1 00:00:16,200 --> 00:00:17,740 It's that time. 2 00:00:18,740 --> 00:00:20,500 Christmas time is here. 3 00:00:21,660 --> 00:00:25,880 Everybody knows there's not a better time of year. 4 00:00:27,100 --> 00:00:28,480 It's that day. 5 00:00:29,800 --> 00:00:31,440 Santa's on his way. 6 00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:34,820 Took him for a Christmas vacation. 7 00:00:37,700 --> 00:00:40,640 Got a ton of stuff to celebrate. 8 00:00:44,030 --> 00:00:46,370 We're getting closer. I can't wait. 9 00:00:48,070 --> 00:00:53,030 Gonna make this holiday perfect as can be. 10 00:00:53,490 --> 00:00:56,530 Just waiting to see the Christmas vacation. 11 00:00:59,210 --> 00:01:01,090 This old house. 12 00:01:33,100 --> 00:01:36,100 We'll be right back. 13 00:03:34,730 --> 00:03:38,150 majesty of the winter landscape and select that most important of Christmas 14 00:03:38,150 --> 00:03:41,950 symbols. We're not driving all the way out here so you can get one of those 15 00:03:41,950 --> 00:03:44,910 stupid ties with the Santa Clauses on it, are we, Dad? 16 00:03:45,190 --> 00:03:46,590 No, I have one of those at home. 17 00:03:47,350 --> 00:03:50,750 What we're looking for today is the Griswold family Christmas tree. 18 00:03:55,270 --> 00:03:59,590 We wish you a Merry Christmas. We wish you a Merry Christmas. We wish you a 19 00:03:59,590 --> 00:04:00,590 Merry Christmas. 20 00:04:00,950 --> 00:04:01,950 What's the matter? 21 00:04:02,530 --> 00:04:03,790 Jackass is riding my tail. 22 00:04:07,050 --> 00:04:08,050 down and let them pass. 23 00:04:51,080 --> 00:04:52,080 leave him safely behind. 24 00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:53,360 Burn some dust here. 25 00:04:53,980 --> 00:04:55,000 Eat my rubber. 26 00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:59,860 Dad, I think what you mean is burn rubber and eat my dust. 27 00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:01,080 Whatever. 28 00:05:22,990 --> 00:05:25,390 displayed at the White House was? Dad, they're back. 29 00:05:30,470 --> 00:05:31,710 Mark, stop it! 30 00:05:32,070 --> 00:05:33,930 I don't want to spend the holidays dead. 31 00:05:34,530 --> 00:05:36,450 Honey, please, I'll do the driving, okay? 32 00:05:37,810 --> 00:05:40,570 Will you just take it easy, Ellen? I'm in complete control. 33 00:05:42,490 --> 00:05:43,670 Around this egg timer. 34 00:07:09,900 --> 00:07:12,660 They picked out that special tree and they cut it down with their bare hands. 35 00:07:12,700 --> 00:07:14,340 Mom, I can't feel my hip. 36 00:07:15,020 --> 00:07:16,020 Clark. Yes, honey? 37 00:07:16,280 --> 00:07:18,340 Audrey's frozen from the waist down. 38 00:07:18,640 --> 00:07:19,900 That's all part of the experience, honey. 39 00:07:22,640 --> 00:07:23,640 There it is. 40 00:07:42,890 --> 00:07:43,890 A family Christmas tree. 41 00:07:50,410 --> 00:07:51,470 Isn't it a little big? 42 00:07:52,210 --> 00:07:54,250 It's not big. It's just full. 43 00:07:55,130 --> 00:07:56,870 Dad, that thing wouldn't fit in our yard. 44 00:07:58,050 --> 00:07:59,350 Not going in our yard, Russ. 45 00:08:00,110 --> 00:08:01,270 It's going in our living room. 46 00:08:06,550 --> 00:08:08,630 Look at it. Really a beautiful clock. 47 00:08:09,710 --> 00:08:10,710 Something else, huh, Russ? 48 00:08:10,890 --> 00:08:11,890 Yeah, Dad. 49 00:08:12,140 --> 00:08:13,140 Isn't it beaut, Audrey? 50 00:08:13,420 --> 00:08:14,540 She'll see it later, honey. 51 00:08:15,140 --> 00:08:16,280 Her eyes are frozen. 52 00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:21,220 Most enduring traditions of the season are best enjoyed in the warm embrace of 53 00:08:21,220 --> 00:08:22,220 kiss and kin. 54 00:08:24,020 --> 00:08:27,060 This tree is a symbol of the spirit of the Griswold family Christmas. 55 00:08:29,020 --> 00:08:30,920 Dad, did you bring a saw? 56 00:09:14,699 --> 00:09:17,920 Looks like the toad overestimated the height of his living room ceiling. 57 00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:30,360 Hey, Griswold. 58 00:09:31,340 --> 00:09:33,200 Where do you think you're going to put a tree that big? 59 00:09:34,980 --> 00:09:36,080 Bend over and I'll show you. 60 00:09:37,740 --> 00:09:41,180 He's got a lot of nerve talking to me like that, Griswold. I wasn't talking to 61 00:09:41,180 --> 00:09:42,180 you. 62 00:09:58,120 --> 00:09:59,860 Do you think there's enough room for the angel? 63 00:10:00,900 --> 00:10:01,920 Oh, sure, honey. 64 00:10:02,680 --> 00:10:04,720 I have a little more trimming to do, but that won't be a problem. 65 00:10:05,080 --> 00:10:06,080 Ready? 66 00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:09,320 I give you the Griswold family Christmas tree. 67 00:10:13,060 --> 00:10:18,560 A lot of sap in here. 68 00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:23,800 Looks great. A little full. A lot of sap. 69 00:10:45,280 --> 00:10:46,940 Did I tell you I talked to my mother today? 70 00:10:47,380 --> 00:10:48,380 And? 71 00:10:48,660 --> 00:10:51,000 And they've decided they're coming for Christmas, too. 72 00:10:52,460 --> 00:10:55,140 You know, it's not too late to change our plans. No, no, no, that's great. 73 00:10:55,420 --> 00:11:00,640 I think you're forgetting how difficult it's going to be having everybody in the 74 00:11:00,640 --> 00:11:01,640 house at the same time. 75 00:11:02,380 --> 00:11:04,580 Honey, they're family. They're not strangers off the street. 76 00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:06,300 All they do is argue. 77 00:11:07,940 --> 00:11:11,200 Christmas is about resolving differences and seeing through the petty problems 78 00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:12,139 of family life. 79 00:11:12,140 --> 00:11:16,330 Yeah. And it's about my mother accusing your mother of buying cheap hot dogs. 80 00:11:16,470 --> 00:11:20,390 And your mother accusing my mother of waxing her upper lip. 81 00:11:20,590 --> 00:11:23,050 And then they don't speak to each other. Your mother waxes her upper lip? 82 00:11:23,730 --> 00:11:24,730 She has for years. 83 00:11:26,050 --> 00:11:27,050 Doesn't show. 84 00:11:27,990 --> 00:11:32,470 I don't know, Sparky. I just have this... Ellen, I want to have Christmas 85 00:11:32,470 --> 00:11:33,470 in our house. 86 00:11:33,550 --> 00:11:34,810 It means a lot to me. 87 00:11:35,170 --> 00:11:37,730 All my life I've wanted to have a big family Christmas. 88 00:11:42,190 --> 00:11:44,830 It's just that I know how you build things up in your mind, Sparky. 89 00:11:46,690 --> 00:11:49,910 You set standards that no family event can ever live up to. 90 00:11:51,370 --> 00:11:52,490 What have I ever done that? 91 00:11:56,890 --> 00:11:57,890 Parties. 92 00:11:58,730 --> 00:11:59,730 Weddings. 93 00:12:01,210 --> 00:12:02,210 Anniversaries. 94 00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:04,390 Funerals. 95 00:12:05,610 --> 00:12:06,610 Holidays. 96 00:12:07,190 --> 00:12:08,190 Vacations. 97 00:12:08,850 --> 00:12:09,850 Graduations. 98 00:12:31,719 --> 00:12:34,260 She'll be looking at a nice fat Christmas bonus this year, huh? 99 00:12:34,740 --> 00:12:37,980 Word is you're an excellent choice to be named Food Additive Designer of the 100 00:12:37,980 --> 00:12:40,120 Year. Nah, I'm not kidding. 101 00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:42,800 What's that new thing you got over there at Food and Drug? 102 00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:44,200 Oh, the Crunch Enhancer? 103 00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:47,900 Yeah, it's a non -nutritive cereal varnish. It's semi -permeable. It's not 104 00:12:47,900 --> 00:12:50,880 osmotic. What it does is it coats and seals the flake, prevents the milk from 105 00:12:50,880 --> 00:12:53,620 penetrating it. Yeah, it's a beautiful product. 