1 00:00:18,520 --> 00:00:19,520 Mmm. 2 00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:38,240 - Doors. - Oh, hello, sailor. 3 00:00:38,320 --> 00:00:39,880 - Oh. - What's going on? 4 00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:42,160 - We've had our first laugh. - What? 5 00:00:42,240 --> 00:00:43,120 - No way. - Not me. 6 00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:44,240 Bullshit. 7 00:00:44,320 --> 00:00:45,640 Let's have a look at the replay. 8 00:00:45,720 --> 00:00:47,280 I've lifted Ronnie Corbett up. 9 00:00:47,360 --> 00:00:50,240 It's a dead weight, 'cause your mind thinks easy. 10 00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:51,800 Can I lift you? 11 00:00:51,880 --> 00:00:53,280 You can give it a go. 12 00:00:53,800 --> 00:00:56,120 Whoa, Sam. 13 00:00:56,200 --> 00:00:57,320 And I've laughed. 14 00:00:57,400 --> 00:01:00,640 Oh, shit. 15 00:01:00,720 --> 00:01:03,280 - Oh, Bobby, how did we miss that? - When did that happen? 16 00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:06,360 He's such a slight fella, I thought there was no chance. 17 00:01:06,440 --> 00:01:10,320 And when I shot up into the air, I had to laugh. 18 00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:11,560 Bob, that's a yellow card. 19 00:01:11,640 --> 00:01:14,120 I'm a bit sad about it, but yeah. 20 00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:15,400 Did you ask for permission? 21 00:01:15,480 --> 00:01:16,400 - Yeah. - He got full consent. 22 00:01:16,480 --> 00:01:19,280 Campbell is coming out on the attack. He's a shark. 23 00:01:19,360 --> 00:01:21,280 Okay. Okay, I'm restarting the game. 24 00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:23,920 Oh, God. 25 00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:25,000 Doors. 26 00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:27,600 So, we're underway. 27 00:01:27,680 --> 00:01:30,840 Sam picks up Bob, and Bob picks up the first yellow card. 28 00:01:32,640 --> 00:01:33,640 Now we've got a game. 29 00:01:33,720 --> 00:01:35,080 That's some gameplay. 30 00:01:35,160 --> 00:01:38,120 I think Sam Campbell is the man to beat. Let's restart the game. 31 00:01:44,640 --> 00:01:46,240 Can I lift you up, Sam? 32 00:01:46,320 --> 00:01:48,400 No. I'm all good. Thanks, man. 33 00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:57,000 - What? That was a bit of an ick. - Get involved, everyone. 34 00:01:57,080 --> 00:01:58,680 What's your favourite food? 35 00:01:58,750 --> 00:01:59,920 - Of all time? - Yeah. 36 00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:01,000 - Ever? - Yeah. 37 00:02:01,080 --> 00:02:02,240 - Can I be honest? - What? 38 00:02:02,320 --> 00:02:03,320 Easter egg. 39 00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:05,640 Do you think the chocolate's got worse? 40 00:02:05,720 --> 00:02:08,120 - It's not as nice as it was. - Definitely. Definitely worse. 41 00:02:08,190 --> 00:02:09,190 I think it's better than ever. 42 00:02:09,280 --> 00:02:11,160 Amy, you're telling me, you're on death row, 43 00:02:11,240 --> 00:02:12,720 - they go, "You've got one meal." - Yeah. 44 00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:14,720 You go, "Can I get an Easter egg"? 45 00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:16,000 Yeah. Big as you can. 46 00:02:17,920 --> 00:02:19,480 I love, um, scallops. 47 00:02:19,560 --> 00:02:20,560 - Scallops? - Do you? 48 00:02:20,640 --> 00:02:22,480 Yeah. Then someone told me they were mermaid's clit. 49 00:02:24,920 --> 00:02:27,280 - What's "clit-y" about them? - The texture. 50 00:02:27,360 --> 00:02:28,720 It's the fact that there's flap on each side. 51 00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:30,160 Also very difficult to find. 52 00:02:30,240 --> 00:02:31,400 - Thank God. - Thank God. 53 00:02:31,480 --> 00:02:32,760 I've never been so pleased for a phone to ring. 54 00:02:32,840 --> 00:02:34,680 - I'll get this, I'm getting this. - I'm getting it. 55 00:02:35,680 --> 00:02:36,680 Hello. 56 00:02:36,760 --> 00:02:39,560 Hi, could I speak to, um, Bob Mortimer? 57 00:02:39,640 --> 00:02:42,680 Sure. Bob! Phone! 58 00:02:42,760 --> 00:02:43,840 - Ooh. - Oh. 59 00:02:43,920 --> 00:02:45,280 Thanks. 60 00:02:46,120 --> 00:02:47,120 All right. 61 00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:52,680 Bob, could you get David Mitchell to arm wrestle with you? 62 00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:55,240 And if anyone asks why I called, just make up a reason. 63 00:02:55,320 --> 00:02:57,120 Okay. Thank you very much. 64 00:02:57,200 --> 00:02:58,200 Love you, bye. 65 00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:01,600 Let's see how he does it. 66 00:03:12,240 --> 00:03:13,960 How old are your children, David? 67 00:03:14,040 --> 00:03:16,680 One is ten and one's 20 months. 68 00:03:16,760 --> 00:03:19,070 - So, you're… you're doing lifting? - Yeah, yeah. 69 00:03:19,640 --> 00:03:24,000 I remember being very strong, 'cause of holding children. 70 00:03:24,070 --> 00:03:26,680 Have you got… No? 71 00:03:26,760 --> 00:03:30,160 No, I'm far too old to have a small child, really. 72 00:03:30,240 --> 00:03:31,720 My body tells me that every day. 73 00:03:32,360 --> 00:03:36,280 I remember when… when Jim was a parent… 74 00:03:36,360 --> 00:03:40,280 …and we were at, um, a hotel one night and Liam Gallagher was there. 75 00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:41,840 Jim, of course, is, uh… 76 00:03:41,920 --> 00:03:43,440 - He's referring to Vic Reeves. - Yes. 77 00:03:43,520 --> 00:03:44,560 Jim Moir. 78 00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:48,840 And Liam says, "Jim, you're not working class." 79 00:03:48,920 --> 00:03:51,640 Jim's not particularly bothered either way, as it were. 80 00:03:52,280 --> 00:03:57,040 Liam said, "I'll fucking arm wrestle you. Let's see who's most working class." 81 00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:02,520 I would question whether winning an arm wrestle 82 00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:06,320 would be complete proof of being working class anyway. 83 00:04:06,400 --> 00:04:07,400 Can… 84 00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:09,720 Is that the absolute clincher, that basically the… 85 00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:11,800 the working class are the best at arm wrestles? 86 00:04:11,880 --> 00:04:15,360 - Can I arm wrestle you, David? - Would you like an arm wrestle? 