1 00:00:51,083 --> 00:00:54,666 I want you to tell me a story... 2 00:00:54,708 --> 00:00:56,291 but not a real story. 3 00:00:56,333 --> 00:01:01,666 Altered. Ridiculous. Fantastical. 4 00:01:01,708 --> 00:01:04,041 It's called immersion therapy. 5 00:01:04,083 --> 00:01:08,458 We use it with people who are suffering from OCD and PTSD. 6 00:01:08,541 --> 00:01:11,208 If you consistently confront what happened to you 7 00:01:11,333 --> 00:01:15,583 in funny and crazy ways, when it comes up again, 8 00:01:15,666 --> 00:01:18,583 you're less likely to panic about it. 9 00:01:26,041 --> 00:01:29,541 It's 5:27 a.m. I remember 'cause 10 00:01:29,583 --> 00:01:30,458 I hated working at Starbucks 11 00:01:30,583 --> 00:01:33,083 and I looked at the clock every 2 minutes 12 00:01:33,208 --> 00:01:35,541 begging for my shift to end, 13 00:01:35,583 --> 00:01:38,833 or for a robber to come in and blow my brains out. 14 00:01:38,958 --> 00:01:40,083 It was weird. 15 00:01:40,208 --> 00:01:42,541 There was no one in the store that morning, which I mean, 16 00:01:42,583 --> 00:01:44,583 it was before the morning rush, but there's usually 17 00:01:44,708 --> 00:01:49,791 like 1 or 2 people, and in comes this guy 18 00:01:49,833 --> 00:01:53,958 in a deep-purple tracksuit looking like some 19 00:01:54,041 --> 00:01:56,833 Eastern-European gangster. 20 00:01:56,916 --> 00:01:58,208 It was raining, not pouring... 21 00:01:58,291 --> 00:02:01,583 Just enough water to make his hair like the good 22 00:02:01,666 --> 00:02:03,291 kind of wet, you know. 23 00:02:03,333 --> 00:02:05,333 And he had, like, this perpetual 24 00:02:05,458 --> 00:02:08,208 5:00 shadow thing going on. 25 00:02:08,291 --> 00:02:11,958 And I could tell that his mind was somewhere else. 26 00:02:12,041 --> 00:02:16,083 So I ask him, "Is there a jewelry convention in town?" 27 00:02:16,208 --> 00:02:20,166 And he was like, "What? No." And I'm like, "Oh, OK." 28 00:02:20,208 --> 00:02:21,791 And then he's like, "Can I get a black coffee?" 29 00:02:21,833 --> 00:02:23,958 And I'm like, "OK." 30 00:02:24,083 --> 00:02:27,041 So, I get him his black coffee, and he's like, 31 00:02:27,083 --> 00:02:29,958 "Why did you ask me about the jewelry thing?" 32 00:02:30,041 --> 00:02:32,458 And I'm like, "Because of your tracksuit." 33 00:02:32,541 --> 00:02:35,083 And he's like, "Oh, I'm on my way to a hip-hop class." 34 00:02:35,166 --> 00:02:36,791 And I'm like, "That's not a real thing." 35 00:02:36,833 --> 00:02:42,458 And he's like, "OK." And he pays and he leaves. 36 00:02:42,541 --> 00:02:45,458 So, I finish my shift and I go home and I take a nap 37 00:02:45,583 --> 00:02:48,458 before my catering job that night. 38 00:02:48,583 --> 00:02:51,791 I was bartending at this, like, old boys club event... 39 00:02:51,833 --> 00:02:53,458 I don't know. Something to do with cigars. 40 00:02:53,583 --> 00:02:58,208 And lo and behold... there's this same guy, 41 00:02:58,291 --> 00:03:00,166 emerald-green tracksuit this time with, like, 42 00:03:00,208 --> 00:03:05,458 a dress shirt and tie, and I'm like, 43 00:03:05,583 --> 00:03:07,583 "This dude's a fucking alien." 44 00:03:07,666 --> 00:03:10,416 So, I tell him that. I'm like, "Hey, you're an alien." 45 00:03:10,458 --> 00:03:12,666 And he's like, "How did you know?" 46 00:03:12,708 --> 00:03:14,958 And I'm like, "Your tracksuit, buddy." 47 00:03:15,041 --> 00:03:18,083 And he's like, "OK, but you can't tell anyone else." 48 00:03:18,208 --> 00:03:20,833 If you do, I'll have to fuck, eat, and kill you." 49 00:03:20,958 --> 00:03:22,666 And I'm like, "Well, that's really specific." 50 00:03:22,708 --> 00:03:24,666 And he laughs, and he's like, "Yeah." 51 00:03:24,708 --> 00:03:28,958 And he orders a whiskey and he pays and he leaves, 52 00:03:29,083 --> 00:03:31,333 says good night, and then later on, 53 00:03:31,458 --> 00:03:35,291 while I'm cleaning up, he comes up to me and he's like, 54 00:03:35,333 --> 00:03:36,458 "Hey, can I get one more?" 55 00:03:36,583 --> 00:03:38,208 And I'm like, "No, sorry, it's illegal." 56 00:03:38,291 --> 00:03:39,541 And he's like, "Well, do you know where else" 57 00:03:39,583 --> 00:03:40,791 I can get a drink?" And I'm like, 58 00:03:40,833 --> 00:03:43,458 "There's like 4 bars on this street, dude." 59 00:03:43,541 --> 00:03:45,333 And he's like, "Come with me." 60 00:03:45,458 --> 00:03:48,958 And I'm like, "No, you're an alien." 61 00:03:49,083 --> 00:03:51,958 And he's like, "Yeah, but I'm an alien" 62 00:03:52,041 --> 00:03:54,958 who wants to save the world." And I'm like, "From what?" 63 00:03:55,041 --> 00:03:56,291 And he's like, "Climate change." 64 00:03:56,333 --> 00:03:57,458 And I'm like, "How?" 65 00:03:57,541 --> 00:04:01,291 And he's like, "I have these seeds on my ship." 66 00:04:01,333 --> 00:04:06,708 "And the trees grow into these like beautiful, multicolored, 67 00:04:06,791 --> 00:04:09,041 glowing masterpieces." 68 00:04:09,083 --> 00:04:10,708 And I'm like, "Whoa!" 69 00:04:10,833 --> 00:04:12,583 And he's like, "Yeah, they suck a hundred times" 70 00:04:12,666 --> 00:04:14,041 more CO2 than Earth trees do." 71 00:04:14,083 --> 00:04:15,458 And I'm like, "That's impressive." 72 00:04:15,541 --> 00:04:19,083 And he's like, "Yeah, do you want to hear more?" 73 00:04:19,166 --> 00:04:23,333 And I don't know, maybe it's because I do care 74 00:04:23,416 --> 00:04:25,333 a lot about climate change. 75 00:04:25,416 --> 00:04:30,208 Or maybe his smile was actually cute, or maybe 76 00:04:30,333 --> 00:04:35,083 I was just bored and 27 and working two dead-end jobs 77 00:04:35,208 --> 00:04:37,791 because I couldn't afford an actual unpaid internship 78 00:04:37,833 --> 00:04:39,541 at a real newspaper. I don't know, 79 00:04:39,583 --> 00:04:41,208 Whatever the reason was, I said, you know, I was like, 80 00:04:41,291 --> 00:04:43,333 "Fuck it. Yeah, let's drink." 81 00:04:43,458 --> 00:04:45,083 So, we go and we drink and we talk, 82 00:04:45,166 --> 00:04:46,833 and he tells me about his home world and how it 83 00:04:46,958 --> 00:04:49,333 got destroyed by all these excess greenhouse gases 84 00:04:49,458 --> 00:04:51,458 and his whole family was murdered 85 00:04:51,583 --> 00:04:52,916 and the government didn't do anything about it 86 00:04:52,958 --> 00:04:54,208 till it was too late. 87 00:04:54,291 --> 00:04:57,833 And he wanted to honor them by saving other people's planets. 88 00:04:57,916 --> 00:05:01,958 So he had just gotten to Earth and he was living at this 89 00:05:02,041 --> 00:05:04,083 compound out in the hills, 90 00:05:04,208 --> 00:05:06,583 and he asked me to go out there with him. 91 00:05:06,708 --> 00:05:08,708 And I was like, "Absolutely not." 92 00:05:08,791 --> 00:05:10,458 And he's like, "I won't do anything." 93 00:05:10,541 --> 00:05:13,041 And I was like, "No, you're an alien." 94 00:05:13,083 --> 00:05:15,833 And he's like, "Yeah, but do you believe I'm an alien?" 95 00:05:15,916 --> 00:05:19,166 And I'm like, "Do you really want me to answer that?" 96 00:05:19,208 --> 00:05:23,041 And then out of his index finger 97 00:05:23,083 --> 00:05:25,916 came this little tentacle. 98 00:05:25,958 --> 00:05:29,208 And it slithered across the table and it gently wrapped 99 00:05:29,291 --> 00:05:31,708 itself around my wrist. 100 00:05:31,791 --> 00:05:35,416 And then a faint glow started on the tentacle, 101 00:05:35,458 --> 00:05:38,041 and it started at his fingertip 102 00:05:38,083 --> 00:05:39,916 and went over to mine. 103 00:05:39,958 --> 00:05:45,208 And when it reached me, all my anxiety went away. 104 00:05:45,333 --> 00:05:49,041 Like, there is nothing in my head, 105 00:05:49,083 --> 00:05:51,333 not a single bad thought. 106 00:05:51,458 --> 00:05:55,708 Just felt like my entire body was, like, 107 00:05:55,791 --> 00:05:57,833 full of this warm, glowing sunlight. 108 00:05:57,916 --> 00:06:02,291 And he tells me everything is gonna be OK. 109 00:06:04,458 --> 00:06:10,041 So I take a second, I sip my drink, and then I say, 110 00:06:10,083 --> 00:06:12,833 "Fuck it. Take me." 111 00:06:12,916 --> 00:06:15,458 And so he takes me and he shows me these trees. 112 00:06:15,541 --> 00:06:18,208 And I'm like, "Jesus, these trees." 113 00:06:18,291 --> 00:06:20,666 Fuck. There's like nothing cooler in life 114 00:06:20,708 --> 00:06:23,958 than, like, seeing shit glow that shouldn't be glowing. 115 00:06:24,041 --> 00:06:26,583 So, yeah, "I fucked an alien, an alien named Brian." 116 00:06:26,708 --> 00:06:28,041 I mean, that wasn't his real name. 117 00:06:28,083 --> 00:06:29,458 He got it out of a baby book. 118 00:06:29,583 --> 00:06:32,583 He never actually told me his real name. 119 00:06:32,708 --> 00:06:35,208 We, uh... we fucked under the glowing trees because, 120 00:06:35,291 --> 00:06:37,666 like, what else are you supposed to do, you know? 121 00:06:37,708 --> 00:06:41,666 I felt like a girl in one of those hentai porns, you know? 122 00:06:41,708 --> 00:06:44,541 He lifted me up in the air, and all these tentacles 123 00:06:44,583 --> 00:06:49,208 wrapped around me, and it was pure bliss. 124 00:06:51,833 --> 00:06:57,083 And I didn't leave. He had this assistant... Laura. 125 00:06:57,166 --> 00:06:58,708 She was a human, and she, like, helped him 126 00:06:58,791 --> 00:07:01,708 with all the trees, like harvesting and packaging 127 00:07:01,791 --> 00:07:05,666 and sending them off to anybody who placed an order. 128 00:07:05,708 --> 00:07:08,916 I also... I sent a vague text to Craig letting him know 129 00:07:08,958 --> 00:07:10,833 I'd be, like, hanging elsewhere for a while, 130 00:07:10,916 --> 00:07:12,833 which he was baffled by, but it was OK. 131 00:07:12,916 --> 00:07:14,958 It's fine because, like, I was basically addicted 132 00:07:15,041 --> 00:07:18,166 to the drug, like the alien sex drug, 133 00:07:18,208 --> 00:07:21,791 which again, also sexy alien. 134 00:07:21,833 --> 00:07:23,666 Also, he cared about climate change. 135 00:07:23,708 --> 00:07:26,083 Also, I... I had no money. 136 00:07:26,166 --> 00:07:29,208 I was in massive amounts of student debt, and he 137 00:07:29,291 --> 00:07:31,583 promised he'd pay it off, which he never did. 138 00:07:31,708 --> 00:07:34,958 But yeah... 139 00:07:35,083 --> 00:07:36,958 we didn't get much further because he'd never 140 00:07:37,041 --> 00:07:38,708 had sex with a human before. 141 00:07:38,833 --> 00:07:43,333 So, there was like a bit of a learning curve, which... 142 00:07:45,291 --> 00:07:48,208 Um, Laura made us dinner, 143 00:07:48,291 --> 00:07:51,041 and then we got drunk, like we always did. 144 00:07:51,083 --> 00:07:53,166 And he was wearing a powder-blue tracksuit 145 00:07:53,208 --> 00:07:55,208 that night. 146 00:07:55,291 --> 00:07:56,583 It looked good. 147 00:07:56,708 --> 00:07:59,083 Um, I don't know, maybe that was the moment 148 00:07:59,166 --> 00:08:00,958 where I should have noticed how much we were drinking, 149 00:08:01,083 --> 00:08:03,166 like, always, but, I mean, he was fun, 150 00:08:03,208 --> 00:08:04,208 and I wasn't anxious, 151 00:08:04,333 --> 00:08:08,791 and I don't know, but we started having sex. 152 00:08:08,833 --> 00:08:13,166 And, I don't know, he must have gotten too drunk because 153 00:08:13,208 --> 00:08:15,708 it got a little aggressive... Not, like, violent, 154 00:08:15,791 --> 00:08:17,208 but like hot, like temperature hot. 155 00:08:17,291 --> 00:08:19,958 Like my... my whole body was on fire, 156 00:08:20,041 --> 00:08:21,708 and I asked him to stop, but he wouldn't listen. 157 00:08:21,791 --> 00:08:24,416 And then, like, my face started to sweat 158 00:08:24,458 --> 00:08:27,333 and it was turning red and it started to glow. 159 00:08:27,416 --> 00:08:30,791 And I was... I yelled at him to stop, but... 'cause my head 160 00:08:30,833 --> 00:08:32,083 was pounding... my head, it was like... 161 00:08:32,208 --> 00:08:33,583 Thump, thump, thump, thump, thump. 162 00:08:33,708 --> 00:08:35,958 And I felt like this... The blood was like 163 00:08:36,083 --> 00:08:37,958 swelling into my brain. 164 00:08:38,041 --> 00:08:40,458 And I asked him... I was yelling at him, "Stop!" 165 00:08:40,541 --> 00:08:43,083 And he... he must not have heard me. I don't know. 166 00:08:43,166 --> 00:08:45,208 And it felt like at any moment 167 00:08:45,333 --> 00:08:48,833 my body was just gonna pop like a balloon. 