1 00:00:04,480 --> 00:00:05,999 Hello, Mr Muckle. 2 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:07,839 Have you lost something? 3 00:00:07,840 --> 00:00:12,079 Ah, Miss Hawthorn. I was just looking for my daughter, Milly. 4 00:00:12,080 --> 00:00:14,319 But she's not in the milking parlour. 5 00:00:14,320 --> 00:00:17,239 I thought I saw her by the old Dutch barn, 6 00:00:17,240 --> 00:00:20,479 but I may be mistaken. The old barn? 7 00:00:20,480 --> 00:00:22,880 What on earth would she be doing there? 8 00:00:27,160 --> 00:00:29,559 LIPS SMACK 9 00:00:29,560 --> 00:00:31,439 Oh, Jethro! 10 00:00:31,440 --> 00:00:35,439 MORE LIP SMACKING 11 00:00:35,440 --> 00:00:38,159 Oh, Milly! 12 00:00:38,160 --> 00:00:39,959 What am I going to tell Father? 13 00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:44,039 Tell him that we're in love, and there's nothing 'e can do. 14 00:00:44,040 --> 00:00:46,760 The crabby old mucudgeon... er, curmudgeon. 15 00:00:48,320 --> 00:00:49,800 METAL SQUEAKS 16 00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:54,759 LOUD FOOTSTEPS 17 00:00:54,760 --> 00:00:59,279 Milly! I thought you'd put an end to this wretched tryst. 18 00:00:59,280 --> 00:01:01,799 It's not a tryst, Daddy. 19 00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:04,799 We're getting married. 20 00:01:04,800 --> 00:01:06,159 MUSIC BEGINS 21 00:01:06,160 --> 00:01:08,759 You have been listening to The Muckles, 22 00:01:08,760 --> 00:01:11,559 an everyday story of farming folk. 23 00:01:11,560 --> 00:01:15,480 The radio newsreel follows shortly. 24 00:01:17,920 --> 00:01:21,199 Here he is! How was it for you, Kenny? Another winner? 25 00:01:21,200 --> 00:01:25,039 Well, it should work. Once we put a symphony under it. 26 00:01:25,040 --> 00:01:28,359 As you know, recently, the press have been less than kind to us, 27 00:01:28,360 --> 00:01:31,559 saying it's high time the show was humanely slaughtered. 28 00:01:31,560 --> 00:01:33,559 I try not to read those reviews. 29 00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:36,159 Unfortunately, I have to. 30 00:01:36,160 --> 00:01:40,039 But I've found a way to make the show a bit more authentic. 31 00:01:40,040 --> 00:01:42,319 We're going to spend a week in the country, 32 00:01:42,320 --> 00:01:44,839 see the landscape that inspired The Muckles. 33 00:01:44,840 --> 00:01:47,559 Mix and mingle with actual local yokels. 34 00:01:47,560 --> 00:01:50,519 Sorry, you want us to actually go there? Yes, darling. 35 00:01:50,520 --> 00:01:52,999 As opposed to closing our eyes and imagining it. 36 00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:54,999 That does sound rather jolly. 37 00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:58,679 We'll see all the sights, then come back suitably refreshed 38 00:01:58,680 --> 00:02:00,639 and get to work. 39 00:02:00,640 --> 00:02:05,879 Oh, no. We'll be broadcasting all our shows there. 40 00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:08,200 Live. What? 41 00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:41,399 I can't believe the Muckles are actually coming to our village. 42 00:02:41,400 --> 00:02:46,079 And they will be recording in our church. 43 00:02:46,080 --> 00:02:48,599 I believe the producer was born here. 44 00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:51,199 It's like meeting long-lost family. 45 00:02:51,200 --> 00:02:54,319 I've been following their adventures for years. 46 00:02:54,320 --> 00:02:58,199 Yes, Mrs Devine. But remember - they do not know YOU. 47 00:02:58,200 --> 00:03:00,199 Of course. 48 00:03:00,200 --> 00:03:03,800 I'll endeavour to be nonchalant... They're here! 49 00:03:15,240 --> 00:03:17,439 Hello, everybody! 50 00:03:17,440 --> 00:03:18,799 VARIOUS GREETINGS 51 00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:20,319 And do you all love The Muckles? 52 00:03:20,320 --> 00:03:21,559 CHEERING 53 00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:24,039 And who's your favourite character? 54 00:03:24,040 --> 00:03:25,319 You are! 55 00:03:25,320 --> 00:03:28,119 That is the correct answer! 56 00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:29,520 LAUGHTER 57 00:03:30,840 --> 00:03:32,879 Hello, there! 58 00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:34,919 You must be Mr Muckle! 59 00:03:34,920 --> 00:03:37,999 Well, yes, I suppose I am. 60 00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:39,519 I'm a big fan. 61 00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:43,479 I cried my eyes out when your dog fell in the threshing machine. 62 00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:45,639 That's very kind. Thank you. 63 00:03:45,640 --> 00:03:47,240 I'm sorry, excuse me... 64 00:03:49,360 --> 00:03:51,759 Hello, there. Hello. 65 00:03:51,760 --> 00:03:55,479 You must excuse him. He's been reading the script on the bus, 66 00:03:55,480 --> 00:03:58,559 and he does get a bit emotional. Of course. 67 00:03:58,560 --> 00:04:00,039 I'm Mrs Isabel Devine. 68 00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:02,999 If there's anything you need, or anything I can do... 69 00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:06,279 So you actually live here? That's right. 70 00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:10,559 All the time? I wouldn't live anywhere else for the world! 71 00:04:10,560 --> 00:04:12,119 Oh, sorry! 72 00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:15,639 You see, I know a lot of people come to the country at the weekend, 73 00:04:15,640 --> 00:04:19,959 but you forget that there are people who live here all the time. 74 00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:21,760 It's lovely to meet you. 75 00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:28,479 Hello! I'm Kenneth Clay. 76 00:04:28,480 --> 00:04:31,119 Writer and producer of The Muckles. 77 00:04:31,120 --> 00:04:34,679 Father Brown. I guessed as much! I knew your predecessor. 78 00:04:34,680 --> 00:04:38,359 Father Smythe. I heard you were a native of Kembleford. 79 00:04:38,360 --> 00:04:42,399 Many moons ago. Ah, the church. 80 00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:45,600 That will look magnificent in our publicity photographs. 81 00:04:46,680 --> 00:04:48,199 Bells! 82 00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:50,319 Yes, we have eight. 83 00:04:50,320 --> 00:04:54,559 No. They're not going to ring, are they, when we're broadcasting? 84 00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:56,759 Our studio is rather ramshackle. 85 00:04:56,760 --> 00:04:59,719 Well, they will ring tomorrow for Sunday mass, 86 00:04:59,720 --> 00:05:03,319 and then I assure you they will be silent for the rest of the week. 87 00:05:03,320 --> 00:05:05,759 Oh, marvellous. Panic over. 88 00:05:05,760 --> 00:05:08,479 Kenneth? Yes? 89 00:05:08,480 --> 00:05:13,199 It's lovely being here and talking to these country bumpkins, 90 00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:15,239 but where is our hotel? 