1 00:00:12,240 --> 00:00:13,440 'I tell you what, Kerry, 2 00:00:13,440 --> 00:00:16,360 'there are some days I wish you'd never been born, and... ' 3 00:00:16,360 --> 00:00:18,200 Basically, Kerry's mum 4 00:00:18,200 --> 00:00:19,680 got a massive electricity bill 5 00:00:19,680 --> 00:00:22,120 and she reckons it's cos of Kerry's PlayStation. 6 00:00:22,120 --> 00:00:25,120 So she's threatening to give it away to the Ethiopians. 7 00:00:25,120 --> 00:00:26,720 Oh, fuck off! 8 00:00:26,720 --> 00:00:29,920 What are they going to do with a PlayStation? Eat it?! 9 00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:46,280 Yeah, well, why don't you get a job as a Meatloaf tribute act? 10 00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:47,480 Oh! 11 00:00:47,480 --> 00:00:49,000 That's who she looks like! 12 00:00:50,640 --> 00:00:51,680 Fuck. 13 00:00:53,200 --> 00:00:55,960 That's your PlayStation she just smashed. 14 00:00:58,440 --> 00:01:01,680 I saw that can of Tango you dumped on the corner... 15 00:01:01,680 --> 00:01:04,520 Oh, shut up. Shut up, then. 16 00:01:04,520 --> 00:01:06,320 Go home, mate. ..disgusting. 17 00:01:06,320 --> 00:01:09,760 'Yes, sadly, there aren't a lot of job opportunities 18 00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:11,960 'for young people in the village.' 19 00:01:11,960 --> 00:01:14,720 Kerry and Kurtan, neither of them have worked since leaving 20 00:01:14,720 --> 00:01:18,320 school, which means they've got a lot of time on their hands. 21 00:01:18,320 --> 00:01:20,880 Which is definitely not a good thing. 22 00:01:20,880 --> 00:01:23,720 Change your fucking trousers, mate. They stink. 23 00:01:23,720 --> 00:01:24,800 That's charming. 24 00:01:38,520 --> 00:01:41,160 So, basically, there's a talk in the village hall today, with this 25 00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:43,760 really strong businesswoman called Shaz. 26 00:01:43,760 --> 00:01:47,000 And she's going to teach me how to make an absolute shitload. 27 00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:49,040 It was wanted by a poltergeist. 28 00:01:49,040 --> 00:01:50,880 I'm going to be just so rich. 29 00:01:50,880 --> 00:01:54,040 I'm going to build a helipad on top of my mum's house and land on it 30 00:01:54,040 --> 00:01:55,920 in a little copter. 31 00:01:55,920 --> 00:01:57,600 And then I'm going to say to my mum, 32 00:01:57,600 --> 00:01:59,160 "Oh, hi, Mum. How are you doing?" 33 00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:02,040 And she'll be like, "Oh, Kerry, I'm so sad. 34 00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:04,240 "I...I'm so sad what I did to you. 35 00:02:04,240 --> 00:02:06,960 "It was so disgusting and I'm such a vile pig." 36 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:09,960 And I'll be like, "I'm so sorry, but I can't have this conversation, 37 00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:12,200 "cos I've got to go on Dragons' Den, 38 00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:14,320 "cos we're filming it in five minutes." 39 00:02:15,720 --> 00:02:17,560 Will I be there? 40 00:02:17,560 --> 00:02:18,920 Yeah. 41 00:02:18,920 --> 00:02:20,200 What we going to do on it? 42 00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:21,960 No, we're the, we're the judges. 43 00:02:21,960 --> 00:02:25,800 We'll be sat on a seat, like, with Deborah Meaden and that. 44 00:02:25,800 --> 00:02:27,920 My life did not get off to the best of starts. 45 00:02:27,920 --> 00:02:30,960 I was a single mother with no qualifications, 46 00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:33,040 no job and struggling to make ends meet. 47 00:02:33,040 --> 00:02:35,840 And then, one day, I caught myself looking at 48 00:02:35,840 --> 00:02:38,040 a reflection of myself and I said, 49 00:02:38,040 --> 00:02:40,200 "What is up with you, Shaz? 50 00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:42,040 "You used to be so bubbly..." Oh... Kerr? Yeah? 51 00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:43,840 She keeps guffing. Who? 52 00:02:43,840 --> 00:02:45,600 Her - farty pants. 53 00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:48,360 Shh! ..I had a sachet of that stuff and I never looked back. 54 00:02:48,360 --> 00:02:51,360 So I said, hang about, let me get this straight - if I become 55 00:02:51,360 --> 00:02:55,000 an Eternal Vitality sales rep, I can earn £15,000 a month? 