168 00:08:48,916 --> 00:08:50,583 And I just kept yelling, "Stop, stop, stop!" 169 00:08:50,666 --> 00:08:52,916 And then at the last possible moment, when it felt like 170 00:08:52,958 --> 00:08:56,583 my head was gonna, like, explode like a watermelon, 171 00:08:56,666 --> 00:08:59,291 he came. Hmm. 172 00:09:01,958 --> 00:09:04,541 And when reality set in, 173 00:09:04,583 --> 00:09:08,833 he asked me if something was wrong, and I said, "Nope." 174 00:09:08,916 --> 00:09:13,541 And then he fell asleep and I ran. 175 00:09:13,583 --> 00:09:16,958 I packed up my shit, and I ran all the way from his house 176 00:09:17,083 --> 00:09:19,083 to Craig's front door. And I don't know, I mean, 177 00:09:19,208 --> 00:09:21,458 I must have blacked out or something because he found me 178 00:09:21,583 --> 00:09:24,166 bloody-footed and covered in dirt... Craig, that is. 179 00:09:24,208 --> 00:09:28,541 And, um, he never asked me any questions, 180 00:09:28,583 --> 00:09:31,208 and I've been living with him ever since. 181 00:09:32,958 --> 00:09:34,791 How was that? 182 00:09:52,166 --> 00:09:53,666 "Excuse me. I'm an apple." 183 00:09:55,166 --> 00:09:57,083 She cured? 184 00:09:57,166 --> 00:09:59,708 Yes. No more mental illness. 185 00:09:59,791 --> 00:10:01,833 "I'm a funny dog." 186 00:10:01,916 --> 00:10:03,291 You'll never be fluent in Japanese. 187 00:10:03,333 --> 00:10:05,666 Yes. Thank you. Tell me that I can't do it. 188 00:10:05,708 --> 00:10:09,083 It feeds my fire. It feeds me! 189 00:10:11,333 --> 00:10:12,458 Thank you for paying for that 190 00:10:12,541 --> 00:10:14,208 and, you know, everything else. 191 00:10:14,291 --> 00:10:15,958 Yeah. Well, just tell me that I'm a good person 192 00:10:16,083 --> 00:10:17,458 and nobody hates me whenever I ask, 193 00:10:17,583 --> 00:10:19,083 and I'll shower you with all my family's money. 194 00:10:21,791 --> 00:10:23,166 By the way, I'm having a good Grindr date 195 00:10:23,208 --> 00:10:24,416 come over tonight. 196 00:10:24,458 --> 00:10:25,833 And I kind of told him that I live alone. 197 00:10:25,916 --> 00:10:27,458 So, I kind of need you to go into your room 198 00:10:27,541 --> 00:10:28,791 and stay there with all the lights off and make 199 00:10:28,833 --> 00:10:30,958 no sound when he comes over. 200 00:10:52,333 --> 00:10:53,583 Aah! 201 00:10:56,041 --> 00:10:57,958 Lights out, bitch! 202 00:11:10,666 --> 00:11:14,333 Hey, man, what's going on? Yeah. No. 203 00:11:14,416 --> 00:11:16,458 Why? What the fuck? 204 00:11:16,541 --> 00:11:19,958 I said mask only, dude. 205 00:11:42,708 --> 00:11:45,208 Please don't tickle me with a used dildo. 206 00:11:45,291 --> 00:11:47,458 Then stop being sad. - Joey. 207 00:11:47,541 --> 00:11:50,708 I'm not Joey. I'm Werewolf Dildo Monster. 208 00:11:50,791 --> 00:11:52,833 Werewolf Dildo Monster, I'm not in the mood. 209 00:11:52,916 --> 00:11:54,333 But tickles from used dildo 210 00:11:54,416 --> 00:11:56,416 make the sadness go away. 211 00:11:56,458 --> 00:12:00,041 Oh, I'd rather spiral about how gay and unlikable I am. 212 00:12:00,083 --> 00:12:01,791 But you're hot and talented, 213 00:12:01,833 --> 00:12:02,833 and no one hates you. 214 00:12:02,958 --> 00:12:04,708 You're only saying that because I told you to. 215 00:12:04,791 --> 00:12:07,791 Yes. - Joey. 216 00:12:07,833 --> 00:12:11,041 Joey! Joey, don't! 217 00:12:11,083 --> 00:12:12,833 Don't! Joey! 218 00:12:12,916 --> 00:12:14,958 Joey. Your queef juice is everywhere! 219 00:12:15,041 --> 00:12:16,416 Queefs can't have juice. They're made of air. 220 00:12:16,458 --> 00:12:17,958 If farts can be wet, then queefs can be wet. 221 00:12:18,041 --> 00:12:19,333 Stop being sad. - Never! 222 00:12:19,416 --> 00:12:22,416 Not on my face! God. 223 00:12:25,791 --> 00:12:27,166 I think it's important for our friendship 224 00:12:27,208 --> 00:12:29,833 to acknowledge that that was, in fact, not a used dildo, 225 00:12:29,958 --> 00:12:32,416 but brand-new out of the box. 226 00:12:32,458 --> 00:12:34,583 Would you like some alcohol? 227 00:12:37,541 --> 00:12:38,583 Joey, on recording: My name is Joey, 228 00:12:38,666 --> 00:12:40,791 and I think Taylor Swift is mid. 229 00:12:40,833 --> 00:12:42,333 She is mid. 230 00:12:42,416 --> 00:12:43,791 Blaspheme! 231 00:12:43,833 --> 00:12:46,041 Wait, aren't you like, shocked that I can 232 00:12:46,083 --> 00:12:47,708 make you say that? 233 00:12:47,833 --> 00:12:49,083 Apps that deepfake voices 234 00:12:49,208 --> 00:12:51,208 have been around a long time. 235 00:12:51,291 --> 00:12:53,583 Uh, right. 236 00:12:53,666 --> 00:12:59,958 Oh, my God, I'm so fucking sad and fat. 237 00:13:00,041 --> 00:13:03,958 I just want to die. Don't ever leave me, OK? 238 00:13:04,083 --> 00:13:06,166 Where would I even go? 239 00:13:06,208 --> 00:13:08,333 Man, on TV: We'll be right back. 240 00:14:29,666 --> 00:14:31,458 Are you healed? 241 00:14:33,958 --> 00:14:36,583 God, I miss you. 242 00:14:36,666 --> 00:14:39,833 Your beguiling face has never left my mind. 243 00:14:48,041 --> 00:14:49,958 Craig! Craig! 244 00:14:50,083 --> 00:14:51,083 Thank God you're here. 245 00:14:51,166 --> 00:14:52,166 Why does it smell like horseshit? 246 00:14:52,208 --> 00:14:53,958 Because horseshit is spewing in the fucking shower! 247 00:14:54,083 --> 00:14:56,208 Oh, my God! 248 00:14:56,291 --> 00:15:00,333 OK, well, thank you so much. Bye. 249 00:15:02,416 --> 00:15:04,208 OK, I just got off the phone with them, and they said 250 00:15:04,291 --> 00:15:05,916 that it's gonna cost, like, 10 grand minimum to fix, 251 00:15:05,958 --> 00:15:07,458 and, like, I don't have that kind of money. 252 00:15:07,541 --> 00:15:09,458 Um... - Yeah. 253 00:15:09,583 --> 00:15:11,083 Can you just ask your family for more money? 254 00:15:11,166 --> 00:15:13,333 No, 'cause monthly stipend. And I've kind of been 255 00:15:13,458 --> 00:15:15,208 maybe a little bit totally irresponsible with finances. 256 00:15:15,333 --> 00:15:17,041 I may only have, like, $500 in my checking account, 257 00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:19,083 which is fine, Joey, because fucking Amex. 258 00:15:19,166 --> 00:15:21,333 But he needs cash, and I don't have cash. 259 00:15:21,416 --> 00:15:22,791 Can you ask for a cash advance? 260 00:15:22,833 --> 00:15:24,708 No, I'm maxed out. - Craig. 261 00:15:24,791 --> 00:15:26,416 I know, I know, I know! I'm fucking terrible. 262 00:15:26,458 --> 00:15:28,083 I'm fucking awful. Joey, I'm 32 and I can't 263 00:15:28,208 --> 00:15:29,416 fucking handle money. Do you have any money? 264 00:15:29,458 --> 00:15:30,958 Craig. - God, fuck, I know. 265 00:15:31,041 --> 00:15:32,458 Anything you can pawn? - Craig. 266 00:15:32,541 --> 00:15:34,541 Right. Damn it! Fuck! I just... 267 00:15:34,583 --> 00:15:36,291 Joey, I just, like, don't know what to do! 268 00:15:36,333 --> 00:15:39,416 I mean, I guess... I guess I could get a job. 269 00:15:39,458 --> 00:15:41,208 Oh, my God. Like, could you really? For real? 270 00:15:41,333 --> 00:15:42,291 I mean, I saw a "Help Wanted" sign 271 00:15:42,333 --> 00:15:43,541 at the Coffee Roasters. 272 00:15:43,583 --> 00:15:45,333 Oh, thank God. We're safe. 273 00:15:45,416 --> 00:15:46,791 That's not gonna get us 10 grand, you idiot. 274 00:15:46,833 --> 00:15:48,833 Right. OK, well, can you maybe, like, um, 275 00:15:48,958 --> 00:15:50,458 like, I don't know, like, sell your computer? 276 00:15:50,583 --> 00:15:52,208 Or you could get a job. - Doing what, Joey? 277 00:15:52,333 --> 00:15:53,583 I have a degree in philosophy. 278 00:15:53,666 --> 00:15:54,958 The only job that I had was that 6 months 279 00:15:55,041 --> 00:15:56,541 where I walked dogs for that evil fucking lesbian. 280 00:15:56,583 --> 00:15:58,833 Craig! - Fuck! 281 00:15:58,916 --> 00:16:01,583 OK, game plan. You try to get a job, 282 00:16:01,666 --> 00:16:03,291 I'm gonna try and get more money for my family. 283 00:16:03,333 --> 00:16:04,916 And then, like, if that fucking fails, 284 00:16:04,958 --> 00:16:08,708 I will just try to get a job or I'll kill myself. 285 00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:43,458 Oh, God. It still smells like absolute shit in here. 286 00:16:43,583 --> 00:16:45,958 Girl, I know. Here. - What is this? 287 00:16:46,083 --> 00:16:48,583 Silence of the Lambs cream. 288 00:16:48,708 --> 00:16:51,583 Ooh! It actually works. - Yeah. Your girl is scrappy. 289 00:16:51,666 --> 00:16:52,916 I got the job. 290 00:16:52,958 --> 00:16:54,333 Oh, my God, that's great news. 291 00:16:54,416 --> 00:16:55,458 And guess what. I called my dad, 292 00:16:55,541 --> 00:16:56,958 and he said that he'd give me 5 grand if I went to 293 00:16:57,041 --> 00:16:59,666 the next family reunion. So, between that and your job, 294 00:16:59,708 --> 00:17:01,833 I think that we could have it in, like, a month or two. 295 00:17:01,916 --> 00:17:03,083 Look at us. - We did it. 296 00:17:03,166 --> 00:17:04,583 We solved our financial crisis. 297 00:17:04,666 --> 00:17:06,833 Huzzah! How do you want to celebrate? 298 00:17:12,958 --> 00:17:16,583 How about cigarettes? - I can Uber Eats us some. 299 00:17:16,708 --> 00:17:19,791 Maybe the shit water is a sign we should change. 300 00:17:19,833 --> 00:17:22,833 Well, you got a job, so that's progress, right? 301 00:17:22,916 --> 00:17:25,208 Whatever happened to your Japanese interpreter dreams? 302 00:17:25,333 --> 00:17:29,458 Don't want to talk about that. I want cigarettes. 303 00:17:29,541 --> 00:17:31,333 I so want to be an investigative journalist 304 00:17:31,458 --> 00:17:33,083 for the "New York Times." 305 00:17:33,166 --> 00:17:35,333 That's impossible. - Don't be a bitch. 306 00:17:35,416 --> 00:17:36,416 You're the one making me feel bad 307 00:17:36,458 --> 00:17:38,583 about not being more successful. My trauma was... 308 00:17:38,666 --> 00:17:41,208 Oh, my trauma. My trauma, my trauma. We get it. 309 00:17:41,291 --> 00:17:42,916 You've been through some heinous shit. 310 00:17:42,958 --> 00:17:44,458 Don't you want to move on? 311 00:17:44,583 --> 00:17:46,708 What, like you moved on from yours? 312 00:17:46,791 --> 00:17:49,791 I started therapy. - Yeah, on my dime, bitch. 313 00:17:49,833 --> 00:17:54,291 Oh, fuck me! My streak! 314 00:17:54,333 --> 00:17:56,458 You're being insensitive. 315 00:17:56,583 --> 00:18:01,541 Honey, just accept it. We're fucking trash pandas. 316 00:18:01,583 --> 00:18:04,166 Sorry, not sorry. 317 00:19:01,458 --> 00:19:03,333 Woman, muffled voice: Excuse me. 318 00:19:03,416 --> 00:19:04,458 Excuse me! 319 00:19:04,583 --> 00:19:05,666 Oh, sorry, I didn't hear you. 320 00:19:05,708 --> 00:19:07,583 How could you not hear me? I'm 2 feet away from you! 321 00:19:07,708 --> 00:19:09,083 How can I help you? 322 00:19:09,166 --> 00:19:11,833 I asked for an iced 323 00:19:11,958 --> 00:19:16,291 no iced latte with oat milk. This is whole milk. 324 00:19:16,333 --> 00:19:17,333 So sorry about that. 325 00:19:17,416 --> 00:19:21,041 But I also made that latte, and I made it with oat milk. 326 00:19:21,083 --> 00:19:22,958 No, you didn't. It's whole milk. 327 00:19:23,041 --> 00:19:24,541 I can taste the difference. 328 00:19:24,583 --> 00:19:26,166 Do you want me to remake it for you? 329 00:19:26,208 --> 00:19:27,583 Do I... 330 00:19:27,666 --> 00:19:29,458 Excuse me, young lady! 331 00:19:29,541 --> 00:19:30,958 Yeah, that's definitely oat milk. 332 00:19:31,083 --> 00:19:33,333 No, it's not! - Yes, it is. And the fact that 333 00:19:33,458 --> 00:19:35,583 you can't tell the difference is astounding, actually. 334 00:19:35,666 --> 00:19:37,958 What's astounding is you just being 335 00:19:38,083 --> 00:19:39,958 in a coffee shop on a Tuesday morning. 336 00:19:40,041 --> 00:19:41,708 Don't you Gen Z work? 337 00:19:41,833 --> 00:19:44,041 Hey, I get it. You're divorced and your 338 00:19:44,083 --> 00:19:45,708 15-year-old hates you, and your new husband 339 00:19:45,791 --> 00:19:47,833 is fucking a nanny, and none of that is fixable. 340 00:19:47,916 --> 00:19:49,708 So, you come down to coffee shops and you make 341 00:19:49,791 --> 00:19:51,916 workers feel bad just because you have money. 