1
00:00:01,835 --> 00:00:04,003
(birds chirping)

2
00:00:06,274 --> 00:00:07,475
DEWEY:
Let me go!

3
00:00:07,508 --> 00:00:08,476
MALCOLM:
Get off it!

4
00:00:08,509 --> 00:00:09,843
REESE:
I can't breathe!

5
00:00:09,877 --> 00:00:10,844
Ow!

6
00:00:10,878 --> 00:00:12,946
(crashing)

7
00:00:16,417 --> 00:00:18,952
(loud arguing)

8
00:00:29,197 --> 00:00:30,431
(glass breaking)

9
00:00:30,464 --> 00:00:33,401
(snoring)

10
00:00:33,434 --> 00:00:35,403
MALCOLM:
Leave the squirrel alone

11
00:00:35,436 --> 00:00:37,405
and get the fire extinguisher.

12
00:00:37,438 --> 00:00:38,739
Reese, no!

13
00:00:38,772 --> 00:00:42,276
(crashing)

14
00:00:42,310 --> 00:00:43,677
DEWEY:
Blood tastes funny.

15
00:00:43,711 --> 00:00:45,846
You better be naked
when I get back.

16
00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:47,581
Done.

17
00:00:48,982 --> 00:00:51,919
* Yes, no, maybe

18
00:00:51,952 --> 00:00:54,455
* I don't know

19
00:00:54,488 --> 00:00:57,758
* Can you repeat the question?

20
00:00:57,791 --> 00:01:00,027
* You're not the boss
of me now *

21
00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:02,430
* You're not
the boss of me now *

22
00:01:02,463 --> 00:01:04,864
* You're not the boss
of me now *

23
00:01:04,897 --> 00:01:06,867
* And you're not so big

24
00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:09,370
* You're not the boss
of me now *

25
00:01:09,403 --> 00:01:11,372
* You're not
the boss of me now *

26
00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:13,907
* You're not the boss
of me now *

27
00:01:13,941 --> 00:01:16,710
* And you're not so big

28
00:01:16,744 --> 00:01:20,314
* Life is unfair.

29
00:01:21,349 --> 00:01:24,252
REESE (softly):
Malcolm.

30
00:01:24,285 --> 00:01:26,820
Malcolm.

31
00:01:28,122 --> 00:01:30,491
(screaming)

32
00:01:30,524 --> 00:01:32,726
How was that
even remotely fair?!

33
00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:34,061
That's for us all having to go

34
00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:35,896
to your stupid
Krelboyne picnic today.

35
00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:38,098
You think I
want you to go?

36
00:01:40,168 --> 00:01:42,403
My special class
is having a family day,

37
00:01:42,436 --> 00:01:44,104
and if that's not bad enough,

38
00:01:44,138 --> 00:01:46,474
it's on the weekend
that Francis is home.

39
00:01:46,507 --> 00:01:49,810
I'm going to look like
a total idiot in front of him.

40
00:01:49,843 --> 00:01:52,213
Pretty bunnies.

41
00:01:53,147 --> 00:01:55,015
Pretty bunnies.

42
00:01:55,048 --> 00:01:58,519
Luckily, I've got a brilliant
plan to get out of this.

43
00:01:58,552 --> 00:02:00,854
(retching, coughing)

44
00:02:00,888 --> 00:02:04,325
Oh, poor baby.

45
00:02:04,358 --> 00:02:07,127
Yeah, I'm sick.

46
00:02:07,161 --> 00:02:09,029
No, you're grounded for pouring

47
00:02:09,062 --> 00:02:11,199
perfectly good vegetable soup
in the toilet.

48
00:02:11,232 --> 00:02:13,501
And you owe me 49 cents.

49
00:02:13,534 --> 00:02:15,536
(flushing)

50
00:02:17,238 --> 00:02:19,207
I don't understand
why you don't want to go

51
00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:21,475
to this picnic, Malcolm;
I think it sounds like fun.

52
00:02:21,509 --> 00:02:22,976
Yeah, sitting on the grass,
eating barbecue.

53
00:02:23,010 --> 00:02:24,445
It's Krelboynes.

54
00:02:24,478 --> 00:02:25,846
It's not going to be
on the grass

55
00:02:25,879 --> 00:02:27,548
because half the class
is allergic.

56
00:02:27,581 --> 00:02:29,450
And don't expect
any meat, either,

57
00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:31,985
because they all voted
not to serve anything

58
00:02:32,019 --> 00:02:33,287
that ever had a mother.

59
00:02:33,321 --> 00:02:35,389
Cousin Nancy
doesn't have a mother.

60
00:02:35,423 --> 00:02:37,858
That's right.
She has two daddies.

61
00:02:37,891 --> 00:02:39,960
Oh, man, two guys
as your parents?