87 00:04:15,440 --> 00:04:17,040 - And see which one of us is... - Oh. Yes. 88 00:04:17,120 --> 00:04:18,920 - Let's say that the victor is… - Okay. 89 00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:21,800 - …is very working class. - Working class? Okay. 90 00:04:21,880 --> 00:04:23,120 Don't mind, do you? 91 00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:24,920 No, I haven't had an arm wrestle for a long time. 92 00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:27,480 Has David Mitchell ever had any physical combat 93 00:04:27,560 --> 00:04:29,160 other than throwing a chess piece? 94 00:04:30,480 --> 00:04:32,320 There's gonna be an arm wrestle now. 95 00:04:32,400 --> 00:04:35,320 Oh, wow. Arm wrestle. Arm wrestle. 96 00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:38,120 I knew at some point, David, you were gonna start an arm wrestle. 97 00:04:38,200 --> 00:04:40,400 Let's find out if David Mitchell is working class. 98 00:04:42,080 --> 00:04:44,920 Have you always wanted to be working class? I have. 99 00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:48,760 Um, no, I'm quite content to be middle class, bourgeois. 100 00:04:48,840 --> 00:04:51,640 If you win, it's gonna be a big change in your life, isn't it? 101 00:04:51,720 --> 00:04:52,840 But it will be interesting. 102 00:04:52,920 --> 00:04:53,920 If this was a movie, 103 00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:56,240 this would crash cut to David Mitchell drinking in a Wetherspoons. 104 00:04:57,760 --> 00:04:58,840 Like that? Okay. 105 00:04:58,920 --> 00:05:01,760 Elbows mustn't lift off the table, boys. 106 00:05:02,280 --> 00:05:05,920 Ready? One, two, three! Go on! 107 00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:07,400 - Come on! - Come on. 108 00:05:07,480 --> 00:05:08,680 Get stuck in. 109 00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:10,040 - Oh, we've got… - Come on, posh boy. 110 00:05:10,120 --> 00:05:11,120 We've got movement. 111 00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:12,600 - We've got movement. Oh! - Go, Bob. 112 00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:13,840 - Go, Bob. - There it is. 113 00:05:13,920 --> 00:05:17,120 He's gone red. He's gone bright red. 114 00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:19,240 Yes! 115 00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:20,760 - So, officially… - Ah. 116 00:05:20,840 --> 00:05:23,360 - Working class. - Working class. 117 00:05:23,440 --> 00:05:24,560 How many people are there 118 00:05:24,640 --> 00:05:27,600 that can say they've beaten David Mitchell in an arm wrestle? 119 00:05:27,680 --> 00:05:29,360 It's a very elite little group of us. 120 00:05:29,440 --> 00:05:31,840 Probably me and his wife. 121 00:05:32,480 --> 00:05:33,560 Maybe his children. 122 00:05:34,240 --> 00:05:36,640 Come on then, ladies. Mud wrestle. 123 00:05:37,150 --> 00:05:38,680 Who knew. 124 00:05:38,760 --> 00:05:39,840 Oh, no. 125 00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:42,280 - No way. Who? - What? 126 00:05:44,080 --> 00:05:45,080 Doors. 127 00:05:45,800 --> 00:05:46,680 Gather around, please. 128 00:05:46,760 --> 00:05:48,520 Have you laughed now? Is it you who's laughed? 129 00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:50,680 - I don't know. I don't even know. - I don't… I don't think I have. 130 00:05:50,760 --> 00:05:52,960 It's like farting these days, I don't even know if I've done it. 131 00:05:53,040 --> 00:05:54,720 Is it a laugh? Has someone laughed? 132 00:05:54,800 --> 00:05:57,440 Yeah, someone laughed. Let's have a look. 133 00:05:57,520 --> 00:05:59,240 - We've got movement. Oh! - Go, Bob. 134 00:05:59,320 --> 00:06:00,320 - Go, Bob. - There it is. 135 00:06:01,520 --> 00:06:04,000 He's gone red. He's gone bright red. 136 00:06:04,080 --> 00:06:07,120 Di! 137 00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:08,960 - Diane. - Diane. 138 00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:09,960 No way. 139 00:06:10,040 --> 00:06:12,120 - I forgot. - They don't miss anything. 140 00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:13,400 Completely forgot. 141 00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:15,200 Bang to rights. 142 00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:20,360 I thought it might've been me 'cause this has been going up a little bit. 143 00:06:20,440 --> 00:06:21,840 - Hmm. - But yeah, when your face… 144 00:06:21,920 --> 00:06:23,440 - And it was a big old… - Just went. Yes. 145 00:06:23,520 --> 00:06:25,360 - You're like… - Yes. 146 00:06:25,440 --> 00:06:27,080 You didn't give a shit! 147 00:06:28,480 --> 00:06:30,280 It was really sweet. 148 00:06:30,360 --> 00:06:32,360 Uh, I was really enjoying myself. 149 00:06:32,440 --> 00:06:35,760 I was so disappointed at how easily I went. 150 00:06:35,840 --> 00:06:39,840 I just thought that this was like, uh, an everyday arm wrestle at home. 151 00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:43,560 Just like, "Oh, well done. Ah." 152 00:06:43,640 --> 00:06:45,440 I'm gonna go back in there, restart the game. 153 00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:47,200 - Thanks, Jimmy. - Well done, Jim. 154 00:06:47,280 --> 00:06:48,960 It's anyone's game if these two can go down. 155 00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:51,600 Doors. 156 00:06:52,440 --> 00:06:55,150 So David's loud grunting was just too much for Diane. 157 00:06:55,240 --> 00:06:56,320 That's a yellow card. 158 00:06:58,000 --> 00:06:59,480 Okay, let's restart the game. 159 00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:02,760 - Oh, Christ, here we go again. - God. 160 00:07:02,840 --> 00:07:04,000 This is relentless. 161 00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:09,080 Is anyone feeling a bit cold? It feels cold in here, don't it? 162 00:07:09,160 --> 00:07:11,720 Do you think it's a bit cold? Just feels a bit chilly. 163 00:07:11,800 --> 00:07:14,320 Diane, did you have a proper job before you started doing this lark? 164 00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:17,120 I've had loads of jobs, yeah. 165 00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:19,400 I used to pack worming tablets. 166 00:07:20,320 --> 00:07:22,000 Conveyor belt sort of thing? 167 00:07:22,080 --> 00:07:25,200 The packets would give you paper cuts 168 00:07:25,280 --> 00:07:29,120 and then the glue from the packets would seep into the cuts. 169 00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:30,760 And your hands would swell up. 170 00:07:30,840 --> 00:07:32,200 - Right. - And you could always tell people 171 00:07:32,280 --> 00:07:33,400 that worked at the factory 172 00:07:33,480 --> 00:07:36,000 'cause they'd be stood at the bus stop with massive hands. 