91 00:05:15,240 --> 00:05:17,800 Ah. See that farmhouse over there? 92 00:05:27,800 --> 00:05:32,759 Well, this is very rustic. However did you find it? 93 00:05:32,760 --> 00:05:34,559 Um, I was born here. 94 00:05:34,560 --> 00:05:38,319 Really? Yes. I can still see Father coming through this door, 95 00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:40,959 Mother telling him to take his muddy boots off. 96 00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:45,319 Kenneth, this is all fascinating, but is there a telephone? 97 00:05:45,320 --> 00:05:48,359 I think I might need to make a phone call. 98 00:05:48,360 --> 00:05:51,559 Down this corridor, in the hallway. 99 00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:53,040 Thank you. 100 00:05:56,920 --> 00:06:01,839 And what I want to know is, which is the biggest bedroom? 101 00:06:01,840 --> 00:06:05,399 Up the stairs. First door on the left. Lovely. 102 00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:06,719 Typical. 103 00:06:06,720 --> 00:06:08,519 Hello again! 104 00:06:08,520 --> 00:06:10,719 Hello. I forgot to give you these. 105 00:06:10,720 --> 00:06:13,039 Sausage rolls and a Victoria sponge. 106 00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:16,119 Oh! Oh, I never say no to a nice sausage roll. 107 00:06:16,120 --> 00:06:19,479 Our producer was just saying this was his family home. 108 00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:21,199 I still own it. 109 00:06:21,200 --> 00:06:22,719 I think it's remarkable. 110 00:06:22,720 --> 00:06:25,999 You always said Mr Muckle was based on your father, 111 00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:29,319 but I had no idea he was a real farmer. 112 00:06:29,320 --> 00:06:33,319 Farming was his livelihood, but he had another passion. 113 00:06:33,320 --> 00:06:34,840 I'll show you. 114 00:06:43,880 --> 00:06:45,080 Oh! 115 00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:48,519 It's a type 45 radio! 116 00:06:48,520 --> 00:06:52,159 Oh. Are you interested in broadcasting equipment? 117 00:06:52,160 --> 00:06:56,559 I'm afraid, Mr Clay, I am interested in almost everything. 118 00:06:56,560 --> 00:06:59,959 So, was your father a radio ham? 119 00:06:59,960 --> 00:07:03,039 My father was no ham. Ham can be cured! 120 00:07:03,040 --> 00:07:04,519 LAUGHTER 121 00:07:04,520 --> 00:07:08,079 He used this kit to broadcast to fellow enthusiasts, 122 00:07:08,080 --> 00:07:12,199 giving out useful information in the dark days of the last war. 123 00:07:12,200 --> 00:07:15,279 And you followed his footsteps into the world of radio. 124 00:07:15,280 --> 00:07:16,759 I did. 125 00:07:16,760 --> 00:07:21,839 And now, whenever we give out farming advice on The Muckles, well, 126 00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:24,240 I only hope I'm worthy of him. 127 00:07:27,360 --> 00:07:29,439 The Muckles? That's right. 128 00:07:29,440 --> 00:07:32,879 Are you a fan? Ooh, as soon as I hear that theme tune, 129 00:07:32,880 --> 00:07:35,759 I run towards the radio... to turn it off. 130 00:07:35,760 --> 00:07:37,799 Brenda, that's not fair. 131 00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:40,919 Once you've been listening for years, they become family. 132 00:07:40,920 --> 00:07:43,999 All the more precious when your own family aren't around. 133 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:46,999 Although you did say it's not quite as good as it was? 134 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:49,759 I suppose. Although I am looking forward 135 00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:52,400 to Milly and Jethro's wedding episode. 136 00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:56,080 Speaking of which... 137 00:07:57,800 --> 00:08:02,319 Oh, my word! It's wonderful. 138 00:08:02,320 --> 00:08:05,639 I only hope my wedding can be half as glamorous. 139 00:08:05,640 --> 00:08:09,719 What do they want all this stuff for? It's on the radio. 140 00:08:09,720 --> 00:08:11,879 Publicity photographs. 141 00:08:11,880 --> 00:08:14,239 Oh. It's for the Radio Times. 142 00:08:14,240 --> 00:08:16,359 We are behind the scenes! 143 00:08:16,360 --> 00:08:18,559 So... is it a good fit? 144 00:08:18,560 --> 00:08:22,199 It's fine. So long as I don't breathe. 145 00:08:22,200 --> 00:08:24,519 Mr Clay! Oh, Father Brown! 146 00:08:24,520 --> 00:08:28,119 We're just making a few last-minute adjustments. 147 00:08:28,120 --> 00:08:31,679 HE HUMS 148 00:08:31,680 --> 00:08:34,239 Charlie, could you please put on the top hat? 149 00:08:34,240 --> 00:08:38,519 I don't think so. It's a small magazine 150 00:08:38,520 --> 00:08:42,399 and if I'm going to fit all of my face on that cover, then... 151 00:08:42,400 --> 00:08:44,399 Just do it to humour me? 152 00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:46,879 Yes, Mein Fuhrer! 153 00:08:46,880 --> 00:08:48,600 HE STAMPS HIS FOOT FORMALLY 154 00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:54,599 I must say, the acoustics in this place are marvellous. 155 00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:57,119 Will work wonderfully for the actual episode. 156 00:08:57,120 --> 00:09:00,839 Yes, Annabel. You could whistle a happy tune here. 157 00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:03,240 CHARLIE WHISTLES 158 00:09:05,720 --> 00:09:08,759 Oh, Miss Warmley! You look... 159 00:09:08,760 --> 00:09:11,479 Ravishing! 160 00:09:11,480 --> 00:09:14,559 I mean, it's a beautiful dress. 161 00:09:14,560 --> 00:09:16,839 The photographer seems to agree. 162 00:09:16,840 --> 00:09:19,039 He's actually keen to get me on the cover. 163 00:09:19,040 --> 00:09:20,999 Of course. 164 00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:23,479 Well, are you ready for your close-up? 165 00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:24,960 Oh, thank you. 166 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:28,600 CAMERA CLICKS 167 00:09:35,240 --> 00:09:38,639 Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello. 168 00:09:38,640 --> 00:09:43,999 Hello, people! How'd you like a slice of my luverly, luverly cakie? 169 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:47,039 My mamma mia, she used to make-a the cake 170 00:09:47,040 --> 00:09:49,879 and eat-a the cake every single day. 171 00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:52,759 But you know my mamma, she did not live too long. 172 00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:54,239 Huh? 173 00:09:54,240 --> 00:09:57,879 Oh, lady! Would you like to try-a the cake? 174 00:09:57,880 --> 00:09:59,799 No, thank you. 175 00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:01,639 Just a little slice of the cake. 176 00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:05,479 No. But your eyes! Your eyes and the cake - 177 00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:06,880 they match! 