342 00:19:51,958 --> 00:19:53,208 You're not original, Karen. 343 00:19:53,333 --> 00:19:56,416 You're just a sad fucking cliche. 344 00:19:57,708 --> 00:20:02,583 Oh ho ho! Red wine! Red wine at 10:00 in the morning! 345 00:20:10,333 --> 00:20:13,291 Aah aah aah! 346 00:20:19,333 --> 00:20:22,916 I never got the job. I lied. I'm sorry. 347 00:20:22,958 --> 00:20:26,583 I saw the sex tape. 348 00:20:27,958 --> 00:20:30,416 It's weird. 349 00:20:30,458 --> 00:20:32,541 I feel like these days it's impossible to deny 350 00:20:32,583 --> 00:20:33,708 the existence of aliens. 351 00:20:33,791 --> 00:20:35,666 I just never thought the way that I'd find out 352 00:20:35,708 --> 00:20:38,041 would be live-action hentai. 353 00:20:41,458 --> 00:20:43,458 I never called my dad. 354 00:20:45,333 --> 00:20:51,333 I just, like, couldn't, you know. 355 00:20:53,333 --> 00:20:57,708 So, it looks like we're stuck with this situation 356 00:20:57,791 --> 00:21:00,333 for the foreseeable future. 357 00:21:02,041 --> 00:21:04,166 Brian invited us to his house, 358 00:21:04,208 --> 00:21:06,458 his vacation home for the weekend. 359 00:21:06,541 --> 00:21:07,958 Well, he invited me, 360 00:21:08,041 --> 00:21:11,041 but I don't think he'll mind if you come. 361 00:21:11,083 --> 00:21:15,041 Didn't he, like, really hurt you? 362 00:21:15,083 --> 00:21:17,458 I mean, it looked like he did when you... 363 00:21:19,458 --> 00:21:21,166 when you... 364 00:21:23,333 --> 00:21:25,583 Yeah, but it was worth it. 365 00:21:38,791 --> 00:21:40,583 "Be careful. It's hot." 366 00:21:49,333 --> 00:21:52,583 "The queen loves clowns." 367 00:21:59,333 --> 00:22:01,583 "Death is our fate." 368 00:22:10,083 --> 00:22:12,208 "I want beer." 369 00:22:13,666 --> 00:22:14,958 I do, though. 370 00:22:40,208 --> 00:22:41,916 Let me do the talking. 371 00:23:33,458 --> 00:23:35,708 Joey, distorted: Oh... 372 00:23:55,583 --> 00:24:00,208 My lady. You are such a prepossessing sight. 373 00:24:00,333 --> 00:24:03,916 What in the Shakespeare does that mean? 374 00:24:03,958 --> 00:24:06,833 You must be Craig. A pleasure. 375 00:24:06,916 --> 00:24:09,083 Welcome, you two. Where are your bags? 376 00:24:09,208 --> 00:24:10,583 Uh, they're out front. 377 00:24:10,666 --> 00:24:11,958 Oh, but you don't have to go to get them and... 378 00:24:12,083 --> 00:24:13,833 That's what I pay her the big bucks for, Craig. 379 00:24:13,916 --> 00:24:15,791 Let her take your baggage. 380 00:24:15,833 --> 00:24:18,083 I want to give you the grand tour. 381 00:24:18,208 --> 00:24:20,083 'K. 382 00:24:37,833 --> 00:24:40,208 Please don't come in here when I'm here. 383 00:24:40,333 --> 00:24:42,833 Brian requests you wear this dress for dinner, 384 00:24:42,958 --> 00:24:45,208 but I see you've grown a little soft. 385 00:24:45,291 --> 00:24:48,041 So why don't I let it out a little first? 386 00:24:48,083 --> 00:24:51,416 Laura, thank you. Can you please get out? 387 00:24:51,458 --> 00:24:56,708 As you wish. A little something. 388 00:24:56,833 --> 00:25:00,083 I've told you not to Q-Tip, sweetie. 389 00:25:00,166 --> 00:25:03,791 It's bad for your ears. 390 00:25:09,083 --> 00:25:12,916 Now, before we enjoy this 391 00:25:12,958 --> 00:25:15,458 extremely nutritious and delicious sustenance 392 00:25:15,541 --> 00:25:18,833 Laura spent hours making, 393 00:25:18,958 --> 00:25:23,541 I can infer some tension in the air, can't I? 394 00:25:23,583 --> 00:25:25,833 It's all right. I know. 395 00:25:25,958 --> 00:25:28,791 Craig told us all about how you ended up here. 396 00:25:28,833 --> 00:25:32,791 I'm sorry about your... shit-smelling house. 397 00:25:32,833 --> 00:25:35,041 We had to use Silence of the Lambs cream and everything. 398 00:25:35,083 --> 00:25:39,041 Ha! I don't know what that means. 399 00:25:39,083 --> 00:25:41,708 Anyway... Now, Craig, 400 00:25:41,833 --> 00:25:44,958 it is true what Joey says. 401 00:25:45,083 --> 00:25:51,083 I am an alien, and I suppose I have the capability to... 402 00:25:51,166 --> 00:25:53,708 let's say, be dangerous... 403 00:25:53,833 --> 00:25:57,208 Something I vowed never to do. 404 00:25:57,333 --> 00:25:59,916 So, in the effort to be fully transparent, 405 00:25:59,958 --> 00:26:01,333 a little demonstration. 406 00:26:03,083 --> 00:26:06,208 Ah! Oh my God. 407 00:26:06,333 --> 00:26:09,083 Is that, like, alien serum or something? 408 00:26:09,166 --> 00:26:12,583 It's sugar-free lemonade powder. 409 00:26:12,666 --> 00:26:16,458 Turns out my species is deathly allergic to it. 410 00:26:16,541 --> 00:26:18,333 If you please. 411 00:26:26,041 --> 00:26:30,083 Oww! Ooh... 412 00:26:33,458 --> 00:26:36,416 Ooh! 413 00:26:40,666 --> 00:26:41,791 Shit. 414 00:26:57,833 --> 00:27:00,958 Now you know my weakness. You'll find several syringes 415 00:27:01,041 --> 00:27:05,458 underneath the sink filled with it in case you need it. 416 00:27:10,291 --> 00:27:13,916 Enjoy your salmon. - He's fucking hot. 417 00:27:15,291 --> 00:27:18,208 Laura is weird. - She's fine. 418 00:27:18,333 --> 00:27:20,541 Just always the bridesmaid, you know? 419 00:27:20,583 --> 00:27:23,416 Yeah. Whatever. To be that close to that 420 00:27:23,458 --> 00:27:24,833 kind of gorgeousness. 421 00:27:24,916 --> 00:27:25,958 I mean, the track suit thing 422 00:27:26,083 --> 00:27:28,916 is a little weird, but it works. 423 00:27:28,958 --> 00:27:32,708 I don't know. It's just so hard to believe 424 00:27:32,833 --> 00:27:35,041 he was so violent to you. 425 00:27:35,083 --> 00:27:35,916 But I mean, you came back, 426 00:27:35,958 --> 00:27:38,458 so it couldn't have been that bad. 427 00:27:38,541 --> 00:27:40,708 Do you think he only likes you 'cause you're pretty? 428 00:27:40,791 --> 00:27:42,583 I mean, whatever. Who the fuck cares if he does? 429 00:27:42,666 --> 00:27:44,333 Because look at him. 430 00:27:44,458 --> 00:27:45,666 Do you think you'll fuck him again? 431 00:27:45,708 --> 00:27:47,958 I just might if you don't. 432 00:27:48,041 --> 00:27:49,541 I can never tell when you're joking 433 00:27:49,583 --> 00:27:50,833 or being serious. 434 00:27:50,958 --> 00:27:53,583 Oh, my God! I'm totally joking. 435 00:27:53,708 --> 00:27:55,708 God, no. I would for sure tell you 436 00:27:55,791 --> 00:27:57,583 if I was being serious. 437 00:27:57,666 --> 00:27:58,958 Plus, it's been so long, at this point, 438 00:27:59,041 --> 00:28:00,208 I'm pretty sure my anus has dried up 439 00:28:00,333 --> 00:28:02,833 and disappeared anyways. 440 00:29:12,291 --> 00:29:14,958 Whoo! Ha ha ha! 441 00:29:15,041 --> 00:29:17,166 Yeah, I'm a real-live fuck boy. 442 00:29:17,208 --> 00:29:18,083 Ha ha! - There was a moment 443 00:29:18,166 --> 00:29:19,708 where, like, the energy was crackling, 444 00:29:19,833 --> 00:29:22,083 and then, like, dolphin roll. I did a dolphin roll? 445 00:29:22,166 --> 00:29:24,208 That was... hey! 446 00:29:24,333 --> 00:29:25,791 Why didn't you wake me? 447 00:29:25,833 --> 00:29:28,958 Oh, we tried, but you were snoring so deep. 448 00:29:29,041 --> 00:29:29,958 We were just like, you know what? 449 00:29:30,041 --> 00:29:31,708 She can get up whenever she wants to. Right? 450 00:29:31,791 --> 00:29:32,833 I didn't know you could dance. 451 00:29:32,958 --> 00:29:34,458 Me either, but Brian was teaching me, 452 00:29:34,583 --> 00:29:36,708 and like, I felt... - Anybody can dance 453 00:29:36,791 --> 00:29:37,916 if they work hard enough. 454 00:29:37,958 --> 00:29:39,541 You may not get the moves right away, but if you have 455 00:29:39,583 --> 00:29:41,041 the soul, you'll get it. 456 00:29:41,083 --> 00:29:43,333 I got the soul. - Yes, you do. 457 00:29:43,458 --> 00:29:46,541 I do it every morning as meditation. 458 00:29:46,583 --> 00:29:48,458 You'd be surprised how much better your day starts 459 00:29:48,541 --> 00:29:50,041 when you dance it out. 460 00:29:50,083 --> 00:29:51,458 Joey, do you want something to drink? 461 00:29:51,541 --> 00:29:53,208 There'll be time for that later. 462 00:29:53,291 --> 00:29:55,291 Now that you're awake, 463 00:29:55,333 --> 00:30:00,583 it's time for me to help you, to help us all. 464 00:30:00,666 --> 00:30:03,333 If the three of you will come with me, 465 00:30:03,458 --> 00:30:07,833 it's time to change your lives. 466 00:30:27,041 --> 00:30:30,333 Though I do have a 1,048-day streak on Duolingo, 467 00:30:30,416 --> 00:30:32,291 so I might be being a little modest. 468 00:30:38,083 --> 00:30:39,791 What? 469 00:30:39,833 --> 00:30:42,083 I invite each of you to take a seat 470 00:30:42,208 --> 00:30:45,208 in front of the chrysalis gigantum. 471 00:30:52,333 --> 00:30:54,208 If everyone could take a deep breath. 472 00:30:56,708 --> 00:30:58,166 And again. 473 00:31:00,041 --> 00:31:03,333 The pollen from the trees should be taking effect now. 474 00:31:05,583 --> 00:31:08,583 Your anuses are open. Excellent. 475 00:31:10,208 --> 00:31:11,666 This chrysalis gigantum 476 00:31:11,708 --> 00:31:14,333 is something I carried with me from my home planet. 477 00:31:14,416 --> 00:31:17,083 It's been gestating and growing in here 478 00:31:17,166 --> 00:31:19,833 thanks to the trees. And finally, it's ready to do 479 00:31:19,916 --> 00:31:21,833 what it was meant to... 480 00:31:21,958 --> 00:31:24,333 Heal. 481 00:31:24,416 --> 00:31:29,833 As with anything in life, it isn't free. 482 00:31:29,916 --> 00:31:31,791 The crystal requires an offering 483 00:31:31,833 --> 00:31:33,833 in the form of your past hardship. 484 00:31:33,916 --> 00:31:36,083 You must take a moment from your life, 485 00:31:36,166 --> 00:31:40,083 say it out in the open, and once that's done, 486 00:31:40,166 --> 00:31:44,458 cut yourself with this knife, drip some of your blood. 487 00:31:44,541 --> 00:31:47,791 If you're telling the truth, the blood will be absorbed. 488 00:31:47,833 --> 00:31:49,541 If enough truth is laid out, 489 00:31:49,583 --> 00:31:51,958 it will release a healing light. 490 00:31:52,083 --> 00:31:54,166 At least it should. 491 00:31:54,208 --> 00:31:58,458 I haven't actually tried this before. 492 00:31:58,583 --> 00:32:01,833 So, who shall begin? 493 00:32:01,958 --> 00:32:04,666 OK, I... I was molested by my uncle. 494 00:32:09,916 --> 00:32:11,708 Ah! Fuck! 495 00:32:11,833 --> 00:32:14,916 You only have to cut your finger for it to work. 496 00:32:16,583 --> 00:32:18,583 Oh. Um... 497 00:32:18,708 --> 00:32:19,958 Not to worry. 498 00:32:20,041 --> 00:32:22,208 I'll heal you after the session. 499 00:32:26,708 --> 00:32:31,208 So... who's next? 500 00:32:31,291 --> 00:32:33,333 The more in-depth the story you tell, 501 00:32:33,416 --> 00:32:35,333 the more energy you give it. 502 00:32:35,416 --> 00:32:39,083 OK, I guess what happened to me is kind of bad. 503 00:32:39,208 --> 00:32:41,583 Um, so we used to have these family reunions 504 00:32:41,708 --> 00:32:44,333 on my mom's side and they were like, these massive affairs, 505 00:32:44,416 --> 00:32:46,333 like a lot of liquor, and my uncle would 506 00:32:46,416 --> 00:32:47,458 always slip me some. 507 00:32:47,541 --> 00:32:49,833 And he was like, the cool uncle. 508 00:32:49,958 --> 00:32:51,166 Anyways, the first time that it happened, 509 00:32:51,208 --> 00:32:52,208 I was trying to go to sleep. 510 00:32:52,333 --> 00:32:54,958 And my door had a lock on it, but you could pick it 511 00:32:55,041 --> 00:32:56,916 with a screwdriver, and he did. 512 00:32:56,958 --> 00:33:00,916 And he was barely aware of his surroundings. 513 00:33:00,958 --> 00:33:04,291 He stumbled and fell onto my bed, crushing my body. 514 00:33:04,333 --> 00:33:06,958 I was, like, 11 years old. But he started snoring, 515 00:33:07,083 --> 00:33:09,666 so I pushed him off and I fell asleep. 516 00:33:09,708 --> 00:33:13,333 But then, the next family reunion... 517 00:33:13,458 --> 00:33:16,083 he didn't stumble. No. 518 00:33:16,208 --> 00:33:20,666 He crawled on top of me deliberately, 519 00:33:20,708 --> 00:33:22,708 and he started, um... 520 00:33:25,958 --> 00:33:28,583 like, growling like a lion? 521 00:33:30,083 --> 00:33:32,083 And then... 522 00:33:36,708 --> 00:33:38,583 If you could? 523 00:33:38,708 --> 00:33:40,708 Oh. Uh, yeah. 524 00:33:40,791 --> 00:33:42,416 Yeah. 525 00:33:59,666 --> 00:34:02,291 Joey? - Um... 526 00:34:02,333 --> 00:34:06,333 growing up, I was in and out of five different foster homes 527 00:34:06,458 --> 00:34:09,833 and I never had any good parental figures. 