1
00:00:02,070 --> 00:00:04,971
(fighting and screaming
on video game)

2
00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:07,075
Pass the chips, please.

3
00:00:07,108 --> 00:00:08,576
Here you go.

4
00:00:08,609 --> 00:00:10,178
Thank you.

5
00:00:10,211 --> 00:00:12,080
You're welcome.

6
00:00:12,113 --> 00:00:14,315
Wow, that was
a really great move.

7
00:00:14,348 --> 00:00:15,816
My head just went flying.

8
00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:17,185
Thank you.
You're welcome.

9
00:00:17,218 --> 00:00:19,520
I told you boys
these games are too violent.

10
00:00:19,553 --> 00:00:21,355
(screaming on game)

11
00:00:21,389 --> 00:00:23,557
Here, watch something
wholesome.

12
00:00:23,591 --> 00:00:28,229
MAN:
* The sun is a mass
of incandescent gas *

13
00:00:28,262 --> 00:00:30,264
* A gigantic nuclear furnace

14
00:00:30,298 --> 00:00:32,766
* Where hydrogen is built...

15
00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:34,502
Give me more chips!

16
00:00:34,535 --> 00:00:35,503
Get your own, doofus!

17
00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:36,604
Shut up! I'm watching!

18
00:00:36,637 --> 00:00:38,439
You shut up!
I want more chips!

19
00:00:38,472 --> 00:00:39,907
Here!
(screaming)

20
00:00:39,940 --> 00:00:41,975
(boys clamoring)
(pottery breaking)

21
00:00:44,278 --> 00:00:47,915
* Yes, no, maybe

22
00:00:47,948 --> 00:00:50,351
* I don't know

23
00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:53,721
* Can you repeat the question?

24
00:00:53,754 --> 00:00:55,923
* You're not the boss
of me now *

25
00:00:55,956 --> 00:00:58,426
* You're not
the boss of me now *

26
00:00:58,459 --> 00:00:59,793
* You're not the boss
of me now *

27
00:00:59,827 --> 00:01:02,863
* And you're not so big

28
00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:04,532
* You're not the boss
of me now *

29
00:01:04,565 --> 00:01:07,368
* You're not
the boss of me now *

30
00:01:07,401 --> 00:01:08,769
* You're not the boss
of me now *

31
00:01:08,802 --> 00:01:12,640
* And you're not so big

32
00:01:12,673 --> 00:01:16,844
* Life is unfair.

33
00:01:21,315 --> 00:01:23,317
LOIS:
$90 for a toy?

34
00:01:23,351 --> 00:01:25,486
It's not a toy.
It's a robotics kit.

35
00:01:25,519 --> 00:01:27,821
You build a little
mechanical rover.

36
00:01:27,855 --> 00:01:30,124
It teaches you about
electronics and engineering.

37
00:01:30,158 --> 00:01:31,625
Does it teach you
to pick up your socks?

38
00:01:31,659 --> 00:01:32,993
'Cause that I'd be
interested in.

39
00:01:33,026 --> 00:01:34,395
HAL:
Besides, son,

40
00:01:34,428 --> 00:01:36,764
robots are evil.
What?!

41
00:01:36,797 --> 00:01:38,132
Westworld,
Terminator,

42
00:01:38,166 --> 00:01:40,134
the creepy maid
from The Jetsons...

43
00:01:40,168 --> 00:01:41,935
how much scientific
proof do you need?

44
00:01:41,969 --> 00:01:44,305
Mom!
Malcolm, no!

45
00:01:44,338 --> 00:01:45,639
Look, if you want
this thing so badly,

46
00:01:45,673 --> 00:01:47,641
you pay for it
with your own money.

47
00:01:47,675 --> 00:01:49,643
You're gonna start babysitting
next week, just save up.

48
00:01:49,677 --> 00:01:50,911
I don't even know
what they're gonna pay me!

49
00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:52,580
I'll tell you what
they're gonna pay you.

50
00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:54,282
They're gonna pay you
what all jobs pay--

51
00:01:54,315 --> 00:01:55,816
less than you're worth
and just enough to keep you

52
00:01:55,849 --> 00:01:58,186
crawling back for more.
Now go on. It's bedtime.

53
00:01:58,219 --> 00:02:01,989
That's the way discussions
go down in this family.

54
00:02:02,022 --> 00:02:03,824
I tell them my needs
and they say no.

55
00:02:03,857 --> 00:02:05,859
Then dad reveals
another cartoon character

56
00:02:05,893 --> 00:02:07,528
he's afraid of.

57
00:02:07,561 --> 00:02:10,163
(chuckles)

58
00:02:10,198 --> 00:02:13,100
Hey, how much time
do you think we have?

59
00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:14,435
Not long enough
for that look.