62
00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:42,663
That house has got to
be a dude's paradise.

63
00:02:42,696 --> 00:02:44,365
HAL:
You know,

64
00:02:44,398 --> 00:02:46,200
there are a lot
of proven health benefits

65
00:02:46,234 --> 00:02:47,901
to the vegetarian lifestyle.

66
00:02:47,935 --> 00:02:49,670
In fact, I've
been seriously

67
00:02:49,703 --> 00:02:51,138
considering it myself.

68
00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:52,740
LOIS: It'll be nice
to meet the other parents.

69
00:02:52,773 --> 00:02:54,308
I'm sure they're much better

70
00:02:54,342 --> 00:02:55,809
than those carnival freaks
in Reese's class.

71
00:02:55,843 --> 00:02:57,411
What a horrible
bunch of people.

72
00:02:57,445 --> 00:02:58,879
Amen to that.

73
00:02:58,912 --> 00:03:01,349
Well, this just sounds
like a blast to me.

74
00:03:01,382 --> 00:03:02,983
Why do I have
to go, again?

75
00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:04,685
Because it's a family
picnic, Francis,

76
00:03:04,718 --> 00:03:06,186
and you're a member
of this family.

77
00:03:06,220 --> 00:03:07,988
Oh, right, see, I just
keep forgetting that,

78
00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:09,357
being forced to live
a thousand miles away

79
00:03:09,390 --> 00:03:11,024
at military school
and all.

80
00:03:11,058 --> 00:03:13,527
Well, I can't wait to see
this academic circus.

81
00:03:13,561 --> 00:03:16,230
I bet it's really cute.
It's not a circus.

82
00:03:16,264 --> 00:03:19,333
It's a bunch of social misfits
doing a bunch of weird stunts

83
00:03:19,367 --> 00:03:20,868
to show off how smart they are.

84
00:03:20,901 --> 00:03:22,370
What's your weird stunt, honey?

85
00:03:22,403 --> 00:03:25,205
Just some lame thing--
nothing you want to see.

86
00:03:25,239 --> 00:03:27,174
You've got to get
me out of there

87
00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:28,542
before my turn comes.

88
00:03:28,576 --> 00:03:29,943
Why? What's the big deal?

89
00:03:29,977 --> 00:03:31,379
It just is, okay?

90
00:03:31,412 --> 00:03:33,013
I don't want
to do my act.

91
00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:34,682
All right, relax.

92
00:03:34,715 --> 00:03:36,216
We'll hang out
for, like, 15 minutes,

93
00:03:36,250 --> 00:03:37,918
establish your presence.

94
00:03:37,951 --> 00:03:41,221
Then we'll go over the fence,
like at Grandma's wedding.

95
00:03:41,255 --> 00:03:42,523
(sighs)

96
00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:44,292
That's why I love this guy.

97
00:03:44,325 --> 00:03:46,894
Welcome!

98
00:03:46,927 --> 00:03:48,195
Welcome one and all!

99
00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:51,299
Run away with us
and join the circus!

100
00:03:51,332 --> 00:03:53,867
The academic circus!

101
00:03:53,901 --> 00:03:54,968
Oh, no.

102
00:03:55,002 --> 00:03:56,136
My teacher.

103
00:03:56,169 --> 00:03:57,771
Malcolm, thank goodness.

104
00:03:57,805 --> 00:03:59,273
I was so nervous.

105
00:03:59,307 --> 00:04:01,275
I had a dream
you didn't come, and I was

106
00:04:01,309 --> 00:04:03,277
being chased by something big
but invisible and...

107
00:04:03,311 --> 00:04:04,778
Never mind.

108
00:04:04,812 --> 00:04:07,147
You're here, and that's
all that matters.

109
00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:10,818
Hello, little guy.

110
00:04:12,185 --> 00:04:15,022
Ready to leave your family
and join the circus?

111
00:04:15,689 --> 00:04:17,156
Oh.
Huh?

112
00:04:17,190 --> 00:04:18,692
Little lower, son.

113
00:04:19,860 --> 00:04:22,330
Oh, look at all
your little friends.

114
00:04:22,363 --> 00:04:23,464
Hi.

115
00:04:23,497 --> 00:04:24,732
Hi, there.

116
00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:26,133
They're not
my friends.

117
00:04:26,166 --> 00:04:28,502
They're a bunch
of geeks and losers.

118
00:04:28,536 --> 00:04:29,637
Malcolm's in the house!

119
00:04:29,670 --> 00:04:31,171
(chanting):
Malcolm! Malcolm!

120
00:04:31,204 --> 00:04:34,408
Malcolm! Malcolm! Malcolm!

