1 00:02:23,877 --> 00:02:27,515 -It's perfect. -Oh great! 2 00:02:27,581 --> 00:02:31,419 -I'll take it! -Oh, wonderful! It's just... There's one thing. 3 00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:34,722 -I'm going to need some references. -I don't have any of those. 4 00:02:34,788 --> 00:02:39,327 Oh dear. That's serious. I don't know that we can do business together. 5 00:02:39,393 --> 00:02:41,195 if you don't have references. 6 00:02:44,765 --> 00:02:46,767 Bye, now! 7 00:03:37,851 --> 00:03:39,753 -Daddy... -What's going on, Isabel? 8 00:03:39,820 --> 00:03:42,423 (SIGHS) I'm moving here. 9 00:03:42,490 --> 00:03:44,825 To the Valley? Why on earth would you do that? 10 00:03:44,892 --> 00:03:46,894 Because it's normal. 11 00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:50,163 -You're normal. You're just... -I know. But I'm not going to be one anymore. 12 00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:52,466 You have no choice in the matter. It's what you are. 13 00:03:52,533 --> 00:03:54,602 Orange is a great color. Orange is happy. 14 00:03:54,668 --> 00:03:56,637 Happy? Why don't we just paint it yellow? 15 00:03:56,704 --> 00:03:58,806 We can't paint it yellow. We're going to paint the bathroom yellow. 16 00:03:58,872 --> 00:04:00,408 Since when are we painting the bathroom yellow? 17 00:04:00,474 --> 00:04:03,611 -They're arguing about paint. -Yes, I can see that. 18 00:04:03,677 --> 00:04:06,847 -I want to argue about paint. -With whom? 19 00:04:06,914 --> 00:04:09,550 -With someone. -A man? 20 00:04:09,617 --> 00:04:11,452 -Yes! -Oh Isabel... 21 00:04:11,519 --> 00:04:13,721 I'm through with warlocks. They're all just like you. 22 00:04:13,787 --> 00:04:17,525 Even when you and Mother were married, you were always casting spells on other women. 23 00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:20,928 Your life is total instant gratification, Daddy. 24 00:04:20,994 --> 00:04:24,498 -It's fantastic, isn't it? -No, no it's not, because how do you know that 25 00:04:24,565 --> 00:04:26,700 anyone really loves you for yourself? 26 00:04:26,767 --> 00:04:30,270 It's like those rich men who are never really sure why women sleep with them. 27 00:04:30,338 --> 00:04:34,542 But women sleep with them, so it's not really a problem. 28 00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:38,346 -I want a man who needs me. -Needs you? 29 00:04:38,412 --> 00:04:43,216 -Mm hmm. Because he is a completely hopeless mess. 30 00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:46,219 Oh, no. You're talking about love, aren't you? 31 00:04:47,321 --> 00:04:49,122 -What do you suppose it's like? 32 00:04:49,189 --> 00:04:52,159 Oh, it's simple. You say, "I love you" to someone you want to go home with. 33 00:04:52,225 --> 00:04:56,263 And then when things get messy, you say, "I don't love you anymore." 34 00:04:56,330 --> 00:05:01,902 -And that's pretty much it. -I feel as if I'm pressed against a glass window. 35 00:05:01,969 --> 00:05:06,907 It's right there on the other side. I can see it, but I can't feel it. 36 00:05:06,974 --> 00:05:08,609 I can't touch it. 37 00:05:08,676 --> 00:05:12,980 -Does your mother know about this? -She disappeared again. 38 00:05:13,046 --> 00:05:16,950 CASHIER: $420.56. -Money. Money. 39 00:05:25,092 --> 00:05:27,395 That was my last thing as a witch. 40 00:05:29,630 --> 00:05:33,300 I want to be like everyone else. I want to have friends and I want to... 41 00:05:33,367 --> 00:05:36,870 And I want to go to the Coffee Bean, where we all discuss our problems, 42 00:05:36,937 --> 00:05:39,006 which are absolutely unsolvable. 43 00:05:39,072 --> 00:05:43,276 You can have anything you want. Every woman wants to be a witch. 44 00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:47,347 I don't. I want to feel thwarted. I want days where my hair is affected by weather. 45 00:05:47,415 --> 00:05:50,951 -Yeah, hi, what can I get you? -Scrambled eggs, please. 46 00:05:51,018 --> 00:05:54,855 I am through with just snapping my fingers and getting my way. 47 00:05:54,922 --> 00:06:03,096 -No breakfast after 11. -Oh. My absolutely last thing. 48 00:06:03,163 --> 00:06:08,068 Don't do this. You'll meet someone, you'll get this close and when he finds out about... 49 00:06:08,135 --> 00:06:10,838 If he loves me, he won't care. 50 00:06:11,672 --> 00:06:13,607 I'm going to get an umbrella. 51 00:06:16,243 --> 00:06:22,215 -Go on. Get yourself one. -No, Daddy. No. I mean it. No. Never again. 52 00:06:22,282 --> 00:06:25,285 -You'll get wet. -I hope so. 53 00:06:42,369 --> 00:06:44,938 I know what you're going to say. I'm a mess. 54 00:06:45,005 --> 00:06:47,875 -Get a grip, Jack. Get a grip. -I can't help it. 55 00:06:47,941 --> 00:06:51,979 -Hey, how do I look? -You look great. 56 00:06:52,045 --> 00:06:53,681 -I look great? -Yeah! 57 00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:56,149 I always look great. That's a given. And the important thing is... 58 00:06:56,216 --> 00:06:59,487 -What? -I have no idea what the important thing is. 59 00:06:59,553 --> 00:07:02,756 I'm telling you, I feel like I'm about to go out of my mind. 60 00:07:02,823 --> 00:07:07,394 You know, I want my life back. Okay? I want my wife and my house. 61 00:07:07,461 --> 00:07:11,164 I want to be a movie star again. I mean, what the hell happened, Richie? 62 00:07:11,231 --> 00:07:13,000 Things were going so great there for a while. 63 00:07:13,066 --> 00:07:15,268 -Last Year in Katmandu -Oh don't bring it up. 64 00:07:15,335 --> 00:07:20,273 It cost $140 mill to make and grossed 1.6 - the only DVD to sell no copies. 65 00:07:20,340 --> 00:07:22,409 We probably shouldn't have shot it in black-and-white. 66 00:07:22,476 --> 00:07:25,779 But now you're going to do a television series and it's going to be a big hit. 67 00:07:25,846 --> 00:07:28,949 So pull yourself together, man, because you look like Don Johnson, 68 00:07:29,016 --> 00:07:30,651 but in a bad way. 69 00:07:30,718 --> 00:07:32,653 -Ok, I got it, I'll pull myself together. -Ok? Let's go. 70 00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:35,589 -And don't get all nice on me. Be mean. -Going to be mean. 71 00:07:35,656 --> 00:07:38,091 OK? Be mean. Be mean. Hit me. 72 00:07:38,158 --> 00:07:41,795 There you go. You're the Jackerator, baby. Let's go. Let's go. Come on. 73 00:07:41,862 --> 00:07:45,165 -Yo, gentlemen. How are you? Oh! -Hey, hello! 74 00:07:45,232 --> 00:07:46,900 -Jack Wyatt -Hi, I'm Jack. 75 00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:49,603 -Huge fan, huge. -How are the kids, guys? 76 00:07:49,670 --> 00:07:51,071 -Good. -Great! 77 00:07:51,138 --> 00:07:53,473 -Good. Good. Well, let's cut the chitchat. -I'm Jack, by the way. 78 00:07:53,541 --> 00:07:55,809 -Nina. -Jack wants to do the show. 79 00:07:55,876 --> 00:07:57,578 -That's great. -I want to do it. 80 00:07:57,645 --> 00:08:00,714 -Great. That's terrific. -He only has one concern. 81 00:08:00,781 --> 00:08:05,553 We have the same concern. We think everyone's forgotten about Last Year in Katmandu. 82 00:08:05,619 --> 00:08:11,291 -Unless they saw it. -His concern is, the witch has all the fun. 83 00:08:11,358 --> 00:08:15,696 -You will be fun. -We're changing it from the original. 84 00:08:15,763 --> 00:08:19,800 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't all go crazy. Okay? I mean, it is Bewitched. 85 00:08:19,867 --> 00:08:25,138 I mean, Samantha, she should be strong, right? This should be a two-hander. 86 00:08:25,205 --> 00:08:28,441 -Yeah. -Oh, my God. Huh? Hey. What a relief. 87 00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:32,445 I was worried because Larry told me you'd want us to tilt the entire show towards you... 88 00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:34,615 -No, no, no. -Stu, Stu. 89 00:08:34,682 --> 00:08:37,918 We've got to have a great ensemble is what I'm thinking. You know? 90 00:08:37,985 --> 00:08:41,454 Endora, the next-door neighbors, all those crazy family members. 91 00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:44,892 Who's going to play Uncle Arthur? Huh? I used to love Uncle Arthur. 92 00:08:44,958 --> 00:08:47,127 Well, we're looking for Uncle Arthur. 93 00:08:47,194 --> 00:08:48,996 -Your table's ready. -Thank you. 94 00:08:49,062 --> 00:08:51,565 I don't know if you guys remember this, but when he'd appear in the mirror 95 00:08:51,632 --> 00:08:54,768 it would crack, it would always crack. And you knew it was coming, 96 00:08:54,835 --> 00:08:59,640 and yet, every time it happened, I laughed and I laughed and I laughed. 97 00:08:59,707 --> 00:09:01,374 -Can I talk to you for a second? -I loved it! 98 00:09:01,441 --> 00:09:03,443 -Can I talk to you? -"Hiya, Sammy." 99 00:09:03,510 --> 00:09:07,214 One second, fellows. We'll meet you guys at the table, all right? 100 00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:11,919 -Hey, I like those guys. What? -You're being a pussy. 101 00:09:11,985 --> 00:09:15,022 -What? -You're being a pussy, pussy, pussy, pussy, pussy! 102 00:09:15,088 --> 00:09:18,025 -No, I'm not! I want the show to be good. -You want the show to be...? 103 00:09:18,091 --> 00:09:22,562 You know what, Jack Wyatt's doing TV now because his film career ate it! 104 00:09:22,630 --> 00:09:26,299 And he's not even the clear star of his own show. Jack, screw Uncle Arthur. 105 00:09:26,366 --> 00:09:30,070 -Hell, screw ensembles, man. -I'm being a pussy. 106 00:09:30,137 --> 00:09:33,741 Yes. If this show tanks, you'll be the bottom right square on Hollywood Squares 107 00:09:33,807 --> 00:09:37,177 for the next 10 years. You will also be the mayor of Pussytown. You read me? 108 00:09:37,244 --> 00:09:38,979 I don't want to be the mayor of Pussytown. 109 00:09:39,046 --> 00:09:42,082 No, get in there and be the sheriff of Ballsville, all right? 110 00:09:42,149 --> 00:09:46,553 -Ok. -Bring it! Let's go! 111 00:09:48,989 --> 00:09:50,390 -Stop that. -Sorry. Sorry. 112 00:09:50,457 --> 00:09:52,826 Sorry, guys, where were we? 113 00:09:52,893 --> 00:09:56,396 A couple of big names are available for Samantha. 114 00:09:58,431 --> 00:10:00,367 -To hell with that. -Yeah. 115 00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:03,637 I want an unknown in the lead. All right? A hot new face that's going to 116 00:10:03,704 --> 00:10:09,009 look good and set me up. Because I have worked my ass off to the bone 117 00:10:09,076 --> 00:10:13,681 for too long to build up the brand value of the name Jack Wyatt! 118 00:10:15,248 --> 00:10:18,185 -This show has one star. -And I want three trailers. 119 00:10:18,251 --> 00:10:22,122 -Nobody in television has three trailers. -He wants them, you get them. 120 00:10:22,189 --> 00:10:26,694 And I want my own personal makeup team in matching jumpsuits. 121 00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:31,699 And a leopard! I want a pet leopard. With a diamond- studded collar. Real diamonds. 122 00:10:31,765 --> 00:10:35,402 -That's enough, Jack. -And a cake. A two-story-high cake. 123 00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:37,637 Every Wednesday's Cake Day. 124 00:10:37,705 --> 00:10:40,974 And we're going to bring it out and we're going to pretend it's a surprise, 125 00:10:41,041 --> 00:10:43,677 because it's Cake Day. -We get it, Jack. 126 00:10:43,744 --> 00:10:47,881 If we have a leopard, we're going to have major insurance issues. 127 00:10:47,948 --> 00:10:51,518 -Well, we're willing to give on the leopard. -It's getting hard to breathe. 128 00:10:51,584 --> 00:10:53,721 -Should I be writing this down? -No. 129 00:10:53,787 --> 00:10:58,191 So this should be fun. Huh? Right? 130 00:10:58,258 --> 00:11:00,593 Gosh, I used to have the biggest crush on Elizabeth Montgomery 131 00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:03,196 when I was 10 years old. -We all did. 132 00:11:03,263 --> 00:11:07,634 The nose! I mean... 133 00:11:07,701 --> 00:11:12,605 It's not going to be easy finding a nobody to play Samantha. 134 00:11:13,206 --> 00:11:15,275 Be the sheriff. 135 00:11:15,342 --> 00:11:19,479 Well, Jack Wyatt says get it done, y'all. 136 00:11:25,953 --> 00:11:29,289 Hey! I'm turning on the sprinklers in my front yard! 137 00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:35,428 Dimming up... 138 00:11:35,495 --> 00:11:38,465 Dimming down... 139 00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:41,869 Dimming up... 140 00:11:42,635 --> 00:11:45,205 Dimming down... 141 00:11:51,411 --> 00:11:52,880 Wow! 142 00:11:52,946 --> 00:11:57,484 I don't think you quite understand. This is very confusing. 143 00:11:57,550 --> 00:12:03,757 I put the black cable in the red plug like they said and the screen is still blue. 144 00:12:03,824 --> 00:12:07,194 (DOORBELL) I'm here to give you cable. 145 00:12:07,260 --> 00:12:10,363 Oh, thank you, I already have some. 146 00:12:10,430 --> 00:12:12,732 Hello? Don't go away, please. 147 00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:17,971 Oh, to heck with all this bunk! 148 00:12:40,961 --> 00:12:42,896 There. 149 00:12:42,963 --> 00:12:47,700 Hmm. Let's just keep this between us, Lucinda. 150 00:12:49,469 --> 00:12:51,738 Is your self-esteem low because you aren't 151 00:12:51,805 --> 00:12:53,740 participating in the real world? 152 00:12:53,807 --> 00:12:55,642 -Yes, my self-esteem is very low. 153 00:12:55,708 --> 00:12:59,246 Well, let's face it, you need a job. 154 00:12:59,312 --> 00:13:01,414 There's something I have to tell you, Darrin. 155 00:13:01,481 --> 00:13:02,749 I'm a witch. 156 00:13:02,816 --> 00:13:04,051 I'm a witch. 157 00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:06,353 I am a witch. 158 00:13:16,196 --> 00:13:18,899 Good. Good. 159 00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:50,931 Oh my goodness. 160 00:14:03,977 --> 00:14:06,646 (SNEEZES) God bless you. 161 00:14:43,650 --> 00:14:48,188 Don't look, but Jack Wyatt is staring at you. 162 00:14:50,023 --> 00:14:53,994 My heart's pounding, and I am feeling very weird tingles. 163 00:14:54,061 --> 00:14:58,398 -I know. He makes me sick, too. -You know him? 164 00:14:58,465 --> 00:15:03,136 Jack Wyatt, the actor? Huh. Where have you been? 165 00:15:03,203 --> 00:15:06,506 -May I join you? -Uh, sure! 166 00:15:08,108 --> 00:15:10,243 -Hi, I'm Jack Wyatt. -I know. 167 00:15:10,310 --> 00:15:15,182 Thank you. Look, I've never done this before. 168 00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:21,654 -How would you like to be on a television show? Miss... -Bigelow. 