1 00:00:01,668 --> 00:00:04,148 Coming up on the season finale of MILF island. 2 00:00:04,296 --> 00:00:05,714 Holy hot mamas! 3 00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:08,067 But who will be the final mommy that you'd like to... 4 00:00:08,091 --> 00:00:09,091 Oh, you know. 5 00:00:09,301 --> 00:00:10,741 I came here to be number one! 6 00:00:10,969 --> 00:00:13,514 Coming up next, here on NBC. 7 00:00:13,805 --> 00:00:17,142 Are you guys gonna do any work today or... 8 00:00:17,434 --> 00:00:19,478 Zip it. MILF island is on. 9 00:00:19,770 --> 00:00:20,479 Hey... 10 00:00:20,771 --> 00:00:21,891 20 milfs, 11 00:00:21,980 --> 00:00:24,942 50 eighth. Grade boys, no rules. 12 00:00:25,234 --> 00:00:26,944 And tonight, one winner. 13 00:00:27,236 --> 00:00:28,529 Welcome to MILF island. 14 00:00:30,656 --> 00:00:31,656 This show is the worst. 15 00:00:31,823 --> 00:00:32,842 Didn't one of those milfs die 16 00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:34,660 during production? 17 00:00:34,952 --> 00:00:35,661 She had too much champagne, 18 00:00:35,953 --> 00:00:37,514 and a monkey knocked her into some quicksand. 19 00:00:37,538 --> 00:00:39,018 It could happen anywhere. 20 00:00:39,164 --> 00:00:40,804 Miss Lemon, we might have a problem. 21 00:00:40,958 --> 00:00:43,377 I went through the paper looking for that article 22 00:00:43,669 --> 00:00:45,522 on speed da ting that you asked about... Uh, buh duh jee jee je... 23 00:00:45,546 --> 00:00:48,090 When I came across this. 24 00:00:48,382 --> 00:00:51,093 Who... did... this? 25 00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:52,511 Who did what? 26 00:00:52,803 --> 00:00:55,264 This is from today's page 6 gossip column. 27 00:00:55,556 --> 00:00:58,350 "Which TGS with Tracy Jordan staffer 28 00:00:58,642 --> 00:01:00,644 "called corporate honcho Jack Donaghy 29 00:01:00,936 --> 00:01:02,854 "a class 'a' moron? 30 00:01:03,146 --> 00:01:05,190 "Donaghy is up for the G.E. chairmanship, 31 00:01:05,482 --> 00:01:07,276 "but one employee has misgivings, 32 00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:09,695 adding, 'that guy can eat my poo.'" 33 00:01:09,987 --> 00:01:10,987 uh-oh. 34 00:01:11,113 --> 00:01:11,822 Who said this? 35 00:01:12,114 --> 00:01:13,365 Not me. Not me. 36 00:01:13,657 --> 00:01:16,743 It wasn't me. I wasn't even working that day. 37 00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:17,452 Liz... Mr. Donaghy would like 38 00:01:17,786 --> 00:01:19,496 to see you in his office immediately. 39 00:01:19,788 --> 00:01:21,308 Well, it better not be about that quote 40 00:01:21,456 --> 00:01:23,584 because I am not taking the bullet for this! 41 00:01:25,252 --> 00:01:26,461 This is bad. 42 00:01:26,753 --> 00:01:27,879 Like, lose you job bad. 43 00:01:28,171 --> 00:01:31,550 Prepare for the craziest night of television 44 00:01:31,842 --> 00:01:33,510 of your life. 45 00:01:35,596 --> 00:01:43,437 ♪ ♪ 46 00:01:53,530 --> 00:01:55,032 Well, I'm going to get yelled at. 47 00:01:55,324 --> 00:01:55,866 What's going on with you? 48 00:01:56,158 --> 00:01:57,909 The season finale of MILF island. 49 00:01:58,201 --> 00:02:00,287 Oh... and I'm gonna watch it alone in my office. 50 00:02:00,579 --> 00:02:02,080 That's pretty grim, Pete. 51 00:02:02,372 --> 00:02:04,132 Ooh, a dangler! Liz, I'm gonna get free food. 52 00:02:04,207 --> 00:02:04,750 Wow. 53 00:02:05,042 --> 00:02:06,543 It's soy Joy. 54 00:02:06,835 --> 00:02:08,211 Who doesn't love soy Joy? 55 00:02:08,503 --> 00:02:10,063 Somebody upstairs has changed their mind 56 00:02:10,088 --> 00:02:12,299 about old Pete Hornberger. 57 00:02:12,591 --> 00:02:13,800 Ow! 58 00:02:17,054 --> 00:02:18,930 I'm stuck! 59 00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:27,439 Lemon... remember this? 60 00:02:27,731 --> 00:02:30,400 Deborah and Shauna squaring off at erection cove. 61 00:02:30,692 --> 00:02:33,403 Um, I don't. 62 00:02:33,695 --> 00:02:35,030 I don't really watch this show. 63 00:02:35,322 --> 00:02:37,324 That Deborah's amazing. 64 00:02:37,616 --> 00:02:38,325 Have you heard her story? 65 00:02:38,617 --> 00:02:39,977 Before she was cast on MILF island, 66 00:02:40,243 --> 00:02:41,429 she was just a struggling actress 67 00:02:41,453 --> 00:02:42,663 living in L.A. 68 00:02:42,954 --> 00:02:45,040 Wow, that's inspiring. 69 00:02:45,332 --> 00:02:47,372 She has real star quality. You should meet with her. 70 00:02:47,626 --> 00:02:49,836 Wait, is that why you called me up here? 71 00:02:50,128 --> 00:02:52,839 Sir, I have Sumner Redstone calling to congratulate you. 72 00:02:53,131 --> 00:02:53,840 I'll return. 