1
00:00:01,874 --> 00:00:04,473
Cheers is filmed before
a live studio audience.
2
00:00:09,071 --> 00:00:12,270
Man, how about all that stuff
that's going on over at Cheers?
3
00:00:12,370 --> 00:00:13,370
What's that?
4
00:00:13,470 --> 00:00:15,069
You don't know about that?
5
00:00:15,169 --> 00:00:17,868
Well, Rebecca, the babe
who runs the place,
6
00:00:17,968 --> 00:00:20,267
you know she's been
dating Robin Colcord,
the multimillionaire.
7
00:00:20,367 --> 00:00:21,267
Uh-huh.
8
00:00:21,367 --> 00:00:23,366
Well, he tried to pull
a hostile takeover
9
00:00:23,466 --> 00:00:26,565
of her corporation and she
was implicated in the deal.
10
00:00:26,665 --> 00:00:28,164
So the corporation dumped her.
11
00:00:28,264 --> 00:00:29,664
Guess who ended up
owning Cheers.
12
00:00:29,664 --> 00:00:32,163
Sam Malone.
13
00:00:32,263 --> 00:00:33,462
You're kidding.
14
00:00:33,562 --> 00:00:35,062
Wait, you haven't heard
the best part.
15
00:00:35,162 --> 00:00:37,161
Now, Colcord
skipped the country,
16
00:00:37,161 --> 00:00:40,060
so Rebecca's ended up
having to take a waitress job...
17
00:00:40,160 --> 00:00:42,859
at Cheers.
Wow.
18
00:00:42,859 --> 00:00:45,558
W-Where do you get
this stuff, anyway?
19
00:00:45,658 --> 00:00:47,457
I got my sources.
20
00:00:54,654 --> 00:00:56,953
Another round on the house,
Mr. Peterson?
21
00:00:57,053 --> 00:00:58,253
Thank you very much.
22
00:01:01,652 --> 00:01:03,451
(theme song begins)
23
00:01:05,150 --> 00:01:07,449
¶ Making your way
in the world today ¶
24
00:01:07,549 --> 00:01:10,548
¶ Takes everything you've got ¶
25
00:01:10,648 --> 00:01:13,347
¶ Takin' a break
from all your worries ¶
26
00:01:13,347 --> 00:01:16,246
¶ Sure would help a lot
27
00:01:16,246 --> 00:01:19,845
¶ Wouldn't you like
to get away? ¶
28
00:01:22,044 --> 00:01:24,743
¶ Sometimes you want to go
29
00:01:24,843 --> 00:01:28,042
¶ Where everybody
knows your name ¶
30
00:01:30,141 --> 00:01:34,739
¶ And they're always
glad you came ¶
31
00:01:34,739 --> 00:01:36,938
¶ You wanna be
where you can see ¶
32
00:01:37,038 --> 00:01:39,737
¶ Our troubles
are all the same ¶
33
00:01:39,737 --> 00:01:43,736
¶ You wanna be where everybody
knows your name ¶
34
00:01:45,235 --> 00:01:47,334
¶ You wanna go
where people know ¶
35
00:01:47,434 --> 00:01:50,033
¶ People are all the same
36
00:01:50,033 --> 00:01:54,032
¶ You wanna go where everybody
knows your name. ¶
37
00:02:12,425 --> 00:02:14,524
Is Rebecca in her office?
38
00:02:14,624 --> 00:02:15,424
I thought you ditched her
39
00:02:15,524 --> 00:02:17,123
and skipped the country.
40
00:02:17,223 --> 00:02:18,323
I did, but I've come back.
41
00:02:18,423 --> 00:02:20,022
I finally realized what
Rebecca means to me.
42
00:02:20,122 --> 00:02:23,121
What use is my money
or my freedom
43
00:02:23,221 --> 00:02:25,720
if I don't have the woman
I love?
44
00:02:25,820 --> 00:02:27,419
Rebecca?!
45
00:02:27,419 --> 00:02:28,819
(gasps)
I'm back.
46
00:02:28,919 --> 00:02:31,118
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
47
00:02:32,917 --> 00:02:34,617
Oh, my God!
48
00:02:36,416 --> 00:02:38,215
Rebecca, what is going
on in here?
49
00:02:38,315 --> 00:02:39,515
Robin, I can explain.
50
00:02:39,615 --> 00:02:40,614
Wait a minute.
51
00:02:40,714 --> 00:02:42,414
My button's caught
in your zipper here.
52
00:02:42,414 --> 00:02:46,212
Robin, I can't explain.
53
00:02:46,312 --> 00:02:48,412
It's my own fault.
54
00:02:48,512 --> 00:02:51,211
For all you knew, I was
never coming back again.
55
00:02:51,310 --> 00:02:53,710
I left the way clear for
something like this to happen.
56
00:02:53,710 --> 00:02:56,009
But Robin, nothing did happen.
57
00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:58,808
Nothing?
No, nothing.
58
00:02:58,808 --> 00:03:02,006
Okay, something almost happened
but I would never betray you.
59
00:03:02,106 --> 00:03:03,106
I love you.
60
00:03:03,206 --> 00:03:05,705
We didn't do anything.
61
00:03:05,705 --> 00:03:07,404
Did we, Sam?
62
00:03:12,003 --> 00:03:13,302
Yeah...
63
00:03:13,402 --> 00:03:16,601
(clearing throat):
...what she said.
64
00:03:16,601 --> 00:03:17,801
(knocking)
65
00:03:17,801 --> 00:03:20,500
Hey, jailbird,
your lawyer's on the phone.
66
00:03:20,500 --> 00:03:22,499
Your lawyer?!
