1
00:00:01,035 --> 00:00:03,365
MICHAEL: Last time
on My Wife and Kids...

2
00:00:03,404 --> 00:00:05,714
Mom never made us do
calisthenics.

3
00:00:05,739 --> 00:00:08,039
Yeah, well, your mom
is out of town
for six weeks,

4
00:00:08,076 --> 00:00:10,806
so I got time to whip
your little butts into shape.
Come on, let's go.

5
00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:12,514
Junior!
What's up, Dad?

6
00:00:12,546 --> 00:00:14,316
I need you to go
get the truck.

7
00:00:14,348 --> 00:00:15,818
I'm about to
have this baby.

8
00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:18,189
"If the stick is blue,
the results are positive."

9
00:00:18,219 --> 00:00:19,319
Uh-oh.

10
00:00:19,353 --> 00:00:21,093
Please don't tell
her parents.

11
00:00:21,122 --> 00:00:22,062
I have to.

12
00:00:25,493 --> 00:00:27,203
Can I get you guys
anything else?

13
00:00:27,228 --> 00:00:30,098
No, man.
We ain't gonna disrespect
your house like that.

14
00:00:30,131 --> 00:00:32,201
Yeah, that's right.

15
00:00:32,233 --> 00:00:35,143
Hey, John,
why don't we teach
Junior that game?

16
00:00:35,169 --> 00:00:36,139
Which game?

17
00:00:36,170 --> 00:00:38,470
Come on, man, you know.
"Don't let me see it."

18
00:00:38,506 --> 00:00:40,666
What's that?
(CHUCKLING) Oh.

19
00:00:40,708 --> 00:00:42,708
Oh, yeah, you are gonna
like this, Junior.

20
00:00:42,743 --> 00:00:44,753
Anybody could play.
Even you.

21
00:00:44,778 --> 00:00:46,178
It's a good game, man.

22
00:00:46,214 --> 00:00:47,454
How do you play?

23
00:00:47,481 --> 00:00:49,281
See I got these chips, right?
JUNIOR: Mmm-hmm.

24
00:00:49,317 --> 00:00:51,817
You take them from me
and say,
"Don't let me see it."

25
00:00:51,852 --> 00:00:53,492
And they're yours.
Oh.

26
00:00:53,521 --> 00:00:54,721
Don't let me see it.

27
00:00:54,755 --> 00:00:55,855
(BOYS CHUCKLING)
Like that?

28
00:00:55,889 --> 00:00:58,059
Yeah. Yeah.
You're quick, man.

29
00:00:59,727 --> 00:01:01,327
Hey, what's that
over there?

30
00:01:01,362 --> 00:01:05,732
Oh, oh, oh.
That's the sculpture
my dad got for my mom.

31
00:01:05,766 --> 00:01:08,136
It's made by some famous guy.
So, it's really expensive.
Wow.

32
00:01:08,169 --> 00:01:09,469
All right.
Don't let me see it.

33
00:01:09,503 --> 00:01:11,143
(BOYS LAUGHING)

34
00:01:11,139 --> 00:01:12,669
(BOYS TEASING)
Oh, come on.

35
00:01:12,706 --> 00:01:14,306
BOY: Hey, he got you man.

36
00:01:14,342 --> 00:01:15,842
That's not mine.

37
00:01:15,876 --> 00:01:17,806
This game don't know
from mine.

38
00:01:17,845 --> 00:01:20,705
All it knows is that
you was holding it
and I got it now.

39
00:01:20,748 --> 00:01:22,248
That's how we play, yo.

40
00:01:22,283 --> 00:01:23,853
You ain't gonna
act like that, are you?

41
00:01:23,884 --> 00:01:27,264
(SIGHS) No, no.
It's just that...
That was my father's.

42
00:01:27,288 --> 00:01:29,158
Was. Was.

43
00:01:29,190 --> 00:01:30,360
(BOYS CHUCKLING)

44
00:01:30,391 --> 00:01:31,791
All right.
Look, look.

45
00:01:31,825 --> 00:01:32,855
How about I give you
my cell phone, okay?

46
00:01:32,893 --> 00:01:34,733
Ah, don't
let me see it.

47
00:01:34,762 --> 00:01:36,802
(BOYS LAUGHING)
Come on.

48
00:01:36,830 --> 00:01:39,470
(SCOFFS)
Come on, guys.

49
00:01:39,500 --> 00:01:41,200
Hey, what's up, fellas?

50
00:01:41,235 --> 00:01:42,765
Hey, what's up,
Mr. Kyle?

51
00:01:42,803 --> 00:01:44,243
(MUMBLING)
You tell me what...

52
00:01:44,272 --> 00:01:45,412
(LAUGHING)

53
00:01:47,741 --> 00:01:49,181
(WHOOPING)

54
00:01:53,814 --> 00:01:55,884
Hey, that's a nice ring
you got there.

