1
00:00:02,852 --> 00:00:04,316
Earl, can you break some 20's?

2
00:00:04,317 --> 00:00:05,648
The big spenders at table two

3
00:00:05,649 --> 00:00:07,447
wanna split their $11 check three ways,

4
00:00:07,448 --> 00:00:10,945
even though one person
did all the eating.

5
00:00:10,946 --> 00:00:15,707
I was in a three-way once.
Same thing happened.

6
00:00:19,972 --> 00:00:22,503
Max, table ten would like the check.

7
00:00:22,504 --> 00:00:24,900
And don't forget to pick
up customer comment card.

8
00:00:24,901 --> 00:00:26,966
Customers very important.

9
00:00:26,967 --> 00:00:28,765
It's all about the fans.

10
00:00:28,766 --> 00:00:31,829
Yeah, I'm not a fan of hearing
what people have to say.

11
00:00:31,830 --> 00:00:33,794
For instance, what's
happening right now...

12
00:00:33,795 --> 00:00:35,426
Not a fan.

13
00:00:35,427 --> 00:00:38,491
Max, feedback from customers is
very important business tool.

14
00:00:38,492 --> 00:00:42,288
Perhaps we'll pump the brakes
on sour waitress attitude.

15
00:00:42,289 --> 00:00:44,753
There's only one tool
that can change my 'tude,

16
00:00:44,754 --> 00:00:46,185
But I'm gonna need two
double-a batteries.

17
00:00:46,186 --> 00:00:49,316
And a 20-minute break.

18
00:00:59,742 --> 00:01:01,240
Welcome, everyone.

19
00:01:01,241 --> 00:01:02,972
Thanks for coming to very important.

20
00:01:02,973 --> 00:01:04,405
First official diner meeting.

21
00:01:04,406 --> 00:01:08,168
This ain't right, man.
2:00 A.M. starts Earl time.

22
00:01:08,169 --> 00:01:09,434
Earl, here's your brandy.

23
00:01:09,435 --> 00:01:13,264
Okay, we're good now.

24
00:01:13,265 --> 00:01:15,463
If I knew we were gonna have
staff meetings after work,

25
00:01:15,464 --> 00:01:18,827
I would've taken job
at T.G.I. Friday instead.

26
00:01:18,828 --> 00:01:22,091
Over there, they roll fast and loose.

27
00:01:22,092 --> 00:01:23,790
Well, this is how I roll.

28
00:01:23,791 --> 00:01:25,855
Yeah, short and slow.

29
00:01:25,856 --> 00:01:31,818
No, I roll fast and furious.
Tokyo drift style.

30
00:01:31,819 --> 00:01:35,381
Han, I'm starting to drift.
Can we get to the point?

31
00:01:35,382 --> 00:01:38,013
Max and I still have to get home
and bake cupcakes for tomorrow.

32
00:01:38,014 --> 00:01:41,577
We received so many excellent
comments from customers tonight.

33
00:01:41,578 --> 00:01:43,375
Okay, first comment.

34
00:01:43,376 --> 00:01:46,740
"dark-haired waitress..."
- hey!

35
00:01:46,741 --> 00:01:48,272
"was very rude."

36
00:01:48,273 --> 00:01:51,236
Hey!

37
00:01:51,237 --> 00:01:52,501
Max, customers are giving.

38
00:01:52,502 --> 00:01:53,901
Their honest opinions about diner.

39
00:01:53,902 --> 00:01:55,932
We need to take it seriously.

40
00:02:03,861 --> 00:02:04,993
Next comment.

41
00:02:04,994 --> 00:02:07,024
"why does cashier wear earphones?

42
00:02:07,025 --> 00:02:08,723
I thought he was a dj."

43
00:02:08,724 --> 00:02:11,221
♪ go, earl, go, earl ♪

44
00:02:11,222 --> 00:02:12,453
Holla!

45
00:02:12,454 --> 00:02:13,553
Moving on.

46
00:02:13,554 --> 00:02:15,418
"this meatloaf tastes stale and dry."

47
00:02:15,419 --> 00:02:18,948
♪ yeah, oleg yeah, oleg ♪

48
00:02:18,949 --> 00:02:21,579
It also says that cook
could wear deodorant.

49
00:02:21,580 --> 00:02:23,612
And shirt that covers armpit.

50
00:02:23,613 --> 00:02:27,809
- This is on card?
- Yes.

51
00:02:27,810 --> 00:02:29,607
You are lying.

52
00:02:29,608 --> 00:02:31,506
Yes.

53
00:02:31,507 --> 00:02:35,103
Remind me never to be a spy with Han.

54
00:02:35,104 --> 00:02:38,267
So this is how you tell
me what you think of me?

55
00:02:38,268 --> 00:02:41,098
You hide behind outdated
method of feedback?

56
00:02:41,099 --> 00:02:46,128
What, I should've posted
twitpic of my face like this?

57
00:02:46,129 --> 00:02:51,424
Maybe I will send you a
twitpic of my meatloaf.

58
00:02:51,425 --> 00:02:53,655
Can you twits pick
another time to do this?

59
00:02:53,656 --> 00:02:55,021
I've gotta go home.

60
00:02:55,022 --> 00:02:56,653
I have to go home too...