121
00:04:34,442 --> 00:04:36,644
(chanting continues)

122
00:04:39,713 --> 00:04:42,750
I'm going to kick
so much Krelboyne ass today,

123
00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:44,151
it's not even funny.

124
00:04:44,184 --> 00:04:47,521
Go, Malcolm! Go, Malcolm!
Go, Malcolm!

125
00:04:47,555 --> 00:04:48,689
Easy.

126
00:04:48,722 --> 00:04:50,424
You got all afternoon.

127
00:04:50,458 --> 00:04:53,827
We're getting out of here
in 15 minutes, right?

128
00:04:53,861 --> 00:04:55,128
Make it ten.

129
00:04:55,162 --> 00:04:56,296
Yeah.

130
00:04:56,330 --> 00:04:58,065
Ooh, hello.

131
00:04:59,467 --> 00:05:01,469
And who might you be?

132
00:05:01,502 --> 00:05:02,503
What?

133
00:05:02,536 --> 00:05:04,004
Nothing.

134
00:05:10,811 --> 00:05:13,013
Hello. I'm Lois.
This is Hal.

135
00:05:13,046 --> 00:05:14,515
We're Malcolm's parents.

136
00:05:14,548 --> 00:05:16,350
That's very nice.

137
00:05:16,384 --> 00:05:18,952
I'm Dorene.
These are the girls.

138
00:05:18,986 --> 00:05:20,187
Hello, it's nice
to meet you all.

139
00:05:20,220 --> 00:05:21,489
Yeah, it's really...

140
00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:26,760
...whatever.

141
00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:29,563
Hope everybody
likes brownies.

142
00:05:29,597 --> 00:05:31,699
Oh, my, that is
so thoughtful.

143
00:05:31,732 --> 00:05:33,901
Are those nuts?
Walnuts.

144
00:05:33,934 --> 00:05:36,303
Oh, gee, we
can't have that.

145
00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:39,507
Some of the children are
severely allergic to nuts.

146
00:05:39,540 --> 00:05:42,075
Oh, my gosh, I had no idea.
Whose child is allergic?

147
00:05:42,109 --> 00:05:44,478
Well, no one in this class
specifically,

148
00:05:44,512 --> 00:05:46,680
but you can never
be too careful.

149
00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:58,692
Believe me, this isn't meant
to publicly humiliate you.

150
00:05:58,726 --> 00:06:02,563
I'm sure they
were delicious.

151
00:06:02,596 --> 00:06:04,698
Oh, hi-ya, fellas.

152
00:06:04,732 --> 00:06:05,999
Hey, there.

153
00:06:06,033 --> 00:06:07,401
What's your pleasure--
nature dog,

154
00:06:07,435 --> 00:06:09,670
health patty,
tofu square?

155
00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:11,672
Good God.

156
00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:13,974
Want me to brown that chicken
leg a little more for you?

157
00:06:16,610 --> 00:06:19,012
Well...

158
00:06:19,046 --> 00:06:21,482
looks like I got here
just in time.

159
00:06:22,783 --> 00:06:25,085
Gentlemen...

160
00:06:25,118 --> 00:06:27,421
behold.

161
00:06:28,489 --> 00:06:31,124
Is that... meat?

162
00:06:31,158 --> 00:06:33,093
Nothing but.

163
00:06:38,599 --> 00:06:39,867
Hi.

164
00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:41,835
Hey.

165
00:06:44,772 --> 00:06:47,808
So, uh... you here?

166
00:06:47,841 --> 00:06:50,310
Yeah.

167
00:06:50,343 --> 00:06:51,311
You?

168
00:06:51,344 --> 00:06:53,313
Yeah.

169
00:06:59,086 --> 00:07:00,387
Hey, Stevie.

170
00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:02,623
Can't stop... to chat.

171
00:07:02,656 --> 00:07:04,958
Got to get... my chemicals...

172
00:07:04,992 --> 00:07:06,594
in the shade.

173
00:07:06,627 --> 00:07:09,062
I thought you were doing
your report on oscilloscopes.

174
00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:11,431
Changed to... catalytics.

175
00:07:11,465 --> 00:07:13,166
It's more... exciting.

176
00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:15,068
Right?

177
00:07:15,102 --> 00:07:16,637
What do you care?

178
00:07:16,670 --> 00:07:18,839
I'm up... after you.

179
00:07:18,872 --> 00:07:19,673
So?

180
00:07:19,707 --> 00:07:21,675
Following you...

181
00:07:21,709 --> 00:07:23,477
is like...

182
00:07:23,511 --> 00:07:24,912
following Streisand.

183
00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:26,179
Well, don't worry about it.

184
00:07:26,213 --> 00:07:27,948
You won't be following me.

185
00:07:29,016 --> 00:07:29,983
Why?

186
00:07:30,017 --> 00:07:32,853
Have I been... bumped?