56 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:58,280 I can work from home, I can be my own boss... This is just quite boring isn't it, Kerry? 57 00:02:58,280 --> 00:03:00,640 ..and the start-up pack's only £200... Kerr? What? 58 00:03:00,640 --> 00:03:03,320 Boring, isn't it? No, it's not. 59 00:03:03,320 --> 00:03:06,480 All of your dreams, guys, can come true. 60 00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:11,040 Just as long as you've got that £200 start-up fee, OK? 61 00:03:11,040 --> 00:03:12,120 Yes? 62 00:03:12,120 --> 00:03:14,200 What if you don't have the 200 quid, though, Miss? 63 00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:15,720 Miss! 64 00:03:15,720 --> 00:03:17,680 Yeah, that's a very, very good question. 65 00:03:17,680 --> 00:03:18,800 What's your name, darling? 66 00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:20,440 Kerry. Hi, Kerry. 67 00:03:20,440 --> 00:03:23,000 What if I was to say to you, darling, 68 00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:25,280 "You're dying, Kerry, and the tablets you need 69 00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:27,680 "to stop you from dying are going to cost you £200." 70 00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:29,880 What would you do then? Hmm? 71 00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:32,360 You'd beg. You'd steal. You'd borrow. 72 00:03:32,360 --> 00:03:35,600 You'd find that money. Next question, please. Yes? 73 00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:38,320 I did a similar thing selling Tupperware, and it turned out 74 00:03:38,320 --> 00:03:39,920 to be a pyramid scheme. 75 00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:42,040 OK, no, no, no, no, no. Bless you. 76 00:03:42,040 --> 00:03:44,480 This is not a pyramid scheme, OK? 77 00:03:44,480 --> 00:03:46,920 This is a multi-level management scheme - 78 00:03:46,920 --> 00:03:49,440 two very different things, as you can see here, in the slide. 79 00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:53,320 Multilevel management... You just got owned. 80 00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:55,880 ..all coming together to form one legal scheme. 81 00:03:55,880 --> 00:03:57,520 Is that clearer for you? 82 00:03:57,520 --> 00:04:01,320 Er, so Kerry's just asking Shaz ways of how we can raise up 83 00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:02,680 the money for the start-up pack. 84 00:04:02,680 --> 00:04:04,080 Very rude man! 85 00:04:05,760 --> 00:04:06,800 Very rude! 86 00:04:09,520 --> 00:04:10,680 What? 87 00:04:10,680 --> 00:04:13,080 How was I being rude then? 88 00:04:13,080 --> 00:04:15,000 I wasn't being rude, was I? Right, come on. 89 00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:18,040 You would not believe what June just did to me then, what just happened. 90 00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:21,320 She just came up to me, jabbing her finger in my face, going, 91 00:04:21,320 --> 00:04:23,040 "Very rude man", like that. 92 00:04:23,040 --> 00:04:26,680 So, right, Shaz has given us loads of ideas of what we 93 00:04:26,680 --> 00:04:30,320 need to do, so we really need to start cracking on with it now. All I've ever been is nice to her! 94 00:04:30,320 --> 00:04:31,360 Daft cow. 95 00:04:34,480 --> 00:04:37,800 Shaz told me, to raise the start-up fee money, we should just 96 00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:41,000 flog all our old shit, which is exactly what we're doing. 97 00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:44,080 I reckon we'll make that 200 quid in about half hour. 98 00:04:59,040 --> 00:05:00,080 Oh, Warhammer. 99 00:05:02,120 --> 00:05:03,760 Go on, rummage through. 100 00:05:03,760 --> 00:05:05,680 I wondered...how much...? 101 00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:07,600 Standard-bearer. Er... 102 00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:09,640 Yeah? 103 00:05:09,640 --> 00:05:12,840 Don't know, really. I suppose the Snotlings will all come together. 104 00:05:12,840 --> 00:05:16,280 As you can probably tell, I went through a serious Snotling phase. 