55
00:01:55,916 --> 00:01:59,446
Yep. State Championship,
MVP ring.

56
00:01:59,487 --> 00:02:00,717
Get out of here.

57
00:02:00,754 --> 00:02:02,324
Solid gold, brother.

58
00:02:02,356 --> 00:02:04,226
It looks heavy.
Don't let me see it.

59
00:02:04,258 --> 00:02:05,828
(LAUGHING)

60
00:02:05,859 --> 00:02:08,259
What's up with that, Mr. Kyle?
You wasn't even playing.

61
00:02:08,296 --> 00:02:10,656
But the game don't know
from who's playing or not.

62
00:02:10,698 --> 00:02:12,928
You said anybody
could play, right?

63
00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:14,866
Oh, no, it's not that,
it's just...

64
00:02:14,902 --> 00:02:16,672
That was mine.
You know
what I'm saying?

65
00:02:16,704 --> 00:02:20,744
(LAUGHING) Was. Was.

66
00:02:24,812 --> 00:02:27,282
Come on, Mr. Kyle,
that's special to me.

67
00:02:27,315 --> 00:02:30,375
So is that sculpture
in your pocket.
That's special to me.

68
00:02:30,418 --> 00:02:32,918
All right.
How about this?

69
00:02:32,953 --> 00:02:34,223
How about I trade you this...

70
00:02:34,255 --> 00:02:35,355
Don't let me see it.

71
00:02:35,389 --> 00:02:37,359
(BOTH LAUGHING)

72
00:02:37,391 --> 00:02:39,861
This is a great game.
Come on, Mr. Kyle.

73
00:02:39,893 --> 00:02:43,833
All right, fellas.
I think it's time for y'all
to hit the road, come on.

74
00:02:43,864 --> 00:02:47,374
Let the door knob hit you
where the Good Lord split you.

75
00:02:49,303 --> 00:02:51,643
(LAUGHING)
Don't let me see it.

76
00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:52,872
(EXCLAIMING)

77
00:02:55,976 --> 00:02:58,676
What's the matter, John,
you got a problem?

78
00:02:58,712 --> 00:02:59,682
No.

79
00:03:03,384 --> 00:03:04,894
(LAUGHS)

80
00:03:04,918 --> 00:03:07,258
What are you
smiling at?
They're clowning you.

81
00:03:07,288 --> 00:03:09,758
Oh, no, they're not.
They just like having fun.

82
00:03:09,790 --> 00:03:11,660
Yeah?
At whose expense?

83
00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:13,732
Look at my house,
it is a wreck.

84
00:03:13,761 --> 00:03:15,901
What's the big deal, Dad?
Listen, I'll clean it up.

85
00:03:15,929 --> 00:03:19,729
The big deal is that
it's my son in my house
that they disrespected.

86
00:03:19,767 --> 00:03:21,397
And maybe you're
fine with that,

87
00:03:21,435 --> 00:03:23,865
but I don't like
seeing my son
being punked.

88
00:03:23,904 --> 00:03:25,414
I'm not being punked.

89
00:03:25,439 --> 00:03:27,579
Oh, really?

90
00:03:27,608 --> 00:03:28,778
Well, let's call
your mother and see what
she has to say about it.

91
00:03:28,809 --> 00:03:29,909
Let me hold
your cell phone.

92
00:03:29,943 --> 00:03:30,943
(STAMMERS)

93
00:03:30,978 --> 00:03:33,608
It's not there, huh, punk?
What's there to find?

94
00:03:33,647 --> 00:03:35,017
Stolen?

95
00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:37,718
Uh-huh.
Here, punked punk.

96
00:03:37,751 --> 00:03:39,851
Go see if you can
get it back with that.

97
00:03:39,887 --> 00:03:40,947
Thanks.

98
00:03:42,890 --> 00:03:43,820
(DOOR OPENS)

99
00:03:55,569 --> 00:03:58,609
Wow. For a second
I thought you was
your mother.

100
00:03:58,639 --> 00:04:02,779
And then the closer you got,
you started looking
like your grandma.

101
00:04:02,810 --> 00:04:05,810
Somebody's gotta be
the mommy around here.

102
00:04:05,846 --> 00:04:09,646
You're right about that.
I'm glad it's not Junior.

103
00:04:09,683 --> 00:04:11,453
Hey, sit down.

104
00:04:11,485 --> 00:04:14,315
I wanna finish telling you
the story about
the day you were born.

105
00:04:14,355 --> 00:04:17,455
I don't have to eat
any more cookies, do I?

106
00:04:17,491 --> 00:04:19,661
No, I use those
as paper weights.

107
00:04:20,861 --> 00:04:22,531
Where was I?