187
00:07:34,522 --> 00:07:36,156
Francis, what are you doing?!

188
00:07:36,189 --> 00:07:37,991
Come on, the coast
is clear and...

189
00:07:38,025 --> 00:07:40,528
It's already been
ten minutes and...

190
00:07:42,696 --> 00:07:45,165
We're not ditching out, are we?

191
00:07:54,742 --> 00:07:56,877
(quiet chatter)

192
00:08:02,382 --> 00:08:05,385
A small pack of Krelboynes
has ventured out of hiding

193
00:08:05,418 --> 00:08:06,720
to bask in the afternoon sun.

194
00:08:06,754 --> 00:08:08,455
Their defenses down,

195
00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:11,024
they're an easy target
for nearby predators.

196
00:08:11,058 --> 00:08:14,862
(sniffing)

197
00:08:18,165 --> 00:08:20,333
They sense danger,
but it is too late.

198
00:08:20,367 --> 00:08:22,502
Their hesitation is fatal.

199
00:08:22,536 --> 00:08:23,871
(roaring)

200
00:08:24,872 --> 00:08:27,074
(frightened yelps)

201
00:08:38,418 --> 00:08:40,486
(panting)

202
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:43,423
And the circle of life goes on.

203
00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:53,734
Kafkaesque, isn't it?

204
00:08:53,767 --> 00:08:54,935
Huh?

205
00:08:54,968 --> 00:08:56,003
Never mind.

206
00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:58,238
Kick his butt,
Alphonse.

207
00:09:02,409 --> 00:09:05,613
Wait... wait.

208
00:09:05,646 --> 00:09:07,280
Here it comes.

209
00:09:07,314 --> 00:09:08,849
Yes, there!

210
00:09:08,882 --> 00:09:11,484
I've arrested
the cellular mitosis!

211
00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:17,591
Thank you, Dabney.

212
00:09:17,625 --> 00:09:18,792
That was riveting.

213
00:09:18,826 --> 00:09:20,594
Our next act needs
no introduction,

214
00:09:20,628 --> 00:09:23,396
having been the buzz of
last year's math fair.

215
00:09:23,430 --> 00:09:26,099
Please welcome
Flora Mayesh

216
00:09:26,133 --> 00:09:29,436
and Fermat's
Last Theorem!

217
00:09:31,271 --> 00:09:32,372
Hello? Is this...?

218
00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:33,974
Testing.

219
00:09:34,007 --> 00:09:37,778
So, I understand that Malcolm
has quite the vocabulary.

220
00:09:37,811 --> 00:09:40,648
Yeah, he's just yap, yap,
yap, yap, yap, all day long.

221
00:09:40,681 --> 00:09:43,083
Well, that's not
the vocabulary I meant.

222
00:09:43,116 --> 00:09:44,451
It seems that he's taught

223
00:09:44,484 --> 00:09:46,153
several of the children
the "R" word.

224
00:09:46,186 --> 00:09:47,955
The "R" word?

225
00:09:47,988 --> 00:09:50,257
I'm sure it's just something
he picked up off the street--

226
00:09:50,290 --> 00:09:52,893
certainly not at home.

227
00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:56,129
Yeah, well, "R" you, lady.

228
00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:01,334
So, this is
going well, right?

229
00:10:01,368 --> 00:10:04,104
It's pretty much
everything I expected.

230
00:10:04,137 --> 00:10:05,338
So, you ready, Malcolm?

231
00:10:05,372 --> 00:10:06,974
I mean, you're all set, right?

232
00:10:07,007 --> 00:10:08,175
Sure.

233
00:10:08,208 --> 00:10:09,810
Good.

234
00:10:11,645 --> 00:10:14,314
I'm... ready.

235
00:10:14,347 --> 00:10:16,950
Thanks for... asking.

236
00:10:16,984 --> 00:10:19,687
You know what's so great
about our relationship?

237
00:10:19,720 --> 00:10:22,422
It just still feels so fresh,
you know what I mean?

238
00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:23,590
Totally.

239
00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:24,858
HAL: All right,
take it away.

240
00:10:24,892 --> 00:10:27,027
I need two burgers
and a dog, Hal.

241
00:10:27,060 --> 00:10:28,829
Coming up.
Dewey?

242
00:10:31,064 --> 00:10:31,932
Thank you, sir.

243
00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:33,667
All right.
Thank you.

244
00:10:33,701 --> 00:10:35,535
What have I told you
about raw meat, son?

245
00:10:35,568 --> 00:10:38,038
I'm not.

246
00:10:38,071 --> 00:10:40,140
Dad, I want you
to meet someone.

247
00:10:40,173 --> 00:10:42,042
This is Jody.
Hi.

248
00:10:42,075 --> 00:10:44,311
Oh, it's so great
to finally meet you.