61
00:02:56,654 --> 00:02:59,119
And cut the remaining sleeves
off of all my shirts.

62
00:02:59,120 --> 00:03:00,550
And then go buy more shirts.

63
00:03:00,551 --> 00:03:02,682
And cut the sleeves off those shirts.

64
00:03:02,683 --> 00:03:04,014
You must wear sleeves.

65
00:03:04,015 --> 00:03:05,447
Do not tell me what to do.

66
00:03:05,448 --> 00:03:07,645
I was working here when you
were still a dumpling.

67
00:03:07,646 --> 00:03:11,043
On your father's chopstick.

68
00:03:11,044 --> 00:03:14,840
Now this is starting to
sound like earl time.

69
00:03:23,519 --> 00:03:25,816
- Did it light?
- No.

70
00:03:25,817 --> 00:03:28,048
Try another one. The gas is on.

71
00:03:28,049 --> 00:03:31,113
Ah!

72
00:03:31,114 --> 00:03:33,344
Why are we throwing fire at an oven?

73
00:03:33,345 --> 00:03:35,142
Is this a poor people game?

74
00:03:35,143 --> 00:03:37,074
Yeah, it's called light
the broken pilot light.

75
00:03:37,075 --> 00:03:39,007
Without blowing our faces off!

76
00:03:39,008 --> 00:03:41,405
This is ridiculous.
My heart is pounding.

77
00:03:41,406 --> 00:03:44,103
I didn't know baking cupcakes
was an extreme sport.

78
00:03:44,104 --> 00:03:48,233
It's like the deadliest batch.

79
00:03:48,234 --> 00:03:49,765
See? A slight hint of gas in the air.

80
00:03:49,766 --> 00:03:52,530
Makes everything funnier.

81
00:03:52,531 --> 00:03:54,828
Now there's too much gas.

82
00:03:54,829 --> 00:03:56,260
If we threw a math in there now,

83
00:03:56,261 --> 00:03:58,025
I'd be out a nose or a pair
or a pair of eyebrows.

84
00:03:58,026 --> 00:03:59,625
And I'm not living through that again.

85
00:03:59,626 --> 00:04:01,290
Again?

86
00:04:01,291 --> 00:04:02,655
When I was a little girl,

87
00:04:02,656 --> 00:04:04,054
I was trying to make
a hungry man dinner.

88
00:04:04,055 --> 00:04:05,520
And I lit the pilot light
too soon and whoosh!

89
00:04:05,521 --> 00:04:07,285
No eyebrows.

90
00:04:07,286 --> 00:04:09,317
Had to draw them on in magic marker.

91
00:04:09,318 --> 00:04:14,646
Only mexican girls would talk to me.

92
00:04:14,647 --> 00:04:16,211
Max, we have a cupcake business.

93
00:04:16,212 --> 00:04:18,477
We have to tell the landlord
we need a new oven.

94
00:04:18,478 --> 00:04:20,575
We can't ask the
landlord for a new oven.

95
00:04:20,576 --> 00:04:23,273
Then he'll ask us stuff
like "who are you?

96
00:04:23,274 --> 00:04:24,339
"why is your name not on the lease,

97
00:04:24,340 --> 00:04:26,204
And where's the rent?"

98
00:04:26,205 --> 00:04:27,769
Well, I'll buy us one.

99
00:04:27,770 --> 00:04:30,567
Really?
You're gonna buy us a whole oven?

100
00:04:30,568 --> 00:04:35,498
We're so poor I have a sock that
I refer to as my good sock.

101
00:04:35,499 --> 00:04:38,395
I've been saving something
for an emergency,

102
00:04:38,396 --> 00:04:43,091
Like a burst appendix or
a first date bikini wax.

103
00:04:43,092 --> 00:04:44,524
I knew it!

104
00:04:44,525 --> 00:04:46,455
You have a secret stash of your
father's missing billions.

105
00:04:46,456 --> 00:04:47,688
We're rich!

106
00:04:47,689 --> 00:04:48,920
Wait, it's other people's money.

107
00:04:48,921 --> 00:04:51,219
Yeah, but I didn't steal it. We're rich!

108
00:04:51,220 --> 00:04:53,584
They're my expensive rings.

109
00:04:53,585 --> 00:04:55,182
So if these are your expensive rings,

110
00:04:55,183 --> 00:04:56,781
What's all that other stuff you wear?

111
00:04:56,782 --> 00:04:58,047
Cheaper copies.

112
00:04:58,048 --> 00:04:59,912
You never wear the good
stuff out in public.

113
00:04:59,913 --> 00:05:02,377
Got it, kind of like hiding
the banana republic.

114
00:05:02,378 --> 00:05:04,242
And wearing the gap.

115
00:05:04,243 --> 00:05:05,841
See how special?

116
00:05:05,842 --> 00:05:08,872
They're all one-of-a-kind
from thomas aristotle thomas.

117
00:05:08,873 --> 00:05:10,404
T-a-t. Tat.

118
00:05:10,405 --> 00:05:11,570
What?

119
00:05:11,571 --> 00:05:14,135
Tat rings.
You've never heard of tat rings?

120
00:05:14,136 --> 00:05:18,531
Oh! Tat rings. No.