108
00:04:22,563 --> 00:04:24,333
We were on our way
to the hospital.

109
00:04:24,365 --> 00:04:26,665
On our way
to the hospital.
Okay. So...

110
00:04:28,502 --> 00:04:30,742
Push. That's it.
That's it.

111
00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:32,371
(BREATHING RAPIDLY)

112
00:04:32,406 --> 00:04:34,676
I think I see
the head. Oh!

113
00:04:35,809 --> 00:04:37,509
(EXCLAIMING)
Sorry.

114
00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:42,450
(PANTING) How much longer
is it gonna take, Doc?

115
00:04:42,483 --> 00:04:47,563
Well, uh, you know, honestly,
Mr. Kyle, it's gonna take
a long, long while.

116
00:04:47,588 --> 00:04:48,658
Why?

117
00:04:48,689 --> 00:04:53,459
Well, there's just no place
for the baby to come out.

118
00:04:53,494 --> 00:04:55,604
I guess I didn't think this
all the way through, huh?

119
00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:58,369
Well, there's only
one thing to do
in this situation.

120
00:04:58,399 --> 00:05:00,369
Gonna have to do
a B-section.

121
00:05:00,368 --> 00:05:02,368
All right. Flip him over.

122
00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:10,677
That's not true.
Mommy already told me
I came out of her china.

123
00:05:12,380 --> 00:05:15,780
That was
the good china too.

124
00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:18,616
But you know what?
I'm just trying to make
it more entertaining.

125
00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:22,762
Add some comedy.
Get a few laughs.
Apparently I'm failing.

126
00:05:22,790 --> 00:05:26,560
You said it, not me.

127
00:05:26,594 --> 00:05:29,604
But you know what?
There was something wrong
when you were born.

128
00:05:29,630 --> 00:05:31,060
What?

129
00:05:31,098 --> 00:05:33,398
Well, you didn't really
take to me right away.

130
00:05:33,434 --> 00:05:34,704
(BABY CRYING)

131
00:05:34,735 --> 00:05:36,735
MICHAEL: I tried everything
to make you laugh.

132
00:05:36,770 --> 00:05:37,840
(HUSHING) Look, look.
And nothing worked.

133
00:05:37,871 --> 00:05:39,641
(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
Okay, here...

134
00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:41,543
(MUMBLING)

135
00:05:41,575 --> 00:05:42,675
(EXCLAIMING) Okay.

136
00:05:42,710 --> 00:05:44,850
(BARKING SOFTLY)

137
00:05:44,878 --> 00:05:46,048
Here, doggie.

138
00:05:46,079 --> 00:05:48,819
(BARKING) Okay.
Adios, stupid dog!

139
00:05:48,849 --> 00:05:50,419
(MUMBLING)

140
00:05:50,418 --> 00:05:52,588
Mommy just went
to the store.

141
00:05:52,620 --> 00:05:53,720
(SIGHING)

142
00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:58,930
(CRYING)

143
00:06:01,495 --> 00:06:03,055
TAKE IT, BABY.

144
00:06:03,096 --> 00:06:05,426
TAKE IT, BABY.
OUCH!

145
00:06:08,969 --> 00:06:10,939
Something was wrong.
What?

146
00:06:10,971 --> 00:06:14,111
Well, the baby didn't
have those sparkling
eyes you have.

147
00:06:14,141 --> 00:06:17,081
Or that sweet, sweet
smile you have.

148
00:06:17,110 --> 00:06:20,550
But it did have
something
you didn't have.

149
00:06:20,581 --> 00:06:24,651
And I really didn't hit
me until it hit me.

150
00:06:27,521 --> 00:06:29,621
(BABY COOING)
It's Daddy's little girl!

151
00:06:40,568 --> 00:06:42,038
I was a boy?

152
00:06:42,069 --> 00:06:44,939
Well, obviously
the hospital
made a mistake.

153
00:06:44,972 --> 00:06:46,612
They gave us
the wrong baby.

154
00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:48,010
Where was I?

155
00:06:48,041 --> 00:06:49,211
I didn't know.

156
00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:50,682
So, I started
to search.

157
00:06:50,711 --> 00:06:53,981
And I told myself
I wouldn't
eat or sleep

158
00:06:54,014 --> 00:06:55,924
until I found
my little girl.

159
00:06:55,949 --> 00:06:57,219
But then
I took a nap,

160
00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:59,150
because that's what
happens when you're
really determined,

161
00:06:59,186 --> 00:07:02,156
you get tired.

162
00:07:02,189 --> 00:07:05,489
But after I woke up,
I had a turkey sandwich
and then I went out

163
00:07:05,526 --> 00:07:07,626
and I said, "Eventually,
if I keep looking,

164
00:07:07,661 --> 00:07:10,161
"I'm gonna find
my little angel."