105 00:05:16,280 --> 00:05:18,760 And there's a few chaos bugs in there as well. 106 00:05:20,520 --> 00:05:22,720 So I've got my orcs here, yeah? Yeah. 107 00:05:22,720 --> 00:05:24,320 Wastelands are there. Yeah. 108 00:05:24,320 --> 00:05:25,920 And we're heading straight for them. 109 00:05:25,920 --> 00:05:28,520 No. See, you can't use orcs to seize the wastelands. 110 00:05:28,520 --> 00:05:29,800 It's practically suicide. 111 00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:31,480 Oh, my God, can you lot just shut up? 112 00:05:31,480 --> 00:05:33,280 Honestly, it's embarrassing. 113 00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:36,240 Kurtan is a fucking nerd. 114 00:05:36,240 --> 00:05:39,400 About three years ago, he started his own Emmerdale blog 115 00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:41,800 where he picks apart all the production gaffes. 116 00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:43,600 And he's got a chart on the wall, 117 00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:47,000 which he ticks off every time he sees a reflection of a boom. 118 00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:52,240 And I honestly am ashamed to know him, sometimes. 119 00:05:52,240 --> 00:05:56,200 Do you know what? It's been an absolute, utter pleasure meeting you two gents today. 120 00:06:03,760 --> 00:06:06,760 Well, because Deputy Dickhead over here didn't want to sell his Star Wars... 121 00:06:06,760 --> 00:06:09,520 Warhammer. ..the yard sale was an utter disaster. 122 00:06:09,520 --> 00:06:12,040 But Shaz said money trees don't grow on trees. 123 00:06:12,040 --> 00:06:13,720 You've got to buy the money tree. 124 00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:15,400 And if you can't afford to buy a money tree, 125 00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:17,240 you just borrow off someone else's money tree. 126 00:06:17,240 --> 00:06:19,200 So you've got a money tree loan out. Yeah. 127 00:06:19,200 --> 00:06:21,960 But I'm going to be making 15 grand a month, basic, 128 00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:23,360 so I'll be laughing. 129 00:06:23,360 --> 00:06:25,680 Yes, the interest rate on that loan is very high, 130 00:06:25,680 --> 00:06:27,880 but my overheads are low, see? 131 00:06:27,880 --> 00:06:30,120 Because I'm working out of my mum's shed, 132 00:06:30,120 --> 00:06:33,960 and I have zero staff costs, because I'm not going to be paying Kurtan. 133 00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:35,360 But don't tell him that. 134 00:06:37,680 --> 00:06:38,920 Oh... 135 00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:40,400 Can't wait to try this one, Kerr - 136 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:41,720 apple and wheatgrass. 137 00:06:43,440 --> 00:06:45,680 Look at how good this looks, Kerr. 138 00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:48,640 This'll be so good for me, innit? Yeah. This sweet nectar. 139 00:06:53,040 --> 00:06:54,720 How is it? 140 00:06:58,160 --> 00:06:59,360 You all right? 141 00:06:59,360 --> 00:07:00,520 Yeah. 142 00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:02,600 Just, I could really taste the grass. 143 00:07:05,440 --> 00:07:07,760 I feel better already. Do you? Really? Yeah, it's weird. 144 00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:09,800 Do you really? Yeah. 145 00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:12,480 In what way? Does my skin look any different? 146 00:07:12,480 --> 00:07:15,320 It's... Glowing? Yeah, it's glowing a bit more, yeah. Is it glowing? 147 00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:19,040 I... That's enough now. 148 00:07:19,040 --> 00:07:21,080 That's enough. 149 00:07:21,080 --> 00:07:22,600 Right, have you learned the script? 150 00:07:22,600 --> 00:07:24,040 What script? 151 00:07:24,040 --> 00:07:25,800 Are you joking? You are joking, right? 152 00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:29,200 Yeah. The script I gave you. Right, OK. Well, read it to me now. 153 00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:30,240 Hello. 