169 00:15:21,721 --> 00:15:23,856 -Bigelow? -Mm hmm. 170 00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:27,860 -Isabel Bigelow. -Oh. 171 00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:29,997 So what do you think? Do you want to want to be a famous actress? 172 00:15:30,063 --> 00:15:33,900 -Me? An actress? -Yeah. 173 00:15:33,967 --> 00:15:39,973 -I can't act. -Oh, anyone can act. If I can act, you can act. 174 00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:42,042 Amen. 175 00:15:42,109 --> 00:15:46,313 You know, I think those people over there just finished their plate of hummus. 176 00:15:46,379 --> 00:15:49,649 You might want to help them by clearing it. Thank you. 177 00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:57,824 -So, Isabel Bigelow. Do you have a job? -No. 178 00:15:57,890 --> 00:16:03,130 -Are you rich? Because I am. (LAUGHS) I'm extremely wealthy. 179 00:16:03,196 --> 00:16:08,635 Which I'm about to prove to you by taking care of this bill for 180 00:16:08,701 --> 00:16:13,373 two dollars and 31 cents. 181 00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:16,309 -Wow! -Yeah. Wow is right. 182 00:16:16,376 --> 00:16:20,280 -I have to remember to get some money. -Yeah. 183 00:16:20,347 --> 00:16:22,949 So, do you want to be rich and famous? 184 00:16:25,085 --> 00:16:31,191 -I just want to be normal. -Well, acting is better than normal. 185 00:16:31,258 --> 00:16:36,163 You get to pretend to be normal. And if you're good, you become a big star 186 00:16:36,229 --> 00:16:39,166 and guess what happens? -What? 187 00:16:39,232 --> 00:16:43,070 You snap your fingers and pretty much anything you want materializes 188 00:16:43,136 --> 00:16:48,075 Oh no. No no no no. No. I have that now. It's what I'm giving up. 189 00:16:49,376 --> 00:16:53,246 Oh, um, it was lovely to meet you. 190 00:16:53,313 --> 00:16:57,984 You seem very sweet and unkempt and troubled. 191 00:17:00,453 --> 00:17:05,892 Hey! Hey hey hey hey. Those are bad things to say to a person. 192 00:17:05,958 --> 00:17:10,597 Oh no they aren't. I think the fact that you're a hopeless mess is very refreshing. 193 00:17:10,663 --> 00:17:13,600 It moves me. 194 00:17:19,005 --> 00:17:22,475 -Isabel Bigelow. -Yes? 195 00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:26,913 -I need you. -What did you say? 196 00:17:26,979 --> 00:17:29,516 -I said I need you. -You need me. 197 00:17:29,582 --> 00:17:35,322 I need you. You don't have to come audition. 198 00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:38,325 Just come and show everyone what you look like when you do it. 199 00:17:38,391 --> 00:17:39,426 Like this? 200 00:17:40,593 --> 00:17:42,395 -Uncanny. -It's identical. 201 00:17:42,462 --> 00:17:43,496 I told you. 202 00:17:44,364 --> 00:17:47,267 (APPLAUSE) 203 00:17:48,535 --> 00:17:51,504 (MORE APPLAUSE) 204 00:17:56,075 --> 00:18:01,414 We would just like you to read the script. Start on page 13, should be marked there. 205 00:18:01,481 --> 00:18:03,683 -Read it? -Mm hmm. 206 00:18:12,192 --> 00:18:16,463 -Okay, out loud. -Yeah, we just want to get an idea what it could sound like. 207 00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:25,538 -Uh, int honeymoon suite night, uh, dash night -That one's not too bright. 208 00:18:25,605 --> 00:18:30,677 Just, uh, just read the part that says "Samantha." 209 00:18:30,743 --> 00:18:34,647 Um, "Darrin, I know it's our honeymoon but there's 210 00:18:34,714 --> 00:18:39,219 "something I have to tell you. I'm a witch." I'm not a witch! 211 00:18:39,286 --> 00:18:42,955 -Yeah, exactly. No, you're giving it up. -Who told you? 212 00:18:43,022 --> 00:18:46,159 You're about to, on the next page. 213 00:18:46,226 --> 00:18:49,662 It's Bewitched, the TV show? We're redoing it. 214 00:18:49,729 --> 00:18:52,432 Oh, I wasn't allowed to watch Bewitched. I... 215 00:18:52,499 --> 00:18:56,969 (LAUGHING) Who wasn't allowed to watch Bewitched? -That's great, Jack! 216 00:18:57,036 --> 00:19:02,575 That's great. Well, I play a mortal, and I'm in love with you, and I don't care 217 00:19:02,642 --> 00:19:04,444 that you're a witch. 218 00:19:04,511 --> 00:19:09,616 -You don't care? No? Is that true? -Yes, it is. Yeah. 219 00:19:09,682 --> 00:19:12,719 Now go ahead and read the lines. 220 00:19:12,785 --> 00:19:16,756 I'll read with you, actually. We'll do it together. Randall, where are you? 221 00:19:16,823 --> 00:19:21,461 -Yes, thank you. This will be easy. -Mm hmm. 222 00:19:26,699 --> 00:19:28,067 -Here? -Yeah. 223 00:19:28,134 --> 00:19:31,638 "I'm a witch, Darrin. A real house-haunting, broomstick-flying, 224 00:19:31,704 --> 00:19:34,774 "cauldron-stirring witch!" 225 00:19:34,841 --> 00:19:38,211 Great. Ok. You know what, let's put the script down, 226 00:19:38,278 --> 00:19:40,313 let's put it away and we'll improvise. 227 00:19:40,380 --> 00:19:45,418 -Jack? That was only one line. -Mm. Not a big deal. Go ahead, just set it down. 228 00:19:45,485 --> 00:19:48,154 Randall... 229 00:19:48,221 --> 00:19:52,191 Now, I'm going to ask you questions, and you just answer them as if you're a witch. 230 00:19:52,259 --> 00:19:56,263 -Sure. -Yeah. Uh, were your parents in the witch business? 231 00:19:56,329 --> 00:20:01,234 -Both of them. My mother fixed the 1986 World Series. 232 00:20:01,301 --> 00:20:03,736 -Funny! -Um, make a note of that. 233 00:20:03,803 --> 00:20:07,374 Do you carry around poison apples, like in Snow White? 234 00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:12,312 -Oh no, you have to have a permit for a poison apple. -Permit? Ok, good to know. 235 00:20:12,379 --> 00:20:14,281 That's good. 236 00:20:14,347 --> 00:20:16,249 Um, oh - what's it like to date a warlock? 237 00:20:16,316 --> 00:20:21,053 Oh, horrible! They're so self-centered, not very bright, and all that 238 00:20:21,120 --> 00:20:26,293 "feel-good-in-the-moment," you know? Not at all like you. (GENERAL LAUGHTER) 239 00:20:26,359 --> 00:20:29,429 -What's so funny? -Nothing, J-Bone. 240 00:20:29,496 --> 00:20:31,798 -Oh, what's your favorite spell? 241 00:20:31,864 --> 00:20:35,335 Oh no, I don't like to talk about that because I'm quitting, and... 242 00:20:35,402 --> 00:20:37,737 No, talking about it just makes it harder, so... 243 00:20:37,804 --> 00:20:40,540 -Great. -Are you sure you never saw Bewitched? 244 00:20:40,607 --> 00:20:44,176 -She's incredibly dialed-in. -Can I ask a question? 245 00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:46,879 -Sure. -How much longer do we have to do this for? 246 00:20:46,946 --> 00:20:51,150 Oh, this? We're almost done with this. I mean, if you do the show, 247 00:20:51,217 --> 00:20:52,985 we'll be together forever. 248 00:20:53,052 --> 00:20:55,322 -You and I? -Would you please do the show, Isabel? 249 00:20:55,388 --> 00:20:57,324 -What, this show? -This show. 250 00:20:57,390 --> 00:21:02,295 -The Bewitched show? -Absolutely. We'll be working together. We'll be partners. 251 00:21:02,362 --> 00:21:05,197 -Be my TV wife. -This is very complicated. 252 00:21:05,264 --> 00:21:10,803 -Marry me. Say yes! -What are you doing, Isabel? 253 00:21:10,870 --> 00:21:14,040 -Easy answer! -Yes. 254 00:21:14,106 --> 00:21:18,945 Yes! Great, thank you! 255 00:21:19,011 --> 00:21:23,650 Ok, let's make the deal. 256 00:21:23,716 --> 00:21:28,421 Once upon a time, there was a typical American girl... 257 00:21:28,488 --> 00:21:33,726 ...who happened to bump into a typical, red-blooded American boy. 258 00:21:33,793 --> 00:21:35,962 And she bumped into him... 259 00:21:36,729 --> 00:21:38,598 ...and bumped into him. 260 00:21:38,665 --> 00:21:40,733 (DOORBELL) 261 00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:44,337 So they decided they'd better sit down and talk this over before they had an accident. 262 00:21:47,306 --> 00:21:49,709 -Hi! -Hello? 263 00:21:49,776 --> 00:21:52,144 They delivered this while you were out, and I said I'd bring it over. 264 00:21:52,211 --> 00:21:56,115 -I'm your neighbor, Maria Kelly. -Come in! 265 00:21:56,182 --> 00:22:00,286 -What is all this stuff? -I just got the most amazing job. 266 00:22:00,353 --> 00:22:04,190 I'm going to be Samantha on Bewitched! They're re-doing it. 267 00:22:04,256 --> 00:22:07,594 -Are you an actress? -I guess I am. 268 00:22:07,660 --> 00:22:10,797 -Oh, I love that show! Is that the one about the genie? -No? 269 00:22:10,863 --> 00:22:14,000 This is so exciting! 270 00:22:16,636 --> 00:22:20,272 Aah! There you are. Come here. This is you! 271 00:22:20,339 --> 00:22:23,710 Oh, I love this show! (HUMS THE THEME) 272 00:22:23,776 --> 00:22:29,015 -You know it? -Watched it every night! Love the song! Perfect! 273 00:22:29,081 --> 00:22:31,918 There you are! You're great! Look at the nose! 274 00:22:31,984 --> 00:22:33,453 I hope you can do that. That's hard. 275 00:22:33,520 --> 00:22:35,221 Oh, that's how I got the job, wriggling my nose. 276 00:22:35,287 --> 00:22:37,490 -Really? -Mm hmm, it's easy. 277 00:22:37,557 --> 00:22:40,192 -Who's going to play your husband? -Jack Wyatt. 278 00:22:40,259 --> 00:22:43,530 -Oh my God! -He believes in me, he wants to be partners with me. 279 00:22:43,596 --> 00:22:47,099 Listen to this, "Looking forward to working with you, Isabel. 280 00:22:47,166 --> 00:22:49,702 "As dictated to Jack's assistant, Randall." 281 00:22:49,769 --> 00:22:52,271 Isn't that amazing? 282 00:22:52,338 --> 00:22:55,642 He's single. It's in all the tabloids. His wife dumped him. 283 00:22:55,708 --> 00:22:56,976 -Is that true? -Yes! 284 00:22:57,043 --> 00:23:01,514 Oh my gosh! (SQUEALS OF DELIGHT) 285 00:23:01,581 --> 00:23:05,317 -I don't know why we're doing this, but it's fun! -I know! 286 00:23:05,384 --> 00:23:08,455 Although, you really shouldn't get involved with someone you're working with. 287 00:23:08,521 --> 00:23:11,858 They can destroy your references. I'm a career counselor, and... 288 00:23:11,924 --> 00:23:14,427 Well that's the only reason I took the job. 289 00:23:14,494 --> 00:23:19,832 He is the cutest mess you have ever seen. He is hopeless. (DOORBELL) 290 00:23:21,901 --> 00:23:26,973 Oh, gosh, he's beyond mortal. My father would never approve. 291 00:23:28,074 --> 00:23:29,642 Oh. 292 00:23:30,777 --> 00:23:34,581 -I won't? -Daddy. Hi. 293 00:23:34,647 --> 00:23:36,549 (WHISPERING) What are you doing here? 294 00:23:36,616 --> 00:23:42,421 Hello, Isabel. Love the hat. And who is this? 295 00:23:42,489 --> 00:23:45,658 This is my father. This is Maria Kelly, 296 00:23:45,725 --> 00:23:52,098 Woo hoo hoo, how witchy was that? We talk about your father and he turns up. 297 00:23:52,164 --> 00:23:56,836 -Maria is my neighbor. -Nigel Bigelow. Enchante. 298 00:23:56,903 --> 00:24:00,940 -Oh, ok. -And what won't I approve of? 299 00:24:01,007 --> 00:24:04,877 -A man Isabel thinks is cute. -I'm completely against it. 300 00:24:04,944 --> 00:24:07,113 I'm going to be an actress in a television series. 301 00:24:07,179 --> 00:24:09,882 She's going to play Samantha on Bewitched. 302 00:24:09,949 --> 00:24:14,053 Bewitched? That's an insult to our way of life. 303 00:24:14,120 --> 00:24:17,189 (LAUGHING) Your Dad is a hoot! 304 00:24:17,256 --> 00:24:20,092 I'm just going to go ahead and take one of these, because you've got a lot here. 305 00:24:20,159 --> 00:24:23,329 -Oh sure. -Anyway, if anyone's robbing my house, let me know, 306 00:24:23,395 --> 00:24:25,932 and I'll do the same for you. (HUMS THEME) 307 00:24:25,998 --> 00:24:28,134 Oh! And if you get a date that has a friend, 308 00:24:28,200 --> 00:24:32,739 make sure he's not secretly married before you call me. Bye, Nigel! 309 00:24:32,805 --> 00:24:35,007 -Bye, Maria. -Bye, Maria. 310 00:24:35,975 --> 00:24:38,310 Why can't you be happy for me? 311 00:24:38,377 --> 00:24:42,414 In less than a week I have become a rich and famous actress 312 00:24:42,481 --> 00:24:45,552 living in a house I don't even have to pay rent for 313 00:24:45,618 --> 00:24:47,654 just like every other person in the world. 314 00:24:47,720 --> 00:24:51,423 Why wouldn't I be happy? You've turned your back on your own kind, 315 00:24:51,490 --> 00:24:54,894 and now you live down the street from a Denny's. 316 00:24:54,961 --> 00:25:00,833 -Don't make fun of my life. I could make fun of your life. -So, what about this man? 317 00:25:00,900 --> 00:25:04,003 No, I am not telling you anything anymore, you're too negative. 318 00:25:04,070 --> 00:25:07,039 One morning, I shot a lion in my pajamas. 319 00:25:07,106 --> 00:25:10,743 Now, what he was doing in my pajamas, I'll never know. 320 00:25:13,980 --> 00:25:16,115 Uncle Arthur. Classic. 321 00:25:16,182 --> 00:25:19,318 Your brand of low comedy always did appeal to adolescent mentality. 322 00:25:23,990 --> 00:25:27,660 -I won't do it. -Speaking of traveling, Darrin, remember that time... 323 00:25:27,727 --> 00:25:31,097 -Maybe I will. -Maybe I will. 324 00:25:31,163 --> 00:25:36,669 ...sent over from Europe. It's simply gorgeous. It reminds me of the one in California. 325 00:25:39,739 --> 00:25:43,242 (SNEEZES) -Lucinda, you really should be watching this. 326 00:25:49,682 --> 00:25:54,854 I'm only trying to say that you broke your promise. You gave me your word, no more... 327 00:25:54,921 --> 00:25:59,258 Stuff. It's a little harder to break the habit than I thought. 328 00:25:59,325 --> 00:26:05,431 -Well you can do it. I've got a lot of faith in you. -Aw, thank you, darling. 329 00:26:05,497 --> 00:26:11,671 Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the star of the new Bewitched, Jack Wyatt! 330 00:26:17,443 --> 00:26:21,848 Hey, I didn't expect you guys to be here! (LAUGHTER) 331 00:26:21,914 --> 00:26:26,886 Okay, as you know, we're here for Bewitched. But of course it's not the same Bewitched 332 00:26:26,953 --> 00:26:29,221 that you remember. It's being retooled. 333 00:26:29,288 --> 00:26:32,024 -But there is going to be a Samantha, isn't there? -Of course. 334 00:26:32,091 --> 00:26:37,029 -Isabel, can you come out here? (APPLAUSE) 335 00:26:38,230 --> 00:26:40,867 Be brave. You look beautiful. 336 00:26:40,933 --> 00:26:45,104 Ladies and gentlemen of the press, I'd like you to meet the talented and delightful 337 00:26:45,171 --> 00:26:49,375 Ms. Isabel Bigelow. Say hello to the people, Isabel. 338 00:26:49,441 --> 00:26:54,146 -Hello! -No, no, into the microphone. Here. Here. 339 00:26:54,213 --> 00:26:58,985 -Hello! -That's enough. Now do that thing that you do. 340 00:27:01,688 --> 00:27:06,993 (APPLAUSE) -Great! Just stand there. 