173 00:07:39,040 --> 00:07:40,680 Did you ever take any home? 174 00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:42,240 Massive hands? 175 00:07:42,320 --> 00:07:43,320 No. 176 00:07:43,400 --> 00:07:44,560 The, um… 177 00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:47,640 worming tablets. 178 00:07:47,720 --> 00:07:49,720 No. I didn't have a dog at the time. 179 00:07:51,480 --> 00:07:53,560 - I got big hands once… - Yeah? 180 00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:54,960 …'cause I'm allergic to penicillin. 181 00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:56,400 Oh, and they puffed up? 182 00:07:56,480 --> 00:07:58,440 Yeah. They went really big. 183 00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:00,200 What did you do when you had your big hands? 184 00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:01,640 Did you put them to any use? 185 00:08:01,720 --> 00:08:02,920 No, uh, at a hospital. 186 00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:04,280 You worked at a hospital? 187 00:08:05,240 --> 00:08:08,120 - Oh, you went to hospital. Right. Yeah. - I went to hospital, yeah. 188 00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:13,040 If one part of you was gonna swell, you know, like, for the fun of it, 189 00:08:13,120 --> 00:08:15,120 - it's only 48 hours… - Yeah. Yeah. 190 00:08:15,840 --> 00:08:17,480 - Nose? - Lips. 191 00:08:17,560 --> 00:08:18,560 Oh, yeah. 192 00:08:18,640 --> 00:08:19,960 Pay good money for that. 193 00:08:20,640 --> 00:08:21,760 What would you go for? 194 00:08:21,840 --> 00:08:23,640 - What? Sorry. - What would you go for? 195 00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:34,960 Oh, here he comes. 196 00:08:35,030 --> 00:08:37,910 - That's how much that artwork... - Did I miss anything, guys? 197 00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:39,320 You're warmer. 198 00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:41,320 Yeah, no, I… I went out and had a cigarette. 199 00:08:41,400 --> 00:08:42,520 What're you doing? 200 00:08:42,600 --> 00:08:44,840 I just didn't have my inhaler, you see? 201 00:08:48,520 --> 00:08:51,040 And it's the only thing that makes me feel better, you know? 202 00:08:53,760 --> 00:08:55,800 - What's your quirkiest item? - How you doing, Bob? All right? 203 00:08:55,880 --> 00:08:57,280 I don't want you to deliver quirk now. 204 00:08:58,760 --> 00:09:02,520 It's like pigeons scattering. 205 00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:05,520 How are you doing, all right? Went and had a cigarette. 206 00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:06,640 I just wish I could give it up. 207 00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:10,000 Actually, I sound butcher than my normal voice. 208 00:09:10,640 --> 00:09:13,200 - Amy. - Oh, Amy's in trouble. 209 00:09:13,280 --> 00:09:14,280 Bob's in trouble. 210 00:09:14,840 --> 00:09:16,480 Reminded me a bit of school, really. 211 00:09:16,560 --> 00:09:19,800 You know, me coming over to chat and then everyone just walking away. 212 00:09:20,480 --> 00:09:21,520 Why have you got a coat on? 213 00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:25,320 'Cause there is a massive bag of helium attached to my back. 214 00:09:28,640 --> 00:09:30,520 - Happy now? - Is that why you're floating 215 00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:32,080 - three inches above the ground? - Yes. 216 00:09:32,160 --> 00:09:33,320 Have you run out of helium? 217 00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:37,000 I used all the helium trying to get a laugh and everyone walked off. 218 00:09:37,080 --> 00:09:39,320 Isn't it very dangerous to have helium? 219 00:09:39,400 --> 00:09:42,760 Yeah, I've had to sign something to say if I die, it's my fault. 220 00:09:42,840 --> 00:09:44,840 My voice didn't really change. 221 00:09:45,880 --> 00:09:47,600 That was the biggest joke. 222 00:09:49,560 --> 00:09:51,360 Okay, I think it's time for a joker. Who do you wanna see? 223 00:09:51,920 --> 00:09:52,920 Diane Morgan? 224 00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:54,480 Okay. 225 00:09:55,040 --> 00:09:57,120 Shall I get that? I'll get that. 226 00:09:57,200 --> 00:09:58,360 You get that. I'm… 227 00:09:59,960 --> 00:10:00,960 Uh, good day. 228 00:10:01,040 --> 00:10:04,440 The penthouse suite of the Laughing Out Loud… 229 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:05,600 No, it's not called Laughing Out Loud. 230 00:10:05,680 --> 00:10:07,000 What's this show called? 231 00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:08,680 - Laugh Out Loud. - Last One Laughing. 232 00:10:08,760 --> 00:10:11,320 - Last One Laughing. - Last One in The Laughing Area. 233 00:10:11,400 --> 00:10:13,000 Is that… Is that... 234 00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:14,960 Sorry… Sorry, you've got the wrong number. 235 00:10:17,040 --> 00:10:18,360 Crank caller. 236 00:10:18,440 --> 00:10:21,520 She doesn't know the name of the show she's on. 237 00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:23,000 I mean… 238 00:10:24,240 --> 00:10:25,400 I'll have another go. 239 00:10:26,160 --> 00:10:28,560 What? Who's phoning? What's happening? 240 00:10:28,640 --> 00:10:31,040 I don't know. Some weirdo phoning us up. 241 00:10:31,120 --> 00:10:32,320 It's just outrageous. 242 00:10:33,040 --> 00:10:35,320 Must remind you of your youth. Your dating days. 243 00:10:36,120 --> 00:10:37,280 Last One Laughing. 244 00:10:37,360 --> 00:10:39,600 Oh, hi. Could I get, uh, Diane Morgan, please? 245 00:10:39,680 --> 00:10:40,760 Uh, one second. 246 00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:43,800 Diane. There's a phone call for you. 247 00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:45,600 Good luck. 248 00:10:46,280 --> 00:10:47,280 Hello. 249 00:10:47,360 --> 00:10:49,720 Oh, hi, Diane. Could you go prepare your joker, please? 250 00:10:49,800 --> 00:10:51,200 Yes, of course. 251 00:10:53,040 --> 00:10:55,240 Are they complaining about how miserable you are? 252 00:10:56,360 --> 00:10:58,800 - Oh, that's… that's cruel, that. - Oh, Diane. 253 00:10:58,880 --> 00:11:00,720 You're starting to get a bit confident, aren't you? 254 00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:01,800 - Cocky, I'd say. - Yeah. 255 00:11:01,880 --> 00:11:03,160 'Cause you started off and you were, like, 256 00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:04,960 - absolutely shitting yourself. - What's that? 257 00:11:08,080 --> 00:11:10,640 But now you're instigating stuff. You're even taking the piss. 258 00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:11,720 - No. - Yeah. 259 00:11:11,800 --> 00:11:13,680 - No, I'm not. No, way. - You're getting… 260 00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:15,280 You're getting a bit… Do you know what I mean? 261 00:11:15,360 --> 00:11:16,840 Oh, it's getting fizzy. 