528 00:34:11,083 --> 00:34:14,708 I had one good foster sister, Amy. 529 00:34:14,833 --> 00:34:17,833 She was so nice. 530 00:34:17,916 --> 00:34:20,541 Her mother died in childbirth, but she always wore 531 00:34:20,583 --> 00:34:22,583 her mother's necklace. 532 00:34:23,833 --> 00:34:26,166 Mine just didn't want me, I guess. 533 00:34:28,166 --> 00:34:30,166 One day, I asked to borrow the necklace, 534 00:34:30,208 --> 00:34:32,958 and she almost said yes, but then said no, 535 00:34:33,083 --> 00:34:35,083 and I got so upset that the next day, 536 00:34:35,166 --> 00:34:37,166 I accused her of stealing money, but they saw 537 00:34:37,208 --> 00:34:39,833 right through me, and I got so embarrassed 538 00:34:39,958 --> 00:34:43,583 that I lashed out and I bit her arm. 539 00:34:43,666 --> 00:34:47,666 The next day, they sent me to a different home... 540 00:34:49,208 --> 00:34:51,833 and that memory still haunts me. 541 00:35:03,958 --> 00:35:05,958 Quick, quick! Everyone touch the crystal! 542 00:35:06,041 --> 00:35:07,666 Don't you and Laura need to share more? 543 00:35:07,708 --> 00:35:09,333 There'll be time for that later. 544 00:35:09,458 --> 00:35:12,083 The glow is ready now. Don't you want to feel better? 545 00:35:58,583 --> 00:36:00,583 Enjoying yourself? 546 00:36:02,958 --> 00:36:04,958 Get out! 547 00:36:05,083 --> 00:36:06,708 If you break his heart again... 548 00:36:06,791 --> 00:36:08,958 That's none of your business. 549 00:36:09,083 --> 00:36:12,083 You think I don't see who you really are? 550 00:36:12,166 --> 00:36:14,791 You use your traumatic childhood 551 00:36:14,833 --> 00:36:17,291 as a pheromone to attract all those stupid enough 552 00:36:17,333 --> 00:36:20,958 to take care of you, and then you suck 'em dry. 553 00:36:21,083 --> 00:36:24,208 I see with Brian, and I see it with Craig. 554 00:36:24,291 --> 00:36:27,458 Get the fuck out of my bathroom. 555 00:36:27,541 --> 00:36:29,583 Now! 556 00:36:29,708 --> 00:36:32,166 Get out! 557 00:36:32,208 --> 00:36:36,833 Don't raise your voice at me, chica. 558 00:36:36,958 --> 00:36:39,458 Craig! 559 00:36:39,541 --> 00:36:42,166 I don't think you got deep enough 560 00:36:42,208 --> 00:36:43,708 to get all the wax out. 561 00:36:43,833 --> 00:36:45,666 Let me help you. - Aah! 562 00:37:09,458 --> 00:37:11,708 Where are Laura and Craig? 563 00:37:11,791 --> 00:37:13,791 They're in their healing light. 564 00:37:13,833 --> 00:37:16,833 So, still tripping balls? - Bingo. 565 00:37:18,333 --> 00:37:20,333 Laura may be a bitch sometimes, 566 00:37:20,416 --> 00:37:22,416 but she sure knows how to cook. Heh! 567 00:37:22,458 --> 00:37:24,458 You shouldn't be too harsh on her. 568 00:37:24,583 --> 00:37:27,208 She's... she's had a tough life. 569 00:37:27,291 --> 00:37:30,583 Who hasn't? - She was born into a cult. 570 00:37:30,708 --> 00:37:32,708 It was small, on a farm. 571 00:37:32,791 --> 00:37:34,791 Man was claiming to be the second coming, 572 00:37:34,833 --> 00:37:36,708 but he was sleeping with all the women. 573 00:37:36,791 --> 00:37:40,208 She ran away when she was 14. 574 00:37:40,291 --> 00:37:42,291 She started traveling around, looking for meaning, 575 00:37:42,333 --> 00:37:45,333 but she kept getting it wrong. 576 00:37:45,458 --> 00:37:48,458 New man of God, same fatal flaw. 577 00:37:48,583 --> 00:37:51,083 She probably wouldn't 578 00:37:51,208 --> 00:37:52,958 appreciate me telling you this. 579 00:37:54,333 --> 00:37:56,291 What's that? 580 00:37:56,333 --> 00:37:58,958 It was my mother's. 581 00:38:01,291 --> 00:38:03,916 She gave it to me before she died. 582 00:38:05,166 --> 00:38:07,833 You never told me what happened. 583 00:38:10,208 --> 00:38:12,458 Well, after the fourth quasar nexus, we knew 584 00:38:12,541 --> 00:38:14,541 we could no longer stay in the city. 585 00:38:14,583 --> 00:38:17,208 We had to find a more temperate climate, 586 00:38:17,333 --> 00:38:19,791 but our military had taken over the government. 587 00:38:19,833 --> 00:38:21,083 Now, there were numerous checkpoints 588 00:38:21,208 --> 00:38:23,833 set up to get out of the city. 589 00:38:23,958 --> 00:38:26,958 We had to try. It was our only option. 590 00:38:27,041 --> 00:38:29,041 Miraculously, 591 00:38:29,083 --> 00:38:31,083 we made it to just inside the city limits, 592 00:38:31,208 --> 00:38:34,208 only one more checkpoint to go. 593 00:38:34,291 --> 00:38:36,916 In case we were separated, 594 00:38:36,958 --> 00:38:39,958 my mother, she kneeled down 595 00:38:40,083 --> 00:38:43,708 and gave me this necklace of our family crest. 596 00:38:43,791 --> 00:38:46,791 She said if I revealed it to certain people, 597 00:38:46,833 --> 00:38:49,458 they'd take care of me. 598 00:38:51,083 --> 00:38:54,708 As we were about to continue forward, 599 00:38:54,833 --> 00:38:57,833 that's when we were ambushed. 600 00:38:57,916 --> 00:39:00,916 They held her down, I had to watch 601 00:39:00,958 --> 00:39:03,833 as they... 602 00:39:03,916 --> 00:39:06,708 You've suffered so much. 603 00:39:08,208 --> 00:39:10,833 What you said in the room... 604 00:39:10,958 --> 00:39:13,541 you never told me that before. 605 00:39:13,583 --> 00:39:16,583 I like to think it's behind me, but... 606 00:39:16,708 --> 00:39:18,333 it's not. 607 00:39:19,583 --> 00:39:21,583 Maybe I'm better for it. 608 00:39:36,291 --> 00:39:39,291 You deserve a mother's necklace. 609 00:39:41,291 --> 00:39:43,916 Even if it isn't yours. 610 00:39:58,083 --> 00:40:01,708 Shall we have cross-species intercourse? 611 00:40:01,791 --> 00:40:04,166 I haven't had intercourse, cross-species 612 00:40:04,208 --> 00:40:06,208 or otherwise, since. 613 00:40:06,333 --> 00:40:09,333 Oh. I understand. 614 00:40:09,416 --> 00:40:11,958 It's all my fault. 615 00:40:12,083 --> 00:40:16,083 I now know how scary it was when I lost control. 616 00:40:16,166 --> 00:40:19,791 But you have to know my touch can only take you so far 617 00:40:19,833 --> 00:40:22,833 into healing your wounds. 618 00:40:22,958 --> 00:40:25,958 If you embrace me, fully, 619 00:40:26,041 --> 00:40:29,208 we can make your mind go quiet forever. 620 00:40:31,416 --> 00:40:33,416 Don't you want that? 621 00:43:17,333 --> 00:43:19,333 Help! 622 00:43:23,333 --> 00:43:24,958 Brian? 623 00:43:28,958 --> 00:43:30,583 Joey? 624 00:43:33,666 --> 00:43:35,291 Laura? 625 00:43:37,708 --> 00:43:39,708 Hello? 626 00:43:40,958 --> 00:43:42,583 Everything OK? 627 00:44:03,083 --> 00:44:04,708 Joey? 628 00:44:09,041 --> 00:44:11,666 Brian? 629 00:44:11,708 --> 00:44:13,458 What are you doing here? 630 00:44:13,541 --> 00:44:16,333 Jesus! Shitballs! 631 00:44:16,416 --> 00:44:18,833 Fuck! You scared me. 632 00:44:18,916 --> 00:44:21,541 Um... 633 00:44:21,583 --> 00:44:24,791 I... I thought I heard screams. 634 00:44:24,833 --> 00:44:28,833 Maybe it was the machinery I use to water my plants? 635 00:44:28,958 --> 00:44:31,166 I should lubricate it. 636 00:44:31,208 --> 00:44:33,458 Gets rusty, unfortunately. 637 00:44:33,583 --> 00:44:35,583 I've been lazy. 638 00:44:35,666 --> 00:44:38,458 Oh, my God. Well, I... I totally get that. 639 00:44:38,583 --> 00:44:41,583 I... I get being lazy. I'm a big... 640 00:44:41,666 --> 00:44:43,208 lazy piece of shit. 641 00:44:43,333 --> 00:44:45,333 No, you are not. 642 00:44:47,083 --> 00:44:50,083 Well, no, I... I know. I'm... it's just... 643 00:44:50,208 --> 00:44:52,208 it's my sense of humor. 644 00:44:52,291 --> 00:44:54,291 I'm not convinced calling yourself 645 00:44:54,333 --> 00:44:56,958 a lazy piece of shit is humorous. 646 00:44:58,208 --> 00:45:00,208 Oh. Yeah. 647 00:45:00,333 --> 00:45:02,958 Um... OK. 648 00:45:05,333 --> 00:45:07,541 Would do you like to have cross-species intercourse 649 00:45:07,583 --> 00:45:09,208 with me? 650 00:45:09,333 --> 00:45:13,333 Uh, aren't you, like, with Joey? 651 00:45:18,083 --> 00:45:21,083 What does that have to do with what I asked? 652 00:45:23,916 --> 00:45:27,333 I mean, yeah, you're... 653 00:45:27,416 --> 00:45:31,416 you're really hot, and so I wouldn't say... 654 00:45:40,458 --> 00:45:43,458 Oh, my God. Is this really happening? 655 00:46:32,083 --> 00:46:34,083 Oh, my God. 656 00:46:35,916 --> 00:46:37,916 I had sex with Brian last night. 657 00:46:37,958 --> 00:46:39,583 I know. 658 00:46:39,708 --> 00:46:41,708 It was bad before, I know, but I just... 659 00:46:41,791 --> 00:46:43,791 I forgot how good it feels to have his tentacles 660 00:46:43,833 --> 00:46:45,458 on my skin. 661 00:46:45,541 --> 00:46:47,541 My mind just went quiet. 662 00:46:47,583 --> 00:46:49,583 For the first time in five years, 663 00:46:49,708 --> 00:46:51,708 I was just quiet. 664 00:46:51,791 --> 00:46:54,791 There's no sadness, no anxiety, just... 665 00:46:54,833 --> 00:46:59,458 pure, unadulterated... peace. 666 00:46:59,583 --> 00:47:02,583 And I've been searching for it for so long, 667 00:47:02,666 --> 00:47:04,833 but I think it's changed now. I can feel it. 668 00:47:04,958 --> 00:47:06,958 I don't even feel like I need to vape. 669 00:47:07,041 --> 00:47:08,666 Oh, my God, me, too. Like, I know exactly 670 00:47:08,708 --> 00:47:11,333 what you mean, like... Like... the... the quiet. 671 00:47:11,458 --> 00:47:13,833 I had a pleasant dream for the first time 672 00:47:13,958 --> 00:47:16,166 in, like, a decade last night. - Mm. 673 00:47:16,208 --> 00:47:18,833 Was so tender and warm. 674 00:47:18,958 --> 00:47:22,583 There was no shame. It was just, like, light. 675 00:47:22,666 --> 00:47:25,041 He made me feel so... 676 00:47:25,083 --> 00:47:27,083 wanted. 677 00:47:28,916 --> 00:47:30,916 You... you got all that from crystal therapy? 678 00:47:30,958 --> 00:47:34,166 Iko, iko, iko itte, kudasai! 679 00:47:36,708 --> 00:47:38,708 Thank you so much for bringing me. 680 00:47:38,833 --> 00:47:43,458 I never thought that I would find happiness, but then... 681 00:47:43,541 --> 00:47:46,333 I've never seen you wear that necklace before. 682 00:47:47,708 --> 00:47:49,708 Yeah, it was Brian's mother's. 683 00:47:49,833 --> 00:47:53,458 So sweet, right? - Oh... 684 00:47:53,541 --> 00:47:55,541 He's waiting downstairs for us. 685 00:47:55,583 --> 00:47:57,208 He's gonna give us therapy assignments. 686 00:48:01,458 --> 00:48:04,291 Today, I want to separate you two. 687 00:48:05,833 --> 00:48:07,083 Craig, 688 00:48:07,166 --> 00:48:09,791 you have a journey outside, coordinated by Laura. 689 00:48:09,833 --> 00:48:12,458 But before we go, 690 00:48:12,583 --> 00:48:14,583 Joey. 691 00:48:14,666 --> 00:48:16,666 Excuse me. 692 00:48:18,666 --> 00:48:21,666 I feel like I owe you an apology. 693 00:48:21,708 --> 00:48:24,333 I know Brian told you 694 00:48:24,458 --> 00:48:27,083 of the first commune I was a part of. 695 00:48:27,166 --> 00:48:30,416 And while I was there, I was extremely 696 00:48:30,458 --> 00:48:33,041 addicted to heroin. 697 00:48:34,666 --> 00:48:36,333 I had a child. 698 00:48:36,416 --> 00:48:38,416 There were no cribs. 699 00:48:38,458 --> 00:48:41,458 We all slept in the same... 700 00:48:41,583 --> 00:48:44,583 And during one of my, uh... 701 00:48:46,208 --> 00:48:48,833 I... 702 00:48:48,916 --> 00:48:50,916 rolled over on t... 703 00:48:50,958 --> 00:48:53,416 Top of him and, uh... 704 00:48:56,333 --> 00:48:58,333 His name was Peter. 705 00:49:01,166 --> 00:49:03,333 That's what I would have shared 706 00:49:03,458 --> 00:49:06,458 in the crystal room yesterday. 707 00:49:06,541 --> 00:49:08,916 What color were Peter's eyes? 708 00:49:10,166 --> 00:49:12,791 Brown. 709 00:49:12,833 --> 00:49:15,291 Deep... 710 00:49:15,333 --> 00:49:17,583 soulful... 711 00:49:17,666 --> 00:49:19,708 tiny specks of gold. 712 00:49:26,416 --> 00:49:30,041 I hope we all realize what's happening here. 713 00:49:30,083 --> 00:49:31,916 We don't have to live constrained by 714 00:49:31,958 --> 00:49:33,958 the ideals of pain. 715 00:49:34,083 --> 00:49:36,708 We can have freedom. 716 00:49:36,791 --> 00:49:39,333 Craig, please follow Laura. 717 00:49:39,416 --> 00:49:41,833 Craig, whispering: I was kinda hoping we could do 718 00:49:41,958 --> 00:49:43,958 that thing that... Brian, scoffing: Later. 719 00:49:44,041 --> 00:49:47,041 But, later, I promise. 