60
00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:16,270
(both laugh)

61
00:02:16,304 --> 00:02:17,971
You butt-wipe!
That's my toothbrush.

62
00:02:18,005 --> 00:02:19,673
So use mine.

63
00:02:19,707 --> 00:02:21,175
You can't just take
someone's toothbrush.

64
00:02:21,209 --> 00:02:22,476
Give me that.

65
00:02:22,510 --> 00:02:24,445
Fine.

66
00:02:24,478 --> 00:02:27,080
Oops.

67
00:02:33,421 --> 00:02:35,889
Hal... that is the third bug
I've seen today.

68
00:02:35,923 --> 00:02:37,958
You have got to call
the exterminator!

69
00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:41,128
What, and miss out
on watching you hunt?

70
00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:44,332
You're like a sexy,
bug-killing panther.

71
00:02:44,365 --> 00:02:46,033
(laughing)

72
00:02:46,066 --> 00:02:48,536
REESE:
Malcolm, stop!

73
00:02:48,569 --> 00:02:51,239
(boys yelling)

74
00:02:51,272 --> 00:02:53,374
LOIS:
That's it!

75
00:02:53,407 --> 00:02:55,042
Bedtime was
20 minutes ago.

76
00:02:55,075 --> 00:02:56,410
Go to bed!

77
00:02:56,444 --> 00:02:57,478
Go to bed!

78
00:02:57,511 --> 00:02:58,779
(grunting)

79
00:02:59,780 --> 00:03:01,715
Bed!

80
00:03:04,084 --> 00:03:06,654
Hal, bring the spray!

81
00:03:06,687 --> 00:03:08,356
I haven't rinsed yet.

82
00:03:08,389 --> 00:03:10,658
Only boys who behave
themselves get to rinse.

83
00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:12,760
Honestly, every night
we go through this!

84
00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:14,595
Mom, can I have a story?

85
00:03:14,628 --> 00:03:16,397
Once upon a time
there was a little boy

86
00:03:16,430 --> 00:03:17,731
who made his mother
so crazy

87
00:03:17,765 --> 00:03:19,433
she decided to sell him
to the circus.

88
00:03:19,467 --> 00:03:21,001
An evil circus?

89
00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:22,503
No, a nice one with monkeys.

90
00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:24,438
Thank you.
Ah, wait, wait, wait, wait,

91
00:03:24,472 --> 00:03:27,441
I think I see
where they're coming from.

92
00:03:27,475 --> 00:03:29,610
Ah, you cannot hide.

93
00:03:30,611 --> 00:03:32,212
Aw... look at...

94
00:03:32,246 --> 00:03:33,447
Aw!

95
00:03:35,416 --> 00:03:36,750
(insects munching)

96
00:03:36,784 --> 00:03:37,785
(grunts)

97
00:03:37,818 --> 00:03:40,388
(mumbling)
Oh! Ooh!

98
00:03:40,421 --> 00:03:41,722
Oh!

99
00:03:41,755 --> 00:03:43,957
(Hal grunting)

100
00:03:43,991 --> 00:03:46,394
Aah! Aah! Just...

101
00:03:47,995 --> 00:03:49,797
Okay, come on, boys.

102
00:03:49,830 --> 00:03:51,265
We're all camping out
in the den tonight.

103
00:03:51,299 --> 00:03:53,033
Here we go.

104
00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:54,735
Hey, Francis, aren't
you going to open up

105
00:03:54,768 --> 00:03:55,969
your mom's care package?

106
00:03:56,003 --> 00:03:57,237
Give me a minute.

107
00:03:57,271 --> 00:03:58,806
I'm still savoring this.

108
00:03:58,839 --> 00:04:01,475
I swiped Commandant Spangler's
master key.

109
00:04:01,509 --> 00:04:04,445
It opens every door
in the academy, Stanley.

110
00:04:04,478 --> 00:04:06,246
Every door.

111
00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:07,481
You know, I think
it's cookies.

112
00:04:07,515 --> 00:04:09,783
Who cares?
I'm about to expose

113
00:04:09,817 --> 00:04:11,785
every secret sin
this place conceals

114
00:04:11,819 --> 00:04:13,220
to the harsh light of day.

115
00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:15,222
So, can I open it?

116
00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:16,656
Yeah.

117
00:04:16,690 --> 00:04:18,492
(quiet laugh)

118
00:04:18,526 --> 00:04:21,595
So, what'd my mom send me?

119
00:04:21,629 --> 00:04:25,165
Bug-infested cookies.

120
00:04:25,198 --> 00:04:28,336
As usual, a mixed message.

121
00:04:31,872 --> 00:04:34,575
And this is the living room.

122
00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:38,946
This is the biggest, nicest
house I've ever seen!

