:13:07,828 --> 00:13:12,328
And the Tight Ass Award
goes to Angela.

259
00:13:12,791 --> 00:13:15,960
Not only because she is
everybody's favorite stickler,

260
00:13:16,044 --> 00:13:19,255
but because
she has a great caboose.

261
00:13:20,674 --> 00:13:22,634
So, come on down.

262
00:13:22,718 --> 00:13:23,760
No.

263
00:13:31,643 --> 00:13:33,770
I think
those might be empty.

264
00:13:33,854 --> 00:13:37,607
No, no, 'cause the ice melts,
and then it's, like, second drink.

265
00:13:38,734 --> 00:13:40,277
Second drink?

266
00:13:40,986 --> 00:13:42,862
The Spicy Curry Award

267
00:13:42,946 --> 00:13:45,823
goes to our very own
Kelly Kapoor!

268
00:13:45,907 --> 00:13:47,658
Get on up here!

269
00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:49,369
There you go.

270
00:13:50,037 --> 00:13:51,580
"Spicy Curry."
What's that mean?

271
00:13:52,331 --> 00:13:54,124
Not everything means
something. It's just a joke.

272
00:13:54,207 --> 00:13:56,834
Yeah, but why'd you give it
to me? I don't know. I just...

273
00:13:56,918 --> 00:13:58,294
This is a bowler.
I know. It's...

274
00:13:58,378 --> 00:14:00,546
They didn't have any more
businessmen. Yeah, but everyone else...

275
00:14:00,630 --> 00:14:02,298
Just sit down, Kelly.

276
00:14:06,595 --> 00:14:08,138
It's so freaking hot
in there.

277
00:14:08,221 --> 00:14:09,639
Now I know what Bob Hope
was going through

278
00:14:09,723 --> 00:14:11,975
when he performed
in Saudi Arabia. Man!

279
00:14:12,309 --> 00:14:14,686
I got Dwight
sucking the funny out of the room.

280
00:14:14,770 --> 00:14:15,896
But, you know,
you do what you can do.

281
00:14:15,979 --> 00:14:17,188
Here we go.

282
00:14:17,272 --> 00:14:20,566
He's early with the cue.
I've gotta go.

283
00:14:20,984 --> 00:14:25,113
You have won a tiny Dundie

284
00:14:26,323 --> 00:14:29,242
Sing it, Elton!
Hey, thanks, guys.

285
00:14:29,576 --> 00:14:30,785
Hey, where you guys from?

286
00:14:30,869 --> 00:14:32,662
We just came
from your mama's house.

287
00:14:32,746 --> 00:14:33,788
Are you guys
gonna finish that?

288
00:14:33,872 --> 00:14:35,498
All right, yeah.

289
00:14:36,166 --> 00:14:37,542
Sing another song, dude.

290
00:14:37,834 --> 00:14:40,169
You know what, guys, we're
just having a little office party.

291
00:14:40,253 --> 00:14:41,837
So, if you wanna... Hey!

292
00:14:41,922 --> 00:14:43,798
You know,
cool it, guys, really.

293
00:14:44,007 --> 00:14:46,676
You suck, man. You suck.

294
00:14:52,474 --> 00:14:53,808
Let's cut it.

295
00:14:57,938 --> 00:15:00,690
I had a few more Dundies
to give out tonight,

296
00:15:01,525 --> 00:15:03,777
but I'm just gonna
cut it short

297
00:15:03,944 --> 00:15:07,405
and wrap it up, so everybody
can enjoy their food.

298
00:15:08,573 --> 00:15:11,075
Thanks for listening,
those of you who listened.

299
00:15:12,369 --> 00:15:14,079
This last Dundie
is for Kevin.

300
00:15:14,162 --> 00:15:16,497
This is the "Don't Go In
There After Me" Award.

301
00:15:16,581 --> 00:15:19,458
It's for the time that I went
to the bathroom after him

302
00:15:19,543 --> 00:15:21,670
and it was really,
really smelly.