720 00:49:49,583 --> 00:49:51,208 Heh! 721 00:49:52,458 --> 00:49:54,083 What was that about? 722 00:49:54,208 --> 00:49:56,208 Doctor-patient privilege, my dear. 723 00:49:56,291 --> 00:49:58,458 OK, but I thought there were supposed to be no secrets. 724 00:49:58,583 --> 00:50:01,208 If you'd be so kind, you need to go to the crystal room. 725 00:50:01,291 --> 00:50:03,291 You get it all to yourself. 726 00:50:04,958 --> 00:50:08,583 OK, but before I go, do you think you could just... 727 00:50:08,708 --> 00:50:11,083 I'm feeling a little anxious. 728 00:50:11,208 --> 00:50:13,208 The crystal will help. 729 00:50:13,291 --> 00:50:16,208 And tonight, I'll help even more. 730 00:50:22,583 --> 00:50:25,583 Craig doesn't know what happened to me. No one does. 731 00:50:25,666 --> 00:50:28,291 Well, two people do, but... 732 00:50:28,333 --> 00:50:31,333 their names don't deserve to be said out loud. 733 00:50:34,333 --> 00:50:37,333 Amy saw him come into our room, and she heard me 734 00:50:37,416 --> 00:50:40,416 try to scream as he put his hands over my mouth. 735 00:50:43,041 --> 00:50:45,041 And what did I get? 736 00:50:46,666 --> 00:50:49,666 A Barbie Dreamhouse? 737 00:50:49,708 --> 00:50:52,333 An ice cream party with all the fucking fixings? 738 00:50:52,458 --> 00:50:54,458 Money? No. 739 00:50:57,458 --> 00:50:59,458 But Amy sure did. 740 00:51:01,583 --> 00:51:04,083 She was so stuffed full of hush money, by the time 741 00:51:04,166 --> 00:51:06,333 I got the courage to tell my fifth-grade teacher, 742 00:51:06,458 --> 00:51:09,083 Social Services got involved, 743 00:51:09,166 --> 00:51:11,166 she lied to them. 744 00:51:14,958 --> 00:51:17,958 You want to know why I fucking bit her? 745 00:51:20,083 --> 00:51:23,333 I bit that bitch because she pretended to be asleep 746 00:51:23,416 --> 00:51:26,416 night after night, while he, who doesn't deserve 747 00:51:26,458 --> 00:51:29,083 to have his name said out loud, touched me in ways 748 00:51:29,208 --> 00:51:32,833 that I never deserved for two fucking years. 749 00:51:37,208 --> 00:51:40,833 I wish death on you, Amy. 750 00:51:40,916 --> 00:51:42,916 I wish death on you more than them. 751 00:51:45,083 --> 00:51:47,708 I wish I could take a knife to your throat 752 00:51:47,791 --> 00:51:49,791 and cut you ear to ear 753 00:51:49,833 --> 00:51:52,333 and watch the blood flow out of your open wound, 754 00:51:52,416 --> 00:51:54,416 like the Hoover Dam. 755 00:51:56,583 --> 00:51:58,958 You were a child. You didn't know any better. 756 00:51:59,083 --> 00:52:02,083 Well, guess fucking what? So was I. 757 00:52:02,166 --> 00:52:04,166 So was I. 758 00:52:07,958 --> 00:52:09,958 God, this shit's so dark. 759 00:52:12,083 --> 00:52:14,083 Who the fuck cares? 760 00:52:16,291 --> 00:52:18,291 I'm a piece of shit anyway. 761 00:52:20,458 --> 00:52:23,333 Maybe I deserved it. 762 00:52:28,583 --> 00:52:30,208 Hello? 763 00:53:00,416 --> 00:53:02,041 Help! 764 00:53:14,583 --> 00:53:16,916 Somebody help me! 765 00:54:19,208 --> 00:54:21,333 Oh! Oh, shit! 766 00:54:21,416 --> 00:54:24,166 Ah! No. No! 767 00:54:51,916 --> 00:54:54,541 Bitch, come inside. We're about to watch 768 00:54:54,583 --> 00:54:56,833 "Austin Powers 2." Noah, scoffing: Why? 769 00:54:56,916 --> 00:55:00,333 Because we're on acid, and it's hilarious. 770 00:55:00,416 --> 00:55:02,416 I secretly plan on playing all three 771 00:55:02,458 --> 00:55:04,708 and seeing if anyone notices. - Were you even alive 772 00:55:04,791 --> 00:55:06,791 when those movies were made? - Yes. 773 00:55:06,833 --> 00:55:09,083 Wait. Maybe. 774 00:55:09,166 --> 00:55:11,166 I'll be there in a second. 775 00:55:11,208 --> 00:55:12,833 Fine. Whatever. 776 00:55:12,958 --> 00:55:15,166 Be filled with millennial ennui. 777 00:55:15,208 --> 00:55:16,833 He's in his boring era. 778 00:55:16,958 --> 00:55:18,958 Why even come if you're not gonna do drugs? 779 00:55:19,041 --> 00:55:21,041 Because I'm sober, River. 780 00:55:21,083 --> 00:55:24,083 Oh. It's not an excuse. 781 00:55:49,583 --> 00:55:51,208 River, distantly: I can't believe we're watching 782 00:55:51,333 --> 00:55:54,958 "Austin Powers 2." Who's doing this? 783 00:56:54,583 --> 00:56:57,208 Whoa. 784 00:57:03,333 --> 00:57:04,958 Heh! 785 00:57:27,833 --> 00:57:29,833 Hello, Noah. 786 00:57:33,541 --> 00:57:37,541 Ah, I want to thank you. 787 00:57:37,583 --> 00:57:39,833 By coming here, you've found yourself part 788 00:57:39,916 --> 00:57:42,583 of something... bigger. 789 00:57:42,708 --> 00:57:45,708 And together, we'll change the world. 790 00:57:47,291 --> 00:57:49,291 In the meantime, 791 00:57:49,333 --> 00:57:51,583 get some rest. 792 00:57:51,666 --> 00:57:54,708 Soon we'll have cross-species intercourse. 793 00:57:54,833 --> 00:57:56,333 No. Wait. 794 00:57:56,416 --> 00:57:58,041 Wait! Please! Come back, please! 795 00:57:58,083 --> 00:58:00,708 I didn't do anything! Please! 796 00:58:00,833 --> 00:58:02,833 Help! Somebody help! 797 00:58:02,916 --> 00:58:06,916 Please! Help! 798 00:58:06,958 --> 00:58:09,583 Help! 799 00:58:09,708 --> 00:58:11,791 Please! 800 00:58:18,041 --> 00:58:20,666 I was convinced he'd be compatible 801 00:58:21,916 --> 00:58:24,041 Because he was attractive? - I don't only have 802 00:58:24,083 --> 00:58:26,166 cross-species intercourse with attractive people. 803 00:58:28,083 --> 00:58:30,333 Do I? - Yeah, you do tend to have 804 00:58:30,458 --> 00:58:33,458 a, uh, visual taste that might not 805 00:58:33,541 --> 00:58:36,458 necessarily be conducive with your mission. 806 00:58:36,583 --> 00:58:39,583 I shall mull this over. 807 00:58:39,666 --> 00:58:42,291 My head would never explode. 808 00:58:44,166 --> 00:58:46,791 Did you hear me? 809 00:58:46,833 --> 00:58:49,458 I refuse to indulge this request again. 810 00:58:50,708 --> 00:58:52,041 Why? 811 00:58:52,083 --> 00:58:54,458 You know why. 812 00:58:54,583 --> 00:58:56,583 Tsk. 813 00:58:56,666 --> 00:58:59,083 I'm still attractive. 814 00:58:59,208 --> 00:59:01,958 Notice that wasn't a question. 815 00:59:04,166 --> 00:59:06,166 I know you see me that way. 816 00:59:06,208 --> 00:59:09,833 I catch you staring in between feedings. 817 00:59:09,958 --> 00:59:12,583 I tempt you. 818 00:59:12,666 --> 00:59:14,666 Use me. 819 00:59:16,458 --> 00:59:20,083 Use me as you have countless others. 820 00:59:20,166 --> 00:59:22,791 Lift me up into the air. 821 00:59:22,833 --> 00:59:25,833 Enter me with your lubricated appendages. 822 00:59:25,958 --> 00:59:28,583 Impregnate me with your seed. 823 00:59:28,666 --> 00:59:30,666 We can become one. 824 00:59:30,708 --> 00:59:32,916 I could be your queen. 825 00:59:39,833 --> 00:59:43,833 Make sure you clean the wedges in the trees. 826 00:59:43,916 --> 00:59:47,083 Gray matter always gets jammed in there. 827 01:00:03,208 --> 01:00:06,208 My God! Joey! Hey! 828 01:00:06,333 --> 01:00:08,958 What the fuck? What? What happened? What happened? 829 01:00:11,083 --> 01:00:13,083 You're scaring me. All right, all right. 830 01:00:13,208 --> 01:00:15,208 All right, all right, breathe, breathe. 831 01:00:15,291 --> 01:00:18,916 Breathe, 1, 2, 3... 832 01:00:18,958 --> 01:00:22,583 4, out, 1, 2, 3. - Ah! Huh! 833 01:00:22,666 --> 01:00:24,666 Eureka. - Aah! 834 01:00:24,708 --> 01:00:26,958 I found you at last. 835 01:00:27,041 --> 01:00:29,458 Joey, you look extremely unwell. 836 01:00:29,541 --> 01:00:32,166 She was having a really bad panic attack. 837 01:00:32,208 --> 01:00:34,458 Oh, I'm so sorry. Panic is a nightmare. 838 01:00:34,541 --> 01:00:36,541 Yeah, it is. I just went 839 01:00:36,583 --> 01:00:39,583 too far and I panicked and Craig fixed it. 840 01:00:41,791 --> 01:00:44,791 Oh... - Better? 841 01:00:44,833 --> 01:00:47,458 Joey, breathlessly: May I have some more? 842 01:00:47,583 --> 01:00:49,208 Later. 843 01:00:50,791 --> 01:00:52,958 First, we must bury you in dirt. 844 01:00:55,166 --> 01:00:58,083 Now, the only thing you two must do 845 01:00:58,166 --> 01:01:00,166 is breathe through this exercise. 846 01:01:00,208 --> 01:01:02,208 The dirt you're sitting in is absorbing all 847 01:01:02,333 --> 01:01:04,541 of the anxiety, all of the stress, 848 01:01:04,583 --> 01:01:06,833 all of the unnecessary emotions that feed 849 01:01:06,916 --> 01:01:09,916 your inner lizard monsters. 850 01:01:09,958 --> 01:01:12,208 Now, if you please, 851 01:01:12,291 --> 01:01:14,458 take a deep breath in... 852 01:01:14,541 --> 01:01:16,958 and out. 853 01:01:21,208 --> 01:01:24,208 Now I'm about to do something 854 01:01:24,291 --> 01:01:27,291 you might not like, but ultimately, 855 01:01:27,333 --> 01:01:29,541 information needs to be revealed in order for us 856 01:01:29,583 --> 01:01:31,583 all to move on. I must admit 857 01:01:31,708 --> 01:01:33,833 I am the perpetrator of this bad news. 858 01:01:33,916 --> 01:01:35,541 No, Brian, I... I... 859 01:01:35,583 --> 01:01:37,458 I don't think... - Shh, shh. 860 01:01:37,583 --> 01:01:39,416 On the same night 861 01:01:39,458 --> 01:01:43,208 that we had cross-species intercourse... 862 01:01:43,291 --> 01:01:46,708 I also had cross-species intercourse with Craig. 863 01:01:46,791 --> 01:01:50,333 I know. I should have discussed it with you first. 864 01:01:50,458 --> 01:01:52,458 But there's something about you two together, 865 01:01:52,541 --> 01:01:55,541 something so wonderful and magical. 866 01:01:55,583 --> 01:01:57,791 It makes me agog with anticipation. 867 01:01:57,833 --> 01:01:59,333 Joey, I am so sorry! 868 01:01:59,416 --> 01:02:00,833 I am so, so sorry! 869 01:02:00,958 --> 01:02:03,166 There's no need to apologize to her, Craig. 870 01:02:03,208 --> 01:02:05,208 It's all my own doing. 871 01:02:05,333 --> 01:02:08,333 You were here, I desired you, I took you. 872 01:02:08,416 --> 01:02:10,916 But I also want her. 873 01:02:10,958 --> 01:02:12,583 I want you both. 874 01:02:12,708 --> 01:02:14,541 Oh, Joey, I'm sorry. Truly, I am so sorry. 875 01:02:14,583 --> 01:02:16,583 I never, never intended it to be this way. 876 01:02:16,708 --> 01:02:18,708 I didn't, I just... I... I don't fucking know! 877 01:02:18,791 --> 01:02:20,958 He's just so nice, and I just, like, I just, like, 878 01:02:21,083 --> 01:02:23,083 needed something nice, you know what I mean? 879 01:02:23,166 --> 01:02:26,583 I am so, so sorry. 880 01:02:26,708 --> 01:02:27,958 Sorry, Joey. 881 01:02:28,041 --> 01:02:29,666 Brian, distorted, slow motion: Breathe through the dirt, 882 01:02:29,708 --> 01:02:31,333 Joey. Breathe, Joey. Craig, normal voice: Joey. 883 01:02:31,458 --> 01:02:33,458 You have to breathe. Brian, still distorted: Joey. 884 01:02:33,541 --> 01:02:35,333 Joey, you have to breathe. 885 01:02:35,416 --> 01:02:36,958 You got it now, Joey. - Breathe. 886 01:02:37,083 --> 01:02:38,708 Breathe into the dirt, Joey. Brian, distorted: You got it 887 01:02:38,791 --> 01:02:40,291 now, Joey. You got it now, Joey. 888 01:02:42,458 --> 01:02:44,458 Breathe into the dirt. Brian, distorted: Breathe! 889 01:02:44,541 --> 01:02:46,708 Please, you have to breathe into the dirt. 890 01:02:46,791 --> 01:02:48,791 You have to breathe into the dirt. 891 01:02:48,833 --> 01:02:50,958 Breathe, Joey, come on, you have to breathe into the dirt. 892 01:02:51,041 --> 01:02:52,666 You have to breathe into the dirt, please, please! 893 01:02:52,708 --> 01:02:55,083 Brian, normal voice: Breathe, Joey, come on. You have to... 894 01:02:55,208 --> 01:02:57,291 Joey. 895 01:02:57,333 --> 01:03:01,333 I need to tell you something. 896 01:03:05,458 --> 01:03:07,333 You should go. Take the car. 897 01:03:07,416 --> 01:03:09,041 I involved you in this, and I... I just... 898 01:03:09,083 --> 01:03:10,958 It's my responsibility to keep you safe. 899 01:03:11,083 --> 01:03:13,083 Well, why... Why don't we both leave? 900 01:03:13,166 --> 01:03:15,666 Yeah. No. Right. No. We will. But you should go first. 901 01:03:15,708 --> 01:03:17,416 Why me first? - Like I just said... 902 01:03:17,458 --> 01:03:18,708 You should leave first because you are in 903 01:03:18,833 --> 01:03:20,458 a much more mentally precarious position than I am. 904 01:03:20,541 --> 01:03:22,208 You should let me deal with this. 905 01:03:22,333 --> 01:03:24,458 What? What? - What? What? 906 01:03:26,291 --> 01:03:29,291 So you... you don't want to stay? 907 01:03:29,333 --> 01:03:31,458 Oh, my God, no! - Ha ha! 908 01:03:31,583 --> 01:03:33,416 Oh, my God! What he's doing is horrible! 