341 00:27:08,560 --> 00:27:11,964 And guess who's playing Endora. 342 00:27:12,031 --> 00:27:17,569 Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the great, the legendary 343 00:27:17,636 --> 00:27:22,809 Miss Iris Smythson, as my mother-in-law. (APPLAUSE) 344 00:27:22,875 --> 00:27:25,344 Iris Smythson. Iris? Iris? 345 00:27:36,622 --> 00:27:39,025 Ok, yeah. 346 00:27:42,261 --> 00:27:46,766 Iris Smythson. And of course she hates me. Don't you? 347 00:27:46,833 --> 00:27:52,071 -Anything you say, Jerry. -Jack. See what I mean? That's a joke, right? 348 00:27:52,138 --> 00:27:57,076 -Endora used to refer to Darrin as Derwood. -No, I just forgot your name. 349 00:27:57,143 --> 00:28:02,381 But the news here isn't Iris Smythson, or Jack Wyatt, who's trying the small screen 350 00:28:02,448 --> 00:28:08,054 after the twin disasters of his last movie, and a messy split from his wife, Sheila 351 00:28:08,120 --> 00:28:13,559 who's already found someone new after a marriage that lasted only 19 months. 352 00:28:13,625 --> 00:28:18,831 -Didn't she leave him for a snowboarder/underwear model? -He's a moron/idiot. 353 00:28:18,898 --> 00:28:21,100 -That's right. -Aren't they living together? 354 00:28:21,167 --> 00:28:25,104 Yes, in my house! My house that I bought before I even met her. 355 00:28:25,171 --> 00:28:27,673 But she won't move or sign the divorce papers. 356 00:28:27,740 --> 00:28:31,778 The big news is the surprise casting of an unknown as Samantha. 357 00:28:31,844 --> 00:28:38,484 Her name is Isabel Bigelow and she's quite the charmer, isn't she? That's magic. 358 00:28:38,550 --> 00:28:40,186 So, what's Jack Wyatt thinking? 359 00:28:40,252 --> 00:28:43,555 "My career has tanked, so I'll fix it by playing Darrin"? 360 00:28:43,622 --> 00:28:48,027 -Yeah. Because that's crazy. Who's running his life? -Plus, he did not look well. 361 00:28:48,094 --> 00:28:52,531 Not look well? I look fine. I'm extremely healthy. 362 00:28:52,598 --> 00:28:59,138 Oh, Richie. Richie. What am I going to do with you? 363 00:29:00,773 --> 00:29:03,109 (RINGING) -This is Richie. 364 00:29:03,175 --> 00:29:06,478 Richie. Why'd you talk me into doing this show? Huh? 365 00:29:06,545 --> 00:29:09,015 What was I thinking? What were you thinking? 366 00:29:09,081 --> 00:29:12,118 We were both thinking the same thing, Jackattack. Cast a nobody. 367 00:29:12,184 --> 00:29:14,286 You're completely safe. 368 00:29:14,353 --> 00:29:17,156 Richie, can't you come over here? I really could use a little support on this one. 369 00:29:17,223 --> 00:29:21,227 Jack, I can't because I'm about to step into a meeting with the head of NBC. 370 00:29:21,293 --> 00:29:22,962 (SHOUTING) I'll be right there! One second! 371 00:29:23,029 --> 00:29:26,933 Look, I don't know if you know this, but I'm Darrin, okay? 372 00:29:26,999 --> 00:29:31,838 They replaced Darrin on the original Bewitched and no one noticed! 373 00:29:31,904 --> 00:29:34,473 Nobody is going to replace you. 374 00:29:34,540 --> 00:29:37,877 I'm Darrin! How did this happen? 375 00:30:13,579 --> 00:30:15,647 Hold the work! 376 00:30:15,714 --> 00:30:19,351 Once upon a time, there was a typical red-blooded American boy 377 00:30:19,418 --> 00:30:23,355 who happened to bump into a typical American girl. 378 00:30:23,422 --> 00:30:25,424 (LAUGHTER) 379 00:30:25,491 --> 00:30:27,026 And cut! 380 00:30:28,928 --> 00:30:32,631 -Jack, Jack. -How was I? How was I? 381 00:30:32,698 --> 00:30:35,567 -That was so good! -Don't lie to me. 382 00:30:36,235 --> 00:30:38,537 My ribs hurt. 383 00:30:38,604 --> 00:30:41,640 -Jack? Uno mas? From the top? -One more? 384 00:30:43,075 --> 00:30:46,412 -Did you see what happened? Good stuff. 385 00:30:47,947 --> 00:30:50,082 Moving on! 386 00:30:50,149 --> 00:30:56,488 -You know it, dude. Nice one. JACK: Here we go. Off to a good start, huh? 387 00:30:56,555 --> 00:31:01,260 And after a while, he did what any red-blooded American boy would do. 388 00:31:01,327 --> 00:31:05,264 -Samantha, will you marry me? -Cut! 389 00:31:05,331 --> 00:31:08,434 Great! Beautiful. That was good. 390 00:31:09,801 --> 00:31:11,837 -Action. -You're a witch? 391 00:31:11,904 --> 00:31:15,241 And you waited until our wedding night to tell me? 392 00:31:15,307 --> 00:31:18,044 I don't believe this! Oh, golly! 393 00:31:18,110 --> 00:31:20,612 (LAUGHTER) 394 00:31:25,151 --> 00:31:26,152 Samantha. 395 00:31:35,327 --> 00:31:38,864 -Cut! Cut! -Joey, for God's sake. 396 00:31:38,931 --> 00:31:42,568 Are you trying to kill everyone? Because we can't breathe. 397 00:31:42,634 --> 00:31:46,572 Iris, you can't nod to the audience in the middle of the show. 398 00:31:46,638 --> 00:31:48,907 -It just breaks the reality. -What? 399 00:31:48,975 --> 00:31:51,377 -You can't nod to them. You can't do a little... -Go sit! 400 00:31:51,443 --> 00:31:54,313 -In your chair. Back to your chair. -All right, but... 401 00:31:55,747 --> 00:31:58,717 -Take two up. Rolling! -You're a witch? 402 00:31:58,784 --> 00:32:04,856 And you waited until our wedding night to tell me? I can't believe this. 403 00:32:08,961 --> 00:32:10,462 What's going on? 404 00:32:12,598 --> 00:32:15,634 Samantha. 405 00:32:21,273 --> 00:32:23,242 Why is she waving? 406 00:32:23,309 --> 00:32:29,381 -Who are you? -I am Samantha's mother, Endora. 407 00:32:29,448 --> 00:32:32,884 A mortal? You married a mortal? Oh, my poor, poor baby. 408 00:32:32,951 --> 00:32:36,955 -This is just horrifying. -I think I need a drink. 409 00:32:37,023 --> 00:32:39,158 Freeze! 410 00:32:42,461 --> 00:32:43,629 Unfreeze! 411 00:32:44,330 --> 00:32:45,331 Aaah! 412 00:32:48,367 --> 00:32:50,802 What a shame you didn't drink it. If you had, 413 00:32:50,869 --> 00:32:56,408 perhaps you could've spent your wedding night as a bullfrog. 414 00:32:58,044 --> 00:33:02,381 Don't worry, Samantha. I won't do it. Witch's honor. 415 00:33:07,253 --> 00:33:13,559 My darling, we are quicksilver. We're a fleeting shadow. 416 00:33:13,625 --> 00:33:16,328 -We're a distant sound. -That's your mother? 417 00:33:16,395 --> 00:33:20,066 We live on the wind, in the sparkle of a star. 418 00:33:22,301 --> 00:33:25,104 And you want to trade all that for an acre of crabgrass? 419 00:33:25,171 --> 00:33:29,308 -Did she just call me an acre of crabgrass? -Deal with it, Derwood. 420 00:33:32,778 --> 00:33:36,182 Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! 421 00:33:39,551 --> 00:33:44,356 I want a piece of the show. Why? Because I put this thing together, that's why. 422 00:33:44,423 --> 00:33:47,959 Because Jack Wyatt doesn't parallel park without checking with me. 423 00:33:48,026 --> 00:33:52,264 Let me call you back. J-Bone! You're crushing it, baby. Absolutely crushing it. 424 00:33:52,331 --> 00:33:54,266 -I think we got something. -It's exciting. 425 00:33:54,333 --> 00:33:57,369 -How's Isabel doing? -She's perfect. She looks hot 426 00:33:57,436 --> 00:33:59,471 and she lets you score like a madman. 427 00:33:59,538 --> 00:34:02,841 -I know. She's great. -I can't believe you found her, baby. 428 00:34:02,908 --> 00:34:04,510 You think she's going to notice? 429 00:34:04,576 --> 00:34:07,146 What? That she doesn't have a part? Not a chance. She's clueless. 430 00:34:07,213 --> 00:34:12,651 Plus, I think she's got a little thing for you. It's freaking pathetic. 431 00:34:12,718 --> 00:34:14,920 -You think so? -Yes. 432 00:34:14,986 --> 00:34:19,158 -Man, that would be... -Such a nightmare. I know. Can you imagine? 433 00:34:19,225 --> 00:34:23,662 Although, she does have kind of a cute little back end on her. 434 00:34:23,729 --> 00:34:26,132 I mean, I wouldn't kick her out of bed for eating a box of crackers. 435 00:34:26,198 --> 00:34:27,966 Isabel? 436 00:34:30,436 --> 00:34:32,504 -Did she hear us? -Not a chance. 437 00:34:32,571 --> 00:34:34,240 A couple of changes to the script. 438 00:34:34,306 --> 00:34:38,277 It was running a little long, so we cut your lines. 439 00:34:39,511 --> 00:34:42,013 Think of it this way, it's less to memorize. 440 00:34:42,080 --> 00:34:44,516 (NERVOUS LAUGH) Sorry. 441 00:34:47,619 --> 00:34:48,987 Lunch! 442 00:35:02,734 --> 00:35:04,836 Isabel! 443 00:35:04,903 --> 00:35:09,375 I feel like a fool. A big, stupid, sad fool, and yet I'm angry as well. 444 00:35:09,441 --> 00:35:13,445 -What's going on? -Let's set fire to his trailer. Let's just do it. 445 00:35:13,512 --> 00:35:17,249 Isabel, this is awesome! You're on TV. 446 00:35:17,316 --> 00:35:21,520 He lied to me. He tricked me. He said he needed me. 447 00:35:21,587 --> 00:35:24,356 When all he needed was someone to stand next to him 448 00:35:24,423 --> 00:35:28,093 while he says his stupid clever lines. 449 00:35:31,297 --> 00:35:32,998 -Hi, I'm Maria. -Nina. 450 00:35:35,867 --> 00:35:40,639 He seemed so messy and sincere. But really, he's just a big fake. 451 00:35:40,706 --> 00:35:44,109 We could electrocute him. There's tons of wires around here. 452 00:35:44,176 --> 00:35:48,880 I want to cry. I want to break things. I want to hurt him. 453 00:35:48,947 --> 00:35:52,751 Yet there's a part of me that still has a small amount of feeling for him. 454 00:35:52,818 --> 00:35:56,087 -How can this be? -When my first husband left me, I wanted to 455 00:35:56,154 --> 00:35:59,291 cut the brake cables in his car, but instead we ended up 456 00:35:59,358 --> 00:36:01,693 having sex on the elliptical machine. 457 00:36:01,760 --> 00:36:06,432 He doesn't understand who he's dealing with. He has no idea. 458 00:36:06,498 --> 00:36:10,068 Look, you have three options. You put up with it, 459 00:36:10,135 --> 00:36:13,672 quit, or get mad. 460 00:36:15,607 --> 00:36:17,776 What would Samantha do? 461 00:36:30,722 --> 00:36:32,658 She chose mad, right? 462 00:36:47,973 --> 00:36:49,140 Aaah! 463 00:36:56,348 --> 00:37:01,587 Okay, everybody, settle down. Okay, working very quietly, like little mice. 464 00:37:01,653 --> 00:37:05,857 I don't want to see or hear what you're doing. 465 00:37:05,924 --> 00:37:10,796 Okay, so, Isabel, just to refresh your memory, Darrin's ex-girlfriend... 466 00:37:10,862 --> 00:37:15,033 -I read the script. -Okay. Well, let's just go over it one more time. 467 00:37:15,100 --> 00:37:19,104 -Oh, and we rehearsed it a lot. -Well, I'm aware of that. 468 00:37:19,170 --> 00:37:23,275 Darrin's ex-girlfriend has invited you both over for dinner. 469 00:37:23,342 --> 00:37:25,877 And Darrin forced you to come with him... 470 00:37:25,944 --> 00:37:28,880 He tricked me. Because he is a self-centered has-been. 471 00:37:28,947 --> 00:37:31,750 No, no, baby, that's not it. No. 472 00:37:31,817 --> 00:37:35,887 Because he wants his dog back, and then Darrin says his line: 473 00:37:35,954 --> 00:37:38,857 (TOGETHER) "It's my dog. I want him back." 474 00:37:38,924 --> 00:37:42,794 (LAUGHTER) It always kills me, Jack. You ready to go? 475 00:37:42,861 --> 00:37:45,397 -Let's do it. Let's do it. -All right then. Saddle up. Rolling! 476 00:37:51,236 --> 00:37:52,671 Action! 477 00:37:52,738 --> 00:37:56,207 (DRAMATICALLY) It's my dog. My dog! 478 00:37:56,274 --> 00:37:58,677 And I will die if I do not have him back. 479 00:37:58,744 --> 00:38:02,748 Do you understand? I will die 480 00:38:02,814 --> 00:38:07,419 if I do not have him back! 481 00:38:08,286 --> 00:38:10,088 Cut! 482 00:38:10,155 --> 00:38:14,693 Well, that was a bit much, Jack. You want to take it down a notch? 483 00:38:14,760 --> 00:38:16,895 Or five? 484 00:38:16,962 --> 00:38:19,365 You know what? Just keep it going. Let me just go right away. I'll get it this time 485 00:38:19,431 --> 00:38:20,432 Rolling! 486 00:38:21,733 --> 00:38:23,034 Action! 487 00:38:23,101 --> 00:38:28,640 Where art thou, dog? Thy canine lover. 488 00:38:28,707 --> 00:38:30,208 What's happening? 489 00:38:30,275 --> 00:38:34,346 Where is your hot breath upon the nape of my neck? 490 00:38:34,413 --> 00:38:37,983 We shall form a bond of brotherhood, man and beast. 491 00:38:38,049 --> 00:38:42,488 -You shall lick my face and I shall lick your snout. -Cut! Jack? 492 00:38:42,554 --> 00:38:47,459 -Guys, I'm not doing this on purpose, I swear to you. -Okay. All right. 493 00:38:47,526 --> 00:38:48,760 Rolling. 494 00:38:48,827 --> 00:38:53,098 Esta mi perro. 495 00:38:53,164 --> 00:38:55,434 Mi perro es mi corazon. 496 00:38:55,501 --> 00:39:00,606 Muchos taquitos esbuena suerte. 497 00:39:00,672 --> 00:39:08,213 Oh my God! Where's my dog? Totally. I have a totally great dog. 498 00:39:08,279 --> 00:39:12,818 (SCREAMS INCOMPREHENSIBLY) 499 00:39:12,884 --> 00:39:14,920 Jack. Jack. What are you doing? 500 00:39:16,622 --> 00:39:22,093 This is where the dog has to decide between Darrin's ex and Darrin. 501 00:39:22,160 --> 00:39:28,366 Samantha wiggles her nose and the dog chooses Darrin. Rolling! 502 00:39:28,434 --> 00:39:31,803 I know how we can solve this, Darrin. We'll let Satchel decide. 503 00:39:31,870 --> 00:39:36,842 That's a great idea. Come to Daddy, Satchel. Look! Good boy. 504 00:39:36,908 --> 00:39:39,945 -Come to Mommy. Good boy! -Satchel... 505 00:39:40,011 --> 00:39:43,949 -Okay, Isabel, wiggle your nose. -Satchel. Come to Mommy. 506 00:39:44,015 --> 00:39:48,253 -Come on. Come on. Up! Right here! -Come to Mommy, Satchel. 507 00:39:48,319 --> 00:39:51,723 -Come to Daddy. -I got it, Jack. I got it. 508 00:39:51,790 --> 00:39:53,725 Don't you dare go to Daddy. Come to Mommy! 509 00:39:53,792 --> 00:39:56,828 No, no, no. You love Daddy. Come on, Satchel. 510 00:40:00,699 --> 00:40:04,603 -He's coming. He's coming. -He's just sitting there. 511 00:40:09,007 --> 00:40:11,710 (APPLAUSE) Cut! 512 00:40:11,777 --> 00:40:14,613 -Jim, what's going on here? -Joey! 513 00:40:16,448 --> 00:40:19,451 If the dog runs to you again, try this. 514 00:40:22,454 --> 00:40:25,724 -Come to Daddy, Satchel. -Satchel, come to Mommy. 515 00:40:25,791 --> 00:40:29,495 -Come on! Come on, Satchel. -Come on, boy, please? 516 00:40:30,662 --> 00:40:32,330 Good girl. 517 00:40:36,568 --> 00:40:38,537 Thank God you didn't have a great dane! 518 00:40:38,604 --> 00:40:41,740 (LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE) 519 00:40:41,807 --> 00:40:43,441 Damn it! 520 00:40:45,043 --> 00:40:46,712 Cut! 521 00:40:49,280 --> 00:40:54,219 Darling, that was marvelous. But, watch out for that. 522 00:40:54,285 --> 00:40:57,889 Please don't say anything. 523 00:40:57,956 --> 00:41:00,492 Calm down, you're not alone. 524 00:41:00,559 --> 00:41:04,930 I'm not? Are there others? 525 00:41:04,996 --> 00:41:10,569 There are many others. Many actors, they develop 526 00:41:10,636 --> 00:41:13,939 tricks, twitches, really. 