121
00:05:18,532 --> 00:05:19,697
I guess it's the kind of thing.

122
00:05:19,698 --> 00:05:21,496
That only people in the
know know, you know?

123
00:05:21,497 --> 00:05:22,762
No.

124
00:05:22,763 --> 00:05:23,894
Make all the jokes you want,

125
00:05:23,895 --> 00:05:25,326
But I only have to sell one of these.

126
00:05:25,327 --> 00:05:26,625
And I can get us a new oven.

127
00:05:26,626 --> 00:05:28,458
Any ideas what kind we should get?

128
00:05:28,459 --> 00:05:33,353
Uh, yeah, you're not the only
one with a secret stash.

129
00:05:33,354 --> 00:05:36,385
It's the Bluestar.

130
00:05:36,386 --> 00:05:38,317
It's the tat rings of ovens.

131
00:05:38,318 --> 00:05:40,348
In purple!

132
00:05:40,349 --> 00:05:42,447
That's right, I said purple.

133
00:05:42,448 --> 00:05:45,012
It's the muscle car of ovens.
It's bad-ass!

134
00:05:45,013 --> 00:05:47,010
It's so bad-ass when I do karaoke

135
00:05:47,011 --> 00:05:52,273
I change the lyrics from
purple rain to purple range.

136
00:05:52,274 --> 00:05:55,037
Great, we'll get this one.

137
00:05:55,038 --> 00:05:56,636
Uh, we can't buy that.
It's too expensive.

138
00:05:56,637 --> 00:05:58,468
This is just something
you fantasize about.

139
00:05:58,469 --> 00:06:00,001
It's kitchen porn.

140
00:06:00,002 --> 00:06:01,599
Fine.

141
00:06:01,600 --> 00:06:03,265
Tomorrow we'll go to the
cash for gold store.

142
00:06:03,266 --> 00:06:07,295
And get a regular oven and get cookin'.

143
00:06:07,296 --> 00:06:10,426
I think the funny gas is gone.

144
00:06:10,427 --> 00:06:12,058
Must be time. I'm going in.

145
00:06:12,059 --> 00:06:15,455
Let me do it, my eyebrows
need to waxed anyway.

146
00:06:15,456 --> 00:06:20,718
Hurry up! The gas is on!
Throw the match in!

147
00:06:20,719 --> 00:06:25,214
- Did it light?
- No, but my foot is on fire.

148
00:06:25,215 --> 00:06:28,812
I'll do it.

149
00:06:37,206 --> 00:06:39,837
You're good.

150
00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:46,365
I'm sorry, but how much
longer do we have to wait.

151
00:06:46,366 --> 00:06:47,631
To get cash for our gold?

152
00:06:47,632 --> 00:06:49,297
I told you before I'm on the phone.

153
00:06:49,298 --> 00:06:51,561
Sit down, shut up, don't be rude.

154
00:06:51,562 --> 00:06:53,826
I thought she'd be nicer
from her picture.

155
00:06:53,827 --> 00:06:56,491
On the bus stop bench.

156
00:06:56,492 --> 00:06:59,188
Yeah, and where are the dollar signs?

157
00:06:59,189 --> 00:07:01,388
Let me see, which ring should I sell?

158
00:07:01,389 --> 00:07:03,286
So much history in my lap.

159
00:07:03,287 --> 00:07:06,983
I don't even wanna tell you
about the history in my lap.

160
00:07:06,984 --> 00:07:09,348
My father got me this one in london.

161
00:07:09,349 --> 00:07:11,513
I got this one in paris
to reward myself.

162
00:07:11,514 --> 00:07:13,145
For not crying during the turbulence.

163
00:07:13,146 --> 00:07:15,443
On the flight to paris.

164
00:07:15,444 --> 00:07:19,240
My mom got me a fresca when
she hit me with her car once.

165
00:07:19,241 --> 00:07:21,239
I got this one when I was 18.

166
00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:23,237
It was my very first tat. Okay, stop!

167
00:07:23,238 --> 00:07:25,602
This was a bad idea.
Let's get out of here.

168
00:07:25,603 --> 00:07:27,534
I told you before. I'm on the phone!

169
00:07:27,535 --> 00:07:31,931
Sit down, shut up, don't be rude.

170
00:07:31,932 --> 00:07:33,463
I'm only sitting down because look.

171
00:07:33,464 --> 00:07:36,095
She has her hand on a gun that's
strapped under the counter.

172
00:07:36,096 --> 00:07:38,326
She is dying to plug us.

173
00:07:38,327 --> 00:07:39,625
Max, what are you talking about?

174
00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:41,323
Why is this a bad idea?

175
00:07:41,324 --> 00:07:45,021
I don't want you sacrificing
your precious rings, frodo.

176
00:07:45,022 --> 00:07:46,320
Because if the business
doesn't work out,

177
00:07:46,321 --> 00:07:47,919
It'll be my fault you have nothing.

178
00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:49,218
And call me selfish,

179
00:07:49,219 --> 00:07:51,949
The only life I wanna ruin is my own.

180
00:07:51,950 --> 00:07:53,914
Max, the business will go up and down.

181
00:07:53,915 --> 00:07:55,380
That's natural.