67
00:03:22,499 --> 00:03:24,898
Yes, I've made arrangements
to turn myself in.
68
00:03:24,898 --> 00:03:27,897
Oh, Robin.
69
00:03:27,897 --> 00:03:29,596
Oh, I'll wait for you.
70
00:03:29,596 --> 00:03:31,395
I won't have any money
when I come out.
71
00:03:31,395 --> 00:03:32,795
That doesn't matter.
72
00:03:32,795 --> 00:03:35,794
I'll help you rebuild
your fortune.
73
00:03:35,794 --> 00:03:37,793
Yeah, just look at what
she's done with this bar.
74
00:03:37,793 --> 00:03:41,192
Oh, shut up.
75
00:03:41,192 --> 00:03:43,791
Boy, just because you
lose a few billion bucks
76
00:03:43,891 --> 00:03:46,090
is no reason
to cop a 'tude.
77
00:03:50,488 --> 00:03:54,087
I guess I should go see
if Robin needs any help.
78
00:03:54,087 --> 00:03:54,887
Sure.
79
00:03:54,987 --> 00:03:57,186
Sam?
80
00:03:58,585 --> 00:04:04,683
Thank you for lying about...
81
00:04:04,683 --> 00:04:07,382
you know.
82
00:04:07,382 --> 00:04:10,581
It's okay, sure.
83
00:04:10,681 --> 00:04:13,680
Thank you for... you know.
84
00:04:19,777 --> 00:04:22,076
I just think it was the
right thing to do.
85
00:04:22,076 --> 00:04:26,075
The lying, I mean,
not the, you know...
86
00:04:26,075 --> 00:04:29,074
Well, that, too.
87
00:04:29,174 --> 00:04:30,273
Yeah.
88
00:04:30,373 --> 00:04:33,572
Anyway... (clears throat)
well... see ya.
89
00:04:33,672 --> 00:04:34,472
See ya.
90
00:04:34,572 --> 00:04:35,971
(tiny object clattering)
91
00:04:36,071 --> 00:04:37,571
Oh...
92
00:04:37,571 --> 00:04:38,770
Your button.
93
00:04:38,870 --> 00:04:40,370
Yeah. Thank you.
94
00:04:46,267 --> 00:04:48,667
Well, my attorney's
spoken to the prosecutor
95
00:04:48,766 --> 00:04:51,166
and I... I have to go.
96
00:04:51,166 --> 00:04:52,965
Can't we at least wait
till morning?
97
00:04:53,065 --> 00:04:55,064
Well, my attorney says that
if I turn myself in now,
98
00:04:55,164 --> 00:04:56,763
I can avoid a media circus.
99
00:04:56,863 --> 00:04:59,562
Do you have any idea what
these sleazy tabloids would pay
100
00:04:59,562 --> 00:05:02,961
for a picture of Robin Colcord
the fugitive?
101
00:05:02,961 --> 00:05:04,061
(gasps)
102
00:05:04,061 --> 00:05:05,560
Okay, let's try
another one,
103
00:05:05,660 --> 00:05:08,159
only, this time, look
a little bit more guilty.
104
00:05:08,259 --> 00:05:09,459
Guilty?!
105
00:05:14,157 --> 00:05:16,256
SAM:
What do you guys
think, huh?
106
00:05:16,356 --> 00:05:17,856
I'm finished.
107
00:05:17,956 --> 00:05:19,655
With, uh, with what, Sam?
108
00:05:19,655 --> 00:05:21,854
With putting my old stuff
back on the wall.
109
00:05:21,954 --> 00:05:22,954
It was gone?
110
00:05:22,954 --> 00:05:24,053
Yeah, it was gone--
111
00:05:24,153 --> 00:05:25,853
three years gone, man.
112
00:05:25,953 --> 00:05:27,652
Rebecca had her stuff up there.
113
00:05:27,652 --> 00:05:29,851
Ah.
Are you so taken
with your own lives
114
00:05:29,851 --> 00:05:32,050
you don't notice the
changes going on around here?
115
00:05:32,150 --> 00:05:35,249
Sammy, we notice the important
things, all right?
116
00:05:35,349 --> 00:05:37,148
By the way, is Diane
coming in today?
117
00:05:40,147 --> 00:05:42,346
Hey!
Hey!
118
00:05:42,346 --> 00:05:45,245
Give this man
a drink-- whoo!
119
00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:46,745
Sammy, I just realized,
120
00:05:46,745 --> 00:05:49,444
I forgot to call Ma and
tell her the good news.
121
00:05:49,544 --> 00:05:50,743
You know how
she loves you.
122
00:05:50,843 --> 00:05:52,243
Boy, she's gonna be
tickled pink
123
00:05:52,343 --> 00:05:54,142
when she hears you got
the bar back.
124
00:05:54,242 --> 00:05:56,241
Hello, Ma!
125
00:05:56,241 --> 00:05:59,040
Guess who the new
owner of Cheers is.
126
00:05:59,140 --> 00:06:02,739
No, it's not me,
it's, uh, it's Sam.
127
00:06:02,839 --> 00:06:05,938
Well, I'm, uh, still
a mailman, Ma.
128
00:06:08,537 --> 00:06:10,636
Well, I know you had
high hopes for me, Ma,
129
00:06:10,736 --> 00:06:13,135
but I couldn't finish college
and that's all there is to it.
130
00:06:15,834 --> 00:06:18,433
She was thrilled.
131
00:06:19,832 --> 00:06:21,332
SAM:
Hey, Woody.
132
00:06:21,432 --> 00:06:23,331
It says here that
you and Carla
133
00:06:23,431 --> 00:06:25,230
haven't had a raise
for over two years.