249
00:10:44,344 --> 00:10:46,546
Francis talks about you
all the time.

250
00:10:46,579 --> 00:10:48,515
Oh, yeah?

251
00:10:48,548 --> 00:10:49,917
You, too.

252
00:10:52,085 --> 00:10:53,120
(sighs)

253
00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:54,621
I'm so glad
that went well.

254
00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:57,791
Ladies and gentlemen,

255
00:10:57,825 --> 00:11:02,395
I give to you
the Nixon electromagnet.

256
00:11:03,396 --> 00:11:04,364
(whirring hum)

257
00:11:04,397 --> 00:11:06,466
(loud clang)

258
00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:09,703
(muffled yelling, sobbing)

259
00:11:09,737 --> 00:11:12,339
This is going dreadfully.

260
00:11:12,372 --> 00:11:13,573
Am I wrong?

261
00:11:13,606 --> 00:11:16,076
Please tell me I'm wrong.

262
00:11:16,109 --> 00:11:17,410
Excuse me.

263
00:11:17,444 --> 00:11:18,511
For what?

264
00:11:18,545 --> 00:11:21,114
(sniffing)

265
00:11:27,921 --> 00:11:29,256
This is it.

266
00:11:29,289 --> 00:11:31,759
You're almost... up.

267
00:11:31,792 --> 00:11:33,526
Stop reminding me.

268
00:11:33,560 --> 00:11:34,762
Nervous?

269
00:11:34,795 --> 00:11:37,230
No, I just don't want
to do this.

270
00:11:37,264 --> 00:11:39,699
Don't you ever get sick
of being a Krelboyne?

271
00:11:39,733 --> 00:11:42,202
Of people thinking
you're some kind of freak?

272
00:11:42,235 --> 00:11:44,571
You are...

273
00:11:44,604 --> 00:11:46,339
what you are.

274
00:11:46,373 --> 00:11:47,674
Accept it.

275
00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:48,909
Not without a fight.

276
00:11:48,942 --> 00:11:52,112
You're harshing... my buzz.

277
00:11:53,747 --> 00:11:55,348
Don't let... anyone...

278
00:11:55,382 --> 00:11:58,451
mess with... my stuff.

279
00:12:01,288 --> 00:12:03,290
You know, in the wrong hands,

280
00:12:03,323 --> 00:12:06,326
these chemicals can make
a pretty powerful stink bomb.

281
00:12:08,095 --> 00:12:10,697
These hands look wrong enough.

282
00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:12,099
(sniffs)

283
00:12:12,132 --> 00:12:15,202
And this field trip to
the historic ghost town,

284
00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:17,637
I think we all know
what that leads to--

285
00:12:17,670 --> 00:12:19,706
the occult, devil worship,

286
00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:21,208
state colleges.

287
00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:22,910
So, then, it's agreed

288
00:12:22,943 --> 00:12:24,444
that the trip
will be canceled.

289
00:12:24,477 --> 00:12:27,114
Wait a minute--
you can't decide that.

290
00:12:27,147 --> 00:12:28,581
You didn't even vote.

291
00:12:28,615 --> 00:12:30,784
I was only going
by the general tone

292
00:12:30,818 --> 00:12:31,751
of the group.

293
00:12:31,785 --> 00:12:32,786
General tone?

294
00:12:32,820 --> 00:12:34,121
I haven't heard a peep

295
00:12:34,154 --> 00:12:35,923
out of any of these
other women all day.

296
00:12:35,956 --> 00:12:37,390
What, you all agree

297
00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:39,726
with what Mrs. Control
Freak here is saying?

298
00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:40,828
Well...

299
00:12:40,861 --> 00:12:41,829
Phyllis!

300
00:12:41,862 --> 00:12:44,597
My name isn't Phyllis!

301
00:12:44,631 --> 00:12:47,667
And... no,
I don't feel that way.

302
00:12:47,700 --> 00:12:49,736
WOMAN:
I don't either!
I never liked...

303
00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:51,338
My husband told me
I should stand up to you

304
00:12:51,371 --> 00:12:53,440
after I came home from
that bake sale in tears.

305
00:12:53,473 --> 00:12:54,507
(women arguing)

306
00:12:54,541 --> 00:12:56,944
My soy burger...

307
00:12:56,977 --> 00:12:59,612
it's bleeding!

308
00:12:59,646 --> 00:13:01,148
This is meat!

309
00:13:01,181 --> 00:13:02,615
We're eating meat!

310
00:13:02,649 --> 00:13:04,117
Oh, my God!

311
00:13:04,151 --> 00:13:05,819
(retching)

312
00:13:05,853 --> 00:13:07,154
We're eating meat!