123
00:04:38,979 --> 00:04:41,915
Wow!

124
00:04:41,949 --> 00:04:44,918
Homocanthus imperator.

125
00:04:44,952 --> 00:04:46,153
We call him Barney.

126
00:04:46,186 --> 00:04:47,355
Malcolm?

127
00:04:47,388 --> 00:04:48,656
We saved you some dinner.

128
00:04:48,689 --> 00:04:50,791
Dinner? Me? Saved?

129
00:04:50,824 --> 00:04:53,193
Dinner?

130
00:04:53,226 --> 00:04:54,762
We weren't sure which
you liked better--

131
00:04:54,795 --> 00:04:57,130
turkey or roast beef-- so
we fixed you a platter.

132
00:04:57,164 --> 00:04:58,699
Platter?!

133
00:04:58,732 --> 00:05:00,534
Okay, kids,
what time is it?

134
00:05:00,568 --> 00:05:03,103
Bedtime!
Bedtime!

135
00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:04,271
Yay!
I'll race you!

136
00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:05,439
They're going to bed?

137
00:05:05,473 --> 00:05:06,640
So you're just paying me

138
00:05:06,674 --> 00:05:07,875
to hang out here
for three hours?

139
00:05:07,908 --> 00:05:09,810
Well, maybe three and a half.

140
00:05:09,843 --> 00:05:13,180
We'll round up to
four, of course.

141
00:05:13,213 --> 00:05:15,282
Come on,
there's got to be a catch!

142
00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:17,685
Oh, and Malcolm,
you can't watch television...

143
00:05:17,718 --> 00:05:20,120
unless you turn on
the satellite first.

144
00:05:20,153 --> 00:05:22,923
Otherwise, all you'll
get is pornography.

145
00:05:23,991 --> 00:05:25,659
It's weird...

146
00:05:25,693 --> 00:05:27,395
I think I'm having a spasm.

147
00:05:27,428 --> 00:05:30,063
The muscles in my face
keep pulling on my mouth.

148
00:05:30,097 --> 00:05:33,667
Oh, I think I'm happy!

149
00:05:33,701 --> 00:05:36,404
I just don't understand
how it got so bad so fast.

150
00:05:36,437 --> 00:05:37,871
Well, it's been
pretty hot this year.

151
00:05:37,905 --> 00:05:39,407
That's part of it, but, uh...

152
00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:41,809
mostly it's that giant
pile of candy wrappers

153
00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:45,245
and half-eaten cereal boxes
you have in your crawl space.

154
00:05:45,278 --> 00:05:48,416
It's like there's some kind of
creepy hobo living down there.

155
00:05:54,221 --> 00:05:56,256
Whoa...

156
00:05:56,289 --> 00:05:58,191
there really
is a lost bomb shelter.

157
00:05:58,225 --> 00:06:00,928
Wow, this is almost
as exciting

158
00:06:00,961 --> 00:06:04,231
as that room full
of folding chairs.

159
00:06:04,264 --> 00:06:06,366
Let's get out of here!

160
00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:08,235
Aw, come on, Francis.

161
00:06:08,268 --> 00:06:09,737
Don't you want to explore?

162
00:06:09,770 --> 00:06:11,605
We might find
the abandoned furnace room

163
00:06:11,639 --> 00:06:13,441
or the old civil war amputorium.

164
00:06:13,474 --> 00:06:16,444
I didn't want to say this
before, but you've confirmed it.

165
00:06:16,477 --> 00:06:19,847
Marlin Academy is the most
boring place on earth.

166
00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:22,916
We're not gonna find
anything interesting.

167
00:06:22,950 --> 00:06:24,618
(sighs)

168
00:06:27,054 --> 00:06:29,056
I take that back.

169
00:06:29,089 --> 00:06:30,190
Look, the circus!

170
00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:32,225
The circus is at our house!

171
00:06:34,094 --> 00:06:35,863
Well, say good-bye
for a few days, boys.

172
00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:37,465
We're moving out.

173
00:06:37,498 --> 00:06:38,799
This is humiliating.

174
00:06:38,832 --> 00:06:41,268
Why can't we just stay
at a nice hotel?

175
00:06:41,301 --> 00:06:42,402
Because we're giving all our
money to the exterminators

176
00:06:42,436 --> 00:06:44,371
so they can stay in nice hotels.

177
00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:46,306
(sighs)

178
00:06:47,841 --> 00:06:49,276
Craig?

179
00:06:49,309 --> 00:06:51,378
Thank you so much
for lending us your trailer.

180
00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:53,313
Oh, I'm just glad
someone's finally

181
00:06:53,346 --> 00:06:54,782
getting some
use out of it.

182
00:06:54,815 --> 00:06:56,717
I bought it 15 years ago
to take on my honeymoon.