134
00:06:25,230 --> 00:06:26,630
That's right, Sam.
135
00:06:26,730 --> 00:06:29,929
I guess that's why I been
so darn moody lately.
136
00:06:30,029 --> 00:06:32,728
Well, that's one of the things
that's gonna change around here.
137
00:06:32,728 --> 00:06:35,726
Starting tomorrow, you guys
get a $20-a-week raise.
138
00:06:35,726 --> 00:06:38,026
Wow, thanks.
139
00:06:38,026 --> 00:06:40,125
Another thing here,
while I'm at it,
140
00:06:40,125 --> 00:06:41,724
to celebrate the new management,
141
00:06:41,824 --> 00:06:44,023
I am wiping out
everybody's bar tab.
142
00:06:47,622 --> 00:06:50,921
Sam Malone, I am not a man
for mushy sentiment,
143
00:06:50,921 --> 00:06:52,520
but I want you
to know something--
144
00:06:52,620 --> 00:06:56,219
if you ever need a liver donor,
I've got one like yea big.
145
00:07:00,017 --> 00:07:03,416
Woody, round of drinks on
the house for everybody.
146
00:07:03,416 --> 00:07:04,716
All right!
147
00:07:04,815 --> 00:07:06,515
(cheering)
148
00:07:06,615 --> 00:07:07,614
Hi, Sam.
149
00:07:07,614 --> 00:07:10,613
Oh, hi.
150
00:07:10,713 --> 00:07:12,912
I didn't expect to see
you waitressing here today
151
00:07:13,012 --> 00:07:14,812
with your billionaire
boyfriend back in town.
152
00:07:15,012 --> 00:07:17,011
Well, it's only temporary
until I find a good job.
153
00:07:17,111 --> 00:07:18,310
You know what they say--
154
00:07:18,410 --> 00:07:23,009
better a temporary dead-end
stupid job than no job at all.
155
00:07:23,009 --> 00:07:25,808
Ah, just what every
employer wants to hear.
156
00:07:25,808 --> 00:07:27,707
Excuse me.
157
00:07:27,807 --> 00:07:29,506
I'm gonna, uh, take
these plants of yours
158
00:07:29,606 --> 00:07:31,406
out to the woods
and give them their freedom.
159
00:07:38,303 --> 00:07:40,002
So, what's new, Miss Howe?
160
00:07:40,002 --> 00:07:42,401
I just got back from
visiting Robin in jail.
161
00:07:42,501 --> 00:07:44,301
They're not going
to let him out on bail
162
00:07:44,401 --> 00:07:46,000
since he jumped
bond earlier.
163
00:07:46,100 --> 00:07:50,598
They're gonna charge him
a huge penalty, even if
he pleads guilty.
164
00:07:50,698 --> 00:07:53,797
I don't think they're gonna give
that poor guy any breaks at all.
165
00:07:53,797 --> 00:07:56,096
I got a raise.
166
00:07:56,196 --> 00:07:58,495
You deserve it, Woody.
167
00:07:58,595 --> 00:08:00,894
I deserved it two years ago.
168
00:08:02,894 --> 00:08:04,493
Who was the boss then?
169
00:08:04,593 --> 00:08:06,492
Let me think.
170
00:08:10,791 --> 00:08:13,190
Hi, guys. Sorry I'm late.
171
00:08:13,290 --> 00:08:16,789
Boy, of all days for my kids to
handcuff me to the water heater.
172
00:08:18,988 --> 00:08:20,487
Why, uh, what's the big deal
about today?
173
00:08:20,587 --> 00:08:21,487
Didn't Sam tell
you what happened
174
00:08:21,487 --> 00:08:22,686
in the office last night?
175
00:08:22,786 --> 00:08:24,386
No. What?
176
00:08:24,486 --> 00:08:27,385
He and Rebecca were in there
for for a mighty long time
177
00:08:27,485 --> 00:08:29,084
and that place was wrecked.
178
00:08:29,084 --> 00:08:31,283
He didn't mention a thing.
Really?
179
00:08:31,383 --> 00:08:34,082
Maybe he's saving all
the dirty details for me.
180
00:08:34,182 --> 00:08:37,281
He's such a gentleman.
181
00:08:37,281 --> 00:08:39,380
(watch alarm beeps
three times)
182
00:08:39,480 --> 00:08:41,279
Well, fellows, that's the bell
183
00:08:41,379 --> 00:08:43,778
announcing Clavin's midmorning
brain twister.
184
00:08:43,778 --> 00:08:47,177
Oh, you going to get up
and try to walk again?
185
00:08:47,277 --> 00:08:48,976
Is this going to be along
the same lines
186
00:08:48,976 --> 00:08:50,076
as yesterday's little pearl?
187
00:08:50,176 --> 00:08:52,575
If the Lennon Sisters,
the Maguire Sisters
188
00:08:52,675 --> 00:08:55,174
and the Andrew Sisters
all came to a four-way stop,
189
00:08:55,174 --> 00:08:57,873
which would have
the right-of-way?
190
00:08:57,973 --> 00:08:59,772
No, no, no, no.
191
00:08:59,872 --> 00:09:02,371
This one is, uh, based on
historical fact.
192
00:09:02,471 --> 00:09:03,471
Now listen up.
193
00:09:03,571 --> 00:09:05,670
How would the Civil War
have changed
194
00:09:05,670 --> 00:09:10,169
if Lincoln had had octopus
tentacles instead of a beard?
195
00:09:10,268 --> 00:09:11,868
For God's sake, Cliff.