178 00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:12,279 You stupid, selfish, little worm! 179 00:10:12,280 --> 00:10:14,439 Why do you always have to ruin everything? 180 00:10:14,440 --> 00:10:17,560 Why don't you just drop down dead? 181 00:10:20,480 --> 00:10:22,080 Elizabeth. 182 00:10:26,160 --> 00:10:27,240 Idiot. 183 00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:41,280 So, Mr Muckle. 184 00:10:44,720 --> 00:10:46,879 This wedding will be happening, 185 00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:49,839 whether ye likes it or not. 186 00:10:49,840 --> 00:10:51,880 HE LAUGHS LOUDLY 187 00:10:53,880 --> 00:10:56,519 Oh... Two minutes over. 188 00:10:56,520 --> 00:10:59,200 Which should be all right with a few judicious cuts. 189 00:11:03,440 --> 00:11:06,319 However, we don't have anyone to do sound effects. 190 00:11:06,320 --> 00:11:10,879 Why not? Myfanwy has been in a minor car crash. 191 00:11:10,880 --> 00:11:13,519 This whole show is a car crash. 192 00:11:13,520 --> 00:11:15,119 Elizabeth, you've done it before. 193 00:11:15,120 --> 00:11:17,079 Could you operate, just for this evening? 194 00:11:17,080 --> 00:11:18,759 Well, no. 195 00:11:18,760 --> 00:11:22,399 How can I? I have that big speech on page seven. 196 00:11:22,400 --> 00:11:25,439 Although we were looking at making some cuts, 197 00:11:25,440 --> 00:11:27,919 so if we were to get rid of your speech... 198 00:11:27,920 --> 00:11:29,599 It's not ideal, I know. 199 00:11:29,600 --> 00:11:31,999 But we're running out of time, and I keep wondering 200 00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:34,400 what calamity is going to come through that door next. 201 00:11:37,560 --> 00:11:40,439 Hello! It's us! Hello. 202 00:11:40,440 --> 00:11:42,999 Father Brown, I'm so glad you could make it. 203 00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:46,959 We're very keen to see what goes into a live broadcast. 204 00:11:46,960 --> 00:11:49,399 Blood, sweat and tears, mostly. CHARLIE VOCALISES LOUDLY 205 00:11:49,400 --> 00:11:51,119 It's all happening here! 206 00:11:51,120 --> 00:11:52,839 Yes, indeed. 207 00:11:52,840 --> 00:11:56,839 Charlie, can you do your warm-up in the green room, please? 208 00:11:56,840 --> 00:11:58,359 Jawohl! 209 00:11:58,360 --> 00:12:01,399 Goodness! It does seem quite chaotic. 210 00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:05,399 Yes, we're just dealing with a few pre-performance nerves 211 00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:10,000 but once that "on air" sign comes on, all will be well. 212 00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:18,600 LOUD GRUNTING 213 00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:23,119 Oh, it's amazing! 214 00:12:23,120 --> 00:12:27,839 If you close your eyes, you can actually see the axe. 215 00:12:27,840 --> 00:12:32,279 Please, Daddy, Jethro would like a word with you. 216 00:12:32,280 --> 00:12:35,079 Really? Well, come on, then. 217 00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:36,759 What have you got to say for yourself? 218 00:12:36,760 --> 00:12:39,319 CHARLIE CLEARS HIS THROAT 219 00:12:39,320 --> 00:12:40,679 Huh... 220 00:12:40,680 --> 00:12:42,319 Mr Muckle...! 221 00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:46,440 Play the music. For God's sake, play the music! 222 00:12:49,160 --> 00:12:53,359 You have been listening to The Muckles, 223 00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:56,799 an everyday story of farming folk. Charlie! Charlie? 224 00:12:56,800 --> 00:12:59,999 The radio newsreel follows shortly. Charlie? 225 00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:01,480 Charlie! 226 00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:09,400 It's too late. 227 00:13:14,040 --> 00:13:17,080 In nomine patris et filii et spiritus sancti, amen. 228 00:13:25,640 --> 00:13:29,280 Are you all right? Just a bit shaken. 229 00:13:30,520 --> 00:13:33,559 Father, I assume you witnessed the proceedings? 230 00:13:33,560 --> 00:13:36,359 Yes, I did. 231 00:13:36,360 --> 00:13:41,679 Throughout the episode, Mr Chumley seemed in discomfort. 232 00:13:41,680 --> 00:13:45,639 Then, at the end, he suffered a paroxysm. 233 00:13:45,640 --> 00:13:48,839 Had he had anything to eat or drink in the past hour? 234 00:13:48,840 --> 00:13:50,359 There was that throat spray. 235 00:13:50,360 --> 00:13:54,080 He was gulping that down like he was dying of thirst. 236 00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:56,720 Who's in charge here? 237 00:13:58,160 --> 00:14:01,239 I am. Kenneth Clay. 238 00:14:01,240 --> 00:14:02,999 Although perhaps not for much longer. 239 00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:05,959 20 million people just heard a man die live on air. 240 00:14:05,960 --> 00:14:09,039 Don't know about that. We had the wireless on at the station, 241 00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:11,119 and it sounded like Jethro had been on the cider again. 242 00:14:11,120 --> 00:14:13,159 Thank goodness for that! 243 00:14:13,160 --> 00:14:15,919 Well, I need a drink, or you'll have another body on the floor. 244 00:14:15,920 --> 00:14:17,759 I'll get you some water. 245 00:14:17,760 --> 00:14:20,919 No! No-one's to touch anything. 246 00:14:20,920 --> 00:14:22,919 I'll take your statements outside. 247 00:14:22,920 --> 00:14:25,160 It's going to be a long night. 248 00:14:32,360 --> 00:14:34,679 Hello, there! Something smells good. 249 00:14:34,680 --> 00:14:38,999 Oh! Mrs, um, Wotsit left us some bits and pieces. 250 00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:43,319 And some eggs from the henhouse. How lovely! 251 00:14:43,320 --> 00:14:47,319 This whole week could be rather jolly if it wasn't for... 252 00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:50,039 all the disasters. I couldn't sleep a wink. 253 00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:53,959 I kept seeing him writhing on the floor, reaching out for help. 254 00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:57,999 You do know that if you get nervous in the night, 255 00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:00,679 you can always come into my room, no, no... 256 00:15:00,680 --> 00:15:03,599 Sorry, sorry, that sounded a bit, um... 257 00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:06,240 No, it's fine! 258 00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:11,199 Well, anyone who says an actress' life is easy 259 00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:13,759 should spend a night in this hell-hole. 260 00:15:13,760 --> 00:15:18,119 A mattress made of straw, and an absolute maniac underneath me. 261 00:15:18,120 --> 00:15:20,439 Maniac? Kenneth. 262 00:15:20,440 --> 00:15:22,359 I'm just over his study. 263 00:15:22,360 --> 00:15:23,759 And he was up all night - 264 00:15:23,760 --> 00:15:27,599 bash, bash, bashing on that machine of his! 265 00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:28,760 Listen! 266 00:15:30,800 --> 00:15:31,880 Come on! 267 00:15:34,720 --> 00:15:39,199 HIGH-PITCHED: "He's left me, Daddy! "He's called off the wedding!" 