182
00:07:55,381 --> 00:07:58,111
But this ring is about more than
the day to day of the business.

183
00:07:58,112 --> 00:08:01,142
It's about us...
And our future together.

184
00:08:01,143 --> 00:08:04,540
Yo, did you just ask me to marry you?

185
00:08:04,541 --> 00:08:07,737
You could do worse.

186
00:08:07,738 --> 00:08:10,402
Now, ladies, gold. Now.

187
00:08:10,403 --> 00:08:12,601
Come on. It's only one ring.

188
00:08:12,602 --> 00:08:15,398
And when it comes to us, I'm
in this for the long haul.

189
00:08:15,399 --> 00:08:18,163
Or until this lady shoots us.

190
00:08:18,164 --> 00:08:20,161
- Hi, I'm here to...
- come on! Let's go.

191
00:08:20,162 --> 00:08:24,757
Don't push me I'm out of nicorette.

192
00:08:24,758 --> 00:08:26,790
Well, you're all business, aren't you?

193
00:08:26,791 --> 00:08:28,355
I can respect that.

194
00:08:28,356 --> 00:08:29,788
I'd like to exchange a tat ring.

195
00:08:29,789 --> 00:08:32,519
I've never heard of a tat ring.

196
00:08:32,520 --> 00:08:35,016
Thomas aristotle thomas?

197
00:08:35,017 --> 00:08:36,516
World-famous designer?

198
00:08:36,517 --> 00:08:40,979
Yeah, talk down to me.
That'll make the price better.

199
00:08:40,980 --> 00:08:43,411
All right, I'll weight it.

200
00:08:43,412 --> 00:08:44,809
What's that smell?

201
00:08:44,810 --> 00:08:46,275
Is someone making soup in the back?

202
00:08:46,276 --> 00:08:48,540
None of your business.

203
00:08:48,541 --> 00:08:52,370
I will give you $275.

204
00:08:52,371 --> 00:08:54,468
It's worth $2,500.

205
00:08:54,469 --> 00:08:57,533
Where? In 2005?

206
00:08:57,534 --> 00:08:59,332
You're just taking advantage of people.

207
00:08:59,333 --> 00:09:00,997
Because the world economy is crashing.

208
00:09:00,998 --> 00:09:08,025
It's called cash for gold, not
sympathy for flat chicks.

209
00:09:08,026 --> 00:09:10,191
You know what? This is inappropriate.

210
00:09:10,192 --> 00:09:12,189
All right, I'd like to see
your business license.

211
00:09:12,190 --> 00:09:14,188
Maybe I'll make a call to
the chamber of commerce.

212
00:09:14,189 --> 00:09:18,284
- Oh, you will, huh?
- Duck! Here comes the gun!

213
00:09:18,285 --> 00:09:21,315
Maybe I'll make a call
to my boys in the back.

214
00:09:21,316 --> 00:09:26,378
Sal! Richard!

215
00:09:26,379 --> 00:09:29,376
Oh, hello. Let's get out of here.

216
00:09:29,377 --> 00:09:34,472
Are you sure?
Because I'm kinda feeling richard.

217
00:09:37,703 --> 00:09:39,269
Max, I was just in the ladies' room.

218
00:09:39,270 --> 00:09:40,734
And I had a thought.

219
00:09:40,735 --> 00:09:44,664
Why am I doing my lipstick in a
mirror that says "die carlos""

220
00:09:44,665 --> 00:09:46,164
I know how to get the
full value of the ring.

221
00:09:46,165 --> 00:09:48,128
We just have to take it to the
store where they sell it,

222
00:09:48,129 --> 00:09:49,494
And return it.

223
00:09:49,495 --> 00:09:51,459
Uh, and why didn't that
occur to you before?

224
00:09:51,460 --> 00:09:52,658
'cause I don't have the receipt.

225
00:09:52,659 --> 00:09:53,991
And I bought it three years ago...

226
00:09:53,992 --> 00:09:57,455
From another store...
In another country.

227
00:10:01,586 --> 00:10:04,083
The customer asked for crust
off of a turkey club.

228
00:10:04,084 --> 00:10:06,748
Did they say that or is
this something you say.

229
00:10:06,749 --> 00:10:08,247
That they said?

230
00:10:08,248 --> 00:10:09,579
They said it.

231
00:10:09,580 --> 00:10:12,043
But I say I see "screw the
bos"" sleeveless tee.

232
00:10:12,044 --> 00:10:14,143
I'm sorry, someone call Ripley's.

233
00:10:14,144 --> 00:10:18,672
There is a small mouse speaking.

234
00:10:18,673 --> 00:10:20,837
And I bet for sure it comes
with stinky armpits.

235
00:10:20,838 --> 00:10:25,800
Why don't you see for
yourself, ratatouille?

236
00:10:25,801 --> 00:10:27,565
I've gotta go. Fight's starting.

237
00:10:29,898 --> 00:10:31,496
You are stinky.

238
00:10:31,497 --> 00:10:33,428
So stinky my mother in
Korea called me and said,

239
00:10:33,429 --> 00:10:35,760
"What is that smell?"

240
00:10:35,761 --> 00:10:38,557
I am surprised you're
upset by man smell.