262 00:11:16,920 --> 00:11:18,640 - Yeah. - It's fizzing up in there now. 263 00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:20,840 Does that mean we sit at the sofa? 264 00:11:21,440 --> 00:11:22,600 Oh, hello. 265 00:11:22,680 --> 00:11:23,960 Oh, here we go. 266 00:11:24,040 --> 00:11:26,800 - Guys, is this like, the young 'uns sofa? - No, Mel. 267 00:11:26,880 --> 00:11:29,800 - Can I bring the average age up? - No, you come over here and be trendy. 268 00:11:29,880 --> 00:11:32,400 - Sit wherever you bloody want. - I love you young 'uns, gang. 269 00:11:32,480 --> 00:11:33,800 - You're beautiful. - Yeah. 270 00:11:44,520 --> 00:11:49,920 This is "Do Not Go Gentle into That Good Night", by Dylan Thomas. 271 00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:54,320 "Do not go gentle into that good night. 272 00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:57,600 Old age should burn and rave at close of day. 273 00:11:58,240 --> 00:12:02,240 Rage, rage against the dying of the light." 274 00:12:09,080 --> 00:12:12,240 "Though wise men at their end know dark is night, 275 00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:14,960 because their words had forked no lightning 276 00:12:15,040 --> 00:12:18,360 they do not go gentle into that good night." 277 00:12:21,480 --> 00:12:25,880 "Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright their frail deeds 278 00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:30,520 might have danced in a green bay. Rage, rage." 279 00:12:34,400 --> 00:12:36,400 "Against the dying of the light. 280 00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:40,560 Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight, 281 00:12:40,640 --> 00:12:43,360 and learn, too late, they grieved it on its way." 282 00:12:47,680 --> 00:12:49,080 It's that one that's gotta get 'em. 283 00:12:50,680 --> 00:12:53,320 "Do not go gentle into that good night." 284 00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:55,200 Gbemi's eyes are watering. 285 00:12:55,280 --> 00:12:56,760 "Grave men near death…" 286 00:12:59,560 --> 00:13:02,320 "…who see with blinding sight. 287 00:13:02,400 --> 00:13:05,880 Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay." 288 00:13:08,840 --> 00:13:09,840 "Rage. 289 00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:13,480 Rage against the dying of the..." 290 00:13:13,560 --> 00:13:15,320 Sorry. "Light." 291 00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:20,800 "And you, my father, there on the sad height…" 292 00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:25,160 Ah. I've gone. I've fully gone. 293 00:13:25,240 --> 00:13:26,640 "Bless me now. 294 00:13:27,880 --> 00:13:32,160 With your fierce tears, I pray." 295 00:13:34,040 --> 00:13:36,920 "Do not go gentle into that good night. 296 00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:38,480 Rage, 297 00:13:39,120 --> 00:13:42,680 rage against the dying of the light." 298 00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:47,040 Oh, God! 299 00:13:47,120 --> 00:13:49,920 I'm sorry. 300 00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:51,480 Gbemi is gone! 301 00:13:51,560 --> 00:13:53,600 Her eyes! 302 00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:59,440 - Gbemi. - Oh, my God. 303 00:13:59,520 --> 00:14:01,400 - I was crying. - Oh, God. 304 00:14:01,480 --> 00:14:03,440 - Such a cry. - Oh, God! 305 00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:05,640 Did she… actually were crying? 306 00:14:06,200 --> 00:14:07,200 Holy shit! 307 00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:08,760 I was crying. 308 00:14:10,920 --> 00:14:12,360 Not only was she farting, 309 00:14:12,440 --> 00:14:16,760 she was keeping really awkward eye contact with everyone, 310 00:14:16,840 --> 00:14:18,720 which is a skill in itself. 311 00:14:18,800 --> 00:14:20,360 That was such a great laugh, 312 00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:23,120 and she survived right to the end of the poem. 313 00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:25,200 Gbemi, that was frightening. 314 00:14:27,080 --> 00:14:30,640 You know, when you laugh so it like your body thinks you're sad. 315 00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:33,960 It started to feel painful to not be able to laugh, 316 00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:37,400 and then this sound came out of me that was a bit demonic. 317 00:14:37,480 --> 00:14:39,000 That was terrific. 318 00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:43,200 - And with that I mean, the nature… - Thanks. That means a lot coming from you. 319 00:14:43,280 --> 00:14:46,440 …the choice of farts and fart timing… 320 00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:50,320 - Just im-immaculate. Yeah. - Thank you. Thanks, David. 321 00:14:51,480 --> 00:14:54,760 That's it. That's my favourite. Simple. 322 00:14:54,840 --> 00:14:56,080 Doors. 323 00:14:56,160 --> 00:14:57,320 Oh, here we go. 324 00:14:57,400 --> 00:15:00,440 I don't want anyone to think I'm being overly harsh, 325 00:15:00,520 --> 00:15:03,640 but if you watch very carefully, I think you'll agree. 326 00:15:03,720 --> 00:15:05,000 Oh, is it Mel? 327 00:15:05,080 --> 00:15:06,400 - Just-Just have a look. - Okay. 328 00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:10,080 "Rage against the dying of the light." 329 00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:13,960 Oh, God! 330 00:15:14,040 --> 00:15:17,320 I'm sorry. 331 00:15:18,720 --> 00:15:20,920 - With the tears, she's got little tears. - She had tears. 332 00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:24,600 You're several seconds into it before it stops looking like grief. 333 00:15:24,680 --> 00:15:25,920 - Yes. - Yeah. 334 00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:28,360 It still feels a bit sad in my soul. 335 00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:31,400 - I brought the yellow card. - Okay. 336 00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:34,080 We were gonna bring in an exorcist. 337 00:15:34,160 --> 00:15:35,640 - What was that noise? - Wow. 338 00:15:35,720 --> 00:15:38,000 I mean, I don't wanna be that guy, but you've got a weird laugh. 