1
00:00:07,675 --> 00:00:09,877
I got one!

2
00:00:18,052 --> 00:00:19,853
Yes, yes. Cool.

3
00:00:19,887 --> 00:00:22,490
Get him!

4
00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:24,692
Ugh.

5
00:00:30,231 --> 00:00:32,433
I got one!

6
00:00:36,637 --> 00:00:40,208
* Yes, no, maybe

7
00:00:40,241 --> 00:00:42,743
* I don't know

8
00:00:42,776 --> 00:00:46,013
* Can you repeat the question?

9
00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:48,216
* You're not the boss
of me now *

10
00:00:48,249 --> 00:00:50,718
* You're not
the boss of me now *

11
00:00:50,751 --> 00:00:53,087
* You're not the boss
of me now *

12
00:00:53,121 --> 00:00:55,189
* And you're not so big

13
00:00:55,223 --> 00:00:57,558
* You're not the boss
of me now *

14
00:00:57,591 --> 00:00:59,693
* You're not
the boss of me now *

15
00:00:59,727 --> 00:01:02,196
* You're not the boss
of me now *

16
00:01:02,230 --> 00:01:04,965
* And you're not so big

17
00:01:04,998 --> 00:01:08,602
* Life is unfair.

18
00:01:10,671 --> 00:01:12,573
MALCOLM:
Okay, give me the tape.

19
00:01:12,606 --> 00:01:13,974
What if we get caught?

20
00:01:14,007 --> 00:01:15,409
Don't worry about it.
No one's home.

21
00:01:15,443 --> 00:01:18,011
I cued it up
to the best part.

22
00:01:20,314 --> 00:01:22,750
ANNOUNCER:
It's BattleBots,

23
00:01:22,783 --> 00:01:25,753
and it's a free for all
at the battle area.

24
00:01:25,786 --> 00:01:27,221
All of these heavyweight..

25
00:01:27,255 --> 00:01:28,756
I thought this was porno.

26
00:01:28,789 --> 00:01:30,824
Ew. No, this
is better.

27
00:01:30,858 --> 00:01:33,461
And no one's...
excluded.

28
00:01:33,494 --> 00:01:35,529
Come on, this is
the lamest thing I've...

29
00:01:38,432 --> 00:01:40,301
Oh, my God, is that real?

30
00:01:40,334 --> 00:01:41,902
It's an open
competition.

31
00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:43,737
People build killer robots,
put them in a ring,

32
00:01:43,771 --> 00:01:45,839
and see which one
comes out alive.

33
00:01:45,873 --> 00:01:46,940
Killer robots?!

34
00:01:46,974 --> 00:01:48,276
I can't believe it.

35
00:01:48,309 --> 00:01:51,179
Finally something cool
about being smart.

36
00:01:51,212 --> 00:01:53,013
I wish we could do that.

37
00:01:54,348 --> 00:01:56,350
We were hoping you'd say that.

38
00:01:56,384 --> 00:01:57,485
Here's the deal:

39
00:01:57,518 --> 00:01:59,153
we want to enter
the competition.

40
00:01:59,187 --> 00:02:01,522
We've got the designs,
we've got the desire,

41
00:02:01,555 --> 00:02:04,258
and we're not distracted
by any kind of social life.

42
00:02:04,292 --> 00:02:07,094
The only problem is that our
parents would never allow us

43
00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:08,696
to build something
that dangerous.

44
00:02:08,729 --> 00:02:10,298
That means we need a place

45
00:02:10,330 --> 00:02:12,366
with a total lack
of caring adult supervision.

46
00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:15,236
That's my house!

47
00:02:16,670 --> 00:02:19,807
But those things look
really expensive.

48
00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:21,008
No problem.

49
00:02:21,041 --> 00:02:23,211
My father tries
to buy my love.

50
00:02:23,244 --> 00:02:25,078
(boys cheer)

51
00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:29,617
Who's your... daddy?

52
00:02:29,650 --> 00:02:32,052
Push.
What are
the odds, huh?

53
00:02:32,085 --> 00:02:34,021
Of Francis having
an emergency appendectomy

54
00:02:34,054 --> 00:02:37,458
two months after using
the same excuse to ditch school?

55
00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:39,227
Well, he was never very lucky.

56
00:02:39,260 --> 00:02:40,661
Oh, I need you
to call work

57
00:02:40,694 --> 00:02:42,330
and tell them I
won't be coming in.

58
00:02:42,363 --> 00:02:43,364
Will do.
(car horn honks)

59
00:02:43,397 --> 00:02:45,566
Well, there's my cab.

60
00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:53,574
What's that all about?

61
00:02:53,607 --> 00:02:55,709
A little something
to remember me by.

62
00:02:55,743 --> 00:02:57,478
You know, it just
occurred to me

63
00:02:57,511 --> 00:02:59,980
that we have not been apart
for one night in 18 years.

64
00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:01,515
You gonna be
okay with that?

65
00:03:01,549 --> 00:03:03,551
(imitating baby):
I think I can manage

66
00:03:03,584 --> 00:03:05,553
without my mommy
for a few days.