268 00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:41,319 DEEPER: "Oh, darling, is it too soon to say 269 00:15:41,320 --> 00:15:43,559 "good riddance to bad rubbish"? 270 00:15:43,560 --> 00:15:45,559 What are you listening to? 271 00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:50,359 Father Brown! We were just listening to our producer. 272 00:15:50,360 --> 00:15:54,719 Yes, he records all his episodes on tape and then he types them up. 273 00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:59,080 And as you can imagine, we're very keen to know what happens next. 274 00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:02,759 Oh! Good morning! 275 00:16:02,760 --> 00:16:08,319 Now, I've spoken to the DG, the head of department, and Charlie's mother, 276 00:16:08,320 --> 00:16:10,839 and everyone is very keen that we continue. 277 00:16:10,840 --> 00:16:13,159 Now, we're keeping his death quiet for now, 278 00:16:13,160 --> 00:16:15,359 but we'll make an announcement on Friday. 279 00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:17,599 Ah, the wedding episode. 280 00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:21,359 I take it you'll not now be requiring St Mary's? 281 00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:23,719 Actually, we will. 282 00:16:23,720 --> 00:16:26,239 Milly is going to be jilted at the altar. 283 00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:28,759 Rejected by the only man she ever loved. 284 00:16:28,760 --> 00:16:32,079 There won't be a dry eye in the United Kingdom. 285 00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:33,319 Marvellous! 286 00:16:33,320 --> 00:16:35,239 And what about Mr Muckle? 287 00:16:35,240 --> 00:16:37,879 He's going to make peace with his daughter, 288 00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:40,039 apologise for all the hurt he's caused, 289 00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:41,879 and then he's going to try and persuade her 290 00:16:41,880 --> 00:16:43,479 that there are brighter days ahead. 291 00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:47,559 Oh! Sounds good. 292 00:16:47,560 --> 00:16:52,719 Now, as it's a lovely day, I think we should go and rehearse outside. 293 00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:56,440 Although I still need someone to do sound effects. 294 00:17:00,680 --> 00:17:02,119 BOX CONTENTS CLATTER 295 00:17:02,120 --> 00:17:08,120 Cowbells, fog-horns and wind noises! Why did he think of me? 296 00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:11,399 He saw how engrossed you were yesterday evening, 297 00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:14,439 and Mr Clay is a very good judge of character. 298 00:17:14,440 --> 00:17:16,239 Welcome. 299 00:17:16,240 --> 00:17:19,799 This is the barn where my father would gather winter fodder, 300 00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:21,399 and come home covered in chaff. 301 00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:23,399 Right. 302 00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:25,399 Are you sitting comfortably? 303 00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:27,279 Well, then we'll begin. 304 00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:29,759 Now, let's make some Muckles magic! 305 00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:31,639 BELL JANGLES 306 00:17:31,640 --> 00:17:34,039 Oh, Miss Hawthorn, I must say, 307 00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:37,559 you've worked wonders with my old Aberdeen longhorn. 308 00:17:37,560 --> 00:17:39,959 Whatever is your secret? 309 00:17:39,960 --> 00:17:43,479 It's very simple. Her udders were looking a little sore, 310 00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:45,519 so I rubbed on my unguent. 311 00:17:45,520 --> 00:17:48,199 Spearmint flower and fresh camomile. 312 00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:52,719 Well, it's had the most remarkable effect on her yield. 313 00:17:52,720 --> 00:17:54,919 Which just goes to show... LIQUID POURS LOUDLY 314 00:17:54,920 --> 00:17:59,479 when you treat animals with respect, they repay you tenfold. 315 00:17:59,480 --> 00:18:03,639 Speaking of respect, you do need to sort things with your daughter. 316 00:18:03,640 --> 00:18:07,279 Milly has made her own bed, be it lumpy and uncomfortable. 317 00:18:07,280 --> 00:18:11,519 Mr Muckle, Jethro may be coarse and uncouth, 318 00:18:11,520 --> 00:18:16,519 but he has a good heart. And love is such a rare... 319 00:18:16,520 --> 00:18:19,319 "And precious thing in this world." Carry on. 320 00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:21,399 Ladies and gentlemen, sorry for interrupting, 321 00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:25,479 we need a word, Miss Hawthorn. I mean... 322 00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:28,039 Elizabeth Warmley, I'm arresting you 323 00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:30,680 on suspicion of the murder of Charlie Chumley. 324 00:18:35,840 --> 00:18:37,999 Oh, Father, I can't bear it. 325 00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:41,439 They've been interrogating me for three hours. 326 00:18:41,440 --> 00:18:45,959 After a while, you want to confess just to make it stop! 327 00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:48,279 Why did they arrest you? 328 00:18:48,280 --> 00:18:53,279 Apparently, someone put poison in Charlie's throat spray. 329 00:18:53,280 --> 00:18:55,279 Strychnine. 330 00:18:55,280 --> 00:18:58,399 And they found traces of it on my sound effects table. 331 00:18:58,400 --> 00:19:00,919 They've been going through all my possessions - 332 00:19:00,920 --> 00:19:03,679 my luggage, my clothes! 333 00:19:03,680 --> 00:19:07,759 It didn't help that yesterday, you told him to drop down dead. 334 00:19:07,760 --> 00:19:10,280 For once in his life, he listened! 335 00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:14,159 I can see that Mr Chumley 336 00:19:14,160 --> 00:19:17,799 was not easy to get on with. 337 00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:22,679 Do you know of anyone who might have a lethal grudge against him? 338 00:19:22,680 --> 00:19:25,399 Well, there was Annabel. 339 00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:27,679 I mean, she had to marry him! 340 00:19:27,680 --> 00:19:28,999 Ah, yes. 341 00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:31,359 I know she was dreading this trip. 342 00:19:31,360 --> 00:19:35,919 Demanded Wednesday morning off so she could go back to London. 343 00:19:35,920 --> 00:19:37,799 And then on Sunday night... 344 00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:39,759 Yes? 345 00:19:39,760 --> 00:19:42,879 I heard her on the telephone to her agent. 346 00:19:42,880 --> 00:19:46,799 Sobbing. Saying Charlie had ruined everything. 