154 00:07:30,240 --> 00:07:31,760 Hello what? 155 00:07:31,760 --> 00:07:33,320 Sir. You haven't learned it, have you? 156 00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:34,360 No. 157 00:07:35,360 --> 00:07:38,280 My attitude towards business is sell, sell, sell. 158 00:07:38,280 --> 00:07:40,760 If you knock on someone's door, this is what Shaz told me, 159 00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:42,680 don't take no for an answer. 160 00:07:42,680 --> 00:07:43,760 Get into their house. 161 00:07:43,760 --> 00:07:46,000 If they say, "Leave my house", stay. 162 00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:47,880 And if they say, "I'm going to call the police", 163 00:07:47,880 --> 00:07:51,080 you walk upstairs and see if there's anybody else upstairs to sell to. 164 00:07:51,080 --> 00:07:53,520 What do I make of Kerry the businesswoman? 165 00:07:53,520 --> 00:07:55,040 Have you seen the state of her? 166 00:07:56,240 --> 00:07:59,960 What does she think she looks like in that suit, honestly? 167 00:07:59,960 --> 00:08:01,440 She looks like Uncle Fester. 168 00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:04,080 I take one look in the mirror in this suit 169 00:08:04,080 --> 00:08:06,320 and I feel proud. 170 00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:08,800 I used to just dressed in rags. 171 00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:11,320 Now I really feel like I've made it. 172 00:08:11,320 --> 00:08:14,160 Can't see her neck. Where's her neck gone? 173 00:08:18,560 --> 00:08:22,080 Hello, madam. Me and my colleague here, from Eternal Vitality... 174 00:08:25,160 --> 00:08:27,920 Right. I'm going to piss in their flowers, then. No, come on. 175 00:08:38,560 --> 00:08:40,400 What are you two after? 176 00:08:40,400 --> 00:08:41,480 Hello, sir. 177 00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:44,440 Me and my colleague here are from Eternal Vitality Juicing - 178 00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:47,440 a company that offers a wide range of health boosting juices - 179 00:08:47,440 --> 00:08:51,160 and just wondered if we could borrow a few minutes of your time. 180 00:08:51,160 --> 00:08:53,640 Year, I've got a few minutes. 181 00:08:53,640 --> 00:08:56,920 Eternal Vitality juices slowly release vitamins throughout 182 00:08:56,920 --> 00:09:00,400 your body all day, giving you extra energy... 183 00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:03,280 And then me wife died on the Thursday. 184 00:09:03,280 --> 00:09:04,840 (Oh, God.) 185 00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:06,960 And me brother died on the Saturday. 186 00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:12,240 And then, me stepson rang me up, and he said, "Dad, 187 00:09:12,240 --> 00:09:13,280 "I've found a lump." 188 00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:16,480 So that was him gone. 189 00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:18,560 Grandson dead, stepdaughter dead, 190 00:09:18,560 --> 00:09:21,240 and that bastard only got three years and a slap on the wrist. 191 00:09:21,240 --> 00:09:23,520 Oh, OK, well, thank you so much for your time, 192 00:09:23,520 --> 00:09:26,960 and we're really sorry that... And then they rung up from the hospital, and they said, 193 00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:29,000 "Could you get down here now, 194 00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:33,240 "cos they're draining the fluid out your sister's spine?" 195 00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:35,240 "Heart disease", he said. 196 00:09:35,240 --> 00:09:38,040 And I never smoked a single fag in me life. 197 00:09:38,040 --> 00:09:39,240 Kurtan... 198 00:09:39,240 --> 00:09:42,320 And the doctor, he just shrugged at me like this, look. 199 00:09:43,640 --> 00:09:44,920 Aye, like this. 200 00:09:44,920 --> 00:09:46,480 Yeah. He just shrugged. 201 00:09:46,480 --> 00:09:49,880 Sorry, are you going to actually buy something today? 202 00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:53,280 Eh? Are you going to buy something today? 203 00:09:53,280 --> 00:09:54,840 God, no. 204 00:09:54,840 --> 00:09:56,800 OK... 205 00:09:56,800 --> 00:09:59,800 Thank you very much for your time. 206 00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:01,760 That's all right. 