183
00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:57,651
You were married?

184
00:06:57,685 --> 00:06:59,252
No, I live on hope.

185
00:06:59,286 --> 00:07:01,789
Well... thanks again.

186
00:07:01,822 --> 00:07:04,357
You're welcome.

187
00:07:05,358 --> 00:07:07,027
Bye.

188
00:07:11,632 --> 00:07:14,468
Good-bye.

189
00:07:26,146 --> 00:07:27,247
Aw, this is cozy!

190
00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:29,249
It's 150 degrees in here!

191
00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:30,450
My butt is sweating.

192
00:07:30,484 --> 00:07:32,352
Ah, it just needs
to air out a little.

193
00:07:32,385 --> 00:07:34,321
The trailer!

194
00:07:34,354 --> 00:07:36,524
Come on, let's make
the best of this.

195
00:07:36,557 --> 00:07:38,458
I'm going to go babysit.

196
00:07:38,492 --> 00:07:40,494
It's still early.
They don't mind.

197
00:07:40,528 --> 00:07:42,162
They paying you okay?

198
00:07:42,195 --> 00:07:43,163
Yeah.

199
00:07:43,196 --> 00:07:44,665
It's okay.

200
00:07:44,698 --> 00:07:46,867
I can't believe how much

201
00:07:46,900 --> 00:07:48,869
these people are paying me!

202
00:07:48,902 --> 00:07:50,538
I did the math.

203
00:07:50,571 --> 00:07:53,707
I'm actually making more
an hour than mom does.

204
00:07:53,741 --> 00:07:56,109
(sighing contentedly)

205
00:07:56,143 --> 00:07:57,711
I got to stop doing this.

206
00:07:57,745 --> 00:08:01,381
It's creepy, right?

207
00:08:01,414 --> 00:08:02,716
"Lester."

208
00:08:02,750 --> 00:08:05,853
Looks like he
was the janitor.

209
00:08:05,886 --> 00:08:08,922
How long you think
he's been down here?

210
00:08:11,725 --> 00:08:13,961
I'd say May of '85.

211
00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:15,863
You can tell that by tasting?

212
00:08:15,896 --> 00:08:16,997
No, the date on the newspaper.

213
00:08:17,030 --> 00:08:19,399
Then why did you lick him?

214
00:08:19,432 --> 00:08:22,169
How often do you get
to taste a mummy?

215
00:08:22,202 --> 00:08:25,038
We should tell
someone about him.

216
00:08:25,072 --> 00:08:26,574
Uh, no, you can't do that.

217
00:08:26,607 --> 00:08:28,008
Commandant will know
you took the key,

218
00:08:28,041 --> 00:08:29,242
and he'll punish you.

219
00:08:29,276 --> 00:08:30,578
And then he'll punish me.

220
00:08:30,611 --> 00:08:32,746
And I'm gonna have
to punish you.

221
00:08:32,780 --> 00:08:34,815
Yeah, but don't you think
that's kind of sad?

222
00:08:34,847 --> 00:08:38,085
I mean, Lester's family will
never know what happened to him.

223
00:08:38,118 --> 00:08:40,419
They probably still set a place
for him on holidays.

224
00:08:40,453 --> 00:08:43,256
Yeah, well, judging by
the empty scotch bottles

225
00:08:43,289 --> 00:08:46,927
and German dungeon porn,
I don't think so.

226
00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:49,930
Damn. Beta.

227
00:08:56,136 --> 00:08:58,371
And you made fun of me

228
00:08:58,405 --> 00:09:00,674
when I bought
this mesh underwear.

229
00:09:00,708 --> 00:09:03,410
Who looks like an idiot now?

230
00:09:03,443 --> 00:09:05,746
I stand corrected.

231
00:09:05,779 --> 00:09:08,415
Close the door.
Were you raised in a barn?

232
00:09:08,448 --> 00:09:10,250
But it's cooler outside.

233
00:09:10,283 --> 00:09:11,284
Are you sure?

234
00:09:11,318 --> 00:09:12,586
Yeah.

235
00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:17,658
Well...

236
00:09:21,461 --> 00:09:24,231
(mumbling):
I don't know.

237
00:09:27,935 --> 00:09:30,704
I don't know.

238
00:09:30,738 --> 00:09:34,141
Will you please
make up your mind?

239
00:09:34,174 --> 00:09:36,409
There's no need
for that kind of tone.

240
00:09:36,443 --> 00:09:38,078
It wasn't a tone.

241
00:09:38,111 --> 00:09:39,246
There it is again.

242
00:09:39,279 --> 00:09:41,048
Look, Hal, it's hot.

243
00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:42,449
We're all cranky.

244
00:09:42,482 --> 00:09:44,584
Will you please just drop it?