106 00:12:53,900 --> 00:12:56,760 I like it, yeah. The big question is, what are you going to do with that big 107 00:12:56,760 --> 00:12:59,260 bonus check? You're going to blow it on yourself, I hope. Me? Heck no. 108 00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:10,620 The Christmas bonus check will cover it. Oh, my God, you're putting in a pool. 109 00:13:20,580 --> 00:13:24,100 I went ahead and I put a $7 ,500 deposit down on it. 110 00:13:24,480 --> 00:13:26,060 You're the last true family man. 111 00:13:28,160 --> 00:13:29,460 Mark? Clark. 112 00:13:32,560 --> 00:13:33,560 That's Bill, sir. 113 00:13:34,040 --> 00:13:36,600 Are you the one who was working on that non -nutritive cereal varnish? 114 00:13:37,199 --> 00:13:38,199 Yes, sir. 115 00:13:38,260 --> 00:13:40,820 I've got to give a speech to a trade group. I'd like to mention it. 116 00:13:41,360 --> 00:13:43,460 Write up a brief summary and have it to me by the end of the day. 117 00:13:44,520 --> 00:13:45,520 My pleasure. 118 00:13:45,880 --> 00:13:48,700 Layman's terms. None of that inside bullshit jargon that nobody understands. 119 00:13:50,100 --> 00:13:51,100 Yes, sir. 120 00:13:54,340 --> 00:13:55,340 Oh, Mr. Shirley. 121 00:13:55,580 --> 00:13:59,740 We got your Christmas card the other day, and my family and I are very 122 00:13:59,740 --> 00:14:00,740 that you remembered us. 123 00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:03,080 Corporate cards. 124 00:14:07,310 --> 00:14:10,330 Don't forget that report, Bill. Yes, sir. Merry Christmas. 125 00:14:10,550 --> 00:14:11,550 Merry Christmas. 126 00:14:12,450 --> 00:14:13,790 Kiss my ass. 127 00:14:14,270 --> 00:14:16,010 Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. 128 00:14:16,270 --> 00:14:17,270 Happy Hanukkah. 129 00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:43,780 Can I show you something? 130 00:14:47,860 --> 00:14:52,320 I was just smelling, 131 00:14:53,180 --> 00:14:54,180 smiling. 132 00:14:54,540 --> 00:14:56,120 I was just blouse browsing. 133 00:14:57,280 --> 00:14:59,020 For your wife or your girlfriend? 134 00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:02,760 What? What happened? 135 00:15:13,100 --> 00:15:15,720 Wouldn't be the Christmas shopping season if the stores were any less 136 00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:16,780 than they are. Harder than they are. 137 00:15:18,920 --> 00:15:19,980 It is warm in here. 138 00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:23,880 Well, you have your coat on. Oh, do I? How did that happen? Because it's cold 139 00:15:23,880 --> 00:15:24,920 out. Yes. 140 00:15:26,220 --> 00:15:28,540 It's a bit nipply out. I mean nippy out. 141 00:15:29,760 --> 00:15:30,800 What did I say? Nipple? 142 00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:33,760 There is a nip in the air, though. 143 00:15:34,360 --> 00:15:35,980 Can I take something out for you? 144 00:15:48,520 --> 00:15:49,860 Looking at something for my wife. 145 00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:51,660 God rest her soul. 146 00:15:51,940 --> 00:15:53,220 Oh, God, I'm so sorry. 147 00:15:53,540 --> 00:15:55,260 Oh, no, no, she's not dead. 148 00:15:55,720 --> 00:15:56,720 We're just divorced. 149 00:15:57,440 --> 00:15:58,440 She's history. 150 00:15:58,660 --> 00:16:02,920 And obviously she doesn't wear underwear. There are plenty of shopping 151 00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:04,200 until adultery's adulthood. 152 00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:07,060 Which is to say Christmas as in Yule. 153 00:16:07,480 --> 00:16:08,480 Yule log. 154 00:16:08,520 --> 00:16:10,540 Not a log. I don't have a log, but I mean, you know. 155 00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:14,000 If I had a log. Not in the sense that you think I said I did. 156 00:16:15,740 --> 00:16:17,020 Good golly. 157 00:16:18,370 --> 00:16:19,570 Tis the season to be merry. 158 00:16:20,350 --> 00:16:21,350 Well, that's my name. 159 00:16:21,610 --> 00:16:22,610 Oh, shit. 160 00:16:30,610 --> 00:16:32,150 And what do these do? They clip on here? 161 00:16:33,150 --> 00:16:34,150 Down there? 162 00:16:35,890 --> 00:16:36,890 Sure. 163 00:16:38,050 --> 00:16:39,610 These are cut really high on the hip. 164 00:16:40,170 --> 00:16:41,590 Look, I'm wearing something similar. 165 00:16:41,950 --> 00:16:43,230 See? You can't see the line. 166 00:16:43,950 --> 00:16:45,090 Can't see the line, can you, Russ? 167 00:16:45,710 --> 00:16:46,710 No. 168 00:17:16,109 --> 00:17:17,390 ho ho ho ho ho 169 00:18:21,050 --> 00:18:26,630 I'll give you a whole quarter. And I'll give Audrey a quarter too, Audrey. 170 00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:41,640 I'll park the cars and check the luggage, and I'll be outside for the 171 00:18:45,700 --> 00:18:47,500 We're going to have the best -looking house in town, Russ. 172 00:18:48,320 --> 00:18:49,420 I've always wanted to do this. 173 00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:51,160 It's a lot of lights, Dad. 174 00:18:51,940 --> 00:18:55,220 Yeah, well, I'm sure it's a lot of work, too, but if I'm out in the cold and I'm 175 00:18:55,220 --> 00:18:58,880 committed to decorating the house, I'm going to do it right, and I'm going to 176 00:18:58,880 --> 00:18:59,880 it big. 177 00:19:00,520 --> 00:19:02,160 You want something you can be proud of, don't you? 178 00:19:03,360 --> 00:19:04,360 Yeah, I guess so. 179 00:19:04,860 --> 00:19:05,860 Sure you do. 180 00:19:07,110 --> 00:19:08,310 Think you might be overdoing it, Dad? 181 00:19:09,330 --> 00:19:11,910 Russ, when was the last time I overdid anything? 182 00:19:15,430 --> 00:19:16,550 Come on, unravel these. 183 00:19:18,490 --> 00:19:19,630 You have to check every bolt. 184 00:19:20,210 --> 00:19:21,210 That little knot here. 185 00:19:21,490 --> 00:19:22,490 Look at that. 186 00:19:24,870 --> 00:19:25,870 I'll get the other box. 187 00:19:39,660 --> 00:19:40,780 I hope he falls and breaks his neck. 188 00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:43,800 I'm sure he'll fall, but I don't think we're lucky enough to have him break his 189 00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:44,800 neck. 190 00:21:55,370 --> 00:21:57,930 I couldn't come to the phone because I was going to the bathroom. 191 00:21:58,290 --> 00:22:00,230 We're all making sacrifices, Audrey. 192 00:22:00,950 --> 00:22:02,970 Everybody? Do you sleep with your brother? 193 00:22:03,190 --> 00:22:05,270 Do you know how sick and twisted that is, Mom? 194 00:22:05,530 --> 00:22:07,350 Well, I'm sleeping with your father. 195 00:22:07,850 --> 00:22:08,910 Don't be so dramatic. 196 00:22:10,070 --> 00:22:13,790 I have nightmares about what he does in his bed alone when I'm not lying right 197 00:22:13,790 --> 00:22:14,689 next to him. 198 00:22:14,690 --> 00:22:19,230 Well, I don't know what to say except it's Christmas and we're all in misery. 199 00:22:20,890 --> 00:22:23,130 Ellen, are you smoking again? 200 00:22:24,050 --> 00:22:25,050 No. 201 00:22:39,370 --> 00:22:40,370 down there in the lawn, Russ. 202 00:24:06,540 --> 00:24:09,820 Well, obviously something had to break the window. Something had to hit the 203 00:24:09,820 --> 00:24:10,820 stereo. 204 00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:22,500 And why is the carpet all wet, Todd? 205 00:24:22,740 --> 00:24:24,280 I don't know, Margo. 206 00:24:32,300 --> 00:24:34,920 You want to hurry this up, Clark? I'm freezing my baguettes off. 207 00:24:35,890 --> 00:24:41,630 250 strands of light. 100 individual bulbs per strand for a grand total of 25 208 00:24:41,630 --> 00:24:43,670 ,000 imported Italian Foucault lights. 209 00:24:44,430 --> 00:24:51,070 25 ,000. I hope nobody I know drives by and sees me standing in the yard staring 210 00:24:51,070 --> 00:24:52,350 at the house in my pajamas. 211 00:24:52,890 --> 00:24:55,210 If they know you're Dad, they won't think anything of it. 212 00:24:55,930 --> 00:24:57,110 Fire it up, Dad! 213 00:24:58,410 --> 00:25:02,430 I dedicate this house to the Griswold family Christmas. 214 00:25:06,090 --> 00:25:07,090 Drum roll, please. 215 00:25:54,120 --> 00:25:55,120 So do washing machines. 