73 00:02:54,132 --> 00:02:56,343 The calls have been pouring in all night. 74 00:02:56,635 --> 00:02:57,761 MILF island's huge. 75 00:02:58,053 --> 00:02:59,453 I guess I should be out celebrating, 76 00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:01,153 but I'm waiting for a call from Don Geiss. 77 00:03:01,431 --> 00:03:03,058 You think he'll call me "Jackie-boy"? 78 00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:04,726 Then I'll be at erection cove. 79 00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:06,770 Congratulations, Jack. 80 00:03:07,062 --> 00:03:07,521 You must be very proud. 81 00:03:07,813 --> 00:03:08,522 When you meet with Deborah, 82 00:03:08,814 --> 00:03:11,274 have her do her Indian cab driver impression. 83 00:03:11,566 --> 00:03:13,819 She... she really pulls it off. 84 00:03:14,111 --> 00:03:15,737 Now, why would I meet with her? 85 00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:17,429 Because we're developing a spin-off, 86 00:03:17,614 --> 00:03:18,883 and I thought you could write it. 87 00:03:18,907 --> 00:03:19,950 Oh, no, thanks! 88 00:03:20,242 --> 00:03:22,035 I don't want anything to do with MILF island. 89 00:03:22,327 --> 00:03:24,871 That show is kinda lowest common denominator. 90 00:03:25,163 --> 00:03:27,058 The critics said that same thing about Shakespeare. 91 00:03:27,082 --> 00:03:29,162 Yeah, but Shakespeare never had a confessional shower 92 00:03:29,334 --> 00:03:30,752 sponsored by dove pro-age. 93 00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:32,084 So you have seen the show. 94 00:03:32,295 --> 00:03:32,838 And why shouldn't you? 95 00:03:33,130 --> 00:03:34,589 It has sex, lies, puberty, 96 00:03:34,881 --> 00:03:35,924 betrayal, relay races. 97 00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:38,385 MILF island reflects the drama of the human experience. 98 00:03:38,677 --> 00:03:40,595 And isn't that the essence of art? 99 00:03:40,887 --> 00:03:43,849 I don't think eating bugs to earn tampons... 100 00:03:44,141 --> 00:03:45,421 Episode nine. 22 million viewers. 101 00:03:45,684 --> 00:03:46,351 Is art. 102 00:03:46,643 --> 00:03:49,104 Performance is an art. Writing is an art. 103 00:03:49,396 --> 00:03:51,273 What we do is art. 104 00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:54,276 Someone put too many farts in this engine! 105 00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:56,778 It's about to explode! 106 00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:58,655 Okay, fine. Don't meet with her. 107 00:03:58,947 --> 00:04:00,699 I just saw the opportunity for you to make 108 00:04:00,991 --> 00:04:02,343 An obscene amount of money. 109 00:04:02,367 --> 00:04:04,786 Well, no thanks. I have integrity. 110 00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:08,582 It's farting! It's farting! 111 00:04:08,874 --> 00:04:10,625 Myirt. 112 00:04:10,917 --> 00:04:12,711 Anyway, unless there's something else, 113 00:04:13,003 --> 00:04:14,629 I'm just gonna... 114 00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:19,509 Actually, we do need to resolve the page six debacle. 115 00:04:22,137 --> 00:04:23,457 You know, if you Google the phrase 116 00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:25,515 "class 'a' moron," my name pops up first now. 117 00:04:25,807 --> 00:04:28,310 So step aside, Randy quaid. 118 00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:30,103 Jack, I'm sorry you saw that. 119 00:04:30,395 --> 00:04:32,355 It's not good timing for me, professionally. 120 00:04:32,647 --> 00:04:35,192 I will find out who did it. I'll beat it out of them. 121 00:04:35,484 --> 00:04:36,753 No, no, here's how we're gonna play this situation. 122 00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:39,863 We're gonna turn up the heat on your people... 123 00:04:40,155 --> 00:04:41,823 And see who breaks first. 124 00:04:43,700 --> 00:04:45,994 Jonathan... 125 00:04:47,579 --> 00:04:49,831 Could you round up those idiots... 126 00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:51,541 Hey, buddies. 127 00:04:51,833 --> 00:04:53,084 He knows, doesn't he? 128 00:04:53,376 --> 00:04:55,045 Yeah, and he's not happy. 129 00:04:55,337 --> 00:04:57,315 Does he think it's me? Did he... did he mention me? 130 00:04:57,339 --> 00:04:58,858 No, I think you're safe because I think he forgot 131 00:04:58,882 --> 00:04:59,591 that you're a person. 132 00:04:59,883 --> 00:05:00,926 Yeah! 133 00:05:01,218 --> 00:05:02,403 Come on, how long is this gonna take? 134 00:05:02,427 --> 00:05:03,845 Our pizzas are downstairs, 135 00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:05,323 and the tribunal was just about to make 136 00:05:05,347 --> 00:05:07,766 one of the last four milfs hang up her bikini top. 137 00:05:08,058 --> 00:05:11,269 Zalutha... 