347 00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:48,839 Did she say how? 348 00:19:48,840 --> 00:19:51,079 I never heard that. 349 00:19:51,080 --> 00:19:52,919 Oh... 350 00:19:52,920 --> 00:19:55,560 Please! I... 351 00:19:57,000 --> 00:19:59,959 I have to get back to Graham. 352 00:19:59,960 --> 00:20:02,200 We must work on our scenes. 353 00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:05,640 Yes, Miss Warmley. 354 00:20:06,640 --> 00:20:10,160 I will do everything possible to make sure that happens. 355 00:20:13,240 --> 00:20:15,839 Father, I feel I'm in hell. 356 00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:17,919 I mean, poor Charlie. 357 00:20:17,920 --> 00:20:19,759 But then, poor Elizabeth. 358 00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:24,160 And poor everyone! We don't even know if the show is safe. 359 00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:28,919 It must be a very precarious occupation, acting. 360 00:20:28,920 --> 00:20:32,919 Forever searching for the next job. Yes! 361 00:20:32,920 --> 00:20:36,999 It's a nonstop round of begging letters and auditions. 362 00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:39,839 Is that why you asked for Wednesday morning off, 363 00:20:39,840 --> 00:20:43,119 so you could go back to London? 364 00:20:43,120 --> 00:20:44,839 No. 365 00:20:44,840 --> 00:20:48,319 No, I won't be going to London. No? 366 00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:51,079 I had an audition. 367 00:20:51,080 --> 00:20:53,079 But now I don't. 368 00:20:53,080 --> 00:20:57,279 Would that have been for a show called The King And I? 369 00:20:57,280 --> 00:20:58,639 How do you know? 370 00:20:58,640 --> 00:21:02,759 Well, at the wedding photography session yesterday, 371 00:21:02,760 --> 00:21:06,479 Charlie Chumley taunted you, he said you could "Whistle A Happy Tune", 372 00:21:06,480 --> 00:21:10,799 and that is a song from The King And I. 373 00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:12,519 It is. 374 00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:15,759 And it was going to be my West End debut. 375 00:21:15,760 --> 00:21:19,839 Only, on Sunday night, my agent said they didn't want to see me. 376 00:21:19,840 --> 00:21:23,439 Someone had told them that I was unreliable. 377 00:21:23,440 --> 00:21:25,439 Unreliable! Me! 378 00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:28,719 And you think that someone was Charlie Chumley? 379 00:21:28,720 --> 00:21:30,319 It had to be. 380 00:21:30,320 --> 00:21:32,319 He was the only one who knew. 381 00:21:32,320 --> 00:21:36,039 Why would Mr Chumley sabotage your career? 382 00:21:36,040 --> 00:21:42,040 Oh... Isn't it obvious? He wanted to be the star of The Muckles. 383 00:21:42,400 --> 00:21:45,119 And by marrying me, taking over the farm... 384 00:21:45,120 --> 00:21:47,959 But if I left, it would make life difficult for him, 385 00:21:47,960 --> 00:21:49,919 so I think he made a few phone calls and... 386 00:21:49,920 --> 00:21:51,120 KNOCK ON DOOR 387 00:21:52,320 --> 00:21:53,440 Come in! 388 00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:57,319 Hello. 389 00:21:57,320 --> 00:22:00,280 We have a situation. In the pigsty. 390 00:22:05,920 --> 00:22:09,559 Hello! Father, forgive me. 391 00:22:09,560 --> 00:22:12,240 I was just looking for the piggies. 392 00:22:13,720 --> 00:22:16,840 Napoleon, Snowball, Squealer. 393 00:22:18,640 --> 00:22:21,119 Kenneth, you do know it's not a farm any more? 394 00:22:21,120 --> 00:22:23,559 The animals died some time ago. 395 00:22:23,560 --> 00:22:26,239 They're all still here in my memory. 396 00:22:26,240 --> 00:22:29,999 Running around with their little curly tails. 397 00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:33,879 Annabel, could you come in with me? 398 00:22:33,880 --> 00:22:36,319 But I've got my suedes on. 399 00:22:36,320 --> 00:22:38,599 Then could you make a strong pot of coffee? 400 00:22:38,600 --> 00:22:41,200 Yes. I could definitely do that. 401 00:22:49,480 --> 00:22:53,119 Do you know what they call a little piggy, 402 00:22:53,120 --> 00:22:56,839 the teeniest in the litter? 403 00:22:56,840 --> 00:22:59,959 That would be the runt. Yes. 404 00:22:59,960 --> 00:23:02,759 That's what my father used to call me. 405 00:23:02,760 --> 00:23:04,279 "You're a runt. 406 00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:07,959 "A pathetic seven-stone weakling." 407 00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:10,599 But I am not a runt! 408 00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:12,799 I am a BBC producer! 409 00:23:12,800 --> 00:23:16,959 Yes, and a very fine one. No, I'm not! 410 00:23:16,960 --> 00:23:19,999 I just seem to ruin everything. 411 00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:23,279 I thought coming here would breathe new life into the show. 412 00:23:23,280 --> 00:23:26,199 But now Charlie's dead, 413 00:23:26,200 --> 00:23:29,919 Elizabeth's been locked up, 414 00:23:29,920 --> 00:23:32,959 and I don't know what to do for tonight's episode! 415 00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:34,400 Kenneth, give me that. 416 00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:43,799 That was a disgusting waste! 417 00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:45,319 Not at all. 418 00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:48,719 In fact, the earthworms are having a marvellous party. 419 00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:51,079 But your job is to entertain the nation. 420 00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:53,319 But we haven't got a show! 421 00:23:53,320 --> 00:23:57,480 Oh, come on, Kenneth. We've weathered worse storms than this. 422 00:23:58,880 --> 00:24:00,120 Storms? 423 00:24:01,520 --> 00:24:04,960 Storms, yes. Yes, that... That's it! 424 00:24:07,440 --> 00:24:08,560 Thank you. 425 00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:16,999 Well done, Mr Snow. Very persuasive. 426 00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:19,839 The thing is - my part was based on his father, 427 00:24:19,840 --> 00:24:23,399 so I always get through to him. 428 00:24:23,400 --> 00:24:27,680 Now I just have to work out what to do for poor Elizabeth. 429 00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:37,039 Miss Warmley? 430 00:24:37,040 --> 00:24:40,239 Oh, dear. Not more questions. No. 431 00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:41,959 But it's seven o'clock. 432 00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:44,359 I thought you might like to listen to the wireless. 433 00:24:44,360 --> 00:24:46,359 I'd rather be on it, 434 00:24:46,360 --> 00:24:49,199 but it will be nice to know how my friends are doing. 435 00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:50,480 All right, then. 436 00:24:55,960 --> 00:24:59,000 THE MUCKLES THEME MUSIC BEGINS 437 00:25:04,160 --> 00:25:06,039 THUNDER-LIKE RATTLING 438 00:25:06,040 --> 00:25:07,439 Oh! Oh! 439 00:25:07,440 --> 00:25:10,439 This is the most terrible storm! 