196
00:09:11,968 --> 00:09:13,567
There is no practical
answer to that question.
197
00:09:13,567 --> 00:09:15,267
Wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.
198
00:09:15,267 --> 00:09:16,666
Now we can assume that
the Gettysburg Address
199
00:09:16,766 --> 00:09:18,965
would have been written on
the back of eight envelopes.
200
00:09:18,965 --> 00:09:20,065
Very good.
201
00:09:20,165 --> 00:09:21,264
Very good answer, Normie.
202
00:09:21,264 --> 00:09:23,264
Also, he could have disarmed
John Wilkes Booth
203
00:09:23,264 --> 00:09:26,462
and still applauded the play.
204
00:09:26,562 --> 00:09:28,362
Now, in a related query,
205
00:09:28,462 --> 00:09:31,660
what if Herbert Hoover was
able to expand his face
206
00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:34,859
like a blowfish?
207
00:09:34,859 --> 00:09:37,458
What were you guys
talking about?
208
00:09:37,558 --> 00:09:42,157
Former presidents with
fish parts in their faces.
209
00:09:42,157 --> 00:09:43,156
Come on.
210
00:09:43,156 --> 00:09:44,656
Do you really expect
me to believe
211
00:09:44,756 --> 00:09:46,355
you were talking about
something that stupid?
212
00:09:46,455 --> 00:09:48,954
Where have you been
all these years?
213
00:09:49,054 --> 00:09:50,353
Hello!
214
00:09:51,553 --> 00:09:53,652
I know what you
were doing.
215
00:09:53,652 --> 00:09:55,751
You were trying to
cover up the fact that
216
00:09:55,751 --> 00:09:57,251
you were gossiping
about me.
217
00:09:57,251 --> 00:09:59,350
REBECCA:
And, as soon as
I turn my back,
218
00:09:59,350 --> 00:10:02,749
you will go on about Sam and
I in that office last night.
219
00:10:02,849 --> 00:10:04,948
Didn't I tell you?
I knew something happened.
220
00:10:05,048 --> 00:10:08,347
Ooh, guys, do you think Sammy
finally bagged Rebecca?
221
00:10:08,347 --> 00:10:12,045
MEN:
Yeah!
222
00:10:12,145 --> 00:10:13,845
Oh, hey, Rebecca,
I'm sorry.
223
00:10:13,945 --> 00:10:16,144
This is, you know,
just guy talk, you know.
224
00:10:16,144 --> 00:10:17,943
Carla, you think he
finally bagged Rebecca?
225
00:10:18,043 --> 00:10:19,742
Yeah!
226
00:10:21,642 --> 00:10:23,741
There he is.
227
00:10:23,741 --> 00:10:24,841
Why don't we ask him?
228
00:10:24,940 --> 00:10:26,240
Sammy,
229
00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:27,839
last night--
230
00:10:27,939 --> 00:10:30,139
you-- the Howitzer
in the office.
231
00:10:30,139 --> 00:10:31,838
Come on.
NORM:
Come on, Sam.
232
00:10:31,938 --> 00:10:33,237
Come on.
233
00:10:33,237 --> 00:10:35,437
Guys, guys, that's tacky.
234
00:10:35,437 --> 00:10:36,436
Sam, we know that.
235
00:10:36,436 --> 00:10:37,936
It says it above
the door. Come on.
236
00:10:40,535 --> 00:10:42,234
All right, if you must know--
237
00:10:42,334 --> 00:10:44,533
nothing happened.
238
00:10:44,533 --> 00:10:45,633
End of story.
239
00:10:51,231 --> 00:10:53,330
I guess nothing did happen.
240
00:10:53,430 --> 00:10:54,729
I guess not.
241
00:10:54,829 --> 00:10:56,629
Sammy would never withhold
information like that.
242
00:10:56,729 --> 00:10:58,828
No. He lives to talk
about that stuff.
243
00:10:58,928 --> 00:11:00,627
And we live to
hear about it.
244
00:11:00,727 --> 00:11:04,226
Aw, it's a symbiotic
relationship.
Mm-hmm.
245
00:11:04,226 --> 00:11:07,325
Much like that between the shark
and the tiny pilot fish
246
00:11:07,425 --> 00:11:09,024
that constantly swims
around its mouth
247
00:11:09,024 --> 00:11:11,923
picking out the little
bits of meat.
248
00:11:13,622 --> 00:11:15,022
I suppose you're now
going to tell me
249
00:11:15,022 --> 00:11:17,621
that if George Washington
had had a pilot fish,
250
00:11:17,621 --> 00:11:19,620
he wouldn't have
needed wooden dentures.
251
00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:23,019
Now you're getting
up to speed, Dr. Crane.
252
00:11:23,119 --> 00:11:24,818
Yeah. Yeah.
253
00:11:24,818 --> 00:11:26,717
And then he could have, uh,
swum across the Delaware
254
00:11:26,717 --> 00:11:28,317
to defeat the Hessians.
255
00:11:28,317 --> 00:11:30,116
(laughing):
No Dr. Crane,
256
00:11:30,216 --> 00:11:32,215
try to understand.
257
00:11:32,215 --> 00:11:34,314
It's only the president's
face that changes.
258
00:11:34,414 --> 00:11:37,513
It's not like he grew fins
or something.
259
00:11:39,113 --> 00:11:40,212
(silly gibbering)
260
00:11:43,011 --> 00:11:44,411
(knocking on door)
261
00:11:44,511 --> 00:11:46,310
Sam.
262
00:11:46,410 --> 00:11:47,809
Oh, hi.
263
00:11:47,809 --> 00:11:51,108
I wanted to thank you
for your discretion.