527 00:41:14,005 --> 00:41:18,644 -You don't want to become mannered. -Oh, no, I don't. 528 00:41:19,578 --> 00:41:21,813 Thank you, Iris. 529 00:41:39,731 --> 00:41:42,167 -Hello. -Daddy, what...? 530 00:41:42,233 --> 00:41:46,972 Well, if it isn't my spell- casting magical daughter who gave up witchcraft. 531 00:41:47,038 --> 00:41:49,174 You've had quite a day today, haven't you? 532 00:41:49,240 --> 00:41:52,477 I was provoked. I fell off the wagon. It was a one-time thing. 533 00:41:59,685 --> 00:42:01,553 So you're not in love with him anymore? 534 00:42:01,620 --> 00:42:04,089 I have never disliked a man more in my entire life, 535 00:42:04,155 --> 00:42:06,391 which proves that I am completely over him. 536 00:42:06,457 --> 00:42:08,660 Not necessarily. In fact... 537 00:42:08,727 --> 00:42:12,363 Besides, it was just a crush, which is an intense but superficial attraction 538 00:42:12,430 --> 00:42:16,434 that can easily be mistaken for something deeper. Now go away. 539 00:42:20,138 --> 00:42:23,541 -I have a crush on Endora. -What? 540 00:42:29,047 --> 00:42:31,082 Daddy, where are you? 541 00:42:32,751 --> 00:42:36,855 I said, I have a crush on Endora. 542 00:42:36,922 --> 00:42:39,457 -Daddy. No. -So lovely. 543 00:42:39,524 --> 00:42:44,395 -Her name is not Endora. It's Iris. -Iris. A spring flower. 544 00:42:44,462 --> 00:42:49,635 You can't. Now that I turned out to be so wrong about him, my job is all that I've got. 545 00:42:49,701 --> 00:42:52,203 -Please don't mess it up. -How could I do that? 546 00:42:52,270 --> 00:42:56,975 How? You'll sleep with her, cheat on her, she'll go crazy and she'll take it out on me. 547 00:42:57,042 --> 00:43:00,779 I don't want you to get involved with Iris. I mean it. 548 00:43:00,846 --> 00:43:05,250 -You can't stop being a witch. -I can, too. You'll see. 549 00:43:05,316 --> 00:43:07,719 -Cannot. -Can too. 550 00:43:07,786 --> 00:43:11,422 -Just accept it. -Never. 551 00:43:11,489 --> 00:43:14,860 -Tell me about Bewitched. Some have said it's a crass attempt by the network 552 00:43:14,926 --> 00:43:18,930 to market nostalgia rather than take a risk on new ideas. 553 00:43:18,997 --> 00:43:23,769 This isn't the old Bewitched. It's been refocused. Let's just say the only thing 554 00:43:23,835 --> 00:43:26,437 I won't be doing is this... 555 00:43:31,142 --> 00:43:36,181 So you leave the nose-wiggling to the witch. But you do it so well. 556 00:43:36,247 --> 00:43:38,784 Well, I don't know about that. I did coach her, though. 557 00:43:38,850 --> 00:43:43,521 -Can we get a close-up on the nose? -I'd rather not. 558 00:43:43,588 --> 00:43:46,792 Which camera? Here? Okay. 559 00:43:47,793 --> 00:43:50,328 (PHONE RINGS) 560 00:43:50,395 --> 00:43:52,764 Shall we discuss, dare we discuss, 561 00:43:52,831 --> 00:43:55,100 -Hello? -Last Year in Katmandu? 562 00:43:55,166 --> 00:44:00,538 Hi, Nina. Yes, yes I'm watching him. 563 00:44:00,605 --> 00:44:02,974 What's a dick? 564 00:44:03,041 --> 00:44:05,576 ...no one ever sets out to make a bad movie... 565 00:44:05,643 --> 00:44:10,682 Oh. What does that have to do with how obnoxious he is being? 566 00:44:10,749 --> 00:44:12,684 ...Some movies are career-enders... 567 00:44:12,751 --> 00:44:15,353 Right. Right, we need a plan. 568 00:44:15,420 --> 00:44:19,224 -What went wrong? -You know, I hate to point fingers, 569 00:44:19,290 --> 00:44:23,661 but I'm going to blame the wardrobe department. -The wardrobe department? 570 00:44:23,729 --> 00:44:25,063 I think it got in the way. 571 00:44:25,130 --> 00:44:28,466 -Maybe I should quit. -Honey, you can't quit. 572 00:44:28,533 --> 00:44:32,904 -Why not? Isn't that what people do? -He has to quit, not you. 573 00:44:32,971 --> 00:44:34,906 -Yeah, right, like that's ever going to happen. 574 00:44:34,973 --> 00:44:39,110 We have to make him quit. If we get naked pictures of him and pictures of farm animals 575 00:44:39,177 --> 00:44:42,147 I could just Photoshop them. -That's an excellent idea. 576 00:44:42,213 --> 00:44:44,582 No, no, no. Wait. Calm down. Calm down. 577 00:44:44,649 --> 00:44:49,220 No, no, no, this is not what I wanted. I wanted something normal. 578 00:44:49,287 --> 00:44:52,223 What should I do? 579 00:44:59,765 --> 00:45:01,032 (THUMP) 580 00:45:04,702 --> 00:45:06,104 (THUMP) 581 00:45:11,676 --> 00:45:17,715 Oh, my. Ooh, what a mess. 582 00:45:17,783 --> 00:45:21,419 Your Aunt Clara used to be able to make a clean landing. 583 00:45:21,486 --> 00:45:25,991 Aunt Clara? 584 00:45:26,057 --> 00:45:31,396 Oh, Aunt Clara. Oh, thank goodness you're here. 585 00:45:31,462 --> 00:45:36,067 I am in the middle of a total, total crisis at work. I'm quitting. 586 00:45:36,134 --> 00:45:40,571 No, you mustn't quit. The show must go on. -Isabel, are you all right? 587 00:45:40,638 --> 00:45:46,544 -My friends. I have friends. They don't know we're witches. -Mum's the word. 588 00:45:46,611 --> 00:45:49,747 You know, there was an Aunt Clara on the original Bewitched. 589 00:45:49,815 --> 00:45:53,551 -What a coincidence! -She was a witch. 590 00:45:53,618 --> 00:45:57,555 So am I. 591 00:45:57,622 --> 00:46:01,326 She was always screwing up. 592 00:46:01,392 --> 00:46:05,296 -Really? -I have made up my mind. I'm quitting tomorrow, 593 00:46:05,363 --> 00:46:10,101 and I'll do something else, like sailing or polishing fruit. 594 00:46:10,168 --> 00:46:13,171 It's too bad you're not a witch. You could put a hex on Jack. 595 00:46:13,238 --> 00:46:16,774 Oh, I can. I certainly can. Who is Jack? 596 00:46:16,842 --> 00:46:19,477 The reason I'm quitting. 597 00:46:19,544 --> 00:46:24,315 -Well, why not put a hex on him. -Because I'm giving it up. 598 00:46:24,382 --> 00:46:26,151 -Just a little one. -Aunt Clara. 599 00:46:26,217 --> 00:46:30,088 Just to get him to behave. I'll do it. 600 00:46:32,223 --> 00:46:35,760 And then I can keep my job. Which would help my self-esteem. 601 00:46:35,827 --> 00:46:40,165 You know, there's only one problem with a hex. There's no such thing as magic. 602 00:46:40,231 --> 00:46:44,769 So, what's your idea, Little Miss Doubtful? 603 00:46:44,836 --> 00:46:46,872 -Well, I have a Taser. -Nina. 604 00:46:46,938 --> 00:46:51,977 No, I think we should Taser him and throw him into the shark tank at SeaWorld. 605 00:46:52,043 --> 00:47:02,520 -No. You think we should do a hex. -I think we should do a hex. 606 00:47:02,587 --> 00:47:08,459 * ...witchy woman, see how high she flies... * 607 00:47:08,526 --> 00:47:13,098 A pinch of jasmine, wolfbane, 608 00:47:13,164 --> 00:47:16,834 -Grapefruit pith. -Grapefruit pith. 609 00:47:16,902 --> 00:47:21,973 I feel so alive. I feel like one of those people I'd make fun of. 610 00:47:22,040 --> 00:47:25,043 I feel like I believe in unicorns. 611 00:47:25,110 --> 00:47:28,846 -Did I put in the wolfbane? I can't remember. -Aunt Clara. 612 00:47:28,914 --> 00:47:33,351 Thank you, darling. Thank you. Oh well... 613 00:47:53,871 --> 00:47:57,375 Isabel. 614 00:47:57,442 --> 00:48:04,082 * Isabel, bo-bel, Banana-fana fo-fel Fee-fy-fo-fel, Isabel! * 615 00:48:04,149 --> 00:48:06,617 "The Name Game!" 616 00:48:06,684 --> 00:48:09,120 -Oh boy. -Good morning. 617 00:48:09,187 --> 00:48:13,391 Randall, take that stupid sign off that machine. Free cappuccinos for everyone. 618 00:48:13,458 --> 00:48:16,161 Buongiorno, buongiorno. 619 00:48:16,227 --> 00:48:18,729 -How are we all doing? Has anyone seen Isabel? -No, why? 620 00:48:18,796 --> 00:48:21,099 -Because I miss her. -Listen, Jack. 621 00:48:21,166 --> 00:48:25,770 -Yes. -We got the test scores from the pilot 622 00:48:25,836 --> 00:48:29,374 How did Isabel do? 99% percent in the top box! Why didn't you tell me? 623 00:48:29,440 --> 00:48:33,711 This is great news. Of course she got a 99%. Because she's dynamite. 624 00:48:33,778 --> 00:48:38,049 Absolute dynamite. High-fives all the way around. 625 00:48:38,116 --> 00:48:40,751 -But, Jack, there is a problem. Your scores... 626 00:48:40,818 --> 00:48:47,192 32%. That's better than zero, huh? You know what? That's just constructive criticism. 627 00:48:47,258 --> 00:48:52,530 The dog scored higher than me. He's a cute dog. What do the comment cards say? 628 00:48:52,597 --> 00:48:57,435 -Oh, they don't really... -"Jack Wyatt is a real tool." 629 00:48:57,502 --> 00:49:00,171 But a good tool. Like a Jacksaw! 630 00:49:00,238 --> 00:49:04,109 You know what? Who cares? This just means we've got hard work to do, okay? 631 00:49:04,175 --> 00:49:07,112 Hey, I never said I was perfect. The important thing is Isabel. 632 00:49:07,178 --> 00:49:08,813 -Isabel. -Yeah, no question. 633 00:49:10,181 --> 00:49:14,085 -Good morning, everyone. -There she is! 634 00:49:14,152 --> 00:49:18,223 Is it just my imagination, or is the room actually brighter with her here? 635 00:49:18,289 --> 00:49:21,592 Look at this bundle of miraculous talent. 636 00:49:21,659 --> 00:49:26,764 Forget 99, I give her a hundred! 637 00:49:27,665 --> 00:49:29,734 Rehearsing! 638 00:49:29,800 --> 00:49:32,870 "Interior, apartment, day. Samantha and Darrin are sitting 639 00:49:32,937 --> 00:49:36,307 "in their overcrowded apartment." 640 00:49:36,374 --> 00:49:40,211 Darrin, I think we should buy a house, and I found one that I love. 641 00:49:40,278 --> 00:49:45,716 You nailed that! I'm about to have a heart attack. Isn't she great? 642 00:49:45,783 --> 00:49:48,753 And now I kiss her, because she's in love with our new house. 643 00:49:48,819 --> 00:49:51,156 Oh, you can't kiss me. I'm not in this scene. 644 00:49:51,222 --> 00:49:52,690 -You're not in the scene? -No. 645 00:49:52,757 --> 00:49:56,394 No, no, no. She isn't in the scene? This isn't happening! 646 00:49:56,461 --> 00:50:00,598 What? She has to be in every scene! Okay? 647 00:50:00,665 --> 00:50:05,036 Rewrite! Go! Rewrite. 648 00:50:05,103 --> 00:50:09,974 -Everyone, Isabel needs a joke. -I would love a joke. 649 00:50:10,041 --> 00:50:13,811 One joke, coming up. Oh, and then I kiss her because she's so funny. 650 00:50:13,878 --> 00:50:17,248 And a job. She needs a job. 651 00:50:17,315 --> 00:50:20,618 Yes! Make her the CEO of a multinational corporation. 652 00:50:20,685 --> 00:50:23,221 -Good idea, Jack. -No. Great idea. 653 00:50:23,288 --> 00:50:26,191 And then I kiss her because she's so powerful. 654 00:50:29,627 --> 00:50:33,198 It's too much. What happened? 655 00:50:33,264 --> 00:50:38,536 Aunt Clara. Aunt Clara? Please pick up the phone, something terrible is happening. 656 00:50:38,603 --> 00:50:41,572 Mm hmm, something terrible is happening. 657 00:50:41,639 --> 00:50:44,509 I know, I know. It wasn't supposed to, and... 658 00:50:44,575 --> 00:50:46,544 You should never, ever get involved with an actor. 659 00:50:46,611 --> 00:50:49,214 I'm not involved with him, I don't think. 660 00:50:49,280 --> 00:50:52,717 -Witch's honor? -What? 661 00:50:52,783 --> 00:50:55,553 I'm just being Endora. 662 00:50:55,620 --> 00:51:00,057 Isabel, actors look normal, sometimes better than normal, 663 00:51:00,125 --> 00:51:03,494 But deep down, there is no deep down. 664 00:51:03,561 --> 00:51:07,064 Now, I thought you were safe. He loathed you. What on Earth happened? 665 00:51:07,132 --> 00:51:09,400 A little witchcraft, I suspect. 666 00:51:09,467 --> 00:51:12,937 Even though we weren't going to do it, were we, darling? 667 00:51:13,003 --> 00:51:14,505 I'm Nigel Bigelow. I'm... 668 00:51:14,572 --> 00:51:17,242 -Isabel's father. How do you do? -Oh, daddy... 669 00:51:17,308 --> 00:51:19,277 We talked about this, remember? 670 00:51:19,344 --> 00:51:21,846 -I'm... -I know who you are. 671 00:51:21,912 --> 00:51:23,948 I've seen everything you've ever done. 672 00:51:24,014 --> 00:51:25,883 Lysistrata in Florence, 673 00:51:25,950 --> 00:51:29,053 Blithe Spirit in New York. You're Endora. 674 00:51:29,120 --> 00:51:30,488 It's a marvel. 675 00:51:30,555 --> 00:51:33,191 -It comes so easily, really. -Really? -Oh, yes... 676 00:51:33,258 --> 00:51:35,059 Because I am a witch. 677 00:51:35,126 --> 00:51:38,163 -Really? -Oh, yes. I put out all the lights 678 00:51:38,229 --> 00:51:40,565 in Leicester Square, just by walking past. 679 00:51:40,631 --> 00:51:42,533 -Tell me more. Tell me everything! -(LAUGHING) 680 00:51:42,600 --> 00:51:44,235 Oh please, come in! 681 00:51:44,302 --> 00:51:45,670 -(GIGGLING) -NIGEL: Ciao. 682 00:51:48,173 --> 00:51:50,107 This is just fine... 683 00:51:50,175 --> 00:51:51,376 MAN: Isabel! 684 00:51:51,942 --> 00:51:52,977 Hey! 685 00:51:53,043 --> 00:51:54,078 Isabel! 686 00:51:54,145 --> 00:51:55,246 Isabel. 687 00:51:55,313 --> 00:51:57,114 Hey... Hi! 688 00:51:57,182 --> 00:52:00,017 Listen. Maybe we could go to dinner tonight. God, I'm so nervous. 689 00:52:00,084 --> 00:52:02,820 -I don't think so. I have to get home. -We won't make it a date. 690 00:52:02,887 --> 00:52:05,756 I'll just happen to stop by your place and ask you if you're hungry. 691 00:52:05,823 --> 00:52:07,358 -No. -Yes! That's a yes. 692 00:52:07,425 --> 00:52:09,894 -No! -I'll be by at great. I mean... 693 00:52:09,960 --> 00:52:11,396 I'll be by at eight! 694 00:52:11,462 --> 00:52:13,431 Stop by if you need anything. I'm right here. 695 00:52:13,498 --> 00:52:14,699 Okay... (BREATHING HEAVILY) 696 00:52:18,769 --> 00:52:20,738 Aunt Clara! 697 00:52:20,805 --> 00:52:21,839 Undo it! 698 00:52:21,906 --> 00:52:23,674 Undo it! You overdid it. Undo it! 699 00:52:23,741 --> 00:52:25,176 Oh dear... 700 00:52:25,243 --> 00:52:27,978 -Aunt Clara! -I'm not too sure how to undo it! 701 00:52:28,045 --> 00:52:30,681 Undoing it's not the same as doing it. 702 00:52:30,748 --> 00:52:32,883 He wants to have dinner. 703 00:52:32,950 --> 00:52:36,053 -This isn't what I wanted. -Lorna Doone? 704 00:52:36,120 --> 00:52:37,522 No! No... 705 00:52:37,588 --> 00:52:41,659 Darling, I'm sure you can undo the hex if you really want to. 706 00:52:41,726 --> 00:52:43,894 -Huh? -I'm expected in Japan. 707 00:52:46,731 --> 00:52:48,699 Well, that certainly didn't work, did it? 708 00:52:52,470 --> 00:52:54,272 Aunt Clara? 709 00:52:54,339 --> 00:52:57,408 Aunt Clara, come back here right now. 710 00:52:57,475 --> 00:53:00,345 He's gonna be here any minute. Aunt Clara! 