245
00:09:44,618 --> 00:09:46,286
Fine!

246
00:09:46,319 --> 00:09:49,122
I think
you should apologize.

247
00:09:49,156 --> 00:09:51,224
Oh, you know, I didn't hear
you apologizing to me

248
00:09:51,258 --> 00:09:53,260
when you used up all the
liquid in the chemical toilet.

249
00:09:53,293 --> 00:09:54,928
Well, we have
your taco casserole

250
00:09:54,962 --> 00:09:56,997
to thank for that, don't we?

251
00:09:57,030 --> 00:09:59,967
Boys, will you step
outside for a second?

252
00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:03,136
Your father and I need
a little privacy.

253
00:10:03,170 --> 00:10:05,839
Shoo!

254
00:10:05,873 --> 00:10:07,808
LOIS:
Look, I didn't want to say
anything in front of the boys.

255
00:10:07,841 --> 00:10:10,177
But you are behaving
like a giant ass!

256
00:10:10,210 --> 00:10:11,912
HAL:
Oh, really?

257
00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:15,082
Well, as long as we're
on the subject of giant asses...

258
00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:17,584
I'm ready to go.

259
00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:19,252
Hey, you want
to see something?

260
00:10:19,286 --> 00:10:21,421
That's okay; I don't
want to break it.

261
00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:23,791
Ah, don't be silly.
Come, take a look.

262
00:10:26,393 --> 00:10:28,461
Wow.

263
00:10:28,495 --> 00:10:29,830
That's a spiral galaxy.

264
00:10:29,863 --> 00:10:31,765
These people are amazing.

265
00:10:31,799 --> 00:10:34,434
They're rich, they're smart,
they're polite.

266
00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:37,838
What are they gonna do next,
give me a million dollars?

267
00:10:37,871 --> 00:10:39,339
Malcolm, do you want
a million dollars?

268
00:10:39,372 --> 00:10:40,774
What?!

269
00:10:40,808 --> 00:10:43,543
I said, do you want
a sandwich to take home?

270
00:10:43,576 --> 00:10:46,613
Oh. Close enough.

271
00:10:46,646 --> 00:10:48,015
I only asked out your sister

272
00:10:48,048 --> 00:10:49,549
because you said
you weren't interested!

273
00:10:49,582 --> 00:10:51,484
And I was thinking of you
the whole time!

274
00:10:51,518 --> 00:10:52,953
Aw, don't give me that!

275
00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:55,155
I saw the charm bracelet!

276
00:10:55,188 --> 00:10:56,289
This isn't even mine!

277
00:10:56,323 --> 00:10:58,658
What, are you insane?

278
00:10:58,692 --> 00:11:00,894
You're throwing out stuff
that's not even mine!

279
00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:06,734
What are you looking at?

280
00:11:06,767 --> 00:11:09,302
Hey, this is a private
conversation, buster!

281
00:11:09,336 --> 00:11:12,039
Huh?

282
00:11:12,072 --> 00:11:14,341
Oh, yeah, like you've
never seen this before!

283
00:11:14,374 --> 00:11:16,509
(Hal yelling)
My mistake.

284
00:11:16,543 --> 00:11:18,979
I'm on the next street over.

285
00:11:19,012 --> 00:11:20,380
(Lois and Hal arguing)

286
00:11:26,219 --> 00:11:27,654
You were right about Lester.
I checked him out--

287
00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:29,589
no wife, no kids.

288
00:11:29,622 --> 00:11:32,592
Poor guy didn't have
a friend in the world.

289
00:11:32,625 --> 00:11:34,895
(boys clamoring)

290
00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:38,598
Here you go,
Lester, buddy.

291
00:11:38,631 --> 00:11:40,433
Did you tell anyone
about this place?

292
00:11:40,467 --> 00:11:41,869
No.

293
00:11:41,902 --> 00:11:43,270
Huh.

294
00:11:43,303 --> 00:11:44,872
Must've been me, then.

295
00:11:44,905 --> 00:11:47,240
All right, that's enough!

296
00:11:47,274 --> 00:11:49,342
Party's over!

297
00:11:49,376 --> 00:11:51,178
Don't you guys have
any respect for the dead?

298
00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:52,379
You took his wallet!

299
00:11:52,412 --> 00:11:54,514
Lester would've wanted me
to have his I.D.

300
00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:56,616
But that's not the point.

301
00:11:56,649 --> 00:12:00,553
This man was not just
an alcoholic pervert janitor.

302
00:12:00,587 --> 00:12:02,355
He was one of us!

303
00:12:02,389 --> 00:12:05,225
He hated the commandant
as much as we do.

304
00:12:05,258 --> 00:12:07,627
He was filled
with impudent rage, like we are.

305
00:12:07,660 --> 00:12:10,097
This man was a hero.