216 00:26:00,300 --> 00:26:01,480 Let's get in where it's warm. 217 00:26:02,740 --> 00:26:06,600 Clark, baby, I can picture it in my mind. And it's breathtaking. 218 00:26:10,300 --> 00:26:11,300 Thanks, Mom. 219 00:26:12,020 --> 00:26:15,900 It's probably a bad fault, son. You know, if one goes out, the whole thing 220 00:26:15,900 --> 00:26:16,900 doesn't work. 221 00:26:17,140 --> 00:26:20,300 Now, if I were you, I'd personally check each one. 222 00:26:20,640 --> 00:26:24,260 I did that, Dad. I can't... Well, look, if you need any help, give me a holler. 223 00:26:24,320 --> 00:26:25,400 I'll be upstairs to sleep. 224 00:26:26,900 --> 00:26:27,900 Thanks. 225 00:26:28,060 --> 00:26:29,060 Sorry, Danny. 226 00:26:29,600 --> 00:26:31,680 It looks good even if they're not lit. 227 00:26:33,540 --> 00:26:34,540 Thank you so much. 228 00:26:41,240 --> 00:26:43,860 Well, Dad, it was a good try. 229 00:26:44,240 --> 00:26:45,240 Thanks, Russ. 230 00:26:46,160 --> 00:26:47,180 Russ? Yeah? 231 00:26:47,940 --> 00:26:49,300 We checked every bowl, didn't we? 232 00:26:51,179 --> 00:26:52,740 Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure of it. 233 00:26:54,440 --> 00:26:55,440 Thought so. 234 00:26:56,120 --> 00:27:00,980 Maybe we ought to go up there and just get... Oh, whoa, jeez. Look at the time. 235 00:27:01,380 --> 00:27:02,380 I've got to get to bed. 236 00:27:03,440 --> 00:27:05,200 Brush my teeth, feed the hog. 237 00:27:05,420 --> 00:27:06,980 Still got some homework to do. 238 00:27:07,340 --> 00:27:09,360 Do the laundry, wash the car. 239 00:27:09,620 --> 00:27:11,200 Still got those bills to pay. 240 00:27:12,460 --> 00:27:13,460 Clark. 241 00:27:15,220 --> 00:27:16,280 Don't step too late. 242 00:27:37,640 --> 00:27:39,540 Get off me you little fungus. 243 00:29:34,510 --> 00:29:35,510 Oh, God. 244 00:29:35,870 --> 00:29:38,150 Where the hell is that cold coming from? 245 00:29:39,190 --> 00:29:40,190 Oh. 246 00:29:40,990 --> 00:29:41,990 Oh. 247 00:29:52,450 --> 00:29:53,450 Hey. 248 00:29:56,990 --> 00:29:57,990 Hey. 249 00:29:59,790 --> 00:30:03,670 Hello? I need to get just a few more... Oh, no, pay by check if you can't. I 250 00:30:03,670 --> 00:30:07,170 will. Not a car? No, the credit card. If they return it, then it's a hat. 251 00:30:07,850 --> 00:30:08,850 What? 252 00:30:11,950 --> 00:30:12,950 Help! 253 00:30:14,870 --> 00:30:16,690 Daddy, we're coming. 254 00:30:16,970 --> 00:30:17,970 How the hell would I know? 255 00:30:18,190 --> 00:30:21,130 Is he in the house? If he isn't up on the ladder part and running his life, he 256 00:30:21,130 --> 00:30:24,470 must be in the house. I'm sure he wants to come shopping and have lunch with us. 257 00:30:24,690 --> 00:30:29,050 He's got another car. He can drive. I have to eat so I can take my back pill. 258 00:32:38,220 --> 00:32:42,400 Christmas is the time of year for 259 00:32:42,400 --> 00:32:48,280 being with the ones we love, 260 00:32:48,720 --> 00:32:53,320 sharing so much joy and cheer. 261 00:32:53,920 --> 00:32:55,920 What a wonderful day. 262 00:33:21,640 --> 00:33:24,560 Taking a walk through the snow. 263 00:33:26,380 --> 00:33:29,740 Listening to a children's choir. 264 00:34:45,299 --> 00:34:46,920 Sparky? Yes, honey? 265 00:34:55,360 --> 00:34:58,620 Are you out here for a reason, or are you just avoiding the family? 266 00:34:59,600 --> 00:35:02,520 No. I still have a couple hundred more bulbs to check. 267 00:35:03,260 --> 00:35:06,520 In the meantime, I can light the Santa and the eight tiny reindeer and the 268 00:35:06,520 --> 00:35:07,520 Christmas sign. 269 00:35:08,120 --> 00:35:09,120 That should look good. 270 00:35:10,160 --> 00:35:12,440 Ready? You want me to do the drumroll thing? 271 00:35:12,780 --> 00:35:14,100 No, it's okay. Here goes nothing. 272 00:35:22,410 --> 00:35:23,410 I don't understand it. 273 00:35:25,070 --> 00:35:27,490 The house lights don't work. The flood lights don't work. 274 00:35:29,050 --> 00:35:31,490 Is it plugged in? 275 00:35:32,230 --> 00:35:35,250 Honey, do you honestly think I would check thousands of tiny little lights if 276 00:35:35,250 --> 00:35:36,910 wasn't sure the extension cord was plugged in? 277 00:35:39,690 --> 00:35:41,250 You used more than one cord, didn't you? 278 00:35:44,450 --> 00:35:46,650 Maybe the kids have been fooling around with it. I'll check them back. 279 00:36:53,070 --> 00:36:54,070 Just ought to do it. 280 00:37:04,870 --> 00:37:05,870 Oh! 281 00:37:06,870 --> 00:37:08,490 Ellis! A victimist! 282 00:37:09,670 --> 00:37:10,970 Oh, my God! 283 00:37:11,970 --> 00:37:13,870 Everybody come out and wait for the light! 284 00:37:14,530 --> 00:37:15,529 Ha -ha! 285 00:37:15,530 --> 00:37:16,910 Go out there again like that. 286 00:37:17,230 --> 00:37:18,950 Why, maybe he's got a... 287 00:37:23,180 --> 00:37:24,180 Get a towel. 288 00:37:24,540 --> 00:37:31,240 Wait a minute. I don't believe it. What's all the 289 00:37:31,240 --> 00:37:32,240 yelling about? 290 00:37:32,300 --> 00:37:35,340 What's going on here? 291 00:37:37,940 --> 00:37:39,300 25 ,000. 292 00:37:40,280 --> 00:37:42,240 What's he doing? 293 00:37:42,700 --> 00:37:44,200 I have the foggiest. 294 00:39:04,880 --> 00:39:06,920 You deserve a home like this to spend Christmas in. 295 00:39:10,240 --> 00:39:12,420 It's a beaut, Clark. It's a beaut. 296 00:39:13,160 --> 00:39:18,680 You taught me everything I know about exterior illumination. Thank you, thank 297 00:39:18,680 --> 00:39:19,680 you. 298 00:39:20,640 --> 00:39:21,640 Russ, Audrey. 299 00:39:26,020 --> 00:39:27,980 Dear, dear friends. 300 00:39:28,640 --> 00:39:33,360 I hope this adds to your enjoyment of the holidays. 301 00:39:34,670 --> 00:39:35,670 Just wonderful. 302 00:39:38,170 --> 00:39:39,170 Arthur. 303 00:39:40,310 --> 00:39:41,310 Art. 304 00:39:42,790 --> 00:39:43,790 Dad. 305 00:39:44,390 --> 00:39:45,550 Thanks for being here. 306 00:39:46,190 --> 00:39:48,070 The little lights are not twinkling. 307 00:39:48,550 --> 00:39:50,630 I know, Art, and thanks for noticing. 308 00:39:55,110 --> 00:39:57,710 The house sure does look swell, Clark. 309 00:39:57,970 --> 00:39:58,970 Thanks, Eddie. 310 00:39:59,530 --> 00:40:03,890 It enhances your holiday spirit, dear Catherine. 311 00:40:04,320 --> 00:40:05,320 Betty? 312 00:40:06,800 --> 00:40:09,360 Oh, the house is gorgeous, Clark. 313 00:40:10,360 --> 00:40:11,360 Betty? 314 00:40:11,580 --> 00:40:14,100 I hope you didn't do this all on our account, Clark. 315 00:40:15,120 --> 00:40:18,080 Kids, come on out here and see what Uncle Clark's done to the house. 316 00:40:18,660 --> 00:40:19,660 Betty? 317 00:40:21,500 --> 00:40:22,500 Betty? 318 00:40:30,460 --> 00:40:33,240 Yeah, if you don't remember, this here is Rocky. 319 00:40:34,700 --> 00:40:35,700 Have you got a kiss for me? 320 00:40:36,000 --> 00:40:39,500 You better take a rain check on that, all right? He's got lip fungus. He ain't 321 00:40:39,500 --> 00:40:40,500 identified yet. 322 00:40:42,280 --> 00:40:44,520 You remember Ruby Sue? 323 00:40:45,560 --> 00:40:46,560 Oh, yeah. 324 00:40:47,400 --> 00:40:48,960 Oh, my gosh. 325 00:40:50,920 --> 00:40:52,520 Her eyes aren't crossed anymore. 326 00:40:52,860 --> 00:40:53,860 That's something, ain't it? 327 00:40:53,960 --> 00:40:58,020 She falls in a well, eyes go crossed. She gets kicked by a mule, they go back 328 00:40:58,020 --> 00:40:59,020 normal. 329 00:41:08,750 --> 00:41:10,890 Yeah, we named him that because he's got the sinus condition. 330 00:41:12,690 --> 00:41:15,430 Notch, you roll over and let Uncle Clark scratch your belly. 331 00:41:17,570 --> 00:41:20,290 You ain't never seen a set on a dog like this one's got, Clark. 332 00:41:21,690 --> 00:41:22,690 That's okay, Eddie. 333 00:41:23,670 --> 00:41:27,030 That's something, ain't it? You pet him, Clark, on the belly, and he'll love you 334 00:41:27,030 --> 00:41:28,030 till the day you die. 335 00:41:28,390 --> 00:41:30,310 I really shouldn't. My hands are all chapped. 