138 00:05:11,561 --> 00:05:12,604 You've kept it tight. 139 00:05:15,482 --> 00:05:17,526 Heidi... 140 00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:20,487 We no longer want to hit that. 141 00:05:20,779 --> 00:05:23,323 Get off MILF island! 142 00:05:27,118 --> 00:05:28,370 ♪ ♪ 143 00:05:30,914 --> 00:05:33,416 Can I just get the pizzas and bring them up here? 144 00:05:33,708 --> 00:05:34,251 No, no, you have to stay here 145 00:05:34,543 --> 00:05:35,836 in case Mr. Donaghy calls you in. 146 00:05:36,127 --> 00:05:37,337 Look, whoever did this 147 00:05:37,629 --> 00:05:39,714 needs to fess up now. 148 00:05:41,216 --> 00:05:42,509 I can protect you. 149 00:05:42,801 --> 00:05:44,302 I just need to know who it is. 150 00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:48,306 Fine, everybody but me close your eyes. 151 00:05:48,598 --> 00:05:50,642 Whoever did it, raise your hand. 152 00:05:52,269 --> 00:05:53,562 Oh, really mature, guys! 153 00:05:53,854 --> 00:05:55,021 You are on your own. 154 00:05:55,313 --> 00:05:57,524 Miss Lemon, can I have a word with you, please? 155 00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:02,404 Lutz, come here. 156 00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:03,947 We should form an alliance. 157 00:06:04,239 --> 00:06:05,740 A what? An alliance. 158 00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:07,712 We're the two biggest dirtbags around here. 159 00:06:07,951 --> 00:06:09,136 They're gonna try to blame us. 160 00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:11,705 I don't think people see me that way. 161 00:06:11,997 --> 00:06:13,123 Yeah, they do. You and me. 162 00:06:13,415 --> 00:06:14,124 A couple of fat pervert losers. 163 00:06:14,416 --> 00:06:16,459 My sister-in-law did kinda a makeover on me. 164 00:06:16,751 --> 00:06:17,836 I thought... no. 165 00:06:18,128 --> 00:06:19,170 No. 166 00:06:19,462 --> 00:06:20,462 Hello? 167 00:06:20,672 --> 00:06:22,132 A little help! 168 00:06:22,424 --> 00:06:24,384 My shirt is caught on what feels like 169 00:06:24,676 --> 00:06:27,095 a very sharp... mechanism. 170 00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:31,016 Ooh, maybe if I can get the shirt off. 171 00:06:36,688 --> 00:06:38,732 Oh... 172 00:06:39,024 --> 00:06:40,275 Ow! 173 00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:43,360 What?! 174 00:06:43,570 --> 00:06:44,988 What is it, Kenneth? 175 00:06:45,280 --> 00:06:47,400 Well, I was thinking about this item in the newspaper, 176 00:06:47,616 --> 00:06:48,634 and something doesn't make sense. 177 00:06:48,658 --> 00:06:49,868 What do you mean? 178 00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:52,579 Well, I know Toofer would never use the word "poo," 179 00:06:52,871 --> 00:06:53,871 so it's not him. 180 00:06:54,039 --> 00:06:55,415 And Frank couldn't have done it 181 00:06:55,707 --> 00:06:57,268 because he was with me all day making fun of my haircut. 182 00:06:57,292 --> 00:06:59,294 And also, I saw you do it. 183 00:06:59,586 --> 00:07:01,421 The game... is about... to change! 184 00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:09,554 What do you mean you saw me do it? 185 00:07:09,846 --> 00:07:11,014 It was yesterday, downstairs. 186 00:07:11,306 --> 00:07:13,725 Liz Lemon, I'm gonna miss the show this week. 187 00:07:14,017 --> 00:07:16,227 Jack is sending me to do stand-up in Dubai. 188 00:07:16,519 --> 00:07:18,063 I'm gonna do jokes on airplane food. 189 00:07:18,355 --> 00:07:19,355 It's all new to them. 190 00:07:19,397 --> 00:07:21,316 No, Tracy, you can't miss the show. 191 00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:22,984 Well, don't blame me, blame Jack. 192 00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:25,153 He's the one I'm splitting the $3 million with. 193 00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:26,988 You and Jack Donaghy are the cause 194 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:28,740 of my jawline acne! 195 00:07:30,533 --> 00:07:32,160 You work for Jack Donaghy? 196 00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:36,122 That class "a" moron? Unfortunately. 197 00:07:36,414 --> 00:07:39,334 Must be tough taking orders from a guy like that, huh? 198 00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:41,437 I don't take orders from him. He's an idiot. 199 00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:42,879 He doesn't know what he's doing. 