303
00:15:26,174 --> 00:15:27,842
There you go.

304
00:15:33,640 --> 00:15:36,142
Yay, Kevin!

305
00:15:37,310 --> 00:15:40,688
For Kevin! For stinking
up the bathroom! Yeah.

306
00:15:40,772 --> 00:15:41,939
All right, Kev!

307
00:15:43,483 --> 00:15:45,443
Hey, I haven't
gotten one yet.

308
00:15:45,527 --> 00:15:47,654
Yeah. Yes, I
have not gotten one, either.

309
00:15:47,779 --> 00:15:49,822
So, keep going.
More Dundies!

310
00:15:49,906 --> 00:15:52,533
Dundies! Dundies! Dundies!
Dundies! Dundies! Dundies!

311
00:15:52,617 --> 00:15:55,202
Dundies! Dundies! Dundies!
Dundies! Dundies! Dundies!

312
00:15:55,287 --> 00:15:56,997
All right, all right,
all right, all right, okay.

313
00:15:57,080 --> 00:15:58,623
All right.
We'll keep them rolling.

314
00:15:58,707 --> 00:16:00,709
Okay,
this is the Fine Work Award.

315
00:16:00,792 --> 00:16:04,128
This goes to Stanley for all
the fine work he did this year.

316
00:16:04,212 --> 00:16:06,547
For the fine work. Fine work,
Stanley! - You know you did.

317
00:16:06,631 --> 00:16:07,965
Hear, hear!

318
00:16:08,425 --> 00:16:11,219
Speech! Speech!
Speech! Speech! Speech!

319
00:16:11,303 --> 00:16:14,472
Well, last year
I got Great Work,

320
00:16:16,850 --> 00:16:19,310
So I don't know what
to think about this award.

321
00:16:19,603 --> 00:16:23,982
But at least I didn't get Smelliest
Bowel Movement like Kevin.

322
00:16:27,444 --> 00:16:29,863
And this next award
is going out

323
00:16:29,946 --> 00:16:31,155
to our own little Pam Beesly.

324
00:16:31,239 --> 00:16:34,617
I think we all know what award
Pam is gonna be getting this year.

325
00:16:34,701 --> 00:16:38,162
It is the
Whitest Sneakers Award,

326
00:16:38,246 --> 00:16:41,040
because she always has
the whitest tennis shoes on.

327
00:16:42,417 --> 00:16:44,043
Get on down here!

328
00:16:44,586 --> 00:16:46,879
Pam Beesly,
ladies and gentlemen!

329
00:16:46,963 --> 00:16:48,673
Oh, here we go.

330
00:16:49,382 --> 00:16:53,052
I have so many people
to thank for this award.

331
00:16:54,721 --> 00:16:56,806
Okay, first off, my Keds,

332
00:16:56,890 --> 00:16:59,183
because I couldn't have
done it without them.

333
00:17:00,477 --> 00:17:01,728
Thank you.

334
00:17:01,978 --> 00:17:05,106
Let's give Michael a round of
applause for emceeing tonight,

335
00:17:05,190 --> 00:17:08,610
because this is a lot harder
than it looks.

336
00:17:08,944 --> 00:17:11,529
And also because
of Dwight, too.

337
00:17:13,031 --> 00:17:16,534
So, finally,
I want to thank God,

338
00:17:17,327 --> 00:17:20,079
because God gave me
this Dundie

339
00:17:20,914 --> 00:17:24,000
and I feel God
in this Chili's tonight.

340
00:17:27,254 --> 00:17:29,214
Pam Beesly,
ladies and gentlemen!

341
00:17:30,590 --> 00:17:32,258
Thank you.
Yeah!

342
00:17:43,687 --> 00:17:45,939
What a great year
for the Dundies.

343
00:17:46,022 --> 00:17:49,942
We got to see Ping and we learned
Michael's true feelings for Ryan,

344
00:17:50,026 --> 00:17:51,193
which was touching.