165
00:07:10,197 --> 00:07:13,167
Of course,
I made a few wrong turns
along the way.

166
00:07:15,703 --> 00:07:16,673
Yes?

167
00:07:18,205 --> 00:07:22,235
You wouldn't happen
to have a maid, would you?

168
00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:25,775
Finally, I knocked
on the right door.

169
00:07:25,813 --> 00:07:28,183
And it's good thing,
because there was
a baby out there

170
00:07:28,215 --> 00:07:31,215
who was just as unhappy
as the one I was holding.

171
00:07:31,251 --> 00:07:32,651
(BABY CRYING)

172
00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:37,258
Baby, please stop crying.

173
00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:40,930
You want Daddy to dance
like them big-butt girls
in the video?

174
00:07:44,665 --> 00:07:46,525
Please stop crying.

175
00:07:46,534 --> 00:07:47,974
Stop crying.
Please.

176
00:07:48,001 --> 00:07:49,571
Stop crying.
Look, look.

177
00:07:49,603 --> 00:07:52,913
Look, I'm smiling
like your mama.

178
00:07:52,940 --> 00:07:55,940
Stop crying.
You wanna go for a ride?
Please, I'll do anything.

179
00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:57,746
Please, stop.
Look, we're gonna
go for a ride.

180
00:07:57,778 --> 00:08:00,748
(IMITATING CAR ENGINE)

181
00:08:00,781 --> 00:08:02,121
(BABY CONTINUES CRYING)

182
00:08:02,149 --> 00:08:06,649
Please! Come on,
stop crying.
Stupid. Shut up!

183
00:08:06,687 --> 00:08:09,557
Here, here, here.
How about
a teething ring?

184
00:08:11,158 --> 00:08:14,798
I got it. I got it.
You wanna watch Kazaam.

185
00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:16,758
How about I make
a free throw?

186
00:08:16,797 --> 00:08:18,267
Kobe gives me the ball.
You know Kobe
don't like to pass.

187
00:08:18,298 --> 00:08:20,768
But Kobe gives me the ball
anyway, and then Daddy...

188
00:08:20,801 --> 00:08:22,841
And Daddy gonna shoot it!

189
00:08:22,870 --> 00:08:24,640
(LAUGHING)

190
00:08:24,672 --> 00:08:25,742
Shut up.

191
00:08:25,773 --> 00:08:27,583
(DOORBELL RINGS)

192
00:08:31,278 --> 00:08:33,248
Take your
mama's teat out.

193
00:08:35,683 --> 00:08:38,323
Are you
Shaquille O'Neal?

194
00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:40,791
Nobody's ever
asked me that before.

195
00:08:42,289 --> 00:08:43,859
That's probably
a stupid question.

196
00:08:43,891 --> 00:08:46,631
Listen, I'm having
a lot of trouble
with this baby.

197
00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:48,230
You know what?
So am I.

198
00:08:48,261 --> 00:08:50,331
I'll trade you.

199
00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:53,703
I give you this baby
and another baby to be named
at a later date for that one.

200
00:08:53,734 --> 00:08:55,204
Deal.

201
00:08:55,235 --> 00:08:56,765
Thanks.

202
00:08:56,804 --> 00:08:58,174
Hey, you want
his mama's teat?

203
00:08:58,205 --> 00:08:59,865
They come
with the package.

204
00:08:59,907 --> 00:09:01,737
Might as well.

205
00:09:01,775 --> 00:09:03,705
By the way,
with your free throws,
you wanna bend your knees...

206
00:09:03,744 --> 00:09:04,854
Oh, shut the hell up.

207
00:09:07,648 --> 00:09:10,178
And will you stop
doing this when you come...

208
00:09:11,852 --> 00:09:13,292
And stay out!

209
00:09:15,756 --> 00:09:19,356
And that's the story
of the day you were born.

210
00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:21,702
And Shaq got
his little boy back?

211
00:09:21,729 --> 00:09:24,629
Yeah, I gave up
courtside seats
for you.

212
00:09:25,365 --> 00:09:27,195
For real?
Mmm-hmm.

213
00:09:27,234 --> 00:09:29,074
Now, come on,
let's go put
some beads in your hair

214
00:09:29,102 --> 00:09:31,272
and get you
on that tennis court.

215
00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:39,981
(RESPECT PLAYING ON SPEAKERS)

216
00:09:49,289 --> 00:09:50,659
(SINGING)

217
00:10:09,910 --> 00:10:10,880
Dad.

218
00:10:12,913 --> 00:10:14,153
Dad!

219
00:10:14,181 --> 00:10:15,151
Dad!

220
00:10:19,186 --> 00:10:20,216
Dad!

221
00:10:20,253 --> 00:10:21,893
(MUSIC STOPS)
What? What? What?