336 00:41:31,330 --> 00:41:35,350 We were gonna call, but Eddie wanted to make it a surprise. 337 00:41:35,650 --> 00:41:36,650 Yeah. You surprised? 338 00:41:38,030 --> 00:41:38,968 Surprised, Eddie? 339 00:41:38,970 --> 00:41:41,870 If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't be more 340 00:41:41,870 --> 00:41:42,990 surprised than I am right now. 341 00:41:45,790 --> 00:41:47,170 We have plenty of room. 342 00:41:49,870 --> 00:41:50,870 Plenty of towels. 343 00:41:51,730 --> 00:41:52,730 Plenty of everything. 344 00:41:54,770 --> 00:41:57,210 Well, we're pretty well set up there in the RV. 345 00:41:57,490 --> 00:42:00,410 You know, it's a little tight, but we didn't come to impose. 346 00:42:00,950 --> 00:42:05,850 Well, there's plenty of room. Quit being so damn polite, Ed. Well, you know, 347 00:42:05,850 --> 00:42:07,010 Catherine and I were... 348 00:42:08,040 --> 00:42:11,500 pretty comfy in there you know but maybe you folks wouldn't mind the yaks are 349 00:42:11,500 --> 00:42:16,020 shacking up with you after that long drive we could use a little private time 350 00:42:16,020 --> 00:42:20,640 together honey why don't you run and get the kids things and don't forget the 351 00:42:20,640 --> 00:42:24,040 rubber sheets in the turbo come on i want to show you the home 352 00:43:01,740 --> 00:43:02,740 of a tree, Clark. 353 00:43:03,920 --> 00:43:04,920 In the real? 354 00:43:05,160 --> 00:43:07,200 Yeah, yeah. I dug it out of the ground myself. 355 00:43:07,740 --> 00:43:08,738 That a fact. 356 00:43:08,740 --> 00:43:10,520 Hey, hey, get out of there. Stop. 357 00:43:10,780 --> 00:43:14,020 No. No, don't worry about it, Clark. A little tree water ain't gonna hurt him. 358 00:43:14,820 --> 00:43:17,420 Before we left, he drank a half a quart of Penn's oil. 359 00:43:17,640 --> 00:43:20,320 Boy, when he lifted his leg the next morning. 360 00:43:21,520 --> 00:43:22,520 Eddie, 361 00:43:23,380 --> 00:43:26,180 if he drinks the water out of there, the tree's gonna dry up. Come on, out of 362 00:43:26,180 --> 00:43:27,180 there. Not. 363 00:43:27,760 --> 00:43:30,120 You get out of there. Get in the kitchen now. 364 00:43:30,440 --> 00:43:32,320 In the kitchen there, get you something to eat. Go on. 365 00:43:33,620 --> 00:43:34,620 He's cute, ain't he? 366 00:43:35,240 --> 00:43:38,400 Only problem is he's got a little bit of Mississippi leghound in him. 367 00:43:39,120 --> 00:43:42,760 If the mood catches him right, he'll grab your leg and just go to town. 368 00:43:44,180 --> 00:43:47,560 You don't want him around if you wear his short pants, if you know what I 369 00:43:49,200 --> 00:43:53,340 Word of warning, though, if he does lay into you, it's best to just let him 370 00:43:53,340 --> 00:43:54,340 finish. 371 00:43:55,920 --> 00:43:58,720 I just can't believe you're actually standing here in my living room, Eddie. 372 00:44:00,120 --> 00:44:03,100 Never thought the day would come. Yeah, I'm excited about it, too. 373 00:44:04,460 --> 00:44:06,920 It's a crying shame the older kids couldn't make it. 374 00:44:10,580 --> 00:44:12,000 I'll get that. Don't worry about it. 375 00:44:13,080 --> 00:44:14,100 Let me do it. 376 00:44:17,060 --> 00:44:20,900 Yeah, I got the daughter in the clinic getting cured off the wild turkey. 377 00:44:21,800 --> 00:44:25,380 And the older boy, bless his soul, is preparing for his career. 378 00:44:26,520 --> 00:44:27,920 College? Carnival. 379 00:44:29,230 --> 00:44:30,229 You gotta be proud. 380 00:44:30,230 --> 00:44:31,230 Oh, yeah. 381 00:44:31,590 --> 00:44:36,590 Yeah, last season he was a pixie dust spreader on a tilt -a -whirl. He thinks 382 00:44:36,590 --> 00:44:40,010 that maybe next year he'll be guessing people's weight or barking for the yak 383 00:44:40,010 --> 00:44:41,010 woman. 384 00:44:42,630 --> 00:44:43,630 You ever see her? 385 00:44:43,990 --> 00:44:47,230 No. Yeah, she's got these big horns growing right out above her ear. 386 00:44:47,990 --> 00:44:49,230 Yeah, she's ugly as sin. 387 00:44:49,450 --> 00:44:51,470 But a sweet gal and a hell of a good cook. 388 00:44:51,710 --> 00:44:53,910 Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? 389 00:44:54,430 --> 00:44:55,850 Drive you out to the middle of nowhere? 390 00:44:56,050 --> 00:44:56,808 Leave you for dead? 391 00:44:56,810 --> 00:44:58,450 No, I'm doing just fine, Clark. 392 00:44:59,290 --> 00:45:00,670 Just glad to be here. 393 00:45:00,910 --> 00:45:01,910 Yeah. 394 00:45:02,230 --> 00:45:04,930 So, when did you get the tenement on wheels? 395 00:45:05,670 --> 00:45:07,990 Oh, that there, that's an RV. 396 00:45:08,810 --> 00:45:11,230 Yeah, yeah. I borrowed it off a buddy of mine. 397 00:45:11,450 --> 00:45:12,550 He took my house. 398 00:45:12,830 --> 00:45:13,890 I took the RV. 399 00:45:15,270 --> 00:45:16,730 It's a good -looking vehicle, ain't it? 400 00:45:17,130 --> 00:45:19,230 Yeah. It's so nice parked in the driveway. 401 00:45:19,570 --> 00:45:20,570 Yeah, it sure does. 402 00:45:21,130 --> 00:45:22,970 Well, don't you go falling in love with it now. 403 00:45:23,530 --> 00:45:25,710 Because we're taking it with us when we leave here next month. 404 00:45:39,790 --> 00:45:41,070 Retooling. That's a great excuse. 405 00:45:43,770 --> 00:45:44,970 Retooling. I'll retool you. 406 00:45:48,430 --> 00:45:49,670 Mr. Shirley, Merry Christmas. 407 00:45:50,890 --> 00:45:51,890 Who's that? 408 00:45:52,850 --> 00:45:55,190 It's me, Clark Griswold. What do you want? 409 00:45:57,130 --> 00:46:00,850 My wife and I came up with a little something special. It's a gift. 410 00:46:02,170 --> 00:46:03,890 Put it over there with the others, Griswold. 411 00:46:14,480 --> 00:46:19,240 Oh, by the way, I hope my report helped out at the trade show. 412 00:46:24,000 --> 00:46:25,420 I'm sure it did, Griswold. 413 00:46:26,540 --> 00:46:29,080 Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm in the middle of an important call. 414 00:46:30,600 --> 00:46:31,600 Get me somebody. 415 00:46:32,160 --> 00:46:33,160 Anybody. 416 00:46:34,900 --> 00:46:36,300 And get me somebody while I'm waiting. 417 00:46:49,080 --> 00:46:53,980 This is a new non -caloric silicon -based kitchen lubricant my company's 418 00:46:53,980 --> 00:46:57,640 working on. It creates a surface 500 times more slippery than any cooking 419 00:46:57,980 --> 00:47:00,420 Ah, we're really gonna fly down the hill with this stuff. 420 00:47:00,720 --> 00:47:02,440 Has anyone ever used it on a sled? 421 00:47:02,760 --> 00:47:03,820 Not that I know of, Russ. 422 00:47:06,520 --> 00:47:09,440 Well, don't go putting all that stuff on my sled, Clark. 423 00:47:09,840 --> 00:47:11,660 You know that metal plate in my head? 424 00:47:12,440 --> 00:47:13,319 How could I forget? 425 00:47:13,320 --> 00:47:16,720 I had to have it replaced because every time Catherine revved up the microwave, 426 00:47:16,940 --> 00:47:20,940 I'd piss my pants and forget who I was for a half hour or so. So over at the 427 00:47:21,120 --> 00:47:26,260 they had to replace it with a plastic one, and it ain't as strong, so... I 428 00:47:26,260 --> 00:47:29,140 know if I ought to go sailing down no hill with nothing between the ground and 429 00:47:29,140 --> 00:47:30,840 my brain but a piece of government plastic. 430 00:47:33,480 --> 00:47:34,980 You really think it matters, Eddie? 431 00:47:35,280 --> 00:47:38,560 Well, you see, the plate runs right underneath my part here. 432 00:47:39,420 --> 00:47:41,180 And over here, it's... 433 00:47:41,450 --> 00:47:46,870 No, nothing. But here, if this gets dented, then my hair just ain't gonna 434 00:47:46,870 --> 00:47:47,870 right. 435 00:47:49,610 --> 00:47:50,670 I know the feeling. 436 00:47:51,150 --> 00:47:54,290 I better try this first, see how it works. 437 00:47:54,670 --> 00:47:56,030 Well, you be careful there, Clark. 438 00:47:56,410 --> 00:47:57,890 Nothing to worry about, Eddie. 439 00:47:58,730 --> 00:48:04,230 Going for a new amateur recreational saucer sled land speed record, Clark W. 440 00:48:04,570 --> 00:48:05,570 Griswold, Jr. 441 00:48:06,210 --> 00:48:08,850 Remember, don't try this at home, kids. I am a professional. 