306
00:12:10,130 --> 00:12:13,300
And heroes do not rot alone

307
00:12:13,333 --> 00:12:15,268
in basements.

308
00:12:15,302 --> 00:12:18,071
They're immortalized in song.

309
00:12:18,105 --> 00:12:20,573
They were sent off to Valhalla
in flaming ships!

310
00:12:20,607 --> 00:12:22,876
(boys clamor in agreement)
They are not put

311
00:12:22,910 --> 00:12:26,113
in beer hats
or used as photo props

312
00:12:26,146 --> 00:12:29,149
or given fake mustaches.

313
00:12:29,182 --> 00:12:31,151
(crunches, thumps)
Oh, man!

314
00:12:31,184 --> 00:12:32,252
(rattling)

315
00:12:32,285 --> 00:12:34,554
(boys groaning)

316
00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:36,323
That wasn't fake.

317
00:12:36,356 --> 00:12:38,225
My bad.

318
00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:39,726
What do we do now?

319
00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:42,329
Go for the spare.

320
00:12:43,831 --> 00:12:46,066
Up higher, Dewey.
Reese, vertical, vertical!

321
00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:47,467
I already adjusted...
Go like this.

322
00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:48,501
I know, but this...
Push the button harder.

323
00:12:48,535 --> 00:12:51,604
(all talking over one another)

324
00:12:51,638 --> 00:12:54,174
(screaming)

325
00:13:07,955 --> 00:13:10,357
(bubbling)

326
00:13:21,668 --> 00:13:24,037
Francis, I'm sorry
I'm calling you so late.

327
00:13:24,071 --> 00:13:25,438
I had to talk to someone.

328
00:13:25,472 --> 00:13:27,474
Hey, no problem.
What's going on?

329
00:13:27,507 --> 00:13:29,209
I don't know.

330
00:13:29,242 --> 00:13:32,445
Do you ever feel like you don't
really belong in the family?

331
00:13:32,479 --> 00:13:33,780
Dude, I'm in military school.

332
00:13:33,813 --> 00:13:35,215
I think that question's
been answered.

333
00:13:35,248 --> 00:13:37,317
Right.

334
00:13:37,350 --> 00:13:38,886
This is good.

335
00:13:38,919 --> 00:13:41,188
At least someone else
in the family is normal.

336
00:13:41,221 --> 00:13:42,956
Hey, listen,
while I got you, um...

337
00:13:42,990 --> 00:13:45,192
you're in school
with all those science brains.

338
00:13:45,225 --> 00:13:46,894
How would you reattach a head

339
00:13:46,927 --> 00:13:49,329
to a dead body?

340
00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:56,403
(paper rustling)

341
00:13:56,436 --> 00:13:58,671
Keep it down!
Huh?

342
00:13:58,705 --> 00:14:00,040
Don't talk to your
mother like that!

343
00:14:00,073 --> 00:14:01,508
Would you go sit
in the corner?

344
00:14:01,541 --> 00:14:04,077
There are no corners!

345
00:14:04,111 --> 00:14:07,580
You ready to make up?

346
00:14:07,614 --> 00:14:09,917
No.

347
00:14:09,950 --> 00:14:12,352
Me, neither.

348
00:14:14,587 --> 00:14:16,589
Oh, hello, son.

349
00:14:16,623 --> 00:14:18,992
You know, I barely
see you anymore.

350
00:14:19,026 --> 00:14:21,995
That babysitting has turned
into a full-time job.

351
00:14:22,029 --> 00:14:24,597
Well, sometimes I just
go over there to hang out

352
00:14:24,631 --> 00:14:26,566
and watch TV.

353
00:14:26,599 --> 00:14:28,735
Live in a house.

354
00:14:28,768 --> 00:14:32,672
Dad, does this seem okay to you?

355
00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:34,674
Gosh, no.
Your mother and I

356
00:14:34,707 --> 00:14:36,376
have never fought
for this long before.

357
00:14:36,409 --> 00:14:38,678
It's been days, and we
still haven't made up.

358
00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:40,747
I don't even know
what the problem is.

359
00:14:40,780 --> 00:14:43,716
Nah, something's missing.

360
00:14:43,750 --> 00:14:45,685
Boy...

361
00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:47,687
look at that sky, Malcolm.

362
00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:49,957
Just think,

363
00:14:49,990 --> 00:14:54,627
somewhere out there
in all those stars and planets,

364
00:14:54,661 --> 00:14:58,065
there might be
at this very moment

365
00:14:58,098 --> 00:15:01,534
a space dad
who just got kicked out

366
00:15:01,568 --> 00:15:03,470
of his space trailer,

367
00:15:03,503 --> 00:15:05,238
who's looking down at us.

368
00:15:05,272 --> 00:15:08,976
Or would it be up at us?