67
00:03:05,586 --> 00:03:07,588
I told you that baby
voice creeps me out.

68
00:03:07,621 --> 00:03:09,523
Sorry.

69
00:03:11,124 --> 00:03:13,227
Ten-hut!
Well, Cadet,

70
00:03:13,261 --> 00:03:15,663
I see you survived.
Yes, sir.

71
00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,331
I brought you
a little something

72
00:03:17,365 --> 00:03:19,700
to take your mind
off the pain.

73
00:03:19,733 --> 00:03:21,602
This is a good
opportunity for you

74
00:03:21,635 --> 00:03:23,371
to catch up
on your homework.

75
00:03:23,404 --> 00:03:25,172
Take it from me--

76
00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:27,908
a lengthy hospital stay
is the perfect environment

77
00:03:27,941 --> 00:03:31,379
to focus your mind and attack
weaknesses in your character.

78
00:03:31,412 --> 00:03:33,080
If it hadn't been
for this,

79
00:03:33,113 --> 00:03:36,149
I never would've learned
conversational French.

80
00:03:37,451 --> 00:03:39,420
Carry on.

81
00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:42,956
Sorry, man.

82
00:03:42,990 --> 00:03:45,025
I was this close
to going medieval on him.

83
00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:46,527
You feeling okay?

84
00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:49,029
I feel like I have a belly
full of broken glass.

85
00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:52,199
Every time I breathe in, I
almost pass out from the pain.

86
00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:53,967
This is the single
greatest thing

87
00:03:54,001 --> 00:03:55,703
that has ever
happened to me.

88
00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:58,138
What?
Well, for as long
as I can remember,

89
00:03:58,171 --> 00:04:00,308
my mom has been
torturing me with guilt.

90
00:04:00,341 --> 00:04:03,544
I've never been able to fight
back, but this is perfect.

91
00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:07,915
Her first-born child almost dies
a thousand miles from home,

92
00:04:07,948 --> 00:04:09,917
and she's the one
who sent me here.

93
00:04:09,950 --> 00:04:12,753
She can't dismiss it,
she can't argue about it,

94
00:04:12,786 --> 00:04:14,822
she can't twist it around
and make it my fault.

95
00:04:14,855 --> 00:04:16,290
It's beautiful.

96
00:04:16,324 --> 00:04:18,726
(groans)
Dude, you almost died.

97
00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:21,261
I want you to say that
again when she gets here.

98
00:04:21,295 --> 00:04:24,465
Oh, this poor woman has no
idea what she's walking into.

99
00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:27,267
Okay, Mom's only gonna be gone

100
00:04:27,301 --> 00:04:30,270
for about four or five days,
so we have to prioritize.

101
00:04:30,304 --> 00:04:31,939
What are you asking Dad for?

102
00:04:31,972 --> 00:04:33,474
I want to wear
my pajamas to school.

103
00:04:33,507 --> 00:04:35,142
I'm getting a scope
for my BB gun.

104
00:04:35,175 --> 00:04:36,510
You don't have a BB gun.

105
00:04:36,544 --> 00:04:38,979
Not yet.

106
00:04:39,012 --> 00:04:41,315
Okay, but since I'm asking
to build a killer robot,

107
00:04:41,349 --> 00:04:42,350
I should go first.

108
00:04:42,383 --> 00:04:44,017
Why?

109
00:04:44,051 --> 00:04:45,919
Because anything
after "killer robot"

110
00:04:45,953 --> 00:04:47,220
is gonna sound reasonable.

111
00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:50,424
Dad?

112
00:04:50,458 --> 00:04:51,759
Yeah.

113
00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:53,461
A couple friends and
I want to explore

114
00:04:53,494 --> 00:04:55,429
our engineering and
machining skills.

115
00:04:55,463 --> 00:04:56,697
Sounds great.

116
00:04:56,730 --> 00:04:59,132
So, um, you think
it'd be all right

117
00:04:59,166 --> 00:05:02,269
if a bunch of Krelboynes and I
build a robot in the house?

118
00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:03,971
Yeah, fine.

119
00:05:04,004 --> 00:05:06,239
Whoa, that was
easy, even for him.

120
00:05:07,341 --> 00:05:09,309
(pounding on door)

121
00:05:09,343 --> 00:05:11,345
HAL:
For crying out loud.

122
00:05:11,379 --> 00:05:13,246
Be strong.

123
00:05:14,848 --> 00:05:16,350
Lois will get through
her operation.

124
00:05:16,384 --> 00:05:17,685
She is a fighter.

125
00:05:17,718 --> 00:05:19,520
No, no, Craig,
it was Francis.

126
00:05:19,553 --> 00:05:21,121
Oh, my God.

127
00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:22,556
Did he shoot her?

128
00:05:22,590 --> 00:05:23,691
I knew it.

129
00:05:23,724 --> 00:05:26,026
I t-told her
to stay away from him.

130
00:05:26,059 --> 00:05:28,028
That boy has been
nothing but trouble.