339 00:15:38,080 --> 00:15:40,680 I just… 340 00:15:40,760 --> 00:15:45,400 I just was holding it in for so long, and I didn't even know when it came out. 341 00:15:45,480 --> 00:15:47,560 I've not put that yellow card away. 342 00:15:47,640 --> 00:15:48,800 No. 343 00:15:48,880 --> 00:15:49,960 - No way. - Oh, my God. 344 00:15:50,040 --> 00:15:51,600 - WTF. - No. 345 00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:53,320 This one is a little bit more subtle, 346 00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:56,480 although all other laughter is subtle compared to that. 347 00:15:56,560 --> 00:15:58,520 - Oh, my God. - Let's have a look. 348 00:15:58,600 --> 00:16:01,920 "Rage against the dying of the…" Sorry. 349 00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:04,680 "And you, my father, there on the sad height…" 350 00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:06,960 - Oh! - Oh! 351 00:16:07,040 --> 00:16:09,360 That was a definite smile and a… 352 00:16:09,440 --> 00:16:11,480 - So, that's a yellow card. - Oh! 353 00:16:11,560 --> 00:16:13,320 I felt the laugh. It was there. 354 00:16:13,400 --> 00:16:15,120 I literally felt it just… 355 00:16:15,680 --> 00:16:18,080 It was a great move from Morgan. 356 00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:20,640 You've gotta recognise game, haven't you? 357 00:16:20,720 --> 00:16:22,360 So far on yellow cards. 358 00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:24,880 Gbemi, Maisie, Diane, Bob. 359 00:16:24,960 --> 00:16:26,760 - I'm gonna go and restart the game. - Wow. 360 00:16:28,160 --> 00:16:29,160 Doors. 361 00:16:29,720 --> 00:16:31,000 Great. 362 00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:35,080 You. You're going for me. I know you are. 363 00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:36,560 Right back at you. 364 00:16:37,320 --> 00:16:38,960 Carr, right back at ya. 365 00:16:40,520 --> 00:16:43,000 So, as Gbemi and Maisie get their first yellow cards, 366 00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:46,400 we're left wondering, "What did Diane Morgan have for lunch?" 367 00:16:46,920 --> 00:16:48,240 Okay, let's restart the game. 368 00:16:52,920 --> 00:16:54,080 Very brat, isn't it? 369 00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:56,200 - It is brat. - It's very brat. 370 00:16:56,280 --> 00:16:58,080 You across that, Bob? Brat? 371 00:16:58,160 --> 00:17:00,040 - Was that the… Wasn't there a brat summer? - Yes. 372 00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:01,600 - We had a brat summer. - Yeah. 373 00:17:01,680 --> 00:17:03,720 I got asked to say that for radio, 374 00:17:03,800 --> 00:17:05,440 - and I had no idea what… - Got asked to say it? 375 00:17:05,520 --> 00:17:06,480 Do you wanna say it now? 376 00:17:06,560 --> 00:17:08,680 - What am I saying when I say it? - Just say it. 377 00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:10,520 "I'm having a brat summer." 378 00:17:10,590 --> 00:17:13,070 - I'm having a brat summer. - That's good. 379 00:17:13,160 --> 00:17:14,310 Are you? 380 00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:16,400 I won't say I had a brat summer. 381 00:17:16,480 --> 00:17:19,280 - I had more of like a sloppy lady. - Hot it in the heat. 382 00:17:19,350 --> 00:17:20,590 I'm hot in the heat. 383 00:17:20,680 --> 00:17:22,760 - Do you know what I mean? - Yeah. Yeah. 384 00:17:22,830 --> 00:17:24,310 I've always got wet cheeks. 385 00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:26,070 - Have you? - Do you know what I mean? Yeah. 386 00:17:26,160 --> 00:17:28,350 No, on the face. 387 00:17:28,440 --> 00:17:29,520 - On my face. - Oh, you nearly… 388 00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:31,280 you nearly… you nearly had him then. 389 00:17:31,360 --> 00:17:32,440 You nearly had him. 390 00:17:37,160 --> 00:17:39,000 Any one fancy a bit of yoga? 391 00:17:39,760 --> 00:17:41,480 I see that's gone down well with the group. 392 00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:43,120 - No. - I-I'm up for some yoga, Mel. 393 00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:45,840 You up? I've got a yoga mat, I can do some moves. 394 00:17:45,920 --> 00:17:47,520 I have very, very low flexibility. 395 00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:48,720 That's why you need it though. 396 00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:50,400 You don't have to be flex, gang. 397 00:17:50,480 --> 00:17:52,560 I'll think about it. I'm nervous. 398 00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:56,480 I don't want to be unreasonable, but I don't want to stick my neck out. 399 00:17:57,240 --> 00:17:58,920 So, Mel is on the front foot. 400 00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:01,480 She's the aggressor. No one saw this coming. 401 00:18:02,240 --> 00:18:04,040 - I don't trust you. - I'm not doing… Now. 402 00:18:04,120 --> 00:18:05,320 I just brought my yoga mat, 403 00:18:05,400 --> 00:18:09,160 'cause I thought there would be times where we-we could… 404 00:18:09,240 --> 00:18:12,360 I'm not being funny, but it looks like you haven't unrolled that yoga mat 405 00:18:12,440 --> 00:18:13,600 - in a long time. - Yeah. 406 00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:15,840 Shall we do some, guys? Let's all get up on our feet. 407 00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:17,800 Are you the only one that gets a mat? 408 00:18:17,880 --> 00:18:22,000 This is just gonna be there for just the look of the whole thing. 409 00:18:22,080 --> 00:18:24,800 Oh. Okay, so that was all pointless. What's the block for? 410 00:18:24,880 --> 00:18:26,560 We'll put one of those down there. 411 00:18:26,640 --> 00:18:30,640 Let's, um, let's get loose, and then tilt. 412 00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:34,000 Up. Tilt up. 413 00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:36,920 - Are you a qualified instructor, Mel? - Not at all. 414 00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:39,120 - Okay, great. - I did some YouTube work. 415 00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:42,360 Feel your central girdle. 416 00:18:42,440 --> 00:18:44,720 Central cradle. Down. 417 00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:46,160 Cradle? 418 00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:47,960 Is that where my testicles are? 419 00:18:48,040 --> 00:18:49,720 How are your testicles hanging, David? 