207 00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:03,720 Enjoyed it. 208 00:10:03,720 --> 00:10:05,080 See you. Bye. 209 00:10:08,120 --> 00:10:11,040 So, I've let Kurtan take the lead on this one, 210 00:10:11,040 --> 00:10:13,640 because, basically, he's just not engaging enough. 211 00:10:13,640 --> 00:10:17,240 And he needs to build up his confidence, because, honestly, 212 00:10:17,240 --> 00:10:20,120 I'd be better off carrying around a sad sack of shite with me. 213 00:10:33,880 --> 00:10:36,440 How long do you reckon he's been in there for? 214 00:10:37,600 --> 00:10:39,920 Must be like 20 minutes. 215 00:10:39,920 --> 00:10:41,560 I reckon he's selling loads. 216 00:10:50,640 --> 00:10:52,560 Hello? 217 00:10:52,560 --> 00:10:53,760 Hello? 218 00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:57,680 Hello, Kurtan? 219 00:10:57,680 --> 00:10:59,200 Do you need any more stock? 220 00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:01,240 Kurtan? Four, five, six... 221 00:11:01,240 --> 00:11:02,320 Oh... 222 00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:03,480 Forgot you was outside. 223 00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:05,280 Utterly unprofessional! 224 00:11:05,280 --> 00:11:06,320 Seriously! 225 00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:13,560 It's your go, innit? Yeah, it's your go. Yeah. 226 00:11:13,560 --> 00:11:16,600 My guide to managing a team is pretty simple, really. 227 00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:18,680 Make the underlings... 228 00:11:18,680 --> 00:11:20,480 feel like shit, because 229 00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:21,960 you're the big boss. 230 00:11:21,960 --> 00:11:23,400 Take up the space. 231 00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:25,160 It's like a bull in a field. 232 00:11:25,160 --> 00:11:26,640 There can't be too many bulls, 233 00:11:26,640 --> 00:11:28,080 because they'll ruin it. 234 00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:32,640 Look, if you don't want to be involved in this business, 235 00:11:32,640 --> 00:11:35,320 then, seriously, just don't be involved. 236 00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:36,360 Is that all right? 237 00:11:36,360 --> 00:11:38,080 The fuck, Kurtan?! 238 00:11:38,080 --> 00:11:39,120 Seriously! 239 00:11:39,120 --> 00:11:41,840 I thought we were doing this together! It's just... 240 00:11:41,840 --> 00:11:43,920 Thing is, OK, it's just so much effort. 241 00:11:43,920 --> 00:11:46,120 Yeah, cos you're not pulling your weight, to be honest. 242 00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:47,840 That's why it's so much effort. PHONE RINGS 243 00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:49,320 It's actually more effort for me... 244 00:11:49,320 --> 00:11:50,640 And we're in a business meeting - 245 00:11:50,640 --> 00:11:53,080 why do you think it's OK to get your phone out? Who is that? 246 00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:54,120 No-one. 247 00:11:54,120 --> 00:11:56,480 What did they say that's so funny, then? You wouldn't get it. 248 00:11:56,480 --> 00:11:58,200 I would get it. You wouldn't. I would get it. 249 00:11:58,200 --> 00:11:59,360 All right, then. He said, 250 00:11:59,360 --> 00:12:03,960 "That awkward moment when an Orc lord asks you for a clack handle." 251 00:12:03,960 --> 00:12:05,880 You don't get it, do you? 252 00:12:05,880 --> 00:12:08,680 Right. I want these delivered... 253 00:12:08,680 --> 00:12:11,240 to every house in the village, tonight. 254 00:12:11,240 --> 00:12:12,280 I mean it. 255 00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:15,680 And stop with the attitude as well. 256 00:12:15,680 --> 00:12:18,160 Thing is, I don't know what you actually do. 257 00:12:22,040 --> 00:12:23,080 Business. 258 00:12:30,400 --> 00:12:31,440 I've really... 259 00:12:32,480 --> 00:12:33,800 ..really had it today. 260 00:12:38,080 --> 00:12:39,200 And she was like, 261 00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:41,960 "Oh, you've got to hand out all these leaflets by tonight." 262 00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:43,880 And I was like, "Whatever, Orc-slammer. 