131
00:05:28,061 --> 00:05:30,998
Uh, Craig, uh, Lois did
not have an operation.

132
00:05:31,031 --> 00:05:32,733
Our son Francis did.

133
00:05:32,766 --> 00:05:36,870
Sh-She just went down to Alabama
to look after him for a while.

134
00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:39,507
Oh.

135
00:05:39,540 --> 00:05:41,542
Well, tell Lois
I stopped by.

136
00:05:43,043 --> 00:05:46,046
I can't believe my mom missed
them putting my catheter in.

137
00:05:46,079 --> 00:05:47,681
Maybe I should take it out

138
00:05:47,715 --> 00:05:49,417
so they can reinsert it
when she gets here.

139
00:05:49,450 --> 00:05:51,184
Or maybe you could,

140
00:05:51,218 --> 00:05:54,755
I don't know, shut up about
your mom for half a second.

141
00:05:54,788 --> 00:05:56,657
No one's that bad.

142
00:05:56,690 --> 00:05:59,427
Hey, I been sugar-coating it
for you 'cause you're enfeebled.

143
00:05:59,460 --> 00:06:00,728
LOIS:
Francis!

144
00:06:00,761 --> 00:06:02,162
But you can just see
for yourself.

145
00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:04,565
Hi, honey.

146
00:06:04,598 --> 00:06:06,600
You look terrible.

147
00:06:06,634 --> 00:06:09,236
(weakly): You think that's
gonna appease your guilt?

148
00:06:09,269 --> 00:06:10,538
What guilt?

149
00:06:10,571 --> 00:06:12,540
Boy, it's stuffy in here.

150
00:06:12,573 --> 00:06:14,708
That can't be good for you.

151
00:06:14,742 --> 00:06:15,909
You look pasty.

152
00:06:15,943 --> 00:06:17,578
Have you had a
bowel movement?

153
00:06:17,611 --> 00:06:19,680
When is the last time
you moved your bowels?
Mom...

154
00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:20,848
Hello.

155
00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:22,783
Who are you?

156
00:06:22,816 --> 00:06:25,719
Edwin Spangler-- I am commandant
of Marlin Academy.

157
00:06:25,753 --> 00:06:27,755
Good for you.

158
00:06:27,788 --> 00:06:29,590
Where's your eye?

159
00:06:29,623 --> 00:06:30,591
Pardon?

160
00:06:30,624 --> 00:06:32,125
Do your ears work?

161
00:06:32,159 --> 00:06:33,961
Do you have some business
with my son?

162
00:06:33,994 --> 00:06:35,596
He needs to rest.

163
00:06:35,629 --> 00:06:38,265
Well, I stopped by to pick up
your boy's homework.

164
00:06:38,298 --> 00:06:40,468
Homework?! You're not
giving him homework.

165
00:06:40,501 --> 00:06:42,035
My son nearly
lost his life--

166
00:06:42,069 --> 00:06:43,737
something that never
would've happened

167
00:06:43,771 --> 00:06:45,973
if you'd taken proper care
of him in the first place.

168
00:06:46,006 --> 00:06:47,808
Well, I assure you, ma'am,

169
00:06:47,841 --> 00:06:50,611
had it not been for Francis's
long history of crying wolf...

170
00:06:50,644 --> 00:06:52,145
Crying wolf?

171
00:06:52,179 --> 00:06:53,581
You listen to me, you idiot!

172
00:06:53,614 --> 00:06:55,382
My child is sick.

173
00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:57,918
He does not need you
marching in here, puffing up

174
00:06:57,951 --> 00:07:00,320
your little chest
and making his life

175
00:07:00,353 --> 00:07:02,490
more miserable
than it already is.

176
00:07:02,523 --> 00:07:04,424
Why don't you just go play
army man somewhere else?

177
00:07:12,199 --> 00:07:15,368
God, she is magnificent.

178
00:07:18,472 --> 00:07:20,841
Dude, your mom rocks.

179
00:07:25,646 --> 00:07:27,515
(sighs)

180
00:07:27,548 --> 00:07:29,483
(whimpers)

181
00:07:37,991 --> 00:07:40,193
Hmm.

182
00:07:46,166 --> 00:07:48,301
(sighs)

183
00:07:51,672 --> 00:07:53,306
MAN (over TV):
You got a girl, Rizzo?

184
00:07:53,340 --> 00:07:54,808
RIZZO: Yeah, Sarge.
I miss her something awful.

185
00:07:54,842 --> 00:07:56,510
Soon as I get home,
I'm going to marry her.

186
00:07:56,544 --> 00:07:57,611
(gunfire, Rizzo grunts)

187
00:07:57,645 --> 00:07:59,547
MAN:
Rizzo!

188
00:08:04,017 --> 00:08:06,554
We need...
more torque!

189
00:08:06,587 --> 00:08:09,456
No, we need a balance
between speed and torque.

190
00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:10,958
This is great.

191
00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:13,226
I can make a huge mess,
build a killer robot,

192
00:08:13,260 --> 00:08:15,128
and Mom's not here
to yell at us.