440 00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:14,039 You think I don't know? I'm soaked to the skin! 441 00:25:14,040 --> 00:25:16,599 Milly, I know we've had our disagreements, 442 00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:20,119 but we have to work together for the sake of the farm. 443 00:25:20,120 --> 00:25:22,559 Poor Miss Hawthorn's gone missing, and... 444 00:25:22,560 --> 00:25:24,279 Where are her horses? 445 00:25:24,280 --> 00:25:26,159 I think they've bolted. 446 00:25:26,160 --> 00:25:29,039 Moonlight? Moonlight! HORSE GALLOPS 447 00:25:29,040 --> 00:25:31,079 Moonlight! 448 00:25:31,080 --> 00:25:33,559 How's the head, Mr Clay? 449 00:25:33,560 --> 00:25:35,519 Oh, much better, thank you. 450 00:25:35,520 --> 00:25:39,039 I was just rather overwhelmed by recent events. 451 00:25:39,040 --> 00:25:42,000 But everything's back on track now. 452 00:25:45,320 --> 00:25:49,600 GALLOPING HORSE SOUND EFFECTS Easy, boy. Easy... 453 00:25:51,640 --> 00:25:54,999 Well, I thought that was the best episode ever. 454 00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:57,719 Your wind noises were wonderful. 455 00:25:57,720 --> 00:26:00,679 I know! And when the horse got stuck in the mud, 456 00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:03,519 you know it's not real, but you start to see it in front of you. 457 00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:06,239 I think it's because we're all listening together. 458 00:26:06,240 --> 00:26:08,680 20 million people, all believing. 459 00:26:10,280 --> 00:26:15,039 The episode's going very well, in spite of all the disasters. 460 00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:17,560 And now they have another disaster. 461 00:26:19,880 --> 00:26:23,120 No, Chief Constable, she clearly told him to drop down dead. 462 00:26:24,320 --> 00:26:27,359 No, not in the programme, she actually said it in real life. 463 00:26:27,360 --> 00:26:28,760 Excuse me. 464 00:26:29,840 --> 00:26:32,600 Please tell me you have some good news from the labs. 465 00:26:35,280 --> 00:26:36,760 Mr Clay? 466 00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:47,240 Mr Clay? 467 00:26:54,920 --> 00:26:58,400 "Dead? But no, Daddy, he can't be." 468 00:27:00,040 --> 00:27:03,240 "I'm afraid so. Crushed by an old oak tree." 469 00:27:06,520 --> 00:27:08,799 Father Brown? 470 00:27:08,800 --> 00:27:11,359 Mr Clay. Forgive me. 471 00:27:11,360 --> 00:27:14,519 I am, as you know, an avid Muckles listener. 472 00:27:14,520 --> 00:27:18,159 Fair enough. Though I would prefer you to wait till the actual episode. 473 00:27:18,160 --> 00:27:21,439 Which I am sure will be gripping. 474 00:27:21,440 --> 00:27:25,199 I have just read the interview with the late Charlie Chumley. 475 00:27:25,200 --> 00:27:28,079 Oh, Lord. 476 00:27:28,080 --> 00:27:29,920 Break it to me gently. 477 00:27:31,600 --> 00:27:35,839 He said he writes scripts for The Muckles... 478 00:27:35,840 --> 00:27:38,239 Ha! No. Absolutely not. 479 00:27:38,240 --> 00:27:40,359 That was just Charlie spinning a yarn. 480 00:27:40,360 --> 00:27:43,559 Believe me, there is only one captain on this ship. 481 00:27:43,560 --> 00:27:46,119 And what would the captain do, Mr Clay, 482 00:27:46,120 --> 00:27:50,399 should one of the crew threaten mutiny? 483 00:27:50,400 --> 00:27:54,919 Father, I hope you're not suggesting something unsavoury. 484 00:27:54,920 --> 00:27:57,479 There were many times I could have cheerfully murdered Charlie Chumley. 485 00:27:57,480 --> 00:28:01,760 But I've been through hell this week. Writing and rewriting. 486 00:28:03,000 --> 00:28:06,039 We will have a wonderful episode in the church this evening. 487 00:28:06,040 --> 00:28:07,839 But nothing like my original plan. 488 00:28:07,840 --> 00:28:12,040 What was the original plan? Well, it was going to be the wedding episode. 489 00:28:13,480 --> 00:28:17,839 Jethero would be late, of course. Always adds to the drama. 490 00:28:17,840 --> 00:28:21,560 Then at the end of this joyous, happy episode... 491 00:28:22,680 --> 00:28:24,719 Mr Muckle was going to die. 492 00:28:24,720 --> 00:28:27,439 What? That's the reaction I was hoping for. 493 00:28:27,440 --> 00:28:30,439 Certainly surprised Graham on the bus. But I kept telling him, 494 00:28:30,440 --> 00:28:34,279 "If you're going to go, you may as well go in style." 495 00:28:34,280 --> 00:28:36,160 We've got a visitor! 496 00:28:38,080 --> 00:28:40,559 Apparently, some very important solicitor 497 00:28:40,560 --> 00:28:42,359 who knows the Chief Constable 498 00:28:42,360 --> 00:28:45,359 demanded that they look at the evidence again. 499 00:28:45,360 --> 00:28:49,599 And as there's nothing conclusive, I'm out on police bail 500 00:28:49,600 --> 00:28:53,919 pending further enquiries. But who exactly instructed this solicitor? 501 00:28:53,920 --> 00:28:58,319 I don't know. I must have a guardian angel. 502 00:28:58,320 --> 00:28:59,719 It doesn't matter who it was. 503 00:28:59,720 --> 00:29:03,319 The main thing is - you're in tonight's show. 504 00:29:03,320 --> 00:29:05,720 And the show must go on. 505 00:29:07,520 --> 00:29:10,640 Mr Snow, might I have a private word? 506 00:29:17,280 --> 00:29:22,239 I presume YOU were responsible for the solicitor. 507 00:29:22,240 --> 00:29:24,639 Was it that obvious? 508 00:29:24,640 --> 00:29:28,119 The thing is, I know beyond all doubt she didn't do it. 509 00:29:28,120 --> 00:29:30,359 How can you be so sure? 510 00:29:30,360 --> 00:29:35,079 Because Elizabeth is the kindest person I've ever met. 511 00:29:35,080 --> 00:29:36,760 She's just like the sun. 512 00:29:38,000 --> 00:29:40,720 As soon as she appears, everyone feels better. 513 00:29:42,240 --> 00:29:45,159 Are you in love with her, Mr Snow? 514 00:29:45,160 --> 00:29:47,279 More than you could possibly imagine. 515 00:29:47,280 --> 00:29:53,039 Have you told her about your feelings? How could I? 516 00:29:53,040 --> 00:29:57,279 We have the most wonderful time together, but what if... 517 00:29:57,280 --> 00:30:00,759 she doesn't feel the same way? 518 00:30:00,760 --> 00:30:05,239 So, no, no, I just carry on sharing a microphone, 519 00:30:05,240 --> 00:30:07,080 but never my feelings. 520 00:30:08,480 --> 00:30:10,880 Admiring Miss Warmley from afar. 521 00:30:12,280 --> 00:30:14,280 But that was about to change. 522 00:30:15,680 --> 00:30:19,439 You were going to be written out of The Muckles. 523 00:30:19,440 --> 00:30:24,839 Indeed, on the way here, you read a script... in which he dies. 524 00:30:24,840 --> 00:30:26,479 Which distressed you greatly. 525 00:30:26,480 --> 00:30:28,559 Of course it did! How would you feel? 526 00:30:28,560 --> 00:30:30,399 I've been totally devoted to this show, 527 00:30:30,400 --> 00:30:32,519 and then to be tossed aside... 528 00:30:32,520 --> 00:30:35,719 And yet you were not tossed aside. 529 00:30:35,720 --> 00:30:40,200 Thanks to Mr Chumley's death, you will remain. As will Miss Warmley. 