264
00:11:51,108 --> 00:11:52,408
What do you mean?
265
00:11:52,408 --> 00:11:55,407
Well, not telling Robin
about us was one thing,
266
00:11:55,507 --> 00:11:57,606
but not telling all
those goons out there--
267
00:11:57,706 --> 00:11:59,305
I know that was
a real sacrifice.
268
00:11:59,405 --> 00:12:00,805
No, no big deal.
Yes, it is.
269
00:12:00,905 --> 00:12:02,604
I know how much you love
270
00:12:02,604 --> 00:12:04,003
to crow to all
your friends
271
00:12:04,103 --> 00:12:07,202
about your great
romantic encounters.
272
00:12:07,302 --> 00:12:09,801
Rebecca, believe me,
it was nothing.
273
00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:13,800
Wait, wait-- not telling
them was nothing,
274
00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:16,199
or the great romantic
encounter was nothing?
275
00:12:16,199 --> 00:12:17,698
What?
276
00:12:17,798 --> 00:12:19,498
Oh, uh, the not
telling, of course.
277
00:12:19,598 --> 00:12:20,597
No, the... romantic
stuff was great.
278
00:12:20,697 --> 00:12:22,396
Wasn't it?
279
00:12:22,496 --> 00:12:25,795
You know, I don't mean to be
disloyal to Robin or anything,
280
00:12:25,795 --> 00:12:29,294
but... it was one of
the most powerful things
281
00:12:29,294 --> 00:12:30,993
that's ever happened
to me in my life.
282
00:12:31,093 --> 00:12:32,193
Really?
283
00:12:32,293 --> 00:12:33,692
You need to get out more, hon.
284
00:12:37,091 --> 00:12:38,790
What?
285
00:12:38,790 --> 00:12:41,089
You mean you didn't like it?
286
00:12:41,189 --> 00:12:42,889
No, I said I did,
didn't I?
287
00:12:42,889 --> 00:12:43,988
No, it was great.
288
00:12:44,088 --> 00:12:46,487
I liked... I really,
really liked it a lot.
289
00:12:46,487 --> 00:12:47,687
But what?
290
00:12:47,787 --> 00:12:49,586
Uh... I don't know.
291
00:12:49,586 --> 00:12:51,086
It's, like,
292
00:12:51,186 --> 00:12:55,484
maybe I was looking forward
to it too much, you know?
293
00:12:55,584 --> 00:12:58,583
Like when you're really
excited about a new movie.
294
00:12:58,583 --> 00:13:01,282
Like The Bad News Bears.
Remember that?
295
00:13:01,382 --> 00:13:02,681
For weeks, people kept
coming up and telling me
296
00:13:02,781 --> 00:13:04,581
what a great movie it was.
297
00:13:04,681 --> 00:13:07,180
But when I finally
went to see it...
So it wasn't that great.
298
00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:10,578
No, it's just Tatum O'Neal
throwing a ball around.
299
00:13:10,678 --> 00:13:11,878
Not that.
300
00:13:11,878 --> 00:13:12,878
Oh, you mean us?
301
00:13:12,878 --> 00:13:14,677
I told you really,
it was fine, honey.
302
00:13:14,777 --> 00:13:16,176
Fine?!
303
00:13:16,276 --> 00:13:18,475
But it was a letdown,
like The Bad News Bears.
304
00:13:18,575 --> 00:13:20,275
No, it was... (sputters)
305
00:13:20,375 --> 00:13:21,874
much better
than The Bad News Bears.
306
00:13:25,873 --> 00:13:27,572
Maybe I was a little off.
307
00:13:27,672 --> 00:13:28,772
I don't... you know?
308
00:13:28,872 --> 00:13:30,471
I mean, I knew
that I'd been depressed
309
00:13:30,471 --> 00:13:32,770
and I'd been crying
for a couple of days and...
310
00:13:32,770 --> 00:13:33,870
Wait a minute.
311
00:13:33,970 --> 00:13:34,969
What?
312
00:13:34,969 --> 00:13:36,569
I know what you're doing.
313
00:13:36,669 --> 00:13:38,268
You are trying
to convince me
314
00:13:38,368 --> 00:13:41,267
that I was not good in bed,
315
00:13:41,267 --> 00:13:43,166
so I will go to bed
with you again
316
00:13:43,266 --> 00:13:44,966
to prove how good I can be.
317
00:13:45,065 --> 00:13:46,365
I swear to you, Rebecca...
318
00:13:46,465 --> 00:13:48,064
No, wait a minute.
319
00:13:48,164 --> 00:13:50,463
We did it once and that's
all we're gonna do it.
320
00:13:50,463 --> 00:13:52,363
And no matter how much
we might want it
321
00:13:52,463 --> 00:13:55,062
and no matter how great
it was for both of us,
322
00:13:55,062 --> 00:13:56,361
we're never doing it again.
323
00:13:56,361 --> 00:13:58,161
Fine.
I mean it, never again.
324
00:13:58,261 --> 00:14:01,459
Gotcha.
You should listen to me--
there is no more.
325
00:14:01,559 --> 00:14:02,759
I hear you
326
00:14:02,759 --> 00:14:04,058
and I agree with you.
327
00:14:04,158 --> 00:14:06,457
It was a terrific moment that
you and I had together,
328
00:14:06,557 --> 00:14:08,157
but the truth is,
you know,
329
00:14:08,157 --> 00:14:10,756
I can see that you love Robin
and Robin loves you,
330
00:14:10,756 --> 00:14:13,655
so, truthfully,
I'm liberated.
331
00:14:13,755 --> 00:14:15,154
I feel, I feel good.