193
00:08:15,162 --> 00:08:17,297
I don't even mind
having Krelboynes in the house.

194
00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:18,666
Do we all want

195
00:08:18,699 --> 00:08:20,367
a direct, continuous
linear relation

196
00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:21,802
between the rotary actuator

197
00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:23,871
and the robot's
translational displacement,

198
00:08:23,904 --> 00:08:26,006
or am I just some kind
of crazy dreamer?

199
00:08:26,039 --> 00:08:27,575
Well, what about my design for

200
00:08:27,608 --> 00:08:30,010
the polycarbonate body?
STEVIE: It's a...

201
00:08:30,043 --> 00:08:31,144
butterfly.

202
00:08:31,178 --> 00:08:33,981
Correction--
killer butterfly.

203
00:08:34,014 --> 00:08:36,515
Beautiful yet deadly.

204
00:08:36,549 --> 00:08:38,518
The perfect killing machine.

205
00:08:38,552 --> 00:08:40,153
It's too unreliable.

206
00:08:40,187 --> 00:08:41,922
It's got to be more simple,
like a sledgehammer or...

207
00:08:41,955 --> 00:08:43,490
A superheated spike shot
out by power charges.

208
00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:44,892
Yeah, but that's not
going to be easy...

209
00:08:44,925 --> 00:08:46,927
What's this stuff?
(boys gasp)

210
00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:50,898
We were just... sort of...
fooling around with some ideas.

211
00:08:50,931 --> 00:08:52,966
Let's have a look.

212
00:08:54,267 --> 00:08:56,236
Well... I'd go
with the flame thrower.

213
00:08:56,269 --> 00:08:59,106
That would destroy everything
within a ten-foot perimeter.

214
00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:03,176
Of course, a lot to be said
for that high-voltage probe.

215
00:09:03,210 --> 00:09:06,780
Sir, before you continue,
I feel I have to mention

216
00:09:06,814 --> 00:09:09,482
that our parents
strongly disapprove of this.

217
00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:14,254
Sorry. My therapist
says it's a compulsion.

218
00:09:14,287 --> 00:09:16,657
Well, I guess you shouldn't
tell your parents, then.

219
00:09:20,493 --> 00:09:21,762
Wow.

220
00:09:21,795 --> 00:09:24,097
Your father's lack
of responsibility

221
00:09:24,131 --> 00:09:26,399
is both terrifying and...

222
00:09:26,433 --> 00:09:28,168
oddly thrilling.

223
00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:34,642
(humming)

224
00:09:34,675 --> 00:09:37,477
I can't apologize enough for
these barbaric accommodations.

225
00:09:37,510 --> 00:09:39,579
You deserve so much more.

226
00:09:39,613 --> 00:09:41,214
Oh, no, this is fine.

227
00:09:41,248 --> 00:09:43,416
Why are all the hotel rooms
booked?

228
00:09:43,450 --> 00:09:46,386
The all-Alabama gay rodeo
is in town again.

229
00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:48,789
Homosexuals riding horses
and such.

230
00:09:48,822 --> 00:09:51,158
It does wonders
for the local economy,

231
00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:54,628
but you have to fight
the crowds for everything.

232
00:09:54,662 --> 00:09:57,464
If you're interested,
I have some passes.

233
00:09:57,497 --> 00:10:00,100
No, thanks.
Another time, then.

234
00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:05,472
Bonsoir.

235
00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:10,944
You know, this
room isn't so bad.

236
00:10:10,978 --> 00:10:13,947
The way you whined about it,
I thought it was going to be

237
00:10:13,981 --> 00:10:16,416
a couple of cots
and a drain in the floor.

238
00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:18,118
What are you doing?
You're stinky.

239
00:10:18,151 --> 00:10:19,519
I'm going to give you
a sponge bath.

240
00:10:19,552 --> 00:10:21,321
You're not
giving me a sponge bath.

241
00:10:21,354 --> 00:10:23,490
Arms up.
(groans)

242
00:10:23,523 --> 00:10:26,459
Just because you had surgery
is no reason to be a pig.

243
00:10:26,493 --> 00:10:28,595
Mom, did you know
that I almost died?

244
00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:30,197
Oh, you did not
almost die.

245
00:10:30,230 --> 00:10:32,165
My appendix burst!

246
00:10:32,199 --> 00:10:34,835
They had to vacuum out
the contents of my intestines.

247
00:10:34,868 --> 00:10:36,670
You could not possibly
comprehend

248
00:10:36,704 --> 00:10:38,806
the pain that I was in--
that I am in.

249
00:10:38,839 --> 00:10:41,308
Yeah. I don't know
anything about pain,

250
00:10:41,341 --> 00:10:43,711
what, with four boys
totaling 112 hours of labor--

251
00:10:43,744 --> 00:10:45,946
you being half of
that, I might add.

252
00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:48,548
I'm sorry that I came out
feet first, Mom.

253
00:10:48,581 --> 00:10:49,717
That's okay, honey.