313
00:13:07,187 --> 00:13:09,622
(retching continues)

314
00:13:09,656 --> 00:13:11,124
(yelling)

315
00:13:18,465 --> 00:13:19,666
REESE:
Get out of the way!

316
00:13:19,699 --> 00:13:21,001
ERASERHEAD:
Come here!

317
00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:23,636
(all arguing)

318
00:13:35,082 --> 00:13:37,350
(people shrieking)

319
00:13:38,551 --> 00:13:40,453
Okay, the difference
between a stink bomb

320
00:13:40,487 --> 00:13:42,189
and a level-three
toxic biohazard

321
00:13:42,222 --> 00:13:44,892
is apparently two extra drops
of sulfur tetra-oxide.

322
00:13:44,925 --> 00:13:47,327
I'm totally suing that Web site.

323
00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:49,229
I didn't do it!
I didn't do it!

324
00:13:55,768 --> 00:13:57,938
(people chattering)

325
00:14:02,943 --> 00:14:05,112
WOMAN:
Where are you, honey?

326
00:14:06,079 --> 00:14:09,016
I want... our seat.

327
00:14:09,049 --> 00:14:10,817
(sobbing)

328
00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:12,152
I'm kind of conflicted.

329
00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:14,421
On the one hand,
I ruined Caroline's picnic

330
00:14:14,454 --> 00:14:16,990
and very possibly endangered
a hundred lives.

331
00:14:17,024 --> 00:14:19,592
On the other hand,
now I don't have to do my act.

332
00:14:19,626 --> 00:14:21,561
(whimpering)

333
00:14:21,594 --> 00:14:23,696
Did you miss me?

334
00:14:23,730 --> 00:14:25,598
Mm-hmm.

335
00:14:25,632 --> 00:14:28,501
So who was that girl with
her hands all over you?

336
00:14:28,535 --> 00:14:30,237
What girl, the paramedic?

337
00:14:30,270 --> 00:14:33,206
She was making sure
I didn't inhale any toxic fumes.

338
00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:35,909
Oh, I'm sure you loved
every moment of it.

339
00:14:35,943 --> 00:14:37,744
God, would you
quit nagging me?

340
00:14:37,777 --> 00:14:39,947
Well, maybe if you paid a little
more attention to me.

341
00:14:39,980 --> 00:14:41,014
More attention?

342
00:14:41,048 --> 00:14:42,115
You're smothering me.

343
00:14:42,149 --> 00:14:43,250
I need space.

344
00:14:43,283 --> 00:14:44,952
Oh, you'll get your space.

345
00:14:44,985 --> 00:14:46,619
We're through.

346
00:14:46,653 --> 00:14:47,921
Fine by me.

347
00:14:50,257 --> 00:14:52,926
Here's the school
ring you gave me.

348
00:14:53,927 --> 00:14:56,063
The teddy bear key chain.

349
00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:00,633
Your shirt.
Your two poems.

350
00:15:00,667 --> 00:15:02,702
The book you lent me.

351
00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:04,904
Your Depeche Mode tape!

352
00:15:04,938 --> 00:15:06,139
Oh, and here's your gum.

353
00:15:08,308 --> 00:15:09,709
I love Krelboynes.

354
00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:12,545
And I swear,
I'm not just saying that.

355
00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:14,814
Why would I?

356
00:15:14,847 --> 00:15:16,816
Nice hang time.

357
00:15:16,849 --> 00:15:18,385
Well, it's really
a simple function

358
00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:20,587
of the tensile strength
of the elastic waistband.

359
00:15:20,620 --> 00:15:23,056
(sinister chuckle)

360
00:15:23,090 --> 00:15:25,792
(crying)

361
00:15:29,829 --> 00:15:31,331
I brought you a hamburger.

362
00:15:31,364 --> 00:15:34,101
This should
make us even, right?

363
00:15:34,134 --> 00:15:36,069
(sniffling)

364
00:15:36,103 --> 00:15:38,305
Thank you.

365
00:15:43,843 --> 00:15:45,278
Is this meat?

366
00:15:45,312 --> 00:15:47,114
Uh, it might be.

367
00:15:50,717 --> 00:15:53,453
Look what I've been reduced to.

368
00:15:53,486 --> 00:15:54,821
(sobs)

369
00:15:54,854 --> 00:15:57,790
Okay, well, um...

370
00:15:57,824 --> 00:15:59,993
I'm going to...

371
00:16:00,027 --> 00:16:02,295
Oh, Malcolm, I'm so sorry.

372
00:16:02,329 --> 00:16:03,463
Huh?

373
00:16:03,496 --> 00:16:05,098
I know how much

374
00:16:05,132 --> 00:16:08,135
you were looking forward
to doing your act...

375
00:16:08,168 --> 00:16:10,503
especially
with your family here.