200 00:07:43,171 --> 00:07:44,756 That guy can eat my poo. 201 00:07:46,174 --> 00:07:47,384 Do you work here too? No. 202 00:07:47,676 --> 00:07:49,469 I'm a reporter for the New York post, 203 00:07:49,761 --> 00:07:52,889 specializing in business gossip. 204 00:07:53,181 --> 00:07:55,183 And then you asked him if he was single, 205 00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:56,702 and he said, "don't worry about it," but then... 206 00:07:56,726 --> 00:07:58,478 Okay, fine, you got me! I did it. 207 00:07:58,770 --> 00:08:00,410 But I am not taking the fall for this one. 208 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:01,815 I have taken too many bullets 209 00:08:02,107 --> 00:08:03,817 for my idiot staff in the past. 210 00:08:05,735 --> 00:08:07,046 Jonathan, did someone turn the heat up? 211 00:08:07,070 --> 00:08:07,779 No idea. 212 00:08:08,071 --> 00:08:09,823 Where I'm from, we don't notice the heat. 213 00:08:10,115 --> 00:08:11,195 That's interesting. 214 00:08:11,408 --> 00:08:13,994 I didn't know it was hot in assholevania. 215 00:08:14,285 --> 00:08:16,204 I deserve one free pass. 216 00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:18,039 But that's not the right thing to do. 217 00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:19,374 Yes, yes, Kenneth. 218 00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:21,334 But Jack and I are friends. 219 00:08:21,626 --> 00:08:23,503 It would screw things up if this came out. 220 00:08:23,795 --> 00:08:25,630 What if I really messed up his chances 221 00:08:25,922 --> 00:08:27,173 of getting that promotion? 222 00:08:27,465 --> 00:08:31,219 I would be so sad if I got caught for this. 223 00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:32,846 But you're not supposed to lie. 224 00:08:33,138 --> 00:08:35,390 Uhhgh! You apple-faced goon! 225 00:08:35,682 --> 00:08:37,726 Fine, I will tell him. 226 00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:40,103 Oh, pray for me. 227 00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:49,988 Really?! 228 00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:53,533 Is everyone watching TV? 229 00:09:02,959 --> 00:09:04,878 Yes! Okay, okay... 230 00:09:05,170 --> 00:09:07,172 Okay... 231 00:09:07,464 --> 00:09:09,632 I just need four numbers. 232 00:09:09,924 --> 00:09:12,886 Call anybody in the building. 233 00:09:15,096 --> 00:09:16,473 Any... random... number. 234 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:29,027 Yes! Hornberger! 235 00:09:32,363 --> 00:09:34,550 Hello, you've reached Pete Hornberger at TGS. 236 00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:35,784 Please leave a message. 237 00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:37,076 Aaaaaah! 238 00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:41,289 Hey. 239 00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:43,374 A class "a" moron. 240 00:09:43,666 --> 00:09:46,669 Yeah, how are you doing? 241 00:09:46,961 --> 00:09:48,397 Lemon, can I share something with you 242 00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:50,066 that I've never shared with anyone in my life? 243 00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:51,130 I would rather you didn't. 244 00:09:51,216 --> 00:09:53,802 When I was a child, I had a terrible stutter. 245 00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:55,887 And I was so embarrassed by it 246 00:09:56,179 --> 00:09:57,339 that I rarely spoke in class. 247 00:09:57,430 --> 00:09:59,158 You were a stutterer? Couldn't get a word out. 248 00:09:59,182 --> 00:10:01,434 Needless to say I was the object of some ridicule. 249 00:10:01,726 --> 00:10:03,978 Because of my reticence, they assumed I was stupid, 250 00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:05,980 and the Massachusetts public school system 251 00:10:06,272 --> 00:10:11,861 designated me a class "a" moron. 252 00:10:13,196 --> 00:10:14,739 Oh, no. 253 00:10:15,031 --> 00:10:15,740 The stutter got so bad 254 00:10:16,032 --> 00:10:17,112 I was taken out of my grade 255 00:10:17,158 --> 00:10:18,278 and put in the special class 256 00:10:18,368 --> 00:10:21,037 held in the boiler room. 257 00:10:21,329 --> 00:10:23,373 My only other classmate was named Gilly. 258 00:10:23,665 --> 00:10:25,458 He'd fallen through the ice as a child 259 00:10:25,750 --> 00:10:29,212 and was technically dead for 57 minutes. 260 00:10:29,504 --> 00:10:30,744 They taught us to sweep sawdust 261 00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:32,160 so we could find work at a mill. 262 00:10:32,257 --> 00:10:33,977 I'm sure whoever said that thing in the post 263 00:10:34,092 --> 00:10:35,677 had no idea... 264 00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:37,249 Of course, I overcame the stutter 265 00:10:37,428 --> 00:10:38,763 in three languages. 