254
00:10:49,750 --> 00:10:51,518
I forgave you years ago.

255
00:10:51,551 --> 00:10:54,187
Oh, God, that tattoo.

256
00:10:54,221 --> 00:10:55,655
I like the tattoo, Mom.

257
00:10:55,689 --> 00:10:58,025
What is it with the men in
this family and tattoos?

258
00:10:58,058 --> 00:10:59,292
(grunts)

259
00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:01,194
Took me five years
to get your father

260
00:11:01,228 --> 00:11:02,629
to burn his off.

261
00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:04,998
What, are you growing
potatoes in there?

262
00:11:05,032 --> 00:11:06,366
Dad had a tattoo?

263
00:11:06,399 --> 00:11:08,368
Yeah, he put a
great big "Lois"

264
00:11:08,401 --> 00:11:10,037
right across
his rear end.

265
00:11:10,070 --> 00:11:12,572
Actually thought I'd
be flattered by it.

266
00:11:12,605 --> 00:11:15,308
That guy was such a
mess when I met him.

267
00:11:15,342 --> 00:11:16,744
Between the motorcycle

268
00:11:16,777 --> 00:11:19,046
and the drinking
and the fighting--

269
00:11:19,079 --> 00:11:21,314
he was so reckless,
it was crazy.

270
00:11:21,348 --> 00:11:23,150
Where do you think
you boys get it from?

271
00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:24,918
Just doesn't sound like Dad.

272
00:11:24,952 --> 00:11:27,020
Yeah, well, that was
a long time ago.

273
00:11:27,054 --> 00:11:29,222
Your father has been
quite a project.

274
00:11:29,256 --> 00:11:32,359
I spent years hounding him
and scolding him

275
00:11:32,392 --> 00:11:34,661
and constantly watching him,

276
00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:36,163
but finally

277
00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:39,399
I got all that rebellion
right out of him.

278
00:11:39,432 --> 00:11:41,368
I can't believe
Dad had a wild side.

279
00:11:41,401 --> 00:11:43,771
Well, someday, you're going
to meet a nice girl.

280
00:11:43,804 --> 00:11:45,839
She's going to do
the same thing for you.

281
00:11:45,873 --> 00:11:47,808
Do your lowers.

282
00:11:48,575 --> 00:11:51,644
(line ringing)

283
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:15,502
Dad?

284
00:12:16,303 --> 00:12:17,470
Oh, hey, son.

285
00:12:17,504 --> 00:12:19,272
What are you doing?
I just thought

286
00:12:19,306 --> 00:12:21,141
I'd help you kids out
with your robot.

287
00:12:21,174 --> 00:12:23,443
You know, it's amazing how
much you can get accomplished

288
00:12:23,476 --> 00:12:24,978
when you don't sleep at all.

289
00:12:25,012 --> 00:12:27,447
I think we got a little
something up our sleeve

290
00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:28,816
for the competition.

291
00:12:28,849 --> 00:12:30,683
(saw buzzing)

292
00:12:39,159 --> 00:12:40,427
Dad...

293
00:12:40,460 --> 00:12:41,929
I know, it's still
a little slow.

294
00:12:41,962 --> 00:12:44,697
But wait till I put
on the big blade.

295
00:12:49,002 --> 00:12:51,839
MAN (over TV): I eat your heart
and thus avenge my father.

296
00:12:51,872 --> 00:12:54,007
(punches and kicks landing,
men grunting)

297
00:12:54,041 --> 00:12:57,110
Well, we just finished
the 45th and final video

298
00:12:57,144 --> 00:12:58,846
of the Shaolin Dragon series.

299
00:12:58,879 --> 00:13:02,049
We are now officially
desensitized to violence.

300
00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:05,853
How many sodas
have you had?

301
00:13:05,886 --> 00:13:08,856
I don't know. I don't
know. I don't know.

302
00:13:08,889 --> 00:13:12,492
Look, I can write
on my tongue.

303
00:13:12,525 --> 00:13:14,294
Well, we can start in on
Monks of Death

304
00:13:14,327 --> 00:13:17,330
or lighten things up with
a little Samurai Bloodfest.

305
00:13:17,364 --> 00:13:18,731
(knocking on door)

306
00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:22,602
We've had a vote.

307
00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:24,637
We're backing out
of the contest.

308
00:13:24,671 --> 00:13:26,039
What?

309
00:13:26,073 --> 00:13:27,607
Your father
has commandeered this project

310
00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:29,943
and twisted it toward
his own mad ends.

311
00:13:29,977 --> 00:13:32,045
We want our
blueprints back.

312
00:13:32,079 --> 00:13:35,515
We can... do this...

313
00:13:35,548 --> 00:13:39,719
the easy... way...

314
00:13:39,752 --> 00:13:43,023
or... we can...

315
00:13:43,056 --> 00:13:45,358
do this... the hard...

316
00:13:45,392 --> 00:13:47,360
Come on, my dad's
in the backyard.

317
00:13:47,394 --> 00:13:49,930
...way.