711 00:53:00,411 --> 00:53:03,047 But that doesn't matter because I'm not going out with him. 712 00:53:03,113 --> 00:53:05,115 No, no I'm not. I'm not! 713 00:53:11,088 --> 00:53:12,923 Who cares what I look like? 714 00:53:12,990 --> 00:53:14,492 I'm just gonna undo the hex. 715 00:53:14,559 --> 00:53:16,827 I'm not even gonna bother dressing up. 716 00:53:22,032 --> 00:53:23,568 (DOORBELL RINGS) 717 00:53:30,641 --> 00:53:35,880 I'm just gonna open the door, undo it and slam the door in his face. 718 00:53:35,946 --> 00:53:39,016 Hey, I just happened to be in the neighborhood with these roses 719 00:53:39,083 --> 00:53:42,620 and a Cat Steven's CD and this bracelet 720 00:53:42,687 --> 00:53:44,489 and I thought I'd stop by. 721 00:53:44,555 --> 00:53:46,957 -You're sweating. -Like a pig. 722 00:53:47,825 --> 00:53:49,427 How divine. 723 00:53:52,797 --> 00:53:54,164 Oh! (GIGGLES) 724 00:53:54,231 --> 00:53:55,666 You look stunning. 725 00:53:55,733 --> 00:53:58,202 No! Ravishing. 726 00:53:58,269 --> 00:54:00,037 You look...stunnishing! 727 00:54:03,608 --> 00:54:05,009 Is this your purse? 728 00:54:08,746 --> 00:54:10,281 You're not too cold, are you? 729 00:54:10,348 --> 00:54:11,616 -No. -Not too warm? 730 00:54:11,682 --> 00:54:13,718 -Mmm-Mmm. -Okay... 731 00:54:13,784 --> 00:54:16,053 -Are we going somewhere? -Dinner. 732 00:54:21,058 --> 00:54:23,260 I wanna know everything. 733 00:54:23,328 --> 00:54:25,396 You talk, okay? 734 00:54:25,463 --> 00:54:27,197 I'm just gonna listen. 735 00:54:27,264 --> 00:54:30,701 Shed your radiance and I'll just soak it up like a plant. 736 00:54:31,736 --> 00:54:34,004 Start in kindergarten. 737 00:54:34,071 --> 00:54:35,540 I didn't go to kindergarten. 738 00:54:35,606 --> 00:54:38,142 -I was home schooled. -You were home schooled? 739 00:54:38,208 --> 00:54:40,110 So was I. 740 00:54:40,177 --> 00:54:42,680 How amazing! That's freaky. 741 00:54:42,747 --> 00:54:46,116 -I'm getting chills. -Yeah, that is kind of amazing. 742 00:54:46,183 --> 00:54:47,552 My parents were hippies, were yours? 743 00:54:47,618 --> 00:54:50,488 -No. -That's so weird. 744 00:54:50,555 --> 00:54:53,791 My parents were hippies and yours weren't. What are the odds? 745 00:54:53,858 --> 00:54:55,660 Though we did have incense and candles. 746 00:54:55,726 --> 00:54:57,294 -So did we! -You did? 747 00:54:57,362 --> 00:54:59,163 To this day, the smell of incense makes me puke. 748 00:54:59,229 --> 00:55:01,632 -Yes! Me too. -Amazing! 749 00:55:01,699 --> 00:55:03,668 -Wow. -I brought duck. 750 00:55:03,734 --> 00:55:05,169 Oh! I... 751 00:55:05,235 --> 00:55:07,004 -I love duck. -So do I! 752 00:55:07,071 --> 00:55:08,606 How amazing is that? 753 00:55:08,673 --> 00:55:10,375 Well, most people love duck. 754 00:55:10,441 --> 00:55:12,042 You know what? No, they don't. 755 00:55:12,109 --> 00:55:13,177 Wait! 756 00:55:13,243 --> 00:55:14,945 -I wrote you a song. -Oh... 757 00:55:15,012 --> 00:55:17,314 -No one's ever written me a song. -Well... 758 00:55:17,382 --> 00:55:18,416 I did. 759 00:55:20,551 --> 00:55:22,252 * Hey... 760 00:55:22,319 --> 00:55:25,155 * pretty lady 761 00:55:25,222 --> 00:55:28,459 * I'm back here with my heart 762 00:55:29,527 --> 00:55:31,161 * Hey... 763 00:55:31,228 --> 00:55:33,063 * pretty lady 764 00:55:34,064 --> 00:55:37,468 * Are you a dream, made real? 765 00:55:37,535 --> 00:55:41,639 * My soul, you have healed 766 00:55:41,706 --> 00:55:45,142 * Make me a better man 767 00:55:45,209 --> 00:55:49,447 * I wanna set up residence 768 00:55:49,514 --> 00:55:53,418 * In your promised land 769 00:55:53,484 --> 00:55:55,052 Okay, and this is the... 770 00:55:55,119 --> 00:55:56,487 power-ballad guitar-solo. 771 00:55:56,554 --> 00:55:58,489 (VOCALIZING) 772 00:56:02,727 --> 00:56:03,761 * Promise land! 773 00:56:03,828 --> 00:56:04,862 Now, you sing the chorus. 774 00:56:06,831 --> 00:56:08,365 * -Promised land -Yeah. * 775 00:56:10,034 --> 00:56:12,169 Drum solo. (VOCALIZING) 776 00:56:13,804 --> 00:56:15,906 * -Promised land -Promised land -Leg kick. * 777 00:56:15,973 --> 00:56:17,207 -Whoo! -Whoo! 778 00:56:17,274 --> 00:56:18,976 Okay, I'm gonna break the guitar. 779 00:56:19,043 --> 00:56:21,278 * Promised land! Whoo! 780 00:56:25,683 --> 00:56:27,351 JACK: * Promised land 781 00:56:29,119 --> 00:56:30,254 Whoo! 782 00:56:37,762 --> 00:56:39,363 We're about to kiss, aren't we? 783 00:56:39,430 --> 00:56:42,600 I thought so, but thanks for ruining the moment, Miss Narrator. 784 00:56:46,070 --> 00:56:47,738 Oh, my ruby jewel. 785 00:56:50,074 --> 00:56:53,343 -What? -My chocolate-covered strawberry. 786 00:56:53,410 --> 00:56:55,546 I wanna bask in our love like... 787 00:56:55,613 --> 00:56:57,281 like a house-cat, 788 00:56:57,347 --> 00:56:58,983 lying in the sun. 789 00:56:59,049 --> 00:57:01,486 -Meow. Meow. -Jack, Jack... Stop. 790 00:57:01,552 --> 00:57:02,853 I forgot I... 791 00:57:02,920 --> 00:57:05,490 Why did I let myself forget? It was... 792 00:57:05,556 --> 00:57:08,025 It was so nice, I couldn't help myself and... 793 00:57:08,092 --> 00:57:09,927 Oh, Jack! 794 00:57:09,994 --> 00:57:12,697 This is sad. This is... No. 795 00:57:12,763 --> 00:57:14,431 Let's make love in a hot-air balloon. 796 00:57:14,499 --> 00:57:17,401 -Uh... -Let's make love in a candy factory. 797 00:57:17,468 --> 00:57:19,737 -Huh? -Let's make love in a petting zoo. 798 00:57:19,804 --> 00:57:21,606 -I have to undo this. I do. -Let's make love 799 00:57:21,672 --> 00:57:24,108 at Sea World on the back of a killer whale. 800 00:57:24,174 --> 00:57:26,911 Because it doesn't mean anything unless it's real. 801 00:57:37,354 --> 00:57:43,260 What witches wish, no mortal needs. Let time repent and unsow its seeds 802 00:57:43,327 --> 00:57:46,531 And now I speak the ancient word of redemption 803 00:57:46,597 --> 00:57:48,265 and regret. 804 00:57:48,332 --> 00:57:50,134 Rewind. 805 00:58:24,702 --> 00:58:27,004 MAN: So you leave the nose-wiggling to the witch. 806 00:58:27,071 --> 00:58:29,039 But you do it so well! 807 00:58:29,106 --> 00:58:31,508 -JACK: I did coach her though. -MAN: Can we get a close-up 808 00:58:31,576 --> 00:58:32,710 on the nose? 809 00:58:32,777 --> 00:58:34,044 JACK: I'd rather not. 810 00:58:34,679 --> 00:58:35,913 Which camera? 811 00:58:35,980 --> 00:58:37,648 (PHONE RINGS) 812 00:58:37,715 --> 00:58:40,117 Hello, Nina. 813 00:58:40,184 --> 00:58:42,352 I just knew it was you. That's all. 814 00:58:42,419 --> 00:58:43,621 Yes he is. 815 00:58:43,688 --> 00:58:46,791 He is a giant, male reproductive organ. 816 00:58:46,857 --> 00:58:49,694 We don't need a plan. I already know what I'm gonna do. 817 00:58:49,760 --> 00:58:51,528 I'm gonna speak to him... 818 00:58:51,596 --> 00:58:54,231 about his behavior. I'm gonna talk to him sensibly 819 00:58:54,298 --> 00:58:57,201 and directly and I know he will change. 820 00:58:57,267 --> 00:58:58,936 You'll see. Bye. 821 00:59:03,140 --> 00:59:05,142 Butt out, Samantha. I know what I'm doing. 822 00:59:09,279 --> 00:59:10,547 I mean it. 823 00:59:12,917 --> 00:59:14,619 JACK: * Jack-Jack-bo-back 824 00:59:14,685 --> 00:59:16,386 * Banana-fana-fo-fack 825 00:59:16,453 --> 00:59:18,422 * Bee-bi-bo-back 826 00:59:18,488 --> 00:59:19,924 * Jack! 827 00:59:20,858 --> 00:59:22,860 Guys, make me 20 cappuccinos. 828 00:59:22,927 --> 00:59:24,561 Bring me the best one. 829 00:59:24,629 --> 00:59:26,731 -Hey J-Bone. -Hey, Buddy. 830 00:59:26,797 --> 00:59:28,498 -The test-scores are in. -How'd I do? 831 00:59:28,565 --> 00:59:30,500 -90? 100? 120? -Well... 832 00:59:30,567 --> 00:59:33,037 -No... -140? What does it say? 833 00:59:33,103 --> 00:59:34,438 I got it. I got it right here. 834 00:59:35,472 --> 00:59:36,807 32. 835 00:59:36,874 --> 00:59:38,142 I got a 32? 836 00:59:39,043 --> 00:59:40,745 Is that for real? 837 00:59:40,811 --> 00:59:41,979 The dogs scored higher than I did. 838 00:59:42,046 --> 00:59:44,581 Well, it's not you, Jack. 839 00:59:44,649 --> 00:59:45,683 It's Darrin. 840 00:59:45,750 --> 00:59:47,451 "That Jack Wyatt is a real tool. 841 00:59:47,517 --> 00:59:49,186 "We hate him. 842 00:59:49,253 --> 00:59:51,055 "We mean the actor, not the character." 843 00:59:53,490 --> 00:59:54,759 Get a grip. 844 00:59:56,994 --> 00:59:58,162 Hug me. 845 01:00:03,200 --> 01:00:06,704 I'm gonna be doing dinner theater at Boca Raton. 846 01:00:06,771 --> 01:00:09,039 They hate the show. The whole show. 847 01:00:10,040 --> 01:00:11,308 They hate everyone on it. 848 01:00:11,375 --> 01:00:12,743 -Yeah, they did... -Yep. 849 01:00:12,810 --> 01:00:14,979 Isabel must have gotten savaged. 850 01:00:15,946 --> 01:00:17,848 She got 99? 851 01:00:17,915 --> 01:00:19,549 99? Is that for real? 852 01:00:19,616 --> 01:00:21,085 Is that a joke? 853 01:00:21,151 --> 01:00:23,453 She didn't say anything! 854 01:00:23,520 --> 01:00:25,823 How is it that someone who doesn't say anything 855 01:00:25,890 --> 01:00:28,592 scores higher than someone who had all the lines? 856 01:00:28,659 --> 01:00:29,760 Oh my... 857 01:00:29,827 --> 01:00:32,129 Did anyone anticipate this as a possibility? 858 01:00:32,196 --> 01:00:33,397 Hindsight's 20/20. 859 01:00:34,298 --> 01:00:35,432 Good morning, everyone. 860 01:00:35,499 --> 01:00:36,767 And they think I'm a tool? 861 01:00:36,834 --> 01:00:39,336 I haven't been called a tool since I was 15. 862 01:00:39,403 --> 01:00:40,871 Thank you, guys. 863 01:00:40,938 --> 01:00:42,339 Thank you! 864 01:00:42,406 --> 01:00:45,442 You know what? No one ever liked Darrin! 865 01:00:45,509 --> 01:00:48,445 No one! Why did we ever think that was gonna change? 866 01:00:48,512 --> 01:00:49,579 I have something to say. 867 01:00:49,646 --> 01:00:51,782 This is unbelievable. 868 01:00:51,849 --> 01:00:53,684 A 32? 869 01:00:53,751 --> 01:00:54,785 That's for real. 870 01:00:54,852 --> 01:00:56,286 A 3 in front of a 2. 871 01:00:56,353 --> 01:00:57,587 -Oh, my God! -Wait! 872 01:00:57,654 --> 01:00:58,989 I have something to say! 873 01:00:59,056 --> 01:01:01,458 And she got 99? 874 01:01:01,525 --> 01:01:02,592 Were they high? 875 01:01:02,659 --> 01:01:04,729 Were the people in the test group high? 876 01:01:06,030 --> 01:01:07,732 Did we drug test them? 877 01:01:07,798 --> 01:01:10,935 Were they just sitting in the studio, smoking crack? 878 01:01:11,001 --> 01:01:14,038 Saying "let's give her a 99 and him a 32? 879 01:01:14,104 --> 01:01:16,406 "By the way, I'm high on crack!" 880 01:01:16,473 --> 01:01:18,709 I have something to say! 881 01:01:18,776 --> 01:01:20,177 What? 882 01:01:20,244 --> 01:01:22,112 You're a jerk. 883 01:01:22,179 --> 01:01:23,513 What did you just say? 884 01:01:26,650 --> 01:01:27,785 I said... 885 01:01:27,852 --> 01:01:29,653 You're a jerk! 886 01:01:29,720 --> 01:01:32,122 Everything is about you. 887 01:01:32,189 --> 01:01:33,924 You are selfish 888 01:01:33,991 --> 01:01:35,926 and you are self-centered. 889 01:01:35,993 --> 01:01:37,361 And you...you lied to me. 890 01:01:37,427 --> 01:01:39,496 You said you needed me. You don't need anyone! 891 01:01:39,563 --> 01:01:42,366 Listen, sweetie, why don't you go to your trailer and take a Midol? 892 01:01:42,432 --> 01:01:45,669 Hey! You be quiet or I'll give you a tail! 893 01:01:45,736 --> 01:01:48,072 -Just calm down. -You sit down! 894 01:01:49,306 --> 01:01:50,540 Sit down. 895 01:01:50,607 --> 01:01:51,608 Wow... 896 01:01:53,510 --> 01:01:56,380 This show is supposed to be about a marriage. 897 01:01:56,446 --> 01:01:59,917 A real marriage with real problems, like... 898 01:01:59,984 --> 01:02:02,152 like what color to paint the kitchen or... 899 01:02:02,219 --> 01:02:04,621 or I don't know, other problems. I can't even think of them right now 900 01:02:04,688 --> 01:02:07,191 but the only problems you care about are your own! 901 01:02:07,257 --> 01:02:10,427 No wonder the audience doesn't like this show. 902 01:02:11,528 --> 01:02:13,297 A witch marries a mortal. 903 01:02:13,363 --> 01:02:16,000 Who in their right mind would want to marry you? 904 01:02:16,066 --> 01:02:17,367 -Hey... -That's it... 905 01:02:17,434 --> 01:02:18,936 You're fired. 906 01:02:19,003 --> 01:02:20,337 Doesn't matter. I... 907 01:02:20,404 --> 01:02:21,671 I quit! 908 01:02:22,739 --> 01:02:23,974 Yeah. 909 01:02:24,041 --> 01:02:25,042 So... 910 01:02:26,043 --> 01:02:27,711 You better call my agent. 911 01:02:27,778 --> 01:02:29,213 You don't have an agent. 912 01:02:29,279 --> 01:02:31,181 Then call my cable man. 913 01:02:41,258 --> 01:02:43,027 (WHISTLES) Sorry... 914 01:02:43,093 --> 01:02:44,661 So, uh... 915 01:02:44,728 --> 01:02:45,996 You all right? 916 01:02:46,063 --> 01:02:48,165 No one's talked to me like that in 20 years. 917 01:02:48,232 --> 01:02:50,600 Once a week, a woman talks to me like that. 918 01:02:50,667 --> 01:02:52,569 She just stripped me bare and... 919 01:02:52,636 --> 01:02:53,838 stuck the knife in. 920 01:02:53,904 --> 01:02:55,973 Let's go to the peninsula and get some oysters. 921 01:02:56,040 --> 01:02:57,174 You know what I think? 922 01:02:57,707 --> 01:02:58,708 Hey. 923 01:02:58,775 --> 01:03:00,577 The woman needs a part. 924 01:03:00,644 --> 01:03:02,012 I'm sorry? 925 01:03:02,079 --> 01:03:04,514 I mean, if you got Sammy Sosa, you don't bench him. 926 01:03:04,581 --> 01:03:06,716 If you got Gorbachev in the ballet, 927 01:03:06,783 --> 01:03:08,085 you let him dance the big number. 928 01:03:08,152 --> 01:03:09,887 I don't think Gorbachev was a dancer. 929 01:03:09,954 --> 01:03:12,156 Yes he was, Ritchie. He absolutely was. 930 01:03:12,222 --> 01:03:13,423 Look it up. 931 01:03:19,129 --> 01:03:20,230 Isabel! 932 01:03:20,297 --> 01:03:21,531 Hey! 933 01:03:21,598 --> 01:03:23,167 Hey, Isabel! 934 01:03:23,233 --> 01:03:25,035 Wait! Wait, don't go! 935 01:03:25,102 --> 01:03:26,503 Isabel. 936 01:03:26,570 --> 01:03:28,305 Please don't go. Please don't go. That... 937 01:03:28,372 --> 01:03:30,240 That was incredible. 938 01:03:30,307 --> 01:03:32,776 -What? -Just now! That. 939 01:03:32,843 --> 01:03:34,311 -Hey! -You yelled at me. 940 01:03:34,378 --> 01:03:35,445 You were upfront 941 01:03:35,512 --> 01:03:36,580 and honest 942 01:03:36,646 --> 01:03:38,082 and you called me out 943 01:03:38,148 --> 01:03:39,349 on all my crap. 944 01:03:39,416 --> 01:03:40,717 It was just great! 945 01:03:40,784 --> 01:03:42,819 -Ah! -Oh, God. 946 01:03:42,887 --> 01:03:45,122 I've never done anything like this. 947 01:03:45,189 --> 01:03:47,591 It was very hard, but secretly quite thrilling. 948 01:03:48,492 --> 01:03:49,960 Even my ex-wife... 949 01:03:50,027 --> 01:03:51,195 She never yelled. 950 01:03:51,261 --> 01:03:52,496 She just locked me out. 951 01:03:52,562 --> 01:03:54,064 Oh! In my family, 952 01:03:54,131 --> 01:03:55,732 we usually just disappear. 953 01:03:55,799 --> 01:03:57,968 No, no. Don't disappear, Isabel. 954 01:03:58,035 --> 01:03:59,169 One more show. 955 01:04:00,905 --> 01:04:03,273 -I don't think so. -No, one more taping. 