266 00:10:39,055 --> 00:10:41,724 On to Princeton, Harvard, the top of the business world. 267 00:10:42,016 --> 00:10:43,256 I thought I'd blocked this out, 268 00:10:43,434 --> 00:10:45,474 but a thing like this brings back some old emotions. 269 00:10:45,603 --> 00:10:46,603 I'm so sorry. 270 00:10:46,729 --> 00:10:48,606 I feel like I'm back in that boiler room 271 00:10:48,898 --> 00:10:50,358 making little piles of sawdust 272 00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:53,486 while Gilly plays with himself in the corner. 273 00:10:53,778 --> 00:10:55,446 I'm sorry, did you want something? 274 00:10:55,738 --> 00:10:58,533 I just wanted to tell you... 275 00:11:01,202 --> 00:11:03,538 That I've narrowed it down to Toofer or Frank. 276 00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:04,956 Thank you. 277 00:11:07,125 --> 00:11:09,878 God, I am famished. 278 00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:11,921 Uh... those are Jack's! 279 00:11:12,213 --> 00:11:13,213 Come on, guys. 280 00:11:13,339 --> 00:11:15,109 Whoever did it, just confess so we can get out of here. 281 00:11:15,133 --> 00:11:16,926 Why are you looking at me and Lutz? 282 00:11:17,218 --> 00:11:17,802 I wasn't. 283 00:11:18,094 --> 00:11:20,555 I think Lutz'll tell you 284 00:11:20,847 --> 00:11:21,847 that I'm innocent. 285 00:11:21,931 --> 00:11:22,931 No, I won't, dude. 286 00:11:23,099 --> 00:11:23,516 What the frak?! 287 00:11:23,808 --> 00:11:25,208 I thought we had a dirtbag alliance! 288 00:11:25,268 --> 00:11:26,268 I'm not a dirtbag. 289 00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:28,521 This is from American eagle! 290 00:11:28,813 --> 00:11:29,480 You formed an alliance? 291 00:11:29,772 --> 00:11:31,482 That strongly insinuates guilt. 292 00:11:31,774 --> 00:11:33,002 Well, I think pointing fingers at people 293 00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:34,903 makes you seem guilty. 294 00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:36,964 Thanks, Judas. I thought we had a deal. You listen here! 295 00:11:36,988 --> 00:11:38,215 Who cares if you went to Harvard?! 296 00:11:38,239 --> 00:11:40,658 Who cares?! 297 00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:41,534 Debra, 298 00:11:41,826 --> 00:11:44,162 what was the hardest part of this for you? 299 00:11:44,454 --> 00:11:47,790 I would have to say... The physical challenges. 300 00:11:48,082 --> 00:11:51,169 I mean, you're tired, hungry, 301 00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:52,921 want to go home. 302 00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:54,481 And then you just reach inside yourself, 303 00:11:54,505 --> 00:11:56,424 and you find the strength 304 00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:58,027 that you didn't even know you had. 305 00:11:58,051 --> 00:12:00,595 I mean, one of my implants exploded... 306 00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:02,764 And I didn't even ask to get off the catapult. 307 00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:05,934 Now, boys, there are only two milfs left: 308 00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:08,978 Debra and Deborah. 309 00:12:09,270 --> 00:12:10,730 But one of them is going home. 310 00:12:11,022 --> 00:12:13,900 And it will be revealed... 311 00:12:14,192 --> 00:12:15,568 After three more breaks. 312 00:12:15,860 --> 00:12:18,696 Deborah's played the game so well. 313 00:12:18,988 --> 00:12:21,199 Even if she loses, america's gonna want more. 314 00:12:21,491 --> 00:12:23,326 Maybe it's a talk show. 315 00:12:23,618 --> 00:12:24,911 No, Jack, I'm not working on it. 316 00:12:25,203 --> 00:12:25,745 Jonathan, turn up the heat a little more 317 00:12:26,037 --> 00:12:27,580 and send in Kenneth. Kenneth? 318 00:12:27,872 --> 00:12:29,225 We're gonna get to the bottom of this. 319 00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:30,625 He won't know anything. 320 00:12:30,917 --> 00:12:32,877 Kenneth... 321 00:12:33,169 --> 00:12:35,004 You're the eyes and ears of TGS. 322 00:12:35,296 --> 00:12:36,673 So Liz and I were hoping 323 00:12:36,965 --> 00:12:38,716 you could help us to track down the person 324 00:12:39,008 --> 00:12:40,194 who's been saying these hurtful things 325 00:12:40,218 --> 00:12:41,218 about me in the paper. 326 00:12:44,013 --> 00:12:46,224 Well, sir, I'm sure that whoever did this 327 00:12:46,516 --> 00:12:48,726 regrets her... 328 00:12:49,018 --> 00:12:51,312 Or his mistake, 329 00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:53,815 and will do the right thing. 