318
00:13:54,501 --> 00:13:56,970
(humming quietly)

319
00:13:57,004 --> 00:13:58,138
Dad?

320
00:13:58,171 --> 00:13:59,339
Hey, boys.

321
00:13:59,372 --> 00:14:00,173
Guys want the...

322
00:14:00,207 --> 00:14:01,808
Are you smoking?

323
00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:03,676
Oh, this? No, I'm just...

324
00:14:03,710 --> 00:14:05,245
just playing around.

325
00:14:05,278 --> 00:14:06,880
Listen, don't tell your mom,
okay?

326
00:14:06,914 --> 00:14:08,548
She'd kill me if she found out.

327
00:14:08,581 --> 00:14:10,450
She worked so hard
to get me to stop.

328
00:14:11,418 --> 00:14:14,421
Oh, God, how I
miss that woman.

329
00:14:14,454 --> 00:14:16,924
Um, the guys want
their blueprints back.

330
00:14:16,957 --> 00:14:19,059
Oh, yeah,
they're over there.

331
00:14:19,092 --> 00:14:21,094
I have gone
way past that.

332
00:14:21,128 --> 00:14:22,996
Hey, picture this.

333
00:14:23,030 --> 00:14:25,665
A laser-guided bee cannon.

334
00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:28,168
Bees shot out
with the precision of a laser.

335
00:14:28,201 --> 00:14:29,736
How would that hurt a robot?

336
00:14:29,769 --> 00:14:31,438
Oh, come on, think.

337
00:14:31,471 --> 00:14:32,940
It's not for the robot,

338
00:14:32,973 --> 00:14:35,208
it's for the guy
controlling the robot.

339
00:14:35,242 --> 00:14:36,944
(laughs)

340
00:14:36,977 --> 00:14:38,045
Buzz, zap!

341
00:14:38,078 --> 00:14:39,046
You're going home

342
00:14:39,079 --> 00:14:41,281
with the plaque or ribbon

343
00:14:41,314 --> 00:14:43,750
or whatever crappy award
they give you for winning.

344
00:14:44,918 --> 00:14:46,186
This...

345
00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:50,290
will end... badly.

346
00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:52,960
HAL:
There we go.

347
00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:58,598
(dogs howling in distance)

348
00:14:58,631 --> 00:15:00,767
(howls)

349
00:15:02,835 --> 00:15:04,604
(howls)

350
00:15:04,637 --> 00:15:06,573
I hear you, old fella!

351
00:15:06,606 --> 00:15:07,941
(chuckles)

352
00:15:07,975 --> 00:15:10,110
You're not alone.

353
00:15:10,143 --> 00:15:12,545
(howls)

354
00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:13,947
LOIS: Come on, come on,
do it for mama!

355
00:15:13,981 --> 00:15:16,649
Come on, come on, go!
(cheering)

356
00:15:16,683 --> 00:15:18,718
Aw, come on. You're just
letting me win, aren't you?

357
00:15:18,751 --> 00:15:19,953
I'm really not.

358
00:15:19,987 --> 00:15:21,454
I know. I'm just rubbing it in.

359
00:15:21,488 --> 00:15:22,922
(laughs loudly)

360
00:15:22,956 --> 00:15:26,059
Rubbing it in!

361
00:15:26,093 --> 00:15:28,595
Your mom is great.

362
00:15:28,628 --> 00:15:30,163
This isn't my mom.

363
00:15:30,197 --> 00:15:31,965
It's an act.

364
00:15:31,999 --> 00:15:34,968
It's some kind of freaky mind
game she's playing with me.

365
00:15:35,002 --> 00:15:37,104
Any second now,
her face is going to split open

366
00:15:37,137 --> 00:15:38,405
and she's going
to reveal herself

367
00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:41,608
for the evil banshee
she really is.

368
00:15:41,641 --> 00:15:45,612
Man, I don't know why
she puts up with you.

369
00:15:45,645 --> 00:15:47,614
Anyone for doubles?

370
00:15:47,647 --> 00:15:48,748
Nope.

371
00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:50,183
All right, then.

372
00:15:54,021 --> 00:15:55,855
Oh, hi, honey.
Where you been?

373
00:15:55,888 --> 00:15:56,990
I want you to leave.

374
00:15:57,024 --> 00:15:58,091
What?

375
00:15:58,125 --> 00:15:59,592
I want you to leave.

376
00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:00,860
You made your phony point.

377
00:16:00,893 --> 00:16:02,429
You made me look like an idiot.

378
00:16:02,462 --> 00:16:03,963
Mission accomplished.
Okay.

379
00:16:03,997 --> 00:16:06,099
You know what? I have
had it with you, mister.

380
00:16:06,133 --> 00:16:09,002
You have done nothing but bitch
and moan since I got here,

381
00:16:09,036 --> 00:16:11,138
and I've been nothing
but pleasant.
Exactly!

382
00:16:11,171 --> 00:16:12,605
Oh, what, you complain
when I'm pleasant,

383
00:16:12,639 --> 00:16:13,673
you complain when
I'm not pleasant?