956 01:04:03,340 --> 01:04:05,475 -Please? -No. -It's just that... 957 01:04:05,542 --> 01:04:06,911 I'm feeling that... 958 01:04:06,977 --> 01:04:08,778 I'm feeling like maybe... 959 01:04:08,845 --> 01:04:10,314 I'm sorry. 960 01:04:10,380 --> 01:04:11,581 What'd you say? 961 01:04:13,383 --> 01:04:14,384 I'm sorry 962 01:04:14,451 --> 01:04:15,552 for how I've been. 963 01:04:16,486 --> 01:04:17,854 You're sweating again, I... 964 01:04:19,423 --> 01:04:20,857 I just... Look. 965 01:04:20,925 --> 01:04:23,193 -One more. -I love it when you sweat. 966 01:04:23,260 --> 01:04:25,862 One more. Just... 967 01:04:25,930 --> 01:04:28,365 One more and the second I'm being a jerk, you can yell 968 01:04:28,432 --> 01:04:30,234 "Hey! He's being a jerk!" 969 01:04:30,300 --> 01:04:32,269 And we'll shut the whole thing down. I promise. 970 01:04:32,336 --> 01:04:34,338 We'll burn down the sets and... 971 01:04:34,404 --> 01:04:37,407 and sell the costumes and give the money to little children. 972 01:04:37,474 --> 01:04:39,910 I mean, that's one possible scenario. 973 01:04:39,977 --> 01:04:42,379 You want me to say "he's being a jerk?" 974 01:04:42,446 --> 01:04:43,880 You can yell it, I mean... 975 01:04:43,948 --> 01:04:45,449 He's being a jerk! 976 01:04:45,515 --> 01:04:48,585 -Yeah... -He's being a jerk! 977 01:04:48,652 --> 01:04:49,653 Yes. 978 01:04:49,719 --> 01:04:51,521 (YELLING) (GROWLING) 979 01:04:53,657 --> 01:04:56,426 I can't just walk back in there now. 980 01:04:56,493 --> 01:04:58,295 Once you show up on a golf-cart, 981 01:04:58,362 --> 01:05:00,097 believe me, all is forgiven. 982 01:05:00,164 --> 01:05:01,298 I've done it a lot of times. 983 01:05:01,365 --> 01:05:02,732 I was fired. 984 01:05:02,799 --> 01:05:03,800 Oh no! 985 01:05:03,867 --> 01:05:05,169 -That's right, I quit. -Yeah! 986 01:05:05,235 --> 01:05:06,636 -Yeah. -Hey, let me carry your plant. 987 01:05:16,813 --> 01:05:18,515 Honey, your mother's here. 988 01:05:18,582 --> 01:05:19,984 Are you two getting along? 989 01:05:20,050 --> 01:05:21,718 Not exactly. 990 01:05:21,785 --> 01:05:24,121 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 991 01:05:25,855 --> 01:05:27,924 -Like this? -Uh-huh. You're doing great. 992 01:05:27,992 --> 01:05:29,559 Really, really great. One more time. 993 01:05:31,228 --> 01:05:33,130 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 994 01:05:33,197 --> 01:05:36,800 * If you like making love at midnight 995 01:05:36,866 --> 01:05:40,237 * In the dunes on the cape 996 01:05:40,304 --> 01:05:43,640 * Then I'm the love that you've looked for 997 01:05:43,707 --> 01:05:46,176 * Write to me and escape 998 01:05:46,243 --> 01:05:49,579 So it says here that marriage can lead to a loss of passion. 999 01:05:50,180 --> 01:05:51,215 It's true. 1000 01:05:51,281 --> 01:05:53,850 I feel empty and bored already. 1001 01:05:53,917 --> 01:05:56,153 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 1002 01:05:59,089 --> 01:06:00,924 (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) 1003 01:06:00,991 --> 01:06:03,060 Oh, great. It's you. 1004 01:06:03,127 --> 01:06:04,328 Mother... 1005 01:06:04,394 --> 01:06:06,263 I see you two are actually getting along. 1006 01:06:06,330 --> 01:06:09,233 Endora, you rancid fruit-bag, get outta my room. 1007 01:06:10,500 --> 01:06:12,302 And my daughter is happy? 1008 01:06:12,369 --> 01:06:16,140 That is the cruelest twist of all. 1009 01:06:17,974 --> 01:06:19,876 (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) 1010 01:06:19,943 --> 01:06:21,645 I am happy, Darrin. 1011 01:06:21,711 --> 01:06:24,214 Real, honest, no-spells happy. 1012 01:06:25,149 --> 01:06:26,150 Mmm... 1013 01:06:26,950 --> 01:06:28,752 (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) 1014 01:06:28,818 --> 01:06:30,120 And cut. 1015 01:06:34,424 --> 01:06:36,060 Actors, cut. 1016 01:06:36,126 --> 01:06:38,062 (AUDIENCE CHEERING) 1017 01:06:39,196 --> 01:06:40,730 Really cut now. 1018 01:06:41,765 --> 01:06:43,633 You were great today. 1019 01:06:43,700 --> 01:06:45,035 Just absolutely amazing. 1020 01:06:45,102 --> 01:06:47,137 I don't think I've ever had so much fun. 1021 01:06:47,204 --> 01:06:48,372 Acting is fun. 1022 01:06:49,573 --> 01:06:52,242 That is a profoundly true thing. 1023 01:06:54,478 --> 01:06:55,845 Would you like a water chestnut? 1024 01:06:55,912 --> 01:06:57,747 I'd love a water chestnut. 1025 01:06:58,915 --> 01:06:59,949 (SIGHS) 1026 01:07:05,155 --> 01:07:07,691 I'm gonna teach you everything I know, 1027 01:07:07,757 --> 01:07:09,059 starting with... 1028 01:07:10,060 --> 01:07:11,761 the eye thing. 1029 01:07:11,828 --> 01:07:14,698 The famous, crazy eye thing... of mine 1030 01:07:14,764 --> 01:07:15,765 Okay? 1031 01:07:20,137 --> 01:07:22,139 This almost won me a Golden Globe. 1032 01:07:22,972 --> 01:07:24,074 Almost. 1033 01:07:25,975 --> 01:07:27,411 -Is that it? -That's good. 1034 01:07:28,378 --> 01:07:30,013 Oh, that's even better. 1035 01:07:30,080 --> 01:07:33,517 This is the "I just realized things are worse than they seem"... 1036 01:07:33,583 --> 01:07:35,919 thing. Also known as the "yikes take". 1037 01:07:37,387 --> 01:07:38,488 (GRUNTS) 1038 01:07:38,555 --> 01:07:39,689 Yikes. 1039 01:07:40,790 --> 01:07:41,858 Wow. 1040 01:07:42,892 --> 01:07:44,594 Yikes! 1041 01:07:44,661 --> 01:07:47,364 -That was terrible. -It's okay. -No, I was terrible. 1042 01:07:47,431 --> 01:07:48,565 I don't think mine was good either. 1043 01:07:50,200 --> 01:07:52,202 That's it. I'm out of tricks. 1044 01:07:52,269 --> 01:07:53,770 What about the funny walk you do? 1045 01:07:53,837 --> 01:07:54,904 -The funny walk? -Mmm-hmm. 1046 01:07:54,971 --> 01:07:56,806 -You don't wanna see the funny walk. -I do. 1047 01:07:56,873 --> 01:07:58,408 The funny walk is embarrassing. 1048 01:07:58,475 --> 01:07:59,843 I'd like to see. 1049 01:07:59,909 --> 01:08:01,378 -Yeah? -Mmm-hmm. 1050 01:08:02,412 --> 01:08:03,413 Okay. 1051 01:08:03,480 --> 01:08:04,948 Let's go to our place. 1052 01:08:16,693 --> 01:08:18,462 -That it? -Great. 1053 01:08:19,663 --> 01:08:21,931 -It's much harder than it looks. -Yeah. 1054 01:08:44,454 --> 01:08:46,122 Five, six, seven, eight. 1055 01:09:19,689 --> 01:09:20,690 Whoo! 1056 01:09:54,691 --> 01:09:55,692 (MEOWS) 1057 01:10:00,163 --> 01:10:03,367 Something magical happened all by itself. 1058 01:10:07,437 --> 01:10:09,339 Table read in ten minutes! 1059 01:10:11,708 --> 01:10:13,643 -Good morning, everyone! -Good morning, Jack. 1060 01:10:17,013 --> 01:10:19,549 Jack, I just need to talk to you about a couple of these things. 1061 01:10:19,616 --> 01:10:22,419 Number one, we're thinking about moving 1062 01:10:22,486 --> 01:10:25,021 the whole kitchen scene. Just, it's such... 1063 01:10:25,088 --> 01:10:26,623 -It's... -It's a funny scene. 1064 01:10:26,690 --> 01:10:28,792 It's really funny. We'd like to get it in 1065 01:10:28,858 --> 01:10:29,926 a little earlier. 1066 01:10:29,993 --> 01:10:32,296 So probably what we're gonna do is switch it... 1067 01:10:32,362 --> 01:10:33,597 with the office. 1068 01:10:35,732 --> 01:10:38,868 But we're gonna drop that till a little later in the show. 1069 01:10:38,935 --> 01:10:41,338 (GIGGLING) 1070 01:10:41,405 --> 01:10:44,774 Dude, are you watching Jack throw the vibe to Isabel right now? 1071 01:10:44,841 --> 01:10:45,875 (WHISPERING) How are you? 1072 01:10:45,942 --> 01:10:46,943 Ooo... 1073 01:10:49,746 --> 01:10:50,847 I'm great. 1074 01:10:56,320 --> 01:10:57,987 That's for you. 1075 01:10:58,054 --> 01:10:59,289 Thank you. 1076 01:11:00,223 --> 01:11:01,224 Mmm! 1077 01:11:02,058 --> 01:11:04,060 That's fantastic. 1078 01:11:04,127 --> 01:11:07,297 Stop. 1079 01:11:07,364 --> 01:11:11,301 Yeah, I can find something for him. I can put him in a little part with maybe no... 1080 01:11:11,368 --> 01:11:13,503 no lines or anything like that. 1081 01:11:13,570 --> 01:11:16,105 What is going on between you and Jack? 1082 01:11:16,172 --> 01:11:17,907 Nothing is going on. 1083 01:11:17,974 --> 01:11:19,943 We had a date and we kissed 1084 01:11:20,009 --> 01:11:22,979 and now we just wanna spend all of our time together. 1085 01:11:23,046 --> 01:11:26,282 That is the very definition of something going on. 1086 01:11:26,350 --> 01:11:27,684 And you know what? 1087 01:11:27,751 --> 01:11:30,920 I didn't use any tricks. I am trick-free. 1088 01:11:30,987 --> 01:11:34,023 Oh my God, it's her. 1089 01:11:34,090 --> 01:11:37,427 -Who? -Jack's wife. I saw a picture of her in In Style. 1090 01:11:37,494 --> 01:11:39,162 She was the "fashion don't." 1091 01:11:39,228 --> 01:11:41,531 Excuse me, I'm looking for Jack. 1092 01:11:41,598 --> 01:11:44,033 You must be Samantha. 1093 01:11:44,100 --> 01:11:45,902 You look just like the old one. 1094 01:11:46,636 --> 01:11:48,104 Thank you so much. 1095 01:11:48,171 --> 01:11:49,973 -WOMAN: Oh... -Excuse me. 1096 01:11:51,074 --> 01:11:53,076 Love the nose. 1097 01:11:53,142 --> 01:11:54,277 Good work. 1098 01:11:54,944 --> 01:11:56,680 There he is! 1099 01:11:56,746 --> 01:11:58,815 There's my guy! 1100 01:11:58,882 --> 01:12:01,050 I've missed him so much. 1101 01:12:01,117 --> 01:12:05,121 Let's just say the "do not disturb" sign will be on the door-knob tonight. 1102 01:12:09,258 --> 01:12:11,961 -(SCREAM) -What happened? -My God! 1103 01:12:12,028 --> 01:12:13,162 Help me lift it. 1104 01:12:13,229 --> 01:12:14,731 (PEOPLE CLAMORING) 1105 01:12:14,798 --> 01:12:16,232 That was a little harsh. 1106 01:12:21,871 --> 01:12:24,040 I've missed him so much. 1107 01:12:24,107 --> 01:12:28,011 Let's just say the "do not disturb" sign will be on the door-knob tonight. 1108 01:12:30,380 --> 01:12:31,448 Sheila. 1109 01:12:31,515 --> 01:12:32,982 Hi, baby. 1110 01:12:33,049 --> 01:12:34,684 What are you doing here? 1111 01:12:34,751 --> 01:12:36,119 You want my car? 1112 01:12:36,185 --> 01:12:37,721 My grandmother's brooch? 1113 01:12:37,787 --> 01:12:38,888 Oh! 1114 01:12:38,955 --> 01:12:40,123 You want more money. 1115 01:12:40,189 --> 01:12:41,991 Ding ding ding! Correct answer. 1116 01:12:43,393 --> 01:12:44,394 No. 1117 01:12:45,729 --> 01:12:46,963 I want you back. 1118 01:12:47,030 --> 01:12:48,565 What about Captain Underpants? 1119 01:12:48,632 --> 01:12:50,834 I'm through with him. 1120 01:12:50,900 --> 01:12:52,602 I love you, Jack. 1121 01:12:52,669 --> 01:12:54,270 Oh, wait. I get it. 1122 01:12:54,337 --> 01:12:56,272 You heard the show's getting picked up. 1123 01:12:56,339 --> 01:12:58,141 I heard it's gonna be a hit. 1124 01:12:59,142 --> 01:13:01,044 So what? 1125 01:13:01,110 --> 01:13:02,446 I want you. 1126 01:13:02,512 --> 01:13:04,448 I want my husband. 1127 01:13:07,050 --> 01:13:09,152 You know, a week ago, I would have fallen for that. 1128 01:13:11,755 --> 01:13:13,923 But now there's someone else. 1129 01:13:13,990 --> 01:13:15,091 Someone who's... 1130 01:13:15,158 --> 01:13:17,226 incapable of guile. 1131 01:13:17,293 --> 01:13:18,394 What's guile? 1132 01:13:19,563 --> 01:13:20,830 Not gonna do it. 1133 01:13:20,897 --> 01:13:22,466 I think it means tricks. 1134 01:13:24,534 --> 01:13:26,002 I love you, baby. 1135 01:13:26,069 --> 01:13:27,270 No, I'm not. 1136 01:13:29,706 --> 01:13:31,040 Maybe I will. 1137 01:13:36,279 --> 01:13:39,215 (SCREAMING) 1138 01:13:39,282 --> 01:13:41,017 MAN: What the heck is going on? 1139 01:13:42,085 --> 01:13:43,920 This place is spooked. 1140 01:13:43,987 --> 01:13:45,388 -I quit. -Joey. 1141 01:13:45,455 --> 01:13:46,590 Joey, come back here. 1142 01:13:46,656 --> 01:13:48,324 Get me a mirror! 1143 01:13:48,391 --> 01:13:49,826 Jack! 1144 01:13:49,893 --> 01:13:51,194 Jack! 1145 01:13:51,260 --> 01:13:52,462 Are you okay? 1146 01:13:52,529 --> 01:13:54,197 Am I okay? 1147 01:13:54,263 --> 01:13:55,899 And... 1148 01:13:55,965 --> 01:13:57,066 one more time. 1149 01:13:58,201 --> 01:13:59,769 I'm fine! 1150 01:13:59,836 --> 01:14:02,839 And I'm signing the divorce papers right now. 1151 01:14:04,073 --> 01:14:05,208 You are? 1152 01:14:07,143 --> 01:14:08,444 Maybe two. 1153 01:14:09,646 --> 01:14:11,648 And I'm moving out of the house... 1154 01:14:11,715 --> 01:14:13,617 this afternoon. 1155 01:14:13,683 --> 01:14:14,984 Where are you going? 1156 01:14:16,385 --> 01:14:17,954 Reykjavik. 1157 01:14:18,855 --> 01:14:19,856 Where is it? 1158 01:14:19,923 --> 01:14:21,090 Iceland. 1159 01:14:21,858 --> 01:14:23,627 I love ice. 1160 01:14:24,494 --> 01:14:26,395 Goodbye, everyone! 1161 01:14:26,462 --> 01:14:28,364 I'm off to Reykjavik! 1162 01:14:30,166 --> 01:14:31,434 Oh, my God. 1163 01:14:31,501 --> 01:14:33,202 Everyone, did you just see that? 1164 01:14:33,269 --> 01:14:34,704 She's gonna sign the papers! 1165 01:14:34,771 --> 01:14:35,972 This is incredible! 1166 01:14:36,039 --> 01:14:37,040 (WHISPERING) Isabel. 1167 01:14:37,106 --> 01:14:38,808 Party at my house! 1168 01:14:38,875 --> 01:14:40,243 You're out of control. 1169 01:15:07,103 --> 01:15:09,438 Every time I think I have things nailed down, 1170 01:15:09,505 --> 01:15:10,874 I just lose it. 1171 01:15:10,940 --> 01:15:12,876 Oh, don't be so hard on yourself. 1172 01:15:12,942 --> 01:15:14,477 It's gonna be okay. 1173 01:15:14,544 --> 01:15:16,245 Oh, woah. 1174 01:15:16,312 --> 01:15:17,413 Who is that? 1175 01:15:17,480 --> 01:15:18,982 No, Maria. No. 1176 01:15:19,048 --> 01:15:20,283 Too late! 1177 01:15:23,753 --> 01:15:25,521 JACK: Everyone! 1178 01:15:25,589 --> 01:15:27,591 Can I have your attention, please. I just wanna say a few words. 1179 01:15:29,492 --> 01:15:30,760 Randall, can you help... 1180 01:15:30,827 --> 01:15:32,061 deal with this? 1181 01:15:32,128 --> 01:15:33,129 Thank you. 1182 01:15:34,631 --> 01:15:35,632 Where do I start? 1183 01:15:35,699 --> 01:15:36,966 What a night. Is everyone having fun? 1184 01:15:37,033 --> 01:15:38,301 EVERYONE: Yeah! 1185 01:15:38,367 --> 01:15:39,535 Great. 1186 01:15:39,603 --> 01:15:41,070 I am... 1187 01:15:41,137 --> 01:15:43,873 I'm so grateful for so many things tonight. 1188 01:15:45,074 --> 01:15:46,643 The show... 1189 01:15:46,710 --> 01:15:49,312 all of you amazing, talented people, 1190 01:15:49,378 --> 01:15:53,549 and especially Isabel. 1191 01:15:53,617 --> 01:15:57,286 To a woman who would never trick me into thinking she was something she wasn't. 1192 01:15:59,689 --> 01:16:02,525 From now on, everyone tells the truth. Okay? 1193 01:16:02,592 --> 01:16:04,761 Except, of course, if I don't look good, say I do anyway. 