530 00:30:41,920 --> 00:30:45,679 Father Brown, I don't know who killed Charlie, 531 00:30:45,680 --> 00:30:48,039 but I would never be brave enough. 532 00:30:48,040 --> 00:30:51,119 You see, I've been in love with Elizabeth for ten years, 533 00:30:51,120 --> 00:30:54,559 and I'm still too terrified to tell her. 534 00:30:54,560 --> 00:30:57,719 I'm not a man who takes risks. 535 00:30:57,720 --> 00:30:58,840 Indeed. 536 00:31:00,240 --> 00:31:03,079 But an hour ago, Miss Warmley was in a cell, 537 00:31:03,080 --> 00:31:05,960 and now she is enjoying the taste of freedom. 538 00:31:07,360 --> 00:31:10,640 Perhaps it's time you escaped from your cell. 539 00:31:16,160 --> 00:31:18,999 Here we go. Hot off the press. 540 00:31:19,000 --> 00:31:21,079 So, what's actually going to happen? 541 00:31:21,080 --> 00:31:24,239 Milly learns of the death of Jethro. 542 00:31:24,240 --> 00:31:27,039 And will be furious with her father, of course. 543 00:31:27,040 --> 00:31:30,359 But Miss Hawthorn will bring them back together. 544 00:31:30,360 --> 00:31:32,599 Then, having brought peace to the Muckles, 545 00:31:32,600 --> 00:31:34,919 she reveals that her sister is very ill 546 00:31:34,920 --> 00:31:37,599 and she has to move back to London. 547 00:31:37,600 --> 00:31:40,119 London? The thing is, Elizabeth, 548 00:31:40,120 --> 00:31:42,399 it's marvellous that you're out on bail, but... 549 00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:45,559 Who knows what happens next? We have to think of the show. 550 00:31:45,560 --> 00:31:49,159 Now, hang on! No, no. I... I understand. 551 00:31:49,160 --> 00:31:52,800 Now we also need a friend and confidante for Milly. 552 00:31:55,640 --> 00:31:57,840 Father Brown? Yes? 553 00:31:58,920 --> 00:32:01,639 I realise this is unlikely, but... 554 00:32:01,640 --> 00:32:03,440 do you know of any actresses? 555 00:32:09,560 --> 00:32:13,319 This is the greatest honour of my entire life. 556 00:32:13,320 --> 00:32:16,799 Although I am terrified. What if I mess up my first line? 557 00:32:16,800 --> 00:32:18,439 What is your first line? 558 00:32:18,440 --> 00:32:20,320 "Hello, Milly." 559 00:32:21,480 --> 00:32:23,959 I'm not going to think about the 20 million listeners. 560 00:32:23,960 --> 00:32:27,239 I'm doing it for these people. My friends. 561 00:32:27,240 --> 00:32:29,120 Oh, there's Edgar! 562 00:32:32,240 --> 00:32:34,399 Isn't it romantic? 563 00:32:34,400 --> 00:32:37,719 If you see any decorations you like, just let me know 564 00:32:37,720 --> 00:32:41,079 and I'll try and keep hold of them. Oh, that's wonderful, Isabel, 565 00:32:41,080 --> 00:32:43,519 but I'm afraid I'm not here just for your performance. 566 00:32:43,520 --> 00:32:44,839 I'm also here to keep an eye 567 00:32:44,840 --> 00:32:48,759 on someone who remains our number one suspect. Oh... 568 00:32:48,760 --> 00:32:50,840 But good luck! Thank you. 569 00:32:54,040 --> 00:32:55,520 Ah, there we are. 570 00:32:58,120 --> 00:32:59,919 Hello, everyone. 571 00:32:59,920 --> 00:33:03,399 Thank you for coming to this live transmission of The Muckles. 572 00:33:03,400 --> 00:33:06,279 We would ask you, please, to remain in your pews, 573 00:33:06,280 --> 00:33:08,919 and avoid any extraneous noise. 574 00:33:08,920 --> 00:33:13,159 Obviously, I have asked Father Brown to silence the bells. 575 00:33:13,160 --> 00:33:14,199 CHUCKLING 576 00:33:14,200 --> 00:33:16,199 Are we ready at the back? 577 00:33:16,200 --> 00:33:19,959 When the "on air" sign illuminates, 578 00:33:19,960 --> 00:33:21,960 we will be live to the nation. 579 00:33:26,120 --> 00:33:29,359 Mr Clay, may I have a word? 580 00:33:29,360 --> 00:33:30,759 I am a bit busy! 581 00:33:30,760 --> 00:33:33,199 But I'm afraid this can't wait. 582 00:33:33,200 --> 00:33:35,680 And I'm sure the show will go on without you. 583 00:33:42,960 --> 00:33:48,439 Tonight's episode is dedicated to Mr Charlie Chumley, 584 00:33:48,440 --> 00:33:51,359 a much-loved member of The Muckles cast, 585 00:33:51,360 --> 00:33:55,640 who sadly passed away this week. 586 00:34:01,400 --> 00:34:05,399 May I say, it is such a great privilege to watch you work, 587 00:34:05,400 --> 00:34:09,679 conjuring stories out of thin air and committing them to tape. 588 00:34:09,680 --> 00:34:13,119 Well, I've had to do that. Sheer pressure of time. 589 00:34:13,120 --> 00:34:15,279 I heard the recording you made 590 00:34:15,280 --> 00:34:18,999 of your characters reacting to the death of Jethro. 591 00:34:19,000 --> 00:34:21,999 And in the background, I could hear the church bells. 592 00:34:22,000 --> 00:34:26,959 But the bells only rang on Sunday this week. 593 00:34:26,960 --> 00:34:30,879 Which means that you were preparing for the death of Charlie Chumley 594 00:34:30,880 --> 00:34:33,239 while he was still alive. 595 00:34:33,240 --> 00:34:35,559 I think you're forgetting my profession, Father. 596 00:34:35,560 --> 00:34:37,039 I do use sound effects. 597 00:34:37,040 --> 00:34:39,999 And I think you're forgetting mine. 598 00:34:40,000 --> 00:34:44,240 I would know the sound of St Mary's bells anywhere. 599 00:34:47,160 --> 00:34:50,039 What did Mr Chumley do 600 00:34:50,040 --> 00:34:52,479 that made you decide he had to die? 601 00:34:52,480 --> 00:34:55,120 Or what did he discover? 602 00:34:57,120 --> 00:35:00,840 I suspect the answer lies in your father's love of radio. 603 00:35:02,600 --> 00:35:04,239 What do you mean? 604 00:35:04,240 --> 00:35:07,319 I was very intrigued by the map in his study. 605 00:35:07,320 --> 00:35:10,239 Great Britain, studded with pins. 606 00:35:10,240 --> 00:35:14,719 London, Coventry, Liverpool, Southampton. 607 00:35:14,720 --> 00:35:18,119 And then I realised they were all cities that suffered 608 00:35:18,120 --> 00:35:21,520 major bombing raids in World War II. 609 00:35:23,320 --> 00:35:26,799 A strange thing for a farmer to record. 610 00:35:26,800 --> 00:35:31,559 And then when I returned, the map had been removed. 611 00:35:31,560 --> 00:35:35,000 It was in the way. I wanted to make the place my own. 612 00:35:36,240 --> 00:35:41,519 William Joyce, the traitor, known as Lord Haw-haw, 613 00:35:41,520 --> 00:35:45,199 broadcast every night on behalf of the Nazi Party, 614 00:35:45,200 --> 00:35:48,120 celebrating every bomb that fell. 615 00:35:49,440 --> 00:35:53,039 I wonder, did your father attempt the same sort of thing? 616 00:35:53,040 --> 00:35:55,639 Perhaps as an aficionado, 617 00:35:55,640 --> 00:35:59,280 he would know how to evade detection by the authorities. 618 00:36:01,120 --> 00:36:06,320 And then Mr Chumley called you Mein Fuhrer. 619 00:36:08,960 --> 00:36:10,999 I wonder, 620 00:36:11,000 --> 00:36:14,319 did Charlie Chumley find out your father's secret? 621 00:36:14,320 --> 00:36:17,440 I should have known that Charlie would go snooping. 622 00:36:23,480 --> 00:36:26,399 He went looking for beer or cigarettes. 623 00:36:26,400 --> 00:36:27,640 Hello! 624 00:36:30,680 --> 00:36:33,160 And he found something a lot more deadly. 