330 00:12:54,107 --> 00:12:55,817 I certainly hope so. 331 00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:57,652 Do you have any guesses? 332 00:13:02,073 --> 00:13:03,741 Kenneth, I need an answer. 333 00:13:08,329 --> 00:13:11,874 The stress of this is making me awful sleepy. 334 00:13:12,166 --> 00:13:12,583 Sir, 335 00:13:12,875 --> 00:13:13,875 there's a call on two 336 00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:14,979 I think you're gonna want to take. 337 00:13:15,003 --> 00:13:16,337 Mr. Geiss, I... 338 00:13:16,629 --> 00:13:17,909 Oh, hello, vice president Cheney. 339 00:13:18,172 --> 00:13:19,716 I'm gonna kill you. 340 00:13:20,008 --> 00:13:22,218 Yes, I hope Deborah wins as well. 341 00:13:22,510 --> 00:13:25,054 No, they're not real, unfortunately. 342 00:13:25,346 --> 00:13:27,223 Get out of here! 343 00:13:27,515 --> 00:13:29,309 I can't believe you didn't tell him! 344 00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:30,744 You listen to me, li'i Abner. 345 00:13:30,768 --> 00:13:32,228 Keep your fried Baloney hole shut! 346 00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:34,022 I am not going down for this! 347 00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:35,356 I'll tell him you did it. 348 00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:36,875 Who do you think he's gonna believe? 349 00:13:36,899 --> 00:13:37,525 I'm important around here. 350 00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:40,445 Miss Lemon, your eyes look like my uncle's 351 00:13:40,737 --> 00:13:42,537 after he would drink from the air-conditioner. 352 00:13:42,697 --> 00:13:44,198 I thought we were friends. 353 00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:46,534 I didn't come here to make friends. 354 00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:48,666 I came here to be number one! 355 00:13:48,911 --> 00:13:49,911 Oh... 356 00:13:49,996 --> 00:13:51,456 Liz Lemon! 357 00:13:51,748 --> 00:13:53,517 I can't believe they put what you said in the paper. 358 00:13:53,541 --> 00:13:55,960 Shh... how do you know about that? 359 00:13:56,252 --> 00:13:57,587 This is a ca thy cartoon! 360 00:13:57,879 --> 00:13:59,047 Yeah, that cartoon copied 361 00:13:59,339 --> 00:14:01,382 exactly what you said the other day. 362 00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:03,634 Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate! 363 00:14:03,926 --> 00:14:05,178 Aack! 364 00:14:05,470 --> 00:14:08,222 If you decide to Sue them, I know a good lawyer! 365 00:14:08,514 --> 00:14:11,059 Took me to the cleaners last year. 366 00:14:11,351 --> 00:14:12,643 The truth will come out. 367 00:14:12,935 --> 00:14:15,015 Like my cousin Steven after he went to music college, 368 00:14:15,229 --> 00:14:16,397 it will come out. 369 00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:20,401 Stay tuned for one final, shocking twist. 370 00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:21,361 Shut up! 371 00:14:21,652 --> 00:14:23,696 Brought to you buy soy Joy fortified with optimism. 372 00:14:29,410 --> 00:14:30,850 Jack, it's almost 11:00. 373 00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:32,473 Why don't you let those guys go home, 374 00:14:32,497 --> 00:14:34,165 and we'll all sleep on it? 375 00:14:34,457 --> 00:14:36,376 They called me stammerhead shark, Lemon. What? 376 00:14:36,667 --> 00:14:38,267 The kids at school. They called me names. 377 00:14:38,461 --> 00:14:41,214 Mrs. Stutterworth, stutterfingers... 378 00:14:41,506 --> 00:14:43,299 Stuttermilk pancakes. 379 00:14:43,591 --> 00:14:45,635 The butter thing opened up a lot of doors for them. 380 00:14:47,804 --> 00:14:50,056 You know, I wore corrective shoes as a kid. 381 00:14:50,348 --> 00:14:51,933 Really? When I was born, 382 00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:55,061 I had a malformed extra baby foot 383 00:14:55,353 --> 00:14:57,563 extending from my actual foot. 384 00:14:57,855 --> 00:14:59,690 They think maybe I ate my twin. 385 00:14:59,982 --> 00:15:02,151 But after the surgery to remove it, 386 00:15:02,443 --> 00:15:04,153 I walked pigeon-toed. 387 00:15:04,445 --> 00:15:05,780 So all through grade school, 388 00:15:06,072 --> 00:15:08,199 I had to wear corrective foot gear 389 00:15:08,491 --> 00:15:11,244 that attached to a headgear. 390 00:15:11,536 --> 00:15:13,830 Gilly chewed through his headgear. 391 00:15:14,122 --> 00:15:15,832 My point is, I survived. 392 00:15:16,124 --> 00:15:17,204 It made me a better person. 