222
00:10:21,922 --> 00:10:23,692
Just having
a little fun
here, man.

223
00:10:23,724 --> 00:10:24,964
What the hell
is going on?

224
00:10:24,992 --> 00:10:28,832
Yo, your room is the
bomb-diggity-boo-boo-boo.

225
00:10:30,731 --> 00:10:33,101
Yo, I didn't think
your new sneakers
would fit me.

226
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:35,103
And then I smashed
down the backs.

227
00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:39,005
Yo, it's like
Jordan sandals.

228
00:10:39,039 --> 00:10:42,779
Hey, hey, hey, hey, you got
some email from some girl
with some really big boobs.

229
00:10:42,810 --> 00:10:43,840
MEN: Ooh!

230
00:10:43,877 --> 00:10:45,147
How do you know
they're big?

231
00:10:45,178 --> 00:10:47,248
Man, I asked her.

232
00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:50,120
Told her to stop sending
him nasty pictures
of them big boobs.

233
00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:53,050
'Cause Junior only likes
the little ones.

234
00:10:53,086 --> 00:10:54,686
You guys are messing
with all my stuff.

235
00:10:54,722 --> 00:10:59,092
Yeah, and good stuff it is.
Look at this, you found
these Playboy magazines.

236
00:10:59,126 --> 00:11:01,856
They were up in the ceiling.
That's a good place
to hide them.

237
00:11:01,895 --> 00:11:04,995
I would have never found them
if I wasn't jumping up
and down on the bed.

238
00:11:05,032 --> 00:11:06,932
All right, Dad.
Enough.

239
00:11:06,967 --> 00:11:09,937
No, no, no.
We just sent out for some
turkey dogs and soy milk.

240
00:11:09,970 --> 00:11:11,810
We're gonna get down.

241
00:11:11,839 --> 00:11:13,809
Okay, Dad. I get it!

242
00:11:13,841 --> 00:11:16,941
I get your point.
Now, can you guys get out?

243
00:11:16,977 --> 00:11:18,877
That's what I wanted
to hear you say.

244
00:11:18,912 --> 00:11:20,212
All right, fellas,
we gotta go.

245
00:11:20,247 --> 00:11:21,877
MEN: Aw!

246
00:11:21,915 --> 00:11:25,085
We're having
so much fun.

247
00:11:25,118 --> 00:11:26,948
All right, then,
let's help Junior
clean his room up.

248
00:11:26,987 --> 00:11:28,087
No.
No.

249
00:11:28,121 --> 00:11:29,161
It was cool, bro.

250
00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:30,819
(MEN MUTTERING)

251
00:11:32,492 --> 00:11:33,762
Kids, huh?

252
00:11:34,795 --> 00:11:36,255
(SIGHING)

253
00:11:36,296 --> 00:11:39,166
I wish I could hang out,
Son, but I gotta go
with the fellas.

254
00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:43,099
You know,
I got the hand thing
I gotta work at.

255
00:11:43,136 --> 00:11:45,806
Did you ever
get your stuff back
from your friends?

256
00:11:45,839 --> 00:11:47,779
Yeah. Thanks.

257
00:11:47,775 --> 00:11:49,305
Look, Junior.

258
00:11:49,342 --> 00:11:53,852
Sooner or later, you're gonna
have to put your foot down
and take a stand. Okay?

259
00:11:53,881 --> 00:11:56,781
Because these guys
are just gonna
take and take

260
00:11:56,784 --> 00:11:58,124
until you can't
take it no more.

261
00:11:58,151 --> 00:11:59,991
I still think
you're wrong.

262
00:12:00,020 --> 00:12:01,150
Okay. Fine.

263
00:12:06,126 --> 00:12:07,896
You don't want that.

264
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:13,531
You can't run away
from home, Charmaine.

265
00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:15,866
Okay, I don't have
that many options.

266
00:12:15,903 --> 00:12:18,413
Did you talk to David?
It's his baby, too.

267
00:12:18,438 --> 00:12:20,508
You know,
he's just as scared
as I am.

268
00:12:20,540 --> 00:12:23,040
Did you even try
talking to your parents?

269
00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:25,076
Please, Claire, okay?

270
00:12:25,112 --> 00:12:26,952
My father would kill me
and my mother would
absolutely freak.

271
00:12:26,980 --> 00:12:28,850
Girl, you are
the only one
I can talk to.

272
00:12:28,882 --> 00:12:31,082
Yeah, and I gotta
be home by 8:00.

273
00:12:32,886 --> 00:12:35,056
I wanna run away
but I only have $16.

274
00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:38,828
No. You've got six.
You owe me ten
for that pregnancy test.

275
00:12:39,860 --> 00:12:41,490
What am I gonna do?

276
00:12:41,528 --> 00:12:43,958
Okay. I know this
sounds really stupid.