376
00:16:10,537 --> 00:16:12,539
I failed you.

377
00:16:12,572 --> 00:16:14,441
No, you didn't.

378
00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:16,776
Yes, I did.

379
00:16:16,809 --> 00:16:20,647
After today, they're going
to fire my ass so fast.

380
00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:22,049
(crying)

381
00:16:23,883 --> 00:16:25,118
My parents were right.

382
00:16:25,152 --> 00:16:28,155
I never should have left
the cannery.

383
00:16:28,188 --> 00:16:29,789
(sniffling)

384
00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:31,724
Want another hamburger?

385
00:16:35,062 --> 00:16:37,730
(crying):
Yes!

386
00:16:39,399 --> 00:16:41,668
I do. I do.

387
00:16:41,701 --> 00:16:43,970
I really do.

388
00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:46,173
(muttering)

389
00:16:47,607 --> 00:16:49,176
(sobbing)

390
00:16:49,209 --> 00:16:50,677
Can you believe it? Meat.

391
00:16:50,710 --> 00:16:53,012
I don't know about you,
but I'm outraged.

392
00:16:53,046 --> 00:16:55,815
I want you to know
that I am going to see to it

393
00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:58,085
that you never serve
on a school committee,

394
00:16:58,118 --> 00:17:00,487
hold an office or even
so much as set foot

395
00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:03,156
in a PTA meeting
as long as I can help it.

396
00:17:03,190 --> 00:17:04,824
Is that a promise, lady?

397
00:17:04,857 --> 00:17:06,425
'Cause I'd really like
to get that in writing.

398
00:17:06,459 --> 00:17:08,328
I should have expected as much

399
00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:10,762
from the mother
of a foul-mouth thug.

400
00:17:10,797 --> 00:17:14,300
What he's even doing
in this class, I don't know.

401
00:17:15,867 --> 00:17:17,503
Oh, I see you
made a friend.

402
00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:19,571
Yeah. Tomorrow we're going
shopping for shoes.

403
00:17:19,606 --> 00:17:20,573
Oh.

404
00:17:20,607 --> 00:17:22,040
Academic circus?

405
00:17:22,075 --> 00:17:23,710
Well, you certainly got
the circus part right.

406
00:17:23,742 --> 00:17:25,377
This is the biggest
debacle I've ever seen.

407
00:17:25,412 --> 00:17:26,579
I guarantee you
Principal Littledove

408
00:17:26,613 --> 00:17:28,013
is going to hear
about this.

409
00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:30,950
Exactly.
He sure will,
from all of us.

410
00:17:30,983 --> 00:17:32,519
Can I ask you
a question?

411
00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:35,522
Yes. All women suck.

412
00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:38,391
No, I mean...
you'd still like me

413
00:17:38,425 --> 00:17:40,860
even if you found out
I was a freak, right?

414
00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:43,130
And the family wouldn't treat me
any different, right?

415
00:17:43,163 --> 00:17:45,598
Dude, we already
know you're smart.

416
00:17:45,632 --> 00:17:47,066
Yeah, but...

417
00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:48,601
Never mind.

418
00:17:48,635 --> 00:17:50,770
Just don't say I
didn't warn you.

419
00:17:54,141 --> 00:17:55,642
Look, it's Malcolm!

420
00:17:55,675 --> 00:17:57,877
GIRL: Hey, hey,
Malcolm's going to do it, guys!

421
00:17:57,910 --> 00:17:59,379
The PTA is
online, missy.

422
00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:01,814
Are you aware of the
power of the Internet?

423
00:18:01,848 --> 00:18:04,284
(excited chatter)

424
00:18:04,317 --> 00:18:06,286
Hey, everyone, look!

425
00:18:06,319 --> 00:18:08,555
Look, Malcolm's doing it.
He's doing it.

426
00:18:08,588 --> 00:18:10,123
Hey, shut the hell up!

427
00:18:10,157 --> 00:18:11,858
(chatter stops)

428
00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:20,567
Um...

429
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:23,836
could somebody please
show me some credit cards?

430
00:18:28,308 --> 00:18:29,609
Okay.

431
00:18:29,642 --> 00:18:30,910
The numbers on them are:

432
00:18:30,943 --> 00:18:34,947
3699-7412-6823-

433
00:18:34,981 --> 00:18:38,117
9140 and... 3424-

434
00:18:38,151 --> 00:18:42,255
1804-1835-3668.

435
00:18:42,289 --> 00:18:44,023
He's right!

436
00:18:49,629 --> 00:18:50,897
Okay.

437
00:18:52,499 --> 00:18:54,867
If you add the individual
digits on each card,

438
00:18:54,901 --> 00:18:56,669
you get 74 and 66.

439
00:18:56,703 --> 00:19:00,006
If you multiply those numbers,
you get 4,884.