1194 01:16:04,828 --> 01:16:06,462 (LAUGHING) 1195 01:16:06,529 --> 01:16:08,297 (APPLAUDING) 1196 01:16:09,532 --> 01:16:12,568 Isabel, you are a beautiful person 1197 01:16:13,269 --> 01:16:15,004 and that's the truth. 1198 01:16:15,071 --> 01:16:16,940 -Cheers! -EVERYONE: Cheers! 1199 01:16:17,006 --> 01:16:19,442 -Have a great time! -Cheers. 1200 01:16:19,508 --> 01:16:21,210 JACK: Don't break anything, okay? 1201 01:16:33,723 --> 01:16:35,591 I hope that touching speech 1202 01:16:35,659 --> 01:16:37,894 doesn't make you think that you should tell the truth about yourself. 1203 01:16:37,961 --> 01:16:39,663 -I'm going to. -Don't be silly. 1204 01:16:39,729 --> 01:16:41,330 And he's gonna accept me. He's got to 1205 01:16:41,397 --> 01:16:43,299 because you can't live with a secret like that. 1206 01:16:43,366 --> 01:16:45,902 Of course you can, for thousands of years. 1207 01:16:46,736 --> 01:16:48,004 Don't do it. 1208 01:16:48,071 --> 01:16:49,105 Big mistake. 1209 01:16:49,172 --> 01:16:50,640 Won't work. 1210 01:16:50,707 --> 01:16:53,109 Well, hello there. Now, don't tell me... 1211 01:16:53,977 --> 01:16:55,845 coconut shrimps. 1212 01:16:55,912 --> 01:16:57,113 Oh, yes. Would you like one? 1213 01:16:57,180 --> 01:16:58,715 Yes, thank you. 1214 01:16:58,782 --> 01:16:59,916 Do you know... 1215 01:17:00,784 --> 01:17:01,918 you're quite fetching... 1216 01:17:02,752 --> 01:17:04,821 and I'm Nigel Bigelow. 1217 01:17:05,855 --> 01:17:07,657 Yes. 1218 01:17:07,724 --> 01:17:10,960 I will sleep with you because I have a thing for father figures. 1219 01:17:11,027 --> 01:17:12,395 Well, that's great then. 1220 01:17:12,461 --> 01:17:14,931 But in the morning, I will not get 90 percent of your jokes 1221 01:17:14,998 --> 01:17:19,635 and I will go on and on about my dream of opening an aerobic center in Agoura. 1222 01:17:24,407 --> 01:17:26,009 Are you looking for me? 1223 01:17:26,075 --> 01:17:27,076 Missing you, actually. 1224 01:17:28,544 --> 01:17:29,779 How strange. 1225 01:17:29,846 --> 01:17:30,880 Not really. 1226 01:17:44,861 --> 01:17:48,564 I'm just gonna say it like it's a completely matter-of-fact thing. 1227 01:17:48,631 --> 01:17:49,632 Guess what. 1228 01:17:49,699 --> 01:17:51,100 What? 1229 01:17:51,167 --> 01:17:52,535 I'm a witch. 1230 01:17:53,469 --> 01:17:54,603 Well, guess what. 1231 01:17:55,238 --> 01:17:56,372 What? 1232 01:17:56,439 --> 01:17:58,274 I'm a Clippers fan. 1233 01:17:58,341 --> 01:18:00,476 (GIGGLING) 1234 01:18:00,543 --> 01:18:02,812 Yeah, it's not like it's a big deal. 1235 01:18:02,879 --> 01:18:04,814 I'm not a bad witch and we're... 1236 01:18:04,881 --> 01:18:07,250 We're getting it all out there and we're telling the truth, right? 1237 01:18:07,316 --> 01:18:08,384 Right. 1238 01:18:08,451 --> 01:18:10,219 And I'm not just a fan, 1239 01:18:10,286 --> 01:18:12,388 I made the mistake of buying court-side seats. 1240 01:18:12,455 --> 01:18:13,990 No, really. Jack... 1241 01:18:14,057 --> 01:18:15,925 Jack, I am. I, Isabel Bigelow... 1242 01:18:15,992 --> 01:18:18,227 -I'm a witch. -Okay, great. 1243 01:18:18,294 --> 01:18:19,996 So, you're witch. 1244 01:18:20,063 --> 01:18:21,798 Come on, let's go make out in the hall closet. 1245 01:18:21,865 --> 01:18:24,100 -Jack... -Okay, okay. I'll play along. 1246 01:18:24,167 --> 01:18:25,434 Like it's an improv. 1247 01:18:26,202 --> 01:18:27,737 Prove it. 1248 01:18:27,804 --> 01:18:29,839 RITCHIE: So, I just said "listen, guys... 1249 01:18:29,906 --> 01:18:31,574 "I believe Cher has another hit." 1250 01:18:31,640 --> 01:18:32,942 -Really? -Yeah. 1251 01:18:33,676 --> 01:18:36,112 Wow! Fantastic trick! 1252 01:18:36,179 --> 01:18:37,180 Not a trick. 1253 01:18:39,515 --> 01:18:41,217 Wow! How'd you do that? 1254 01:18:42,585 --> 01:18:45,488 To the most powerful witch ever. 1255 01:18:45,554 --> 01:18:47,523 Can you make an umbrella appear in this drink? 1256 01:18:47,590 --> 01:18:49,458 -I can. -Really? 1257 01:18:49,525 --> 01:18:51,060 That's amazing. 1258 01:18:51,127 --> 01:18:52,228 Uh-huh. 1259 01:18:52,295 --> 01:18:54,463 I had no idea you were an amateur magician. 1260 01:18:56,032 --> 01:18:57,066 Hey! 1261 01:18:59,435 --> 01:19:00,804 Hey! Isabel. 1262 01:19:02,839 --> 01:19:04,307 Jack, listen to me. 1263 01:19:04,373 --> 01:19:07,443 I was born a witch. My parents are witches. I'm a witch. 1264 01:19:07,510 --> 01:19:10,046 -A real witch! -MAN: That's right, Isabel. You go girl. 1265 01:19:10,113 --> 01:19:11,881 (CHEERING) 1266 01:19:13,149 --> 01:19:14,884 That is cool. That's great. 1267 01:19:14,951 --> 01:19:17,520 You are very frustrating. 1268 01:19:19,355 --> 01:19:21,858 Do you have some Daniel Day-Lewis thing happening here? 1269 01:19:23,626 --> 01:19:25,161 How's it going? 1270 01:19:25,228 --> 01:19:26,595 I'm leaving. 1271 01:19:30,199 --> 01:19:31,467 Thank you. 1272 01:19:35,471 --> 01:19:38,041 Hey there. I have Hepatitis C. 1273 01:19:42,478 --> 01:19:43,512 Isabel! 1274 01:19:43,579 --> 01:19:44,747 Isabel. 1275 01:19:44,814 --> 01:19:46,515 Isabel, what's going on? 1276 01:19:47,483 --> 01:19:49,118 Come back to the party. 1277 01:19:49,185 --> 01:19:50,186 What are you... 1278 01:19:50,854 --> 01:19:53,022 Where are you going? 1279 01:19:53,089 --> 01:19:55,158 Wow. That's really cool. Did props make that? 1280 01:19:55,224 --> 01:19:57,726 -Jack, I keep trying to tell you. -Can I get your car, miss? 1281 01:19:57,793 --> 01:20:00,429 Oh, she doesn't need her car, she has her broomstick. 1282 01:20:00,496 --> 01:20:02,498 -You think I'm nuts, don't you? -Of course not. 1283 01:20:02,565 --> 01:20:06,469 I know plenty of women who carry around collapsible broomsticks. 1284 01:20:06,535 --> 01:20:07,603 I'll get the car. 1285 01:20:07,670 --> 01:20:09,505 It won't be there. I sent it home. 1286 01:20:09,572 --> 01:20:11,707 It looks so real. I can't even see the buttons on it. 1287 01:20:11,774 --> 01:20:13,176 It is real. 1288 01:20:14,043 --> 01:20:15,244 Flies too. 1289 01:20:15,311 --> 01:20:16,880 Oh, I'd love to see that. 1290 01:20:16,946 --> 01:20:18,547 -Hang on. -What? 1291 01:20:18,614 --> 01:20:20,416 (SCREAMING) 1292 01:20:25,855 --> 01:20:27,390 Put me down! 1293 01:20:31,895 --> 01:20:33,529 I kept trying to tell you. 1294 01:20:33,596 --> 01:20:35,331 (SCREAMING) 1295 01:20:36,565 --> 01:20:37,934 It's no big deal, Jack. 1296 01:20:38,001 --> 01:20:39,335 It's no big deal. 1297 01:20:39,402 --> 01:20:41,370 This is a huge deal. 1298 01:20:41,437 --> 01:20:42,705 -We can work this out. It's just who I happen to be. -Get away. 1299 01:20:42,771 --> 01:20:43,873 Get away from me. 1300 01:20:43,940 --> 01:20:45,841 You tricked me. You put spells on me. 1301 01:20:45,909 --> 01:20:47,911 Well, only a few. Yes, I did but... 1302 01:20:47,977 --> 01:20:50,413 -I took most of them off. -Help! Someone help! 1303 01:20:52,148 --> 01:20:53,883 Ah! Jack. 1304 01:20:53,950 --> 01:20:55,151 I thought this would be okay. 1305 01:20:55,218 --> 01:20:56,619 How would it be okay? 1306 01:20:56,685 --> 01:20:58,554 Because it's me! It's still me. 1307 01:20:58,621 --> 01:20:59,889 I'm a little freaked out right now. 1308 01:20:59,956 --> 01:21:01,690 I know but I can't change what I am. 1309 01:21:01,757 --> 01:21:03,059 Are you crazy? 1310 01:21:03,126 --> 01:21:04,327 Are you even human? 1311 01:21:04,393 --> 01:21:05,962 -Jack! -Am I gonna get pregnant? 1312 01:21:06,029 --> 01:21:08,031 -What? -Because I can't get pregnant right now. 1313 01:21:08,097 --> 01:21:09,665 How does this work? Am I gonna get webbed feet? 1314 01:21:09,732 --> 01:21:11,300 -You're hurting my feelings now. -Get away. 1315 01:21:11,367 --> 01:21:12,801 -Shoo! -Ow! Shoo? 1316 01:21:12,868 --> 01:21:14,070 -Shoo? -Shoo! 1317 01:21:14,137 --> 01:21:15,771 Now you're making me angry. 1318 01:21:15,838 --> 01:21:17,740 -Go! Scat! -You want me to leave? 1319 01:21:17,806 --> 01:21:19,042 -Yes! -Fine! 1320 01:21:19,108 --> 01:21:20,776 -Fine! -Fine! 1321 01:21:21,344 --> 01:21:22,478 Goodbye, Jack. 1322 01:21:32,521 --> 01:21:33,589 (SCREAMING) 1323 01:21:33,656 --> 01:21:34,790 You jerk! 1324 01:21:44,667 --> 01:21:46,902 Sorry, Mr. Wyatt. I can't find her car. 1325 01:22:06,155 --> 01:22:08,491 So, she quit. So what? 1326 01:22:08,557 --> 01:22:10,693 -How's Jack taking all this? -Let me just tell you guys something. 1327 01:22:10,759 --> 01:22:13,029 Jack Wyatt's like a jet fighter pilot. 1328 01:22:13,096 --> 01:22:14,330 Nothing rattles him. 1329 01:22:14,397 --> 01:22:16,032 I'm sure he's just at the gym. 1330 01:22:16,699 --> 01:22:17,766 -Hey. -Okay. 1331 01:22:17,833 --> 01:22:19,868 Stop holding my arm. 1332 01:22:19,935 --> 01:22:23,106 I found this gentleman picking up pennies out of a shopping mall water fountain. 1333 01:22:23,172 --> 01:22:24,707 Thank you so much, officer. 1334 01:22:24,773 --> 01:22:26,709 How much do I tip you for that? 1335 01:22:26,775 --> 01:22:28,544 -You don't tip me. -Hey, Jack. 1336 01:22:28,611 --> 01:22:30,046 -Hey, all. -Hey, big guy. 1337 01:22:30,113 --> 01:22:31,780 -How's it going? -What's up, Jack? 1338 01:22:31,847 --> 01:22:32,948 You all right? 1339 01:22:33,016 --> 01:22:34,750 Yeah, I'm all right. 1340 01:22:34,817 --> 01:22:36,585 -I've never been better. -Okay. -Come on. 1341 01:22:36,652 --> 01:22:39,255 What's the bottle of ketchup for? 1342 01:22:39,322 --> 01:22:41,090 -Come again? -The... 1343 01:22:42,225 --> 01:22:43,226 Oh... 1344 01:22:43,292 --> 01:22:45,494 I forgot to leave it at this diner in Mexico. 1345 01:22:45,561 --> 01:22:47,163 Don't freak out on us, Jack. 1346 01:22:47,763 --> 01:22:48,764 You're fired. 1347 01:22:48,831 --> 01:22:49,965 Classic. 1348 01:22:50,033 --> 01:22:51,367 (CHUCKLING) 1349 01:22:51,434 --> 01:22:54,103 -Anyone have a light? -Right here, pal. 1350 01:22:54,170 --> 01:22:56,439 Everybody, let's just calm down. 1351 01:22:56,505 --> 01:22:58,307 We've only shot two episodes. 1352 01:22:58,374 --> 01:23:00,476 We got ten weeks before we air. 1353 01:23:00,543 --> 01:23:02,845 So, we recast. Piece of cake. 1354 01:23:02,911 --> 01:23:04,747 Next! I don't know. 1355 01:23:04,813 --> 01:23:06,715 It'll be hard to find somebody with those scores. 1356 01:23:06,782 --> 01:23:08,417 Good scores, good scores. 1357 01:23:08,484 --> 01:23:10,319 -She's a witch. -That's more like it. 1358 01:23:10,386 --> 01:23:12,721 Just keep telling yourself that, man. 1359 01:23:12,788 --> 01:23:14,257 I'm fine, really. I'm... 1360 01:23:14,323 --> 01:23:17,493 Last night I ate three burritos and I smashed every dish in my house. 1361 01:23:18,227 --> 01:23:19,228 Isabel, 1362 01:23:19,295 --> 01:23:21,464 you can't let this guy ruin your life. 1363 01:23:21,530 --> 01:23:23,799 -Well... -They're recasting your role. 1364 01:23:23,866 --> 01:23:26,602 They're recasting my role already? 1365 01:23:26,669 --> 01:23:28,071 Well, you quit. 1366 01:23:28,137 --> 01:23:29,438 Tough town. 1367 01:23:29,505 --> 01:23:30,939 I mean, like what happened? 1368 01:23:31,006 --> 01:23:32,775 He said I wasn't human 1369 01:23:32,841 --> 01:23:35,744 and he waved a tree branch at me. 1370 01:23:36,779 --> 01:23:38,481 There must be a solution. 1371 01:23:38,547 --> 01:23:40,449 No, there isn't. 1372 01:23:40,516 --> 01:23:42,151 We're at the Coffee Bean 1373 01:23:42,218 --> 01:23:44,987 and there is no solution. 1374 01:23:49,158 --> 01:23:51,327 GIRL: Jack, remember me? Amber? 1375 01:23:51,394 --> 01:23:53,196 GIRL: Jack, you're amazing! 1376 01:23:55,364 --> 01:23:56,932 Oh, my stars! 1377 01:23:56,999 --> 01:23:59,835 Darrin's coming home and I haven't even made dinner! 1378 01:24:06,309 --> 01:24:07,643 What? 1379 01:24:07,710 --> 01:24:09,145 You're great. You want anything? 1380 01:24:10,813 --> 01:24:12,915 -Thank you. -Thank you very much. 1381 01:24:12,981 --> 01:24:14,016 Thank you. 1382 01:24:33,636 --> 01:24:35,037 (DOORBELL RINGS) 1383 01:24:39,342 --> 01:24:41,744 Boo! Trick or treat! 1384 01:24:44,012 --> 01:24:45,381 You guys look great. 1385 01:24:47,183 --> 01:24:48,384 Happy Halloween. 1386 01:24:48,451 --> 01:24:50,319 Ah! Mommy! 1387 01:24:51,287 --> 01:24:53,989 I'm sorry, I don't have any candy. 1388 01:25:11,407 --> 01:25:14,377 ALEX TREBEK: (ON TV) ...These categories in our first round at play . 1389 01:25:18,046 --> 01:25:20,749 First off, cheese. 1390 01:25:20,816 --> 01:25:24,853 Next, things that end in "zing." 1391 01:25:27,423 --> 01:25:30,125 JACK: (ON TV) I have no idea where we are. 1392 01:25:30,193 --> 01:25:33,329 I mean, I literally could not find Vietnam on a map. 1393 01:25:33,396 --> 01:25:34,997 -Oh... -And now we've got to die here? 1394 01:25:36,199 --> 01:25:38,434 MAN: I think it's next to Argentina. 1395 01:25:38,501 --> 01:25:40,903 JACK: Well, at least nobody shot at us yet. 1396 01:25:40,969 --> 01:25:42,371 (BULLETS WHIZZING BY) 1397 01:25:43,972 --> 01:25:45,874 Yikes! That's not good! 1398 01:25:45,941 --> 01:25:47,443 Yikes. 1399 01:25:56,385 --> 01:25:58,020 I think the lions are here, Atticus. 1400 01:25:58,086 --> 01:25:59,455 (LIONS ROARING) 1401 01:26:00,623 --> 01:26:02,024 (SCREAMING) 1402 01:26:04,560 --> 01:26:05,928 ANNOUNCER: And here's Willie, 1403 01:26:05,994 --> 01:26:08,697 doing his famous Willie walk. 1404 01:26:08,764 --> 01:26:09,765 (BELL RINGS) 1405 01:26:18,574 --> 01:26:19,908 Oh... 1406 01:26:24,613 --> 01:26:26,682 Sherpa! 1407 01:26:31,787 --> 01:26:33,356 We've got to go. 1408 01:26:37,159 --> 01:26:40,363 Don't look at me like that. It's the only solution. 1409 01:26:47,069 --> 01:26:48,371 Isabel, 1410 01:26:48,437 --> 01:26:50,773 would you please join me in the dining alcove? 1411 01:26:50,839 --> 01:26:51,874 Thank you. 1412 01:26:53,342 --> 01:26:54,910 Daddy... 1413 01:26:54,977 --> 01:26:57,280 Something very odd is happening. 1414 01:26:57,346 --> 01:27:00,015 It's not odd, it's what you predicted. 1415 01:27:00,082 --> 01:27:01,250 I'm leaving. 1416 01:27:01,317 --> 01:27:03,352 I can't stop thinking about Iris. 1417 01:27:03,419 --> 01:27:05,421 You were right. I don't belong here. 1418 01:27:05,488 --> 01:27:08,090 I find myself uninterested in any other woman. 1419 01:27:08,156 --> 01:27:10,359 Now, that's not natural. 1420 01:27:10,426 --> 01:27:13,396 -Do you think there's a chance... -What? 1421 01:27:13,462 --> 01:27:15,331 That she might be a witch? 1422 01:27:15,398 --> 01:27:16,565 Don't be silly. 1423 01:27:16,632 --> 01:27:18,301 And she put a spell on me? 1424 01:27:18,967 --> 01:27:20,135 Please... 1425 01:27:20,202 --> 01:27:22,137 Why not? You're a witch. 1426 01:27:22,204 --> 01:27:25,007 I'm a witch. She could be a witch. 