241
00:10:38,558 --> 00:10:41,988
Most women like you enjoy it.

242
00:10:41,989 --> 00:10:44,953
Yo, Max, I got 20 bucks on Han.

243
00:10:44,954 --> 00:10:47,450
He's scrappy.

244
00:10:47,451 --> 00:10:48,850
Your english is terrible.

245
00:10:48,851 --> 00:10:51,314
My english is less terrible
than your terrible english.

246
00:10:51,315 --> 00:10:53,946
What? I couldn't understand
a word you said.

247
00:10:53,947 --> 00:10:56,844
What? So sorry I couldn't
understand a word you said.

248
00:10:56,845 --> 00:10:59,675
- Excuse me, regular-sized people.

249
00:10:59,676 --> 00:11:04,738
I am on break until he apologizes.

250
00:11:04,739 --> 00:11:06,003
I think the round's over.

251
00:11:06,004 --> 00:11:08,102
I couldn't understand a word they said.

252
00:11:08,103 --> 00:11:10,166
He needs to apologize. I'm the boss.

253
00:11:10,167 --> 00:11:12,964
Don't let him get to you, Han.

254
00:11:12,965 --> 00:11:16,895
Every woman knows size doesn't matter.

255
00:11:22,058 --> 00:11:23,457
I like your shirt.

256
00:11:23,458 --> 00:11:26,022
Reminds me of the side of the
van I lost my virginity in.

257
00:11:26,023 --> 00:11:29,119
That little man disrespect me.

258
00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:35,015
He insult my food, my
english, my "hyjane."

259
00:11:35,016 --> 00:11:37,380
Is there anything I can
do to cheer you up?

260
00:11:37,381 --> 00:11:40,444
A hug would help.

261
00:11:40,445 --> 00:11:42,642
If I hug you, will you go back to work?

262
00:11:42,643 --> 00:11:45,640
Yes.

263
00:11:45,641 --> 00:11:48,038
- Two-second hug. I'm going in.

264
00:11:50,438 --> 00:11:52,035
Aww.

265
00:11:56,133 --> 00:11:58,531
How did you do that?
Your hands never left my back.

266
00:11:58,532 --> 00:12:01,661
I am david blaine of zippers.

267
00:12:01,662 --> 00:12:04,193
I was trying to cheer you up.

268
00:12:04,194 --> 00:12:07,557
You did.

269
00:12:08,856 --> 00:12:11,787
Wow, it's so surreal being back here.

270
00:12:11,788 --> 00:12:13,752
I grew up here. It was like camp for me.

271
00:12:13,753 --> 00:12:15,850
I learned who all the
best designers were,

272
00:12:15,851 --> 00:12:19,615
How to color coordinate,
how to ride a bike.

273
00:12:19,616 --> 00:12:21,746
They let you ride a bike here?

274
00:12:21,747 --> 00:12:26,676
Bitch, I owned this piece.

275
00:12:26,677 --> 00:12:28,042
If there's not an iguana in here,

276
00:12:28,043 --> 00:12:30,473
This place is stupid.

277
00:12:30,474 --> 00:12:33,038
Oh, my god.

278
00:12:33,039 --> 00:12:35,302
They are such gorgeous tat rings.

279
00:12:35,303 --> 00:12:38,234
- Thanks!
- Hate you! So jealous!

280
00:12:38,235 --> 00:12:42,897
- Thanks!
- Bye!

281
00:12:42,898 --> 00:12:47,293
Seeing you in your natural
habitat is truly disturbing.

282
00:12:47,294 --> 00:12:48,759
Hi! Can I help you?

283
00:12:48,760 --> 00:12:51,823
Hi! I'd like to return a ring
I got as a present here.

284
00:12:51,824 --> 00:12:53,555
Tat rings are so amazing.

285
00:12:53,556 --> 00:12:54,988
I can't believe you want to return it.

286
00:12:54,989 --> 00:12:57,619
Well, this one's from a
guy I'm no longer with,

287
00:12:57,620 --> 00:12:59,318
So it's painful to even look at.

288
00:12:59,319 --> 00:13:00,584
I understand.

289
00:13:00,585 --> 00:13:02,815
But I couldn't take it
back without a receipt.

290
00:13:02,816 --> 00:13:04,414
The thing is he used to hit her.

291
00:13:04,415 --> 00:13:06,246
Max! You did not!

292
00:13:06,247 --> 00:13:08,511
Caroline, it's not your fault.

293
00:13:08,512 --> 00:13:10,643
That's awful.

294
00:13:10,644 --> 00:13:12,642
I understand why you
wouldn't want this ring.

295
00:13:12,643 --> 00:13:14,007
I'm sure there's something I can do.

296
00:13:14,008 --> 00:13:19,269
It's not our fault. I mean...Your fault.

297
00:13:23,267 --> 00:13:25,864
Caroline Channing?

298
00:13:25,865 --> 00:13:26,897
Jeffrey!

299
00:13:26,898 --> 00:13:29,362
Surprised to see me working here?

300
00:13:29,363 --> 00:13:31,327
Well, I got fired from that other store.

301
00:13:31,328 --> 00:13:33,093
Whose name I will never mention again.

302
00:13:33,094 --> 00:13:35,424
After last year's
cigarette butt incident.