369
00:15:09,009 --> 00:15:11,411
Or maybe sideways?

370
00:15:11,444 --> 00:15:15,082
Trust me, Dad.
They're all looking down on us.

371
00:15:16,316 --> 00:15:17,884
The matinee
gets out at 4:00,

372
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:19,619
so we should be back
before dinner.

373
00:15:19,652 --> 00:15:22,622
Okay. What do you want me
to feed the kids for lunch?

374
00:15:22,655 --> 00:15:23,890
Hmm, whatever you want.

375
00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:24,958
We trust you.

376
00:15:24,992 --> 00:15:26,926
They trust me!

377
00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:28,728
People like this trust me!

378
00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:30,897
I obviously have to say
something nice back to them.

379
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:32,899
This is why my family sucks.

380
00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:34,634
I have no training in this.

381
00:15:34,667 --> 00:15:38,238
This job...

382
00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:40,940
me... like.

383
00:15:40,974 --> 00:15:42,909
We're thrilled to have
found you, Malcolm.

384
00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:44,944
The kids love you.

385
00:15:44,978 --> 00:15:46,446
You're great
to have around.

386
00:15:46,479 --> 00:15:48,715
You've really become
one of the family.

387
00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:55,655
I may not have been
switched at birth,

388
00:15:55,688 --> 00:15:56,990
but I should have been.

389
00:15:57,024 --> 00:15:58,825
I love these people.

390
00:16:00,693 --> 00:16:02,529
(speaking Chinese)

391
00:16:48,941 --> 00:16:50,410
Okay, come on.

392
00:16:54,414 --> 00:16:55,848
Wait a minute.

393
00:16:59,852 --> 00:17:01,821
Sorry.

394
00:17:01,854 --> 00:17:03,390
Well...

395
00:17:03,423 --> 00:17:07,460
let's see what our
little friend did today.

396
00:17:10,762 --> 00:17:13,433
(whistling)

397
00:17:19,472 --> 00:17:21,473
(blender whirs)

398
00:17:23,542 --> 00:17:25,545
(continues whistling)

399
00:17:47,434 --> 00:17:48,801
Oh, hi.

400
00:17:48,835 --> 00:17:50,069
Don't worry.

401
00:17:50,103 --> 00:17:51,238
I'd never hurt Barney.

402
00:17:51,271 --> 00:17:52,939
He's part of the family.

403
00:17:52,972 --> 00:17:54,874
Just like I'm part
of the family, right?

404
00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:56,543
And since a big part
of this family

405
00:17:56,576 --> 00:17:57,910
is being such a huge phony

406
00:17:57,944 --> 00:17:59,579
and launching
secret investigations

407
00:17:59,612 --> 00:18:00,647
against each other,

408
00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:01,814
I thought I'd join in.

409
00:18:01,848 --> 00:18:04,117
Personal computers
are great.

410
00:18:04,151 --> 00:18:07,320
You can file tax returns,
medical records,

411
00:18:07,354 --> 00:18:08,888
embarrassing private e-mail.

412
00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:10,890
Little security tip,
though.

413
00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:12,592
Never use your birthday

414
00:18:12,625 --> 00:18:14,761
as your password.

415
00:18:14,794 --> 00:18:16,663
And hiding things
in a fake salt can?

416
00:18:16,696 --> 00:18:18,965
That's just silly.

417
00:18:18,998 --> 00:18:20,467
I don't know who Melissa is,

418
00:18:20,500 --> 00:18:22,469
but she sure wears
a lot of lipstick.

419
00:18:22,502 --> 00:18:24,904
Anyway, I think
I hear you guys

420
00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:26,339
pulling up in the driveway.

421
00:18:26,373 --> 00:18:27,774
So let's just leave it at this:

422
00:18:27,807 --> 00:18:28,841
I quit.

423
00:18:28,875 --> 00:18:30,177
Bye.

424
00:18:34,181 --> 00:18:35,615
Who's Melissa?

425
00:18:38,618 --> 00:18:41,254
(arguing in trailer)

426
00:18:41,288 --> 00:18:43,356
Hi, son.
Didn't hear you drive up.

427
00:18:43,390 --> 00:18:45,158
I decided to walk.

428
00:18:45,192 --> 00:18:47,494
So, how's the job going?

429
00:18:47,527 --> 00:18:49,162
They were jerks, so I quit.

430
00:18:49,196 --> 00:18:51,531
Well, that's pretty much
what work is.

431
00:18:51,564 --> 00:18:52,899
Welcome to the club.

432
00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:55,001
Dad?

433
00:18:55,034 --> 00:18:56,203
Hmm?

434
00:18:56,236 --> 00:18:57,370
I'm really sorry.