1427 01:27:25,073 --> 01:27:26,875 I guess she could. 1428 01:27:26,942 --> 01:27:28,277 What else could it be? 1429 01:27:29,878 --> 01:27:30,879 Love? 1430 01:27:32,381 --> 01:27:33,382 Oh... 1431 01:27:38,421 --> 01:27:41,890 Isn't there a spell that can make you stop crying? 1432 01:27:41,957 --> 01:27:43,692 No, darling. There isn't. 1433 01:27:44,560 --> 01:27:45,994 He's idiotic and yet 1434 01:27:46,061 --> 01:27:48,431 I find him completely charming. 1435 01:27:48,497 --> 01:27:50,699 It's been like that since the beginning. 1436 01:27:50,766 --> 01:27:52,568 Only now... 1437 01:27:52,635 --> 01:27:54,403 I also hate him. 1438 01:27:55,538 --> 01:27:56,605 Love. 1439 01:28:00,242 --> 01:28:01,544 Daddy? 1440 01:28:01,610 --> 01:28:03,178 What am I gonna do? 1441 01:28:03,245 --> 01:28:04,347 Go home. 1442 01:28:05,013 --> 01:28:06,248 Where's that? 1443 01:28:06,315 --> 01:28:08,784 Wherever you've been the happiest. 1444 01:28:08,851 --> 01:28:10,953 Perhaps I'll go to Aruba. 1445 01:28:11,019 --> 01:28:13,255 -Aruba? -But then again... 1446 01:28:13,322 --> 01:28:14,590 perhaps I won't. 1447 01:28:23,131 --> 01:28:24,767 (ON TV) I don't know if I'm loving my hair-cut. 1448 01:28:24,833 --> 01:28:26,369 Well, Con... 1449 01:28:26,435 --> 01:28:28,170 I can't believe you're bringing this up. 1450 01:28:28,236 --> 01:28:30,038 No, no! No no no. 1451 01:28:30,105 --> 01:28:31,674 No, I'm not gonna tell that story. 1452 01:28:31,740 --> 01:28:33,742 There's no way... Okay, okay! 1453 01:28:33,809 --> 01:28:35,878 If you insist... 1454 01:28:35,944 --> 01:28:37,880 It was last June and... 1455 01:28:37,946 --> 01:28:39,415 I actually... 1456 01:28:39,482 --> 01:28:41,484 cast this witch as a witch 1457 01:28:41,550 --> 01:28:43,652 and now brooms make me cry. 1458 01:28:43,719 --> 01:28:45,153 I can't sleep and... 1459 01:28:45,220 --> 01:28:47,756 I don't know what's real or what's the TV show. 1460 01:28:47,823 --> 01:28:49,458 -Hidey-ho! -(SCREAMS) 1461 01:28:49,525 --> 01:28:51,193 Look what the cat dragged in. 1462 01:28:51,259 --> 01:28:53,328 Somebody is retaining water. 1463 01:28:53,396 --> 01:28:55,030 Uncle Arthur? 1464 01:28:55,097 --> 01:28:56,231 It's you! 1465 01:28:56,298 --> 01:28:58,567 Oh no. You're gonna crack the mirror, aren't you? 1466 01:28:58,634 --> 01:29:00,436 You watch too much television. 1467 01:29:00,503 --> 01:29:02,204 I know you're gonna do what you always do. 1468 01:29:02,270 --> 01:29:04,272 Don't be silly. Come closer. 1469 01:29:04,339 --> 01:29:05,774 Do I have something in my teeth, right there? 1470 01:29:06,341 --> 01:29:07,376 -Where? -Look! 1471 01:29:07,443 --> 01:29:09,311 (SCREAMS) 1472 01:29:09,378 --> 01:29:11,279 UNCLE ARTHUR: (LAUGHING) 1473 01:29:12,715 --> 01:29:14,717 That was fun. 1474 01:29:15,217 --> 01:29:16,385 Where's Sammy? 1475 01:29:16,452 --> 01:29:17,853 Where's my Sammy? 1476 01:29:17,920 --> 01:29:19,021 She quit. 1477 01:29:19,087 --> 01:29:20,489 Now leave me alone. 1478 01:29:20,556 --> 01:29:21,757 But she was the one. 1479 01:29:21,824 --> 01:29:23,025 I know. 1480 01:29:23,091 --> 01:29:25,327 I know. I can't stop thinking about her. 1481 01:29:25,394 --> 01:29:26,595 But she's a witch. 1482 01:29:26,662 --> 01:29:27,963 Yes, and? 1483 01:29:28,030 --> 01:29:30,433 -MAN: Jack, you're on! -Oh no, I'm on! 1484 01:29:30,499 --> 01:29:31,734 Go get em, Tiger. 1485 01:29:31,800 --> 01:29:33,902 ...revival of a hit series Bewitched. 1486 01:29:33,969 --> 01:29:37,139 Of course you know him from such films as Last year in Katmandu, 1487 01:29:37,205 --> 01:29:39,708 An Onion for Willie and Atticus Rex. 1488 01:29:39,775 --> 01:29:41,076 Please welcome our good pal, 1489 01:29:41,143 --> 01:29:42,144 Jack Wyatt. 1490 01:29:44,747 --> 01:29:47,049 (CROWD CHEERING) 1491 01:29:47,115 --> 01:29:48,150 Ah! 1492 01:29:48,216 --> 01:29:50,018 (CROWD LAUGHING) 1493 01:29:54,022 --> 01:29:56,825 (SCREAMING) 1494 01:29:56,892 --> 01:29:57,893 (BREATHING HEAVILY) 1495 01:29:57,960 --> 01:29:59,027 Oh, my God. 1496 01:29:59,094 --> 01:30:00,429 It was a dream. 1497 01:30:01,564 --> 01:30:02,631 Thank God. 1498 01:30:03,566 --> 01:30:05,033 No such luck, Jacky boy. 1499 01:30:05,100 --> 01:30:06,569 -(SCREAMS) -(LAUGHING) 1500 01:30:06,635 --> 01:30:07,836 Stay back! 1501 01:30:09,071 --> 01:30:11,339 You are not real. 1502 01:30:11,406 --> 01:30:12,441 You're from the TV show. 1503 01:30:12,508 --> 01:30:14,276 You have blond highlights 1504 01:30:14,342 --> 01:30:16,612 and you had to wear a girdle on your last movie. 1505 01:30:16,679 --> 01:30:18,180 Who's calling who not real? 1506 01:30:18,246 --> 01:30:19,815 I do not believe this. 1507 01:30:22,951 --> 01:30:24,086 You are real. 1508 01:30:24,152 --> 01:30:25,353 Temporarily. 1509 01:30:25,420 --> 01:30:27,756 Oh, Uncle Arthur? 1510 01:30:27,823 --> 01:30:29,458 You're my favorite character. 1511 01:30:29,525 --> 01:30:31,159 I know. 1512 01:30:31,226 --> 01:30:32,595 What the hell's going on? 1513 01:30:32,661 --> 01:30:35,531 You need help. Your love life's a mess, buddy boy. 1514 01:30:35,598 --> 01:30:37,432 I know. I'm miserable. 1515 01:30:37,500 --> 01:30:38,534 So am I. 1516 01:30:38,601 --> 01:30:42,170 I have been in reruns for 32 years! 1517 01:30:42,237 --> 01:30:44,439 I need the sizzle of prime time. 1518 01:30:44,507 --> 01:30:46,341 I need to get this show back on the air. 1519 01:30:46,408 --> 01:30:48,076 Okay, this is very complicated 1520 01:30:48,143 --> 01:30:49,411 and unsettling, all right? 1521 01:30:49,478 --> 01:30:51,146 I don't think I understand. 1522 01:30:51,980 --> 01:30:54,016 All right. Do you want the... 1523 01:30:54,082 --> 01:30:56,585 short version or the long version? 1524 01:30:56,652 --> 01:30:59,855 Keep in mind that the long version is in Aramaic. 1525 01:30:59,922 --> 01:31:01,323 The short version. 1526 01:31:01,389 --> 01:31:02,758 You got involved with a witch 1527 01:31:02,825 --> 01:31:04,426 and when you do that, 1528 01:31:04,493 --> 01:31:07,696 weird stuff happens. 1529 01:31:07,763 --> 01:31:10,633 -That's it? -Do I have to explain everything to you? 1530 01:31:10,699 --> 01:31:12,635 Okay, here's the deal. 1531 01:31:12,701 --> 01:31:14,002 I'm not real. 1532 01:31:14,069 --> 01:31:16,104 -Hmm? -Iris is a witch... 1533 01:31:16,171 --> 01:31:18,206 -Iris is a witch? -Don't dwell... 1534 01:31:18,273 --> 01:31:19,675 And in my opinion, that... 1535 01:31:19,742 --> 01:31:22,110 -manager of yours, Ritchie... -What? 1536 01:31:22,177 --> 01:31:23,812 (WHISPERING) isn't even human. 1537 01:31:23,879 --> 01:31:25,147 Now, where was I? 1538 01:31:25,213 --> 01:31:27,415 -When? -Before you walk out... Oh, right! 1539 01:31:27,482 --> 01:31:29,051 Who wants to be with a witch? 1540 01:31:29,117 --> 01:31:31,486 Right! Crazy crap like this would always be happening. 1541 01:31:31,554 --> 01:31:32,888 And your point is? 1542 01:31:32,955 --> 01:31:34,489 The point is you'd never know. 1543 01:31:34,557 --> 01:31:36,091 What? 1544 01:31:36,158 --> 01:31:38,326 Whether you were in love with her or whether she just put a spell on you. 1545 01:31:38,393 --> 01:31:41,096 -You'd never know. -Like when you first spotted her in the bookstore. 1546 01:31:41,163 --> 01:31:42,330 Probably her idea, right? 1547 01:31:42,397 --> 01:31:43,899 No, that was my idea. 1548 01:31:45,200 --> 01:31:48,470 -Oh, that's terrible. -I know. I just love to blend. 1549 01:31:48,537 --> 01:31:52,575 And when you got down on your knees and you begged her to take the job? 1550 01:31:52,641 --> 01:31:55,844 -What are you saying? -She probably planted the words in your head. 1551 01:31:55,911 --> 01:31:57,546 -No way. My words. -Mmm-hmm... 1552 01:31:57,613 --> 01:32:00,015 Yeah? What about the nose? 1553 01:32:00,082 --> 01:32:01,750 Hello! 1554 01:32:01,817 --> 01:32:03,385 Is that even really her nose? 1555 01:32:03,451 --> 01:32:05,688 Of course it's her real nose. 1556 01:32:05,754 --> 01:32:07,590 All I'm saying is... 1557 01:32:07,656 --> 01:32:09,758 who wants to be with a witch? 1558 01:32:32,314 --> 01:32:33,315 I do. 1559 01:32:35,283 --> 01:32:37,085 She's going home. 1560 01:32:37,152 --> 01:32:39,988 And once a witch returns home, she can't come back for 100 years. 1561 01:32:40,055 --> 01:32:41,590 She can't leave... 1562 01:32:42,290 --> 01:32:44,092 I need her. 1563 01:32:44,159 --> 01:32:45,694 I want her. I want Isabel. 1564 01:32:45,761 --> 01:32:47,529 Well, come on. Let's go get her. 1565 01:32:47,596 --> 01:32:49,331 Here we go! Let's go! 1566 01:32:49,397 --> 01:32:50,599 Let's go get her! 1567 01:32:50,666 --> 01:32:52,334 Follow me. Follow me! Here we go! 1568 01:32:52,400 --> 01:32:53,669 Come on. Here we go! 1569 01:33:02,244 --> 01:33:04,246 Better hurry. She's leaving right this minute. 1570 01:33:04,312 --> 01:33:06,248 We've gotta stop her. 1571 01:33:06,314 --> 01:33:08,350 Hey, wait. You can't drive, remember? 1572 01:33:08,416 --> 01:33:11,186 Remember that episode where you pulled out of the driveway and almost crashed? 1573 01:33:11,253 --> 01:33:13,288 Well, that wasn't exactly me. 1574 01:33:13,355 --> 01:33:16,291 I, personally, am a great driver. 1575 01:33:17,525 --> 01:33:19,294 Wupsy doodle. 1576 01:33:19,361 --> 01:33:21,463 -Wee! -(SCREAMING) 1577 01:33:24,399 --> 01:33:26,568 Take it easy! 1578 01:33:26,635 --> 01:33:28,570 Could you slow down just a tad? 1579 01:33:28,637 --> 01:33:30,939 Is it "Porsche" or is it "Porscha?" 1580 01:33:31,006 --> 01:33:32,374 Who cares? Watch the road! 1581 01:33:32,440 --> 01:33:34,009 Please! We've gotta get Isabel! 1582 01:33:34,076 --> 01:33:35,811 Oh, all right, party-pooper. 1583 01:33:35,878 --> 01:33:37,112 UNCLE ARTHUR: Let me drive! 1584 01:33:38,413 --> 01:33:39,514 There she is! 1585 01:33:39,581 --> 01:33:41,984 -Where? -Oh no! She's flying away! 1586 01:33:42,050 --> 01:33:43,551 Pedal to the metal, buddy boy! 1587 01:33:46,054 --> 01:33:47,222 Watch it! 1588 01:33:50,025 --> 01:33:52,527 I'm about to be killed by a fictional character. 1589 01:33:52,594 --> 01:33:54,429 (LAUGHING) Yes, you are. 1590 01:34:01,403 --> 01:34:02,470 We're here. 1591 01:34:02,537 --> 01:34:04,172 Here? Where? 1592 01:34:04,907 --> 01:34:06,074 Where is she? 1593 01:34:07,475 --> 01:34:08,677 Our place. 1594 01:34:09,544 --> 01:34:10,713 She's at our place. 1595 01:34:12,280 --> 01:34:13,548 Thank you. 1596 01:34:13,615 --> 01:34:15,117 Thank you, Uncle Arthur. 1597 01:34:16,551 --> 01:34:18,420 Run to her, you idiot. 1598 01:34:45,113 --> 01:34:46,448 Isabel... 1599 01:34:50,618 --> 01:34:52,087 Oh, my God. 1600 01:34:52,154 --> 01:34:53,655 You're here. 1601 01:34:53,722 --> 01:34:55,223 I'm so happy you're here. 1602 01:34:55,290 --> 01:34:56,291 I'm leaving. 1603 01:34:56,358 --> 01:34:57,960 No, no, no. You can't. 1604 01:34:58,026 --> 01:35:00,128 You'll be gone forever if you leave. 1605 01:35:00,195 --> 01:35:03,065 You'll be gone a hundred years without being able to come back, even if you miss me. 1606 01:35:03,131 --> 01:35:04,566 That's ridiculous. 1607 01:35:04,632 --> 01:35:05,834 Who told you that? 1608 01:35:05,901 --> 01:35:07,235 He did! 1609 01:35:07,302 --> 01:35:09,271 UNCLE ARTHUR: (LAUGHING) 1610 01:35:12,440 --> 01:35:14,042 Well... 1611 01:35:14,109 --> 01:35:15,978 What are you doing here if you're leaving? 1612 01:35:17,746 --> 01:35:19,381 I was going home. 1613 01:35:19,447 --> 01:35:20,448 But... 1614 01:35:20,515 --> 01:35:22,317 I don't know where that is. 1615 01:35:23,418 --> 01:35:25,087 Home is with me. 1616 01:35:26,054 --> 01:35:27,389 Don't go, please. 1617 01:35:27,455 --> 01:35:28,791 -But I'm... -Shh... 1618 01:35:28,857 --> 01:35:30,192 We'll work it out. 1619 01:35:30,258 --> 01:35:32,127 -We can't. -Yes we can. 1620 01:35:32,194 --> 01:35:33,628 I can't be normal 1621 01:35:33,695 --> 01:35:35,497 because I'm a witch. 1622 01:35:35,563 --> 01:35:37,699 I can't be a witch 1623 01:35:37,766 --> 01:35:40,468 because I really wanna be normal. 1624 01:35:40,535 --> 01:35:41,804 It's not possible. 1625 01:35:41,870 --> 01:35:43,671 Of course it's possible. 1626 01:35:43,738 --> 01:35:46,041 There's tons of other witches who've done it. 1627 01:35:47,075 --> 01:35:48,476 Who? 1628 01:35:48,543 --> 01:35:50,712 Well, maybe not tons of other witches, but... 1629 01:35:51,313 --> 01:35:52,580 at least one. 1630 01:35:55,150 --> 01:35:56,785 Samantha. 1631 01:35:58,020 --> 01:35:59,955 Caught between two worlds 1632 01:36:00,022 --> 01:36:01,023 and yet... 1633 01:36:01,089 --> 01:36:03,458 completely happy. 1634 01:36:03,525 --> 01:36:05,928 She lived happily ever after, in fact. 1635 01:36:05,994 --> 01:36:09,264 Although there's no way to be sure because she went off the air. 1636 01:36:09,331 --> 01:36:11,366 We'll work it out. 1637 01:36:11,433 --> 01:36:13,168 Don't cry, little witch. 1638 01:36:16,939 --> 01:36:18,606 I love you, Samantha. 1639 01:36:19,641 --> 01:36:21,109 Isabel. 1640 01:36:21,176 --> 01:36:22,310 I knew that. 1641 01:36:23,311 --> 01:36:24,779 I think. 1642 01:36:24,847 --> 01:36:26,314 I love you, Darrin. 1643 01:36:39,761 --> 01:36:41,296 I just occurred to me, you could have... 1644 01:36:41,964 --> 01:36:43,265 any guy... 1645 01:36:43,331 --> 01:36:45,633 -Uh-huh... -in the whole world. 1646 01:36:45,700 --> 01:36:48,403 Oh, but I choose you. 1647 01:36:48,470 --> 01:36:51,006 Honestly, I think you made a mistake. 1648 01:36:51,073 --> 01:36:53,108 If I did, I could always get out of it. 1649 01:36:53,708 --> 01:36:54,709 (MEOW) 1650 01:36:59,447 --> 01:37:00,883 Now we have things to do. 1651 01:37:00,949 --> 01:37:02,184 Mmm-hmm. 1652 01:37:02,250 --> 01:37:04,019 We have a show to do. 1653 01:37:04,086 --> 01:37:05,988 -Yes. -And then... 1654 01:37:06,054 --> 01:37:08,223 maybe after a while, we could get married. 1655 01:37:27,642 --> 01:37:29,011 JACK: There it is! 1656 01:37:32,447 --> 01:37:33,581 Abner, come look! 1657 01:37:33,648 --> 01:37:35,417 The new neighbors are moving in! 1658 01:37:35,483 --> 01:37:37,619 Not now, Gladys. I'm busy. 1659 01:37:38,954 --> 01:37:40,622 Ah, yes. 1660 01:37:40,688 --> 01:37:43,959 I'm now going to carry you across the threshold. 1661 01:37:48,196 --> 01:37:50,798 ISABEL: Don't you think the front lawn looks a little bare? 1662 01:37:50,865 --> 01:37:52,134 JACK: No, I don't. 1663 01:37:52,200 --> 01:37:54,136 ISABEL: But I think it could use a little something. 1664 01:37:54,202 --> 01:37:56,271 It's fine the way it is, honey. 1665 01:38:03,345 --> 01:38:04,712 Abner! 1666 01:38:04,779 --> 01:38:07,249 A tree just appeared in the front yard!