384
00:16:13,706 --> 00:16:14,674
There's no winning with you.

385
00:16:14,707 --> 00:16:15,975
Why don't you just tell me

386
00:16:16,009 --> 00:16:17,777
exactly how you
want me to behave

387
00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:19,612
every second of the day, and
we'll see if that satisfies you.

388
00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:21,848
This isn't fair!
You're taking my pain

389
00:16:21,881 --> 00:16:24,017
and you're twisting it
into your guilt trip!

390
00:16:24,051 --> 00:16:26,486
Fine. Why don't I
just leave, then?

391
00:16:26,519 --> 00:16:28,421
Fine.
Fine.

392
00:16:31,191 --> 00:16:33,326
(funky dance music playing)

393
00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:37,730
Mom being gone was fun at first,

394
00:16:37,764 --> 00:16:40,333
but this is getting
out of control.

395
00:16:41,168 --> 00:16:43,503
(humming along)

396
00:16:43,536 --> 00:16:45,138
(phone ringing)

397
00:16:45,172 --> 00:16:46,406
Please be Mom.

398
00:16:46,439 --> 00:16:48,007
Please be Mom. Please be Mom.

399
00:16:48,041 --> 00:16:50,710
Hello?
Hello!

400
00:16:50,743 --> 00:16:52,679
Oh. Hi, Mr. Jackson.

401
00:16:52,712 --> 00:16:54,147
Well, yes,

402
00:16:54,181 --> 00:16:55,415
I do have a very good reason

403
00:16:55,448 --> 00:16:56,849
for not going in to work today.

404
00:16:56,883 --> 00:16:58,985
Well, how about this?

405
00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:00,753
I didn't come to work because

406
00:17:00,787 --> 00:17:05,525
somehow I felt that eight hours
of joyless, mind-numbing crap

407
00:17:05,558 --> 00:17:07,426
just didn't seem like fun.

408
00:17:07,460 --> 00:17:11,131
Well, I guess we're just going
to have to agree to disagree.

409
00:17:15,135 --> 00:17:16,103
(chuckles)

410
00:17:16,136 --> 00:17:17,503
REESE: Yeah!
(whoops)

411
00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:19,705
(groans)

412
00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:29,616
I thought your flight
wasn't till 11:00.

413
00:17:29,649 --> 00:17:31,518
It isn't.

414
00:17:31,551 --> 00:17:33,686
So we have some
extra time.

415
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:36,089
You want to...
do something?

416
00:17:36,123 --> 00:17:38,258
We're in the middle
of Alabama.

417
00:17:38,291 --> 00:17:40,260
What is there to do?

418
00:17:40,293 --> 00:17:41,861
Gay rodeo's in town.

419
00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:43,530
That could be
interesting.

420
00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:45,898
Well, if that's
what you want to do.

421
00:17:45,932 --> 00:17:47,634
Look, it isn't really
what I want to do.

422
00:17:47,667 --> 00:17:48,968
I'm trying to
be pleasant...

423
00:17:49,001 --> 00:17:51,003
We'll go.

424
00:17:51,838 --> 00:17:53,072
(knocking)

425
00:17:53,106 --> 00:17:54,073
Please be Mom.

426
00:17:54,107 --> 00:17:55,375
Craig.

427
00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:56,943
Just brought by
your mom's paycheck.

428
00:17:56,976 --> 00:17:58,745
Tell her I'm the one
that brought it by.

429
00:17:58,778 --> 00:18:00,647
Wait. We need your help.

430
00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:03,116
My dad's going crazy.
He hasn't slept in four days.

431
00:18:03,150 --> 00:18:05,485
He's smoking, he's dancing
around in his underwear.

432
00:18:05,518 --> 00:18:07,720
He's ripping phones
out of the walls.

433
00:18:07,754 --> 00:18:10,123
You've got to stop him.

434
00:18:10,157 --> 00:18:11,558
Don't worry, son.

435
00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:13,193
I'll handle this.

436
00:18:15,662 --> 00:18:16,763
What are you doing?

437
00:18:16,796 --> 00:18:18,097
You don't expect me to tackle

438
00:18:18,131 --> 00:18:21,033
something like this
on an empty stomach.

439
00:18:23,270 --> 00:18:24,904
Hey, buddy.

440
00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:27,174
Well, well.

441
00:18:27,207 --> 00:18:28,841
What do we have here?

442
00:18:28,875 --> 00:18:30,943
The boy here says you
could use some company.

443
00:18:30,977 --> 00:18:33,846
No, I got my sons.
We're bonding.

444
00:18:34,781 --> 00:18:35,782
(remote beeps)

445
00:18:35,815 --> 00:18:37,484
(gears whirring)

446
00:18:37,517 --> 00:18:39,652
What the hell
is that thing?

447
00:18:39,686 --> 00:18:41,154
That thing is
a little project

448
00:18:41,188 --> 00:18:42,789
we have been working on
around here.

449
00:18:42,822 --> 00:18:46,193
A secret, deadly project.