332
00:14:15,254 --> 00:14:17,353
But I just hope we can,
you know, remain friends.
333
00:14:17,453 --> 00:14:19,653
Get your mind out of your pants.
334
00:14:21,352 --> 00:14:23,551
Hey, wait-wait-wait!
Come back here.
335
00:14:23,551 --> 00:14:24,951
I wasn't trying to
do anything there.
336
00:14:25,150 --> 00:14:26,950
Oh, stop caressing me.
337
00:14:27,050 --> 00:14:28,749
I have had it
338
00:14:28,849 --> 00:14:30,948
with this constant
sexual harassment!
339
00:14:31,048 --> 00:14:32,548
I am quitting this job
340
00:14:32,648 --> 00:14:34,147
and I'm never
coming back here.
341
00:14:34,247 --> 00:14:36,946
Me too, man.
342
00:14:37,046 --> 00:14:39,345
20 lousy bucks after two years.
343
00:14:39,345 --> 00:14:41,644
Man, I'm out of here.
Wait up, Miss Howe, wait up...
344
00:14:41,844 --> 00:14:44,343
Woody, that was a personal thing
between me and Rebecca.
345
00:14:44,343 --> 00:14:46,043
It had nothing to
do with your raise.
346
00:14:46,043 --> 00:14:49,941
Well, still, 20 lousy bucks...
347
00:14:50,041 --> 00:14:51,441
Well, that's fine--
348
00:14:51,441 --> 00:14:53,640
25. Now, let's get
back to work.
349
00:14:53,640 --> 00:14:54,340
Come on.
350
00:14:54,439 --> 00:14:56,639
Hey, keep your hands off.
351
00:15:09,138 --> 00:15:12,237
Wait, wait, wait
a minute, Sammy, look,
352
00:15:12,237 --> 00:15:15,336
Rebecca just said
she was leaving here,
and never coming back.
353
00:15:15,436 --> 00:15:17,035
Yeah, that's right.
354
00:15:17,035 --> 00:15:19,534
Oh, man.
355
00:15:19,634 --> 00:15:21,134
This is terrible.
356
00:15:21,134 --> 00:15:22,933
What?
357
00:15:23,033 --> 00:15:25,232
Sammy finally struck
out for real.
358
00:15:25,332 --> 00:15:26,432
Ooh.
359
00:15:26,432 --> 00:15:27,731
(customers muttering,
murmuring)
360
00:15:27,831 --> 00:15:30,530
What are you talking about here?
361
00:15:30,630 --> 00:15:33,829
We all knew that it
was taking a long time,
362
00:15:33,829 --> 00:15:35,628
but we thought that,
eventually,
363
00:15:35,728 --> 00:15:38,627
you two would be doing
the horizontal hokeypokey.
364
00:15:40,926 --> 00:15:42,726
But I guess that's it, huh?
365
00:15:42,726 --> 00:15:44,025
Lower the flag.
366
00:15:44,125 --> 00:15:45,025
The end of an era.
367
00:15:45,025 --> 00:15:47,724
First, the Communist
bloc crumbles,
368
00:15:47,824 --> 00:15:50,223
and now Sammy's studhood.
369
00:15:53,722 --> 00:15:55,621
Yep. Guess that's it.
370
00:16:00,719 --> 00:16:02,818
SAM:
No, it's not.
371
00:16:02,818 --> 00:16:04,318
Come here.
372
00:16:04,318 --> 00:16:05,517
Come on,
all of you.
373
00:16:05,617 --> 00:16:07,316
I want you to step in
the office there,
374
00:16:07,316 --> 00:16:08,816
and I'll show you where we...
375
00:16:08,916 --> 00:16:10,015
uh, where we, uh,
376
00:16:10,115 --> 00:16:13,514
decided to put up
some, uh, some shelves, uh...
377
00:16:13,614 --> 00:16:16,113
Tall ones, you know,
it'll be great for books
378
00:16:16,213 --> 00:16:18,212
and uh, some of my videotapes
and everything...
379
00:16:18,312 --> 00:16:20,112
It'll be nice.
380
00:16:22,911 --> 00:16:25,310
Breaks your heart, doesn't it?
381
00:16:29,508 --> 00:16:31,207
What I can't figure
out is why,
382
00:16:31,307 --> 00:16:33,607
why I don't want to tell
any of my friends.
383
00:16:33,707 --> 00:16:36,406
No, that's not true--
I-I do want to, but I can't.
384
00:16:36,505 --> 00:16:37,805
Why? That's...
385
00:16:37,805 --> 00:16:39,904
That's...
You know, maybe
386
00:16:40,004 --> 00:16:41,204
it was such a letdown
387
00:16:41,304 --> 00:16:43,203
that I didn't feel like
bragging about it.
388
00:16:43,203 --> 00:16:44,602
Or maybe it was not a letdown
389
00:16:44,702 --> 00:16:46,502
and I was just ticked
that she dumped me
390
00:16:46,602 --> 00:16:47,901
as soon as her boyfriend
walked in.
391
00:16:48,001 --> 00:16:49,301
Or maybe she's right
392
00:16:49,301 --> 00:16:51,500
and I'm just trying to get
her in the sack again.
393
00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:52,799
I don't know.
394
00:16:52,899 --> 00:16:55,398
God! I-I just...
I-I'm just a simple guy
395
00:16:55,498 --> 00:16:58,097
trying to deal with
this complex problem.
396
00:16:58,097 --> 00:17:00,896
Or maybe...
maybe I'm a complex guy
397
00:17:00,996 --> 00:17:03,895
trying to deal with
a simple problem, I don't know.