442 00:48:12,560 --> 00:48:13,560 Later, dudes. 443 00:48:15,120 --> 00:48:16,400 Let her rip. Hang ten. 444 00:49:49,070 --> 00:49:50,070 You okay? 445 00:49:50,670 --> 00:49:51,670 Yeah. 446 00:49:53,450 --> 00:49:55,790 Bill, did you get your bonus yet? 447 00:49:56,210 --> 00:49:57,590 I just talked to my son. 448 00:49:58,370 --> 00:50:01,210 Company messenger brought something to the house. I guess that's it. 449 00:50:01,490 --> 00:50:03,370 Nothing like waiting to the last minute, huh? 450 00:50:04,870 --> 00:50:05,870 Did you get yours? 451 00:50:08,010 --> 00:50:10,270 Well, if it isn't at the house, I'm sure it must be on its way. 452 00:50:10,530 --> 00:50:14,250 I don't get that bonus. I'm in it up to here. 453 00:50:14,910 --> 00:50:15,970 Don't sweat it. It'll come. 454 00:50:16,610 --> 00:50:17,610 Merry Christmas. 455 00:50:17,870 --> 00:50:18,870 Same to you. 456 00:50:47,280 --> 00:50:54,000 That's the island greeting that we send to you from the land where palm 457 00:50:54,000 --> 00:50:55,100 trees sway. 458 00:50:56,080 --> 00:50:59,980 Here we know that Christmas will be green and bright. 459 00:51:00,580 --> 00:51:04,620 The sun to shine by day and all the stars at night. 460 00:51:05,300 --> 00:51:12,260 Mele Kalikimaka is the wise way to say Merry Christmas to 461 00:51:12,260 --> 00:51:13,260 you. 462 00:51:13,840 --> 00:51:16,840 Mele Kalikimaka is the... 463 00:52:16,339 --> 00:52:19,620 © BF -WATCH TV 2021 464 00:52:50,280 --> 00:52:51,280 Rocky bit my thumb. 465 00:52:51,580 --> 00:52:55,080 What? Him's nervous because Christmas is almost here. 466 00:52:56,140 --> 00:52:57,140 Nervous or excited? 467 00:52:58,020 --> 00:52:59,020 Shit and bricks. 468 00:53:00,500 --> 00:53:01,800 You shouldn't use that word. 469 00:53:02,140 --> 00:53:04,180 Sorry. Shit and rocks. 470 00:53:07,060 --> 00:53:10,000 Him's nervous because you don't know if he's getting nothing. 471 00:53:13,000 --> 00:53:15,660 I don't think you should be nervous, and you shouldn't be either. 472 00:53:16,300 --> 00:53:19,160 Because if you're good, Santa knows it. 473 00:53:20,330 --> 00:53:22,970 And if you believe in him, and you believe in your mom, and you believe in 474 00:53:22,970 --> 00:53:29,870 your... your dad, and if you've been good all year round, Santa Claus 475 00:53:29,870 --> 00:53:30,870 is gonna bring you something. 476 00:53:31,750 --> 00:53:34,830 Sometimes I think all that Santa crap's just bull. 477 00:53:35,130 --> 00:53:38,190 If he was so real, how come we didn't get school out last year? 478 00:53:38,410 --> 00:53:41,050 We didn't do nothing wrong, and we still got the shaft. 479 00:53:41,910 --> 00:53:45,770 Well, I happen to know for a fact that Santa Claus is real. 480 00:53:46,430 --> 00:53:50,520 And in the next couple of days, somehow... I'm going to prove it to you. 481 00:53:52,460 --> 00:53:55,680 You know, every year he comes to our house, I've seen him. 482 00:53:56,840 --> 00:53:57,840 That's true? 483 00:53:57,960 --> 00:53:58,960 Cross my heart. 484 00:54:01,140 --> 00:54:06,060 So, it's a good idea you came to stay with us, isn't it? I love it here. 485 00:54:06,440 --> 00:54:10,160 You don't got to put on your coat to go to the bathroom, and your house is 486 00:54:10,160 --> 00:54:11,520 always parked in the same place. 487 00:54:24,920 --> 00:54:26,380 Oh, I was just looking for something. 488 00:54:30,340 --> 00:54:33,600 You didn't notice if a man came here and delivered a letter today, did you? 489 00:54:35,180 --> 00:54:36,400 Nope. How come? 490 00:54:37,320 --> 00:54:38,320 Just wondering. 491 00:54:44,040 --> 00:54:45,660 All right, you get back to bed. Come here. 492 00:54:52,720 --> 00:54:54,660 Uncle Clark, are you sure you ain't... 493 00:54:56,319 --> 00:54:57,319 I'm sure. 494 00:55:02,460 --> 00:55:04,020 I can't even afford to be an elf. 495 00:55:34,250 --> 00:55:35,250 Having any breakfast? 496 00:55:35,630 --> 00:55:36,810 I'm not in the mood. 497 00:55:38,610 --> 00:55:39,670 What are you looking at? 498 00:55:41,750 --> 00:55:46,930 Oh, the silent majesty of a winter's morn, the clean, cool chill of the 499 00:55:46,930 --> 00:55:51,590 air, and an asshole in his bathrobe emptying a chemical toilet into my 500 00:55:56,750 --> 00:55:57,750 Shitter was full! 501 00:55:58,290 --> 00:56:01,390 Ah, yeah. You checked our shitters, honey? Clark, please. 502 00:56:02,210 --> 00:56:03,430 He doesn't know any better. 503 00:56:03,850 --> 00:56:04,850 You ought to know it's illegal. 504 00:56:05,010 --> 00:56:08,110 It's a storm sewer. If it fills with gas, I pity the person who lights a 505 00:56:08,110 --> 00:56:09,130 within ten yards of it. 506 00:56:49,640 --> 00:56:52,440 I have this terrible suspicion that Catherine and Eddie don't have any 507 00:56:52,440 --> 00:56:53,440 for their kids. 508 00:56:53,760 --> 00:56:57,320 Rocky said something about Eddie telling him that Santa Claus wasn't coming this 509 00:56:57,320 --> 00:56:58,320 year. 510 00:56:59,600 --> 00:57:02,320 Yeah, Ruby Sue said something like that last night. 511 00:57:03,200 --> 00:57:04,900 How can they have nothing for their children? 512 00:57:05,140 --> 00:57:06,860 Well, he's been out of work for close to seven years. 513 00:57:07,120 --> 00:57:08,720 In seven years, he couldn't find a job? 514 00:57:09,440 --> 00:57:11,680 Catherine says he's been holding out for a management position. 515 00:57:16,680 --> 00:57:18,240 So how's the live bait business, Eddie? 516 00:57:18,650 --> 00:57:19,650 Well, I can't complain. 517 00:57:20,170 --> 00:57:21,170 How you doing? 518 00:57:21,730 --> 00:57:23,070 Not that good, actually. 519 00:57:23,790 --> 00:57:26,990 Your company kill off all them people over in India not long ago? 520 00:57:27,370 --> 00:57:28,370 No. 521 00:57:28,570 --> 00:57:29,750 We missed out on that one. 522 00:57:30,170 --> 00:57:32,210 You pretty set so far as shopping goes? 523 00:57:32,870 --> 00:57:34,850 Well, I can't lie to you, Clark. 524 00:57:35,230 --> 00:57:37,570 The truth is, things ain't going too good at all. 525 00:57:38,010 --> 00:57:40,470 You know, I told you I borrowed the RV from my neighbor. 526 00:57:41,770 --> 00:57:42,770 It's mine. 527 00:57:43,310 --> 00:57:44,310 We live in it. 528 00:57:44,830 --> 00:57:47,890 Had to sell off the house, the barn, the ten acres. 529 00:57:49,130 --> 00:57:53,810 All I kept was a 50 -foot plot, pigs, and a worm farm. 530 00:57:55,630 --> 00:57:59,630 If only I had back the money that me and Catherine sent that TV preacher that 531 00:57:59,630 --> 00:58:00,930 was screwing the hockey players. 532 00:58:02,670 --> 00:58:03,670 What about the kids? 533 00:58:04,550 --> 00:58:06,210 These kids can fend for themselves. 534 00:58:06,590 --> 00:58:07,590 Oh, your kids. 535 00:58:08,270 --> 00:58:13,050 Oh, well, that's the bitch of it. I don't know what to do. We coasted into 536 00:58:13,050 --> 00:58:15,830 on fumes, gas money, give out in gurney. 537 00:58:21,230 --> 00:58:22,610 I hope you give the kids a nice Christmas. 538 00:58:24,010 --> 00:58:25,790 Clark, I couldn't do that. 539 00:58:26,110 --> 00:58:27,110 No, no, we insist. 540 00:58:27,450 --> 00:58:31,430 Oh, no, I'm not one for charity now. Oh, I know that, Eddie. 541 00:58:31,770 --> 00:58:33,250 This isn't charity, it's family. 542 00:58:35,390 --> 00:58:37,330 I don't know about that. 543 00:58:37,550 --> 00:58:40,670 Now, come on, if you don't tell me what they want, I'll go out and get it on my 544 00:58:40,670 --> 00:58:41,670 own. 545 00:58:43,970 --> 00:58:44,990 Oh, boy. 546 00:58:46,480 --> 00:58:48,020 This is a surprise, Clark. 547 00:58:48,540 --> 00:58:50,800 This is just a real nice surprise. 548 00:58:51,460 --> 00:58:53,760 Just a real nice surprise. 549 00:58:59,060 --> 00:59:00,120 Here's a little list. 550 00:59:00,780 --> 00:59:02,240 Alphabetical starting with Catherine. 551 00:59:02,940 --> 00:59:06,740 And if it wouldn't be too much, I'd like to get something for you, Clark. 