263 00:12:43,880 --> 00:12:46,200 Kiss my arse. Oh, my God, you can't do that! 264 00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:47,600 Mental! Can do what I want. 265 00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:48,640 Watch this, then. 266 00:12:55,400 --> 00:12:56,800 BOY LAUGHS 267 00:12:56,800 --> 00:12:58,160 Parkour. 268 00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:00,640 I can't do that. 269 00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:06,120 Yeah, it's nice having new mates, to be honest. 270 00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:09,360 Not being bossed around by Baron Greenback. 271 00:13:09,360 --> 00:13:11,560 It's great, as well, cos they're proper lads. 272 00:13:11,560 --> 00:13:13,880 And, honestly, when we lot get together, 273 00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:15,480 we are proper mad bastards. 274 00:13:18,920 --> 00:13:21,920 Oh, my God! Did you see the look on the vicar's face then? 275 00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:24,240 He was livid, wasn't he? Yeah, he was livid. 276 00:13:24,240 --> 00:13:26,760 That was madness, man. That was... 277 00:13:26,760 --> 00:13:28,080 He was fuming! 278 00:13:28,080 --> 00:13:30,600 When I see them three together, 279 00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:32,440 I think... 280 00:13:32,440 --> 00:13:34,840 we could have another Columbine on our hands. 281 00:13:34,840 --> 00:13:36,920 And that's very scary. 282 00:13:36,920 --> 00:13:39,200 Look at the clouds - look how mad they are! 283 00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:40,280 They're crazy. 284 00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:43,480 Don't you just think sometimes - you look at the clouds and you just think... 285 00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:45,280 Sometimes you look at the sky and you think 286 00:13:45,280 --> 00:13:49,400 how insignificant that all is. Yeah. 287 00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:50,800 Yeah, do this. 288 00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:52,360 Put your hands like that. 289 00:13:52,360 --> 00:13:54,120 Yeah, open them up, look inside. 290 00:13:55,280 --> 00:13:58,480 That's what they actually look like. Ugh... 291 00:13:58,480 --> 00:14:02,200 Look at this stupid bloke here. Look at him. 292 00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:03,440 Look how stupid he is. 293 00:14:08,440 --> 00:14:10,480 Do you reckon he saw that? 294 00:14:10,480 --> 00:14:11,520 He's coming out! 295 00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:14,640 He's coming! He's coming! 296 00:14:18,280 --> 00:14:19,760 Yeah, he's not coming. 297 00:14:19,760 --> 00:14:21,360 He was going to, though. 298 00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:23,080 He was livid, wasn't he? 299 00:14:23,080 --> 00:14:25,040 Yeah, he was. 300 00:14:31,720 --> 00:14:34,080 Yeah, I was supposed to be delivering leaflets for Kerry, 301 00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:35,160 but fuck it. 302 00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:38,480 I ain't running round for her like a blue-arsed fly no more. 303 00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:40,640 And, anyway, she's promoted Levi above me now. 304 00:14:40,640 --> 00:14:41,680 And he's only ten. 305 00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:45,240 And he can't sleep without a night-light. 306 00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:49,280 So, how'd it go last night? 307 00:14:49,280 --> 00:14:51,080 Yeah, pretty good. 308 00:14:51,080 --> 00:14:54,080 Er, delivered all the leaflets round all the houses. 309 00:14:54,080 --> 00:14:56,200 Even went down Charlie Bottom Farm, 310 00:14:56,200 --> 00:14:58,360 which was quite a trek, but I don't mind. 311 00:14:58,360 --> 00:14:59,880 Erm... 312 00:14:59,880 --> 00:15:02,320 Yeah, it's actually quite surprising how many houses 313 00:15:02,320 --> 00:15:04,280 are in this village, as well. 314 00:15:04,280 --> 00:15:06,800 But, no - it was great, all in all. 315 00:15:06,800 --> 00:15:10,640 Levi, get them pictures up on your phone. 316 00:15:10,640 --> 00:15:12,120 500 leaflets, 317 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:13,640 just dumped in the stream. 