303
00:13:35,425 --> 00:13:36,889
I'm so sorry.

304
00:13:36,890 --> 00:13:39,520
I had no idea those menthol
slim 100s were yours.

305
00:13:39,521 --> 00:13:41,252
I just thought so many
butts on the ground.

306
00:13:41,253 --> 00:13:43,618
Outside the store was gross,
so I said something.

307
00:13:43,619 --> 00:13:46,216
Well, that one comment from
the great Caroline Channing.

308
00:13:46,217 --> 00:13:49,513
About those butts fired my little butt.

309
00:13:49,514 --> 00:13:51,945
You'd be happy to know
that I quite smoking.

310
00:13:51,946 --> 00:13:55,409
After you got me fired.
Couldn't afford it.

311
00:13:55,410 --> 00:13:57,741
I also couldn't afford
my gym membership.

312
00:13:57,742 --> 00:13:59,472
Which is why my fired
little butt got massive,

313
00:13:59,473 --> 00:14:03,869
Why no one wanted to date me, and
why I spent gay pride alone.

314
00:14:03,870 --> 00:14:06,534
Fortunately, I wound up working here.

315
00:14:06,535 --> 00:14:10,198
Yeah, it all worked out.
Your butt looks tight.

316
00:14:10,199 --> 00:14:12,163
It's halfway there.

317
00:14:12,164 --> 00:14:14,628
So I got the price on the ring.

318
00:14:14,629 --> 00:14:17,992
You're buying a ring? A tat ring?

319
00:14:17,993 --> 00:14:19,591
Actually, I'm returning.

320
00:14:19,592 --> 00:14:23,255
Oh, can I see the receipt?

321
00:14:23,256 --> 00:14:28,017
As manager of the jewelry department,

322
00:14:28,018 --> 00:14:30,749
I couldn't possibly return
a ring that you bought.

323
00:14:30,750 --> 00:14:34,479
At least three years
ago without a receipt.

324
00:14:34,480 --> 00:14:37,843
You wouldn't want me to lose
my job again, would you?

325
00:14:37,844 --> 00:14:41,508
I got this, donna.

326
00:14:41,509 --> 00:14:43,506
And so sorry to hear about
your father being a criminal.

327
00:14:43,507 --> 00:14:46,071
And you being penniless
and all that ugliness.

328
00:14:46,072 --> 00:14:47,403
But it is kinda karma.

329
00:14:47,404 --> 00:14:50,334
You are where you are now,
and I'm back on top.

330
00:14:50,335 --> 00:14:52,300
Look, jeffrey, I know we just met,

331
00:14:52,301 --> 00:14:57,462
But there's no way you're a top.

332
00:15:02,193 --> 00:15:03,891
Now what are we gonna do?

333
00:15:03,892 --> 00:15:05,790
We should hunt down that
super fake jealous lady.

334
00:15:05,791 --> 00:15:07,522
Who hates you.

335
00:15:07,523 --> 00:15:08,820
Maybe she'll buy one.

336
00:15:08,821 --> 00:15:10,619
Max, that's brilliant.

337
00:15:10,620 --> 00:15:12,451
If anybody's gonna buy a tat ring,

338
00:15:12,452 --> 00:15:14,183
They're already in the store.

339
00:15:14,184 --> 00:15:15,682
We can have a pop-up sale!

340
00:15:15,683 --> 00:15:17,181
- A pop-up sale?

341
00:15:17,182 --> 00:15:18,847
- You don't know what a pop-up sale is?

342
00:15:18,848 --> 00:15:21,377
You didn't know what a pilot light was.

343
00:15:21,378 --> 00:15:22,610
it's the new trend.

344
00:15:22,611 --> 00:15:24,309
Mini stores pop up and sell stuff,

345
00:15:24,310 --> 00:15:25,641
Then they're gone.

346
00:15:25,642 --> 00:15:26,907
That's not a new trend.

347
00:15:26,908 --> 00:15:30,238
Drug dealers have been
doing that for years.

348
00:15:30,239 --> 00:15:33,368
1, 2, 3, 4, 5.

349
00:15:33,369 --> 00:15:35,367
What are you doing, beautiful mind?

350
00:15:35,368 --> 00:15:37,399
I'm mentally scanning the
layout of the store.

351
00:15:37,400 --> 00:15:38,765
For security cameras.

352
00:15:38,766 --> 00:15:40,530
I knew coming here and not
going to parks as a child.

353
00:15:40,531 --> 00:15:41,962
Would pay off.

354
00:15:41,963 --> 00:15:43,794
Okay, there's only one place
we could pull it off.

355
00:15:43,795 --> 00:15:45,094
Where there are no cameras.

356
00:15:45,095 --> 00:15:46,559
Where?

357
00:15:46,560 --> 00:15:49,690
- Pop-up sale in the ladies' room.

358
00:15:49,691 --> 00:15:51,855
That's right, ma'am!

359
00:15:51,856 --> 00:15:54,352
I said pop-up sale in the ladies' room.

360
00:15:54,353 --> 00:15:56,051
I don't do improv.

361
00:15:59,184 --> 00:16:01,381
So did we sell the ring yet?

362
00:16:01,382 --> 00:16:02,979
Those women weren't
our target customers.