552 00:59:06,840 --> 00:59:09,020 Something really nice. 553 00:59:26,380 --> 00:59:28,060 Is your house on fire, Claude? 554 00:59:28,280 --> 00:59:29,960 No, Bethany, those are Christmas lights. 555 00:59:30,300 --> 00:59:31,840 Don't throw me down, Claude. 556 00:59:32,140 --> 00:59:33,340 I'll try not to, Aunt Bethany. 557 00:59:33,900 --> 00:59:36,600 Is this the airport, Claude? We're here. 558 00:59:37,040 --> 00:59:41,560 Hey, Grizz, me and Bethany figured out the perfect gift for you. Oh, Uncle 559 00:59:41,560 --> 00:59:43,040 Lewis, you didn't have to buy me anything. 560 00:59:43,460 --> 00:59:45,560 Damn it, Bethany, he guessed it. 561 00:59:46,440 --> 00:59:47,880 Oh, that was fun. 562 00:59:48,200 --> 00:59:50,240 I love riding in cars. 563 00:59:51,400 --> 00:59:53,300 When did you move to Florida? 564 00:59:56,910 --> 00:59:59,070 Are you still dating, Claude? 565 01:00:00,090 --> 01:00:01,750 Oh, Aunt Bethany. 566 01:00:02,290 --> 01:00:04,150 You know, you shouldn't have done that. 567 01:00:04,470 --> 01:00:05,470 Oh, dear. 568 01:00:05,550 --> 01:00:06,950 Did I break wind? 569 01:00:07,710 --> 01:00:13,250 Jesus. Did the room clear out, Bethany? Hell no. She means present. You 570 01:00:13,250 --> 01:00:14,350 shouldn't have brought presents. 571 01:00:14,610 --> 01:00:18,370 It isn't every day somebody moves into a new house. 572 01:00:18,710 --> 01:00:20,630 They didn't move into a new house. 573 01:00:21,090 --> 01:00:22,270 Um, Mom? 574 01:00:22,610 --> 01:00:23,930 In the living room, Russ. 575 01:00:27,180 --> 01:00:28,600 is bigger than your old one. 576 01:00:29,780 --> 01:00:31,760 Is Rusty still in the Navy? 577 01:00:32,420 --> 01:00:36,500 Bethany, why don't you go with Francis and Catherine into the living room and 578 01:00:36,500 --> 01:00:37,500 say hello to everybody? 579 01:00:37,780 --> 01:00:38,780 Hello, everybody. 580 01:00:39,740 --> 01:00:40,740 You should say it. 581 01:00:40,800 --> 01:00:43,520 You should say it. Hello, everybody. Hello, everybody. 582 01:00:44,020 --> 01:00:45,300 Hello, everybody. Mom? 583 01:00:45,520 --> 01:00:46,520 What? 584 01:00:46,880 --> 01:00:47,940 Spots is meowing. 585 01:00:48,180 --> 01:00:49,180 Let me see it. 586 01:00:52,300 --> 01:00:56,140 She wrapped up her damn cat. 587 01:00:56,750 --> 01:00:59,530 Take it in the kitchen and open it up. Then we'll have a cat running around the 588 01:00:59,530 --> 01:01:00,770 house. You can't leave it in the box. 589 01:01:01,130 --> 01:01:03,190 Why would somebody wrap up a cat in a box? 590 01:01:03,710 --> 01:01:07,170 She gets confused, Rusty. She's old. She and Uncle Lewis don't have much money. 591 01:01:07,230 --> 01:01:09,850 So she takes things from around the house, wraps them up, gives them away as 592 01:01:09,850 --> 01:01:11,910 presents. Great. Can't wait to see what I got. 593 01:01:12,490 --> 01:01:13,490 Listen here. 594 01:01:14,170 --> 01:01:15,170 It's leaking. 595 01:01:21,190 --> 01:01:22,190 It's live. 596 01:01:22,410 --> 01:01:25,890 That would be her jello mold. I'll take it, Eddie. Why don't you go back into 597 01:01:25,890 --> 01:01:27,590 the room and enjoy yourself for us? 598 01:01:28,550 --> 01:01:29,550 Oh, boy. 599 01:01:31,210 --> 01:01:32,210 Let's go find your sister. 600 01:01:53,130 --> 01:01:58,810 Before we begin, since this is Aunt Bethany's 80th Christmas, I think she 601 01:01:58,810 --> 01:02:00,350 lead us in the saying of grace. 602 01:02:02,750 --> 01:02:03,750 What, 603 01:02:05,290 --> 01:02:06,290 dear? 604 01:02:07,890 --> 01:02:08,890 Grace! 605 01:02:10,030 --> 01:02:13,090 Grace! She passed away 30 years ago. 606 01:02:13,930 --> 01:02:16,630 They want you to say grace. 607 01:02:18,810 --> 01:02:20,070 The best! 608 01:02:37,710 --> 01:02:44,090 I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the 609 01:02:44,090 --> 01:02:46,110 republic for which it stands. 610 01:02:46,430 --> 01:02:52,590 One nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all. 611 01:02:54,370 --> 01:02:55,710 Amen. Amen. 612 01:02:57,450 --> 01:02:58,450 Catherine, 613 01:03:02,110 --> 01:03:04,850 this turkey tastes half as good as it looks. 614 01:03:05,400 --> 01:03:07,480 I think we're all in for a very big treat. 615 01:03:11,800 --> 01:03:13,440 Save the neck for me, Clark. 616 01:03:14,680 --> 01:03:15,680 Okay, Eddie. 617 01:03:25,540 --> 01:03:26,540 Sorry. 618 01:03:31,440 --> 01:03:32,440 Why are you crying? 619 01:03:36,300 --> 01:03:41,080 little dry it's fine here's the heart 620 01:04:40,140 --> 01:04:44,780 Aunt Bethany, does your cat by any chance eat Jell -O? 621 01:04:47,220 --> 01:04:50,560 I don't know about the cat, but I sure am enjoying it. 622 01:05:02,080 --> 01:05:03,940 Hey, kids. 623 01:05:05,000 --> 01:05:08,560 I heard on the news that an airline pilot spotted Santa's sled on his way in 624 01:05:08,560 --> 01:05:09,560 from New York. 625 01:05:16,140 --> 01:05:17,140 You serious, Clark? 626 01:05:20,020 --> 01:05:23,040 Art, you want to load me up with a little more there? It is good. 627 01:05:40,040 --> 01:05:41,040 Just yacking on a bone. 628 01:05:41,360 --> 01:05:42,360 He got it up. 629 01:05:42,820 --> 01:05:43,820 He's all right now. 630 01:05:45,560 --> 01:05:47,280 Maybe if you wouldn't feed him from the table. 631 01:05:49,580 --> 01:05:50,760 No, no. 632 01:05:52,080 --> 01:05:54,540 He's probably just nosing through the trash here. 633 01:06:02,820 --> 01:06:03,820 Hey, Chris. 634 01:06:04,480 --> 01:06:06,280 You're not doing anything constructive. 635 01:06:06,800 --> 01:06:08,340 Run into the living room, get... 636 01:06:11,370 --> 01:06:12,730 Anything else I can do for you, Uncle Lewis? 637 01:06:14,050 --> 01:06:16,210 He's an old man. This may be his last Christmas. 638 01:06:17,350 --> 01:06:19,010 If he stood up, it would be his last Christmas. 639 01:07:08,740 --> 01:07:11,460 Honey? I told you, you had too many plugs in one outlet. 640 01:07:11,760 --> 01:07:12,760 Oh, God. 641 01:07:14,220 --> 01:07:15,220 What is it? 642 01:07:17,340 --> 01:07:19,680 Nothing. Let's go in and finish our dessert. 643 01:07:20,640 --> 01:07:24,160 That thing had nine lives. 644 01:07:24,380 --> 01:07:25,380 She just spent them all. 645 01:07:26,900 --> 01:07:27,900 Whoo! 646 01:07:30,480 --> 01:07:34,220 If you don't mind, Clark, I'd like to see if I can fumigate this here chair. 647 01:07:35,020 --> 01:07:36,500 It's a good quality item. 648 01:07:38,540 --> 01:07:42,580 If you don't mind, uh, may I ask you how much it set you back? 649 01:07:43,660 --> 01:07:44,660 You smell something? 650 01:07:47,500 --> 01:07:48,560 Fried pussycat. 651 01:07:51,460 --> 01:07:53,880 It's not the chair. It's some kind of gas coming from the sewer. 652 01:08:40,180 --> 01:08:41,180 Lewis? 653 01:08:42,620 --> 01:08:43,620 My treat. 654 01:08:45,899 --> 01:08:47,620 So what's the matter with you? 655 01:08:49,350 --> 01:08:50,450 Look what you've done to my tree. 656 01:08:54,170 --> 01:08:55,170 Lewis. 657 01:09:05,870 --> 01:09:07,410 It is an ugly tree anyway. 658 01:09:08,490 --> 01:09:10,410 At least it's out of its misery. 659 01:09:11,170 --> 01:09:13,810 That's going to flip out, right? No, nobody's going to flip out. We're going 660 01:09:13,810 --> 01:09:14,810 have a wonderful Christmas. 661 01:09:19,050 --> 01:09:20,050 What the hell do you want? 662 01:09:20,350 --> 01:09:23,170 I have a delivery for Clark W. Griezmann. 663 01:09:23,430 --> 01:09:28,050 I was supposed to deliver it yesterday, but it fell between the seats. I didn't 664 01:09:28,050 --> 01:09:29,270 see it. I'm sorry. 665 01:09:36,470 --> 01:09:37,670 Merry Christmas. 666 01:09:39,090 --> 01:09:40,090 Merry Christmas. 667 01:09:43,850 --> 01:09:45,830 I can't believe it. What is it? 668 01:09:46,470 --> 01:09:48,689 A letter confirming your reservation at the Nuthouse? 669 01:09:49,490 --> 01:09:50,550 It's from my company. 670 01:09:51,569 --> 01:09:52,569 Your bonus. 671 01:09:53,029 --> 01:09:54,029 My bonus. 672 01:09:58,490 --> 01:10:01,530 Open it, Clark. Open it. 673 01:10:02,030 --> 01:10:04,030 Yeah, I hope it's a fortune, Clark. 