440
00:19:00,039 --> 00:19:02,209
How do we even know
he's right?

441
00:19:02,242 --> 00:19:04,411
Oh, he's right.

442
00:19:06,012 --> 00:19:09,015
MALCOLM:
4,884 squared

443
00:19:09,048 --> 00:19:12,285
is 23,853,456.

444
00:19:12,319 --> 00:19:14,987
The square root
of 4,884

445
00:19:15,021 --> 00:19:17,890
is 69 and 885/1,000.

446
00:19:17,924 --> 00:19:22,895
The square root of that
is eight and 3,597/10,000.

447
00:19:24,697 --> 00:19:25,865
Factor it!

448
00:19:25,898 --> 00:19:28,034
The factors are 232 and 73.

449
00:19:28,067 --> 00:19:29,502
Multiply it by pi.

450
00:19:29,536 --> 00:19:31,471
26 and 261/1,000.

451
00:19:31,504 --> 00:19:34,374
Cube it!
584 and 214/1,000.

452
00:19:34,407 --> 00:19:35,342
What's the arc tangent?

453
00:19:35,375 --> 00:19:36,643
89 and 9/10 degrees.

454
00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:39,879
Natural log!
6 and 3,699/10,000.

455
00:19:39,912 --> 00:19:41,714
What's the reciprocal?
17/10,000.

456
00:19:41,748 --> 00:19:42,515
In base eight!

457
00:19:42,549 --> 00:19:43,716
11,431.

458
00:19:43,750 --> 00:19:45,051
What's the capitol
of Iceland?

459
00:19:45,084 --> 00:19:47,053
Reykjavik--
but that's not math.

460
00:20:06,573 --> 00:20:08,275
Why can't you do that?

461
00:20:08,308 --> 00:20:09,542
Cellular mitosis.

462
00:20:09,576 --> 00:20:12,312
What are we paying
your tutor for?

463
00:20:18,751 --> 00:20:20,753
Do you have
any brothers?

464
00:20:20,787 --> 00:20:22,589
No.

465
00:20:22,622 --> 00:20:24,457
(sobs)

466
00:20:26,326 --> 00:20:27,594
Hey.

467
00:20:27,627 --> 00:20:29,061
Hi.

468
00:20:30,597 --> 00:20:33,600
So, um... how you been?

469
00:20:33,633 --> 00:20:35,835
Fine.

470
00:20:37,103 --> 00:20:39,105
You look good.

471
00:20:39,138 --> 00:20:40,473
Yes, it was.

472
00:20:40,507 --> 00:20:42,041
It was a
wonderful circus.

473
00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:44,377
So many people
were worried...

474
00:20:44,411 --> 00:20:46,813
Was it as bad as
I think it was?

475
00:20:46,846 --> 00:20:49,248
Man... you killed.

476
00:20:49,282 --> 00:20:51,050
That's what I
was afraid of.

477
00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:53,320
Sorry you didn't
get to do your act.

478
00:20:53,353 --> 00:20:55,988
Shove... the sympathy...

479
00:20:56,022 --> 00:20:58,291
showboat.

480
00:20:58,325 --> 00:21:00,393
He fell on his butt
and everything.

481
00:21:00,427 --> 00:21:02,094
He was just, like, dazed.

482
00:21:13,172 --> 00:21:15,308
Is Malcolm a robot?

483
00:21:16,175 --> 00:21:18,511
No, son, he's just smart.

484
00:21:19,646 --> 00:21:21,648
Very, very,

485
00:21:21,681 --> 00:21:24,717
very, very, very,
very smart.

486
00:21:26,853 --> 00:21:27,820
Hey, Malcolm...

487
00:21:29,389 --> 00:21:32,024
How many fingers
am I holding up?

488
00:21:32,058 --> 00:21:33,292
(laughter)

489
00:21:33,326 --> 00:21:35,628
Shut up.

490
00:21:36,563 --> 00:21:38,164
Analyze what I had for lunch.

491
00:21:38,197 --> 00:21:39,265
(burps)
(laughter)

492
00:21:39,298 --> 00:21:40,800
Get off me, you moron.

493
00:21:40,833 --> 00:21:42,168
You know what
I don't understand?

494
00:21:42,201 --> 00:21:43,703
How you can rattle off
all those numbers,

495
00:21:43,736 --> 00:21:45,338
but you can't remember
to brush your teeth.

496
00:21:45,372 --> 00:21:47,106
HAL: Hey, who's for
Burger Barn?

497
00:21:47,139 --> 00:21:49,642
(cheering)

498
00:21:49,676 --> 00:21:51,544
Burger Barn!
Burger Barn!
Burger Barn!

499
00:21:51,578 --> 00:21:54,113
(laughter)