363
00:16:02,980 --> 00:16:05,378
We're looking for a very specific type.

364
00:16:05,379 --> 00:16:07,976
Too much style and money to burn.

365
00:16:07,977 --> 00:16:10,507
hold the elevator!

366
00:16:13,173 --> 00:16:15,371
and I love new york!

367
00:16:15,372 --> 00:16:18,235
Pop-up sale in the ladies' room.

368
00:16:23,548 --> 00:16:24,847
I'll take you in two at a time.

369
00:16:24,848 --> 00:16:26,112
Let me go check with my associate.

370
00:16:26,113 --> 00:16:29,976
And I'll be right back
for adin and lublubah.

371
00:16:29,977 --> 00:16:31,241
Such a good memory.

372
00:16:31,242 --> 00:16:34,805
Hard to forget such beautiful names.

373
00:16:34,806 --> 00:16:35,904
Ready?

374
00:16:35,905 --> 00:16:38,736
We have a pooper in stall two.

375
00:16:38,737 --> 00:16:42,533
Who shops and plops? I mean, really.

376
00:16:42,534 --> 00:16:46,696
- Trust me, I smell the match.
Classic shop and plop cover-up.

377
00:16:46,697 --> 00:16:48,928
Where are the two Kit Kats we
got from the vending machine?

378
00:16:48,929 --> 00:16:50,927
I told you I was hungry.

379
00:16:50,928 --> 00:16:53,325
Arabic women expect a gift
when they buy something.

380
00:16:53,326 --> 00:16:54,491
Well, stall number two.

381
00:16:54,492 --> 00:16:57,888
Will probably supply a little present.

382
00:16:57,889 --> 00:16:59,454
- Hi, are you here for the pop-up sale?

383
00:16:59,455 --> 00:17:00,986
- No, I just have to pee.
- Oh, geez.

384
00:17:00,987 --> 00:17:03,317
Come on, don't waste my time!

385
00:17:03,318 --> 00:17:05,249
One stall's open... in and out!
Running a business!

386
00:17:05,250 --> 00:17:08,147
That woman pushed ahead of us.

387
00:17:08,148 --> 00:17:09,479
Do not sell her my tat ring.

388
00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:10,979
It's fun. You're here to pick up.

389
00:17:10,980 --> 00:17:14,575
She's here to drop off.

390
00:17:15,476 --> 00:17:16,974
Open the shop.

391
00:17:16,975 --> 00:17:18,073
We're a good team.

392
00:17:18,074 --> 00:17:19,539
You set 'em up, I knock 'em down.

393
00:17:19,540 --> 00:17:23,402
- Why is?
- I don't know, it just is.

394
00:17:23,403 --> 00:17:25,467
Are you here for the pop-up sale?

395
00:17:25,468 --> 00:17:27,366
- A pop-sale in the bathroom?

396
00:17:27,367 --> 00:17:29,597
So lame. So lame.

397
00:17:29,598 --> 00:17:31,862
Caroline? Jen, Robin!

398
00:17:31,863 --> 00:17:33,162
- Oh, my god.
- Oh, my god.

399
00:17:33,163 --> 00:17:35,859
- Oh, my god!
- Oh, my god.

400
00:17:35,860 --> 00:17:39,057
- Excuse me.
When will pop-up sale start?

401
00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:42,988
We have lunch reservations for
five at Four Seasons at 3:00.

402
00:17:42,989 --> 00:17:44,819
Why are you asking me?

403
00:17:44,820 --> 00:17:47,518
- You two are doing pop-up sale, no?

404
00:17:47,519 --> 00:17:49,016
No.

405
00:17:49,017 --> 00:17:52,414
I have nothing to do with this
pop-up sale in the bathroom.

406
00:17:52,415 --> 00:17:53,780
- So lame.
- So lame.

407
00:17:53,781 --> 00:17:55,011
So lame!

408
00:17:55,012 --> 00:17:56,344
So lame.

409
00:17:56,345 --> 00:17:57,610
Come to lunch with us.

410
00:17:57,611 --> 00:17:58,642
Oh, I've already eaten.

411
00:17:58,643 --> 00:18:00,308
Our treat.

412
00:18:00,309 --> 00:18:01,440
We are not taking no for an answer.

413
00:18:01,441 --> 00:18:02,906
They're not taking no for an answer.

414
00:18:02,907 --> 00:18:04,171
Sell the ring.

415
00:18:04,172 --> 00:18:07,535
Where is she going?
I thought you two were a team.

416
00:18:07,536 --> 00:18:10,500
Apparently not.

417
00:18:12,566 --> 00:18:13,864
So sorry.

418
00:18:13,865 --> 00:18:16,629
I got caught up in a
hostage nicoise situation.

419
00:18:16,630 --> 00:18:17,628
How'd it go?

420
00:18:17,629 --> 00:18:18,827
Did you get full price for the ring?

421
00:18:18,828 --> 00:18:21,558
Oh, do you know me?

422
00:18:21,559 --> 00:18:23,723
Because I could've sworn
you didn't know me.

423
00:18:23,724 --> 00:18:26,755
My new friends Adin and Lablueballs.

424
00:18:26,756 --> 00:18:28,153
Thought it was weird that
you just bailed on me.