277
00:12:43,997 --> 00:12:46,067
I mean, really stupid.

278
00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:47,839
But here's what I think
you should do.

279
00:12:47,868 --> 00:12:49,068
What?

280
00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:50,142
Talk to my father.

281
00:12:50,170 --> 00:12:52,070
(LAUGHING)
That's funny.

282
00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:55,405
I said it was gonna
sound stupid.
But it's the truth.

283
00:12:55,442 --> 00:12:57,882
Claire, your father?
Not your mom?

284
00:12:57,911 --> 00:13:00,451
No, my mother would
beat you with a stick.

285
00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:05,220
But as much as
I hate to admit it,
my dad's a pretty cool guy.

286
00:13:05,252 --> 00:13:06,952
Really?
Really.

287
00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:08,890
Weird, huh?

288
00:13:15,929 --> 00:13:17,499
WHAT?

289
00:13:17,530 --> 00:13:19,470
CAN YOU DRIVE?

290
00:13:19,499 --> 00:13:20,899
NO.

291
00:13:20,934 --> 00:13:22,444
EXCUSE ME.

292
00:13:24,171 --> 00:13:25,471
(CHEERING ON TV)

293
00:13:27,174 --> 00:13:28,344
(SWITCHING OFF TV)

294
00:13:31,478 --> 00:13:32,948
What's the matter?

295
00:13:32,980 --> 00:13:34,550
You lied.

296
00:13:34,581 --> 00:13:35,921
About what?

297
00:13:35,949 --> 00:13:38,349
Junior told me
he can't drive.

298
00:13:38,385 --> 00:13:43,185
Maybe everything
you say is a lie,
Michael Richard Kyle.

299
00:13:43,223 --> 00:13:49,503
Kady Melissa Jane
Spilkin Kyle,
you sound like your mother.

300
00:13:49,529 --> 00:13:52,329
Look, I was just trying
to get you out of
that bad mood you were in.

301
00:13:52,365 --> 00:13:54,565
You know,
take your mind
off your mommy.

302
00:13:54,601 --> 00:13:57,201
So? You still lied.

303
00:13:57,237 --> 00:13:59,937
Well, the truth wasn't
that interesting.

304
00:13:59,973 --> 00:14:02,913
Come here. I'll tell you
what really happened.

305
00:14:06,613 --> 00:14:07,613
Okay.

306
00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:13,352
MICHAEL: Actually,
your birth was really quick
and really easy.

307
00:14:13,386 --> 00:14:14,546
(SNEEZING)

308
00:14:19,426 --> 00:14:21,126
(BABY COOING)
That was a relief.

309
00:14:21,161 --> 00:14:23,601
I'm hungry.
You wanna go get
something to eat?

310
00:14:25,598 --> 00:14:29,268
Okay. Maybe not that easy,
but it was easy.

311
00:14:30,437 --> 00:14:33,267
The truth?

312
00:14:33,306 --> 00:14:37,476
The truth is
you didn't really seem
to like me right away.

313
00:14:37,510 --> 00:14:40,150
I mean, you would cry
whenever I held you.

314
00:14:40,180 --> 00:14:42,320
You preferred
your mother to me.

315
00:14:42,349 --> 00:14:45,149
It started
the first time
she fed you.

316
00:14:45,185 --> 00:14:46,245
(CRYING)

317
00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:52,334
(COOING)

318
00:14:55,595 --> 00:14:57,355
Here, you got it. Come on.

319
00:14:57,397 --> 00:14:58,467
(CRYING)

320
00:14:59,632 --> 00:15:01,372
(MICHAEL LAUGHING NERVOUSLY)

321
00:15:04,637 --> 00:15:06,337
(STOPS CRYING)

322
00:15:06,373 --> 00:15:07,643
JAY: It's okay.

323
00:15:09,642 --> 00:15:12,382
And you've always been
a mommy's girl.

324
00:15:12,412 --> 00:15:15,452
And I know it sounds silly
and not very grown up,

325
00:15:15,482 --> 00:15:17,622
but it really
makes me sad

326
00:15:17,650 --> 00:15:21,490
to know that
I can't make you happy
while your mom's gone.

327
00:15:21,521 --> 00:15:23,261
'Cause the truth is, Kady,

328
00:15:23,290 --> 00:15:26,360
I've been trying
to win your heart
ever since you were born.

329
00:15:32,499 --> 00:15:34,299
Keep trying, baldy.

330
00:15:41,408 --> 00:15:44,378
Look, I realize
these things happen.
It's human.

331
00:15:44,411 --> 00:15:46,251
And it doesn't make
you a bad person.

332
00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:47,579
Thank you.

333
00:15:47,614 --> 00:15:50,484
If it happened to you,
you'd be a bad person.

334
00:15:53,086 --> 00:15:54,546
What do you think
I should do?