318 00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:17,320 Have you been here all night? Yeah. 319 00:15:17,320 --> 00:15:18,520 You really need to go home. 320 00:15:18,520 --> 00:15:20,520 Your mum's called the police and everything. 321 00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:22,320 Are you serious? Yeah. 322 00:15:22,320 --> 00:15:23,680 OK, go home now. 323 00:15:23,680 --> 00:15:26,520 But, if anyone asks, you fell asleep by accident, OK? 324 00:15:26,520 --> 00:15:27,560 Go home, now. 325 00:15:30,880 --> 00:15:33,280 What was he doing here all night? Filing. 326 00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:35,240 Do you think I'm going to get in trouble? 327 00:15:35,240 --> 00:15:37,360 Are those debt letters? No. 328 00:15:37,360 --> 00:15:39,520 And you're fired, by the way. 329 00:15:39,520 --> 00:15:43,280 What? And you're also fired from being my best mate, by the way. 330 00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:45,480 Well, I have new mates anyway, by the way. 331 00:15:45,480 --> 00:15:46,760 Oh, what - the nerds? 332 00:15:46,760 --> 00:15:49,680 No. They're not nerds. They have names like human beings, actually. 333 00:15:49,680 --> 00:15:51,160 Oh, yeah? What are their names, then? 334 00:15:51,160 --> 00:15:52,960 HE MUMBLES: Count Fartula and Weak Nathan. 335 00:15:52,960 --> 00:15:55,760 Sorry, I couldn't quite hear that. Count Fartula and Weak Nathan. 336 00:15:55,760 --> 00:15:57,400 They're honestly not nerds, though. 337 00:15:57,400 --> 00:15:59,720 They're just my mates, they look up to me. 338 00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:02,600 What, so that makes you king of the nerds? 339 00:16:04,640 --> 00:16:07,200 Do you know what, yeah? You're just a bully. 340 00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:10,400 And you've been conned in some shitty little pyramid scheme. 341 00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:13,600 Well, it's a multilevel management scheme, so get it right. 342 00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:16,000 And the juice tastes like ass. No, it doesn't. Yes, it does. 343 00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:17,520 No, it doesn't. Drink some now, then. 344 00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:19,640 No, because I'm not thirsty, so what's the point? 345 00:16:19,640 --> 00:16:21,880 That's cos you know it tastes like ass. No. 346 00:16:21,880 --> 00:16:23,080 It is! Drink some now. 347 00:16:23,080 --> 00:16:25,600 If you believe in this business so much, yeah, you drink some. 348 00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:28,040 I don't mind drinking it. It doesn't bother me. Excellent. 349 00:16:28,040 --> 00:16:29,080 Now, have some now. 350 00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:36,640 Swallow. 351 00:16:38,440 --> 00:16:40,080 Tastes like ass, doesn't it? 352 00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:50,120 Bleurgh! 353 00:16:50,120 --> 00:16:52,080 That's all I wanted. I'll see you later. 354 00:16:53,040 --> 00:16:55,360 Embarrassment, you are. 355 00:16:55,360 --> 00:16:57,160 Bleurgh! 356 00:16:59,920 --> 00:17:01,040 Bleurgh! 357 00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:06,000 'In business, there will always be setbacks.' 358 00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:09,360 I don't drink my own juice, 359 00:17:09,360 --> 00:17:11,680 Fray Bentos doesn't eat his own pies. 360 00:17:13,160 --> 00:17:14,680 But that's business. 361 00:17:21,120 --> 00:17:22,880 Yes! 362 00:17:22,880 --> 00:17:24,240 'I'm not assed about being fired. 363 00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:25,960 'Gives me more time playing Warhammer.' 364 00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:29,920 Having said that, the lads are getting a bit annoying now. 365 00:17:29,920 --> 00:17:32,080 Since when have you had the Forbidden Forest? 366 00:17:32,080 --> 00:17:35,200 Since I bought it off the Troll King in the last round. Please keep up. 367 00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:36,400 Oh, my God... 368 00:17:37,840 --> 00:17:39,640 They just love playing by the rules. 369 00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:41,960 Sort of sucks the fun out of everything. 370 00:17:41,960 --> 00:17:44,600 Do you know what, I don't actually want to play this any more, 371 00:17:44,600 --> 00:17:46,520 because it is actually very, very boring. 