425
00:18:28,154 --> 00:18:30,286
Max, I panicked in the moment.

426
00:18:30,287 --> 00:18:31,784
I didn't want those
girls telling everyone

427
00:18:31,785 --> 00:18:34,749
that Caroline Channing was in a
bathroom selling her jewelry.

428
00:18:34,750 --> 00:18:37,346
I'm barely back on my feet
after the whole scandal.

429
00:18:37,347 --> 00:18:41,343
I just couldn't bare it.

430
00:18:41,344 --> 00:18:43,009
Here.

431
00:18:43,010 --> 00:18:44,475
I didn't sell them because
I didn't buy the whole

432
00:18:44,476 --> 00:18:46,939
"in it for the long haul"
thing from the beginning.

433
00:18:46,940 --> 00:18:48,671
And I was right because
I'm always right.

434
00:18:48,672 --> 00:18:50,837
About people in the long haul.

435
00:18:50,838 --> 00:18:52,535
Max, I'm talking to you.

436
00:18:52,536 --> 00:18:54,600
It's cool. We don't need to talk.

437
00:18:58,798 --> 00:19:01,362
Max, about the rings, I'm sorry.

438
00:19:01,363 --> 00:19:02,594
I don't know what else to say.

439
00:19:02,595 --> 00:19:04,093
You don't need to say anything.

440
00:19:04,094 --> 00:19:06,125
You already said a lot of words
about the future and us,

441
00:19:06,126 --> 00:19:08,923
And then next thing I know,
you were "oh, my god!"

442
00:19:08,924 --> 00:19:10,755
Off to lunch with your friends.

443
00:19:10,756 --> 00:19:12,653
Max, I am in this for the long haul.

444
00:19:12,654 --> 00:19:14,552
Isn't there anything I can
say to convince you of that?

445
00:19:14,553 --> 00:19:16,717
Nope. And it's fine.

446
00:19:16,718 --> 00:19:18,216
It's not you, it's me.

447
00:19:18,217 --> 00:19:19,481
I'm the idiot who actually
believed for a minute.

448
00:19:19,482 --> 00:19:20,647
That we had a future.

449
00:19:20,648 --> 00:19:22,113
But it's okay.

450
00:19:22,114 --> 00:19:24,478
We'll just keep getting by like
we are, for the short haul.

451
00:19:24,479 --> 00:19:26,043
Cool?

452
00:19:26,044 --> 00:19:28,708
Max.

453
00:19:35,204 --> 00:19:38,101
Hey! Hey.

454
00:19:38,102 --> 00:19:41,098
What's that smell? I'm making cupcakes.

455
00:19:41,099 --> 00:19:45,262
- You lit the pilot light?
- Didn't have to. Look.

456
00:19:47,494 --> 00:19:50,658
No way! The Bluestar in purple?

457
00:19:50,659 --> 00:19:51,957
What the... how did it get...

458
00:19:51,958 --> 00:19:53,856
How can... how could you afford that?

459
00:19:53,857 --> 00:19:55,888
You sold your tat? Sold them all.

460
00:19:55,889 --> 00:19:58,918
Spent it on the oven, next-day
delivery fee and installation.

461
00:19:58,919 --> 00:20:00,517
That woman gave you a better price?

462
00:20:00,518 --> 00:20:02,748
No, she pulled a gun on me.

463
00:20:02,749 --> 00:20:04,281
So I went to every gold
store in Brooklyn,

464
00:20:04,282 --> 00:20:05,980
leveraged their offers
against each other

465
00:20:05,981 --> 00:20:07,945
until I got enough to buy the Bluestar.

466
00:20:07,946 --> 00:20:10,044
You didn't have to do that.

467
00:20:10,045 --> 00:20:12,708
After what I did, there
were no more words.

468
00:20:12,709 --> 00:20:14,173
Only ovens.

469
00:20:14,174 --> 00:20:16,905
And our future means more to
me than rings from my past.

470
00:20:16,906 --> 00:20:20,369
I told you, I'm in this
for the long haul.

471
00:20:20,370 --> 00:20:24,432
For the record, I hated
lunch with those girls.

472
00:20:24,433 --> 00:20:28,096
I'd rather split a Kit Kat in
a bathroom with you any day.

473
00:20:28,097 --> 00:20:29,728
I'm sorry I wasn't listening.

474
00:20:29,729 --> 00:20:32,560
I was staring at my new
boyfriend over there.

475
00:20:32,561 --> 00:20:35,357
I wanna make out with it!

476
00:20:36,591 --> 00:20:38,355
Ooh. Ow! Hot!

477
00:20:39,756 --> 00:20:41,686
There's not a ding!

478
00:20:41,687 --> 00:20:45,650
There's a ding. My rings bought a ding.

479
00:20:45,651 --> 00:20:47,749
You wanna hug me, don't you?

480
00:20:47,750 --> 00:20:49,980
Yeah.

481
00:20:49,981 --> 00:20:52,678
- But you're not gonna.
- Yes, I am.

482
00:20:52,679 --> 00:20:57,208
If you unzip my shirt,
I'm gonna be pissed!

483
00:20:57,209 --> 00:20:59,606
Impressed, but pissed.