398
00:17:03,895 --> 00:17:07,494
What do you think, Father?
399
00:17:07,594 --> 00:17:11,792
Am I to understand that
you had relations with a woman
400
00:17:11,892 --> 00:17:14,591
who is not your wife?
401
00:17:21,988 --> 00:17:23,288
Yes. That's, uh...
402
00:17:24,587 --> 00:17:25,387
that's correct, Father.
403
00:17:25,487 --> 00:17:27,286
Uh, what do I need to do?
404
00:17:27,386 --> 00:17:29,586
Say three Hail Marys...
405
00:17:31,085 --> 00:17:35,283
...four Our Fathers
and nine rosaries.
406
00:17:35,383 --> 00:17:37,882
Thank you, Father.
407
00:17:37,882 --> 00:17:39,682
Nine rosaries? That's a lot.
408
00:17:39,682 --> 00:17:42,181
We're cracking down.
409
00:17:50,778 --> 00:17:53,177
You mean that I...
I have to do that
410
00:17:53,277 --> 00:17:56,176
for each one of these beads?
411
00:17:56,276 --> 00:17:58,775
Hey, it's not a
religion for wusses.
412
00:18:01,074 --> 00:18:03,873
CLIFF:
You know, uh, Sam,
413
00:18:03,873 --> 00:18:05,772
we all feel kind of bad
414
00:18:05,872 --> 00:18:07,771
about what you're
going through and...
415
00:18:07,871 --> 00:18:09,870
as much as we live
vicariously through you
416
00:18:09,970 --> 00:18:13,669
when you score, we...
also feel vicarious pain
417
00:18:13,669 --> 00:18:15,768
when you strike out.
418
00:18:15,868 --> 00:18:17,668
So what's the deal?
419
00:18:17,768 --> 00:18:19,667
Are you gonna snap out
of this by the weekend
420
00:18:19,767 --> 00:18:21,966
or do we have to go
rent a Matt Helm movie?
421
00:18:24,665 --> 00:18:26,164
I'm fine.
422
00:18:26,164 --> 00:18:28,364
Can we just drop
the subject, please?
423
00:18:28,364 --> 00:18:30,963
Sam, is something troubling you?
424
00:18:31,063 --> 00:18:32,662
Do you need to talk to someone?
425
00:18:32,662 --> 00:18:35,961
Yes, as a matter of fact, I do
need to talk to someone.
426
00:18:36,061 --> 00:18:37,960
I need to talk
to everybody here.
427
00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:39,259
I don't know why
it's taken me
428
00:18:39,259 --> 00:18:42,658
so long to get this out here,
but last night, in that office,
429
00:18:42,758 --> 00:18:46,157
Rebecca Howe and I had...
430
00:18:46,157 --> 00:18:49,955
uh, a disagreement about those
shelves I was telling you about.
431
00:18:51,755 --> 00:18:53,554
Uh, you know, I'm gonna
put them up anyway.
432
00:18:53,654 --> 00:18:54,854
You know, what the heck.
433
00:18:54,854 --> 00:18:56,253
They'll be good for knickknacks
and everything.
434
00:18:56,353 --> 00:18:57,952
I think they're gonna look,
uh, fine.
435
00:18:59,852 --> 00:19:04,150
Matt Helm never had
to build shelves.
436
00:19:11,347 --> 00:19:12,247
(knocks on door)
437
00:19:12,347 --> 00:19:14,446
Hi, Sam.
Hi.
438
00:19:14,446 --> 00:19:16,645
I didn't expect to see you here.
439
00:19:16,745 --> 00:19:18,445
I just came back
for my final paycheck
440
00:19:18,545 --> 00:19:20,344
and there seems
to be some mistake.
441
00:19:20,444 --> 00:19:22,443
It's only for $16.
442
00:19:22,543 --> 00:19:24,043
Oh, darn those computers.
443
00:19:24,143 --> 00:19:25,742
How can they make
a mistake like that?
444
00:19:25,742 --> 00:19:27,142
It was supposed
to be for six.
445
00:19:27,241 --> 00:19:28,741
You got a ten on you?
446
00:19:30,840 --> 00:19:34,239
This isn't about
a silly check.
447
00:19:34,339 --> 00:19:35,438
Give me the check.
448
00:19:38,237 --> 00:19:39,637
This is about us.
449
00:19:39,637 --> 00:19:41,036
What about us?
450
00:19:41,136 --> 00:19:45,035
Sam, we have been friends for
too long to let it end this way.
451
00:19:45,035 --> 00:19:47,734
And I just came
back to say
452
00:19:47,734 --> 00:19:50,433
that I'm sorry I ran out
earlier in a huff
453
00:19:50,533 --> 00:19:52,332
and that I knew you
454
00:19:52,432 --> 00:19:54,231
weren't coming on to me,
455
00:19:54,331 --> 00:19:57,230
and that when you
said I wasn't good,
456
00:19:57,330 --> 00:20:00,329
that it wasn't just some trick
to get me back into bed,
457
00:20:00,329 --> 00:20:02,928
it was because you were
being honest,
458
00:20:02,928 --> 00:20:06,227
because I am a lousy lover.
459
00:20:06,227 --> 00:20:07,626
No, sweetheart,
you're not lou...
460
00:20:07,726 --> 00:20:09,426
No, Sam,
it's all right.
461
00:20:09,426 --> 00:20:11,625
It's not like I haven't
heard it before.
462
00:20:14,724 --> 00:20:15,923
I have to learn to accept it.
463
00:20:16,023 --> 00:20:17,623
You know, some people
are bad at math.
464
00:20:17,623 --> 00:20:18,922
Some people can't skip.