909 01:03:33,458 --> 01:03:35,458 We both need to leave, but you first. 910 01:03:35,583 --> 01:03:36,958 I'm just trying to protect you. 911 01:03:37,083 --> 01:03:38,708 Right. 912 01:03:40,458 --> 01:03:42,458 No bad ideas. 913 01:03:42,583 --> 01:03:44,583 What if, like... 914 01:03:44,666 --> 01:03:47,583 we both didn't go? Heh heh! 915 01:03:48,958 --> 01:03:50,958 Brian's mine! - You bitch! 916 01:03:51,083 --> 01:03:52,708 I knew it! I fucking knew it! 917 01:03:52,791 --> 01:03:54,708 Oh, my God! You don't care that he's murdering people 918 01:03:54,791 --> 01:03:56,166 at all, do you? - I do care! 919 01:03:56,208 --> 01:03:58,208 Do you?! - Yes, I care! I just... 920 01:03:58,333 --> 01:04:00,333 The feeling that he gives... - Is mine! 921 01:04:00,416 --> 01:04:02,416 You don't deserve it! - Oh, my God! 922 01:04:02,458 --> 01:04:04,083 I share everything with you, everything 923 01:04:04,208 --> 01:04:06,208 for five fucking years! And this is how you repay me? 924 01:04:06,291 --> 01:04:08,166 Are you fucking kidding me?! 925 01:04:08,208 --> 01:04:10,208 You hate seeing me happy. Yeah. 926 01:04:10,333 --> 01:04:12,333 The one time, the one time 927 01:04:12,416 --> 01:04:14,416 I find pure bliss, and you want to keep it all 928 01:04:14,458 --> 01:04:16,833 to yourself? Fuck you! I'm staying... 929 01:04:16,916 --> 01:04:18,916 Aah! Oh, my God! 930 01:04:18,958 --> 01:04:20,541 Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. - Oh, my God, Joey! 931 01:04:20,583 --> 01:04:22,208 Why did you do that? - I'm so sorry! 932 01:04:22,333 --> 01:04:23,958 Oh, my God! What the fuck? 933 01:04:24,041 --> 01:04:26,541 What the fuck?! You don't do that shit to people! 934 01:04:30,583 --> 01:04:33,208 You got a pretty watch. 935 01:04:36,708 --> 01:04:38,708 I want a pink dress. 936 01:04:41,458 --> 01:04:44,458 I will buy shoes 937 01:04:44,583 --> 01:04:46,583 for my grandmother. 938 01:04:49,333 --> 01:04:51,958 Brian requests you meet him for a walk. 939 01:04:52,083 --> 01:04:54,833 He also requests you wear this. 940 01:04:54,916 --> 01:04:57,333 What about me? - There just might be 941 01:04:57,416 --> 01:04:59,708 something special for you in your closet. 942 01:04:59,791 --> 01:05:02,083 Why don't you go take a look? 943 01:05:04,833 --> 01:05:06,833 I observe that you're stressed. 944 01:05:06,916 --> 01:05:08,916 Sorry if I'm upset that I just learned my boyfriend is 945 01:05:08,958 --> 01:05:10,958 fucking my best friend. 946 01:05:11,083 --> 01:05:13,083 Oh, this is all Craig's fault. 947 01:05:13,166 --> 01:05:15,791 He didn't just trip and fall on my tentacle appendage. 948 01:05:15,833 --> 01:05:17,833 I had to transform. There were two of us. 949 01:05:17,958 --> 01:05:19,958 He required warming up. The anus is a complicated... 950 01:05:20,041 --> 01:05:22,208 OK, just stop. Just stop, please. 951 01:05:29,208 --> 01:05:31,208 I now require both of you. 952 01:05:31,333 --> 01:05:33,541 I know that's a lot to take in, 953 01:05:33,583 --> 01:05:36,208 but you must be OK with this. 954 01:05:37,458 --> 01:05:40,458 I'd hate to end our relationship, 955 01:05:40,583 --> 01:05:42,791 but I will if necessary. 956 01:05:47,041 --> 01:05:49,041 Do you think, before dinner tonight, 957 01:05:49,083 --> 01:05:51,333 you could... you know? 958 01:05:52,583 --> 01:05:54,958 I'm just really anxious, and you haven't done it 959 01:05:55,083 --> 01:05:57,708 since this morning. 960 01:05:59,916 --> 01:06:04,541 Let's... see how you behave at dinner. 961 01:06:13,458 --> 01:06:16,916 So, what's this? 962 01:06:16,958 --> 01:06:18,541 Roasted cauliflower, 963 01:06:18,583 --> 01:06:20,958 sweet potatoes, and herb chicken. 964 01:06:21,041 --> 01:06:23,791 Seems a little complicated for my palate, no? 965 01:06:23,833 --> 01:06:25,416 Looks delicious, Laura. 966 01:06:26,958 --> 01:06:28,416 Wine, Craig? 967 01:06:28,458 --> 01:06:29,833 Of course you want wine. 968 01:06:29,916 --> 01:06:32,041 When have you ever said no to alcohol? 969 01:06:33,708 --> 01:06:35,083 He touched you, didn't he? 970 01:06:35,208 --> 01:06:37,666 Please, Joey, you're embarrassing yourself. 971 01:06:43,416 --> 01:06:45,416 I'd like to propose a toast. 972 01:06:45,458 --> 01:06:47,791 Everything's out in the open now, 973 01:06:47,833 --> 01:06:50,916 which I am, frankly, relieved by. 974 01:06:50,958 --> 01:06:52,791 I know things might be awkward for a few days, 975 01:06:52,833 --> 01:06:55,583 but I hope very soon we'll all be able 976 01:06:55,708 --> 01:07:01,541 to really view each other as family to family. 977 01:07:01,583 --> 01:07:03,208 Don't. 978 01:07:03,333 --> 01:07:05,666 Brian, Craig is a traitor, and he poisoned the wine. 979 01:07:05,708 --> 01:07:07,166 This is so tragic. 980 01:07:07,208 --> 01:07:08,833 He knows about the man that you ate, 981 01:07:08,958 --> 01:07:09,833 and I told him you'd have a good explanation, 982 01:07:09,916 --> 01:07:10,958 and he didn't want to hear it. 983 01:07:11,083 --> 01:07:12,833 So he took the sugar-free lemonade powder 984 01:07:12,958 --> 01:07:14,916 from underneath the kitchen, and he poisoned the wine. 985 01:07:14,958 --> 01:07:17,333 Ah, honey, that would be all fine and well 986 01:07:17,458 --> 01:07:19,666 if there weren't literally fucking cameras everywhere. 987 01:07:19,708 --> 01:07:20,708 Yeah. And once you know where the cameras are, 988 01:07:20,833 --> 01:07:21,833 they're easy to avoid. 989 01:07:21,916 --> 01:07:23,541 Oh, my God. You just told on yourself. 990 01:07:23,583 --> 01:07:27,208 Joey, this is really sad. Please. 991 01:07:27,291 --> 01:07:29,541 No, this is unreal. 992 01:07:29,583 --> 01:07:31,958 He can't! Murder is wrong. 993 01:07:32,041 --> 01:07:33,833 We have to do something, Joey. 994 01:07:33,958 --> 01:07:36,333 He told us where the sugar-free lemonade powder is. 995 01:07:36,458 --> 01:07:37,583 We have to... This has to be stopped. 996 01:07:37,666 --> 01:07:38,833 He has to be... 997 01:07:38,916 --> 01:07:41,083 You conniving little... - Sleep. 998 01:07:51,458 --> 01:07:52,958 What? 999 01:07:53,041 --> 01:07:57,416 What the fuck? What the... What the fuck? 1000 01:07:57,458 --> 01:08:00,333 I had that tracksuit specially made, 1001 01:08:00,458 --> 01:08:02,333 and this is how you repay me? 1002 01:08:02,416 --> 01:08:04,416 No, Brian. She deep-faked my voice. 1003 01:08:04,458 --> 01:08:05,958 You have to believe me. 1004 01:08:06,083 --> 01:08:07,041 I don't know what that means. 1005 01:08:07,083 --> 01:08:09,333 It's this, like... - Enough! 1006 01:08:09,416 --> 01:08:12,958 The only one who deep-faked anything is you. 1007 01:08:13,041 --> 01:08:15,708 You faked your deep love, 1008 01:08:15,833 --> 01:08:17,333 toyed with my emotions. 1009 01:08:17,458 --> 01:08:19,208 No, I didn't, I didn't. I didn't do that. 1010 01:08:19,291 --> 01:08:20,708 I promise you, I didn't do that. 1011 01:08:20,791 --> 01:08:22,833 I must dance. 1012 01:08:22,958 --> 01:08:25,583 Brian, don't. Don't dance. Brian? 1013 01:08:29,208 --> 01:08:30,333 Fucking bitch! 1014 01:08:30,458 --> 01:08:33,791 You fucking duplicitous bitch! 1015 01:09:15,208 --> 01:09:17,958 I'm sorry things worked out the way they did. 1016 01:09:19,416 --> 01:09:22,458 So am I, my love. So am I. 1017 01:09:24,083 --> 01:09:27,833 My meditations have brought me a revelation: 1018 01:09:27,916 --> 01:09:30,208 I must devour Craig. 1019 01:09:32,166 --> 01:09:34,291 I know. I promised to let him go, 1020 01:09:34,333 --> 01:09:36,833 but I think the only way to move past this 1021 01:09:36,916 --> 01:09:38,541 is to devour him. 1022 01:09:38,583 --> 01:09:42,083 It's best for all of us but especially me. 1023 01:09:42,166 --> 01:09:44,333 I understand. 1024 01:09:46,666 --> 01:09:48,833 Really? 1025 01:09:48,958 --> 01:09:50,458 Yeah. 1026 01:09:50,541 --> 01:09:51,833 Craig will never be happy. 1027 01:09:51,916 --> 01:09:53,666 I think you're doing him a kindness. 1028 01:09:56,208 --> 01:10:01,958 Just when I think I can't fall for you anymore, I do. 1029 01:10:05,208 --> 01:10:07,416 And you, me, yes? 1030 01:10:08,583 --> 01:10:10,458 Do you think you could just...? 1031 01:10:20,833 --> 01:10:22,583 That's all? 1032 01:10:22,708 --> 01:10:25,708 I must prepare my body. He will be devoured tonight. 1033 01:10:25,791 --> 01:10:27,166 And later, we'll have cross-species intercourse, 1034 01:10:27,208 --> 01:10:28,708 I promise. 1035 01:10:36,041 --> 01:10:39,958 Brian? Brian? 1036 01:10:41,333 --> 01:10:42,916 Brian? 1037 01:10:42,958 --> 01:10:44,958 Brian, you've got to listen to me. 1038 01:10:45,083 --> 01:10:48,666 I did not plan to kill you. Joey's a fucking liar. 1039 01:10:48,708 --> 01:10:50,833 You've got to kill her before it's too late. 1040 01:10:50,916 --> 01:10:54,166 I'm not tasty. I don't work out. She does. 1041 01:10:54,208 --> 01:10:56,291 I vape so much, I'm practically made of nicotine, 1042 01:10:56,333 --> 01:10:57,708 but she doesn't. Please. 1043 01:10:57,833 --> 01:10:59,333 You fucking bitch, I'll kill you! 1044 01:10:59,458 --> 01:11:01,166 Shut the fuck up. I'm trying to rescue you. 1045 01:11:01,208 --> 01:11:03,458 Wait. Really? - Whisper, you idiot. 1046 01:11:03,541 --> 01:11:04,541 I only thought he'd kick you out. 1047 01:11:04,583 --> 01:11:05,833 I didn't think he would try to kill you. 1048 01:11:05,916 --> 01:11:07,333 I'm not a bad person. 1049 01:11:07,458 --> 01:11:08,791 Run. 1050 01:11:10,291 --> 01:11:11,583 What are you gonna do? 1051 01:11:11,666 --> 01:11:15,083 He loves me. I'll take my chances. Uh! 1052 01:11:15,166 --> 01:11:16,166 Run! 1053 01:11:16,208 --> 01:11:17,833 Shit! 1054 01:11:29,666 --> 01:11:31,708 Hello, Joey. 1055 01:11:35,541 --> 01:11:37,416 I was wondering if your pussy gave off 1056 01:11:37,458 --> 01:11:40,208 some kind of irresistible pheromone. 1057 01:11:40,333 --> 01:11:41,958 You know, something to explain 1058 01:11:42,041 --> 01:11:44,333 his utter fascination with you. 1059 01:11:44,458 --> 01:11:48,333 But, alas, it smells so unbelievably normal. 1060 01:11:50,833 --> 01:11:53,666 Craig almost made it to the car... 1061 01:11:55,458 --> 01:11:57,958 but, fortunately, he was making a large enough racket 1062 01:11:58,041 --> 01:12:00,208 that Brian woke up, rushed to the garage, 1063 01:12:00,291 --> 01:12:02,041 and caught him before he could escape. 1064 01:12:02,083 --> 01:12:04,833 He's back in his cage now, 1065 01:12:04,916 --> 01:12:06,708 missing his left hand, of course. 1066 01:12:06,833 --> 01:12:07,833 No, no, no, no. 1067 01:12:07,958 --> 01:12:10,416 Shh, shh, shh. We're not doing that. 1068 01:12:10,458 --> 01:12:12,791 Your time is almost up, sweetheart. 1069 01:12:12,833 --> 01:12:15,333 I don't have to do a thing. 1070 01:12:17,666 --> 01:12:21,333 I made up that story about Peter, by the way. 1071 01:12:21,416 --> 01:12:23,208 I'm a good actor, aren't I? 1072 01:13:09,458 --> 01:13:10,458 Joey, what are you doing here? 1073 01:13:10,583 --> 01:13:12,083 You need to shut up and listen. 1074 01:13:12,208 --> 01:13:14,333 I know, I know. I don't have a leg to stand on, 1075 01:13:14,458 --> 01:13:15,916 and, yes, I did help Craig escape, 1076 01:13:15,958 --> 01:13:17,458 but can you blame me? He's my best friend. 1077 01:13:17,541 --> 01:13:19,583 But despite all that, I need you to listen to me. 1078 01:13:19,708 --> 01:13:21,916 Laura is a bad person. 1079 01:13:21,958 --> 01:13:23,458 She's trying to take you away from me, 1080 01:13:23,583 --> 01:13:25,791 and I can't... I can't let that happen again, OK? 1081 01:13:25,833 --> 01:13:27,666 You... you make my brain go quiet. 1082 01:13:27,708 --> 01:13:29,208 You make me feel so loved. 1083 01:13:29,333 --> 01:13:31,458 You can have Laura, you can have Craig. 1084 01:13:31,541 --> 01:13:32,708 You can have a whole harem if you want. 1085 01:13:32,791 --> 01:13:34,666 I just... Please, please don't leave me. 1086 01:13:34,708 --> 01:13:36,083 Please don't make me leave you. Please. 1087 01:13:36,208 --> 01:13:37,708 Just, like, I need you. 1088 01:13:37,833 --> 01:13:40,958 Oh, shush. Oh, my darling angel. 