335
00:15:54,587 --> 00:15:56,557
A couple of things.

336
00:15:56,589 --> 00:15:59,559
First of all, get rid
of that stupid notion
of running away.

337
00:15:59,592 --> 00:16:01,532
You don't have a job,
you don't have money,

338
00:16:01,561 --> 00:16:03,661
you don't even have
a place to stay.

339
00:16:03,696 --> 00:16:07,026
And secondly,
talk to your parents.

340
00:16:07,067 --> 00:16:08,137
No, they'll kill me.

341
00:16:08,168 --> 00:16:09,368
No, they won't.

342
00:16:09,402 --> 00:16:11,142
If either of them
raises a hand to you,

343
00:16:11,171 --> 00:16:15,581
you just hold
your stomach and go,
"The baby! The baby!"

344
00:16:15,608 --> 00:16:18,378
(CHUCKLES) See,
the bottom line is,

345
00:16:18,411 --> 00:16:22,281
you gotta ask yourself,
"Do my parents
really love me?"

346
00:16:22,315 --> 00:16:23,345
Yes.

347
00:16:23,383 --> 00:16:25,293
Okay, then talk to them.

348
00:16:26,386 --> 00:16:27,616
It's at times like these

349
00:16:27,654 --> 00:16:30,464
that they step up
and they show you
what they're made of.

350
00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:32,460
I guess you're right.

351
00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:36,062
The last thing
you gotta do, Charmaine,
talk to your boyfriend.

352
00:16:36,096 --> 00:16:38,166
He's gotta talk
to his parents.

353
00:16:38,198 --> 00:16:41,798
And then maybe all of y'all
can get together
and work this out.

354
00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:44,504
I mean, it's not
the end of the world,
you know.

355
00:16:44,537 --> 00:16:46,237
I know.

356
00:16:46,273 --> 00:16:48,513
I mean, you could
choose to look at
this as a blessing.

357
00:16:48,541 --> 00:16:50,441
I mean,
that's up to you.

358
00:16:50,477 --> 00:16:53,447
I personally believe
that every child is a gift.

359
00:16:54,614 --> 00:16:56,284
I told you
he was good.

360
00:16:56,316 --> 00:16:58,416
Yeah.

361
00:16:58,451 --> 00:17:00,551
Well, um, I better
get on with it.

362
00:17:00,587 --> 00:17:02,487
I'll go get your purse.

363
00:17:05,192 --> 00:17:10,402
Thank you, Mr. Kyle.
I didn't think anybody
your age would understand.

364
00:17:10,430 --> 00:17:14,470
Well, I'm speaking
from experience,
Charmaine.

365
00:17:14,501 --> 00:17:16,101
What do you mean?

366
00:17:16,103 --> 00:17:18,213
The same thing happened
to me and my wife.

367
00:17:18,238 --> 00:17:20,468
Jay got pregnant
when she was 16 years old.

368
00:17:20,507 --> 00:17:23,207
It was a huge responsibility
that we were facing,

369
00:17:23,243 --> 00:17:25,113
and we were both
kids ourselves.

370
00:17:25,112 --> 00:17:27,112
What did you do?

371
00:17:27,147 --> 00:17:28,777
We had a son.

372
00:17:28,815 --> 00:17:31,515
And it's a decision
I've never regretted
a day in my life.

373
00:17:31,551 --> 00:17:33,251
(BOYS CHATTERING)

374
00:17:36,189 --> 00:17:37,289
Hey, Dad.

375
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,200
Till just now.

376
00:17:45,132 --> 00:17:47,772
Hold up. What's up
with that haircut, man?

377
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:50,170
Hey, look at the back,
it's all jacked up.

378
00:17:50,203 --> 00:17:51,803
The line
all messed up.
Yeah.

379
00:17:51,838 --> 00:17:54,868
This looks and feels
just like a new basketball,
you know what I mean?

380
00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:56,537
Hey, Junior.
Hey, guys.

381
00:17:56,576 --> 00:17:58,776
Oh, hey, Claire.
What's up?

382
00:17:58,811 --> 00:18:01,351
What's up?
Sure like
to pound that.

383
00:18:01,381 --> 00:18:03,251
JUNIOR: Hey, hey.

384
00:18:03,283 --> 00:18:05,253
That's my sister.

385
00:18:05,285 --> 00:18:10,215
How can someone as ugly
as you be related to
someone as fine as that?

386
00:18:10,257 --> 00:18:11,457
So, what's up with her?

387
00:18:11,491 --> 00:18:14,361
What's up with her?
She's 14.

388
00:18:14,394 --> 00:18:16,264
So? Hook me up.

389
00:18:16,296 --> 00:18:18,796
Look, I'm not playing.
Lay off my sister,
all right?