420 00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:52,720 Uh, lower, but still it's like a race to the bottom, 421 00:18:52,800 --> 00:18:54,240 and it's clear which one will win. 422 00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:56,560 And by the bottom, I mean the floor, not my anus. 423 00:19:00,920 --> 00:19:02,000 I can't do this. 424 00:19:02,080 --> 00:19:04,160 Do you not get penalised for dropping out now? 425 00:19:04,240 --> 00:19:06,440 You would get fired from David Lloyd, let me tell you that. 426 00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:09,000 Should we still be thrusting our girdles? 427 00:19:09,080 --> 00:19:12,000 It's a lot of pelvic stuff in this routine. 428 00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:15,280 Yeah, 'cause it's-it's all about feeling the centre of your bodies. 429 00:19:15,360 --> 00:19:16,960 I was enjoying doing the yoga, 430 00:19:17,040 --> 00:19:21,080 but you can't watch David Mitchell doing pelvis yoga. 431 00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:23,120 I defy anyone to watch that. 432 00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:28,440 Are you a royalist, David? 433 00:19:29,480 --> 00:19:30,480 I wouldn't say a roy… 434 00:19:30,560 --> 00:19:33,320 - I don't mind the royal family. - No. 435 00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:36,240 Do you what I do? Do you go, like, to, um, Sandringham on Christmas Day 436 00:19:36,320 --> 00:19:38,040 and give Princess Anne a Crunchie and all that? 437 00:19:38,120 --> 00:19:39,840 - No. - Oh, that's nice. 438 00:19:39,920 --> 00:19:42,720 It's really nice. She loves it. She recognises me every time. 439 00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:44,920 Have you met his Lordship, the King of England? 440 00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:46,240 No. No. 441 00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:47,480 - Have you? Mmm. - I have. Yeah. 442 00:19:47,560 --> 00:19:48,560 Mmm. 443 00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:50,240 Did you do the helium thing? 444 00:19:50,320 --> 00:19:53,000 No, I didn't. I thought maybe not, you know, 445 00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:54,440 'cause he is the king. 446 00:19:54,520 --> 00:19:56,600 I think he… I think he'd find it funny. 447 00:19:56,680 --> 00:19:59,440 Yeah. He laughs a lot, I notice. 448 00:19:59,520 --> 00:20:00,840 What's the laugh? What does he do? 449 00:20:00,920 --> 00:20:02,240 - No. - Cheeky. 450 00:20:02,320 --> 00:20:04,200 - It'd count as a laugh even if it was a... - Yeah. 451 00:20:04,280 --> 00:20:06,680 Well, he sounds actually like a leaf blower, doesn't he? 452 00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:14,960 Ah, the phone. 453 00:20:17,440 --> 00:20:18,920 794368. 454 00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:21,760 Could I get, um, Mel to do her joker, please? 455 00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:24,720 - Yes. Yes. - Thank you. 456 00:20:26,560 --> 00:20:29,320 Mel, can you do your joker, please? 457 00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:30,640 - Go on, Mel. - Go on, Mel! 458 00:20:30,720 --> 00:20:31,800 Go on, Mel! 459 00:20:31,880 --> 00:20:34,000 - Good luck, Mel! You got this. Probably. - Cheers, gang. 460 00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:36,240 Who's… Have you got a favourite king or queen? 461 00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:38,120 I'd have to go for Elizabeth I… 462 00:20:38,200 --> 00:20:39,720 - Because she was a redhead. - …because she's ginger. 463 00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:41,560 - Yeah. - I'd have to. 464 00:20:41,640 --> 00:20:43,720 That's why I'd go for Richard III, 'cause I've got a hump. 465 00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:46,960 Were you keen on Margaret Thatcher for that reason? 466 00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:48,680 Was she a redhead? 467 00:20:48,760 --> 00:20:51,640 Well, it was always weird with her hair, wasn't it? 468 00:20:51,720 --> 00:20:53,760 Because the more she attacked the miners, 469 00:20:53,840 --> 00:20:56,160 the more her hair looked like a miner's helmet. 470 00:20:56,800 --> 00:20:57,920 It looked solid. 471 00:20:58,000 --> 00:21:00,600 She was implying that she could have done the job. 472 00:21:00,680 --> 00:21:02,480 Her own hair was… Stick a light there, 473 00:21:02,560 --> 00:21:05,000 and she could've gone down a mine with a canary. 474 00:21:05,080 --> 00:21:06,840 Yeah. With one of those, 475 00:21:06,920 --> 00:21:09,400 she wouldn't have got vibration white finger. 476 00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:12,080 No. 477 00:21:13,240 --> 00:21:15,240 Where you going? Where you going, Alan? 478 00:21:16,080 --> 00:21:17,480 - Where you going? - Cup of tea. 479 00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:23,680 Are these your cheeses you've brought from home, Bob? 480 00:21:24,240 --> 00:21:25,480 No, they were in the fridge. 481 00:21:25,560 --> 00:21:27,440 How much cheese are you allowed a day? 482 00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:30,800 I'm… …officially allowed a matchbox a week. 483 00:21:30,880 --> 00:21:32,720 Like wartime rations. 484 00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:37,560 When you've had more than a matchbox, should I bat your hand away? 485 00:21:37,640 --> 00:21:39,440 You should do. Yeah. Slap me. 486 00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:41,840 How often do you do a big shop, Bob? 487 00:21:41,920 --> 00:21:43,120 A big shit? 488 00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:44,400 A big shop. 489 00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:49,720 - Who's cut that up? - Who do you think? 490 00:21:49,800 --> 00:21:51,640 What did you use? Your tongue? What? 491 00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:59,000 One of my tactics was that I could get Alan out by staring at him… 492 00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:03,720 and I asked Romesh if he'd help me. 493 00:22:06,520 --> 00:22:07,880 Don't stare at me. 494 00:22:12,560 --> 00:22:14,560 This is bullying now. 495 00:22:15,360 --> 00:22:16,760 This is bullying. 496 00:22:18,040 --> 00:22:19,520 Oh. Here we go. 497 00:22:20,280 --> 00:22:21,680 Do you mind if I sit on this one? 498 00:22:21,760 --> 00:22:23,120 Oh, yes, please. 499 00:22:25,080 --> 00:22:26,320 Oh. Al, no. 500 00:22:26,400 --> 00:22:27,560 Shut up. 501 00:22:29,280 --> 00:22:34,600 Some of you may know this already, but I started out as a street performer. 502 00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:38,240 So I'm gonna dip into my back catalogue. 503 00:22:41,760 --> 00:22:43,280 She's a street performer. 