674 01:10:04,630 --> 01:10:05,630 You do, Eddie? 675 01:10:06,930 --> 01:10:11,270 I was afraid. 676 01:10:11,630 --> 01:10:14,370 Are you going to ball all over it, or are you going to open it? 677 01:10:16,750 --> 01:10:20,530 I was going to wait until tomorrow to tell you all this, but what the heck. 678 01:10:22,090 --> 01:10:25,530 With this bonus check, I'm putting in a swimming pool. 679 01:10:29,890 --> 01:10:30,568 That's it. 680 01:10:30,570 --> 01:10:31,570 That's the big one. 681 01:10:34,110 --> 01:10:35,110 Open it. 682 01:10:37,430 --> 01:10:40,670 I'm sorry if I've been a little short with everyone lately. 683 01:10:41,350 --> 01:10:42,710 I've been waiting for this bonus. 684 01:10:43,660 --> 01:10:46,740 To make sure the pool goes in as soon as the ground thaws, I had to lay out the 685 01:10:46,740 --> 01:10:47,599 money in advance. 686 01:10:47,600 --> 01:10:50,220 And until this little miracle arrived, I didn't have enough in my account to 687 01:10:50,220 --> 01:10:51,220 cover the check I wrote. 688 01:10:52,240 --> 01:10:52,860 There's enough 689 01:10:52,860 --> 01:11:05,700 left 690 01:11:05,700 --> 01:11:08,760 over. I'm going to fly you all down here to help us dedicate it. 691 01:11:13,040 --> 01:11:14,080 I can't swim, Clark. 692 01:11:15,400 --> 01:11:16,580 I know that, Eddie. 693 01:11:21,660 --> 01:11:22,660 Hey. 694 01:11:24,920 --> 01:11:25,920 Oh. 695 01:11:27,240 --> 01:11:28,240 Hey. 696 01:11:28,600 --> 01:11:30,000 Oh. Hey. 697 01:11:31,100 --> 01:11:32,160 Clark, what's wrong? 698 01:11:33,240 --> 01:11:34,240 Honey. 699 01:11:35,720 --> 01:11:37,380 It's bigger than you expected? 700 01:11:45,290 --> 01:11:46,290 What is it? 701 01:11:47,670 --> 01:11:51,210 It's a one -year membership in the Jelly of the Month Club. 702 01:11:51,770 --> 01:11:52,770 Oh, God. 703 01:11:52,910 --> 01:11:56,150 Clark, that's the gift that keeps on giving the whole year. 704 01:11:58,310 --> 01:11:59,310 That it is, Edward. 705 01:12:00,390 --> 01:12:01,390 That it is indeed. 706 01:12:02,450 --> 01:12:03,450 I'm sorry. 707 01:12:04,030 --> 01:12:05,030 Clark. 708 01:12:05,750 --> 01:12:10,110 This isn't the biggest bag over the head, punch in the face I ever got. God 709 01:12:10,110 --> 01:12:11,110 it! 710 01:12:11,190 --> 01:12:12,190 Son. 711 01:12:35,470 --> 01:12:39,530 If any of you are looking for any last -minute gift ideas for me, I have one. 712 01:12:40,730 --> 01:12:42,930 I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. 713 01:12:44,550 --> 01:12:47,970 I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody 714 01:12:47,970 --> 01:12:52,090 all the other rich people, and I want him brought right here with a big ribbon 715 01:12:52,090 --> 01:12:53,090 on his head. 716 01:12:53,510 --> 01:12:56,630 And I want to look him straight in the eye, and I want to tell him what a 717 01:12:56,630 --> 01:13:00,630 lying, no -good, rotten, four -flushing, low -life, snake -licking, dirt 718 01:13:00,630 --> 01:13:03,330 -eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood... 719 01:13:03,850 --> 01:13:08,550 Sucking, dog -kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat -ass, 720 01:13:08,550 --> 01:13:13,190 -eyed, stiff -legged, spotty -lipped, worm -headed sack of monkey shit he is. 721 01:13:13,770 --> 01:13:14,770 Hallelujah! 722 01:13:15,290 --> 01:13:16,350 Holy shit! 723 01:13:16,630 --> 01:13:17,710 Where's the Tylenol? 724 01:13:30,570 --> 01:13:32,570 Got that crazy birthday guy. 725 01:13:32,910 --> 01:13:34,350 I told you we should have gone this way. 726 01:13:35,250 --> 01:13:37,290 Turn that thing off and get in the house. 727 01:13:38,510 --> 01:13:39,670 I'll talk to him, Mom. 728 01:13:43,630 --> 01:13:44,630 No, Dad! 729 01:13:45,090 --> 01:13:46,090 I've been thinking. 730 01:13:48,030 --> 01:13:49,030 Good talk, Mom. 731 01:13:54,810 --> 01:13:58,070 Aren't you just the teeniest bit sorry we didn't get a Christmas tree? I mean, 732 01:13:58,070 --> 01:14:00,890 even though they're dirty and messy and corny and cliched. 733 01:14:01,320 --> 01:14:03,600 Well, where are you going to find a tree at this hour on Christmas Eve? 734 01:14:17,660 --> 01:14:23,720 What's the matter? 735 01:14:25,980 --> 01:14:27,000 Was that really necessary? 736 01:14:29,700 --> 01:14:30,700 We needed a tree. 737 01:14:31,100 --> 01:14:33,500 May I remind you that... That this is all my idea? No. 738 01:14:33,740 --> 01:14:35,420 No, no. I'm well aware of that, honey. 739 01:14:36,480 --> 01:14:39,760 Well, could you just keep it in mind the next time you go berserk? 740 01:14:40,100 --> 01:14:41,100 Go berserk? 741 01:14:41,960 --> 01:14:43,060 Simply solved a problem. 742 01:14:45,200 --> 01:14:46,200 We needed a coffin. 743 01:14:46,480 --> 01:14:48,540 A tree. 744 01:14:49,540 --> 01:14:51,540 There are no lots open on Christmas Eve. 745 01:14:51,840 --> 01:14:54,580 Louis burned down my tree, so I replaced it as best I could. 746 01:14:55,160 --> 01:14:56,980 Voila. Are you okay? 747 01:14:57,400 --> 01:14:58,440 I'm fine, honey. 748 01:15:23,080 --> 01:15:24,080 Fix the new post! 749 01:15:46,040 --> 01:15:47,400 What's that sound? 750 01:16:11,210 --> 01:16:12,950 It's a funny squeaky sound. 751 01:16:13,730 --> 01:16:18,530 You couldn't hear a dump truck driving through a nitroglycerin planche. 752 01:16:19,410 --> 01:16:20,490 I hear it too. 753 01:16:29,190 --> 01:16:30,250 Don't hear it anymore. 754 01:17:07,240 --> 01:17:08,240 Mom, don't move. 755 01:17:10,200 --> 01:17:11,820 We can't let it get out of the living room. 756 01:17:13,540 --> 01:17:15,660 Where's Eddie? He usually eats these goddamn things. 757 01:17:16,120 --> 01:17:19,940 Oh, not recently, Clark. He read the squirrels were high in cholesterol. 758 01:17:21,120 --> 01:17:22,120 Thank you, Catherine. 759 01:17:23,800 --> 01:17:24,860 I'll try and trap it. 760 01:17:25,420 --> 01:17:27,180 Russ! Right here, Dad. 761 01:17:27,800 --> 01:17:28,800 Oh, there you are. 762 01:17:30,280 --> 01:17:31,280 Go get the hammer. 763 01:17:31,920 --> 01:17:33,320 Clark, what do you need a hammer for? 764 01:17:34,040 --> 01:17:35,460 I'm going to catch it in a coat. 765 01:17:36,690 --> 01:17:37,690 Smack it with a hammer. 766 01:17:44,750 --> 01:17:45,930 I'm going in with him. 767 01:17:49,870 --> 01:17:50,870 Nora? 768 01:17:52,330 --> 01:17:53,330 Nora? 769 01:17:54,350 --> 01:17:57,250 Is he gone? Probably got scared and ran back into the tree. 770 01:18:09,500 --> 01:18:10,500 Thank you. 771 01:18:38,320 --> 01:18:42,920 right over there and slug that creep in the face. I can't just attack someone. 772 01:18:43,200 --> 01:18:44,760 All right then, if you're not man enough to... 773 01:19:41,200 --> 01:19:43,560 A full -blown four -alarm holiday emergency here. 774 01:19:43,800 --> 01:19:46,980 We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap -hap -happiest Christmas 775 01:19:46,980 --> 01:19:49,440 since Bing Crosby tap -danced with Danny fucking Kay. 776 01:19:49,840 --> 01:19:53,440 And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney knife, he's gonna 777 01:19:53,440 --> 01:19:55,920 find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse. 778 01:19:57,100 --> 01:19:58,100 You're goofy. 779 01:19:58,460 --> 01:19:59,520 Don't piss me off, Art. 780 01:19:59,860 --> 01:20:01,920 Clark, it's over. 781 01:20:02,140 --> 01:20:05,140 Not according to Santa's watch, it isn't. Now, come on, son. Stay out of 782 01:20:05,220 --> 01:20:09,800 Dad. Clark, I think it's best if everyone just goes home before things 783 01:20:09,800 --> 01:20:10,800 worse. 784 01:20:12,300 --> 01:20:13,300 How could they get any worse? 785 01:20:13,540 --> 01:20:14,820 Take a look around you, Ellen. 786 01:20:15,160 --> 01:20:16,580 We're at the threshold of hell. 787 01:20:34,620 --> 01:20:38,180 Son, I love you. 788 01:20:38,760 --> 01:20:41,100 We all love you. But this is a terrible night. 