450
00:18:46,226 --> 00:18:47,860
Hal...

451
00:18:47,894 --> 00:18:50,963
why don't you turn off
the machine and sit down?

452
00:18:50,997 --> 00:18:55,134
Why don't you stop telling me
what to do?

453
00:18:55,168 --> 00:18:59,639
Why don't you sit down
like I asked you to?

454
00:19:02,074 --> 00:19:04,211
Look, Fats...

455
00:19:04,244 --> 00:19:06,679
I don't want you
around my house anymore.

456
00:19:06,713 --> 00:19:09,048
Hey, you don't go
to the fat thing,

457
00:19:09,081 --> 00:19:11,083
I won't go to the crazy thing.

458
00:19:12,519 --> 00:19:14,621
Dad, cut it out!
Come on, it's not
funny anymore!

459
00:19:14,654 --> 00:19:15,555
Leave him alone!

460
00:19:15,588 --> 00:19:17,390
Say "uncle"!
No!

461
00:19:17,424 --> 00:19:18,558
Just say it.

462
00:19:18,591 --> 00:19:20,026
We can stop this right now

463
00:19:20,059 --> 00:19:22,295
with a little dignity
if you just say it!

464
00:19:22,329 --> 00:19:23,463
I won't say it!

465
00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:25,632
One simple word.

466
00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:27,166
Duncle.

467
00:19:28,034 --> 00:19:29,536
Uh-uh, you said "duncle."

468
00:19:29,569 --> 00:19:32,071
Now you have to say "uncle"
in my butt.

469
00:19:32,104 --> 00:19:33,373
No! Let me up!

470
00:19:33,406 --> 00:19:34,874
Dad, you have to stop it!
Dad, no!

471
00:19:34,907 --> 00:19:36,376
You're right.

472
00:19:37,544 --> 00:19:39,246
I've got better
things to do.

473
00:19:39,279 --> 00:19:40,747
MALCOLM:
Dad, what are you doing?

474
00:19:40,780 --> 00:19:42,649
I think me
and Lois Number Two here

475
00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:44,351
are going to go down to work

476
00:19:44,384 --> 00:19:47,019
and pay a little visit
to Mr. Jackson's Lexus.

477
00:19:47,053 --> 00:19:48,855
Hey!

478
00:19:48,888 --> 00:19:50,056
Dad, don't move.

479
00:19:50,089 --> 00:19:52,058
(whirring)
W-What are you doing?

480
00:19:52,091 --> 00:19:54,227
I'm stopping you
from quitting your job

481
00:19:54,261 --> 00:19:56,229
by threatening you
with a killer robot.

482
00:19:56,263 --> 00:19:59,098
I wish this felt half
as cool as it sounds.

483
00:19:59,131 --> 00:20:01,368
Just turn it off, Malcolm.

484
00:20:01,401 --> 00:20:02,702
Stop being crazy.

485
00:20:02,735 --> 00:20:05,372
Just put the remote down.

486
00:20:06,739 --> 00:20:10,343
You-you have no idea
what this machine is capable of.

487
00:20:10,377 --> 00:20:11,778
Why don't you just sit down?

488
00:20:11,811 --> 00:20:14,581
And why don't you just
put the remote down?

489
00:20:14,614 --> 00:20:16,015
Dad, please.

490
00:20:16,048 --> 00:20:17,917
Malcolm...

491
00:20:21,888 --> 00:20:24,123
Why don't you both
just shut up?!

492
00:20:25,958 --> 00:20:27,159
(remote beeps)

493
00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:35,968
Run. No kidding. Run.

494
00:20:40,607 --> 00:20:42,041
Oh, no.

495
00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:43,976
(Hal whimpering)

496
00:20:44,010 --> 00:20:45,978
(bees buzzing)

497
00:20:57,357 --> 00:20:59,326
(whimpering)

498
00:21:01,961 --> 00:21:06,499
(muffled):
Call... animal... control.

499
00:21:06,533 --> 00:21:08,735
You ripped the phone
out of the wall.

500
00:21:08,768 --> 00:21:14,407
Go... to... the neighbor.

501
00:21:14,441 --> 00:21:16,409
They won't let us over anymore.

502
00:21:16,443 --> 00:21:20,647
Do... something.

503
00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:22,148
Why don't we just
all sit down

504
00:21:22,181 --> 00:21:25,485
and no one will do anything
until Mom gets home?

505
00:21:26,319 --> 00:21:28,020
Okay.

506
00:21:35,495 --> 00:21:37,597
(crowd cheering)

507
00:21:37,630 --> 00:21:40,166
I got to say,
as far as gay rodeos go,

508
00:21:40,199 --> 00:21:41,701
this one's pretty entertaining.

509
00:21:41,734 --> 00:21:43,370
Are you sure you're
not embarrassed

510
00:21:43,403 --> 00:21:45,204
to be seen with
your mother?

511
00:21:45,237 --> 00:21:46,773
Nah.

512
00:21:46,806 --> 00:21:54,847
(crowd cheering)