504 00:22:59,920 --> 00:23:01,400 You can keep that. 505 00:23:07,120 --> 00:23:09,480 Ignore the guys in green. 506 00:23:09,560 --> 00:23:12,040 You won't see them against the green screen. 507 00:23:12,560 --> 00:23:13,720 We forgot the green screen. 508 00:23:15,080 --> 00:23:16,400 - Ooh. - Yes! 509 00:23:16,480 --> 00:23:17,840 Wow. 510 00:23:22,160 --> 00:23:24,720 What are we watching? 511 00:23:24,800 --> 00:23:25,800 I don't know. 512 00:23:26,520 --> 00:23:27,920 Wind effect. 513 00:23:29,280 --> 00:23:30,400 Wow. 514 00:23:30,480 --> 00:23:31,600 Now. 515 00:23:32,680 --> 00:23:33,680 Take it off. 516 00:23:35,360 --> 00:23:37,600 Oh, my gosh. Seamless. 517 00:23:39,880 --> 00:23:41,520 Oh, it's Red Riding Hood! 518 00:23:44,440 --> 00:23:46,440 She's really eating those croissants, man. 519 00:23:51,640 --> 00:23:53,280 Ew, did she just spit that out? 520 00:23:53,360 --> 00:23:55,360 She just regurgitated the croissant. 521 00:23:56,680 --> 00:23:58,480 - Gbemi's gonna go. - Oh, Gbemi's gonna go. 522 00:24:05,280 --> 00:24:06,160 Where's Mel? 523 00:24:08,880 --> 00:24:10,360 Who's this then? 524 00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:11,600 Uh… 525 00:24:11,680 --> 00:24:13,160 Mary Anning. 526 00:24:14,520 --> 00:24:15,840 Niche. 527 00:24:16,600 --> 00:24:17,720 Who? 528 00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:19,200 Hammer time. 529 00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:25,240 Okay. 530 00:24:28,080 --> 00:24:29,080 Whoo! 531 00:24:38,520 --> 00:24:40,240 Some modern dance there. 532 00:24:40,320 --> 00:24:41,520 Come on. 533 00:24:45,120 --> 00:24:47,440 Whoa! 534 00:24:47,520 --> 00:24:48,840 Mel, that was so cool! 535 00:24:49,880 --> 00:24:51,280 That was deadly. 536 00:24:51,360 --> 00:24:53,160 Great eye contact. 537 00:24:53,240 --> 00:24:54,400 That was amazing. 538 00:24:56,560 --> 00:24:58,680 Have you forgotten what to do next? 539 00:25:01,360 --> 00:25:02,920 - I love it. - I loved it. 540 00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:05,080 - I love the… - That was amazing. 541 00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:07,400 She's done that spin before, hadn't she? 542 00:25:07,480 --> 00:25:08,880 - That was… - Yeah. 543 00:25:08,960 --> 00:25:12,160 I think if it was Last One Gasping, then she would've won. 544 00:25:12,240 --> 00:25:13,400 - Yeah, yeah. - How do you mean? 545 00:25:13,480 --> 00:25:15,360 - Took my breath away. - Oh, I see. 546 00:25:15,440 --> 00:25:19,160 That bit at the end where she did a spin, 547 00:25:19,240 --> 00:25:21,880 I thought I was watching Cirque du Soleil. 548 00:25:21,960 --> 00:25:24,680 Honestly, she was like a rotisserie chicken. 549 00:25:24,760 --> 00:25:26,360 I think it was very good. 550 00:25:26,440 --> 00:25:29,120 - It was slick, wasn't it? - And it was good, and it was funny, 551 00:25:29,200 --> 00:25:31,360 - and I feel guilty for not laughing. - Yeah. 552 00:25:31,440 --> 00:25:34,600 I would've so enjoyed laughing at that. 553 00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:36,240 It deserved a big old laugh. 554 00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:41,600 It's like lots of delicious food that we just look at and throw away. 555 00:25:41,680 --> 00:25:45,360 That spin. She could've cracked her head open. 556 00:25:45,440 --> 00:25:47,800 - Yeah, it was quite dangerous, that bit. - Yeah. 557 00:25:47,880 --> 00:25:49,960 Just think of the paperwork they had to go through 558 00:25:50,040 --> 00:25:51,200 - for that to be allowed to happen. - Christ, yeah. 559 00:25:51,280 --> 00:25:52,880 - It's inspiring, really. - Hmm. 560 00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:56,040 I can't believe we did that 360-degree flip. 561 00:25:56,120 --> 00:25:57,560 For a menopausal lady, 562 00:25:57,640 --> 00:26:00,520 that will bring on certain chemical reactions, 563 00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:03,200 and I can safely say that yes, it did. 564 00:26:03,800 --> 00:26:06,920 Did you know I was outed by a Ouija board? 565 00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:08,000 Were ya? 566 00:26:08,080 --> 00:26:11,040 - That's how I came out. - You're so gay that the spirits know? 567 00:26:11,120 --> 00:26:14,080 I was doing a Ouija board with my mum, and it spelt out "homo". 568 00:26:14,160 --> 00:26:15,160 No. 569 00:26:15,240 --> 00:26:16,880 And then it called my mum a slut. 570 00:26:19,040 --> 00:26:21,440 My mum said, "You're pushing this." 571 00:26:21,520 --> 00:26:23,000 I said, "No I'm not." 572 00:26:23,080 --> 00:26:25,520 I said, "I don't need the dark arts to call you a slut." 573 00:26:28,760 --> 00:26:31,720 Are you sure it wasn't all just one word and you were being called a homo slut? 574 00:26:31,800 --> 00:26:34,480 No, 'cause it stopped and then went, "Slut". 575 00:26:34,560 --> 00:26:35,560 Oh, okay. 576 00:26:35,640 --> 00:26:37,920 Nice name for a pub if ever you and your mum open a pub. 577 00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:39,640 No, that's too much for a pub. 578 00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:41,880 "Do you fancy a quick half down the Homo and Slut?" 579 00:26:44,640 --> 00:26:46,560 I look like a retired Bollywood director. 580 00:26:46,640 --> 00:26:48,600 And then you put the cap on. 581 00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:50,120 Did you ever watch Kuch Kuch Hota Hai? 582 00:26:50,200 --> 00:26:51,160 Not yet. 583 00:26:51,240 --> 00:26:55,120 - Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. It's so good, man. - Mmm. 584 00:26:55,200 --> 00:26:56,760 Where will I watch that? 585 00:26:56,840 --> 00:26:59,400 - Uh, my mum's house. - Okay, great. 586 00:26:59,480 --> 00:27:01,800 - She's got it on DVD. She loves it. - I'm there. 587 00:27:01,880 --> 00:27:03,400 - Have you seen Lagaan? - Yeah, I've seen Lagaan. 588 00:27:03,480 --> 00:27:06,120 - Yeah, I can't be doing with both of you. - Lagaan is good, huh? 589 00:27:06,200 --> 00:27:08,400 Poor Alan's getting it from all angles. 590 00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:09,920 You should watch Kuch Kuch Hota Hai though. 591 00:27:10,000 --> 00:27:12,120 Stop saying the name of that programme. 592 00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:13,720 - Film. Film. - I'm just warning you now. 593 00:27:13,800 --> 00:27:15,440 - It's a movie. - Film, whatever. 594 00:27:15,520 --> 00:27:18,120 - Movie. Movie, bastard. - No. No. 595 00:27:18,200 --> 00:27:21,120 - No, no! Stop it now. Enough. - Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, bastard. 