390
00:18:18,831 --> 00:18:20,171
Hey, what's up?

391
00:18:20,167 --> 00:18:21,227
I don't know,
you tell...

392
00:18:21,268 --> 00:18:22,438
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

393
00:18:22,469 --> 00:18:25,169
Go upstairs and wash
that glitter stuff off.

394
00:18:25,205 --> 00:18:28,575
And put on
a trench coat.

395
00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:31,478
Look, man, it's one thing
to come in my house,
playing my video games

396
00:18:31,511 --> 00:18:32,851
and drinking my juice.

397
00:18:32,879 --> 00:18:35,449
But nobody disrespects
my baby sister.

398
00:18:35,482 --> 00:18:37,922
It's time to go.
All of you.

399
00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:41,190
Come on, man. What's up
with all the hostility?
I thought we was boys.

400
00:18:41,188 --> 00:18:43,358
Yeah, you know,
I mean, she's bound
to date sometime.

401
00:18:43,390 --> 00:18:44,560
Why not let it
be one of us?

402
00:18:44,591 --> 00:18:46,191
All right,
let's go.

403
00:18:46,193 --> 00:18:48,363
(SCOFFS)
Hold on, man,
I'm 6'5".

404
00:18:48,395 --> 00:18:50,525
And I'm gonna beat you
till you're 5'3".

405
00:18:50,563 --> 00:18:52,803
All right.
All right, killer.

406
00:18:52,832 --> 00:18:55,372
We're leaving.
We know when
we ain't wanted.

407
00:18:58,371 --> 00:18:59,871
Oh.

408
00:18:59,906 --> 00:19:01,736
And one more thing.

409
00:19:01,774 --> 00:19:04,484
Don't forget
my soy milk.
I need it.

410
00:19:04,511 --> 00:19:07,281
You think you can
just boss me around
for soy milk?

411
00:19:07,314 --> 00:19:12,294
You going to drink latte
just like everybody else
in this house.

412
00:19:12,319 --> 00:19:14,719
All right. See you
tomorrow, Junior.

413
00:19:26,566 --> 00:19:30,836
* I just called to say

414
00:19:30,870 --> 00:19:32,840
* I love you

415
00:19:32,872 --> 00:19:34,972
Stop playing
and sit down.
Don't let me see it.

416
00:19:35,007 --> 00:19:36,337
(LAUGHING)

417
00:19:37,410 --> 00:19:38,880
Ready?

418
00:19:38,911 --> 00:19:39,951
Ready.

419
00:19:41,481 --> 00:19:42,881
All right.

420
00:19:42,915 --> 00:19:44,275
Here we go.

421
00:19:44,751 --> 00:19:45,891
Wow!

422
00:19:45,918 --> 00:19:47,818
A meal of nothing.

423
00:19:47,854 --> 00:19:50,264
What is this,
the dead man's diet?

424
00:19:52,259 --> 00:19:53,789
We made you
dinner, Daddy.

425
00:19:53,826 --> 00:19:54,956
You made me dinner?

426
00:19:54,994 --> 00:19:56,534
Yeah. We made
all your favorites.

427
00:19:56,563 --> 00:19:58,773
That's right.

428
00:19:58,798 --> 00:20:02,398
Here's your sirloin steak,
Caesar salad
and mashed potatoes.

429
00:20:05,372 --> 00:20:07,342
Wow. That's very nice.

430
00:20:07,374 --> 00:20:11,284
But I would like
to take you guys out
for dinner instead.

431
00:20:11,311 --> 00:20:13,811
See, I told you
this was gonna work.

432
00:20:13,846 --> 00:20:15,676
I'm gonna go change.
No glitter.

433
00:20:18,818 --> 00:20:21,718
Dad, Dad, Dad.
I don't know
what I'm gonna do.

434
00:20:24,791 --> 00:20:27,931
I cannot wait
till she turns 21
and she's out of my hair.

435
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:31,830
I can't wait to get some hair,
so you can all be
out of my hair.

436
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:37,000
I heard what you did
for her today.
That was very cool.

437
00:20:37,036 --> 00:20:39,266
Thanks.
I'll clear the table.

438
00:20:41,908 --> 00:20:43,908
Daddy.
Yes?

439
00:20:43,943 --> 00:20:47,983
I hope Mommy stays away
just for a little bit longer.

440
00:20:48,014 --> 00:20:49,284
You do?

441
00:20:49,949 --> 00:20:51,679
Yeah.

442
00:20:51,718 --> 00:20:53,818
Just for a little bit.

443
00:20:53,853 --> 00:20:54,953
Me, too.

444
00:21:08,435 --> 00:21:09,535
(EXCLAIMS HAPPILY)

445
00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:15,380
(ALL LAUGHING)

446
00:21:22,081 --> 00:21:23,381
(COUGHING)