1089 01:13:41,083 --> 01:13:43,083 It's going to be OK. 1090 01:13:44,708 --> 01:13:46,416 I know she is. 1091 01:13:46,458 --> 01:13:48,166 What? 1092 01:13:48,208 --> 01:13:50,208 Laura has been growing more and more unstable 1093 01:13:50,291 --> 01:13:51,333 every day. 1094 01:13:51,416 --> 01:13:52,666 She's been trying to sabotage our relationship 1095 01:13:52,708 --> 01:13:53,833 from the beginning. 1096 01:13:53,958 --> 01:13:55,833 I think Craig's addition hit her too hard. 1097 01:13:55,958 --> 01:13:58,333 She's desired me for ages. 1098 01:13:58,458 --> 01:14:02,416 Don't worry. I forgive you for Craig. 1099 01:14:02,458 --> 01:14:04,333 We'll deal with her... 1100 01:14:05,833 --> 01:14:07,541 and then we can put all this behind us. 1101 01:14:07,583 --> 01:14:09,583 Really? 1102 01:14:09,708 --> 01:14:12,458 Ohh, of course. 1103 01:14:12,583 --> 01:14:15,416 Ohh, you are my everything. 1104 01:14:15,458 --> 01:14:18,916 Your deep love for me was never faked. 1105 01:14:18,958 --> 01:14:21,958 It was all real... all of it. 1106 01:15:04,583 --> 01:15:05,958 Finally. 1107 01:15:06,083 --> 01:15:09,958 Finally, finally, finally! 1108 01:16:39,166 --> 01:16:40,458 Sleep. 1109 01:16:50,958 --> 01:16:55,208 I have just one question for you, one question. 1110 01:16:56,583 --> 01:16:58,333 Was it all a lie? 1111 01:16:58,416 --> 01:17:00,083 No. Brian, please. 1112 01:17:00,208 --> 01:17:01,291 Please let me out of this cage. 1113 01:17:01,333 --> 01:17:04,583 No. Attempted murderers stay in cages. 1114 01:17:04,708 --> 01:17:06,583 Laura injected you with the sugar-free lemonade powder. 1115 01:17:06,666 --> 01:17:09,333 Don't you remember? Or are you Laura? 1116 01:17:09,416 --> 01:17:10,291 I am me. 1117 01:17:10,333 --> 01:17:11,833 The only thing left of her are a few memories. 1118 01:17:11,916 --> 01:17:12,958 Soon those will go. 1119 01:17:13,041 --> 01:17:14,708 Check the cameras. - You disabled the cameras. 1120 01:17:14,791 --> 01:17:16,166 No, no, no, no. Laura... - Enough! 1121 01:17:16,208 --> 01:17:19,041 Brian, please, please. My anxiety is so bad. 1122 01:17:19,083 --> 01:17:20,708 Would you please just touch me and make my brain go quiet? 1123 01:17:20,791 --> 01:17:21,791 And then we could... 1124 01:17:21,833 --> 01:17:22,833 You filthy liar! 1125 01:17:22,958 --> 01:17:25,208 Stop talking! Just stop! 1126 01:17:34,333 --> 01:17:36,958 Your betrayals are too many 1127 01:17:37,041 --> 01:17:39,708 and your truths too few. 1128 01:17:41,333 --> 01:17:42,666 I loved you. 1129 01:17:44,083 --> 01:17:46,583 But for the life of me, I still do. 1130 01:17:50,333 --> 01:17:54,708 I don't know what I'm going to do with you. 1131 01:17:54,833 --> 01:17:58,583 But until I decide, you will remain there. 1132 01:18:01,958 --> 01:18:03,708 Jig's up, sis. 1133 01:18:03,791 --> 01:18:06,333 He knows who you really are now. 1134 01:18:06,458 --> 01:18:08,708 My God. 1135 01:18:08,791 --> 01:18:11,291 I think that climate change thing was a fucking lie. 1136 01:18:11,333 --> 01:18:13,458 You think he's going to "Animorphs" us? 1137 01:18:13,583 --> 01:18:15,833 I can't believe this. I knew it. 1138 01:18:15,958 --> 01:18:18,291 I knew. I knew that this was too good to be true, 1139 01:18:18,333 --> 01:18:19,416 and I never should have listened to you. 1140 01:18:19,458 --> 01:18:21,416 I'm going to fucking die because of you. 1141 01:18:21,458 --> 01:18:23,333 You came here on your own volition, 1142 01:18:23,416 --> 01:18:24,541 and not 12 hours ago. 1143 01:18:24,583 --> 01:18:26,416 You were willing to let him do fucking anything 1144 01:18:26,458 --> 01:18:27,666 to make your anxiety go away. 1145 01:18:27,708 --> 01:18:29,208 Yeah, because I was dickmotized. 1146 01:18:29,291 --> 01:18:30,583 This is all your fucking fault. 1147 01:18:30,666 --> 01:18:31,708 Where would you be without me? 1148 01:18:31,833 --> 01:18:32,958 How many times did you say 1149 01:18:33,083 --> 01:18:34,458 if I didn't validate your every thought 1150 01:18:34,541 --> 01:18:35,666 that you'd kill yourself? 1151 01:18:35,708 --> 01:18:37,208 It's your fucking catchphrase. 1152 01:18:37,333 --> 01:18:38,458 Why do you think I never left? 1153 01:18:38,583 --> 01:18:41,083 Because I paid for every goddamn thing. 1154 01:18:41,166 --> 01:18:42,833 Where would you be without my money? 1155 01:18:42,958 --> 01:18:44,458 Probably on the street, but it'd be better 1156 01:18:44,583 --> 01:18:46,791 than being emotionally tied to some baby 1157 01:18:46,833 --> 01:18:47,958 who can't let go of his trauma. 1158 01:18:48,041 --> 01:18:49,083 I was fucking molested! 1159 01:18:49,166 --> 01:18:50,458 So was I, you dolt. 1160 01:18:50,583 --> 01:18:52,541 Yes, by a frat boy, like, one fucking time. 1161 01:18:52,583 --> 01:18:53,666 Big whup. 1162 01:18:53,708 --> 01:18:56,833 No, you moron. By my fucking foster parents. 1163 01:18:59,458 --> 01:19:02,916 What? - Yeah. 1164 01:19:02,958 --> 01:19:04,458 I was never going to tell you, but, you know, 1165 01:19:04,583 --> 01:19:05,291 I'm glad you know now, 1166 01:19:05,333 --> 01:19:07,458 because now you can stop parading your trauma around me 1167 01:19:07,583 --> 01:19:08,791 like some sad little worm. 1168 01:19:08,833 --> 01:19:10,083 Oh, fuck you. 1169 01:19:10,208 --> 01:19:12,208 You ruined my life. 1170 01:19:12,333 --> 01:19:14,833 My brain will never go quiet. He'll never... 1171 01:19:14,958 --> 01:19:16,583 Oh, my God! Are you kidding me? 1172 01:19:16,708 --> 01:19:19,916 Are you still worried about the heroin skin? 1173 01:19:19,958 --> 01:19:22,208 Bitch, we're going to die. 1174 01:19:22,333 --> 01:19:26,208 He's got you so addicted, so addicted, 1175 01:19:26,333 --> 01:19:27,458 just like I was. 1176 01:19:27,541 --> 01:19:29,166 Have fun with the withdrawals. 1177 01:19:29,208 --> 01:19:31,041 And when they get real bad, which they will. 1178 01:19:31,083 --> 01:19:34,333 And you feel the need to reach out to someone for comfort, 1179 01:19:34,416 --> 01:19:36,708 I just want you to know I don't give a fucking shit 1180 01:19:36,791 --> 01:19:37,791 about you anymore. 1181 01:19:37,833 --> 01:19:40,708 I did one bad thing. 1182 01:19:40,791 --> 01:19:45,083 You have been a bad person your whole life. 1183 01:19:45,166 --> 01:19:48,166 Insecure, loud, sad. 1184 01:19:48,208 --> 01:19:52,958 And when you die, I hope you know you deserve it. 1185 01:20:55,833 --> 01:20:57,833 Oh, fuck. 1186 01:21:07,416 --> 01:21:11,458 Ohh. It's lost, unfortunately. 1187 01:21:11,541 --> 01:21:13,708 But I can make it clean. 1188 01:21:21,416 --> 01:21:26,458 I'm still deliberating with Death, but I'll be back soon. 1189 01:21:36,708 --> 01:21:38,708 Twinsies. 1190 01:21:40,833 --> 01:21:44,208 I think I can get us out of here. 1191 01:21:44,291 --> 01:21:46,333 What'd you have in mind? 1192 01:22:25,083 --> 01:22:26,583 Before you say anything, 1193 01:22:26,708 --> 01:22:28,416 the two of us have been talking, 1194 01:22:28,458 --> 01:22:30,583 and I think we have a proposal. 1195 01:22:33,416 --> 01:22:34,958 Go on. 1196 01:22:35,041 --> 01:22:37,333 We don't want to die. - Right. 1197 01:22:37,416 --> 01:22:39,958 A lot has been said, but I think we've been so vicious 1198 01:22:40,083 --> 01:22:41,708 because... - There are feelings... 1199 01:22:41,833 --> 01:22:43,333 Between all three of us. - Which is, like, 1200 01:22:43,416 --> 01:22:45,833 so confusing because I'm not even remotely straight. 1201 01:22:45,958 --> 01:22:49,583 It's not just your touch, Brian. We... we want you. 1202 01:22:49,666 --> 01:22:51,041 And I know we've done some awful things, 1203 01:22:51,083 --> 01:22:52,333 but so have you. - Right, 1204 01:22:52,458 --> 01:22:54,208 like lying about your planet dying to climate change. 1205 01:22:54,333 --> 01:22:56,083 I was not lying about that. 1206 01:22:56,166 --> 01:22:57,458 Brian, you're a parasitic worm. 1207 01:22:57,541 --> 01:22:58,583 There's no way you had a civilization. 1208 01:22:58,666 --> 01:22:59,666 Ah, I don't... 1209 01:22:59,708 --> 01:23:01,041 Like, I'm not a scientist, 1210 01:23:01,083 --> 01:23:03,583 but I have seen a lot of movies, and Joey's right. 1211 01:23:05,583 --> 01:23:07,083 OK. Yes, those were lies. 1212 01:23:07,208 --> 01:23:08,583 And that's OK. That's OK. 1213 01:23:08,666 --> 01:23:10,708 Because we can fix it with... - The crystal. 1214 01:23:10,833 --> 01:23:12,333 Yeah, let's do it. 1215 01:23:12,458 --> 01:23:13,708 Let's go to the crystal room 1216 01:23:13,791 --> 01:23:15,083 and lay it all out on the table. 1217 01:23:15,208 --> 01:23:16,208 And when it's all out on the table, 1218 01:23:16,291 --> 01:23:18,791 we see how the crystal reacts. And if it's positive... 1219 01:23:18,833 --> 01:23:20,208 We help you with your operation 1220 01:23:20,291 --> 01:23:21,791 to turn every human being 1221 01:23:21,833 --> 01:23:25,208 into one giant parasitic Brian network. 1222 01:23:26,666 --> 01:23:28,708 That's all I wanted. 1223 01:23:28,833 --> 01:23:32,541 Really? - Yes, yes. 1224 01:23:32,583 --> 01:23:35,708 Well, I can't believe I didn't think of this. 1225 01:23:35,791 --> 01:23:38,333 This is the perfect way to fix everything. 1226 01:23:38,416 --> 01:23:39,833 Yeah? 1227 01:23:39,958 --> 01:23:41,958 And to think I was going to devour you. 1228 01:23:42,041 --> 01:23:45,791 Ha ha ha ha! 1229 01:23:49,833 --> 01:23:56,083 Ha ha ha! I was gonna eat you. 1230 01:23:56,166 --> 01:23:57,333 Nom! Nom! Nom! Nom! 1231 01:24:00,958 --> 01:24:02,833 Right. Uh... 1232 01:24:02,958 --> 01:24:04,916 I'll go first. 1233 01:24:04,958 --> 01:24:08,708 So there's a lot about my life that I hate, 1234 01:24:08,833 --> 01:24:11,958 and I want to figure out, what to do with it. 1235 01:24:12,083 --> 01:24:15,833 But booze and vapes and drugs are so much easier to do. 1236 01:24:17,583 --> 01:24:19,833 And because I don't have to work, I can, 1237 01:24:19,958 --> 01:24:22,666 if I play my cards right, just sit in my house 1238 01:24:22,708 --> 01:24:24,541 and collect hush money checks for the rest of my life. 1239 01:24:26,291 --> 01:24:29,166 It's a sad fucking existence. 1240 01:24:29,208 --> 01:24:31,916 And there comes a point where I have to realize, like, 1241 01:24:31,958 --> 01:24:34,333 if I just sit in this garbage pile of an existence, 1242 01:24:34,458 --> 01:24:36,416 if I don't try to, like, do anything with my life, 1243 01:24:36,458 --> 01:24:38,458 try to pick myself up out of the heinous shit 1244 01:24:38,541 --> 01:24:39,833 that's happened to me, 1245 01:24:39,916 --> 01:24:43,541 that I'm just doomed to become an angry, bitter gay 1246 01:24:43,583 --> 01:24:45,208 who pushes everybody away. 1247 01:24:47,708 --> 01:24:50,083 And, Joey, I brought you down with me. 1248 01:24:51,958 --> 01:24:54,291 I brought you all the way down into my infinite sadness 1249 01:24:54,333 --> 01:24:55,916 because I needed somebody to excuse 1250 01:24:55,958 --> 01:24:57,916 all of my bad behaviors, 1251 01:24:57,958 --> 01:24:59,958 someone who needed me so badly 1252 01:25:00,083 --> 01:25:03,083 that I could get away with so much, and it just... 1253 01:25:05,458 --> 01:25:07,333 wouldn't fucking matter. 1254 01:25:09,583 --> 01:25:13,333 And I think because of that... 1255 01:25:14,916 --> 01:25:16,458 I lost you. 1256 01:25:16,541 --> 01:25:18,208 And it's my fault. 1257 01:25:20,708 --> 01:25:22,666 It is. It's my fucking fault. 1258 01:25:37,833 --> 01:25:39,458 I hate that I agree... 1259 01:25:41,208 --> 01:25:44,208 because we aren't good for each other. 1260 01:25:44,291 --> 01:25:46,083 But you saved me. 1261 01:25:48,208 --> 01:25:49,916 And when I showed up at your door, 1262 01:25:49,958 --> 01:25:54,208 I was so grateful that you didn't ask any questions. 1263 01:25:56,833 --> 01:25:59,083 But I was also so angry 1264 01:25:59,166 --> 01:26:01,583 that you didn't ask me any questions. 1265 01:26:01,708 --> 01:26:05,208 I was so broken, and you didn't ask me why. 1266 01:26:08,583 --> 01:26:10,291 But you're so young... 1267 01:26:12,416 --> 01:26:14,541 And when you're that young, you're so self-involved, 1268 01:26:14,583 --> 01:26:17,833 it's easy to ignore all the terrible things 1269 01:26:17,958 --> 01:26:20,708 that can exist between friends. 