596 00:27:21,200 --> 00:27:24,280 Oh, look at him. He's an absolute buffet for bullies. 597 00:27:24,360 --> 00:27:26,240 They're just trying to break me. 598 00:27:26,320 --> 00:27:28,520 - Watch it. Get it watched. - Ganging up. 599 00:27:31,200 --> 00:27:32,680 - Well done, Mel. - Well done, Mel. 600 00:27:34,720 --> 00:27:36,480 - Whoo! - Great stuff. 601 00:27:37,400 --> 00:27:38,800 Was that true, Alan? 602 00:27:38,880 --> 00:27:39,880 Yeah, genuinely true. 603 00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:41,640 Did you realise you were gay before that, 604 00:27:41,720 --> 00:27:43,320 - or did that give you the idea? - I was straight. 605 00:27:43,400 --> 00:27:44,880 - I was married with three kids. - Right. 606 00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:47,320 - I wish I'd never done the Ouija board. - Then you thought, "Yeah, fair enough. 607 00:27:47,400 --> 00:27:49,240 - This is what the spirits say." - That's it, yeah. 608 00:27:49,320 --> 00:27:51,360 "Give it a go. I'm sure I can get into it." 609 00:27:53,160 --> 00:27:56,360 The fruit machine is now available for inspiration. 610 00:27:56,440 --> 00:27:58,600 Just pull the lever and follow the prompts. 611 00:27:58,680 --> 00:28:00,560 - Lever? - He said le-ver. Lee-ver. 612 00:28:00,640 --> 00:28:02,480 - Lee-ver. - Somebody's trying to break America. 613 00:28:02,560 --> 00:28:04,840 - What's going on here? - I don't know if I agree with that at all. 614 00:28:09,440 --> 00:28:12,080 Oh. Best life advice. 615 00:28:12,160 --> 00:28:13,880 - Oh! - Wow. 616 00:28:13,960 --> 00:28:17,160 Well, I think it would be borrow your next-door neighbour's Ouija board 617 00:28:17,240 --> 00:28:20,800 - and take the sexual journey it suggests. - Yep. 618 00:28:20,880 --> 00:28:21,880 That's good. 619 00:28:21,960 --> 00:28:23,920 It's not who you know. It's who you blow. 620 00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:25,680 Strong. I've lived by that for a long time. 621 00:28:25,760 --> 00:28:29,960 But presumably the person you blow, you will know, at least a bit. 622 00:28:30,040 --> 00:28:31,040 Or not. 623 00:28:31,120 --> 00:28:32,440 - Do you know who told me that? - Your mum. 624 00:28:32,520 --> 00:28:35,480 No. Martin Lewis, the money… money saving person. 625 00:28:35,560 --> 00:28:38,120 - It's not who you know. It's who you blow. - Martin Lewis said it's not... 626 00:28:38,200 --> 00:28:39,720 That's a hell of a money saving tip, isn't it? 627 00:28:39,800 --> 00:28:40,960 I'd only popped in for a mortgage. 628 00:28:41,040 --> 00:28:42,960 Yeah. Money saving tip right on the lips. 629 00:28:43,040 --> 00:28:46,080 What I do, and I actually follow this myself, 630 00:28:46,160 --> 00:28:49,800 whenever I leave my house, I shout, "Good-bye, Grandad!" 631 00:28:49,880 --> 00:28:53,200 before I shut the door, and then people won't burgle it, 632 00:28:53,280 --> 00:28:55,120 because they'll think that somebody is inside. 633 00:28:55,200 --> 00:28:56,480 - That is clever. - You're looking downwards, 634 00:28:56,560 --> 00:28:58,880 - like he's on the floor, in trouble? - There's an old man... 635 00:28:58,960 --> 00:29:00,840 Which burglar's gonna be scared of your grandad? 636 00:29:00,920 --> 00:29:02,080 You haven't seen him. 637 00:29:02,160 --> 00:29:03,240 Well, neither have they. 638 00:29:03,320 --> 00:29:05,000 Mel Giedroyc says, "Good-bye Grandad." 639 00:29:05,080 --> 00:29:08,000 No burglar's going, "Jesus Christ! You've seen her." 640 00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:11,720 He-He is long dead, but is hard as nails. 641 00:29:11,800 --> 00:29:12,880 But from your eyeline, 642 00:29:12,960 --> 00:29:15,160 he would appear to have been about ten inches tall. 643 00:29:15,240 --> 00:29:16,320 Yeah. 644 00:29:16,400 --> 00:29:18,840 'Cause you've gone like that, "Good-bye, Grandad." 645 00:29:18,920 --> 00:29:20,720 Is he buried under the floorboards? 646 00:29:20,800 --> 00:29:21,800 Why don't you shout, 647 00:29:21,880 --> 00:29:25,120 "All right, killer. I'm getting you some more meat"? 648 00:29:27,680 --> 00:29:30,440 I was by my-my grandmother's bedside when she passed away, 649 00:29:30,520 --> 00:29:31,600 and, um… 650 00:29:32,320 --> 00:29:35,600 just as she, sort of, was going, she looked at me and she said, 651 00:29:35,680 --> 00:29:36,800 "I'm still disappointed." 652 00:29:36,880 --> 00:29:37,920 Oh. 653 00:29:45,200 --> 00:29:48,640 Do you know what? I once… I was once in a taxi cab and I said, 654 00:29:48,720 --> 00:29:52,120 "Oh, what was your Covid like? Spent most of it in a K hole." 655 00:29:52,200 --> 00:29:54,080 - Was that the cab driver or you? - Yeah. 656 00:29:55,760 --> 00:29:58,720 He's having… He's having to have a think about that, isn't he? 657 00:29:58,800 --> 00:30:01,000 Was it him or was it the cab driver 658 00:30:01,080 --> 00:30:03,520 - that was in the K hole? - It was the cab… driver. 659 00:30:03,600 --> 00:30:05,320 In the K hole, was it you or the cab driver? 660 00:30:05,400 --> 00:30:07,040 It was the cab driver! 661 00:30:07,120 --> 00:30:08,120 Ah! 662 00:30:11,880 --> 00:30:13,480 Gather on the sofas, please. 663 00:30:14,960 --> 00:30:16,760 I've got a treat for you. 664 00:30:16,840 --> 00:30:18,000 A treat? 665 00:30:18,800 --> 00:30:20,160 - Oh, hello. - Oh, no, I was... 666 00:30:20,240 --> 00:30:21,840 Take the scenic route. 667 00:30:21,920 --> 00:30:25,640 I was trying to do a, um, Dukes of Hazzard-style entry. 668 00:30:25,720 --> 00:30:29,440 Oh. I hope it's not Krispy Kreme doughnuts. 669 00:30:29,520 --> 00:30:30,960 I think they're overrated. 670 00:30:31,040 --> 00:30:32,240 What's this about? 671 00:30:32,880 --> 00:30:34,440 They can't look away. 672 00:30:36,480 --> 00:30:37,480 Ooh, hey up. 673 00:30:37,560 --> 00:30:39,720 Oh, my God. 674 00:30:39,800 --> 00:30:41,120 No way. 675 00:30:42,920 --> 00:30:44,920 You're fucking kidding me. 676 00:30:47,040 --> 00:30:49,040 50 ducks, bam. 677 00:30:49,120 --> 00:30:51,600 - Oh. - It's like a robot that can shit. 678 00:30:51,680 --> 00:30:53,840 I'm just trying to find out what you're into, Alan. 679 00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:55,920 I mean, this is a very strong team. 680 00:30:56,000 --> 00:30:58,280 One, two, three, four, nipple, nipple… 681 00:31:02,040 --> 00:31:03,400 Oh! 682 00:31:03,480 --> 00:31:05,040 - Oh, he's got his laptop. - No, no, no. 683 00:31:05,120 --> 00:31:06,760 Oh, yes, please. 684 00:31:09,160 --> 00:31:10,360 I smell a rat, Bob. 685 00:31:11,360 --> 00:31:14,240 And his testicles are just dangling separately to the rest of his body, 686 00:31:14,320 --> 00:31:17,560 and-and then he just dips it, submerges, and then lifts.