393 00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:18,376 And he same is true of you. 394 00:15:18,668 --> 00:15:20,211 All this, all your success 395 00:15:20,503 --> 00:15:22,547 is because of that certificate. 396 00:15:22,839 --> 00:15:24,424 It made you who you are. 397 00:15:24,715 --> 00:15:25,925 And that is not a bad thing. 398 00:15:26,217 --> 00:15:27,927 Thank you, Lemon. 399 00:15:28,219 --> 00:15:29,219 Look. 400 00:15:29,303 --> 00:15:31,639 The final council is starting. 401 00:15:33,391 --> 00:15:36,394 Deborah has the bearing of a queen. 402 00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:39,856 Maybe you did it! Why would I do it? 403 00:15:40,148 --> 00:15:42,108 That is so stupid. You know people at page six! 404 00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:44,253 I ha te all of you! 405 00:15:44,277 --> 00:15:46,737 Order! Order, I say! 406 00:15:47,029 --> 00:15:48,990 We must not be rash. 407 00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:51,492 We must divorce ourselves from our prejudices, 408 00:15:51,784 --> 00:15:53,744 and appeal to our higher reasoning. 409 00:15:54,036 --> 00:15:56,873 This is the speaking banana. 410 00:15:57,165 --> 00:15:59,709 Everyone will get a chance to speak, and only then 411 00:16:00,001 --> 00:16:02,086 will we make our decision. 412 00:16:02,378 --> 00:16:03,921 Josh, my friend, 413 00:16:04,213 --> 00:16:07,049 you are first. 414 00:16:07,341 --> 00:16:11,679 Look, I would never do this because I'm loyal to the show. 415 00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:12,971 That dude did it! 416 00:16:13,222 --> 00:16:14,807 I knew it was you! 417 00:16:15,099 --> 00:16:17,852 Look at his light eyes. They're freaky like a wolf! 418 00:16:18,144 --> 00:16:21,606 Hey! Keep it down! 419 00:16:21,898 --> 00:16:22,899 Why are you still here? 420 00:16:23,191 --> 00:16:23,733 I love it up here. 421 00:16:24,025 --> 00:16:25,610 It's hot, it's loud, there's no pizza. 422 00:16:25,902 --> 00:16:27,403 It's like Miami. 423 00:16:27,695 --> 00:16:29,071 Maybe Liz did it. 424 00:16:29,363 --> 00:16:31,073 Are you kidding me? 425 00:16:31,365 --> 00:16:34,118 After all the times I have defended you guys 426 00:16:34,410 --> 00:16:34,994 and covered up for you, 427 00:16:35,286 --> 00:16:36,846 How dare you accuse me! 428 00:16:37,121 --> 00:16:38,789 You say you're sorry right now. 429 00:16:39,081 --> 00:16:40,666 I'm sorry. 430 00:16:40,958 --> 00:16:42,877 Please don't cry, it's making me feel weird. 431 00:16:43,169 --> 00:16:45,213 I can't take this anymore. 432 00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:47,673 I'm going to put an end to it. 433 00:16:47,965 --> 00:16:49,675 But... but... But... but... but... 434 00:16:49,967 --> 00:16:51,052 Mr. Donaghy, it was me. 435 00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:53,721 I said those bad things about you in the newspaper, sir. 436 00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:55,013 Kenneth, you?! 437 00:16:55,139 --> 00:16:57,642 I couldn't lie anymore, sir. 438 00:16:57,934 --> 00:16:59,369 Because everyone knows the weight of a lie 439 00:16:59,393 --> 00:17:00,686 makes your soul so heavy 440 00:17:00,978 --> 00:17:02,939 that you can't rise up to heaven. 441 00:17:03,231 --> 00:17:04,458 And you don't look good in jeans from behind. 442 00:17:04,482 --> 00:17:05,775 But why, Kenneth? 443 00:17:06,067 --> 00:17:07,867 Is it because I made you work late last night? 444 00:17:08,110 --> 00:17:09,946 Yes, sir. That was it. 445 00:17:10,238 --> 00:17:11,838 I was here folding MILF island tee shirts 446 00:17:11,906 --> 00:17:12,406 until 2:00 in the morning. 447 00:17:12,698 --> 00:17:14,492 And then you didn't even offer me one. 448 00:17:14,784 --> 00:17:16,184 Needless to say I grumbled about you 449 00:17:16,452 --> 00:17:17,870 to anyone who would listen. 450 00:17:18,162 --> 00:17:20,998 I don't know what to say, Kenneth. 451 00:17:21,290 --> 00:17:23,709 You've embarrassed yourself and the show. 452 00:17:24,001 --> 00:17:25,361 You may have compromised my chances 453 00:17:25,586 --> 00:17:26,796 of running this company. 454 00:17:27,088 --> 00:17:29,090 And needless to say, you've hurt me personally. 455 00:17:30,007 --> 00:17:31,884 Lemon, do you have anything you want to add? 456 00:17:34,679 --> 00:17:36,138 You disgust me. 457 00:17:38,933 --> 00:17:40,601 Well, that's over. 458 00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:42,603 Deborah wins! 459 00:17:45,982 --> 00:17:47,900 She played the game so well. 460 00:17:48,192 --> 00:17:50,319 She manipulated, she lied. 461 00:17:50,611 --> 00:17:53,281 She got a pretty bad staph infection. 