1270 01:26:20,791 --> 01:26:23,833 And I just keep thinking about 1271 01:26:23,916 --> 01:26:26,833 how this thread between us just keeps dwindling 1272 01:26:26,916 --> 01:26:29,541 to the point where a single breath might break it. 1273 01:26:31,416 --> 01:26:34,291 And I think it's time for us to grow apart. 1274 01:26:36,458 --> 01:26:38,458 And I hate it, 1275 01:26:38,541 --> 01:26:41,583 but I don't know what other option we have. 1276 01:26:44,333 --> 01:26:47,708 I wish you well. I do. I really do. 1277 01:26:49,666 --> 01:26:53,208 Wow, that was deep stuff, Joey. Congratulations. 1278 01:26:56,958 --> 01:27:02,666 I suppose it's, um, my turn 1279 01:27:02,708 --> 01:27:05,916 to, um, share, yes? 1280 01:27:05,958 --> 01:27:06,958 Mm-hmm. - Yes. 1281 01:27:07,083 --> 01:27:10,166 Um, the truth is... 1282 01:27:10,208 --> 01:27:14,583 I'm... I'm not sure where I came from. 1283 01:27:17,041 --> 01:27:20,958 I woke up on Earth with no recollections. 1284 01:27:21,041 --> 01:27:23,541 Maybe that makes me five. 1285 01:27:23,583 --> 01:27:25,833 So I'm, like, five years old. 1286 01:27:25,958 --> 01:27:32,291 So no wonder it's, I get so emotional all the time. 1287 01:27:33,541 --> 01:27:36,208 Look, I want to be honest from now on. 1288 01:27:38,666 --> 01:27:41,208 I love you two. 1289 01:27:42,458 --> 01:27:44,291 So... 1290 01:27:44,333 --> 01:27:46,916 Brian. 1291 01:27:46,958 --> 01:27:49,208 That is not what we wanted. 1292 01:27:49,333 --> 01:27:50,791 That was honest. - Brian. 1293 01:27:50,833 --> 01:27:52,541 I want you two by my side, 1294 01:27:52,583 --> 01:27:54,458 and I want to take over the world with my seed. 1295 01:27:54,541 --> 01:27:55,833 I apologize for the cages. 1296 01:27:55,958 --> 01:27:58,583 Why? - Because, oh, I don't know. 1297 01:27:58,666 --> 01:27:59,833 You did try to murder me. 1298 01:27:59,958 --> 01:28:01,166 Do you still believe that? 1299 01:28:01,208 --> 01:28:03,666 I don't... I do. I don't. 1300 01:28:03,708 --> 01:28:05,666 I don't know. I'm confused. 1301 01:28:05,708 --> 01:28:06,833 Laura's memories, they're like... 1302 01:28:06,958 --> 01:28:08,458 Do you think murdering people is OK? 1303 01:28:08,583 --> 01:28:10,166 I don't know. My mind says murder, 1304 01:28:10,208 --> 01:28:11,333 and I say OK. 1305 01:28:11,416 --> 01:28:14,541 So you just have, like, no remorse at all? 1306 01:28:14,583 --> 01:28:16,333 I give people the best cross-species intercourse 1307 01:28:16,416 --> 01:28:17,791 of their lifetime. 1308 01:28:17,833 --> 01:28:19,208 It's a gift. 1309 01:28:19,333 --> 01:28:22,541 And although the trees do not take away carbon dioxide, 1310 01:28:22,583 --> 01:28:24,583 I am saving the planet. 1311 01:28:24,708 --> 01:28:28,041 Think of it. It's a full symbiotic world. 1312 01:28:28,083 --> 01:28:31,208 There's no war, no pollution. It's only perfect balance. 1313 01:28:31,291 --> 01:28:32,958 You weren't listening. - I was listening. 1314 01:28:33,041 --> 01:28:34,958 No, you weren't. Oh, my God. 1315 01:28:35,083 --> 01:28:37,458 Brian, you're such a fucking narcissist. 1316 01:28:37,541 --> 01:28:38,708 Am not. - Yes, you are! 1317 01:28:38,833 --> 01:28:40,458 You're making clones of yourself 1318 01:28:40,583 --> 01:28:41,708 to take over the world, which, by the way, 1319 01:28:41,791 --> 01:28:42,833 why do they all have to look like you? 1320 01:28:42,958 --> 01:28:44,291 Yeah. Why? Wouldn't it make more sense 1321 01:28:44,333 --> 01:28:45,458 to, like, make them look like different people, 1322 01:28:45,583 --> 01:28:46,791 so that it would prevent other people from catching on? 1323 01:28:46,833 --> 01:28:48,458 I am the perfect specimen. 1324 01:28:48,583 --> 01:28:49,791 Why would I not bless people with my beauty? 1325 01:28:49,833 --> 01:28:51,333 Narcissist. - He is hot, though. 1326 01:28:51,458 --> 01:28:52,083 Irregardless. 1327 01:28:52,208 --> 01:28:53,958 Also, you talk so strangely. 1328 01:28:54,083 --> 01:28:56,791 How? The spores, 1329 01:28:56,833 --> 01:28:59,291 they... they should make you pliant, make you calm. 1330 01:28:59,333 --> 01:29:00,666 You should not be this mean. 1331 01:29:00,708 --> 01:29:01,958 Mm-hmm. Yeah, 1332 01:29:02,083 --> 01:29:03,958 except we're not under your pheromone spell. 1333 01:29:04,083 --> 01:29:04,833 Nope. 1334 01:29:04,958 --> 01:29:07,083 We're clear-minded, full-hearted, 1335 01:29:07,208 --> 01:29:08,708 and we can't lose. 1336 01:29:08,833 --> 01:29:10,083 How? 1337 01:29:10,166 --> 01:29:13,916 "Silence of the Lambs" scream, bitch. 1338 01:29:13,958 --> 01:29:15,916 Just... 1339 01:29:15,958 --> 01:29:19,458 call it sex, you fucking psycho! 1340 01:29:19,541 --> 01:29:21,083 "Cross-species intercourse"! 1341 01:29:21,208 --> 01:29:24,416 Is a weird thing to call alien fucking! 1342 01:29:38,458 --> 01:29:39,708 Run! 1343 01:29:48,041 --> 01:29:50,416 Joey! 1344 01:29:53,291 --> 01:29:56,833 Oh, my God. Joey, it's inside me. 1345 01:29:56,916 --> 01:29:59,583 What the fuck did... What the fuck? 1346 01:30:04,208 --> 01:30:05,958 Fuck! - Where is it? 1347 01:30:06,041 --> 01:30:07,708 Look. It's in my stomach. 1348 01:30:07,833 --> 01:30:11,666 Oh, God. Oh! But he's moving. - What? 1349 01:30:11,708 --> 01:30:14,833 Joey, you have to cut it out of me. Now. 1350 01:30:14,958 --> 01:30:17,333 Joey?! - Please. 1351 01:30:17,458 --> 01:30:19,208 OK. You have to lift up your shirt. 1352 01:30:19,333 --> 01:30:20,416 Wait. Don't judge my body. 1353 01:30:20,458 --> 01:30:22,083 No, 'cause you have fucking abs, Craig! 1354 01:30:22,208 --> 01:30:23,208 Oh, my God. Thank you. 1355 01:30:23,291 --> 01:30:25,958 Oh, God. OK. 1356 01:30:26,041 --> 01:30:28,333 Joey! 1357 01:30:28,416 --> 01:30:31,083 Please don't die. - Do it. Do it. 1358 01:30:31,208 --> 01:30:32,208 Fuck. 1359 01:30:36,666 --> 01:30:38,041 Oh, fuck! - What? 1360 01:30:38,083 --> 01:30:40,583 Fucker bit me. - Joey? 1361 01:30:40,708 --> 01:30:43,458 Hold on, Craig. - Oh, God, Joey. 1362 01:30:43,541 --> 01:30:44,958 He's breaking through. 1363 01:30:45,041 --> 01:30:48,208 Fuck, Joey! 1364 01:30:48,291 --> 01:30:52,041 I got him! Oh, fuck you! 1365 01:30:52,083 --> 01:30:54,458 Fuck you. - Joey? 1366 01:30:54,541 --> 01:30:59,083 Shit! Fucking worm! Fucking worm! 1367 01:31:08,208 --> 01:31:11,708 No. You didn't. No. No. 1368 01:31:11,791 --> 01:31:12,541 That's right. 1369 01:31:12,583 --> 01:31:16,083 We aborted your fucking spawn, bitch. 1370 01:31:16,208 --> 01:31:18,083 It's not fair. 1371 01:31:18,208 --> 01:31:22,166 This whole rift between you two, I'm not even involved. 1372 01:31:22,208 --> 01:31:25,041 You two resented each other from the moment you met. 1373 01:31:25,083 --> 01:31:26,541 If you truly loved each other, 1374 01:31:26,583 --> 01:31:28,041 if you were willing to join together with me, 1375 01:31:28,083 --> 01:31:30,083 we could have had it all. 1376 01:31:30,208 --> 01:31:31,833 I'm such an ignoramus, 1377 01:31:31,958 --> 01:31:35,041 the real victim in this situation. 1378 01:31:35,083 --> 01:31:37,583 If I hadn't fallen for your elegance and beauty, 1379 01:31:37,666 --> 01:31:40,458 I'd have succeeded, this world would have been saved. 1380 01:31:40,541 --> 01:31:42,708 Is he for fucking real? 1381 01:31:42,791 --> 01:31:45,583 We can. We can still fix this, Joey. 1382 01:31:45,666 --> 01:31:48,166 We can. You still love me, don't you? 1383 01:31:48,208 --> 01:31:49,208 I... 1384 01:31:49,333 --> 01:31:50,708 I'll give you my touch whenever you want. 1385 01:31:50,833 --> 01:31:54,833 You'll never have to worry again. No more anxiety, 1386 01:31:54,958 --> 01:31:58,958 as much cross-species... I mean sex as you want. 1387 01:31:59,083 --> 01:32:00,333 Please? 1388 01:32:00,416 --> 01:32:02,333 You're the most beautiful specimen I've ever seen. 1389 01:32:02,416 --> 01:32:03,458 I'm so lonely. - What? 1390 01:32:03,583 --> 01:32:04,833 Please? 1391 01:32:04,958 --> 01:32:06,958 Joey, what are you doing? 1392 01:32:07,083 --> 01:32:08,458 Joey, what are you doing? 1393 01:32:08,541 --> 01:32:10,333 You swear? 1394 01:32:10,458 --> 01:32:12,208 Yes. 1395 01:32:12,333 --> 01:32:15,541 Please don't leave me. I'm not a bad person. 1396 01:32:15,583 --> 01:32:16,583 I have a mission. 1397 01:32:16,666 --> 01:32:18,833 You agree with the mission, don't you? 1398 01:32:18,916 --> 01:32:21,583 I... I don't know. 1399 01:32:21,666 --> 01:32:24,041 Be with me. Be my queen. 1400 01:32:24,083 --> 01:32:27,958 Let me rid you of your worries. 1401 01:32:28,041 --> 01:32:29,833 I'm your one and only? 1402 01:32:29,916 --> 01:32:31,833 Yes. - Your only queen? 1403 01:32:31,958 --> 01:32:34,166 Yes, whatever you want. 1404 01:32:36,708 --> 01:32:42,083 Yes. Yes. Yes. 1405 01:33:01,958 --> 01:33:03,583 Oh, fuck. 1406 01:33:09,833 --> 01:33:13,916 Fucking... I'm gonna beat... you fucking... 1407 01:33:13,958 --> 01:33:16,958 Just die, you fucking bitch. 1408 01:33:21,708 --> 01:33:26,458 What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you kidding me?! 1409 01:33:26,583 --> 01:33:28,458 Were you actually gonna betray me? 1410 01:33:28,541 --> 01:33:30,833 I was giving you time to kill him! 1411 01:33:33,791 --> 01:33:35,458 Oh, fuck. 1412 01:33:39,666 --> 01:33:42,708 OK. Need your hand. Here. Put pressure on it. 1413 01:33:42,791 --> 01:33:43,833 Put pressure on it. 1414 01:33:43,958 --> 01:33:45,458 I'll call for help. 1415 01:33:48,083 --> 01:33:53,666 He really did only love you because you're hot, right? 1416 01:33:53,708 --> 01:33:56,958 That's, like, so fucked up, man. 1417 01:34:03,583 --> 01:34:06,208 I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. 1418 01:34:07,833 --> 01:34:13,458 Tell... tell me I'm a good... Good person. 1419 01:34:13,541 --> 01:34:18,083 Tell... tell me I'm... I'm... good, I'm not... I'm not bad. 1420 01:34:18,208 --> 01:34:20,708 People... people like me. 1421 01:34:20,791 --> 01:34:24,333 I'm a good p... I'm a good... 1422 01:34:30,416 --> 01:34:33,208 Craig? Craig? 1423 01:34:33,291 --> 01:34:35,458 Craig? 1424 01:34:35,541 --> 01:34:38,333 No. No, Craig! 1425 01:34:48,583 --> 01:34:50,583 No! 1426 01:35:00,958 --> 01:35:02,583 No! 1427 01:35:26,833 --> 01:35:29,833 I buried Craig in the desert, which was hard to do, 1428 01:35:29,916 --> 01:35:31,958 because of the whole one-hand thing, but I did it, 1429 01:35:32,041 --> 01:35:34,333 and I made a large batch of sugar-free lemonade, 1430 01:35:34,458 --> 01:35:38,166 and I poured it all over the remaining planters, 1431 01:35:38,208 --> 01:35:40,083 His enclave was destroyed. 1432 01:35:43,208 --> 01:35:44,791 So the story was real? 1433 01:35:44,833 --> 01:35:46,333 Yes. 1434 01:35:46,458 --> 01:35:48,666 I see. 1435 01:35:50,083 --> 01:35:51,583 So how did Laura transform 1436 01:35:51,708 --> 01:35:53,333 without being planted in the pot? 1437 01:35:53,416 --> 01:35:55,958 Is it because it was an original copy 1438 01:35:56,083 --> 01:35:57,333 and it didn't require gestation? 1439 01:35:57,458 --> 01:35:59,041 Does the pot speed up the process, 1440 01:35:59,083 --> 01:36:01,708 or does it just guarantee perfect copies? 1441 01:36:01,833 --> 01:36:03,416 And so if you don't, it'll go awry. 1442 01:36:03,458 --> 01:36:05,708 And the man in the cage exploded because he 1443 01:36:05,833 --> 01:36:07,416 wasn't compatible, right? 1444 01:36:07,458 --> 01:36:09,333 How come you didn't get impregnated? 1445 01:36:09,416 --> 01:36:10,791 Did he use, like, an alien condom, 1446 01:36:10,833 --> 01:36:12,708 or he just wasn't able to turn you, 1447 01:36:12,791 --> 01:36:15,583 and that is why he was so intrigued by you? 1448 01:36:17,333 --> 01:36:19,958 Shouldn't you be asking me how I feel about Craig's death? 1449 01:36:24,083 --> 01:36:25,708 How... how do you feel? 1450 01:36:27,083 --> 01:36:28,583 I think he deserved to live his dreams, 1451 01:36:28,666 --> 01:36:30,583 and I feel like he was about to. 1452 01:36:30,708 --> 01:36:32,458 And it's my fault he never will, 1453 01:36:32,583 --> 01:36:36,291 and I have to live with that for the rest of my life. 1454 01:36:38,708 --> 01:36:42,208 Red. 1455 01:36:45,416 --> 01:36:49,333 Blue. 1456 01:36:52,333 --> 01:36:56,416 Mother. 1457 01:37:01,708 --> 01:37:03,958 Alien. 1458 01:37:05,458 --> 01:37:09,041 Tree. 1459 01:37:10,333 --> 01:37:14,208 Clone. 1460 01:37:15,666 --> 01:37:19,166 Kill. 1461 01:37:21,708 --> 01:37:23,583 Kill. 1462 01:37:26,541 --> 01:37:28,041 Kill. 1463 01:37:32,583 --> 01:37:34,208 Kill.