345
00:17:51,278 --> 00:17:55,573
And we heard Michael change the
lyrics to a number of classic songs,

346
00:17:55,949 --> 00:17:58,952
which, for me,
has ruined them for life.

347
00:18:01,079 --> 00:18:03,247
What?
Nothing.

348
00:18:03,873 --> 00:18:06,166
Okay.
What?

349
00:18:06,876 --> 00:18:08,335
I don't know. What?

350
00:18:09,504 --> 00:18:11,255
Oh, my God!

351
00:18:11,339 --> 00:18:13,924
You are so drunk.

352
00:18:14,009 --> 00:18:16,219
Did you get that? Please
tell me that you got...

353
00:18:16,303 --> 00:18:18,179
This is all going to be on...
This woman IS having a seizure.

354
00:18:18,263 --> 00:18:20,765
Grab her tongue! Grab her tongue!
It's okay, I'm a Sheriff's Deputy.

355
00:18:20,849 --> 00:18:23,059
Well, he's a volunteer.
Don't get into that now.

356
00:18:23,143 --> 00:18:24,853
We need
something to cushion her head.

357
00:18:24,936 --> 00:18:27,688
Throw pillow, a
cushion... Okay, I'm gonna use my shirt.

358
00:18:27,772 --> 00:18:29,273
- Get off of me.
- No!

359
00:18:29,899 --> 00:18:31,942
I'm sorry, sir, you're
gonna have to put your clothes on.

360
00:18:32,027 --> 00:18:33,028
People are trying to eat.
I can't.

361
00:18:33,111 --> 00:18:35,988
Was this year's Dundies a
success? Well, let me see.

362
00:18:36,072 --> 00:18:38,407
I made Pam laugh so hard
that she fell out of her chair

363
00:18:38,491 --> 00:18:40,075
and she almost
broke her neck.

364
00:18:40,243 --> 00:18:41,577
So I killed, almost.

365
00:18:43,455 --> 00:18:44,539
Oh, my God!

366
00:18:44,664 --> 00:18:48,876
I just want to say that this
was the best Dundies ever.

367
00:18:51,421 --> 00:18:52,463
Careful, careful, careful.

368
00:18:52,547 --> 00:18:55,132
We have a strict policy here
not to over-serve.

369
00:18:55,425 --> 00:18:59,137
Apparently, this young woman was sneaking
drinks off of other people's tables.

370
00:18:59,220 --> 00:19:00,721
I Xeroxed
her driver's license,

371
00:19:00,805 --> 00:19:04,683
and she is not welcome at
this restaurant chain ever again.

372
00:19:05,685 --> 00:19:07,228
Great work tonight.
Watch your step.

373
00:19:07,312 --> 00:19:09,022
Excellent.
Thanks.

374
00:19:09,105 --> 00:19:12,983
I had to check her pupils to make
sure there wasn't a concussion.

375
00:19:13,068 --> 00:19:16,571
Yes, that, too. But, I mean,
with the audio. Great work.

376
00:19:20,617 --> 00:19:23,328
I feel bad about what I wrote
on the bathroom wall.

377
00:19:24,162 --> 00:19:25,454
No, you don't.

378
00:19:27,415 --> 00:19:28,749
Oh, here she is.

379
00:19:31,169 --> 00:19:34,172
Careful, careful, whoa.
All right, easy.

380
00:19:34,506 --> 00:19:36,090
You're almost there.

381
00:19:36,466 --> 00:19:37,508
Hey,

382
00:19:39,094 --> 00:19:40,845
can I ask you a question?

383
00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:42,764
Shoot.

384
00:19:49,938 --> 00:19:51,773
I just wanted to say thanks.

385
00:19:53,149 --> 00:19:54,650
It's not really a question.

386
00:19:54,901 --> 00:19:57,028
Okay, let's get you home,
drunk.

387
00:20:01,658 --> 00:20:02,825
All right.

388
00:20:02,909 --> 00:20:04,410
Good night.
Have a good night.

389
00:20:04,494 --> 00:20:05,953
Thank you, Angela.