465
00:20:19,022 --> 00:20:22,221
No, no...
466
00:20:22,321 --> 00:20:24,120
You're a fantastic lover.
467
00:20:24,220 --> 00:20:26,619
I am a dud and I know it.
468
00:20:26,619 --> 00:20:29,418
Robin just didn't realize it
because he's English.
469
00:20:35,716 --> 00:20:39,414
Listen, I wouldn't say you
were good if you weren't.
470
00:20:39,414 --> 00:20:42,213
Maybe I just, you know,
wasn't too enthusiastic
471
00:20:42,213 --> 00:20:44,113
this morning because my
feelings were hurt.
472
00:20:44,213 --> 00:20:45,812
I mean, the minute
he comes in here,
473
00:20:45,912 --> 00:20:47,311
you act as if
nothing happened.
474
00:20:47,311 --> 00:20:48,711
No... no, no.
475
00:20:48,711 --> 00:20:50,110
Sam, that doesn't wash.
476
00:20:50,210 --> 00:20:52,210
You have been after
me for three years.
477
00:20:52,310 --> 00:20:54,109
And you finally got me.
478
00:20:54,209 --> 00:20:57,808
I mean,
if I was even adequate,
479
00:20:57,908 --> 00:21:00,007
I know that you would
have run out there
480
00:21:00,007 --> 00:21:02,106
and told every bozo
in the bar.
481
00:21:02,106 --> 00:21:04,005
You don't think I wasn't
dying to do that?
482
00:21:04,105 --> 00:21:05,805
It was making me crazy.
483
00:21:05,805 --> 00:21:08,404
It's just that I thought that
I'd be betraying our friendship.
484
00:21:08,504 --> 00:21:10,303
I never really had
a friend before.
485
00:21:10,403 --> 00:21:11,602
You have lots of friends.
486
00:21:11,602 --> 00:21:14,301
No, no, I never "had"
a friend before.
487
00:21:22,398 --> 00:21:24,098
It's weird.
488
00:21:24,098 --> 00:21:25,697
I don't know
how to behave.
489
00:21:25,797 --> 00:21:27,496
I don't...
490
00:21:27,596 --> 00:21:30,295
So you really, really did this
491
00:21:30,395 --> 00:21:32,195
out of respect
for our friendship?
492
00:21:32,195 --> 00:21:33,794
Uh-huh.
493
00:21:33,894 --> 00:21:35,593
Sort of... sort of like
you were being noble?
494
00:21:35,593 --> 00:21:37,093
Well, I...
495
00:21:37,193 --> 00:21:38,492
Yeah, I guess so.
I guess...
496
00:21:38,492 --> 00:21:40,691
And, uh, I wasn't lousy?
497
00:21:40,691 --> 00:21:42,291
No. You were fantastic.
498
00:21:42,291 --> 00:21:43,590
Look, you want me
to prove it to you,
499
00:21:43,690 --> 00:21:46,289
I'll go out there and tell
them that we made love.
500
00:21:46,289 --> 00:21:47,989
No, no, no, no, Sam, no.
501
00:21:48,089 --> 00:21:49,688
It's enough
502
00:21:49,788 --> 00:21:51,887
just knowing you're
willing to do that.
503
00:21:54,086 --> 00:21:55,286
No, I think you need more.
504
00:21:55,386 --> 00:21:58,485
No, no, no.
505
00:21:58,585 --> 00:22:00,884
No, Sam, don't give
up your nobility.
506
00:22:00,884 --> 00:22:03,583
Aw, come on.
507
00:22:03,683 --> 00:22:05,682
Let, a noble guy
have some fun here.
508
00:22:07,282 --> 00:22:09,381
Oh! I get it: you
want to tell them.
509
00:22:09,481 --> 00:22:10,680
Yeah. It's a guy thing,
you know.
510
00:22:10,780 --> 00:22:13,079
At least let me tell Carla.
511
00:22:14,179 --> 00:22:15,878
Okay, go ahead.
512
00:22:15,878 --> 00:22:18,477
Really?
Yes, yes, you've done
a lot for me; it's fine.
513
00:22:18,477 --> 00:22:20,477
Yeah, this friendship stuff's
gonna to be fantastic.
514
00:22:20,577 --> 00:22:21,576
Yes...
515
00:22:21,776 --> 00:22:24,275
Hey, guys, guys,
listen up here.
516
00:22:24,375 --> 00:22:26,074
(laughing)
517
00:22:26,074 --> 00:22:28,374
Uh, last night...
518
00:22:28,474 --> 00:22:32,372
Rebecca and I made love,
519
00:22:32,472 --> 00:22:34,171
and she was fabulous.
520
00:22:41,069 --> 00:22:42,468
(sighing deeply):
Well...
521
00:22:44,568 --> 00:22:49,466
...this has got to be
the saddest day of my life.
522
00:22:49,466 --> 00:22:51,765
What?
523
00:22:51,865 --> 00:22:54,564
Sammy, you never had
to resort to lying before.
524
00:22:54,664 --> 00:22:57,963
What, you don't believe me?
525
00:22:57,963 --> 00:23:01,861
First of all, why would you
wait a whole day to tell us?
526
00:23:01,861 --> 00:23:03,660
And second of all--
527
00:23:03,660 --> 00:23:06,259
she was fabulous?!
528
00:23:09,858 --> 00:23:11,258
Sammy,
529
00:23:11,358 --> 00:23:13,657
come on, let's go
look at those shelves.
530
00:23:15,556 --> 00:23:17,955
No, no, really,
I was being noble.
531
00:23:18,055 --> 00:23:19,954
No, really, I was fabulous.