372 00:17:48,720 --> 00:17:50,880 Erm, hello, Shaz. 373 00:17:50,880 --> 00:17:53,840 Erm, I've left you a few messages before. 374 00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:57,320 This is Kerry from the Cotswold area... 375 00:17:57,320 --> 00:18:01,240 'So Shaz's phone ain't working, which is a bit weird,' 376 00:18:01,240 --> 00:18:03,320 because all I wanted to do is ask her 377 00:18:03,320 --> 00:18:05,840 how she makes any money from these juices, 378 00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:08,320 because, at the moment, I'm losing money 379 00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:11,280 and I can't shift these juices to man nor beast. 380 00:18:19,680 --> 00:18:22,080 Kurtan, what shall we do now? 381 00:18:22,080 --> 00:18:24,760 I don't know. But which one of you is breathing so loudly? 382 00:18:24,760 --> 00:18:26,480 Because I can't hear myself think. 383 00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:28,440 Sorry, that would be me. 384 00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:30,240 What you saying sorry for? 385 00:18:30,240 --> 00:18:33,040 Why can't you stick up for yourself, both of you? 386 00:18:33,040 --> 00:18:34,760 BOTH: Sorry. 387 00:18:36,320 --> 00:18:37,480 Do you know what? 388 00:18:37,480 --> 00:18:40,560 I think I'm just going to go for a bit, and just chill out. 389 00:18:47,120 --> 00:18:48,400 On my own, yeah? 390 00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:57,800 Seriously, what you doing? Why you following me? 391 00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:15,280 Fuckin' hell, what was I thinking? 392 00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:17,640 They are massive, massive nerds. 393 00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:20,160 Staggering. 394 00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:22,920 I'm ashamed of myself, that's not usually me, 395 00:19:22,920 --> 00:19:24,960 so don't get the wrong impression. 396 00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:27,360 Normally, I'm beating those sort of kids up. 397 00:19:34,600 --> 00:19:36,160 All right? Yeah. 398 00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:47,640 Who was that? 399 00:19:48,880 --> 00:19:50,280 No-one. 400 00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:51,560 Monetary loans? 401 00:19:54,120 --> 00:19:55,680 You been crying? 402 00:19:57,000 --> 00:19:58,040 Yeah. 403 00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:04,760 How was your mates? 404 00:20:04,760 --> 00:20:06,560 Not mates with them any more. 405 00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:09,440 Why not? 406 00:20:09,440 --> 00:20:11,320 Cos they're nerds. 407 00:20:11,320 --> 00:20:12,800 I did say. I know. 408 00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:16,640 I genuinely think one of them fancies me as well. Really? Yeah. 409 00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:20,760 Look, I think I know how we can pay your loan off. Yeah? Yeah. 410 00:20:22,080 --> 00:20:23,880 Cos that would be really great. 411 00:20:23,880 --> 00:20:25,760 Honestly, it'll be fine. 412 00:20:28,720 --> 00:20:30,800 A Snotling Pump Wagon, 413 00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:32,120 24 Lizardmen, 414 00:20:32,120 --> 00:20:33,360 32 Orc hammers 415 00:20:33,360 --> 00:20:35,920 and an entire Orc industrial army. 416 00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:38,680 'So, Kurtan very kindly offered 417 00:20:38,680 --> 00:20:40,720 'to sell his Warhammer. 418 00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:42,640 'Unfortunately it was worth fuck-all,' 419 00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:45,440 but it's fine, because I've got it all sorted out, 420 00:20:45,440 --> 00:20:47,960 cos I've got out a loan to repay the first loan 421 00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:49,680 and to also buy a PlayStation. 422 00:20:49,680 --> 00:20:52,400 And if I fall behind on the repayments of that, 423 00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:55,480 I just get out another loan, and so forth and so forth. 424 00:20:56,960 --> 00:20:58,440 It's working the system.