435
00:18:57,404 --> 00:18:59,372
What? About quitting?

436
00:18:59,406 --> 00:19:02,875
Ah... no big deal,
especially for you.

437
00:19:02,909 --> 00:19:05,445
Malcolm, you should set
your sights as high as you can.

438
00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:09,115
If anyone in this family has
a shot at greatness, it's you.

439
00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:11,451
Just, uh... do me a favor, huh?

440
00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:12,852
Look after your brothers?

441
00:19:12,885 --> 00:19:14,187
Okay, wait, wait.

442
00:19:14,221 --> 00:19:16,356
You mean everything
you just said, right?

443
00:19:16,389 --> 00:19:18,658
Why would I say something
I didn't mean?

444
00:19:18,691 --> 00:19:20,660
See? That's what
I'm talking about.

445
00:19:20,693 --> 00:19:23,296
This family may be
rude, loud and gross

446
00:19:23,330 --> 00:19:25,365
and have no shame
whatsoever.

447
00:19:25,398 --> 00:19:27,300
Anyway, with them

448
00:19:27,334 --> 00:19:29,902
you know where you stand,

449
00:19:29,936 --> 00:19:32,071
and when I have a problem,
they're always there.

450
00:19:32,104 --> 00:19:33,240
Oh, my Lord.

451
00:19:33,273 --> 00:19:35,174
(drops dish)
Sex!

452
00:19:36,209 --> 00:19:37,176
(car door closes)

453
00:19:37,210 --> 00:19:38,545
(engine starts)

454
00:19:38,578 --> 00:19:40,680
(tires screeching)

455
00:19:40,713 --> 00:19:42,915
Things didn't work out so bad.

456
00:19:42,949 --> 00:19:46,219
I made enough money
to get my robotics kit.

457
00:19:46,253 --> 00:19:48,921
Or maybe I should do
something nice for my family.

458
00:19:48,955 --> 00:19:50,323
Take them to dinner...

459
00:19:50,357 --> 00:19:51,958
treat them to a movie.

460
00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:55,362
Naw, then I couldn't do this.

461
00:19:55,395 --> 00:19:56,863
LOIS: If you don't
change your underwear,

462
00:19:56,896 --> 00:19:58,265
this is exactly
what happens.

463
00:19:58,298 --> 00:20:01,067
Like the ancient civilizations
before us,

464
00:20:01,100 --> 00:20:03,870
we send off this noble man
with the riches he had in life

465
00:20:03,903 --> 00:20:07,073
so he may enjoy them
in the afterlife.

466
00:20:12,645 --> 00:20:15,548
Farewell, noble Lester.

467
00:20:19,252 --> 00:20:21,454
It's burning really fast.

468
00:20:22,389 --> 00:20:24,123
How much gas did you use?

469
00:20:24,156 --> 00:20:25,258
Half a can.

470
00:20:27,827 --> 00:20:29,696
Where'd you put the can?

471
00:20:29,729 --> 00:20:31,598
(explosion)

472
00:20:31,631 --> 00:20:33,633
Oh.

473
00:20:33,666 --> 00:20:34,734
Look.

474
00:20:34,767 --> 00:20:36,269
It's heading
toward the boathouse.

475
00:20:36,303 --> 00:20:38,070
(explosion)

476
00:20:42,008 --> 00:20:43,810
What do you think?

477
00:20:43,843 --> 00:20:45,612
Run?

478
00:20:45,645 --> 00:20:47,146
Yeah. I'd run.

479
00:20:54,321 --> 00:20:56,689
(door opening)

480
00:20:58,190 --> 00:20:59,459
I figured it out.

481
00:20:59,492 --> 00:21:00,793
Hal, you okay?

482
00:21:00,827 --> 00:21:02,462
Yeah, shh, shh, shh.

483
00:21:02,495 --> 00:21:05,498
Whenever we'd fight,
you'd yell, then I'd yell,

484
00:21:05,532 --> 00:21:07,500
but then we would...
you know.

485
00:21:07,534 --> 00:21:09,436
Well, you see,
we haven't had a chance to

486
00:21:09,469 --> 00:21:11,771
because we're in a trailer
with kids and we can't...

487
00:21:11,804 --> 00:21:14,006
Oh, my God, Hal,
you're right.

488
00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:16,242
What are we going to do?
We got the kids...

489
00:21:16,275 --> 00:21:18,010
No, n-no, I got it
all figured out.

490
00:21:37,364 --> 00:21:41,434
* La, la, la, la,
la, la, la, la, la *

491
00:21:41,468 --> 00:21:45,338
* Means "I love you"

492
00:21:45,372 --> 00:21:48,341
* Oh, baby, please

493
00:21:48,375 --> 00:21:55,247
* La, la, la, la, la, la, la,
la, la means "I love you..." *