625 00:36:42,040 --> 00:36:43,280 What's this? 626 00:36:44,760 --> 00:36:47,799 Oh, my word. What... 627 00:36:47,800 --> 00:36:50,920 have we... here? 628 00:36:58,080 --> 00:36:59,560 What are you doing? 629 00:37:00,800 --> 00:37:03,839 I'm... reading a letter. 630 00:37:03,840 --> 00:37:07,239 From an old friend of your father's. 631 00:37:07,240 --> 00:37:08,559 What friend? 632 00:37:08,560 --> 00:37:11,439 Well, it's a... It's a German name. 633 00:37:11,440 --> 00:37:13,399 Oh, look at that. 634 00:37:13,400 --> 00:37:14,960 It's Joseph Goebbels. 635 00:37:17,400 --> 00:37:18,840 Father would never... 636 00:37:23,520 --> 00:37:28,319 So, Mr Chumley knew a terrible secret. 637 00:37:28,320 --> 00:37:29,839 And had immense power. 638 00:37:29,840 --> 00:37:33,999 He did. Suddenly, he thought he was in charge of the show. 639 00:37:34,000 --> 00:37:36,999 He gave me a list of suggestions. 640 00:37:37,000 --> 00:37:38,719 And they were awful. 641 00:37:38,720 --> 00:37:43,440 So, have you had a look at my ideas? 642 00:37:44,840 --> 00:37:48,199 I did, but you must be joking. 643 00:37:48,200 --> 00:37:53,559 Jethro's evil twin? Flying saucers? An alien invasion? 644 00:37:53,560 --> 00:37:55,599 It would kill the show. 645 00:37:55,600 --> 00:37:58,959 Then why don't we do an episode 646 00:37:58,960 --> 00:38:01,920 where someone turns out to be a Nazi instead? 647 00:38:04,200 --> 00:38:08,119 You could not allow him to destroy the beautiful thing you created, 648 00:38:08,120 --> 00:38:10,760 so you had to destroy him. 649 00:38:11,960 --> 00:38:13,640 It all seemed to fall into place. 650 00:38:15,920 --> 00:38:18,000 The farmhouse was full of rat poison. 651 00:38:20,680 --> 00:38:23,400 And he had that ridiculous throat spray he used to use. 652 00:38:28,440 --> 00:38:31,560 I had hoped that he would die later, at the pub. 653 00:38:33,360 --> 00:38:35,600 But Charlie always had terrible timing. 654 00:38:41,440 --> 00:38:43,880 When he died, you ran to loosen his clothing. 655 00:38:45,320 --> 00:38:48,039 You were picking his pockets... 656 00:38:48,040 --> 00:38:51,279 to retrieve the letter from Herr Goebbels. 657 00:38:51,280 --> 00:38:54,119 An everyday story of farming folk... 658 00:38:54,120 --> 00:38:56,040 Charlie? Charlie! 659 00:38:59,160 --> 00:39:02,360 I had hoped to keep my father's secret. 660 00:39:03,960 --> 00:39:06,639 I can't even manage that. 661 00:39:06,640 --> 00:39:10,400 Your father went to his maker, and was judged. 662 00:39:11,960 --> 00:39:15,079 Now you have to confess, 663 00:39:15,080 --> 00:39:17,279 and beg God's forgiveness. 664 00:39:17,280 --> 00:39:20,799 Confess? How can I? 665 00:39:20,800 --> 00:39:24,719 I am The Muckles, Father. I created it. 666 00:39:24,720 --> 00:39:28,080 Without my particular vision, it would be lost. 667 00:39:29,480 --> 00:39:34,639 Your programme is loved by millions. But you must tell the truth, 668 00:39:34,640 --> 00:39:36,319 and save your soul. 669 00:39:36,320 --> 00:39:38,239 For the sake of my listeners, 670 00:39:38,240 --> 00:39:41,039 I must keep my head down and carry on. 671 00:39:41,040 --> 00:39:43,760 Now, if you'll excuse me, Father. 672 00:39:53,360 --> 00:39:55,599 Oh, Milly. 673 00:39:55,600 --> 00:39:59,119 I know this was meant to be the happiest day of your life, 674 00:39:59,120 --> 00:40:01,719 but just be glad you've got your friends and family 675 00:40:01,720 --> 00:40:04,000 who love you very much. 676 00:40:05,240 --> 00:40:11,159 I know. And Jethro will always live on... in my heart. 677 00:40:11,160 --> 00:40:14,599 Well, I'm just glad we're all friends again. 678 00:40:14,600 --> 00:40:18,199 Because, as you know, my sister is very ill. 679 00:40:18,200 --> 00:40:21,639 And family is the most precious thing. 680 00:40:21,640 --> 00:40:24,680 And so I must... leave you. 681 00:40:26,520 --> 00:40:29,479 No! No! 682 00:40:29,480 --> 00:40:32,239 You can't possibly go! 683 00:40:32,240 --> 00:40:36,119 What? Why ever not? 684 00:40:36,120 --> 00:40:37,600 Because... 685 00:40:38,960 --> 00:40:40,800 I love you! 686 00:40:42,040 --> 00:40:43,080 Oh! 687 00:40:46,360 --> 00:40:49,400 APPLAUSE, THEME TUNE BEGINS Graham... 688 00:41:04,000 --> 00:41:08,519 Well, I don't think anyone was expecting that ending, 689 00:41:08,520 --> 00:41:11,119 but... they seemed to like it. 690 00:41:11,120 --> 00:41:15,639 Yes! It certainly came as a surprise to me. 691 00:41:15,640 --> 00:41:19,159 But a very welcome one. 692 00:41:19,160 --> 00:41:21,079 Kenneth, I'm... 693 00:41:21,080 --> 00:41:25,559 I'm so sorry, that was most unprofessional of me... 694 00:41:25,560 --> 00:41:27,079 No. 695 00:41:27,080 --> 00:41:29,679 In fact, it was perfect. 696 00:41:29,680 --> 00:41:33,439 And it's made me realise the show can go on without me. 697 00:41:33,440 --> 00:41:36,999 What do you mean, darling? You are the show. 698 00:41:37,000 --> 00:41:38,520 Not any more. 699 00:41:39,920 --> 00:41:42,839 Chief Inspector? May I have a word? 700 00:41:42,840 --> 00:41:44,360 Certainly. 701 00:41:47,400 --> 00:41:50,879 So, thank you, my darlings. 702 00:41:50,880 --> 00:41:55,240 And, please... look after the show for me. 703 00:42:07,280 --> 00:42:10,599 So, have you enjoyed your week in Kembleford, Miss Binky? 704 00:42:10,600 --> 00:42:15,039 Well, it's been... extraordinary. 705 00:42:15,040 --> 00:42:19,239 But I don't know how people cope with no theatre, no cinema, 706 00:42:19,240 --> 00:42:22,159 no culture of any kind. Hang on! 707 00:42:22,160 --> 00:42:25,119 We can still turn on the radio and listen to you. 708 00:42:25,120 --> 00:42:27,679 Oh! Of course! 709 00:42:27,680 --> 00:42:29,799 And that's what keeps you going. 710 00:42:29,800 --> 00:42:34,199 Well, I'd better get back to London and make some more episodes. 711 00:42:34,200 --> 00:42:35,840 Goodbye! 712 00:42:39,040 --> 00:42:43,759 Father Brown. I want to thank you for performing a miracle. 713 00:42:43,760 --> 00:42:46,519 And which miracle would that be? 714 00:42:46,520 --> 00:42:50,519 You got a crusty old curmudgeon to open his heart. 715 00:42:50,520 --> 00:42:53,759 It was a miracle I'd been waiting for, for ten years. 716 00:42:53,760 --> 00:42:57,239 And you'll be pleased to hear we've spoken to our new producer. 717 00:42:57,240 --> 00:42:59,319 Oh, so what's going to happen? 718 00:42:59,320 --> 00:43:01,639 There will be wedding bells. 719 00:43:01,640 --> 00:43:05,439 Both on the programme and... in real life. 720 00:43:05,440 --> 00:43:08,519 HORN TOOTS Oh. Well... 721 00:43:08,520 --> 00:43:12,000 Goodbye! Goodbye. 722 00:43:26,320 --> 00:43:29,279 You know I said I can't stand The Muckles? 723 00:43:29,280 --> 00:43:30,319 Yes? 724 00:43:30,320 --> 00:43:32,599 Kind of like it now. 725 00:43:32,600 --> 00:43:33,959 I think I might miss them. 726 00:43:33,960 --> 00:43:37,999 Oh, Brenda! You don't need to miss them. 727 00:43:38,000 --> 00:43:40,239 They'll always be there for you. 728 00:43:40,240 --> 00:43:43,279 Every evening at seven. 729 00:43:43,280 --> 00:43:44,999 Your invisible friends. 730 00:43:45,000 --> 00:43:46,520 Aw...