789 01:20:41,340 --> 01:20:45,620 Nothing's gone right. It's a disaster. But you losing your temper with the 790 01:20:45,620 --> 01:20:49,380 family only makes things worse. And you're too good a father to act like 791 01:20:51,300 --> 01:20:55,100 In years to come, you want your children and your family to remember all the 792 01:20:55,100 --> 01:20:58,280 love you gave us and how hard you tried to make the perfect Christmas. 793 01:20:58,840 --> 01:21:00,860 You just cocked it up. 794 01:21:03,920 --> 01:21:04,920 It's okay. 795 01:21:05,400 --> 01:21:06,400 It happens. 796 01:21:08,200 --> 01:21:10,260 All our holidays were always such a mess. 797 01:21:10,720 --> 01:21:11,720 Oh, yeah. 798 01:21:12,560 --> 01:21:13,680 How'd you get through it? 799 01:21:15,020 --> 01:21:17,060 I had a lot of help from Jack Daniels. 800 01:21:22,120 --> 01:21:27,080 I love you. 801 01:21:29,700 --> 01:21:30,800 Dad? Yeah? 802 01:21:31,900 --> 01:21:33,660 Are you going to recite the night before Christmas? 803 01:21:34,160 --> 01:21:35,160 No. 804 01:21:35,580 --> 01:21:37,400 It's your house. It's your Christmas. 805 01:21:39,240 --> 01:21:40,240 I'm retiring. 806 01:21:41,880 --> 01:21:46,560 The children were nestled all snug in their beds while visions of sugar plums 807 01:21:46,560 --> 01:21:47,580 danced in their heads. 808 01:21:48,440 --> 01:21:53,140 And Mama in her kerchief and I in my cap had just settled our brains for a long 809 01:21:53,140 --> 01:21:58,780 winter's nap when out on the lawn there arose such a clatter I sprang from my 810 01:21:58,780 --> 01:22:02,380 bed to see what was the matter. Away to the window I flew like a flash, tore 811 01:22:02,380 --> 01:22:04,140 open the shutters and threw up the sash. 812 01:22:04,880 --> 01:22:07,980 The moon on the breast of the new -fallen snow gave a luster of midday to 813 01:22:07,980 --> 01:22:12,020 objects below, when what to my wondering eyes should appear but a miniature 814 01:22:12,020 --> 01:22:13,020 sleigh. 815 01:22:13,620 --> 01:22:19,500 And... And Eddie, with a man in his pajamas and a dog chain tied to his 816 01:22:19,500 --> 01:22:23,860 and ankles. What the... Stay here. 817 01:22:29,080 --> 01:22:30,260 Ho, ho, ho! 818 01:22:30,500 --> 01:22:32,020 Merry Christmas, Clark! 819 01:22:33,800 --> 01:22:35,900 You about ready to do some kissing, huh? 820 01:22:37,960 --> 01:22:43,700 Yes, officer. It seems my husband's been abducted. The man was wearing a blue 821 01:22:43,700 --> 01:22:50,200 leisure suit, and the plates were from Kansas. He was a huge, beastly, bulging 822 01:22:50,200 --> 01:22:54,400 man. I have never been treated like this in my life. I'm sorry. This is our 823 01:22:54,400 --> 01:22:55,400 family's first kidnapping. 824 01:22:56,580 --> 01:22:57,580 You're fired. 825 01:22:58,330 --> 01:23:01,890 Where's the phone? I'm calling the police. Just hold your wad there, fella. 826 01:23:02,170 --> 01:23:05,290 Clark had nothing to do with this. This here was my idea. 827 01:23:06,030 --> 01:23:08,870 All right, he's still fired, and you are going to jail. 828 01:23:09,370 --> 01:23:12,210 Oh, no, Eddie, it was my fault. 829 01:23:13,810 --> 01:23:17,510 I lost my temper when I got my bonus, and I guess I said a few things I 830 01:23:17,510 --> 01:23:18,510 shouldn't have. Bonus? 831 01:23:19,190 --> 01:23:20,490 How did you get a bonus? 832 01:23:20,890 --> 01:23:22,530 I cut out bonuses this year. 833 01:23:22,790 --> 01:23:24,730 Yeah, and thanks for telling us. 834 01:23:25,200 --> 01:23:27,740 I was expecting a check and said I got enrolled in a jelly club. 835 01:23:29,040 --> 01:23:32,380 17 years with the company. I've gotten a Christmas bonus every year but this 836 01:23:32,380 --> 01:23:34,440 one. You don't want to give bonuses, fine. 837 01:23:34,820 --> 01:23:38,480 But when people count on them as part of their salary... Oh, what you did just 838 01:23:38,480 --> 01:23:39,540 plain sucks. 839 01:23:42,040 --> 01:23:43,040 Thank you, Russ. 840 01:23:45,080 --> 01:23:51,000 My cousin -in -law, whose heart is bigger than his brain... I appreciate 841 01:23:51,060 --> 01:23:52,060 Clark. 842 01:23:52,700 --> 01:23:53,700 ...is innocent. 843 01:23:54,060 --> 01:23:57,300 I'll be more than happy to take the rap on this. On behalf of myself and on 844 01:23:57,300 --> 01:23:59,540 behalf of every other employer you rear -ended this Christmas. 845 01:24:18,160 --> 01:24:23,640 Look, uh... Sometimes things look good on paper, but, uh... 846 01:24:24,240 --> 01:24:27,200 lose their luster when you see how it affects real folks. 847 01:24:28,760 --> 01:24:32,440 I guess a healthy bottom line doesn't mean much if to get it you have to hurt 848 01:24:32,440 --> 01:24:33,460 the ones you depend on. 849 01:24:36,320 --> 01:24:38,400 It's people that make the difference. 850 01:24:39,240 --> 01:24:40,480 Little people like you. 851 01:24:43,080 --> 01:24:49,680 So, Carl, whatever you got last year, add 852 01:24:49,680 --> 01:24:51,500 20%. 853 01:24:59,559 --> 01:25:03,820 Here comes Santa Claus. Here comes Santa Claus. Right down Santa Claus. 854 01:25:04,100 --> 01:25:10,540 Here comes Santa 855 01:25:10,540 --> 01:25:20,540 Claus. 856 01:25:20,580 --> 01:25:21,660 Here comes Santa Claus. 857 01:25:22,010 --> 01:25:23,170 Down in Santa Claus Lane. 858 01:26:51,310 --> 01:26:54,270 Would you and Mrs. Shirley like to step outside so we can take care of a little 859 01:26:54,270 --> 01:26:55,270 bit of business here? 860 01:26:55,450 --> 01:26:58,150 Oh, there's no business. I'm not pressing any charges. 861 01:26:58,470 --> 01:26:59,950 What? It was a mistake. 862 01:27:00,650 --> 01:27:02,710 Mistake? Frank, honey, you were kidnapped. 863 01:27:03,330 --> 01:27:07,650 I did something I shouldn't have, and these people called me on it. This is 864 01:27:07,650 --> 01:27:09,490 Clark Griswold and his family. 865 01:27:10,250 --> 01:27:11,250 Welcome to our home. 866 01:27:12,990 --> 01:27:13,990 What's left of it? 867 01:27:14,510 --> 01:27:15,530 Release B -Squad. 868 01:27:16,050 --> 01:27:21,130 What? going on here? Remember how I was toying with the notion of suspending the 869 01:27:21,130 --> 01:27:22,130 Christmas bonuses? 870 01:27:22,390 --> 01:27:27,010 You didn't. One of all the cheap, lousy ways to save a buck. 871 01:27:27,290 --> 01:27:28,450 That's pretty low, mister. 872 01:27:29,090 --> 01:27:33,930 If I had a rubber hose, I would beat you. I changed my mind. I'm reinstating 873 01:27:33,930 --> 01:27:34,930 the bonuses. 874 01:27:56,560 --> 01:27:57,560 No. 875 01:27:58,640 --> 01:27:59,840 It's the Christmas star. 876 01:28:00,620 --> 01:28:02,140 And that's all that matters tonight. 877 01:28:04,020 --> 01:28:07,260 Not bonuses or gifts or turkeys or trees. 878 01:28:08,340 --> 01:28:12,280 See, kids, it means something different to everybody. 879 01:28:15,080 --> 01:28:16,480 Now I know what it means to me. 880 01:28:18,660 --> 01:28:23,060 That ain't the friggin' Christmas star, Grizz. It's a lighter in the sewage 881 01:28:23,060 --> 01:28:24,060 treatment plant. 882 01:28:24,670 --> 01:28:25,670 Sewer gases. 883 01:30:14,120 --> 01:30:15,680 It's that time. 884 01:30:16,680 --> 01:30:18,460 Christmas time is here. 885 01:30:19,560 --> 01:30:23,820 Everybody knows there's not a better time of year. 886 01:30:24,780 --> 01:30:26,580 Hear that sleigh. 887 01:30:27,700 --> 01:30:29,360 Santa's on his way. 888 01:30:30,080 --> 01:30:32,760 Took him for a Christmas vacation. 889 01:30:35,560 --> 01:30:38,560 Got a ton of stuff to celebrate. 890 01:30:41,930 --> 01:30:42,970 It's getting closer. 891 01:30:43,290 --> 01:30:44,290 I've had one. 892 01:30:46,410 --> 01:30:50,890 Gonna make this holiday as perfect as can be. 893 01:30:51,630 --> 01:30:54,470 Just wait and see the Christmas vacation. 894 01:30:57,450 --> 01:31:01,850 This old house sure is looking good. 895 01:31:02,690 --> 01:31:06,950 Got ourselves the finest new man in the neighborhood. 896 01:31:39,390 --> 01:31:44,790 And when the night of people answering, 897 01:31:45,410 --> 01:31:49,910 we can cuddle up and do our... 898 01:32:45,870 --> 01:32:52,750 We don't let the spirit on us even carry us away.