462 00:17:53,573 --> 00:17:56,826 But tonight, Deborah is our winner. 463 00:18:02,456 --> 00:18:04,959 Who won? 464 00:18:05,251 --> 00:18:09,088 ♪ Duh da da da da duh da da ♪ 465 00:18:09,380 --> 00:18:10,798 ♪ duh da da duh da ♪ 466 00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:12,508 ♪ duh da da da da ♪ ♪ 467 00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:14,093 Myirt! 468 00:18:14,385 --> 00:18:15,636 Jack, what are you doing here? 469 00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:17,263 Geiss called me. 470 00:18:17,555 --> 00:18:18,848 Oh, good. 471 00:18:19,140 --> 00:18:20,558 I've never heard him sound so happy. 472 00:18:20,850 --> 00:18:22,393 He called me "Jackie boy." 473 00:18:22,685 --> 00:18:24,729 And Deborah's testing off the charts 474 00:18:25,021 --> 00:18:26,331 in the most profitable demographics. 475 00:18:26,355 --> 00:18:27,940 Soccer moms, Nascar dads, 476 00:18:28,232 --> 00:18:30,151 white-collar pervs, and the obese. 477 00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:31,777 Wow. Congratulations. 478 00:18:32,069 --> 00:18:34,047 I've really come a long way since that heart attack, 479 00:18:34,071 --> 00:18:35,114 haven't I, Lemon? 480 00:18:35,406 --> 00:18:36,907 Geiss' job is mine to lose. 481 00:18:38,743 --> 00:18:40,661 There's just one thing still bothering me. 482 00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:43,205 Kenneth's story doesn't add up. 483 00:18:43,497 --> 00:18:45,333 You want some pizza? 484 00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:47,019 Kenneth said he was folding tee shirts 485 00:18:47,043 --> 00:18:48,043 until 2:00 A.M., 486 00:18:48,085 --> 00:18:49,396 but the post goes to press at midnight. 487 00:18:49,420 --> 00:18:51,714 Even if he somehow did bump into a reporter 488 00:18:52,006 --> 00:18:53,883 in the elevator, it would be too late. 489 00:18:54,175 --> 00:18:56,552 Well, you know, that guy's the worst. 490 00:18:56,844 --> 00:18:58,638 This should be the greatest night of my life, 491 00:18:58,929 --> 00:18:59,513 but I can't enjoy it. 492 00:18:59,805 --> 00:19:02,767 I mean, it's just k-k-killing me 493 00:19:03,059 --> 00:19:05,061 that somebody would say that about me. 494 00:19:05,353 --> 00:19:07,372 I'm sure the person who said it probably didn't mean it. 495 00:19:07,396 --> 00:19:09,231 And it was probably Toofer. 496 00:19:09,523 --> 00:19:10,733 No, they meant it. 497 00:19:11,025 --> 00:19:11,567 They think I'm a moron, 498 00:19:11,859 --> 00:19:12,919 just like Gilly and everyone else. 499 00:19:12,943 --> 00:19:14,612 Even Gilly made fun of you? 500 00:19:14,904 --> 00:19:15,446 You know, it's funny, Lemon. 501 00:19:15,738 --> 00:19:18,074 I g-guess I'll always b-b-b-be 502 00:19:18,366 --> 00:19:21,911 that k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k- 503 00:19:22,203 --> 00:19:23,483 it was me! I did it! K-k-k-k-k-k- 504 00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:24,973 I... I didn't mean any of it. K-k-k-k-k-k- 505 00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:26,433 I'm sorry I said you could eat my poo. K-k-k- 506 00:19:26,457 --> 00:19:27,937 I... it was me. I did it. K-k-k-k-k-k- 507 00:19:30,711 --> 00:19:32,838 I know. 508 00:19:33,130 --> 00:19:35,424 I just wanted to get you to admit it. 509 00:19:35,716 --> 00:19:38,552 And you do know how you're gonna make this up to me, don't you? 510 00:19:38,844 --> 00:19:40,680 Oh, god. 511 00:19:40,971 --> 00:19:42,291 I've gotta write the Deborah show. 512 00:19:42,473 --> 00:19:44,642 She wants to sing in every episode. 513 00:19:44,934 --> 00:19:48,437 You knew. How? 514 00:19:48,729 --> 00:19:50,481 No onion rings?! 515 00:19:50,773 --> 00:19:53,234 Ugh, this place can eat my poo! 516 00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:56,529 You say that word a lot more than you realize. 517 00:19:56,821 --> 00:19:59,365 Now, I need you to initial here, 518 00:19:59,657 --> 00:20:02,618 and sign here and here. 519 00:20:02,910 --> 00:20:05,121 I've got to admit I never thought I'd get you. 520 00:20:05,413 --> 00:20:10,209 I mean, the stutter, the certificate, Gilly. 521 00:20:10,501 --> 00:20:11,901 Yeah, well, I made up all that stuff 522 00:20:12,002 --> 00:20:13,379 about the extra baby foot too. 523 00:20:13,671 --> 00:20:15,671 I made that up... that was to make you feel better. 524 00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:16,715 I'll walk you out. 525 00:20:21,804 --> 00:20:24,640 Heel, toe, Lemon. Heel, toe. 526 00:20:29,895 --> 00:20:31,175 Stick around. 527 00:20:31,355 --> 00:20:33,232 Coming up next we've got dog swap!